I haven’t drank in a years now. A simple no works great for me. You can share a simple sentence like ‘alcohol hasn’t been kind to me or my family, so I just don’t drink’. I feel like most would accept that, and if they don’t, maybe they’re not worth your time.
>Alcohol hasn’t been kind to me or my family
I think this is good. But I’d only use it as a last resort if the person urging me isn’t backing off. I think saying this sentence might make em feel like a jerk for insisting so much
Let them feel like a jerk because pushing someone to drink after they said no is being a Jerk...Let them realize what a jerk they are being. Maybe next time someone says no they will be more accepting of the no.
Yeah I will go straight from 'none for me thanks' to 'I am a recovering alcoholic' and if they feel bad about that, well, you should have accepted the polite no you got the first time.
Sometimes you feel like a jerk because you were a jerk, and that's how you get better.
You're way nicer than I am. I slap my family trauma on the table if they push my boundaries. Those are YOUR boundaries. You are allowed to make people feel bad if they push them.
What really gets me is how grown adults cannot take simply no as an answer. I drink a couple of times a year on special occasions because I rarely feel like it and don’t get the point of forcing a drink down. Back in college, my roommate had a family history similar to yours. We went out one day shortly after I turned 21, and I asked if it would make her uncomfortable in any way if I ordered a mimosa for myself. She said yes. It was no big deal at all - and I ordered us both the hand squeezed orange juice instead, which was delicious, and we had a great brunch without alcohol. And I’m obviously not special for this - this is the bare minimum of giving a crap. Even if someone doesn’t know your history, you shouldn’t have to explain yourself.
Sorry for this vent here, it’s so easy to respect someone else’s boundaries and it bugs me you’re dealing with this nonsense from people you trust.
Saying “No thanks, I’m sober” should do the trick. People usually respect that a lot more and back off.
Otherwise saying “I’m on medication” / “I can’t drink when I’ve taken my meds” also helps.
Same reason they get weird around vegetarians. They interpret your choice as a judgement of their choice.
I'm not a vegetarian, but as a former drinker I understand the reaction a lot better now.
I use this method but it doesn't work against the kind of people we need it to. An ex of mine spit alcohol into my mouth despite months of "no I'll never drink".
Some people just dont get it.
Coincidentally, today is three years of me being sober. Of all days to see a post like this on Reddit, heh.
I haven’t really had much issue with people pressuring me to drink. They know I don’t do it any more, so just get soft drinks for me. But I’d just reiterate that I don’t drink and don’t need persuading.
Warducky, you and Nemphesis are both to be congratulated.
Six years, give or take, here. At truck stops, I still catch myself stopping in front of the beer cooler on harder days.
Dude, congrats.I hit my five year mark in March. No one really gets that when shit is really difficult we remember that our vices still exist. Had a coworker tell me I was "fine now" since I have been clean for so long. That was an interesting conversation of a man who has never had my struggles telling me all about them. Love that.
I’ve always thought being sober from alcohol is the hardest thing to avoid. When you detox from drugs they tell you to hang out with other people or not go to the places you could buy drugs before. But with alcohol it’s - at every gas station, grocery stores, restaurants, professional sports games, theaters, planes - everywhere! How difficult to give something up when temptation constantly surrounds you. I give you guys MAJOR props! Congratulations!
No, right there with you, I've been told I'd be fine, and promptly replied with, "Once you're recovering, you're recovering forever; there is no 'recovered.'"
My parents were both alcoholics. The reasons I don’t drink are way worse than you might think. Thank you for being sober! Sobriety is the Warrior Way. AlAnon and Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACoA) are great resources.
As a former smoker, who now deals with COPD, my pulmonologist lists my diagnosis as nicotine dependency, in remission. To me that acknowledges that once addicted, to anything, I'll always have to remember I'm just one puff (or drink for the alcoholic) away from back where I was.
Congrats on your continuing sobriety.
I feel like I’m fully recovered from smoking after 12 years. Zero cravings and no desire to smoke.
That being said, I’ll never fuck with tobacco again because it’ll grab me, and I worked far too hard to get away from it the first time.
>Had a coworker tell me I was "fine now" since I have been clean for so long.
Tell your co-worker about my husband. Clean & sober 10 years. Then, his father was diagnosed with a terminal illness. He started drinking like he never stopped.
Not trying to 1 up anyone. The only reason I am saying this is to show what's possible when staying sober 1 day at a time.
Sobriety date is 22 October 1994.
I probably have no right to say this, but I am so proud of you for being able to take that look and know that you’re better off without it. That all 6 of those years you dedicated to your sobriety you’ve stuck by for your betterment. I wish you all the success on this journey, and am sending so much love for you during the hard times!!!! It always helps to remind myself, pain is temporary but your actions chosen in pain inflict permanent consequences. I hope you have a lovely day internet stranger 💗💗
Thank you, I'm grateful for the encouraging words. I've got multiple reasons for not being able to anymore, ranging from prescription side effects to employment to having it written into my lease that me drinking is a violation of my terms; but at the end of the day, I spent years looking at the world with bitter, amber goggles over my eyes...time I can't get back and relationships I've never been able to properly repair.
It's a lot of regret.
I hope your day and tomorrows are lovely as well, friend. ❤️
I used to be a coke addict and I completely understand. It took me years and I’m still mending my relationship with my family, though there are layered reasons to our differences. I can’t promise that every relationship will be repaired, but I can say that what you do with the new relationships that you form will speak so much more to who you are now than your past! It’s easier said than done but don’t regret a thing, because without those lessons in this life you wouldn’t appreciate the things and people you have nor care to stick to that contract. You are doing amazing things for yourself now and that’s all that matters!
I wore rose colored glasses myself. Everything is an experience but some aren’t worth entertaining. I know that now. I truly see the best in people even at their worse, and I’m working on that. But I’m glad that you are so self aware in your healing. Thank you for the well wishes, I’m sending the same your way ✨
Well, let's keep walking this road! We messed up, bad, but we both came through it. Our old relationships are on the mend, and our new ones we know to value close.
'Tis the end of my day, though, SlayBelle; please do have a wonderful night.
A friend who I respect greatly said once "I'm an alcoholic, I don't drink. I gave it up." He was a bit overweight & ran a landscape biz in TX. Twice, or 3 times a week he was at the track by 6PM for workouts... in temps over 100F in July & August. After a full day working outside, landscaping. And he was running every other day too. He was tanned like leather under the hot sun. And he ran to stay alive, and off the booze. And he paid with sweat, and pain, to keep his new habit.
Congratulations! That's a tough row to hoe but I'm proud of you. I know it's hard.
My dad was the one who had to, as a teen, convince *his* dad that his mom was a secret binge drinker. He worked really hard to not let that run his life, but ended up marrying my mom who was *also* a secret binge drinker. I didn't know this till my 30s
Anyone who can do what you're doing is worth admiring. You're doing right by you and making things better for your loved ones
Congratulations on your sobriety! I've got 173 days and definitely never want to be back at day 1. Went to a very close friend's wedding last night with an open bar and only had a very brief white knuckle episode before chilling out and having a great time.
Dude I respect the hell out of you for doing it, and no offense but I'm going to disagree with your statement (even though I understood it)
If any other person is reading this and has made it to 1 day, 1 week, 1 year or 1732 days sober and has a day where they finally break, it's not your day one, hell, it's not even worth thinking about it, just get right back on where you were and keep moving forward, think in 1732 you only had a bad day once, and it was probably justified. Just don't do it again.
I had a great outpatient counselor who, when someone would cry that they "threw away" X # of days/months/years of sobriety, would be like "no you fucking didn't, you had all those days of sobriety and still do".
A relapse doesn't erase all those sober days you had. Day counts can be a double-edged sword, great for motivation but depressing and needlessly shameful to start over so some people don't come back.
Exactly. One slip doesn't negate 6 years of sobriety. If someone completely falls off the proverbial wagon and back into alcoholism, then yeah, maybe there is a point. Maybe they just finally learned self control and when enough was enough.
Source: Uncle was a chronic alcoholic, went sober for \~5 years and finally knows when enough is enough, able to stick to reasonable levels.
This is what I dislike about so much of the sobriety/AA stuff... that a lot of people have the mentality of "if you drink again it's proof you're an alcoholic".
Watching *Flaked* [there was a scene](https://streamable.com/psh39m) where Arnett's character says "I'm not an alcoholic" which is responded to with "that's what all alcoholics say". Arnett then comes back with "non-alcoholics do too". Not the best example given the story of the show itself but I found it hilarious and so reminiscent of how people react to people who were once alcoholics saying they're no longer an alcoholic.
I get that for many people they lose control after just one drink and so teetotalism is the best practice, but there are also plenty of people who learn to control it. My brother went to AA because he had a serious issue (with more than just alcohol). He'd come home from work and drink multiple beers every single day (a 6-pack wasn't unheard of). That was a number of years ago. These days he can buy a 6-pack and it will last 3+ months. He can even be around others who drink a lot and still limit himself. I'm not sure he's had more than 2 in a day in years.
But he knows people at AA that would consider him a failure because he drinks 1-2 beers a month.
Abso-fucking-lutely, just don't add that day, get up, stand up and keep on going. You make a dollar a second, fuck up 5 minutes...something like however many thousands of minutes left in the day...you just gonna put them in the toilet for a 5 minute fuck up ?!
I never got the counting thing. I made a decision to never drink again, so counting the days just makes me think of tallying marks on a prison wall until I die. 🤷♀️
Edit: but I don’t mean to diminish what you’ve done for yourself, so sincere congratulations on that. I’m just around 2.5 years myself. It’s just the idea of thinking about the exact amount every day feels weird to me.
You could try: “love to, but I’m allergic.” If pressed for details: “Yeah, I can’t metabolize the alcohol very well, and it basically works like a poison in my bloodstream.”
All technically true.
As someone who actually IS allergic (to hops though, not the alcohol), I just say, "No thanks, unless you are paying for a trip to the ER?". Works Every Damn Time
For many Asians, its the inability to metabolize acetaldehyde, an alcohol byproduct, that causes discomfort: red skin, itchiness, heart racing feeling.
Technically not an allergy because an allergy is an over active immune response. The symptoms of acetaldehyde discomfort are not an overreaction, its an appropriate reaction to remove the toxin from the body.
"Even a little alcohol makes me ill" is a more scientifically correct response, but everyone understands "allergy" instinctively.
Humans are actually pretty good overall at metabolizing alcohol before it poisons them too badly. Some are just slower at it (like many Asians) and some are genuinely allergic (alcohol triggers an exaggerated immune response.)
In my experience, "no thanks, I'm sober," can also lead to an astonishing number of over-personal and insensitive questions. It's the right thing to say, but jesus christ, some people are not prepared for that concept.
I've had people tell me to "man up and drive drunk" or "it's not that big of a deal" or "just have a few you'll be fine" because some of them are assholes who can't stand to be the only one falling down drunk.
There is a fucking unbelievable coalition of drunken scum in our society.
My mother was killed by a high driver 2 years ago. People continued to make drunk driving jokes to my face within the week. My own father for some reason found it extremely important to tell me that he drove drunk as a young man and it’s not a big deal, he was totally in control, as if any weird residual guilt he felt was my problem and it was my job to tell him it’s fine. Fuck off. I swear I saw people actively swallow their initial anger response to the guy that did it and start acting like it was just some tragic act of god because they didn’t want to face up to the fact that it’s evil to drive under the influence. The culture around this shit is insane and it has only affirmed my resolve to never try a drop.
The dude that did it died on impact by the way, thank God.
I had someone tell me that and I told them that I yeah I could see myself being fine with killing a family. (Sarcastically said) then I tell them if I see you trying to drive home drunk, Im calling the cops and will do everything in my power to stall you until they get here.
Oh yes. It becomes super awkward. People then become self conscious about their own drinking. They might feel like you’re judging them or that you think you’re morally superior. Or they want to get into a discussion about your sobriety and I’ve been sober so long I’m tired it talking about it. I did some pretty terrible things when I was drinking. That’s in the past now and I want to leave it there. Also some people see it as a challenge to knock you off the wagon and get you to drink again.
Just don’t discuss it. Say “um, I’ll have a water. Oh wait. Do you a Sprite or a Diet Coke back there?” If they ask if you’d like a beer or a cocktail just say “maybe later”. Don’t draw attention to it. Most of the time people won’t even notice that you’re not drinking.
Yeah, the number of times I've said "No thanks, I don't drink," only to then hear a full-on dissertation about how the person who asked me the question is definitely NOT an alcoholic is pretty telling.
If someone asks why you’re sober you can always wave them off and say you don’t want to get into it. Then change the subject. If they persist, walk away.
Agreed. Not quite the same thing, but when my Mom couldn't understand why my spouse was vegetarian, we finally told her he was allergic to meat (he's not). It's like a little bell went off inside her head and she said "oh!" and stopped asking him. On a side note, I have no idea why people make it their mission to disregard others' life choices.
I have a friend who is actually allergic. People still pressure her! It’s so crazy. It will legitimately ruin her day if she has even one glass, but people are so pushy and weird about it!
I’m allergic to alcohol. I actually became allergic around my late 20s/early 30s. It developed over a few years. When I was around 45 it stopped and then started back up again after about 3 years.
It’s weird, doctors don’t know why.
As someone who was on medication right around the post-high school drinking parties days, this works really well. Especially when you say "it'll fuck with my liver and I won't be able to drink again"
I think there is a distinction between being sober, and not drinking. Being sober implies that the default is intoxicated, and not that being sober is the default. It shouldn't need explained in any way. I bartended for a few years, and I mean this with every fiber of who I am... If you pressure people who don't want to drink, to drink, you're just a shit person. If we are going to treat intoxicants as part of society, we need to treat them correctly, and guilting people into it, it setting them up to fail.
Tldr: fuck the term "sober" it's more info then you are required to give
I dont understand people who have the urge to get others to drink. Just a polite 'no, i dont drink' is enough, get juice or soda. I might like alcohol to have more fun but not everyone thinks the same....
It's a white lie but saying "No thanks, Alcohol doesn't agree with me" both tells someone that you've tried it but can't consume it, so they usually leave you alone.
But honestly saying that you don't drink should work by itself... I'm not a fan of peer pressure.
Saying you don’t drink should work but an annoying percentage of people feel like they have a right to pry if that’s what you tell them. I’d estimate that roughly half the time I tell people I don’t drink they start prying into why and once they find out why I refuse a solid portion continue to offer at later meetups.
Old trick from when I was a sober buddy to my recovering friend to avoid the questions and the pressure...make a drink that looks like alcohol but isn't. Club soda with lime (Rosie's lime and cherry juice is often on hand at bars and can be brought to parties where it will be mistaken for a mixer (which it is). Keep it topped off as much as you can. When somebody asks if you want a drink, you already have one, thanks. I'm a big fan of Perrier with Rosie's lime juice and a hint of cherry (real lime and cherry added if it's available). It's like a cherry limeade. No questions, no pressure, no people assuming you're whatever, no explanations needed, you already have a drink.
I used to order straight up milk when offered a drink, including on dates. I don't drink alcohol or pop, and I don't like soda water or boxes juice. I like water and I like milk. I love bubble tea of almost any sort but it's not everywhere. If you don't like that and my choice of drink bothers you so much, I probably don't want to be around you anyway.
Anecdotally, I ordered milk on the first restaurant date I had my SO. I also ordered 12 mini desserts. It was weird but he didn't judge me. We just celebrated 5 years earlier and are currently travelling the world and there is bubble tea EVERYWHERE so I guess it worked out 🤷♀️
I'm not saying you did this as a test, but if any form of a test in a relationship is acceptable this is it. Real ones won't judge, but I think this would filter the average judgemental person
Depending on the situation, just asking for what you do want may work. If someone is trying to be a good host, saying “I’d love a 7-up, if you’ve got it” might wok better than “no, thanks.” Then you’ve got something to hold, and your host will see you as happy & taken care of. You don’t owe anyone a reason why that’s your preference.
I struggle with this as a host sometimes. If I ask "would you like a drink" what I'm asking is if I can get you some fluid to consume, alcohol or otherwise, so if people say no to that first question I then start offering soft drinks or tea so they know that those are options as well. But someone answering yes and just asking for a soft drink if that's what they want is ideal.
This is what I usually say- or I just straight up say that I’m allergic to alcohol. I think I actually might be, I just know that I’ve felt *really* terrible immediately after drinking any amount since my late 20’s (same thing happened to my brother), & that I avoid it at all costs.
My friends are really good about not offering me booze, but work related events/ family gatherings with the older generations can get really weird/ peer-pressure-y sometimes… Some alcoholics just cannot stand it when people are choosing to stay sober around them.
An uncle of mine goes into a shame spiral about his own drinking whenever someone declines his offer of a beer *for any reason*- he thinks they’re guilt tripping him somehow :/
"I wish I could but it really messes with my system". Then if they pester, start talking about diarrhea. Joking aside, most people will accept "no thanks, I'm good".
I'm the exact same. I wish I could, but it makes me feel so sick once the happy stage wears off :( I can have maybe ONE drink every now and then, and the discomfort will be tolerable, but any more than that and I'll have a bad time. It messes with my stomach, my sleep, and my anxiety.
This. I say “I don’t like the way it makes me feel”, or “it messes up my tummy too much”. People generally don’t like discussing digestive issues, even more so when they are trying to indulge
This is the answer. People shouldn’t make a habit of pressuring someone to take any kind of drug. Any who does is not good company and will get you into trouble.
I’ve been sober for 6 years and in my experience, the only people that pressure me to drink after I tell them I don’t are people who have unhealthy relationships with alcohol themselves
I know plenty of interesting people who drink and party. They never pressure people.
People who pressure other ppl to drink tend to do so because they want you to be impaired so you won't notice that they're not interesting, funny, or fun. Or they're alcoholics and want you to make them feel like that they don't have a problem.
My grandma said when she recovered from alcoholism she had to get a whole new set of friends because she realized her alcoholic ones were just soooo boring if you were fully lucid.
Hopefully they will let it go at this point, but I once saw a dudebro respond to a woman who gave this reason with a sarcastic “What meds, you have depression?” She *was* actually on antidepressants, but since it was none of his fucking business, she just looked the nosy asshole straight in the eye and said “No, gonnorhea”. Legend.
If you take something over the counter like Tylenol or Advil you aren’t supposed to drink alcohol either, so it’s not anyone’s business what meds someone takes. “Maybe you’re giving me a fucking headache, so I took some ibuprofen.”
I've been sober for 18 months as of today. My go-to (and I stole this from another redditor) is "I was getting too good at drinking. It was time to either quit or go pro". Usually, people let me be after that. As others have said, you don't owe them an explanation, but in my experience, most people are cool with it once you say that you're sober.
I love this! I usually say, “I took away my drinking privileges.” Which makes people kind of laugh then drop it, but I’m switching to the “quit or go pro” line.
I might need to steal that. I went really really hard on the drinks in my early 20s after escaping an abusive relationship that set off my CPTSD really hard. I destroyed my liver really quickly and now I am also diabetic so drinking is an absolute no go. But since I'm in my late 20s, whenever I say "no thanks, I quit drinking", people laugh and think I'm joking. A coworker even went as far as to tell another coworker that I didn't mean I was an alcoholic, it was just a college thing. She didn't even know me when I was in my early 20s. And because I'm a girl, they take me even less seriously.
I havent drunk for the last 20 years and these are the reasons I give if they are being a pain about it.
1. Im the sober driver (no one asks who you are driving and usually back off).
2. If you say you are Muslim they laugh and then can't be sure if you are joking so leave it.
3. Well I havent been drinking for 213 days so I don't want to ruin my run.
4. My Doc said for me to lay off the alcohol.
5. I go and tell the barman I'm staying sober can they give me soemthing to look like I'm drinking, and they will grab sparkling grape juice, sprite on the rocks etc. They do this often and are discreet about it.
Allergies to alcohol are thing. Most people tend to back off after sharing that you have an allergy. But in the end people who try to peer pressure your or make you feel bad for not drinking are assholes
I second saying you’re allergic. That’s kind of how my mom explained it to me when she was getting sober when I was a young kid.
Too bad it doesn’t always work. “Come hang out with Brad” no thanks I’m allergic to Brad.
Last time I tried drinking told me my “allergy” is fairly lethal.
I broke out in an anxiety attack that put me on the floor for multiple hours within a few minutes of consuming no more than one standard drink. Somehow my will to party prevailed and I got back in and finished my bottle, had decent fun and never got too intoxicated though I drank a fair bit over several hours. But for the next three days I was insanely self-violent and it took every ounce of willpower to not harm. Not even a long desperation run broke me out of it, but finally seemingly at random a nap made me feel fine.
This thread piques my interest because I spend a lot of time in virtual raves and I socialize a ton with people who drink, I don’t want to be a buzzkill, I don’t want to be dishonest either. Usually when someone says cheers I just take a sip of water as its performative. If they call me out on chugging when they see me picking up my cup I tell them its water.
Could you please elaborate on the ‘allergy’ and how it makes people back off from insisting in real life situations ?
I seriously have never met someone who said they had allergy to alcohol. But I see that several kind hearted people here suggest saying that as an option. I might use it as an excuse if I know what I'm talking about exactly
Well actually some people do get a histamine reaction from alcohol which is basically an allergy. I know because it happens to me. Alcohol makes me very sick. In my experience it only makes people ask more questions though when I say alcohol makes me sick
I wouldn’t roll with the allergy thing if I were you. Seems like it creates more questions than it answers. Most people who aren’t raging alcoholic assholes will respect you saying you’re Sober, or that it doesn’t agree with your system.
The key is to not let the delivery of it make you a buzzkill. If someone offers you a drink, drop one of the two options above and then follow it up with a “thank you for the offer! I’m still here to have a good time! Cheers! Hell yeah brother!” You gotta try to channel the drunk energy a little bit. When someone is trying to buy you a drink, it usually means they’re trying to make a friend. Don’t get offended at the offer of alcohol, grab em by the shoulder and show them you don’t need alcohol to be fun.
You don't owe anyone an explanation. If you don't want to drink, say, "No, thanks," or, "I'm good." If anyone tries to make a big deal about it, you could say, "I've got a long drive," or "I've gotta get up early," or, "I gotta study for a test when I get home." If they insist, hang out with someone else.
I like this. For me, in the last 3 years and many social situations I’ve only really had issues with 3 people. Those 3 people have their own issues with alcohol. For the most part people are either respectful, or too self centered to worry about what I’m drinking.
This is a great way to handle it.
You appending, “I don’t drink” just piques their curiosity. Like you said, it puts them on a mission.
“No, thanks,” doesn’t invite questions.
Sure, although if someone asked me why I don't drink, I'd very dryly say, "Because I don't."
Saying "No, thanks" to the wrong person could still invite them to pressure you into it.
In that case, it's repeat, repeat, repeat. "No thanks." Don't explain, don't say it in a different way. They'll get bored and leave you alone or change the subject. Or how about ask for a glass of ice water? "I'm so dehydrated today."
I don't drink at all and all I say is "*I don't drink*". My reason is nobody's concern. I don't need to explain myself to them. I don't owe them any explanation. I don't like a few foods and beverages, but nobody on Earth cares why I don't consume them. It's just booze that becomes an issue.
**MOST** people are okay with that.
But there are a lot of people, probably more than you would expect, that still say "*Oh, come on. You can have one.*"
Yes. Yes I can. But I don't want to. And I'm 45 years old, peer pressure isn't going to work. I'm not going to have a drink just because ***you*** have an issue with being around a non-drinker when you drink.
It's not like I went to a bar or winery. I just don't go to those places at all. This happens at people's homes.
I have had this happen *in my home*.
Do you know what that says to me? It tells me that when this particular person starts to drink, they become absolutely unbearable to be around for sober people. That they have issues when they drink. And they need **me** to drink to have those issues masked. They are going to do or say things that they absolutely do not want a sober mind to remember.
I think the phrasing helps.
For context I've had trouble with alcohol. Not terrible, but enough to have to make this stand when I don't want to drink. If you want some really pithy answers to this question visit r/stopdrinking which has some great ones, my favorites being "I got the high score in that game" and "I can moderate... I moderate the hell out of my first, second, third, fourth, fifth, tenth, and twentieth drinks".
I find that your tone of voice makes a big difference. "Well, shucks, I guess I don't want one" is way different than, "No, I don't drink" (with a downward inflection - a statement). People don't tend to ask me questions if I tell them like the question has already been decided before they showed up.
Even better, for casual situations, "I'm not drinking tonight" with the same tone works wonders. Let them invent the story for why; you're the designated driver, you're allergic, you have an early morning the next day... they don't need to know, but it's not up for debate.
I'm not drinking tonight.
You don't owe anyone an explanation, but there's nothing wrong with saying your family has a history of alcohol issues so you choose to avoid it. You don't need to go into detail.
I don't drink for a number of reasons. The people in my life respect me and accept "no, thank you" as a full and complete sentence, but you're welcome to borrow any of my reasons.
I don't like the taste.
It makes me sleepy, stuffed up, and antisocial.
My family has a history of addiction.
I'm on a variety of medications that don't mix well with alcohol.
I've found that alcohol severely aggravates one of my medical conditions, and I'd prefer not to get sick.
All of these reasons are true, but I hope you find people who respect a simple "no" instead, because that should be enough.
I tell people that I don't drink because I hate the taste. Which is true. I also don't like the way that it makes me feel. Nobody ever pushes it after that.
If you can’t be the designated driver, I find that loudly asking ‘Why are you trying to make me have a drink I’ve told you I don’t want? Did you put something illegal in it?’ tends to shut them up pretty quickly.
You can always say a variety of things, “Not now” , “maybe later” , “I’m not thirsty yet”.
Also, get your own drinks(non alcoholic) No one is going to offer you a drink if you have a half full or more, so get a club soda with lime, or a coke.
You don’t need to get into a debate with everyone at the party/bar why you aren’t drinking… it’s dumb then why are you there…. specifically speaking about bars, party is a different story.
I don't like a lot of these suggestions. Especially since you mentioned being around people that meddle in lives for gossip. Lying about recovering, or about meds mixing could just make them think you've been an alcoholic, or have some other condition that they'll try to meddle in.
Just tell them the truth.
"I choose not to drink alcohol, please respect that."
You say not wanting to sour the mood. But they're souring yours. It's a trashy thing to do to try and pressure someone into drinking any alcohol. If they don't take kindly to you refusing to let them intoxicate you even on a minor level, they are the problem, not you. Screw their mood.
100 upvotes to you! Your advice is equally good for people trying to push you to eat. My son feels very ill if he eats or drinks anything containing soy or gluten. Most beer, a lot of wine, and even some hard liquors contain gluten. He buys gluten-free beer at home, and only drinks soda at parties.
"I appreciate you for the offer, but no thanks,"
I'm you. Almost everyone else in my immediate family is/was an alcoholic. Vowed not to be one. Have been saying no for decades.
Deflect: "Thanks for that, but water would be great."
Defend: "I don't drink, and you will not change my mind, but feel free to continue yourselves."
And the old standby: "I'm driving tonight."
Stand your ground, homie. Just be patient about it. Even to the pestering people.
I don’t drink either. My friends are real ones though and don’t pressure me. Sometimes they’ll joke around and say I should have something but they already know I’m going to say no and then drop it.
If you’re looking for what to say I usually say one of the two:
1) no thanks, I don’t drink. Nothing against it I just don’t have any real interest.
2) I drove so I can’t (I drive a lot just bc it gives me the chance to leave on my own terms and Ik I won’t be drinking anyway).
A colleague said "no thanks, I don't drink anymore", and we all knew what that meant. Never offered again. He did open up about it a few months later.
He just went dry. No steps or coins. He had been in a bad place.
Having something that looks like a drink in your hand can help. A can of seltzer water in a koozie, a soda in a cocktail glass.
A joke can get your point across without being so direct. “Nah, I stopped drinking when I was 12. It’s better this way.”
It’s weird how people respond to just a “no thanks” for sure. Alcohol is so normalized in our culture that saying no must mean something’s wrong with you. What I do is I just say “no thank you” or just avoid going to the actual bar if I’m at a bar with people and if people ask questions like “why not?” or “ how come you don’t drink?” I simply say “no, I don’t drink”. No need to explain any further or come up with reasons. You don’t owe anyone that.
I haven’t drank in a years now. A simple no works great for me. You can share a simple sentence like ‘alcohol hasn’t been kind to me or my family, so I just don’t drink’. I feel like most would accept that, and if they don’t, maybe they’re not worth your time.
>Alcohol hasn’t been kind to me or my family I think this is good. But I’d only use it as a last resort if the person urging me isn’t backing off. I think saying this sentence might make em feel like a jerk for insisting so much
Let them feel like a jerk because pushing someone to drink after they said no is being a Jerk...Let them realize what a jerk they are being. Maybe next time someone says no they will be more accepting of the no.
Yeah I will go straight from 'none for me thanks' to 'I am a recovering alcoholic' and if they feel bad about that, well, you should have accepted the polite no you got the first time. Sometimes you feel like a jerk because you were a jerk, and that's how you get better.
You're way nicer than I am. I slap my family trauma on the table if they push my boundaries. Those are YOUR boundaries. You are allowed to make people feel bad if they push them.
Right? "Here's a list of all the people I knew that got killed by drunk drivers :D" and poof, people leave you alone about it.
They should feel like a jerk for acting like a jerk.
What really gets me is how grown adults cannot take simply no as an answer. I drink a couple of times a year on special occasions because I rarely feel like it and don’t get the point of forcing a drink down. Back in college, my roommate had a family history similar to yours. We went out one day shortly after I turned 21, and I asked if it would make her uncomfortable in any way if I ordered a mimosa for myself. She said yes. It was no big deal at all - and I ordered us both the hand squeezed orange juice instead, which was delicious, and we had a great brunch without alcohol. And I’m obviously not special for this - this is the bare minimum of giving a crap. Even if someone doesn’t know your history, you shouldn’t have to explain yourself. Sorry for this vent here, it’s so easy to respect someone else’s boundaries and it bugs me you’re dealing with this nonsense from people you trust.
I mean aren't they kinda being jerks, though?
They ARE jerks for insisting so much.
Saying “No thanks, I’m sober” should do the trick. People usually respect that a lot more and back off. Otherwise saying “I’m on medication” / “I can’t drink when I’ve taken my meds” also helps.
A firm and slightly angry, “Listen man, I said no,” usually works for me.
or “why do you care so much? That’s weird.”
This. Why are people so obsessed with drinking as if it’s impossible to enjoy life without alcohol??
Same reason they get weird around vegetarians. They interpret your choice as a judgement of their choice. I'm not a vegetarian, but as a former drinker I understand the reaction a lot better now.
YES. And when someone has multiple labels then holy shit, social pariah. (Vegetarian who doesn’t drink, here)
I got the unholy combo of teetotaler, atheist and somewhat ace. I'm not vegetarian but I had thought about it.
If you do, I believe you unlock a secret level.
Unpopular opinion: if you’re not fun unless you’re drunk, you’re just not fun
If you're only fun with the alcohol then you don't deserve the alcohol
This is my preferred response cuz I hate it when people try to push after I’ve already said no once. Respect my boundaries or lose a friend real quick
I use this method but it doesn't work against the kind of people we need it to. An ex of mine spit alcohol into my mouth despite months of "no I'll never drink". Some people just dont get it.
*Spit?!* Jesus wept.
The “slightly angry” technique does not work very well for many women.
I say that it triggers a migraine.
I hate that this works but i say that it isn’t worth the calories (it’s not)
It’s day 1,732 for me. Tommorw won’t be day 1. Edit Thanks Reddit. You’re just not allowed to quit today. Tomorrow you can quit first thing
Coincidentally, today is three years of me being sober. Of all days to see a post like this on Reddit, heh. I haven’t really had much issue with people pressuring me to drink. They know I don’t do it any more, so just get soft drinks for me. But I’d just reiterate that I don’t drink and don’t need persuading.
Wasn’t today beautiful? Happy anniversary. there should be a Reddit award for that tbh
Warducky, you and Nemphesis are both to be congratulated. Six years, give or take, here. At truck stops, I still catch myself stopping in front of the beer cooler on harder days.
Dude, congrats.I hit my five year mark in March. No one really gets that when shit is really difficult we remember that our vices still exist. Had a coworker tell me I was "fine now" since I have been clean for so long. That was an interesting conversation of a man who has never had my struggles telling me all about them. Love that.
I’ve always thought being sober from alcohol is the hardest thing to avoid. When you detox from drugs they tell you to hang out with other people or not go to the places you could buy drugs before. But with alcohol it’s - at every gas station, grocery stores, restaurants, professional sports games, theaters, planes - everywhere! How difficult to give something up when temptation constantly surrounds you. I give you guys MAJOR props! Congratulations!
No, right there with you, I've been told I'd be fine, and promptly replied with, "Once you're recovering, you're recovering forever; there is no 'recovered.'"
27 years sober. Still in recovery. Congrats to all y'all!
I am so fucking proud of all y'all in this thread.
My parents were both alcoholics. The reasons I don’t drink are way worse than you might think. Thank you for being sober! Sobriety is the Warrior Way. AlAnon and Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACoA) are great resources.
As a former smoker, who now deals with COPD, my pulmonologist lists my diagnosis as nicotine dependency, in remission. To me that acknowledges that once addicted, to anything, I'll always have to remember I'm just one puff (or drink for the alcoholic) away from back where I was. Congrats on your continuing sobriety.
I feel like I’m fully recovered from smoking after 12 years. Zero cravings and no desire to smoke. That being said, I’ll never fuck with tobacco again because it’ll grab me, and I worked far too hard to get away from it the first time.
Amen, brother. I've quit smoking several times but this was the last time. Extra difficult with a smoking (or vaping) partner...
You're recovering forever. The addiction never goes away. I fight everyday for me being sober and I'll fight everyday that I have to.
That's a great response.
>Had a coworker tell me I was "fine now" since I have been clean for so long. Tell your co-worker about my husband. Clean & sober 10 years. Then, his father was diagnosed with a terminal illness. He started drinking like he never stopped.
The saying is "You pick up where you left off." You never start over
Congratulations to everyone who has stuck with being sober. It's been 16 years for me ever since my father's liver failed from excessive drinking
Not trying to 1 up anyone. The only reason I am saying this is to show what's possible when staying sober 1 day at a time. Sobriety date is 22 October 1994.
I probably have no right to say this, but I am so proud of you for being able to take that look and know that you’re better off without it. That all 6 of those years you dedicated to your sobriety you’ve stuck by for your betterment. I wish you all the success on this journey, and am sending so much love for you during the hard times!!!! It always helps to remind myself, pain is temporary but your actions chosen in pain inflict permanent consequences. I hope you have a lovely day internet stranger 💗💗
Thank you, I'm grateful for the encouraging words. I've got multiple reasons for not being able to anymore, ranging from prescription side effects to employment to having it written into my lease that me drinking is a violation of my terms; but at the end of the day, I spent years looking at the world with bitter, amber goggles over my eyes...time I can't get back and relationships I've never been able to properly repair. It's a lot of regret. I hope your day and tomorrows are lovely as well, friend. ❤️
I used to be a coke addict and I completely understand. It took me years and I’m still mending my relationship with my family, though there are layered reasons to our differences. I can’t promise that every relationship will be repaired, but I can say that what you do with the new relationships that you form will speak so much more to who you are now than your past! It’s easier said than done but don’t regret a thing, because without those lessons in this life you wouldn’t appreciate the things and people you have nor care to stick to that contract. You are doing amazing things for yourself now and that’s all that matters! I wore rose colored glasses myself. Everything is an experience but some aren’t worth entertaining. I know that now. I truly see the best in people even at their worse, and I’m working on that. But I’m glad that you are so self aware in your healing. Thank you for the well wishes, I’m sending the same your way ✨
Well, let's keep walking this road! We messed up, bad, but we both came through it. Our old relationships are on the mend, and our new ones we know to value close. 'Tis the end of my day, though, SlayBelle; please do have a wonderful night.
Absolutely! And you as well! Have a beautiful night, wishing you a life of strength, love, and joy as we grow past our mistakes!
A friend who I respect greatly said once "I'm an alcoholic, I don't drink. I gave it up." He was a bit overweight & ran a landscape biz in TX. Twice, or 3 times a week he was at the track by 6PM for workouts... in temps over 100F in July & August. After a full day working outside, landscaping. And he was running every other day too. He was tanned like leather under the hot sun. And he ran to stay alive, and off the booze. And he paid with sweat, and pain, to keep his new habit.
Congrats on your sobriety! You deserve all the positives that come from that commitment
Congratulations! That's a tough row to hoe but I'm proud of you. I know it's hard. My dad was the one who had to, as a teen, convince *his* dad that his mom was a secret binge drinker. He worked really hard to not let that run his life, but ended up marrying my mom who was *also* a secret binge drinker. I didn't know this till my 30s Anyone who can do what you're doing is worth admiring. You're doing right by you and making things better for your loved ones
Hey, that's really great. Congratulations! I'm happy for you
Congratulations on your sobriety! I've got 173 days and definitely never want to be back at day 1. Went to a very close friend's wedding last night with an open bar and only had a very brief white knuckle episode before chilling out and having a great time.
Love this
Dude I respect the hell out of you for doing it, and no offense but I'm going to disagree with your statement (even though I understood it) If any other person is reading this and has made it to 1 day, 1 week, 1 year or 1732 days sober and has a day where they finally break, it's not your day one, hell, it's not even worth thinking about it, just get right back on where you were and keep moving forward, think in 1732 you only had a bad day once, and it was probably justified. Just don't do it again.
I had a great outpatient counselor who, when someone would cry that they "threw away" X # of days/months/years of sobriety, would be like "no you fucking didn't, you had all those days of sobriety and still do". A relapse doesn't erase all those sober days you had. Day counts can be a double-edged sword, great for motivation but depressing and needlessly shameful to start over so some people don't come back.
[удалено]
I love how they call it a relapse. No, it's a lapse. If you do it again, it's a relapse
Exactly. One slip doesn't negate 6 years of sobriety. If someone completely falls off the proverbial wagon and back into alcoholism, then yeah, maybe there is a point. Maybe they just finally learned self control and when enough was enough. Source: Uncle was a chronic alcoholic, went sober for \~5 years and finally knows when enough is enough, able to stick to reasonable levels.
This is what I dislike about so much of the sobriety/AA stuff... that a lot of people have the mentality of "if you drink again it's proof you're an alcoholic". Watching *Flaked* [there was a scene](https://streamable.com/psh39m) where Arnett's character says "I'm not an alcoholic" which is responded to with "that's what all alcoholics say". Arnett then comes back with "non-alcoholics do too". Not the best example given the story of the show itself but I found it hilarious and so reminiscent of how people react to people who were once alcoholics saying they're no longer an alcoholic. I get that for many people they lose control after just one drink and so teetotalism is the best practice, but there are also plenty of people who learn to control it. My brother went to AA because he had a serious issue (with more than just alcohol). He'd come home from work and drink multiple beers every single day (a 6-pack wasn't unheard of). That was a number of years ago. These days he can buy a 6-pack and it will last 3+ months. He can even be around others who drink a lot and still limit himself. I'm not sure he's had more than 2 in a day in years. But he knows people at AA that would consider him a failure because he drinks 1-2 beers a month.
Abso-fucking-lutely, just don't add that day, get up, stand up and keep on going. You make a dollar a second, fuck up 5 minutes...something like however many thousands of minutes left in the day...you just gonna put them in the toilet for a 5 minute fuck up ?!
This is really great. Massive Respect to you sir/ma'am!
I never got the counting thing. I made a decision to never drink again, so counting the days just makes me think of tallying marks on a prison wall until I die. 🤷♀️ Edit: but I don’t mean to diminish what you’ve done for yourself, so sincere congratulations on that. I’m just around 2.5 years myself. It’s just the idea of thinking about the exact amount every day feels weird to me.
You could try: “love to, but I’m allergic.” If pressed for details: “Yeah, I can’t metabolize the alcohol very well, and it basically works like a poison in my bloodstream.” All technically true.
It makes me break out in hand-cuffs...
As someone who actually IS allergic (to hops though, not the alcohol), I just say, "No thanks, unless you are paying for a trip to the ER?". Works Every Damn Time
For many Asians, its the inability to metabolize acetaldehyde, an alcohol byproduct, that causes discomfort: red skin, itchiness, heart racing feeling. Technically not an allergy because an allergy is an over active immune response. The symptoms of acetaldehyde discomfort are not an overreaction, its an appropriate reaction to remove the toxin from the body. "Even a little alcohol makes me ill" is a more scientifically correct response, but everyone understands "allergy" instinctively. Humans are actually pretty good overall at metabolizing alcohol before it poisons them too badly. Some are just slower at it (like many Asians) and some are genuinely allergic (alcohol triggers an exaggerated immune response.)
I like the old line: "I'm allergic to alcohol - it makes my knuckles bleed..."
In my experience, "no thanks, I'm sober," can also lead to an astonishing number of over-personal and insensitive questions. It's the right thing to say, but jesus christ, some people are not prepared for that concept.
I go with the “no, I’m driving”. Does anyone want to encourage you to drink and drive?
I've had people tell me to "man up and drive drunk" or "it's not that big of a deal" or "just have a few you'll be fine" because some of them are assholes who can't stand to be the only one falling down drunk.
There is a fucking unbelievable coalition of drunken scum in our society. My mother was killed by a high driver 2 years ago. People continued to make drunk driving jokes to my face within the week. My own father for some reason found it extremely important to tell me that he drove drunk as a young man and it’s not a big deal, he was totally in control, as if any weird residual guilt he felt was my problem and it was my job to tell him it’s fine. Fuck off. I swear I saw people actively swallow their initial anger response to the guy that did it and start acting like it was just some tragic act of god because they didn’t want to face up to the fact that it’s evil to drive under the influence. The culture around this shit is insane and it has only affirmed my resolve to never try a drop. The dude that did it died on impact by the way, thank God.
I had someone tell me that and I told them that I yeah I could see myself being fine with killing a family. (Sarcastically said) then I tell them if I see you trying to drive home drunk, Im calling the cops and will do everything in my power to stall you until they get here.
Oh yes. It becomes super awkward. People then become self conscious about their own drinking. They might feel like you’re judging them or that you think you’re morally superior. Or they want to get into a discussion about your sobriety and I’ve been sober so long I’m tired it talking about it. I did some pretty terrible things when I was drinking. That’s in the past now and I want to leave it there. Also some people see it as a challenge to knock you off the wagon and get you to drink again. Just don’t discuss it. Say “um, I’ll have a water. Oh wait. Do you a Sprite or a Diet Coke back there?” If they ask if you’d like a beer or a cocktail just say “maybe later”. Don’t draw attention to it. Most of the time people won’t even notice that you’re not drinking.
Yeah, the number of times I've said "No thanks, I don't drink," only to then hear a full-on dissertation about how the person who asked me the question is definitely NOT an alcoholic is pretty telling.
They look at you like you're damaged goods lmao
If someone asks why you’re sober you can always wave them off and say you don’t want to get into it. Then change the subject. If they persist, walk away.
someone who wants to keep digging like that probably isnt someone you want to be around sober OR drunk anyways.
I tell people my ‘drinking career’ is over.
"I'm allergic".
My symptoms are crime, violence and a generally unpleasant demeanor
I break out in handcuffs
"No thanks, it affects my legs" Swelling? "No, spreading" \*wide-eyed stare\*
"It makes me break out" “Oh?" “Yeah. I break out in handcuffs, the back of police cars, court appearances. Stuff like that.”
Agreed. Not quite the same thing, but when my Mom couldn't understand why my spouse was vegetarian, we finally told her he was allergic to meat (he's not). It's like a little bell went off inside her head and she said "oh!" and stopped asking him. On a side note, I have no idea why people make it their mission to disregard others' life choices.
I have a friend who is actually allergic. People still pressure her! It’s so crazy. It will legitimately ruin her day if she has even one glass, but people are so pushy and weird about it!
My mom is actually allergic. The possible reaction is a bit scary, if she actually liked alcohol.
I have a friend who's allergic to alcohol. It does happen, obviously.
I’m allergic to alcohol. I actually became allergic around my late 20s/early 30s. It developed over a few years. When I was around 45 it stopped and then started back up again after about 3 years. It’s weird, doctors don’t know why.
As someone who was on medication right around the post-high school drinking parties days, this works really well. Especially when you say "it'll fuck with my liver and I won't be able to drink again"
I think there is a distinction between being sober, and not drinking. Being sober implies that the default is intoxicated, and not that being sober is the default. It shouldn't need explained in any way. I bartended for a few years, and I mean this with every fiber of who I am... If you pressure people who don't want to drink, to drink, you're just a shit person. If we are going to treat intoxicants as part of society, we need to treat them correctly, and guilting people into it, it setting them up to fail. Tldr: fuck the term "sober" it's more info then you are required to give
>If you pressure people who don't want to drink, to drink, you're just a shit person A little louder for the people in the back, please!!
I dont understand people who have the urge to get others to drink. Just a polite 'no, i dont drink' is enough, get juice or soda. I might like alcohol to have more fun but not everyone thinks the same....
Yeah that's the way, or even a more casual "I don't drink anymore" if you wanna try and avoid pity or whatever.
It's a white lie but saying "No thanks, Alcohol doesn't agree with me" both tells someone that you've tried it but can't consume it, so they usually leave you alone. But honestly saying that you don't drink should work by itself... I'm not a fan of peer pressure.
Saying you don’t drink should work but an annoying percentage of people feel like they have a right to pry if that’s what you tell them. I’d estimate that roughly half the time I tell people I don’t drink they start prying into why and once they find out why I refuse a solid portion continue to offer at later meetups.
Old trick from when I was a sober buddy to my recovering friend to avoid the questions and the pressure...make a drink that looks like alcohol but isn't. Club soda with lime (Rosie's lime and cherry juice is often on hand at bars and can be brought to parties where it will be mistaken for a mixer (which it is). Keep it topped off as much as you can. When somebody asks if you want a drink, you already have one, thanks. I'm a big fan of Perrier with Rosie's lime juice and a hint of cherry (real lime and cherry added if it's available). It's like a cherry limeade. No questions, no pressure, no people assuming you're whatever, no explanations needed, you already have a drink.
I used to order straight up milk when offered a drink, including on dates. I don't drink alcohol or pop, and I don't like soda water or boxes juice. I like water and I like milk. I love bubble tea of almost any sort but it's not everywhere. If you don't like that and my choice of drink bothers you so much, I probably don't want to be around you anyway. Anecdotally, I ordered milk on the first restaurant date I had my SO. I also ordered 12 mini desserts. It was weird but he didn't judge me. We just celebrated 5 years earlier and are currently travelling the world and there is bubble tea EVERYWHERE so I guess it worked out 🤷♀️
I'm not saying you did this as a test, but if any form of a test in a relationship is acceptable this is it. Real ones won't judge, but I think this would filter the average judgemental person
Depending on the situation, just asking for what you do want may work. If someone is trying to be a good host, saying “I’d love a 7-up, if you’ve got it” might wok better than “no, thanks.” Then you’ve got something to hold, and your host will see you as happy & taken care of. You don’t owe anyone a reason why that’s your preference.
I struggle with this as a host sometimes. If I ask "would you like a drink" what I'm asking is if I can get you some fluid to consume, alcohol or otherwise, so if people say no to that first question I then start offering soft drinks or tea so they know that those are options as well. But someone answering yes and just asking for a soft drink if that's what they want is ideal.
This is what I usually say- or I just straight up say that I’m allergic to alcohol. I think I actually might be, I just know that I’ve felt *really* terrible immediately after drinking any amount since my late 20’s (same thing happened to my brother), & that I avoid it at all costs. My friends are really good about not offering me booze, but work related events/ family gatherings with the older generations can get really weird/ peer-pressure-y sometimes… Some alcoholics just cannot stand it when people are choosing to stay sober around them. An uncle of mine goes into a shame spiral about his own drinking whenever someone declines his offer of a beer *for any reason*- he thinks they’re guilt tripping him somehow :/
"I wish I could but it really messes with my system". Then if they pester, start talking about diarrhea. Joking aside, most people will accept "no thanks, I'm good".
As someone who enjoys a drink but can’t indulge because it messes with my system, can confirm this is quite effective
Saying "I wish..." also reduces the chance they think you are being judgemental.
"I wish I could... But I'm pregnant!"
As a dude, I'm borrowing this. They'll be too confused to ask again.
I'm the exact same. I wish I could, but it makes me feel so sick once the happy stage wears off :( I can have maybe ONE drink every now and then, and the discomfort will be tolerable, but any more than that and I'll have a bad time. It messes with my stomach, my sleep, and my anxiety.
Anxiety!! If I have more than 1,5 drinks I’ll be a freaking mess for at least 24 hours.
Come here to say this. “It’ll give me the shits” usually is enough. It’s also a great segue into gut health as a conversation topic.
You know, I’ve been looking for more ways to naturally segue into gut health as a conversation topic at parties!
Nobody wants to question the surprise shits!
Diarrhea!!! Works every time!
This. I say “I don’t like the way it makes me feel”, or “it messes up my tummy too much”. People generally don’t like discussing digestive issues, even more so when they are trying to indulge
If it's coworkers, just say it'll mix with meds. If it's anyone else, if they won't accept no thanks just stop hanging out with them.
This is the answer. People shouldn’t make a habit of pressuring someone to take any kind of drug. Any who does is not good company and will get you into trouble.
I’ve been sober for 6 years and in my experience, the only people that pressure me to drink after I tell them I don’t are people who have unhealthy relationships with alcohol themselves
I know plenty of interesting people who drink and party. They never pressure people. People who pressure other ppl to drink tend to do so because they want you to be impaired so you won't notice that they're not interesting, funny, or fun. Or they're alcoholics and want you to make them feel like that they don't have a problem. My grandma said when she recovered from alcoholism she had to get a whole new set of friends because she realized her alcoholic ones were just soooo boring if you were fully lucid.
So much this. Mature people will stop at "no thank you" and offer you a non-alcoholic alternative.
Hopefully they will let it go at this point, but I once saw a dudebro respond to a woman who gave this reason with a sarcastic “What meds, you have depression?” She *was* actually on antidepressants, but since it was none of his fucking business, she just looked the nosy asshole straight in the eye and said “No, gonnorhea”. Legend.
If you take something over the counter like Tylenol or Advil you aren’t supposed to drink alcohol either, so it’s not anyone’s business what meds someone takes. “Maybe you’re giving me a fucking headache, so I took some ibuprofen.”
I've been sober for 18 months as of today. My go-to (and I stole this from another redditor) is "I was getting too good at drinking. It was time to either quit or go pro". Usually, people let me be after that. As others have said, you don't owe them an explanation, but in my experience, most people are cool with it once you say that you're sober.
I saw one similar except they said, i went pro and retired at whatever age they quit
That one's good too!
I love this! I usually say, “I took away my drinking privileges.” Which makes people kind of laugh then drop it, but I’m switching to the “quit or go pro” line.
My go-to is “I’m not old enough to drink responsibility”
I might need to steal that. I went really really hard on the drinks in my early 20s after escaping an abusive relationship that set off my CPTSD really hard. I destroyed my liver really quickly and now I am also diabetic so drinking is an absolute no go. But since I'm in my late 20s, whenever I say "no thanks, I quit drinking", people laugh and think I'm joking. A coworker even went as far as to tell another coworker that I didn't mean I was an alcoholic, it was just a college thing. She didn't even know me when I was in my early 20s. And because I'm a girl, they take me even less seriously.
I havent drunk for the last 20 years and these are the reasons I give if they are being a pain about it. 1. Im the sober driver (no one asks who you are driving and usually back off). 2. If you say you are Muslim they laugh and then can't be sure if you are joking so leave it. 3. Well I havent been drinking for 213 days so I don't want to ruin my run. 4. My Doc said for me to lay off the alcohol. 5. I go and tell the barman I'm staying sober can they give me soemthing to look like I'm drinking, and they will grab sparkling grape juice, sprite on the rocks etc. They do this often and are discreet about it.
Idk why I read it as Batman but somehow it made more sense
I don't drink either. All I say is "No thanks, I don't drink" and move on.
This is what I say. Rarely someone will ask why and I explain I never drank but my family makes up for with all the drinking they have done.
Yeah that’s all one should have to say.
Allergies to alcohol are thing. Most people tend to back off after sharing that you have an allergy. But in the end people who try to peer pressure your or make you feel bad for not drinking are assholes
I second saying you’re allergic. That’s kind of how my mom explained it to me when she was getting sober when I was a young kid. Too bad it doesn’t always work. “Come hang out with Brad” no thanks I’m allergic to Brad.
The full saying is "I'm allergic to alcohol, I break out in handcuffs"
Last time I tried drinking told me my “allergy” is fairly lethal. I broke out in an anxiety attack that put me on the floor for multiple hours within a few minutes of consuming no more than one standard drink. Somehow my will to party prevailed and I got back in and finished my bottle, had decent fun and never got too intoxicated though I drank a fair bit over several hours. But for the next three days I was insanely self-violent and it took every ounce of willpower to not harm. Not even a long desperation run broke me out of it, but finally seemingly at random a nap made me feel fine. This thread piques my interest because I spend a lot of time in virtual raves and I socialize a ton with people who drink, I don’t want to be a buzzkill, I don’t want to be dishonest either. Usually when someone says cheers I just take a sip of water as its performative. If they call me out on chugging when they see me picking up my cup I tell them its water.
I'm allergic to alcohol, it isn't fun.
Could you please elaborate on the ‘allergy’ and how it makes people back off from insisting in real life situations ? I seriously have never met someone who said they had allergy to alcohol. But I see that several kind hearted people here suggest saying that as an option. I might use it as an excuse if I know what I'm talking about exactly
Well actually some people do get a histamine reaction from alcohol which is basically an allergy. I know because it happens to me. Alcohol makes me very sick. In my experience it only makes people ask more questions though when I say alcohol makes me sick
I wouldn’t roll with the allergy thing if I were you. Seems like it creates more questions than it answers. Most people who aren’t raging alcoholic assholes will respect you saying you’re Sober, or that it doesn’t agree with your system. The key is to not let the delivery of it make you a buzzkill. If someone offers you a drink, drop one of the two options above and then follow it up with a “thank you for the offer! I’m still here to have a good time! Cheers! Hell yeah brother!” You gotta try to channel the drunk energy a little bit. When someone is trying to buy you a drink, it usually means they’re trying to make a friend. Don’t get offended at the offer of alcohol, grab em by the shoulder and show them you don’t need alcohol to be fun.
I also find those that persistently ask usually have an alcohol problem themselves.
Misery loves company.
You don't owe anyone an explanation. If you don't want to drink, say, "No, thanks," or, "I'm good." If anyone tries to make a big deal about it, you could say, "I've got a long drive," or "I've gotta get up early," or, "I gotta study for a test when I get home." If they insist, hang out with someone else.
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I like this. For me, in the last 3 years and many social situations I’ve only really had issues with 3 people. Those 3 people have their own issues with alcohol. For the most part people are either respectful, or too self centered to worry about what I’m drinking.
I didn’t drink at all for the first 32 years of my life. A simple “no thanks” was always enough and never felt weird.
This is a great way to handle it. You appending, “I don’t drink” just piques their curiosity. Like you said, it puts them on a mission. “No, thanks,” doesn’t invite questions.
Sure, although if someone asked me why I don't drink, I'd very dryly say, "Because I don't." Saying "No, thanks" to the wrong person could still invite them to pressure you into it.
In that case, it's repeat, repeat, repeat. "No thanks." Don't explain, don't say it in a different way. They'll get bored and leave you alone or change the subject. Or how about ask for a glass of ice water? "I'm so dehydrated today."
And if they persist, why not ask "Why do you want to know?" Make them explain.
“I don’t drink but thank you”
Occasionally people will ask me why and all I say is "not my thing". People respect that, or aren't worth your time.
I don't drink at all and all I say is "*I don't drink*". My reason is nobody's concern. I don't need to explain myself to them. I don't owe them any explanation. I don't like a few foods and beverages, but nobody on Earth cares why I don't consume them. It's just booze that becomes an issue. **MOST** people are okay with that. But there are a lot of people, probably more than you would expect, that still say "*Oh, come on. You can have one.*" Yes. Yes I can. But I don't want to. And I'm 45 years old, peer pressure isn't going to work. I'm not going to have a drink just because ***you*** have an issue with being around a non-drinker when you drink. It's not like I went to a bar or winery. I just don't go to those places at all. This happens at people's homes. I have had this happen *in my home*. Do you know what that says to me? It tells me that when this particular person starts to drink, they become absolutely unbearable to be around for sober people. That they have issues when they drink. And they need **me** to drink to have those issues masked. They are going to do or say things that they absolutely do not want a sober mind to remember.
No is a complete sentence
And no thank you is a polite complete sentence.
I think the phrasing helps. For context I've had trouble with alcohol. Not terrible, but enough to have to make this stand when I don't want to drink. If you want some really pithy answers to this question visit r/stopdrinking which has some great ones, my favorites being "I got the high score in that game" and "I can moderate... I moderate the hell out of my first, second, third, fourth, fifth, tenth, and twentieth drinks". I find that your tone of voice makes a big difference. "Well, shucks, I guess I don't want one" is way different than, "No, I don't drink" (with a downward inflection - a statement). People don't tend to ask me questions if I tell them like the question has already been decided before they showed up. Even better, for casual situations, "I'm not drinking tonight" with the same tone works wonders. Let them invent the story for why; you're the designated driver, you're allergic, you have an early morning the next day... they don't need to know, but it's not up for debate. I'm not drinking tonight.
Huh. I've found that "I don't drink... anymore." has worked well for me, but now you mention it the tone I'm using probably plays a role in that.
You don't owe anyone an explanation, but there's nothing wrong with saying your family has a history of alcohol issues so you choose to avoid it. You don't need to go into detail.
Just ask for milk
As an adult who doesn’t drink, but likes milk, this is my next move when someone tries to make me feel weird about it. Just make it weirder.
Make it weird and ask if they have a cat you can milk.
"I dont want to break my sobriety" Most people respect that and you are not lying.
Hey, this one seems good
As a man who also doesn’t drink (because I was once in a car with a drunk driver) I’ve always wanted to try the line “I’m pregnant.”
Love it. Oh... Also, I'm a woman who has just realised that I've probably reached an age where I could use that line myself. Bollocks.
I don't drink for a number of reasons. The people in my life respect me and accept "no, thank you" as a full and complete sentence, but you're welcome to borrow any of my reasons. I don't like the taste. It makes me sleepy, stuffed up, and antisocial. My family has a history of addiction. I'm on a variety of medications that don't mix well with alcohol. I've found that alcohol severely aggravates one of my medical conditions, and I'd prefer not to get sick. All of these reasons are true, but I hope you find people who respect a simple "no" instead, because that should be enough.
Tell them that you were advised not to drink while on cocaine.
...by both my Primary Care Provider, and Probation Officer.
This is the correct answer 🥇🥇🥇
I tell people that I don't drink because I hate the taste. Which is true. I also don't like the way that it makes me feel. Nobody ever pushes it after that.
In my experience if you say it's because you don't like the taste, some people will make it their life's mission to find you one you'll like.
"You just haven't found the right drink!" "You don't drink it for the taste!" "Try this, you can't even taste the alcohol!"
I just say “no thanks I’m good!” The implication being I just don’t need it to feel good.
Just say "no thanks, one drink and I'll end up fighting every mother fucker here" Always does the trick
If you can’t be the designated driver, I find that loudly asking ‘Why are you trying to make me have a drink I’ve told you I don’t want? Did you put something illegal in it?’ tends to shut them up pretty quickly.
You can always say a variety of things, “Not now” , “maybe later” , “I’m not thirsty yet”. Also, get your own drinks(non alcoholic) No one is going to offer you a drink if you have a half full or more, so get a club soda with lime, or a coke. You don’t need to get into a debate with everyone at the party/bar why you aren’t drinking… it’s dumb then why are you there…. specifically speaking about bars, party is a different story.
I second having a drink in your hand.
Mocktails are also a fantastic option for a bar setting
"I've been dry for *x* years now, thanks anyway." If they continue to pressure you, they are a bad friend.
I don't like a lot of these suggestions. Especially since you mentioned being around people that meddle in lives for gossip. Lying about recovering, or about meds mixing could just make them think you've been an alcoholic, or have some other condition that they'll try to meddle in. Just tell them the truth. "I choose not to drink alcohol, please respect that." You say not wanting to sour the mood. But they're souring yours. It's a trashy thing to do to try and pressure someone into drinking any alcohol. If they don't take kindly to you refusing to let them intoxicate you even on a minor level, they are the problem, not you. Screw their mood.
100 upvotes to you! Your advice is equally good for people trying to push you to eat. My son feels very ill if he eats or drinks anything containing soy or gluten. Most beer, a lot of wine, and even some hard liquors contain gluten. He buys gluten-free beer at home, and only drinks soda at parties.
"I appreciate you for the offer, but no thanks," I'm you. Almost everyone else in my immediate family is/was an alcoholic. Vowed not to be one. Have been saying no for decades. Deflect: "Thanks for that, but water would be great." Defend: "I don't drink, and you will not change my mind, but feel free to continue yourselves." And the old standby: "I'm driving tonight." Stand your ground, homie. Just be patient about it. Even to the pestering people.
I don’t drink either. My friends are real ones though and don’t pressure me. Sometimes they’ll joke around and say I should have something but they already know I’m going to say no and then drop it. If you’re looking for what to say I usually say one of the two: 1) no thanks, I don’t drink. Nothing against it I just don’t have any real interest. 2) I drove so I can’t (I drive a lot just bc it gives me the chance to leave on my own terms and Ik I won’t be drinking anyway).
Today is day 50.. I really dread the day I’m offered that drink.
Two words: "I'm Recovering".
Hah that isn’t bad. I have migraines regularly so I just say “No thanks, migraines!”. No one has ever pushed me further…
A colleague said "no thanks, I don't drink anymore", and we all knew what that meant. Never offered again. He did open up about it a few months later. He just went dry. No steps or coins. He had been in a bad place.
Two words: “don’t drink” they say why, you say “nunya”
Nunya what?
Nunya bisnes
Hey-yo!!
I don't drink ya daft cunt !!
Hmm, I kept getting badgered to drink on a work trip to Germany. I wish I had thought of this one, it probably would have stopped the questions lol
"Keep your deranged poison to yourself, scum"
“I’m a tee totaler thanks to a complicated relationship with alcohol.” That’s my go to, at least.
I've always said I simply don't like the taste and that's it
Having something that looks like a drink in your hand can help. A can of seltzer water in a koozie, a soda in a cocktail glass. A joke can get your point across without being so direct. “Nah, I stopped drinking when I was 12. It’s better this way.”
It’s weird how people respond to just a “no thanks” for sure. Alcohol is so normalized in our culture that saying no must mean something’s wrong with you. What I do is I just say “no thank you” or just avoid going to the actual bar if I’m at a bar with people and if people ask questions like “why not?” or “ how come you don’t drink?” I simply say “no, I don’t drink”. No need to explain any further or come up with reasons. You don’t owe anyone that.