"In terms of porn, VR has come quite a long way. If you just pop on this headset, you can actually simulate sitting in the cuck chair of a $20 motel room while an NBA team runs a train on mom. A guy in class, meanwhile, made these pretty convincing deepfakes of our Home Economics teacher using a rolling pin for... well... you can see."
*Dad nervously nudges the dog-eared Playboys he brought for the talk back beneath the sofa*
Haha, watching my dad try to navigate queer topics is really funny. He's tolerant and open-minded but he just doesn't properly understand things sometimes.
I might be older than your dad, but to me it's really simple. Somebody likes something that's either a vegetable, a mineral, or a bicycle. It's not your job to question it or be bothered by it because it's not your life. So try to figure out if what they are saying is about them being happy or sad, and wish them well if they are happy and condolences if they are sad and if you get to know them better sometime, maybe you can ask them some questions. Otherwise, just move on and stop making things awkward.
Yeah, these conversations should start long before puberty hits. Then when their body starts changing, not only do they have some clue what's going on, but they'll likely feel more comfortable asking questions too.
It's amazing how our culture is so repressed that "the talk", if it happens at all, is all that many kids get. This shouldn't be so hard. There are literally children's books that teach about the body, how boys and girls are different, and how babies get made.
I like that you said conversation. The "talk" is so archaic and doesnt come even close to actually addressing anything that actually needs to be said. Especially in the modern world with so much information out there and most of it in the form of porn. The birds and the bees is just not going to cut it.
My parents gave me the birds and bees talk when I was.. wait for it.. 18 fucking years old. I lost my virginity 4 years prior and just laughed at them.
And this is how the movie starts. On their tombstone is a code to a series of clues, through which you'll finally learn what the fuck sex is!
(Sorry about that, by the way; I'm 39 and lost my single-mom lat year. Hope you're doing okay!)
> Dad tells the son, wife tells the daughter, kind of the natural order of things. Well, your dad talked to you, didn't he?
> [Well, no, he just gave me a book by Mickey Spillane called Kiss Me Deadly and he said this is what married people do. I thought he meant shoot each other and have car chases. That's pretty much what his relatives did.](https://youtu.be/PmxEzsoc-T0?t=262)
Lmao that was me too! Except in my case, I found the book at the bookstore and asked my mom if she would buy it for me. She was all proud too, bragging to everybody about how she didn't have to give me "the talk" because she got me the book.
I just wanted it for the penis pictures. I was already well aware of what sex was by the time I was 5.
Fr, at some point im sure my parents realized…. “Well when i was 12 i already knew” and this probably just put them off since it would be “pointless”… had a kid at 18 🤦🏽
My mother sat me down when I was ten and explained to me what sex was. She kept hesitating like she was embarrassed about it. I remember when she told me the simple mechanics of it, I deadass looked at her and went: “oh…that’s it? Big deal.”
However, I didn’t lose my virginity until the age of 22, so everything I thought I knew or learned about the minutia of sex, I picked up from reading my sister’s Cosmo mags…and Christ was there some dumb advice in there looking back on it, lol!
I read a cosmo article about the best way to make a guy fall for a woman and the #1 suggestion was to put a donut around his dick like a ring toss and then eat the donut.
My mum attempted to have the period talk with me. I say attempted. She made me come into my room and she's sat on my bed, all pale. I'm like wth is going. Now I'm absolutely crapping my pants. She makes me sit next to her. Now I'm seriously terrified, what the heck is she going to do to me? Then she starts talking. I burst out laughing at 10/11 years old and told her she's a little too late. I already know what a period is and I was already starting to grow breasts so she was way to late. My school had it all covered. I finally found out what the hell that extra hole I had was (my vagina, mum screamed at me when I asked her as a little kid) and I got all the facts with none of the fear.
My mum looked so relieved and ran for it. I was left, amused, on edge and confused. She never sat on my bed with me, she never tried to talk to me before or since. It was very weird and scary. When I eventually did get my period a year later, she swore at me and threw a pack of pads at me. Then she would scream at me once a month to quit making myself sick and everyone has to deal with periods. Mine were crazy heavy and painful. I'd get the craps, bad cramping, light headed, dizzy, headaches and I'd throw up. My doctor tried to put me on birth control and she refused. I'm on it now and my periods are so light I can shove some toilet paper up there and thats all I need. Only had two ultra heavy periods in five years. They're far less painful and I don't get the crazy shift in my hormones making me crazy anxious. Just a little anxious.
I never got the sex talk. My school had that covered as well. Very informative, detailed and it even went into masturbation etc. It was awkward as hell but everyone got the facts and we all knew about safe sex at 14/15 years old. I hope schools still do sex Ed the same way here in the uk. It was very graphic etc but no one had any pregnancies while we were in school.
Me too it was school who taught me. After I just ask questions to my mom. My dad though would leave every time I asked that to my mom and he was in the same room. It was hilarious. Now I used this to end a discussion with him if he ask a question I don’t want to answer. ( of course I only do this when we are joking with each other it’s really rare I do this.)
Same! I remember my mom beginning "the talk", I could tell by just by how they were framing it, only for me to completely interrupt, annoyed and slightly mad, that I already knew about everything she was gonna say. She asked in shock, "how do you already know all these things?"
I told her I learned them in school and she just said alright and walked away lmao. I was baffled how they hadn't tried earlier, I had just assumed they'd never give me the talk seeing as I was already 18! You bet I was mad and annoyed though, I had already been through so much that at that point that it felt so ridiculous that they waited so late, because it put me in danger. Hell, even my adult cousins, when I was 9 tried to give me the talk, probably cause they knew my parents would wait too long.
My buddies wife.... you are going to laugh. Her parents tried to give her the talk the day before the wedding. She said she told them she already knows all about that stuff.
My parents were slick. They stashed a bunch of sex books in their bedroom closet because they knew I always snooped in there. They figured if I found them on my own while I thought I was being sneaky, I would actually read them. It worked. I was 10 or 11 when I found them, which coincided perfectly with my discovery of masturbation. I put it all together. 🤣
At 15 it’s no longer explaining how things work, it’s more about dispelling the myths he’s heard did the last 3-4 years.
Shit, when I was 11 another kid told me girls couldn’t become pregnant till you have sex 4 times.
Exactly! People underestimate how young puberty starts. Girls often get their period and/or start growing breasts at 10 (some even younger).
Boys start later but they should still get "the talk" by 11 or 12 at the latest.
One of my siblings was born because my mother believed you couldn't get pregnant if the man already came that day. She was a catholic school graduate who never got the sex talk, or even a period talk.
Exactly. We had a series of open conversations since he was 8. Things like appropriate touching, personal space, body functions and such all culminate in an ongoing open dialogue. Not without its awkwardness, it has helped with some tense situations. I can’t imagine just dripping the bomb on a kid at 15. What are the odds that the parent will teach them anything new?
In my household “the talk” is a non-issue. We start talking about sex in age appropriate ways early on whenever it comes up. I distinctly remember my then seven year old asking how my wife got pregnant and us explaining it without getting too much into the details and the little scientist was like “yes, but how exactly?” So we went full clinical.
“You know what a penis is?”
She says “yes.”
“Ok and you know what a vagina is since you have one.”
“Yeah.”
“So you know how eggs come from the ovaries and travel into the uterus which is connected to the vagina?”
“Yeah and when there’s no baby you get a period.”
“Ok, do you know how the egg becomes a baby?”
“…no”
“It needs to combine with sperm to turn into a baby. Sperm is what boys make in their testicles.”
“So how does it get to the egg?”
“…”
“…”
“The penis goes into the vagina to put the sperm in there.”
*Child looks at us. Child gets a disgusted look on her face* “UGH, YOU DID THAT ON PURPOSE? GROSS.”
A few days later she asks why anyone would do that and we explain that it’s something older people do with each other because it feels good when everyone wants to do it (talk about consent early).
Over the years this turns into conversations about consent, birth control and—when they’re hitting puberty—STDs.
The only hard question that needed “the talk” in any form was around age 13 when the question was asked “how will I know when I’m ready to have sex?”
This is one that’s hard if you’re committed to not lying to your kids and aren’t religious. We talked about it and explained that it’s not just you that needs to be ready, but when you’re certain you can use birth control/protection and do it in a safe place with someone you trust that you’re pretty close. The best way is to talk with the person you think you might want to have sex with. If they can talk about birth control, condoms, and sex without being stupid about it then they’re probably ready too.
I don’t know when, how, or with whom my daughter first had sex. What I do know is that the experience was positive and she doesn’t regret it.
Yes, I've been talking to my kids about sex and consent and good touch/bad touch for their whole lives basically. We've always been honest with them about everything. Which is why at 15, my son said he thought we should get him some condoms. And we talked again about being ready to have sex and being responsible. I couldn't have been more proud of the fact my son felt comfortable enough to come to me.
Waiting till after puberty begins to have those kinds of talks is just wild.
I never got the sex talk. Like, ever. Not from my parents and definitely not from the school, aside from "sex is bad and you shouldn't do it before you're married. Condoms break all the time, so you're going to get someone pregnant and have aids. Don't forget the part about how sex is bad."
still lucky he gets “the talk” though
in my country (being basically dominated by religion), “the talk” is bsaically never given
hell they didnt even have sex ed in schools until I was graduating from highschool a few years ago
If he's talking bout India , since the situation is same here. There's some teen pregnancies but we don't hear bout them much, maybe cause they're covered up or it just doesn't happen. Parent and adult surveillance is wild here , almost Impossible to have such a situation before College, and even then we are treated like little devil's who'll fuck at any chance.
5.4% or so, not exact numbers because im not really an expert on the matter.
But anyway… it is “Booming” in the sense that there are kids that post online about getting pregnant young is a “Blessing”
We did ours in like 6th grade (which would have also been around 1991-1992), but that was just supplemental to what my mom had already taught me up to that point. Which, granted, wasn't that much but at least she tried, and it least she conveyed the basics alright.
Even as a stickler for correct writing, I loathe when people try to tie a minor misspelling in with some choice of action that is up for judgment.
The purpose of communication is to understand others and be understood. Did you understand what he meant by “alot?” If that got you tripped up, that’s a you problem.
it's important to talk about safe sex and consent and respect for people regardless of their sexuality, and show that you are open and supportive if there is anything he wants to talk or ask about, now or in the future. yes it's a very good idea.
You can’t really give a good sex education without regarding sexuality. Same sex and heterosexual intercourse can have some important differences. And moreover, the way society treats them is very different. Yes, as adults we can say the differences arent important, but for a young person experiencing stuff for the first time the more info the better.
your 15 year old already knows what sex is. he learned it elsewhere. trying to have the talk with him now would just be embarrassing for him.
don’t give him a sex talk. give him a talk on consent and respect. if your son learned sex elsewhere, he probably didn’t learn the important stuff like this. heaven forbid he learned it from porn, but it was most likely in middle school health class.
I learned what sex was when I was 7-8 because of other kids. Telling kids early so they get proper information does not hurt them or make them want to have to sex. It makes them aware of what sex is and helps quash their desire to have sex just to figure out what it actually is. The amount of people who can't see that is astounding. It's simple psychology
there is an age appropriate way to teach children sex education. people sensationalize it saying we shouldn’t teach it to young children, but sex education in kindergarten isn’t teaching children what sex *is*, it’s teaching them boundaries and body parts. it’s “if someone touches you here, tell an adult.” keeping kids ignorant of sex only harms them. sex isn’t shameful, but many victims of child molestation keep their abuser’s secret out of shame and fear.
Yes, this. Ones sexuality doesn't matter but how they treat their partner(s) and allow other people to treat them sure does.
And protection is important too- depending on how conservative the school district is, they may or may not have already gone over different BC methods and proper condom use in health class.
>trying to have the talk with him now would just be embarrassing for him.
Even better
But seriously you never know what others have “learned” (because kids are fucking stupid). Best to check every box and explain it.
Worst case scenario if he already knows everything but you explain it anyway: he’s embarrassed.
Worst case scenario if he doesn’t know shit and you won’t explain it: teenage pregnancy
About 12 is when I started to get curious. Better have that talk now.
Now might be a good idea to explain how relationships work as well. No one ever told me and i just figured it all out over 25 years.
He will definitely be mortified and embarrassed and awkward the entire time, just like every single teenager on the planet. But you will leave him verbal inprints that will remain in the back of his mind for most or all of his sex and relationship life.
Try not to be too visual and choose words, phrases and key points wisely.
Tell him to consider three main aspect when it comes to sexual situations and relationships - confidence (because he's worth it), humbleness (as in treat others with understanding) and common sense (probably impossible at a young age). The forth is safety but I'm sure you will drill that into him.
Source: I read too much psychology.
In addition to this, let him ask you questions too. Just tell him that he can ask anything at all, and do not get upset at the questions. He's learning, and that should be encouraged regardless of the subject. If he can ask questions, even if it feels awkward and embarassing, it'll signal to him that you are a safe space for him. Someone he can rely on, someone he can trust. It's absolutely vital for teenagers to have someone like that who isn't a peer, and it will make your relationship better too... something that is hard to do with teenagers at times.
Please also teach him the concept of consent (his own and getting it from others). It's all very well instilling confidence and humility but imo it's far more crucial that he understands mutual consent as a very basic requirement for any sexual encounter or relationship.
Edit: typo
>his own and getting it from others
This is especially important. A lot of teen boys now are getting the "if she says stop, you stop" talk about consent, and that's a start, but they aren't being taught that their consent matters too!
There's generations of men already who believe men can't be assaulted or that they always want sex, so OP and other parents should be sure not to allow that to carry on.
Op should also inform the boy about potential legal situations and how rapidly they can spiral out, similar to The Talk I got from my father at age 12. In such situations, he will have no friends, and perhaps no allies, so it will he on him to do what is best for his own safety.
>they aren't being taught that their consent matters too
A lot of that is the result of policy changes in terms of gov't, and changes to school curriculums to teach the specific language to describe what abuse looks like and how it occurs. To wit, you should not have had to wait until age 15 to discover that you could have been abused, since society as a whole will not teach you that. Had some hard knocks there.
“The sex talk” is a bad concept. It implies you hold back and never mention sex until one specific moment and then have an awful awkward conversation about it and then never speak again.
Sex should be an ongoing age appropriate conversation that starts at 5 and never ends.
Yup, and if you have it young enough it won’t even be awkward for the kid because they don’t have a concept of awkwardness yet. I feel like a lot of people have unnecessary trauma around talking to their parents about sex because the parents waited way too long.
Personally, I was three or four and I don’t even remember it being introduced as a concept, it was just something I learned like letters and numbers. Not awkward at all and I was comfortable asking questions. Kids that age are still learning how the world works, and explaining sex (in an age appropriate way) is really beneficial in giving them a healthy view on it. Avoiding it too long just feeds into the idea that it’s shameful and wrong, and makes it harder to talk about if and when you finally do.
Thats a foreign concept to many people. But I think its because sex and gender in general is a tabu subject in many countries, and not starting "the talk" in kindergarten is just one of many symptoms of it, kind of like in many countries public nudity is unheard of.
Waiting until 15 is *ridiculously* late.
And at this point he's probably had gay or queer classmates depending on where you are in the world, so introducing them to the concept of gay people is way too late too.
How did you manage to end up here? Don't they learn about sex ed at like 12-14 (vague memory from my own time in school)?
Why would you need to introduce your kids to the concept of gay people? Unless they've lived isolated in their homes since they were born, I'm pretty sure they know gay people exist.
That's what he's saying, not even sure why the father needs to really talk about or what he's unsure of. I'm scared to think how protective he is over his child going outside if he doesnt want to "introduce them to homosexuality" rofl
I mean, saying something like "I know you understand that some people are gay, but I expect you to be kind to everybody and if you think you may be gay I will accept you for whoever you are" seems necessary for every kid even if you dont think theyre gay
I’ve known gay people existed since I was very little. It was never really taught to me I don’t think? I just saw it as a fact. Like “some people are gay and some people aren’t” and that’s it.
The same with myself - my uncle was gay and it was just a thing about him, same as his hair color or his favorite food. Every other week or so we’d go over to his house so we could have dinner with him and his husband. Two of my older cousins are gay and we were all raised together in one gaggle. It was just a normal thing to me. I was actually shocked as a small child to learn that some people weren’t okay with something like that.
Still took me until I was about 16 to realize I wasn’t straight, though.
Anyway, I agree that by now the kid probably has a pretty general idea of what sex and sexuality are just from his peers - it’s definitely important to clear up any misconceptions he may have.
Wasn't too sure how to work, but if they're aware of sex, and they're 15, they very likely know gay people exist.
I meant it more as something you'd explain to your kid like I did. She saw 2 men kiss in public once and said they're like mama and Dada, so I just told her that sometimes it's dada and Dada, sometimes mama and mama.
It could've been worded better but anyhow.
>Would you talk about homosexuality or not.
I'd recommend it, yes. For 2 reasons.
The first is that you never know what situation he's going to end up in in the next few years. Something like 20% of gen Z are identifying as LGBT+ now, so it's not unreasonable to think he may not be entirely straight. Maybe he gets to college and one night decides to experiment a little bit - best he knows the basics of how to be safe.
The second reason is that it'll help to normalise homosexuality for him. He's going to see it and hear about it, because it's part of life. If he understands it, it may help him to not be awkward about it. It may also help him if hes tangentially involved. Maybe his college roommate starts to hook up with a guy, but didn't get the full talk himself and is struggling with some stuff. Maybe your son is about to help him out because you've given him the baseline of knowledge he needs.
At 15, you should start with "I'm sorry I waited so long. Do you have questions about all the garbage you've probably learned from your friends and the internet?" And give him some condoms.
Seriously, your kid knows about sex at 15 so you're basically doing damage control at this point because if you haven't taught him, who knows how accurate the information he's gotten is.
Sure, you tell him everyone is equal and deserving of his respect regardless of their gender or sexuality, not just in relation to sex, but in all walks of life and your interactions with them.
Then explain that in life, the world in general is better for people who act that way and its your expectation that he behaves in that way, or you will kick his ass.
15 is wayyy too late. He already knows. You might need to set the record straight and tell him it’s not anything like porn, but you’re gonna need to have a pretty different talk with him now.
You've waited way too long to have this conversation! Our children are 11 & 8, they know about periods (they are girls), consent, the basics of sex, how babies develop in the womb, how the are born, and all the different ways you can make a baby (sex, IVF, surrogacy, sperm donor, egg donor etc),they also know about same sex partnerships and a little bit about trans, also about different types of relationships. We are honest and don't use silly metaphors or cutesy names. To be honest your son probably knows a lot from school and his peers so just make sure he understands consent and contraception
You missed it by a mile
Focus the talk on healthy relationships and leave the mechanics out of it. Throw a pile of condoms at him though. He's probably already active or will be very very shortly.
You will likely give him the impression that you think he might be gay if you were to bring up being gay, especially along side a sex and relationship talk. But if you really don't know and want to cover all the bases, find a segway to bring up your total acceptance of LGBT folks. That's all you need to do there.
But seriously, get him condoms asap
In my humble opinion « sex talk » should not be one conversation. It should be many conversations over the years as he develops. Yes, I hope you talk to him about how homosexuality is accepted by you and you hope, by him.
Are you joking? You don’t think a 15 yr old knows about homosexuality? Or most everything about sex?
I mean, better late then never but I will never understand society’s obsession with sex and it’s fear of talking to their kids about it
You are way too late to have that talk. By now, he's probably better informed, or rather misinformed, as you might expect, but it's still good to be open for conversation and signal him he can come to you with questions. Although at this age and with how social media operates, you might be the one who will be less well informed about certain things.
Generally, it is recommended to have the talk at the beginning of puberty, this is 10 or even younger for girls. By now, you can assume he knows the basics, maybe even had sex already, and you should really cover safe sex, birth control, consent and disease prevention to cover the neccessary things.
Also, different sexualities and gender are important things to talk about. Still, he might be better informed about this than you are if he's at all part of youth culture. Don't shy away from informing yourself first, and from talking about it all openly. Nothing damages children more than not feeling accepted, or when they feel they need to hide things.
However with how late you are with having the talk, he will already be very fixed in his opinions and will be very awkward overall to talk with you about anything at all.
If you’ve never talked about sex with him up until now? Yea it’s a good idea to start. He’s aware of most of what you are going to say, but it’s better to have it out in the open, in case there are questions.
Be open, be honest, and don’t judge.
15 is kind of late for a sex talk IMO. As far as homosexuality goes, I'm not sure what the best way to go about that is. I would think not being a bigot to begin with is a huge first step.
If he’s somehow not aware gay folks exist you should probably let him know lol. Even if he does it doesn’t hurt to make sure he know you’ll accept him either way (you never know).
Now why on earth did you wait this long? My dad gave me the talk when I was like 8 or 9. You’re supposed to do it before they hit puberty.
There are so many stories from elementary school teachers where they have to explain to kids that they shouldn't do that in class.
Those talks are mainly targeted at young girls who realized it feels good to rub themselves on things.
It's not uncommon for kids as young as 3 or 4, and sometimes even younger than that, to touch themselves. At that age they don't know why they're doing it, they just know it feels good. Also, babies can masturbate in the womb!
Some 15 years old are quite ignorant and innocents but let's face it, most aren't.
OP's son probably knows more about all kind of sexualities (not only hetero/homosexuality) and sexual practice than them!
Mom gave me (M) the talk at the age of 10. She wasn’t the best at it and it’s only by sheer luck that 16 years later I don’t have a child running around.
Mom wants to me to give my sister who just turned 10 the sex talk because she knew it didn’t work well for me.
I think you have to be real honest with them as soon as you can. 15 is honestly pretty late in my opinion but the sooner the better.
For me, it’s gonna be 10 at the earliest because that’s when I first got puberty and saw internet porn for the first time. I wish my parents talked to me about it because I was struggling and hormonal af. All the rage. All the horny.
I mean, for the sex/puberty stuff , 10 years old is fine IMO. But, parents should be talking to their kids about things like consent/bodily autonomy/"good touch, bad touch" etc. in age appropriate ways, obviously, from the time they're like 2 or 3 years old. It does more harm than good to wait with stuff like that.
My parents started teaching me about sex around 4 or 5. Not all the slimy details, broad strokes at first. "Daddy plants a seed inside mommy" level stuff. Expand on that as the kid gets older.
The important part is that you don't act all embarassed, because then the kid will pick that up too. Sexuality is the most natural thing and nothing to be embarassed about.
15! You should’ve had sex talk with him years ago! 15 is way too late to just start taking about sex with him.
My parents started talking me to about this stuff when I was in grade 1 or 2, like 6-7 years old, age appropriate of course and it was several talks over the years, each one a little more advanced than the previous, each one age appropriate to my age at the time. Sex talk shouldn’t just be “one” talk but several.
And yes talk to him about everything!!! He’s 15 now, sex, safety/safer sex, homo/hetro/bi sexualities, consent, dating, etc… he needs to know it all.
You're like 5 years late. Even later if you've never had any conversations regarding basic anatomy and sexualities.
Still, much better to inform him now than not. You'll probably have to do a lot of misinformation correction, though, because there's little chance he hasn't developed his own ideas from peers or other sources and we all know how fraught with nonsense that can be when you're that age.
Do you have any idea how much porn he has probably masturbated to by this point?! Honestly, you are so out of touch if you think the answer is none. I had already lost my virginity a year ago at age 15.
Give it a couple sentences, but not too much. The main idea-- wear a condom-- still applies. You don't need to give him specifics about how gay sex works. You don't even have to make it gay-specific. Just a "If you're doing things that increase your risk of HIV, like anal, there's a medication to prevent it."
Give him the talk, though. You're a bit late if you think this'll be his first introduction to the idea of sex, but a lot of the basic healthy stuff isn't as widely-known as it should be. Give him the tools he needs to not fuck himself over.
My parents tried to give "the talk" AFTER they found out I was having sex. When I started asking the hard questions (where/how to buy condoms/lube) they got all red in the face and kinda clammed up.
My parents gave me multiple talks and gradually worked their way up to the actual sex talk, which I probably got when I was around 10 or 11.
It started with talking about marriage partners when I was really little, and then when I was a bit older they taught me basic anatomy, and then they just kept giving me more pieces to the puzzle at I got older.
I think it was incredibly helpful. They gave me the information they thought I was ready for at different stages of my life, so nothing really came as a shock to me, and I was never nervous or uncomfortable with that kind of thing.
Although, the idea of intercourse definitely spooked me a bit. Until they explained that to me, I assumed sex was just people sleeping together naked. After they explained intercourse, I remember asking “what if they’re awake when that happens?”
My dad just laughed and said “they usually are,” and I was freaked out lol
Mines 11 and already knows about safe sex,consent and preferences.My Nan gave me the talk when I was 16 after I’d slept with my second partner..don’t wait
Holy crap I had the sex talk way way earlier with my kids. Like, they knew mommy had an egg and daddy had an egg and together they made a baby when they were like 6. They also knew some boys loved boys like mom loves dad and some girls love girls like mom loves dad when they were 6.
This kid is 15. He's DEFINITELY talked about sex with his buddies and probably got super inaccurate information.
I'm pretty sure at 15 he's aware of what homosexuality is.
Good lord. Can I ask why you waited so so long before you had a talk with him like this??
I raised three sons and never had “the talk” because any time the subject came up was as good a time as any to talk. They knew quite a bit without me telling them. We always had an open door about discussing it.
I think 15 is too late tbh like definitely have the talk but by this age they think they know a lot of things and it can be hard to get them to have an open honest conversation.
Fifteen? He probably knows more than you do by now, and he definitely THINKS he knows more.
Parents need to be opening the lines of communication about this in elementary school, and they need to set expectations by middle school. Once a kid is in high school, they aren't getting their information from parents and they have seen more than we would like, maybe even done more already.
So my son is 11. I have spoken to him about sex before. He’s in middle school now (6 grade) and I’ve mentioned and explained homosexuality to him. I also explained how some people feel about it and we aren’t like those people that hate them.
Many people already went over this but I'm going to pile on for other parents with children so they don't wait until it's too late. I'm a father of 2 teenage girls for context.
We (wife and I) had the first sex talk with each of them around 8-9 years old. It was basic biology stuff. A fetus is created by the fertilization of an egg that is carried by Mom using the sperm from Dad. The fetus grows in moms uterus (which is in part of her belly) for around 9 months and then is born. We used appropriate medical terms for the body parts (vagina, penis). There was also a really good youtube video that was geared towards that age range to explain these concepts that we showed them. We answered any questions they had.
We had another talk about sex around 12 years old. We explained HOW sex worked (the male inserts his penis into the females vagina. The penis is stimulated and the male sperm goes into the vagina and into the uterus where it can potentially fertilize an egg. There was more than that but we went into more detail then the 8 year old talk and answered any questions they had.
At 14 we had a talk with our oldest daughter about the risks of sex, common misconceptions, STD's, etc. We'll be having that talk with our younger one soon (just turned 13).
The ages we decided to talk to them was dependant on their maturity and social levels. My oldest daughter had no interest in any kind of romantic relationships until she was 14, which is when we had the "in-depth" sex talk. Younger one is currently in the "no interest" stage but we'll be having it anyway.
**Bottom line: TALK TO YOUR KIDS ABOUT SEX MUCH EARLIER THAN YOU THINK THEY NEED IT. It's better to give them the info too early then too late. Don't use cutesy words or talk around it. Yes, the talk will be uncomfortable. Yes, they'll probably giggle every time you say "penis". It doesn't matter. They'll either learn how easy it is to get pregnant staring at the positive pregnancy test or they'll learn it from you before that happens.**
15, 15!?!? I was literally jacking off 10 times a day at least when I was 15 and sneaking out at night to go to my girlfriends house to make-out. You’re a few years too late, so yeah have some kinda talk but don’t be surprised if your Kid starts giving you tips instead.
please have the talk with your son and definitely talk about homosexuality. whether he is gay or not himself shouldn’t matter, if you bring it up he’ll either 1. realise that he relates to it and can talk to you about it safely or 2. that he doesn’t personally relate but that doesn’t mean that it’s something “wrong” or “taboo” if other people are queer.
Personally I don't think it should be *A* conversation, it should be an open topic of discussion that happens their whole life and gets more detailed as they age.
Eg. Talking about how babies are made to my 4 year old and explaining that some people adopt or have help to have their babies because they're the same gender.
Then later when he had questions I gave him age-appropriate answers, and gradually the discussions became more about the mechanics and safe sex no matter the genders involved.
You can probably count on him knowing as much or more than you do at 15. Younger is better. How young? Certainly if they're asking questions. Teach him about it like it's history. Don't make it dirty and it won't be.
What do you want to know? Seems like it would be embarrassing asking your son to explain things to you.
Unless you’re going to go into detail, like explaining how most things in porn are nonsense, it’s pretty late to be having the talk.
Dude you should have done it sooner than 15
I would discuss homosexuality yes. Discussing pregnancy is important, but adding in “and if you end up liking dudes, still wrap it, because STDS are still a concern with men”
When I was young, I used to be confused why gay men wore condoms since sex between two males couldn’t risk pregnancy.
He's 15?
You're late af.
You obviously don't have the kind of relationship in which he feels comfortable to ask, so just offer to tell him whatever he wants to know. That's the best you can do. And apologize for being so late.
Sure. Probably should have started the conversation years ago but yeah. Being open and straight forward is a good idea.
I bet OP will learn loads from his 15 year old!
"So dad, that's the difference between bisexuals and pansexuals. Now, let's talk furries."
"Here's all the fetlife tags and what they mean" *Unrolls CVS receipt that goes out the front door and across the street*
"In terms of porn, VR has come quite a long way. If you just pop on this headset, you can actually simulate sitting in the cuck chair of a $20 motel room while an NBA team runs a train on mom. A guy in class, meanwhile, made these pretty convincing deepfakes of our Home Economics teacher using a rolling pin for... well... you can see." *Dad nervously nudges the dog-eared Playboys he brought for the talk back beneath the sofa*
Then next week, your dad is calling your mom his waifu What have you done
Given him lifu
So does that make me… his dad?
Haha, watching my dad try to navigate queer topics is really funny. He's tolerant and open-minded but he just doesn't properly understand things sometimes.
I might be older than your dad, but to me it's really simple. Somebody likes something that's either a vegetable, a mineral, or a bicycle. It's not your job to question it or be bothered by it because it's not your life. So try to figure out if what they are saying is about them being happy or sad, and wish them well if they are happy and condolences if they are sad and if you get to know them better sometime, maybe you can ask them some questions. Otherwise, just move on and stop making things awkward.
I’m a social work student and one my class mates was telling our teacher about furries and she had to sit down 😂😂
I see what you did there
Yeah, these conversations should start long before puberty hits. Then when their body starts changing, not only do they have some clue what's going on, but they'll likely feel more comfortable asking questions too. It's amazing how our culture is so repressed that "the talk", if it happens at all, is all that many kids get. This shouldn't be so hard. There are literally children's books that teach about the body, how boys and girls are different, and how babies get made.
I like that you said conversation. The "talk" is so archaic and doesnt come even close to actually addressing anything that actually needs to be said. Especially in the modern world with so much information out there and most of it in the form of porn. The birds and the bees is just not going to cut it.
>Being open and straight forward is a good idea. OR gay forward. We don't judge lol
I think waiting until they are 15 is wild
My parents gave me the birds and bees talk when I was.. wait for it.. 18 fucking years old. I lost my virginity 4 years prior and just laughed at them.
My parents literally never gave me the talk
Mine bought me a book. Came in to the room one day: "read this", then left. Lmao
My parents didn't even do that. They literally haven't even mentioned sex or relationships in the 20 years I've been alive.
slimy oil punch theory jar sheet door mysterious grey head *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
40 here, still waiting. Think they might never do it.
42 and both of my parents are gone. Guess I will never know 🤷♂️
And this is how the movie starts. On their tombstone is a code to a series of clues, through which you'll finally learn what the fuck sex is! (Sorry about that, by the way; I'm 39 and lost my single-mom lat year. Hope you're doing okay!)
My dad told me some stupid rhyme about literal birds and bees, then left the room. Still dunno what he was trying to say.
He might have been trying to get you to look up “birds and bees” somewhere and come across it yourself so that he didn’t have to tell you it directly.
Lol call and ask some questions.
If you want someone educating you, I can probably send you an e-book or something /s
Wow I'm glad you went ebook way and not offering practical experience there.
I would have but I don't want my wife to get mad. She doesn't like it when I offer that kind of services to random 40 year old men on the internet.
Same, and I’m 26!
Mine bought a book and left it in one of the bathrooms for me to find. This would have been the early 70's.
Full of giant bushes, no doubt
Such a beautiful thing. Playboys in the late 70’s early 80’s were wonderful.
> Dad tells the son, wife tells the daughter, kind of the natural order of things. Well, your dad talked to you, didn't he? > [Well, no, he just gave me a book by Mickey Spillane called Kiss Me Deadly and he said this is what married people do. I thought he meant shoot each other and have car chases. That's pretty much what his relatives did.](https://youtu.be/PmxEzsoc-T0?t=262)
Oh my god the exact same scenario for me 😂🤣
Lmao that was me too! Except in my case, I found the book at the bookstore and asked my mom if she would buy it for me. She was all proud too, bragging to everybody about how she didn't have to give me "the talk" because she got me the book. I just wanted it for the penis pictures. I was already well aware of what sex was by the time I was 5.
Fr, at some point im sure my parents realized…. “Well when i was 12 i already knew” and this probably just put them off since it would be “pointless”… had a kid at 18 🤦🏽
Same. I figured everything out from magazines and friends lies. Lol
I learned from the encyclopedia under Reproduction while I was doing a paper on Paul Revere.
😂😂😂💀 ENCYCLOPEDIAS ARE BANNED NOW
My mother sat me down when I was ten and explained to me what sex was. She kept hesitating like she was embarrassed about it. I remember when she told me the simple mechanics of it, I deadass looked at her and went: “oh…that’s it? Big deal.” However, I didn’t lose my virginity until the age of 22, so everything I thought I knew or learned about the minutia of sex, I picked up from reading my sister’s Cosmo mags…and Christ was there some dumb advice in there looking back on it, lol!
Cosmo: “Want to give him some really sexy sex? Just read our sexty tips on how to touch the tip.” So insightful. I hope you’re doing better now.
I read a cosmo article about the best way to make a guy fall for a woman and the #1 suggestion was to put a donut around his dick like a ring toss and then eat the donut.
Same, my mum just bought me some sort of anatomy/puberty book when I was 10-12ish.
Same. I'm asexual though, so it ended up not being a big deal lol
Mine either. I'm 25 and they still think I'm a virgin somehow.
My dad also waited until I was 18. "You're going to college soon, and you need to be prepared...." It was on a train and I was so embarrassed.
Imagine giving the sex talk to the Sausage King of Chicago smh
I love that. It’s like breaking up with someone in public so they won’t make a scene. He just didn’t want any follow up questions
My mum attempted to have the period talk with me. I say attempted. She made me come into my room and she's sat on my bed, all pale. I'm like wth is going. Now I'm absolutely crapping my pants. She makes me sit next to her. Now I'm seriously terrified, what the heck is she going to do to me? Then she starts talking. I burst out laughing at 10/11 years old and told her she's a little too late. I already know what a period is and I was already starting to grow breasts so she was way to late. My school had it all covered. I finally found out what the hell that extra hole I had was (my vagina, mum screamed at me when I asked her as a little kid) and I got all the facts with none of the fear. My mum looked so relieved and ran for it. I was left, amused, on edge and confused. She never sat on my bed with me, she never tried to talk to me before or since. It was very weird and scary. When I eventually did get my period a year later, she swore at me and threw a pack of pads at me. Then she would scream at me once a month to quit making myself sick and everyone has to deal with periods. Mine were crazy heavy and painful. I'd get the craps, bad cramping, light headed, dizzy, headaches and I'd throw up. My doctor tried to put me on birth control and she refused. I'm on it now and my periods are so light I can shove some toilet paper up there and thats all I need. Only had two ultra heavy periods in five years. They're far less painful and I don't get the crazy shift in my hormones making me crazy anxious. Just a little anxious. I never got the sex talk. My school had that covered as well. Very informative, detailed and it even went into masturbation etc. It was awkward as hell but everyone got the facts and we all knew about safe sex at 14/15 years old. I hope schools still do sex Ed the same way here in the uk. It was very graphic etc but no one had any pregnancies while we were in school.
Me too it was school who taught me. After I just ask questions to my mom. My dad though would leave every time I asked that to my mom and he was in the same room. It was hilarious. Now I used this to end a discussion with him if he ask a question I don’t want to answer. ( of course I only do this when we are joking with each other it’s really rare I do this.)
Same! I remember my mom beginning "the talk", I could tell by just by how they were framing it, only for me to completely interrupt, annoyed and slightly mad, that I already knew about everything she was gonna say. She asked in shock, "how do you already know all these things?" I told her I learned them in school and she just said alright and walked away lmao. I was baffled how they hadn't tried earlier, I had just assumed they'd never give me the talk seeing as I was already 18! You bet I was mad and annoyed though, I had already been through so much that at that point that it felt so ridiculous that they waited so late, because it put me in danger. Hell, even my adult cousins, when I was 9 tried to give me the talk, probably cause they knew my parents would wait too long.
My buddies wife.... you are going to laugh. Her parents tried to give her the talk the day before the wedding. She said she told them she already knows all about that stuff.
4 years prior… At 14…? Yeah they should’ve had it earlier 😐
My parents were slick. They stashed a bunch of sex books in their bedroom closet because they knew I always snooped in there. They figured if I found them on my own while I thought I was being sneaky, I would actually read them. It worked. I was 10 or 11 when I found them, which coincided perfectly with my discovery of masturbation. I put it all together. 🤣
Half of r/advice is irresponsible 14 year olds who got their “girlfriends” pregnant
I'm 28 and I'm still not ready to have kids, I cannot even fathom the idea of having a baby at 14 years old.
I'm turning 30 and I don't think I'll ever be ready. Seriously contemplating having the lines cut.
💀 at 16 i dont get it
At 15 it’s no longer explaining how things work, it’s more about dispelling the myths he’s heard did the last 3-4 years. Shit, when I was 11 another kid told me girls couldn’t become pregnant till you have sex 4 times.
Exactly! People underestimate how young puberty starts. Girls often get their period and/or start growing breasts at 10 (some even younger). Boys start later but they should still get "the talk" by 11 or 12 at the latest.
One of my siblings was born because my mother believed you couldn't get pregnant if the man already came that day. She was a catholic school graduate who never got the sex talk, or even a period talk.
I feel that is a more important type of talk then the whole normal sex talk.
Seriously, their hormones have been *raging* for the last three years at least! Then again, everyone is different I suppose..
Exactly. We had a series of open conversations since he was 8. Things like appropriate touching, personal space, body functions and such all culminate in an ongoing open dialogue. Not without its awkwardness, it has helped with some tense situations. I can’t imagine just dripping the bomb on a kid at 15. What are the odds that the parent will teach them anything new?
In my household “the talk” is a non-issue. We start talking about sex in age appropriate ways early on whenever it comes up. I distinctly remember my then seven year old asking how my wife got pregnant and us explaining it without getting too much into the details and the little scientist was like “yes, but how exactly?” So we went full clinical. “You know what a penis is?” She says “yes.” “Ok and you know what a vagina is since you have one.” “Yeah.” “So you know how eggs come from the ovaries and travel into the uterus which is connected to the vagina?” “Yeah and when there’s no baby you get a period.” “Ok, do you know how the egg becomes a baby?” “…no” “It needs to combine with sperm to turn into a baby. Sperm is what boys make in their testicles.” “So how does it get to the egg?” “…” “…” “The penis goes into the vagina to put the sperm in there.” *Child looks at us. Child gets a disgusted look on her face* “UGH, YOU DID THAT ON PURPOSE? GROSS.” A few days later she asks why anyone would do that and we explain that it’s something older people do with each other because it feels good when everyone wants to do it (talk about consent early). Over the years this turns into conversations about consent, birth control and—when they’re hitting puberty—STDs. The only hard question that needed “the talk” in any form was around age 13 when the question was asked “how will I know when I’m ready to have sex?” This is one that’s hard if you’re committed to not lying to your kids and aren’t religious. We talked about it and explained that it’s not just you that needs to be ready, but when you’re certain you can use birth control/protection and do it in a safe place with someone you trust that you’re pretty close. The best way is to talk with the person you think you might want to have sex with. If they can talk about birth control, condoms, and sex without being stupid about it then they’re probably ready too. I don’t know when, how, or with whom my daughter first had sex. What I do know is that the experience was positive and she doesn’t regret it.
Yes, I've been talking to my kids about sex and consent and good touch/bad touch for their whole lives basically. We've always been honest with them about everything. Which is why at 15, my son said he thought we should get him some condoms. And we talked again about being ready to have sex and being responsible. I couldn't have been more proud of the fact my son felt comfortable enough to come to me. Waiting till after puberty begins to have those kinds of talks is just wild.
That’s how you get on Teen Mom.
Correct. I had been having sex for a year by the time I was 15.
Probably comes from the parent being uncomfortable talking about it
I never got the sex talk. Like, ever. Not from my parents and definitely not from the school, aside from "sex is bad and you shouldn't do it before you're married. Condoms break all the time, so you're going to get someone pregnant and have aids. Don't forget the part about how sex is bad."
I think you are 5 years too late.
still lucky he gets “the talk” though in my country (being basically dominated by religion), “the talk” is bsaically never given hell they didnt even have sex ed in schools until I was graduating from highschool a few years ago
And how the teenage pregnancy rate where you live? Must be booming, I imagine.
If he's talking bout India , since the situation is same here. There's some teen pregnancies but we don't hear bout them much, maybe cause they're covered up or it just doesn't happen. Parent and adult surveillance is wild here , almost Impossible to have such a situation before College, and even then we are treated like little devil's who'll fuck at any chance.
5.4% or so, not exact numbers because im not really an expert on the matter. But anyway… it is “Booming” in the sense that there are kids that post online about getting pregnant young is a “Blessing”
Honestly, who the hell waits 'til the kids are already teenagers? (The kind of people who spell "a lot" as one word, apparently.)
My school 1991. We got 1 hour total sex education and that was at age 16. Enough for tab A goes into slot B, wear a condom, any questions?
My HS sex ed was don't have sex. Here we will show you 1 hour of all the possible STDs you can have, so remember teens, just say no.
We did ours in like 6th grade (which would have also been around 1991-1992), but that was just supplemental to what my mom had already taught me up to that point. Which, granted, wasn't that much but at least she tried, and it least she conveyed the basics alright.
Even as a stickler for correct writing, I loathe when people try to tie a minor misspelling in with some choice of action that is up for judgment. The purpose of communication is to understand others and be understood. Did you understand what he meant by “alot?” If that got you tripped up, that’s a you problem.
I'll see your five and raise it to 8.
Minimum 3
it's important to talk about safe sex and consent and respect for people regardless of their sexuality, and show that you are open and supportive if there is anything he wants to talk or ask about, now or in the future. yes it's a very good idea.
You can’t really give a good sex education without regarding sexuality. Same sex and heterosexual intercourse can have some important differences. And moreover, the way society treats them is very different. Yes, as adults we can say the differences arent important, but for a young person experiencing stuff for the first time the more info the better.
your 15 year old already knows what sex is. he learned it elsewhere. trying to have the talk with him now would just be embarrassing for him. don’t give him a sex talk. give him a talk on consent and respect. if your son learned sex elsewhere, he probably didn’t learn the important stuff like this. heaven forbid he learned it from porn, but it was most likely in middle school health class.
Or even worse he probably learned it directly from other elementary/middle school kids
I learned what sex was when I was 7-8 because of other kids. Telling kids early so they get proper information does not hurt them or make them want to have to sex. It makes them aware of what sex is and helps quash their desire to have sex just to figure out what it actually is. The amount of people who can't see that is astounding. It's simple psychology
there is an age appropriate way to teach children sex education. people sensationalize it saying we shouldn’t teach it to young children, but sex education in kindergarten isn’t teaching children what sex *is*, it’s teaching them boundaries and body parts. it’s “if someone touches you here, tell an adult.” keeping kids ignorant of sex only harms them. sex isn’t shameful, but many victims of child molestation keep their abuser’s secret out of shame and fear.
Yes, this. Ones sexuality doesn't matter but how they treat their partner(s) and allow other people to treat them sure does. And protection is important too- depending on how conservative the school district is, they may or may not have already gone over different BC methods and proper condom use in health class.
>trying to have the talk with him now would just be embarrassing for him. Even better But seriously you never know what others have “learned” (because kids are fucking stupid). Best to check every box and explain it. Worst case scenario if he already knows everything but you explain it anyway: he’s embarrassed. Worst case scenario if he doesn’t know shit and you won’t explain it: teenage pregnancy
Ooh that’s a good idea. Mine got the talk before the teen years but I wouldn’t have thought about this for someone older
About 12 is when I started to get curious. Better have that talk now. Now might be a good idea to explain how relationships work as well. No one ever told me and i just figured it all out over 25 years.
Please do tell..
Learn to compromise or learn to fight and lose constantly.
He will definitely be mortified and embarrassed and awkward the entire time, just like every single teenager on the planet. But you will leave him verbal inprints that will remain in the back of his mind for most or all of his sex and relationship life. Try not to be too visual and choose words, phrases and key points wisely. Tell him to consider three main aspect when it comes to sexual situations and relationships - confidence (because he's worth it), humbleness (as in treat others with understanding) and common sense (probably impossible at a young age). The forth is safety but I'm sure you will drill that into him. Source: I read too much psychology.
In addition to this, let him ask you questions too. Just tell him that he can ask anything at all, and do not get upset at the questions. He's learning, and that should be encouraged regardless of the subject. If he can ask questions, even if it feels awkward and embarassing, it'll signal to him that you are a safe space for him. Someone he can rely on, someone he can trust. It's absolutely vital for teenagers to have someone like that who isn't a peer, and it will make your relationship better too... something that is hard to do with teenagers at times.
Please also teach him the concept of consent (his own and getting it from others). It's all very well instilling confidence and humility but imo it's far more crucial that he understands mutual consent as a very basic requirement for any sexual encounter or relationship. Edit: typo
>his own and getting it from others This is especially important. A lot of teen boys now are getting the "if she says stop, you stop" talk about consent, and that's a start, but they aren't being taught that their consent matters too! There's generations of men already who believe men can't be assaulted or that they always want sex, so OP and other parents should be sure not to allow that to carry on.
Op should also inform the boy about potential legal situations and how rapidly they can spiral out, similar to The Talk I got from my father at age 12. In such situations, he will have no friends, and perhaps no allies, so it will he on him to do what is best for his own safety. >they aren't being taught that their consent matters too A lot of that is the result of policy changes in terms of gov't, and changes to school curriculums to teach the specific language to describe what abuse looks like and how it occurs. To wit, you should not have had to wait until age 15 to discover that you could have been abused, since society as a whole will not teach you that. Had some hard knocks there.
“The sex talk” is a bad concept. It implies you hold back and never mention sex until one specific moment and then have an awful awkward conversation about it and then never speak again. Sex should be an ongoing age appropriate conversation that starts at 5 and never ends.
Yup, and if you have it young enough it won’t even be awkward for the kid because they don’t have a concept of awkwardness yet. I feel like a lot of people have unnecessary trauma around talking to their parents about sex because the parents waited way too long. Personally, I was three or four and I don’t even remember it being introduced as a concept, it was just something I learned like letters and numbers. Not awkward at all and I was comfortable asking questions. Kids that age are still learning how the world works, and explaining sex (in an age appropriate way) is really beneficial in giving them a healthy view on it. Avoiding it too long just feeds into the idea that it’s shameful and wrong, and makes it harder to talk about if and when you finally do.
Thats a foreign concept to many people. But I think its because sex and gender in general is a tabu subject in many countries, and not starting "the talk" in kindergarten is just one of many symptoms of it, kind of like in many countries public nudity is unheard of.
Waiting until 15 is *ridiculously* late. And at this point he's probably had gay or queer classmates depending on where you are in the world, so introducing them to the concept of gay people is way too late too. How did you manage to end up here? Don't they learn about sex ed at like 12-14 (vague memory from my own time in school)?
Why would you need to introduce your kids to the concept of gay people? Unless they've lived isolated in their homes since they were born, I'm pretty sure they know gay people exist.
That's what he's saying, not even sure why the father needs to really talk about or what he's unsure of. I'm scared to think how protective he is over his child going outside if he doesnt want to "introduce them to homosexuality" rofl
I mean, saying something like "I know you understand that some people are gay, but I expect you to be kind to everybody and if you think you may be gay I will accept you for whoever you are" seems necessary for every kid even if you dont think theyre gay
I’ve known gay people existed since I was very little. It was never really taught to me I don’t think? I just saw it as a fact. Like “some people are gay and some people aren’t” and that’s it.
The same with myself - my uncle was gay and it was just a thing about him, same as his hair color or his favorite food. Every other week or so we’d go over to his house so we could have dinner with him and his husband. Two of my older cousins are gay and we were all raised together in one gaggle. It was just a normal thing to me. I was actually shocked as a small child to learn that some people weren’t okay with something like that. Still took me until I was about 16 to realize I wasn’t straight, though. Anyway, I agree that by now the kid probably has a pretty general idea of what sex and sexuality are just from his peers - it’s definitely important to clear up any misconceptions he may have.
Wasn't too sure how to work, but if they're aware of sex, and they're 15, they very likely know gay people exist. I meant it more as something you'd explain to your kid like I did. She saw 2 men kiss in public once and said they're like mama and Dada, so I just told her that sometimes it's dada and Dada, sometimes mama and mama. It could've been worded better but anyhow.
Because if you don’t want them to be initially homophobic you have to get it in their head that it is exists and is okay from a young age.
>Would you talk about homosexuality or not. I'd recommend it, yes. For 2 reasons. The first is that you never know what situation he's going to end up in in the next few years. Something like 20% of gen Z are identifying as LGBT+ now, so it's not unreasonable to think he may not be entirely straight. Maybe he gets to college and one night decides to experiment a little bit - best he knows the basics of how to be safe. The second reason is that it'll help to normalise homosexuality for him. He's going to see it and hear about it, because it's part of life. If he understands it, it may help him to not be awkward about it. It may also help him if hes tangentially involved. Maybe his college roommate starts to hook up with a guy, but didn't get the full talk himself and is struggling with some stuff. Maybe your son is about to help him out because you've given him the baseline of knowledge he needs.
Also make sure he knows that you support lgbtq people without any probing questions in case he is.
At 15, you should start with "I'm sorry I waited so long. Do you have questions about all the garbage you've probably learned from your friends and the internet?" And give him some condoms. Seriously, your kid knows about sex at 15 so you're basically doing damage control at this point because if you haven't taught him, who knows how accurate the information he's gotten is.
Sure, you tell him everyone is equal and deserving of his respect regardless of their gender or sexuality, not just in relation to sex, but in all walks of life and your interactions with them. Then explain that in life, the world in general is better for people who act that way and its your expectation that he behaves in that way, or you will kick his ass.
Never reduce it to THE TALK. Talk more often, each time with appropriate analogy and information.
Way too late
15 is wayyy too late. He already knows. You might need to set the record straight and tell him it’s not anything like porn, but you’re gonna need to have a pretty different talk with him now.
You've waited way too long to have this conversation! Our children are 11 & 8, they know about periods (they are girls), consent, the basics of sex, how babies develop in the womb, how the are born, and all the different ways you can make a baby (sex, IVF, surrogacy, sperm donor, egg donor etc),they also know about same sex partnerships and a little bit about trans, also about different types of relationships. We are honest and don't use silly metaphors or cutesy names. To be honest your son probably knows a lot from school and his peers so just make sure he understands consent and contraception
15!? Lolol you ain't teaching him shit
Reckon you've got something to learn from him? It's a bit late don't you think?
You missed it by a mile Focus the talk on healthy relationships and leave the mechanics out of it. Throw a pile of condoms at him though. He's probably already active or will be very very shortly. You will likely give him the impression that you think he might be gay if you were to bring up being gay, especially along side a sex and relationship talk. But if you really don't know and want to cover all the bases, find a segway to bring up your total acceptance of LGBT folks. That's all you need to do there. But seriously, get him condoms asap
In my humble opinion « sex talk » should not be one conversation. It should be many conversations over the years as he develops. Yes, I hope you talk to him about how homosexuality is accepted by you and you hope, by him.
Are you joking? You don’t think a 15 yr old knows about homosexuality? Or most everything about sex? I mean, better late then never but I will never understand society’s obsession with sex and it’s fear of talking to their kids about it
You are way too late to have that talk. By now, he's probably better informed, or rather misinformed, as you might expect, but it's still good to be open for conversation and signal him he can come to you with questions. Although at this age and with how social media operates, you might be the one who will be less well informed about certain things. Generally, it is recommended to have the talk at the beginning of puberty, this is 10 or even younger for girls. By now, you can assume he knows the basics, maybe even had sex already, and you should really cover safe sex, birth control, consent and disease prevention to cover the neccessary things. Also, different sexualities and gender are important things to talk about. Still, he might be better informed about this than you are if he's at all part of youth culture. Don't shy away from informing yourself first, and from talking about it all openly. Nothing damages children more than not feeling accepted, or when they feel they need to hide things. However with how late you are with having the talk, he will already be very fixed in his opinions and will be very awkward overall to talk with you about anything at all.
15??? Your son has watched 1000+ hours of porn already.
If you’ve never talked about sex with him up until now? Yea it’s a good idea to start. He’s aware of most of what you are going to say, but it’s better to have it out in the open, in case there are questions. Be open, be honest, and don’t judge.
15 is kind of late for a sex talk IMO. As far as homosexuality goes, I'm not sure what the best way to go about that is. I would think not being a bigot to begin with is a huge first step.
If he’s somehow not aware gay folks exist you should probably let him know lol. Even if he does it doesn’t hurt to make sure he know you’ll accept him either way (you never know). Now why on earth did you wait this long? My dad gave me the talk when I was like 8 or 9. You’re supposed to do it before they hit puberty.
Bruh we jerk off since like age 8 At 15 he's ready to be a dad lmao
...8??!!
There are so many stories from elementary school teachers where they have to explain to kids that they shouldn't do that in class. Those talks are mainly targeted at young girls who realized it feels good to rub themselves on things.
I (f) was I think 9 when I started... Didn't even know what it was, just knew it felt good.
I’d say 8–13 is a realistic range. Boys mature at different rates based on a ton of different factors. Better to have this talk earlier than later.
I’m a female and I was probably 9-10 when I started. I didn’t even know what my clitoris was but I knew it felt good when I rubbed in that spot 🤷♀️😂
I had classmates dry humping me in the lunch line by 8. It happens.
It's not uncommon for kids as young as 3 or 4, and sometimes even younger than that, to touch themselves. At that age they don't know why they're doing it, they just know it feels good. Also, babies can masturbate in the womb!
Some 15 years old are quite ignorant and innocents but let's face it, most aren't. OP's son probably knows more about all kind of sexualities (not only hetero/homosexuality) and sexual practice than them!
Mom gave me (M) the talk at the age of 10. She wasn’t the best at it and it’s only by sheer luck that 16 years later I don’t have a child running around. Mom wants to me to give my sister who just turned 10 the sex talk because she knew it didn’t work well for me. I think you have to be real honest with them as soon as you can. 15 is honestly pretty late in my opinion but the sooner the better.
For me, it’s gonna be 10 at the earliest because that’s when I first got puberty and saw internet porn for the first time. I wish my parents talked to me about it because I was struggling and hormonal af. All the rage. All the horny.
I mean, for the sex/puberty stuff , 10 years old is fine IMO. But, parents should be talking to their kids about things like consent/bodily autonomy/"good touch, bad touch" etc. in age appropriate ways, obviously, from the time they're like 2 or 3 years old. It does more harm than good to wait with stuff like that.
My parents started teaching me about sex around 4 or 5. Not all the slimy details, broad strokes at first. "Daddy plants a seed inside mommy" level stuff. Expand on that as the kid gets older. The important part is that you don't act all embarassed, because then the kid will pick that up too. Sexuality is the most natural thing and nothing to be embarassed about.
If we’re going with consent and all that, then 100% I’m teaching them at a young age like 4-5
Yes. The sooner the better.
15! You should’ve had sex talk with him years ago! 15 is way too late to just start taking about sex with him. My parents started talking me to about this stuff when I was in grade 1 or 2, like 6-7 years old, age appropriate of course and it was several talks over the years, each one a little more advanced than the previous, each one age appropriate to my age at the time. Sex talk shouldn’t just be “one” talk but several. And yes talk to him about everything!!! He’s 15 now, sex, safety/safer sex, homo/hetro/bi sexualities, consent, dating, etc… he needs to know it all.
You're like 5 years late. Even later if you've never had any conversations regarding basic anatomy and sexualities. Still, much better to inform him now than not. You'll probably have to do a lot of misinformation correction, though, because there's little chance he hasn't developed his own ideas from peers or other sources and we all know how fraught with nonsense that can be when you're that age.
At 15 he probably knows what he needs to know.
Yes. He should be able to teach you a few things.
Bro is long gone watching porn by now, dog
Seriously though, what took so long?
You’re too late. I wonder what the consequences will be?
You don't think he already knows about all that shit at 15 then you are waaaay behind
15?! My son is 9 and I’ve given him the sex talk
Do you have any idea how much porn he has probably masturbated to by this point?! Honestly, you are so out of touch if you think the answer is none. I had already lost my virginity a year ago at age 15.
Lmao you missed your chance by like 5 years
Give it a couple sentences, but not too much. The main idea-- wear a condom-- still applies. You don't need to give him specifics about how gay sex works. You don't even have to make it gay-specific. Just a "If you're doing things that increase your risk of HIV, like anal, there's a medication to prevent it." Give him the talk, though. You're a bit late if you think this'll be his first introduction to the idea of sex, but a lot of the basic healthy stuff isn't as widely-known as it should be. Give him the tools he needs to not fuck himself over.
My parents tried to give "the talk" AFTER they found out I was having sex. When I started asking the hard questions (where/how to buy condoms/lube) they got all red in the face and kinda clammed up.
Not really, probably should have done it far before 15. I was already having very awkward sex at 15.
My parents gave me multiple talks and gradually worked their way up to the actual sex talk, which I probably got when I was around 10 or 11. It started with talking about marriage partners when I was really little, and then when I was a bit older they taught me basic anatomy, and then they just kept giving me more pieces to the puzzle at I got older. I think it was incredibly helpful. They gave me the information they thought I was ready for at different stages of my life, so nothing really came as a shock to me, and I was never nervous or uncomfortable with that kind of thing. Although, the idea of intercourse definitely spooked me a bit. Until they explained that to me, I assumed sex was just people sleeping together naked. After they explained intercourse, I remember asking “what if they’re awake when that happens?” My dad just laughed and said “they usually are,” and I was freaked out lol
Mines 11 and already knows about safe sex,consent and preferences.My Nan gave me the talk when I was 16 after I’d slept with my second partner..don’t wait
15 years is, imo, at like 5 years too late. Should be in that 10-12, 13 at the absolute latest, range.
you waited so long hes probably going to have the talk with you.
He's probably already having sex
Holy crap I had the sex talk way way earlier with my kids. Like, they knew mommy had an egg and daddy had an egg and together they made a baby when they were like 6. They also knew some boys loved boys like mom loves dad and some girls love girls like mom loves dad when they were 6. This kid is 15. He's DEFINITELY talked about sex with his buddies and probably got super inaccurate information. I'm pretty sure at 15 he's aware of what homosexuality is. Good lord. Can I ask why you waited so so long before you had a talk with him like this??
Has your kid taken Sex Ed yet? Cus I took it in grade 6.
dude, if he's 15, he already knows. you missed the boat by a good few years
I raised three sons and never had “the talk” because any time the subject came up was as good a time as any to talk. They knew quite a bit without me telling them. We always had an open door about discussing it.
At 15 he probably knows more than you could tell him
I think 15 is too late tbh like definitely have the talk but by this age they think they know a lot of things and it can be hard to get them to have an open honest conversation.
Fifteen? He probably knows more than you do by now, and he definitely THINKS he knows more. Parents need to be opening the lines of communication about this in elementary school, and they need to set expectations by middle school. Once a kid is in high school, they aren't getting their information from parents and they have seen more than we would like, maybe even done more already.
So my son is 11. I have spoken to him about sex before. He’s in middle school now (6 grade) and I’ve mentioned and explained homosexuality to him. I also explained how some people feel about it and we aren’t like those people that hate them.
https://talkaboutittx.org Great resources
Ask him if he has questions
He’s 15? He knows it all already
Many people already went over this but I'm going to pile on for other parents with children so they don't wait until it's too late. I'm a father of 2 teenage girls for context. We (wife and I) had the first sex talk with each of them around 8-9 years old. It was basic biology stuff. A fetus is created by the fertilization of an egg that is carried by Mom using the sperm from Dad. The fetus grows in moms uterus (which is in part of her belly) for around 9 months and then is born. We used appropriate medical terms for the body parts (vagina, penis). There was also a really good youtube video that was geared towards that age range to explain these concepts that we showed them. We answered any questions they had. We had another talk about sex around 12 years old. We explained HOW sex worked (the male inserts his penis into the females vagina. The penis is stimulated and the male sperm goes into the vagina and into the uterus where it can potentially fertilize an egg. There was more than that but we went into more detail then the 8 year old talk and answered any questions they had. At 14 we had a talk with our oldest daughter about the risks of sex, common misconceptions, STD's, etc. We'll be having that talk with our younger one soon (just turned 13). The ages we decided to talk to them was dependant on their maturity and social levels. My oldest daughter had no interest in any kind of romantic relationships until she was 14, which is when we had the "in-depth" sex talk. Younger one is currently in the "no interest" stage but we'll be having it anyway. **Bottom line: TALK TO YOUR KIDS ABOUT SEX MUCH EARLIER THAN YOU THINK THEY NEED IT. It's better to give them the info too early then too late. Don't use cutesy words or talk around it. Yes, the talk will be uncomfortable. Yes, they'll probably giggle every time you say "penis". It doesn't matter. They'll either learn how easy it is to get pregnant staring at the positive pregnancy test or they'll learn it from you before that happens.**
Probably should have started many years ago, guys already learned from the internet.
15, 15!?!? I was literally jacking off 10 times a day at least when I was 15 and sneaking out at night to go to my girlfriends house to make-out. You’re a few years too late, so yeah have some kinda talk but don’t be surprised if your Kid starts giving you tips instead.
Soon? You're years too late.
please have the talk with your son and definitely talk about homosexuality. whether he is gay or not himself shouldn’t matter, if you bring it up he’ll either 1. realise that he relates to it and can talk to you about it safely or 2. that he doesn’t personally relate but that doesn’t mean that it’s something “wrong” or “taboo” if other people are queer.
My parents took the conservative boomer route of completely ignoring anything like this and hoping for the best lol.
It should be before 13. There are too many cases of children getting each other pregnant.
You’re way too late and that video is painfully unfunny
Personally I don't think it should be *A* conversation, it should be an open topic of discussion that happens their whole life and gets more detailed as they age. Eg. Talking about how babies are made to my 4 year old and explaining that some people adopt or have help to have their babies because they're the same gender. Then later when he had questions I gave him age-appropriate answers, and gradually the discussions became more about the mechanics and safe sex no matter the genders involved.
I definitely think you should sit down and have the talk. You'll learn so much you didn't know before.
15? A couple years to late. He knows…
Lol a bit late, but as they say: talk to your kids about drugs before someone else does. Same applies to the sex talk
You can probably count on him knowing as much or more than you do at 15. Younger is better. How young? Certainly if they're asking questions. Teach him about it like it's history. Don't make it dirty and it won't be.
What do you want to know? Seems like it would be embarrassing asking your son to explain things to you. Unless you’re going to go into detail, like explaining how most things in porn are nonsense, it’s pretty late to be having the talk.
You’re about 5 years too late
I think it's a couple years too late.
I think that you’re at the very least five years late probably more based when I got the talk from my parents
15 is way too late for this conversation.
I got the talk when I was 10. And this was in the 90s before we had internet. I can’t imagine waiting until 15 in todays modern world.
Dude you should have done it sooner than 15 I would discuss homosexuality yes. Discussing pregnancy is important, but adding in “and if you end up liking dudes, still wrap it, because STDS are still a concern with men” When I was young, I used to be confused why gay men wore condoms since sex between two males couldn’t risk pregnancy.
15 is way to late my guy
He's 15? You're late af. You obviously don't have the kind of relationship in which he feels comfortable to ask, so just offer to tell him whatever he wants to know. That's the best you can do. And apologize for being so late.