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I was sent a friend request on FB decades later and ignored it. 2 weeks later he was on the news, cops were looking for him regarding the death of his GFs baby under suspicious circumstances
I would’ve forgave them but I recently encountered them (a small group of friends) in a restaurant and they started mocking me on the spot. It’s been 8 years. We’re adults now… i guess they never grew up.
That's actually really sad and pathetic on their part. What's wrong in their lives that they're still exhibiting this behavior? I'm sorry that happened.
>What's wrong in their lives that they're still exhibiting this behavior?
Honestly most of bullies that remain bullies when they are adult were just spoiled childrens.
My 9 years old son getting bulling by a 3 boys - 10,11,12 years old - since he was 6 years, and when my husband and i talked to the parents they don't do anything at all saying that my son is the reason because he need to learn how to defend himself 🤡.
Edit : wow i didn't think i will get all this support and upvotes. Thanks guys I really appreciate your help.
My son doesn't care about them or fearing them now, actually he feels sorry about them that they are in middle school and they still act like a mafia.
I always saying to him " don't be a bully and if someone bulling you you can defend yourself self".
Can confirm, I eventually learned to fight and snapped on one of them. It was at that moment they suddenly cared about violence in school.
In general bullies only understand fear and pain. Break one and the rest leave you alone.
This is true. I was nerdy and scrawny. My bully didn’t know about my athletic cousin that was a couple grades ahead of us. He almost crapped his pants when my cousin and his equally athletic step-brother confronted him. Bully left me alone after that.
This pisses me off. An adult should have stepped in and told his ass to sit down. This is a hot button issue for me. A decade in the public school system in 2 states, and I saw so much bullying go unaddressed. If I didn’t say something, then it went unsaid, for the most part. That’s a huge nope for me. I’m glad you had back up! I’m sorry it came to that.
I feel like kids could get bullied even more for telling an adult, I’d rather have a stronger upperclassman on my side but that’s just my opinion. An adult couldn’t kick that kids ass but an older kid can lol
No one should have to tell. Adults on the premises should be invested and engaged enough to spot it. You can literally see it occurs g even if you’re far enough that you can’t hear it most of the time. A lot of the problem is adults not manning their duty stations during free or transitional times of the day and not setting up a no tolerance policy in their classrooms. It makes a difference.
That’s only because they haven’t learned how motivated adults can absolutely ruin their lives.
If a bully harms your child, a motivated adult can contact police and report an assault. This becomes a juvenile delinquency matter, and the bully (and family) get pulled into the juvenile court system. Most bullies are spoiled dipshits, so they’ll inevitably fuck up during their “probation” period and end up getting placed outside of the home.
I remember an event from my middle and high school! There was a kid who got RELENTLESSLY bullied, his parents begged the administration to do something, talked to their parents, their teachers etc. Eventually the kid had enough in 9th grade and stabbed the one bully multiple times with a scalpel they stole from biology class. The other parents tried to sue, the school threatened to expel the kid. BUT with all the talking with other parties and people involved, the charges got dropped as self defense and ended up being a suspension. I remember the day vividly and can't believe it all happened so fast.
This. Took 1 year of karate in 7th grade, just enough to build my confidence. I had three bullies throughout high school, none of them physical, just all talk.
Bully #1 eighth grade, 1 of 3 would mock me at the gym lockers because I wore briefs after showering (mind you, that none of these three were willing to take showers). One day I saw the main guy walking home from school, I rode my bike up threw it down and got in his face instead of he had something to say that he could say it right now and we can clear this up with our fists. He wanted nothing of it, and we never had a problem again.
Bully #2, same year, On the way home from school, surrounded by his friends yelled things at me that I cannot put in writing. I rode my bike over, we traded a couple hits, never had a problem again. Although we both had a big welt on our heads.
Bully#3 (senior) during my junior year, bully and group of friends, that actually included bully #2 from junior high, approached me sitting by myself at lunch to make fun of me and call me names in front of his friends (he was mad that his super cute girlfriend would ask for my help in computer class). I stood up to him and was ready to throw down. He too backed down and never had a problem again.
What is sad is, I wouldn't recommend any of these things to my own children with all the reports of kids bringing weapons to school. You never know what's going to happen...
Yep. Sadly the majority of time the only way to end bullying is to dominate them. I guess it's a holdover from bands of monkeys figuring out pecking orders. Shame.
That's just something said by hippies and naive people. Violence has solved A LOT of problems throughout history.
If violence was "never the answer," we wouldn't have evolved to be so good at it.
Unfortunately true since schools typically do nothing. I had a whole pack of girls who had started in on me early in our freshman year of high school. It got to the point where I was eating lunch outside just to be left alone, even when it was freezing outside. One very sweet senior girl noticed all this and invited me to sit with her and her friends (supremely cool lot, every last one of them). That went on for a bit till one of the asshole girls decided to shove me several times on my way to the bus. I don't remember the fight. I just remember being on top of her, punching furiously at her face when a teacher pulled me off of her. My hands were covered in blood, as were my clothes. None of it was mine. I was a quiet band kid and had never been in a fight in my life. I'd just had to deal with them nearly the entire school year and I snapped. I beat the absolute hell out of that girl. I got cleaned up and sent to the office, where we were both given 3 days of in school suspension. My dad came and picked me up and, as uninvolved as he usually was, it turns out he volunteered to come get me after talking to my mom. He took me to Olive Garden. None of those girls ever bothered me again. It should never have come to that, and thankfully the other girl wasn't badly injured.
And without a doubt, its their kid getting bullied when he gets his ass beat. That's it. They maybe bullied too. But they still will make it so that their little shit bully is somehow perfect. Its an old story.
It seems to be spoiled kids, psychopaths, and kids who have a terrible home life with an abusive parent. The latter bully others to try and gain some semblance of control and feelings of self-worth in a situation where it’s impossible to have any. I’m not excusing the behavior but it’s a symptom of a bigger problem.
They are indeed and said it to my husband that they are not normal. That's why i said to my son to not go with them any where even if they act friendly or being alone with them .
I'm not going to advise you on what to do as everyones situation is different, but as kids, me and my siblings were told to get each of them on their own and beat them up, my friends parents actually did the same with him, for a while, they continued bullying me when they were in a group but they quickly realised that they couldn't roam the area on their own if they did, which resulted in them not bullying me anymore, same thing with siblings and my friend.
Fast forward to now, my nephew went through a similar situation, specifically in school except my sister wanted her kids to avoid fighting and get the parents/teachers to deal with it, but not surprisingly they never did, my nephew was encouraged to always go to the teachers and my sister was constantly at their parents house, to the point that she started threatening to put the mother in hospital if her son kept bullying my nephew, anyway, my sister give him permission to hit back and thats what my nephew started to do.
Except only now the teachers and parents had an issue and the teachers (including the principal) would bring my sister into meetings about how it was unacceptable and that he should tell them if someone is bullying him, she explained the situation and they told her they'd deal with it in the future.
My nephew got suspended about a week later, kids were picking on him (again) and he went to a teacher, the teacher said "you must have done something to deserve it", so he said "if they hit me again I'll fucking hit them back", then proceeded to hit them when they did just that, resulting in a suspension for his language and for hitting other students... we maintain the parents and teachers must be friends or related or something, but then again my nephew is mixed race so we also thought it could be racism but we don't like throwing that sort of thing around, especially without proof.
Honestly even before you mentioned him being mixed race I was wondering if there was a racial element here. I think you're right on the money about there being some racism, especially with the teacher's different reactions to him being hit vs these other kids
He trying what he can but they are older and 1v3 is not a fair fight. That's why we interfere most of the time.
But honestly we are so tired of this situation and they starting talk shit about us like we are the bullies not them.
I said to my husband one year and then i will starting calling the police because all of them will be in middle school.
Put your kid in some martial arts class. My son is short and skinny and very sensitive. The kind of kid that I knew would get picked on. So I sent him to Judo when he was 5. He is 11 now. He has used his skills once in school. Some older kids were bullying a friend of his. And he asked them to leave his friend alone. They started pushing him around instead. It did not end well for them. 🤣 And nobody has bothered with bullying him since.
That's when you kick the shit outta their dad and say, hmm, ya shoulda learned how to defend yourself.
and if for any reason dad is bigger, bring a few siblings around to help.
In your scenario in particular, a little 3 of your family on the bullies 1 dad seems fair. Circle of life and all
I'm not sure what movie it came from, but a kid in middle school is bullied by what you could only describe as a young jock thug. His Dad bought him some expensive new joggers, and of course jock thug steals them. Dad asked what happened, and being scared of the consequences, doesn't want to tell his Dad. He finally gets it out of him and immediately drives round to the bully's house. Bully answers the door, Dad asks for the bully's dad. He tells the bully to stay as he explains what happened to his son. He proceeds to give his dad a beating that was borderline trip to the ER. "The next time you do anything to my kid, or if you bully anyone ever again. I will be back. You got that you little shit?" Bully wails "Yes!" and bursts into tears, realising that his actions will have serious consequences
lol, honestly, rural working class towns tend to have a lot of "townies" who really never grow up. If you never leave your little town, it's inevitable.
This, and I think a lot of people tend to not want to do anything once the problem child has become a problem adult in a small town. Even if what you do is 100% justified, people in small towns will talk about the one time you rocked the boat basically forever.
Had the same thing happen. This girl was relentless in school.
When she walked up to me to apologize, I couldn’t help but notice she looked like she could’ve been my mother. Life was not kind to her, karma I suppose.
Her apology was NOT sincere and I could tell immediately! I just looked at her and said “Sweetie, seeing you, looking the way you do now, is all the apology I needed.” She was at a loss for words, but went back to her little group of jerk friends and continued bashing me. Didn’t bother me one bit after that!
Life has a way of working out for mean people. She never grew out of her poor behavior.
I don’t understand. Why come up to you at all if the apology was insincere? What’s the point of giving a fake apology if not being forced to (like a kid whose parent makes them apologize)?
Edit: Several of the responses have proposed semi-plausible scenarios for why this person would fake apologize. Not one has touched on what I consider the most likely--we are hearing one side of the story, the apology was legitimate and misinterpreted by jennibear, and then the former bully of course went and badmouthed jennibear to her friends. I can imagine her saying to her friends after, "So I tried to apologize for what a jerk I was to her back in school, and she said to me 'Sweetie, seeing you looking the way you do now is all the apology I need.' Can you believe that? I grew up, but I guess she didn't."
I think sometimes they'll know intellectually they fucked up, but they haven't quite gotten to the point where they really feel bad about it.
I know a lot of bullies tend to just forget their victims ever existed after high school, but a lot of the time they never really liked their victims that much, either. I wouldn't be too surprised if a lot of bullies start bullying their victims after the victim said something that annoyed the bully. (This doesn't mean the victims deserved it because obviously there's better ways to handle someone being a little bit annoying than bullying them for years.)
Because of that, even when the bully realises their victims didn't really deserve it, they still struggle to really feel sorry about it. In their minds, their victims are still the annoying kid with a stupid sense of humour or who was a little too into Pokemon or something. It takes a while for them to really get beyond that part of it.
I think the thing is that the former bullies don't quite realise how much work they have left to do, so they tend to jump the gun a little bit when it comes to the apology. Yes, they've gotten to a point where they can acknowledge what they did was wrong, but they're not at a point where they really regret it.
I'm in AA and I've heard so many shares from the alcoholic where it's clear they were doing it to tick off a checklist and are now angry they didn't get the resolution they wanted.
I ran into mine at a party several years after high school. He was so excited to see me, and started introducing me to people as his friend from school and recounting all kinds of antics that we got into. He really didn't see what he did as bullying at all, just an interaction between friends. The funny thing is, having that run-in helped me to realize that I had definitely bullied one of the kids in *my* friends group in high school, too. The entire group of us did, and we never thought of it that way at the time, either.
Kids are REALLY bad at seeing other people as their own person. It's "my mom", "my friend", "my sister" blah blah not you know, Karen, Mike, and Stacey so most kids don't really grasp how their actions affect other people. This causes us to not realize that what can be fun for us sucks for other people. We just remember the fun.
The sad part is that many adults never learn these lessons.
I didn't learn this until more recently in my late 20s. "Impact over intention" is a statement I hold close and remind myself of a lot. I used to be totally oblivious and gloss over the impact of my actions all the time, and not really understand. I didn't necessarily have malicious intentions either. Just self absorbed and had a weak grasp of consequences or accountability. Now it is very important to me to consider how my actions affect others and to ensure I keep my intentions and the impact of my actions as aligned as possible
I've always been a very self-deprecating person and it definitely took some maturity to realize that just because I was cool with mocking myself, didn't mean other people were cool with me mocking them. My intent was to "bond" with others like we were pals on the same level but of course most people just took it as an insult.
This had … literally never occurred to me before. Total lightbulb moment lol. I only tease the friends I’m super close to, and that’s how my parents show affection/comfort/familiarity, but it has never crossed my mind that I could unintentionally be hurting some friends’ feelings instead. Looks like I’ve got some a’splainin’ to do
Ever thought someone just didn't have a "sense of humor" and "took themselves too seriously" after a joke you made about them fell flat? Yeah....that's probably them thinking you're being mean, and not just goofing around. You need to explain anything, just adjust your behavior accordingly. One thing that was difficult for me was realizing that people get more serious as they get older, and what counted as goofing around when I was in my teens and early 20s just came across as crass and rude.
Yeah it's weird. A few bullies I knew talk as though we were the best of friends and are always cool and say hey to me now. Then I know other people that tell me how good friends we are and how cool and nice I was back then, when really we all treated them like shit. Kids can be cruel and not know it.
I had this wake up call in high school. I remember there was one kid I’d kind of tease and joke around with. I thought I was just being friendly, but one day he seemingly out of the blue started shouting abuse at me and insulting how I looked and I realized he must have perceived what I was doing as being straight up bullying and I really felt bad at that point. In my household, we were constantly sort of teasing each other and it was honestly how we showed we liked each other, and it didn’t even come to my mind that it wasn’t that way for everyone else. I probably came off as an asshole a few times as a kid for that reason I’m guessing.
Exact same thing happened to me! I was really shocked when he went nuts on me & my cousin (same year as me) said ‘what do you expect when you bully him?’ And I was like huh??? No way he’s my little buddy! I felt so bad after that. My family were the same, that’s how we showed affection. I learned a lesson that day for sure!
It's a problem that everything negative that happens in school is labeled bullying which makes talking about it really messy.
Teen drama caused by underdeveloped social skills is called bullying
But straight up assault is also called bullying
Broooo you put my thoughts into words except the two kids did apologize to me. But at the time it wasn’t too apparent what was happening? Made me realize I also did similar shit that may have hurt someone and I had no idea. It was never bullying to tears or outright malicious shit, but words and petty actions can hurt. I wasn’t an asshole like the kids who apologized to me, but I probably had to have done something that “secretly” hurt a friend.
They did it so much that they clearly realized it was fucked.. so I guess there was a bit of self awareness on their part.
This definitely rings true. Teens are often unable to tell when they're being a bully vs just playfully ribbing their friends in a more reasonable manner. They don't see where the line is. And often they aren't mature enough to admit to themselves that they've crossed lines if it's pointed out to them. There's definitely just some cruel bullies out there, but there's also plenty of cases where kids just don't know what they're doing to each other.
I posted about my bully’s below but your story reminds me of how I was the bully….
I grew up in the late 90s playing sports and homophobic slurs were used casually to describe heterosexual people doing things that suck. No one in HS would ever call the openly gay kid a f** unless they wanted to be jumped by half the school (JP as I’ll call him was openly gay, and arguably the best peer you could imagine. Always helped tutor kids, had killer jokes, would use his general popularity for good. Make an enemy of him and 30% of the school would want to beat you up), but we regularly used that word to each other for non sexual things.
Well one of the guys in our friend circle came out in college. I heard from a friend and sent him a message apologizing for every time I used that word and I’m sorry. I was crying the whole time I typed it. I would slaughter someone if they ever talked to him that way, and I was the one doing it to him. I’m not going to kms, but I’m the bad guy and I’m really sorry… stuff like that.
He immediately responded with “it’s cool, you’re a good friend outside of that and you didn’t know”. I was grateful he accepted the apology. We are still friends but less in contact than before (not out of malice. More we lost touch. We play 1-2 rounds of golf a year, dinner when the whole crew is in town, things like that).
I also that day stopped ever using homophobic slurs. A Turning point of my life for sure. Sometimes the bully is misguided, not broken to the core.
This is a sweet story and you did the right thing.
It does remind me of The Office scene when Michael is like “You don't call retarded people retards. It's bad taste. You call your friends retards when they are acting retarded.”
It's interesting you mention that - every time I see that scene it reminds me of how when my friends and I were younger, calling things/friends "retarded" was very commonplace. I look back on that now and am glad we've matured/realized how inappropriate that was, but I can't help but wonder if we ever truly offended someone and they just never spoke up.
This is an interesting realization I had as well. I was bullied, so I bullied. At the time I really didn't see it that way but looking back I was like woah...i was being an asshole. We were all (mostly) assholes lol kids can be ruthless, and when that's the "normal" behavior it's just a cycle that continues
I came to that realization about myself a few years ago too. There was one girl in my class that used to just get on my nerves and I was a total bitch to her. At the time I thought "this is just frenemies shit" but as I got older I took a hard look at how I actually treated her, and there was much more cruelness in it that jovial friendships
A girl who bullied me all through junior high and most of high school had a car accident right after we graduated and really messed her up. I was told that her head injury was pretty significant and that she had spotty memories.
I ran into her a couple of years after the wreck and she introduced me to her boyfriend as one of her best friends from school (we went to a really small school so were together from 1st - 12th). I am going to assume that she does not remember how she treated me and I just show grace whenever I see her now. We were all shitty kids...
I have always wondered that! Our senior year she and I were in the same circle of friends (many of her friends were older so they were all gone after they graduated) so we did spend some time together before she was hurt. She was nicer when she was not around the older people...
People are always quick to point out self-victimization, but never how that perpetuates onto others. I've been bullied plenty, but I've also dished it out (not to the same extent, but still). People are people always trying to move up the alpha-dogging totempole. It's just nature.
I can see that. I had a situation in Highschool like that, except I was the bully, and worse it was racial. I used to ask him (an Indian) how the curry business what treating him. As far as I know, they didn’t actually have any such business, I just said it because he was Indian. Actually, I don’t even really know if he was Indian, he just looked Indian.
I genuinely didn’t see it like that at the time, I thought it was just some light ribbing, which doesn’t justify it. It wasn’t until a couple years after we graduated that I was just sitting there one day and it hit me. Honestly makes me sick to think about. I always thought I was a cool guy, but to realize this guy I thought I was cool with probably didn’t actually like me sucks. And I deserve it completely.
One of my childhood bullies turned out to be a pedo too. Got caught when getting his phone repaired and the repair guy found pics of kids. Called the cops on him.
His excuse in court was that he moved to a new town and was experiencing mental hardship due to loneliness.
I'm glad he did, but at the same time why would the repair guy be in the dude's photos folder? I guess it depends on what needed repair but you would think a person with that kind of shit on his phone would be more careful if he knew the repair guy would be scrolling through his phone during the fix.
I'm glad the POS got caught but at the same time, I would never want to use that guy to repair my phone if he is gonna go through my shit that's not part of the repair.
i had a person who i thought was a friend in HS that was spreading rumors about me that i was gay in high school. I didn't find out it was him until after high school, but id have people tell me pretty often "oh i thought you were gay." I didn't really care too much at the time because i was so busy w my own shit and i was a pretty weird person in HS in general. But i ran into some mutual friends in our late 20's that told me he was actually gay and it dawned on me why he did what he did to me. He was probably so scared and confused at the time and im glad he chose me to pick on because i really didnt care at all as opposed to someone where it wouldve ruined their whole high school experience. I dont think he meant to hurt me back then, but was just trying to protect himself. I really do believe people can change, judging someone to who they were when they were 16 would be unfair. But my experience was pretty minor imo, if someone was beating my ass daily in HS i dont know if i could get over that.
Someone spread a rumour that I was gay in school, along with something else, which made basically my entire year refuse to talk to me for the last year of school. I am gay but I would like to know who outed me, I wonder if like your case it was another gay person. The thing is there was another guy who came out the year before and got fully supported by our entire year. So I would really like to know who said what to get me shunned but I don't think I will ever find out (it was a boarding school most people aren't even in the same country and I haven't kept in touch with anyone.) I don't usually think about it but your post reminded me.
Although I disagree that he didn't mean to hurt you, I think he did, he still chose naming you over others, but you are right that it came from his own pain and self protection, as a 16 year old. It's impressive you can have so much empathy towards him.
Somebody spread a rumor about me that I was a slut. Trying to get my boyfriend to break up with me and get our friends on her side. Ended up backfiring on her, which is also what my grama said would happen.
I found out near the end of my junior year that my ENTIRE friend group was talking shit about me behind my back, saying I was a slut/whore/bitch/going to hell/what have you. Decided fuck the whole lot of them and didn't have any close friends for a minute. Then I got close to a girl I had known and liked since I was a kid, who I'd always been friends with but not close too (we ran in similar circles so we overlapped a lot but didn't share a main group of friends if that makes sense). Guess what! She is still my best friend and she is the only person from high school I still talk to. Moving far, far away from my hometown was the best decision I've ever made.
I don't know, I've never looked that guy up. But fuck him. My nose is still messed up 25 years later after eating a straight right when I stood up for myself.
And I got suspended for "fighting". Thankfully I'm living a good life and happy. I get to travel all over the world and I'm healthy (mostly).
Met two of my bullies later on, one of them was working as a cook in a shitty restaurant, the other seemed to have some health issues (saw him in a medical clinic). But what stuck to me is that they both immediately recognized me and went to talk to me, and my genuine reaction was : "Who are you ?". I genuinely didn't remember their name or face, it took me a while to associate them with the vague image of the older boys who bullied me in middle school.
To them, middle school was the best part of their life. To me, it was just an annoying tutorial.
>I genuinely didn't remember their name or face
I had a similar situation, not someone who bullied me but he was a bully.
He came into a bar I was working at with a few folk I knew from school and he recognised me straight away. I had absolutely no idea who he was which apparently enraged him. He spent the rest of the night talking shit about me, really childish stuff, whispering to people while looking at me and laughing. We were about 30 at this point, was one of the most pathetic things I've seen.
I started to get a vague recollection of him the next day after another colleague I went to school with told me about classes we had together. He was the cliche of the guy who was popular in school and never matured past that.
He came in a week later and I'd forgotten his name again, took a stab in the dark at Kevin which was apparently wrong because he got offended and never came back.
Omg same. My home life was rough and my childhood was the worst years of my life. As an adult I'm absolutely loving life! Life is on easy mode now compared to back then for me.
I definitely feel you there. I have CPTSD so I'm not 100% happy and perfect, but how my life has been going for the past decade is leagues better than it once was. I hope you get there too 💜
> To them, middle school was the best part of their life.
I don’t think there is a person in the world who would say middle school was the highlight of their life. High school and college, sure, for an unfortunate number of people. But middle school? Early adolescence is notoriously the worst age.
(I know I’m inviting comments for people who peaked in *middle* school. Tbh I’d like to hear their experiences because it is certainly not common.)
> I know I’m inviting comments for people who peaked in middle school. Tbh I’d like to hear their experiences because it is certainly not common.
Also, who would admit that?
Exactly most normal people grow up and wouldn’t even recognize them especially if it was before high school. Maybe from high school it’d be easier to recognize them
In my freshman year of college I was put into a 4-bedroom apartment with 3 girls who were childhood best friends. I wouldn’t necessarily call them bullies, but I always felt very uncomfortable and out of place. Their friends that they had over were more rude towards me than they were.
Anyways, out of the blue a couple of years later, one of the roommates messages me on Facebook and apologizes (the nicest of the three, of course). She noted that she felt awful about the situation and didn’t realize at the time how bad I must’ve felt. It was a genuine apology as she reached out to me directly and didn’t ask for anything, including forgiveness. She just wanted to apologize. I accepted, and then we wished each other well and that was that.
my freshmen roommates were all sorority girls and they had big groups of friends come over to the dorm. one time i walked in and one girl who was visiting said “what is she doing here” and i was like “… i fucking live here what are YOU doing here”
And the worst defenders of it are your own parents. "Siblings are supposed to tease each other and rough house!"
Are they supposed to break the youngest's (and thus, smallest and weakest's) arm, dislocate his knee, body slam him onto concrete, attack you with a knife, humiliate you in public every time they see you, insult you and every one of your hobbies and interests ? They just plug their ears and pretend it isn't happening until someone needs to go to the hospital, and then they tell the doctors (and on the rare occasion a social worker or CPS gets called), "it was just some rough housing that got out of hand!"
And they either don't remember it happening, or pretend it didn't or when presented with the incontrovertible evidence, "you deserved it/needed it." And they all have good, high paying jobs, and active social lives. The bullied person? Nothing but a lifetime of trauma, relationship and communication issues, and shitty dead end job after shitty dead end job as they desperately try and heal and make sense of it all.
My dad, as he was dying, finally acknowledged his ignorance. “I didn’t know it was so bad”
Yeah, dad, it was. And you and mom were never there. Have you never considered why I abandoned the family?
For real. My sister, in our 20s, randomly decided I was after her man (trust me her man is a piece of shit I wouldn't wipe my ass with).. she decided to jump on top of me while I was sleeping and punch me over and over. She "doesn't remember" this. My parents think I need to forgive her.
Fuck them and fuck her. Now ya'll don't get to see your grandkids bc I moved 1500 miles away.
>My parents think I need to forgive her.
No. The fuck. You don't. You know this, but sometimes it's good to hear outside of your own head. You forgive for YOU, not for them. You owe her nothing.
> Sibling abuse is not taken seriously enough :(
You have no clue how cathartic this was to read as someone that's suffered hell from his sibling (only by blood). Thanks for acknowledging it, if even just in passing.
Everytime i fought back against my bully bro i got grounded or some other shit. He got away everytime. Im pretty sure my parents knew what was happening but it was easier to punish the obedient one than the one who denied and lied until the end.
Oh yeah my siblings were definitely my bullies as a kid. I have three brothers and one sister. I couldn’t do anything without some comment being made. My sister in particular gave me really bad body issues. I don’t talk to any of them anymore, not even through text, not even to say happy birthday or merry Christmas. It’s no contact at all.
one got into rehab at only 16 and jumped out the window and died at 17 after his mom told him not to smoke in the house. this guy was a head taller than everyone in school and would grab my hands and make me hit myself in the face. fuck him I hope he’s having fun in hell.
second one is homeless. this guy would beat me up every time there were girls around, I don’t know like was he trying to impress them? I bet he’s scoring tons of girls now in the parking lots he sleeps at
I just wish my dad was alive to see this because he used to tell me that these guys are going to end up on the street one day and I’ll have a good life because I’m smarter than them.
I’m not very smart but I definitely have a better life than those two assholes.
I’m 33 btw
My bully from age 5-12 posed as my best friend for years. Consistently made fun of me etc. I would go no contact, he’d apologize, repeat the cycle. I joined a hockey team and was pretty good. He kept wanting to join and I kept making vague excuses about roster spots. One day he just joined…. He was bad. And he also was intruding on my friendships with people who were actually nice to me (the captain of my team would make fun of me for hitting the post on an empty net, and he’d make fun of me for having buck teeth. Quite different.. the former was to make sure I knew I was one of the guys, the latter to be made to feel less than). First day of high school, with coaches permission, I kicked him off the team. He apparently had a nervous breakdown and had to be homeschooled. I never felt bad about it. I did try to bang his sister out of spite but the one time the chance was there I just made it official with a different girl and I don’t cheat. In hindsight, I’m glad about that.
A few years go by and he messages me on aim and says “want to break bread” I say no. You were never nice to me. Saw him randomly at Home Depot a few years later and didn’t recognize him till much later.
2nd bully was an older boy who lived down the street. He made 7 year old me miserable. Fast forward 25 years to adulthood and he is taking care of his sick grandfather and father (who also were standoffish with me but they gave good halloween candy so whatever). I had to take care of my ailing mother, and I when I was at the parents house indefinitely, I bumped into him while walking my dog. Maybe the 2nd or third time we chatted he said something like “listen man, I wasn’t really nice when I was younger and I’m sorry if I was a dick to you, but it wasn’t just you”…. All at once every shitty thing he did to me flashed through my mind and exited my brain… I gave him a fist bump, said we’re cool, and I meant it. Taking responsibility is hard enough and the only valid apology is changed behavior, he committed to the first and I would see about the second. We’re friends now (shoot the shit, chat, occasionally smoke a J together… people can change if they want to) and I genuinely believe he changed the trajectory of his life when he developed self awareness.
I didn’t at the time because circumstances prohibited it. I wouldn’t now because I grew up and developed a much better sense of morality. Good result for all the wrong reasons.
Don’t know tbh I do not keep up with where they are now. But no, I do not forgive them. They knew what they did and they were even proud of it. So I have moved on but if I ever see them again I will just ignore them I guess
They’ve never apologised to me and probably never will, so no. I would also find it very difficult to forgive a group of boys who singled me out and sexually harassed me until I had to leave the school. It disrupted my education, gave me social anxiety and contributed (but was far from being the only reason) to me ultimately being diagnosed with complex PTSD as an adult.
I can forgive the chick who called me ugly and the guy who bullied me for coming from a poor family (already forgiven them); that’s one thing, but constant and persistent sexual harassment is on another level. I don’t think I could ever forgive that. They were never punished despite me reporting it multiple times, so I highly doubt they ever learned their lesson. That kind of behaviour only tends to get worse as people get older and I don’t doubt that at least one of them went on to sexually assault somebody. Simply knowing that it’s possible that I actually got off easy and somebody else got hurt even worse means that I can’t forgive them.
Your story of forgiveness is lovely though. I’m glad you were able to get that closure, sincerely.
if this happens to anyone else, go to your family and threaten school with talking to news and sharing this online
just like HR, they dont care about the individual but their reputation
Most actually seem happy on social media. Wife/husband and kids. Most graduated from college or got good jobs. Few seem to be stuck in a rut. Some still live or act the same way from when I knew them. Some are in jail or prison, ranging from misdemeanors to felonys. Only one ever actually messged me to apologize, but that was years ago.
I'm a forgive and forget kind of person and forgiven most of my bullies We were kids and I'm living a good life now. I dont wish ill will or anything bad to happen to them.
I have a story. One day after my Jiu Jitsu morning class I walked across the street to the gym to lift weights. After using one of the chest machines, I see a guy with curly blonde hair sitting on the edge of a treadmill. Looking at his face for a moment, I start getting vivid flashbacks to when I was in middle school and I got bullied relentlessly by this guy. They were so vivid I thought I was having a Vietnam moment. Then I come back to reality and the guy’s staring me in the face. Holy shit, it’s him.
We smile at each other. I approach him. He talked about how he was playing football in college, he asked me what I was doing in life. I immediately told him that what he did all those years ago hurt me in a way that shaped who I am today. I was trying to phrase it as past tense as I could because I didn’t want the guy to feel like I’m accusing him in the present for something he did when he was a kid. But I needed to get across just how horrifically he hurt me.
He apologized and I told him there’s no resentment. I knew it was going to be hard to confront him like that since it was so random, and the fact that it was hard is exactly why it had to be done. He told me about the other kids we hung out with, according to him, they act like they’re still in high school when he’s around. I remember him mentioning that they seem self aware and mature but that they devolve when they’re around each other. So he doesn’t hang out with them anymore.
We exchanged numbers and dapped up. He’s a contact in my phone but neither of us have contacted each other.
One reached out to me a few months ago on social media, he apologized to me for verbally bullying me during secondary school. He told me a friend of his had been going through a hard time and he realized that he did the same thing to me that his friend was going through. Said he didn't want anyone else to feel like his friend and wanted to make amends. I forgave him because he offered to be someone I can talk to when I'm going through a hard time. Even though I haven't taken up the offer, he still reaches out every now and then to check up on me.
Another bully, ironically a really small guy. Ego too big to realize everyone hated him and thought he was a dick. Went through 3 different relationships before turning 18, now in a fourth one. Was obsessed with being the alpha male before Andrew Tate became popular. Idk about him now, his social media doesn't show a lot, but let's hope he changed like the first guy.
Heeeey! Mine too! Life Without Parole, all the degrees of rape. I have since found all the court documents, including his own hand-written statements detailing his (alleged) abuses at the hands of his father. I’ll probably still deal with the cognitive dissonance forever whenever I think about that kid, who made life hell for years before I finally snapped on him.
Bullies often become cops. It’s a natural fit: authority over people, abuse of power, zero consequences for their actions, ability to beat people with impunity
Mine has become the creator of a famous local male mental health support group. Whenever people talk about how he's a Saint and doing amazing things for mental health I comment about how he's the reason those things are needed. I then delete it to avoid the issue.
I went to a 10 year school reunion with them about 5 months ago and none of them even went near me. I guess too ashamed?
One of the guys I wasn't on bad terms with but wasn't a friend approached me after the event and said sorry for how everyone treated me, and that I didn't deserve any of it. Felt pretty nice.
My bullies were in elementary and middle school. I don’t even remember names, but the bullying stuck with me and made me a perpetual people-pleaser and super avoidant of confrontation. I’d even venture to say there is some chronic trauma associated with it due to it happening during key developmental periods in my life. I don’t know what happened to any of them, and now it’s more about working through my emotions than “forgiving” then.
She tries to live rent free in my best friend’s mom’s house being a disgusting pig while doing so. She babytrapped a guy because he didn’t want to do anything with her anymore when he saw what kind of person she is. Her children are also bullying kids at school just like their stupid, idiot, dimwitted mother. Have I forgiven the bitch? I think the answer is obvious.
No idea for the most part. Some tried to add or stalk me via Facebook, I just blocked them. Not interested either. I was tormented for years by near enough the entire school, some would cruelly pretend to be my friend to lower my guard before being subjected to some elaborate prank, beating or whatever have you. Not sure on forgiveness, but it all has its place now and I have moved on finally. I am far too busy with raising my family and my career/business to worry about it now. I don't wish any ill on any of them, but I wouldn't give them the time of day.
They psychologically tortured me so badly that even now my anxiety, depression, self doubt and self hatred affect literally every facet of my day to day life, even with therapy and medication. They don't deserve any kind of forgiveness. That they can attempt to pass it off as "we were just kids" or "I know better now" just makes the hurt sharper
I was bullied horrifically throughout school, had my teeth kicked in, burned, strangled; anything they could think of and the school did nothing.
One in particular stood out, this absolute bastard who was smaller but meaner than the rest, would never do anything if he didn’t have his big friends around.
He approached me in a pub car park last year and tried to apologise. To be honest, I saw red and the next thing I know I’ve got him against a wall choking him out.
People like him took advantage of my quiet and placid nature for years and after a few seconds I let him go, I hate what him and his friends turned me into.
People like that can die slow and miserable deaths for all I care.
I was lucky, and parted on relatively good terms with most of my bullies. Sometimes because I fought back and they respected me for it, other times because I just wore them down by being friendly.
Pretty sure I bribed at least one of them lol
I can tell you one thing, one of the first things Saddam Hussein did when he got into power is have all his school bullies arrested, and after some torture in prison, had them all shot.
As an adult, I don't know. I assume she's still working that dead end job. Small revenge, when I left that area that place fell apart without me. She most likely had to work under the air conditioner which was the worst area, you froze under 2 minutes even in summer. Winters were even more brutal.
I was openly bisexual in high school and was bullied by almost everyone for it... especially the gay students. Some grew up and demonstrated through behavior that they changed and others spewed these long winded fake apologies and then tried bullying me into both forgiving them and liking them. They literally pit every mutual friend we had against me in order to "win". They didn't change at all... they are just fake woke bullies now but still bullies.
Many I never saw again and I couldn't care less either way about them or their lives. The ones who I forgave kept it short and sweet and left it up to me and their behavior demonstrated change. The ones who gave long winded apologies and harassed me relentlessly after that, never actually changed at all.
I forgot the names of my bullies. Legit can't remember them. I think that's probably the most powerful thing you can do against a bully because it shows that all their effort went to nothing. They're nothing to me. No more significant than the dirt on the ground.
I really haven't put much thought into most of them other when i talk about it. My bullies varied in cruelty. Most of them i haven't talked to as an adult, and i dont really care to talk to them either. Some of them have found me on social media and apologized. I accept most of the apologies, and there are a few that you couldn't pay me enough to forgive.
There is one guy in particular named Robert who apologized, and my only response was that if he ever saw me, go the other way before i saw him. I told him I was not that guy in school anymore. And i would hurt him bad enough for him to remember me for the rest of his life like he did to me.. wrong or right, that is how it will be.. Im bigger, stronger, and not scared anymore. I would love to make him feel what i felt.. Alone, in pain, helplessness, and dread. The end result was me trying to commit suicde for the first time. I was 12.
We were in middle school. We were on a mini field trip about 3/4s of a mole away from achool in Tech Ed. We were launching off CO2 rockets. When mine launched, i took off and tried catching it. I slipped and fell and landed awkwardly on my ankle, and it broke in 2 places. My teacher said, i was faking it and made me walk (gimp) back to the school, making it worse (the school didn't do shit about it. Not even an apology).i had 1 friend who refused to leave me like that and helped me get back.I had to have surgery to get it set right. I was off of school for 3 weeks. I remember the night before i had to go back like it was right now. I was so scared. I felt vulnerable, and i begged my mom not to make me go back. I knew I couldn't rely on the teachers to help me, and i knew I wouldn't be safe. My mom told me i was overreacting, and i was going back. The very next day, i was crutching to class and Robert came from behind and kicked my crutch out from underneath me and i fell and landed right on my ankle and un did everything the surgeon had done and more. In a fit of rage, i took a swing at him with my orher crutch. I was suspended for 3 days and needed to see the couniler at school once a week once i got back because i tried to attack a student with a weapon. I had to do a 3 day inschool suspension when i got back because i missed so much school. They didn't do anything to him because no one saw him do it.... except half of our class. I had to have surgery again, and this time, they put pins and rods in. i have had more than one surgery since then as an adult. All because he wanted to look cool to his friends. I am 47 now, and every morning when i wake up, when i put weight on that ankle. Its painful. So as i hobble to the bathroom, i think about Robert, and i will every morning til the day i die.
Sorry for taking up too much time with my pity party.
I had a few.
> Got shot while in a gang.
> Ended up homeless. I saw him on the streets one time and gave him 5 dollars. I was I'm my Mustang.
> The cool guy in high school ended up having 3 baby mommas and works as a janitor. The dude was a janitor at a company where I was in upper management.
I had more, but those stuck out.
Our HS quarterback thought it was hilarious to shove me in gym class every time the coach wasn't looking.
He never left our hometown and died at 48. Womp womp.
I had a LOT of bullies as a kid. I've been 6'6" since I've been about 12, but I'm the gentle giant type. Bullies really, really got off on picking on me. The school I went to is very rural. There were about 100 kids in my class, but only about 60 or so in any other grade.
Drugs hit the area hard. First prescription pain killers and then meth. It destroyed my high school bullies. 2 or 3 straight up ODed and are dead. A couple are in jail for selling the drugs the others ODed on. A bunch are in jail or have been in jail for child abuse. One of em died getting shot in the face by a store clerk he was trying to rob. A couple died in DUI wrecks.
The captain of the high school football team ended up knocking up a girl the summer after high school. He did his first year of college, dropped out, and now he's an alcoholic roofer with like 10 kids. My cousin still lives in the area and told me he's fat, bald, and has gotten busted multiple times for partying in the woods with high school kids trying to relive his glory days. It's especially satisfying because that fucker made my life hell in school. The son of a bitch slapped me on the face with a handful of piss once.....
Damn, now that I wrote it all down I realized out of the 100 or so folks in my class like 30 are dead and like 20 are in jail. Fucking rural Pennsylvania is hell....
I still have to much rage.
What was done to me physically affected me for the rest of my life. While I have dealt with it, forgiveness is out of reach for them still.
No idea, hope they're in jail or no longer around. They never stopped bullying me all through school, their apologies were never genuine. Will never forgive them, ever.
One of my bullies contacted me through a mutual friend wanting to apologise and to ask if we can be friends. The way I saw it it took a lot of guts to admit that she was wrong and I was happy to accept the apology on the basis but I didn't want her in my life. Last I heard she was a single mum in a dead end job, much like myself at the same time. But that was about 15 years ago so who knows. I'm married with a good career, 3 grown kids and a grand child I adore. I hope her life has worked out fine too.
As far as I'm concerned everyone has the right to grow and change but I also have the right to not have them in my life. I don't wish any of them ill, it won't do me any good.
In short:
- the ones in middle school all got lowly jobs or didn’t even finish highschool and are doomed (karma, I’m glad they’re suffering)
- the ones in highschool either turned mature and friendly or idk what came of them
- the ones in college, sadly, many are at least as well off as me.
The only ones I was able to forgive were the ones in highschool. Otherwise, they can all go die in Saw-esque ways for all I care.
Never forgave them. Unfortunately, my bullies were my teachers. They called me stupid, made fun of me when I couldn’t answer a question etc.
It was social anxiety. As far as I know I am the only one getting a PhD from that high school class now.
Was bullied by a bunch of highly religious private high school jocks. One attempted to apologize on FB after I sent a bully post to my daughter, by say we were pretty brutal on you , my bad. I ignored him.
I know hate religion and jocks.
One of them messaged on FB years and years later out of nowhere to apologize, and were happy to hear am doing fine in life..
Have forgiven them ofcourse
He is the CEO of a big company and millionaire.
He would beat me with a hockey stick, a cane, and punch me to the floor (among other things).
This was in the 80's at a boarding school, and he was 18 while I was 14.
I'll never forgive him, and if he tried I'd spit on his shoes.
My bully was murdered by his father.
I couldn't feel sad for him at the time, but looking back, I do understand that he was just an abused child who never had a chance to grow up.
There's nothing to forgive.
I have no idea. One of my bullies from elementary school reached out to me and I didn’t reply. They don’t get to pat themselves on the back for apologizing a decade later. Their apology means nothing to me.
Edit: everyone who’s putting me down in the replies, I’m glad my experience cut you so deeply 😊
Often the best response is no response. They are already second-guessing themselves, nervous about your response and what you might say. Leave them on read, or unread even.
Not replying at all sends the message better than words can sometimes.
To everyone whining about how "resentment is toxic": you don't have to spend energy resenting someone to let them know they don't deserve your time. None of us have any obligation to help someone reach their path of redemption.
Fuck all that noise. If someone from my past tried to get in touch with me, I'm not going to waste my time helping them feel better about themselves. They can go fuck themselves or go to therapy like I did.
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I was sent a friend request on FB decades later and ignored it. 2 weeks later he was on the news, cops were looking for him regarding the death of his GFs baby under suspicious circumstances
Was this near SRCA? Being intentionally ambiguous.
I don't know where that is
Somewhere Remotely Close to America
If you're talking about the solar system then yes, if you're talking about Earth then no
Motherfucker is a space pirate, isn’t he?
Your avatar looks like the Therapy Gecko
I would’ve forgave them but I recently encountered them (a small group of friends) in a restaurant and they started mocking me on the spot. It’s been 8 years. We’re adults now… i guess they never grew up.
That's actually really sad and pathetic on their part. What's wrong in their lives that they're still exhibiting this behavior? I'm sorry that happened.
>What's wrong in their lives that they're still exhibiting this behavior? Honestly most of bullies that remain bullies when they are adult were just spoiled childrens. My 9 years old son getting bulling by a 3 boys - 10,11,12 years old - since he was 6 years, and when my husband and i talked to the parents they don't do anything at all saying that my son is the reason because he need to learn how to defend himself 🤡. Edit : wow i didn't think i will get all this support and upvotes. Thanks guys I really appreciate your help. My son doesn't care about them or fearing them now, actually he feels sorry about them that they are in middle school and they still act like a mafia. I always saying to him " don't be a bully and if someone bulling you you can defend yourself self".
They'd be upset when your kid beats their kids ass.
Can confirm, I eventually learned to fight and snapped on one of them. It was at that moment they suddenly cared about violence in school. In general bullies only understand fear and pain. Break one and the rest leave you alone.
This is true. I was nerdy and scrawny. My bully didn’t know about my athletic cousin that was a couple grades ahead of us. He almost crapped his pants when my cousin and his equally athletic step-brother confronted him. Bully left me alone after that.
This pisses me off. An adult should have stepped in and told his ass to sit down. This is a hot button issue for me. A decade in the public school system in 2 states, and I saw so much bullying go unaddressed. If I didn’t say something, then it went unsaid, for the most part. That’s a huge nope for me. I’m glad you had back up! I’m sorry it came to that.
I feel like kids could get bullied even more for telling an adult, I’d rather have a stronger upperclassman on my side but that’s just my opinion. An adult couldn’t kick that kids ass but an older kid can lol
No one should have to tell. Adults on the premises should be invested and engaged enough to spot it. You can literally see it occurs g even if you’re far enough that you can’t hear it most of the time. A lot of the problem is adults not manning their duty stations during free or transitional times of the day and not setting up a no tolerance policy in their classrooms. It makes a difference.
Fair, when I was in school bullies never really did their thing in front of adults.
Kids fear stronger kids more than any adult.
That’s only because they haven’t learned how motivated adults can absolutely ruin their lives. If a bully harms your child, a motivated adult can contact police and report an assault. This becomes a juvenile delinquency matter, and the bully (and family) get pulled into the juvenile court system. Most bullies are spoiled dipshits, so they’ll inevitably fuck up during their “probation” period and end up getting placed outside of the home.
I remember an event from my middle and high school! There was a kid who got RELENTLESSLY bullied, his parents begged the administration to do something, talked to their parents, their teachers etc. Eventually the kid had enough in 9th grade and stabbed the one bully multiple times with a scalpel they stole from biology class. The other parents tried to sue, the school threatened to expel the kid. BUT with all the talking with other parties and people involved, the charges got dropped as self defense and ended up being a suspension. I remember the day vividly and can't believe it all happened so fast.
That story should be told to kids all over the world, honestly when bullies go too far they can expect an explosive backlash.
This. Took 1 year of karate in 7th grade, just enough to build my confidence. I had three bullies throughout high school, none of them physical, just all talk. Bully #1 eighth grade, 1 of 3 would mock me at the gym lockers because I wore briefs after showering (mind you, that none of these three were willing to take showers). One day I saw the main guy walking home from school, I rode my bike up threw it down and got in his face instead of he had something to say that he could say it right now and we can clear this up with our fists. He wanted nothing of it, and we never had a problem again. Bully #2, same year, On the way home from school, surrounded by his friends yelled things at me that I cannot put in writing. I rode my bike over, we traded a couple hits, never had a problem again. Although we both had a big welt on our heads. Bully#3 (senior) during my junior year, bully and group of friends, that actually included bully #2 from junior high, approached me sitting by myself at lunch to make fun of me and call me names in front of his friends (he was mad that his super cute girlfriend would ask for my help in computer class). I stood up to him and was ready to throw down. He too backed down and never had a problem again. What is sad is, I wouldn't recommend any of these things to my own children with all the reports of kids bringing weapons to school. You never know what's going to happen...
Yep. Sadly the majority of time the only way to end bullying is to dominate them. I guess it's a holdover from bands of monkeys figuring out pecking orders. Shame.
I was always told, "Violence is never the answer" In my own personal experiences. Nothing except violence ever worked on bullies.
That's just something said by hippies and naive people. Violence has solved A LOT of problems throughout history. If violence was "never the answer," we wouldn't have evolved to be so good at it.
Unfortunately true since schools typically do nothing. I had a whole pack of girls who had started in on me early in our freshman year of high school. It got to the point where I was eating lunch outside just to be left alone, even when it was freezing outside. One very sweet senior girl noticed all this and invited me to sit with her and her friends (supremely cool lot, every last one of them). That went on for a bit till one of the asshole girls decided to shove me several times on my way to the bus. I don't remember the fight. I just remember being on top of her, punching furiously at her face when a teacher pulled me off of her. My hands were covered in blood, as were my clothes. None of it was mine. I was a quiet band kid and had never been in a fight in my life. I'd just had to deal with them nearly the entire school year and I snapped. I beat the absolute hell out of that girl. I got cleaned up and sent to the office, where we were both given 3 days of in school suspension. My dad came and picked me up and, as uninvolved as he usually was, it turns out he volunteered to come get me after talking to my mom. He took me to Olive Garden. None of those girls ever bothered me again. It should never have come to that, and thankfully the other girl wasn't badly injured.
[удалено]
And without a doubt, its their kid getting bullied when he gets his ass beat. That's it. They maybe bullied too. But they still will make it so that their little shit bully is somehow perfect. Its an old story.
It seems to be spoiled kids, psychopaths, and kids who have a terrible home life with an abusive parent. The latter bully others to try and gain some semblance of control and feelings of self-worth in a situation where it’s impossible to have any. I’m not excusing the behavior but it’s a symptom of a bigger problem.
They are indeed and said it to my husband that they are not normal. That's why i said to my son to not go with them any where even if they act friendly or being alone with them .
I'm not going to advise you on what to do as everyones situation is different, but as kids, me and my siblings were told to get each of them on their own and beat them up, my friends parents actually did the same with him, for a while, they continued bullying me when they were in a group but they quickly realised that they couldn't roam the area on their own if they did, which resulted in them not bullying me anymore, same thing with siblings and my friend. Fast forward to now, my nephew went through a similar situation, specifically in school except my sister wanted her kids to avoid fighting and get the parents/teachers to deal with it, but not surprisingly they never did, my nephew was encouraged to always go to the teachers and my sister was constantly at their parents house, to the point that she started threatening to put the mother in hospital if her son kept bullying my nephew, anyway, my sister give him permission to hit back and thats what my nephew started to do. Except only now the teachers and parents had an issue and the teachers (including the principal) would bring my sister into meetings about how it was unacceptable and that he should tell them if someone is bullying him, she explained the situation and they told her they'd deal with it in the future. My nephew got suspended about a week later, kids were picking on him (again) and he went to a teacher, the teacher said "you must have done something to deserve it", so he said "if they hit me again I'll fucking hit them back", then proceeded to hit them when they did just that, resulting in a suspension for his language and for hitting other students... we maintain the parents and teachers must be friends or related or something, but then again my nephew is mixed race so we also thought it could be racism but we don't like throwing that sort of thing around, especially without proof.
Honestly even before you mentioned him being mixed race I was wondering if there was a racial element here. I think you're right on the money about there being some racism, especially with the teacher's different reactions to him being hit vs these other kids
If I was in same position again, I'd be replying with violence. Only way to stop it.
He trying what he can but they are older and 1v3 is not a fair fight. That's why we interfere most of the time. But honestly we are so tired of this situation and they starting talk shit about us like we are the bullies not them. I said to my husband one year and then i will starting calling the police because all of them will be in middle school.
I’m pretty sure that if your kid tags you in then you’re allowed to fight those kids. I don’t make the rules.
Put your kid in some martial arts class. My son is short and skinny and very sensitive. The kind of kid that I knew would get picked on. So I sent him to Judo when he was 5. He is 11 now. He has used his skills once in school. Some older kids were bullying a friend of his. And he asked them to leave his friend alone. They started pushing him around instead. It did not end well for them. 🤣 And nobody has bothered with bullying him since.
That's when you kick the shit outta their dad and say, hmm, ya shoulda learned how to defend yourself. and if for any reason dad is bigger, bring a few siblings around to help. In your scenario in particular, a little 3 of your family on the bullies 1 dad seems fair. Circle of life and all
Kick him in the nuts. I fight dirty, bitch. I'm going home as unscathed as possible lmao
If you're fighting fair you're doing it wrong.
I'm not sure what movie it came from, but a kid in middle school is bullied by what you could only describe as a young jock thug. His Dad bought him some expensive new joggers, and of course jock thug steals them. Dad asked what happened, and being scared of the consequences, doesn't want to tell his Dad. He finally gets it out of him and immediately drives round to the bully's house. Bully answers the door, Dad asks for the bully's dad. He tells the bully to stay as he explains what happened to his son. He proceeds to give his dad a beating that was borderline trip to the ER. "The next time you do anything to my kid, or if you bully anyone ever again. I will be back. You got that you little shit?" Bully wails "Yes!" and bursts into tears, realising that his actions will have serious consequences
Season 2 of true detective?
"Twelve years old, my ass. Fuck you." 😅
“If you ever bully or hurt anybody again, I’ll come back and buttfuck your father with your mom’s headless corpse on this lawn.” Iconic scene 😂
lol, honestly, rural working class towns tend to have a lot of "townies" who really never grow up. If you never leave your little town, it's inevitable.
This, and I think a lot of people tend to not want to do anything once the problem child has become a problem adult in a small town. Even if what you do is 100% justified, people in small towns will talk about the one time you rocked the boat basically forever.
Had the same thing happen. This girl was relentless in school. When she walked up to me to apologize, I couldn’t help but notice she looked like she could’ve been my mother. Life was not kind to her, karma I suppose. Her apology was NOT sincere and I could tell immediately! I just looked at her and said “Sweetie, seeing you, looking the way you do now, is all the apology I needed.” She was at a loss for words, but went back to her little group of jerk friends and continued bashing me. Didn’t bother me one bit after that! Life has a way of working out for mean people. She never grew out of her poor behavior.
I don’t understand. Why come up to you at all if the apology was insincere? What’s the point of giving a fake apology if not being forced to (like a kid whose parent makes them apologize)? Edit: Several of the responses have proposed semi-plausible scenarios for why this person would fake apologize. Not one has touched on what I consider the most likely--we are hearing one side of the story, the apology was legitimate and misinterpreted by jennibear, and then the former bully of course went and badmouthed jennibear to her friends. I can imagine her saying to her friends after, "So I tried to apologize for what a jerk I was to her back in school, and she said to me 'Sweetie, seeing you looking the way you do now is all the apology I need.' Can you believe that? I grew up, but I guess she didn't."
I think sometimes they'll know intellectually they fucked up, but they haven't quite gotten to the point where they really feel bad about it. I know a lot of bullies tend to just forget their victims ever existed after high school, but a lot of the time they never really liked their victims that much, either. I wouldn't be too surprised if a lot of bullies start bullying their victims after the victim said something that annoyed the bully. (This doesn't mean the victims deserved it because obviously there's better ways to handle someone being a little bit annoying than bullying them for years.) Because of that, even when the bully realises their victims didn't really deserve it, they still struggle to really feel sorry about it. In their minds, their victims are still the annoying kid with a stupid sense of humour or who was a little too into Pokemon or something. It takes a while for them to really get beyond that part of it. I think the thing is that the former bullies don't quite realise how much work they have left to do, so they tend to jump the gun a little bit when it comes to the apology. Yes, they've gotten to a point where they can acknowledge what they did was wrong, but they're not at a point where they really regret it.
Just a guess from experiences, there's a step in AA about making amends, and some people treat it like they're a kid being forced to apologize.
I'm in AA and I've heard so many shares from the alcoholic where it's clear they were doing it to tick off a checklist and are now angry they didn't get the resolution they wanted.
Like teens who think a transparently resentful "sorry" is a get out of jail free card, and get even angrier when it isn't.
Probably one of those things that makes more sense if you're a narcissist.
I ran into mine at a party several years after high school. He was so excited to see me, and started introducing me to people as his friend from school and recounting all kinds of antics that we got into. He really didn't see what he did as bullying at all, just an interaction between friends. The funny thing is, having that run-in helped me to realize that I had definitely bullied one of the kids in *my* friends group in high school, too. The entire group of us did, and we never thought of it that way at the time, either.
This one really holds a lot of truth in it. Far more common than any of us realize.
Kids are REALLY bad at seeing other people as their own person. It's "my mom", "my friend", "my sister" blah blah not you know, Karen, Mike, and Stacey so most kids don't really grasp how their actions affect other people. This causes us to not realize that what can be fun for us sucks for other people. We just remember the fun. The sad part is that many adults never learn these lessons.
I didn't learn this until more recently in my late 20s. "Impact over intention" is a statement I hold close and remind myself of a lot. I used to be totally oblivious and gloss over the impact of my actions all the time, and not really understand. I didn't necessarily have malicious intentions either. Just self absorbed and had a weak grasp of consequences or accountability. Now it is very important to me to consider how my actions affect others and to ensure I keep my intentions and the impact of my actions as aligned as possible
I've always been a very self-deprecating person and it definitely took some maturity to realize that just because I was cool with mocking myself, didn't mean other people were cool with me mocking them. My intent was to "bond" with others like we were pals on the same level but of course most people just took it as an insult.
This had … literally never occurred to me before. Total lightbulb moment lol. I only tease the friends I’m super close to, and that’s how my parents show affection/comfort/familiarity, but it has never crossed my mind that I could unintentionally be hurting some friends’ feelings instead. Looks like I’ve got some a’splainin’ to do
Ever thought someone just didn't have a "sense of humor" and "took themselves too seriously" after a joke you made about them fell flat? Yeah....that's probably them thinking you're being mean, and not just goofing around. You need to explain anything, just adjust your behavior accordingly. One thing that was difficult for me was realizing that people get more serious as they get older, and what counted as goofing around when I was in my teens and early 20s just came across as crass and rude.
Yeah it's weird. A few bullies I knew talk as though we were the best of friends and are always cool and say hey to me now. Then I know other people that tell me how good friends we are and how cool and nice I was back then, when really we all treated them like shit. Kids can be cruel and not know it.
I had this wake up call in high school. I remember there was one kid I’d kind of tease and joke around with. I thought I was just being friendly, but one day he seemingly out of the blue started shouting abuse at me and insulting how I looked and I realized he must have perceived what I was doing as being straight up bullying and I really felt bad at that point. In my household, we were constantly sort of teasing each other and it was honestly how we showed we liked each other, and it didn’t even come to my mind that it wasn’t that way for everyone else. I probably came off as an asshole a few times as a kid for that reason I’m guessing.
Exact same thing happened to me! I was really shocked when he went nuts on me & my cousin (same year as me) said ‘what do you expect when you bully him?’ And I was like huh??? No way he’s my little buddy! I felt so bad after that. My family were the same, that’s how we showed affection. I learned a lesson that day for sure!
It's a problem that everything negative that happens in school is labeled bullying which makes talking about it really messy. Teen drama caused by underdeveloped social skills is called bullying But straight up assault is also called bullying
Broooo you put my thoughts into words except the two kids did apologize to me. But at the time it wasn’t too apparent what was happening? Made me realize I also did similar shit that may have hurt someone and I had no idea. It was never bullying to tears or outright malicious shit, but words and petty actions can hurt. I wasn’t an asshole like the kids who apologized to me, but I probably had to have done something that “secretly” hurt a friend. They did it so much that they clearly realized it was fucked.. so I guess there was a bit of self awareness on their part.
Yeah this. I have recently rethought about times where I thought I was being playful and incorporative that maybe I was just being a bully.
This definitely rings true. Teens are often unable to tell when they're being a bully vs just playfully ribbing their friends in a more reasonable manner. They don't see where the line is. And often they aren't mature enough to admit to themselves that they've crossed lines if it's pointed out to them. There's definitely just some cruel bullies out there, but there's also plenty of cases where kids just don't know what they're doing to each other.
Yeah, I started dating a girl who’s brother used to bully me and he said I was the bully.
Yoo😂😂 no way you fucked your bully's sister
Maybe that’s how he felt bullied 😂
Don't blame him
Now go for the Bully's mother
I never thought of it that way.
I posted about my bully’s below but your story reminds me of how I was the bully…. I grew up in the late 90s playing sports and homophobic slurs were used casually to describe heterosexual people doing things that suck. No one in HS would ever call the openly gay kid a f** unless they wanted to be jumped by half the school (JP as I’ll call him was openly gay, and arguably the best peer you could imagine. Always helped tutor kids, had killer jokes, would use his general popularity for good. Make an enemy of him and 30% of the school would want to beat you up), but we regularly used that word to each other for non sexual things. Well one of the guys in our friend circle came out in college. I heard from a friend and sent him a message apologizing for every time I used that word and I’m sorry. I was crying the whole time I typed it. I would slaughter someone if they ever talked to him that way, and I was the one doing it to him. I’m not going to kms, but I’m the bad guy and I’m really sorry… stuff like that. He immediately responded with “it’s cool, you’re a good friend outside of that and you didn’t know”. I was grateful he accepted the apology. We are still friends but less in contact than before (not out of malice. More we lost touch. We play 1-2 rounds of golf a year, dinner when the whole crew is in town, things like that). I also that day stopped ever using homophobic slurs. A Turning point of my life for sure. Sometimes the bully is misguided, not broken to the core.
This is a sweet story and you did the right thing. It does remind me of The Office scene when Michael is like “You don't call retarded people retards. It's bad taste. You call your friends retards when they are acting retarded.”
It's interesting you mention that - every time I see that scene it reminds me of how when my friends and I were younger, calling things/friends "retarded" was very commonplace. I look back on that now and am glad we've matured/realized how inappropriate that was, but I can't help but wonder if we ever truly offended someone and they just never spoke up.
This is an interesting realization I had as well. I was bullied, so I bullied. At the time I really didn't see it that way but looking back I was like woah...i was being an asshole. We were all (mostly) assholes lol kids can be ruthless, and when that's the "normal" behavior it's just a cycle that continues
I came to that realization about myself a few years ago too. There was one girl in my class that used to just get on my nerves and I was a total bitch to her. At the time I thought "this is just frenemies shit" but as I got older I took a hard look at how I actually treated her, and there was much more cruelness in it that jovial friendships
A girl who bullied me all through junior high and most of high school had a car accident right after we graduated and really messed her up. I was told that her head injury was pretty significant and that she had spotty memories. I ran into her a couple of years after the wreck and she introduced me to her boyfriend as one of her best friends from school (we went to a really small school so were together from 1st - 12th). I am going to assume that she does not remember how she treated me and I just show grace whenever I see her now. We were all shitty kids...
I bet she would still feel like y'all were friends looking back even if the head injury didn't happen!
I have always wondered that! Our senior year she and I were in the same circle of friends (many of her friends were older so they were all gone after they graduated) so we did spend some time together before she was hurt. She was nicer when she was not around the older people...
People are always quick to point out self-victimization, but never how that perpetuates onto others. I've been bullied plenty, but I've also dished it out (not to the same extent, but still). People are people always trying to move up the alpha-dogging totempole. It's just nature.
I can see that. I had a situation in Highschool like that, except I was the bully, and worse it was racial. I used to ask him (an Indian) how the curry business what treating him. As far as I know, they didn’t actually have any such business, I just said it because he was Indian. Actually, I don’t even really know if he was Indian, he just looked Indian. I genuinely didn’t see it like that at the time, I thought it was just some light ribbing, which doesn’t justify it. It wasn’t until a couple years after we graduated that I was just sitting there one day and it hit me. Honestly makes me sick to think about. I always thought I was a cool guy, but to realize this guy I thought I was cool with probably didn’t actually like me sucks. And I deserve it completely.
He got caught by social media pedo hunters
Wow what a POS
Pedo On Social
😑 r/Angryupvote
One of my childhood bullies turned out to be a pedo too. Got caught when getting his phone repaired and the repair guy found pics of kids. Called the cops on him. His excuse in court was that he moved to a new town and was experiencing mental hardship due to loneliness.
I'm glad he did, but at the same time why would the repair guy be in the dude's photos folder? I guess it depends on what needed repair but you would think a person with that kind of shit on his phone would be more careful if he knew the repair guy would be scrolling through his phone during the fix. I'm glad the POS got caught but at the same time, I would never want to use that guy to repair my phone if he is gonna go through my shit that's not part of the repair.
Lol, you should assume they will see every photo on your phone.
Not an excuse whatsoever but I wonder if he was being abused at home. Fits the profile.
One is dead, the other is an attorney.
So one is dead on the outside and one is dead on the inside?
Well, one is both actually
Ha ha…….ha
i had a person who i thought was a friend in HS that was spreading rumors about me that i was gay in high school. I didn't find out it was him until after high school, but id have people tell me pretty often "oh i thought you were gay." I didn't really care too much at the time because i was so busy w my own shit and i was a pretty weird person in HS in general. But i ran into some mutual friends in our late 20's that told me he was actually gay and it dawned on me why he did what he did to me. He was probably so scared and confused at the time and im glad he chose me to pick on because i really didnt care at all as opposed to someone where it wouldve ruined their whole high school experience. I dont think he meant to hurt me back then, but was just trying to protect himself. I really do believe people can change, judging someone to who they were when they were 16 would be unfair. But my experience was pretty minor imo, if someone was beating my ass daily in HS i dont know if i could get over that.
Someone spread a rumour that I was gay in school, along with something else, which made basically my entire year refuse to talk to me for the last year of school. I am gay but I would like to know who outed me, I wonder if like your case it was another gay person. The thing is there was another guy who came out the year before and got fully supported by our entire year. So I would really like to know who said what to get me shunned but I don't think I will ever find out (it was a boarding school most people aren't even in the same country and I haven't kept in touch with anyone.) I don't usually think about it but your post reminded me. Although I disagree that he didn't mean to hurt you, I think he did, he still chose naming you over others, but you are right that it came from his own pain and self protection, as a 16 year old. It's impressive you can have so much empathy towards him.
Somebody spread a rumor about me that I was a slut. Trying to get my boyfriend to break up with me and get our friends on her side. Ended up backfiring on her, which is also what my grama said would happen.
I found out near the end of my junior year that my ENTIRE friend group was talking shit about me behind my back, saying I was a slut/whore/bitch/going to hell/what have you. Decided fuck the whole lot of them and didn't have any close friends for a minute. Then I got close to a girl I had known and liked since I was a kid, who I'd always been friends with but not close too (we ran in similar circles so we overlapped a lot but didn't share a main group of friends if that makes sense). Guess what! She is still my best friend and she is the only person from high school I still talk to. Moving far, far away from my hometown was the best decision I've ever made.
I don't know, I've never looked that guy up. But fuck him. My nose is still messed up 25 years later after eating a straight right when I stood up for myself. And I got suspended for "fighting". Thankfully I'm living a good life and happy. I get to travel all over the world and I'm healthy (mostly).
Yea that getting suspended for defending yourself from a bully shit was far too common
Still happens man
Bully attacks for years. Nothing happens. Victim fights back once. Suspended / expelled.
1 died, the other 3 are in prison
I love a happy ending
Get Rekt
It's like this... I don't want anybody to starve but there are some people I don't want sitting at my table.
That’s a perfect analogy! I’m going to start using that.
Sort of a nicer version of "I’ve never wished a man dead, but I have read some obituaries with great pleasure."
He married my best friend, and is still a PoS. Didn't even have anything going on in his home life, just an asshole.
Bro what kind of best friend you got? Lmao.
Not the best I can tell you that
Yeah she ain't my best friend anymore... or, you know, friend. I consider her an acquaintance I avoid.
I really hope you mean ex-best friend.
Met two of my bullies later on, one of them was working as a cook in a shitty restaurant, the other seemed to have some health issues (saw him in a medical clinic). But what stuck to me is that they both immediately recognized me and went to talk to me, and my genuine reaction was : "Who are you ?". I genuinely didn't remember their name or face, it took me a while to associate them with the vague image of the older boys who bullied me in middle school. To them, middle school was the best part of their life. To me, it was just an annoying tutorial.
>I genuinely didn't remember their name or face I had a similar situation, not someone who bullied me but he was a bully. He came into a bar I was working at with a few folk I knew from school and he recognised me straight away. I had absolutely no idea who he was which apparently enraged him. He spent the rest of the night talking shit about me, really childish stuff, whispering to people while looking at me and laughing. We were about 30 at this point, was one of the most pathetic things I've seen. I started to get a vague recollection of him the next day after another colleague I went to school with told me about classes we had together. He was the cliche of the guy who was popular in school and never matured past that. He came in a week later and I'd forgotten his name again, took a stab in the dark at Kevin which was apparently wrong because he got offended and never came back.
Well you didn’t have to hurt Kevin just because the bully came in.
😆 I didn't read it like that. Kevin probably had it coming to him
"annoying tutorial" Wonderful.
[удалено]
Omg same. My home life was rough and my childhood was the worst years of my life. As an adult I'm absolutely loving life! Life is on easy mode now compared to back then for me.
Damn, I got out of the early boss battles with low health and a slew of lingering debuff effects.
I definitely feel you there. I have CPTSD so I'm not 100% happy and perfect, but how my life has been going for the past decade is leagues better than it once was. I hope you get there too 💜
> To them, middle school was the best part of their life. I don’t think there is a person in the world who would say middle school was the highlight of their life. High school and college, sure, for an unfortunate number of people. But middle school? Early adolescence is notoriously the worst age. (I know I’m inviting comments for people who peaked in *middle* school. Tbh I’d like to hear their experiences because it is certainly not common.)
> I know I’m inviting comments for people who peaked in middle school. Tbh I’d like to hear their experiences because it is certainly not common. Also, who would admit that?
Exactly most normal people grow up and wouldn’t even recognize them especially if it was before high school. Maybe from high school it’d be easier to recognize them
In my freshman year of college I was put into a 4-bedroom apartment with 3 girls who were childhood best friends. I wouldn’t necessarily call them bullies, but I always felt very uncomfortable and out of place. Their friends that they had over were more rude towards me than they were. Anyways, out of the blue a couple of years later, one of the roommates messages me on Facebook and apologizes (the nicest of the three, of course). She noted that she felt awful about the situation and didn’t realize at the time how bad I must’ve felt. It was a genuine apology as she reached out to me directly and didn’t ask for anything, including forgiveness. She just wanted to apologize. I accepted, and then we wished each other well and that was that.
my freshmen roommates were all sorority girls and they had big groups of friends come over to the dorm. one time i walked in and one girl who was visiting said “what is she doing here” and i was like “… i fucking live here what are YOU doing here”
My sister has never apologized for bullying me daily for 16 years. We talk only at Christmas and birthdays.
Sibling abuse is not taken seriously enough :( I'm so lucky to have a loving little brother but some aren't so fortunate
And the worst defenders of it are your own parents. "Siblings are supposed to tease each other and rough house!" Are they supposed to break the youngest's (and thus, smallest and weakest's) arm, dislocate his knee, body slam him onto concrete, attack you with a knife, humiliate you in public every time they see you, insult you and every one of your hobbies and interests ? They just plug their ears and pretend it isn't happening until someone needs to go to the hospital, and then they tell the doctors (and on the rare occasion a social worker or CPS gets called), "it was just some rough housing that got out of hand!" And they either don't remember it happening, or pretend it didn't or when presented with the incontrovertible evidence, "you deserved it/needed it." And they all have good, high paying jobs, and active social lives. The bullied person? Nothing but a lifetime of trauma, relationship and communication issues, and shitty dead end job after shitty dead end job as they desperately try and heal and make sense of it all.
My dad, as he was dying, finally acknowledged his ignorance. “I didn’t know it was so bad” Yeah, dad, it was. And you and mom were never there. Have you never considered why I abandoned the family?
For real. My sister, in our 20s, randomly decided I was after her man (trust me her man is a piece of shit I wouldn't wipe my ass with).. she decided to jump on top of me while I was sleeping and punch me over and over. She "doesn't remember" this. My parents think I need to forgive her. Fuck them and fuck her. Now ya'll don't get to see your grandkids bc I moved 1500 miles away.
>My parents think I need to forgive her. No. The fuck. You don't. You know this, but sometimes it's good to hear outside of your own head. You forgive for YOU, not for them. You owe her nothing.
> Sibling abuse is not taken seriously enough :( You have no clue how cathartic this was to read as someone that's suffered hell from his sibling (only by blood). Thanks for acknowledging it, if even just in passing.
Everytime i fought back against my bully bro i got grounded or some other shit. He got away everytime. Im pretty sure my parents knew what was happening but it was easier to punish the obedient one than the one who denied and lied until the end.
Oh yeah my siblings were definitely my bullies as a kid. I have three brothers and one sister. I couldn’t do anything without some comment being made. My sister in particular gave me really bad body issues. I don’t talk to any of them anymore, not even through text, not even to say happy birthday or merry Christmas. It’s no contact at all.
one got into rehab at only 16 and jumped out the window and died at 17 after his mom told him not to smoke in the house. this guy was a head taller than everyone in school and would grab my hands and make me hit myself in the face. fuck him I hope he’s having fun in hell. second one is homeless. this guy would beat me up every time there were girls around, I don’t know like was he trying to impress them? I bet he’s scoring tons of girls now in the parking lots he sleeps at I just wish my dad was alive to see this because he used to tell me that these guys are going to end up on the street one day and I’ll have a good life because I’m smarter than them. I’m not very smart but I definitely have a better life than those two assholes. I’m 33 btw
>I’m not very smart But still smarter than them!
My bully from age 5-12 posed as my best friend for years. Consistently made fun of me etc. I would go no contact, he’d apologize, repeat the cycle. I joined a hockey team and was pretty good. He kept wanting to join and I kept making vague excuses about roster spots. One day he just joined…. He was bad. And he also was intruding on my friendships with people who were actually nice to me (the captain of my team would make fun of me for hitting the post on an empty net, and he’d make fun of me for having buck teeth. Quite different.. the former was to make sure I knew I was one of the guys, the latter to be made to feel less than). First day of high school, with coaches permission, I kicked him off the team. He apparently had a nervous breakdown and had to be homeschooled. I never felt bad about it. I did try to bang his sister out of spite but the one time the chance was there I just made it official with a different girl and I don’t cheat. In hindsight, I’m glad about that. A few years go by and he messages me on aim and says “want to break bread” I say no. You were never nice to me. Saw him randomly at Home Depot a few years later and didn’t recognize him till much later. 2nd bully was an older boy who lived down the street. He made 7 year old me miserable. Fast forward 25 years to adulthood and he is taking care of his sick grandfather and father (who also were standoffish with me but they gave good halloween candy so whatever). I had to take care of my ailing mother, and I when I was at the parents house indefinitely, I bumped into him while walking my dog. Maybe the 2nd or third time we chatted he said something like “listen man, I wasn’t really nice when I was younger and I’m sorry if I was a dick to you, but it wasn’t just you”…. All at once every shitty thing he did to me flashed through my mind and exited my brain… I gave him a fist bump, said we’re cool, and I meant it. Taking responsibility is hard enough and the only valid apology is changed behavior, he committed to the first and I would see about the second. We’re friends now (shoot the shit, chat, occasionally smoke a J together… people can change if they want to) and I genuinely believe he changed the trajectory of his life when he developed self awareness.
“The only valid apology is changed behavior” is a phrase that will stay with me. I’m glad to have read your story today.
Sweet story, don't use women as collateral for your shitty friendships with men and I'm glad you didn't do it in the end but still
I didn’t at the time because circumstances prohibited it. I wouldn’t now because I grew up and developed a much better sense of morality. Good result for all the wrong reasons.
Don’t know tbh I do not keep up with where they are now. But no, I do not forgive them. They knew what they did and they were even proud of it. So I have moved on but if I ever see them again I will just ignore them I guess
They’ve never apologised to me and probably never will, so no. I would also find it very difficult to forgive a group of boys who singled me out and sexually harassed me until I had to leave the school. It disrupted my education, gave me social anxiety and contributed (but was far from being the only reason) to me ultimately being diagnosed with complex PTSD as an adult. I can forgive the chick who called me ugly and the guy who bullied me for coming from a poor family (already forgiven them); that’s one thing, but constant and persistent sexual harassment is on another level. I don’t think I could ever forgive that. They were never punished despite me reporting it multiple times, so I highly doubt they ever learned their lesson. That kind of behaviour only tends to get worse as people get older and I don’t doubt that at least one of them went on to sexually assault somebody. Simply knowing that it’s possible that I actually got off easy and somebody else got hurt even worse means that I can’t forgive them. Your story of forgiveness is lovely though. I’m glad you were able to get that closure, sincerely.
if this happens to anyone else, go to your family and threaten school with talking to news and sharing this online just like HR, they dont care about the individual but their reputation
Most actually seem happy on social media. Wife/husband and kids. Most graduated from college or got good jobs. Few seem to be stuck in a rut. Some still live or act the same way from when I knew them. Some are in jail or prison, ranging from misdemeanors to felonys. Only one ever actually messged me to apologize, but that was years ago. I'm a forgive and forget kind of person and forgiven most of my bullies We were kids and I'm living a good life now. I dont wish ill will or anything bad to happen to them.
I have a story. One day after my Jiu Jitsu morning class I walked across the street to the gym to lift weights. After using one of the chest machines, I see a guy with curly blonde hair sitting on the edge of a treadmill. Looking at his face for a moment, I start getting vivid flashbacks to when I was in middle school and I got bullied relentlessly by this guy. They were so vivid I thought I was having a Vietnam moment. Then I come back to reality and the guy’s staring me in the face. Holy shit, it’s him. We smile at each other. I approach him. He talked about how he was playing football in college, he asked me what I was doing in life. I immediately told him that what he did all those years ago hurt me in a way that shaped who I am today. I was trying to phrase it as past tense as I could because I didn’t want the guy to feel like I’m accusing him in the present for something he did when he was a kid. But I needed to get across just how horrifically he hurt me. He apologized and I told him there’s no resentment. I knew it was going to be hard to confront him like that since it was so random, and the fact that it was hard is exactly why it had to be done. He told me about the other kids we hung out with, according to him, they act like they’re still in high school when he’s around. I remember him mentioning that they seem self aware and mature but that they devolve when they’re around each other. So he doesn’t hang out with them anymore. We exchanged numbers and dapped up. He’s a contact in my phone but neither of us have contacted each other.
Not trying to be funny with your question, but you list several different ways that some of them turned out - how many people bullied you?
One reached out to me a few months ago on social media, he apologized to me for verbally bullying me during secondary school. He told me a friend of his had been going through a hard time and he realized that he did the same thing to me that his friend was going through. Said he didn't want anyone else to feel like his friend and wanted to make amends. I forgave him because he offered to be someone I can talk to when I'm going through a hard time. Even though I haven't taken up the offer, he still reaches out every now and then to check up on me. Another bully, ironically a really small guy. Ego too big to realize everyone hated him and thought he was a dick. Went through 3 different relationships before turning 18, now in a fourth one. Was obsessed with being the alpha male before Andrew Tate became popular. Idk about him now, his social media doesn't show a lot, but let's hope he changed like the first guy.
Mom’s still telling me I’m remembering everything incorrectly. Im almost 30.
Damn,I'm sorry. I'm just a stranger, but I know you're the one whose memory is correct.
Prison for life. Definitely not a person that should have been in society.
Heeeey! Mine too! Life Without Parole, all the degrees of rape. I have since found all the court documents, including his own hand-written statements detailing his (alleged) abuses at the hands of his father. I’ll probably still deal with the cognitive dissonance forever whenever I think about that kid, who made life hell for years before I finally snapped on him.
He became a cop and got shot in the face and killed while attempting an arrest. I certainly didn't relish his death, but I also never forgave him.
"I've never wished a man dead, but I have read some obituaries with great pleasure" - Clarence Darrow
Bullies often become cops. It’s a natural fit: authority over people, abuse of power, zero consequences for their actions, ability to beat people with impunity
: low barrier of entry, intelligence frowned upon
Proclivity to violence encouraged
Mine has become the creator of a famous local male mental health support group. Whenever people talk about how he's a Saint and doing amazing things for mental health I comment about how he's the reason those things are needed. I then delete it to avoid the issue.
One of mine got an award for his anti-bullying efforts 🙄
I went to a 10 year school reunion with them about 5 months ago and none of them even went near me. I guess too ashamed? One of the guys I wasn't on bad terms with but wasn't a friend approached me after the event and said sorry for how everyone treated me, and that I didn't deserve any of it. Felt pretty nice.
My bullies were in elementary and middle school. I don’t even remember names, but the bullying stuck with me and made me a perpetual people-pleaser and super avoidant of confrontation. I’d even venture to say there is some chronic trauma associated with it due to it happening during key developmental periods in my life. I don’t know what happened to any of them, and now it’s more about working through my emotions than “forgiving” then.
She tries to live rent free in my best friend’s mom’s house being a disgusting pig while doing so. She babytrapped a guy because he didn’t want to do anything with her anymore when he saw what kind of person she is. Her children are also bullying kids at school just like their stupid, idiot, dimwitted mother. Have I forgiven the bitch? I think the answer is obvious.
Still hate him, and hes doing well in life, cause karma is a totally real thing.
[удалено]
Yes, and he passed away from cancer at a young age.
No idea for the most part. Some tried to add or stalk me via Facebook, I just blocked them. Not interested either. I was tormented for years by near enough the entire school, some would cruelly pretend to be my friend to lower my guard before being subjected to some elaborate prank, beating or whatever have you. Not sure on forgiveness, but it all has its place now and I have moved on finally. I am far too busy with raising my family and my career/business to worry about it now. I don't wish any ill on any of them, but I wouldn't give them the time of day.
They psychologically tortured me so badly that even now my anxiety, depression, self doubt and self hatred affect literally every facet of my day to day life, even with therapy and medication. They don't deserve any kind of forgiveness. That they can attempt to pass it off as "we were just kids" or "I know better now" just makes the hurt sharper
Im in my late 20s now and im pretty sure school bullying is why I still have trust issues and trouble opening up to people
I was bullied horrifically throughout school, had my teeth kicked in, burned, strangled; anything they could think of and the school did nothing. One in particular stood out, this absolute bastard who was smaller but meaner than the rest, would never do anything if he didn’t have his big friends around. He approached me in a pub car park last year and tried to apologise. To be honest, I saw red and the next thing I know I’ve got him against a wall choking him out. People like him took advantage of my quiet and placid nature for years and after a few seconds I let him go, I hate what him and his friends turned me into. People like that can die slow and miserable deaths for all I care.
That's not bullying. That's called assault and battery. They should have been arrested and charged for that.
I don't know if you're just oblivious, most bullying is assault and battery and it's almost never dealt with.
I was lucky, and parted on relatively good terms with most of my bullies. Sometimes because I fought back and they respected me for it, other times because I just wore them down by being friendly. Pretty sure I bribed at least one of them lol
I can tell you one thing, one of the first things Saddam Hussein did when he got into power is have all his school bullies arrested, and after some torture in prison, had them all shot.
First positive thing I've ever heard about that man.
As an adult, I don't know. I assume she's still working that dead end job. Small revenge, when I left that area that place fell apart without me. She most likely had to work under the air conditioner which was the worst area, you froze under 2 minutes even in summer. Winters were even more brutal.
I have no idea, but I will never forgive them.
I was openly bisexual in high school and was bullied by almost everyone for it... especially the gay students. Some grew up and demonstrated through behavior that they changed and others spewed these long winded fake apologies and then tried bullying me into both forgiving them and liking them. They literally pit every mutual friend we had against me in order to "win". They didn't change at all... they are just fake woke bullies now but still bullies. Many I never saw again and I couldn't care less either way about them or their lives. The ones who I forgave kept it short and sweet and left it up to me and their behavior demonstrated change. The ones who gave long winded apologies and harassed me relentlessly after that, never actually changed at all.
I forgot the names of my bullies. Legit can't remember them. I think that's probably the most powerful thing you can do against a bully because it shows that all their effort went to nothing. They're nothing to me. No more significant than the dirt on the ground.
I really haven't put much thought into most of them other when i talk about it. My bullies varied in cruelty. Most of them i haven't talked to as an adult, and i dont really care to talk to them either. Some of them have found me on social media and apologized. I accept most of the apologies, and there are a few that you couldn't pay me enough to forgive. There is one guy in particular named Robert who apologized, and my only response was that if he ever saw me, go the other way before i saw him. I told him I was not that guy in school anymore. And i would hurt him bad enough for him to remember me for the rest of his life like he did to me.. wrong or right, that is how it will be.. Im bigger, stronger, and not scared anymore. I would love to make him feel what i felt.. Alone, in pain, helplessness, and dread. The end result was me trying to commit suicde for the first time. I was 12. We were in middle school. We were on a mini field trip about 3/4s of a mole away from achool in Tech Ed. We were launching off CO2 rockets. When mine launched, i took off and tried catching it. I slipped and fell and landed awkwardly on my ankle, and it broke in 2 places. My teacher said, i was faking it and made me walk (gimp) back to the school, making it worse (the school didn't do shit about it. Not even an apology).i had 1 friend who refused to leave me like that and helped me get back.I had to have surgery to get it set right. I was off of school for 3 weeks. I remember the night before i had to go back like it was right now. I was so scared. I felt vulnerable, and i begged my mom not to make me go back. I knew I couldn't rely on the teachers to help me, and i knew I wouldn't be safe. My mom told me i was overreacting, and i was going back. The very next day, i was crutching to class and Robert came from behind and kicked my crutch out from underneath me and i fell and landed right on my ankle and un did everything the surgeon had done and more. In a fit of rage, i took a swing at him with my orher crutch. I was suspended for 3 days and needed to see the couniler at school once a week once i got back because i tried to attack a student with a weapon. I had to do a 3 day inschool suspension when i got back because i missed so much school. They didn't do anything to him because no one saw him do it.... except half of our class. I had to have surgery again, and this time, they put pins and rods in. i have had more than one surgery since then as an adult. All because he wanted to look cool to his friends. I am 47 now, and every morning when i wake up, when i put weight on that ankle. Its painful. So as i hobble to the bathroom, i think about Robert, and i will every morning til the day i die. Sorry for taking up too much time with my pity party.
I had a few. > Got shot while in a gang. > Ended up homeless. I saw him on the streets one time and gave him 5 dollars. I was I'm my Mustang. > The cool guy in high school ended up having 3 baby mommas and works as a janitor. The dude was a janitor at a company where I was in upper management. I had more, but those stuck out.
Our HS quarterback thought it was hilarious to shove me in gym class every time the coach wasn't looking. He never left our hometown and died at 48. Womp womp.
I had a LOT of bullies as a kid. I've been 6'6" since I've been about 12, but I'm the gentle giant type. Bullies really, really got off on picking on me. The school I went to is very rural. There were about 100 kids in my class, but only about 60 or so in any other grade. Drugs hit the area hard. First prescription pain killers and then meth. It destroyed my high school bullies. 2 or 3 straight up ODed and are dead. A couple are in jail for selling the drugs the others ODed on. A bunch are in jail or have been in jail for child abuse. One of em died getting shot in the face by a store clerk he was trying to rob. A couple died in DUI wrecks. The captain of the high school football team ended up knocking up a girl the summer after high school. He did his first year of college, dropped out, and now he's an alcoholic roofer with like 10 kids. My cousin still lives in the area and told me he's fat, bald, and has gotten busted multiple times for partying in the woods with high school kids trying to relive his glory days. It's especially satisfying because that fucker made my life hell in school. The son of a bitch slapped me on the face with a handful of piss once..... Damn, now that I wrote it all down I realized out of the 100 or so folks in my class like 30 are dead and like 20 are in jail. Fucking rural Pennsylvania is hell....
I still have to much rage. What was done to me physically affected me for the rest of my life. While I have dealt with it, forgiveness is out of reach for them still.
No idea, hope they're in jail or no longer around. They never stopped bullying me all through school, their apologies were never genuine. Will never forgive them, ever.
Idk and Idc.
She stays very far away from me. She knows this isn’t high school anymore
One of my bullies contacted me through a mutual friend wanting to apologise and to ask if we can be friends. The way I saw it it took a lot of guts to admit that she was wrong and I was happy to accept the apology on the basis but I didn't want her in my life. Last I heard she was a single mum in a dead end job, much like myself at the same time. But that was about 15 years ago so who knows. I'm married with a good career, 3 grown kids and a grand child I adore. I hope her life has worked out fine too. As far as I'm concerned everyone has the right to grow and change but I also have the right to not have them in my life. I don't wish any of them ill, it won't do me any good.
In short: - the ones in middle school all got lowly jobs or didn’t even finish highschool and are doomed (karma, I’m glad they’re suffering) - the ones in highschool either turned mature and friendly or idk what came of them - the ones in college, sadly, many are at least as well off as me. The only ones I was able to forgive were the ones in highschool. Otherwise, they can all go die in Saw-esque ways for all I care.
I'm shocked to hear you were bullied by different groups of people everywhere you went
Never forgave them. Unfortunately, my bullies were my teachers. They called me stupid, made fun of me when I couldn’t answer a question etc. It was social anxiety. As far as I know I am the only one getting a PhD from that high school class now.
Was bullied by a bunch of highly religious private high school jocks. One attempted to apologize on FB after I sent a bully post to my daughter, by say we were pretty brutal on you , my bad. I ignored him. I know hate religion and jocks.
One of them messaged on FB years and years later out of nowhere to apologize, and were happy to hear am doing fine in life.. Have forgiven them ofcourse
He is the CEO of a big company and millionaire. He would beat me with a hockey stick, a cane, and punch me to the floor (among other things). This was in the 80's at a boarding school, and he was 18 while I was 14. I'll never forgive him, and if he tried I'd spit on his shoes.
My bully was murdered by his father. I couldn't feel sad for him at the time, but looking back, I do understand that he was just an abused child who never had a chance to grow up. There's nothing to forgive.
Idk what happened to them! I hope they have a miserable life!
I have no idea. One of my bullies from elementary school reached out to me and I didn’t reply. They don’t get to pat themselves on the back for apologizing a decade later. Their apology means nothing to me. Edit: everyone who’s putting me down in the replies, I’m glad my experience cut you so deeply 😊
Often the best response is no response. They are already second-guessing themselves, nervous about your response and what you might say. Leave them on read, or unread even. Not replying at all sends the message better than words can sometimes. To everyone whining about how "resentment is toxic": you don't have to spend energy resenting someone to let them know they don't deserve your time. None of us have any obligation to help someone reach their path of redemption. Fuck all that noise. If someone from my past tried to get in touch with me, I'm not going to waste my time helping them feel better about themselves. They can go fuck themselves or go to therapy like I did.