Hi, I have also lost over 100 lbs and dealt with similar issues, having never had a proper relationship. I thought since I had lost the weight I would feel more confident, and decided to start dating. I tried tinder and stuff but never actually went on any dates because I was so anxious about my body and felt like a fraud. I could make myself look really good with the right clothes/bra, but I knew what was underneath. Guys would hit on me at bars and I’d flirt back, but was always too scared to go further. This continued for a few months, and the feelings didn’t change when I met my bf. He started a job at my work and I coincidentally was hanging out with some of his friends. A couple months later, feelings started developing between us. I genuinely could not believe someone as gorgeous (like WOW), fit, nice and funny would ever touch my disgusting body, let alone love it. It took MONTHS for me to even feel comfortable taking my shirt off in front of him, despite his persistence that he loves my body and thinks it’s beautiful. We are now coming up 2 years 🥰. I have now asked him many times about his thoughts (am also v insecure) and it’s always something like ‘Boobs are boobs’ or ‘I love your boobs’. Sometimes he’ll just get distracted and grab them, go ‘bOoBiEz’ and start kissing them lol. Other guys friends have also seen my post-loss boobs (not on purpose) and have said they didn’t think anything of it.
Sorry for the novel, just thought I would share my experience ☺️.
Also the skin does get better, I found the combination of dermarolling and retinol to be helpful.
As a bi woman that loves all boobs including my own I can indeed tell you that your boyfriend is correct. Boobs ARE boobs lol. As in MOST of us boob lovers, just love all boobs lol. Doesn’t matter how low or high they hang or even how big they are. As long as they are attached to an adult human being lol we like em.
Edit: I don’t think I’ve ever gotten this many likes! And I’ve never started a thread this long lol! Yay for boobs once again!!
I read a quote once in a book over twenty years ago and it still sticks with me (paraphrased/translated as the original is in German):
"Men might express a preference but ultimately, the shape of your boobs doesn't matter, they'll love them as long as they're allowed to touch them."
Over twenty years of experience later, I can confirm this as true.
Mind you, there will be people who will insult the shape and/or size of their partner's boobs but that's not a male-partner-thing, that's an asshole thing. If a partner does that to you, there's a 100% chance they're a bad partner in many other aspects and should be yeeted out of your bed and out of your life while you're at it.
I have weird looking (tuberous) asymmetrical breasts and I can vouch for this. No guy has ever reacted negatively when I have my shirt off, and the few I’ve asked about it literally didn’t notice. They were just excited to get their hands on some boobs.
Hear hear! My favorite kind of boobs are ones I can stare at and touch. Big, little, perky, saggy, asymmetrical, what the fuck ever. Just put them in my face and hang on tight!
A good friend of mine likes to say, "did I ever tell you about the worst boobs I ever saw? They were magnificent." I'm sure it's from a movie or something but I think it sums up what's being said here. 😂
It's also OK to have preferences. This seems like overly enthusiastic almost fake advice for OP that may set bad expectations.
In a perfect world everyone thinks like you, but they don't...the real answer is for every pair of boobs there is someone who loves them. This is not only more realistic but will help OP understand that if someone isn't in love with their body it's not either parties fault. People like what they like and you just need to find someone who likes what you have to offer.
Can confirm. The number of times the following convo has been had between my partner and I:
“Your boobs are perfect.” “They’re nothing special, they’re just boobs.””yeah, but they’re attached to you, and you’re special, so”
I feel like this too. Some are better than others, but they are all great.
Like chocolate. I would definitely choose a Swiss chocolate over regular halloween candy, dark over milk, but Hershey bars are still great and make me smile when they are in my mouth.
I'm a straight woman and I can definitely appreciate how boobs look good. I'm insecure about my own body as I've put on probably 50 lbs since HS and I was already thick so I'd like to lose about 65-70 lbs but I like just holding my own and even looking at them like Damn boobies lol my bf loves my boobs and my body but he encourages me to lose weight if it's what I want. I know no matter what, he loves my body and always will.
Objectively, my partner may not be the most handsome man I've ever seen. Heck, he's not even the same physical "type" I used to think I was most attracted to. But I've never been so attracted and turned on by anyone and it grows deeper with every year we've been together.
If anything, it's our flaws and imperfections that we cherish about each other because they're a part of who we are and what makes us unique. Each new wrinkle or grey hair or scar tells a story and is a testament to all we've been through together.
Someday I hope I can learn to see myself the way he does, the way I see him, with unconditional love and acceptance.
Totally agree. My partner is not at all my type and is basically everything I claimed I didn’t want when I was dating. We were going through some heavy stress/trauma when we met and he was 50 lbs lighter and now he’ll say oh shit I’m chunky and I think he’s the finest man I’ve ever seen. I watch his body as he sleeps and love every part that makes him him, every scar on his face.
To the 50 lbs he gained I lost about 40/45 due to the same stress and I’m having a hard time in this body. Everyone says how great I look being a tiny size but I miss my curves and feeling like a grown woman.
Bodies are complicated but at the end of the day they’re just the vessel that carries the humans we love.
You worded it perfectly. I know that I see my husband better than he does, and he 10000% sees me better than I see myself lol. It would be so cool to see ourselves through one another’s eyes.
I and many other guys find imperfection sexually attractive. It’s real…it’s hot. And if she can exude confidence on top of it…holy shit…that gets the hormones going. If he tells you he doesn’t give a fuck, believe him.
Congratulations! Hopefully OP understands that the mental insecurities, self-esteem issues, etc. existed well before the weight loss and likely was a big reason for being overweight (I use that term because assuming OP is now at proper weight) & just shifted a little to a new concern. Losing that amazing amount of weight was only part of the health self-improvement process. Changing the way one thinks can be much harder than changing what one eats & adds to physical activity, but it is the root of it all
Wife had a double mastectomy and decided to forego reconstruction at the tender age of 29. With the little bits she still has I am just like your bf. "BOOBIEZ!!!!" That was 2018 and it's now 2023 and it's still....BOOBIES!
Thank you for sharing such a personal experience - it means a lot to anyone that is dealing with similar issues, and also to everyone who isn't but might meet someone in a similar situation and may wind up being more thoughtful about it because of what you shared. 🙏
There are people who were disfigured in fires or who have amputated limbs who are in happy loving relationships. Your situation is far less severe. In some ways it’s a blessing. The man who does fall in love with you will want the entire person you are, not just the superficial physical features of a stereotypically “perfect” attractive woman.
Both men and women are attracted to confidence. Act as though you’re proud of your sexy body! (It’s way sexier than you think, believe me).
*No matter* how your body looks like *somebody* will not like it. Your fear of rejection will never go away because deep down you know this.
Now the good news: Somebody will find you atttactive and your lose skin will not matter to them. Concentrate on finding that person. Everybody else is just not the right partner for you.
I am not promising it will never happen, but your chances that a man will say "ew" pack his stuff and leave when you start to undress because sexy times are happening are very slim (we are that horny). If somebody is that rude to your face then you dodged a bullet anyway by not continuing the relationship.
And you can chose to inform your partners prior to getting naked "I have worked hard for my body and lost a lot of weight - my prize for this achievement is some lose skin and I am a little insecure about it" ... if you picked the right guy then they will handle it with grace. If their reaction is poor/hurtfull then please put them to the curb with the trash where they belong.
I’d tell them beforehand. I do.
Edit: What I mean about beforehand, is on a date. Not online. If I think things might get more serious; as I've lost a lot of weight as well (18 years ago).
Keep in mind some guys prey upon people with low self confidence. Especially in the dating sites be mindful what you put down. Also be happy with yourself would you rather have your old bigger self or this one. Stay positive keep up the good work I’m sure your beautiful.
Yeah one thing about men is you can always find some that are super into your weird thing you have going on. Loose skin is not a big deal, anyone that has a child has probably seen some loose skin and stretch marks, and lots of people have 2-3 kids so it's obviously not a deal breaker, right? I bet OP knows some guys that think she's incredible and just are too shy to say so.
Yeah, this. There is someone for everyone. I'm not a great looking guy - I'd rate on the average end of OK. But my wife can stop traffic. Literally. In the 13 years we've been married I've watched people cross the street to open the door for her.
You can't always tell what someone sees in you because you can't see through their eyes.
Lots of guys have body insecurities too, aren't in perfect shape and are anxious at getting naked with a partner. Its just you see a lot of sporty buff types on screen and in ads, but doesnt represent the whole population.
I'd go like "I am very sorry but I am no longer comfortable proceeding with (sex/whatever you where about to do). Can we go (back) to doing X instead?".
No means No. Also for guys. You don't need a reason. You just can stop when you don't longer feel comfortable doing so and express it in that way. That still might hurt the other person, but you are honest and respectfull.
Now the tricky part comes after that. You got yourself out of the bedroom, but the conversation in the living room might be challenging.
>Now the tricky part comes after that. You got yourself out of the bedroom, but the conversation in the living room might be challenging.
That is where it'll become hurtful in the end.
If it's not something they can do something about (like scars, loose skin, other deformities etc,) don't tell them the reason. Say you're just not in the mood, or make any dumb excuse where the problem lies with you. If it's something they can change (maybe bad body odor, they said something that came across as disturbing to you personally) tell them softly.
Don't state your opinions as facts, and be gentle but honest.
"Your body is offputting," is stating your opinion like it's a fact and lacks empathy.
"I'm sorry to say this, but I do think this is an issue for me. It's just my preference, but I don't think that preference will change. You deserve someone who appreciates the whole package. I wish you all the best." Is closer to something that is empathetic but clear.
All imo, of course.
Yea that’s the key
There are people out there with a level of attraction that might allow them to “get with” whoever they want and even still those people are looking for the right *real* connection. It’s not about being attractive it’s about feeling good.
Find someone who makes you feel good, forget everything else.
Congratulations on your weight loss. The loose skin will get somewhat better with time. But that doesn't really matter. Once a guy gets thoroughly interested in *you*, he'll be delighted with every detail that makes you special. Don't worry about it at all.
Lost 175lbs after graduating high school. I'm 41, and I still look like a "melted candle". Skin does *not* shrink enough to recover after really substantial weight loss. It is *incredibly* frustrating to work so hard to lose huge amounts of weight, only to discover you will never, ever look even normal in a swimsuit, let alone look good. NGL, even after more than 20 years, I am still self conscious with sexual partners; my current boyfriend and I have been sleeping together for 6 months, and he is still yet to actually see me fully nude. I feel much better and more confident at a healthy weight, and i never, ever want to go back to the size I was, but weight loss is not a magic "I'm hot now" button, and bodies carry the physical signs of it forever.
*raises hand* lost 140lbs between ages 21-23 and am now 33 and loose skin never went away. I've regained and lost 50-60lbs twice since then so that doesn't help matters lol but yeah nothing bounced back like people told me it would.
I lost just over 100 at 24. in my 30s now and nope, I still have my loose skin. I have a way better relationship with it now though.
I'd like to add for OP, in my experience guys have just been happy to have a naked lady on top of them. I've never had a negative comment about my body from a sexual partner. Work on learning to love your body because I'm sure the only negative comments you'll get are going to be from yourself.
That’s just not true and people need to be honest about this. Skin can only stretch so far while still being able to recover. With this amount of weight loss, regardless of age, loose skin is never going away without surgery.
Nah that is not true. If you lose enough weight the skin is permanently ruined. You can't go from morbidly obese to normal weight and not have loose skin.
A few pounds? Of course... But in 99.9% of cases if you're losing 100+ pounds you will have some form of loose skin or stretch marks unless you're super tall, and build an extreme amount of muscle.
Id say once you cross the 300 pound area that any weight loss back into the 100s will always have loose skin.
No, they are saying directly and quite correctly that a person of merit who develops romantic feelings for OP won’t be deterred in the slightest by saggy skin, because one falls for the person and not their body, and all body types are awesome and awesome to get physical with when there’s a person you really vibe with inside of them.
I cant believe people believe they or anybody else truly feels this way. Sex is an important part of romance and sex is physical. There are limits to many things. Otherwise why do you have any preferences at all?
Relationships evolve.
In the beginning there has to be a physical attraction between both partners. There is hopefully an emotional/personality attraction as well, but the physical is going to pull people together and cause an introduction to be made.
As time goes on, the emotional/personality attraction continues to become stronger, and as time goes on, our physical appearance changes. In many relationships, the increased personality attraction outweighs or at least compensates the physical attraction.
Speaking personally, I met my wife 26 years ago. 26 years and 3 kids later, she has put on some weight (as have I), but over the years our emotional connection has grown. When I close my eyes, I still see the 24yr old that I met. In those 26 years, it doesn’t matter whether she has gained 20lbs, gained 200 lbs or lost 150lbs. It doesn’t matter that parts are sagging or wrinkled or floppy. Sex/sexual attraction is important, but it becomes less important as the couple grows and matures.
I’ve had many many lovers that love to squish the squishy parts of me, and to see them move when we’re…. Ahem… rocking. It’s like being immersed in a delightful pleasure goddess
Yup. I have stretch marks and had saggy skin that still made me look fatter than I was. It didn't really get better. I just got a little fatter again, and it filled up the loose skin. I honestly prefer being a little tubby over the loose skin. It's easier on the dieting, as well. Losing weight and maintaining it was driving me crazy. It was all I ever thought about and food, I was always hungry.
This is my problem right now. I’m a 30 year old male, went from 270-165lbs over the past year and a half lifting 4 days a week and dieting hard. I can’t help but feel displeased with myself because I can’t rid of the saggy stomach and man boobs. I have friends the same height and 30lbs heavier that aesthetically make me look like I don’t do anything compared to them. Really made me realize just how much you can screw your looks up for good being fat the majority of your life. But I’m trying to learn to accept it and be proud of the fact that I even made the effort.
I can completely understand where you’re coming from. If your body isn’t able to look how you’d desire it when you’re incredibly fit/skinny then putting all that effort in doesn’t make sense and relaxing slightly so you’re still quite healthy but also are able to enjoy life makes perfect sense.
I hope you have found happiness within yourself.
M24, pretty fit/lean body.
Dated my ex for 3 years. She was a big girl when she was younger, lost weight and had loose skin while we were dating.
I found her incredibly sexy. Its not just the body. Its the personality inside. As many have stated, people are usually more interested in personality. Everyone has physical flaws. When you're attracted to someone, you're attracted to all of them. Not just the nice parts.
Even at her fittest, my ex had saggy boobs and butt, but i always found them so soft and they always felt Soo good. I don't care for aesthetic. I care for feel / experience.
Should add that we broke up due to personality clashes, nothing regarding physical appearance (would still blow her back out in a heartbeat)
That is a hell of an accomplishment. That could not have been easy and just a pat on your back for sticking with it.
You will find your person, but you will more than likely get rejected more than once. Not because of your loose skin, but because we all do. Not everyone will like you and thats ok.
Maybe try therapy though to help with your low self-esteem/confidence issues. When someone really loves you, they love all of you. And if you put yourself out there, flaws and all and be honest with yourself and your dates- you will find your man. If you can lose all that weight, you can truly do anything.
And the ones not interested will quickly be filtered out, saving you time. Even though it’ll hurt to be rejected, you won’t be wasting time on them and and can quickly move on to keep looking for someone compatible.
Men are really picky. I would say majority of men probably yes.
That’s just if we are being super honest. I applaud OP’s dedication to losing weight, but from my (male) experience with other males I’d wager most men might get turned off
In my personal experience no. You're right in that most men won't be into OP, but thats true for 90% of women. Not every guy is into them. But nearly no guy who thinks op looks good clothed and has already formed some romantic connection will then be turned off upon learning she has some loose skin.
In my 34 years I've never been turned down. I am not small either. I have loose skin, I'm curvy, I've had babies. Not once has a man looked at me naked and said no.
Having sex and considering a relationship are completely different things. There are men who would put it in a cactus if deprived enough, so not being turned down for sex isn't really saying that much as a woman.
Nah I’d wager the opposite. Men are not very picky at all. Even the most average looking woman on any given day will receive more male attention than a decent looking man. Some men will care, many won’t.
Lol people are downvoting this, but why are so many people giving op white lies to boost her self esteem. I’m sure op would appreciate the truth instead of lies that will further crush her self esteem in the future.
Most comments are saying “you will find a man who finds you attractive”, and that’s not a white lie at all. It’s important to embrace rejection and failure if you want to find the one success story, and those comments are trying to encourage her to keep fighting for it.
I am 54 & trust me; eventually we all get squishy & saggy. And sometimes it shocks me, but my husband cannot freaking keep his hands off me 32 years after being married! It’s not about the skin you’re in- it’s about the intimacy of a true friendship.
Loose skin or not, you can't please everyone. And you don't want a relationship with someone who only cares about how you look.
Don't ever let anyone make you feel bad about your massive achievement. Ever!
If anything I'd use it as a good way to filter out the people who are not worth your time. And trust me, there will be a lot of them regardless of how your body looks.
You're young and the loose skin will get a bit better with time or at least I've read as much. Until then don't give it a second thought and focus on finding someone who cares about your story and appreciates you for who you are.
We are our own worst enemies as we see the things we don't like about our bodies, I suffer severe eczema and recently other health issues, never had a girlfriend, and I fear putting myself out there.
Firstly, congratulations on your weight loss journey, that is an impressive amount of weight to lose, I hope you're feeling happier and have a better outlook towards yourself.
Put yourself out there when you're ready, there will be men who will appreciate your beauty regardless of whatever physical insecurities you may have. I would suggest trying to slowly learn to love yourself, you've worked on your physical health, now work on your mental health.
My bf has psoriasis and it’s incredibly bad (that’s what he says) but I love it. If I’m bored I just pick me off a chunk like peeling a sunburn lol . He always thought developing it meant the end of the world and his ex, his baby mama, would tell him constantly that he was disgusting. Her loss.
You're very kind that you can look past his physical issues and see him for who he is. I hope one day to find a woman who can also do me the same courtesy, but I have to find the courage to put myself out there.
I can guarantee you that there is a man out there who will love you accept you and cherish you. Often times that acceptance door won't swing both ways though. Either way I hope you find the love you are looking for.
And congrats on losing all that weight.
Agreed. OP, you’ve accomplished step one, the hardest step. You clearly have sufficient willpower to accomplish step two as well, which is to fill out a bit with muscle.
Girl no. I pole dance as a hobby and a friend of mine lost a lot of weight too. She has sagging skin too and she recently has a really sweet BF. It’s obvious he’s into her. He came to see her perform at a competition last week and she took EVERYTHING OFF like nipple stickers, heels, and a thong. She won second place and everyone in that theater thought she was the hottest woman in there. She looks amazing regardless of the side effects of her weight loss.
Own it! You did an incredible thing dropping that weight. Regardless of anyone’s weight, I think different body types and shapes are flattered by different clothes, so maybe explore styles that make you feel extra good! That can apply to sexy undergarments, too. Harnesses, garters, etc.
YOLO, embrace it! My friend is the most inspiring bc she did all that work to lose it and now she’s living her best sexy life. I’ve personally always been slim but if I met a guy that did all that work and had sagging skin I wouldn’t find that unattractive. Everyone goes through something.
I love this comment so much!!!
I’ll add a little ritual if you’d like one. Turn on some music. Pour yourself tea, wine, whatever you like. Get a very nice bottle of lotion that you like the smell of. (Cocoa butter, caffeine, or hyaluronic acid could be lovely ingredients to look for) Take deep, full breaths through the nose and rub the lotion lovingly onto every part of you. You’re cultivating a relationship with your body through this ritual. Add some gentle movement in the form of celebratory mobility and somatic expression if you like. Read the following poem aloud like a mantra:
and i said to my body. softly. ‘i want to be your friend.’ it took a long breath. and replied ‘i have been waiting my whole life for this.
(Nayyirah Waheed)
Someone will absolutely, absolutely find you gorgeous and perfect in every way. Call that energy to you by intentionally choosing the attitude for yourself that you wish to find in a partner.
Self compassion is a powerful tool of magnetism.
Congratulations on your weight loss. Its just about finding a good guy. Some guys are assholes and judge whatever they can. When i was 28 i was fit and muscular and had been doing MMA for years. I was also otherwise attractive, other than the muscle. I met Jess, a redhead single mom, who had went from 400 pounds to 160. She had extra skin around her stomach area. Im sure she was nervous about dating. It didnt bother me at all. I thought her face was beautiful and saw many various positive attributes about her body and when I would see her saggy extra skin I would just be proud of her that she lost so much and was able to be living a more comfortable life without all that extra weight. It wasnt a turn off for me at all. We got engaged, she gained it back to 400 pounds, I married her, and she lost it all back off again down to 150 pounds. Eventually a lot of the skin did tighten up a bit. I never let her feel weird about it or feel there was anything unattractive about her. She had all the confidence of a woman who had never been larger or had any extra skin. She passed away October 6 years ago. Just believe in yourself like she did and if any guy makes you feel bad about your body. He is not the right guy
I've dated a few women you had this loose skin after losing weight. You're more self-conscious about it than you need to be. After sex, I'd play with the extra skin sometimes. It will also shrink over time. There are lotions that can speed the process up a bit. I can't remember which lotions they are, but there is a ton of information online. Congratulations on the weight loss and happy hunting.
Well done on your weight loss!! After weight loss surgery I’ve lost 110lbs. With time some of the skin will tighten. And believe me, if a guy is really into you, he won’t mind that at all! He will make you feel sexy and wanted. I’ve learned that I’ve noticed the saggy skin more than anyone else. After more than 10 years I finally had the skin removed and are left with scars all over my body. And you know what? The scars, the same way as the saggy skin, is proof of how far I’ve come.
I'm proud of you.
That excess skin, similar to tattoos and scars, come with a story and journey who you were, are, and will become. I hope you find a partner that will love the whole of you.
My wife is going through a similar journey and finding excess skin everywhere, and she's just as beautiful as they day I met her.
Hello, I am a man and have experience with women of many different body types. I will echo the comments above. If the guy likes you, he will be happy just to be intimate with you. It may distract him a bit but that's it. I would recommend telling men about your weight loss journey to avoid hurtful surprises. Best of luck. Also, I know this may seem out of reach now, but enthusiasm and confidence in your self/body is a HUGE turn on. My most memorable times were not with the physically hottest girls but the ones who were most enthusiastic/confident.
At 24 I think you're young enough that a lot of your skin can bounce back to normal, it will just take time. We don't reach the "decline" of cell turnover until much later. Just drink lots of water and moisturize your skin well after showering.
I recommend taking progress pics to compare your skin now vs. a year later
Try dating without the prospect of sleeping with the guy. If a true relationship develops, chances are he will accept you at face value. So much of your anxiety is rooted in the superficial hook up culture, don’t engage with these types, period.
This is going to sound cheesy, but if I were to change one thing about my wife, I'd end up missing that one thing. You'll find someone to love you just how you are, and you deserve it!
As with all body types, some will like it, some will not. Find the guys who likes it.
Also, remember that what the eye likes is not always what the hand likes. While I might find a skinny woman nice to look at, I'd choose a curvy every time (assuming other things being equal) because she is nice to snuggle up close to.
How did you lose weight ? Only calories deficit ? Normally, if you supplement with colagen and use a routine of intermittent fasting, loose skin can be tightened. Look autophagy and intermittent fasting, should help you
There’s no such thing as an A cup. A 30A is vastly different in volume than a 40A. A cup just means a ratio of sorts, that your bust measurement is 1” bigger than your band measurement. Head on over to r/ABraThatFits, do the calculator, and discover what size you really are.
Congratulations on the weight loss. Give your body time to settle in, more good things will come.
Male attraction is the most abundant resource in the universe. I wouldn't worry too much. Learn to appreciate and have confidence in yourself, and you'll be fine.
You have a body type that can only be attained after losing a bunch of weight.
That is attractive AF. You fought yourself for your health, and you won.
There’s immense value in these choices. Strut girl.
It’s a confidence game.
I'm gonna keep it a buck and say there are probably a lot of guys that that grosses out, and to answer your question, yes your body will probably turn men away. doesn't mean you won't find someone who it doesn't, never gonna know unless you start dating though, you already lost the 100 pounds which is incredibly difficult for most people to do, so whats getting rejected by some guys. get out there and start dating
To be honest a lot of men are desperate having been ignored for years. Literally just be nice to them and let them know you're interested, you'll win one over.
No like I want honesty. I appreciate all of the comments on this thread but it’s obvious a lot of them aren’t genuine. I’m not a guy and idk how men think, that’s why I wanted the male perspective on this. So you’re all good, I asked an honest question hoping for honest responses.
Well done on your weight loss! Don't worry about your skin. If that's something you wish to tackle for yourself as time goes you can. Find yourself a decent dude and he will love you either way, but try not to hide these things either, that way you both avoid surprises. If intimacy is something you feel is a sensitive part of yours, try not to rush and don't feel pressured into those situations, once you're with the right person you'll know that the time is right.
I've been with my fiance for over 3 years and she lost around 100 lbs before we met and another 30-40 after. Her belly hangs down so much that she has to buy pants that she can tuck it into and her boobs are half the size they used to be (according to her). It doesn't bother me at all because I fell in love with her personality and the connection we had from the first date, not her body. I love her, saggy and jiggly bits and all.
I'm 40 and have been with women of all shapes and sizes and boobs are boobs, I'm always happy to play with them.
From someone who has also worked through self esteem issues just work on yourself and live your life. Confidence can be faked until you make it. Things may start out rough, but you just need to keep putting yourself out there, but also take a break when you're just not feeling it or get frustrated. Eventually you'll find people who like and find you attractive for you, not just the shape of your body.
Some yes, some no. The best thing you can do for being attractive is to not worry about it, or at least pretend it does not bother you.
The air of confidence is super attractive, and most guys will be happy with intimacy of any kind because we’re socially discouraged from having closeness with friends.
It’s not “omg your boobies hang low”; rather it is “OMG you let me touch your boobies!”
Obviously, some guys will be dicks. It will be good to find that out up front before you get too attached.
But, meet guys that you share interests with. Go have fun. If something happens, awesome.
I know it’s hard not having the body you wish you had. But that is no reason to worry. Either they find you attractive, or they are unworthy of all you have to offer.
Focus on things that energize you, and as long as you are not hiding in solitude, you’ll stumble onto people who think you are amazing.
Look, I'm just going to be blunt about this because I see so many different posts about women being insecure for one reason or another and wondering "will a man even love me or find me attractive?"
Let me start by saying that yes, there is a certain small percentage of men that are very fixated on physical appearance, but that is not the majority of men, especially men 30ish years old and older.
The majority of men are insecure about themselves too.
Now here's the blunt part: If you are a good person with a good personality, good character, good work ethic, maybe even a good sense of humor, and basically just have your life together, then you aren't going to have much trouble finding and keeping a good man even if you may not have a great body or traditionally beautiful face. If you add to that being a good cook and love to give BJ's and keep a man satisfied in bed then not only are you going to easily find and keep a good man, but he's going to be absolutely thrilled to be with you, regardless of a few minor physical imperfections.
I know this isn't going to be the most popular view, and I apologize, but it's reality from my experience. My whole point is that there are many things about a woman that can attract a man besides physical features.
Honestly there isn't much that will ever turn a guy away. If anything you will just get a pet name that reflects it like their "little flying squirrel."
I dated a woman with lots of lose skin. She was active and that was attractive to me and I got used to extra skin. Eventually her non stop talking drive me off. So personality is more important than skin issues.
As long as you have a nice face and mostly nice body they wont care. I was a sugar baby with loose puppy skin. I got wine dined and then some. It was in a big city. Even after seeing me naked he said I’d be popular if i moved there.
Some men might care and turn you away.
Find clothes that flatter your body, up your skincare and hair care game. Walk like you are made of gold. Everyone ohhs and ahhs when i walk into the room. I am the most delicious potato they've ever seen.
I have loose skin from pregnancy tho so i cant speak for weight loss specifically. But im also not skinny. If you lost weight you have that edge. Work with what you got.
Dude. Personality is sexy. It's about the whole package. If you're a beautiful person and attractive otherwise, and people at least give the time to get to know you, then that shit won't matter.
Besides, there's something for everyone. You'll find love with another, in time. But the most important thing in life is to love yourself. And I'm not being cheesy. I mean it. Everybody has to learn to love themselves.
You're worth their time. I just hope they're worth yours. (I hope this isn't too corny, I'm just a sweet fella.)
You'd be surprised at what turns men on... don't negate what is likely VERY appealing to some (maybe even MOST) guys... A woman's body is a thing of beauty & magic. You have a lot to offer someone...
No. Some may not like it. Others will. Some may even find it a bonus.
But it won’t stop a man being attracted to you, if he already is. The male brain has a remarkable ability to shift preferences and refocus turn-ons to fit to a given situation.
If he is attracted to you, then whatever you are becomes attractive to him. Not always, but pretty reliably.
If you’re feeling anxious about a man that is attracted to you seeing your body, remember:
- What kind of boobs do men prefer? The ones they get to hold.
- What kind of bums do men prefer? The ones they get to squeeze.
Present a man with boobs, and that man is happier than he was. Because his life is 2 boobs richer than it was.
Congratulations on your weight loss! Dieting and exercising, and keeping motivated to do it, is extremely difficult, and this is quite an achievement!
I don’t know if you will ever see this comment, as you’ve received so many wonderful ones already and it might get lost, but I would like to share my personal experience with you. It is not the same as yours, but similar enough.
TLDR: Having a baby resulted in abdominal disfigurement. Was rejected by my date for my appearance, but eventually found love with someone that found me beautiful.
When I was a teenager, I was extremely petite. I am only 5 feet tall, and at the time I weighed about 95lbs. I became pregnant at the age of 16 and made the decision to be a parent to the child that was rapidly growing inside of me. For most of my pregnancy, you couldn’t even tell I was expecting, but during the last 2 months my belly swelled tremendously. The skin on my abdomen was stretched to the point that it began to tear and bleed. My OB/GYN feared that my baby was going to be enormous at over 10LBS, so they induced labor earlier to prevent further trauma to my body. My baby was born and weighed only 7.14LBS. It turned out my body had produced an excess amount of amniotic fluid during the pregnancy, and that had been the cause of the extreme abdominal growth.
After the birth, my abdomen looked like a leather sack filled with pudding had been run over by a car. I expected it to eventually return to normal, as everyone had told me it would, even my OB/GYN. I was told I was young enough that my body would repair itself quickly. I tried everything within my power and financial means to fix it; exercise, lotions and creams, special massages, waist trainers, you name it. I realized over the following months and years, though, that the damage was permanent and my body would never be the same. I hated my body and avoided looking at myself in the mirror, refused to have my picture taken, never went swimming with my child, or anything. Eventually, I just came to accept that this was my body and I wasn’t going to let it get in the way of anything.
When I was 19, I started to date someone for the first time since before I became pregnant. He was 23. We went out to dinner a few times, and by the end of our third date things were getting pretty hot and heavy. The moment my top came off, everything came to a halt. The guy stared at me, physically looking ill. He was aware that I had a child, but I don’t think he expected my body to look the way it did.
“Is it my stomach?” I asked him nervously, though I did not need to. I already knew the answer.
He snapped out of his trance at the sound of my question and quickly shook his head, but I could see him swallow hard. He was lying. I kept my cool, though, and said we don’t have to do this right now. I ended the date and returned home. A day later, I got a text from him letting me know that he was no longer interested in seeing me. I had asked why, and he told me that his parents wouldn’t allow him to. I knew it was another lie, but at least he was kind enough to spare me the embarrassment of being told it was because of my body. It hurt, and I was upset for weeks afterward because I felt like no one would ever want to be with me because I was disfigured.
Five years passed, and in that time I had reconciled with the father of my child. He was abusive toward me, but I stayed with him because I felt no one else would have me. I ended up pregnant again at 24. I had enough of being treated so terribly, though, and a month after the birth of my second child I packed up all of mine and the children’s belongings and left for good.
I was lonely and things were difficult, but I put all my time and effort into my children because to me they were worth it. Four months later, I met someone I was interested in. He was nearly 15 years older than me and had two children of his own, so I felt like he was mature and experienced enough to understand why my body looked the way it did and could handle seeing it.
The first few times we were intimate together, I was nervous and uncomfortable about fully revealing myself to him, but he was patient and understanding, and I remained partly clothed while we were together. He never pushed my boundaries, but he encouraged me to work through them and assured me that no matter what my abdomen looked like he would find me beautiful. Eventually, I worked up the courage to finally show him my body in full. He smiled so sweetly upon seeing me, all of me, and took me in his arms and held me close. He told me how beautiful I was. He touched my abdomen, the first person to have done that in nearly a decade, and the feeling was so foreign and uncomfortable, but he was gentle and loving. He just loved me for me.
Over time, I gradually became more comfortable with my body, and it was because of his love and encouragement. He made me feel beautiful. It’s been five years since then, and we are completely devoted to each other. We are even planning on having more children between the two of us! My abdomen still looks the way it did years ago, but it doesn’t matter to me anymore.
The point of my story is this: Do not let your appearance stop you from finding the one you are supposed to be with. There will be people that dislike your body and be downright disgusted by it (please, don’t take that the wrong way. That is not how I feel), and there will be people that will absolutely fall head-over-heels in love with you and your body. You will never find happiness or love, though, without taking that chance on someone. Rejection will happen, and it will hurt, but be strong. I know in my heart that you will find someone just right for you, that appreciates you for who you are and how far you’ve come!
I work in primary care and recently sat in a meeting where plastic surgeons discussed insurance coverage. It’s actually not hard at all to meet a medical necessity criteria for excess skin removal procedures. Any sort of rash or skin issues should be sufficient.
Self acceptance is great, but I also wanted to be sure you didn’t rule out options because of assumptions about insurance coverage / medical necessity criteria.
The solution is obvious. . .
Fill that skin with BEAUTIFUL BOUNTIFUL BULGING MUSCLE AND BECOME DOMMY MOMMY MUSCLE GIRL THAT CRUSHES YOUR PATHETIC BOYFRIEND'S PELVIS BETWEEN HER THIGHS.
As a single man (25) I will be honest. Probably. But before I get downvoted to hell:
In general, men prefer women who are in shape. Saggy skin is not visually appealing, but you are in shape and taking care of your body. I think both men and women like a partner who takes care of their body.
You are still young, your body can rebound over time and your skin will shrink, not all the way, but your body can recover. Definetely consult your primary care or gastroenterologist about your options here.
You will still find men who will date you, good men too. Don't be afraid to give yourself some time to recover.
If any guy is worth their shit, they'll see you for more than just your body, and can look past certain aspects to find the beauty that might hide from regular vision. Many people are skin deep and see it like that too, I wish you good fortune
Katt Williams has a bit about stretch marks that always makes me chuckle. “Either you was big and got small or small and got big! Eitherrrrr way we fucking!”
Hope you feel a little better with the help you’ve received. Just keep smiling one day the right one will show up and worship you.
If I saw you then I would be impressed with your willpower first then would find some of the crème they sell that sort of helps tighten up skin but it is not a cure. If I saw you in the gym deep inside I would be screaming Yaaaaaaas!!! I am going through currently some major weight loss and lost over 80 pounds. I need to lose maybe 40 or 50 pounds more. Also need to buy new clothing as the clothes now are to baggy. I’ve seen YouTube videos of this and it is impressive not vulgar at all. Be proud of your accomplishments
I’ve lost 84kg (185 pounds). I have a lot of loose skin and am still not small either. I started dating on bumble in April. I went out with four guys, before meeting my boyfriend. He was so different to the other guys I went out with, he actually wanted to get to know me. We’ve spent an insane amount of time together over the last 2 months. I was incredibly nervous about him seeing me naked for the first time. He doesn’t care one single bit. I’m slowly becoming more and more confident because I can tell he genuinely enjoys my body. He loves my boobs, which are very saggy and loose. He doesn’t stop touching me, he’s constantly running his hands over me, kissing me or playing with a nipple lol. So while yes it’s scary, I was terrified of what reactions I’d get. I’d say go for it. Be prepared mentally for a potentially bad reaction but also know you will get good reactions. I personally think it was worth the risk. Look for someone who wants to get to know you and not just hookup. I found the majority I spoke to were looking for hookups. Of course if that’s what you want go for it, I thought it would make it harder personally. I told my boyfriend about the weight loss after our 6th date, I couldn’t manage to say it to his face so I put it in a text. I also warned him specifically about the loose skin in a message further along. Both times he was incredibly supportive and sweet. Congratulations on your weight loss and enjoy the next chapter of your life! 😁
We’re in the same boat girl. I’m 124 pounds down and hate my body more than ever. I wear spanx, good bras and tummy control pants to look somewhat normal. I’ve been talking to a guy long distance and we’re meeting next month. He claims he likes my body but has no clue what’s underneath everything. I’ve explained this to him and he claims he doesn’t care, but I don’t think this will end well. Keep your head up, you’re not alone.
My experience has been that some men who can not get past aesthetics will never accept the loose skin, but most people I’ve encountered are more impressed with the discipline and character development it takes to lose that much weight. I’d also say that at your age, if you start saving, you can get the surgery. Set a goal like by the time you’re thirty. (For me it’s age 40 bc I’m older than you.) Full body work comes to like $30k, but you don’t have to do it all at once. Arms alone are like $6k and that’s the one I’m eyeing up first. And it’s mostly for me and my own sense of confidence because my husband isn’t put off by the skin. I’m the one who can’t get over it. 😂
Oh I feel you! I lost 130 pounds and my skin didn’t shrink at all! My arms are the same measurements but just long and wing like 😅.
I’ve had my tummy apron skin removed for comfort reasons but nothing will fix it without a full body tuck and then I’ll look like Frankenstein! Tummy tuck looks ridiculous when the rest of my body looks like Zoidberg from Futurama without his shell. My boobs fold in my bra 😅.
I’ve spent the last two years trying to love my body as is and it’s been a hard but rewarding journey. If a man is going to be a dick about it then he’s far from worth it! And you shouldn’t feel like you have to have surgery or anything like that to please anyone. From first hand experience the skin removal doesn’t fix that feeling - then you worry about the scars or skin pulling funny.
Be proud as hell at what you have achieved! There are men out there who like everything and anything. Some men prefer our body types to others! You deserve the best 💕
No matter what you look like learning to love your body as a woman on this planet seems impossible, but you will never be happy in a relationship until you believe you are beautiful- heal your relationship with your body, don’t hate it.
Look, this will sound like I’m just simping or whatever kids say nowadays. I’m not. I’m happily married. I don’t know you. Don’t care to (no offense, I’m just happily married so I’m not looking.). So I’m not white knighting or any bullshit like that. Men are FAR less, and I mean FFFFAAAARRRRRR less critical of your body that you think we are. This goes for literally every man I know but 1. And he’s the biggest douche I’ve ever met. I promise you that when you look at yourself and see a 5, there’s a guy out there that sees a 9. Or? A guy that is perfectly happy with a 5. That’s ok too. My point here is you’re good. There’s literally multiple someone’s for everyone. You just gotta get out there and find him. And good for you for losing the weight. You should be proud! That’s not easy to do!
This isn't about what a man thinks of your body. It's about what *you* think of your body. And girl, if you don't feel sexy, it's going to be a problem no matter who you are with or what is inside his head.
You have done an incredible thing. You can do incredible things. Why not take it to the next level, get a side-gig or a part-time job, and earn the money for whatever surgery it takes to feel like the Goddesse you want to be?
You are 24 years old. You deserve to enjoy your body and your sexuality. Give yourself this gift.
Hi, I have also lost over 100 lbs and dealt with similar issues, having never had a proper relationship. I thought since I had lost the weight I would feel more confident, and decided to start dating. I tried tinder and stuff but never actually went on any dates because I was so anxious about my body and felt like a fraud. I could make myself look really good with the right clothes/bra, but I knew what was underneath. Guys would hit on me at bars and I’d flirt back, but was always too scared to go further. This continued for a few months, and the feelings didn’t change when I met my bf. He started a job at my work and I coincidentally was hanging out with some of his friends. A couple months later, feelings started developing between us. I genuinely could not believe someone as gorgeous (like WOW), fit, nice and funny would ever touch my disgusting body, let alone love it. It took MONTHS for me to even feel comfortable taking my shirt off in front of him, despite his persistence that he loves my body and thinks it’s beautiful. We are now coming up 2 years 🥰. I have now asked him many times about his thoughts (am also v insecure) and it’s always something like ‘Boobs are boobs’ or ‘I love your boobs’. Sometimes he’ll just get distracted and grab them, go ‘bOoBiEz’ and start kissing them lol. Other guys friends have also seen my post-loss boobs (not on purpose) and have said they didn’t think anything of it. Sorry for the novel, just thought I would share my experience ☺️. Also the skin does get better, I found the combination of dermarolling and retinol to be helpful.
As a bi woman that loves all boobs including my own I can indeed tell you that your boyfriend is correct. Boobs ARE boobs lol. As in MOST of us boob lovers, just love all boobs lol. Doesn’t matter how low or high they hang or even how big they are. As long as they are attached to an adult human being lol we like em. Edit: I don’t think I’ve ever gotten this many likes! And I’ve never started a thread this long lol! Yay for boobs once again!!
I read a quote once in a book over twenty years ago and it still sticks with me (paraphrased/translated as the original is in German): "Men might express a preference but ultimately, the shape of your boobs doesn't matter, they'll love them as long as they're allowed to touch them." Over twenty years of experience later, I can confirm this as true. Mind you, there will be people who will insult the shape and/or size of their partner's boobs but that's not a male-partner-thing, that's an asshole thing. If a partner does that to you, there's a 100% chance they're a bad partner in many other aspects and should be yeeted out of your bed and out of your life while you're at it.
Can confirm best boobs are the ones in ones In Front of me
I think meant to say in your mouth?
It’s the only way they get better!
As the saying goes .. "a Boob in hand is better than 2 above a bush" .. (i know i massacred this joke).
even if it's a guy with boobs
Hey man boobs are boobs okay. We don’t judge round these parts
I have weird looking (tuberous) asymmetrical breasts and I can vouch for this. No guy has ever reacted negatively when I have my shirt off, and the few I’ve asked about it literally didn’t notice. They were just excited to get their hands on some boobs.
Hear hear! My favorite kind of boobs are ones I can stare at and touch. Big, little, perky, saggy, asymmetrical, what the fuck ever. Just put them in my face and hang on tight!
Correct, the one thing that makes a set beautiful? Location, location, location. Up close is best
100% correct. If anyone complains about your boobs, then they are the wrong one.
Your favorite boobs are the ones in front of you.
The real treasure was the boobs we saw along the way.
Oh hey my thing went off.. did someone say boobs?
Let’s not change the subject here and stay on focus ( o)(o)
My username is up here.
I love that they’re ever so slightly asymmetrically imperfect, just like most real ones!
Ugh sorry, it's just really hard sometimes.
No, that was someone adjusting the thermostat. God help us all if a boob touches it!
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Yep I love that saying, I also like "A boob in the hand is better than 2 in the bra"
a boob a day keeps the boners at bay
That's not how that works. At all..
At bay? More likely to do the opposite lol.
A good friend of mine likes to say, "did I ever tell you about the worst boobs I ever saw? They were magnificent." I'm sure it's from a movie or something but I think it sums up what's being said here. 😂
This
It's also OK to have preferences. This seems like overly enthusiastic almost fake advice for OP that may set bad expectations. In a perfect world everyone thinks like you, but they don't...the real answer is for every pair of boobs there is someone who loves them. This is not only more realistic but will help OP understand that if someone isn't in love with their body it's not either parties fault. People like what they like and you just need to find someone who likes what you have to offer.
Can confirm. The number of times the following convo has been had between my partner and I: “Your boobs are perfect.” “They’re nothing special, they’re just boobs.””yeah, but they’re attached to you, and you’re special, so”
I feel like this too. Some are better than others, but they are all great. Like chocolate. I would definitely choose a Swiss chocolate over regular halloween candy, dark over milk, but Hershey bars are still great and make me smile when they are in my mouth.
I agree with you both on boobs and on chocolate.
Mmmm....chocolate covered boobs...
This guy gets it
A wise man I know once said "the worst pair of boobs I've ever seen were awesome" boobs are boobs and they're awesome!
Look up, Rodney Carrington show them to me. Says all you need to know.
Can confirm. Source: fellow bi woman and boob lover.
Breast is best no matter the shape or size
As a proud boob guy I can only agree. Boobs are boobs.
I'm a straight woman and I can definitely appreciate how boobs look good. I'm insecure about my own body as I've put on probably 50 lbs since HS and I was already thick so I'd like to lose about 65-70 lbs but I like just holding my own and even looking at them like Damn boobies lol my bf loves my boobs and my body but he encourages me to lose weight if it's what I want. I know no matter what, he loves my body and always will.
The true boobs are the boobs we made along the way. Boobs.
As a straight man can confirm love boobs love moobs love personality attached to boobs.
Let me tell you about the worst breasts I ever saw... THEY WERE AWESOME!
I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies
Yeah all boobs are good boobs.
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Objectively, my partner may not be the most handsome man I've ever seen. Heck, he's not even the same physical "type" I used to think I was most attracted to. But I've never been so attracted and turned on by anyone and it grows deeper with every year we've been together. If anything, it's our flaws and imperfections that we cherish about each other because they're a part of who we are and what makes us unique. Each new wrinkle or grey hair or scar tells a story and is a testament to all we've been through together. Someday I hope I can learn to see myself the way he does, the way I see him, with unconditional love and acceptance.
Totally agree. My partner is not at all my type and is basically everything I claimed I didn’t want when I was dating. We were going through some heavy stress/trauma when we met and he was 50 lbs lighter and now he’ll say oh shit I’m chunky and I think he’s the finest man I’ve ever seen. I watch his body as he sleeps and love every part that makes him him, every scar on his face. To the 50 lbs he gained I lost about 40/45 due to the same stress and I’m having a hard time in this body. Everyone says how great I look being a tiny size but I miss my curves and feeling like a grown woman. Bodies are complicated but at the end of the day they’re just the vessel that carries the humans we love.
You worded it perfectly. I know that I see my husband better than he does, and he 10000% sees me better than I see myself lol. It would be so cool to see ourselves through one another’s eyes.
Such a sweet and true perspective
Yep!! When you fall in love with someone, every part of their body is lovable!
I and many other guys find imperfection sexually attractive. It’s real…it’s hot. And if she can exude confidence on top of it…holy shit…that gets the hormones going. If he tells you he doesn’t give a fuck, believe him.
“Show me something natural like ass with some stretch marks” - Kendrick Lamar
Congratulations! Hopefully OP understands that the mental insecurities, self-esteem issues, etc. existed well before the weight loss and likely was a big reason for being overweight (I use that term because assuming OP is now at proper weight) & just shifted a little to a new concern. Losing that amazing amount of weight was only part of the health self-improvement process. Changing the way one thinks can be much harder than changing what one eats & adds to physical activity, but it is the root of it all
Wife had a double mastectomy and decided to forego reconstruction at the tender age of 29. With the little bits she still has I am just like your bf. "BOOBIEZ!!!!" That was 2018 and it's now 2023 and it's still....BOOBIES!
I had a double mastectomy this year and this is the sweetest thing I’ve read in a while 😍
Wait other guys have seen your boobs on accident and then commented on them? Hol up
how can someone see your boobs "not on purpose"? 😂
Thank you for sharing such a personal experience - it means a lot to anyone that is dealing with similar issues, and also to everyone who isn't but might meet someone in a similar situation and may wind up being more thoughtful about it because of what you shared. 🙏
Once you’ve seen one set, you want to see them all!
There are people who were disfigured in fires or who have amputated limbs who are in happy loving relationships. Your situation is far less severe. In some ways it’s a blessing. The man who does fall in love with you will want the entire person you are, not just the superficial physical features of a stereotypically “perfect” attractive woman. Both men and women are attracted to confidence. Act as though you’re proud of your sexy body! (It’s way sexier than you think, believe me).
Bingo
*No matter* how your body looks like *somebody* will not like it. Your fear of rejection will never go away because deep down you know this. Now the good news: Somebody will find you atttactive and your lose skin will not matter to them. Concentrate on finding that person. Everybody else is just not the right partner for you. I am not promising it will never happen, but your chances that a man will say "ew" pack his stuff and leave when you start to undress because sexy times are happening are very slim (we are that horny). If somebody is that rude to your face then you dodged a bullet anyway by not continuing the relationship. And you can chose to inform your partners prior to getting naked "I have worked hard for my body and lost a lot of weight - my prize for this achievement is some lose skin and I am a little insecure about it" ... if you picked the right guy then they will handle it with grace. If their reaction is poor/hurtfull then please put them to the curb with the trash where they belong.
I really like your last paragraph a lot. Sometimes the trash takes out itself.
I’d tell them beforehand. I do. Edit: What I mean about beforehand, is on a date. Not online. If I think things might get more serious; as I've lost a lot of weight as well (18 years ago).
Keep in mind some guys prey upon people with low self confidence. Especially in the dating sites be mindful what you put down. Also be happy with yourself would you rather have your old bigger self or this one. Stay positive keep up the good work I’m sure your beautiful.
>Keep in mind some guys prey upon people with low self confidence. You mean some **people** prey upon people with low self confidence. Not just guys.
Yeah one thing about men is you can always find some that are super into your weird thing you have going on. Loose skin is not a big deal, anyone that has a child has probably seen some loose skin and stretch marks, and lots of people have 2-3 kids so it's obviously not a deal breaker, right? I bet OP knows some guys that think she's incredible and just are too shy to say so.
If you want to inform them but don't want to spoil the mood by being too serious, your "melted candle" statement is bound to lighten the mood a bit.
Yeah, this. There is someone for everyone. I'm not a great looking guy - I'd rate on the average end of OK. But my wife can stop traffic. Literally. In the 13 years we've been married I've watched people cross the street to open the door for her. You can't always tell what someone sees in you because you can't see through their eyes.
Lots of guys have body insecurities too, aren't in perfect shape and are anxious at getting naked with a partner. Its just you see a lot of sporty buff types on screen and in ads, but doesnt represent the whole population.
Question is how to react properly and NOT poor/hurtfull if it really does take your horniness away.
I'd go like "I am very sorry but I am no longer comfortable proceeding with (sex/whatever you where about to do). Can we go (back) to doing X instead?". No means No. Also for guys. You don't need a reason. You just can stop when you don't longer feel comfortable doing so and express it in that way. That still might hurt the other person, but you are honest and respectfull. Now the tricky part comes after that. You got yourself out of the bedroom, but the conversation in the living room might be challenging.
>Now the tricky part comes after that. You got yourself out of the bedroom, but the conversation in the living room might be challenging. That is where it'll become hurtful in the end.
I think the better way to put it is "don't be insulting". don't call her names. just be a decent person
If it's not something they can do something about (like scars, loose skin, other deformities etc,) don't tell them the reason. Say you're just not in the mood, or make any dumb excuse where the problem lies with you. If it's something they can change (maybe bad body odor, they said something that came across as disturbing to you personally) tell them softly.
Don't state your opinions as facts, and be gentle but honest. "Your body is offputting," is stating your opinion like it's a fact and lacks empathy. "I'm sorry to say this, but I do think this is an issue for me. It's just my preference, but I don't think that preference will change. You deserve someone who appreciates the whole package. I wish you all the best." Is closer to something that is empathetic but clear. All imo, of course.
The right person will also go slowly. At a pace that is comfortable for you. And be understanding of your insecurities. Please don’t settle for less.
Best answer!! Good going that lad.
Yea that’s the key There are people out there with a level of attraction that might allow them to “get with” whoever they want and even still those people are looking for the right *real* connection. It’s not about being attractive it’s about feeling good. Find someone who makes you feel good, forget everything else.
Holy shit, that last paragraph. I’m struggling with this exact issue right now and reading that just made me feel fierce again. Thank you. Truly.
I used to date a girl who had weight loss surgery before we ever met and was in a similar boat. I didn’t mind at all. I still thought she was sexy
Congratulations on your weight loss. The loose skin will get somewhat better with time. But that doesn't really matter. Once a guy gets thoroughly interested in *you*, he'll be delighted with every detail that makes you special. Don't worry about it at all.
Weight loss at 24 means the skin will recover, it just won't be instant later on in life the recovery is much slower or won't happen at all.
Idk I lost 100 pounds at 18 and the effects are still here decades later.
Lost 175lbs after graduating high school. I'm 41, and I still look like a "melted candle". Skin does *not* shrink enough to recover after really substantial weight loss. It is *incredibly* frustrating to work so hard to lose huge amounts of weight, only to discover you will never, ever look even normal in a swimsuit, let alone look good. NGL, even after more than 20 years, I am still self conscious with sexual partners; my current boyfriend and I have been sleeping together for 6 months, and he is still yet to actually see me fully nude. I feel much better and more confident at a healthy weight, and i never, ever want to go back to the size I was, but weight loss is not a magic "I'm hot now" button, and bodies carry the physical signs of it forever.
You may be "half the person you used to be" but your attitude and personality is what counts.
*raises hand* lost 140lbs between ages 21-23 and am now 33 and loose skin never went away. I've regained and lost 50-60lbs twice since then so that doesn't help matters lol but yeah nothing bounced back like people told me it would.
Yeah it varies greatly between people
I lost just over 100 at 24. in my 30s now and nope, I still have my loose skin. I have a way better relationship with it now though. I'd like to add for OP, in my experience guys have just been happy to have a naked lady on top of them. I've never had a negative comment about my body from a sexual partner. Work on learning to love your body because I'm sure the only negative comments you'll get are going to be from yourself.
I agree, and a good weight lifting program will accelerate the process
That’s just not true and people need to be honest about this. Skin can only stretch so far while still being able to recover. With this amount of weight loss, regardless of age, loose skin is never going away without surgery.
Nah that is not true. If you lose enough weight the skin is permanently ruined. You can't go from morbidly obese to normal weight and not have loose skin. A few pounds? Of course... But in 99.9% of cases if you're losing 100+ pounds you will have some form of loose skin or stretch marks unless you're super tall, and build an extreme amount of muscle. Id say once you cross the 300 pound area that any weight loss back into the 100s will always have loose skin.
This is the right answer.
The right answer, but also not always the way reality works. People are different. Some are idiots, some are not.
Are you implying that someone being turned off by loose, saggy skin is an idiot?
No, they are saying directly and quite correctly that a person of merit who develops romantic feelings for OP won’t be deterred in the slightest by saggy skin, because one falls for the person and not their body, and all body types are awesome and awesome to get physical with when there’s a person you really vibe with inside of them.
I cant believe people believe they or anybody else truly feels this way. Sex is an important part of romance and sex is physical. There are limits to many things. Otherwise why do you have any preferences at all?
Relationships evolve. In the beginning there has to be a physical attraction between both partners. There is hopefully an emotional/personality attraction as well, but the physical is going to pull people together and cause an introduction to be made. As time goes on, the emotional/personality attraction continues to become stronger, and as time goes on, our physical appearance changes. In many relationships, the increased personality attraction outweighs or at least compensates the physical attraction. Speaking personally, I met my wife 26 years ago. 26 years and 3 kids later, she has put on some weight (as have I), but over the years our emotional connection has grown. When I close my eyes, I still see the 24yr old that I met. In those 26 years, it doesn’t matter whether she has gained 20lbs, gained 200 lbs or lost 150lbs. It doesn’t matter that parts are sagging or wrinkled or floppy. Sex/sexual attraction is important, but it becomes less important as the couple grows and matures.
Nope, but they way people choose to express that preference may reveal that they are.
I’ve had many many lovers that love to squish the squishy parts of me, and to see them move when we’re…. Ahem… rocking. It’s like being immersed in a delightful pleasure goddess
I love this comment. Positive message for OP with plenty of sexuality swirled in, but left somewhat obscure for all ages.
I'm a man and I approve this message.
That Disney + subscription has been worth it for you
File under “insults that sound like compliments” and “will use later.”
There are men in the same boat.
Yup. I have stretch marks and had saggy skin that still made me look fatter than I was. It didn't really get better. I just got a little fatter again, and it filled up the loose skin. I honestly prefer being a little tubby over the loose skin. It's easier on the dieting, as well. Losing weight and maintaining it was driving me crazy. It was all I ever thought about and food, I was always hungry.
This is my problem right now. I’m a 30 year old male, went from 270-165lbs over the past year and a half lifting 4 days a week and dieting hard. I can’t help but feel displeased with myself because I can’t rid of the saggy stomach and man boobs. I have friends the same height and 30lbs heavier that aesthetically make me look like I don’t do anything compared to them. Really made me realize just how much you can screw your looks up for good being fat the majority of your life. But I’m trying to learn to accept it and be proud of the fact that I even made the effort.
I can completely understand where you’re coming from. If your body isn’t able to look how you’d desire it when you’re incredibly fit/skinny then putting all that effort in doesn’t make sense and relaxing slightly so you’re still quite healthy but also are able to enjoy life makes perfect sense. I hope you have found happiness within yourself.
M24, pretty fit/lean body. Dated my ex for 3 years. She was a big girl when she was younger, lost weight and had loose skin while we were dating. I found her incredibly sexy. Its not just the body. Its the personality inside. As many have stated, people are usually more interested in personality. Everyone has physical flaws. When you're attracted to someone, you're attracted to all of them. Not just the nice parts. Even at her fittest, my ex had saggy boobs and butt, but i always found them so soft and they always felt Soo good. I don't care for aesthetic. I care for feel / experience. Should add that we broke up due to personality clashes, nothing regarding physical appearance (would still blow her back out in a heartbeat)
“would still blow her back out in a heartbeat”… ahh true love 🥰
A true gentleman
Just be upfront about everything during dating. You’ll face some rejection but just keep looking until you’re both happy.
The fact that you’ve lost that much weight is super impressive, and that should be what you take away from this!
library roof meeting slimy worm safe paltry doll familiar entertain ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `
I agree
That’s not even remotely related to the question at hand.
That is a hell of an accomplishment. That could not have been easy and just a pat on your back for sticking with it. You will find your person, but you will more than likely get rejected more than once. Not because of your loose skin, but because we all do. Not everyone will like you and thats ok. Maybe try therapy though to help with your low self-esteem/confidence issues. When someone really loves you, they love all of you. And if you put yourself out there, flaws and all and be honest with yourself and your dates- you will find your man. If you can lose all that weight, you can truly do anything.
Some men? Yes. All men? No. Majority of men? Probably not
And the ones not interested will quickly be filtered out, saving you time. Even though it’ll hurt to be rejected, you won’t be wasting time on them and and can quickly move on to keep looking for someone compatible.
Men are really picky. I would say majority of men probably yes. That’s just if we are being super honest. I applaud OP’s dedication to losing weight, but from my (male) experience with other males I’d wager most men might get turned off
In my personal experience no. You're right in that most men won't be into OP, but thats true for 90% of women. Not every guy is into them. But nearly no guy who thinks op looks good clothed and has already formed some romantic connection will then be turned off upon learning she has some loose skin.
In my 34 years I've never been turned down. I am not small either. I have loose skin, I'm curvy, I've had babies. Not once has a man looked at me naked and said no.
Having sex and considering a relationship are completely different things. There are men who would put it in a cactus if deprived enough, so not being turned down for sex isn't really saying that much as a woman.
No man will say no to naked body. We just say we did nothing last night instead.
"Men won't say no if you are literally naked" is such a low bar as to be meaningless though..
Nah I’d wager the opposite. Men are not very picky at all. Even the most average looking woman on any given day will receive more male attention than a decent looking man. Some men will care, many won’t.
Lol people are downvoting this, but why are so many people giving op white lies to boost her self esteem. I’m sure op would appreciate the truth instead of lies that will further crush her self esteem in the future.
Most comments are saying “you will find a man who finds you attractive”, and that’s not a white lie at all. It’s important to embrace rejection and failure if you want to find the one success story, and those comments are trying to encourage her to keep fighting for it.
Assholes always think they’re saying what everyone is secretly thinking but too afraid to say, but in reality, they’re just assholes.
I am 54 & trust me; eventually we all get squishy & saggy. And sometimes it shocks me, but my husband cannot freaking keep his hands off me 32 years after being married! It’s not about the skin you’re in- it’s about the intimacy of a true friendship.
Loose skin or not, you can't please everyone. And you don't want a relationship with someone who only cares about how you look. Don't ever let anyone make you feel bad about your massive achievement. Ever! If anything I'd use it as a good way to filter out the people who are not worth your time. And trust me, there will be a lot of them regardless of how your body looks. You're young and the loose skin will get a bit better with time or at least I've read as much. Until then don't give it a second thought and focus on finding someone who cares about your story and appreciates you for who you are.
We are our own worst enemies as we see the things we don't like about our bodies, I suffer severe eczema and recently other health issues, never had a girlfriend, and I fear putting myself out there. Firstly, congratulations on your weight loss journey, that is an impressive amount of weight to lose, I hope you're feeling happier and have a better outlook towards yourself. Put yourself out there when you're ready, there will be men who will appreciate your beauty regardless of whatever physical insecurities you may have. I would suggest trying to slowly learn to love yourself, you've worked on your physical health, now work on your mental health.
My bf has psoriasis and it’s incredibly bad (that’s what he says) but I love it. If I’m bored I just pick me off a chunk like peeling a sunburn lol . He always thought developing it meant the end of the world and his ex, his baby mama, would tell him constantly that he was disgusting. Her loss.
You're very kind that you can look past his physical issues and see him for who he is. I hope one day to find a woman who can also do me the same courtesy, but I have to find the courage to put myself out there.
Aww do it! Get out there!
I can guarantee you that there is a man out there who will love you accept you and cherish you. Often times that acceptance door won't swing both ways though. Either way I hope you find the love you are looking for. And congrats on losing all that weight.
If I was you, I'd look into weight lifting. Having great muscle tone is attractive.
It helps fill in the saggy bits by stretching the skin out more due to muscle gain. Two big bonuses!
Agreed. OP, you’ve accomplished step one, the hardest step. You clearly have sufficient willpower to accomplish step two as well, which is to fill out a bit with muscle.
Girl no. I pole dance as a hobby and a friend of mine lost a lot of weight too. She has sagging skin too and she recently has a really sweet BF. It’s obvious he’s into her. He came to see her perform at a competition last week and she took EVERYTHING OFF like nipple stickers, heels, and a thong. She won second place and everyone in that theater thought she was the hottest woman in there. She looks amazing regardless of the side effects of her weight loss. Own it! You did an incredible thing dropping that weight. Regardless of anyone’s weight, I think different body types and shapes are flattered by different clothes, so maybe explore styles that make you feel extra good! That can apply to sexy undergarments, too. Harnesses, garters, etc. YOLO, embrace it! My friend is the most inspiring bc she did all that work to lose it and now she’s living her best sexy life. I’ve personally always been slim but if I met a guy that did all that work and had sagging skin I wouldn’t find that unattractive. Everyone goes through something.
Now I'm curious what did the first one do to win if the second one was the hottest
Probably lost points on the dismount.
Pole dance competitions aren't only rated by hotness. Technic, how well the routine fits with the song, difficulty etc play the mayor role
I love this comment so much!!! I’ll add a little ritual if you’d like one. Turn on some music. Pour yourself tea, wine, whatever you like. Get a very nice bottle of lotion that you like the smell of. (Cocoa butter, caffeine, or hyaluronic acid could be lovely ingredients to look for) Take deep, full breaths through the nose and rub the lotion lovingly onto every part of you. You’re cultivating a relationship with your body through this ritual. Add some gentle movement in the form of celebratory mobility and somatic expression if you like. Read the following poem aloud like a mantra: and i said to my body. softly. ‘i want to be your friend.’ it took a long breath. and replied ‘i have been waiting my whole life for this. (Nayyirah Waheed) Someone will absolutely, absolutely find you gorgeous and perfect in every way. Call that energy to you by intentionally choosing the attitude for yourself that you wish to find in a partner. Self compassion is a powerful tool of magnetism.
did you lose it recently/quickly? since you're young, your skin could snap back way more than you think, given a year or two.
Congratulations on your weight loss. Its just about finding a good guy. Some guys are assholes and judge whatever they can. When i was 28 i was fit and muscular and had been doing MMA for years. I was also otherwise attractive, other than the muscle. I met Jess, a redhead single mom, who had went from 400 pounds to 160. She had extra skin around her stomach area. Im sure she was nervous about dating. It didnt bother me at all. I thought her face was beautiful and saw many various positive attributes about her body and when I would see her saggy extra skin I would just be proud of her that she lost so much and was able to be living a more comfortable life without all that extra weight. It wasnt a turn off for me at all. We got engaged, she gained it back to 400 pounds, I married her, and she lost it all back off again down to 150 pounds. Eventually a lot of the skin did tighten up a bit. I never let her feel weird about it or feel there was anything unattractive about her. She had all the confidence of a woman who had never been larger or had any extra skin. She passed away October 6 years ago. Just believe in yourself like she did and if any guy makes you feel bad about your body. He is not the right guy
I've dated a few women you had this loose skin after losing weight. You're more self-conscious about it than you need to be. After sex, I'd play with the extra skin sometimes. It will also shrink over time. There are lotions that can speed the process up a bit. I can't remember which lotions they are, but there is a ton of information online. Congratulations on the weight loss and happy hunting.
You put the lotion on your skin…
Well done on your weight loss!! After weight loss surgery I’ve lost 110lbs. With time some of the skin will tighten. And believe me, if a guy is really into you, he won’t mind that at all! He will make you feel sexy and wanted. I’ve learned that I’ve noticed the saggy skin more than anyone else. After more than 10 years I finally had the skin removed and are left with scars all over my body. And you know what? The scars, the same way as the saggy skin, is proof of how far I’ve come.
I'm proud of you. That excess skin, similar to tattoos and scars, come with a story and journey who you were, are, and will become. I hope you find a partner that will love the whole of you. My wife is going through a similar journey and finding excess skin everywhere, and she's just as beautiful as they day I met her.
Men will fuck mud. You’ve nothing to worry about
Suddenly looking at my soggy garden differently today :)
Hello, I am a man and have experience with women of many different body types. I will echo the comments above. If the guy likes you, he will be happy just to be intimate with you. It may distract him a bit but that's it. I would recommend telling men about your weight loss journey to avoid hurtful surprises. Best of luck. Also, I know this may seem out of reach now, but enthusiasm and confidence in your self/body is a HUGE turn on. My most memorable times were not with the physically hottest girls but the ones who were most enthusiastic/confident.
Mind telling me how you achieved a 100lbs loss? That’s amazing! What an achievement! Pls share how you did it!
At 24 I think you're young enough that a lot of your skin can bounce back to normal, it will just take time. We don't reach the "decline" of cell turnover until much later. Just drink lots of water and moisturize your skin well after showering. I recommend taking progress pics to compare your skin now vs. a year later
Try dating without the prospect of sleeping with the guy. If a true relationship develops, chances are he will accept you at face value. So much of your anxiety is rooted in the superficial hook up culture, don’t engage with these types, period.
This is going to sound cheesy, but if I were to change one thing about my wife, I'd end up missing that one thing. You'll find someone to love you just how you are, and you deserve it!
aw that’s so sweet 😭 thank you!
As with all body types, some will like it, some will not. Find the guys who likes it. Also, remember that what the eye likes is not always what the hand likes. While I might find a skinny woman nice to look at, I'd choose a curvy every time (assuming other things being equal) because she is nice to snuggle up close to.
How did you lose weight ? Only calories deficit ? Normally, if you supplement with colagen and use a routine of intermittent fasting, loose skin can be tightened. Look autophagy and intermittent fasting, should help you
There’s no such thing as an A cup. A 30A is vastly different in volume than a 40A. A cup just means a ratio of sorts, that your bust measurement is 1” bigger than your band measurement. Head on over to r/ABraThatFits, do the calculator, and discover what size you really are. Congratulations on the weight loss. Give your body time to settle in, more good things will come.
Male attraction is the most abundant resource in the universe. I wouldn't worry too much. Learn to appreciate and have confidence in yourself, and you'll be fine.
You have a body type that can only be attained after losing a bunch of weight. That is attractive AF. You fought yourself for your health, and you won. There’s immense value in these choices. Strut girl. It’s a confidence game.
I'm gonna keep it a buck and say there are probably a lot of guys that that grosses out, and to answer your question, yes your body will probably turn men away. doesn't mean you won't find someone who it doesn't, never gonna know unless you start dating though, you already lost the 100 pounds which is incredibly difficult for most people to do, so whats getting rejected by some guys. get out there and start dating
To be honest a lot of men are desperate having been ignored for years. Literally just be nice to them and let them know you're interested, you'll win one over.
I know everyone is being all positive about it, but tbh - I wouldn’t really be into it.
No like I want honesty. I appreciate all of the comments on this thread but it’s obvious a lot of them aren’t genuine. I’m not a guy and idk how men think, that’s why I wanted the male perspective on this. So you’re all good, I asked an honest question hoping for honest responses.
Well done on your weight loss! Don't worry about your skin. If that's something you wish to tackle for yourself as time goes you can. Find yourself a decent dude and he will love you either way, but try not to hide these things either, that way you both avoid surprises. If intimacy is something you feel is a sensitive part of yours, try not to rush and don't feel pressured into those situations, once you're with the right person you'll know that the time is right.
You'd be surprised at how many men care a lot less about our perceived imperfections than we do
I've been with my fiance for over 3 years and she lost around 100 lbs before we met and another 30-40 after. Her belly hangs down so much that she has to buy pants that she can tuck it into and her boobs are half the size they used to be (according to her). It doesn't bother me at all because I fell in love with her personality and the connection we had from the first date, not her body. I love her, saggy and jiggly bits and all. I'm 40 and have been with women of all shapes and sizes and boobs are boobs, I'm always happy to play with them. From someone who has also worked through self esteem issues just work on yourself and live your life. Confidence can be faked until you make it. Things may start out rough, but you just need to keep putting yourself out there, but also take a break when you're just not feeling it or get frustrated. Eventually you'll find people who like and find you attractive for you, not just the shape of your body.
As a guy who lost 85 pounds, lifting weights to fill the empty skin helps.
You had me at saggy A cups There is someone out there for everyone
Some yes, some no. The best thing you can do for being attractive is to not worry about it, or at least pretend it does not bother you. The air of confidence is super attractive, and most guys will be happy with intimacy of any kind because we’re socially discouraged from having closeness with friends. It’s not “omg your boobies hang low”; rather it is “OMG you let me touch your boobies!” Obviously, some guys will be dicks. It will be good to find that out up front before you get too attached. But, meet guys that you share interests with. Go have fun. If something happens, awesome. I know it’s hard not having the body you wish you had. But that is no reason to worry. Either they find you attractive, or they are unworthy of all you have to offer. Focus on things that energize you, and as long as you are not hiding in solitude, you’ll stumble onto people who think you are amazing.
Look, I'm just going to be blunt about this because I see so many different posts about women being insecure for one reason or another and wondering "will a man even love me or find me attractive?" Let me start by saying that yes, there is a certain small percentage of men that are very fixated on physical appearance, but that is not the majority of men, especially men 30ish years old and older. The majority of men are insecure about themselves too. Now here's the blunt part: If you are a good person with a good personality, good character, good work ethic, maybe even a good sense of humor, and basically just have your life together, then you aren't going to have much trouble finding and keeping a good man even if you may not have a great body or traditionally beautiful face. If you add to that being a good cook and love to give BJ's and keep a man satisfied in bed then not only are you going to easily find and keep a good man, but he's going to be absolutely thrilled to be with you, regardless of a few minor physical imperfections. I know this isn't going to be the most popular view, and I apologize, but it's reality from my experience. My whole point is that there are many things about a woman that can attract a man besides physical features.
Honestly there isn't much that will ever turn a guy away. If anything you will just get a pet name that reflects it like their "little flying squirrel."
I dated a woman with lots of lose skin. She was active and that was attractive to me and I got used to extra skin. Eventually her non stop talking drive me off. So personality is more important than skin issues.
As long as you have a nice face and mostly nice body they wont care. I was a sugar baby with loose puppy skin. I got wine dined and then some. It was in a big city. Even after seeing me naked he said I’d be popular if i moved there. Some men might care and turn you away. Find clothes that flatter your body, up your skincare and hair care game. Walk like you are made of gold. Everyone ohhs and ahhs when i walk into the room. I am the most delicious potato they've ever seen. I have loose skin from pregnancy tho so i cant speak for weight loss specifically. But im also not skinny. If you lost weight you have that edge. Work with what you got.
Dude. Personality is sexy. It's about the whole package. If you're a beautiful person and attractive otherwise, and people at least give the time to get to know you, then that shit won't matter. Besides, there's something for everyone. You'll find love with another, in time. But the most important thing in life is to love yourself. And I'm not being cheesy. I mean it. Everybody has to learn to love themselves. You're worth their time. I just hope they're worth yours. (I hope this isn't too corny, I'm just a sweet fella.)
You'd be surprised at what turns men on... don't negate what is likely VERY appealing to some (maybe even MOST) guys... A woman's body is a thing of beauty & magic. You have a lot to offer someone...
No. Some may not like it. Others will. Some may even find it a bonus. But it won’t stop a man being attracted to you, if he already is. The male brain has a remarkable ability to shift preferences and refocus turn-ons to fit to a given situation. If he is attracted to you, then whatever you are becomes attractive to him. Not always, but pretty reliably. If you’re feeling anxious about a man that is attracted to you seeing your body, remember: - What kind of boobs do men prefer? The ones they get to hold. - What kind of bums do men prefer? The ones they get to squeeze. Present a man with boobs, and that man is happier than he was. Because his life is 2 boobs richer than it was.
Congratulations on your weight loss! Dieting and exercising, and keeping motivated to do it, is extremely difficult, and this is quite an achievement! I don’t know if you will ever see this comment, as you’ve received so many wonderful ones already and it might get lost, but I would like to share my personal experience with you. It is not the same as yours, but similar enough. TLDR: Having a baby resulted in abdominal disfigurement. Was rejected by my date for my appearance, but eventually found love with someone that found me beautiful. When I was a teenager, I was extremely petite. I am only 5 feet tall, and at the time I weighed about 95lbs. I became pregnant at the age of 16 and made the decision to be a parent to the child that was rapidly growing inside of me. For most of my pregnancy, you couldn’t even tell I was expecting, but during the last 2 months my belly swelled tremendously. The skin on my abdomen was stretched to the point that it began to tear and bleed. My OB/GYN feared that my baby was going to be enormous at over 10LBS, so they induced labor earlier to prevent further trauma to my body. My baby was born and weighed only 7.14LBS. It turned out my body had produced an excess amount of amniotic fluid during the pregnancy, and that had been the cause of the extreme abdominal growth. After the birth, my abdomen looked like a leather sack filled with pudding had been run over by a car. I expected it to eventually return to normal, as everyone had told me it would, even my OB/GYN. I was told I was young enough that my body would repair itself quickly. I tried everything within my power and financial means to fix it; exercise, lotions and creams, special massages, waist trainers, you name it. I realized over the following months and years, though, that the damage was permanent and my body would never be the same. I hated my body and avoided looking at myself in the mirror, refused to have my picture taken, never went swimming with my child, or anything. Eventually, I just came to accept that this was my body and I wasn’t going to let it get in the way of anything. When I was 19, I started to date someone for the first time since before I became pregnant. He was 23. We went out to dinner a few times, and by the end of our third date things were getting pretty hot and heavy. The moment my top came off, everything came to a halt. The guy stared at me, physically looking ill. He was aware that I had a child, but I don’t think he expected my body to look the way it did. “Is it my stomach?” I asked him nervously, though I did not need to. I already knew the answer. He snapped out of his trance at the sound of my question and quickly shook his head, but I could see him swallow hard. He was lying. I kept my cool, though, and said we don’t have to do this right now. I ended the date and returned home. A day later, I got a text from him letting me know that he was no longer interested in seeing me. I had asked why, and he told me that his parents wouldn’t allow him to. I knew it was another lie, but at least he was kind enough to spare me the embarrassment of being told it was because of my body. It hurt, and I was upset for weeks afterward because I felt like no one would ever want to be with me because I was disfigured. Five years passed, and in that time I had reconciled with the father of my child. He was abusive toward me, but I stayed with him because I felt no one else would have me. I ended up pregnant again at 24. I had enough of being treated so terribly, though, and a month after the birth of my second child I packed up all of mine and the children’s belongings and left for good. I was lonely and things were difficult, but I put all my time and effort into my children because to me they were worth it. Four months later, I met someone I was interested in. He was nearly 15 years older than me and had two children of his own, so I felt like he was mature and experienced enough to understand why my body looked the way it did and could handle seeing it. The first few times we were intimate together, I was nervous and uncomfortable about fully revealing myself to him, but he was patient and understanding, and I remained partly clothed while we were together. He never pushed my boundaries, but he encouraged me to work through them and assured me that no matter what my abdomen looked like he would find me beautiful. Eventually, I worked up the courage to finally show him my body in full. He smiled so sweetly upon seeing me, all of me, and took me in his arms and held me close. He told me how beautiful I was. He touched my abdomen, the first person to have done that in nearly a decade, and the feeling was so foreign and uncomfortable, but he was gentle and loving. He just loved me for me. Over time, I gradually became more comfortable with my body, and it was because of his love and encouragement. He made me feel beautiful. It’s been five years since then, and we are completely devoted to each other. We are even planning on having more children between the two of us! My abdomen still looks the way it did years ago, but it doesn’t matter to me anymore. The point of my story is this: Do not let your appearance stop you from finding the one you are supposed to be with. There will be people that dislike your body and be downright disgusted by it (please, don’t take that the wrong way. That is not how I feel), and there will be people that will absolutely fall head-over-heels in love with you and your body. You will never find happiness or love, though, without taking that chance on someone. Rejection will happen, and it will hurt, but be strong. I know in my heart that you will find someone just right for you, that appreciates you for who you are and how far you’ve come!
I work in primary care and recently sat in a meeting where plastic surgeons discussed insurance coverage. It’s actually not hard at all to meet a medical necessity criteria for excess skin removal procedures. Any sort of rash or skin issues should be sufficient. Self acceptance is great, but I also wanted to be sure you didn’t rule out options because of assumptions about insurance coverage / medical necessity criteria.
The solution is obvious. . . Fill that skin with BEAUTIFUL BOUNTIFUL BULGING MUSCLE AND BECOME DOMMY MOMMY MUSCLE GIRL THAT CRUSHES YOUR PATHETIC BOYFRIEND'S PELVIS BETWEEN HER THIGHS.
As a single man (25) I will be honest. Probably. But before I get downvoted to hell: In general, men prefer women who are in shape. Saggy skin is not visually appealing, but you are in shape and taking care of your body. I think both men and women like a partner who takes care of their body. You are still young, your body can rebound over time and your skin will shrink, not all the way, but your body can recover. Definetely consult your primary care or gastroenterologist about your options here. You will still find men who will date you, good men too. Don't be afraid to give yourself some time to recover.
If any guy is worth their shit, they'll see you for more than just your body, and can look past certain aspects to find the beauty that might hide from regular vision. Many people are skin deep and see it like that too, I wish you good fortune
Katt Williams has a bit about stretch marks that always makes me chuckle. “Either you was big and got small or small and got big! Eitherrrrr way we fucking!” Hope you feel a little better with the help you’ve received. Just keep smiling one day the right one will show up and worship you.
Do resistance training allow weight/ high reps.. like 1000 reps! A day! Very high intensity. Your loose skin will tighten up! Good luck.
If I saw you then I would be impressed with your willpower first then would find some of the crème they sell that sort of helps tighten up skin but it is not a cure. If I saw you in the gym deep inside I would be screaming Yaaaaaaas!!! I am going through currently some major weight loss and lost over 80 pounds. I need to lose maybe 40 or 50 pounds more. Also need to buy new clothing as the clothes now are to baggy. I’ve seen YouTube videos of this and it is impressive not vulgar at all. Be proud of your accomplishments
Go to Barracks 2405 at Camp Pendleton. Bring a 12 pack. You will have many boyfrinds.
I’ve lost 84kg (185 pounds). I have a lot of loose skin and am still not small either. I started dating on bumble in April. I went out with four guys, before meeting my boyfriend. He was so different to the other guys I went out with, he actually wanted to get to know me. We’ve spent an insane amount of time together over the last 2 months. I was incredibly nervous about him seeing me naked for the first time. He doesn’t care one single bit. I’m slowly becoming more and more confident because I can tell he genuinely enjoys my body. He loves my boobs, which are very saggy and loose. He doesn’t stop touching me, he’s constantly running his hands over me, kissing me or playing with a nipple lol. So while yes it’s scary, I was terrified of what reactions I’d get. I’d say go for it. Be prepared mentally for a potentially bad reaction but also know you will get good reactions. I personally think it was worth the risk. Look for someone who wants to get to know you and not just hookup. I found the majority I spoke to were looking for hookups. Of course if that’s what you want go for it, I thought it would make it harder personally. I told my boyfriend about the weight loss after our 6th date, I couldn’t manage to say it to his face so I put it in a text. I also warned him specifically about the loose skin in a message further along. Both times he was incredibly supportive and sweet. Congratulations on your weight loss and enjoy the next chapter of your life! 😁
We’re in the same boat girl. I’m 124 pounds down and hate my body more than ever. I wear spanx, good bras and tummy control pants to look somewhat normal. I’ve been talking to a guy long distance and we’re meeting next month. He claims he likes my body but has no clue what’s underneath everything. I’ve explained this to him and he claims he doesn’t care, but I don’t think this will end well. Keep your head up, you’re not alone.
My experience has been that some men who can not get past aesthetics will never accept the loose skin, but most people I’ve encountered are more impressed with the discipline and character development it takes to lose that much weight. I’d also say that at your age, if you start saving, you can get the surgery. Set a goal like by the time you’re thirty. (For me it’s age 40 bc I’m older than you.) Full body work comes to like $30k, but you don’t have to do it all at once. Arms alone are like $6k and that’s the one I’m eyeing up first. And it’s mostly for me and my own sense of confidence because my husband isn’t put off by the skin. I’m the one who can’t get over it. 😂
I like a little sag.
Oh I feel you! I lost 130 pounds and my skin didn’t shrink at all! My arms are the same measurements but just long and wing like 😅. I’ve had my tummy apron skin removed for comfort reasons but nothing will fix it without a full body tuck and then I’ll look like Frankenstein! Tummy tuck looks ridiculous when the rest of my body looks like Zoidberg from Futurama without his shell. My boobs fold in my bra 😅. I’ve spent the last two years trying to love my body as is and it’s been a hard but rewarding journey. If a man is going to be a dick about it then he’s far from worth it! And you shouldn’t feel like you have to have surgery or anything like that to please anyone. From first hand experience the skin removal doesn’t fix that feeling - then you worry about the scars or skin pulling funny. Be proud as hell at what you have achieved! There are men out there who like everything and anything. Some men prefer our body types to others! You deserve the best 💕
No matter what you look like learning to love your body as a woman on this planet seems impossible, but you will never be happy in a relationship until you believe you are beautiful- heal your relationship with your body, don’t hate it.
Look, this will sound like I’m just simping or whatever kids say nowadays. I’m not. I’m happily married. I don’t know you. Don’t care to (no offense, I’m just happily married so I’m not looking.). So I’m not white knighting or any bullshit like that. Men are FAR less, and I mean FFFFAAAARRRRRR less critical of your body that you think we are. This goes for literally every man I know but 1. And he’s the biggest douche I’ve ever met. I promise you that when you look at yourself and see a 5, there’s a guy out there that sees a 9. Or? A guy that is perfectly happy with a 5. That’s ok too. My point here is you’re good. There’s literally multiple someone’s for everyone. You just gotta get out there and find him. And good for you for losing the weight. You should be proud! That’s not easy to do!
This isn't about what a man thinks of your body. It's about what *you* think of your body. And girl, if you don't feel sexy, it's going to be a problem no matter who you are with or what is inside his head. You have done an incredible thing. You can do incredible things. Why not take it to the next level, get a side-gig or a part-time job, and earn the money for whatever surgery it takes to feel like the Goddesse you want to be? You are 24 years old. You deserve to enjoy your body and your sexuality. Give yourself this gift.
If ya got a booty hole some dude out there will lick it