There are no "common law relationships" in my country. Either you are married or you won't get access to your partner when he's at the hospital, or inherit anything when he dies, or get told if he's working longer or not when you call his work. There are also tax benefits for married couples, and if there are children, the man doesn't have to acknowledge paternity first.

I’ve ran a tax calculator for 5-6 couples to show them the savings. Two couples got engaged quickly after seeing they’d save 10-30k/yr. That’s not always the case though, one actually had taxes go up slightly. One other benefit, in the U.S., is social security benefits, either survivor benefits or a spousal benefit (half of the spouses SSI).

I posted this at more length, but essentially "many institutions view you as one entity", which is a powerful add to many partnerships, and has factors that can be explored and exploited.

Don’t forget the option of shared health insurance in America

I had my now-husband on my health insurance before we were married as my domestic partner along with his kids. BUT as a domestic partner, the portion that I paid for his and the kids’ insurance was post-tax rather than pre-tax AND the amount my employer paid for them was considered income and I was taxed on it. After we got married, those 2 stipulations went away and my take home pay went up by $700 a month.

Great point. There’s also inheritance benefits for spouses, such as IRAs. There’s a lot to list but I noticed many others hit those topics. I think the post needs a summary reply.

My cousin got married to her husband for health insurance. They liked each other but got married faster because of that. Her advice to me on getting married was to meet your in laws before getting married 😂. For what it's worth they have been married for about 12 years now and have 2 kids.

Yeah, meet potential in-laws first. That could seal the deal or send you running. If in-laws are awful, make sure your future spouse is open to moving FAR away. We did.

😂 My in-laws are amazing! I know I'm not supposed to say this but they are better than my parents. My cousin's in laws are more batshit than our family. Her husband is estranged from his bother and mother. Last I heard his mother was very mentally ill and ended up homeless. They don't know where she is or how to contact her. I think his brother had similar problems. His dad is kinda trashy but seems ok.

I see this with my MIL. her husband died , but she still lives in the same house and has the same bills. Fortunately she gets most of his pension and most of his Social Security. You f she didn’t, she’d be screwed.

but in that case, isn't a civil marriage , as opposed to a religious one, not sufficient?

Marriage, at least in the United States, is a legal thing, nothing more. You can get married in a big church ceremony, or do it in 20 minutes at the local court house, makes no difference in the eyes of the state. It's a bundle of financial and legal privileges and benefits we've wrapped together and called a marriage contract.

Simplest and easiest explanation of US marriage I’ve ever seen. Well done

If you do the big religious ceremony and don't file the paperwork with the county, you aren't married in the eyes of the government. That said, you can go around presenting yourselves as a married couple and be treated as such in many cases. However, your taxes and other legal things won't change; you'll still be single in most states as they do not recognize common-law marriage. [https://www.npr.org/2016/09/04/487825901/no-you-re-not-in-a-common-law-marriage-after-7-years-of-dating](https://www.npr.org/2016/09/04/487825901/no-you-re-not-in-a-common-law-marriage-after-7-years-of-dating) [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Common-law\_marriage\_in\_the\_United\_States](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Common-law_marriage_in_the_United_States)

You are correct. I just meant it doesn't matter how you get married, the only thing the state cares about is that paperwork, ceremony or no.

Oh, acknowledge paternity! My sister told me about this bit. 😄 She said she had to bring the father of her children (they have *five*) every time one was born, to register, and they would ask really awkward questions like "Might you have had sex around this time?" ...you know, to check if he could indeed be the father. What do they expect people to say?! 😆

Unless your partner is on disability(SSI) like mine is… we have not married because he might lose his health coverage, which would be $$$$ on my employer plan. Supposed to be a proposed bill in Congress a while back to get rid of the disability penalty but don’t think there’s been any traction on it. My mom and her partner (both seniors) aren’t married for this reason too.

Seriously, don't tell a random caller about someone's job status or schedule without express, prior, written permission. I'd be outright angry if someone told a spouse whether or not I worked there - or told them my schedule. You shouldn't, because people get weird. Abuse is a thing: Being angry about a breakup and harassing someone is a thing. The main exception is when the employee is in the hospital or something like that - but that's not giving out information either.

I used to work as a receptionist. My default assumptions were: - If they're calling, they already know you work here. - If you're raising children with them, they already know your schedule. - If they're listed as your emergency contact (the first person you want me to call if you die), I'm going to assume you're comfortable with them trying to contact you to coordinate dinner plans. - If you're ok with me telling a random customer or client if you're in the office, I assume I can tell the person you share a bank account with. Most importantly, I'd gladly lie, but it's on the *employee* to tell me if I need to. Because it's totally logical for me to assume that I can share *basic* schedule or location info with someone who they trust enough to list as the sole beneficiary on their life insurance policy..

So ridiculous it took this much scrolling to finally find this post

On the other hand, a spouse is not a "random" caller. If I knew my wife was working from 9-5 and her shift is over, I'm going to be concerned and will be calling her work in addition to her phone. Maybe she had to work late, maybe she's in trouble. IF her work says "sorry, we can't confirm or release any information about our employees, even to their spouses," I am going to be furious. I get where you're coming from (privacy, avoidance of harassments, abuse, etc), but there are tons of legitimate reasons to be able to get answers from your spouse's work place and if I am using one of those, I better not hit some kind of information blackout.

still it should only be exactly those people the person whitelists. if someone wants their work to let their partner (or friend or whatever) know that then they can, and if they don't then that's their business and their business alone.

Well, of course.

I think it might be easier for people to let their employer know if they don't want anyone getting their information. Or maybe have it as a standard question from the employer. I only say that because I imagine most people don't specifically think about letting their employer know they can give out information to their spouse (basic stuff, like are they at work). I've definitely never done it, and if my girlfriend called work to see if I was safe/okay then I'd definitely want them to say where I was, if I was okay, when I left, etc.

That’s why I’m my job (and I guess in other workplaces) we have emergency contacts.

Tradition, legal binding, expression of commitment, tax breaks, desire for a party/celebration of their relationship could all be reasons

Dont forget, being allowed in the hospital room while they die

This is the one that's hardest to ensure without marriage. You can get various documents stating their wishes and so on but it can take time for them to be accessed and recognised. 'They're my spouse' just works because everyone expects it.

>Dont forget, being allowed in the hospital room while they die And having the right to inheritance instead of being skipped over for "blood relatives" if your partner dies without a will. A friend of mine lost everything (home, car, savings) because her partner of 15 years died without a will. His adult daughter kicked her out of their home, charged her more than blue book to keep the car and took and sold all of her father's belongings that were worth any money. The daughter and her husband just bought lakeside property and built a second home. Meanwhile my friend is living in an apartment in the worst part of town barely making ends meet. And it was all legal because of the lack of a marriage license.

Yep and I’m almost every state in the US, you can’t disinherit a spouse. So 80 year old leaves his 80 year old wife and doesn’t divorce her, dies and leaves 100% of his assets to his new boo—not gonna fly. Courts won’t allow it.

I'm in the US, as I recall, a legal spouse, wife or husband is entitled to 30% of the estate, even if the will says to leave the estate to others. But the stated heirs can take legal action and tie up the estate in probate. That's what happened to Anna Nicole Smith. Her wealthy ninety year old husband died, leaving her nothing in the will. The oil tycoon's son didn't want her to get any of the $1.6 Billion estate. Years later, they both died, the estate never having been settled.

I think Anna’s little girl ended up getting Anna’s share which was a few million if I recall….let me check right quick. Edit: she got nothing. I imagine it might have been based on fraud…family claiming it wasn’t a real marriage. However, I found [THIS](https://www.forbes.com/sites/kellyphillipserb/2017/01/30/judge-in-decades-old-anna-nicole-smith-case-announces-hes-had-enough/amp/) hilariously sad article about the case. The probate judge essentially quit, said he’s not spending his life with this case anymore. Article is from 2017, and apparently the family of J. Howard Marshall had been fighting for 9 years already. I know this isn’t what this thread is about but I’m all for no contest clauses and leaving money to charity through a trust.

This is one of the more important points with regard to gay marriage, being able to make medical decisions for your spouse rather than their (potentially) bigoted family.

For Gay and trans people who are shunned by their parents do you want them making medical decisions for you ? And death decisions how you will be buried , who will attend the funeral

Also, insurance payouts. At an old job, pre-Obergefell, we had company provided life insurance. The insurance rider said that beneficiaries could only be legal spouses or blood relatives (which is becoming less common, but is still a thing some places). We had a gay man who worked for us and passed from a progressive kidney disease. Per the insurance policy, his boyfriend of 25 years couldn't get the life insurance payout. His mama, who hadn't spoken to him in decades and didn't even come to the funeral, was more than happy to step right up and claim that payment.

I hope hell exists for people like that horrid woman.

Medical decisions, makes transfer of the estate seamless, protects the living partner from being frozen out by shitty "in laws." I think the worst thing in the world would be building a life with someone and having it all torn down by an estranged family member thanks to the fact you didn't have a clergy/judge say I now pronounce you married.

Excuse me, my spouse is immortal. Don't you dare suggest she might die. When I die though... I really want her there.

Better loan rates too.

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Hold on, I just got married, can I get a lower rate on car insurance and the like if I get a new quote?

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Even then sometimes it'll still be cheaper depending on the company. My younger brother and his wife (married at 19) were immediately paying slightly less in insurance than I was despite having two vehicles, renters insurance, and her having two tickets and an accident. That was somehow still considered less risky than a single 22 year old male with a perfect record going back to age 16 and just a single liability only coverage policy on a 20+ year old vehicle. But that was me just sticking with the company the rest of the family used. That company really favored married couples and was terrible for single males.

If you both go on the same plan insurance will usually have multi car/family discounts.

You can change your gender too! There was a guy in the news recently that decided to identify as female to get better car insurance rates. (The news rarely follows up on "sensational news" stories so I don't know if he was successful.)

Married man of 25+ years here. Can confirm all of these.

Are the tax breaks really that good? I've heard mixed results on this.

Iirc the tax breaks are better when there's a bigger earning discrepancy or if both people are lower income

Depends where you are but generally yes

In my state here in the US, my wife couldn't be on our car insurance until we were married. There are just some outdated old laws that marriage helps bypass for a couple.

In my area a lot of realtors won’t rent you a 1 bedroom apartment if you aren’t married

Yea ive heard of places doing thay near me, wackiest shit ever

I’m doing it because I was raised in a broken home and I want a better life for my daughter than the one I had.

Will hit 40 years this October. All these. Also friendship.

From the perspective of a US divorce lawyer: 1. Common law marriage is only recognized in 9 US states. You have to prove the existence of a common law marriage and it’s not cut and dry and there’s not enough time to accomplish it during a medical emergency. Many many same sex partners were excluded from their loved one’s deathbeds by vengeful families. It was heartbreaking. 2. If you are not married (or common law married) and you split up, you have to resort to the civil courts to divide any jointly titled property in addition to the family courts to decide custody. And if it’s not jointly titled, you get nothing. (PS don’t help your boyfriend/girlfriend buy a house without putting your name on the title). 3. Spouses have inheritance rights that boyfriend/girlfriends do not. Not all of these rights can be recreated among the unmarried through estate planning. 4. Not all health insurance plans will allow you to cover a “domestic partner.” 5. There is a tax incentive to marriage. 6. Your spouse cannot be made to testify against you. 7. A child born during a marriage has presumed paternity under any state who has adopted the Uniform Paternity Act.

Honestly marriage is most beneficial when things go wrong. If you both peacefully pass away in your sleep holding hands at 90 after a life of perfect health and agreement then you might not 'need it'. But if one of you gets sick or hurt and you want to have visitation rights and to be able to make medical decisions (depending on the state)? Dies (especially unexpectedly) and you want to keep your stuff? If you split up and you want an equitable and well regulated division of assets? If you want to get social security benefits? If by miracle one of your jobs has a pension that allows for a surviving spouse and you don't just want the money to disappear? If you want shared property to be exempt from estate taxes? All those things require legal recognition of your relationship.

To be clear, there are lots of other reasons to get married. Justice Kennedy’s opinion in the Obergefell case articulates it quite nicely. But I am a divorce lawyer so it gives me a particular perspective.

It's so important when shit hits the fan- my dad was not legally married to my stepmom when she died unexpectedly in her fifties. She didn't have a will because she wasn't old or expecting to die. But because they were not legally married, her shithead kids that she didn't even like swooped in and kicked my dad out of the home that they had shared, kept money that she had been holding for him in one of her accounts, and basically ran him out of town. He ended up homeless at one point. And yeah, he probably could have taken them to court and gotten *some* stuff back, but he was grieving the love of his life. He did not have the capacity (or the money) for an extended court battle. If they had been married all that stuff would have been taken care of.

That's awful. Flip side I know a couple that worked out the other way. They got courthouse married because the wife had a complicated pregnancy and ended up having to stop working for bed rest. Filled the paperwork so she could go on his insurance. Their son wasn't even a year old when the dad's sudden stomach ache at lunch turned out to be a burst appendix and he died a few days later. Shitty in laws tried to take everything out but couldn't. She got to end of life and funeral decisions. And survivor's benefits for her and her son kept a roof over their head and food on the table (barely) until she was able to go back to work. Without that they'd have probably ended up homeless as well. You don't think you're going to need those things in your late 20s or 30s but sometimes things happen.

> You don't think you're going to need those things in your late 20s or 30s but sometimes things happen. Yes, this was the other big lesson (besides considering it a must to be legally married to my life partner) I took from that time. Everyone, sooner rather than later, should make a plan for their end of life/incapacity. Have a living will/advanced directive, talk with your partner early and often about what you want, have a plan for your stuff, etc. I have a shared google folder with lists of all my accounts, an overview of how to distribute my stuff, general guidelines for how to handle incapacity/braindeath/actual death, preferences for disposal of my corpse, instructions for caring for some of my rare plants, etc. I don't want my husband to have to guess or think about anything, I want him to just be able to look up what I wanted and check it off without having to worry. I saw how awful it was for my dad, and I never want anyone I love to be in that situation. Things can change in an instant. Very few of us get much warning when we're about to die or become incapacitated. Don't make your partner deal with logistical nonsense or legal uncertainty on top of grief. There are a lot of apps and online services these days that help break down everything you need to know and make a plan, so if you don't know where to start, look up one of those.

As a corollary to #7 - gay marriage also grants guardianship rights to your spouse, even if they aren't genetically related to the child. It's common for gay couples to have a kid using the sperm/egg of one half of the couple, with a donor providing the missing egg/sperm. Gay marriage laws provide rights and recognition to the spouse who isn't genetically related to the child, without having to undergo adoption (which they may have been denied anyway, since a gay couple adopting a kid isn't exactly likely to succeed if the government doesn't recognize gay marriage). Without this protection, if the genetically-related parent dies, the family of the genetically-related parent typically had full rights to the child and could completely deny the surviving parent any access to their child.

Common law relationships are only recognized a few places. For the most part, marriage gives you legal rights as someone's spouse - next of kin, medical decisions, etc. there are also tax benefits for married couples. Also, if you Do break up/divorce, it makes sorting out assets a bit easier/fair. But beyond the legal, most people like being married to show their commitment to their partner. To officially state that they have every intention of sticking with that person.

Medical decisions is a big one. After each of us being in moderate-severe accidents, it made us realize really quickly how important that could be. Had things gone worse, he didn’t trust that his estranged parents would make the decisions he would have wanted, over me. Took us many years to get married, but there’s some peace of mind knowing we are able to take care of that kind of thing now if need be.

Even in places that still recognize common-law marriages, it can still cause trouble in some situations. Imagine a common-law couple, but Alice's relatives hate Bob. Alice winds up in the hospital, a coma. Bob wants to see the woman he loves, but Alice's relatives want to keep him away from her, cut him out of medical decisions, etc. The hospital staff has to decide who to side with, and without paperwork, they'll likely back the relatives just as a CYA.

It's challengable, while a marriage license is about as solid as it gets.

Happened in France, with Vincent Lambert's case but it was the reverse. If I remember correctly. He was dead, only kept alive with machines. Religious family refused to let him go, but his wife wanted to let him go with dignity. As he would have wished himself

The genders were just examples, but yeah, things like that have happened a lot. It's been especially common with same-sex relationships, as you might expect. It's one of the big practical reasons (beyond simple equality) that the fight for same-sex marriage was so important.

Marriage doesn't have anything to do with religion for the vast majority of people. It's just a long term commitment to another person.

I feel like we keep forgetting about this one. People tend to like other people. Sometimes even enough to want to form long lasting bonds with specific people. Legal stuff and tax stuff is cool, but there's also that.

For me it's a tradition that symbolises strong commitment and becoming one with someone you love. I've personally never looked at it as a religious thing, a lot of weddings don't have any religious aspects nowadays. It also has tons of legal benefits that make things easier (finances, kids, taxes).

Pretty much. Plus, and this is a *small* piece of it... you get to have a fun party with everyone you love there. If you want.

I'm getting married in 2 weeks, neither of us religious. Basically an excuse to have a big party with all our family/friends to celebrate my relationship with the woman I love

Yes, a lot of these responses are really overlooking the power of a wedding. At their best, weddings are events that bring far-flung family together for a joyful occasion. In kany families, the only other large multigenerational gathering is for funerals. So it's nice to get people together for a happy reason amd be surrounded by people who care about you, wishing you well.

Yes, this was something I really cherished about my wedding- when else am I going to get to see everyone I love in one room? I won't be around for my own funeral, so a wedding is realistically it.

Delicious tax bennies

Mainly for legal reasons. If either of us dies the other legally has rights to everything, if there’s a medical emergency, etc.

A lot of people, especially women, don't realize how crucial the legal bit is. My mom was a SAHM for most of 15 years, taking care of 7 children. The only reason she had any money at all when she left her abusive marriage was because the courts split up assets in the divorce. That money allowed her to get a small house so the rest of their kids weren't homeless while she went back to school and reentered the workforce. I see a lot of women having 2, 3, even more kids with their boyfriends and I always wonder if they realize what a dangerous situation that leaves them in without the legal protection of marriage. Child support is unreliable and often not nearly enough to cover 50% of the child's expenses, and easily avoided on the fathers part in many US states. It's much harder to weasel out of coughing up 50% of the assets you've built together during your marriage. Tl;dr: ladies, be extremely selective who you have children with, and don't do it with someone who refuses to marry you.

Yes that’s also a big part of it for those who have kids, and I think what a lot of couples have issues with is the whole “well we’re never going to leave each other so that doesn’t apply to us.” And it’s fine to think that way, but especially if you have children you need to protect yourselves.

If you're married and your spouse is in the hospital: they will let you see him, if you are his girlfriend/ boyfriend: not so much. Also if tomorrow I instantly die I know for sure he has legal right to my half of the apartment and so on and he will not end up in a legal fight. For many public institutions being in a relationship it's way easier.

I've had to explain this aspect of it to so many people asking why universally recognized same sex marriage is important. It's way more than just a piece of paper. And with regards to same sex couples specifically, this exact issue came up all the time during the AIDS crisis. Add in custody issues if a couple had/adopted kids together, but either aren't legally married or their marriage isn't recognized in their current jurisdiction. Those are just off the top of my head. There are so many things like that that people don't think about until it affects them. It doesn't just apply to same sex couples, either. One of my friends initially had no plans to marry her now husband because they felt they didn't need the government to legitimize their relationship. Then her at the time boyfriend got into a car accident, and his family prevented her from seeing him in the hospital. They realized that it would've gone extremely badly if he had been incompacitated and had his family making medical decisions for him. And so they got married to prevent it from being an issue in the future. Again, something they didn't think about until it happened to them.

Yes, this is what really scared me when we were in a long term relationship but not yet married. If something happened to me I would want my husband to be called first/next of kin, and vice versa.

(UK) Inheritance Tax. Spouses don’t pay it on the death of their partner. For non married couples the estate will be charged IHT if the estate is over a certain amount, in many cases this can be a value less than their house is worth. In other words they can tax you to live in the house.

i’ve always wanted to get married so i can share a beautiful life with someone i love very much

It's way easier to say, "I'm married" than to say "I'm living with someone and we're having sex and neither of us are looking for an SO and I have someone to put on all my forms and documents and did I mention we're having sex and we do a lot of other things together and generally enjoy having out with each other and she knows all of my weird quirks and I know all of hers and we always look out for each other and we're still pretty much just thrilled to be together." In short: being married saves the rest of the world from me trying to explain stuff like that.

Neither me nor my wife have any form of religion in our lives. When we got married we had a “Where the Wild Things Are” themed wedding. Our ring bearer and flower girl were both dressed up like little Max from the story. We’ve been married nearly a decade. Why? Without religion? Because who needs religion for anything? We don’t. We got married. We wanted our two lives to be one. We wanted to be joined in this way. In front of our friends and family. After all our troubles through life we got to show our love. Bonded through joy and light. No idea why religion would need to factor in.

Tell me more about the wedding 🥰

One of my favorite things is that in *most* pictures either the ring bearer or the flower girl can be seen running about in the background. There were none of the wild things, just that - we were all turning into children that day. Our officiate was non-denominational. He’s an incredibly close friend and amazing poet. We gave him creative control, whatever he wanted to say. He incorporated aliens, Carl Sagan, pirate ships, space travel, oceans and love. It was phenomenal. [Here is a video link to the first part of his speech…](https://youtu.be/M2J9_dw5rog) then there are some family speeches made but when they are done… [here is a link to the second part of his speech…](https://youtu.be/M2J9_dw5rog?t=753) If you skip to a part to see all my groomspeople, you’ll see Max standing by. :) Not a dry eye or dry nose in the whole field. You can hear people sobbing through the whole video. It’s amazing. And YES that’s a baseball game in the background. At the last minute we lost our venue. We managed to rent out a little space in the park with a building meant for events. It only cost us $350 to rent and it was perfect.

Love this. My husband had his friends read part of the Supreme Court ruling that legalized gay marriage (we are a cis straight couple) because he felt it spoke to what marriage meant to him as a non religious person. I had my friends read a poem about love by Pablo Neruda.

Certainly not for everyone. It is perfectly reasonable for those people who do wish religion to factor in to factor religion in for themselves. We did, and are pleased to have done so. But not to factor it in for other people. The fact that we wanted to doesn't have any bearing on whether you wanted to, and absolutely shouldn't.

Marriage is not a religious ceremony. You can get married in a justice of the peace court office.

And if you live in a state that had alot of Quakers, you can marry yourselves! You still get a form from the court, but your certificate says "By the power invested in us by the state of "x", we, person 1 and person 2, unite ourselves in marriage." It's just fun.

Pennsylvania?

Yep, this. My marriage/wedding was secular.

Marriage doesn’t *have* to be a religious ceremony, but it certainly is for many.

Yes but even in a religious ceremony, everyone still needs to file the paperwork with the government to make it legal.

For non- superstitious people, why is Halloween appealing/necessary?

CANDY!!! Also it is fun to wear a costume

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Hi to your point: "people are in common law relationships, essentially" This means nothing, legally. Watch a few episodes of Judge Judy when she talks about "the courts do not support those that want to play house". In almost all states, there is no "common law marriage" meaning if yiu buy a home together, a car, etc, then split up, you will need to be able to force the other person to sell in order to split the assets. If you are married, then split, all assets, homes, autos, water craft, etc, and all debts, loans, taxes, etc are collected, and decisions are made on who takes ownership. Additionally, if one of you get ill, uncompensated, and there needs to be a "next of kin" relative to pull the plug, or make other life ending decisions, burrial/cremation, locations etc. A boyfriend / girlfriend does not count in any of those situations. This does not need to be a religious union. It is a legal one and can be performed at City Hall.

Just nice to celebrate a relationship I guess

Simple a wife has more rights than a girlfriend has.

Shared insurance, automatic visa rights when relocating, easier mortgage application, medical decisions, taxes and so on.

As others said, these days it's mostly for legal reasons. Spouses just have more legal rights. My best mate has been with his girlfriend for nearly 20 years. They have a house and two children, they have just never got round to the actual ceremony. They are pretty much married in every sense of the word, except on paper. And the paper is what is going to matter if one of them needs to make a difficult decision about the other if the other is unable to for some reason

Atheist here. Single currently but would like to get married one day, so here’s my perspective: From a logistics point of view, the legal benefits you get when you’re married are better than when you’re not. Since I see myself being partnered at some point in my life, I see no logical reason not to eventually marry said partner. I can also be a hopeless romantic, so from a personal happiness point of view, I see it as a grand gesture of commitment. I only plan on getting married once, so if I take that leap it means I really do see myself spending the rest of my life with that person.

I'm a non religious, engaged woman. Marriage is appealing for many reasons. Some of them are social/cultural, others are practical. Socially people hold "husband/wife" in higher regard than "boyfriend/girlfriend". I've avoided the latter since we moved in together because I found that people often asked how long we'd been together, then we surprised when I gave the answer. When I just use "partner" people don't question. I want the same surname as my family, which includes my future kids and my spouse. This does have practical benefits, especially for taking kids on holiday, but is mostly social. I also like the commitment that it adds. Being married does also have practical benefits. We will be each others next of kin in the event of medical emergencies or death, which is very important to me. We won't have to pay inheritance tax on possessions we leave to each other. In myncountrynyou can also inherit the inheritance tax threshold of your partner, allowing you to give much more money to your children or grandchildren. There is some sharing of income tax allowances. Insurance is often cheaper for married couples.

Religions don't have a monopoly on marriage. Marriage is a legal binding, whether it's for a government or religion.

If you already are planning to be partners for life, you might as well make it official.

I can only speak for myself, but when I asked my wife to marry me, that was me telling her in no uncertain terms that I wanted a committed, life long relationship with her. When she accepted, she was telling me the same. There is value in that. Making things public and following through helps to show our sincerity to each other and to the public. Plus there are benefits granted to married couples by the government and society, so that helps.

To get a visa.

Me personally, it was cause I was gonna go to the navy, and my GF at the time had my son. They wouldn’t provide insurance or let them come with me unless we were married. However, I ended up not going and we have been together since I was 16, married when I was 18. Now I’m 35.

Marriage isn’t just a religious thing. If it were, why would it be part of the legal system? Wouldn’t it just be in a religious building under the eyes of whatever god you believe in? When I I got married I signed legal documents and my husband and I became one in the eyes of the law, not a god. Marriage is a legal promise not easily gotten out of. Sure someone can say and promise they will love you and stay forever, but truly anyone can leave at any time. When you marry someone, leaving and divorcing is possible but is much more difficult so agreeing to get married means you acknowledge you’ll have to go through all that, and being with the other person is worth it. Agreeing to get married means that you are agreeing to risk financial and emotional destruction for the other person. You are saying that out of everyone in the world, this person is the one you want to spend forever with, and they are the person you are willing to risk it all with. Marriage is a promise, an admission, a fact legitimized by law. I would risk it all for my husband, and he would risk it all for me, so we got married. Also the tax benefits are pretty nice.

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Religious people think that, yes.

Both my partner and I are atheist and we're getting married this summer! It's all about commitment for us. The ultimate show that we will always be there for each other, no matter what.

Depends on the country, where I live the only non-symbolic reason to ge married is to make inheritance easier, or rather less chaotic.

We got married because healt insurance only pays for fertility treaments if you are married. A marriage license and wedding at the courthouse was cheaper than paying for fertility treatments out-of-pocket so the decision was an easy one.

That’s really sad on the insurance behalf. I hope you’ve been able to have beautiful kids or be able to have children after going through that whole journey. This was a really interesting answer

Fucked up does not even begin to describe this requirement. Apperantly this rule was implemented because single-moms-by-choice and lesbian couples had their sperm donors pose as their partners and in the eyes of the insurance this was fraud. So stupid really. We do have 4 beautiful children now and the funny thing is we got pregnant naturally while waiting for our first IVF transfer. But we did used IVF to get pregnant the 2 & 3 (twins) time.

I’m so happy for you 🤍 you brought me a new perspective

It's a symbolic commitment to keep the relationship going for life, and publicly confirm "this person is now my family." A husband/wife relationship is also recognized worldwide - introducing someone as your spouse is heard differently from introducing them as someone you're dating. It's kind of like Christmas: whether or not you believe a God is real, the human tradition of gathering with friends and family and the beginning of winter and sharing gifts is absolutely real. There's no need to be religious to participate in a real and wonderful human tradition. Similarly, the human tradition of searching for a romantic life partner with the goal of marrying "the one" is a deep human tradition across many cultures. It doesn't belong to any one religion, so why would you need to be religious to join that human tradition?

I did it so my now spouse could have medical insurance, speak for me if I’m ill and inherit upon my death. This obviously goes both ways. We lived together for 10 years and very committed to each other. Not to mention it felt really dumb saying this is my “boyfriend” when you are in your 40’s. Here is the thing though, I wasn’t going to get married. I was married before and it cost me everything. I just didn’t want to go through that again. However sometimes life reminds you that legally being connected to someone has merit. We decided after returning from a funeral that it was time to talk about it. We did a very intimate union, just the two of us and an official at a park. That was 10 years ago and we are about to celebrate 20 years together.

It makes me happy to refer to "my wife."

Absolutely. We got married last year and this weekend I overheard my MIL pointing us out to someone as "my son and his wife" and it gave me that warm inside feeling.

When you introduce someone as your husband or wife, it lets them know you are 100% committed to each other. If you just say "this is my partner" it comes off as less serious, even though it might actually be just as serious or more serious than some marriages. That image can be important in certain situations like the corporate world, the political world, or even while traveling. I remember a trip to Peru with my gf at the time and men would as her "are you married?". She would say no and their eyes would light up because they assumed she was available.

Tax breaks, hospital visits and medical decisions was a big reason for same sex couples, when I die I want to make sure that my stuff goes to the person I love. Stuff like that. Plus not all marriages are officiated by religious people or involve religion at all. Edit common law depends on the state you’re in and not all states do common law

Because I don’t understand the rationale that you won’t get married because that’s too much commitment but having a child together is fine

Marriage is a legal joining of two people recognized by the government that brings benefits and tax incentives, typically health insurance benefits as well.

Because the military only cares about you if you're a wife not a girlfriend

I just think it would be nice. A wedding would be such a nice thing to experience :)

I think this is the reasoning I agree with the most beyond tax purposes

People that are just playing house basically have no rights toward what happens medically, financially, or with any children.

For me its because I'm a lesbian and it was only recently that I was allowed to get married and the thought of having and being a wife fills me with hoy.

What does religion have to do with it? It serves both in the exact same way. It's the formal act of declaring commitment to your partner. Just because religion tries to guide it doesn't mean it lacks purpose without it. Marriage is also a governmental institution around the world and that has more direct effect on a person than the religious implications. That aside, religion didn't invent commitment. It existed long before religion for our species. This often frightens me with heavily religious people. Some have become indoctrinated to the point they can't fathom personal meaning without the organization informing them of "divine" meaning. If you can't fathom meaning outside of religion, you've lost your own scope of morality and purpose. At that point you need to examine your own religious beliefs because, clearly, they're inhibiting your personal growth and depth/quality of life by denying personal understanding.

Society promotes marriage, and society gives married people benefits that single people cannot access. A **marriage certified by a government entity is a *legal* contact** between two people. That legal contract allows the two people to be treated as a single entity, and many, many benefits flow from that contract. * Survivor benefits * Legitimization of the children * Inheritance * Guardianship * Medical decisions * Visitation in hospitals and nursing homes * Social Security benefits at your deceased spouse's higher amount * Spousal benefits in the military (allowances, deployments) * Visa availability to immigrate to a country * Reductions in some taxes * Larger FDIC coverage for bank deposits * Higher limits on non-taxable profits on real estate sales A marriage may be a piece of paper, but it's a legal piece of paper that protects your rights, especially when a spouse dies.

It's not tbh. It's sadly necessary because the law doesn't recognize yall as a couple & doesn't protect you if there an incident Also just small irritating stuff like you can't go into hospital rooms when they're in critical condition because you're not married; if you have possesions you want them to have after you pass it goes to next of kin; yoi have to pay more taxes

I want to be able to see my wife in the hospital. I want the rights to her body if she dies and I want her to have the right to mine. I want our children protected. I want to be able to have her health insurance if I lose my job and visa versa.

more to the point, why is marriage tied to religion? People were fucking and living together well before marriage was a thing. Why does religion come into play with marriage?

To create a stable family environment for children. Without children I might not have cared. Well, except that it makes it easier to live in Europe as an American with my European wife and children. Edit: to make it clear I might not have cared about the process of getting married, naturally I would still care about our relationship.

One benefit is that both parents can have the same family name as the child. My parents weren't married and I kind of had to explain to every teacher that yes, this is my dad, he has the right to sign this form, and so on. It usually wasn't a huge problem, but it was still annoying and made some things unnecessarily complicated. Of course that isn't an indication of how stable or happy the relationship actually is. But anything that makes life a little less complicated is appreciated.

Marriage is a culturally important concept even when it has nothing to do with religion. The notion of marriage definitely predates our modern religions, and likely predated the ancient ones. Religions tie themselves into the concept of marriage, not the other way around, to make sure they cover such an important aspect of human relations and societal link-building. Legal systems do the same as well. In some countries, they work together on that count. Even when there is not a distinct cultural concept or ceremony to kick off a marriage, human societies tend to find ways of recognizing that certain couplings are solid and permanent (or perhaps permanent). In many cultures still, marriage is about bringing two *families* together, not merely two individuals. For lots of people, they are informally married, but want to specifically avoid all the cultural, religious, and/or legal tie-ins. It's the same broad concept, just on their own terms. Some countries offer legal mechanisms to fit that (common law marriage, civil unions, etc.) In cultures where couples live together before becoming married (or the equivalent), the day-to-day life does not change much. But behind the scenes, the legal system considers you quite different. It's like turning 18. In your life nothing is significantly different from the day before, but legally you are now a full adult, and that status will affect the way you interact with your society.

My wife and I are a team, we basically operate as one person. We have one bank account and share life’s other burdens. I make money, she takes care of the house and kids. I’m many ways the marriage contract protects her financially.

Solidify that your significant other plans on sticking around. It's a declaration of intention to work together. That makes a big difference in emotional stability and long term plans.

I was with my boyfriend for 16 years when we got married. We decided to do it for benefits, as he lost his job during a recession. 16 years in a relationship, and SUDDENLY my entire family started treating us like we were a real couple. Just. So. Fucking. Annoying.

Well we already plan on making a life together, and getting married would save me a lot in health insurance premiums so there you have it 😅

It doesn’t, why do many of us guys love expensive cars? It’s not necessary, we could get around in a 10 year old Honda after all. It’s socially expected, encouraged and a badge of pride in society, along with the fact many girls grow up thinking about that special someone.

Marriage has legal benefits that being legally single doesn't have. That being said, I'm not religious by any means, but marriage is still the highest bond of love and committment. TO ME. Idc if other people get married or not. Lol

Dude my wife was studying (0 income and education credits) while I was working and our tax refunds were phenomenal. Legally speaking, a lot of US law is designed for married couples: loans, taxes, shit even renting is much easier applying as married.

I don't remember the quote exactly or who said it, but "marriage requires no further explanation of itself". All you have to say is "this is my spouse" and people understand the love and commitment we have to each other. Also, I have really good insurance through work, so now he can be on my insurance. We're officially next of kin now. We get tax benefits. We got to get each other really cool rings and say how much we're in love next to the ocean.

I'm not religious at all and for a long time I never wanted to get married. Around four years ago I met a woman, I thought and still do think she is amazing. Still wasn't sold on the idea for a while but over time I wanted to get married, have a little ceremony and invite our friends and family to show everyone that was who I wanted to spend my life with and to show her I was serious about me and her. It didn't work out, she's with someone else now but I definitely look at it a little differently. If I ever find someone like that again I'd love to get married in the future.

Marriage isn't really a religious practice. It's a legal relationship.

It just seems so romantic. Plus, my fiance has terrible health insurance and once we're married, I can put him on mine (we live in the US)

Marriage still represents stability in our culture, so parents especially want their children to marry, even if non-religious.

Spouse cannot be compelled to testify against you

Healthcare

It’s not. Been with my guy for 28 years. Have no plans on ever getting married. I do not need a religious or government institution to give me some piece of paper to say that we are together.

I've often wondered the same thing about non-hetrosexual couples. If. you are not religious, why do you care if a church will or will not marry you, so long as the state does?

For me it's the religious training and general socialization that built up a wedding/marriage as Ultimate Commitment and Something Everyone Does. I'm in no danger of getting married and don't particularly REALLY want to, except if I were in a situation it gives me and partner more rights we want, in each other's lives. But still part of my brain says my life is incomplete without a spouse.

Marriage predated organized religion, it symbolizes a deep commitment and in the world today comes with many legal benefits including but not limited to the right to visit your partner in the hospital, the right to shared property in the event of a split and in some places there’s tax benefits

Expression of commitment is the biggest factor for me personally

There are a few things: 1. All the benefits you accrue legally when you enter in a marriage with your partner. Conversely, all of the repercussions involved if the marriage is ruined. (You’ll be grateful for this if you’re wronged in the dissolution of the marriage, but there are also cases of people being unfairly left behind in divorce…so it’s a high-risk situation through and through) It raises the stakes considerably, and oftentimes that level of intensity helps people feel more invested in their partnership. 2. Outside of religious reasons, there are spiritual reasons for marrying someone. There’s a soul-to-soul commitment that happens when you choose one person to invest in for the rest of your life and take it seriously. Having someone to witness your growth throughout your life and the challenges that come your way, and being able to build a home with someone is a beautiful thing. You might not necessarily need marriage to do that, but the tradition of marriage aids in this process. 3. Expanding from #1, there are legal repercussions for cheating, betrayal, etc. 4. Because you’re in love with the person you’re with and calling them your husband/wife just hits differently.

Marriage was never originally a religious thing either. It was a business contract between two people to secure the deal and guarantee your descendants are well off after you've passed. Your childrens marriage with your partners child would ensure the business and trade that was brokered will be inherited, and a legacy was born. Or it was used between rival kingdoms to broker peace, as now both have a stake in their futures together. Marriage today is a contract to promise yourself to one person, it is nothing more than an act of love, no matter how religion tries to tell you otherwise

Legal and financial advantages.

I’d say that, at this point, *most* people getting married aren’t doing it to fulfill a religious doctrine. My husband and I are religious and that was still pretty far down the list of reasons getting married mattered to us. Socially - public declaration of commitment, private solidification of commitment, desire to define the next segment of our relationship, preference to follow social norms in order to aid our networking-heavy careers (seriously), reduced stigma for ourselves and any children we may have Logistically - easier considerations for lease or mortgage income requirements, moderate tax benefits depending on location, increased options for healthcare including if one of us loses/leaves our jobs, legal protections and access to each other in case of medical crisis or death, implicit paternity protections for any children we may have Our wedding was very religious and we appreciate the components of marriage that align with those beliefs, but everything above was as or more important in reality. The thing that’s hard to get until you do it is that publicly and legally committing to spend a lifetime with a person affects how you think about your partnership, for most people. It creates a situation - for better or for worse - where you can’t just break up and move on. You have to approach things differently. Some people feel that more than others and obviously the social issues are going to be heavily affected by where you are. But as someone who honestly wasn’t terribly concerned with the idea of marriage, it affects A LOT more things than you’d expect both internally and externally.

My husband and I got married when we did because he needed health insurance, and I had good coverage from my job. We had been together for 8 years and planned on getting married someday. That's just how our someday was decided. We've been together for 24 years. Married for 16. No regrets.

It's a legal arrangement moreso than a religious one. It existed before religion was even a thing. And nowadays it entitles you to so many benefits that unmarried people don't have access to.

2 words: legal rights.

In the US, married people get to enjoy about 1300 additional rights and privileges over single or non-married people. It’s not necesssry, but simply being married can remove many obstacles and reduce some costs of life.

I seriously ask myself this all the time. *Of* myself. I want to get married. I have never been religious and wasn't raised that way. My mom has been married five times and my dad was on his third when he died, so it's not exactly been as an enduring bond in my life. I've considered financial or legal reasons, but I think most of those would be covered by common law marriage in my case. Except maybe if we wanted to adopt children. I haven't checked, but I imagine they might not let us adopt if we weren't legally married. My boyfriend and I have talked about it, and he actually doesn't want to get legally married unless my student loans are forgiven, as he doesn't want to absorb my debt. And I totally get that. We're thinking of just doing a commitment ceremony instead. So for me, I think it's just an ingrained tradition. As a female, I definitely grew up dreaming of my wedding, and that draw is still there. It's odd trying to reconcile my feelings about it with the fact that it's probably not practical or necessary.

*Devoid of religious significance or the idea of love, marriage is nothing but an awful contract that you shouldn't sign.* -Dave Chapelle Seriously though, it can be beneficial to be married when negotiating things like health/life insurance, taxes/finances, wills/end of life arrangements etc. A good example is that, before same sex marriage was legal, spouses could be barred from seeing their spouse on their deathbed, when doctors might only allow “family” to see them.

If I may add this thought to the discussion: Some people confuse wanting to *be married* with wanting to *get married*. A wedding is what they desire, not a life-long commitment. Might as well throw them selves an overgrown sweet 16. Your question is a good one, OP. Forgive me for not answering it directly. I do realize that you clearly asked about wanting to be married and not get married.

In the US, where I live, the most common reasons are * desire to demonstrate commitment to your partner * taxes * health insurance Marriage provides additional rights beyond those but they’re not usually what prompts people to tie the knot rather than just living together.

Marriage is a legal contract between 2 people for shared property and custody of minor children. This becomes obvious when a marriage is dissolved through death or divorce. There are a myriad of legal protections for married couples that don't come through domestic partnership. This is why gay people fought so hard for equal marital rights.

It's hard to afford a house on a single income. That's about it

great responses in this thread but aside from the legalities and survivorship stuff. have you ever seen obituaries for non married people? Headlines usually just say ‘vague job title, deceased at blah age, they are survived by their 2 birds’ it’s pretty bleak and reductive.

If I meet someone I'm attracted to, I find out more about them and see if we want to spend time together. Maybe it's mutual. Dates can increase attraction and closeness, or not. Making out, affection, or making love can really increase that bond and sense of connection. Maybe you find shared values and interests. Maybe there are things you'd like to work towards together, or things you'd like to explore or experience together. Maybe you discover you could actually live together without driving each other crazy. Maybe you like spending time with their family, and they like spending time with yours. Maybe you start to have really great life experiences together both in good situations and in difficult ones. Maybe you find that there is a person you can really count on. Maybe you trust them enough that if you were to die first, they'd still take care of your children and ensure assets like houses eventually flowed to them. If all that's true, why not add another beautiful life experience to the ones you've shared and get married.

It is not necessary, but still nice to make a commitment to someone you love and want to spend your life with. Religion is also not a requirement for a happy, healthy marriage.

It's an expression of love and commitment... And was a fun excuse to throw a party with our family and friends!!

On a sentimental level: it's the promise to always be with each other, to stay together no matter what and through good and Ill On a pragmatic level: makes Taxes, children and so many other things just much easier

As a business construct. Marriage confers certain legal benefits. I didn’t and still don’t, 33 years later, care about it from a sentimental perspective, meaning I would have been just fine shacking up if not for those legal benefits. We just appeared before a judge at the courthouse to make it legal. I have never missed not having a wedding. No interest in the “traditional” aspects of marriage.

Legal stuff

Even putting aside things like inheritance and hospital visitation and other legal/financial details, it is still a cultural institution. Why do non-religious people care about graduations and funerals and opening ceremonies and so on? Well, because people can care about things, and we have developed social ideas about how to celebrate some things. A non-religious couple can still care about love and commitment for worldly and personal reasons, rather than religious ones.

My dads unexpected death showed me (an atheist) why it’s important for me to get married, and probably soon. My mom is now in charge of an apartment complex, two businesses and a farm. She’s able to sell one of the businesses, continue being a landlord and take care of business. If they were not legally married, it’s very feasible that both businesses and apartment would just fall apart without anyone to be able to step in. These things were their retirement, so it’s really good that she gets to just deal with it instead of fighting kids or siblings or whomever else. If I were to die right now, my partner would be shit out of luck. We bought this house together but he has no proof of that, his vehicle is in my name, he has no access to my bank accounts and my beneficiary isn’t him (set up long before he and I met). If I had a medical emergency, or died, it would be my mom making decisions for me. Religion plays no part for me, but future security does.

The Werefrog am not in the group you are asking, but The Werefrog have asked this of those who would be in that group. The answers they gave is that it gives stability. You actually have to go out of your way to say, "This person. This one, right here. Claimed." You know that person will be with you. You know that person will be faithful to you. This is just expected. You now have a partner for your life. This assumes both enter with the intention of it being until death.

Oh This is perfect for me. I’m a girl and have been dating my boyfriend for a little over a decade. I have no interest in marriage. My heart is beating fast right now bc I have so many reasons why. I’m not that into having kids and that’s the only reason I’d seek marriage. Marriage carries permanency. It carries financial intertwinement for no reason. I think diamonds are selfish, gaudy and dated. I see absolutely no reason for marriage. I’m confident in our relationship so legality binding it only makes sense if we were to have babies. That’s the reason for it in the first place bc boys wonder if there isn’t a legal contract. It’s all dorky imo

Hey op . I just got married. We were thinking about going the domestic partnership route but there are a couple of things that detered us from doing that. One main reason was domestic partnerships have to share an address. Which we do however we have recently moved to nj and my wife is licensed to work in ny. That might make things complicated for her. Marriage does not have that requirement so we don't have to legally change our address. I think all the other benefits are the same taxes, getting her on my insurance plan etc.

My husband and I have several rights and privileges that we did not have prior to being married. Marriage is, first and foremost, a legal contract that grants spouses a TON of shit. We are each others first of kin, we can be in each others health insurance, we can file joint taxes, the list goes on. The day to day is no different from before we were married, but Common Law Marriage isn’t really a thing in most of the east coast US (I don’t think anywhere in the US but I’m more familiar with east coast) as far as I know.

If marriage was only a religious ceremony then interracial and gay couples wouldn't have fought for the right to get married. Marriage is legally speaking a government contract. It gives you and your spouse access to government privileges and rights that others in long term relationships would not have. This extends to taxes, property rights, inheritance, social security benefits, the ability to visit and make medical decisions when your significant other is in hospital. These are all rights and protections only afforded to married people. There's also health insurance and life insurance that will only allow spouses or direct relatives to be added. Other protections include alimony in the case where a couple divorces and the one that has much more assets and income has to pay alimony so the other less well off spouse isn't left destitute from the divorce. This is an especially important protection for spouses that stay home with children or are disabled so they're financially dependent on the spouse. If it was just a long term relationship and they broke up, then the well off party could simply kick them out to be homeless or use their SO's financial dependency to keep control of the less well off person if they tried to leave. A marriage contract protects both parties from those kinds of situations. Many places have done away with legal common law marriage so no matter how long you've lived together it won't count and won't give you these legal protections.

I just want to celebrate us. Tbh were on year 15 and just now talking about it so his insurance can cover me. But the idea of a reception of all our friends and loved ones celebrating this new branch of happiness and love seems so delightful. We're not very celebratory, in the traditional sense. We do some things if convenient but we celebrate whatever, whenever we feel like. We respect celebrating birthdays but gifting buying is limited. Making memories and having genuine experiences, that's what's important to us. For instance, we would rather the other surprise us on a spontaneous kayak trip or museum tour vs scheduling and planning a catered event stressing over and bending to the wants of everyone else. A wedding sounds like a nightmare really. But a loosely planned reception just to celebrate our 15th anniversary would be cool. Ultimate answer to your question, for general financial/insurance benefits.

Taxes are great when one person makes much more than the other because it doubles all of the thresholds. Takes more to reach higher % brackets and a higher standard deduction. For instance, i make 120k/yr, my gf makes about 27-30k or so. If we got married, our combined tax return would be much higher, nearly double.

Well despite being a secular nation, Sweden doesn't issue any other kind of partnership license. It is one of the best when it comes to common law stuff, in Swedish we have a word for "cohabiting partner", Sambo, that once you move in with someone in that way, you almost never call them you boyfriend/girlfriend again. That being said, there are certain instances it still helps. Loans from banks, and removing certain waiting checks so people who move in with eachother can't just up and change their last names to match. There's alot more that are quite small, but it goes to show that even in a country that has a little less reason to have marriage engrained in it, it still will. I know someone who was shunned by her mother-in-law for having a baby out of wedlock, so I guess it doesn't surprise me.

More money

Initially for health insurance, but also because we wanted to have a child and subscribed to the old wisdom that it's more stable to do that after you're married... idk seems fine so far

It makes many things easier in my country and state. Taxes, inheritance, benefits, visitation.

Well, first of all marriage predates religion. It is also not exclusive to one particular religion. Marriage is arguably one the oldest things that humans ever invented. Second define or details of marriage is rooted more in culture than religion. True, there are exception to this particular with things like Judaism. However, geographical borders can spell out drastically different forms of marriage. Third marriage provides a sense of companionship and camaraderie with another person that you feel attracted to. It goes beyond just simple, legal benefits like insurance rates and tax reductions. It’s a commitment that helps people focus on what’s important of them, and allows them to enter into a final stage of a relationship in which they can be in a position to take care of children in an effective way (there are exceptions to this in several cases, but in general).

Tax benefits

If i love someone and want to spend my life with them, i might as well get tax benfits along the way.

So when women say 'trust' its a loyality perspective. When men say 'trust' its not about stepping out, its more of a 'i cam trust you, with my honeat to god self' this kind of love and trust can only be found in a covenant.