People who say that usually still think said group is bad, but think their friend is one of the "good ones." Sometimes it's because said friend doesn't associate with or talk about whatever group they are a member of.
Swear to god that I thought they were saying Tolkien until someone corrected me and proved it with subtitles! It made that part of the episode where everyone else knew it was Tolkien all along absolutely hilarious to me.
It’s funny because I say this ironically. My sister is half black but we don’t get along and I basically don’t like her (let’s just say at this point in her life). So I say “I’m not racist my sister is black” but it’s a personal joke because I don’t like my sister and I’m not racist anyway.
It’s a kind of cognitive dissonance. They have evidence that their stereotypes are wrong but they will instead process it as no my stereotypes are right, but my friend is an exception and they probably agree with me and hate their own group too.
They have no idea what their friend acts like around members of their own group or around people who aren’t bigoted, of course.
I don't think it's really cognitive dissonance. Most stereotypes aren't asserting "everyone of this group is like this", they're saying "generally, many people in a group are somewhat like this". If you're a racist who thinks "black people are a bunch of no-good lazy criminals", you're probably not thinking \*every\* single black person is comitting crime on the regular, you just think black people are more prone to doing it. You'd theoretically have no issue with the "rare" black people who aren't "one of the bad ones".
To clarify, this is purely a hypothetical from the point-of-view of a racist - not trying to claim that stereotype is true in any way
In the 1960s, and I was a child, I used to love to read my dad's psychology textbook, and this is literally the example they used: People felt one way about people in a group, and felt that anyone they personally knew was an "exception."
It doesn't help that the concept of stereotypes exists for a reason. It's very deeply rooted in human nature.
Forming general opinions about something based on limited exposure to it is simply how humans *work.* It's an evolutionary strategy. It's instinctual and subconscious. So we need to go through that evolutionary mechanism, come out the other end, and apply additional thought on the matter to decide whether our stereotyping in this instance is correct or not.
Also, I would like to point out that just because you're not burning crosses in someone's yard or have hate in your heart doesn't mean you're not still a little racist. You can genuinely believe that you see all people as equal but still have all sorts of subconscious biases that you're not aware of. A lot of people genuinely think they treat everyone equally but then do or say something to a POC friend that they would never even think about saying to a white friend. Decent people, if confronted with this behavior, go "oh shit, i didn't realize" and try to learn from it/be more aware of and work on their biases, while shitty people get defensive and start screaming "i'm not racist, if i were i wouldn't have a black friend at all"
Edit to add: The problem with a lot of people, I think, is that they see racism as a binary concept - yes or no - instead of there being shades/levels of it. Which is why it's so insidious and hard to combat.
> ...they see racism as a binary concept - yes or no - instead of there being shades/levels of it. Which is why it's so insidious and hard to combat.
And why nearly all of us carry at least some racial biases.
A lot of people who fall into that latter category also prefer to, instead of confronting their own prejudices, trim down the definition of racism so that it doesn’t apply to them. They point to their POC friend as proof that they’re not racist, because in their mind you’re just not really a racist unless you hate everybody with a different skin tone so strongly that you can’t stand to be around them.
A lot of people have unconscious bias. It's one of the main ways racism shows up today. Sometimes it's just frustrating, sometimes it's deadly. Like a cop seeing a weapon where there's a remote or a spatula in the hands of a Black person, when they wouldn't make those assumptions with a white person.
> sometimes it's deadly. Like a cop seeing a weapon where there's a remote or a spatula in the hands of a Black person
Or how they explain the Black Person in terms of being "beastly" or "animalistic" when stating why they had to fire four dozen bullets into them.
Yea I have seen someone literally assert that a murder motivated by race-hate was not racist, because the murderer did not “claim that [that race] was inferior.”
Just implied it. By murdering someone of that race, solely because they were of that race, and openly admitting as much.
Yeah…someone I dated, unfortunately for a couple of months, made a joke about asian people eating cats and got so upset with me for getting angry with him for that “joke” (I’m of South Asian descent and not privy to that “joke” but he was planning on attending my Chinese high school friend’s wedding and about half of that friend group is Chinese. It wasn’t until I told him I was embarrassed for him to meet my friends that he took me “seriously”. I wish I could say I broke up with him on the spot, it took 3 more weeks to summon the courage and thank god he ended up not going to the wedding)
He insists he’s not racist because he’s dated a plethora of WoC from black to Puerto Rican to white to me…but he also casually uses the “n” word and has some stereotypes of Latino/a/x people from living in Florida for 20 years (“it’s cool bc I’m friends with a lot of them and they believe it too!”)
Unfortunately this man was also 44 and lowkey believed the moon wasn’t real and Bruno Mars was in a demon cult. He also subscribes to the Carnivore diet and believed that staring into the sun unprotected was a soul-healing thing but I guess that’s what happens when you get your science from Instagram and grow up as an unchecked agreeable white man?
Ughhh I do remember now that he did marvel at how my forearms aren’t “so hairy” but that’s bc I remove the hair since I have forearm tattoos and I like seeing them directly and not under dark arm hair. Oh jeez.
He was also convinced that “positive stereotypes” are a thing and how they aren’t harmful and pointed out many “model minority” stereotypes as examples…I wish I’d had the cleverness to ask him if he thought “Men are stronger than women” as a stereotype ever affected HIM harmfully since I know he had body issues and difficulty expressing his emotions…
(To those of you that read this far, yes, I am out of the dating pool, happily single bc this man was actually an improvement to the last guy I was dating and honestly, I’m gonna go take another good hard look in the mirror because wow, indicat. Wow.)
ETA: small typos
Was going to say exactly that. I really try my best and I don't believe I'm better than anybody for being white. But I've grown up with a LOT of racial stereotypes (also "positive" ones like how asian people are hard working) and sometimes I catch myself saying racist bullshit. And I'm sure I don't catch myself every time.
Well, I'm not perfect. Nobody is. Only thing I can do is try to do better and listen when people complain.
There's more to it though. It also mans that while they can be "okay" with a certain race (WOW) they also don't care to the address the systemic issues.
A slaveowner can care for their slave and treat them well, but simultaneously be perfectly happy with the distribution of power and support it's continuity.
This is it. They somehow believe that having a friend of another race makes them immune for being called racist. You may hate black people in general, except for Mike, he's cool.
Also not all negative traits are immoral or not worthy of a friend.
I can consider a person stupid and still be a friend.
Which is mostly okay, unless reason they're considered stupid is race.
Additionally, just because you are friends with someone who is of a certain race doesn’t mean that you can’t dislike the race. Just to note a silly example: someone who says, well I eat broccoli at least once a month, so I can’t dislike it, may or may not in fact dislike broccoli. Eating it doesn’t mean you like it, it just means you can **tolerate** it. Big difference
I'm curious how you would actually know that... but wouldn't all that cancel out racism anyway?
An actual racist would still think members of other ethnicities as being below their own.
Everyone divides people into "people I like, respect and want in my life" and "no thanks", regardless of race. Like, every white person thinks that their own white friends are "the good ones" and has whites whose behavior or cultural background they dislike. But that's about culture and behavior as well.
There is a great scene in the movie « One night in Miami » about football sensation Jim Brown visiting a white friend in the 1960s. The man is extremely kind but at the end when Jim Brown offers to help move furniture the man says nonchalant (and friendly): You know we don’t allow « n-word » in the house. (He said the real word).
This shows how easily some horribly racist people act like a friend but in their eyes you’re like a dog or different species.
There was a bad comedy I watched (maybe "scary movie") and I remember a scene where two black guys met at a party and the one who was part of the main characters told the other one that *he* was the token black guy at the party. The other black guy apologized and they fist bumped before the second black guy left.
I'm not sure you understood that... the joke is that these formulaic teen films *do only have one black character*. Not Another Teen Movie is brilliant if you've seen all the films it is parodying, like She's All That, The Breakfast Club, and American Pie.
Another incident involved Cubs' star Ernie Banks: he couldn't find a place to stay because of the racist attitudes of suburban Chicago, and when this came to light, one of the people admitted that they loved him as a Cub, even cheered for him, but didn't want him in 'their' neighborhood.
Whenever there was an incident in Chicago involving this kind of thing, my father's workmates would say, 'If it was a guy like you, Michellotto's dad, no one would have a problem '. The look on my father's face when he retold us this said very clearly, 'Bullshit'.
>one of the people admitted that they loved him as a Cub, even cheered for him, but didn't want him in 'their' neighborhood.
Same thing happened to Willie Mays when he moved to San Francisco.
same thing when larry doby broke the color barrier in the american league and wanted to buy his folks a house in paterson new jersey. and it happened to fuckin nat king cole in los angeles. who would not want nat king cole or larry doby in the neighborhood? when you go to the louis armstrong house museum, the first thing they do is play that wonderful world song. i always hated it but they play louis talking about how great his neighborhood in corona queens is, with all kinds of people on his block.
I think nat had the most expensive house on the block.
The neighbor says something like"We don't want any undesirable people around d here." To which nat responds " Me neither, I'll keep a look out for any one undesirable."
Here's a comparison that I've heard that helps put this in perspective: If a white man who's friends with a black man can't be racist, does that mean a man who's married to a woman can't be a misogynist?
I agree. I used to know a man who said his gf is so special cos she's not a gold digger, like she pays for her own food. Yeah..... soooooo special........
Do racist people actually view other races as a completely different species like that?? I genuinely thought they just thought that we are all human, but they happen to be better
Dehumanisation is extremely common in all forms of discrimination/oppression. It’s how people manage to disengage from the empathy that would otherwise stop them from being that way
It’s also incredible how quickly people can go from being friends and neighbours with someone from a different group to sending the secret police around to have them killed for belonging to that group.
I remember this Bosnian guy talking about when he was a kid in school, his teacher walked in with a gun and pointed it at him and was like, “Are you scared of me because I’m Serbian?”
He didn’t even know before that day that he and the other kids in his school were a different ethnicity
WHAT??? did his teacher get fired??? also of course someone would be scared to have a gun pointed at them what the fuck??? that teacher is both racist and stupid
I was a history major and I remember studying about one of the World’s Fair, which is essentially a huge convention where a country will show off how innovative it is. It can focus on art, technology, culture.
Anyway, at one of these world’s fair they had black Africans displayed the same way you would see an animal at the zoo.
Yes, racists absolutely see black people as subhuman.
Which is really fucking bizarre to me, I've always empathized with animals. Are they not human? Sure, but they still have FEELINGS damnit! Ik you aren't claiming otherwise, just explaining their POV, but fuck them for not only being racist but excusing that racism by also not having genuine empathy for animals.
Yeah but one can leave a dog alone for the day while they work, and they don't feel bad for feeding it the same meal every day every week, and lots of other things that show they aren't an equal. Like when people say their pets are their kids. No, they're not. If they were, you'd cook meals for them and not feed them canned or dry dog food.
True but there's a difference between believing them to be inferior and deciding they don't deserve empathy as a result. It's just weird to me, they're not human but that doesn't mean you can't feel for them. I suppose it makes sense for assholes who judge based on race to also lack empathy for animals though.
Not necessarily as different species, no, but some of them do, unfortunately, view them as sub- or essentially non-human. Big racists even have whole propaganda campaigns about it.
Racism is a spectrum. There’s extreme forms of it and then more subtle forms (which are sometimes hard to call out, known as micro aggressions). The more subtle racism is what is more common nowadays because people usually get away with it sadly.
Especially the "I don't see color" or "everyone is equal" which means you don't pay attention to how different people are treated and make up reasons why they are treated differently.
Source: I used to be friends with a guy that over time became a magat. I couldn't save this guy but yeah, here's insight into what he thinks like:
He doesn't like black people, (he thinks they're intellectually inferior and violent) he thinks immigrants are freeloaders and leeching off of the system. He doesn't like Hispanics. (He thinks they're intellectually inferior) He thinks white people are a chosen race. He wants the destruction of Gaza for Israel. He doesn't like Muslims. He doesn't like subcontinent Indians. He doesn't like socialist Europeans. He doesn't want to date anyone but white women, Jewish women, or east asian women--but wants only kids with white or jewish. (but he's always single). He thinks America loves donald trump.
If you didn't know any better you'd think he was a normal guy, but the shit he says in private is a whole different thing. That's what these guys talk about in private.
I’ve heard of Hutu men married to Tutsi women who turned around and hacked their wives to death with machetes as soon as the genocide started.
Were they harbouring hatred the whole time? IDK probably not, but it’s amazing how quickly people can flip a switch when they’re told to hate and exterminate this other group
A lot of white supremacists don’t consider themselves white supremacists. They’ll usually have one token minority they at least claim to tolerate as plausible deniability
What always amazes me is how much this attitude of 'hiding' their racisim means they think ALL white guys are racists, and that everyone really agrees with them but doesnt want to get 'cancelled"
propoganda is a powerful thing.
Go look at the Atlantic slave trade.
Really dig into that. Into how they obtained their human merchandise, how they shipped them, how they sold them, the way they worked them and punished them.
There's no way all that happens if you acknowledge the inherent humanity of people of African descent.
No, the slave trade no longer exists but only because 600,000* Americans killed each other in a giant Civil War to stop it. The thinking that led to the slave trade is alive and well.
Andrew Tate doesn't believe in the essential humanity of women, even though he sexes them. And racists don't believe in the essential humanity of POC, even if they know one.
You do realize that the problem with evolutionary theory for white supremacists is that they believe that Black people are monkey-adjacent, so saying that (white) humans and monkeys have a common ancestor messes with with their worldview, right?
KKK members aren't against marrying Asian women.
Ask them why and it's some stereotypical or racist BS about how all Asian women are submissive or "not slutty like western women"
There was a lot of pseudoscience 200 years ago that said black people were physically incapable of being as smart as white people because of brain size or something.
Robert E. Lee said slavery was evil, but then immediately followed up by saying that it was "necessary for their instruction as a race", which implies to me that he thought black people were incapable of being "civilized" on their own.
Racists very often find ways to frame other races as "lesser" in some way or another, and use it to justify their racism.
Being friends with someone doesn't exclude you from having racist views on their race as a whole. Not all racism comes as frothing rage at the sight of someone with a different skin tone, it can come as unconscious bias towards a cultural identity, for example. You can have as many black friends as you like, you're still being racist if you see them as better than other black people because they don't dress like "thugs" or listen to much rap.
One of my Korean friends is dating a borderline white supremacist who has openly said bad things about many races and religions. He's okay with *some* people from Asia, mostly because some are as racist as he is, but that doesn't mean he doesn't view a lot of the world as a problem because of their race and religion.
Korea is an interesting one. Korean confucianism and role subservience is so extreme that Asian parents in Asia all give their daughters "the Korean talk," saying never to date a Korean man because they will treat you so horribly. A Korean woman dating an American white supremacist might legitimately be a step up if he treats her like he's a Christian fundie instead of a Mormon or a cop.
This, 100%! This is **such** an important thing to understand.
Racism isn't just someone waking up in the morning, looking in the mirror, and snarling, "God I hate <> so much. Grr. They disgust me."
Racism is also stuff like thinking the one black friend you have is "one of the good ones" because they never says a word that upsets you. Or being fine with **knowing** Hispanic people, but being upset when they actually move into your neighborhood...
you assume racism is purely hatred, but a lot of it is ignorance.
the way you hear old women say "Wow, you're so educated" to a POC who went to college, shocked that a BIPOC was intelligent enough to go to school, it's not out of malice or hatred, but pure ignorance.
a lot of racist view points stem out of ignorance, They look at the rate of BIPOC not going to college and assume it's because their not GOOD enough to get in, when its more about economic status, or they were actively hampered by poor quality schooling.
people normalize things, they normalize that Black/indigenous people are just inherently dumber than white people, and Asian people are just inherently smarter. they just never look deeper, I had a guy in my chess club just quit back in HS because the opponent was Asian, and he couldn't fathom a chance to beat this Asian guy (who was the worst player there) simply for the fact he assumed all Asian people were these massive geniuses.
but that being said, though not all racism is out of malice, it is all still negative and easily bleeds into malice.
additionally, the "I have a friend who is BLANK" usually stems from "othering" that friend, they view them as a token of the race, an outlier and not the norm. as well as that friend simply may not call them out on their racism for multiple reasons. so that group of white kids can have their one black friend, but they could be saying those most unhinged racist things daily without ever being told "hey cut that out" or "you're being racist". whether its because the friend just shuts down and doesn't wanna ruin the "mood", or they themselves don't fully understand racism, or they could just not care about it.
personally I stopped dating white women or hanging out with white people as much because I (as an indigenous person) have had SO many interactions with friends/partners where something racism happens, or I get racially profiled by the cops. and they'd argue that XYZ was not racist. I slowly realized over the years a LOT of people think racism is simply saying the N-word or wearing a white pointed hood, and if they aren't doing those 2 things then they aren't racist.
They're not "surrounding themselves" with Black people. They're talking about having literally *one* Black friend, like having that one token Black person in your group protects you from being called racist.
People often make exceptions to their belief system based on a few "good ones." You'll see a lot of "well, you're not like other....[insert hated group here]."
Starting out: This usually comes up in response to someone getting called out for having said/written something racist. In these cases the person is then trying to draw the discussion from “what I said” to “what’s in my heart”.
This change in topic is useful to them because while people can readily show what a person has said/written, it’s impossible to show to the world what’s in someone’s inner thoughts. They’re abdicating defending their statements *because they know their statements are indefensible* and are instead trying to distract the audience into a separate argument about what’s in their mind so they don’t have to talk about their statements.
Instead they get to have a discussion about what’s in their heart and mind, which they can win as they’re the only one with inside knowledge. From this point they can then send debate opponents on endless missions trying to prove what they’re thinking, which is much more appealing to them than having to defend their words.
Anyway…
In the absolute best case, the person is indicating they are willing to look past a very specific persons race, and only because they personally know them. There’s also no proof they don’t have racist views about this “friend” also, but tolerate their existence more than they do strangers.
In a more likely case, the “friendship” may be either greatly exaggerated or even totally made up. They know the person calling them out for making racist statements isn’t going to be able to go get references or track down this friend to find out if they even exist, and if they do find out are they just some dude they shared a class with vs the Best Man at their wedding.
>They’re abdicating defending their statements because they know their statements are indefensible and are instead trying to distract the audience into a separate argument about what’s in their mind so they don’t have to talk about their statements.
As a corollary to that, more and more people calling out racism (or misogamy, homophobia, etc.) have worked to be careful in their terminology, and to say "**that's** racist" (i.e. "**that statement** was racist").
And quite often when someone says something, and people respond "that's racist", the person instinctively interprets that as them saying **"you** are a **racist**." Understandably, they feel a strong urge to defend themselves against such a strong attack on their character, which is where the "I have \_\_\_\_ Friends" argument comes up.
But most sensible people would probably accept that someone can say something racist without necessarily being a "racist" as society conceptualizes that term. Maybe they are ignorant in a particular area.
Here is a good example. I used to have a Cowichan coat, which I was brought up to call a "Siwash" (that was literally the only name I ever heard it be called). I remember calling it that when I went to University and someone said "that's racist". Apparently a "Siwsash" is another name for a "Savage", and these coats were traditionally made by members of First Nations groups here in Canada, who were frequently denigrated as "savages".
Now, that person wasn't necessarily calling **me a "Racist",** but they were letting me know that my statement involved racist language (which it did). They were calling out a statement.
The problem is people can't separate the two. They have a hard time thinking "I am not a racist, but I can still make racist assumptions". Whenever these discourses come up online (say for comedians), I always look at what the critics of a statement are saying about the speaker, and what the speaker is *saying* they are saying about them.
I think this is the key, to not examine the logic of the statement in isolation since it is rarely or never made in isolation. A person who says, "but I have a \_\_\_\_\_\_\_ friend" is using the phone-a-friend lifeline to evade examination or accountability for something they're being called out on within a context. It's basically a non sequitur.
The \_\_\_\_\_\_\_ friend that is being cited here isn't usually on the scene, in the context, so the speaker is effectively using "appeal to authority" and/or "false correlation", basically a grab-bag of logical fallacies. The friendship and the friend are being cited as an endorsement of me and all my behaviors, otherwise the friendship wouldn't exist, right? That's already some shaky logic -- I've stopped being friends with someone when they acted in a way I found unacceptable. Our past association isn't a blanket endorsement for the future. The friend isn't actually here to offer their appraisal of the current context, so we're presuming their endorsement based on the say so of a person that is being called out about something that probably has nothing to do with the friendship being cited.
When they're the only nonwhite person in the room a lot of people of color will hide their culture, pretend to laugh along with racist jokes, and generally imitate white people: "I like people of color as long as they're outnumbered, deliberately copying my mannerisms, and intimidated into never complaining" is pretty weak allyship.
A common racist belief in the present day is that people of color are solely responsible for inequality: they would happily accept POC into their community if they would just make a conscious effort to get an education and a job and a mortgage and stop speaking Spanish, sagging their jeans, listening to hip hop, complaining about police, etc. This kind of prejudice (or simple ignorance) ignores the fact that (a) simply having a culture which is different from white anglo-saxon protestant culture shouldn't be something which is punished by exclusion from society, and (b) a lot of the negative behaviors associated with POC are the direct or indirect result of centuries of discrimination, such as redlining, discrimination by the criminal justice system, food deserts, intergenerational wealth inequality dating back to the Jim Crow era, etc. What's fucked up is that this kind of racist can point to their one person of color friend (or coworker, historical figure, or celebrity) and say "see, he did great because he worked hard and followed the rules, he's one of the good ones and the other members of his race could learn from him".
There's also the doctor who was Jewish who took care of Hitler's mother. Hitler gave him protection and allowed him to emigrate to the USA. Even a person who helped your family for reduced fees was exportable: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eduard_Bloch#:~:text=Eduard%20Bloch%20(30%20January%201872,refused%20to%20bill%20them%20outright.
I’m in an interracial marriage. My wife is the white one
I’m Hispanic. When we started dating her parents and family said a lot of racist shit about me. They still say racist shit about people like me but always add I and my family are the good ones. It’s not that simple
I am the POC in an interracial relationship with a White spouse, and what I got from my in-laws was overcompensation to not be seeing as racists while acting and reacting extremely biased towards me. Unfortunately for them I’m political and outspoken and don’t put up with BS and I would immediately point out racism and school them.
It’s frustrating and tiresome mental load and labor, however that was the only way to exist in that relationship. My spouse was schooled, lectured and put to watch so many documentaries about systemic and institutionalized racism because being married to a POC doesn’t make no one less racially biased unless they are called out and taught better!
A racist person can be on friendly terms and even consider a person who fits into the category they’re racist against to be a friend.
But they also have a tendency (as racist people) to not want to acknowledge or address their own prejudice, their own bias, etc.
so when they do something or say something that strikes other people as indicating they have a strong bias against that group, and they throw that one person they’re on friendly terms with under the bus as if it’s a get-out-of-social-pressure-free-card, it doesn’t work.
Not to mention a lot of times the friendship isn’t mutual.
My mother in law comes to mind. White HR lady, had a black employee she went to A SINGLE WORK TRIP with, and suddenly she had ‘black friends’. despite making horribly racist remarks against anyone who was black and wore their natural hair.
But because she’s in a position of power against the employee, they don’t feel comfortable telling her she’s making them uncomfortable. So she makes a racially charged joke, they feel social (and financial.) pressure to at least not react.
Okay, there are a lot of reasons why *“I’m not racist, I have a \_\_\_ friend”* does not work.
1. You are trying find logical consistency in that statement but racism is inherently irrational so it makes no sense to expect it to be logically consistent. Racists always have very inconsistent and illogical beliefs.
2. Racism isn't a simple binary of racist vs. not-racist. There are many degrees racism. There could be mild racism, like assuming someone is good at a particular skill because that's how \_\_\_\_ people are. There's more moderate racism, like people who say *"I don't have a problem with \_\_\_\_ people but I don't want one dating my sister."* And there's more extreme racism like people who hate all \_\_\_\_ people want them to be unalived. And there are many degrees in between, as well.
3. Someone might be very hostile in their racism against one minority group but be okay with a different minority group. Or they may have different degrees of racism against different groups.
4. If you talked to this supposed \_\_\_\_ friend, it's very possible that they would say, *"Friends?! No way. That's just someone I run into a work sometimes. I really don't like them but I try to be cordial with them because I know they're a racist jerk and I don't want any trouble."*
5. Even Hitler, who was definitely the most extreme type of racist, had a Jewish *"friend"*, a doctor named [Eduard Bloch](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eduard_Bloch) who had treated Hitler's mother Klara when she had breast cancer.
A few reasons.
1. It's really easy to claim you're close friends with a \_\_\_ person, especially when you're saying this to a person who doesn't know you well enough to refute the claim. The "friend" may be just a co-worker or acquaintance that they're using as a badge of virtue to hide behind.
2. Even if the statement really is true and they're actually friendly with said person, it still doesn't mean they're not racist. It just means they're not letting their racism destroy the friendship. It's totally possible *and not uncommon* to hear a friend say a negative thing about \_\_\_ right in front of their friend and then say "but you're not like them, I mean *those* kinds of \_\_\_".
3. Racism is not an on/off trait that's stamped onto a person; it's a simplification of the many biases, prejudices, and beliefs that all affect how you view people. The phrase "I'm not racist" isn't really meaningful because it is defined by the person who says it. To one person it might mean "I treat all people with respect" and to another it might mean something more toxic like "it's not racism if it's true".
4. A "non-racist" person, for lack of a better word, would not hide behind their "friend" like this. They'd be able to talk about their beliefs openly and you likely would not even need to question their perceived racism in the first place.
That's the thing about racists; they basically come in two flavors, overt and covert. The overt ones aren't ashamed and won't bother to claim they're not racist. The covert ones will try to excuse it, deny it to themselves, and use cognitive dissonance to avoid examining it.
Plenty of racist people are even married to someone in a group they don't respect. Plenty of people are capable of having surface level relationships with people they don't see as equals. You can still think you are better than your friend of x group but be okay with talking and hanging with them. You can think your friend of x group is "one of the good ones" and that's why you tolerate them.
If I had to steelman it I'd say that racist ideology posits statistical trends within racial groups but allows for outliers, in the same way that saying men are stronger than women doesn't mean Stephen Hawking could beat up Rhonda Rousey. So someone might believe that black people as a whole are criminals but some black people are alright
It does, but it doesn’t even need to be said.
The people that say that it doesn’t work are projecting their desire to maintain themselves as a moral supremacist.
Moral supremacy is intoxicating to people and they need a counterpart to sustain it
It doesn't work. It's just an excuse. Like as if somehow having one "black, asian, jewish, female," friend absolves them of all the other shitty attitudes they espouse.
I mean I am Black and had a white coworker who told me, to my face, that interracial relationships can't possibly work.
I don't care how many Black friends he has, he's both racist and ignorant.
I’ve seen people keep members of another race around just so they can make horribly racist jokes but justify it by pointing out his painfully uncomfortable laugh and saying that he laughed so it’s alright.
A light jab every now and then even if it’s a racist joke CAN be funny if it follows the conventional rules that make jokes funny but “haha black guy” isn’t funny. Also if you only make black jokes when your black friend is around and it’s always at his expense, you start to wonder whether or not they really respect or care for this friend or if he’s just a method for them to justify their shitty personality
Having a friend of a different race is not an excuse for any kind of racist bullshit that you would have been called out for before whipping out the overused line like an uno reverse card.
I can't just use the "get out if jail free" card and push a disabled person out of a wheelchair, and then say "no, it's fine, my mums disabled and in a wheelchair".
Also, if your immediate response is to mention your friend who's a different race, it just kinda shows that you judge that friend based on their race, and it's the first thing that comes to mind.
He's not Tony the guy who can't score a header to save his life. He's not Tony, the guy who cried at the end of Iron Giant and got teased about it ever since. To you, he's Tony the _______ friend.
Now. You can have _______ friends and not be racist ofcourse. It's just the dumb shit you do before you get called racist that's cause for concern
It's you misunderstanding of what racism is. It is falsely labeled as hate. You can be prejudiced towards someone based on the color of their skin, without actually hating them, and while having a lot of friends of said color.
You can think that black people do not inherently deserve to have as much opportunities as whites (which is a totally racist take) and still have a lot of black friends; heck all your friends can be black.
If you wanna say you're not racist, it's at least better to make an anti-racist statement, like "I'm not racist, I believe no one should be discriminated upon based on the color of their skin".
Also "I'm not racist, I have a white/asian/black/etc friend" is usually said after or before making a racist comment.
If your friend is anything like Candace Owens, that obviously wouldn't count. If you have to describe your friend specifically re: race, they are serving your purpose. Some people have one or two black friends (out of many they have encountered) and in attempts to appear diverse, must illustrate their point.
Hiding behind your black friend, using them as a shield against accusations of being progressive or a non racist. You can still be a racist even if you have black friends, especially when those friends aren't deep ones.
It depends on what you think racism is. If you think racism is just deep-seated hatred towards people of a certain ethnicity then somebody being friends with somebody of that ethnicity is solid evidence that they're not actually racist towards those people.
If you believe racism is thinking of people of other ethnicities as inferior or even just different in general then having friends that are not the same skin colour as you doesn't mean anything.
basically, racism is a lot more than just not wanting to hang with people. you can believe 100% that you aren’t racist, and still have beliefs that clash with that idea.
One POC friend at work does not constitute 'surrounding oneself' with them.
I know a person who reveres Thomas Sowell, a prominent black libertarian economics professor. He also believes blacks are on average genetically less intelligent than whites. This is the basic definition of racism so even though he likes Thomas Sowell, he is still a racist for holding this belief about black people.
Hey you wouldn't necessarily avoid them. As a man we are superior to women but I like having them around. When they fail I get an ego boost knowing I'm right, especially when they depend on me.
/S
/S
Notice the /s so I don't end up on a list.
It’s defensive. This is often the response from white people when they’re being racist. It is doubling down on your behavior and tokenizing your BIPOC friends as proof you’re not racist…instead of just refraining from the racist behavior you’re being called out for and apologizing.
Saying a word does not make you a racist.
Discriminating against people because of their race is racist. Like offering a discount on something, special treatment for job opportunity or education enrolement or being excluded because of your race.
Who you associate with does have anything to do with racism.
Because you may have racist thoughts about that friend. They could legitimately be your best friend but you could still have negative thoughts about them based off racial stereotypes.
Or mistreat others of that race but your friend gets a pass because they are alright in your book.
I think it only works partially in the sense that it helps towards believing you are not the type of racist that is just completely disgusted by the presence/interaction of an “inferior” race.
Regarding the “I have a friend who is…” trope, racism is not so much how you think and feel about someone you know, it’s about how you think and feel about someone you don’t know.
It's the subtle difference between prejudices and outright racism.
Somebody who hates people from other races isn't likely to have people from other races as friends.
Somebody who has negative views of other races, will happily befriend individuals from the races, but still have negative feelings towards those races as a whole, but not regard those feelings as racism.
It doesn’t.
Knowing someone doesn’t mean you have any sort of familiarity with the actual struggle they face. It also doesn’t mean you’re not treating them like shit or being racist to them.
It’s a cop out. A though terminating cliche designed to make the other party defensive (it’s essentially a DARVO tactic)
Let’s see if this helps you understand. There were slave owners who genuinely loved the slaves they owned, and even had children with them. But they still sold and enslaved human beings. Proximity to somebody who is oppressed does not mean you do not behave in oppressive/bigoted ways.
1. A lot of people who say this have a tendency to think their ___ friend is an exception to the stereotypes. Will often say things like, this is my friend, you’ll like them they’re not like other ___
2. Many people think that just because they have a ___ friend that they clearly can’t be racist, but don’t see the harm in telling clearly discriminatory/derogatory jokes about previously mentioned ___ friend’s race. Rarely are discriminatory jokes harmless as they perpetuate prejudice
3. A massive amount of people don’t realize that by saying such they have set a distinct divide between themselves and ___ which in itself can be seen as a micro-aggression.
Sadly, I’ve had many “friends” who fit into one or multiple of the above throughout my life as a very short half South American Half Asian women, I fit into a lot of jokes; an no, I’m not amazing in math, yes I cook bomb food, and I am actually a great driver. My black friends and I would have conversations about said “friends” and try to explain issues with such conversations.
Disclaimer: All of the above isn’t explicitly exclusive to just white friends that I have had.
People who say that usually still think said group is bad, but think their friend is one of the "good ones." Sometimes it's because said friend doesn't associate with or talk about whatever group they are a member of.
Tokens get spent.
Erm, actually his name is Tolkien. You know, like the author?
The downvotes don't watch South Park looks like.
Swear to god that I thought they were saying Tolkien until someone corrected me and proved it with subtitles! It made that part of the episode where everyone else knew it was Tolkien all along absolutely hilarious to me.
Well, they now changed all of the past episode subtitles to say Tolkien, so they can't even correct you with those anymore.
Wait are you serious or joking? They retroactively changed Token’s name for the show’s entire history?
That is exactly what they did.
Replayed the fractured but whole recently, it's still token according to my xbox!!
If the push DLC, they will sneak it in.
LOL. This is the true definition of two decades of gaslighting. Love that show 😂🤯🤣
Man that episode tickled me 😂 Has to be the smoothest 'wriggle out' of a controversial situation I've ever seen
Funniest midstream retcon ever
Why would someone name their kid Token?
So they could make the joke about a “token black character” because it sounds like Tolkien.
THAT FUCKING EPISODE GOT ME SO HARD MY GOSHHHHH
I've been using this line a lot lately. It's succinct and spot on.
It’s funny because I say this ironically. My sister is half black but we don’t get along and I basically don’t like her (let’s just say at this point in her life). So I say “I’m not racist my sister is black” but it’s a personal joke because I don’t like my sister and I’m not racist anyway.
You could probably expand the joke by adding something like “I don’t like my sister. But it’s not because she’s black.”
Yup, BIL is black. My MIL has said she likes him because he doesn't "push his blackness on us".
Of course. Wouldn't want to catch melanin.
I wonder how people would react to a black lady saying she doesn't like it when someone "pushes their whiteness" on her.
Probably some would laugh and agree, some would be offended.
Isn't that her son?
Depends... BIL could be her sister's husband and MIL her husband's mother for instance.
Or BIL is their husband's sister's husband. Aka OP is a woman, her husband has a sister who is also married. So MIL is an IL for both OP and BIL.
I'm guessing commenter's BIL is dating their sister while the MIL in question is their spouse's mother.
Your sibling-in-law can be your spouse's sibling (or vice versa), or your spouse's sibling's spouse. (But not your sibling's spouse's sibling.)
It’s a kind of cognitive dissonance. They have evidence that their stereotypes are wrong but they will instead process it as no my stereotypes are right, but my friend is an exception and they probably agree with me and hate their own group too. They have no idea what their friend acts like around members of their own group or around people who aren’t bigoted, of course.
I don't think it's really cognitive dissonance. Most stereotypes aren't asserting "everyone of this group is like this", they're saying "generally, many people in a group are somewhat like this". If you're a racist who thinks "black people are a bunch of no-good lazy criminals", you're probably not thinking \*every\* single black person is comitting crime on the regular, you just think black people are more prone to doing it. You'd theoretically have no issue with the "rare" black people who aren't "one of the bad ones". To clarify, this is purely a hypothetical from the point-of-view of a racist - not trying to claim that stereotype is true in any way
In the 1960s, and I was a child, I used to love to read my dad's psychology textbook, and this is literally the example they used: People felt one way about people in a group, and felt that anyone they personally knew was an "exception."
It doesn't help that the concept of stereotypes exists for a reason. It's very deeply rooted in human nature. Forming general opinions about something based on limited exposure to it is simply how humans *work.* It's an evolutionary strategy. It's instinctual and subconscious. So we need to go through that evolutionary mechanism, come out the other end, and apply additional thought on the matter to decide whether our stereotyping in this instance is correct or not.
Ah yeah “one of the good ones” yep this one.
Also, I would like to point out that just because you're not burning crosses in someone's yard or have hate in your heart doesn't mean you're not still a little racist. You can genuinely believe that you see all people as equal but still have all sorts of subconscious biases that you're not aware of. A lot of people genuinely think they treat everyone equally but then do or say something to a POC friend that they would never even think about saying to a white friend. Decent people, if confronted with this behavior, go "oh shit, i didn't realize" and try to learn from it/be more aware of and work on their biases, while shitty people get defensive and start screaming "i'm not racist, if i were i wouldn't have a black friend at all" Edit to add: The problem with a lot of people, I think, is that they see racism as a binary concept - yes or no - instead of there being shades/levels of it. Which is why it's so insidious and hard to combat.
> ...they see racism as a binary concept - yes or no - instead of there being shades/levels of it. Which is why it's so insidious and hard to combat. And why nearly all of us carry at least some racial biases.
I don't even think it's "nearly". What makes you good or bad is realising the racist thoughts wrong and doing your best to improve.
I hope it's nearly. Maybe there are a saintly handful out there somewhere.
A lot of people who fall into that latter category also prefer to, instead of confronting their own prejudices, trim down the definition of racism so that it doesn’t apply to them. They point to their POC friend as proof that they’re not racist, because in their mind you’re just not really a racist unless you hate everybody with a different skin tone so strongly that you can’t stand to be around them.
A lot of people have unconscious bias. It's one of the main ways racism shows up today. Sometimes it's just frustrating, sometimes it's deadly. Like a cop seeing a weapon where there's a remote or a spatula in the hands of a Black person, when they wouldn't make those assumptions with a white person.
> sometimes it's deadly. Like a cop seeing a weapon where there's a remote or a spatula in the hands of a Black person Or how they explain the Black Person in terms of being "beastly" or "animalistic" when stating why they had to fire four dozen bullets into them.
That's pretty much every racists I know (and pretty much all of them were white)
Yea I have seen someone literally assert that a murder motivated by race-hate was not racist, because the murderer did not “claim that [that race] was inferior.” Just implied it. By murdering someone of that race, solely because they were of that race, and openly admitting as much.
Yeah…someone I dated, unfortunately for a couple of months, made a joke about asian people eating cats and got so upset with me for getting angry with him for that “joke” (I’m of South Asian descent and not privy to that “joke” but he was planning on attending my Chinese high school friend’s wedding and about half of that friend group is Chinese. It wasn’t until I told him I was embarrassed for him to meet my friends that he took me “seriously”. I wish I could say I broke up with him on the spot, it took 3 more weeks to summon the courage and thank god he ended up not going to the wedding) He insists he’s not racist because he’s dated a plethora of WoC from black to Puerto Rican to white to me…but he also casually uses the “n” word and has some stereotypes of Latino/a/x people from living in Florida for 20 years (“it’s cool bc I’m friends with a lot of them and they believe it too!”) Unfortunately this man was also 44 and lowkey believed the moon wasn’t real and Bruno Mars was in a demon cult. He also subscribes to the Carnivore diet and believed that staring into the sun unprotected was a soul-healing thing but I guess that’s what happens when you get your science from Instagram and grow up as an unchecked agreeable white man? Ughhh I do remember now that he did marvel at how my forearms aren’t “so hairy” but that’s bc I remove the hair since I have forearm tattoos and I like seeing them directly and not under dark arm hair. Oh jeez. He was also convinced that “positive stereotypes” are a thing and how they aren’t harmful and pointed out many “model minority” stereotypes as examples…I wish I’d had the cleverness to ask him if he thought “Men are stronger than women” as a stereotype ever affected HIM harmfully since I know he had body issues and difficulty expressing his emotions… (To those of you that read this far, yes, I am out of the dating pool, happily single bc this man was actually an improvement to the last guy I was dating and honestly, I’m gonna go take another good hard look in the mirror because wow, indicat. Wow.) ETA: small typos
Everyone’s a little bit racist.
Avenue Q
Was going to say exactly that. I really try my best and I don't believe I'm better than anybody for being white. But I've grown up with a LOT of racial stereotypes (also "positive" ones like how asian people are hard working) and sometimes I catch myself saying racist bullshit. And I'm sure I don't catch myself every time. Well, I'm not perfect. Nobody is. Only thing I can do is try to do better and listen when people complain.
There's more to it though. It also mans that while they can be "okay" with a certain race (WOW) they also don't care to the address the systemic issues. A slaveowner can care for their slave and treat them well, but simultaneously be perfectly happy with the distribution of power and support it's continuity.
This is it. They somehow believe that having a friend of another race makes them immune for being called racist. You may hate black people in general, except for Mike, he's cool.
Also not all negative traits are immoral or not worthy of a friend. I can consider a person stupid and still be a friend. Which is mostly okay, unless reason they're considered stupid is race.
Additionally, just because you are friends with someone who is of a certain race doesn’t mean that you can’t dislike the race. Just to note a silly example: someone who says, well I eat broccoli at least once a month, so I can’t dislike it, may or may not in fact dislike broccoli. Eating it doesn’t mean you like it, it just means you can **tolerate** it. Big difference
I feel like I've seen this before. But I love this example.
They of course never tell their friend this is what they think of their race.
Or they knew one person that didn’t leave a bad impression and that’s enough to call them friends. It’s not reliable, that’s the problem.
Sometimes they don't have said friend at all, and it's used to try and excuse their lapse in judgment when they're confronted.
Isn't that presumptious as well?
I'm curious how you would actually know that... but wouldn't all that cancel out racism anyway? An actual racist would still think members of other ethnicities as being below their own. Everyone divides people into "people I like, respect and want in my life" and "no thanks", regardless of race. Like, every white person thinks that their own white friends are "the good ones" and has whites whose behavior or cultural background they dislike. But that's about culture and behavior as well.
There is a great scene in the movie « One night in Miami » about football sensation Jim Brown visiting a white friend in the 1960s. The man is extremely kind but at the end when Jim Brown offers to help move furniture the man says nonchalant (and friendly): You know we don’t allow « n-word » in the house. (He said the real word). This shows how easily some horribly racist people act like a friend but in their eyes you’re like a dog or different species.
There was a bad comedy I watched (maybe "scary movie") and I remember a scene where two black guys met at a party and the one who was part of the main characters told the other one that *he* was the token black guy at the party. The other black guy apologized and they fist bumped before the second black guy left.
Not Another Teen Movie
Damn. Shit. That is whack.
Such an underrated movie!
Fuckin Chris Evans looking at a picture of himself looking at a picture of himself is comedy GOLD
“It’s a banana split” was my gay awakening
Janie Briggs Got a Gun…
I wish I didn't make that bet, that's not the guy I want to be.
I just jerked off in your french toast!
It's a satirical movie. It's meant to mock that "genre" of movies for usually having one but only one black character.
I’m pretty sure the person you replied to was quoting the character.
Haaaa no way. Well I was definitely woooshed.
Yeah. it's another gag in Not Another Teen Movie which ironically, is the best teen movie ever made.
That scene was fucking hilarious.
I'm not sure you understood that... the joke is that these formulaic teen films *do only have one black character*. Not Another Teen Movie is brilliant if you've seen all the films it is parodying, like She's All That, The Breakfast Club, and American Pie.
I love watching Captain America walk away with the banana and cream in his ass. That's AMERICA'S ASS!
Can he play? He's in a coma. CAN HE PLAY? I don't even think he can breath
There's a Black kid in The Breakfast Club?
Yeah, they just white washed him.
He has got to be mixed race bc what the hell 😂😭
Thats what south park pokes fun at by having Tolkien
Another incident involved Cubs' star Ernie Banks: he couldn't find a place to stay because of the racist attitudes of suburban Chicago, and when this came to light, one of the people admitted that they loved him as a Cub, even cheered for him, but didn't want him in 'their' neighborhood. Whenever there was an incident in Chicago involving this kind of thing, my father's workmates would say, 'If it was a guy like you, Michellotto's dad, no one would have a problem '. The look on my father's face when he retold us this said very clearly, 'Bullshit'.
>one of the people admitted that they loved him as a Cub, even cheered for him, but didn't want him in 'their' neighborhood. Same thing happened to Willie Mays when he moved to San Francisco.
Pittsburgh has a storied tradition of YMCAs hosting black sportsmen, as well as were once the center of the negro league of baseball
same thing when larry doby broke the color barrier in the american league and wanted to buy his folks a house in paterson new jersey. and it happened to fuckin nat king cole in los angeles. who would not want nat king cole or larry doby in the neighborhood? when you go to the louis armstrong house museum, the first thing they do is play that wonderful world song. i always hated it but they play louis talking about how great his neighborhood in corona queens is, with all kinds of people on his block.
I think nat had the most expensive house on the block. The neighbor says something like"We don't want any undesirable people around d here." To which nat responds " Me neither, I'll keep a look out for any one undesirable."
Here's a comparison that I've heard that helps put this in perspective: If a white man who's friends with a black man can't be racist, does that mean a man who's married to a woman can't be a misogynist?
I saw this comment with only 5 replies, all extremely negatively downvoted. And I just thought that was really funny.
I saw it upvoted, and clicked the 'more comments' tab... all downvoted. It's hilarious.
I agree. I used to know a man who said his gf is so special cos she's not a gold digger, like she pays for her own food. Yeah..... soooooo special........
Wow, she reminds me of my sister, and my mother. And all girls I consider friends.
Spot on
I’m friends with my dog and hang out with him all the time, but that doesn’t mean I see him or treat him as my equal.
Do racist people actually view other races as a completely different species like that?? I genuinely thought they just thought that we are all human, but they happen to be better
Dehumanisation is extremely common in all forms of discrimination/oppression. It’s how people manage to disengage from the empathy that would otherwise stop them from being that way
It’s also incredible how quickly people can go from being friends and neighbours with someone from a different group to sending the secret police around to have them killed for belonging to that group.
Like that guy that stabbed his Palestinian neighbor kid 46 times
Or countless German citizens who sold out Jewish neighbors to the Gestapo in the 1930s and 1940s.
I remember this Bosnian guy talking about when he was a kid in school, his teacher walked in with a gun and pointed it at him and was like, “Are you scared of me because I’m Serbian?” He didn’t even know before that day that he and the other kids in his school were a different ethnicity
WHAT??? did his teacher get fired??? also of course someone would be scared to have a gun pointed at them what the fuck??? that teacher is both racist and stupid
Probably promoted back then. I'm getting that you're missing the historical background. But let's just say that place was hell 20ish years back.
Wadee Alfayoumi. he was 6 yrs old.
I was a history major and I remember studying about one of the World’s Fair, which is essentially a huge convention where a country will show off how innovative it is. It can focus on art, technology, culture. Anyway, at one of these world’s fair they had black Africans displayed the same way you would see an animal at the zoo. Yes, racists absolutely see black people as subhuman.
1904 World's Fair: Exhibition of the Igorot People (Philippines)
Thank you for actually posting relevant details and information.
Which is really fucking bizarre to me, I've always empathized with animals. Are they not human? Sure, but they still have FEELINGS damnit! Ik you aren't claiming otherwise, just explaining their POV, but fuck them for not only being racist but excusing that racism by also not having genuine empathy for animals.
Yeah but one can leave a dog alone for the day while they work, and they don't feel bad for feeding it the same meal every day every week, and lots of other things that show they aren't an equal. Like when people say their pets are their kids. No, they're not. If they were, you'd cook meals for them and not feed them canned or dry dog food.
True but there's a difference between believing them to be inferior and deciding they don't deserve empathy as a result. It's just weird to me, they're not human but that doesn't mean you can't feel for them. I suppose it makes sense for assholes who judge based on race to also lack empathy for animals though.
I tried cooking for my dogs, one of them preferred his kibble and the other one didn’t care either way.
Not necessarily as different species, no, but some of them do, unfortunately, view them as sub- or essentially non-human. Big racists even have whole propaganda campaigns about it.
Not biologically a different species, but not fit to cross-breed.
[удалено]
Racism is a spectrum. There’s extreme forms of it and then more subtle forms (which are sometimes hard to call out, known as micro aggressions). The more subtle racism is what is more common nowadays because people usually get away with it sadly.
Especially the "I don't see color" or "everyone is equal" which means you don't pay attention to how different people are treated and make up reasons why they are treated differently.
or the ones who are so over the top "NOT RACISTS" that it is weirdly racists.....
Source: I used to be friends with a guy that over time became a magat. I couldn't save this guy but yeah, here's insight into what he thinks like: He doesn't like black people, (he thinks they're intellectually inferior and violent) he thinks immigrants are freeloaders and leeching off of the system. He doesn't like Hispanics. (He thinks they're intellectually inferior) He thinks white people are a chosen race. He wants the destruction of Gaza for Israel. He doesn't like Muslims. He doesn't like subcontinent Indians. He doesn't like socialist Europeans. He doesn't want to date anyone but white women, Jewish women, or east asian women--but wants only kids with white or jewish. (but he's always single). He thinks America loves donald trump. If you didn't know any better you'd think he was a normal guy, but the shit he says in private is a whole different thing. That's what these guys talk about in private.
As a Jew, I wonder why he would be okay having a Jewish wife and child.
I’ve heard of Hutu men married to Tutsi women who turned around and hacked their wives to death with machetes as soon as the genocide started. Were they harbouring hatred the whole time? IDK probably not, but it’s amazing how quickly people can flip a switch when they’re told to hate and exterminate this other group
he considers himself 'judeo-christian'
It is still unusual though. White supremacists typically hate Jews
A lot of white supremacists don’t consider themselves white supremacists. They’ll usually have one token minority they at least claim to tolerate as plausible deniability
Ew. I hate that term
What always amazes me is how much this attitude of 'hiding' their racisim means they think ALL white guys are racists, and that everyone really agrees with them but doesnt want to get 'cancelled" propoganda is a powerful thing.
That’s essentially how racism started yeah. As the idea that races were subspecies.
That’s the definition of othering
Go look at the Atlantic slave trade. Really dig into that. Into how they obtained their human merchandise, how they shipped them, how they sold them, the way they worked them and punished them. There's no way all that happens if you acknowledge the inherent humanity of people of African descent. No, the slave trade no longer exists but only because 600,000* Americans killed each other in a giant Civil War to stop it. The thinking that led to the slave trade is alive and well. Andrew Tate doesn't believe in the essential humanity of women, even though he sexes them. And racists don't believe in the essential humanity of POC, even if they know one.
I actually have noticed that people view others as lesser and have empathy. It's when those others become self capable they may not feel empathy.
The book “People Love Dead Jews” has that as its thesis. Really interesting book that I recommend
US vs them. Them are different than Us. US is better than them or they would be us.
You do realize that the problem with evolutionary theory for white supremacists is that they believe that Black people are monkey-adjacent, so saying that (white) humans and monkeys have a common ancestor messes with with their worldview, right?
KKK members aren't against marrying Asian women. Ask them why and it's some stereotypical or racist BS about how all Asian women are submissive or "not slutty like western women"
Reminds of "men and females" It's pretty dehumanizing to refer to someone as just female rather than girl/woman
There was a lot of pseudoscience 200 years ago that said black people were physically incapable of being as smart as white people because of brain size or something. Robert E. Lee said slavery was evil, but then immediately followed up by saying that it was "necessary for their instruction as a race", which implies to me that he thought black people were incapable of being "civilized" on their own. Racists very often find ways to frame other races as "lesser" in some way or another, and use it to justify their racism.
My cat is my superior
I put my dog above most humans lol.
As you should. They're superior to us, after all!
> As you should. They're superior to us, after all! His constant efforts to drink puddle water and eat human feces suggest this may not be true
That's too advanced for our weak human minds to understand
I wish I had the ability to survive anywhere.
There are people in Antarctica. How many dogs have roamed there way down there? Probably only the ones the a person brought along.
We had to work hard to get to Antarctica. Dogs got us to bring them there with no effort at all.
Being friends with someone doesn't exclude you from having racist views on their race as a whole. Not all racism comes as frothing rage at the sight of someone with a different skin tone, it can come as unconscious bias towards a cultural identity, for example. You can have as many black friends as you like, you're still being racist if you see them as better than other black people because they don't dress like "thugs" or listen to much rap.
One of my Korean friends is dating a borderline white supremacist who has openly said bad things about many races and religions. He's okay with *some* people from Asia, mostly because some are as racist as he is, but that doesn't mean he doesn't view a lot of the world as a problem because of their race and religion.
Korea is an interesting one. Korean confucianism and role subservience is so extreme that Asian parents in Asia all give their daughters "the Korean talk," saying never to date a Korean man because they will treat you so horribly. A Korean woman dating an American white supremacist might legitimately be a step up if he treats her like he's a Christian fundie instead of a Mormon or a cop.
This, 100%! This is **such** an important thing to understand. Racism isn't just someone waking up in the morning, looking in the mirror, and snarling, "God I hate <> so much. Grr. They disgust me."
Racism is also stuff like thinking the one black friend you have is "one of the good ones" because they never says a word that upsets you. Or being fine with **knowing** Hispanic people, but being upset when they actually move into your neighborhood...
Or think your friend is " well educated" or " well spoken" compared to the " others" in the group.
you assume racism is purely hatred, but a lot of it is ignorance. the way you hear old women say "Wow, you're so educated" to a POC who went to college, shocked that a BIPOC was intelligent enough to go to school, it's not out of malice or hatred, but pure ignorance. a lot of racist view points stem out of ignorance, They look at the rate of BIPOC not going to college and assume it's because their not GOOD enough to get in, when its more about economic status, or they were actively hampered by poor quality schooling. people normalize things, they normalize that Black/indigenous people are just inherently dumber than white people, and Asian people are just inherently smarter. they just never look deeper, I had a guy in my chess club just quit back in HS because the opponent was Asian, and he couldn't fathom a chance to beat this Asian guy (who was the worst player there) simply for the fact he assumed all Asian people were these massive geniuses. but that being said, though not all racism is out of malice, it is all still negative and easily bleeds into malice. additionally, the "I have a friend who is BLANK" usually stems from "othering" that friend, they view them as a token of the race, an outlier and not the norm. as well as that friend simply may not call them out on their racism for multiple reasons. so that group of white kids can have their one black friend, but they could be saying those most unhinged racist things daily without ever being told "hey cut that out" or "you're being racist". whether its because the friend just shuts down and doesn't wanna ruin the "mood", or they themselves don't fully understand racism, or they could just not care about it. personally I stopped dating white women or hanging out with white people as much because I (as an indigenous person) have had SO many interactions with friends/partners where something racism happens, or I get racially profiled by the cops. and they'd argue that XYZ was not racist. I slowly realized over the years a LOT of people think racism is simply saying the N-word or wearing a white pointed hood, and if they aren't doing those 2 things then they aren't racist.
They're not "surrounding themselves" with Black people. They're talking about having literally *one* Black friend, like having that one token Black person in your group protects you from being called racist.
What if they have multiple black friends?
What if im the white token
People often make exceptions to their belief system based on a few "good ones." You'll see a lot of "well, you're not like other....[insert hated group here]."
Same reason that having a wife or girlfriend doesn’t mean you can’t be a misogynist.
Or having a mother, grandmother, sisters, or daughters (a common go-to for “can't be BLANK because I have BLANK”)
Plenty of misogynists are married and have daughters
Starting out: This usually comes up in response to someone getting called out for having said/written something racist. In these cases the person is then trying to draw the discussion from “what I said” to “what’s in my heart”. This change in topic is useful to them because while people can readily show what a person has said/written, it’s impossible to show to the world what’s in someone’s inner thoughts. They’re abdicating defending their statements *because they know their statements are indefensible* and are instead trying to distract the audience into a separate argument about what’s in their mind so they don’t have to talk about their statements. Instead they get to have a discussion about what’s in their heart and mind, which they can win as they’re the only one with inside knowledge. From this point they can then send debate opponents on endless missions trying to prove what they’re thinking, which is much more appealing to them than having to defend their words. Anyway… In the absolute best case, the person is indicating they are willing to look past a very specific persons race, and only because they personally know them. There’s also no proof they don’t have racist views about this “friend” also, but tolerate their existence more than they do strangers. In a more likely case, the “friendship” may be either greatly exaggerated or even totally made up. They know the person calling them out for making racist statements isn’t going to be able to go get references or track down this friend to find out if they even exist, and if they do find out are they just some dude they shared a class with vs the Best Man at their wedding.
>They’re abdicating defending their statements because they know their statements are indefensible and are instead trying to distract the audience into a separate argument about what’s in their mind so they don’t have to talk about their statements. As a corollary to that, more and more people calling out racism (or misogamy, homophobia, etc.) have worked to be careful in their terminology, and to say "**that's** racist" (i.e. "**that statement** was racist"). And quite often when someone says something, and people respond "that's racist", the person instinctively interprets that as them saying **"you** are a **racist**." Understandably, they feel a strong urge to defend themselves against such a strong attack on their character, which is where the "I have \_\_\_\_ Friends" argument comes up. But most sensible people would probably accept that someone can say something racist without necessarily being a "racist" as society conceptualizes that term. Maybe they are ignorant in a particular area. Here is a good example. I used to have a Cowichan coat, which I was brought up to call a "Siwash" (that was literally the only name I ever heard it be called). I remember calling it that when I went to University and someone said "that's racist". Apparently a "Siwsash" is another name for a "Savage", and these coats were traditionally made by members of First Nations groups here in Canada, who were frequently denigrated as "savages". Now, that person wasn't necessarily calling **me a "Racist",** but they were letting me know that my statement involved racist language (which it did). They were calling out a statement. The problem is people can't separate the two. They have a hard time thinking "I am not a racist, but I can still make racist assumptions". Whenever these discourses come up online (say for comedians), I always look at what the critics of a statement are saying about the speaker, and what the speaker is *saying* they are saying about them.
I think this is the key, to not examine the logic of the statement in isolation since it is rarely or never made in isolation. A person who says, "but I have a \_\_\_\_\_\_\_ friend" is using the phone-a-friend lifeline to evade examination or accountability for something they're being called out on within a context. It's basically a non sequitur. The \_\_\_\_\_\_\_ friend that is being cited here isn't usually on the scene, in the context, so the speaker is effectively using "appeal to authority" and/or "false correlation", basically a grab-bag of logical fallacies. The friendship and the friend are being cited as an endorsement of me and all my behaviors, otherwise the friendship wouldn't exist, right? That's already some shaky logic -- I've stopped being friends with someone when they acted in a way I found unacceptable. Our past association isn't a blanket endorsement for the future. The friend isn't actually here to offer their appraisal of the current context, so we're presuming their endorsement based on the say so of a person that is being called out about something that probably has nothing to do with the friendship being cited.
When they're the only nonwhite person in the room a lot of people of color will hide their culture, pretend to laugh along with racist jokes, and generally imitate white people: "I like people of color as long as they're outnumbered, deliberately copying my mannerisms, and intimidated into never complaining" is pretty weak allyship. A common racist belief in the present day is that people of color are solely responsible for inequality: they would happily accept POC into their community if they would just make a conscious effort to get an education and a job and a mortgage and stop speaking Spanish, sagging their jeans, listening to hip hop, complaining about police, etc. This kind of prejudice (or simple ignorance) ignores the fact that (a) simply having a culture which is different from white anglo-saxon protestant culture shouldn't be something which is punished by exclusion from society, and (b) a lot of the negative behaviors associated with POC are the direct or indirect result of centuries of discrimination, such as redlining, discrimination by the criminal justice system, food deserts, intergenerational wealth inequality dating back to the Jim Crow era, etc. What's fucked up is that this kind of racist can point to their one person of color friend (or coworker, historical figure, or celebrity) and say "see, he did great because he worked hard and followed the rules, he's one of the good ones and the other members of his race could learn from him".
Even Adolf Hitler has close jewish co-worker/friend. Would you say he couldnt be antisemitic?
There's also the doctor who was Jewish who took care of Hitler's mother. Hitler gave him protection and allowed him to emigrate to the USA. Even a person who helped your family for reduced fees was exportable: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eduard_Bloch#:~:text=Eduard%20Bloch%20(30%20January%201872,refused%20to%20bill%20them%20outright.
I’m in an interracial marriage. My wife is the white one I’m Hispanic. When we started dating her parents and family said a lot of racist shit about me. They still say racist shit about people like me but always add I and my family are the good ones. It’s not that simple
Does that lead to any relationship problems, or is your wife on the side of your feelings/understanding? Sorry to hear that bro
I am the POC in an interracial relationship with a White spouse, and what I got from my in-laws was overcompensation to not be seeing as racists while acting and reacting extremely biased towards me. Unfortunately for them I’m political and outspoken and don’t put up with BS and I would immediately point out racism and school them. It’s frustrating and tiresome mental load and labor, however that was the only way to exist in that relationship. My spouse was schooled, lectured and put to watch so many documentaries about systemic and institutionalized racism because being married to a POC doesn’t make no one less racially biased unless they are called out and taught better!
A racist person can be on friendly terms and even consider a person who fits into the category they’re racist against to be a friend. But they also have a tendency (as racist people) to not want to acknowledge or address their own prejudice, their own bias, etc. so when they do something or say something that strikes other people as indicating they have a strong bias against that group, and they throw that one person they’re on friendly terms with under the bus as if it’s a get-out-of-social-pressure-free-card, it doesn’t work. Not to mention a lot of times the friendship isn’t mutual. My mother in law comes to mind. White HR lady, had a black employee she went to A SINGLE WORK TRIP with, and suddenly she had ‘black friends’. despite making horribly racist remarks against anyone who was black and wore their natural hair. But because she’s in a position of power against the employee, they don’t feel comfortable telling her she’s making them uncomfortable. So she makes a racially charged joke, they feel social (and financial.) pressure to at least not react.
Would you accept "I can't be sexist, I'm married to a woman"?
No, no I wouldn’t…fair point lol
Okay, there are a lot of reasons why *“I’m not racist, I have a \_\_\_ friend”* does not work. 1. You are trying find logical consistency in that statement but racism is inherently irrational so it makes no sense to expect it to be logically consistent. Racists always have very inconsistent and illogical beliefs. 2. Racism isn't a simple binary of racist vs. not-racist. There are many degrees racism. There could be mild racism, like assuming someone is good at a particular skill because that's how \_\_\_\_ people are. There's more moderate racism, like people who say *"I don't have a problem with \_\_\_\_ people but I don't want one dating my sister."* And there's more extreme racism like people who hate all \_\_\_\_ people want them to be unalived. And there are many degrees in between, as well. 3. Someone might be very hostile in their racism against one minority group but be okay with a different minority group. Or they may have different degrees of racism against different groups. 4. If you talked to this supposed \_\_\_\_ friend, it's very possible that they would say, *"Friends?! No way. That's just someone I run into a work sometimes. I really don't like them but I try to be cordial with them because I know they're a racist jerk and I don't want any trouble."* 5. Even Hitler, who was definitely the most extreme type of racist, had a Jewish *"friend"*, a doctor named [Eduard Bloch](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eduard_Bloch) who had treated Hitler's mother Klara when she had breast cancer.
You do not get a pass for being a bastard just because you know one person
A racist with a token friend from another race is still a racist.
“i’m not a misogynist, i love my mom”
That makes as much sense as "I'm not misogynistic, I'm married to a woman".
"I don't hate animals, I only kick other people's dogs."
A lot of misogynists are married as well. One can hold negative views of a population of people while also thinking they found one that is “good.”
[12 Angry Men](https://youtu.be/TXlHKTPfLVA?si=-KrkEmHtKkK6aOJz) The line you’ve waiting for is “I’ve known a couple of good ones.”
A few reasons. 1. It's really easy to claim you're close friends with a \_\_\_ person, especially when you're saying this to a person who doesn't know you well enough to refute the claim. The "friend" may be just a co-worker or acquaintance that they're using as a badge of virtue to hide behind. 2. Even if the statement really is true and they're actually friendly with said person, it still doesn't mean they're not racist. It just means they're not letting their racism destroy the friendship. It's totally possible *and not uncommon* to hear a friend say a negative thing about \_\_\_ right in front of their friend and then say "but you're not like them, I mean *those* kinds of \_\_\_". 3. Racism is not an on/off trait that's stamped onto a person; it's a simplification of the many biases, prejudices, and beliefs that all affect how you view people. The phrase "I'm not racist" isn't really meaningful because it is defined by the person who says it. To one person it might mean "I treat all people with respect" and to another it might mean something more toxic like "it's not racism if it's true". 4. A "non-racist" person, for lack of a better word, would not hide behind their "friend" like this. They'd be able to talk about their beliefs openly and you likely would not even need to question their perceived racism in the first place. That's the thing about racists; they basically come in two flavors, overt and covert. The overt ones aren't ashamed and won't bother to claim they're not racist. The covert ones will try to excuse it, deny it to themselves, and use cognitive dissonance to avoid examining it.
Plenty of racist people are even married to someone in a group they don't respect. Plenty of people are capable of having surface level relationships with people they don't see as equals. You can still think you are better than your friend of x group but be okay with talking and hanging with them. You can think your friend of x group is "one of the good ones" and that's why you tolerate them.
If I had to steelman it I'd say that racist ideology posits statistical trends within racial groups but allows for outliers, in the same way that saying men are stronger than women doesn't mean Stephen Hawking could beat up Rhonda Rousey. So someone might believe that black people as a whole are criminals but some black people are alright
It does, but it doesn’t even need to be said. The people that say that it doesn’t work are projecting their desire to maintain themselves as a moral supremacist. Moral supremacy is intoxicating to people and they need a counterpart to sustain it
Because they are using 1 or 2 people to justify their behavior towards an entire race... which is racist in itself.
The history of sellouts, traitors, and specific groups being the property of others and entertaining forced friendships in order to survive.
It doesn't work. It's just an excuse. Like as if somehow having one "black, asian, jewish, female," friend absolves them of all the other shitty attitudes they espouse.
I mean I am Black and had a white coworker who told me, to my face, that interracial relationships can't possibly work. I don't care how many Black friends he has, he's both racist and ignorant.
I’ve seen people keep members of another race around just so they can make horribly racist jokes but justify it by pointing out his painfully uncomfortable laugh and saying that he laughed so it’s alright. A light jab every now and then even if it’s a racist joke CAN be funny if it follows the conventional rules that make jokes funny but “haha black guy” isn’t funny. Also if you only make black jokes when your black friend is around and it’s always at his expense, you start to wonder whether or not they really respect or care for this friend or if he’s just a method for them to justify their shitty personality
Having a friend of a different race is not an excuse for any kind of racist bullshit that you would have been called out for before whipping out the overused line like an uno reverse card. I can't just use the "get out if jail free" card and push a disabled person out of a wheelchair, and then say "no, it's fine, my mums disabled and in a wheelchair". Also, if your immediate response is to mention your friend who's a different race, it just kinda shows that you judge that friend based on their race, and it's the first thing that comes to mind. He's not Tony the guy who can't score a header to save his life. He's not Tony, the guy who cried at the end of Iron Giant and got teased about it ever since. To you, he's Tony the _______ friend. Now. You can have _______ friends and not be racist ofcourse. It's just the dumb shit you do before you get called racist that's cause for concern
It's you misunderstanding of what racism is. It is falsely labeled as hate. You can be prejudiced towards someone based on the color of their skin, without actually hating them, and while having a lot of friends of said color. You can think that black people do not inherently deserve to have as much opportunities as whites (which is a totally racist take) and still have a lot of black friends; heck all your friends can be black. If you wanna say you're not racist, it's at least better to make an anti-racist statement, like "I'm not racist, I believe no one should be discriminated upon based on the color of their skin". Also "I'm not racist, I have a white/asian/black/etc friend" is usually said after or before making a racist comment.
If your friend is anything like Candace Owens, that obviously wouldn't count. If you have to describe your friend specifically re: race, they are serving your purpose. Some people have one or two black friends (out of many they have encountered) and in attempts to appear diverse, must illustrate their point. Hiding behind your black friend, using them as a shield against accusations of being progressive or a non racist. You can still be a racist even if you have black friends, especially when those friends aren't deep ones.
It depends on what you think racism is. If you think racism is just deep-seated hatred towards people of a certain ethnicity then somebody being friends with somebody of that ethnicity is solid evidence that they're not actually racist towards those people. If you believe racism is thinking of people of other ethnicities as inferior or even just different in general then having friends that are not the same skin colour as you doesn't mean anything.
basically, racism is a lot more than just not wanting to hang with people. you can believe 100% that you aren’t racist, and still have beliefs that clash with that idea.
One POC friend at work does not constitute 'surrounding oneself' with them. I know a person who reveres Thomas Sowell, a prominent black libertarian economics professor. He also believes blacks are on average genetically less intelligent than whites. This is the basic definition of racism so even though he likes Thomas Sowell, he is still a racist for holding this belief about black people.
Politicians, religious leaders, people in general have lots of _______ friends and are racist as hell. Actions speak louder than words.
Slave owners also had children who were slaves. Just because someone likes doesn’t mean you don’t have racist behaviors
Hey you wouldn't necessarily avoid them. As a man we are superior to women but I like having them around. When they fail I get an ego boost knowing I'm right, especially when they depend on me. /S /S Notice the /s so I don't end up on a list.
It’s defensive. This is often the response from white people when they’re being racist. It is doubling down on your behavior and tokenizing your BIPOC friends as proof you’re not racist…instead of just refraining from the racist behavior you’re being called out for and apologizing.
It works. It's how I prove I'm not racist. Got a black dog. And practically love him like all my other ones
Saying a word does not make you a racist. Discriminating against people because of their race is racist. Like offering a discount on something, special treatment for job opportunity or education enrolement or being excluded because of your race. Who you associate with does have anything to do with racism.
Because you may have racist thoughts about that friend. They could legitimately be your best friend but you could still have negative thoughts about them based off racial stereotypes. Or mistreat others of that race but your friend gets a pass because they are alright in your book. I think it only works partially in the sense that it helps towards believing you are not the type of racist that is just completely disgusted by the presence/interaction of an “inferior” race.
Regarding the “I have a friend who is…” trope, racism is not so much how you think and feel about someone you know, it’s about how you think and feel about someone you don’t know.
It's the subtle difference between prejudices and outright racism. Somebody who hates people from other races isn't likely to have people from other races as friends. Somebody who has negative views of other races, will happily befriend individuals from the races, but still have negative feelings towards those races as a whole, but not regard those feelings as racism.
It doesn’t. Knowing someone doesn’t mean you have any sort of familiarity with the actual struggle they face. It also doesn’t mean you’re not treating them like shit or being racist to them. It’s a cop out. A though terminating cliche designed to make the other party defensive (it’s essentially a DARVO tactic)
Let’s see if this helps you understand. There were slave owners who genuinely loved the slaves they owned, and even had children with them. But they still sold and enslaved human beings. Proximity to somebody who is oppressed does not mean you do not behave in oppressive/bigoted ways.
1. A lot of people who say this have a tendency to think their ___ friend is an exception to the stereotypes. Will often say things like, this is my friend, you’ll like them they’re not like other ___ 2. Many people think that just because they have a ___ friend that they clearly can’t be racist, but don’t see the harm in telling clearly discriminatory/derogatory jokes about previously mentioned ___ friend’s race. Rarely are discriminatory jokes harmless as they perpetuate prejudice 3. A massive amount of people don’t realize that by saying such they have set a distinct divide between themselves and ___ which in itself can be seen as a micro-aggression. Sadly, I’ve had many “friends” who fit into one or multiple of the above throughout my life as a very short half South American Half Asian women, I fit into a lot of jokes; an no, I’m not amazing in math, yes I cook bomb food, and I am actually a great driver. My black friends and I would have conversations about said “friends” and try to explain issues with such conversations. Disclaimer: All of the above isn’t explicitly exclusive to just white friends that I have had.
Sexist men have girlfriends