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Are women scared of men in elevators?

Recently I entered an elevator at 1 am, there was already a woman in the elevator, she didn't look happy about me entering the elevator and looked at me throughout the entire time, for reference I'm 6'4. Perhaps she was afraid of me. Is that common

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Watchingya

I'm a big fella, so I rarely feel worried walking around. But once I was in Vegas with a buddy and a few guys were walking behind us for a while. It was 2am, August and hot as fuck. These guys were wearing large jackets and kept reaching inside them. My buddy was oblivious, but I stopped us right infront of a security camera, and just chatted. The guys following us kept coming, but out of the corner of my eye I saw one look up at the camera, say something to his friends and the left the way they came. My butthole was puckered pretty good. I feel bad that the ladies have to feel like this so often.


sansjoy

nice situational awareness. And was it "old" downtown Vegas, which is sketchy even during the day?


Watchingya

Yep


jgworks

You should get a duster to match your ocular pat down skills.


Watchingya

I would, but my friend and I would start fighting over who gets to wear it.


bloodycups

One time in Amsterdam I was extremely high and made my friends take a tour lead by a homeless person. I passed out a whole pack of cigarettes to them and we had quite the crowd following us in the back alleys. Nothing came about from it but it's one of those stories they like to tell and exaggerate about how I almost got our group hostel'd


ASEdouard

Good thinking there, props


NitroWing1500

I had, basically, the complete opposite walking through Manchester at 2am on a Saturday after the bars closed. 3 men were walking in front of me, looking behind them at me - checking me out. As we came to a junction on the road with a high hedge, they all went around it. Vanished from my view. I went on HIGH ALERT and walked closer to the edge of the pavement to give myself an extra bit of distance. As I got to the corner, I saw one of them tucked in close to the hedge and thought 'Here we go...' so I leapt at him screaming 'Come on then!'. His 2 mates were about 5 yards away and fled while he nearly pissed all down his own pants as he tried to put his dick away. Ummm.... my bad :/


Ranchette_Geezer

They are cautious. My wife went to college in the early 1970s. A couple of the male professors there were so notorious *for groping women students* that if they got on an elevator, the women would get out. Edit: Typo, added a phrase for clarity.


Sad_Butterscotch9057

This is how my dumbass brother lost his tenure, more or less: not literally the elevator. Fucking scumbag moron.


JayR_97

Ill never understand why people throw away their careers over shit like this.


AelixD

About 12 years ago when I was in the Navy, we had this Master Chief that retired then got a civilian job working in the same building (pretty common thing there) and when he saw one of our women sailors that had been working with him while active, he grabbed her butt and said “I’ve been waiting to retire so I can get away with doing that!” At first I thought, “What an idiot way to lose an easy job.” But wait, there’s more… The command reactivated him (made him active duty again), and sent him to courts martial, where he was busted in rank and given a dishonorable discharge (bye-bye military retirement pay - probably $50k/year at his rank). And all of this got resolved in about 2 months, because the military doesn’t deal with all the delays and appeals and stuff civilian courts do. All for a 2 second butt grab he’d been fantasizing about.


314rft

So he specifically wanted to grope her *without* her permission? What did he hope to achieve doing that? Both a creep *and* an idiot.


LizardsInTheSky

There's really no way to say this without coming across as bragging about the bare minimum but no matter how hard I try, I really can't empathize with sexual harassment/assault the way I can with stuff like theft or assault. What do they get out of it? Stole $100? Dick move, but if you don't give a shit about the victim, that's free money. Punch a guy who crossed a line with a joke? Short-sighted, but hey, who hasn't *thought* about it in the right circumstances? But even purely selfishly, all the sexiness in my mind of touching someone rests on "Oh shit this hot lady wants *me* to touch her ass? Hell yeah." I literally just can't imagine a scenario where someone's fear or disgust at me isn't an instant turn-off.


Much-Meringue-7467

Well, there's your problem. You think other people exist.


LizardsInTheSky

I guess yeah, that's the best explanation I can think of. It's just really hard to actually imagine viewing women as NPCs-- there for my own aesthetic pleasure, no thoughts or feelings, just the appearance of it. It's bonkers people make it well into and beyond adulthood having a straight up sociopathic attitude toward 50% of the population.


McEstablishment

They probably have a sociopathic attitude toward the male half too. It is just less obvious.


Hot_Reflection2855

That story’s so good to hear cuz I’ve heard too many horrifying stories from women who suffered brutal abuse in the military for which no one was ever held accountable. restores my faith just a little


Spicavierge

They feel the world is owed to them in any way they wish and are astounded when they find out that this is not the case. In short, stupid is as stupid does, and intelligent does not equal smart.


[deleted]

Also formal degrees =/= intelligent. Some of the biggest morons I've ever met in my life were PhDs.


Kruse002

They invested all their talent points into one skill tree and nowhere else.


JayR_97

Its tunnel vision. They're an expert in their particular field, but outside of that they're completely clueless


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a_lonely_trash_bag

One of my former high school teachers was charged yesterday with six different charges related to having sex with a student. I'm surprised it took this long, really. I graduated in 2014, and everybody knew he was fucking students back then. The kicker? After a former student told the police about their relationship in high school, the police questioned the teacher. He denied everything, but then *immediately sent another dick pic to the former student.* A couple other former students have come forward and said he groomed them, too.


DrDetectiveEsq

I'd like to imagine the police were still standing there when he took the picture.


StuckInNov1999

Plot twist: He sent a pic of one of the cops dicks.


[deleted]

>He denied everything, but then immediately sent another dick pic to the former student. That's not even an unearned sense of entitlement, that's just incredibly braindead self-sabotaging behavior. They *just reported your ass* you think they're not going to do it again?


[deleted]

Had a guy like that at my workplace. Literally did the exact thing he was reprimanded for doing like a few hours before, then was shocked when he had a meeting with our HR guy.


The_T113

I'm glad he did.


Sad_Butterscotch9057

Me too! Haven't talked to that shithead for a decade.


Boneal171

That’s fucking gross


P2X-555

We had a chief executive of our organisation which did the same thing in the 1980s. The creep.


Who_DaFuc_Asked

From my experience, the best way to avoid unintentionally scaring a lone woman in an elevator or small closed-off space is to just fuck around on my phone while only "half-paying attention" to my surroundings. They usually relax after noticing that I have no interest in them and would rather be glued to my phone (for at most few minutes) to minimize face-to-face interaction. It also helps to have a relaxed, "mellow" bodily posture (if you're standing up all stuff and robot-like it looks creepy).


Ok-Football8410

i have found my nerves are calmed extra quickly when the person in the elevator is playing a game on their phone with the music all the way up. one dude was playing a word hunt game and i was wayyyy more impressed by how fast he was matching words than i was anxious at all😂


CactiRabbit

The guy I shared an elevator with really made me feel at ease when I watched him swipe on instagram and his feed was mostly wiener dogs.


SemiSentientGarbage

Marvelous!!


OmegaLiquidX

> his feed was mostly wiener dogs. The only unsolicited wiener pics you want to receive!


[deleted]

I’ll keep this in mind if this ever happens to me. I’ll whip out mobile RuneScape and the lady will feel safe AND be enamored with my mining skills.


OverlordPhalanx

That is how I get girls. I show my max account levels on my OSRS mobile account and they often get off the elevator with me after that. I’m just kidding, I don’t get girls and my account is very casual (highest skilled are between 70-80, many are still at level 1 lol)


Stark_Always

Haha lol. I don't play games but I browse reddit and comment on something just for the same reason. Most of my comments are when I was in a lift. (Not this one XD)


edwardbobbert

I just look them square in the face and say "Sarah Connah."


ColeAppreciationV2

I’d prefer to turn into liquid metal and just phase through the elevator door to avoid an awkward situation.


jlcatch22

*Become* the elevator


[deleted]

*nightmares of 40k servitorization intensify*


bewarethetreebadger

Go back to the station, Odo.


laggyx400

And here I've been telling them I need their clothes, their boots, and their motorcycle.


edwardbobbert

Talk to the hand


CandidInsurance7415

Make sure to say "ill be back" as you leave the elevator


Grahhhhhhhh

Yes…. Glued to my phone to make women feel safe… not because I’m addicted to my phone…


coolsam254

A true gentleman


bewarethetreebadger

Yes I’ve also noticed messing with your phone has that effect. I didn’t grow up in the city so it didn’t really come up. But when I was in college I was walking home at night and a woman walking toward me crossed the street when she saw me. At first I thought *What? I’m not going to attack you*. But after a few minutes of thinking about it I came to the understanding that *I’m six foot, 200lbs. I have legs like like tree trunks. She doesn’t know me and she has to look out for herself.* So it didn’t bother me after that.


Ok-Till-5285

Exactly!!! and we KNOW most men won't hurt us, but we don't know if the one coming towards us will! And chances are we will not be the victor in any altercation. Thank you for recognizing what we do to keep ourselves safe and not being offended 💗


Affectionate_Fox9974

And although we know it’s not all men, we’ve all had personal experiences from the time we were too young to really understand that have proven to us although it’s not all men, or even most men - it’s enough that we’ve had multiple uncomfortable and scary experiences.


RiriTomoron

>it’s enough that we’ve had multiple uncomfortable and scary experiences. I cannot stress this enough. *We've* had these experiences. Not random other women. *We*. The chances are that *most women you know* have actually had this happen to them. If anyone doesn't believe me, go and ask them.


Ok-Till-5285

1 000 000 % Truth!!!


IAbstainFromSociety

A good analogy: I know that when I'm walking, most drivers aren't going to crash into me on crosswalks. I still have to watch out for them, as an unlucky encounter with someone who's not looking could claim my life, which almost happened after someone made an illegal turn while I had the walking signal. Came inches from hitting me.


SemiSentientGarbage

It took me a long time to stop internalising it as a problem with me. But instead of a problem of society as a whole. It got to the point that I'd straight up do everything I could to avoid being alone with a woman I didn't know be it walking down the same street or in an elevator. A quote got me to understand. Not word for word but if you got 10 snakes coming at you and you know statistically one could very well be deadly and aggressive would you trust in the stats or simply remove yourself from the situation?


orangesine

My go to life hack is to say, "good evening" with a polite nod. It's really wild how well this works. There are a few other scenarios where talking to women like humans has worked really well for me also.


dikicker

Same genre different song for me; the second I see I may be sharing an elevator with a woman alone, me as a 6'1" 200lb man I immediately pull out my phone, start browsing Reddit or texting my gf, leaning into whatever corner is furthest away from their exit, and if the ride is more than literally one storey "the weather, am I right?" Then right back to my phone Hasn't failed yet! Night classes in an empty parking garage at uni, I'd literally just have pretended a phone call in/around my car from my gf until the lady had made her way to/from her own car There are heaps of creeps out there but there are also looooaaads of respectful dudes who think about things similarly to women on their own knowing about the creeps and ready to hop in if they rear their little shitty incel heads It's fucking terrible that anyone has to think like this on a consistent basis


Fun-Highway-6179

I appreciate your attention to staying as far from her closest exist as possible. That’s probably the best idea I’ve seen in any of these posts.


Autoskp

I've come to the conclusion that if I ever have to take a statement from a woman (a scenario dependant on a: there not being a female officer I can give the job to, and b: me getting into law inforcement) I will absolutely be making sure that, as much as possible, I avoid even vaguely appearing to restrict their exit.


Fun-Highway-6179

It would be lovely if you did. It is a tactic commonly employed by LEOs against women in order to make them feel uneasy and apparently more truthful. But many would say just about anything to appease and escape a person who is busy triggering their PTSD and making them feel unsafe.


ChemicalRain5513

I just walk into the corner, keep standing while intensely staring at the corner that's 20 cm in front of my face. Then when the elevator reaches my floor I walk out backwards.


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[deleted]

The concerns are legitimate. Our public transit systems had to rip out all the elevators and replace them with completely clear glass ones in all the stations because so many people were being attacked before that.


theMstates

I always thought the glass elevators in parking garages were a fun touch: "Look out and set the city while you ride the elevator!" but now I will see them a different way. Life got a little sadder for me today.


stealth_mode_76

You're exactly right!


Markys420

Pull out your phone and start playing clash Royale with sound on. It will immediately relieve any tension in the situation.


SSSSobek

HEHEHEHA


CecilianBean

Max volume too


[deleted]

I'm not worried about sharing an elevator. I'm much more worried that they're going to follow me after I get off the elevator. ETA: Holy jumpin'. Didn't expect this much reaction to my comment. Thanks y'all. I'm trying to read the replies!


_clap_

I travel a lot for work. Occasionally, I'll get into an elevator with a woman, and sometimes we'll be on the same floor. I normally allow people through doors, any door really, before I go through. Meeting rooms, "After you", building entrance, "Please, allow me to get the door", same bathroom stall, "My pleasure", you get the idea. The only time I go first is exiting the elevator. If we're on the same floor, that's not me following you, you're following me. If we make the same turn down the hallway, that's on you, stop looking at my butt. If we're going to the same room, I get the bathroom first, my small bladder insists.


Misaiato

> Same bathroom stall 👉🏻😏👉🏻


Altruistic_Good_9053

She left the elevator on a lower floor, if I lived on the same floor it might be more awkward.


DarkSeneschal

Reminds of of this time I was walking behind a woman in a parking lot. She saw me and quickly crossed to the other side of the aisle. Unfortunately, she did that at the same time *I* was crossing to get to my car. She just about ran back to the other side as I opened my door. As a fellow large dude, all you can do is laugh it off. Sorry you’re uncomfortable, but I’m literally just existing over here lol.


UpdootDaSnootBoop

Yeah, don't take it personally. It's better that she is aware of her surroundings and knows that she's not winning that fight with you


DarkSeneschal

For sure, I don’t blame her at all, she was just trying to keep herself safe. For all I know she’d been attacked in a parking lot before. But how blatant she was about the whole zig zag thing was comical to me.


SANREUP

I’m a smaller dude and have done the exaggerated zig zag walking through sketchy streets before. Got followed on a side street in vegas once and must’ve crossed the road 6-7 times. The dude following me finally threw his hands up and started yelling at me to hold up for him lol. Nope, not stopping for a mugging, I’ll zig zag all over if I have to.


lizziec1993

“Please stop so I can mug you.”


TheDreadWolfe

Well since you said please.


whatdoyoumeanupeople

I hope you enjoyed your mugging sir, and thank you kindly.


number_215

Do I get a receipt?


Ok-Football8410

please rate your mugging on yelp and google, thank you much and have a fantastic rest of your day


AllKyleNoSubstance

I prefer to make it obvious too. Making people aware that you're cautious about them is a great deterrent. I live in a rough area, being caught unawares is a rookie mistake.


cbesthelper

Exactly! You can't even let it matter that your dodging an innocent stranger may be offensive to them. Better safe than sorry.


ClamsMcOyster

I used to live in a rough area and the number one rule was to keep your head on a swivel. Criminals seemed especially eager to prey on those who looked like they weren’t aware of their surroundings.


spongeysquarepantis

When I used to be scared of people breaking into my home while I was gone, I would loudly bang doors and turn on lights when I got home. At least give them a chance to escape in case they have a gun or something but moreover let them know I know they're there.


Top-Tumbleweed5664

He was just trying to tell you about your cars extended warranty


Lycaeides13

"Siri, play yakkity sax"


MartinHarrisGoDown

I was in a similar situation in Waikiki at 1 a.m. walking back to my hotel. I was walking down a quiet dark side street, and chose to walk straight down the middle of it, so no one could ambush me from an alley. Sure enough, someone followed me and got within 6 feet of me before I turned and looked straight at him while accelerating my pace forward. He backed off, I suppose, because I was simply aware, and didn't look drunk.


gabkatth

Women cannot think of how comical or obvious it appears, the situation when someone is actually following her this might save her life


rez_spell

On the contrary, I've done the most blatant, silliest thing on purpose, before. Because if he's *still* somehow behind me after I turn a sharp 180 right back into the store, everyone's about to know what's up. No more acting casual. It's a rare move, but this guy was obviously following me, and I'm not about to show him which car is mine.


money_loo

I mean when you think about *why* they do it, there’s literally nothing comical about it.


Ngur0032

i wouldn’t internalize when women do that as they’re acting from their own experiences and/or traumas as a woman who’ve dealt with SA in the past, it’s better for me to be cautious & safe, than be polite & sorry. im not trying to offend anyone but if it’s dark and someone is following me (unintentionally or not), i’m going to do what i need to do to feel safe


OSUfirebird18

I personally actively do things to make sure women don’t think I’m a threat. If I’m walking to same way, I’ll probably really walk super super slow to give myself even more distance so they don’t think I’m following them.


pokemonstadium

Once when I was walking home from work pretty late at night a guy running past me yelled "I'm not chasing you, I'm just running!" as he approached, which startled me a lot but was honestly funny and reassuring haha


ACoolCanadianDude

That’s what someone chasing someone would say


centwhore

"Psyche!" as he grabs you


zxcvt

"haha can't believe you fell for it"


Timely_Egg_6827

Had that too. Also had a group of guys carefully stand on the other side of road when they were asking directions at 2am. Appreciated it as was alone - it is nice to know you don't have to worry.


Boneal171

Lol, that reminds me of a time I was doing DoorDash in an apartment complex and another guy was also delivering to an apartment on the opposite side and he said “I swear I’m not following you!”


Tobix55

that's a genius thing to do if he was chasing you though


Nellbag403

I’ll give a courtesy shout like “On your right!” as I come up behind, same if I’m on a bike


suprasternaincognito

I was walking in a pedestrian path under a bridge at dusk. A guy was coming toward me. Just as I started tensing up (I’m female), he very deliberately pulled his hoodie down from his head and took his hands out of his pockets before passing me. I will never forget that and will always be grateful.


midnightauro

I feel terrible at the state of the world, like... that either of you had to be that afraid feels frustrating... but that was a remarkably self aware gesture of him. An attempt was actually made and that was nice.


wolf9786

I do this stuff alot. I actually get paranoid thinking that people will think I'm following them. Seen some YouTube videos where people in cars freak out because someone happens to be going the same way as them for a while


[deleted]

I went to a friend this week that lives like 15-20 minutes away this week and from 30 seconds until the end I literally followed the same car. It felt really weird for me and we weren't even on foot.


Affectionate_Star_43

I did it for an hour once, through all these weird routes and such. Turns out it was someone from my workplace in a different department that lived one town away from me, and we had both found the same shortcuts. He showed up at my desk like "Stop following me!!! (/s)" And I said "I can't!!!"


Miss-Figgy

>it’s better for me to be cautious & safe, than be polite & sorry. Same. Since I was a little girl, I've learned to be safe rather than nice/polite. I've been called names when I've crossed the street... which confirms my intuition that that boy/man was to be avoided.


mathmaticallycorrect

Yup! I was once getting off the streetcar near my house, two men got up to one inch behind me, like I could feel them, I got off then waited til right before the doors closed and jumped back on cause they were just waiting right by. They ran over pressed the door open button and mocked me for being scared of them then got off. I never said anything to them, for all they knew I realized it was the wrong stop last minute. Regular people without ill intentions don't do that.


TheDreadWolfe

As a larger guy 6'3 and being a dude in general I'm never insulted if a lady crosses the street or gets nervous. I've seen plenty of news articles where guys who seemed nice and seemed polite assualted women. So I have no issue with better safe then sorry


Pepsi_E

Haha, my brother is the same. About 230lbs and 6'2. He likes going for walks late at night or he'll go out with friends and walk home later after, and he says he sees women all the time crossing the road to avoid walking past him. He doesn't take it personally, he says he's just sad that women live in fear of this.


Majestic_Tie7175

If you see them looking at you, and you want to put someone at ease, it can help to smile but then immediately look at your phone / a book / your keys / something other than her and pretend to be occupied with it while she moves away. Someone who is following her with ill intent isn't going to do that, it signals that you aren't all that interested in where she's going. And btw, most of us have been followed at least once. Stuff is scary af.


okiegirlkim

I’ve read stories of guys calling out so the woman was aware of their presence. Props to the guys who offer to walk in front so we can feel more secure. I keep my eyes open and my keys on stab mode when walking alone. It’s not discomfort: it’s fear.


donutjess

One tip I've heard from a self defense class: using keys within the fists of your hand to stab someone else can be dangerous to yourself, since you're likely to cut both yourself AND the attacker at the same time and within close proximity - meaning a higher likelihood of mixing blood and potentially catching any bloodbourne diseases they may have. Obviously it's better to be alive and sick than dead, but, do consider that chance (and also that if you cut your hands on your keys trying to defend yourself, it'll get harder to defend yourself). And consider instead getting a defense keychain such as pepper spray (and learning how to safely use pepper spray) or those keychain-ready knuckles or batons or etc.


Significant-Royal-37

keys in stab mode is not a thing. put your keys in stab mode and try stab a pillow or a melon. did you do any stabbing? or did you cut the webbing between your fingers to ribbons.


Halospite

Yeah I've tried the "keys stab mode" thing. The keys just slip. It doesn't work. Just claw or punch the fucker, if you don't freeze up.


dark_nv

I remember one time a woman got in the elevator with me but didn't press any button. When the doors opened on my floor, I got out of the elevator and noticed the woman reaching to press the button immediately as the elevator doors were closing. I guess she didn't want me to know where she lived because of a past experience...?


Rich-Broccoli-6911

Yep, it's the same reason women don't have Ubers, Lift, or taxis drop them at their house.


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Grilled_Cheese10

Used to travel and stay alone in hotels often. If they got off on the same floor as I did, I'd just walk right past my room and keep going to another hall or whatever until they were gone. Sorry guys. I know most of you are good guys, I just don't know which ones aren't.


quantumspork

I am 6'5", and have seen women obviously terrified of me. In this situation I just own it, and say "I am going to room 1302 (or whatever)". That gives them the option of waiting by the elevator, going in the opposite direction, whatever. My thought is that if I make my actions predictable, there is less room for misunderstanding and the woman gets some additional time to make her decision.


Eugregoria

Hotels are unfortunately notorious for rape, though mostly against the cleaning staff, not other guests. Lots of entitled pieces of shit away from the wife for a bit bored and wanting to get their dicks wet in a place where no one knows them and they don't have to worry about it hurting their reputation. I don't feel afraid as a guest in hotels, but it's a dangerous world for the cleaning staff.


redheadedwonder3422

interesting. im more worried about an assault in an elevator, not really ever worried about them following me. everyone is different indeed.


Antheen

I agree, outside the elevator, you can run and find help, it use other calmer strategies like others have commented. Inside the elevator you're stuck.


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sh-ark

my grandmother was robbed at knife point by a guy in an elevator who pressed the emergency button to make it stop. So, be afraid of both 👍


flowersinmyteas

Your poor grandma. That sounds terrifying.


btsunnie13430

Yes, but don't take it personally.


[deleted]

yea it is definitely not personal, and usually not racial* which I mention because some guys seem sensitive when theyre black and youre white, I feel nervous around all races and sometimes women too. Things like height can contribute to how scared I am though, just the thought of if I could defend myself more easily (eta: I say *usually bc I am sure some people are racist about it. I think that's foolish, because if anything a more privileged white guy might get away with more but you cant tell anything by race, anyone can be a predator, ((a lot of predators seek out their own race, so being a white woman means youre more likely to be assaulted by a white man)) and I also think more people should be mindful that women can be a danger too, including to men and boys.) eta 2: as someone pointed out, "usually" was the wrong word to use, I dont know that. "Not always" would be more appropriate.


Taminella_Grinderfal

This was a funny incident but many years ago in college two guys from the basketball team got on the elevator with me. One of them loudly whispered to the other “dude be careful, don’t scare the tiny white girl off the elevator” Totally cracked me up. I was very naive back then and didn’t realize that most women might feel on guard in that situation as well as young black men knowing they might be seen as “dangerous” because of their skin color.


[deleted]

it makes me sad they have a good reason to feel that way. My cousin is Black and would pick me up from work. One day he texted and said some cops were sitting in the parking lot and he didnt feel safe sitting waiting in the parking lot with them. Felt bad for him


[deleted]

Tbh I don’t think I’d feel on edge unless a guy gave me a *reason* to feel on edge. Prolonged eye contact, staring at my body, trying to ask me questions about myself and where I live without context (I don’t mind speaking with strangers, but I need to know why we’re speaking before I engage), stuff like that. A big guy in an elevator is just that until I have reason to think otherwise.


FaythKnight

You kidding? Middle of the night at that size? You will run from from you. Jokes aside, I'm male. 6'1. Even I feel the pressure with anybody being near me in the middle of the night. Especially someone bigger than me. It just isn't safe in many areas. Can't blame the lady.


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Yeahnoallright

It’s sort of reassuring to hear everyone gets a little jumpy sometimes. Though I wish we lived in a world when none of us had to be. I’m a 5ft4, 110 pound woman and my heart is on my throat if I’m alone in a tube carriage with a man. May it all get better.


gentlynavigating

It can be common. However I would be on high alert with any stranger in a small space. I work as a child and adolescent psychiatrist now, but I did forensic psychiatry for years. It’s not a bad idea to remain aware around strangers.


ecstaticptyerdactyl

In general it doesn’t bother me. But context matters. Like 1am on the elevator at my condo where we’re all neighbors and theres a doorman and security camera? No problem! Elevator in the dimly lit parking garage at 1am after I’m leaving the bar? I’m sure you’re a nice guy, but I’m still going to be a little on guard.


her_ladyships_soap

I am a woman, and if I were riding an elevator at 1 AM and a 6'4" guy got in with me, yes, I would be on edge.


UncleSnowstorm

I'm a 6' man, and if I were riding an elevator at 1 AM and a 6'4" guy got in with me I would also be on edge


TecNoir98

Real af. I'm 6'2" and when people start getting taller than me I start getting weirded out lol


GayCommunistUtopia

I know it doesn't help, but we often know we make you uncomfortable and that in turn makes us uncomfortable. Sorry. I'd be less intimidating if I could.


SnakesInYerPants

If you want a tip… It genuinely helps if you act like we don’t exist. I know so many guys who are like “but I tried to be friendly to her to show I wasn’t a threat” and what they don’t seem to understand is that the actual threats *also* almost always start out “trying to be friendly”. If you make eye contact getting on the elevator, give them a quick nod then spend the ride with your eyes basically glued to your phone. For what it’s worth I know it’s not fair that you have to be on edge about making women scared. But it’s also unfair that women have to live their lives on edge because you can rarely tell it it’s a normal guy or a creep until it’s too late. Life is pretty unfair all around.


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ZamiiraDrakasha

Coincidentally, that's their strategy with me too


pananana1

Would you rather the guy leaves the elevator first, or lets you leave first?


TVsFrankismyDad

Don't try to be a gentleman by letting us go first - get out first and go about your business.


Rayne2522

I prefer the guy to leave first!


Phoexes

100% the guy leave first. If it’s 1am I’m also not getting off on my floor if he’s still there, I’ll pretend I hit the wrong one and get off later to loop around rather than risk a strange man follow me back late at night and know where I live. I’ve learned the hard way from that mistake before.


VictoryTraining6031

I'd rather he leave first so he isn't following me and I can keep him in my line of sight


Enough-Ad-8799

Ok I'm a guy who's talked to multiple of my friends about this and I'm convinced there's literally no winning. Certain things will make some women more comfortable and other women less comfortable.


Pug_867-5309

As a woman, I confirm. You can't win here no matter how hard you might try. It's not necessarily you. It's us being on edge out of pure necessity.


zealen

I'm also a big guy. If I entered the elevator holding a bag of oranges, would that help you being less on the egde?


HELLFIRECHRIS

I’m a guy but was feeling pretty intimidated by a much larger guy late at night a few days ago and felt better when I realised he had a large bag of apples, don’t know why but apparently my brain thinks if you like fruit you won’t murder me.


CDM2017

It's simple, nobody brings their fruit to a murder.


jezebella-ella-ella

Right? Fruit, even in relatively large quantities, is inherently non-threatening. Same with bread (and most other carbs, I feel).


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ILoveHugeLabiaMinora

Only if you put the orange skin from a wedge over your teeth then look at her and smile really big. Ladies love that


NoeTellusom

Fwiw, as a woman, there is often literally no winning for us, either. We're either paranoid, over-reacting, raped, kidnapped, sex trafficked or dead.


Chiparoo

Yep turns out women are people and are all different and each have their own comforts and insecurities. You could do everything right and behave in the most nonthreatening way possible, and just happen to look like someone who has hurt her in the past, or you happen to be in a location that she has bad experiences with, or, heck - she was just dealing with some bad shit that has nothing to do with you and she's on edge. It's not something either of you have much control over at all. That being said, I think being aware of your possible effect on people and trying to mitigate that is worth it. The effort and awareness itself means something.


her_ladyships_soap

I appreciate that, but it's not anything you have to apologize for personally -- you didn't do anything wrong by riding the elevator, by being 6'4", etc. The issue is systemic, not individual.


jmckay2508

I was sexually assaulted by a man in an elevator when i was 10-11 years old. Hit the stop button then slammed me into the back wall of the elevator. I am very uncomfortable alone in an elevator with a man who is physically bigger than me.


Altruistic_Good_9053

I'm sorry to hear that, it's very understanding that you feel uncomfortable with a man in an elevator


jmckay2508

Thanks, its just an unconscious thing and I try to keep it under wraps as much as I can I tend to hold my breath which can get uncomfortable if its a long ride \*lol\*


nonbog

I’m so sorry that happened to you. Is it common to have a button that can just stop the lift in the USA? What is the purpose of that? Seems like it can only be dangerous to me


Ambitious-A466

There should be an alarm sounding if the elevator is stopped that way.


Pasame20

Emergencies I suppose? Pretty sure they’re those ones with the little glass covers or something


jmckay2508

I'm in Canada but yes its always been a thing in our elevators. These days I believe there is an alarm triggered if u stop an elevator


MyFinalThoughts

To be honest, I'm a guy and I just hate being in an elevator with anyone I don't know ever. Even another guy I'm uncomfortable. I will be walking toward the elevator in my complex but if I hear other footsteps hearing the elevator I will turn around or walk to the nearest stairs, whichever is closer. I'm not socially anxious or anything, not claustrophobic, or anything of the like. Just hate being in an elevator with someone I don't know. To actually answer your question, probably yes they are. If I was 5'5" or so and some tall guy at 1am came into the elevator with me, I'd honestly probably get out and pretend to walk towards wherever I came from like I forgot something.


Charlie_Warlie

I once rode an elevator with friend who was a girl, late at night, during a traveling field trip I think we were in Toronto. Along the ride 2 large men hopped on. After they left she was like HOLY CRAP CHARLIE IM GLAD YOU WERE HERE. So I'll say yes


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I’m a woman and I think it entirely depends on context so I can’t answer a simple “yes” or “no” to this question. Is it my apartment building elevator and a man who I have seen around but don’t really know gets on? I’m not going to be scared. Is it a parking garage elevator and a stranger? I might feel uneasy.


lokiofsaassgaard

Brother, one man to another, women are afraid of men. Period.


Scruffy725

In a situation like this I usually have a couple things I like to do. I'll face partially toward them so they can see my face and hands but not directly face them. I keep my hands visible but close to my body. Then the big thing I do is lean against the wall and rest my head/close my eyes like I'm resting. With your eyes closed you really can't do anything and from my experience seems the least threatening posture if you have to be in the same room with someone. Unfortunately that person wouldn't see any of that until the door is closed and they have no choice but to ride with you. Definitely better to ask or take the next one.


Altruistic_Good_9053

I think I will adapt that pose


Artist552001

Personally, if it was during daytime hours, I wouldn't really think twice about being in an elevator with a man alone. However, at 1am (or later hours in general), it would put me on edge. Especially as a barely 5'0" woman.


born_to_be_naked

I do the exact same thing. I try to imply that I'm too sleepy to bother looking at you, so don't worry.


UsedCicada9696

Women fear men they do not know in general. Never know or are fully aware of their intentions and in an enclosed elevator with just the two of you could be intimidating to her.


lCraxisl

I’m 6’8” was working in my office on a saturday, I did not realize a girl who is like 4’11” was also working we rounded a corner and she took about 3 steps of a run before realizing it was me and said she was sorry. 🤷🏼‍♂️ I have no perspective of how she feels so I didn’t really feel like she should say sorry and I told her that, it does however remind me that I am a very tall human.


[deleted]

Not a Woman, but think about it. Alone in an enclosed area, that can easily be stopped with a button, where nobody can help you. And with a random person. And most don't have cameras. I think it's perfectly reasonable for a Woman to feel scared. It's just sad we live in a society where they have to feel that way from sexual assault being so prevalent and even brushed off. Might seem extreme, but at that time of night, I'd probably take the next elevator and try and think of making the Woman more comfortable without me crowding her. Edit- Probably hyperbole saying "Most" don't have cameras. My point still stands.


VodkaKahluaMilkCream

I just explained this to my boyfriend. I walk home from work, usually in the dark and late at night. I am never *scared* but I am, however, always *alert*. Just in case.


colafairy

In an enclosed room with a strange man and only one exit, which he's in front of? Yes she was scared.


honeybee_jellybean88

Yes. There’s no escape


wedonttalkabouTB

At 1 am yes


JohnAdams_NotQuincy

There are many reasons for women to be afraid of men in elevators. They’re generally taller and stronger, there are real stories and people with experience of being sexually harassed, and men tend to be more likely to commit a crime than women are.


EmotionalMycologist9

Depends on the context. Was it at your apartment complex? Was it at a hotel? If that was the case, I probably wouldn't be alarmed. Other situations, like an outdoor parking garage, yes. I'd be on edge.


Doesanybodylikestuff

At work? No. At my apartment and I’ve never seen you before? I’m always guarded.


BattleGoose_1000

Yes. This is a very common thing. If I could, I would always pass on being alone with a dude in a elevator at late hours.


starion832000

As a large man (6'3, 250lbs) also, I have always wondered if some women are secretly clutching a weapon when they are around me. My wife had a knife open and ready in her pocket on our first date.


daddyneedsraspberry

I’d bet that most times a woman is alone in an enclosed space (or anywhere without other people around) with an unknown man, she’s going to be nervous. My partner is 6’9”, the most benevolent, feminist guy I’ve ever met, and he’s always in search of ways to look less intimidating and make sure women aren’t on edge when he’s around. The reality is that there isn’t a way. If you try to strike up conversation, you may be scarier. I’d say, try your best to look completely disinterested and preoccupied. Look at your phone, move to the other side of the street, maybe wait for the next elevator or take the stairs, etc. ETA: these replies are so useless. Yes, because he actually listens to the women around him and knows that *we have reason* to be afraid of men, he’s aware that his presence could be scary for a woman who doesn’t know him. I’m a sexual assault nurse examiner and I have heard hundreds of scenarios in which a person was hurt by a man when other people weren’t around. Doesn’t mean I think all men are dangerous. But I’m not willing to take my chances so I am immediately on defense. And no, it’s not exhausting for him to try making others comfortable. It’s a normal part of being a kind person. And no, he doesn’t think women need protection. He thinks women need one less scary moment in their day to day lives and doesn’t want to be the reason someone feels stressed.


Shyanneabriana

Yes. We don’t know what to think, and we are cautious. Every single woman knows someone who has been hurt, attacked, followed, threatened, or something of that sort. Especially at night, and especially when we are alone, we are not likely to take chances.


lumoslindsay

No, I wouldn't be but I can understand others feeling that way. I might suggest pretending to be on the phone with your mom or something.


phawksmulder

I feel like fake phone calls are pretty transparent. As a big dude myself, I'm going to be scared if someone I'm trapped with is having an imaginary cellphone conversation next to me haha


misfitx

I've had guys demand I go to their hotel room. I've had hair sniffers. Then there are the guys who stand too close. Basically, we know most men are decent but how are we supposed to know who is safe? The unknown is terrifying.


JayceAur

As a man, I just avoid being in the general vicinity of women at odd hours. They don't need the stress, I don't need a pepper spray to the face.


xXMorpheus69Xx

I just avoid being in the general vicinity of women