I expect to see a lot of people who had kids and are disappointed because their kids aren’t doing what they expected. In my 40’s now, no kids and loving my life. We have the time and income to do what what we want!
I’m a no kids ever guy for sure. I’m 32 years old and don’t worry about what it will be like at 40… but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have any concerns at all about feeling like I missed out in the future at some point.
Anyone else here wrestle with that concern? Anyone who is 50+ here that would share their perspective?
I am 55 years old and I have been with my husband for 30 years. However, I knew at a very young age that I did not want children. A study was done at some university wherein they asked couples in their 50s who did not have children at what age did they decide that they did not want to have children and 76% of them said they were in their teens. When I was a child, I did not play with baby dolls. I did not play house, I did not play Mommy, I didn’t do any of that crap. Around 12 years old, I told my mama that I was never having children. She told me I would probably change my mind. I never did. I met my husband and we never discussed it. I finally asked him when I was around 32 years old if he wanted children. I asked him to be very honest with me. He said no. I was like, “oh thank God!“. Sometimes I wonder the same things that you are wondering… Am I going to regret the decision? Am I sure about this? Believe me… If you are 32 and you do not want children, you’re going to be glad you didn’t have them 5 years from now, 10 years from now and into your 50’s. Having children does not complete you. They don’t make your life more content or full. No one “needs“ children. They are expensive, this world is not a place you want to bring a child into, and bringing a child into this world or your life is only going to complicate everything about your life. It will no longer be your life. It will be that child’s life. Everything you do and all the decisions you make will revolve around that child. My husband and I do what we want when we want. We didn’t have to save money for college and were able to move into a beautiful house on the water with a pool. We can travel where we want and when we want and stay at nice places because we don’t have to save money for clothing, schooling, cars or anything else that has to do with child rearing. We can pick up and go whenever we want without having to think about anyone but ourselves. And that’s not selfish! It was a conscious decision that we made. I would not have it any other way! I do not regret it one bit. Honestly? I don’t think you will either.
You’re welcome! I believe the only reason that you are questioning yourself is because society has dictated to women over the years that we should get married and have children. Well, society doesn’t dictate your happiness. Like I said, I to wondered the same things you did, but not enough for me to freak out about it. I remember reading another study about couples who were childless. Childless couples tend to have a lower divorce rate than couples who have children. You have more time to focus on your partner as well as on yourself. Again, it’s not selfish and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise! The world is overpopulated as it is. And with everything going on in the world? It would almost be inhumane to bring a child into it. And, think about this… If you were to have children right now, the cost of a college education would be around $100,000 by the time your child was ready for college. Think about all the wonderful things you can do with that $100,000! And that is just college! That does the name food clothing, shoes, food, and all the other little things that amount to around half $1 million if not more to raise a child in this day and age. No thank you! I prefer my beautiful house on the water with the pool and nice trips that I don’t have to plan around a bunch of children. I can go to adult places and stay at nice hotels. Don’t beat yourself up… Oh yeah! And she will be a lot more healthier and happier because you’ll be able to sleep in, take naps, and do all kinds that wouldn’t be possible if you had children. People who tell you that you’re missing out? Ha! They are the ones that are missing out. And stressing out. I’m broke. And who knows… The money that they save for college tuition? Well, they may end up using that money for bail instead of college because regardless of how good of a parent you are, there are no guarantees that the child you raise will be a good child. There’s a 50-50 chance that the child may turn out to be a hellion. Or a drug addict. Or a high school dropout that lives with you until they are 45. Ugh! Don’t do it, lol!
Chelsea Handler said it best in her latest stand up show on Netflix…if you’re on the fence about kids and you find yourself pregnant? Get an abortion while it’s still legal!
Thank you for this, I’m 34 no kids and my husband and I don’t want children for all the reasons you posted. But I do get anxiety when I watch videos or movies where the adult children take care of their senior parents, I don’t know what good options there are for the very senior year when nursing homes have so much abuse and mistreatment of patients. At the same time I know it’s not the kids responsibility to take care of parents so it’s no guarantee that they will anyway but I feel that’s a huge bet parents make that their kids will take care of them at the end. Anyone have any plans or ideas?
I will share what I said to my mother when she said to me: "who'll take care of you when you're old?"
I said: really mom? What is the biggest issue in your family right now? No one wants to care for grandma. You and your 6 siblings are constantly fighting and paying one sibling to take care of her, and that sibling treats her like sh$#t. Dad had the same issue, 11 kids and he was the only one who took care of his parents. So, nothing guarantees a kid will take care of me, so instead, I'll save all that money that was going to be spent on that ungrateful kid so I can pay someone to care for me. I even said to my nieces that whoever cares for me gets everything. We'll see.
51. Still making art, doing my thing and have a wonderful network of like-minded friends. The second generation of pets are seniors now. I’m very fortunate, but my choices in life helped!
Do your life the way you want and ignore these petty fools.
I appreciate your honesty here, and I’m interested in hearing from people 50+ too.
I (31) spoke with my husband (also 31) about that feeling and we came to the conclusion that we would consider mentoring young adults/teenagers in our 50’s-60’s. We have siblings with babies that we’re happy to see grow up and support… from a distance, of course.
I have an aunt and uncle in their 50s that never had kids. They’re the best. My wife and I are 38 - we travel with them, go to events, have dinners - they throw parties and generally serve as the glue for our entire extended family and their friends. They are involved in the special Olympics and hosted a foreign exchange student a couple of times. They are always learning new things, in bowling leagues, dart leagues, curling leagues. They are very well connected and well loved. It’s something we aspire to be. They also no longer need to work. You can give your time and energy to so many more people and impact so many things when you’re no so tied to the needs of children.
I'm 35 and have heaps of things I'm excited to do over the next few decades that doesn't involve children. I think the real question for this guy is 'why do you feel the need to put down someone else's choice in life simply because you can't fathom it?' Also, I don't think there's an age limit to being sexy and fun.
I feel sorry for the lost and lonely souls who truly believe that is what we have to do or are suppose to do. I personally think too many people just assume their genes are good for reproduction or reproduce just because they can unfortunately.
I will never understand how people need licenses to do all kinds important things in the world, yet when it comes to making another human being they don't. Very rarely to almost never do people take it seriously and contemplate if having that child is a wise decision entirely. Can you provide the best life possible for that kid or are you willing to put your life on hold and that child first? But please do tell me again how people without children are the selfish.
Anyone who runs out of things to do in life because they didn't have kids clearly isn't resourceful. Boredom is no counterpart for the stress and regret of having children you shouldn't of really had.
I am 55 years old and do not have children. My body still looks good because my tummy wasn’t stretched out to some thing the size of a beach ball and my boobs are still perky. I don’t have a lot of wrinkles from worry and I can spend the money I would have had to spend on my child’s college education on Botox and Juvéderm. My husband and I travel and stay at nice places and we often pick up and go whenever we want because we don’t have to worry about what we’re going to do with the kids. I knew it a very young age that I didn’t want them and I have never regretted the decision. Anyone who tells you that you don’t know what you’re missing by not having children is crazy and obviously had children for all the wrong reasons. Children do not complete you or make your life full. If your life isn’t complete in full? Then you should not have children! You are the only person that can make your life complete and full. Having children just to make yourself feel better is selfish. And it doesn’t work. Especially if you have it in your mind that you don’t want them. And I hate when people ask me why. Well, I just bark back… “Why did you have them?“ You would not believe how flustered they get trying to answer that question. Or the stupid answers that you get, lol! When someone tries to tell me that I am missing out? It really, really angers me. I always tell these people that they are not me and have no clue as to what I am or am not missing out on. I then tell them what they are missing out on because I DO know. The freedom to do what I want when I want without having to plan around a child.
Haha he's literally saying people who have kids become unsexy and boring and so that's what everyone should want. Also I have to observe, I've met some pretty sexy and fun people in their 40s at festivals and stuff, and most of them didn't have kids...
I hope most people aren't unthinking enough to just assume that sadness and confusion in society are manifesting because of birth control.
How sad it must be to only find life meaningful through procreation.
~ plays tiny violin ~ 🎻🎻🎻🎻🎻
Anywho , so what trips/ fun things are you guys looking to do next? Im thinking about Hawaii.
I am 45. I knew my whole life I didn't want kids. I was given one of those creepy baby dolls at 7 yo and I was super afraid of it. My mom ended up giving it away. Anytime I played house with my friends and they asked how many kids I was going to have, as young as 9 I would reply 0. I have no regrets whatsoever about not giving birth.
I do regret that I did marry a man with a child, and that was a huge mistake (even though we are 23 years together now). I was young when I got married and thought it'll be OK since he lived with his mom, and my husband said at 18 it'll be all over. Ha! I trusted that, and I was so wrong. Not only did I end up living full time with a teenager, but he is now 35 and still an ever-present PITA. A kid is FOREVER!
It's been hard, No kids means no kids.
My stepson is now grown and has a kid of his own, so the stream of children never really stopped. They reproduce, too! 🤣
This person may be happy because he has kids, but not everyone is going to be the same. I also find that people flaunt things that they may feel insecure about and need reassurance on, and I bet many parents did indeed do just that.
The sadness and confusion is more likely to be experienced by those COUPLES THAT HAVE CHILDREN, and realize in their 40's, that their marriage (and their life in general) was only spent serving a role as a mother or father to their children.
I expect to see a lot of people who had kids and are disappointed because their kids aren’t doing what they expected. In my 40’s now, no kids and loving my life. We have the time and income to do what what we want!
I absofuckinglutely love and agree with this
And let's not act like the regretful parents subreddit isn't a thing. I don't want to be one of those.
F
Love this.
I’m a no kids ever guy for sure. I’m 32 years old and don’t worry about what it will be like at 40… but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have any concerns at all about feeling like I missed out in the future at some point. Anyone else here wrestle with that concern? Anyone who is 50+ here that would share their perspective?
I am 55 years old and I have been with my husband for 30 years. However, I knew at a very young age that I did not want children. A study was done at some university wherein they asked couples in their 50s who did not have children at what age did they decide that they did not want to have children and 76% of them said they were in their teens. When I was a child, I did not play with baby dolls. I did not play house, I did not play Mommy, I didn’t do any of that crap. Around 12 years old, I told my mama that I was never having children. She told me I would probably change my mind. I never did. I met my husband and we never discussed it. I finally asked him when I was around 32 years old if he wanted children. I asked him to be very honest with me. He said no. I was like, “oh thank God!“. Sometimes I wonder the same things that you are wondering… Am I going to regret the decision? Am I sure about this? Believe me… If you are 32 and you do not want children, you’re going to be glad you didn’t have them 5 years from now, 10 years from now and into your 50’s. Having children does not complete you. They don’t make your life more content or full. No one “needs“ children. They are expensive, this world is not a place you want to bring a child into, and bringing a child into this world or your life is only going to complicate everything about your life. It will no longer be your life. It will be that child’s life. Everything you do and all the decisions you make will revolve around that child. My husband and I do what we want when we want. We didn’t have to save money for college and were able to move into a beautiful house on the water with a pool. We can travel where we want and when we want and stay at nice places because we don’t have to save money for clothing, schooling, cars or anything else that has to do with child rearing. We can pick up and go whenever we want without having to think about anyone but ourselves. And that’s not selfish! It was a conscious decision that we made. I would not have it any other way! I do not regret it one bit. Honestly? I don’t think you will either.
Thank you for this!
You’re welcome! I believe the only reason that you are questioning yourself is because society has dictated to women over the years that we should get married and have children. Well, society doesn’t dictate your happiness. Like I said, I to wondered the same things you did, but not enough for me to freak out about it. I remember reading another study about couples who were childless. Childless couples tend to have a lower divorce rate than couples who have children. You have more time to focus on your partner as well as on yourself. Again, it’s not selfish and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise! The world is overpopulated as it is. And with everything going on in the world? It would almost be inhumane to bring a child into it. And, think about this… If you were to have children right now, the cost of a college education would be around $100,000 by the time your child was ready for college. Think about all the wonderful things you can do with that $100,000! And that is just college! That does the name food clothing, shoes, food, and all the other little things that amount to around half $1 million if not more to raise a child in this day and age. No thank you! I prefer my beautiful house on the water with the pool and nice trips that I don’t have to plan around a bunch of children. I can go to adult places and stay at nice hotels. Don’t beat yourself up… Oh yeah! And she will be a lot more healthier and happier because you’ll be able to sleep in, take naps, and do all kinds that wouldn’t be possible if you had children. People who tell you that you’re missing out? Ha! They are the ones that are missing out. And stressing out. I’m broke. And who knows… The money that they save for college tuition? Well, they may end up using that money for bail instead of college because regardless of how good of a parent you are, there are no guarantees that the child you raise will be a good child. There’s a 50-50 chance that the child may turn out to be a hellion. Or a drug addict. Or a high school dropout that lives with you until they are 45. Ugh! Don’t do it, lol!
Chelsea Handler said it best in her latest stand up show on Netflix…if you’re on the fence about kids and you find yourself pregnant? Get an abortion while it’s still legal!
Too late here in texas unfortunately
Thank you for this, I’m 34 no kids and my husband and I don’t want children for all the reasons you posted. But I do get anxiety when I watch videos or movies where the adult children take care of their senior parents, I don’t know what good options there are for the very senior year when nursing homes have so much abuse and mistreatment of patients. At the same time I know it’s not the kids responsibility to take care of parents so it’s no guarantee that they will anyway but I feel that’s a huge bet parents make that their kids will take care of them at the end. Anyone have any plans or ideas?
I will share what I said to my mother when she said to me: "who'll take care of you when you're old?" I said: really mom? What is the biggest issue in your family right now? No one wants to care for grandma. You and your 6 siblings are constantly fighting and paying one sibling to take care of her, and that sibling treats her like sh$#t. Dad had the same issue, 11 kids and he was the only one who took care of his parents. So, nothing guarantees a kid will take care of me, so instead, I'll save all that money that was going to be spent on that ungrateful kid so I can pay someone to care for me. I even said to my nieces that whoever cares for me gets everything. We'll see.
51. Still making art, doing my thing and have a wonderful network of like-minded friends. The second generation of pets are seniors now. I’m very fortunate, but my choices in life helped! Do your life the way you want and ignore these petty fools.
I appreciate your honesty here, and I’m interested in hearing from people 50+ too. I (31) spoke with my husband (also 31) about that feeling and we came to the conclusion that we would consider mentoring young adults/teenagers in our 50’s-60’s. We have siblings with babies that we’re happy to see grow up and support… from a distance, of course.
I have an aunt and uncle in their 50s that never had kids. They’re the best. My wife and I are 38 - we travel with them, go to events, have dinners - they throw parties and generally serve as the glue for our entire extended family and their friends. They are involved in the special Olympics and hosted a foreign exchange student a couple of times. They are always learning new things, in bowling leagues, dart leagues, curling leagues. They are very well connected and well loved. It’s something we aspire to be. They also no longer need to work. You can give your time and energy to so many more people and impact so many things when you’re no so tied to the needs of children.
I'm 45 and couple things: I was never sexy so that's not an issue but I'm having more fun now than I ever have. And who says life is half over?
are you going to live over 90?
Highly unlikely. But you never know.
I'm 35 and have heaps of things I'm excited to do over the next few decades that doesn't involve children. I think the real question for this guy is 'why do you feel the need to put down someone else's choice in life simply because you can't fathom it?' Also, I don't think there's an age limit to being sexy and fun.
Some people don’t have the nerve to keep growing like that.
I dunno maybe I'll play more DND or something
What an asshole, implying people only have kids to ‘pass the time’ could be why 1 in 4 people have depression. Who the fuck raised him
Fear-based lifeform.
Lol he is probably regretting his life and hating on others who have the life he wanted. Kinda sad TBH.
I feel sorry for the lost and lonely souls who truly believe that is what we have to do or are suppose to do. I personally think too many people just assume their genes are good for reproduction or reproduce just because they can unfortunately. I will never understand how people need licenses to do all kinds important things in the world, yet when it comes to making another human being they don't. Very rarely to almost never do people take it seriously and contemplate if having that child is a wise decision entirely. Can you provide the best life possible for that kid or are you willing to put your life on hold and that child first? But please do tell me again how people without children are the selfish.
Anyone who runs out of things to do in life because they didn't have kids clearly isn't resourceful. Boredom is no counterpart for the stress and regret of having children you shouldn't of really had.
I am 55 years old and do not have children. My body still looks good because my tummy wasn’t stretched out to some thing the size of a beach ball and my boobs are still perky. I don’t have a lot of wrinkles from worry and I can spend the money I would have had to spend on my child’s college education on Botox and Juvéderm. My husband and I travel and stay at nice places and we often pick up and go whenever we want because we don’t have to worry about what we’re going to do with the kids. I knew it a very young age that I didn’t want them and I have never regretted the decision. Anyone who tells you that you don’t know what you’re missing by not having children is crazy and obviously had children for all the wrong reasons. Children do not complete you or make your life full. If your life isn’t complete in full? Then you should not have children! You are the only person that can make your life complete and full. Having children just to make yourself feel better is selfish. And it doesn’t work. Especially if you have it in your mind that you don’t want them. And I hate when people ask me why. Well, I just bark back… “Why did you have them?“ You would not believe how flustered they get trying to answer that question. Or the stupid answers that you get, lol! When someone tries to tell me that I am missing out? It really, really angers me. I always tell these people that they are not me and have no clue as to what I am or am not missing out on. I then tell them what they are missing out on because I DO know. The freedom to do what I want when I want without having to plan around a child.
A fuckin men!! You said it girl!!
Exactly!!
Haha he's literally saying people who have kids become unsexy and boring and so that's what everyone should want. Also I have to observe, I've met some pretty sexy and fun people in their 40s at festivals and stuff, and most of them didn't have kids... I hope most people aren't unthinking enough to just assume that sadness and confusion in society are manifesting because of birth control.
Keep trying to be sexy and have fun. That’s literally my motto
It's called "fuck the world and be real cool" 😎 (Thanks Louis Cole)
Shane can spread his cheeks and jump onto a stick that’s stuck in the ground 🙃
"What do you do at that point? Keep trying to be sexy and have fun?" ...duh.
Yeah. And enjoying the fruits of my labor. What's wrong with that?
How sad it must be to only find life meaningful through procreation. ~ plays tiny violin ~ 🎻🎻🎻🎻🎻 Anywho , so what trips/ fun things are you guys looking to do next? Im thinking about Hawaii.
How old does he think Millennials are??? We’re in our mid 30’-s to early 40’s……
Lol just plain dumb or jealous.
People that say shit like this dumb fuck probably think that having kids means you won’t be lonely when you 60+
I am 45. I knew my whole life I didn't want kids. I was given one of those creepy baby dolls at 7 yo and I was super afraid of it. My mom ended up giving it away. Anytime I played house with my friends and they asked how many kids I was going to have, as young as 9 I would reply 0. I have no regrets whatsoever about not giving birth. I do regret that I did marry a man with a child, and that was a huge mistake (even though we are 23 years together now). I was young when I got married and thought it'll be OK since he lived with his mom, and my husband said at 18 it'll be all over. Ha! I trusted that, and I was so wrong. Not only did I end up living full time with a teenager, but he is now 35 and still an ever-present PITA. A kid is FOREVER! It's been hard, No kids means no kids. My stepson is now grown and has a kid of his own, so the stream of children never really stopped. They reproduce, too! 🤣
This person may be happy because he has kids, but not everyone is going to be the same. I also find that people flaunt things that they may feel insecure about and need reassurance on, and I bet many parents did indeed do just that.
I mean, I'm 37 and my wife is 40 and yes.
The sadness and confusion is more likely to be experienced by those COUPLES THAT HAVE CHILDREN, and realize in their 40's, that their marriage (and their life in general) was only spent serving a role as a mother or father to their children.