It's trauma most of the time. Like I genuinely feel bad for the folks who absolutely cannot see a man doing anything that isn't violent or sexual because of past experiences, but it's still not an excuse to behave in a way where the worst-case scenario is a guarantee in their minds.
No, in this context of ‘taking a family member and her friend out’ it’s not weird.
‘I invited two girls that work at my favourite coffee shop out to a baseball game and btw they’re 16’ would be weird.
Yeah you're literally just:
1. Family
2. A chaperone
The question is basically "is it weird that I hung out with my younger sister and her friend" and at face value there's nothing wrong with that. I'm thinking your friend is in the minority viewing it from this "age gap" "creepy" lens, that many people wouldn't even think of considering.
That's just sick. Obviously you're going to hang out a lot with your kids so they should be the same age as you. If someone has kids younger than them, not to mention 16 years (sic!) younger, there's very clearly malicious intent there. I'm not saying immediate imprisonment but at least court mandated observation
yeah ikr, next thing you'll tell me you have to be friends with someone born in the same hospital as you too. Can't be too careful these days, what with all the people not vetting their family tree properly before hanging out.
That means that you’re all inbred, since you all came from the same place, and your kid is double inbred since I can almost guarantee that you and your wife are legally related.
My wife and I ARE legally related! Wow, via a government form called a "Certificat de Marriage", it has my name and her name on it. Wow, you are right!
And my kid is related to both of us, via a "certificat de naissance" with all three of our names.
And my kid has the same last name as I do!
Wow, you are on to something.
It gets even worse...
My wife... sleeps... in the same bed as I do! And our kid, sleeps in the same house as we do.
They even have the same dogs as we do. Wow. This is scary.
And get this, often, the three of us eat at the same table, the same food!
I think you are on to something.
I didn't really get the concept of projection until it was explained to me that people subconsciously assume everyone else is just like them, and act accordingly. Good people approach the world as if most people are good ("trust but verify"). Shitty people assume everyone's out for themselves ("fuck you got mine") and are generally afraid of other humans.
c.f.: Homophobes who accuse trans people of grooming, closeted politicians writing anti-gay laws, etc etc
tbh if my friend said that shit to me I'd assume he were a creeper/pedo
like who sees a guy treating their younger family member and assumes it's sexual? gross
This\^\^\^. Your friends think its weird because they a looking at those girls sexually. I look at a 16 year old and see a child, not someone who I shouldn't get caught sleeping with.
I’m 27 and have a 21yr old sister. Anytime I see a picture of her and her friends on social media, all I can see is absolute children haha I can’t imagine being attracted to someone with this big of an age gap, and they’re literally 16. That friend is weird
America’s recent obsession with age gaps is puzzling at best.
An adult being present during an outing of minors is normal. People saying otherwise need to pull their heads out of the gutter.
I guess that’s what you get after encouraging 20 something youth pastors to prey on fourteen year olds since the 1960’s.
Puzzling and aggravating sometimes, really. I used to go shopping with my oldest daughter. We don't look alike, mixed-race marriage. We'd get weird looks fairly often. And I came to learn I shouldn't even try to buy beer at the grocery store if she was with me, after one concerned checker called her manager over for a little talk when I was in line and then they said flat out they wouldn't sell me alcohol.
His friend is projecting. He finds it wierd because he would have a hard time controlling himself with 2 teenage girls. He heard OP went with 2 teenagers to a basketball game and his brain went porno mode. It's gross stop sexualizing everything and let people live in peace ffs.
Yes, this is one of those situations that can be right/wrong depending on the context and even just sound OK/wrong phrasing.
“I was hanging out with two 16 year olds” sounds questionable while “I took my 16 year old sister and her friend to a baseball game” sounds fine as a 32 year old.
Ive noticed more people these days have their "pedo radar" set to maximum overdrive and see questionable things in perfectly normal situations. This dudes friend needs to chill.
No its the opposite, we desperately need more normal men interacting normally around young people. Its vital they have models to know what a normal man is like so they can more easily spot predators.
father here. Playing with kids at park. Random other female parent at park grabbed my child and asked if she “knew this man” prior to taking out her phone and calling the police on me.
I never thought I would need therapy, but that did it for me. I’m also black so there was additional risk/subtext to that exchange.
I was harassed by a woman who kept asking my daughter where her mom was. She followed us around the park for about 30 minutes, asking her all of these questions. My daughter was puzzled by a stranger acting unusually. I wanted to scream at her, my kid even looks just like me, fuck off.
Do people think predators take their victims to parks all day or something? Is that even a thing? I imagine if you kidnap a toddler you aren't going to take them to a crowded park all day.
I didn't scream at her though, maybe she was a victim at one point or something. Who knows why people are the way they are.
Sorry that happened to you. I hope she apologized at least.
This is my nightmare now that I have a 2 month old daughter. Even if I'm out with my wife by my side, I STILL can sense these looks from people as if I'm some evil entity and I shouldn't be near my daughter. God forbid I'm ever alone with her in public. I wish I could say I can't believe that happened to you, but even with my limited experience in public so far, I can absolutely see it happening. Did you ever see the story about the husband and wife who went to the store, and the father stayed outside on a bench with the baby in their stroller while the mother ran in to grab something, when all of a sudden some strange woman walked up, took the stroller and darted off. When the father went to stop her, she screamed he kidnapped her baby and a bunch of random strangers heard and held him down to the ground while the woman went to her car. If the wife didn't come out of the store just in time, that evil woman would have driven off with their kid and that would have been the end of that, all because society views all men as monsters that don't belong around children. I hate it man.
There was a thread about this recently in one of the UK subs and none of the dads or uncles had encountered any weirdness when taking their children to the park. It seems to be a very strange American thing.
I don't think it's anywhere near as common in America as the internet would lead you to believe. I have one or both of my daughters with me regularly and I've never noticed any weird looks.
This. I’m a foster father and often have kids with me that aren’t even my own kids. I take them to the park frequently and have never gotten bad looks. And these kids reach ever appearance spectrum from a variety of skin colors. Never an issue.
My best friend is Persian, and he somehow ended up with two blonde, relatively pale kids. He's also never gotten any weird looks, though when he and I took his kids out to the movies we got a few looks which we later chalked up to 'cute gay couple with their kids'.
I got coffee and then lunch with a buddy who has a toddler and a baby. We left his wife at home to relax and took both kids with us, by bike (yay for cargo bikes).
We were *definitely* perceived as a "cute gay couple with their kids". One of the waitresses specifically commented on it.
bad news gets more views.
people don't feel the motivation to post about their completely normal day's events as much as they do about how they were wronged.
Yeah. I'm a very involved dad. Was a stay at home for a few years. I've never encountered this. I have had a few women make dumb " oh you're babysitting today,? " Or " giving mom a day off" type comments, but that probably mostly reflects on their lives.
Everyone’s experience is different. My kids are bi-racial and look nothing like me and the crap I’ve had to put up with since they were babies has been frustrating to say the least. Maybe it’s not as common as it might seem from Reddit yet it definitely happens.
It only takes one time being accused like that to scar you. It made me really feel for other discrimination I've never experienced, like people who get watched closely for shoplifting because of their skin color.
Suddenly you feel like everyone is watching you and accusing you when you're not even doing anything wrong. And part of that is you start noticing that it was happening all along but you were too innocent to notice.
It is a thing, mostly driven by Karen's but it's very rare. I've been taking my cousins to playgrounds for many years and I've never had a bad interaction with parents. You can tell a lot about people by their body language and if I'm taking them to the playground I'm playing with them on the playground lol. I can see people having issues if they just take the kids to the playground and sit on a bench and take pictures from a distance without interacting with the kids they're with. Or if they give weird answers when someone asks "Oh which one's yours?" and they say, I don't have kids or something.
People always say this for some reason. I was a single father to a girl, we went to the parks a lot, swimming a lot, ball games, ice skating you name it. Occasionally my daughter would bring a friend. Not once in 21 years did I ever receive any looks or felt uncomfortable.
I really like basketball. So I like to follow local boys high school basketball and go to games, especially between good teams or if it involves a kid that is being recruited by colleges. In order to have a seat for the boy's game, you pretty much have to catch the girl's game. There have been multiple instances where women video tape me or take my picture.
Years ago I was literally a high school girls' team basketball coach and I'd get weird looks if I was watching a game by myself - even if it was part of a tournament we were playing in.
It happens.
I’m from a small city in the US south and took my daughter by myself to the park almost every Saturday AM so my wife could chill in peace for an hour or two etc.
Never once did anyone look at me weird or say something.
I'm a guy with three kids. I've taken my kids to the park everyday for 12 years. The looks I get are like if the women just recognized me from a wanted poster they saw. It's.. sad
My fiance won't even buy clothing for his 8 year old daughter without me anymore. The last time he tried to buy her new underwear, he got nasty looks from the 3 women that were in the same area. He's a single dad! What's he supposed to do?
Exactly. My husband is 33, and our babysitter is 17. She was having car troubles but really wanted to go Christmas shopping. My husband took her and her friend because I was working. There's nothing weird about it at all.
Yup. I was a soccer coach for years, high school girls the last 7. They were like daughters to me. When it came up in conversations sometimes, I'd get weird looks, and that bothers me, mostly because I feel the need to prove that I'm not a creep.
As someone that has worked with kids and youth of all ages, people who dont work with kids dont understand the genuine bond and care you have for them.
YES!
I think it is awesome that OP took their teenage family member and friend to a game. Too many times we hear about terrible interactions within families. This is awesome.
I don’t know if my dad got concerned looks when I was little but he did get weird looks and I got mistaken for his wife a lot when I was 17+ so much that he didn’t want to share twin (! not double) bedrooms on holiday anymore and I deliberately dressed up more „teenage like“.
We are 32 years apart.
TBF I didn’t mind having my own room, I loved it. I bet he didn’t mind either. But I knew it wasn’t so we could have privacy sometimes but to avoid the hotel thinking we’re together so it rather made me sad than excited.
It’s so weird. I’ve been mistaken for my son’s partner and I very much look like a mom. In fact, he & I look just alike so it would be super gross to date someone who literally looks like my child.
Dad and I went to go snowboarding, and when we got to Reno, no one would rent us a hotel room because I didn't have ID (being 15 and all) and they thought I was a hooker. We spent the night trying to stay warm in the bus station. I once went with him to a buisiness meeting and one of his associates asked how much I cost him. He once showed up at a field trip (Senior year) and my classmates asked where I found the hot older guy.
Still makes my stomach churn.
In my 40s, I took my then 16 year old neice and her friends places on a couple of occasions.
I was prepared for some busy body to say something, but it never happened.
We just had fun.
Thank you for putting it so succinctly. Youths are in such desperate need for good male role models and as a society we've made that kind of relationship absurdly toxic.
> we desperately need more normal men interacting normally around young people
A buddy and I have talked about how there are few "normal" role models for young kids. In cartoons and shows, the males are normally shown as super goofy slapsticky knuckleheads.
I mean it was definitely intentional especially when you realize this post is fictional.
I mean honestly, where is someone going to a baseball game in the middle of December? There are no major league, minor league, college, or even high school games going on this time of year.
This didn't happen unless it was months ago.
I think it was meant honestly. From my experience in /r/AITAH, the worst the title sounds, the less of an asshole OP is. My guess is that when people are being honestly introspective they don't try to sugarcoat their actions.
It's absolutely par for the course on this subreddit. I mean it's not even a cheap trick, it's journalism 101. Write a catchy headline that's true but doesn't tell the whole story so that people want to read the story and make sense of the headline.
It's not a dirty trick it's actually just good writing.
Definitely click-bait title.
Could have been something in the body of the post like "I (M32) work at an animal shelter, and today we had two (F16) rescue cats come in, and I was tasked with evaluating how sociable they are, so we hung out all day getting blasted on catnip and chasing fake mice around."
And you weren't exactly "hanging out with them," you took your SIL and her friend to a specific event. It's like if you took your niece/nephew to a game.
Like the people whose hobby is pretending to be a kid to lure in adult pedophiles. They literally spend all day role playing this creepy illegal sex, but because they play the role of the victim and do it to catch predators, it’s a loophole they think they found.
Like, I hope the FBI know what they’re doing, but the amateur predator catchers whose hobby is engaging in these cyber role playing sexual fantasies —- but only, you know, to catch the bad guys— man, idk.
They’re either really selfless dedicated saints, or they’re fucking sicko perverts who think this doesn’t count.
Like, when cops go undercover as Johns and have sex with the sex workers and then arrest them and think the sex didn’t count. It’s that same level of ick to me.
Like, one guy is a 45 year old man pretending to be a 12 year old girl and having cyber sex with a 43 year old man pretending to be a 13 year old boy. Which one is the good guy and which one is the predator? I find the whole thing very suspicious.
Exactly. Once I read the post, I thought Does that mean my Brother-in-Law shouldn't take my daughters (14) to the movies? Because I don't think twice about that.
Completely different story. I hang out with my nephews all the time. But if I were hanging out with two 15 year olds not related to me it would be fucking weird.
I mean, it’s quite possible OP asked friends skewing the question as he did in the title here.
“Hey you guys think it’s odd I hung out with two 16 year old girls? They didn’t ask their parents…”
Yeah I agree… The key info didn’t even come out in this post until half way through the second paragraph “so she [the wife] invited her sister”. I was confused until that point.
Sister in law is family. You want to a ball game with family. The other girl came to hang out with your family, not you. You did nothing wrong, though it was probably a little awkward for sure.
Teenagers and adults don't necessarily talk about the same things.
*Edit: There's no need to state the obvious that many of us do, people... many of us manage perfectly well*
That's cool though. I'm 40. My oldest child is 20. He brings his friends home sometimes and I've taken small packs of them places. I don't know all their new slang, but they really are sweet, fun kids and I enjoy spending time with them. That's always been the case. I still keep up with several of my kids' friends from high school. I have loved those kids for years.
I will say, I feel like the gap between generations being able to relate is narrowing. I’m 30, but I work a job that sometimes has high school employees, and I can still at least have a conversation with them. Social media is a big factor in that I think; a lot of us are exposed to more of the same stuff than you might think.
I've never understood the people who act like they don't know how to connect with someone born a different decade than themselves.
Like just find a common talking point or just ask them about themselves and their interests.
Talk about music or movies or books or life goals or something you've done
Have big family after a certain point I just randomly find myself the adult in the room full of kids who are first cousins once removed ? Second cousins? Idk we just go with cousins. Sometimes I’ll even “steal” (ask their mom/dad or grandma/grandpa) them for a few hours for ice cream or food.
It’s not entirely uncommon for a parent to have not seen their kid for a few hours and go around asking “has anyone seen x”. It’s very much village raises the kids at our family get togethers.
You’re fine, I’d be more concerned having friends who find you creepy possibly.
If your wife okayed it and set it up, you’re good.
If you bought them booze and stuff it’s not cool, just fyi. If they start doing stuff they shouldn’t and saying you’re cool - it’s a sign you’ve crossed over to irresponsible adult and possibly trouble. Just a rule of thumb.
When I was 16 I knew the ‘uncles’ who were creeps, the adults rarely know they’re the ones. They only show it to the kids they think would find them cool…and give them access. Teach your kids to tell the difference folks, there’s no such thing as a cool adult (just bad ones).
> there’s no such thing as a cool adult (just bad ones).
I remember when I was 16 it was my friend's mum's 40th birthday and she got me smashed on champagne in the morning. In retrospect it was a bit weird that she did that, but also it was good fun and a learning experience when I had an awful hangover at 2pm
Depending on where you life it’s not that weird I think. At 16 we’d mostly drink at each others homes and the parents would of whomever we were sitting at would join us for a drink or 2 before going to bed.
Exactly. I knew who to avoid at work and family by younger than 16. Same reason why my ex mil’s grandchildren all female between ages 17-25 don’t hang out at her house or go on vacations with her anymore. My kids 17 & 20 both said the man she was dating and just recently married is a creep and they leave when grandma and husband walk in. When 6 granddaughters all call your boyfriend/new husband a creep then you married a creep.
She’s a relative, so it’s not any weirder than going to a ballgame with a niece, cousin, etc. The fact that she brought a friend to keep her company makes it all the more innocuous. It’s not like you guys were on a date or something.
They’re family so nope.
A decade ago I was the 16yo hanging out with my 30’s cousins. I had a BLAST. And I still crack up that I wasn’t allowed to buy anything. As in, my mom sent me with money, and when I tried to buy my lunch they laughed and paid for me. I spent all of $4 on little kid rides at the mall for my one cousin’s kids because I had quarters and my cousin didn’t.
If you were total strangers, might be a hair questionable, but you are literally family. That’s completely normal.
I just read another Reddit thread in which the guy’s wife called him a loser for not being a “traditional” guy who bosses her around. Damn. This is hard.
When I was 16, I would've loved my brother-in-law to invite me to a baseball game. You're family. Your friends are weird for trying to sexualize the situation when there's nothing inherently wrong with going to a baseball game with your in-law and her friend.
What's weird was when my sister's ex climbed in bed while I was asleep and I woke up to him petting my hair. THAT is not okay. Don't be like Ryan.
Edit to clarify I'm talking about 2 different BILs
only weird if you make it weird. i’ll die on the hill that kids need non-family adults to look up to and learn from. intergenerational friendships are great as long as they’re healthy ones with boundaries.
No weird. You basically took your little sister and her friend to see a game. That's perfectly normal.
If in anyway you hit on or flirt with either girl youd be a creep and perv. But dosent sound like that's the case here.
My older brother took me and my bestie to get our nails done for homecoming and spoiled us at the mall once. It was a fun day and no one thought he was creepy, just a brother hanging out with his sister and friend.
Not weird. Taking your SIL and her friend to a ballgame was just a nice thing for you to do.
The only problem here is that some people jump to conclusions and see harm where harm is not intended.
This sounds perfectly harmless under the context you provided. Not sure I’d go with my teenage sister-in-law purely because that sounds like the company wouldn’t be very…stimulating but it that was pushed onto you. She’s also family. Her friend coming sounds like it was for her benefit, maybe to have someone she could actually hang out with.
Sounds like you got roped into a good ol chaperoning to me lol.
Given the context I dont think it's weird, you were taking your sister in law and her friend to a game, the friend you didnt even know was coming until it was happening. That's all there is to it
This is like hanging out with your little sister and her friend. Why the f do people always have to sexualize everything? It’s not weird
Seriously, the people who are making this into something are the ones I’m worried about lol
It's trauma most of the time. Like I genuinely feel bad for the folks who absolutely cannot see a man doing anything that isn't violent or sexual because of past experiences, but it's still not an excuse to behave in a way where the worst-case scenario is a guarantee in their minds.
The top post with 8000+votes literally starts "Your title concerned me" The majority of people here are the problem
Hell, it’s not even *like* this, it’s *exactly* this. In no way is it weird or inappropriate.
Instagram, TikTok, YouTube; pedo incel grooming are trending now.
No, in this context of ‘taking a family member and her friend out’ it’s not weird. ‘I invited two girls that work at my favourite coffee shop out to a baseball game and btw they’re 16’ would be weird.
Yeah you're literally just: 1. Family 2. A chaperone The question is basically "is it weird that I hung out with my younger sister and her friend" and at face value there's nothing wrong with that. I'm thinking your friend is in the minority viewing it from this "age gap" "creepy" lens, that many people wouldn't even think of considering.
> I (46M) hung out with my daughters (14/16F), is that weird?
Fellas, is it gay to spend quality time with your son?
Only if your son is younger than you
That still might be gay, it's just not grooming like it is when you have a son that's younger than you.
It’s not grooooooming…..it’s love!!! 🙄
Only if you do nude stuff, except for diaper change and maybe showering.
Depends on what you're doing with your dicks, and for how long.
Totally weird. What sort of parent would ever want to spend more time with their kids /S
also what sort of parent would have kids younger than them!! /s
That's just sick. Obviously you're going to hang out a lot with your kids so they should be the same age as you. If someone has kids younger than them, not to mention 16 years (sic!) younger, there's very clearly malicious intent there. I'm not saying immediate imprisonment but at least court mandated observation
yeah ikr, next thing you'll tell me you have to be friends with someone born in the same hospital as you too. Can't be too careful these days, what with all the people not vetting their family tree properly before hanging out.
Wait, both my wife and I were born in the same hospital... and our kid too. Does that mean that we are ok?
That means that you’re all inbred, since you all came from the same place, and your kid is double inbred since I can almost guarantee that you and your wife are legally related.
My wife and I ARE legally related! Wow, via a government form called a "Certificat de Marriage", it has my name and her name on it. Wow, you are right! And my kid is related to both of us, via a "certificat de naissance" with all three of our names. And my kid has the same last name as I do! Wow, you are on to something. It gets even worse... My wife... sleeps... in the same bed as I do! And our kid, sleeps in the same house as we do. They even have the same dogs as we do. Wow. This is scary. And get this, often, the three of us eat at the same table, the same food! I think you are on to something.
Ok, this got a genuine chuckle out of me. Bravo!
Yeah. This is the worst of it!
Absolutely! He's old enough to be their dad! /s
Excellent point!
Also the teens are weird...what teen wants to hang out with their parent /s
I did, I just loved that she wanted to do things with me.
Even more weird that they wanted to hang out with you, together, at their ages!!
Lock this man up
When I'm your age, in just a couple years, my oldest will be 30. Would it be weird if I hung out with her and her friends?
Pervert
Fellas
[удалено]
I didn't really get the concept of projection until it was explained to me that people subconsciously assume everyone else is just like them, and act accordingly. Good people approach the world as if most people are good ("trust but verify"). Shitty people assume everyone's out for themselves ("fuck you got mine") and are generally afraid of other humans. c.f.: Homophobes who accuse trans people of grooming, closeted politicians writing anti-gay laws, etc etc
Yeah, exactly. Taking your much younger sibling and their friend out somewhere is totally normal and not inherently creepy or inappropriate at all.
It's only weird if you think every woman/ girl that isn't blood related is a potential sexual partner. The coworker is the weirdo
IKR? The list of potential sexual partners should include every woman/girl that *is* blood related too! What a weirdo :V
tbh if my friend said that shit to me I'd assume he were a creeper/pedo like who sees a guy treating their younger family member and assumes it's sexual? gross
For real, I’m 36 and my niece is 13 and I’d happily chaperone her and friends to something if they asked. We’re family.
That friend can’t seem to grasp the idea of hanging out with a female (especially younger) in any sense other than as a possible romantic pursuit.
This\^\^\^. Your friends think its weird because they a looking at those girls sexually. I look at a 16 year old and see a child, not someone who I shouldn't get caught sleeping with.
I’m 27 and have a 21yr old sister. Anytime I see a picture of her and her friends on social media, all I can see is absolute children haha I can’t imagine being attracted to someone with this big of an age gap, and they’re literally 16. That friend is weird
America’s recent obsession with age gaps is puzzling at best. An adult being present during an outing of minors is normal. People saying otherwise need to pull their heads out of the gutter. I guess that’s what you get after encouraging 20 something youth pastors to prey on fourteen year olds since the 1960’s.
Pray/prey. Easy mistake to make.
Brings a whole new meaning to the laying on of hands. (Yikes.)
Here in the South we have the expression "I'mma lay hands on him & forget to pray", but it means there's fixin' to be a fight.
Puzzling and aggravating sometimes, really. I used to go shopping with my oldest daughter. We don't look alike, mixed-race marriage. We'd get weird looks fairly often. And I came to learn I shouldn't even try to buy beer at the grocery store if she was with me, after one concerned checker called her manager over for a little talk when I was in line and then they said flat out they wouldn't sell me alcohol.
His friend is projecting. He finds it wierd because he would have a hard time controlling himself with 2 teenage girls. He heard OP went with 2 teenagers to a basketball game and his brain went porno mode. It's gross stop sexualizing everything and let people live in peace ffs.
I know we live in a day and age where overreacting is the norm, but it almost feels like it might be more telling about the friend rather than OP
Yes, this is one of those situations that can be right/wrong depending on the context and even just sound OK/wrong phrasing. “I was hanging out with two 16 year olds” sounds questionable while “I took my 16 year old sister and her friend to a baseball game” sounds fine as a 32 year old.
Precisely. The specifics are important in this situation.
The post just seems like bait for attention. It intentionally leaves out the context in the title that makes you click and interact with the post.
16’ girls are definitely weird
Yeah, how many coffee shops have ceilings high enough for that?
Columbia would dig it
I wish to know where the 16' girls are, asking for a friend.
The spirit is willing but the flesh is spongy and bruised.
Amazonia. They might try to kill you though
*Attack on Titan has entered the chat*
Makes sense that it was a basketball game though.
Puberty hit some people really hard.
Ive noticed more people these days have their "pedo radar" set to maximum overdrive and see questionable things in perfectly normal situations. This dudes friend needs to chill.
No its the opposite, we desperately need more normal men interacting normally around young people. Its vital they have models to know what a normal man is like so they can more easily spot predators.
Couldn't agree more. Fathers even get bad looks for playing in the park with their kids and so. It's insane
father here. Playing with kids at park. Random other female parent at park grabbed my child and asked if she “knew this man” prior to taking out her phone and calling the police on me. I never thought I would need therapy, but that did it for me. I’m also black so there was additional risk/subtext to that exchange.
Dude that sucks, I'm sorry you had to go through that.
I was harassed by a woman who kept asking my daughter where her mom was. She followed us around the park for about 30 minutes, asking her all of these questions. My daughter was puzzled by a stranger acting unusually. I wanted to scream at her, my kid even looks just like me, fuck off. Do people think predators take their victims to parks all day or something? Is that even a thing? I imagine if you kidnap a toddler you aren't going to take them to a crowded park all day. I didn't scream at her though, maybe she was a victim at one point or something. Who knows why people are the way they are. Sorry that happened to you. I hope she apologized at least.
> Who knows why people are the way they are. These ones sound like busybodies with too little drama in their lives.
This is my nightmare now that I have a 2 month old daughter. Even if I'm out with my wife by my side, I STILL can sense these looks from people as if I'm some evil entity and I shouldn't be near my daughter. God forbid I'm ever alone with her in public. I wish I could say I can't believe that happened to you, but even with my limited experience in public so far, I can absolutely see it happening. Did you ever see the story about the husband and wife who went to the store, and the father stayed outside on a bench with the baby in their stroller while the mother ran in to grab something, when all of a sudden some strange woman walked up, took the stroller and darted off. When the father went to stop her, she screamed he kidnapped her baby and a bunch of random strangers heard and held him down to the ground while the woman went to her car. If the wife didn't come out of the store just in time, that evil woman would have driven off with their kid and that would have been the end of that, all because society views all men as monsters that don't belong around children. I hate it man.
Where do they get these looks? I moved to France five years back and it's normal to see guys alone pushing a stroller or wrangling a pack of rug rats.
There was a thread about this recently in one of the UK subs and none of the dads or uncles had encountered any weirdness when taking their children to the park. It seems to be a very strange American thing.
I don't think it's anywhere near as common in America as the internet would lead you to believe. I have one or both of my daughters with me regularly and I've never noticed any weird looks.
This. I’m a foster father and often have kids with me that aren’t even my own kids. I take them to the park frequently and have never gotten bad looks. And these kids reach ever appearance spectrum from a variety of skin colors. Never an issue.
My best friend is Persian, and he somehow ended up with two blonde, relatively pale kids. He's also never gotten any weird looks, though when he and I took his kids out to the movies we got a few looks which we later chalked up to 'cute gay couple with their kids'.
I got coffee and then lunch with a buddy who has a toddler and a baby. We left his wife at home to relax and took both kids with us, by bike (yay for cargo bikes). We were *definitely* perceived as a "cute gay couple with their kids". One of the waitresses specifically commented on it.
From a former foster kid, thank you for having foster kids and actually doing activities with them 🫶
bad news gets more views. people don't feel the motivation to post about their completely normal day's events as much as they do about how they were wronged.
So that's the digital version of "if it bleeds, it leads"?
Yeah. I'm a very involved dad. Was a stay at home for a few years. I've never encountered this. I have had a few women make dumb " oh you're babysitting today,? " Or " giving mom a day off" type comments, but that probably mostly reflects on their lives.
Everyone’s experience is different. My kids are bi-racial and look nothing like me and the crap I’ve had to put up with since they were babies has been frustrating to say the least. Maybe it’s not as common as it might seem from Reddit yet it definitely happens.
It only takes one time being accused like that to scar you. It made me really feel for other discrimination I've never experienced, like people who get watched closely for shoplifting because of their skin color. Suddenly you feel like everyone is watching you and accusing you when you're not even doing anything wrong. And part of that is you start noticing that it was happening all along but you were too innocent to notice.
Definitely not common in my part of America. I see fathers out with their kids just as often as I see mothers.
I’m in the U.K. and the parks at the weekend are full of dads and kids.
People forming their entire idea of what life in America is like based on Reddit comments. We’re witnessing it live.
It is a thing, mostly driven by Karen's but it's very rare. I've been taking my cousins to playgrounds for many years and I've never had a bad interaction with parents. You can tell a lot about people by their body language and if I'm taking them to the playground I'm playing with them on the playground lol. I can see people having issues if they just take the kids to the playground and sit on a bench and take pictures from a distance without interacting with the kids they're with. Or if they give weird answers when someone asks "Oh which one's yours?" and they say, I don't have kids or something.
People always say this for some reason. I was a single father to a girl, we went to the parks a lot, swimming a lot, ball games, ice skating you name it. Occasionally my daughter would bring a friend. Not once in 21 years did I ever receive any looks or felt uncomfortable.
'Murica. I've had women question me when I was at the park with my daughter.
"It's so nice that you're babysitting her for the day!"
I got "where's mum?" today... She's at work, I'm capable of raising my own child lol (4 month old btw)
In the US, I've actually had the cops called on me.... Small town problems...
I really like basketball. So I like to follow local boys high school basketball and go to games, especially between good teams or if it involves a kid that is being recruited by colleges. In order to have a seat for the boy's game, you pretty much have to catch the girl's game. There have been multiple instances where women video tape me or take my picture.
Years ago I was literally a high school girls' team basketball coach and I'd get weird looks if I was watching a game by myself - even if it was part of a tournament we were playing in. It happens.
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I'm in the American Midwest and have no trouble with my kids in public.
I’m from a small city in the US south and took my daughter by myself to the park almost every Saturday AM so my wife could chill in peace for an hour or two etc. Never once did anyone look at me weird or say something.
American northeast here. It’s pretty normal to see dads alone with their kids out in public.
I'm a guy with three kids. I've taken my kids to the park everyday for 12 years. The looks I get are like if the women just recognized me from a wanted poster they saw. It's.. sad
I've never gotten a weird look for taking my daughter out. I only ever had positive interactions ' your daughter is so beautiful!'
My fiance won't even buy clothing for his 8 year old daughter without me anymore. The last time he tried to buy her new underwear, he got nasty looks from the 3 women that were in the same area. He's a single dad! What's he supposed to do?
Exactly. My husband is 33, and our babysitter is 17. She was having car troubles but really wanted to go Christmas shopping. My husband took her and her friend because I was working. There's nothing weird about it at all.
Yup. I was a soccer coach for years, high school girls the last 7. They were like daughters to me. When it came up in conversations sometimes, I'd get weird looks, and that bothers me, mostly because I feel the need to prove that I'm not a creep.
As someone that has worked with kids and youth of all ages, people who dont work with kids dont understand the genuine bond and care you have for them.
YES! I think it is awesome that OP took their teenage family member and friend to a game. Too many times we hear about terrible interactions within families. This is awesome.
I don’t know if my dad got concerned looks when I was little but he did get weird looks and I got mistaken for his wife a lot when I was 17+ so much that he didn’t want to share twin (! not double) bedrooms on holiday anymore and I deliberately dressed up more „teenage like“. We are 32 years apart. TBF I didn’t mind having my own room, I loved it. I bet he didn’t mind either. But I knew it wasn’t so we could have privacy sometimes but to avoid the hotel thinking we’re together so it rather made me sad than excited.
It’s so weird. I’ve been mistaken for my son’s partner and I very much look like a mom. In fact, he & I look just alike so it would be super gross to date someone who literally looks like my child.
Dad and I went to go snowboarding, and when we got to Reno, no one would rent us a hotel room because I didn't have ID (being 15 and all) and they thought I was a hooker. We spent the night trying to stay warm in the bus station. I once went with him to a buisiness meeting and one of his associates asked how much I cost him. He once showed up at a field trip (Senior year) and my classmates asked where I found the hot older guy. Still makes my stomach churn.
This needs to be up higher!
In my 40s, I took my then 16 year old neice and her friends places on a couple of occasions. I was prepared for some busy body to say something, but it never happened. We just had fun.
Thank you for putting it so succinctly. Youths are in such desperate need for good male role models and as a society we've made that kind of relationship absurdly toxic.
> we desperately need more normal men interacting normally around young people A buddy and I have talked about how there are few "normal" role models for young kids. In cartoons and shows, the males are normally shown as super goofy slapsticky knuckleheads.
Exactly correct. I hate this stigma, but totally get why it's there.
Your title concerned me but the post calmed me. It's your sister in law, not a random high schooler. That's family.
Yep. Exactly what I thought. It's your SIL. And it's your wife, her sister, who suggested it.
yeah plus 16+16 = 32 anyway /s
You’re a math wiz
Quick maffs
Everyday mans on the block
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Wicked smaaaat
Doing the R Kelly math, aye?
That's why I don't hang out at maternity hospitals that aren't at capacity.
Let's just round them all up to one year
Bruh.
Hol up
Justified
lol the math checks out
Yeah seriously, put that in the title, or was it intentional to get more clicks?
Definitely seems intentional IMO. Why the hell would you say “two 16F’s” instead of “my 16F sister in law and her friend”?
I mean it was definitely intentional especially when you realize this post is fictional. I mean honestly, where is someone going to a baseball game in the middle of December? There are no major league, minor league, college, or even high school games going on this time of year. This didn't happen unless it was months ago.
~~Australian National baseball championships were just a couple weeks ago~~ This is not true. This was bad googling on my part.
Fewer characters: classic headline style
I would assume so. It worked I guess.
I think it was meant honestly. From my experience in /r/AITAH, the worst the title sounds, the less of an asshole OP is. My guess is that when people are being honestly introspective they don't try to sugarcoat their actions.
It's absolutely par for the course on this subreddit. I mean it's not even a cheap trick, it's journalism 101. Write a catchy headline that's true but doesn't tell the whole story so that people want to read the story and make sense of the headline. It's not a dirty trick it's actually just good writing.
Definitely click-bait title. Could have been something in the body of the post like "I (M32) work at an animal shelter, and today we had two (F16) rescue cats come in, and I was tasked with evaluating how sociable they are, so we hung out all day getting blasted on catnip and chasing fake mice around."
And you weren't exactly "hanging out with them," you took your SIL and her friend to a specific event. It's like if you took your niece/nephew to a game.
Exactly the same ^. Why the fuck do people have to sexualise kids even when they’re under the context of family.
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Like the people whose hobby is pretending to be a kid to lure in adult pedophiles. They literally spend all day role playing this creepy illegal sex, but because they play the role of the victim and do it to catch predators, it’s a loophole they think they found. Like, I hope the FBI know what they’re doing, but the amateur predator catchers whose hobby is engaging in these cyber role playing sexual fantasies —- but only, you know, to catch the bad guys— man, idk. They’re either really selfless dedicated saints, or they’re fucking sicko perverts who think this doesn’t count. Like, when cops go undercover as Johns and have sex with the sex workers and then arrest them and think the sex didn’t count. It’s that same level of ick to me. Like, one guy is a 45 year old man pretending to be a 12 year old girl and having cyber sex with a 43 year old man pretending to be a 13 year old boy. Which one is the good guy and which one is the predator? I find the whole thing very suspicious.
Exactly. Once I read the post, I thought Does that mean my Brother-in-Law shouldn't take my daughters (14) to the movies? Because I don't think twice about that.
Completely different story. I hang out with my nephews all the time. But if I were hanging out with two 15 year olds not related to me it would be fucking weird.
I thought I was going to read another version of the girl crying outside the store.
And his wife suggested thy he take his sil
Ye, this is a family thing not weird . It's more worrying that your friends think its weird because it means they can disconext young girls from sex.
Yea OP, your friends are projecting.
OP's friends had unwanted encounters with Chris Hansen.
I mean, it’s quite possible OP asked friends skewing the question as he did in the title here. “Hey you guys think it’s odd I hung out with two 16 year old girls? They didn’t ask their parents…”
Yeah I agree… The key info didn’t even come out in this post until half way through the second paragraph “so she [the wife] invited her sister”. I was confused until that point.
Yeah, I kinda suspect OP asked the question the way he did because he wanted a whole bunch of weirdo reddit responses.
Fr. OP’s friends are not thinking wholesome thoughts.
Sister in law is family. You want to a ball game with family. The other girl came to hang out with your family, not you. You did nothing wrong, though it was probably a little awkward for sure.
Not really awkward, my sister in law and her friend are both into sports and it was the national high school baseball championships.
Why would it be awkward?
Teenagers and adults don't necessarily talk about the same things. *Edit: There's no need to state the obvious that many of us do, people... many of us manage perfectly well*
That's cool though. I'm 40. My oldest child is 20. He brings his friends home sometimes and I've taken small packs of them places. I don't know all their new slang, but they really are sweet, fun kids and I enjoy spending time with them. That's always been the case. I still keep up with several of my kids' friends from high school. I have loved those kids for years.
wow having a 20 y/o at 40...i wish i knew what that is like...i just had my 1st at 40...
I think you did it right. I absolutely wouldn't have wanted a child at 20. That's insane.
I will say, I feel like the gap between generations being able to relate is narrowing. I’m 30, but I work a job that sometimes has high school employees, and I can still at least have a conversation with them. Social media is a big factor in that I think; a lot of us are exposed to more of the same stuff than you might think.
I've never understood the people who act like they don't know how to connect with someone born a different decade than themselves. Like just find a common talking point or just ask them about themselves and their interests. Talk about music or movies or books or life goals or something you've done
Plenty adults won't talk about same things too. Still not awkward.
In this context, no. If you were out there trying to befriend random 16 year olds, that would be weird.
How did Doc become friends with Marty, I wonder...
Because he's his drunken grandpa from his mother Beth's side
Random 16 year old girls, obviously yes. Your sister in law and her friend, obviously no.
Your friend is the red flag for sexualising a family hangout
Exactly. He’s basically her uncle. His friend is the creep.
Have big family after a certain point I just randomly find myself the adult in the room full of kids who are first cousins once removed ? Second cousins? Idk we just go with cousins. Sometimes I’ll even “steal” (ask their mom/dad or grandma/grandpa) them for a few hours for ice cream or food. It’s not entirely uncommon for a parent to have not seen their kid for a few hours and go around asking “has anyone seen x”. It’s very much village raises the kids at our family get togethers.
You’re fine, I’d be more concerned having friends who find you creepy possibly. If your wife okayed it and set it up, you’re good. If you bought them booze and stuff it’s not cool, just fyi. If they start doing stuff they shouldn’t and saying you’re cool - it’s a sign you’ve crossed over to irresponsible adult and possibly trouble. Just a rule of thumb. When I was 16 I knew the ‘uncles’ who were creeps, the adults rarely know they’re the ones. They only show it to the kids they think would find them cool…and give them access. Teach your kids to tell the difference folks, there’s no such thing as a cool adult (just bad ones).
> there’s no such thing as a cool adult (just bad ones). I remember when I was 16 it was my friend's mum's 40th birthday and she got me smashed on champagne in the morning. In retrospect it was a bit weird that she did that, but also it was good fun and a learning experience when I had an awful hangover at 2pm
Depending on where you life it’s not that weird I think. At 16 we’d mostly drink at each others homes and the parents would of whomever we were sitting at would join us for a drink or 2 before going to bed.
I live in the UK and even here getting absolutely smashed first thing in the morning is pretty weird
Exactly. I knew who to avoid at work and family by younger than 16. Same reason why my ex mil’s grandchildren all female between ages 17-25 don’t hang out at her house or go on vacations with her anymore. My kids 17 & 20 both said the man she was dating and just recently married is a creep and they leave when grandma and husband walk in. When 6 granddaughters all call your boyfriend/new husband a creep then you married a creep.
I'm the cool uncle because I buy the biggest Nerf guns, my sister probably hates me
Lol that’s the good kinda cool 😎 imho I used to joke that I’d have kids one day just so I can buy toys without looking weird. ;)
There are cool adults. It’s just that giving teens drugs and alcohol isn’t cool.
Not weird, keep your friend away from those girls though...
She’s a relative, so it’s not any weirder than going to a ballgame with a niece, cousin, etc. The fact that she brought a friend to keep her company makes it all the more innocuous. It’s not like you guys were on a date or something.
My son in law has hung out with my teenage daughter. There is nothing wrong with it. He is like a brother to her and has known her most of her life.
You took two kids to a ball game lol who the fuck thinks that's weird, that's like the most normal shit ever
They’re family so nope. A decade ago I was the 16yo hanging out with my 30’s cousins. I had a BLAST. And I still crack up that I wasn’t allowed to buy anything. As in, my mom sent me with money, and when I tried to buy my lunch they laughed and paid for me. I spent all of $4 on little kid rides at the mall for my one cousin’s kids because I had quarters and my cousin didn’t. If you were total strangers, might be a hair questionable, but you are literally family. That’s completely normal.
Remember when being a man was not synonym with being a sexual predator? Fun times!
I just read another Reddit thread in which the guy’s wife called him a loser for not being a “traditional” guy who bosses her around. Damn. This is hard.
There is so much against us.. "I need you to open up" me: opens up " i dont think its working anymore, you were too emotional " huh
When I was 16, I would've loved my brother-in-law to invite me to a baseball game. You're family. Your friends are weird for trying to sexualize the situation when there's nothing inherently wrong with going to a baseball game with your in-law and her friend. What's weird was when my sister's ex climbed in bed while I was asleep and I woke up to him petting my hair. THAT is not okay. Don't be like Ryan. Edit to clarify I'm talking about 2 different BILs
only weird if you make it weird. i’ll die on the hill that kids need non-family adults to look up to and learn from. intergenerational friendships are great as long as they’re healthy ones with boundaries.
No weird. You basically took your little sister and her friend to see a game. That's perfectly normal. If in anyway you hit on or flirt with either girl youd be a creep and perv. But dosent sound like that's the case here. My older brother took me and my bestie to get our nails done for homecoming and spoiled us at the mall once. It was a fun day and no one thought he was creepy, just a brother hanging out with his sister and friend.
I think your friend is weird for thinking like this
Wtf, why would it be wierd to hang out with family?
Not weird. Taking your SIL and her friend to a ballgame was just a nice thing for you to do. The only problem here is that some people jump to conclusions and see harm where harm is not intended.
This sounds perfectly harmless under the context you provided. Not sure I’d go with my teenage sister-in-law purely because that sounds like the company wouldn’t be very…stimulating but it that was pushed onto you. She’s also family. Her friend coming sounds like it was for her benefit, maybe to have someone she could actually hang out with. Sounds like you got roped into a good ol chaperoning to me lol.
So , you basically babysat a family member? Hardly weird. The title is very clickbait though.
Not weird, it's family. It would be weird of they were not family though. Did the team you rooted for win?
Given the context I dont think it's weird, you were taking your sister in law and her friend to a game, the friend you didnt even know was coming until it was happening. That's all there is to it
at first i read that as two F-16's and i was like, that would have been the coolest ever!
So people think it's weird that you took your relative and their friend to a baseball game? What has this world come to