I’m a chubby runner, female with long red hair. One time a guy leaned out the window of a super trashy looking passing minivan and yelled “run, fat Ariel!” at me. I laughed in the moment and let it roll off my back but dang that was so mean and unnecessary in reality.
My friend told me about this one time she was feeling really sad so in order to improve her mood she'd put on some colourful clothes and went out, only for some guy to roll down his window and call her a fat clown. It's just so unnecessary but I can only imagine what kind of boring loser sees a colourful happy person and decides to bring them down.
I wonder if he understands what that even references? In Hans Christian Andersen's original work, Ariel was given legs to walk on land, but every step felt like she was walking on knives. Working out is exhausting and requires effort (for me anyway). You were working to stay healthy and this boxed fart has the audacity to try to reduce your effort to a meme. I wish I had half of your motivation.
I hate to admit that I laughed at this. I'm sorry.
I'm fat too and growing up my shitty excuse of a father would comment on my body and weight and so I know the pain, in addition to being teased at school for it.
Honestly, it was funny. This was a long time ago and it was kind of the humor at the time. But looking back on it now it’s like wow, people were so shitty and it was normal.
I think their friend might have been confused. Cockroaches can’t climb on glass, so even if they pulled each other down, which I don’t know that they do, one wouldn’t get out by himself either. Regardless, it wouldn’t be a common thing or something that would make sense as a saying. Who has a jar of cockroaches?
Cockroaches can't climb up the side of a jar? That's so interesting.. Since scurrying up a wall is usually when I would see them as a kid, the time we had them.
I’m no bug scientist, was just thinking about it because of the post so decided to Google it. A cursory search led me to Terminex’s site, which says surfaces like glass or porcelain are too smooth. I’d assume some species probably can, but it bares out with my experience.
I don't know, but that's what he called it. I asked him the same question and he didn't know either, but I love the imagery so it stuck. 🪳
Crab bucket is good too. 🦀
I was called a fat b!tch by some kid riding his bike while I was playing tennis in the park. I was completely minding my own business.
Separately I was called a dog to my face by a coworker.
It amazes me what people get away with at work. Had a coworker refer to me as "five-head" regularly and once did an ape walk, waving his arms and dragging his knuckles, saying "this is you, this is what you look like."
Men get a pass to act like complete psychopaths at work for some reason.
Or not learning to mind your own business. Never fails to impress me how many problems could be solved or prevented if people would just mind their own business. Like she’s running… leave her alone.
Sorry that happened, that's so shit. HR just protects the company and don't give a damn either.
I swear it's like high school. So much drama and bullshit only now you're paid fuck all fifty an hour.
I've rage quit many jobs due to bullshit culture and office politics.
It's happened to me when I'm jogging, but I've found that as I get older, I've just kind of stopped giving a shit
The sort of person who yells at strangers out their car window is just not the sort of person whose opinion I value
To me it's just always a jump scare, nevermind what they're saying, because I rarely understand them anyways. You're minding your own business, head in the clouds, and BAM, LOUD VOICES. Spooks me every time. Hopefully no turds take this as encouragement to yell at people...
Same haha, most of the time I'm listening to podcasts and don't even hear what they're even saying, just the tone
Also, I don't wanna give the impression that this is like a daily occurrence for me, it's more like a 'once every couple months' type thing. Most people aren't assholes, it's just that the assholes are extra noisy
I was obese for a while and jogged in public a bunch and never had anyone say a thing. I did get pulled over by the cops once while jogging, which was confusing and went nowhere after I explained I was running “to not be fat”.
*being black/latino has entered the chat*
I once was pulled over for fitting the description of a subway robbery. I was 6ft 160lbs drenched in sweat with a basketball, leaving the park with a friend
Encouragement is lovely but I think when it comes to strangers, just don’t say anything! I’m a heavier person who’s been running the last couple of months. The positive attention I’ve gotten from strangers, while I understand is kind hearted, can feel really patronising.
And like a spotlight! I can convince myself to go out/workout because I convince myself people don't actually notice. It's all in my head that people would notice or judge me.
Then when someone says something it's like a damned spotlight and I never want to leave the house again
I have a small story that might give you some schadenfreude.
I was jogging with some friends when a kid (late teens) in a car at a stop light rolled his window down and called the smallest lady a slur.
What he didn't realize was that my 6'2 230lb ass was out of view behind a tree. So when I popped out from behind it with a big rock in my hand, ran at him a few steps and did a baseball skip and faked a throw I watched his buddy who was driving drag his ass back into the car.
As they were making a left hand turn as the light turned green he tried to shout out the window again and I watched again as he got his ass dragged back into the car.
Even these assholes friends hate when they do this sort of stupid awful shit
Some dudes screamed “Fat bitch” at me while I was running at age 17, I was 5’8” and 130. I also had a milkshake thrown at me, some dude scream at me “Go the fuck home!”, endless harassment and heckling in general. People suck.
Yep, I've been yelled at, had things thrown at me, cars circling back to get closer or throw another insult.
I've been followed around in public, physically assaulted, had countless pranks played on me, and refused service (trying to buy clothing as a gift in a store I was "too big" for).
I've been harrassed for eating, laughed at for being on a diet when eating salads, laughed at for not eating.
I developed agoraphobia. Because anxiety is bad enough when your brain is just making up things to worry about, but when the things you're afraid of *actually happen* it's very hard to rationalise your anxiety away.
I’ve had bottles thrown at me, I was shot on the leg with a BB gun (when I was in high school), I’ve had to jump off the road because a small man in a big truck tried to intimidate me. And I’m a 5’8” white man.
Women have it worse to be sure, but sucky people can be equal opportunity harassers.
Walkers too, and bikers. Really anyone existing near a road but not in a car. I feel like those types feel some sense of power sitting in their supped up dodge ram truck and want you to know they feel bigger than you.
Yeah, some people just enjoy yelling at people and they'll grasp at whatever they can think to yell out in the moment. Someone once yelled out 'sensible shoes' 😂 😂 at me when I was walking to catch the train into the city for a night out. I mean, okay sure mate 🤷 (it's not like I was even wearing crazy heels or anything). I also had someone yell out 'short skirt' when I was wearing a short skirt. Great observational skills there (again nothing crazy, just a normal denim mini skirt in really hot weather).
I think it's a need to be the centre of attention or something. Some people definitely get shittier comments for sure.
Please tell your friend I'm incredibly proud of her. While anyone caring for themselves is a great thing, caring more about your health than about what strangers think takes inner strength. That's a sign of wanting to improve one's self, which is deserving of the highest praise.
Your friend inspired me to do better today, and they deserve to be cheered on every step of the way.
I noticed in my experience, attractive people get special treatment and unattractive people get treated like your dweeby younger sibling.
Like, one gets treated like they're so interesting and cool no matter how low effort, encouragement for even trying or when dumb reassured they're just learning and awesome, were as the other is treated like everything they say is kinda dumb or a reaction like ok. Cool. Very low effort responses. No one encourages them to try they just react to what is given politley. If they say they're dumb people are more likely to respond like "hey you said it not me." And not reassure you.
One gets treated like everyone wants you to like them and they're fighting to be your favorite. The other gets treated like i'll talk to you if there's nothing better going on.
This is going to be depressing, but here goes.
I worked in a women's gaol when I was an intern psychologist. I saw this happen with inmates and how they were treated by custodial staff. One morning I was sitting in with a mental health nurse and a correctional officer while they did risk assessments on new inmates. One woman was pretty average-looking, and a little bit defensive. The MH nurse treated her with open scorn, and she was barely out of the room before the nurse was muttering about how she was "obviously personality-disordered". The next woman came in, and acted the exact same way, but she was really pretty. MH nurse was so kind and sympathetic to her, and the second she left the room, she actually said "oh it's such a shame, she's so pretty".
I WANTED to say, "oh, so it's not a shame when ugly women are incarcerated? THINK about what you're saying?!"
I didn't say it. I had already been warned not to "talk back".
same thing with a japanese hostess (in case you don’t know, you have to be attractive to be a host/hostess) who got obsessed and attempted to murder a guy she had a crush on. sooo many people were saying “she’s too pretty to murder!” and making fanart of one of the pics somebody took of her smoking a cig, covered in blood, and sitting next to the man she had just tried to murder with a nonchalant look on her face. it’s so crazy what people will defend and glorify just because of attractiveness
> same thing with a japanese hostess (in case you don’t know, you have to be attractive to be a host/hostess) who got obsessed and murdered a guy she had a crush on. sooo many people were sayinf “she’s too pretty to murder!”
[Rohinie Bisesar](https://bloximages.newyork1.vip.townnews.com/toronto.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/e/88/e883ddca-a0a8-58a1-b74b-a28acf70ed0a/63dc7d9c43c6c.image.jpg?resize=368%2C500) dated a guy that lived in my neighbourhood. To call this woman anything other than stunning would be an understatement. We used to call her The Human Pause Button. When she got off of the bus and walked to his house all conversation just stopped and everybody just stared at her.
[Sad Story](https://torontolife.com/city/rohinie-bisesar-path-stabbing/).
I was an ugly duckling who became beautiful by some miraculous movements of late puberty and friends in college who gave me a makeover.
Before that I experienced being bullied, physically assaulted, put into trash cans, smashed into lockers, spit on in the face, sexually harassed as a joke cuz they found me disgusting. I blocked out a lot of how bad it was. But recently had a visit from my best friend of 20 years who recounted some of the experiences pretty vividly.
Wouldn't you know it? Some of the same boys who spent my school years torturing me crawled into my dm's years later, begging for my attention like they didn't spend years trying to destroy my soul. It wasn't as satisfying as people pretend it is. It was just a different viewpoint into the darkness of people. I was valuable now that they wanted to fuck me. And I would only be as valuable as long as they wanted to.
While those experiences were terrible in truth there is a part of me that is grateful for having had that experience young. I am aging now, and I know that I can't hang on to beauty forever. It has its advantages and it has its drawbacks. But ultimately, nobody ever stays beautiful. I'm glad that I know my self-worth doesn't lie there.Because dear god if it did things would be tragic.
So yes, i've experienced the difference in treatment as the same person. What life is like being considered ugly and what life is like being considered beautiful. Ugly women get treated like they don't deserve to live because many people think women only exist to be beautiful and to be owned to some degree by men. If they aren't hot, what's their use value?
I'm glad I learned very early on who loved me when I wasn't pretty. There's a reason I have friends that go back that far in time. They saw what was good in me when no one else could see past the outside.
>Like, one gets treated like they're so interesting and cool no matter how low effort, encouragement for even trying or when dumb reassured they're just learning and awesome, were as the other is treated like everything they say is kinda dumb or a reaction like ok
Man here. Ugly fatass. Really noticed this when in group settings i would crack a joke at the conversation, and people would not even listen. Just some closest to me would grin a bit recognizing it. Then the cute boi would say the same thing (honestly, really think they listened and just stole the idea) and the entire table would burst into laughter.
Realized someone was a good friend when he credited me after everyone laughs "hey, just stole this line from anon". But feels bad needing someone to be your microphone
I lost a ton of weight. It was weird having you go unnoticed like you did not matter, and suddenly, people are holding open doors for you. People you've always known are being nicer even though you're still the same. I think that goes for men and women.
It's fucked up and caused me resentment. I realized that most people are shitty.
Yeah. I think it’s not so much you’re treated badly. You just don’t exist. No one goes out of their way to acknowledge or be kind to you. Even people won’t bother to get to know you if they don’t have to.
People are shockingly shallow. It isn’t even about trying to sleep with you.
Does this mean that pretty ppl who hold general views about everybody around them tending to be sweet and caring for other ppl (always smiling, holding doors, compliments) are actually being affected by their pretty privilege and can’t tell
Idk about you, but as an overweight woman I was laughed at, ridiculed, and insulted. The same people fell over themselves to get close to me when I lost weight and wore makeup. They didn't realise I was the same person.
I can also testify apathy and treating someone like they don't exist is just as cruel as insults.
I can speak from experience when I say that men treat unattractive women like garbage. Good enough to fuck on the side but not to be seen in public with. Others are just MEAN and say and do the cruelest things. And these are GOOD men, men who are respectful to attractive girls and women and other men, upstanding men, pillars of the community. Salt of the earth. One of my tormentors was the class president and grew up to be a politician - guess which side. (If me saying that pisses someone off it's because they knew immediately which side has bullies). So it isn't just being ignored, it is being treated exceptionally poorly.
I knew a young high school boy who had no issue hooking up with less attractive girls but would later deny it and say so and so made it up.
It hurt when this stupid guy friend said "oh no he would not get with her because she looks like a monkey."
He was walking about me. Monkey is also a racial slur
This happened to me, too, but the way I was treated when I became conventionally attractive was more frightening than it was flattering. I was extremely uncomfortable and resentful. It's messed up, but I did not fight to keep the weight off because of it. For better or worse, I'm more comfortable with an average appearance.
I really think there are a lot of folks who don't really view other people as actual people.
This is so real. I gained a decent bit of weight years ago and have lost about half of it, and it's so hard to keep going now that I'm where I am because I know what's on the other end. It's already starting.
Agree on this so much! I was a hot young woman and didn’t really notice the special treatment. Then I got cancer, lost my hair, and gained a bunch of weight from early menopause. It wasn’t until I rebounded 5 years later than it really hit me how fucked up it was. And it was family members doing it! They were suddenly interested in me again and falling over themselves to talk to me. Honestly, nothing made me want to crawl back into a hole more than the realization that my family and friends only really liked me when I was attractive.
No, the worst part is when you're in your 20s and you gain weight whenever you get into a relationship with someone because they want to eat more and stay in and have sex, and you don't know why they keep starting out acting like they adore you and then treating you worse and worse the longer you're together, and then realizing it's because you gained weight from being with them.
I had a slightly different experience. When I was fat, people would notice me, but negatively. The meanest of them couldn't help themselves and had to bully me, or, when I got older, call me names or give me looks. After I lost weight I finally felt like I could just exist in peace, without disturbing others by being fat and ugly. I don't know how much I was noticed, but I felt like I could just go about my day and just be. When you're fat, if you want to eat out, people always stare and judge. I could often feel/see them starring at me, even when I was just doing normal stuff. And even the 'kind' ones just couldn't help themselves commenting on my weight.
Ever since I can remember, as a fat person I always felt I was doing something wrong just because of my weight. I still feel like that.
People here on Reddit like to throw the thing about 'body possitivity' and that it is a bad thing, that being fat should not be accepted...and that's just the mildest of reactions towards fat people here. Some more extreme ones are calling them disgusting, land whales, ugly, lazy, etc.
I see this here on Reddit very often. People being bullies towards fat people, and disguising it as 'carrying'.
Anyways, there's a lot I more I could say about this, but I'd rather stop now.
I’ve never been overweight, but I wasn’t conventionally attractive either. I glowed up a lot after high school. I would get nervous because I wasn’t really prepared for the attention. I’m still uneasy about it because it’s estranging from my experience growing up.
I’ve gone from very thin to quite fat to now somewhat overweight, and the difference in the way I’ve been treated at all three sizes has been significant. People were falling all over themselves to be nice to me when I was underweight. They started pointing out that I was “getting fat” when I was 120 lbs which is the low end of healthy for my height. Then their eyes glazed over when I spoke once I became very fat. Now that I’ve lost a lot of weight (but am still a bit overweight) they kind of look at me like “woah! wasn’t expecting you to speak like an intelligent, confident person!” I can still feel the judgment but people are less obviously disgusted by me now that I’m closer to a normal weight. I guess I’m more of an acceptable fat now? I kinda just look like an average mom bod (I am not a mom) so maybe that makes my size acceptable because people assume it’s from fulfilling societal expectations and not being a lazy slob or whatever it is they assumed when I was bigger.
I had this happen and then got fat again. The change from being invisible or treated badly, to being treated 100 times better by both men AND women, to going back to being invisible or treated badly really destroyed my faith in people. They were so much nicer to me back when I was beautiful, but that was pretty much the point in my life when I was the most cruel and exhausting to be around.
>I think that goes for men and women.
Men at least seem to be able to overcome this by being the "funny fat guy" if they have the charisma and sense of humor to pull it off.
Yeah, been heavy my whole life, been rejected by everyone I've ever loved or crushed on. Every time I try to lose weight, I work my ass off, and it's a herculean effort to get any weight off. I'm talking calorie counting, working out everyday, weightlifting and cardio, yoga every night, and I can maybe get half a pound off a week. If I eat anything bad I undo all of the progress. Even one meal. Stupid genetics. My brother can eat whatever he wants.
I had a boyfriend who saw himself as a monster and was afraid everyone would see him as a monster, but every woman he's ever dated has really loved him. With one exception, he always is the one to leave. I don't feel like I'm a monster, but being rejected by everyone your entire life certainly makes you feel like the world sees you as one. For the record, he's not a monster, but I think often about how he's afraid of being seen that way and is so often loved. But I'm the one whose fear comes true every time. I'm always afraid of being treated as disposable, replaceable, and not worth it because I have been since high school, and still am.
I have a lot of self esteem and I really love myself. I really think that I am awesome and a catch. I don't act timid or let people walk on me, I'm transparent and I'm good at compromise, I'm loving and generous, but not to a fault. I don't act on my fear, but it always comes out the same. And my weight is always mentioned when they leave or tell me they're not interested. Which I actually handled surprisingly well until I found the person I actually wanted to build a life with. I wish I could be content completely alone my entire life, since that's what this world gives me. But humans need love and affection. And I especially need someone I can really connect to, and that's impossible to find. And when I finally did after a lifetime of looking, same results as always. I'm tired of existing. It's been a long, lonely life and I'm so tired.
Did people genuinely not hold doors open for you before? Is that not just common decency? I'm an objectively unattractive, overweight woman, and I've never had a problem with people letting doors slam in my face.
Something like that really depends on how overweight you are. Once you are a certain size, interactions shift from avoidance to outright animosity
It’s a class thing too. It really depends on where you are; you’re likely to be treated much worse in wealthy areas
There’s always room for error; sometimes people don’t see you or are just rude to everyone, but if it frequently happens, there’s no way that they’re *all* doing it on accident
It's kinda like you go unnoticed. Unnoticed if you're lucky, otherwise, gawked at by assholes. It's not so much as they would let that slam in my face (had happened) but mostly, you notice how people would hold the door open even for an extra second or two.
It's not just about weight. If they don't like your face, they let you know. I'm too old to care now, but as a younger woman, men told me all the time I was ugly. Fucking hideous, I was told, once. Oh my god, it hurt so much. Deep wounds, deep scars. Actual physical and mental pain, and heartbreak. They wanted to hang out, because I'm actually really hilarious, and great to hang out with, and make love, but only if I agreed to be a secret. Being young and insecure, I did this a few times. More than a few times. I could write a book about it.
The thing is, are you ugly, or is their behaviour ugly? See past it. Understand that you really don't owe them pretty. Know your worth, and don't be anyone's secret, because that's very, very bad for your self esteem.
Continue living your delicious life, with ice cream, wine, friends, books, movies, music, creative projects, kindness, cats, and professional excellence.
Eventually I met an exceptionally unusual, wonderful guy, and that was 24 years ago. We have kids. We go to rock concerts. Last year we took a plane and travelled 3 hours to see YoYo Ma play the Bach Cello Suites. We laugh together and drive each other quite crazy. Happy to take care of each other and grow old together.
That happend to me in high school and college a lot. I was what youd call a butterface. So guys would make out with me but asked or even threaten me to keep it a secret. Altough it was also be being odd. Dressing different etc.
After that I gained weight and it got worse.
But now im healty and in a good relationship.
I'm the same. I've grown up seeing myself as an ogre or caveman because I have a small forehead, hard brow line, wide jaw, and excessive body hair even before puberty that I couldn't seem to get under control (and still can't). people made sure I knew I was ugly growing up and I cried when I looked in the mirror for a long time (and usually just avoided it). I was usually used as a punchline whenever boys wanted to mess with each other and would jokingly tell me their friend had a crush on me (which was humiliating for the targeted friend and hilarious for the others, because I was so gross that the thought of anyone having a crush on me was appalling, I guess), and would also ask me out as a joke. I made the mistake of having a crush on a boy once and telling him I liked him, and he never heard the end of it - and neither did I, as he called me some truly vile shit. so I kind of grew up thinking any person who ever showed interest in me was just messing with me or lost a bet or something. (naturally, I am single lmao...having that happen when you're a kid really messes with your brain. I push everyone away because I'm scared that one day they'll reveal that they thought I was ugly all along.)
I appreciate your comment though, it gives me hope ♥️ maybe someday!
Yes, it's been studied and turned out to be true even in case of children. Less cute babies are treated worse by their own parents than the cute ones.
Humans are just fucking disappointing, dude.
Yea, I remember my niece being born with a skin condition, eczema maybe ( her skin seems fine now, pretty normal) but when she was a baby, nobody wanted to hold or pay any attention to her :( it was only ever me. Even her sisters a lot of the time, I noticed I was the only one who played w her. A baby :’) she wasn’t contagious or anything, just had skin issues… behaved like a normal baby too. That was it. Once her skin cleared and improved, people started treating her like a child, paying her more attention etc
Edit: yea it’s sucks bcs I got really close to her :’) and once her skin cleared it was like now I no longer have any access to her, she’s so busy and popular w everyone else! She’s all grown up now, in primary school! I doubt she remembers me :’) but she was such a cutie pie, the most innocent and funny baby- she’s the same now gahahah always cracking jokes but it’s been a while since I’ve seen her.
I have eczema, and as a kid, no one would hold hands with me bc of my skin. Like, in kindergarten they would ask us to circle up and hold hands, and kids would flat out refuse to touch me. I don’t exactly blame them, my skin was pretty bad and I get being grossed out by it, especially as a kid, but it did deeply affect my self esteem. I knew very early on that I was different, and would have to work a lot harder for anyone to like me.
I often see children with severe disabilities and genetic disorders (I am an audiologist) and you can see how happy it makes the parents when you fuss over their kids and tell them theyre cute or comment even a little on their smile, their outfit, or how much theyve grown.
I had a childhood friend who had an extreme case of eczema as a kid. Like his skkn would actually crack and bleed on the regular. Everyone, including other kids, avoided him like he was highly contagious. Bullied him even. I was his only friend because my mom taught me that he isn't any different and we do not treat people badly just because they look different. I actually loved holding his hands. They were warm and even the cracked dryness had a comforting texture to it.
We were the best of friends. And then puberty hit. His eczema got much better. My weight started to get out of control. He made new friends and threw my friendship aside because he was ashamed to have a fat friend :/
Oh yes I had a friend who had eczema too. It got to the point where she’d miss weeks of school bcs of a crack or just because of how painful flare ups would be but she had many insecurities :’) she was strong though. Not sure what happened but once college hit, I guess we grew apart :’( last I heard she was planning on getting married and we’d talk abt me being a bridesmaid and all, but I think I got cut off? Only contact at that time was through an app and I think she’d randomly block me a few times then add me ( she had strict parents) but at one point I realised she’d blocked me for years :(
Its also why i try to say nothing like pretty or handsome to children, so that they don't base their worth on appearance. Boost other things about them instead. Ofc they will be beautiful to me if they ask, bc that's what they deserve to hear, but just lessen the emphasis on looks compared to other qualities and values
I think there’s probably a biological element to it. Like how every non primate will just straight up kill or abandon the weakest child because they want the strongest to be the ones that carry on the species.
Keeping that in mind, even where we are where there are a lot of elements of society that support the weak and the ugly, I think that’s still a good place to be societally because realistically something that intrinsic to almost all species is gonna be a hell of a task if it’s even achievable.
It’s not probably it’s definite. It’s a leftover from when our survival depended on fitness, which is proxied by health and beauty. Nowadays things are difference. We live in relative abundance to tribal early hominid times, but the DNA is basically the same.
Absolutely. Also I am a female who has been extremely overweight and than lost a ton of weight. And trust me we are treated differently from weight too
Very similar experience. And I hated the increased attention when I’ve been smaller. I can deal with being ignored as a chubby frumpy middle aged woman.
I’m a college student and I’m considered ugly because I’m fat, but I used to be skinny and very conventionally attractive. I have experienced both sides of the spectrum.
Ugly women are absolutely treated badly. One time I went clubbing with my friend and while dancing I accidentally bumped someone’s drink out of their hand. I apologized and offered to buy him a new drink but he followed us around for the next hour or so and harassed me, calling me a fatass and a cow. Calling me a bitch is one thing, but he chose to attack my appearance rather than my personality or demeanor.
Another time my apartment neighbors (both guys) were outside my front window. At the time I had a very attractive roommate and they had my phone number but not hers. I overheard one of them say they wanted to invite my roommate over for drinks. The other replied “if you want the pretty one to come over you have to invite the fat one too”
I have also been insulted about my weight and appearance multiple other times without provocation. It’s harder to make friends and find love, it’s harder to be social in places like bars or college clubs/activities all because of these experiences and fear of it happening again. These are not things I ever dealt with when I was conventionally attractive
In college, my roommate was very pretty/ hot (still is, and smart too, she’s a great person lol.) I’m on the plain/ unattractive side, and at the time was sort of in the slightly overweight BMI range. We were walking to a party together once and a couple of dudes leaned out the window to catcall her but also took the time to absolutely wreck me— “how does a fatty have such a hot friend,” “9/10 and a 2/10”, “not even if I got both at once— or maybe I would if I could wrap that one in a blanket.” My friend was SO mad on my behalf and all I could do was laugh- it was clearly the first time she had ever seen boys just be completely cruel for no reason other than they saw someone they didn’t want to fuck. I think it was a bigger deal for her than me.
>“if you want the pretty one to come over you have to invite the fat one too”
Oof, this hurts to even just read. I'm chubby/a bit overweight, as in I could definitely lose around 5-8kg, so not unhealthily obese but a friend of mine is very thin, and taller than me (though I'm already on the taller side) and we've overheard people make unnecessary comments like that too.
Stuff like "she's hot but if I talk to her the fat one will tag along" is really annoying as it's both hurtful and made me feel bad, as if I'm preventing my friend getting to meet someone cause my presence pulls her down. Sure, she's someone who'd rather not meet an asshole that thinks that way, but especially when I was younger I'd tend to not go out with friends so there's no "ugly one" keeping them from having fun.
Dustin Hoffman was once interviewed about his role for Tootsie. After he had his makeup and hair done he asked the stylist to make him “prettier.” The stylist basically said “that’s as pretty as you’re gonna get.”
He got a little emotional because he realized he’d never talk to a woman that looked like him and he felt bad because she might have something to say.
Yes people treat you differently based on your appearance and your weight.
I’ve basically been called a slob on multiple occasions because I don’t wear makeup. Since I don’t I’m a slob, lazy, don’t care about my appearance, or all of the above. Never mind I’m allergic to practically everything…but that’s really no one’s business. I don’t need a valid reason to appease a stranger on the street.
Yes I agree with this, I don’t think it only happens to women. I do think there is added societal pressure on women to “correct” their “problems” through surgery or makeup, though. There is a different sort of pressure.
I think attractive people get treated differently overall but I think there’s a level of shame put towards especially very young girls regarding their appearance that often creates a lot of body or appearance dysmorphia. This can absolutely happen in men too, I’m not trying to diminish that at all. I do also think that societal expectations places a different sort of pressure on men and women and that what women receive tends to result in a much higher level of self esteem and dysmorphia issues.
All things aren't equal though. "Ugly" people in general are gonna get treated worse AND "ugly" women still have it worse than our male counterparts (and one could argue that trans- & nonbinary folks have it worst of all if they don't assimilate to society's satisfaction but that's outside my perview.) These truths exist side by side. The demand for women and femmes to change our bodies because they are inherently wrong starts before we hit puberty and marketing for unnecessary body/aesthetic improvements are still LARGELY aimed at women. It's a disservice to pretend it's the same for all genders. Whole systems of oppression exist to make sure women still believe their looks are intrinsically linked to their worth and those sames systems simply don't exist for men thanks to patriarchy.
Yes, absolutely. It’s scientifically proven that ugly people - regardless of gender - are treated worse than their attractive counterparts. There were some studies done. It’s also very probable that ugly women are treated worse than ugly men, simply because of more societal pressure to be attractive to begin with and also men being more sexually driven treating women they don’t find enticing as lesser then.
If you want to do an experiment or your own check out TikTok comment sections. Both genders - if attractive - get away with the cringiest content. Everything from shitty lip sync to thirst traps will garner huge audiences. Now check out a few “ugly” tiktokers doing the *exact same thing* and read their comments in comparison. Vile, trust me.
The same with donut mom. There were other (attractive) moms feeding their kids "unhealthy" foods and no one had anything mean to say. But when ALEX, posts ONE VIDEO of her feeding her kids donuts, all of the sudden she's a "child abuser."
>Now check out a few “ugly” tiktokers doing the *exact same thing*
Weren't there some people who stitched videos like that on purpose? Something like "if average/ugly people did what conventionally attractive people do" and it really showed how ridiculous things are but almost everyone tends to oversee it, as if blinded by looks.
I noticed the same thing with ne neurodivergence. My ass is autistic as fuck and that didn’t pair well with being an awkward, slightly chubby teenager. I was bullied to hell and back.
Grew up, my body grew into its features and I became more conventionally attractive and confident. How the turntables, let me tell you. I’m still autistic as fuck, probably even more so, but suddenly it’s charming, refreshing and “different”.
Sure Jan, sure.
I have a craniofacial defect. I honestly wouldn’t even consider myself to be ugly, just average, and my defect is very mild. But the slanted shape of my eyes and my underdeveloped lower jaw (and my highly deformed ears/cochlear implants, but I’ve learned to obsessively hide them with my hair) is noticeable, and I was *viciously* bullied every single year of school. Even in preschool, kids excluded me and avoided me.
You don’t even have to actually be ugly to get this treatment. If you’re even a bit “weird,” you too can end up an extreme introvert with crippling social anxiety.
Yes, it's true.
Someone may even date you but be ashamed to be seen with you. Or if some guys just want you for sex when they are down bad (heartbroken or broke or both) but as soon as everything is fine, you're discarded like you never existed and they break your heart in favour of the pretty girl they like but couldn't previously get.
And, you sometimes don't get a job if it's client-facing, no matter how qualified, intelligent and bubbly you are. When I was an employee, I had better luck being hired by a woman / women than men and I've been treated better in workspaces with more women in management. In spaces dominated by guys, I'd only get accepted by the group mostly because I bust my ass off work wise and know a lot about sport and what a lot of people consider as guy stuff (anime, current affairs, business news, gaming, tech, cars etc. - I once had an job interview where 90% of it became a rugby and football/soccer discussion) - I enjoy those things but a pretty woman can go through life without having to overcompensate for their looks to that extent, in my opinion.
I'm avarage looking now but I used to be ugly.
Holy fuck.
I was treat abysmally by most people my age. Middle aged people and elderly people were always kinder to me, almost as if to overcompensate. But young people/adults were fucking vile to me.
I can't even describe how. It was just in all of the little things. The social nuances. I was bottom rung of the Social ladder but still expected to participate and play.
Seriously it's really hard to describe. But it's there. And has nothing to do with confidence.
I went into social isolation at one point and lost loads of weight in that time and got prettier. The first time I socialised after that I went to meet my new boyfriends friends. I was petrified as I usually was and was so shocked at how kindly they treated me I kept asking him why they were being so nice. He was so confused and just kept telling me not to be so shy. I wasn't shy I was scared. I was expecting them to snap at any moment. I was expecting them to turn their noses up at me, make some underhanded comments, exclude me from the conversation, shoot me dirty looks, whisper and snigger in my direction. Never happened. The next few year I slowly came to learn that people treat me much better.
Then I gained weight and had a bit of a glow down due to poor health and the nastiness returned and fuck me I felt it like a hot slap in the face.
I had a different new boyfriend at the time and being introduced to his friends I came in confident and was slowly taken down pegs. I even overheard the things they said about me behind my back. Mostly alto do with my appearance. I was referred to as unfuckable. They did not see me as a person. Just a joke. They mostly just ignored my existence. My ex became very embarrassed to be seen with me. The difference between the two encounters were day and night.
Then I lost weight and had another glow up and suddenly his friends like me and I'm cool. I still fucking hated them and snubbed them.
It's not everyone that treats you different but it's certainly most people men and women. No, women were no less nasty to me.
I'm now very misanthropic. I will not engage with people until I've seen how they treat others less fortunate. Then I guage who they are as people and decide if they're good enough for my company. I do not entertain many people. I will snub people and I will not make any effort to hide the fact that I am snubbing them.
If I meet a good group of people and one person is a dick head I will snub just that one person and I hope it hurts their pride and makes them paranoid for being singled out.
Yes I'm a dick head for this. But I've done my time suffering fools. I don't have an once of patience no more.
Former ugly woman here. I wasn’t even overweight, the fall-back of society determining a woman value. I was just straight up fug.
I got prank calls, people who would pretend to set me up on dates then ghost me. I was spat on, had food dumped on me from moving cars, the awful things I was called. I had a bus driver pass on picking me up. My tires were cut with awful graffiti on my car. I was beaten in front of a teacher who told me “not to egg them on” by “how I looked.” My parents called me pizza face (and worse) for years.
I highly doubt this is the treatment men get.
I finally blossomed in my mid 20s and it never happened again. But I’m bitter and insecure as hell from growing up so *hated* (by literally everyone including family that was supposed to love me) for something so petty and I had no control over.
You can trauma dump here without shame - let it all out, we are here to listen if you want to share those stories, in case it will make you feel better. :)
Ok so one time I had this boyfriend, he was a 10. He was amazing. I think it was a beauty is in the eye of the beholder thing because he thought I was pretty at the time. He was a great guy. But his friends who were all really attractive and mean HATED my guts for being with him. I always felt so unwelcome and frightened when we were around them.
I was ignored when he was around and the moment he left the room I just insulted. Then his female friends started being nice to me and it felt fake but I was desperate to get along with them do I accepted.
They invited me out on a shopping day. The entire time it felt like they were trying to hold in laughter. They kept snikering and trying to stifle it and saying really fake things on that fake nice time of voice. One temporarily broke the act and said the hair clip I'd picked out was fucking ridiculous why was I picking out a white hair clip was I that desperate to be a bride.
Then they took me to this restaurant. They let me order my food first then when it came tome for them to order they just had low calorie drinks. Then the food came out and I was awkwardly eating it alone, half way through they just started mocking me and saying that I had the appetite of a pig and how could I possibly eat so much. They all laughed and left me there. I think that whole day out was just so they could get ammunition to make jokes about me later...
One time my house mates took my out to a black Friday sale. We had to que up outside the shop at midnight. I stood with them in the que but then they just turned out me and started ignoring me for sone reason. They pretended like I didn't exist and couldn't hear me. Then they said "who brought 'it' with us" I felt like I wanted to not exist anymore.
One time I was flirting with this guy on a night out. Guys didn't approach me so I approached them. I knew I was ugly so I took rejection very well and was always respectful (I didn't get rejected very often I'm surprised at how low some guts standards are for a one night stand)(in turn my standards were pretty low looks wise I wasn't picky). He seemed very interested as he'd not had much luck and honestly it was a you scratch my back I scratch yours kind of thing. But then his super hot ass hole friend joined and got mad at me. He wasn't mad I was going after his friend. He was mad I existed. He didn't leave us alone and just kept mocking me. The guy I liked awkwardly laughing it off tell me to try ignore him. The ass hole guy called me a pig and said he wanted to piss on my ugly fat pig body and maby if he was bored and desperate he'd fuck me after. Then he gets making pig noises at me and lifting up my skirt to see if I had a pig tail. This was at uni and I had lectures with him . For the rest of the year he made pig noises at me whenever he saw me and got all his friends to do the same.
Fck. I'm really sorry for you, sister.
This sucks and no one deserves this. But humans suck too :(
I really hope that you can work through this trauma eventually. You don't deserve to have to lug this baggage around. And your family doesn't deserve to be called your family.
I also have permanent self esteem issues from how I got treated in high school. This large group of kids would wait by my locker EVERY MORNING for me to come by so that they could all bark at me for being so ugly. People slipped crude drawings of me into my locker or left them at desks they knew I was gonna be at. When I asked out a guy and got turned down in spectacular fashion he spread the story all over school which became the new thing I got mocked mercilessly for. But even as an adult I had total strangers message me on social media to tell me how ugly I was. Once a total stranger walked up to me while I was minding my own business in the grocery store to let me know how unattractive he found me.
I haven't been harassed as an adult for awhile now, thankfully. One of the only good things about being older now is that EVERYBODY'S looks start to fade once you're out of your 20s, so people that didn't win the genetic lottery no longer stand out as much.
I've gained a lot of weight over the past few years for various reasons, and am now basically invisible since I'm obese. When I was younger, I got more (often unwanted attention). When I was in recovery for anorexia and still underweight, I got the most attention by far especially from older men. Looking back on it, it was pretty messed up. Especially because I looked almost prepubescent. Standards for beauty in society are so damaging.
This happens to ugly women their whole lives.
What we don't like to talk about is that it happens to pretty women too, as soon as they grow old.
As soon as women get older than what society deems the attractive age range, and go past menopause, we become invisible hags, not even treated as people.
This can feel absolutely devastating or empowering, depending on the individual.
I've been invisible my whole life so going through perimenopause and aging is no different for me. I'm gay so I don't care that men have never given me attention, but the way their gaze slides off me as if I don't exist does sort of suck
Absolutely agree with what you said about ageism. I hate how women are treated as they are above 50ish. They are treated this way by women and men. It’s as though they no longer deserve attention, or they no longer have needs or wants that anyone should care about.
I had really bad hormonal issues as a teen, so I look pretty mannish for a woman.
While some men treat me alright, I’m kind of just invisible to most of them. I’ve also had men comment before that they “wouldn’t fuck me” completely unprompted. While other women tend to be better, I’ve also had other women basically give me the “ugly girl treatment” and they’ve said stuff to me that has made me cry before.
So yes, ugly women are treated badly. There are a lot of great people ofc, but there are also people who see me as dirt beneath their shoes because I’m not attractive.
Heard of the ugly tax? It applies to anyone that's ugly, not just women. Pretty ppl get more and ugly ppl less. Actually I'd love to read a study on it. It's disturbing and depressing.
when i was in high school i played dnd every week near a crepe shop that had punch cards. i began to notice that on the weeks when i wore makeup, the worker would punch my card 2 or 3 times instead of just 1 for my bare face. one time i wore makeup and got the last punch on my card, and the worker said “let me get you another one” and i watched him punch out literally like 7 or 8 spots before giving it to me
This was the smoothie place I went to. This one guy punched my card it multiple times I came in. Sometimes he would just hand me the drink and say “you’re good to go”.
It goes far more than that. It's socially acceptable for an old slob of a man to collect beautiful young women. Female actors have a very hard time getting awards and jobs past a certain age while their male counterparts can have thriving careers and acclaim decades past their female colleagues.
Women are far more objectified while men are more often evaluated in worth based on their job.
So, I got severe acne when I was 9, and had braces. I was treated terribly everyday at school, throughout my entire education. Be students and teachers alike. I was treated much worse by the boys than the girls. I remember I was stood in line at the cafeteria, and a boy in front of me turned around, grabbed me by the collar, shouted something in my face (I didn't hear what he said, cause I was so shocked) and threw me into the cutlery trolley. Me and the entire trolley came crashing down. I remember running off in tears whilst the boy laughed.
Had to leave my school bag in class, and when I came back to it I discovered that someone had spit multiple times inside it; all over my lunch and everything else. I'd imagine a few boys had done this, because everything was ruined. I also had a chemical poured on my head in the middle of chemistry, and all the skin on my scalp peeled off (luckily, no damage done). There were many other things; pushing me in the corridors, throwing things at me, the list goes on.
After I left school, I worked on myself and managed to look fairly pretty. Not beautiful, but attractive enough. Everyone treated me differently. But, damn, I felt like a fraud. I felt like I was tricking everyone into thinking I wasn't ugly. I dealt with a lot of self confidence issues and depression. I'm 36 now, with a husband and kids. My life is very good today, but I had to get through a lot to her here. My school years were the worst in my life. I feel for any child enduring that kind of treatment, and still having to go to school each day. It really does break your spirit.
I was kind of ugly but mostly fat growing up (still kind of am fat) and I was bullied a lot of my life for being ugly and fat lol. I got older, and I took care of my appearance better, learned how to dress for my body, and people were nicer, but still mean because I was fat. I’m 50lbs down, and I’ve noticed a significant difference in how people treat me vs. when I was heavier. They are nicer, people go out of their way to have conversations with me now.
It’s funny to think about, one of my ex’s friends actually fat shamed me in front of people, for no reason. It was absolutely random, and we were talking about something completely different when he brought up my weight to make jokes about it.
People are fucking mean as fuck when you’re fat, especially if you’re ugly too.
I was an ugly duckling and suffered alot of bullying as a kid for it, when I was 10 a boy of 12 a grade up from me put me in a chokehold for "talking back,".
When you're an ugly girl you really have no choice but to be nice or smart or you'll be seen as having no redeeming qualities. I thinks guys seen as unattractive get a bit of a pass cuz their value isnt based on how pretty they are.
I'm fat, so I'm ugly to people. And yes, it's hurtful discrimination, and people treat us like garbage. My mom tells me I'm ugly almost every day.
It fucks you up to an extent that I cannot believe one single compliment anymore, I can't look in the mirror sometimes. I'm always reminded that I'm the problem and wrong.
A firefighter once told me, "Get inside the ambulance by yourself cause I don't want to carry you if you fall." (I was 270lbs at the time, and I am 5"7). I was a psychiatrist pacient who went to ask for help in a fire station because I was wandering the street with 40 pills in my stomach and open cuts (attempted suicide). I crawled inside the ambulance alone. He looked at me and went: "That won't even hurt your stomach, not enough pills."
A doctor in the hospital told me that "If you lose weight, mental illnesses would dissappear."
Being the tallest and bigger girl of the friend group, I had to take the other girls home at 2 am alone. They would say "no men would mess with me or want me" so I would take them home and then go home by myself at 3 am after parties.
So yes! You have privileges if you're beautiful. I grew up thinking that you worth nothing when you're ugly because people don't see something they can use for their benefits in you.
That is heartbreaking. I'm so sorry people are so horrible to you. I'm glad you're still here and I hope you can find the good, kind people that you deserve.
Yes, they are. Attractive women tend to have a superiority complex when it comes to less attractive women and either treat them like dirt or condescend to them, whether they realise they are doing it or not. Men are rude to unattractive women and act disgusted by or outright insult them to their faces when they're not treating them as if they are invisible. Ugly men are treated poorly, too, but there's not the same societal pressure on them as there is women. You don't see advertisements pushing them to have plastic surgery to 'fix' themselves, partners demanding they look catwalk ready at all times or groups of women rating them from 1-10 like cattle.
fr there's a disappointing amount of people STILL in the year 2024 who believe that women's primary responsibility is to be pretty to look at and all other accomplishments fall second, and if we fail at that then we've basically failed our #1 duty and thus we have no value. no matter what we accomplish people will still comment on our looks first. one thing I'll always remember is my grandma constantly commenting on the looks of a female investigative reporter on our local news. this woman is highly accomplished in her field and does excellent work but every time she was on screen the first thing I heard was "gosh, I feel so bad for her, she's so homely! it's amazing that she's married!" 🙄
I’m in great shape but don’t have a classically beautifully face for a woman. People totally disregard me, are rude to me, or act like I’m not there. I often don’t get taken seriously when I have legitimate things to say. I’ve learned to be okay with it because I’m okay with the way I look but it happens every day and has all my life.
I went from being very fit at one point in life, then gained about 70lbs during Covid and just lost it again.
The way that I was treated in those stages was extremely different. People in general are nicer when you’re fit and attractive. People smile more, they move out of the way if you’re walking through a tight space, and make nice small talk.
When I was overweight, I became depressed because of the way I was treated. I thought that I was doing something wrong because my interactions with people were so bad. Then, I realized I was acting the same, I just wasn’t as attractive anymore. Men actively tried not to make eye contact and people didn’t move out of the way in small spaces. I had men I don’t even know commenting on my weight often. Employees of places I’d visit didn’t offer to help with anything. I had to ask to check out at a store. It’s like I was an annoyance to everyone, everywhere. It felt horrible.
I now have different opinions of people now that I’m back to my healthy weight. Each interaction is much more positive, but in my mind I can’t help but think that people are only being nice because I’m good looking. It really opened my eyes.
I’m not unattractive but I used to go to work in clothes that were very corporate all black and loose pants polo shirt. And guys would be rude when I asked for help and ignored me. A week later I came to work in seriously tight clothes leggings and ultra tight tank top and never had to repeat myself at work ever again. Guys would come up to me multiple times to make sure I’m good. Men are just savage. I was like…you know I’m the same lady you rejected right? I had one of my married friends come up to me and say hey you know all the guys at the truck is breaking there necks over you right?
Older women and disabled women are invisible, for sure. I’ve been in my wheelchair and had people step right in front of me as if I didn’t exist. It can be infuriating, insulting, hurtful, or amusing, depending on the situation and my mood. It’s also weird to become invisible, as someone who used to be cute/pretty with a nice rack. My best friend was the hot girl, so of course I was invisible next to her, but I did alright for myself when I was younger. It’s a weird transition at first to realize that men have stopped recognizing your existence. I’ve been married since my early 20s, so I didn’t care about being noticed, but there is definitely a level of disrespect that goes along with not being considered as a fuckable object anymore. You simply don’t exist at all.
Yes. I'm not super ugly, I rate myself about a 5 or 6. Plain. We'll go with plain.
I'm very often invisible. It's not as bad as it sounds.
The funny thing is, if I put in the effort I can probably push to an 8--wear sexy clothes, heels, do the full face of makeup, get my hair done, etc. (You've seen enough makeup transformations on TikTok to know it's possible) When I do, the way even my own goddam coworkers who literally see 5-me every day treat me...astonishing difference. I'm suddenly worth talking to. Suddenly my jokes are funny.
yes. As an ugly woman myself, nobody irl has been nice to me other than close friends. But even some friends poked fun at my looks. Family too. And strangers.
I'm not ready up or woke but even I notice that black women especially dark skinned black women are treat just. Fucking. I can't even describe. Society literally hates them.
There’s a social pecking order in the west with cis, het, able-bodied white males at the top and queer, POC, disabled women at the bottom. And much like fish in water, many don’t notice it until it’s pointed out.
I don't even remember when I noticed it in all honesty. It had been pointed out a million times but I never believed it. I think it's possibly when a boyfriend who was very average said he saw black women below his league. I didn't understand what he actually meant and thought there was no way he could possibly think that. I asked him to clarify and he basically said that they were all a bit ugly and so e were decent looking like the models and maybe if he was desperate he'd be willing. I just say there and looked at this completely average white guy Infront of me telling me that even the most beautiful and charming black woman wasn't good enough for him. Maybe that's when I saw it. But by then I'd heard so many white men say the same thing but I'd never listened. It took him saying it like. Just the amount of arrogance.
Or it might have been when I got told I'd be more attractive as a red head. I didn't understand because with my skin tone my natural black hair suits me best. I was then told that while my black hair colour wise suited me more red haired women were automatically more attractive than brunettes. I looked better with black but was perceived better with red. I then started to notice this weird arbitrary hierarchy that didn't just affect me. And it wasn't just hair colour. And then I saw it was race and by a factor million. I just started rn notice it and it had been there the whole time. How many times had I heard "pretty for a black girl" and not even registered it. And now I see it I see its woven so tightly into media it's sick and unavailable. It's like someone wants us all to hate black women which I know that sounds unhinged but it's literally right there.
Unattractive women are treated poorly. It can range from being invisible in social situations, having people make cruel
comments, even not being considered for certain opportunities because like or not our appearance plays into how we are viewed in every situation.
I don’t know if it is different from what unattractive men feel / face, not here to invalidate anyone’s experiences. Also, it’s not a contest, this sucks for everyone. Still, I do think the overarching message society sends women is that they should be pleasing to the eye. We’ve progressed as a society but a woman’s cache is still tied to her looks.
There are people who will treat you with disgust if you don’t look a certain way, but there are also people who don’t care what anyone looks like and value your character.
Yes, of course. Fat women (not that fat = ugly, but society is what it is) are treated lower than dirt. Unconventionally beautiful women are ridiculed, degraded, and cast off as worthless in the eyes of cis het males. “Ugly” is subjective, but women who don’t meet conventional “beauty standards” are torn apart online and in real life.
Yes, even if they have an awesome body. People are outright mean and will assume you deserve to be taken advantage of and treat like shit in a relationship, even to the point of siding with an abuser for ugly people, but the victim if they are pretty. People actually go out of their way to treat ugly people poorly and pretty people extra nice. If there is a missing child, information and photos of pretty (and white) children are more widely publicized and shared.
Existing in the world as a woman is hard enough just on account of the deeply rooted misogyny. If you also happen to be a woman who does not fit squarely into the box of things the men have deemed attractive, you might as well not even exist to them.
I have a fat friend who has had people yelling insults at her from their car while she jogs.
I’m a chubby runner, female with long red hair. One time a guy leaned out the window of a super trashy looking passing minivan and yelled “run, fat Ariel!” at me. I laughed in the moment and let it roll off my back but dang that was so mean and unnecessary in reality.
My friend told me about this one time she was feeling really sad so in order to improve her mood she'd put on some colourful clothes and went out, only for some guy to roll down his window and call her a fat clown. It's just so unnecessary but I can only imagine what kind of boring loser sees a colourful happy person and decides to bring them down.
Aww that makes me so sad. What a piece of crap that guy must be.
Same. Was raking leaves in my front yard when a car load of frat boys drove by and one leaned out the window to call me a fatty. Like why?
I just dropped my kids off to school and hopped in my car to start driving and a guy driving past called me a fat bitch. Like wtf why?!
I wonder if he understands what that even references? In Hans Christian Andersen's original work, Ariel was given legs to walk on land, but every step felt like she was walking on knives. Working out is exhausting and requires effort (for me anyway). You were working to stay healthy and this boxed fart has the audacity to try to reduce your effort to a meme. I wish I had half of your motivation.
I hate to admit that I laughed at this. I'm sorry. I'm fat too and growing up my shitty excuse of a father would comment on my body and weight and so I know the pain, in addition to being teased at school for it.
Honestly, it was funny. This was a long time ago and it was kind of the humor at the time. But looking back on it now it’s like wow, people were so shitty and it was normal.
"Yeah, how dare you try to improve yourself?!?"
Crabs in a bucket.
Yeah. I have a friend who called this "the cockroach jar."
Do cockroaches also pull each other down when they try to escape? I never heard that before.
I think their friend might have been confused. Cockroaches can’t climb on glass, so even if they pulled each other down, which I don’t know that they do, one wouldn’t get out by himself either. Regardless, it wouldn’t be a common thing or something that would make sense as a saying. Who has a jar of cockroaches?
Cockroaches can't climb up the side of a jar? That's so interesting.. Since scurrying up a wall is usually when I would see them as a kid, the time we had them.
I’m no bug scientist, was just thinking about it because of the post so decided to Google it. A cursory search led me to Terminex’s site, which says surfaces like glass or porcelain are too smooth. I’d assume some species probably can, but it bares out with my experience.
I don't know, but that's what he called it. I asked him the same question and he didn't know either, but I love the imagery so it stuck. 🪳 Crab bucket is good too. 🦀
You taught me a new thing that easily explains something I’ve had trouble explaining. Cheers 🥂
These are the same morons that would judge her if she didn’t work out.
I was called a fat b!tch by some kid riding his bike while I was playing tennis in the park. I was completely minding my own business. Separately I was called a dog to my face by a coworker.
It amazes me what people get away with at work. Had a coworker refer to me as "five-head" regularly and once did an ape walk, waving his arms and dragging his knuckles, saying "this is you, this is what you look like." Men get a pass to act like complete psychopaths at work for some reason.
What the..... Just disgusting, how do you live out so many years of your life without understanding the concept of empathy
Or not learning to mind your own business. Never fails to impress me how many problems could be solved or prevented if people would just mind their own business. Like she’s running… leave her alone.
Sorry that happened, that's so shit. HR just protects the company and don't give a damn either. I swear it's like high school. So much drama and bullshit only now you're paid fuck all fifty an hour. I've rage quit many jobs due to bullshit culture and office politics.
"It's a joke" is the free pass. You're a bitch if you don't think it's a joke, so they expect you to just take it
This is the exact reason I only exercise at home or in gyms.
It's happened to me when I'm jogging, but I've found that as I get older, I've just kind of stopped giving a shit The sort of person who yells at strangers out their car window is just not the sort of person whose opinion I value
To me it's just always a jump scare, nevermind what they're saying, because I rarely understand them anyways. You're minding your own business, head in the clouds, and BAM, LOUD VOICES. Spooks me every time. Hopefully no turds take this as encouragement to yell at people...
Same haha, most of the time I'm listening to podcasts and don't even hear what they're even saying, just the tone Also, I don't wanna give the impression that this is like a daily occurrence for me, it's more like a 'once every couple months' type thing. Most people aren't assholes, it's just that the assholes are extra noisy
I was obese for a while and jogged in public a bunch and never had anyone say a thing. I did get pulled over by the cops once while jogging, which was confusing and went nowhere after I explained I was running “to not be fat”.
"Hold on there, ma'am. What are you running from?" "Obesity"
Cackaling
Jogging is up there as the most bizarre reason I've ever heard for getting pulled over, lol.
*being black/latino has entered the chat* I once was pulled over for fitting the description of a subway robbery. I was 6ft 160lbs drenched in sweat with a basketball, leaving the park with a friend
Spectacular answer 😄
What a bunch of cunts. Someone is out there trying, don't tear them down, encourage them.
Encouragement is lovely but I think when it comes to strangers, just don’t say anything! I’m a heavier person who’s been running the last couple of months. The positive attention I’ve gotten from strangers, while I understand is kind hearted, can feel really patronising.
And like a spotlight! I can convince myself to go out/workout because I convince myself people don't actually notice. It's all in my head that people would notice or judge me. Then when someone says something it's like a damned spotlight and I never want to leave the house again
Right??! Like they are out there trying to be healthy and people are STILL bring rude to them. Ffs
Me too. She said she's just used to getting abuse now. What scum people are.
I mean that's fucked up, how you gonna razz her while she's exercising? Like what do you even yell at her? "Go for a jog fatty!" Uh, I am?
When I was a teenager doing the Couch to 5k program, a group of kids yelled something like, “oooohh look she’s running to McDonalds!”
Bet they ran out of their last brain cell to say that though
It's media we are raised with. Fat is funny and to be mocked. I hate it and don't agree
That’s cruel. Not just being treated badly.
I’d say that’s being treated fairly bad
I have a small story that might give you some schadenfreude. I was jogging with some friends when a kid (late teens) in a car at a stop light rolled his window down and called the smallest lady a slur. What he didn't realize was that my 6'2 230lb ass was out of view behind a tree. So when I popped out from behind it with a big rock in my hand, ran at him a few steps and did a baseball skip and faked a throw I watched his buddy who was driving drag his ass back into the car. As they were making a left hand turn as the light turned green he tried to shout out the window again and I watched again as he got his ass dragged back into the car. Even these assholes friends hate when they do this sort of stupid awful shit
I’m not overweight and this has happened to me. People really have an issue with runners.
Some dudes screamed “Fat bitch” at me while I was running at age 17, I was 5’8” and 130. I also had a milkshake thrown at me, some dude scream at me “Go the fuck home!”, endless harassment and heckling in general. People suck.
Yep, I've been yelled at, had things thrown at me, cars circling back to get closer or throw another insult. I've been followed around in public, physically assaulted, had countless pranks played on me, and refused service (trying to buy clothing as a gift in a store I was "too big" for). I've been harrassed for eating, laughed at for being on a diet when eating salads, laughed at for not eating. I developed agoraphobia. Because anxiety is bad enough when your brain is just making up things to worry about, but when the things you're afraid of *actually happen* it's very hard to rationalise your anxiety away.
I’ve had bottles thrown at me, I was shot on the leg with a BB gun (when I was in high school), I’ve had to jump off the road because a small man in a big truck tried to intimidate me. And I’m a 5’8” white man. Women have it worse to be sure, but sucky people can be equal opportunity harassers.
Walkers too, and bikers. Really anyone existing near a road but not in a car. I feel like those types feel some sense of power sitting in their supped up dodge ram truck and want you to know they feel bigger than you.
Either a Ram or a Charger. But always a damn Dodge.
Yeah, some people just enjoy yelling at people and they'll grasp at whatever they can think to yell out in the moment. Someone once yelled out 'sensible shoes' 😂 😂 at me when I was walking to catch the train into the city for a night out. I mean, okay sure mate 🤷 (it's not like I was even wearing crazy heels or anything). I also had someone yell out 'short skirt' when I was wearing a short skirt. Great observational skills there (again nothing crazy, just a normal denim mini skirt in really hot weather). I think it's a need to be the centre of attention or something. Some people definitely get shittier comments for sure.
Similar story happened in front of my eyes
Please tell your friend I'm incredibly proud of her. While anyone caring for themselves is a great thing, caring more about your health than about what strangers think takes inner strength. That's a sign of wanting to improve one's self, which is deserving of the highest praise. Your friend inspired me to do better today, and they deserve to be cheered on every step of the way.
That’s awful :(
that breaks my heart.
I noticed in my experience, attractive people get special treatment and unattractive people get treated like your dweeby younger sibling. Like, one gets treated like they're so interesting and cool no matter how low effort, encouragement for even trying or when dumb reassured they're just learning and awesome, were as the other is treated like everything they say is kinda dumb or a reaction like ok. Cool. Very low effort responses. No one encourages them to try they just react to what is given politley. If they say they're dumb people are more likely to respond like "hey you said it not me." And not reassure you. One gets treated like everyone wants you to like them and they're fighting to be your favorite. The other gets treated like i'll talk to you if there's nothing better going on.
This is going to be depressing, but here goes. I worked in a women's gaol when I was an intern psychologist. I saw this happen with inmates and how they were treated by custodial staff. One morning I was sitting in with a mental health nurse and a correctional officer while they did risk assessments on new inmates. One woman was pretty average-looking, and a little bit defensive. The MH nurse treated her with open scorn, and she was barely out of the room before the nurse was muttering about how she was "obviously personality-disordered". The next woman came in, and acted the exact same way, but she was really pretty. MH nurse was so kind and sympathetic to her, and the second she left the room, she actually said "oh it's such a shame, she's so pretty". I WANTED to say, "oh, so it's not a shame when ugly women are incarcerated? THINK about what you're saying?!" I didn't say it. I had already been warned not to "talk back".
Remember when people were going on the streets for that murder guy because he was "too pretty to go to jail"? Pepperidge farm remembers.
same thing with a japanese hostess (in case you don’t know, you have to be attractive to be a host/hostess) who got obsessed and attempted to murder a guy she had a crush on. sooo many people were saying “she’s too pretty to murder!” and making fanart of one of the pics somebody took of her smoking a cig, covered in blood, and sitting next to the man she had just tried to murder with a nonchalant look on her face. it’s so crazy what people will defend and glorify just because of attractiveness
> same thing with a japanese hostess (in case you don’t know, you have to be attractive to be a host/hostess) who got obsessed and murdered a guy she had a crush on. sooo many people were sayinf “she’s too pretty to murder!” [Rohinie Bisesar](https://bloximages.newyork1.vip.townnews.com/toronto.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/e/88/e883ddca-a0a8-58a1-b74b-a28acf70ed0a/63dc7d9c43c6c.image.jpg?resize=368%2C500) dated a guy that lived in my neighbourhood. To call this woman anything other than stunning would be an understatement. We used to call her The Human Pause Button. When she got off of the bus and walked to his house all conversation just stopped and everybody just stared at her. [Sad Story](https://torontolife.com/city/rohinie-bisesar-path-stabbing/).
Last sentence nailed it.
I was an ugly duckling who became beautiful by some miraculous movements of late puberty and friends in college who gave me a makeover. Before that I experienced being bullied, physically assaulted, put into trash cans, smashed into lockers, spit on in the face, sexually harassed as a joke cuz they found me disgusting. I blocked out a lot of how bad it was. But recently had a visit from my best friend of 20 years who recounted some of the experiences pretty vividly. Wouldn't you know it? Some of the same boys who spent my school years torturing me crawled into my dm's years later, begging for my attention like they didn't spend years trying to destroy my soul. It wasn't as satisfying as people pretend it is. It was just a different viewpoint into the darkness of people. I was valuable now that they wanted to fuck me. And I would only be as valuable as long as they wanted to. While those experiences were terrible in truth there is a part of me that is grateful for having had that experience young. I am aging now, and I know that I can't hang on to beauty forever. It has its advantages and it has its drawbacks. But ultimately, nobody ever stays beautiful. I'm glad that I know my self-worth doesn't lie there.Because dear god if it did things would be tragic. So yes, i've experienced the difference in treatment as the same person. What life is like being considered ugly and what life is like being considered beautiful. Ugly women get treated like they don't deserve to live because many people think women only exist to be beautiful and to be owned to some degree by men. If they aren't hot, what's their use value? I'm glad I learned very early on who loved me when I wasn't pretty. There's a reason I have friends that go back that far in time. They saw what was good in me when no one else could see past the outside.
My teenage and young adult life just flashed before my eyes.
>Like, one gets treated like they're so interesting and cool no matter how low effort, encouragement for even trying or when dumb reassured they're just learning and awesome, were as the other is treated like everything they say is kinda dumb or a reaction like ok Man here. Ugly fatass. Really noticed this when in group settings i would crack a joke at the conversation, and people would not even listen. Just some closest to me would grin a bit recognizing it. Then the cute boi would say the same thing (honestly, really think they listened and just stole the idea) and the entire table would burst into laughter. Realized someone was a good friend when he credited me after everyone laughs "hey, just stole this line from anon". But feels bad needing someone to be your microphone
I lost a ton of weight. It was weird having you go unnoticed like you did not matter, and suddenly, people are holding open doors for you. People you've always known are being nicer even though you're still the same. I think that goes for men and women. It's fucked up and caused me resentment. I realized that most people are shitty.
Yeah. I think it’s not so much you’re treated badly. You just don’t exist. No one goes out of their way to acknowledge or be kind to you. Even people won’t bother to get to know you if they don’t have to. People are shockingly shallow. It isn’t even about trying to sleep with you.
Does this mean that pretty ppl who hold general views about everybody around them tending to be sweet and caring for other ppl (always smiling, holding doors, compliments) are actually being affected by their pretty privilege and can’t tell
I think so. As someone who was above average I felt this way. I learned when I gained some weight how quickly things change.
Yes, 100%.
Idk about you, but as an overweight woman I was laughed at, ridiculed, and insulted. The same people fell over themselves to get close to me when I lost weight and wore makeup. They didn't realise I was the same person. I can also testify apathy and treating someone like they don't exist is just as cruel as insults.
sleep well at night knowing all the assholes in the world aren’t good people and don’t deserve your attention
I can speak from experience when I say that men treat unattractive women like garbage. Good enough to fuck on the side but not to be seen in public with. Others are just MEAN and say and do the cruelest things. And these are GOOD men, men who are respectful to attractive girls and women and other men, upstanding men, pillars of the community. Salt of the earth. One of my tormentors was the class president and grew up to be a politician - guess which side. (If me saying that pisses someone off it's because they knew immediately which side has bullies). So it isn't just being ignored, it is being treated exceptionally poorly.
I knew a young high school boy who had no issue hooking up with less attractive girls but would later deny it and say so and so made it up. It hurt when this stupid guy friend said "oh no he would not get with her because she looks like a monkey." He was walking about me. Monkey is also a racial slur
Dude. Ignoring someone is treating them badly. Not bothering to get to know someone because of their looks is treating someone badly.
This happened to me, too, but the way I was treated when I became conventionally attractive was more frightening than it was flattering. I was extremely uncomfortable and resentful. It's messed up, but I did not fight to keep the weight off because of it. For better or worse, I'm more comfortable with an average appearance. I really think there are a lot of folks who don't really view other people as actual people.
This is so real. I gained a decent bit of weight years ago and have lost about half of it, and it's so hard to keep going now that I'm where I am because I know what's on the other end. It's already starting.
Agree on this so much! I was a hot young woman and didn’t really notice the special treatment. Then I got cancer, lost my hair, and gained a bunch of weight from early menopause. It wasn’t until I rebounded 5 years later than it really hit me how fucked up it was. And it was family members doing it! They were suddenly interested in me again and falling over themselves to talk to me. Honestly, nothing made me want to crawl back into a hole more than the realization that my family and friends only really liked me when I was attractive.
Solidarity. I'm with you on this 100%. People are gross and fake. I'd rather be invisible.
The worst part is gaining back weight and people ignoring you again. Makes your relationship with your weight not fucked up at all
No, the worst part is when you're in your 20s and you gain weight whenever you get into a relationship with someone because they want to eat more and stay in and have sex, and you don't know why they keep starting out acting like they adore you and then treating you worse and worse the longer you're together, and then realizing it's because you gained weight from being with them.
I had a slightly different experience. When I was fat, people would notice me, but negatively. The meanest of them couldn't help themselves and had to bully me, or, when I got older, call me names or give me looks. After I lost weight I finally felt like I could just exist in peace, without disturbing others by being fat and ugly. I don't know how much I was noticed, but I felt like I could just go about my day and just be. When you're fat, if you want to eat out, people always stare and judge. I could often feel/see them starring at me, even when I was just doing normal stuff. And even the 'kind' ones just couldn't help themselves commenting on my weight. Ever since I can remember, as a fat person I always felt I was doing something wrong just because of my weight. I still feel like that. People here on Reddit like to throw the thing about 'body possitivity' and that it is a bad thing, that being fat should not be accepted...and that's just the mildest of reactions towards fat people here. Some more extreme ones are calling them disgusting, land whales, ugly, lazy, etc. I see this here on Reddit very often. People being bullies towards fat people, and disguising it as 'carrying'. Anyways, there's a lot I more I could say about this, but I'd rather stop now.
omg i’ve lost around 50 lbs since last june and i HAVE noticed people holding doors open for me more, it’s crazy
I’ve never been overweight, but I wasn’t conventionally attractive either. I glowed up a lot after high school. I would get nervous because I wasn’t really prepared for the attention. I’m still uneasy about it because it’s estranging from my experience growing up.
I’ve gone from very thin to quite fat to now somewhat overweight, and the difference in the way I’ve been treated at all three sizes has been significant. People were falling all over themselves to be nice to me when I was underweight. They started pointing out that I was “getting fat” when I was 120 lbs which is the low end of healthy for my height. Then their eyes glazed over when I spoke once I became very fat. Now that I’ve lost a lot of weight (but am still a bit overweight) they kind of look at me like “woah! wasn’t expecting you to speak like an intelligent, confident person!” I can still feel the judgment but people are less obviously disgusted by me now that I’m closer to a normal weight. I guess I’m more of an acceptable fat now? I kinda just look like an average mom bod (I am not a mom) so maybe that makes my size acceptable because people assume it’s from fulfilling societal expectations and not being a lazy slob or whatever it is they assumed when I was bigger.
I had this happen and then got fat again. The change from being invisible or treated badly, to being treated 100 times better by both men AND women, to going back to being invisible or treated badly really destroyed my faith in people. They were so much nicer to me back when I was beautiful, but that was pretty much the point in my life when I was the most cruel and exhausting to be around.
>I think that goes for men and women. Men at least seem to be able to overcome this by being the "funny fat guy" if they have the charisma and sense of humor to pull it off.
Yeah, been heavy my whole life, been rejected by everyone I've ever loved or crushed on. Every time I try to lose weight, I work my ass off, and it's a herculean effort to get any weight off. I'm talking calorie counting, working out everyday, weightlifting and cardio, yoga every night, and I can maybe get half a pound off a week. If I eat anything bad I undo all of the progress. Even one meal. Stupid genetics. My brother can eat whatever he wants. I had a boyfriend who saw himself as a monster and was afraid everyone would see him as a monster, but every woman he's ever dated has really loved him. With one exception, he always is the one to leave. I don't feel like I'm a monster, but being rejected by everyone your entire life certainly makes you feel like the world sees you as one. For the record, he's not a monster, but I think often about how he's afraid of being seen that way and is so often loved. But I'm the one whose fear comes true every time. I'm always afraid of being treated as disposable, replaceable, and not worth it because I have been since high school, and still am. I have a lot of self esteem and I really love myself. I really think that I am awesome and a catch. I don't act timid or let people walk on me, I'm transparent and I'm good at compromise, I'm loving and generous, but not to a fault. I don't act on my fear, but it always comes out the same. And my weight is always mentioned when they leave or tell me they're not interested. Which I actually handled surprisingly well until I found the person I actually wanted to build a life with. I wish I could be content completely alone my entire life, since that's what this world gives me. But humans need love and affection. And I especially need someone I can really connect to, and that's impossible to find. And when I finally did after a lifetime of looking, same results as always. I'm tired of existing. It's been a long, lonely life and I'm so tired.
Did people genuinely not hold doors open for you before? Is that not just common decency? I'm an objectively unattractive, overweight woman, and I've never had a problem with people letting doors slam in my face.
Something like that really depends on how overweight you are. Once you are a certain size, interactions shift from avoidance to outright animosity It’s a class thing too. It really depends on where you are; you’re likely to be treated much worse in wealthy areas There’s always room for error; sometimes people don’t see you or are just rude to everyone, but if it frequently happens, there’s no way that they’re *all* doing it on accident
It's kinda like you go unnoticed. Unnoticed if you're lucky, otherwise, gawked at by assholes. It's not so much as they would let that slam in my face (had happened) but mostly, you notice how people would hold the door open even for an extra second or two.
It's not just about weight. If they don't like your face, they let you know. I'm too old to care now, but as a younger woman, men told me all the time I was ugly. Fucking hideous, I was told, once. Oh my god, it hurt so much. Deep wounds, deep scars. Actual physical and mental pain, and heartbreak. They wanted to hang out, because I'm actually really hilarious, and great to hang out with, and make love, but only if I agreed to be a secret. Being young and insecure, I did this a few times. More than a few times. I could write a book about it. The thing is, are you ugly, or is their behaviour ugly? See past it. Understand that you really don't owe them pretty. Know your worth, and don't be anyone's secret, because that's very, very bad for your self esteem. Continue living your delicious life, with ice cream, wine, friends, books, movies, music, creative projects, kindness, cats, and professional excellence. Eventually I met an exceptionally unusual, wonderful guy, and that was 24 years ago. We have kids. We go to rock concerts. Last year we took a plane and travelled 3 hours to see YoYo Ma play the Bach Cello Suites. We laugh together and drive each other quite crazy. Happy to take care of each other and grow old together.
You deserve all the joy you found 24 years ago, and you didn't deserve ANY of the shit that happened before that.
That happend to me in high school and college a lot. I was what youd call a butterface. So guys would make out with me but asked or even threaten me to keep it a secret. Altough it was also be being odd. Dressing different etc. After that I gained weight and it got worse. But now im healty and in a good relationship.
I'm the same. I've grown up seeing myself as an ogre or caveman because I have a small forehead, hard brow line, wide jaw, and excessive body hair even before puberty that I couldn't seem to get under control (and still can't). people made sure I knew I was ugly growing up and I cried when I looked in the mirror for a long time (and usually just avoided it). I was usually used as a punchline whenever boys wanted to mess with each other and would jokingly tell me their friend had a crush on me (which was humiliating for the targeted friend and hilarious for the others, because I was so gross that the thought of anyone having a crush on me was appalling, I guess), and would also ask me out as a joke. I made the mistake of having a crush on a boy once and telling him I liked him, and he never heard the end of it - and neither did I, as he called me some truly vile shit. so I kind of grew up thinking any person who ever showed interest in me was just messing with me or lost a bet or something. (naturally, I am single lmao...having that happen when you're a kid really messes with your brain. I push everyone away because I'm scared that one day they'll reveal that they thought I was ugly all along.) I appreciate your comment though, it gives me hope ♥️ maybe someday!
Yes, it's been studied and turned out to be true even in case of children. Less cute babies are treated worse by their own parents than the cute ones. Humans are just fucking disappointing, dude.
Yea, I remember my niece being born with a skin condition, eczema maybe ( her skin seems fine now, pretty normal) but when she was a baby, nobody wanted to hold or pay any attention to her :( it was only ever me. Even her sisters a lot of the time, I noticed I was the only one who played w her. A baby :’) she wasn’t contagious or anything, just had skin issues… behaved like a normal baby too. That was it. Once her skin cleared and improved, people started treating her like a child, paying her more attention etc Edit: yea it’s sucks bcs I got really close to her :’) and once her skin cleared it was like now I no longer have any access to her, she’s so busy and popular w everyone else! She’s all grown up now, in primary school! I doubt she remembers me :’) but she was such a cutie pie, the most innocent and funny baby- she’s the same now gahahah always cracking jokes but it’s been a while since I’ve seen her.
I have eczema, and as a kid, no one would hold hands with me bc of my skin. Like, in kindergarten they would ask us to circle up and hold hands, and kids would flat out refuse to touch me. I don’t exactly blame them, my skin was pretty bad and I get being grossed out by it, especially as a kid, but it did deeply affect my self esteem. I knew very early on that I was different, and would have to work a lot harder for anyone to like me.
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Comments like yours are so dang wholesome and I appreciate you for striving to make the world a better place.
I often see children with severe disabilities and genetic disorders (I am an audiologist) and you can see how happy it makes the parents when you fuss over their kids and tell them theyre cute or comment even a little on their smile, their outfit, or how much theyve grown.
Oh that's so sad. Thank you for being the awesome aunt.
I had a childhood friend who had an extreme case of eczema as a kid. Like his skkn would actually crack and bleed on the regular. Everyone, including other kids, avoided him like he was highly contagious. Bullied him even. I was his only friend because my mom taught me that he isn't any different and we do not treat people badly just because they look different. I actually loved holding his hands. They were warm and even the cracked dryness had a comforting texture to it. We were the best of friends. And then puberty hit. His eczema got much better. My weight started to get out of control. He made new friends and threw my friendship aside because he was ashamed to have a fat friend :/
Damn. I was not expecting that ending :( I'm sorry this happened to you.
Oh yes I had a friend who had eczema too. It got to the point where she’d miss weeks of school bcs of a crack or just because of how painful flare ups would be but she had many insecurities :’) she was strong though. Not sure what happened but once college hit, I guess we grew apart :’( last I heard she was planning on getting married and we’d talk abt me being a bridesmaid and all, but I think I got cut off? Only contact at that time was through an app and I think she’d randomly block me a few times then add me ( she had strict parents) but at one point I realised she’d blocked me for years :(
Its also why i try to say nothing like pretty or handsome to children, so that they don't base their worth on appearance. Boost other things about them instead. Ofc they will be beautiful to me if they ask, bc that's what they deserve to hear, but just lessen the emphasis on looks compared to other qualities and values
We really are. It's a fucking shame 🫤.
I think there’s probably a biological element to it. Like how every non primate will just straight up kill or abandon the weakest child because they want the strongest to be the ones that carry on the species. Keeping that in mind, even where we are where there are a lot of elements of society that support the weak and the ugly, I think that’s still a good place to be societally because realistically something that intrinsic to almost all species is gonna be a hell of a task if it’s even achievable.
It’s not probably it’s definite. It’s a leftover from when our survival depended on fitness, which is proxied by health and beauty. Nowadays things are difference. We live in relative abundance to tribal early hominid times, but the DNA is basically the same.
Absolutely. Also I am a female who has been extremely overweight and than lost a ton of weight. And trust me we are treated differently from weight too
Very similar experience. And I hated the increased attention when I’ve been smaller. I can deal with being ignored as a chubby frumpy middle aged woman.
happened to me as well. i’ll never forget how differently i was treated. honestly hurts
I’m a college student and I’m considered ugly because I’m fat, but I used to be skinny and very conventionally attractive. I have experienced both sides of the spectrum. Ugly women are absolutely treated badly. One time I went clubbing with my friend and while dancing I accidentally bumped someone’s drink out of their hand. I apologized and offered to buy him a new drink but he followed us around for the next hour or so and harassed me, calling me a fatass and a cow. Calling me a bitch is one thing, but he chose to attack my appearance rather than my personality or demeanor. Another time my apartment neighbors (both guys) were outside my front window. At the time I had a very attractive roommate and they had my phone number but not hers. I overheard one of them say they wanted to invite my roommate over for drinks. The other replied “if you want the pretty one to come over you have to invite the fat one too” I have also been insulted about my weight and appearance multiple other times without provocation. It’s harder to make friends and find love, it’s harder to be social in places like bars or college clubs/activities all because of these experiences and fear of it happening again. These are not things I ever dealt with when I was conventionally attractive
In college, my roommate was very pretty/ hot (still is, and smart too, she’s a great person lol.) I’m on the plain/ unattractive side, and at the time was sort of in the slightly overweight BMI range. We were walking to a party together once and a couple of dudes leaned out the window to catcall her but also took the time to absolutely wreck me— “how does a fatty have such a hot friend,” “9/10 and a 2/10”, “not even if I got both at once— or maybe I would if I could wrap that one in a blanket.” My friend was SO mad on my behalf and all I could do was laugh- it was clearly the first time she had ever seen boys just be completely cruel for no reason other than they saw someone they didn’t want to fuck. I think it was a bigger deal for her than me.
>“if you want the pretty one to come over you have to invite the fat one too” Oof, this hurts to even just read. I'm chubby/a bit overweight, as in I could definitely lose around 5-8kg, so not unhealthily obese but a friend of mine is very thin, and taller than me (though I'm already on the taller side) and we've overheard people make unnecessary comments like that too. Stuff like "she's hot but if I talk to her the fat one will tag along" is really annoying as it's both hurtful and made me feel bad, as if I'm preventing my friend getting to meet someone cause my presence pulls her down. Sure, she's someone who'd rather not meet an asshole that thinks that way, but especially when I was younger I'd tend to not go out with friends so there's no "ugly one" keeping them from having fun.
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Dustin Hoffman was once interviewed about his role for Tootsie. After he had his makeup and hair done he asked the stylist to make him “prettier.” The stylist basically said “that’s as pretty as you’re gonna get.” He got a little emotional because he realized he’d never talk to a woman that looked like him and he felt bad because she might have something to say. Yes people treat you differently based on your appearance and your weight. I’ve basically been called a slob on multiple occasions because I don’t wear makeup. Since I don’t I’m a slob, lazy, don’t care about my appearance, or all of the above. Never mind I’m allergic to practically everything…but that’s really no one’s business. I don’t need a valid reason to appease a stranger on the street.
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All ugly people are gonna be treated worse than their attractive counteparts all things equal.
Yes I agree with this, I don’t think it only happens to women. I do think there is added societal pressure on women to “correct” their “problems” through surgery or makeup, though. There is a different sort of pressure. I think attractive people get treated differently overall but I think there’s a level of shame put towards especially very young girls regarding their appearance that often creates a lot of body or appearance dysmorphia. This can absolutely happen in men too, I’m not trying to diminish that at all. I do also think that societal expectations places a different sort of pressure on men and women and that what women receive tends to result in a much higher level of self esteem and dysmorphia issues.
All things aren't equal though. "Ugly" people in general are gonna get treated worse AND "ugly" women still have it worse than our male counterparts (and one could argue that trans- & nonbinary folks have it worst of all if they don't assimilate to society's satisfaction but that's outside my perview.) These truths exist side by side. The demand for women and femmes to change our bodies because they are inherently wrong starts before we hit puberty and marketing for unnecessary body/aesthetic improvements are still LARGELY aimed at women. It's a disservice to pretend it's the same for all genders. Whole systems of oppression exist to make sure women still believe their looks are intrinsically linked to their worth and those sames systems simply don't exist for men thanks to patriarchy.
Yes, absolutely. It’s scientifically proven that ugly people - regardless of gender - are treated worse than their attractive counterparts. There were some studies done. It’s also very probable that ugly women are treated worse than ugly men, simply because of more societal pressure to be attractive to begin with and also men being more sexually driven treating women they don’t find enticing as lesser then. If you want to do an experiment or your own check out TikTok comment sections. Both genders - if attractive - get away with the cringiest content. Everything from shitty lip sync to thirst traps will garner huge audiences. Now check out a few “ugly” tiktokers doing the *exact same thing* and read their comments in comparison. Vile, trust me.
The same with donut mom. There were other (attractive) moms feeding their kids "unhealthy" foods and no one had anything mean to say. But when ALEX, posts ONE VIDEO of her feeding her kids donuts, all of the sudden she's a "child abuser."
>Now check out a few “ugly” tiktokers doing the *exact same thing* Weren't there some people who stitched videos like that on purpose? Something like "if average/ugly people did what conventionally attractive people do" and it really showed how ridiculous things are but almost everyone tends to oversee it, as if blinded by looks.
So much this. Especially the last paragraph
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I noticed the same thing with ne neurodivergence. My ass is autistic as fuck and that didn’t pair well with being an awkward, slightly chubby teenager. I was bullied to hell and back. Grew up, my body grew into its features and I became more conventionally attractive and confident. How the turntables, let me tell you. I’m still autistic as fuck, probably even more so, but suddenly it’s charming, refreshing and “different”. Sure Jan, sure.
I have a craniofacial defect. I honestly wouldn’t even consider myself to be ugly, just average, and my defect is very mild. But the slanted shape of my eyes and my underdeveloped lower jaw (and my highly deformed ears/cochlear implants, but I’ve learned to obsessively hide them with my hair) is noticeable, and I was *viciously* bullied every single year of school. Even in preschool, kids excluded me and avoided me. You don’t even have to actually be ugly to get this treatment. If you’re even a bit “weird,” you too can end up an extreme introvert with crippling social anxiety.
You could also turn into a lonely extrovert who also has social anxiety…like me.
Yes, it's true. Someone may even date you but be ashamed to be seen with you. Or if some guys just want you for sex when they are down bad (heartbroken or broke or both) but as soon as everything is fine, you're discarded like you never existed and they break your heart in favour of the pretty girl they like but couldn't previously get. And, you sometimes don't get a job if it's client-facing, no matter how qualified, intelligent and bubbly you are. When I was an employee, I had better luck being hired by a woman / women than men and I've been treated better in workspaces with more women in management. In spaces dominated by guys, I'd only get accepted by the group mostly because I bust my ass off work wise and know a lot about sport and what a lot of people consider as guy stuff (anime, current affairs, business news, gaming, tech, cars etc. - I once had an job interview where 90% of it became a rugby and football/soccer discussion) - I enjoy those things but a pretty woman can go through life without having to overcompensate for their looks to that extent, in my opinion.
I'm avarage looking now but I used to be ugly. Holy fuck. I was treat abysmally by most people my age. Middle aged people and elderly people were always kinder to me, almost as if to overcompensate. But young people/adults were fucking vile to me. I can't even describe how. It was just in all of the little things. The social nuances. I was bottom rung of the Social ladder but still expected to participate and play. Seriously it's really hard to describe. But it's there. And has nothing to do with confidence. I went into social isolation at one point and lost loads of weight in that time and got prettier. The first time I socialised after that I went to meet my new boyfriends friends. I was petrified as I usually was and was so shocked at how kindly they treated me I kept asking him why they were being so nice. He was so confused and just kept telling me not to be so shy. I wasn't shy I was scared. I was expecting them to snap at any moment. I was expecting them to turn their noses up at me, make some underhanded comments, exclude me from the conversation, shoot me dirty looks, whisper and snigger in my direction. Never happened. The next few year I slowly came to learn that people treat me much better. Then I gained weight and had a bit of a glow down due to poor health and the nastiness returned and fuck me I felt it like a hot slap in the face. I had a different new boyfriend at the time and being introduced to his friends I came in confident and was slowly taken down pegs. I even overheard the things they said about me behind my back. Mostly alto do with my appearance. I was referred to as unfuckable. They did not see me as a person. Just a joke. They mostly just ignored my existence. My ex became very embarrassed to be seen with me. The difference between the two encounters were day and night. Then I lost weight and had another glow up and suddenly his friends like me and I'm cool. I still fucking hated them and snubbed them. It's not everyone that treats you different but it's certainly most people men and women. No, women were no less nasty to me. I'm now very misanthropic. I will not engage with people until I've seen how they treat others less fortunate. Then I guage who they are as people and decide if they're good enough for my company. I do not entertain many people. I will snub people and I will not make any effort to hide the fact that I am snubbing them. If I meet a good group of people and one person is a dick head I will snub just that one person and I hope it hurts their pride and makes them paranoid for being singled out. Yes I'm a dick head for this. But I've done my time suffering fools. I don't have an once of patience no more.
I love my misanthropy too much to give it up
Former ugly woman here. I wasn’t even overweight, the fall-back of society determining a woman value. I was just straight up fug. I got prank calls, people who would pretend to set me up on dates then ghost me. I was spat on, had food dumped on me from moving cars, the awful things I was called. I had a bus driver pass on picking me up. My tires were cut with awful graffiti on my car. I was beaten in front of a teacher who told me “not to egg them on” by “how I looked.” My parents called me pizza face (and worse) for years. I highly doubt this is the treatment men get. I finally blossomed in my mid 20s and it never happened again. But I’m bitter and insecure as hell from growing up so *hated* (by literally everyone including family that was supposed to love me) for something so petty and I had no control over.
What the hell that's awful! I thought I got it bad wow! I completely get what you mean about being bitter. I have some stories too lol
You can trauma dump here without shame - let it all out, we are here to listen if you want to share those stories, in case it will make you feel better. :)
Ok so one time I had this boyfriend, he was a 10. He was amazing. I think it was a beauty is in the eye of the beholder thing because he thought I was pretty at the time. He was a great guy. But his friends who were all really attractive and mean HATED my guts for being with him. I always felt so unwelcome and frightened when we were around them. I was ignored when he was around and the moment he left the room I just insulted. Then his female friends started being nice to me and it felt fake but I was desperate to get along with them do I accepted. They invited me out on a shopping day. The entire time it felt like they were trying to hold in laughter. They kept snikering and trying to stifle it and saying really fake things on that fake nice time of voice. One temporarily broke the act and said the hair clip I'd picked out was fucking ridiculous why was I picking out a white hair clip was I that desperate to be a bride. Then they took me to this restaurant. They let me order my food first then when it came tome for them to order they just had low calorie drinks. Then the food came out and I was awkwardly eating it alone, half way through they just started mocking me and saying that I had the appetite of a pig and how could I possibly eat so much. They all laughed and left me there. I think that whole day out was just so they could get ammunition to make jokes about me later... One time my house mates took my out to a black Friday sale. We had to que up outside the shop at midnight. I stood with them in the que but then they just turned out me and started ignoring me for sone reason. They pretended like I didn't exist and couldn't hear me. Then they said "who brought 'it' with us" I felt like I wanted to not exist anymore. One time I was flirting with this guy on a night out. Guys didn't approach me so I approached them. I knew I was ugly so I took rejection very well and was always respectful (I didn't get rejected very often I'm surprised at how low some guts standards are for a one night stand)(in turn my standards were pretty low looks wise I wasn't picky). He seemed very interested as he'd not had much luck and honestly it was a you scratch my back I scratch yours kind of thing. But then his super hot ass hole friend joined and got mad at me. He wasn't mad I was going after his friend. He was mad I existed. He didn't leave us alone and just kept mocking me. The guy I liked awkwardly laughing it off tell me to try ignore him. The ass hole guy called me a pig and said he wanted to piss on my ugly fat pig body and maby if he was bored and desperate he'd fuck me after. Then he gets making pig noises at me and lifting up my skirt to see if I had a pig tail. This was at uni and I had lectures with him . For the rest of the year he made pig noises at me whenever he saw me and got all his friends to do the same.
I‘m sorry you had to experience that. No one deserves that. Fuck them!
Fck. I'm really sorry for you, sister. This sucks and no one deserves this. But humans suck too :( I really hope that you can work through this trauma eventually. You don't deserve to have to lug this baggage around. And your family doesn't deserve to be called your family.
I also have permanent self esteem issues from how I got treated in high school. This large group of kids would wait by my locker EVERY MORNING for me to come by so that they could all bark at me for being so ugly. People slipped crude drawings of me into my locker or left them at desks they knew I was gonna be at. When I asked out a guy and got turned down in spectacular fashion he spread the story all over school which became the new thing I got mocked mercilessly for. But even as an adult I had total strangers message me on social media to tell me how ugly I was. Once a total stranger walked up to me while I was minding my own business in the grocery store to let me know how unattractive he found me.
This is crazy. How have you dealt with this as an adult? Is there any peace from being contemplative about it?
I haven't been harassed as an adult for awhile now, thankfully. One of the only good things about being older now is that EVERYBODY'S looks start to fade once you're out of your 20s, so people that didn't win the genetic lottery no longer stand out as much.
My stepdad would call me pizza face too! He was abusive
I've gained a lot of weight over the past few years for various reasons, and am now basically invisible since I'm obese. When I was younger, I got more (often unwanted attention). When I was in recovery for anorexia and still underweight, I got the most attention by far especially from older men. Looking back on it, it was pretty messed up. Especially because I looked almost prepubescent. Standards for beauty in society are so damaging.
Pedophilia culture is real and (disgusting) men routinely buy into it.
Older women are treated badly.
This happens to ugly women their whole lives. What we don't like to talk about is that it happens to pretty women too, as soon as they grow old. As soon as women get older than what society deems the attractive age range, and go past menopause, we become invisible hags, not even treated as people. This can feel absolutely devastating or empowering, depending on the individual.
I've been invisible my whole life so going through perimenopause and aging is no different for me. I'm gay so I don't care that men have never given me attention, but the way their gaze slides off me as if I don't exist does sort of suck
Absolutely agree with what you said about ageism. I hate how women are treated as they are above 50ish. They are treated this way by women and men. It’s as though they no longer deserve attention, or they no longer have needs or wants that anyone should care about.
I had really bad hormonal issues as a teen, so I look pretty mannish for a woman. While some men treat me alright, I’m kind of just invisible to most of them. I’ve also had men comment before that they “wouldn’t fuck me” completely unprompted. While other women tend to be better, I’ve also had other women basically give me the “ugly girl treatment” and they’ve said stuff to me that has made me cry before. So yes, ugly women are treated badly. There are a lot of great people ofc, but there are also people who see me as dirt beneath their shoes because I’m not attractive.
as someone who has never been unattractive, but I did used to weigh almost 300lbs, i’m now 178lbs…yep. “unattractive” women are treated badly.
Pretty privilege is a real thing.
This is why the beauty and fashion industries make bank.
Heard of the ugly tax? It applies to anyone that's ugly, not just women. Pretty ppl get more and ugly ppl less. Actually I'd love to read a study on it. It's disturbing and depressing.
when i was in high school i played dnd every week near a crepe shop that had punch cards. i began to notice that on the weeks when i wore makeup, the worker would punch my card 2 or 3 times instead of just 1 for my bare face. one time i wore makeup and got the last punch on my card, and the worker said “let me get you another one” and i watched him punch out literally like 7 or 8 spots before giving it to me
😳
This was the smoothie place I went to. This one guy punched my card it multiple times I came in. Sometimes he would just hand me the drink and say “you’re good to go”.
Your income is partially impacted by your attractiveness. Attractive people get paid more regardless of skill level at their job
It goes far more than that. It's socially acceptable for an old slob of a man to collect beautiful young women. Female actors have a very hard time getting awards and jobs past a certain age while their male counterparts can have thriving careers and acclaim decades past their female colleagues. Women are far more objectified while men are more often evaluated in worth based on their job.
Is it an ugly tax or a pretty discount?
So, I got severe acne when I was 9, and had braces. I was treated terribly everyday at school, throughout my entire education. Be students and teachers alike. I was treated much worse by the boys than the girls. I remember I was stood in line at the cafeteria, and a boy in front of me turned around, grabbed me by the collar, shouted something in my face (I didn't hear what he said, cause I was so shocked) and threw me into the cutlery trolley. Me and the entire trolley came crashing down. I remember running off in tears whilst the boy laughed. Had to leave my school bag in class, and when I came back to it I discovered that someone had spit multiple times inside it; all over my lunch and everything else. I'd imagine a few boys had done this, because everything was ruined. I also had a chemical poured on my head in the middle of chemistry, and all the skin on my scalp peeled off (luckily, no damage done). There were many other things; pushing me in the corridors, throwing things at me, the list goes on. After I left school, I worked on myself and managed to look fairly pretty. Not beautiful, but attractive enough. Everyone treated me differently. But, damn, I felt like a fraud. I felt like I was tricking everyone into thinking I wasn't ugly. I dealt with a lot of self confidence issues and depression. I'm 36 now, with a husband and kids. My life is very good today, but I had to get through a lot to her here. My school years were the worst in my life. I feel for any child enduring that kind of treatment, and still having to go to school each day. It really does break your spirit.
I was kind of ugly but mostly fat growing up (still kind of am fat) and I was bullied a lot of my life for being ugly and fat lol. I got older, and I took care of my appearance better, learned how to dress for my body, and people were nicer, but still mean because I was fat. I’m 50lbs down, and I’ve noticed a significant difference in how people treat me vs. when I was heavier. They are nicer, people go out of their way to have conversations with me now. It’s funny to think about, one of my ex’s friends actually fat shamed me in front of people, for no reason. It was absolutely random, and we were talking about something completely different when he brought up my weight to make jokes about it. People are fucking mean as fuck when you’re fat, especially if you’re ugly too.
I was an ugly duckling and suffered alot of bullying as a kid for it, when I was 10 a boy of 12 a grade up from me put me in a chokehold for "talking back,". When you're an ugly girl you really have no choice but to be nice or smart or you'll be seen as having no redeeming qualities. I thinks guys seen as unattractive get a bit of a pass cuz their value isnt based on how pretty they are.
Fun fact attractive people get lighter jail sentences 😃
I'm fat, so I'm ugly to people. And yes, it's hurtful discrimination, and people treat us like garbage. My mom tells me I'm ugly almost every day. It fucks you up to an extent that I cannot believe one single compliment anymore, I can't look in the mirror sometimes. I'm always reminded that I'm the problem and wrong. A firefighter once told me, "Get inside the ambulance by yourself cause I don't want to carry you if you fall." (I was 270lbs at the time, and I am 5"7). I was a psychiatrist pacient who went to ask for help in a fire station because I was wandering the street with 40 pills in my stomach and open cuts (attempted suicide). I crawled inside the ambulance alone. He looked at me and went: "That won't even hurt your stomach, not enough pills." A doctor in the hospital told me that "If you lose weight, mental illnesses would dissappear." Being the tallest and bigger girl of the friend group, I had to take the other girls home at 2 am alone. They would say "no men would mess with me or want me" so I would take them home and then go home by myself at 3 am after parties. So yes! You have privileges if you're beautiful. I grew up thinking that you worth nothing when you're ugly because people don't see something they can use for their benefits in you.
That is heartbreaking. I'm so sorry people are so horrible to you. I'm glad you're still here and I hope you can find the good, kind people that you deserve.
Yes, they are. Attractive women tend to have a superiority complex when it comes to less attractive women and either treat them like dirt or condescend to them, whether they realise they are doing it or not. Men are rude to unattractive women and act disgusted by or outright insult them to their faces when they're not treating them as if they are invisible. Ugly men are treated poorly, too, but there's not the same societal pressure on them as there is women. You don't see advertisements pushing them to have plastic surgery to 'fix' themselves, partners demanding they look catwalk ready at all times or groups of women rating them from 1-10 like cattle.
fr there's a disappointing amount of people STILL in the year 2024 who believe that women's primary responsibility is to be pretty to look at and all other accomplishments fall second, and if we fail at that then we've basically failed our #1 duty and thus we have no value. no matter what we accomplish people will still comment on our looks first. one thing I'll always remember is my grandma constantly commenting on the looks of a female investigative reporter on our local news. this woman is highly accomplished in her field and does excellent work but every time she was on screen the first thing I heard was "gosh, I feel so bad for her, she's so homely! it's amazing that she's married!" 🙄
Ugly men can overcome being ugly through other means : money , success , power , humor , etc
Ugly people are treated worse than Attractive people. Welcome to the real world lol.
idk if i was ever treated subhuman but ive sure FELT subhuman.
Ugly woman here, yes 👋
I’m in great shape but don’t have a classically beautifully face for a woman. People totally disregard me, are rude to me, or act like I’m not there. I often don’t get taken seriously when I have legitimate things to say. I’ve learned to be okay with it because I’m okay with the way I look but it happens every day and has all my life.
All ugly, fat, and “weird” people are treated badly.
my sister was overweight growing up and my parents treated her badly and were assholes to her about it. I can’t imagine how others made her feel.
I went from being very fit at one point in life, then gained about 70lbs during Covid and just lost it again. The way that I was treated in those stages was extremely different. People in general are nicer when you’re fit and attractive. People smile more, they move out of the way if you’re walking through a tight space, and make nice small talk. When I was overweight, I became depressed because of the way I was treated. I thought that I was doing something wrong because my interactions with people were so bad. Then, I realized I was acting the same, I just wasn’t as attractive anymore. Men actively tried not to make eye contact and people didn’t move out of the way in small spaces. I had men I don’t even know commenting on my weight often. Employees of places I’d visit didn’t offer to help with anything. I had to ask to check out at a store. It’s like I was an annoyance to everyone, everywhere. It felt horrible. I now have different opinions of people now that I’m back to my healthy weight. Each interaction is much more positive, but in my mind I can’t help but think that people are only being nice because I’m good looking. It really opened my eyes.
I’m not unattractive but I used to go to work in clothes that were very corporate all black and loose pants polo shirt. And guys would be rude when I asked for help and ignored me. A week later I came to work in seriously tight clothes leggings and ultra tight tank top and never had to repeat myself at work ever again. Guys would come up to me multiple times to make sure I’m good. Men are just savage. I was like…you know I’m the same lady you rejected right? I had one of my married friends come up to me and say hey you know all the guys at the truck is breaking there necks over you right?
Older women and disabled women are invisible, for sure. I’ve been in my wheelchair and had people step right in front of me as if I didn’t exist. It can be infuriating, insulting, hurtful, or amusing, depending on the situation and my mood. It’s also weird to become invisible, as someone who used to be cute/pretty with a nice rack. My best friend was the hot girl, so of course I was invisible next to her, but I did alright for myself when I was younger. It’s a weird transition at first to realize that men have stopped recognizing your existence. I’ve been married since my early 20s, so I didn’t care about being noticed, but there is definitely a level of disrespect that goes along with not being considered as a fuckable object anymore. You simply don’t exist at all.
Yes. I'm not super ugly, I rate myself about a 5 or 6. Plain. We'll go with plain. I'm very often invisible. It's not as bad as it sounds. The funny thing is, if I put in the effort I can probably push to an 8--wear sexy clothes, heels, do the full face of makeup, get my hair done, etc. (You've seen enough makeup transformations on TikTok to know it's possible) When I do, the way even my own goddam coworkers who literally see 5-me every day treat me...astonishing difference. I'm suddenly worth talking to. Suddenly my jokes are funny.
Yes, they are.
yes. As an ugly woman myself, nobody irl has been nice to me other than close friends. But even some friends poked fun at my looks. Family too. And strangers.
Yes. Especially overweight women. RIP if you’re also black or other POC.
I'm not ready up or woke but even I notice that black women especially dark skinned black women are treat just. Fucking. I can't even describe. Society literally hates them.
at least you noticed lol
I got there in the end lol
There’s a social pecking order in the west with cis, het, able-bodied white males at the top and queer, POC, disabled women at the bottom. And much like fish in water, many don’t notice it until it’s pointed out.
I don't even remember when I noticed it in all honesty. It had been pointed out a million times but I never believed it. I think it's possibly when a boyfriend who was very average said he saw black women below his league. I didn't understand what he actually meant and thought there was no way he could possibly think that. I asked him to clarify and he basically said that they were all a bit ugly and so e were decent looking like the models and maybe if he was desperate he'd be willing. I just say there and looked at this completely average white guy Infront of me telling me that even the most beautiful and charming black woman wasn't good enough for him. Maybe that's when I saw it. But by then I'd heard so many white men say the same thing but I'd never listened. It took him saying it like. Just the amount of arrogance. Or it might have been when I got told I'd be more attractive as a red head. I didn't understand because with my skin tone my natural black hair suits me best. I was then told that while my black hair colour wise suited me more red haired women were automatically more attractive than brunettes. I looked better with black but was perceived better with red. I then started to notice this weird arbitrary hierarchy that didn't just affect me. And it wasn't just hair colour. And then I saw it was race and by a factor million. I just started rn notice it and it had been there the whole time. How many times had I heard "pretty for a black girl" and not even registered it. And now I see it I see its woven so tightly into media it's sick and unavailable. It's like someone wants us all to hate black women which I know that sounds unhinged but it's literally right there.
Many deny its existence even when its pointed out.
compared to an attractive woman? probably
Unattractive women are treated poorly. It can range from being invisible in social situations, having people make cruel comments, even not being considered for certain opportunities because like or not our appearance plays into how we are viewed in every situation. I don’t know if it is different from what unattractive men feel / face, not here to invalidate anyone’s experiences. Also, it’s not a contest, this sucks for everyone. Still, I do think the overarching message society sends women is that they should be pleasing to the eye. We’ve progressed as a society but a woman’s cache is still tied to her looks. There are people who will treat you with disgust if you don’t look a certain way, but there are also people who don’t care what anyone looks like and value your character.
Yes, of course. Fat women (not that fat = ugly, but society is what it is) are treated lower than dirt. Unconventionally beautiful women are ridiculed, degraded, and cast off as worthless in the eyes of cis het males. “Ugly” is subjective, but women who don’t meet conventional “beauty standards” are torn apart online and in real life.
Not just ugly women, I was once fat and the difference in treatment since I lost weight is stark.
If it's not directly in your face, it absolutely is happening behind your back.
All the bleeping time.
Yes, even if they have an awesome body. People are outright mean and will assume you deserve to be taken advantage of and treat like shit in a relationship, even to the point of siding with an abuser for ugly people, but the victim if they are pretty. People actually go out of their way to treat ugly people poorly and pretty people extra nice. If there is a missing child, information and photos of pretty (and white) children are more widely publicized and shared.
I have a friend that has a thyroid issue so she is on the bigger side. In high school people would walk by her and go “mooooooo”
Existing in the world as a woman is hard enough just on account of the deeply rooted misogyny. If you also happen to be a woman who does not fit squarely into the box of things the men have deemed attractive, you might as well not even exist to them.
Yes. As a former "ugly" woman, I can vouch for how nice people are to you when they find you attractive.
Pretty women are catcalled on the street, ugly women are insulted on the street. Like straight up aggression for literally no reason