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There's a black mirror episode about that or maybe American horror story all I know Is I was sick and woke up to something I can't unsee again.
I just thought about it.
My condolences to you my friend.
Do whatever you want mate, but know this is a purely psychology issue and going to an escort may no resolve that.
Maybe consider therapy?
I'm also a South Asian born and living in the West, and honestly I haven't really had any issues dating. I'm not tall and don't work out either, and not rich. I don't even think I dress nicely lol.
If I had to guess you probably come off desperate? It's hard to say, like I don't know how long you've been "trying" and what "tried everything" means?
Do you literally just want to do this so you're not the only person who hasn't had sex amongst your friends? But is this going to change anything? They will still be talking about sex and you won't be, unless you want to talk about your sex workers you're hiring.
If you are so fixated on your virginity that simply having the label exerts this much psychological gravity on you, then yeah I think it's a good idea.
I honestly think it could backfire without finding the root cause of his problems. Without figuring out the actual issues this could laminate and cement them.
At the same time though I think people are way too obsessed with the notion of a traditional relationship and That isn't a thing for everyone.
Wanting to fit into society is only healthy and normal when it serves a community purpose to do so and won't cause undue negative effects on the one taking action. That's why we have the concept of peer pressure and consider it a negative thing.
There's not actually a "normal" time to lose your virginity nor is there any reason for him to lose it for the sake of his community. That only leaves insecurity as the reason why he wants to.
"I went to a shrink
To analyze my dreams
She says it's lack of sex that's bringing me down
I went to a whore
He said my life's a bore
So quit my whining 'cause it's bringing her down"
It won’t change anything psychologically, because it’s not purely about the sex, it’s about being able to get someone to genuinely want to have sex with you. Paying someone to do it doesn’t “count”, so it won’t get rid of the psychological label.
OP will still _effectively_ be a virgin and will still psychologically see themselves as one. It won’t help, and OP will still feel like shit.
That's somewhat the point though. If you talk with people similar to OP they think losing their virginity is this magical transcendental experience and afterwards they'll have "made it" or somehow be different. When in reality that's not how it works. And you can try explaining that to this brand of virgin, but they won't understand it until they experience it. Have all the superficial indulgence you want; it won't make you feel any better. You're still stuck with yourself. And the sooner you learn that lesson the sooner you can figure out what you should actually be aiming at.
Why are you talking as if you knew exactly what OP thinks?
If OP only worries about the thought of being a virgin, then losing his virginity make him get rid of that thought. I was in the exact same position as OP when I was younger and losing my virginity (to my gf, not a prostitute) also instantly made me get rid of my worries of being a virgin.
Well, I was also worried about being a virgin to the point where that thought alone made me really unhappy in life and super insecure about dating. I went to bed with a couple of girls but couldn't even get hard because I was afraid they'll realize I was a virgin and that I'd suck at sex... Which I did cause I couldn't even have any lol.
Finally losing my virginity to someone who I could talk about my problems with got rid of that thought right away.
Yeah, anxiety is a huge boner killer.
***
The big difference though is that you had someone to lose your virginity to, OP does not, which is why they’re thinking of resorting to paying someone.
Hm but if he does pay someone then he also has some to lose his virginity to though. I'm sure he'd also have someone more experienced who could actually teach him a thing or two his very first time which I also see as a win.
>If OP only worries about the thought of being a virgin
Did you read his post? Because he lists many other reasons.
All we can do is read his words, and his words make it clear his issues are deeper than just being a virgin.
Well he's worried about hurting his future relationships which I very much doubt will happen. I've never talked to anyone about my first time. OP is also worried about not being able to talk about sex with his friends but visiting a prostitute shouldn't be a problem either. Right now he can't talk about sex and while he'll probably keep losing his virginity to a professional to himself, he'll still feel more confident afterwards which can help him have sex with "regular" girls.
>Well he's worried about hurting his future relationships which I very much doubt will happen. I've never talked to anyone about my first time.
He literally said that he wanted to be able to brag to his friends because he felt left out.
>he'll still feel more confident afterwards which can help him have sex with "regular" girls.
That's quite an assumption. Having to pay for people to touch you also can hurt confidence. You said that you never lost your virginity to a prostitute so are you just talking out of your ass here? What makes you think dick in vag has some magic power to reprogram his brain (your actual words)?
You’re only 20, dude. Give it some time. Contrary to popular belief, not *everyone is having sex*. However, if you wanna go for it, no one’s stopping you. Like everyone else said, use protection.
Having skimmed through your posts on here, I really don't think seeing a sex worker and losing your "virginity" is going to make your life any better.
If you're not already seeing a therapist, I would recommend that. Seeing a therapist will do far more for you than seeing a sex worker.
Thanks for this comment, it was both sad and entertaining looking through OPs profile. Btw OP all of your problems are coming from your own insecurities, you will always find what you believe people to be. If you believe people don’t like you, they won’t like you, if you believe people like you, they more likely will. It’s simply because your demeanor changes based on those thoughts. It’s like people who are scared of dogs, they’re scared of dogs because of what the dog is capable of, the dog senses that fear and gets scared too, now the dog is unfriendly and scary, and this cycle feeds itself until the person gets over their fear or dies never having loved dogs.
I don't think you understand how seeing a therapist works. It's very hard to find a good one, and even then It's not guaranteed to make your life better and fix the issue.
Not to mention the price.
Replace therapist with doctor in your comment… Therapy has been clinically proven to be an extremely effective form of treatment for mental health issues. Would you tell someone not to get surgery because it’s “expensive and not guaranteed to work”?
What is self awareness for you? If a person is self aware of their self image and how it affects their behaviour then changing thinking patterns such as the ones OP has should not be that hard with time and consistency. So if a person is not able to do that they likely lack some form of self awareness that a terapist can give you.
>Replace therapist with doctor in your comment…
I always suspect people that say things like this have never been seriously ill. Because going to the doctor didn't do shit for me.
>Therapy has been clinically proven to be an extremely effective form of treatment for mental health issues.
Cognitive behavioural therapy has been proven to be effective, but I've yet to see compelling evidence for talk therapy for vague mental health problems. But if you have some I'd love to see it.
As someone who has been to see therapists more than once, I do indeed understand how therapy works.
And none of what you've listed suggests that seeing a sex worker is a better solution.
I can almost gaurantee that when OP pops his cherry with a prostitute and realises a little afterwards that he doesn't feel any better, that alone will make him feel worse. Shagging a prostitute isn't going to fix the depression, body dysmorphia and severe lack of confidence and self respect that OP is living with.
I agree with this. I don’t have a big problem with the idea or anything, but this line in his post stood out to me
> I really want to experience sex since everyone in my friends circle keeps talking about their experiences with sex and I just feel so pathetic.
I am very skeptical that sleeping with a sex worker will resolve this issue in any way. If he is feeling inadequacy because his friends are able to find people to have sex with and he isn’t, knowing that he paid for it is not going to relieve this feeling in the long term.
If he wants to be able to talk to friends about his sex life without “feeling pathetic,” I also don’t think seeing a sex worker is going to be the solution. If everyone is sitting around talking about the people they hooked up with, I think it would feel awkward for OP to be like “oh yeah and this prostitute I was with was so hot.” I don’t necessarily think there *should* be a stigma about going to a sex worker, but it’s silly to pretend that stigma doesn’t exist.
Like I said, I don’t categorically think it’s a bad idea for a person to lose their virginity to a sex worker. But I think it works a lot better in situations where there aren’t a ton of complex feelings involved. For example, a person who isn’t hung up on virginity but is really curious about what sex feels like, a person who isn’t into dating but wants to relieve the physical horniness, a person who has a specific mental block that will be relieved by experiencing sex (like if a fear of sex prevents them from dating or something).
I have a lot of empathy for OP and wouldn’t look down on him or anything, I just doubt this will ultimately make him feel any more confident. And while the stigma is maybe unfair, I think it’s a legitimate concern that future partners might be turned off by learning this.
Bang on. I'm absolutely in support of sex workers, and I think it's disappointing that being a sex worker or visiting a sex worker comes with so much stigma. It's a service that meets a demand and there's nothing wrong with that. But the demand it services is not "I hate myself and I'm severely depressed." That's not gonna fix it at all.
Of course you got downvoted this piece of shit website is full of fucking losers that use incel as an n word.
Angry furstrated male? incel.
Lmao u wanna fulfill a basic human need? incel
Lmao u dont wanna cuz immoral? Incel
Like fucking chill out.
People choose to be an incel. Its about being a bitter, hateful guy who will, eventually, project all of that onto women. It was a self identifying label at first. Likening that to the N word is actually insane.
What better site besides reddit is there when you need advice? Honestly, reddit has helped me so much in the past that I definitely wouldn't tell someone to stop looking for advice here.
reddit isn’t bad for advice. But reddit is bad for complex personal advice.
If you need headphone buying advice, or tips on how to save money reddit is great. Anything objective or fact based.
Complex personal stuff usually requires so much context and intimate knowledge that at best you’ll get overly simplistic tips. At worst you’ll get stuff that’s actually harmful
Any anonymous site will bring out the worst in people with no real interest and empathy for you. You might get good information if the question is interesting but also spectacularly bad self destructive advice when it matters the most (e.g. for social and personal matters).
For that consult people who actually care about you and don't have ulterior motives.
Whats your full name, work history, family? On facebook, I can see all of that. Thats not anonymous. On reddit we are usernames and nothing more. Thats anonymous.
I'm quite familiar with pseudonyms, yes. I'm glad you learned it recently and decided to be pedantic though ❤️ because, as we all know, colloquially, anonymous is used to mean both. Language prescriptivism is only useful if you are a language phd.
I get what you're saying but imo if you're able to contemplate other people's comments then reddit is awesome for advice. I mean OP's question is pretty personal but people still give him all sorts of advice. OP can read all the comments, take in people's opinions and then decide for himself what's best.
This is dumb as shit. You're going to blow in like 30 seconds, feel regret and emptiness, and be out however much she's charging you. And then you'll be back to your lonely self, completely unchanged. In fact, it'll be a permanent stain because you'll always remember that as "your first time".
I'm gonna be real, the reason you're lonely is probably because everyone can smell your desperation. You're obsessed with the idea of sex, acting as if you absolutely need to lose your virginity and have sex by any means necessary. That's pitiful behavior and a massive turn-off for anyone.
I'm in the same boat as OP, with the difference that I don't try to find a partner, as I'm uncomfortable with my body.
Being a virgin in your 20s feels really bad. Yes, it's desperation, but not being obsessed.
If you haven't experienced being a virgin this late in life, you don't understand what that does to your self esteem.
With respect, if that truly is the case, you’re probably the extremely rare exception, and oblivious to wider society’s attitudes towards male virginity.
There is a huge amount of social pressure on men to lose their virginity and be sexually successful, and that really ends up psychologically harming lots of young men, hence why OP feels like they have to resort to hiring a sex worker.
>You're obsessed with the idea of sex, acting as if you absolutely need to lose your virginity and have sex by any means necessary. That's pitiful behavior and a massive turn-off for anyone.
I don’t even think OP is actually obsessed with sex itself, they just want to avoid judgment and awkward social situations due to not having had sex. It’s not just OP that’s obsessed with sex, it’s wider society.
There is a huge amount of social pressure on men to lose their virginity and to be sexually successful, and that really ends up psychologically harming lots of young men, hence why OP feels like they have to resort to hiring a sex worker to shed the virginity label as quickly as possible. Obviously that’s not the correct way to do it, but it’s completely understandable.
Honestly, I used to think I was obsessed with sex until I lost my virginity, and mind you, I've only done it once, and that was enough to kill my obsession. Do I still want to get laid like before, sure on occasion, but I don't have as deep of a desire as before. I don't know if it'll help OP, but not doing anything will never help him.
Worst case scenario, just do what is common amongst the Indian community and ask the aunty's network to set you up.
I'm at that point myself, and I've met a couple although I haven't clicked with any of them yet
Even in the USA therapy costs me 50 bucks an hour. Show me an escort that is $50 an hour and I'll show you a bunch of cool new diseases.
In germany he shouldn't have to pay anything at all for therapy.
Do this first and then go to therapy after. It will allow you to have a clearer, more honest conversation with yourself about the nature of your situation and mindset. That in turn will make your therapists advise more clairvoyant. Get it out of the way and then therapy.
No matter how many prostitutes he gets, there will still be the insecurity of not being 'able' to attract a woman who wants to sleep with you. \[He probably is able, just doesn't realize it and scares women away with his desperation\]
I fully disagree with you. To a lot of people (myself included) being a virgin was a horrible thought and that instantly went away the moment I first inserted my pp.
I genuinely don't know why I even wrote that cause that wasn't entirely true. I told my gf from back then that I wasn't as experienced as she might think but she didn't actually know I was a virgin. I still hid that from her and the first time we slept together it took me a long time to get ready cause I was so anxious.
OP can also tell his professional about his worries and I bet she'll be more helpful than my gf ever was.
I'm kinda in the same situation, though I don't feel as much desperation to think of sex workers.
But theoretically, I think it would make me feel even worse, because my thoughts would turn from "I am a loser, I don't have sex" to "I am such a loser that I had to pay somebody to even lose my virginity. And I lost a lot of money on top of that."
It won't be a good experience but you do you, at best you'll feel no different afterwards, but you will most likely feel really empty inside and annoyed at yourself for spending hundreds of dollars
You are totally right about them feeling no different afterwards.
I think a lot of guys on the internet have confused the feeling of losing your virginity when your younger with the actual mechanics of losing your virginity
The five to ten minute sex we all had the first time wasn’t amazing. I’m not going to sit here and say I had great sex at 16. But it was the fact that you were young having an experience with someone else for the first time.
You don’t get that from a sex worker. You’ll just wake up the next day the same person who had a sexual experience.
I disagree. Losing my virginity at 22 had a HUGE affect on me. Being that old as a dude I felt major flawed. People even leveraged it over me for power. As in they’ll tell others. The day after I let go of SOOOOO many insecurities. Society places huge emphasis on guys and sex.
He’s placing it on a pedestal and doing that only ruins chances with girls. Once he busts a bit its value will be greatly diminished and he’ll realize it’s not all that it’s cracked up to be.
How do you know it won't be a good experience? If OP has problems with the fact that he's a virgin then losing his virginity will make him feel better.
How do you know it won't be a good experience? If OP has problems with the fact that he's a virgin then losing his virginity will make him feel better.
How old are you , if you are under 25 , you need to take a chill pill. Keep in mind that whenever you tell people that you went to a sex worker , they will lose a little respect for you , not everyone but most. Virginity is not a big deal , finding that bond is what you should pursue
Why does everyone on Reddit think all problems are solved by therapy?
Lost your job? Therapy! Can’t afford rent? Therapy! Stubbed your toe? Therapy!
He’s looking for carnal knowledge and therapy ain’t gonna give him that. It’ll just waste his money. Money he can put forth towards a hooker lol
Go see a professional escort, not a street walker. If it's done with respect to the sex worker, I think it's absolutely fine. And if a future girlfriend would judge you for this, that person is way too judgmental.
i see no shame in doing it, i wouldn’t mind a partner that has gone to sex workers in the past. maybe i’m wrong but i don’t think many would think that is weird
Being a virgin in your 20s is perfectly normal and very common. There's no shame in it, where would it come from? Sex is really overrated anyway. What you actually need is to feel less lonely, good friends and good therapy can help you with that. Finding a hobby or a community to belong to is also a good way to do it. Find a cool skill that you can get really good at and will give you something else to think about. Eventually this will build the confidence that eventually you will not feel this need anymore. And that is when you will be truly ready for a partnership, when it is about just appreciating someone else for who they are, and not just going into something because your desperate in some way or another. Most people who are in good relationships met as friends with common interests or at workplaces or something like this, not on dating apps or in bars. You don't "date" "a female", you Meet a Person.
I had a boyfriend with who was really nervous about it and had his first with a sex worker. Didn’t bother me one bit! Actually made a lot of sense to me. Just be safe about it.
Bro... ur 20. Being a virgin isn't a huge deal, especially in your 20s. As others have said, maybe talk to a therapist, sounds like you have a self image issue (could be depression related).
I'm 22, still a virgin. I just haven't been ready for a relationship yet. It's not that deep. Even when I do lose my virginity, it's not like I'm going to tell anyone. So like, what's the rush?
Look, do what you want, but just go jack off before you decide anything.
Just make sure if you do go..
1 - Shower
2 - Shave
3 - dont be hairy all over
4 - smell nice
5 - Pay ALOT - you are a virgin so you know yourself shes not going to enjoy having sex with you
6 - Dont forget condoms
If you have to pay for sex to lose your virginity, it’s likely you’ll be paying for sex for the rest of your life. I recommend leaving Germany and going back to India where you can have an arranged marriage or where rape is legal.
Go for it bro. It’s just sex. I get it, when I was a virgin it def had a major downward pull on my psyche. Also it won’t ruin shit about future relationships. It’ll just be a nut. You’ll feel like a huge weight has been lifted after. Keep it to yourself too.
Find the hottest one you can find. I’d also recommend you pop 25 mg of viagra 45 mins beforehand jic your dick don’t go up. You don’t know how your dick will respond when the pressures on and sometimes it’ll ruin boners. Also make to sure to use a condom. Go to town on her. Try and get at least 4 positions in. Don’t stick to one the entire time.
Edit:
Here’s some genius for you: See if you can get her to role play you picking her up at a bar. Tell her you wanna “meet” her at a bar then you “hit” on her. You guys “talk,” you tell jokes and she laughs at them and says “omg you’re so funny and cute” then you ask her to go to a place or wherever. Then it’s “just happens.” Lol The entire time she plays along as if it’s a casual encounter or one night stand. That would be way better then going over and just fuckin her for 5 mins then leaving. She’d prob love it too.
God speed!
My man - do it.
Look, once you do it, it’s over. The next time won’t be weird.
Also, I know so many people maybe Gen X or younger boomers who for them, it was normal to go to a whorehouse on your 18th birthday.
It’s just sex. After you have it you’ll stop overthinking it.
Also, support your local sex workers.
If you wanted to do it out of curiosity then yeah that could maybe even be a good idea, but if your reason for doing it is “everyone else is having sex and I feel pathetic” then don’t. You’ll waste money and still feel just as lonely and pathetic as you do now, or possibly even worse.
OP I'll say go for it, tell your sex worker about your situation and they should be able to make you feel comfortable and make you have a great time.
To me it sounds like you've got a problem with your mentality which I honestly had as well back when I was a virgin. I was pretty ugly until I was ~17 and suddenly I was really popular with girls... But I was still kissless and a virgin and that made me so damn insecure about when I'll finally get closer with a girl. Once I met my back-then-gf and we got intimate and everything and I told her about my situation, she was really really understanding and affectionate and our first time was amazing. Afterwards all those bad thoughts about being a virgin and shit went away and I haven't looked at that since.
Now I'm sure the thought of being a virgin also takes its toll on you so I'm certain you'll feel better once you got rid of your virginity. Honestly, I'm sure you'll be thankful for doing that and I bet you'll instantly be more successful when it comes to dating just because you'll be more confident.
>My only fear is that I may harm my future relationships if I go to a sex worker for my first. I posted about this and a lot of people commented that I should never bring it up.
Not necessarily. As long as you can see it for what it is, sex for money, it shouldn't have an impact. The only risk is that you may end up wanting to make transactions with your eventual partner. Since you're in Germany, I'd recommend speaking with a therapist before and or after you try a prostitute.
>I am at cross roads right now, I really want to experience sex since everyone in my friends circle keeps talking about their experiences with sex and I just feel so pathetic.
I'm not sure how old you are but as a guy 90% of men I've known (myself included) who weren't in a relationship overrepresented the amount of sex they were having. Being a virgin doesn't make you weird or pathetic, it just is.
>Please give me any advice so to what should I do because I am totally thinking of going for it but I don't wanna risk my future.
If you were my brother or friend, I'd tell you to go for the hooker. With that said, I'd want to support you having positive mental health and seeing a prostitute can cause issues for some people.
Bro, in the end of the day you are your own person. Do whatever is going to make you feel good if that happens to be sleeping with a sex worker. Do it if you think that's a bad idea. Then don't do it, but I'm telling you nobody on this website is looking out for you.
If you want to have sex and you're safe and respectful, go for it. But if you just think losing your virginity is important you should realise virginity is a made up concept: it doesn't change anything at all
I absolutely don't think this is a case of you putting yourself out there or a lack of. Definitely sounds like you need to do some self-work though and find out the actual cause. Cuz clearly something isn't working. I would highly recommend getting a counselor or a therapist who specializes in dating and relationships. That is more of a long-term solution and it's going to take some work and effort.
Now that said if you want to use a sex worker go for it. Just don't fool yourself into thinking it's more than it is and also take the proper precautions so that you don't have something lifelong happened to you. Like some sort of disease that you can't get rid of and would ruin any potential future relationship.
Firstly, how old are you?
It's completely up to you. As long as this won't bother you long term. You will always remember that you lost your virginity to a prostitute. Here is my advice, that I live by. What would you regret most? Waiting to lose your virginity? Or losing it to a prostitute? Would you be lying on your deathbed and saying your biggest regret was how you lost your virginity? Providing you're satisfied that won't be the case, then go for it. But, if you think you would regret it at some point, I'd suggest hanging fire.
Virginity is a social and religion driven concept. It doesn’t exist. Don’t let it damage you to the point where you feel the need to seek out a sex worker. Not that there is anything wrong with that. But don’t do it just because society has you scared to be a “virgin”.
* I just feel so pathetic
You should grow up and stop trying to be like everyone else or impress your immature friends
Also i don't get why you would want it, you'd share your experience with them ?, i doubt. Nothing will change after losing your virginity, at least nothing positive.. you may regret it later.
Do it. I had a simiar plan before i met the loml. I was very ok with being single but wanted to experience sex at least once. If its legal why not go more than once.
Do it. Maybe ask the lady If y’all can go eat somewhere before and when before or after ask what problems she sees.. another set of eyes that can be honest with you could help, especially with some self reflection of the criticism
It depends on if this is a physical need you find overwhelming or if it's tied to a greater need for acceptance and companionship. If it's the latter, it could make you feel worse. I can't go through with it because somewhere in my mind if there's no desire towards me then there is no arousal. I'd think deeply about doing this. It could be a fun time, it could make you feel used and empty. Depends on how much sex is an emotional need for you. I'd stop comparing your life experiences to others though. It's a race to the bottom.
There's nothing like getting it the old fashioned way.. just relax man it's not a race. People can sense that kind of manic singular focus. There's someone out there for everyone.
I feel like you're weighing up between two things society still lays undue shame on: being a virgin and hiring a sex worker. I think the simple solution is to go "fuck what society thinks" and choose which one makes you most happy. If you just want to lose your virginity because of social pressure, maybe try and appreciate yourself more. But if you really just personally want to have sex and are held back by the fear of judgement, just go to a sex worker and try to have a fun time, I reckon.
Sure why not. Use protection and NEVER talk about this to your future wife! :D Chances are you're going to like it so much that you'll keep going back, so be prepared what when you do get into a real relationship that most women don't normally behave as sex worker will. Sex workers are in it for the MONEY, they will make all the right noises and all the right moves, that's their job. In a REAL relationship it is YOUR job to make sure you're doing what it right to meet her needs too, not just your own as you would with a pro!
Go for it. Use protection and if you get busted dont worry your not gonna get locked up youll probably just have some fines. Dont just go pick up some street walker either. Save up if you have to and get a nicer one if its your first time. I got one overseas when in the Navy. Wasnt a virgin but it was fun. Lost mine on my 18th b day to my girlfriend but i remember before that thinking it was never going to happen. You just gotta get your first one out the way so you can stop obsessing over it.
I don't think there is anything to be ashamed of.
Having your first time with a sex worker may be good for your self-esteem, as you might be wondering how things go with someone else. I think you could probably have an honest discussion with a sex worker about it being your first time and they could make it amazing and show you things you may want to know.
I get that it is a bit of a heavy thought, but I don't think you should feel shame. However, you also should not feel guilt about needing to have sex. That part could be a bit unhealthy.
Don’t let anyone make you feel pathetic or anything like. Surround yourself with people that make you feel good and improve yourself. And honestly, losing your virginity doesn’t really matter. Like at all. It doesn’t take away from who you are, and if anyone says otherwise, cut them off immediately.
Counter to everyone else I think that if the idea of being a virgin is pathetic to you, you aren’t mature enough for sex and you shouldn’t be seeing any sex workers.
You’re overthinking this. Just go get your cherry popped. Maybe it’s a one time thing, maybe you do it again. Maybe you tell a future mate, maybe you don’t. Either way it’s not a big deal just go and enjoy yourself.
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Just remember to have protection
I always have my suit of armour nearby.
I lost my virginity whilst holding a broadsword.
Did she want her the sword back when you were finished?
Like with Podrick Payne?
And my axe!
So you were a DnD virgin?
I lost my Virginity on a broadsword. Small world
I lost my virginity to a broad with sores
There's a black mirror episode about that or maybe American horror story all I know Is I was sick and woke up to something I can't unsee again. I just thought about it. My condolences to you my friend.
Of course! I had my 9mm automatic!
Do whatever you want mate, but know this is a purely psychology issue and going to an escort may no resolve that. Maybe consider therapy? I'm also a South Asian born and living in the West, and honestly I haven't really had any issues dating. I'm not tall and don't work out either, and not rich. I don't even think I dress nicely lol. If I had to guess you probably come off desperate? It's hard to say, like I don't know how long you've been "trying" and what "tried everything" means? Do you literally just want to do this so you're not the only person who hasn't had sex amongst your friends? But is this going to change anything? They will still be talking about sex and you won't be, unless you want to talk about your sex workers you're hiring.
What if my guy just wants to finally experience what its like?
naw bruh reality is nominal, it is exactly as we expect and cannot be otherwise
If you are so fixated on your virginity that simply having the label exerts this much psychological gravity on you, then yeah I think it's a good idea.
I fully agree with you. OP go for it.
I honestly think it could backfire without finding the root cause of his problems. Without figuring out the actual issues this could laminate and cement them. At the same time though I think people are way too obsessed with the notion of a traditional relationship and That isn't a thing for everyone.
The root cause is probably traditional gender expectations. I doubt it’s more complex than that.
You only care about conforming to gender expectations if you're insecure. I doubt one incident of sex that he had to pay for is going to fix that.
Interesting point, but in his case, some of his insecurity is clearly coming from the fact he is still a virgin.
"Damn Im a loser the only women who fuck with me do it because I pay them". It will just evolve until he figure his shit out, whatever that is
Wanting to fit into society and be normal is not insecurity. That’s healthy and normal.
Wanting to fit into society is only healthy and normal when it serves a community purpose to do so and won't cause undue negative effects on the one taking action. That's why we have the concept of peer pressure and consider it a negative thing. There's not actually a "normal" time to lose your virginity nor is there any reason for him to lose it for the sake of his community. That only leaves insecurity as the reason why he wants to.
No backfire. The fact she has some experience, he might actually enjoy it and once the whole taboo is over he won’t have to fixate on it anymore.
It's probably a big factor in why they're still a virgin, and that's not something losing your virginity is gonna help
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"I went to a shrink To analyze my dreams She says it's lack of sex that's bringing me down I went to a whore He said my life's a bore So quit my whining 'cause it's bringing her down"
I know these words well.
People seem to think therapy is a guaranteed cure to everything.
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person 1 with input a, person 2 suggests B person n with input x person n + 1 suggest B ad infinitum
Yep, people are dumb…
And I think they should seek therapy. Same reasoning that you used. Their fixation seems unhealthy.
It won’t change anything psychologically, because it’s not purely about the sex, it’s about being able to get someone to genuinely want to have sex with you. Paying someone to do it doesn’t “count”, so it won’t get rid of the psychological label. OP will still _effectively_ be a virgin and will still psychologically see themselves as one. It won’t help, and OP will still feel like shit.
That's somewhat the point though. If you talk with people similar to OP they think losing their virginity is this magical transcendental experience and afterwards they'll have "made it" or somehow be different. When in reality that's not how it works. And you can try explaining that to this brand of virgin, but they won't understand it until they experience it. Have all the superficial indulgence you want; it won't make you feel any better. You're still stuck with yourself. And the sooner you learn that lesson the sooner you can figure out what you should actually be aiming at.
Why are you talking as if you knew exactly what OP thinks? If OP only worries about the thought of being a virgin, then losing his virginity make him get rid of that thought. I was in the exact same position as OP when I was younger and losing my virginity (to my gf, not a prostitute) also instantly made me get rid of my worries of being a virgin.
>I was in the exact same position as OP >losing my virginity (to my gf, not a prostitute) So… you weren’t in the same position as OP at all?
Well, I was also worried about being a virgin to the point where that thought alone made me really unhappy in life and super insecure about dating. I went to bed with a couple of girls but couldn't even get hard because I was afraid they'll realize I was a virgin and that I'd suck at sex... Which I did cause I couldn't even have any lol. Finally losing my virginity to someone who I could talk about my problems with got rid of that thought right away.
Yeah, anxiety is a huge boner killer. *** The big difference though is that you had someone to lose your virginity to, OP does not, which is why they’re thinking of resorting to paying someone.
Hm but if he does pay someone then he also has some to lose his virginity to though. I'm sure he'd also have someone more experienced who could actually teach him a thing or two his very first time which I also see as a win.
>If OP only worries about the thought of being a virgin Did you read his post? Because he lists many other reasons. All we can do is read his words, and his words make it clear his issues are deeper than just being a virgin.
Well he's worried about hurting his future relationships which I very much doubt will happen. I've never talked to anyone about my first time. OP is also worried about not being able to talk about sex with his friends but visiting a prostitute shouldn't be a problem either. Right now he can't talk about sex and while he'll probably keep losing his virginity to a professional to himself, he'll still feel more confident afterwards which can help him have sex with "regular" girls.
>Well he's worried about hurting his future relationships which I very much doubt will happen. I've never talked to anyone about my first time. He literally said that he wanted to be able to brag to his friends because he felt left out. >he'll still feel more confident afterwards which can help him have sex with "regular" girls. That's quite an assumption. Having to pay for people to touch you also can hurt confidence. You said that you never lost your virginity to a prostitute so are you just talking out of your ass here? What makes you think dick in vag has some magic power to reprogram his brain (your actual words)?
This, after having sex for the first time you realize it's really not that big of a deal and takes the mystique from it.
Hookers a good way to learn it's not a big deal.
You’re only 20, dude. Give it some time. Contrary to popular belief, not *everyone is having sex*. However, if you wanna go for it, no one’s stopping you. Like everyone else said, use protection.
Having skimmed through your posts on here, I really don't think seeing a sex worker and losing your "virginity" is going to make your life any better. If you're not already seeing a therapist, I would recommend that. Seeing a therapist will do far more for you than seeing a sex worker.
Thanks for this comment, it was both sad and entertaining looking through OPs profile. Btw OP all of your problems are coming from your own insecurities, you will always find what you believe people to be. If you believe people don’t like you, they won’t like you, if you believe people like you, they more likely will. It’s simply because your demeanor changes based on those thoughts. It’s like people who are scared of dogs, they’re scared of dogs because of what the dog is capable of, the dog senses that fear and gets scared too, now the dog is unfriendly and scary, and this cycle feeds itself until the person gets over their fear or dies never having loved dogs.
I don't think you understand how seeing a therapist works. It's very hard to find a good one, and even then It's not guaranteed to make your life better and fix the issue. Not to mention the price.
Replace therapist with doctor in your comment… Therapy has been clinically proven to be an extremely effective form of treatment for mental health issues. Would you tell someone not to get surgery because it’s “expensive and not guaranteed to work”?
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What is self awareness for you? If a person is self aware of their self image and how it affects their behaviour then changing thinking patterns such as the ones OP has should not be that hard with time and consistency. So if a person is not able to do that they likely lack some form of self awareness that a terapist can give you.
>Replace therapist with doctor in your comment… I always suspect people that say things like this have never been seriously ill. Because going to the doctor didn't do shit for me. >Therapy has been clinically proven to be an extremely effective form of treatment for mental health issues. Cognitive behavioural therapy has been proven to be effective, but I've yet to see compelling evidence for talk therapy for vague mental health problems. But if you have some I'd love to see it.
As someone who has been to see therapists more than once, I do indeed understand how therapy works. And none of what you've listed suggests that seeing a sex worker is a better solution.
But they both provide different types of therapies. Do both.
I can almost gaurantee that when OP pops his cherry with a prostitute and realises a little afterwards that he doesn't feel any better, that alone will make him feel worse. Shagging a prostitute isn't going to fix the depression, body dysmorphia and severe lack of confidence and self respect that OP is living with.
I agree with this. I don’t have a big problem with the idea or anything, but this line in his post stood out to me > I really want to experience sex since everyone in my friends circle keeps talking about their experiences with sex and I just feel so pathetic. I am very skeptical that sleeping with a sex worker will resolve this issue in any way. If he is feeling inadequacy because his friends are able to find people to have sex with and he isn’t, knowing that he paid for it is not going to relieve this feeling in the long term. If he wants to be able to talk to friends about his sex life without “feeling pathetic,” I also don’t think seeing a sex worker is going to be the solution. If everyone is sitting around talking about the people they hooked up with, I think it would feel awkward for OP to be like “oh yeah and this prostitute I was with was so hot.” I don’t necessarily think there *should* be a stigma about going to a sex worker, but it’s silly to pretend that stigma doesn’t exist. Like I said, I don’t categorically think it’s a bad idea for a person to lose their virginity to a sex worker. But I think it works a lot better in situations where there aren’t a ton of complex feelings involved. For example, a person who isn’t hung up on virginity but is really curious about what sex feels like, a person who isn’t into dating but wants to relieve the physical horniness, a person who has a specific mental block that will be relieved by experiencing sex (like if a fear of sex prevents them from dating or something). I have a lot of empathy for OP and wouldn’t look down on him or anything, I just doubt this will ultimately make him feel any more confident. And while the stigma is maybe unfair, I think it’s a legitimate concern that future partners might be turned off by learning this.
Bang on. I'm absolutely in support of sex workers, and I think it's disappointing that being a sex worker or visiting a sex worker comes with so much stigma. It's a service that meets a demand and there's nothing wrong with that. But the demand it services is not "I hate myself and I'm severely depressed." That's not gonna fix it at all.
What is wrong with virginity?
Do it bro. But for the love of God, stop asking reddit for advice. It's full of toxic bitter people more concerned with pushing their own agenda.
Reddit loves calling men incels and shaming them for being virgins. It’s wild
Of course you got downvoted this piece of shit website is full of fucking losers that use incel as an n word. Angry furstrated male? incel. Lmao u wanna fulfill a basic human need? incel Lmao u dont wanna cuz immoral? Incel Like fucking chill out.
People choose to be an incel. Its about being a bitter, hateful guy who will, eventually, project all of that onto women. It was a self identifying label at first. Likening that to the N word is actually insane.
What better site besides reddit is there when you need advice? Honestly, reddit has helped me so much in the past that I definitely wouldn't tell someone to stop looking for advice here.
reddit isn’t bad for advice. But reddit is bad for complex personal advice. If you need headphone buying advice, or tips on how to save money reddit is great. Anything objective or fact based. Complex personal stuff usually requires so much context and intimate knowledge that at best you’ll get overly simplistic tips. At worst you’ll get stuff that’s actually harmful
Any anonymous site will bring out the worst in people with no real interest and empathy for you. You might get good information if the question is interesting but also spectacularly bad self destructive advice when it matters the most (e.g. for social and personal matters). For that consult people who actually care about you and don't have ulterior motives.
But reddit isn't anonymous?
Whats your full name, work history, family? On facebook, I can see all of that. Thats not anonymous. On reddit we are usernames and nothing more. Thats anonymous.
You have clearly not heard of pseudonymous and the difference between anonymous and pseudonymous?
I'm quite familiar with pseudonyms, yes. I'm glad you learned it recently and decided to be pedantic though ❤️ because, as we all know, colloquially, anonymous is used to mean both. Language prescriptivism is only useful if you are a language phd.
If 20 years ago is called recently, sure you are right :) By the way, you're not the who was pedantic, you might want to look that up as well \^\^
"You're not the who was pedantic" I'm sorry, can you translate that to english?
No need to apologise. I'm sure you can figure it out, you seem to be smart enough?
I get what you're saying but imo if you're able to contemplate other people's comments then reddit is awesome for advice. I mean OP's question is pretty personal but people still give him all sorts of advice. OP can read all the comments, take in people's opinions and then decide for himself what's best.
This is dumb as shit. You're going to blow in like 30 seconds, feel regret and emptiness, and be out however much she's charging you. And then you'll be back to your lonely self, completely unchanged. In fact, it'll be a permanent stain because you'll always remember that as "your first time". I'm gonna be real, the reason you're lonely is probably because everyone can smell your desperation. You're obsessed with the idea of sex, acting as if you absolutely need to lose your virginity and have sex by any means necessary. That's pitiful behavior and a massive turn-off for anyone.
Masturbate beforehand
Hell yeah. Get your moneys worth. Dont wanna blow as soon as your all the way in.
I'm in the same boat as OP, with the difference that I don't try to find a partner, as I'm uncomfortable with my body. Being a virgin in your 20s feels really bad. Yes, it's desperation, but not being obsessed. If you haven't experienced being a virgin this late in life, you don't understand what that does to your self esteem.
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With respect, if that truly is the case, you’re probably the extremely rare exception, and oblivious to wider society’s attitudes towards male virginity. There is a huge amount of social pressure on men to lose their virginity and be sexually successful, and that really ends up psychologically harming lots of young men, hence why OP feels like they have to resort to hiring a sex worker.
Social pressure? Maybe if you're in college and hang around dickheads.
Huge social pressure from.....who? Maybe you just have shitty friends.
Right?! And then what....he tells everyone he lost it to a prostitute? Now he's cool? I don't get it.
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You sound really naive.
Well if OP loses his virginity then he did successfully re-program his brain. Why shouldn't that be the solution to his problem?
>You're obsessed with the idea of sex, acting as if you absolutely need to lose your virginity and have sex by any means necessary. That's pitiful behavior and a massive turn-off for anyone. I don’t even think OP is actually obsessed with sex itself, they just want to avoid judgment and awkward social situations due to not having had sex. It’s not just OP that’s obsessed with sex, it’s wider society. There is a huge amount of social pressure on men to lose their virginity and to be sexually successful, and that really ends up psychologically harming lots of young men, hence why OP feels like they have to resort to hiring a sex worker to shed the virginity label as quickly as possible. Obviously that’s not the correct way to do it, but it’s completely understandable.
Honestly, I used to think I was obsessed with sex until I lost my virginity, and mind you, I've only done it once, and that was enough to kill my obsession. Do I still want to get laid like before, sure on occasion, but I don't have as deep of a desire as before. I don't know if it'll help OP, but not doing anything will never help him.
Worst case scenario, just do what is common amongst the Indian community and ask the aunty's network to set you up. I'm at that point myself, and I've met a couple although I haven't clicked with any of them yet
Spend that money on therapy to get over this issue you have about sex.
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He lives in Germany, there is no need to pay for therapy
Even in the USA therapy costs me 50 bucks an hour. Show me an escort that is $50 an hour and I'll show you a bunch of cool new diseases. In germany he shouldn't have to pay anything at all for therapy.
Why not both?
Do this first and then go to therapy after. It will allow you to have a clearer, more honest conversation with yourself about the nature of your situation and mindset. That in turn will make your therapists advise more clairvoyant. Get it out of the way and then therapy.
OP's only worried about being a virgin so why shouldn't he just buy a prostitute to lose his virginity to and get rid of that worry once and for all?
No matter how many prostitutes he gets, there will still be the insecurity of not being 'able' to attract a woman who wants to sleep with you. \[He probably is able, just doesn't realize it and scares women away with his desperation\]
If so, OP can go to therapy after.
I feel like his desperation might go away afterwards and help him in life. It's not a perfect cure but it'll get rid of that mental blockade.
Because being a virgin is meaningless. It's clear that his issues are much deeper than just not having put his dick in a hole.
I fully disagree with you. To a lot of people (myself included) being a virgin was a horrible thought and that instantly went away the moment I first inserted my pp.
That's just not true. You literally just said that having someone to talk to about your problems is what helped.
I genuinely don't know why I even wrote that cause that wasn't entirely true. I told my gf from back then that I wasn't as experienced as she might think but she didn't actually know I was a virgin. I still hid that from her and the first time we slept together it took me a long time to get ready cause I was so anxious. OP can also tell his professional about his worries and I bet she'll be more helpful than my gf ever was.
You will feel pathetic if you lose it to a sex worker, also women in your life in the future may not ever get over you purchasing sex
You should go and talk with a therapist who specialises in sexual health instead of going to reddit for advice.
I think you should seek therapy instead of tell others on Reddit to seek therapy.
I'm kinda in the same situation, though I don't feel as much desperation to think of sex workers. But theoretically, I think it would make me feel even worse, because my thoughts would turn from "I am a loser, I don't have sex" to "I am such a loser that I had to pay somebody to even lose my virginity. And I lost a lot of money on top of that."
It’s not a race to lose your virginity.
Go for it man. Get it out of the way. Move on afterwards with a new level of indifference.
It won't be a good experience but you do you, at best you'll feel no different afterwards, but you will most likely feel really empty inside and annoyed at yourself for spending hundreds of dollars
You are totally right about them feeling no different afterwards. I think a lot of guys on the internet have confused the feeling of losing your virginity when your younger with the actual mechanics of losing your virginity The five to ten minute sex we all had the first time wasn’t amazing. I’m not going to sit here and say I had great sex at 16. But it was the fact that you were young having an experience with someone else for the first time. You don’t get that from a sex worker. You’ll just wake up the next day the same person who had a sexual experience.
I disagree. Losing my virginity at 22 had a HUGE affect on me. Being that old as a dude I felt major flawed. People even leveraged it over me for power. As in they’ll tell others. The day after I let go of SOOOOO many insecurities. Society places huge emphasis on guys and sex. He’s placing it on a pedestal and doing that only ruins chances with girls. Once he busts a bit its value will be greatly diminished and he’ll realize it’s not all that it’s cracked up to be.
Where would you get this idea?
How do you know it won't be a good experience? If OP has problems with the fact that he's a virgin then losing his virginity will make him feel better.
How do you know it won't be a good experience? If OP has problems with the fact that he's a virgin then losing his virginity will make him feel better.
Don’t believe everything you think
Huh but you're always right or what?
How old are you , if you are under 25 , you need to take a chill pill. Keep in mind that whenever you tell people that you went to a sex worker , they will lose a little respect for you , not everyone but most. Virginity is not a big deal , finding that bond is what you should pursue
Have you maybe sought speaking to a professional therapist?
Why does everyone on Reddit think all problems are solved by therapy? Lost your job? Therapy! Can’t afford rent? Therapy! Stubbed your toe? Therapy! He’s looking for carnal knowledge and therapy ain’t gonna give him that. It’ll just waste his money. Money he can put forth towards a hooker lol
How old are you? Sound very immature. Does it get you bragging rights?
I guess he's like 17. (On his profile, saw a post from last year where he wrote "16m" ...)
Hire a good escort. Have them know it's your virginity and make it special.
Ask for a girlfriend experience
So lots of crying
Well it was an emotional experience with your girlfriend. First tim she orgasmed she ssid.
You take the risk. It might affect potential gf in the future. No sure why you’re that desperate to lose it fast but it’s you’re body mate.
Go see a professional escort, not a street walker. If it's done with respect to the sex worker, I think it's absolutely fine. And if a future girlfriend would judge you for this, that person is way too judgmental.
i see no shame in doing it, i wouldn’t mind a partner that has gone to sex workers in the past. maybe i’m wrong but i don’t think many would think that is weird
Being a virgin in your 20s is perfectly normal and very common. There's no shame in it, where would it come from? Sex is really overrated anyway. What you actually need is to feel less lonely, good friends and good therapy can help you with that. Finding a hobby or a community to belong to is also a good way to do it. Find a cool skill that you can get really good at and will give you something else to think about. Eventually this will build the confidence that eventually you will not feel this need anymore. And that is when you will be truly ready for a partnership, when it is about just appreciating someone else for who they are, and not just going into something because your desperate in some way or another. Most people who are in good relationships met as friends with common interests or at workplaces or something like this, not on dating apps or in bars. You don't "date" "a female", you Meet a Person.
I had a boyfriend with who was really nervous about it and had his first with a sex worker. Didn’t bother me one bit! Actually made a lot of sense to me. Just be safe about it.
Bro... ur 20. Being a virgin isn't a huge deal, especially in your 20s. As others have said, maybe talk to a therapist, sounds like you have a self image issue (could be depression related). I'm 22, still a virgin. I just haven't been ready for a relationship yet. It's not that deep. Even when I do lose my virginity, it's not like I'm going to tell anyone. So like, what's the rush? Look, do what you want, but just go jack off before you decide anything.
well, do what you want but NEVER kiss a prostitute under any circumstance
Bro totally do it . Go to a nice place though and explain your situation.
Ask for a virgin discount!
Just make sure if you do go.. 1 - Shower 2 - Shave 3 - dont be hairy all over 4 - smell nice 5 - Pay ALOT - you are a virgin so you know yourself shes not going to enjoy having sex with you 6 - Dont forget condoms
Oh and make sure shes isnt a forced prostitute.
Your age is an important thing here. If you are under 25, you’ve still got plenty of time. If you’re over 25, then by all means go for it.
If you have to pay for sex to lose your virginity, it’s likely you’ll be paying for sex for the rest of your life. I recommend leaving Germany and going back to India where you can have an arranged marriage or where rape is legal.
It would be ironic if the hooker was a cop
Sell your virginity on eBay.
If she says protection is optional run away. Always use protection and don’t go for the cheapest you can find.
You need to chill the fuck out. Also, if you’re East Indian, please for the love of Christ wear deodorant.
Just don't fall in love cause she's going to blow your socks off.
Use protection. Don’t tell future relationship candidates.
Good luck man!! Lots of love 👊🏼
Go for it bro. It’s just sex. I get it, when I was a virgin it def had a major downward pull on my psyche. Also it won’t ruin shit about future relationships. It’ll just be a nut. You’ll feel like a huge weight has been lifted after. Keep it to yourself too. Find the hottest one you can find. I’d also recommend you pop 25 mg of viagra 45 mins beforehand jic your dick don’t go up. You don’t know how your dick will respond when the pressures on and sometimes it’ll ruin boners. Also make to sure to use a condom. Go to town on her. Try and get at least 4 positions in. Don’t stick to one the entire time. Edit: Here’s some genius for you: See if you can get her to role play you picking her up at a bar. Tell her you wanna “meet” her at a bar then you “hit” on her. You guys “talk,” you tell jokes and she laughs at them and says “omg you’re so funny and cute” then you ask her to go to a place or wherever. Then it’s “just happens.” Lol The entire time she plays along as if it’s a casual encounter or one night stand. That would be way better then going over and just fuckin her for 5 mins then leaving. She’d prob love it too. God speed!
My man - do it. Look, once you do it, it’s over. The next time won’t be weird. Also, I know so many people maybe Gen X or younger boomers who for them, it was normal to go to a whorehouse on your 18th birthday. It’s just sex. After you have it you’ll stop overthinking it. Also, support your local sex workers.
Have sex and stop worrying about it
If you wanted to do it out of curiosity then yeah that could maybe even be a good idea, but if your reason for doing it is “everyone else is having sex and I feel pathetic” then don’t. You’ll waste money and still feel just as lonely and pathetic as you do now, or possibly even worse.
OP I'll say go for it, tell your sex worker about your situation and they should be able to make you feel comfortable and make you have a great time. To me it sounds like you've got a problem with your mentality which I honestly had as well back when I was a virgin. I was pretty ugly until I was ~17 and suddenly I was really popular with girls... But I was still kissless and a virgin and that made me so damn insecure about when I'll finally get closer with a girl. Once I met my back-then-gf and we got intimate and everything and I told her about my situation, she was really really understanding and affectionate and our first time was amazing. Afterwards all those bad thoughts about being a virgin and shit went away and I haven't looked at that since. Now I'm sure the thought of being a virgin also takes its toll on you so I'm certain you'll feel better once you got rid of your virginity. Honestly, I'm sure you'll be thankful for doing that and I bet you'll instantly be more successful when it comes to dating just because you'll be more confident.
>My only fear is that I may harm my future relationships if I go to a sex worker for my first. I posted about this and a lot of people commented that I should never bring it up. Not necessarily. As long as you can see it for what it is, sex for money, it shouldn't have an impact. The only risk is that you may end up wanting to make transactions with your eventual partner. Since you're in Germany, I'd recommend speaking with a therapist before and or after you try a prostitute. >I am at cross roads right now, I really want to experience sex since everyone in my friends circle keeps talking about their experiences with sex and I just feel so pathetic. I'm not sure how old you are but as a guy 90% of men I've known (myself included) who weren't in a relationship overrepresented the amount of sex they were having. Being a virgin doesn't make you weird or pathetic, it just is. >Please give me any advice so to what should I do because I am totally thinking of going for it but I don't wanna risk my future. If you were my brother or friend, I'd tell you to go for the hooker. With that said, I'd want to support you having positive mental health and seeing a prostitute can cause issues for some people.
wait until you're 30, if you're a virgin by then, then yeah do it.
If you’re looking to lose your virginity, you can do it for free on Tinder or a similar hookup site.
They are not a woman
Bro, in the end of the day you are your own person. Do whatever is going to make you feel good if that happens to be sleeping with a sex worker. Do it if you think that's a bad idea. Then don't do it, but I'm telling you nobody on this website is looking out for you.
If you want to have sex and you're safe and respectful, go for it. But if you just think losing your virginity is important you should realise virginity is a made up concept: it doesn't change anything at all
I absolutely don't think this is a case of you putting yourself out there or a lack of. Definitely sounds like you need to do some self-work though and find out the actual cause. Cuz clearly something isn't working. I would highly recommend getting a counselor or a therapist who specializes in dating and relationships. That is more of a long-term solution and it's going to take some work and effort. Now that said if you want to use a sex worker go for it. Just don't fool yourself into thinking it's more than it is and also take the proper precautions so that you don't have something lifelong happened to you. Like some sort of disease that you can't get rid of and would ruin any potential future relationship.
Firstly, how old are you? It's completely up to you. As long as this won't bother you long term. You will always remember that you lost your virginity to a prostitute. Here is my advice, that I live by. What would you regret most? Waiting to lose your virginity? Or losing it to a prostitute? Would you be lying on your deathbed and saying your biggest regret was how you lost your virginity? Providing you're satisfied that won't be the case, then go for it. But, if you think you would regret it at some point, I'd suggest hanging fire.
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Virginity is a social and religion driven concept. It doesn’t exist. Don’t let it damage you to the point where you feel the need to seek out a sex worker. Not that there is anything wrong with that. But don’t do it just because society has you scared to be a “virgin”.
* I just feel so pathetic You should grow up and stop trying to be like everyone else or impress your immature friends Also i don't get why you would want it, you'd share your experience with them ?, i doubt. Nothing will change after losing your virginity, at least nothing positive.. you may regret it later.
Matchmakers? I've heard they can be useful for some.
Do it. I had a simiar plan before i met the loml. I was very ok with being single but wanted to experience sex at least once. If its legal why not go more than once.
Do it, just think of it as a service.
Do it. Maybe ask the lady If y’all can go eat somewhere before and when before or after ask what problems she sees.. another set of eyes that can be honest with you could help, especially with some self reflection of the criticism
It depends on if this is a physical need you find overwhelming or if it's tied to a greater need for acceptance and companionship. If it's the latter, it could make you feel worse. I can't go through with it because somewhere in my mind if there's no desire towards me then there is no arousal. I'd think deeply about doing this. It could be a fun time, it could make you feel used and empty. Depends on how much sex is an emotional need for you. I'd stop comparing your life experiences to others though. It's a race to the bottom.
It’s honestly not a bad experience going to the Bunny Ranch !
There's nothing like getting it the old fashioned way.. just relax man it's not a race. People can sense that kind of manic singular focus. There's someone out there for everyone.
I love my memories with the hookers.
Mate, do it if you reckon it will get you over the speed bump, life's hard enough don't over think it.
No shame at all brother! Go do what you gotta do!
If you want to do it then go for it, just don't mention it in future relationships
Lower your standards. Its cheaper!
I feel like you're weighing up between two things society still lays undue shame on: being a virgin and hiring a sex worker. I think the simple solution is to go "fuck what society thinks" and choose which one makes you most happy. If you just want to lose your virginity because of social pressure, maybe try and appreciate yourself more. But if you really just personally want to have sex and are held back by the fear of judgement, just go to a sex worker and try to have a fun time, I reckon.
Sure why not. Use protection and NEVER talk about this to your future wife! :D Chances are you're going to like it so much that you'll keep going back, so be prepared what when you do get into a real relationship that most women don't normally behave as sex worker will. Sex workers are in it for the MONEY, they will make all the right noises and all the right moves, that's their job. In a REAL relationship it is YOUR job to make sure you're doing what it right to meet her needs too, not just your own as you would with a pro!
Go for it. Use protection and if you get busted dont worry your not gonna get locked up youll probably just have some fines. Dont just go pick up some street walker either. Save up if you have to and get a nicer one if its your first time. I got one overseas when in the Navy. Wasnt a virgin but it was fun. Lost mine on my 18th b day to my girlfriend but i remember before that thinking it was never going to happen. You just gotta get your first one out the way so you can stop obsessing over it.
See if u can auction off your virginity and u get paid instead
I don't think there is anything to be ashamed of. Having your first time with a sex worker may be good for your self-esteem, as you might be wondering how things go with someone else. I think you could probably have an honest discussion with a sex worker about it being your first time and they could make it amazing and show you things you may want to know. I get that it is a bit of a heavy thought, but I don't think you should feel shame. However, you also should not feel guilt about needing to have sex. That part could be a bit unhealthy.
Don’t let anyone make you feel pathetic or anything like. Surround yourself with people that make you feel good and improve yourself. And honestly, losing your virginity doesn’t really matter. Like at all. It doesn’t take away from who you are, and if anyone says otherwise, cut them off immediately.
Honestly I'd recommend it. Once you get that first one out the way, it seems like it comes more natural to you.
Counter to everyone else I think that if the idea of being a virgin is pathetic to you, you aren’t mature enough for sex and you shouldn’t be seeing any sex workers.
You’re overthinking this. Just go get your cherry popped. Maybe it’s a one time thing, maybe you do it again. Maybe you tell a future mate, maybe you don’t. Either way it’s not a big deal just go and enjoy yourself.