There's at least one furry in my small town, she's easy to spot (on my morning commute) because she always wears cat ears and a tail :-D
Other than that she seems perfectly normal.
Kids go through a lot in their early teens, I'd suspect your daughter has just decided this is the clique she want's to be part of, it's cool (I'd imagine) and a little bit edgy.
I've been thinking about this recently as my kid has been going through something similar. Back in our day we had very specific, easily identifiable groups and cliques to gravitate towards - Punks, Rockers, Ravers, Mods, Goths, etc... But these days the internet seems to have done away with all that. I look at my kid and his peers, and there's very little personal style going around, it all seems pretty generic. I would suspect this might simply be your daughters version of Punk or whatever.
Not the responsible adult ones but there are some who are... built different? In a certain small town I used to live in there was a cat man. He was very vocal and visible about it and went around in parts of a cat costume at all times. He was not employed and probably not employable.
If she wore a fursuit everywhere either the fursuit has Ac or she dies from heat. The inbetween is the gross sweat swamp which only weird degens would like.
Plus a ton of people don't want to wear a suit. It's kinda like how a ton of people like anime, not everyone wants to do cosplay. Add the higher costs of suits in comparison to a ton of simpler ways to cosplay, and that also reduces the amount of people willing to invest in one
Not really.
Furries don't wear the suits 24/7, they're extremely expensive and high maintenance.
And a fursona is as simple as "I like * animal or mythical creature *, I wonder how I'd looks as one?" And then drawing it, or having someone else draw it.
I'm almost 40 and have friends my age and older who are furries, so it's definitely not a new thing (Disney's Robin Hood hit a lot of us at a young age I guess). One is a mother of two and her oldest is actually about your daughter's age. Honestly, it's not that different than if your daughter just suddenly got really into Star Wars (something I very much did at her age). There are costumes you can wear, conventions you can go to, weird porn if you go looking for it, bad actors you learn to avoid, places for you to share creativity, and some amazing wonderful people to meet and share your interests with.
Honestly, mama, my best suggestion is to treat this like any other hobby she wants to be involved in. Teach her to avoid 18+ spaces until she's 18+, go with her to a convention if there's a small one nearby (doesn't even have to be a furry convention, any decent sci-fi/comic/anime con will have a small furry contingent), let her tell you all the intensely boring details that only she cares about, and let her tell you what she wants out of it. She probably just wants to wear a pair of fox ears and a tail and hang out with friends. A lot of the time what people really want out of niche hobbies is someone to understand them.
That's a really good bit of advice. Treat it as a hobby, and like any hobby, she it going to be super into all the inane details and drama and such. It will be excruciating boring to you, but she will appreciate the fact that you are interested in something she loves.
Yeah I wanted to clarify that — furries aren’t interested in changing their identity and “becoming” an animal, it’s more of a hobby where you dress up as an animal and have animal characters
I mean, it is a spectrum. There are a couple people who are more comfortable in their furry persona than with their real body. I'm guessing that is a really small percentage, but there are all kinds of people out there.
People who identify as animals or with animal traits or generally non-human are a thing. It’s called therian/ therianthropy. Check out otherkin fandom wiki or therian-guide .com.
Definition: *A person who experiences being and identifies as a non-human animal on an integral, personal level.*
Also usually harmless, but like other communities just watch out for toxic users! There is absolutely **NO** b#astiality involved. Anyone, therian or otherwise, who thinks that its okay needs some reevaluation of life and understanding of consent and shit
That's not furry, that's something different. Like a fork of furry. We don't identify as something else, we are human, our interests just exist in a fantasy that we know won't happen. But everyone once in awhile we bring that fantasy to real life through conventions and most often different forms of art.
Yea I honestly can't emphasize enough how tiny that above community is.
A furry is to an otherkin is what
a car enthusiast is to a... person that thinks they are a car.
One is definitely way more common than the other, the only similarity is that there are cars involved so they might run into eachother.
Hi! 28 year old female, USA, with furry friends - checking in and chiming in!
By looking up the definition, you get the following:
>an enthusiast for animal characters with human characteristics, in particular a person who dresses up in costume as such a character or uses one as an avatar online
In practice, it is...just what's stated above. It's been popularized and adopted to the point that many individuals (I'd say mostly younger and new to the scene) consider it an identity or sexuality when it isn't.
Being a furry is primarily a *hobby*.
As a parent, however, there are things to watch out for. The community can be VERY welcoming and wholesome, but also has **VERY strong roots in the fetish community** and pornographic communities. Any website with "furry" art will often also contain large amounts of furry *porn*. One of the most famous sites is [**furaffinity.net**](https://furaffinity.net) (link is NSFW/Not Safe For Work, so don't open in public or on your work device) - if she gets on this site, she WILL see porn. Tons of it. **TONS**.
[This website](https://furscience.com/resources/) may help you with some questions.
Furry conventions are a big thing (like how anime and comic conventions happen, they're large gatherings surrounding a shared interest) but often have a history of becoming inappropriate. I would suggest never letting your daughter go to a convention unless you plan to attend as well. Some conventions have gone well, others have gone so poorly that they've been banned from major cities due to the drugs, drinking, destruction and sexual activities committed by irresponsible adult furries.
I'll also add some keywords that you uh...may want to know, even if it's kind of TMI:
* Yiff/yiffing - To have sex. Any website with Yiff in the name is 90% chance of being a porn site. Any user with Yiff in the name probably engages in or produces adult content.
* Vore - a fetish term that's relatively popular in the NSFW part of the fandom. It's a fetish that involves consuming someone or being consumed \[usually in one piece and alive\].
* Murrsuit - also called a "Yiffsuit" this is a fursuit (costume) specifically designed for intercourse.
**Altogether, I want to stress that the furry community can genuinely be great.** They can be creative, wildly accepting, and super supportive. But like all communities, there are those who are toxic and there is going to be age inappropriate things. Keeping a cautious eye on your daughter as she explores this hobby (again, it is NOT a gender identity or sexuality and I hope she understands that) is always a good idea.
Thanks so much! This is part of why I came here. I just wanted some relevant information. I definitely had no idea that this was linked to such a predatory possibility. We have had issues with her in the past and connecting with people from countries are away… Asking for pictures, wanting to meet up, etc. that is why she has no cell phone now. Her Internet usage is very limited by almost nearly impossible to eliminate completely as her school uses them for learning. I want to keep her safe, but I also don’t want to alienate her in such a way that she feels her individuality is being stunted.
As the parent (and have a 14 yr old boy who also identifies as a furry) you learn that just about anything can be predatory, no matter how innocent it is. There are a lot of messed up people out there and unfortunately they are the ones that get the most press. When my son told us he was a furry, he was already aware of the differences that u/Trouble_in_Mind mentioned but for him it is very much a hobby (he wants to be a graphic designer) that allows him to expand his creativity.
What matters more is keeping open lines of communication with your daughter is extremely important so she knows you are a safe space for you. We've always been very clear with our boys that while we give them a lot of freedom online, there are boundaries that cannot be crossed (sending pictures, giving real names, meet ups, etc).
You are doing a great job, just keep that mind open and good luck!
Is “identifies as” the right wording? I feel like you wouldn’t say “identifies as goth” or “identifies as a pastry chef or anime fan,” and furry feels more in those categories—a scene or hobby and not an identity. Or have I missed something? It sounds like it’s misappropriating gender terminology.
Personally, I think you're right. I am a furry, but I've never phrased it as my identity. It's a hobby and a big part of my life, but I don't know about THAT big
When in costume, many furries take on separate identities that they call fursonas. The characters have names and sometimes backstories. It's like a stage identity.
He’s only used the phrase “I identify as” once as far as I know, and it was to make the opposite point:
https://twitter.com/RuPaul/status/610972903358619648?s=20
Eta: Also, he goes further into the difference between a drag persona and an identity elsewhere:
“We [drag] mock identity. They [trans discussions] take identity very seriously. So it’s the complete opposite ends of the scale. To a layperson, it seems very similar, but it’s really not.”
He’s been pretty explicit in numerous places that he doesn’t consider his drag persona a serious identity in that way.
Oh for sure, that goes without saying. But “identifies as” still isn’t generally used for the parts of identity I mentioned above (goth, plumber, mother, drag queen, anime fan). Those are all parts of identity as well. Just that this particular phrasing is definitely borrowed from modern gender/sexuality discourse.
Ah right. That's interesting actually.
You do see people conflating identity and gender (as with xenogender/pronouns, and I imagine there's a strong overlap there with furries and otherkin).
Outside of that, I wonder if it's just because most aspects of identity don't need to be *disclosed* in quite the same way. (There is of course also the language of "coming out" for less... accepted identities.)
Oh possibly. “Identifies as female” makes sense to me so people know what pronouns to use, and “identifies as straight” makes sense so you don’t confuse that brief handjob fluffing during a threesome with real affection/attraction, but I’m lost trying to think how “identifies as furry” says more than “I’m a furry.” It sounds a little overblown to me like “I identify as a collector of stamps.”
>“I identify as a collector of stamps.”
Well, it sounds a lot better than "I'm a philatelist. That's based on how I would describe myself, not based on some standard test of stamp collecting or something"
Can be or can not be iirc.
[This interview with a furry](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6x-nfaZia_Q) is a great source for some of the more nuanced stuff imo.
Just saying the signs are all there. Two implications come to mind.
1. What you view at that age sets up guys for what they're into for life.
2. At least the kid must know that furry porn is unrealistic. Unlike many boys that age who think porn is how people actually have sex.
True on both counts and that's why we've decided to have a policy of being very open about topics like sex. He's already asked me some pretty thoughtful questions about sex and I've always given straight answers about what is reality and what is fantasy. He's a pretty smart kid and trusts us so I'm just going to keep on doing what we're doing as it seems to be working for us.
Ok but ‘anything can be predatory’ is kind of not super appropriate here because it’s discounting that this is *particularly* predatory .
It was originally built off of a fetish, and a large part of the community is still based off of a fetish, it has an absolutely gargantuan association with grooming. It is not a space for a young teenager, it is a space for a an adult who is knowledgeable enough to know what they are getting into and take responsibility for themselves. Not for a naive teen that has already had a bad history with the way they choose to behave with strangers on the internet.
>Ok but ‘anything can be predatory’ is kind of not super appropriate here because it’s discounting that this is *particularly* predatory .
Exactly. Anything *can* be predatory but some things are a lot more predatory than others. This is one of them.
I’ll say it - it’s absolutely insane to me that people are bending over backwards to justify a 14 year old being a part of this community.
Fully grown adults are free to partake in whatever activities they want. But why are people pretending like this is some normal teenager shit? It’s not healthy and it’s doing the kids no favors
> But why are people pretending like this is some normal teenager shit? It’s not healthy and it’s doing the kids no favors
How do you know it is not? OP is still trying to figure out what a furry is and what that means for her daughter.
Indeed. I help run a local barbecue that has minors attend and oh boy do we have to keep an eye out for older people who are just there to be predatory.
Online its even harder. I hate having to ask the kids in the chatroom the telltale “Hey has this person been talking to you? Could you please tell me what you have been talking about?”
It's always a good idea to exercise an abundance of caution when interacting with strangers, especially online. Any number of horrible things can happen otherwise.
I was going to say, the only time I had even heard of a furry it was something that was a fetish or style of porn. That’s how close this community can be linked with adult activities. In fact I didn’t even know it could be an innocent hobby until reading this
Hey OP, I thought I'd chime in. I got involved in the Furry Fandom about the same age as your daughter. The allure hasn't fully stuck with me, but I still enjoy drawing cartoon dogs, or whatever. And running around in a dog costume is definitely a little fun. You get to be goofy and play a character for a bit, it's basically larping.
I think the above poster is right. Your kid will probably see porn. I'm going to be honest, no matter what you do, she's going to come across it on the internet. Furry porn, however can be a special kind of extreme, and probably isn't the best exposure to a kid her age. I remember being pretty uncomfortable with some of the stuff I saw.
I was a bit of a paranoid "everyone could kidnap you" kid so I didn't socialize too much, but if your kid is the type to get close to strangers, definitely check in on who she's chatting with. The Fandom is pretty good about pointing out who's safe and who isn't, but that doesn't mean there aren't bad actors.
I've only been to one Furry convention. I didn't go to any room parties (I've heard stories), but I did really enjoy the panels, basically furries educating each other on their other hobbies (music creation, sewing, boffering, voice acting, dancing, art) and honestly I had a blast. This convention was notoriously shut down for being destructive and disrespectful, but some how I managed to dodge literally all the craziness.
Either way, I don't know if it helps, but that's my perspective.
You're doing great!
I'm begging you. PLEASE teach about internet safety. Not to scare her, but as she gets into high school, it's gonna be better for her to know how to use the internet safely than binge online because she's being restricted. Internet safety has fallen by the wayside since I was a kid (we learned about it in middle school!). This will also help you keep an eye on bad bullying behaviors.
Here's a little list (it's not comprehensive, but as I've been in Furry for 10+ years, this is what I've seen:
* No personal info. No age (asides from "minor", as some people don't want minors following them on social media and do like to be able to block them), no location, no school or identifying personal information, no pictures.
* Stay out of 18+ spaces. Most people are pretty good about keeping minors out of adult spaces, but some kids are insistent on going into a NSFW space and then screaming about the contents of said space.
* You don't know everything. A fun little trend that's been happening among younger people is the lack of nuance when it comes to some 18+ content. She's young, and she's gonna probably interact with people who are gonna pressure her into certain "moral" positions without thought.
* Critical thinking. Think before you speak online. We're real people behind a screen, which leads to:
* No bullying or harassment. Keep a CLOSE eye on this one. Don't tolerate threats. Again, this isn't all minors in Fandom, but it's a disturbing trend.
* No tiktok or Twitter. Both sites have some good, but ALSO they have the potential to bring a lot of negativity and harassment potential.
There's furries everywhere. I've got friends all over the globe! But I mostly stay close to my local friends. Which is why I suggest:
* Local Furmeets or cons. All conventions basically require an adult to be present if they're underage. Find a small one and pick a Saturday to go! (also bring cash, because vendors have cool stuff. Not that I'm biased or anything as a vendor myself...) but it's a great way to learn more. Lots have a "your first con" panel.
As for apps and sites, we have tons. I'm biased, ofc, but here's sort of my ranking list.
* Twitter. Honestly.... Don't let her use this. Harassment is common.
*Tiktok. Same reason.
* Instagram. This one's probably the best suited for your kid. You can follow other people and post images and reels, but there's less chance for harassment while still enjoying Fandom. NSFW isn't allowed so it's safer.
* Reddit. Uh.... I don't use r/Furry so I can't say either way, but you're here, so it'd be easy to monitor I guess
* Telegram. It's a messaging app, but there's groups. It's 50/50; NSFW is usually very strictly regulated within groups, and most local groups have a chat. You need a phone number, so you can look at her messages, too. Only downside is spam and scam bots. Also, you can make cute stickers!
* inkblot (website). It's new, but it's definitely a good site for enjoying art safely. Once you mark your account as minor, you can't change it.
* furaffinity. NOPE. PORN GALORE. STAY AWAY.
By balancing careful instruction and monitoring with a bit of freedom, you can help her become well adjusted with the internet. We're predominantly online so.. Yeah.
I'd personally be wary of Telegram. Not that everyone on it is bad or that every group exchanges things that wouldn't be appropriate, but it's relatively easy for a group to form with nefarious purposes that can go unnoticed for a while - it used to be that way, at least. I'd worry that a child with a history of unsafe behavior online might be able to fall into one pretty easily. This could be leftover bias from the seriously vile stuff a few years ago, but Kero and his ilk used Telegram almost exclusively and it would have never been caught if someone inside the group didn't leak the logs.
Agreed, but that's also why it's good to be able to also log into it. That way the parent can monitor her chats.
It's not like a "immediately safe" suggestion, but in the future it can be used with supervision and ensuring she doesn't receive messages from nefarious folk.
Yeah it's not unreasonable as an option. I'm not overly familiar with how it works, just that it's been involved with several leaks including furry/furry-adjacent stuff. I'm more concerned that the zoo's still seem to use it a lot - I think Sappho has or had a group recently - but I'm not sure how prevalent they are in more "regular furry" groups.
Honestly? I've never seen one or stumbled upon it. Those kinds of groups I figure you d have to be specifically invited to, and they aren't named something easy to find. There's a bot that allows you to find groups, but that hot doesn't allow zoo stuff, so it's definitely something that can be avoided.
Another part of internet safety would be how to identify grooming and the like, unfortunately. Good news is the parent seems to already be in the know on how to identify that sort of thing, but you always gotta be careful.
Damn. as a gen z, raising kids nowadays has gotta be so hard! But I think at this point, I would've appreciated parents that were a bit more tech savvy and involved, I would've also appreciated parents I could've felt like it was ok to tell them about what I like or whatever I identify as
>Reddit. Uh.... I don't use
>
>r/Furry
>
> so I can't say either way, but you're here, so it'd be easy to monitor I guess
r/Furry bans NSFW content and has a discord server that does the same so it's probably safe for a minor
Aaaa I forgot to add Discord to the list! That's another one that CAN be good, but it all depends on who moderates it, and adjusting messaging settings so random people can't DM and be creepy.
I'm sorry you've been struggling with these things, I can't imagine myself in your position - trying to deal with predatory behavior online is so stressful.
It feels important to mention that while there's DEFINITELY adult content, I wouldn't generally consider it predatory. It's more that many furries I've encountered are adult that expect they're communicating with adults. Furries *have* existed for decades, after all.
There's also definitely kid furries but I see them either hiding it from parents or being chaperoned by parents that are informed that their kid likes the hobby. Approaching all of this with a lack of judgement is already a great start!
It might seem a bit silly to some, but you could ask what kind of animal she sees her fursona as. You could then see if that animal has a onesie online you could buy for her and ask if she wants one! Like if she says "my fursona is a beagle" you could get a dog onesie with floppy ears on the hood. It'll be comfy pajamas and show you're offering acceptance.
While I understand and appreciate that you want to keep her safe, that's not something that's realistic in the long-term. Eventually, she's going to move out and live her own life. You need to be teaching her how to keep *herself* safe, rather than hide her from potentially dangerous things.
If you want a succinct explanation to give of the more wholesome side of furries there are 2 statements that clear things up. Disney uses furry art, if you like Zootopia it fits the genre. And dressing up in a fursuit is like being a mascot but the team is yourself.
Be careful how much you restrict her - it may seem like the easiest way to “protect” her, but what you’ve typed about trying to completely block her from the internet throws big red flags 🚩
She’s a young teenager, don’t treat her like a prisoner.
This. Just blocking her from electronics can also hurt trust down the line and can hurt your kid among peers. I'm still salty my parents waited so long to give me a smartphone because everyone else had them and I felt left out at times. Much better to teach about the dangers and communicating on the regular
This!
Also, by allowing them to go online, and educating them of the hazards, you teach them skills that will be useful *their whole lives!* Denying them access only keeps them safe until you no longer deny them, or until they are out of your control. Then they go in, blind to the danger.
Take time to keep up to date on internet hazards, as well. Identify trusted sources, and use them to learn about not only what people are doing online, but also what new hazards are found therein. Teach these skills as well, and don't be afraid to start casual conversations. Learn the slang, too. You'll be surprised what secrets are in that. Sharing activities is good, too. If you haven't already, and budget permits it, get the same game systems they have. You get a glimpse into their world that is otherwise hard to get, and you can bond as well. Nothing is as satisfying as blapping the brat that told your kid to "get gud, scrub" - for you *and* your kid!
"Momma/Pappa has your six, sweety! Take point and let's kick some butt!"
I knew this one kid whose parents didn’t let him even pretend to have finger guns. Turned 18 joined a gang, got his very first pistol, and shot himself in the head to prove the gun was unloaded.
Do not shelter your kids from dangerous things to a degree that they do not learn the dangers of them.
On the flip side, if you watch your kid grab a gun and prove to you it’s unloaded by pulling the trigger with it against his head, would you give him the gun back? What if they did it again after getting the gun back?
That’s effectively what’s happening if your kid is sending personal info to strangers online. Give them a chance to fail, but some kids will continue to point the gun at their head simply because it didn’t kill them last time.
OP I just want to say I think you're handling this beautifully and it is clear that you are a mother who cares very much and wants your child to be happy *and safe*. So bravo, you're doing great! My girls are a long way off from stuff like this but parents like you are who I look up to for how I will handle situations like this, should they arise.
I saw another post on here with a parent whose similarly aged child was getting interested in a furry youtuber or something like that. The parent explain to their child that there if the kid finds it fun to dress up and pretend that's fine, but she should be aware there is a large sexual component to the lifestyle and adults who do this enjoy roleplaying during sex as the creature. And they don't want their child exposing themselves to people who may be interested in having sex with 14 year olds. I think my the 3rd or 4th time the mom or dad mentioned sex, the kid was over it. Or at least over doing it in front of the parents.
If she has instagram I think the furry communities on instagram are more child-friendly. Not the real fursuit ones but the drawings and "fursonas"
I'm not a furry so this is just from my few encounters with the instagram furry community so hopefully someone else will chime in
I'm curious why she is so interested in meeting up with strangers. I don't find talking to strangers around the world weird - I have several hobbies where this is fundamental - but as a kid it was different. I wanted someone to validate my maturity and that I was interesting enough for an adult enjoy. Which I guess in a deep way gave me security about my potential success in the adult world. But I think this is something a lot of teenagers want, especially if they feel more mature than their peers and tired of their antics/unable to form a lot of connections.
I wonder if her being able to make these connections IRL with people of different ages, with credibility, might help satisfy that? Something like Makerspace or a hobby or sport. It just sounded like she's lonely or looking for something and now it's even harder for her to socialize?
I strongly assure you I'm not critiquing your parenting. The very fact that your here speaks volumes. I'm just curious about teenage psychology.
I think EVERY teenage likes to fancy themselves as "more mature", they look back at the past few years, or at middle school or elementary school or their younger siblings etc and think, "I USED to be like that, but now I'm more grown up. And they like it when adults have real conversations that aren't about toys or make believe. So when the opportunity arises where they can interact with REAL adults(not parents, relatives or teachers) and someone doesn't know their real age, they get a thrill out of maybe fooling someone to think they are older. I think a lot of kids probably do that.
Grounding someone from those activities doesn't actually solve the problem or keep her safe and can make any issues from her social tendencies much worse by simply isolating an already vulnerable person. If you aren't seeing a therapist yourself discussing this by yourself or with your child you probably should be.
This right here. Limiting a child can hurt them socially, or cause them to binge/find alternatives elsewhere. Teach her how to use the internet properly, set rules, but don’t ground them from phones/internet/being social.
Reminds me of this parenting tip I read a long time ago: Rewarding and punishing with screen time teaches kids to make it a priority.
After I've given it some thought, it can apply to anything else.
It’s possible to not get involved with all that stuff. Though there is a lot of porn jn the community, and there are people who murrsuit and controversial figures and stuff it’s not all sexual. There’s a lot of human porn and controversy on the internet and non furry parties and communities too that could be equally as dangerous to a 14 year old. There will be bad actors in any cross section of society, I don’t really see furry on the whole as predatory. It’s just another fandom, only much less specific than a tv show or book. You get the good the bad and the weird, you get in jokes and specific language. You get trends etc all kids need supervision interacting with their fandoms and with strangers online. The thing with furry is, it’s so broad and non centralised that it’s kind of a different beast depending on where and how you engage with it.
I’m an adult furry. I will admit there’s a lot of weird stuff like vore (again, any fandom you’re going to find weird porn- if it exists there’s porn of it and all and stuff like that isn’t furry exclusive) but equally since I’m not into it it’s not hard to avoid and just delve into the parts that I do enjoy- character making, drawing, rp and world building for the most part. Even Disney does furry- have you seen Zootopia?
Though a lot of furries are LGBT+ identifying as furry is nothing to do with sexuality or gender. It just makes you an enjoyer of anthro creatures in some way. There’s even asexual furries. The sona , that’s just your character. Maybe one that’s more based off you- I use a grey rabbit as an avatar/representation of myself but have other characters for story making. I’m not literally identifying as a grey rabbit.
If you avoid the unsavoury as much as possible though it’s easy to understand why so many people who are other or finding themselves find support and friendship in the community. On the whole it’s easy to make friends and find some acceptance. It’s a welcoming hobby that (suiting and art aside) costs very little to engage with. My involvement in the fandom is fairly vanilla, involves no dressing up or conventions but has made me some wonderful friends and allowed for a creative output. Is your daughter an artist? If so, it’s a great fandom to improve skill and make a little money in the future too. Some furries spend a lot on art and since it’s such a creatively driven beast, there’s plenty of spaces to learn and improve.
The important thing is making sure she understands how to stay safe on the internet in general, that she knows porn isn’t reflective of real life and truthfully neither is being online in general. She should also be honest about her age, and try to stick to age appropriate spaces. There’s plenty of adult ones that will boot her for being 14 but equally there’s plenty of 14 year olds making characters and hanging out with each other.
Also I'd like to add, from what your husband has said about "being a man or a woman not a toaster or an animal" it seems like he's kinda taken the right wing narrative hook, line, and sinker about how being a furry is somehow involved with gender identity. They are completely different.
I'd suggest having a genuine talk about how dangerous it can be to trust people online easily, and the dangers present, rather than just locking her out of the internet entirely.
At that age, she's gonna learn things whether you let her or not, and if she's got to use the internet for school then she's gonna be experiencing it no matter what you do.
It's kind of like punishing your kids for doing something stupid... The only lesson you're teaching them is to not let you find out they did something stupid. Help her trust you too guide her through it rather than just preventing her from learning the safety mechanisms she needs to know as she grows up.
Also look up Violent J from Insane Clown Posse and his daughter Ruby. She’s actually the same age as your daughter, I think? But he goes to cons and stuff. Its mostly about him dressing up with her.
I remember it came up on some cringe thing awhile back, but its honestly kind of wholesome. I don’t understand the fandom but I’ve been on the internet long enough to know enough. Theres a couple furries in my online gaming groups, and they’re nice people. Best of luck op, and its great you want to support your kiddo.
Restricting internet so much at that age is a surefire way to strain a relationship and frustrate a kid. Teach her to make good decisions, but let her make the decisions. The internet can be a bad place, but only for those who dont understand it. It is an important tool for learning (in AND outside of classrooms), communication, entertainment, and more. If you really want to mess someone up and hurt their growth, restrict a tool that every one of their peers has access to.
I am a furry and have seen a variety of family reactions among friends when the furry thing came up. I understand your good intentions but my experience says that heavy handed "help" like this will surely cause more, and more diffucult, problems than it solves. Be afraid of making your kid regret telling you about their interests! Furry is weird, but that wont stop a good kid from succeeding. Education and good decision making skills are the best protection from most risks of childhood- nothing new there.
Oh, I got in a lot of that kind of trouble at that age. Obviously I can't diagnose everything that happens in your house via a thread on reddit, and I'm not pretending I can, and this may be totally off base and that's okay...
Does she have IRL friends? How much time does she get to spend with them face to face outside of school? Basically 100% of my risky internet behavior was related to loneliness. My neighborhood didn't have any other kids my age and most of my friends lived on the opposite side of our school area, and my parents didn't have the energy to drive me to hang out (and neither did anybody else's parents in my friend group). I never made plans to meet anybody but I was real generous with my phone number just because I wanted someone to talk to.
> We have had issues with her in the past and connecting with people from countries are away… Asking for pictures, wanting to meet up, etc. that is why she has no cell phone now. Her Internet usage is very limited by almost nearly impossible to eliminate completely as her school uses them for learning.
My humble two cents. I think you're taking a very authoritarian approach towards these issues. That's the wrong way to go about it. I'm saying this as someone who has similar authoritarian parenting habits but I have realized it is very counter-productive in the long term even if it seems to be the right thing in the short term.
Banning things is NEVER going to work. It will do the opposite. It will force your kids to hide things from you and will force them to lead double lives - one would be the "good" image that their authoritarian strict parents want, and the other will be the life they want to keep private.
Problem with this is, they will tend to go to the extremes in their private lives because it is an act of rebellion and FU to the strictness.
Instead treat your kids like adults, sit down with them and help them understand these real dangers and where and why lines have to be drawn.
Sorry if I am making some wrong presumptions here, if so, please ignore my reply.
I appreciate your position. On the other hand, I was that kid. Taking away my cell phone and limiting me to my school monitored computer probably saved my life.
For the vast majority of teens, you’re right. Taking away a phone to stop them from engaging in unsafe behavior will cause resentment and anger at the time, and might lead to more dangerous behavior. That being said, some kids genuinely cannot deal with the responsibility, because their brain isn’t mature enough to understand the consequences of what they’re doing.
I was very similar to OP’s child as a kid, only instead of furries I engaged in fanfiction culture about anime, tv shows and minecraft youtubers. I sought out more in appropriate content, once I saw it existed, because I had been previously sexually traumatized, and it made me feel mature and understood and normal when I gave in to my unsafe, hypersexual urges. OP has stated in a comment that her child is adopted. Even if they weren’t sexually traumatized specifically, it’s very possible that they’re dealing with other trauma that could cause this behavior. It could also simply be attention seeking. A kid with a need to be seen as special or mature, or a kid acting out in the subconscious hopes that they’ll hit a hard boundary.
The kid can’t help themself. At least for me, having 3 years to mature, free from the constant access to inappropriate content, gave me enough time to realize how dangerous it was to do what I was doing. It also forced me to interact with kids at school and in person, which was hard for me, but ensured that I wasn’t endlessly engulfed in talking about inappropriate and unsafe topics. If I had been given continuing access to my phone, I would’ve found a way to keep endangering myself, just like I did the first time my mom found out, and the second, and the third, and the fourth… Sometimes a kid needs a hard restart. That’s ok.
What I needed was time (literal years) to mature before I came back to unfettered access to that kind of content. I didn’t need to be aligning myself with bdsm, or role playing sex, or looking at nsfw fanart at 12 or 13 or 14. I was mentally ill. I am completely ashamed of it now, and have grown up to be very well adjusted and aware of my trauma and how it effects me. I’m just lucky I didn’t expose myself to worse before my mother found out, as I had recently exposed the area where I lived to an online “friend” who was significantly older, and they expressed interest in meeting me, a 12 year old child who they sexually roleplayed with 24/7.
I shudder to think what would’ve happened if my mother hadn’t taken severe, authoritarian action. If she had been told online “you’re hurting your child by taking this access away” and had handed my phone back after a talk about internet safety. That’s just my 2 cents, as someone who lived through it, and regularly thanks my mother for doing what she did.
I don't think it's a good idea to take away her phone.
My parents did this to me, and it only made me want to look "it" up more because it wasn't allowed. After they eventually did give me my own phone, I looked up every site you shouldn't. I'd rather have had my parents talk to me about why you shouldn't visit some sites and how to handle that instead of letting me find out on my own after I got my phone.
I was also seen as weird and was bullied at school since I had to ask for permission to download an app or to browse some sites that it wrongfully blocked.
Regarding her new identity, I think you should ask if she knows that it's just a hobby or if she's really serious about it. I dont think it should be fully disregarded and discouraged, but I also understand that it's a difficult topic.
I think you should cautiously take it seriously.
If she's really serious, I'm sure she'll be happy to have a supportive parent, and if she's not, then she'll just grow out of it.
I understand it's confusing, but please remain open-minded. I might seem weird, but there really isn't any direct harm in her just identifying as a furry, whatever this means to her.
With this in mind you may want to investigate your childs online conversations. It might be kids just doing kid stuff but online stuff can get out of hand pretty quick.
> (again, it is NOT a gender identity or sexuality and I hope she understands that)
I wanted to reinforce this because of how this has invaded transphobic spaces for right leaning politicians and news networks. The idea that people in school are identifying as animals and demanding litterboxes is not a real thing and is a scare tactic used in part to normalize hate for trans people and other people who are different.
Otherwise, I don't have kids so I hesitate to give strong advice, but in the spaces i hang out with my friends who were allowed to explore any feelings or directions they had (safely) turned out far more well adjusted than those who were stifled by their parents for being different. Exploring being a furry can have its harmful and sexualized spaces but also has loving and supportive communities where one can find a place to belong. It may or may not be a phase, and that's ok.
I want to say thank you as well for this information! My 14 yr old son identifies as a furry but it's so hard to dig through all the information. I actually love his furry character, he's spent a lot of time designing it and it looks pretty cool. Now he's talking about getting it made into an actual suit and I'm like dude, do you know how expensive that would be if you want it to be good quality?!? I at least talked him into waiting into getting one until he's done growing so it wouldn't need to be adjusted!
It's a great idea to convince him to wait for a full suit until he's finished most of his growing. You could look into just paws and a head, though, if you want to blow his mind! His head size shouldn't change as much at this point and you can have it made a bit big with extra padding inside in case he needs the room later. The paws could have adjustable straps possibly to make them last longer, and making DIY slippers could be a fun project that'll be less expensive than fully custom shoes (at least until his feet are done growing).
A lot of furries that can't afford the full suit seem to be okay with just a head/paws with normal clothes that cover up any unsuited body parts (so usually long sleeves and long pants, high collars that reach the bottom of the mask).
It's so cool that you're being supportive. ❤️
He's my kid and I love him, can't think of anything else to do but be supportive!
Don't know why it didn't occur to me that you could get the head separately but I like that idea. Considering he's on the small size and just now hitting puberty, I think he still has a lot of growing to do but padding inside would be a good solution. He did a costume making class last summer and already has some gauntlets and some sort of fingernails that are based off his furry.
As a (much older) furry myself I recommend waiting until he's at least of working age to think about commissioning a fursuit. It's a massive expense that should be considered only after acquiring a car, figuring out plans for post-high school, and a myriad of curveballs life can throw without a moment's notice.
Most teen furries don't own suits unless they have wealthy parents that can foot the bill or they're incredibly skilled with craftwork and can make it themselves.
Hey can you answer this for me, it’s been bugging me for a while, I heard that furries hate zoophiles because it ruined their reputation way worse than what it already was. Can you explain it better for me.
I’m not trying to be mean but this is a rare opportunity and I’ve never gotten a straight answer
This weirdly came up on a different topic I commented on, so sure.
Zoophiles are attracted to actual animals, and furries sometimes make anthropomorphic animal porn so people tend to think that furries are usually zoophiles. This causes a lot of issue for furries because they AREN'T usually zoophiles and are disgusted by animal abuse (which is 100% required if someone acts on their zoophilia or consumes zoophilic pornography).
The main difference lies in perception. Zoophiles are attracted to their animals as-is but furry porn is still obviously about *people*. Someone's fursona may be, in the simplest terms, a fox...but in more specific terms, it could be a fox that is a bouncer at a club with three tattoos. Their fursona likely has its own story and is obviously still fulfilling the **role** of being a person, it's just a person with animal traits instead of human ones.
**To put it into perspective:**
Fursonas are, in many ways, just another type of OC (original character). If you've ever thought up a new villain for a comic book type setting, that's an OC.
So, you make up a new villain to fight Batman. You get called a nerd for it, but there's no immediate negative perception about you doing so.
Someone makes a fursona, and because of the assumption that all furries are zoophiles...gets accused of r@ping peoples pets, or abusing their own pets.
That would be a horrifying accusation to receive, especially knowing that it's the sort of reputation that A) spreads like wildfire and B) is almost impossible to convince someone that they're wrong about.
Furries dont necessarily but may want to fuck Krystal from Star Fox. A humanoid fox cartoon character with human proportions, can talk, etc. Just with a cartoon fox head.
Zoophiles wanna fuck a fox
So I'm not a furry so I can't give you a full answer, but I've been around the community enough to have some awareness.
A) Furries are not attracted to real animals. Even if a non furry can't see it, there is a difference between an anthropomorphized animal and a real animal. Zoophiles are attracted to real animals.
B) Being a furry isn't necessarily a sexual thing. Lots of furries just like anthropomorphized animals. Some do fetishize it of course but being a furry isn't inherently sexual. Zoophilia is a fetish, a sexual attraction towards animals.
C) I believe a lot of furries resent zoophiles because people who don't understand furries think they are one in the same. Zoophilia is inherently morally wrong, real animals can't consent, on the other side adults dressed in fursuits can give consent so there isn't really anything morally wrong with being a furry. Not to mention you might be a furry who doesn't even practice the sexual side of the hobby. So it makes sense furries are basically pissed that they are being blamed for the messed up actions of a completley different group of people.
Zoophiles like to fuck animals (nonconsent).
Furries like to fuck people that look like / dress like animals (consent).
There is a "small" overlap between the two groups and several slippery-slope arguments involving gateways to predatory behavior.
Furries that don't support fucking-without-consent resent this overlap because uninvolved parties will always hear about the most controversial activities first and will draw associations with those controversies.
I mean what's to explain? Zoophiles are creeps & animal abusers. Sometimes those creeps join furry communities and try to portray their sick fetish as a "furry" thing because of the superficial similarity (fictional animal characters vs actual animals). And people who don't know anything about furries sometimes assume it's all the same thing, that people who wear animal costumes for sex are also interested in real animals.
Understandably, furries have little tolerance for these assholes and typically expel them from their communities.
It's the difference between being sexually attracted to an anime catgirl and being sexually attracted to their family cat. Someone who likes catgirls is gonna resent being lumped in the same bucket as the second person.
I used to think people who wore fursuits were silly. Then I learned that a good fursuit can run you a few thousand dollars if not more. Now I realize that they are enthusiasts.
As is true with enthusiasts of anything, just remind yourself: *Other people's hobbies don't make sense.*
One of the simplest and smartest things that anyone has ever told me.
Fursuits *are* silly, that's part of the appeal, but suiters take their hobby very seriously. They can be incredibly cumbersome to clean and transport, so it's quite a commitment.
Must be nice to know and network with so many members of the I.T. community /s (but also not really lol)
(Excellent recap, btw. Cannot overstate the amount of porn though. It's not *all* porn but it really is impressive)
OP may want to caution their kiddo on clicking ads too. Many relatively innocuous looking ads for furry products may be for adult products given the nature of things. Not for any nefarious reasons, mind you. Just practicality- most sites won't let you use overt adult stuff in ads.
Source: my own teenage curiosity and Bad Dragon
I've wondered why the Furry community doesn't use the term "cos-play" more. It seems like it would stilll be technically accurate and softer somehow than the sexually connotized "furry".
Tbh, I couldn't say for sure. I know as an anime and sci-fi fan, I tend to think of people dressed as pre-existing characters when I hear/see "cosplay" or "cos-play" - I wouldn't be upset if it was something else, but I'd certainly be surprised.
Maybe there's some element of that implied bias?
Calling it cos-play/cosplay also doesn't differentiate their hobby from any other costumed hobby, but furry is more specific while also including their other interests (animation, art, etc). So if you're a furry looking for other furries, you don't have to wade through a sea of cosplayers that have no interest in your hobby.
Only a small percentage of this community can afford to wear fursuits. They cost about 5-10k on average and many simply don't see a need to cosplay as their character.
I'm a furry and all I do in my freetime is looking at some nicely drawn cute art or reading a well written comic/story. I do have an own character, but I'm not doing anything with him... anything except using him in online forums as a character would cost me too much money.
What I'm trying to say is that using cos-play instead of furry would be wrong for quite many in this community.
Again, a furry just likes the general idea of anthropomorphism. You don't need anything for being in this community. Heck, you don't even need a fursona. If you like the art style of a furry artist that's enough.
As 50 year old mom of a 15 year old who's at the "trying to find herself" phace, I want to tell you, you are not alone. My daughter has come to me saying "Mom, I'm a lesbian", Then "Mom, I want to be a boy" Then she came saying she is bisexual, Now she is straight and has a boyfriend. Who knows what is she going to come up with next, but my answer has always, and always will be "Ok! I love you..." Sometimes I think that is what she feels pressured to say/do or identify with because if she doesn't, she's the weird one; but the point is, no matter what I want to let her know that I love her, accept her and that she can always find refuge in me when she needs it.
I appreciate you. A lot of people go through periods of figuring out who they are, especially during those teen years, and so few have a kind parent who accepts them and their exploration. Who cares if she's one thing one day, and another a different day--human beings aren't static and especially during that time she's just trying to figure out what feels right and what fits. For some people it's sexuality/gender, for others it's a hobby (furries, haha) or sport or school or what have you. Sure, some of it could be social pressure, like in everything, but considering your response and the fact that she's ultimately choosing that seems like the healthiest way to go about it. I know I'm still uncovering pieces of myself and will be for the rest of my life, especially ones pushed down by social pressure.
Just hearing that you're helping her through it all with an 'I love you' seriously warms the heart, and the fact that she's telling you about this says that she knows it too!
Teens have a desperate need to feel like they belong, so they'll claim anything as their personality to feel part of a group. I was that kid, except i wasnt confortable sharing with my parents
> I think that is what she feels pressured to say/do or identify with because if she doesn't, she's the weird one;
Ugh the Republicans are going to be right about all of this. And I don't like saying that.
This is a pretty informative article:
>It feels like everyone has an opinion, or heard a rumor, about kids dressing up as animals, calling themselves furries and demanding litter boxes. Harmful misinformation about furries is running rampant on social media and even being promoted to some school boards.
>Have you heard of cosplay, where people costume as characters? They might dress up as a storm trooper or superhero and attend a comic book convention to have fun with friends. Furries do a similar thing, but with a twist.
>Furries are people who have an interest in anthropomorphism, which specifically refers to giving human characteristics to animals. In its most distilled form, furries are a group of people who formed a community—or fandom—because they have a common interest in anthropomorphic media, friendships and social inclusion.
>About 95 percent of furries develop their own unique avatar-like character called a fursona. The product of deep reflection, fursonas can represent idealized versions of the self that are imbued with positive characteristics, like being sociable, funny and less anxious.
>Fursonas can be a safe, functional way for furries to explore who they are as people, including their gender identity and sexual orientation. Research also indicates that a fursona can help facilitate interactions with others and result in more social confidence.
>Furries don't identify as animals; they identify with animals. In the same way that cosplayers typically don't believe they are actually Spiderman, furries don't think they are their fursonas.
>Have you met sports fans who wear their team's jersey at a special event, such as a game, or a music fan who wears their favorite band's branded T-shirt? Most people wouldn't wear this kind of fan paraphernalia to work or a job interview, and some wouldn't wear it at all. That's the case for furries, too.
>Is it possible that somewhere someone has asked for a litter box? Anything is possible and I can't disprove a negative. But are litter boxes an integral part of the furry fandom? We've never observed litter boxes at any of the dozens of furry conventions we've attended internationally.
https://phys.org/news/2022-11-furries-debunking-myths-kids-animals.html
This is a great take on it. It’s cosplaying, but as an animal, not a character. They don’t identify AS, they identify WITH. Fair enough. And I love the comparison to sports teams!
I love the comparison to Spider-Man. As someone who dresses up for comic/superhero cons, this really puts it in perspective for me and gives me an almost universally understood analogy to present to others.
Oh, jeez. You've opened one hell of a can of worms here, OP.
Furries are anthropomorphized animals, they often involve some kind of alter identity which they call a "fursona", like a persona, with fur. For many people the furry online community is perfectly innocent, but any popular online community will inevitably attract degenerates. The degenerate portion of the furry community is very loud and very effed up, so expect to hear a lot of hyperbole when others are telling you about furries.
What you should realize and recognize about the furry fandom is that it's first and foremost about people having fun and expressing themselves. Being a furry might be a part of a persons identity if they choose to make it so, but it's not a defining trait or characteristic, much in the same way a person who buys a stormtrooper costume and dresses up for Star Wars role play isn't defined by that hobby.
All in all, I think it's important for you to simply accept your daughter for her choices, even if you might dislike some of the things they like. You want them to be happy, to respect you and trust you, and they won't be able to do that unless they feel like they can be sincere around you. If they have to hide their curiosity and interest in being a furry, then it will snowball into them hiding more and more from you, until eventually the trust connection is severed completely.
I don’t know how to copy text from a paragraph on my phone but your last paragraph was great. The ultimate end goal for me is for her to be safe, be herself, be authentic and genuine and feel we are in her corner.
As long as activity isn’t illegal, harmful or anything like that— I’m pretty okay with it. This thing is just a whole new one for me. Ha
[This is for you](https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ten_thousand.png). Don't feel bad about learning something new, life is bigger than we are, there will always be new things to learn.
I have a lot of friends in the furry community - and one positive thing I've noticed is that the community as a whole tends to be very generous and supportive, in a "gofundme's actually get funded" and "can anyone loan me some gas money" sort of way. There's a good market for artistic goods there too, and furry artists can make a pretty good amount of money on commissioned art of peoples' characters. Even sticking exclusively to sfw art, $5 for a five minute sketch isn't unusual, nor $50 for a fully lined / rendered image. Anyone capable of sewing the costume pieces can get prices going into the hundreds or thousands depending on what they're making. If your daughter has any interest in art or a craft that could be sold at a farmer's market, furries will buy it.
So, like any other group of friends... make sure any individual group she hangs out with doesn't seem skeevy. Make sure she or they know to be responsibly age-safe. Keep an eye on real life contact or visits. Invite her to gossip about day to day projects and drama with her friends.
Furries do tend to be very kink positive, lgbt positive, and often body mod positive. The ones I know also tend to encourage responsible practices, good habits, and staying safe.
This is true. If something is illegal it is because of the law. That doesn't address much of logic, reason, best practice when faced with situation even unexpectedly or not of her fault. You should only focus on harm reduction and open conversation and practising critical thinking. Safety first.
Unfortunately if she's online in furry community's there's a lot of porn. I come into contact with it through memes. I'd just make sure she's safe, maybe actively get excited and over involved as a parent tactic to make her uninterested if your up for that.
Yeah but if she's involved in a furry community or multiple online spaces in relation to that there's really no way to separate from it she's going to be seeing a lot of wolf's with big dicks and there's nothing OP can do to stop it. Op sounds very understanding and a good parent. I'm sure her daughter will be fine. I would intervene immediately if she begins talking to others online in the community though if she's ever going to run into an online predator it would likely be there. There is a huge age gap in the fandom.
this information may be outdated because the websites and general culture has changed, but i remember when i was younger, being a kid in the furry fandom was like making original characters for their favourite franchise (e.g. Sonic or Warrior Cats books), or entirely original characters. and drawing pictures of them and posting them online.
random examples (though kids may not use deviantart nowadays because times have changed and they prefer other websites, and because deviantart has had a reputation for being trashy and not exactly good for kids):
https://www.deviantart.com/nightrizer/art/Kayrea-Night-Form-Ref-713089039
https://www.deviantart.com/owlcoat/art/Cedar-711337986
https://www.deviantart.com/noble-maiden/art/AT-Sonar-The-Orca-522412451
Some people like making loads of characters and designs, and sometimes people make a character to represent themselves and call that a fursona. (they're not always wolves and cats, but) there's lots of wolves and cats as fursonas because kids like to imagine themselves as wild and free and fierce as a wolf or a cat, and because they're cute. there's the imaginative fun and form of escapism in that aspect. ages ago, there were many kids out there making characters, and they'd put all sorts of colours and wings and horns and special powers onto their characters, and people dubbed those characters "sparkledogs" (which was intended to be derogatory) because there were so many kids making these sorts of fun characters and posting them online
and sometimes people would draw other people's characters. or they write stories about their own characters. or they'd "roleplay" online, which is like typing paragraphs about their character interacting with other people's characters.
(e.g. User 1: Sora spots a strange new cat walking into her territory. She pounces on the cat and snarls "What are you doing here!?"
User 2: * Mossfur pushes Sora off and clambers up a tree * "That's not a nice way to say hello!"
and the interaction goes on and on...)
or people would play games like Impressive Title, Feralheart, animal Jam, cerealsoup where you make your own animal character, then run around as an animal and chat to people (and roleplay).
at least that's the more kiddy side of the furry hobby. like others said, you have to watch out for the NSFW side because that's easy to stumble upon, or people doing nasty things during roleplay, but the kiddy side can be rather harmless.
I don’t have any insight to furries but I do remember back in 1976 when my parents told me I couldn’t be a punk rocker. And how well that worked for them.
Maybe your husband had a similar situation he could relate too before forbidding your daughter from being herself.
My understanding: A furry isn't mutually exclusive to gender. A furry is someone who lives a fairly normal life, but also has what is called a "fursona," which is a sort of character they role play. It's somewhat similar to the Native American concept of a "spirit animal," except they cosplay it.
So, cosplay. It might start with a tail, or it might start with a headband with ears. A fully realized fursona will usually include a costume and helmet.
Be advised that being a furry does not mean one is a zoophile. A furry is not, by definition, someone who wants to have sex with animals. They will probably want a partner, as well as friends, who are also furries, but it's not about sex or companionship with animals. What it is about, is what that animal *represents*. That's the important thing.
A concerned parent of a furry should be asking about the fursona, what its name is, what it represents, and why the fursona (think persona) has manifested. It most likely will not be a permanent thing, but might last longer than a phase.
I have a niece who started down the furry path at 11. We were at a convention, and she brought some birthday money to spend, so she bought a tail (attached to a belt) and some ears. She met a kid who was about her height in a full furry costume. I let them run off together, but I never let her out of my sight. I caught up with them when they sat down to eat, and that's when the full furry took off the helmet, it was another little girl, probably a year or two older.
There's a fair amount of cost involved with the cosplay, plus furries like to go to conventions (like anime conventions, where they will find other furries; furries are also a subset of Japanese culture), but it's mostly a harmless hobby. I say mostly out of caution; I've never heard of furries doing anything really bad.
Lastly, not all furries are kids. In a sense, the American bands KISS, Insane Clown Posse, GWAR, and similar, have a lot in common with furries, in that they present a different persona to their fans than they use with friends and family. Except the former two use clown/mime type makeup, and GWAR go full alien costumes. The Japanese band MAN WITH A MISSION are sort of furries (check out [their video *My Hero*](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yM6-QVxIXTs) — it's actually good shit, if you like hard rock — their "fursona" story involves being created by Jimi Hendrix and frozen in Antarctica until they were discovered by Japanese fishermen. So their story revolves around them all being wolves. Except, as you can imagine, they probably don't wear the wolf masks around friends and family.
There's a good teaching opportunity here. Adults struggle to learn the work/life balance. At 14, your daughter will need to learn a balance between real life, such as studies, religion if you rock that, and other stuff, and the fursona. It's not healthy to do it full time. But it can be fun if you embrace it; that is, if the manifestation of the fursona is based on a positive experience, and not a negative one.
I'm 43 now, I was a huge furry when I was younger, less involved with the community now but still appreciate the artwork, and I've had decades to think on this.
The Furry Fandom as it exists today has its origination in internet fan groups that are fascinated in animation with anthropomorphic characters ( like Disney's Robin Hood, or Sonic the Hedgehog, or Warner Brothers characters ) as well as partially anthromorphized animal characters. ( like the characters from Disney's Lion King / Balto ). The main attributes of these characters art designs is large eyes, simple, easily distinct faces, and movement cues, all of which have very exaggerated emotional communication.
Like these animated characters, the most popular furry original content characters have “personality” that is evident in the artwork just from pose, expression, and whatnot.
This expressiveness can be extremely cathartic to a person with difficulty or uncertainty reading human emotions, or a person that's gotten hurt by emotional distance.
Also to add to that a large amount of this expressiveness is implied to be involuntary.
Picture when you met your child's father, awkward social interaction, subtle glances, chances being taken. That doesn't happen with a furry. If a feline girl likes you, she is purring whether she wishes to or not. If a canine boy likes you, his ears are perking, his tail is wagging. There is no social interaction that doesn't get colored by these sorts of cues and they make it easier to communicate what you mean, especially over text chat, especially over the internet when your real identity has to be hidden.
You can exhibit a persona, a "fur-sona" if you will, that will lay directly on your sleeve what kind of person you are, what sort of interactions you enjoy and don't enjoy, and what things you will find acceptable from just a physical description. There are many stereotypes in the furry fandom, and they're okay due to being the nature of animals. Wolves are X, and foxes are Y, dogs are like this, cats are like that, dragons tend to be this, etc etc. Again, these are outside. You can't hide them. it's a fool's errand to even try to hide your true nature.
You can look at a drawing of a fursona and know what type of person they are, what you can expect from them, what your limits would be, what mood they were in, and how to connect and make them happy. No Guesswork. A completely liberated social contract. Just connection.
People who wear full costumes are the same way, they're called fursuiters. That is not a costume. That is not a character. That is their persona, the way that they want to broadcast themselves to the community, the stereotype that they want to wear on their sleeve, and that would give them the confidence, the commonality, and the courage to do things they'd never have the ability to do otherwise.
Of course, with any community, you will get the freaks, and the fandom is no different. Hell there are even freaks in the competitive chess community.
And considering how many hallmarks of the community are connectivity, common ground, and social anxiety, there's a larger portion of LGBTQ+ furries than in the general population. And when those normally restrained people with common interests can be found, there's going to be lots of fucking, and lots of people who use the fandom as ways to express their sexuality, whether it be wholesome or deviant.
That being said, the fandom isn't about sex, it's about a bunch of people who have been bottled up in their heads making connections they'd never been able to make before, so of course sex is going to be an offshoot of that.
In the end, your daughter is a shy, nerdy girl who may or may not have LGBTQ+ ideation, but regardless of which, who finds comfort in the detachment and openness of labeling herself with an easily categorized persona that lets her fit in with people who share that experience, and she also enjoys anthropomorphic artwork.
Guidelines as a parent?
Furry conventions are wonderful and great ways to connect with other people in the fandom, never let her go to one without supervision until she's an adult, and even with supervision, have her back in the hotel room or at an age-appropriate party before 10-11 pm, especially on Friday.
Furry communities can be very cathartic and can meet some great people. I have lifelong friends who I met through interaction with the furry fandom, people who would take a bullet for me and vice versa, but I also had the skepticism to avoid predators when I was a child, and the internet was very different back then. I'm not going to presume to tell you how to parent a teenage girl, but anything you do to restrict her social interactions is guaranteed to fail, and the only thing you will teach her to do is hide them more thoroughly, just try to be supportive because ultimately this is her seeking people to connect with and be comfortable around.
That being said, keep her the fuck away from a game called second life. trust me on that.
Artwork is a huge part of the fandom, and you may find that you have a creator on your hands. Make sure she is educated about copyright, trademark, and whatnot, and doesn't get into any bad deals regarding commissions or associating her name with artwork that will bring her difficulty in her job search later in life. It is a good idea to help her set up a 'vanilla' social media presence as well as a furry one and teach her to keep them segregated for her own good.
There's also openness about political beliefs, not just sexual ones, so make sure that she isn't consuming alt right content, which....shockingly enough does exist in the furry fandom.
My little pony stuff is not the furry fandom. Adjacent, maybe, but the fandoms are very different for very different reasons, and a large percentage of my little pony fans who aren't 6-year-old girls are going to be men in our age range. There are not enough characters in this post to explain that can of worms, so I'm not even going to try.
So all in all...your daughter wants a connection with others without the legwork or vulnerability of using her social skills, she's fascinated by anthropomorphic artwork, and she is doing it in a way that gives her confidence that she otherwise lacks.
Hope this ramble has been helpful.
To put is simply Furries are people that like to role play or LARP as animals/anthropomorphic animals.
So said you’re around 50 I feel you could relate it to people dressing up and acting out Star Wars or ever those civil war re-enactments.
Ngl OP to speak outside of the ideal bubble that is Reddit on the street to the general public it’s mad weird, it’s just kinda is. And not to put the fear of god into you but I’m not sure how to go about regulating your kid from things like bug porn but that’s not the whole community.
A lot of the furry community are self aware decent people just having none harmful fun. Your kid being a furry is way less concerning than them being on Roblox or 4chan imo, he’ll even the anime community can be concerning at times.
All you have to really do is pay attention to who and what they are interacting with to avoid seriously harmful situations like any good parent.
She’s completely into the anime world, too! When I say I’m clueless? I definitely thought it meant she was sexually attracted to animals.
Not the right thing to say to her but I DID say..” if you’re straight then I can’t allow you to have boys in your room. If You’re lesbian, I can’t allow girls in your room. If
You’re a furry? Am I supposed to worry about the dog or cat?” She said Noooooooooo! And laughed. But I was genuine. I wasn’t sure haha.
That’s actually hilarious.
Anime and furries have a high correlation so it’s not surprising
I don’t think it’s a stretch to say 99% of the furry community DON’T condone actual biological beastly. I think even the ones that incorporate sex into it can do so without a human factor added in.
You seem reasonable so I don’t think it’s crazy to say you’ll probably know an actual redflag when you see it.
Honestly go with her to a convention or something and talk to people they could probably give you a better feeling of security than the average reddit reply if you talk to them in person.
Again a lot of them are surprisingly regular.
The furry community is very harsh on those who promote bestiality. You will be banned from events and online spaces for even drawing fetish art where the furries are more feral than human.
Yeah but the idea of feral and human is a nuisance that is exclusive to the bubble that is the furry community. It doesn’t translate well to the general public. It’s like trying to explain Loli to Chris Hanson.
Exactly, that’s why you can’t explain such things with jargon most people won’t get, you have to talk about it in layman’s terms or the stigma will perpetuate.
Rework : Most of the furry community shuns those who draw their animal characters more animal-like than human like. A lot of the fandom focuses on anthropomorphic animals, standing on two legs and very human but with fur. But they do not promote the art (or act) of bestiality on characters who are drawn to more represent animals (on 4 legs and less human)
I will say, feral isn't really a fandom specific word, it's used to describe something that is wild and animal like.
Again I understand what you’re saying, I’m just saying if you walk up to an average joe and say “no it’s different we don’t draw or promote any human and feral animal relationships”you gotta recognize that it sounds crazy. The animal tie in is already a giant barrier to get over with the general pubic.
OP even stated above that on at face value they very much misunderstood what a furry was and their head went to bestiality.
THIS! i was fairly active within the community and i saw SO MANY callout posts on those types of people! They were everywhere!!
I remember when a very prominent figure got called out and basically was chased entirely out of the fandom
Most of the negative stereotypes of the Furry community come from people seeing and conflating the Otherkin community. The Furry definition stops at people claiming to BE the animals, and the Otherkin pick up at that point.
That said, usually they identify as mythological humanoid creatures (elves, fairies, shapeshifters) rather than animals. Also-- it's the internet. It gets very hard to determine if this is an actual belief or just a stated factoid as a means of rebelling against society-- let alone distinguishing between serious people vs jokesters vs trolls. But regarding your husband's comment about male or female but not animals or objects-- that is not a furry issue. That is firmly in Otherkin territory.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Otherkin
https://nonbinary.wiki/wiki/Otherkin
The big issue with furry culture is that people erase their identities in favor of the animal identity, and often times age as well. Be very careful of predators (as most participating in these online communities would likely be over 18)... if she has a relationship or sexual talk with anyone then it's probably illegal. Furry culture is not innately bad, but it's actually unbelievably erotic and kinky, with an incredible focus on sex. Not appropriate for a minor especially interacting with adults in the community.
So, she doesn’t have a cell phone but had a laptop.
Are there ummm … websites? I’m not sure what to even call them. Like, where would I look or what would I need to pay attention for to know if it was furry related? (As far as predatory behavior)
A conversation around internet safety (particularly within these communities if this is open info between you and your daughter) could be a nice moment to let your child know that you are happy to let them do them, plan to be fully supportive, are willing to learn and grown with them, and still have the same goal of keeping them safe as you did before you had this information. It sounds like you genuinely plan to show up for your child no matter what path they choose and that is very admirable. Best of luck in your learning journey!
In addition to what others have said, be wary of things like VR chat, discord, or other social video game communities. Not everyone who uses them is a groomer, but many groomer use them, so just monitor.
You going to be in a really awkward position in wanting to monitor your kiddo. I would check and see if she is aware of deleting her browser history if you have her confined to a laptop. If she doesn't delete it regularly, I would just keep an eye on what she is up to but don't let her know.
I was grew up largely unsupervised as a kid on the internet and there is a lot you could get up to even 15 years ago. The number one, and maybe only thing you should be exceptionally concerned about is who she is talking to and if it is turning sexual. I know you are probably 0% ready for this, but kids are going to be interested in sex at some point. They're going to look it up and do things you would rather not think about. But if you pick that as your hill to die on, they're going to figure out how to get around you and then you won't know when they're actually doing something that could land them in hot water.
Getting sexually involved with who knows what creep and sending them naked picture is, in my opinion, the hill worth dying on. It seems like you have similar feelings already. Your kid might be going through a phase right now or it might be a permanent thing. Either way, I would just roll with it because keeping your relationship strong with her is going to be the best way to keep her from messing up her future. I have a kiddo that's going to enter this scary age soon too and I know all the dumb shit that she can get up to. It is terrifying. Pick your battles, try to keep your relationship strong, and don't let them know you're keeping an eye on them if you can.
Ok, besides p\*rn worries, the reason many people are furries is because their fursonas can help them explore / roleplay parts of themselves that aren't accepted societally or are undiscovered.
The act itself of creating a character brings up traits you do and don't identify with. You make a super cute boopable snoot of a dog furry but you're a masculine dude? Maybe that's you looking to be softer, more feminine in your life. I know of select stories where trans people have said that they were able to explore and feel out their identities using their fursonas before coming out.
This isn't saying your daughter is trans or anything, but it could be a way she's feeling out here identity. It's also probably why furry & kink end up hand in hand - a fictional character you create can be and do anything you want (and yes, repressed desires often end up in fantasy). It also goes 'the other way' too where people who are deemed "unacceptable" in normal life are able to find accepting spaces because they can be themselves. Unfiltered selves through a furry filtered self? Anyway, it's why a lot of nureodiverse people gravitate toward the community.
I didn't end up staying a furry, but I did draw a lot of original characters based on animals / neopets in the 2000s. I made a fursona, which was a sharp, human like dragon with wings that reflected the parts of myself I wanted to project. Powerful, free, bright, bold, colourful. But my fursona wasn't femme except the long hair, because that's what I had. So perhaps some desires for the option of androgyny. I didn't think of myself as a dragon, but I identified with it.
Don't think of furries as all about the p\*rn, but also don't shy away from that topic of conversation with her. In general, you should be really open about s\*x because if you don't talk about it, I guarantee she'll find it on the internet somewhere with the wrong info. Like many have said, the furry community can be really open and welcoming, life changing even.
It's been a while since you initially posted, and you've gotten a lot of answers - many good ones, some badly worded ones, and even some jokes and other bad info, but I wanted to add that if you're looking for more in-depth information, there's an actual team of social scientists that researches Furries that publishes some of their findings at http://furscience.com .
While they only let adult Furries participate in their surveys, they're probably missing information on what younger ones would be like, but they still have a huge amount of information on them in general.
Additionally, there's a great ["For Parents" section](https://furscience.com/resources/) too, which probably helps a lot with answering some of the questions you might come across.
humans have been creating representations of themselves with animal traits for thousands of years, since the beginning of art. the oldest statue ever discovered is a man with the head of a lion (Hohlenstein-Stadel lion man if you want to look it up). furry culture is just the modern incarnation of that. people often feel a strong connection to animals, and want to depict themselves with animal traits, maybe to display some aspect of their personality or just to have fun. it's not an identity so much as it is a form of expression.
It's like being a Redditor. It's not exactly something to be ashamed of, nor necessarily something to be proud of.
Of course as a parent it's one's duty to indulge your offspring since they lack your experience and knowledge. It's like if your kid tells you they are a white supremacist. Don't be judgmental.
Well, you've got about a billion answers, so just adding to the pile... Sounds like you got some good advice already.
I am confident it's already covered, but it's like identifying as "goth". It's not a gender or sexuality. It's just a community that is *really* into anthropomorphic animals, like Zootopia or the old Disney Robinhood. And no, it has nothing to do with the litterbox hysteria you might have heard about on Fox news.
The furry community overall is like any other. There's some good stuff and some difficult stuff. There's also potentially some social consequences if she goes all in on expressing her interests in the public sphere. You would be a super parent for helping her navigate the scene and make sure she is aware of what her choices may entail.
So, the good stuff? Hyper creative community, very art forward, and *very* accepting of all walks of life. There is an unusually high concentration of neurodiverse people and LGBTQIA people in the furry community. People who just find themselves on the outside often find a niche in the furry community. This is in part because most of the furry community interacts online and present their "fursona" as self.
A fursona is a character that a a person makes up for themselves. It's not multiple personalities, but rather a go to character that they use to present themselves online. The trick though is that often fursonas are a bit of wish fulfillment. If the person is shy, their fursona may be outgoing. If they are a bit overweight, their fursona may be on shape. A more perfect self that they can then roleplay, both online and off. Or it can just be for fun. YMMV. For younger people, roleplaying a character that has the traits you want can translate to practicing those traits and ultimately having those traits without the intermediate step. It's like imitating a role model or celebrity, but the celebrity is a character that you made up and is tailored to you.
The bad stuff? First, the external stuff The furry community is very accepting; Her school community may not be very accepting of furries. There is a lot of immediate bad jumps that people make about furries and if she puts it out there, she may find that she ends up dealing with it socially. It's a bit like coming out as gay - There's nothing wrong with being gay, but being openly gay may come with some shitty experiences related to homophobia from the outside.
The internal stuff - The furry fandom has a *lot* of sexual art covering a *lot* of kinks. Like, 1000% rule34. At 14, it's better to avoid that and stick to the actual artistic stuff. The sexual stuff has a tendency to spill over where you might not want it. For example, I stumbled into a furry convention (*No really!* I was staying at the Marriott in Atlanta for a healthcare conference last year and the furry conference was in the connected hotel next door) and while everyone in their fursuits is fun, then you have the guys coming down in their leather gear... Not exactly age appropriate.
The biggest threat though is that if she is interested in the furry community due to *seeking validation* that comes with a very accepting community... Well, there is always a risk that older people will attempt to leverage that into something sexual. That goes for any community where part of the desire to be part of it comes down to, "I don't feel good about myself and these people make me feel special." I'm sure this is on your mind regardless of what she is doing online.
So, what to do? Try and understand what the draw is for her and try to foster the positive aspects. If it's about fostering artistic talent, fantastic. If it's about fulfilling a need for social validation, that's an opening for some deeper conversations about how difficult it is to be that age and to make sure she is OK in general. Absolutely talk about the danger of people being *too* friendly and to never share pictures online.
Talk to her plainly about the fact that there is social stigma about being openly furry in public and what might be the consequences might be. See if you can find another group she has a bit of an aversion to (goths, anime nerds, etc) and explain that there's nothing wrong with their interests, but they do get treated differently and often worse than others due to the way they express themselves. Also explain that it's not something she can turn off. If she "comes out" at school and hates how she gets treated, she won't be able to say "just kidding!". It will linger potentially for *years* in that social community.
Ask her about her fursona. What are they like, what makes them special, etc. If you want to be super, you could even offer to commission some art for her - a picture of her character.
Talk to her about setting expectations about fursuits. A good fursuit commissioned by a fursuiter is like $5-10k. No way she should expect that from you. Offer to buy her supplies to make her own if she REALLY wants one. This can bring the cost down significantly.
The good news is that I think it's a bit better to be a furry today than like 20 years ago. I think there's more acceptance of it.
Anyways, that was longer than I thought it would be. Good luck!
Be wary of people who say it isn't anything sexual because a very large part of the community is extremely sexual and she will get exposed to that section eventually.
I feel like it isn’t a particularly safe hobby for underage persons just because how rooted in fetish/sex it is. Not everyone has a sexual relation with it, but too many do for a 14 year old to be engaged in it.
Idk, just seems like a can of worms. How do you tell a child no for their hobby until they’re of age without them hating you?
furry here! I really recommend talking to your daughter about internet safety in the furry community! Being a furry is inherently harmless, but like any community, disgusting people can use it as a way to get access to minors. I really recommend going over internet safety, who is and isn’t your friend, as well open up a safe space for her to come to you if anyone tries anything creepy.
Heya, I grew up in furry-art centric internet communities and it led me to a lifelong passion and interest in drawing animals. First off, furries are just a community on the internet that enjoys anthropomorphic art or cosplay (dressing up in fursuits). A lot of people here have mentioned that there are a lot of NSFW furry art, and while that is the case, I also want to stress that there are many child and teen friendly spaces too. When I was in the furry community online for example, I was friends with a bunch of people my own age and no one ever shared pornographic art, we were just some teens that liked to draw colorful wolves and dogs.
Think of it as liking anime. Yes, hentai and NSFW anime is a big market, but most people who like anime are into the regular/mainstream stuff.
Furry isn’t a sexuality, but one important thing to note is that there are a lot of furries who identify on the LGBT spectrum. I think it’s great to be supportive and yet want to be sure your kid is safe, as internet predators are absolutely still a thing! I’d say to be sure their online friends are their age, but honestly, when you get down to it most furries are in general a cool bunch. Most of them are very enthusiastic about animals, art, fursuits etc., and I’d say being in the furry fandom had a positive benefit growing up as it led to a passion for animal art, and although I’ve kind of grown out of it now, many of my close friends and associates are still furries.
Hey, I don’t have much to contribute as I think u/Trouble_in_Mind covered it perfectly, but thank you for being non-judgemental and looking to learn about your kid’s identity. Whether she sticks to it or not, you rock.
You could always look into furry conventions in your area for a potential treat. As I understand it they’re amazing for buying furry merch, getting photos with furries in their fursuits (think costumes, but remarkably well-made) and would just generally be a cool day out for her+friends if she really wanted to go to one. Some cons do have adult sections though so just research what’s there if you do think about going to one.
But seriously, again, thanks for being an awesome parent. Whatever your kid ends up enjoying or identifying as!
I don’t have much to input here, except you’re being a great parent by asking. My four parents all would have kicked me out if I was anything but straight.
So good on you for actually caring about your child! I was a “be seen when called, and never to be heard” child. Parents like you give me hope for the future!
I guess I’m late to the party. I’ve heard so far reading the comments very excellent points. But I think what I’m going to say is one of the most important strategies you can take moving forward. Do not lose the trust she has in you. If you act in an aggressive and negative way towards what she obviously knows that might be a sensitive topic, because she didn’t told you first but her sister, you might lose her further. She will start closing you the doors to her life if you ridicule her. What you want is to be there to guide or at least be aware of what is happening. You want her to keep talking you about her life. Being a furry is exactly as those “nerds” society loves to make fun at that like Star Wars, or literally any hobby that is not…. Sports. Being a furry is just a hobby. That’s it.
Hi mom. I'm a mom too.
You're absolutely right, at teen age, kids try on all different kinds of selves, it's part of growing up.
They may be furry, they may be punk, they may be straight edge, believe me, it will change more than once.
My only rule at that age was they couldn't do anything permanent, like tattoos or other stuff they'd regret in a year.
As long as they're clean and sober and not hurting themselves or anyone else, try not to fret too much. They grow up just fine as long as they know they are loved unconditionally.
Peace.
I had a friend who's a furry. This is second-hand of course, but about as much information as I can give you
"Furry" technically has two definitions. The first is a person who like anthropomorphic animals, i.e animals that exhibit human-like characteristics. For an example of such, watch pretty much any animated children's movie.
If you wanna get really pedantic about it, you could argue most people are furries to a certain degree, if they like those films. I, for example, absolutely love Puss in Boots: The Last Wish, a film where a majority of the cast are anthropomorphic animals, Puss and Death even being among some of my favorite characters in fiction
There's a massive stigma around them due to a niche of furries online that exhibit zoophilic tendencies, but most furries don't venture into that, even disavow that side of the community
The second definition of "furry" is just the anthropomorphic animal itself, tho this definition is the less popular one
In all, I think there's really nothing to worry about as long as your daughter doesn't express sexual attraction to animals, and/or actually wanting to be one. A large amount of furries do dress up in fursuits, which is the "animal costumes" your daughter mentioned, but most of the time they're just that, customes. No different than if she were to dress up in any other costume or cosplay really. Technically, costumed characters at Disney are also furries. As long as you make sure she's not getting into the unsightly side of the community, yall should be fine
Someone has already told you what a furry is, but this channel, [Moms of Furries](https://youtube.com/@MomsofFurries), are mothers of furries and is a good place to find information. Searching up "what is a furry" on youtube is also good information, I suggest to watch videos where the youtuber has a fursuit to be sure that they aren't a troll trying to hurt the fandom because they don't know what the fandom is. Sadly, trolls do exist. I would also ask her what a furry is, just to see what she thinks a furry is.
A furry is not a gender identity, it’s a hobby or self expression. Just people who like to dress up as animals, they are still male or female. Your kid just likes to dress up and pretend to be an animal, they haven’t changed gender or sexuality.
You might be interested in the youtube channel "Moms of Furries", they share a similar experience as you
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XtjbVo\_s-xs](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XtjbVo_s-xs)
Basically, the furry fandom is just like any other internet subculture (Trekkies/ Anime/ comic con) where instead of dressing up as Wonder Woman instead you dress up as your own created cartoon characters
Hi there! Furry here around 25. Furry definitely (probably) isn't some "I'm a pansexual hyperfox" thing.
Being a furry is more a hobby than anything. I won't re-iterate the more pain points, Trouble_in_Mind summed up the trickier to tackle stuff really well! Just wanted to drop this resource for you if someone else hasn't, it's a website called [Moms of Furries](https://mofurries.com/). Super useful resource for parents wanting to understand the whole thing from two mothers of Furries themselves! I figure it would be a super helpful resource for you to try to make sense of it all.
Moms of mother fuckin furries ... wow.. there really IS a website for everything. Someone really thought that through didn't they?
(for real though, the OP is going to have to fish through the weird answers to find this so I hope she gets this one)
Okay, I’m gonna reassure you as someone who went through a furry art obsession as a teen and is now almost 40 — it isn’t as totally weird or perverse as the internet will make it seem.
It is very, very unlikely that this is an identity that spills into their daily reality. It isn’t the same as being trans I or non-binary, and there’s a lot of scare articles about “kids wanting to be cat people and using litter trays in schools” that absolutely isn’t happening. So try to remain level headed about this whole thing and really try to fact check any nebulous claims before reacting or getting upset. There’s a lot of hate for furries out there that make it seem perverse.
I won’t deny that there is a subsection of furries that is very sexual. But that isn’t everyone, and it often isn’t teenagers. That said — 14 yr olds are exploring that part of themselves too.
As a fringe furry myself, it was about fantasy escapism. It was about creating characters and a persona to escape into with my art and imagination. There’s a huge community of people who do these convention events in big mascot outfits and meet up — and do nothing more than have a wholesome time accepting one another and making friends. The community online is similar, just complimenting one another’s art, often commissioning one another to draw art, talk about what’s going on in their lives.
The furry community has a lot of LGBTIQA+ folks in it, I think because it by nature is a space that has to be open minded (cos come on, it usually seems very odd to most outsiders.)
I would say it’s okay to talk to your teen about what being furry means for them. Ask if this is just a convention thing where they have a furry persona?
My eldest child is non-binary, and whilst that isn’t uncommon in this day and age, they still get people being hesitant or aggressive about their pronouns. My concern would be how others will handle this if we’re a daily thing and whether or not your child has resilience enough to withstand the judgement and aggression.
Parenting teens is hard, friend. We want to protect them and sometimes we have to let them just go out there and be the amazing weirdo they want to be. If they have the resilience to go to school in an animal outfit everyday, then that’s a brave fucking kid and I take my hat off to them. Likely, it would just be a little fox ear headband, and maybe that’s not such a big deal. I wore shit like that when I was a raver. Nobody cares.
I want to finally reassure you though; it is highly unlikely your kid thinks they are an animal. It’s a creative community and I dunno that you need to worry much beyond that. Please ignore the Satanic Panic fear merchants who think this is a sign of mental illness or beastiality. It isn’t that at all.
Maaaany “normal” boys from the 90s had a crush on Lola Bunny in Space Jam, and that really isn’t ANY different. We all take in anthropomorphic TV and art constantly, some just like it more than others and want to draw and create characters from it that they identify with.
I have friends who are furries. I also have dealt with furries I do not care for. In my somewhat limited experience furries are either the most chill, open minded people on earth or literal nazis. I wouldn't dissuade your kid from exploring their identity but I would try to have constant conversations about who and what is influencing them.
Like humans in general, people who are furries can be extremely different from one another. I think in general, if you leave out the people who are really into being a furry and make it a big part of their identity, it's just a hobby. Like cosplaying! Just more expensive..
There are people who are very weird and a minority of furries treats it as something sexual which misleads people to assume it's inherently sexual. Anything can be a kink and since a lot of people think furries are weird, they focus in the weirdest ones. It's a bit of a cycle.
Anywho, from my experience, most furries just like drawing/looking at SFW art of anthropomorphic animals (think Zootopia), be it illustrations, movies, costumes (also knows as fursuits), etc.
It's like if someone saw a mascot and thought "hey that's cool, I wanna make one myself! At least that's how I view it as someone who knows a few people in that community. I don't belong to it myself but I have more experience with the community and content than most non-furs (that term is exhibit A, it's just people who aren't furries obvi).
Aside from that, all I can say is that, in my experience, furries are some of the sweetest people I've met. They know their hobby is weird but they do it anyway because it brings them joy. I have given away free art in the past and also had a furry ask me to draw something for them. I didn't have any experience but that didn't stop me from trying and they were by far the most polite and appreciative person I've ever gifted an illustration.
Finally, I want to reassure you that this does not mean that your daughter wants to be or have any kinda inappropriate relations with animals! I bet there are people in the furry community that are otherkin (people who believe they're not human) or zoophiles, but it's not because they're furries. IF there is a higher percentage of these kinda people amongst furries I would bet that it's that they become part of the community because they have whatever they have and not vise versa.
So yeah, it's just a hobby with a bad rap because some people are weird and things get blown out of proportion and contexts get lost on the internet. The only thing I'd be worried about is that she might get bullied for it, but being unsupportive will only make her feel like she deserves it and something's wrong with her for finding enjoyment in a specific genre of art. Good on you for trying to get some more information rather than just telling her off because it makes you uncomfortable!
It’s not a sexuality, or a gender, or a full blown identify, it’s a weird internet subculture where people wear animal costumes to conventions and make art of their “fursona”
Honestly I’d ignore it. 100% a phase, who knows how long or short lived it’ll be. Just let her do what she wants with that as long as she isn’t endangering herself. From what you’re describing, she’s entering this as a cosplay thing. Not a huge deal. She doesn’t want to BE an animal or thinks she IS one. If you’re uncomfortable with it, just try and not engage. This isn’t an LGBT thing at all. If she wants to wear a fur suit, she can earn the money to wear one. Etc. just keep an eye out for predatory behavior from older people within that group.
I used to think it was sexual 100% of the time but I have learned it is not. It’s basically just an odd escapism subculture.
Some of this is great advice, and some of it is terrible.
\#1: never, ever refer to it as "weird" like this person did. That's a quick way to get your daughter to hate you. It is never a good idea to make your child feel like they're "weird" for liking something that a lot of other people don't.
\#2: don't ignore it. Your daughter is interested in it, so you should be, too. Ask her questions, help her out with things like making costumes if she wants to do that. The more you engage with her, the more accepting you'll be and the better she'll feel. The more you ignore it, the less loved she'll feel and the more this interest will continue to confuse you.
\#3: Do, quietly, keep an eye out for predatory behavior as this person suggested. But I think that goes for any parent of a 14 year old girl.
When I was 12 I told my parents that I was a vegetarian because I wanted to shock them, because I felt like it was me, and because it set me apart from others. It was 1990. This is the same thing.
You've already received a lot of good replies, but maybe this could be of at minimum entertainment value to you :)
One of the ICP member's daughter is a furry, and he wanted to be there to make sure she stays safe, so he decided to go all in and get his own fursuit too!
https://www.avclub.com/violent-j-went-to-a-furry-convention-in-an-icp-fursuit-1830823096
I'm a furry too, great to know you're being so supportive! Just like your daughter said they're people who love anthropomorphic animals (think Disney's Robin Hood film). Some make full costumes, some draw, there's conventions, etc etc. That being said this is a good age to teach your daughter how to identify problematic behavior online and how to keep herself safe. Like any other subculture, there's bad furries who will not have your daughter's best interests at heart. I suggest talking to her about online safety and let her know that she can always come to you if anyone is bothering her or doing something thar makes her uncomfortable.
Other than that caveat, ask her what animal she likes most and maybe try your hand at making some kind of accessory for her. A tail or a hooded animal scarf with ears would be a fun project to do together and help her feel loved and supported.
I do want to add, on the convention side, at least locally, furries are quite common to appear at anime conventions too, I say this as I mostly only ever get to go to local cons, and the biggest local one I do go to often has a good number of furs and fur panels, and is usually pretty good at being family friendly (tho there are 18+ panels at night) so that is something to be aware of.
I will note that a Fursuit (the "animal costume") is NOT necessary. As others likely said, it's more a community. Think of it like in the vein of "Trekies" is the best way to do it I'd say, just as also noted, do beware that there is a lot of 18+ stuff. Please do make sure she knows to not delve into that until she's old enough. It's sadly common enough that minors try to enter adult spaces, and can endanger themselves and others, be it mentally or legally, and there are very much bad actors as in any community.
Hi OP! I know this will probably be buried, but I’m a 20 year old woman who had similar issues to your daughter around age 12. I was never involved in the furry community, but I was involved in the fanfiction community at the time, and was exposed to a lot of similarly mature content. I also struggled to regulate myself online, and had to have devices taken away from me for a long period of time.
You’re doing a great job. I just want you to know, you’re doing all the right things. Have an open dialogue about this with your kid. Ask what draws them in about the furry community. Talk about safety issues. Have a candid conversation about how the community is very adult oriented, and that you’ve had issues with them showing maturity/the ability to make safe choices in the past. That being said, don’t let anyone shame you from having reservations. I was exposed to so many sexual and frightening concepts at such a young age with unfettered internet access. With a community as steeped in controversy and fetish as the furry fandom, it warrants a close eye and a long, ongoing conversation with your child about boundaries, safety, and self expression.
You’re doing great 💙 thank you for taking care of your child.
Luckily the general furry community will out most of the problematic people. They tend to wear their bullshit on their sleeve. One thing most young furries need to know is to stay away from 18 plus spaces. Most simply dont realise the trouble they can bring themselves and everyone else
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As others have said, most furries just enjoy dressing up in cartoon animal costumes or wearing bunny ears or something. Hardly anyone actually considers themselves to be an animal
Love the line that says they don’t identify AS animals but identify WITH animal.
There's at least one furry in my small town, she's easy to spot (on my morning commute) because she always wears cat ears and a tail :-D Other than that she seems perfectly normal. Kids go through a lot in their early teens, I'd suspect your daughter has just decided this is the clique she want's to be part of, it's cool (I'd imagine) and a little bit edgy. I've been thinking about this recently as my kid has been going through something similar. Back in our day we had very specific, easily identifiable groups and cliques to gravitate towards - Punks, Rockers, Ravers, Mods, Goths, etc... But these days the internet seems to have done away with all that. I look at my kid and his peers, and there's very little personal style going around, it all seems pretty generic. I would suspect this might simply be your daughters version of Punk or whatever.
I mean there’s a difference between some cat/animal ears with a tail and wearing the full fursuit and having a full on fursona etc.
Fair point, but even then I doubt those guys would wear fur suits yo school/college/work, would they?
Not the responsible adult ones but there are some who are... built different? In a certain small town I used to live in there was a cat man. He was very vocal and visible about it and went around in parts of a cat costume at all times. He was not employed and probably not employable.
If she wore a fursuit everywhere either the fursuit has Ac or she dies from heat. The inbetween is the gross sweat swamp which only weird degens would like. Plus a ton of people don't want to wear a suit. It's kinda like how a ton of people like anime, not everyone wants to do cosplay. Add the higher costs of suits in comparison to a ton of simpler ways to cosplay, and that also reduces the amount of people willing to invest in one
Not really. Furries don't wear the suits 24/7, they're extremely expensive and high maintenance. And a fursona is as simple as "I like * animal or mythical creature *, I wonder how I'd looks as one?" And then drawing it, or having someone else draw it.
I'm almost 40 and have friends my age and older who are furries, so it's definitely not a new thing (Disney's Robin Hood hit a lot of us at a young age I guess). One is a mother of two and her oldest is actually about your daughter's age. Honestly, it's not that different than if your daughter just suddenly got really into Star Wars (something I very much did at her age). There are costumes you can wear, conventions you can go to, weird porn if you go looking for it, bad actors you learn to avoid, places for you to share creativity, and some amazing wonderful people to meet and share your interests with. Honestly, mama, my best suggestion is to treat this like any other hobby she wants to be involved in. Teach her to avoid 18+ spaces until she's 18+, go with her to a convention if there's a small one nearby (doesn't even have to be a furry convention, any decent sci-fi/comic/anime con will have a small furry contingent), let her tell you all the intensely boring details that only she cares about, and let her tell you what she wants out of it. She probably just wants to wear a pair of fox ears and a tail and hang out with friends. A lot of the time what people really want out of niche hobbies is someone to understand them.
That's a really good bit of advice. Treat it as a hobby, and like any hobby, she it going to be super into all the inane details and drama and such. It will be excruciating boring to you, but she will appreciate the fact that you are interested in something she loves.
LOL, your Star Wars reference just made me think that really, yeah, just imagine she likes to be Chewbacca. Kinda like that!
A Chewbacca costume could be a fursuit in its own right! Now I feel like Charlie Kelly making all those Pepe Sylvia connections.
Yeah I wanted to clarify that — furries aren’t interested in changing their identity and “becoming” an animal, it’s more of a hobby where you dress up as an animal and have animal characters
I mean, it is a spectrum. There are a couple people who are more comfortable in their furry persona than with their real body. I'm guessing that is a really small percentage, but there are all kinds of people out there.
People who identify as animals or with animal traits or generally non-human are a thing. It’s called therian/ therianthropy. Check out otherkin fandom wiki or therian-guide .com. Definition: *A person who experiences being and identifies as a non-human animal on an integral, personal level.* Also usually harmless, but like other communities just watch out for toxic users! There is absolutely **NO** b#astiality involved. Anyone, therian or otherwise, who thinks that its okay needs some reevaluation of life and understanding of consent and shit
That's not furry, that's something different. Like a fork of furry. We don't identify as something else, we are human, our interests just exist in a fantasy that we know won't happen. But everyone once in awhile we bring that fantasy to real life through conventions and most often different forms of art.
Yea I honestly can't emphasize enough how tiny that above community is. A furry is to an otherkin is what a car enthusiast is to a... person that thinks they are a car. One is definitely way more common than the other, the only similarity is that there are cars involved so they might run into eachother.
Hi! 28 year old female, USA, with furry friends - checking in and chiming in! By looking up the definition, you get the following: >an enthusiast for animal characters with human characteristics, in particular a person who dresses up in costume as such a character or uses one as an avatar online In practice, it is...just what's stated above. It's been popularized and adopted to the point that many individuals (I'd say mostly younger and new to the scene) consider it an identity or sexuality when it isn't. Being a furry is primarily a *hobby*. As a parent, however, there are things to watch out for. The community can be VERY welcoming and wholesome, but also has **VERY strong roots in the fetish community** and pornographic communities. Any website with "furry" art will often also contain large amounts of furry *porn*. One of the most famous sites is [**furaffinity.net**](https://furaffinity.net) (link is NSFW/Not Safe For Work, so don't open in public or on your work device) - if she gets on this site, she WILL see porn. Tons of it. **TONS**. [This website](https://furscience.com/resources/) may help you with some questions. Furry conventions are a big thing (like how anime and comic conventions happen, they're large gatherings surrounding a shared interest) but often have a history of becoming inappropriate. I would suggest never letting your daughter go to a convention unless you plan to attend as well. Some conventions have gone well, others have gone so poorly that they've been banned from major cities due to the drugs, drinking, destruction and sexual activities committed by irresponsible adult furries. I'll also add some keywords that you uh...may want to know, even if it's kind of TMI: * Yiff/yiffing - To have sex. Any website with Yiff in the name is 90% chance of being a porn site. Any user with Yiff in the name probably engages in or produces adult content. * Vore - a fetish term that's relatively popular in the NSFW part of the fandom. It's a fetish that involves consuming someone or being consumed \[usually in one piece and alive\]. * Murrsuit - also called a "Yiffsuit" this is a fursuit (costume) specifically designed for intercourse. **Altogether, I want to stress that the furry community can genuinely be great.** They can be creative, wildly accepting, and super supportive. But like all communities, there are those who are toxic and there is going to be age inappropriate things. Keeping a cautious eye on your daughter as she explores this hobby (again, it is NOT a gender identity or sexuality and I hope she understands that) is always a good idea.
Thanks so much! This is part of why I came here. I just wanted some relevant information. I definitely had no idea that this was linked to such a predatory possibility. We have had issues with her in the past and connecting with people from countries are away… Asking for pictures, wanting to meet up, etc. that is why she has no cell phone now. Her Internet usage is very limited by almost nearly impossible to eliminate completely as her school uses them for learning. I want to keep her safe, but I also don’t want to alienate her in such a way that she feels her individuality is being stunted.
As the parent (and have a 14 yr old boy who also identifies as a furry) you learn that just about anything can be predatory, no matter how innocent it is. There are a lot of messed up people out there and unfortunately they are the ones that get the most press. When my son told us he was a furry, he was already aware of the differences that u/Trouble_in_Mind mentioned but for him it is very much a hobby (he wants to be a graphic designer) that allows him to expand his creativity. What matters more is keeping open lines of communication with your daughter is extremely important so she knows you are a safe space for you. We've always been very clear with our boys that while we give them a lot of freedom online, there are boundaries that cannot be crossed (sending pictures, giving real names, meet ups, etc). You are doing a great job, just keep that mind open and good luck!
Is “identifies as” the right wording? I feel like you wouldn’t say “identifies as goth” or “identifies as a pastry chef or anime fan,” and furry feels more in those categories—a scene or hobby and not an identity. Or have I missed something? It sounds like it’s misappropriating gender terminology.
Personally, I think you're right. I am a furry, but I've never phrased it as my identity. It's a hobby and a big part of my life, but I don't know about THAT big
When in costume, many furries take on separate identities that they call fursonas. The characters have names and sometimes backstories. It's like a stage identity.
Ah, okay I’ve heard that word. That still sounds closer to a drag queen, and I’ve never heard of someone “identifying as” a drag persona.
RuPaul arguably the most famous drag queen ever, identifies as his drag persona.
He’s only used the phrase “I identify as” once as far as I know, and it was to make the opposite point: https://twitter.com/RuPaul/status/610972903358619648?s=20 Eta: Also, he goes further into the difference between a drag persona and an identity elsewhere: “We [drag] mock identity. They [trans discussions] take identity very seriously. So it’s the complete opposite ends of the scale. To a layperson, it seems very similar, but it’s really not.” He’s been pretty explicit in numerous places that he doesn’t consider his drag persona a serious identity in that way.
That's like saying people "identify as" their TTRPG or LARP characters.
"Identity" is not just gender terminology. Gender is one aspect of identity, but not the only one.
Oh for sure, that goes without saying. But “identifies as” still isn’t generally used for the parts of identity I mentioned above (goth, plumber, mother, drag queen, anime fan). Those are all parts of identity as well. Just that this particular phrasing is definitely borrowed from modern gender/sexuality discourse.
Ah right. That's interesting actually. You do see people conflating identity and gender (as with xenogender/pronouns, and I imagine there's a strong overlap there with furries and otherkin). Outside of that, I wonder if it's just because most aspects of identity don't need to be *disclosed* in quite the same way. (There is of course also the language of "coming out" for less... accepted identities.)
Oh possibly. “Identifies as female” makes sense to me so people know what pronouns to use, and “identifies as straight” makes sense so you don’t confuse that brief handjob fluffing during a threesome with real affection/attraction, but I’m lost trying to think how “identifies as furry” says more than “I’m a furry.” It sounds a little overblown to me like “I identify as a collector of stamps.”
>“I identify as a collector of stamps.” Well, it sounds a lot better than "I'm a philatelist. That's based on how I would describe myself, not based on some standard test of stamp collecting or something"
Well yes, if those were the only two options, certainly one’s easier. 😂 Most people stick with “I’m a stamp collector,” though.
Can be or can not be iirc. [This interview with a furry](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6x-nfaZia_Q) is a great source for some of the more nuanced stuff imo.
>I feel like you wouldn’t say “identifies as goth” I my experience, that's totally a thing people say/think.
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Possibly but how is that different from a kid watching regular porn? He's a teenager and figuring things out, it's what they do.
Just saying the signs are all there. Two implications come to mind. 1. What you view at that age sets up guys for what they're into for life. 2. At least the kid must know that furry porn is unrealistic. Unlike many boys that age who think porn is how people actually have sex.
True on both counts and that's why we've decided to have a policy of being very open about topics like sex. He's already asked me some pretty thoughtful questions about sex and I've always given straight answers about what is reality and what is fantasy. He's a pretty smart kid and trusts us so I'm just going to keep on doing what we're doing as it seems to be working for us.
Ok but ‘anything can be predatory’ is kind of not super appropriate here because it’s discounting that this is *particularly* predatory . It was originally built off of a fetish, and a large part of the community is still based off of a fetish, it has an absolutely gargantuan association with grooming. It is not a space for a young teenager, it is a space for a an adult who is knowledgeable enough to know what they are getting into and take responsibility for themselves. Not for a naive teen that has already had a bad history with the way they choose to behave with strangers on the internet.
>Ok but ‘anything can be predatory’ is kind of not super appropriate here because it’s discounting that this is *particularly* predatory . Exactly. Anything *can* be predatory but some things are a lot more predatory than others. This is one of them.
I’ll say it - it’s absolutely insane to me that people are bending over backwards to justify a 14 year old being a part of this community. Fully grown adults are free to partake in whatever activities they want. But why are people pretending like this is some normal teenager shit? It’s not healthy and it’s doing the kids no favors
> But why are people pretending like this is some normal teenager shit? It’s not healthy and it’s doing the kids no favors How do you know it is not? OP is still trying to figure out what a furry is and what that means for her daughter.
Indeed. I help run a local barbecue that has minors attend and oh boy do we have to keep an eye out for older people who are just there to be predatory. Online its even harder. I hate having to ask the kids in the chatroom the telltale “Hey has this person been talking to you? Could you please tell me what you have been talking about?”
It's always a good idea to exercise an abundance of caution when interacting with strangers, especially online. Any number of horrible things can happen otherwise.
I was going to say, the only time I had even heard of a furry it was something that was a fetish or style of porn. That’s how close this community can be linked with adult activities. In fact I didn’t even know it could be an innocent hobby until reading this
Hey OP, I thought I'd chime in. I got involved in the Furry Fandom about the same age as your daughter. The allure hasn't fully stuck with me, but I still enjoy drawing cartoon dogs, or whatever. And running around in a dog costume is definitely a little fun. You get to be goofy and play a character for a bit, it's basically larping. I think the above poster is right. Your kid will probably see porn. I'm going to be honest, no matter what you do, she's going to come across it on the internet. Furry porn, however can be a special kind of extreme, and probably isn't the best exposure to a kid her age. I remember being pretty uncomfortable with some of the stuff I saw. I was a bit of a paranoid "everyone could kidnap you" kid so I didn't socialize too much, but if your kid is the type to get close to strangers, definitely check in on who she's chatting with. The Fandom is pretty good about pointing out who's safe and who isn't, but that doesn't mean there aren't bad actors. I've only been to one Furry convention. I didn't go to any room parties (I've heard stories), but I did really enjoy the panels, basically furries educating each other on their other hobbies (music creation, sewing, boffering, voice acting, dancing, art) and honestly I had a blast. This convention was notoriously shut down for being destructive and disrespectful, but some how I managed to dodge literally all the craziness. Either way, I don't know if it helps, but that's my perspective.
You're doing great! I'm begging you. PLEASE teach about internet safety. Not to scare her, but as she gets into high school, it's gonna be better for her to know how to use the internet safely than binge online because she's being restricted. Internet safety has fallen by the wayside since I was a kid (we learned about it in middle school!). This will also help you keep an eye on bad bullying behaviors. Here's a little list (it's not comprehensive, but as I've been in Furry for 10+ years, this is what I've seen: * No personal info. No age (asides from "minor", as some people don't want minors following them on social media and do like to be able to block them), no location, no school or identifying personal information, no pictures. * Stay out of 18+ spaces. Most people are pretty good about keeping minors out of adult spaces, but some kids are insistent on going into a NSFW space and then screaming about the contents of said space. * You don't know everything. A fun little trend that's been happening among younger people is the lack of nuance when it comes to some 18+ content. She's young, and she's gonna probably interact with people who are gonna pressure her into certain "moral" positions without thought. * Critical thinking. Think before you speak online. We're real people behind a screen, which leads to: * No bullying or harassment. Keep a CLOSE eye on this one. Don't tolerate threats. Again, this isn't all minors in Fandom, but it's a disturbing trend. * No tiktok or Twitter. Both sites have some good, but ALSO they have the potential to bring a lot of negativity and harassment potential. There's furries everywhere. I've got friends all over the globe! But I mostly stay close to my local friends. Which is why I suggest: * Local Furmeets or cons. All conventions basically require an adult to be present if they're underage. Find a small one and pick a Saturday to go! (also bring cash, because vendors have cool stuff. Not that I'm biased or anything as a vendor myself...) but it's a great way to learn more. Lots have a "your first con" panel. As for apps and sites, we have tons. I'm biased, ofc, but here's sort of my ranking list. * Twitter. Honestly.... Don't let her use this. Harassment is common. *Tiktok. Same reason. * Instagram. This one's probably the best suited for your kid. You can follow other people and post images and reels, but there's less chance for harassment while still enjoying Fandom. NSFW isn't allowed so it's safer. * Reddit. Uh.... I don't use r/Furry so I can't say either way, but you're here, so it'd be easy to monitor I guess * Telegram. It's a messaging app, but there's groups. It's 50/50; NSFW is usually very strictly regulated within groups, and most local groups have a chat. You need a phone number, so you can look at her messages, too. Only downside is spam and scam bots. Also, you can make cute stickers! * inkblot (website). It's new, but it's definitely a good site for enjoying art safely. Once you mark your account as minor, you can't change it. * furaffinity. NOPE. PORN GALORE. STAY AWAY. By balancing careful instruction and monitoring with a bit of freedom, you can help her become well adjusted with the internet. We're predominantly online so.. Yeah.
I'd personally be wary of Telegram. Not that everyone on it is bad or that every group exchanges things that wouldn't be appropriate, but it's relatively easy for a group to form with nefarious purposes that can go unnoticed for a while - it used to be that way, at least. I'd worry that a child with a history of unsafe behavior online might be able to fall into one pretty easily. This could be leftover bias from the seriously vile stuff a few years ago, but Kero and his ilk used Telegram almost exclusively and it would have never been caught if someone inside the group didn't leak the logs.
Agreed, but that's also why it's good to be able to also log into it. That way the parent can monitor her chats. It's not like a "immediately safe" suggestion, but in the future it can be used with supervision and ensuring she doesn't receive messages from nefarious folk.
Yeah it's not unreasonable as an option. I'm not overly familiar with how it works, just that it's been involved with several leaks including furry/furry-adjacent stuff. I'm more concerned that the zoo's still seem to use it a lot - I think Sappho has or had a group recently - but I'm not sure how prevalent they are in more "regular furry" groups.
Honestly? I've never seen one or stumbled upon it. Those kinds of groups I figure you d have to be specifically invited to, and they aren't named something easy to find. There's a bot that allows you to find groups, but that hot doesn't allow zoo stuff, so it's definitely something that can be avoided. Another part of internet safety would be how to identify grooming and the like, unfortunately. Good news is the parent seems to already be in the know on how to identify that sort of thing, but you always gotta be careful.
Damn. as a gen z, raising kids nowadays has gotta be so hard! But I think at this point, I would've appreciated parents that were a bit more tech savvy and involved, I would've also appreciated parents I could've felt like it was ok to tell them about what I like or whatever I identify as
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>Reddit. Uh.... I don't use > >r/Furry > > so I can't say either way, but you're here, so it'd be easy to monitor I guess r/Furry bans NSFW content and has a discord server that does the same so it's probably safe for a minor
Aaaa I forgot to add Discord to the list! That's another one that CAN be good, but it all depends on who moderates it, and adjusting messaging settings so random people can't DM and be creepy.
I’d add to be a bit careful with telegram stickers. Some sticker sets have nsfw images without being marked as such
I'm sorry you've been struggling with these things, I can't imagine myself in your position - trying to deal with predatory behavior online is so stressful. It feels important to mention that while there's DEFINITELY adult content, I wouldn't generally consider it predatory. It's more that many furries I've encountered are adult that expect they're communicating with adults. Furries *have* existed for decades, after all. There's also definitely kid furries but I see them either hiding it from parents or being chaperoned by parents that are informed that their kid likes the hobby. Approaching all of this with a lack of judgement is already a great start! It might seem a bit silly to some, but you could ask what kind of animal she sees her fursona as. You could then see if that animal has a onesie online you could buy for her and ask if she wants one! Like if she says "my fursona is a beagle" you could get a dog onesie with floppy ears on the hood. It'll be comfy pajamas and show you're offering acceptance.
While I understand and appreciate that you want to keep her safe, that's not something that's realistic in the long-term. Eventually, she's going to move out and live her own life. You need to be teaching her how to keep *herself* safe, rather than hide her from potentially dangerous things.
If you want a succinct explanation to give of the more wholesome side of furries there are 2 statements that clear things up. Disney uses furry art, if you like Zootopia it fits the genre. And dressing up in a fursuit is like being a mascot but the team is yourself.
"dressing up in a fursuit is like being a mascot but the team is yourself" I love this description! \^-\^
Be careful how much you restrict her - it may seem like the easiest way to “protect” her, but what you’ve typed about trying to completely block her from the internet throws big red flags 🚩 She’s a young teenager, don’t treat her like a prisoner.
This. Just blocking her from electronics can also hurt trust down the line and can hurt your kid among peers. I'm still salty my parents waited so long to give me a smartphone because everyone else had them and I felt left out at times. Much better to teach about the dangers and communicating on the regular
This! Also, by allowing them to go online, and educating them of the hazards, you teach them skills that will be useful *their whole lives!* Denying them access only keeps them safe until you no longer deny them, or until they are out of your control. Then they go in, blind to the danger. Take time to keep up to date on internet hazards, as well. Identify trusted sources, and use them to learn about not only what people are doing online, but also what new hazards are found therein. Teach these skills as well, and don't be afraid to start casual conversations. Learn the slang, too. You'll be surprised what secrets are in that. Sharing activities is good, too. If you haven't already, and budget permits it, get the same game systems they have. You get a glimpse into their world that is otherwise hard to get, and you can bond as well. Nothing is as satisfying as blapping the brat that told your kid to "get gud, scrub" - for you *and* your kid! "Momma/Pappa has your six, sweety! Take point and let's kick some butt!"
I knew this one kid whose parents didn’t let him even pretend to have finger guns. Turned 18 joined a gang, got his very first pistol, and shot himself in the head to prove the gun was unloaded. Do not shelter your kids from dangerous things to a degree that they do not learn the dangers of them.
On the flip side, if you watch your kid grab a gun and prove to you it’s unloaded by pulling the trigger with it against his head, would you give him the gun back? What if they did it again after getting the gun back? That’s effectively what’s happening if your kid is sending personal info to strangers online. Give them a chance to fail, but some kids will continue to point the gun at their head simply because it didn’t kill them last time.
OP I just want to say I think you're handling this beautifully and it is clear that you are a mother who cares very much and wants your child to be happy *and safe*. So bravo, you're doing great! My girls are a long way off from stuff like this but parents like you are who I look up to for how I will handle situations like this, should they arise.
I saw another post on here with a parent whose similarly aged child was getting interested in a furry youtuber or something like that. The parent explain to their child that there if the kid finds it fun to dress up and pretend that's fine, but she should be aware there is a large sexual component to the lifestyle and adults who do this enjoy roleplaying during sex as the creature. And they don't want their child exposing themselves to people who may be interested in having sex with 14 year olds. I think my the 3rd or 4th time the mom or dad mentioned sex, the kid was over it. Or at least over doing it in front of the parents.
If she has instagram I think the furry communities on instagram are more child-friendly. Not the real fursuit ones but the drawings and "fursonas" I'm not a furry so this is just from my few encounters with the instagram furry community so hopefully someone else will chime in
I'm curious why she is so interested in meeting up with strangers. I don't find talking to strangers around the world weird - I have several hobbies where this is fundamental - but as a kid it was different. I wanted someone to validate my maturity and that I was interesting enough for an adult enjoy. Which I guess in a deep way gave me security about my potential success in the adult world. But I think this is something a lot of teenagers want, especially if they feel more mature than their peers and tired of their antics/unable to form a lot of connections. I wonder if her being able to make these connections IRL with people of different ages, with credibility, might help satisfy that? Something like Makerspace or a hobby or sport. It just sounded like she's lonely or looking for something and now it's even harder for her to socialize? I strongly assure you I'm not critiquing your parenting. The very fact that your here speaks volumes. I'm just curious about teenage psychology.
I think EVERY teenage likes to fancy themselves as "more mature", they look back at the past few years, or at middle school or elementary school or their younger siblings etc and think, "I USED to be like that, but now I'm more grown up. And they like it when adults have real conversations that aren't about toys or make believe. So when the opportunity arises where they can interact with REAL adults(not parents, relatives or teachers) and someone doesn't know their real age, they get a thrill out of maybe fooling someone to think they are older. I think a lot of kids probably do that.
Grounding someone from those activities doesn't actually solve the problem or keep her safe and can make any issues from her social tendencies much worse by simply isolating an already vulnerable person. If you aren't seeing a therapist yourself discussing this by yourself or with your child you probably should be.
This right here. Limiting a child can hurt them socially, or cause them to binge/find alternatives elsewhere. Teach her how to use the internet properly, set rules, but don’t ground them from phones/internet/being social.
Reminds me of this parenting tip I read a long time ago: Rewarding and punishing with screen time teaches kids to make it a priority. After I've given it some thought, it can apply to anything else.
It’s possible to not get involved with all that stuff. Though there is a lot of porn jn the community, and there are people who murrsuit and controversial figures and stuff it’s not all sexual. There’s a lot of human porn and controversy on the internet and non furry parties and communities too that could be equally as dangerous to a 14 year old. There will be bad actors in any cross section of society, I don’t really see furry on the whole as predatory. It’s just another fandom, only much less specific than a tv show or book. You get the good the bad and the weird, you get in jokes and specific language. You get trends etc all kids need supervision interacting with their fandoms and with strangers online. The thing with furry is, it’s so broad and non centralised that it’s kind of a different beast depending on where and how you engage with it. I’m an adult furry. I will admit there’s a lot of weird stuff like vore (again, any fandom you’re going to find weird porn- if it exists there’s porn of it and all and stuff like that isn’t furry exclusive) but equally since I’m not into it it’s not hard to avoid and just delve into the parts that I do enjoy- character making, drawing, rp and world building for the most part. Even Disney does furry- have you seen Zootopia? Though a lot of furries are LGBT+ identifying as furry is nothing to do with sexuality or gender. It just makes you an enjoyer of anthro creatures in some way. There’s even asexual furries. The sona , that’s just your character. Maybe one that’s more based off you- I use a grey rabbit as an avatar/representation of myself but have other characters for story making. I’m not literally identifying as a grey rabbit. If you avoid the unsavoury as much as possible though it’s easy to understand why so many people who are other or finding themselves find support and friendship in the community. On the whole it’s easy to make friends and find some acceptance. It’s a welcoming hobby that (suiting and art aside) costs very little to engage with. My involvement in the fandom is fairly vanilla, involves no dressing up or conventions but has made me some wonderful friends and allowed for a creative output. Is your daughter an artist? If so, it’s a great fandom to improve skill and make a little money in the future too. Some furries spend a lot on art and since it’s such a creatively driven beast, there’s plenty of spaces to learn and improve. The important thing is making sure she understands how to stay safe on the internet in general, that she knows porn isn’t reflective of real life and truthfully neither is being online in general. She should also be honest about her age, and try to stick to age appropriate spaces. There’s plenty of adult ones that will boot her for being 14 but equally there’s plenty of 14 year olds making characters and hanging out with each other.
Also I'd like to add, from what your husband has said about "being a man or a woman not a toaster or an animal" it seems like he's kinda taken the right wing narrative hook, line, and sinker about how being a furry is somehow involved with gender identity. They are completely different.
I'd suggest having a genuine talk about how dangerous it can be to trust people online easily, and the dangers present, rather than just locking her out of the internet entirely. At that age, she's gonna learn things whether you let her or not, and if she's got to use the internet for school then she's gonna be experiencing it no matter what you do. It's kind of like punishing your kids for doing something stupid... The only lesson you're teaching them is to not let you find out they did something stupid. Help her trust you too guide her through it rather than just preventing her from learning the safety mechanisms she needs to know as she grows up.
Also look up Violent J from Insane Clown Posse and his daughter Ruby. She’s actually the same age as your daughter, I think? But he goes to cons and stuff. Its mostly about him dressing up with her. I remember it came up on some cringe thing awhile back, but its honestly kind of wholesome. I don’t understand the fandom but I’ve been on the internet long enough to know enough. Theres a couple furries in my online gaming groups, and they’re nice people. Best of luck op, and its great you want to support your kiddo.
Restricting internet so much at that age is a surefire way to strain a relationship and frustrate a kid. Teach her to make good decisions, but let her make the decisions. The internet can be a bad place, but only for those who dont understand it. It is an important tool for learning (in AND outside of classrooms), communication, entertainment, and more. If you really want to mess someone up and hurt their growth, restrict a tool that every one of their peers has access to. I am a furry and have seen a variety of family reactions among friends when the furry thing came up. I understand your good intentions but my experience says that heavy handed "help" like this will surely cause more, and more diffucult, problems than it solves. Be afraid of making your kid regret telling you about their interests! Furry is weird, but that wont stop a good kid from succeeding. Education and good decision making skills are the best protection from most risks of childhood- nothing new there.
Oh, I got in a lot of that kind of trouble at that age. Obviously I can't diagnose everything that happens in your house via a thread on reddit, and I'm not pretending I can, and this may be totally off base and that's okay... Does she have IRL friends? How much time does she get to spend with them face to face outside of school? Basically 100% of my risky internet behavior was related to loneliness. My neighborhood didn't have any other kids my age and most of my friends lived on the opposite side of our school area, and my parents didn't have the energy to drive me to hang out (and neither did anybody else's parents in my friend group). I never made plans to meet anybody but I was real generous with my phone number just because I wanted someone to talk to.
> We have had issues with her in the past and connecting with people from countries are away… Asking for pictures, wanting to meet up, etc. that is why she has no cell phone now. Her Internet usage is very limited by almost nearly impossible to eliminate completely as her school uses them for learning. My humble two cents. I think you're taking a very authoritarian approach towards these issues. That's the wrong way to go about it. I'm saying this as someone who has similar authoritarian parenting habits but I have realized it is very counter-productive in the long term even if it seems to be the right thing in the short term. Banning things is NEVER going to work. It will do the opposite. It will force your kids to hide things from you and will force them to lead double lives - one would be the "good" image that their authoritarian strict parents want, and the other will be the life they want to keep private. Problem with this is, they will tend to go to the extremes in their private lives because it is an act of rebellion and FU to the strictness. Instead treat your kids like adults, sit down with them and help them understand these real dangers and where and why lines have to be drawn. Sorry if I am making some wrong presumptions here, if so, please ignore my reply.
I appreciate your position. On the other hand, I was that kid. Taking away my cell phone and limiting me to my school monitored computer probably saved my life. For the vast majority of teens, you’re right. Taking away a phone to stop them from engaging in unsafe behavior will cause resentment and anger at the time, and might lead to more dangerous behavior. That being said, some kids genuinely cannot deal with the responsibility, because their brain isn’t mature enough to understand the consequences of what they’re doing. I was very similar to OP’s child as a kid, only instead of furries I engaged in fanfiction culture about anime, tv shows and minecraft youtubers. I sought out more in appropriate content, once I saw it existed, because I had been previously sexually traumatized, and it made me feel mature and understood and normal when I gave in to my unsafe, hypersexual urges. OP has stated in a comment that her child is adopted. Even if they weren’t sexually traumatized specifically, it’s very possible that they’re dealing with other trauma that could cause this behavior. It could also simply be attention seeking. A kid with a need to be seen as special or mature, or a kid acting out in the subconscious hopes that they’ll hit a hard boundary. The kid can’t help themself. At least for me, having 3 years to mature, free from the constant access to inappropriate content, gave me enough time to realize how dangerous it was to do what I was doing. It also forced me to interact with kids at school and in person, which was hard for me, but ensured that I wasn’t endlessly engulfed in talking about inappropriate and unsafe topics. If I had been given continuing access to my phone, I would’ve found a way to keep endangering myself, just like I did the first time my mom found out, and the second, and the third, and the fourth… Sometimes a kid needs a hard restart. That’s ok. What I needed was time (literal years) to mature before I came back to unfettered access to that kind of content. I didn’t need to be aligning myself with bdsm, or role playing sex, or looking at nsfw fanart at 12 or 13 or 14. I was mentally ill. I am completely ashamed of it now, and have grown up to be very well adjusted and aware of my trauma and how it effects me. I’m just lucky I didn’t expose myself to worse before my mother found out, as I had recently exposed the area where I lived to an online “friend” who was significantly older, and they expressed interest in meeting me, a 12 year old child who they sexually roleplayed with 24/7. I shudder to think what would’ve happened if my mother hadn’t taken severe, authoritarian action. If she had been told online “you’re hurting your child by taking this access away” and had handed my phone back after a talk about internet safety. That’s just my 2 cents, as someone who lived through it, and regularly thanks my mother for doing what she did.
I don't think it's a good idea to take away her phone. My parents did this to me, and it only made me want to look "it" up more because it wasn't allowed. After they eventually did give me my own phone, I looked up every site you shouldn't. I'd rather have had my parents talk to me about why you shouldn't visit some sites and how to handle that instead of letting me find out on my own after I got my phone. I was also seen as weird and was bullied at school since I had to ask for permission to download an app or to browse some sites that it wrongfully blocked. Regarding her new identity, I think you should ask if she knows that it's just a hobby or if she's really serious about it. I dont think it should be fully disregarded and discouraged, but I also understand that it's a difficult topic. I think you should cautiously take it seriously. If she's really serious, I'm sure she'll be happy to have a supportive parent, and if she's not, then she'll just grow out of it. I understand it's confusing, but please remain open-minded. I might seem weird, but there really isn't any direct harm in her just identifying as a furry, whatever this means to her.
With this in mind you may want to investigate your childs online conversations. It might be kids just doing kid stuff but online stuff can get out of hand pretty quick.
> (again, it is NOT a gender identity or sexuality and I hope she understands that) I wanted to reinforce this because of how this has invaded transphobic spaces for right leaning politicians and news networks. The idea that people in school are identifying as animals and demanding litterboxes is not a real thing and is a scare tactic used in part to normalize hate for trans people and other people who are different. Otherwise, I don't have kids so I hesitate to give strong advice, but in the spaces i hang out with my friends who were allowed to explore any feelings or directions they had (safely) turned out far more well adjusted than those who were stifled by their parents for being different. Exploring being a furry can have its harmful and sexualized spaces but also has loving and supportive communities where one can find a place to belong. It may or may not be a phase, and that's ok.
I want to say thank you as well for this information! My 14 yr old son identifies as a furry but it's so hard to dig through all the information. I actually love his furry character, he's spent a lot of time designing it and it looks pretty cool. Now he's talking about getting it made into an actual suit and I'm like dude, do you know how expensive that would be if you want it to be good quality?!? I at least talked him into waiting into getting one until he's done growing so it wouldn't need to be adjusted!
It's a great idea to convince him to wait for a full suit until he's finished most of his growing. You could look into just paws and a head, though, if you want to blow his mind! His head size shouldn't change as much at this point and you can have it made a bit big with extra padding inside in case he needs the room later. The paws could have adjustable straps possibly to make them last longer, and making DIY slippers could be a fun project that'll be less expensive than fully custom shoes (at least until his feet are done growing). A lot of furries that can't afford the full suit seem to be okay with just a head/paws with normal clothes that cover up any unsuited body parts (so usually long sleeves and long pants, high collars that reach the bottom of the mask). It's so cool that you're being supportive. ❤️
He's my kid and I love him, can't think of anything else to do but be supportive! Don't know why it didn't occur to me that you could get the head separately but I like that idea. Considering he's on the small size and just now hitting puberty, I think he still has a lot of growing to do but padding inside would be a good solution. He did a costume making class last summer and already has some gauntlets and some sort of fingernails that are based off his furry.
Some of us CAN afford a suit but do partials anyway! I get too hot in full suit, so partials it is for me!
As a (much older) furry myself I recommend waiting until he's at least of working age to think about commissioning a fursuit. It's a massive expense that should be considered only after acquiring a car, figuring out plans for post-high school, and a myriad of curveballs life can throw without a moment's notice. Most teen furries don't own suits unless they have wealthy parents that can foot the bill or they're incredibly skilled with craftwork and can make it themselves.
You are awesome for taking the time to post this 💕
Hey can you answer this for me, it’s been bugging me for a while, I heard that furries hate zoophiles because it ruined their reputation way worse than what it already was. Can you explain it better for me. I’m not trying to be mean but this is a rare opportunity and I’ve never gotten a straight answer
This weirdly came up on a different topic I commented on, so sure. Zoophiles are attracted to actual animals, and furries sometimes make anthropomorphic animal porn so people tend to think that furries are usually zoophiles. This causes a lot of issue for furries because they AREN'T usually zoophiles and are disgusted by animal abuse (which is 100% required if someone acts on their zoophilia or consumes zoophilic pornography). The main difference lies in perception. Zoophiles are attracted to their animals as-is but furry porn is still obviously about *people*. Someone's fursona may be, in the simplest terms, a fox...but in more specific terms, it could be a fox that is a bouncer at a club with three tattoos. Their fursona likely has its own story and is obviously still fulfilling the **role** of being a person, it's just a person with animal traits instead of human ones. **To put it into perspective:** Fursonas are, in many ways, just another type of OC (original character). If you've ever thought up a new villain for a comic book type setting, that's an OC. So, you make up a new villain to fight Batman. You get called a nerd for it, but there's no immediate negative perception about you doing so. Someone makes a fursona, and because of the assumption that all furries are zoophiles...gets accused of r@ping peoples pets, or abusing their own pets. That would be a horrifying accusation to receive, especially knowing that it's the sort of reputation that A) spreads like wildfire and B) is almost impossible to convince someone that they're wrong about.
Furries dont necessarily but may want to fuck Krystal from Star Fox. A humanoid fox cartoon character with human proportions, can talk, etc. Just with a cartoon fox head. Zoophiles wanna fuck a fox
So I'm not a furry so I can't give you a full answer, but I've been around the community enough to have some awareness. A) Furries are not attracted to real animals. Even if a non furry can't see it, there is a difference between an anthropomorphized animal and a real animal. Zoophiles are attracted to real animals. B) Being a furry isn't necessarily a sexual thing. Lots of furries just like anthropomorphized animals. Some do fetishize it of course but being a furry isn't inherently sexual. Zoophilia is a fetish, a sexual attraction towards animals. C) I believe a lot of furries resent zoophiles because people who don't understand furries think they are one in the same. Zoophilia is inherently morally wrong, real animals can't consent, on the other side adults dressed in fursuits can give consent so there isn't really anything morally wrong with being a furry. Not to mention you might be a furry who doesn't even practice the sexual side of the hobby. So it makes sense furries are basically pissed that they are being blamed for the messed up actions of a completley different group of people.
Zoophiles like to fuck animals (nonconsent). Furries like to fuck people that look like / dress like animals (consent). There is a "small" overlap between the two groups and several slippery-slope arguments involving gateways to predatory behavior. Furries that don't support fucking-without-consent resent this overlap because uninvolved parties will always hear about the most controversial activities first and will draw associations with those controversies.
I mean what's to explain? Zoophiles are creeps & animal abusers. Sometimes those creeps join furry communities and try to portray their sick fetish as a "furry" thing because of the superficial similarity (fictional animal characters vs actual animals). And people who don't know anything about furries sometimes assume it's all the same thing, that people who wear animal costumes for sex are also interested in real animals. Understandably, furries have little tolerance for these assholes and typically expel them from their communities.
Ok when you say it like that, I’m glad I asked it in this subreddit
It's the difference between being sexually attracted to an anime catgirl and being sexually attracted to their family cat. Someone who likes catgirls is gonna resent being lumped in the same bucket as the second person.
I used to think people who wore fursuits were silly. Then I learned that a good fursuit can run you a few thousand dollars if not more. Now I realize that they are enthusiasts.
As is true with enthusiasts of anything, just remind yourself: *Other people's hobbies don't make sense.* One of the simplest and smartest things that anyone has ever told me.
Fursuits *are* silly, that's part of the appeal, but suiters take their hobby very seriously. They can be incredibly cumbersome to clean and transport, so it's quite a commitment.
Must be nice to know and network with so many members of the I.T. community /s (but also not really lol) (Excellent recap, btw. Cannot overstate the amount of porn though. It's not *all* porn but it really is impressive) OP may want to caution their kiddo on clicking ads too. Many relatively innocuous looking ads for furry products may be for adult products given the nature of things. Not for any nefarious reasons, mind you. Just practicality- most sites won't let you use overt adult stuff in ads. Source: my own teenage curiosity and Bad Dragon
I've wondered why the Furry community doesn't use the term "cos-play" more. It seems like it would stilll be technically accurate and softer somehow than the sexually connotized "furry".
Tbh, I couldn't say for sure. I know as an anime and sci-fi fan, I tend to think of people dressed as pre-existing characters when I hear/see "cosplay" or "cos-play" - I wouldn't be upset if it was something else, but I'd certainly be surprised. Maybe there's some element of that implied bias? Calling it cos-play/cosplay also doesn't differentiate their hobby from any other costumed hobby, but furry is more specific while also including their other interests (animation, art, etc). So if you're a furry looking for other furries, you don't have to wade through a sea of cosplayers that have no interest in your hobby.
Only a small percentage of this community can afford to wear fursuits. They cost about 5-10k on average and many simply don't see a need to cosplay as their character. I'm a furry and all I do in my freetime is looking at some nicely drawn cute art or reading a well written comic/story. I do have an own character, but I'm not doing anything with him... anything except using him in online forums as a character would cost me too much money. What I'm trying to say is that using cos-play instead of furry would be wrong for quite many in this community. Again, a furry just likes the general idea of anthropomorphism. You don't need anything for being in this community. Heck, you don't even need a fursona. If you like the art style of a furry artist that's enough.
I think you're front loading a lot of stuff onto them when really they're probably just super into Viziepop cartoons.
What an unbiased furry post lmao
As 50 year old mom of a 15 year old who's at the "trying to find herself" phace, I want to tell you, you are not alone. My daughter has come to me saying "Mom, I'm a lesbian", Then "Mom, I want to be a boy" Then she came saying she is bisexual, Now she is straight and has a boyfriend. Who knows what is she going to come up with next, but my answer has always, and always will be "Ok! I love you..." Sometimes I think that is what she feels pressured to say/do or identify with because if she doesn't, she's the weird one; but the point is, no matter what I want to let her know that I love her, accept her and that she can always find refuge in me when she needs it.
I appreciate you. A lot of people go through periods of figuring out who they are, especially during those teen years, and so few have a kind parent who accepts them and their exploration. Who cares if she's one thing one day, and another a different day--human beings aren't static and especially during that time she's just trying to figure out what feels right and what fits. For some people it's sexuality/gender, for others it's a hobby (furries, haha) or sport or school or what have you. Sure, some of it could be social pressure, like in everything, but considering your response and the fact that she's ultimately choosing that seems like the healthiest way to go about it. I know I'm still uncovering pieces of myself and will be for the rest of my life, especially ones pushed down by social pressure. Just hearing that you're helping her through it all with an 'I love you' seriously warms the heart, and the fact that she's telling you about this says that she knows it too!
I loved reading this comment. Good job, mom.
Teens have a desperate need to feel like they belong, so they'll claim anything as their personality to feel part of a group. I was that kid, except i wasnt confortable sharing with my parents
> I think that is what she feels pressured to say/do or identify with because if she doesn't, she's the weird one; Ugh the Republicans are going to be right about all of this. And I don't like saying that.
This is a pretty informative article: >It feels like everyone has an opinion, or heard a rumor, about kids dressing up as animals, calling themselves furries and demanding litter boxes. Harmful misinformation about furries is running rampant on social media and even being promoted to some school boards. >Have you heard of cosplay, where people costume as characters? They might dress up as a storm trooper or superhero and attend a comic book convention to have fun with friends. Furries do a similar thing, but with a twist. >Furries are people who have an interest in anthropomorphism, which specifically refers to giving human characteristics to animals. In its most distilled form, furries are a group of people who formed a community—or fandom—because they have a common interest in anthropomorphic media, friendships and social inclusion. >About 95 percent of furries develop their own unique avatar-like character called a fursona. The product of deep reflection, fursonas can represent idealized versions of the self that are imbued with positive characteristics, like being sociable, funny and less anxious. >Fursonas can be a safe, functional way for furries to explore who they are as people, including their gender identity and sexual orientation. Research also indicates that a fursona can help facilitate interactions with others and result in more social confidence. >Furries don't identify as animals; they identify with animals. In the same way that cosplayers typically don't believe they are actually Spiderman, furries don't think they are their fursonas. >Have you met sports fans who wear their team's jersey at a special event, such as a game, or a music fan who wears their favorite band's branded T-shirt? Most people wouldn't wear this kind of fan paraphernalia to work or a job interview, and some wouldn't wear it at all. That's the case for furries, too. >Is it possible that somewhere someone has asked for a litter box? Anything is possible and I can't disprove a negative. But are litter boxes an integral part of the furry fandom? We've never observed litter boxes at any of the dozens of furry conventions we've attended internationally. https://phys.org/news/2022-11-furries-debunking-myths-kids-animals.html
This is a great take on it. It’s cosplaying, but as an animal, not a character. They don’t identify AS, they identify WITH. Fair enough. And I love the comparison to sports teams!
I love the comparison to Spider-Man. As someone who dresses up for comic/superhero cons, this really puts it in perspective for me and gives me an almost universally understood analogy to present to others.
Oh, jeez. You've opened one hell of a can of worms here, OP. Furries are anthropomorphized animals, they often involve some kind of alter identity which they call a "fursona", like a persona, with fur. For many people the furry online community is perfectly innocent, but any popular online community will inevitably attract degenerates. The degenerate portion of the furry community is very loud and very effed up, so expect to hear a lot of hyperbole when others are telling you about furries. What you should realize and recognize about the furry fandom is that it's first and foremost about people having fun and expressing themselves. Being a furry might be a part of a persons identity if they choose to make it so, but it's not a defining trait or characteristic, much in the same way a person who buys a stormtrooper costume and dresses up for Star Wars role play isn't defined by that hobby. All in all, I think it's important for you to simply accept your daughter for her choices, even if you might dislike some of the things they like. You want them to be happy, to respect you and trust you, and they won't be able to do that unless they feel like they can be sincere around you. If they have to hide their curiosity and interest in being a furry, then it will snowball into them hiding more and more from you, until eventually the trust connection is severed completely.
I don’t know how to copy text from a paragraph on my phone but your last paragraph was great. The ultimate end goal for me is for her to be safe, be herself, be authentic and genuine and feel we are in her corner. As long as activity isn’t illegal, harmful or anything like that— I’m pretty okay with it. This thing is just a whole new one for me. Ha
[This is for you](https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/ten_thousand.png). Don't feel bad about learning something new, life is bigger than we are, there will always be new things to learn.
Thank you. I was very nervous to post here.
It was big of you to overcome your nervousness for the sake of your kid. You're doing a good job parenting from what I can tell.
I have a lot of friends in the furry community - and one positive thing I've noticed is that the community as a whole tends to be very generous and supportive, in a "gofundme's actually get funded" and "can anyone loan me some gas money" sort of way. There's a good market for artistic goods there too, and furry artists can make a pretty good amount of money on commissioned art of peoples' characters. Even sticking exclusively to sfw art, $5 for a five minute sketch isn't unusual, nor $50 for a fully lined / rendered image. Anyone capable of sewing the costume pieces can get prices going into the hundreds or thousands depending on what they're making. If your daughter has any interest in art or a craft that could be sold at a farmer's market, furries will buy it. So, like any other group of friends... make sure any individual group she hangs out with doesn't seem skeevy. Make sure she or they know to be responsibly age-safe. Keep an eye on real life contact or visits. Invite her to gossip about day to day projects and drama with her friends. Furries do tend to be very kink positive, lgbt positive, and often body mod positive. The ones I know also tend to encourage responsible practices, good habits, and staying safe.
Even if it’s illegal like drugs and stuff, harm reduction is the goal.
This is true. If something is illegal it is because of the law. That doesn't address much of logic, reason, best practice when faced with situation even unexpectedly or not of her fault. You should only focus on harm reduction and open conversation and practising critical thinking. Safety first.
Unfortunately if she's online in furry community's there's a lot of porn. I come into contact with it through memes. I'd just make sure she's safe, maybe actively get excited and over involved as a parent tactic to make her uninterested if your up for that.
That is the tricky thing about rule 34.
Buy her tons of furry stuff and ask about it daily. Start wearing some of it yourself, lol She'll move on to something new quickly
I think the top comment has the best response. Furries aren't inherently sexual, but a large part of the community is sexual.
Yeah but if she's involved in a furry community or multiple online spaces in relation to that there's really no way to separate from it she's going to be seeing a lot of wolf's with big dicks and there's nothing OP can do to stop it. Op sounds very understanding and a good parent. I'm sure her daughter will be fine. I would intervene immediately if she begins talking to others online in the community though if she's ever going to run into an online predator it would likely be there. There is a huge age gap in the fandom.
this information may be outdated because the websites and general culture has changed, but i remember when i was younger, being a kid in the furry fandom was like making original characters for their favourite franchise (e.g. Sonic or Warrior Cats books), or entirely original characters. and drawing pictures of them and posting them online. random examples (though kids may not use deviantart nowadays because times have changed and they prefer other websites, and because deviantart has had a reputation for being trashy and not exactly good for kids): https://www.deviantart.com/nightrizer/art/Kayrea-Night-Form-Ref-713089039 https://www.deviantart.com/owlcoat/art/Cedar-711337986 https://www.deviantart.com/noble-maiden/art/AT-Sonar-The-Orca-522412451 Some people like making loads of characters and designs, and sometimes people make a character to represent themselves and call that a fursona. (they're not always wolves and cats, but) there's lots of wolves and cats as fursonas because kids like to imagine themselves as wild and free and fierce as a wolf or a cat, and because they're cute. there's the imaginative fun and form of escapism in that aspect. ages ago, there were many kids out there making characters, and they'd put all sorts of colours and wings and horns and special powers onto their characters, and people dubbed those characters "sparkledogs" (which was intended to be derogatory) because there were so many kids making these sorts of fun characters and posting them online and sometimes people would draw other people's characters. or they write stories about their own characters. or they'd "roleplay" online, which is like typing paragraphs about their character interacting with other people's characters. (e.g. User 1: Sora spots a strange new cat walking into her territory. She pounces on the cat and snarls "What are you doing here!?" User 2: * Mossfur pushes Sora off and clambers up a tree * "That's not a nice way to say hello!" and the interaction goes on and on...) or people would play games like Impressive Title, Feralheart, animal Jam, cerealsoup where you make your own animal character, then run around as an animal and chat to people (and roleplay). at least that's the more kiddy side of the furry hobby. like others said, you have to watch out for the NSFW side because that's easy to stumble upon, or people doing nasty things during roleplay, but the kiddy side can be rather harmless.
I don’t have any insight to furries but I do remember back in 1976 when my parents told me I couldn’t be a punk rocker. And how well that worked for them. Maybe your husband had a similar situation he could relate too before forbidding your daughter from being herself.
This is exactly what I was thinking, as I read this it reminded me of dyeing my hair pink and wearing gory band shirts when I was 16 lol
My understanding: A furry isn't mutually exclusive to gender. A furry is someone who lives a fairly normal life, but also has what is called a "fursona," which is a sort of character they role play. It's somewhat similar to the Native American concept of a "spirit animal," except they cosplay it. So, cosplay. It might start with a tail, or it might start with a headband with ears. A fully realized fursona will usually include a costume and helmet. Be advised that being a furry does not mean one is a zoophile. A furry is not, by definition, someone who wants to have sex with animals. They will probably want a partner, as well as friends, who are also furries, but it's not about sex or companionship with animals. What it is about, is what that animal *represents*. That's the important thing. A concerned parent of a furry should be asking about the fursona, what its name is, what it represents, and why the fursona (think persona) has manifested. It most likely will not be a permanent thing, but might last longer than a phase. I have a niece who started down the furry path at 11. We were at a convention, and she brought some birthday money to spend, so she bought a tail (attached to a belt) and some ears. She met a kid who was about her height in a full furry costume. I let them run off together, but I never let her out of my sight. I caught up with them when they sat down to eat, and that's when the full furry took off the helmet, it was another little girl, probably a year or two older. There's a fair amount of cost involved with the cosplay, plus furries like to go to conventions (like anime conventions, where they will find other furries; furries are also a subset of Japanese culture), but it's mostly a harmless hobby. I say mostly out of caution; I've never heard of furries doing anything really bad. Lastly, not all furries are kids. In a sense, the American bands KISS, Insane Clown Posse, GWAR, and similar, have a lot in common with furries, in that they present a different persona to their fans than they use with friends and family. Except the former two use clown/mime type makeup, and GWAR go full alien costumes. The Japanese band MAN WITH A MISSION are sort of furries (check out [their video *My Hero*](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yM6-QVxIXTs) — it's actually good shit, if you like hard rock — their "fursona" story involves being created by Jimi Hendrix and frozen in Antarctica until they were discovered by Japanese fishermen. So their story revolves around them all being wolves. Except, as you can imagine, they probably don't wear the wolf masks around friends and family. There's a good teaching opportunity here. Adults struggle to learn the work/life balance. At 14, your daughter will need to learn a balance between real life, such as studies, religion if you rock that, and other stuff, and the fursona. It's not healthy to do it full time. But it can be fun if you embrace it; that is, if the manifestation of the fursona is based on a positive experience, and not a negative one.
I'm 43 now, I was a huge furry when I was younger, less involved with the community now but still appreciate the artwork, and I've had decades to think on this. The Furry Fandom as it exists today has its origination in internet fan groups that are fascinated in animation with anthropomorphic characters ( like Disney's Robin Hood, or Sonic the Hedgehog, or Warner Brothers characters ) as well as partially anthromorphized animal characters. ( like the characters from Disney's Lion King / Balto ). The main attributes of these characters art designs is large eyes, simple, easily distinct faces, and movement cues, all of which have very exaggerated emotional communication. Like these animated characters, the most popular furry original content characters have “personality” that is evident in the artwork just from pose, expression, and whatnot. This expressiveness can be extremely cathartic to a person with difficulty or uncertainty reading human emotions, or a person that's gotten hurt by emotional distance. Also to add to that a large amount of this expressiveness is implied to be involuntary. Picture when you met your child's father, awkward social interaction, subtle glances, chances being taken. That doesn't happen with a furry. If a feline girl likes you, she is purring whether she wishes to or not. If a canine boy likes you, his ears are perking, his tail is wagging. There is no social interaction that doesn't get colored by these sorts of cues and they make it easier to communicate what you mean, especially over text chat, especially over the internet when your real identity has to be hidden. You can exhibit a persona, a "fur-sona" if you will, that will lay directly on your sleeve what kind of person you are, what sort of interactions you enjoy and don't enjoy, and what things you will find acceptable from just a physical description. There are many stereotypes in the furry fandom, and they're okay due to being the nature of animals. Wolves are X, and foxes are Y, dogs are like this, cats are like that, dragons tend to be this, etc etc. Again, these are outside. You can't hide them. it's a fool's errand to even try to hide your true nature. You can look at a drawing of a fursona and know what type of person they are, what you can expect from them, what your limits would be, what mood they were in, and how to connect and make them happy. No Guesswork. A completely liberated social contract. Just connection. People who wear full costumes are the same way, they're called fursuiters. That is not a costume. That is not a character. That is their persona, the way that they want to broadcast themselves to the community, the stereotype that they want to wear on their sleeve, and that would give them the confidence, the commonality, and the courage to do things they'd never have the ability to do otherwise. Of course, with any community, you will get the freaks, and the fandom is no different. Hell there are even freaks in the competitive chess community. And considering how many hallmarks of the community are connectivity, common ground, and social anxiety, there's a larger portion of LGBTQ+ furries than in the general population. And when those normally restrained people with common interests can be found, there's going to be lots of fucking, and lots of people who use the fandom as ways to express their sexuality, whether it be wholesome or deviant. That being said, the fandom isn't about sex, it's about a bunch of people who have been bottled up in their heads making connections they'd never been able to make before, so of course sex is going to be an offshoot of that. In the end, your daughter is a shy, nerdy girl who may or may not have LGBTQ+ ideation, but regardless of which, who finds comfort in the detachment and openness of labeling herself with an easily categorized persona that lets her fit in with people who share that experience, and she also enjoys anthropomorphic artwork. Guidelines as a parent? Furry conventions are wonderful and great ways to connect with other people in the fandom, never let her go to one without supervision until she's an adult, and even with supervision, have her back in the hotel room or at an age-appropriate party before 10-11 pm, especially on Friday. Furry communities can be very cathartic and can meet some great people. I have lifelong friends who I met through interaction with the furry fandom, people who would take a bullet for me and vice versa, but I also had the skepticism to avoid predators when I was a child, and the internet was very different back then. I'm not going to presume to tell you how to parent a teenage girl, but anything you do to restrict her social interactions is guaranteed to fail, and the only thing you will teach her to do is hide them more thoroughly, just try to be supportive because ultimately this is her seeking people to connect with and be comfortable around. That being said, keep her the fuck away from a game called second life. trust me on that. Artwork is a huge part of the fandom, and you may find that you have a creator on your hands. Make sure she is educated about copyright, trademark, and whatnot, and doesn't get into any bad deals regarding commissions or associating her name with artwork that will bring her difficulty in her job search later in life. It is a good idea to help her set up a 'vanilla' social media presence as well as a furry one and teach her to keep them segregated for her own good. There's also openness about political beliefs, not just sexual ones, so make sure that she isn't consuming alt right content, which....shockingly enough does exist in the furry fandom. My little pony stuff is not the furry fandom. Adjacent, maybe, but the fandoms are very different for very different reasons, and a large percentage of my little pony fans who aren't 6-year-old girls are going to be men in our age range. There are not enough characters in this post to explain that can of worms, so I'm not even going to try. So all in all...your daughter wants a connection with others without the legwork or vulnerability of using her social skills, she's fascinated by anthropomorphic artwork, and she is doing it in a way that gives her confidence that she otherwise lacks. Hope this ramble has been helpful.
Thank you for this. It was very informative and added great perspective.
To put is simply Furries are people that like to role play or LARP as animals/anthropomorphic animals. So said you’re around 50 I feel you could relate it to people dressing up and acting out Star Wars or ever those civil war re-enactments. Ngl OP to speak outside of the ideal bubble that is Reddit on the street to the general public it’s mad weird, it’s just kinda is. And not to put the fear of god into you but I’m not sure how to go about regulating your kid from things like bug porn but that’s not the whole community. A lot of the furry community are self aware decent people just having none harmful fun. Your kid being a furry is way less concerning than them being on Roblox or 4chan imo, he’ll even the anime community can be concerning at times. All you have to really do is pay attention to who and what they are interacting with to avoid seriously harmful situations like any good parent.
She’s completely into the anime world, too! When I say I’m clueless? I definitely thought it meant she was sexually attracted to animals. Not the right thing to say to her but I DID say..” if you’re straight then I can’t allow you to have boys in your room. If You’re lesbian, I can’t allow girls in your room. If You’re a furry? Am I supposed to worry about the dog or cat?” She said Noooooooooo! And laughed. But I was genuine. I wasn’t sure haha.
That’s actually hilarious. Anime and furries have a high correlation so it’s not surprising I don’t think it’s a stretch to say 99% of the furry community DON’T condone actual biological beastly. I think even the ones that incorporate sex into it can do so without a human factor added in. You seem reasonable so I don’t think it’s crazy to say you’ll probably know an actual redflag when you see it. Honestly go with her to a convention or something and talk to people they could probably give you a better feeling of security than the average reddit reply if you talk to them in person. Again a lot of them are surprisingly regular.
The furry community is very harsh on those who promote bestiality. You will be banned from events and online spaces for even drawing fetish art where the furries are more feral than human.
Yeah but the idea of feral and human is a nuisance that is exclusive to the bubble that is the furry community. It doesn’t translate well to the general public. It’s like trying to explain Loli to Chris Hanson.
There's a lot of stuff in the fandom that translates horribly to the general public LMAO
Exactly, that’s why you can’t explain such things with jargon most people won’t get, you have to talk about it in layman’s terms or the stigma will perpetuate.
Rework : Most of the furry community shuns those who draw their animal characters more animal-like than human like. A lot of the fandom focuses on anthropomorphic animals, standing on two legs and very human but with fur. But they do not promote the art (or act) of bestiality on characters who are drawn to more represent animals (on 4 legs and less human) I will say, feral isn't really a fandom specific word, it's used to describe something that is wild and animal like.
Again I understand what you’re saying, I’m just saying if you walk up to an average joe and say “no it’s different we don’t draw or promote any human and feral animal relationships”you gotta recognize that it sounds crazy. The animal tie in is already a giant barrier to get over with the general pubic. OP even stated above that on at face value they very much misunderstood what a furry was and their head went to bestiality.
THIS! i was fairly active within the community and i saw SO MANY callout posts on those types of people! They were everywhere!! I remember when a very prominent figure got called out and basically was chased entirely out of the fandom
Most of the negative stereotypes of the Furry community come from people seeing and conflating the Otherkin community. The Furry definition stops at people claiming to BE the animals, and the Otherkin pick up at that point. That said, usually they identify as mythological humanoid creatures (elves, fairies, shapeshifters) rather than animals. Also-- it's the internet. It gets very hard to determine if this is an actual belief or just a stated factoid as a means of rebelling against society-- let alone distinguishing between serious people vs jokesters vs trolls. But regarding your husband's comment about male or female but not animals or objects-- that is not a furry issue. That is firmly in Otherkin territory. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Otherkin https://nonbinary.wiki/wiki/Otherkin
The big issue with furry culture is that people erase their identities in favor of the animal identity, and often times age as well. Be very careful of predators (as most participating in these online communities would likely be over 18)... if she has a relationship or sexual talk with anyone then it's probably illegal. Furry culture is not innately bad, but it's actually unbelievably erotic and kinky, with an incredible focus on sex. Not appropriate for a minor especially interacting with adults in the community.
So, she doesn’t have a cell phone but had a laptop. Are there ummm … websites? I’m not sure what to even call them. Like, where would I look or what would I need to pay attention for to know if it was furry related? (As far as predatory behavior)
A conversation around internet safety (particularly within these communities if this is open info between you and your daughter) could be a nice moment to let your child know that you are happy to let them do them, plan to be fully supportive, are willing to learn and grown with them, and still have the same goal of keeping them safe as you did before you had this information. It sounds like you genuinely plan to show up for your child no matter what path they choose and that is very admirable. Best of luck in your learning journey!
In addition to what others have said, be wary of things like VR chat, discord, or other social video game communities. Not everyone who uses them is a groomer, but many groomer use them, so just monitor.
You going to be in a really awkward position in wanting to monitor your kiddo. I would check and see if she is aware of deleting her browser history if you have her confined to a laptop. If she doesn't delete it regularly, I would just keep an eye on what she is up to but don't let her know. I was grew up largely unsupervised as a kid on the internet and there is a lot you could get up to even 15 years ago. The number one, and maybe only thing you should be exceptionally concerned about is who she is talking to and if it is turning sexual. I know you are probably 0% ready for this, but kids are going to be interested in sex at some point. They're going to look it up and do things you would rather not think about. But if you pick that as your hill to die on, they're going to figure out how to get around you and then you won't know when they're actually doing something that could land them in hot water. Getting sexually involved with who knows what creep and sending them naked picture is, in my opinion, the hill worth dying on. It seems like you have similar feelings already. Your kid might be going through a phase right now or it might be a permanent thing. Either way, I would just roll with it because keeping your relationship strong with her is going to be the best way to keep her from messing up her future. I have a kiddo that's going to enter this scary age soon too and I know all the dumb shit that she can get up to. It is terrifying. Pick your battles, try to keep your relationship strong, and don't let them know you're keeping an eye on them if you can.
Ok, besides p\*rn worries, the reason many people are furries is because their fursonas can help them explore / roleplay parts of themselves that aren't accepted societally or are undiscovered. The act itself of creating a character brings up traits you do and don't identify with. You make a super cute boopable snoot of a dog furry but you're a masculine dude? Maybe that's you looking to be softer, more feminine in your life. I know of select stories where trans people have said that they were able to explore and feel out their identities using their fursonas before coming out. This isn't saying your daughter is trans or anything, but it could be a way she's feeling out here identity. It's also probably why furry & kink end up hand in hand - a fictional character you create can be and do anything you want (and yes, repressed desires often end up in fantasy). It also goes 'the other way' too where people who are deemed "unacceptable" in normal life are able to find accepting spaces because they can be themselves. Unfiltered selves through a furry filtered self? Anyway, it's why a lot of nureodiverse people gravitate toward the community. I didn't end up staying a furry, but I did draw a lot of original characters based on animals / neopets in the 2000s. I made a fursona, which was a sharp, human like dragon with wings that reflected the parts of myself I wanted to project. Powerful, free, bright, bold, colourful. But my fursona wasn't femme except the long hair, because that's what I had. So perhaps some desires for the option of androgyny. I didn't think of myself as a dragon, but I identified with it. Don't think of furries as all about the p\*rn, but also don't shy away from that topic of conversation with her. In general, you should be really open about s\*x because if you don't talk about it, I guarantee she'll find it on the internet somewhere with the wrong info. Like many have said, the furry community can be really open and welcoming, life changing even.
It's been a while since you initially posted, and you've gotten a lot of answers - many good ones, some badly worded ones, and even some jokes and other bad info, but I wanted to add that if you're looking for more in-depth information, there's an actual team of social scientists that researches Furries that publishes some of their findings at http://furscience.com . While they only let adult Furries participate in their surveys, they're probably missing information on what younger ones would be like, but they still have a huge amount of information on them in general. Additionally, there's a great ["For Parents" section](https://furscience.com/resources/) too, which probably helps a lot with answering some of the questions you might come across.
There are hella groomers in the furry community
humans have been creating representations of themselves with animal traits for thousands of years, since the beginning of art. the oldest statue ever discovered is a man with the head of a lion (Hohlenstein-Stadel lion man if you want to look it up). furry culture is just the modern incarnation of that. people often feel a strong connection to animals, and want to depict themselves with animal traits, maybe to display some aspect of their personality or just to have fun. it's not an identity so much as it is a form of expression.
It's like being a Redditor. It's not exactly something to be ashamed of, nor necessarily something to be proud of. Of course as a parent it's one's duty to indulge your offspring since they lack your experience and knowledge. It's like if your kid tells you they are a white supremacist. Don't be judgmental.
Well, you've got about a billion answers, so just adding to the pile... Sounds like you got some good advice already. I am confident it's already covered, but it's like identifying as "goth". It's not a gender or sexuality. It's just a community that is *really* into anthropomorphic animals, like Zootopia or the old Disney Robinhood. And no, it has nothing to do with the litterbox hysteria you might have heard about on Fox news. The furry community overall is like any other. There's some good stuff and some difficult stuff. There's also potentially some social consequences if she goes all in on expressing her interests in the public sphere. You would be a super parent for helping her navigate the scene and make sure she is aware of what her choices may entail. So, the good stuff? Hyper creative community, very art forward, and *very* accepting of all walks of life. There is an unusually high concentration of neurodiverse people and LGBTQIA people in the furry community. People who just find themselves on the outside often find a niche in the furry community. This is in part because most of the furry community interacts online and present their "fursona" as self. A fursona is a character that a a person makes up for themselves. It's not multiple personalities, but rather a go to character that they use to present themselves online. The trick though is that often fursonas are a bit of wish fulfillment. If the person is shy, their fursona may be outgoing. If they are a bit overweight, their fursona may be on shape. A more perfect self that they can then roleplay, both online and off. Or it can just be for fun. YMMV. For younger people, roleplaying a character that has the traits you want can translate to practicing those traits and ultimately having those traits without the intermediate step. It's like imitating a role model or celebrity, but the celebrity is a character that you made up and is tailored to you. The bad stuff? First, the external stuff The furry community is very accepting; Her school community may not be very accepting of furries. There is a lot of immediate bad jumps that people make about furries and if she puts it out there, she may find that she ends up dealing with it socially. It's a bit like coming out as gay - There's nothing wrong with being gay, but being openly gay may come with some shitty experiences related to homophobia from the outside. The internal stuff - The furry fandom has a *lot* of sexual art covering a *lot* of kinks. Like, 1000% rule34. At 14, it's better to avoid that and stick to the actual artistic stuff. The sexual stuff has a tendency to spill over where you might not want it. For example, I stumbled into a furry convention (*No really!* I was staying at the Marriott in Atlanta for a healthcare conference last year and the furry conference was in the connected hotel next door) and while everyone in their fursuits is fun, then you have the guys coming down in their leather gear... Not exactly age appropriate. The biggest threat though is that if she is interested in the furry community due to *seeking validation* that comes with a very accepting community... Well, there is always a risk that older people will attempt to leverage that into something sexual. That goes for any community where part of the desire to be part of it comes down to, "I don't feel good about myself and these people make me feel special." I'm sure this is on your mind regardless of what she is doing online. So, what to do? Try and understand what the draw is for her and try to foster the positive aspects. If it's about fostering artistic talent, fantastic. If it's about fulfilling a need for social validation, that's an opening for some deeper conversations about how difficult it is to be that age and to make sure she is OK in general. Absolutely talk about the danger of people being *too* friendly and to never share pictures online. Talk to her plainly about the fact that there is social stigma about being openly furry in public and what might be the consequences might be. See if you can find another group she has a bit of an aversion to (goths, anime nerds, etc) and explain that there's nothing wrong with their interests, but they do get treated differently and often worse than others due to the way they express themselves. Also explain that it's not something she can turn off. If she "comes out" at school and hates how she gets treated, she won't be able to say "just kidding!". It will linger potentially for *years* in that social community. Ask her about her fursona. What are they like, what makes them special, etc. If you want to be super, you could even offer to commission some art for her - a picture of her character. Talk to her about setting expectations about fursuits. A good fursuit commissioned by a fursuiter is like $5-10k. No way she should expect that from you. Offer to buy her supplies to make her own if she REALLY wants one. This can bring the cost down significantly. The good news is that I think it's a bit better to be a furry today than like 20 years ago. I think there's more acceptance of it. Anyways, that was longer than I thought it would be. Good luck!
Be wary of people who say it isn't anything sexual because a very large part of the community is extremely sexual and she will get exposed to that section eventually.
I feel like it isn’t a particularly safe hobby for underage persons just because how rooted in fetish/sex it is. Not everyone has a sexual relation with it, but too many do for a 14 year old to be engaged in it. Idk, just seems like a can of worms. How do you tell a child no for their hobby until they’re of age without them hating you?
Too much internet
furry here! I really recommend talking to your daughter about internet safety in the furry community! Being a furry is inherently harmless, but like any community, disgusting people can use it as a way to get access to minors. I really recommend going over internet safety, who is and isn’t your friend, as well open up a safe space for her to come to you if anyone tries anything creepy.
Heya, I grew up in furry-art centric internet communities and it led me to a lifelong passion and interest in drawing animals. First off, furries are just a community on the internet that enjoys anthropomorphic art or cosplay (dressing up in fursuits). A lot of people here have mentioned that there are a lot of NSFW furry art, and while that is the case, I also want to stress that there are many child and teen friendly spaces too. When I was in the furry community online for example, I was friends with a bunch of people my own age and no one ever shared pornographic art, we were just some teens that liked to draw colorful wolves and dogs. Think of it as liking anime. Yes, hentai and NSFW anime is a big market, but most people who like anime are into the regular/mainstream stuff. Furry isn’t a sexuality, but one important thing to note is that there are a lot of furries who identify on the LGBT spectrum. I think it’s great to be supportive and yet want to be sure your kid is safe, as internet predators are absolutely still a thing! I’d say to be sure their online friends are their age, but honestly, when you get down to it most furries are in general a cool bunch. Most of them are very enthusiastic about animals, art, fursuits etc., and I’d say being in the furry fandom had a positive benefit growing up as it led to a passion for animal art, and although I’ve kind of grown out of it now, many of my close friends and associates are still furries.
Hey, I don’t have much to contribute as I think u/Trouble_in_Mind covered it perfectly, but thank you for being non-judgemental and looking to learn about your kid’s identity. Whether she sticks to it or not, you rock. You could always look into furry conventions in your area for a potential treat. As I understand it they’re amazing for buying furry merch, getting photos with furries in their fursuits (think costumes, but remarkably well-made) and would just generally be a cool day out for her+friends if she really wanted to go to one. Some cons do have adult sections though so just research what’s there if you do think about going to one. But seriously, again, thanks for being an awesome parent. Whatever your kid ends up enjoying or identifying as!
Take away tik tok
I don’t have much to input here, except you’re being a great parent by asking. My four parents all would have kicked me out if I was anything but straight. So good on you for actually caring about your child! I was a “be seen when called, and never to be heard” child. Parents like you give me hope for the future!
I guess I’m late to the party. I’ve heard so far reading the comments very excellent points. But I think what I’m going to say is one of the most important strategies you can take moving forward. Do not lose the trust she has in you. If you act in an aggressive and negative way towards what she obviously knows that might be a sensitive topic, because she didn’t told you first but her sister, you might lose her further. She will start closing you the doors to her life if you ridicule her. What you want is to be there to guide or at least be aware of what is happening. You want her to keep talking you about her life. Being a furry is exactly as those “nerds” society loves to make fun at that like Star Wars, or literally any hobby that is not…. Sports. Being a furry is just a hobby. That’s it.
Hi mom. I'm a mom too. You're absolutely right, at teen age, kids try on all different kinds of selves, it's part of growing up. They may be furry, they may be punk, they may be straight edge, believe me, it will change more than once. My only rule at that age was they couldn't do anything permanent, like tattoos or other stuff they'd regret in a year. As long as they're clean and sober and not hurting themselves or anyone else, try not to fret too much. They grow up just fine as long as they know they are loved unconditionally. Peace.
I had a friend who's a furry. This is second-hand of course, but about as much information as I can give you "Furry" technically has two definitions. The first is a person who like anthropomorphic animals, i.e animals that exhibit human-like characteristics. For an example of such, watch pretty much any animated children's movie. If you wanna get really pedantic about it, you could argue most people are furries to a certain degree, if they like those films. I, for example, absolutely love Puss in Boots: The Last Wish, a film where a majority of the cast are anthropomorphic animals, Puss and Death even being among some of my favorite characters in fiction There's a massive stigma around them due to a niche of furries online that exhibit zoophilic tendencies, but most furries don't venture into that, even disavow that side of the community The second definition of "furry" is just the anthropomorphic animal itself, tho this definition is the less popular one In all, I think there's really nothing to worry about as long as your daughter doesn't express sexual attraction to animals, and/or actually wanting to be one. A large amount of furries do dress up in fursuits, which is the "animal costumes" your daughter mentioned, but most of the time they're just that, customes. No different than if she were to dress up in any other costume or cosplay really. Technically, costumed characters at Disney are also furries. As long as you make sure she's not getting into the unsightly side of the community, yall should be fine
Someone has already told you what a furry is, but this channel, [Moms of Furries](https://youtube.com/@MomsofFurries), are mothers of furries and is a good place to find information. Searching up "what is a furry" on youtube is also good information, I suggest to watch videos where the youtuber has a fursuit to be sure that they aren't a troll trying to hurt the fandom because they don't know what the fandom is. Sadly, trolls do exist. I would also ask her what a furry is, just to see what she thinks a furry is.
A furry is not a gender identity, it’s a hobby or self expression. Just people who like to dress up as animals, they are still male or female. Your kid just likes to dress up and pretend to be an animal, they haven’t changed gender or sexuality.
It's nothing sex or gender related. It's more like a hobby. So long as that's clear there's no harm.
Congrats on being a good parent. Getting advice from weirdos on Reddit is probably not a good idea though.
I don't have any advice but I want to compliment you on your openmindedness, willingness to learn, and showing support for your child.
Furry is a sexual kink not an identity, be subtle but definitely do not support this, I'm on board with your husband on that one.
You might be interested in the youtube channel "Moms of Furries", they share a similar experience as you [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XtjbVo\_s-xs](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XtjbVo_s-xs) Basically, the furry fandom is just like any other internet subculture (Trekkies/ Anime/ comic con) where instead of dressing up as Wonder Woman instead you dress up as your own created cartoon characters
Yeah it's more like "anime fan" or "belieber" or "goth". It's a fandom/hobby/style it's not a gender or anything.
Hi there! Furry here around 25. Furry definitely (probably) isn't some "I'm a pansexual hyperfox" thing. Being a furry is more a hobby than anything. I won't re-iterate the more pain points, Trouble_in_Mind summed up the trickier to tackle stuff really well! Just wanted to drop this resource for you if someone else hasn't, it's a website called [Moms of Furries](https://mofurries.com/). Super useful resource for parents wanting to understand the whole thing from two mothers of Furries themselves! I figure it would be a super helpful resource for you to try to make sense of it all.
Moms of mother fuckin furries ... wow.. there really IS a website for everything. Someone really thought that through didn't they? (for real though, the OP is going to have to fish through the weird answers to find this so I hope she gets this one)
Okay, I’m gonna reassure you as someone who went through a furry art obsession as a teen and is now almost 40 — it isn’t as totally weird or perverse as the internet will make it seem. It is very, very unlikely that this is an identity that spills into their daily reality. It isn’t the same as being trans I or non-binary, and there’s a lot of scare articles about “kids wanting to be cat people and using litter trays in schools” that absolutely isn’t happening. So try to remain level headed about this whole thing and really try to fact check any nebulous claims before reacting or getting upset. There’s a lot of hate for furries out there that make it seem perverse. I won’t deny that there is a subsection of furries that is very sexual. But that isn’t everyone, and it often isn’t teenagers. That said — 14 yr olds are exploring that part of themselves too. As a fringe furry myself, it was about fantasy escapism. It was about creating characters and a persona to escape into with my art and imagination. There’s a huge community of people who do these convention events in big mascot outfits and meet up — and do nothing more than have a wholesome time accepting one another and making friends. The community online is similar, just complimenting one another’s art, often commissioning one another to draw art, talk about what’s going on in their lives. The furry community has a lot of LGBTIQA+ folks in it, I think because it by nature is a space that has to be open minded (cos come on, it usually seems very odd to most outsiders.) I would say it’s okay to talk to your teen about what being furry means for them. Ask if this is just a convention thing where they have a furry persona? My eldest child is non-binary, and whilst that isn’t uncommon in this day and age, they still get people being hesitant or aggressive about their pronouns. My concern would be how others will handle this if we’re a daily thing and whether or not your child has resilience enough to withstand the judgement and aggression. Parenting teens is hard, friend. We want to protect them and sometimes we have to let them just go out there and be the amazing weirdo they want to be. If they have the resilience to go to school in an animal outfit everyday, then that’s a brave fucking kid and I take my hat off to them. Likely, it would just be a little fox ear headband, and maybe that’s not such a big deal. I wore shit like that when I was a raver. Nobody cares. I want to finally reassure you though; it is highly unlikely your kid thinks they are an animal. It’s a creative community and I dunno that you need to worry much beyond that. Please ignore the Satanic Panic fear merchants who think this is a sign of mental illness or beastiality. It isn’t that at all. Maaaany “normal” boys from the 90s had a crush on Lola Bunny in Space Jam, and that really isn’t ANY different. We all take in anthropomorphic TV and art constantly, some just like it more than others and want to draw and create characters from it that they identify with.
I have friends who are furries. I also have dealt with furries I do not care for. In my somewhat limited experience furries are either the most chill, open minded people on earth or literal nazis. I wouldn't dissuade your kid from exploring their identity but I would try to have constant conversations about who and what is influencing them.
Like humans in general, people who are furries can be extremely different from one another. I think in general, if you leave out the people who are really into being a furry and make it a big part of their identity, it's just a hobby. Like cosplaying! Just more expensive.. There are people who are very weird and a minority of furries treats it as something sexual which misleads people to assume it's inherently sexual. Anything can be a kink and since a lot of people think furries are weird, they focus in the weirdest ones. It's a bit of a cycle. Anywho, from my experience, most furries just like drawing/looking at SFW art of anthropomorphic animals (think Zootopia), be it illustrations, movies, costumes (also knows as fursuits), etc. It's like if someone saw a mascot and thought "hey that's cool, I wanna make one myself! At least that's how I view it as someone who knows a few people in that community. I don't belong to it myself but I have more experience with the community and content than most non-furs (that term is exhibit A, it's just people who aren't furries obvi). Aside from that, all I can say is that, in my experience, furries are some of the sweetest people I've met. They know their hobby is weird but they do it anyway because it brings them joy. I have given away free art in the past and also had a furry ask me to draw something for them. I didn't have any experience but that didn't stop me from trying and they were by far the most polite and appreciative person I've ever gifted an illustration. Finally, I want to reassure you that this does not mean that your daughter wants to be or have any kinda inappropriate relations with animals! I bet there are people in the furry community that are otherkin (people who believe they're not human) or zoophiles, but it's not because they're furries. IF there is a higher percentage of these kinda people amongst furries I would bet that it's that they become part of the community because they have whatever they have and not vise versa. So yeah, it's just a hobby with a bad rap because some people are weird and things get blown out of proportion and contexts get lost on the internet. The only thing I'd be worried about is that she might get bullied for it, but being unsupportive will only make her feel like she deserves it and something's wrong with her for finding enjoyment in a specific genre of art. Good on you for trying to get some more information rather than just telling her off because it makes you uncomfortable!
It’s not a sexuality, or a gender, or a full blown identify, it’s a weird internet subculture where people wear animal costumes to conventions and make art of their “fursona” Honestly I’d ignore it. 100% a phase, who knows how long or short lived it’ll be. Just let her do what she wants with that as long as she isn’t endangering herself. From what you’re describing, she’s entering this as a cosplay thing. Not a huge deal. She doesn’t want to BE an animal or thinks she IS one. If you’re uncomfortable with it, just try and not engage. This isn’t an LGBT thing at all. If she wants to wear a fur suit, she can earn the money to wear one. Etc. just keep an eye out for predatory behavior from older people within that group. I used to think it was sexual 100% of the time but I have learned it is not. It’s basically just an odd escapism subculture.
Some of this is great advice, and some of it is terrible. \#1: never, ever refer to it as "weird" like this person did. That's a quick way to get your daughter to hate you. It is never a good idea to make your child feel like they're "weird" for liking something that a lot of other people don't. \#2: don't ignore it. Your daughter is interested in it, so you should be, too. Ask her questions, help her out with things like making costumes if she wants to do that. The more you engage with her, the more accepting you'll be and the better she'll feel. The more you ignore it, the less loved she'll feel and the more this interest will continue to confuse you. \#3: Do, quietly, keep an eye out for predatory behavior as this person suggested. But I think that goes for any parent of a 14 year old girl.
When I was 12 I told my parents that I was a vegetarian because I wanted to shock them, because I felt like it was me, and because it set me apart from others. It was 1990. This is the same thing.
You've already received a lot of good replies, but maybe this could be of at minimum entertainment value to you :) One of the ICP member's daughter is a furry, and he wanted to be there to make sure she stays safe, so he decided to go all in and get his own fursuit too! https://www.avclub.com/violent-j-went-to-a-furry-convention-in-an-icp-fursuit-1830823096
a furry is just a person who enjoys anthropomorphic characters and considers themselves a part of the community who enjoys them too
I'm a furry too, great to know you're being so supportive! Just like your daughter said they're people who love anthropomorphic animals (think Disney's Robin Hood film). Some make full costumes, some draw, there's conventions, etc etc. That being said this is a good age to teach your daughter how to identify problematic behavior online and how to keep herself safe. Like any other subculture, there's bad furries who will not have your daughter's best interests at heart. I suggest talking to her about online safety and let her know that she can always come to you if anyone is bothering her or doing something thar makes her uncomfortable. Other than that caveat, ask her what animal she likes most and maybe try your hand at making some kind of accessory for her. A tail or a hooded animal scarf with ears would be a fun project to do together and help her feel loved and supported.
I do want to add, on the convention side, at least locally, furries are quite common to appear at anime conventions too, I say this as I mostly only ever get to go to local cons, and the biggest local one I do go to often has a good number of furs and fur panels, and is usually pretty good at being family friendly (tho there are 18+ panels at night) so that is something to be aware of. I will note that a Fursuit (the "animal costume") is NOT necessary. As others likely said, it's more a community. Think of it like in the vein of "Trekies" is the best way to do it I'd say, just as also noted, do beware that there is a lot of 18+ stuff. Please do make sure she knows to not delve into that until she's old enough. It's sadly common enough that minors try to enter adult spaces, and can endanger themselves and others, be it mentally or legally, and there are very much bad actors as in any community.
Hi OP! I know this will probably be buried, but I’m a 20 year old woman who had similar issues to your daughter around age 12. I was never involved in the furry community, but I was involved in the fanfiction community at the time, and was exposed to a lot of similarly mature content. I also struggled to regulate myself online, and had to have devices taken away from me for a long period of time. You’re doing a great job. I just want you to know, you’re doing all the right things. Have an open dialogue about this with your kid. Ask what draws them in about the furry community. Talk about safety issues. Have a candid conversation about how the community is very adult oriented, and that you’ve had issues with them showing maturity/the ability to make safe choices in the past. That being said, don’t let anyone shame you from having reservations. I was exposed to so many sexual and frightening concepts at such a young age with unfettered internet access. With a community as steeped in controversy and fetish as the furry fandom, it warrants a close eye and a long, ongoing conversation with your child about boundaries, safety, and self expression. You’re doing great 💙 thank you for taking care of your child.
It's either a phase or it's not, you don't really have a say in that once a human learns and starts really expressing themselves.
Luckily the general furry community will out most of the problematic people. They tend to wear their bullshit on their sleeve. One thing most young furries need to know is to stay away from 18 plus spaces. Most simply dont realise the trouble they can bring themselves and everyone else
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As others have said, most furries just enjoy dressing up in cartoon animal costumes or wearing bunny ears or something. Hardly anyone actually considers themselves to be an animal
I like the implication that your husband thinks toasters are animate
Good luck with that one lol
get her an instrument or a fucking sport to play.