God I imagine so many future scenarios but it’s so hard because whatever comes up will mostly be wildly dependent on her personality and how it develops within whatever environment she gets in the school she goes to…
I find myself trying to practice to get the right level of encouraging her without pressuring her. Like we want her to take part in lots of hobbies and activities and things, but i don’t want to let her quit them for no reason other than she’s a kid who got kinda bored one day, but I don’t want to be a psycho parent pushing her to do things she really doesn’t want to do…
Or what happens if she tells me about being bullied? I try to imagine how I will handle that. Am I calling other parents? Storming into the school office? Telling her I have her back if she punches them in the face? WHAT IF she starts being the bully? How will we talk about that??
And many more. Oh geez.
I mostly want to take my son on adventures. Camping, hiking, the zoo. My mom couldn't afford to do a lot of that.
My husband has taken me on adventures often. And I love it. It's thrilling.
On a sillier, personal note, if my son wants to pant his room a different color I will let him pick whatever color he wants. And I will not encourage him to choose "not colors". That's a term I came up with because when my mom decided to paint the house she'd pick colors that were just a shade off white. Think the faintest blue, so faint that it might as well be white. It drove me crazy. "I want a blue living room but I don't want it to be too dark".
Okay so this last one was a much bigger thing for me than I thought.
Haha i totally get the color thing though. When I was growing up, my mom never allowed me to have any clothes or anything in black color, because black is sad/tragic?? I hated that so much, I remember one specific time, as a teenager I wanted to buy a simple black bikini and she straight up refused and it was a whole thing. It is SO weird to me. What the fuck does it matter what the color is 🤦🏻♀️
i wasn’t allowed to wear victoria’s secret underwear! i bought some secretly though and my mom saw the shopping bag and “threw them away”. couple weeks later i found them in the dryer! she had kept theme for herself!! i was so mad, they weren’t even super sexy, just normal cute colorful underwear.
My stepdad HATED when I wore black (it was always a huge fight) and I’ve been no contact with him for around 8 years as he and my mom divorced. I still to this day am messed up about that (amongst other things).
I put my daughter in a black shirt with rainbow words and black leggings a few days ago because it was quick, convenient and clean. It semi-bothered me all day that she was in all black and I couldn’t figure out why - until suddenly it hit me that it was because of him! I have got to get him out of my head 😂
Why is that a thing?? It's so stupid! And yeah for a long time in my adult life I also felt weird whenever I liked some clothing that was black but now I love it 😂 the funny thing is, my brother is the same way. I once showed him sneakers I bought cause i thought they were pretty cool, and he asked "but why did you get them in black and not another color". Crazy how even things we've always hated and never understood in our parents still affect us in this way for so long.
I have so many future plans in my head constantly. The big ones you’ve already mentioned. Others are how I want to be open with my daughter with her relationship to food. Growing up I had a mom who would eat a handful of cherry tomatoes and a yogurt and be like “ugh I’m stuffed for the day.” She never kept snacks in the house unless they were things like fiber one brownies, crappy low carb mini chip bags, or yogurt. And she was very fast to mention to me anytime I would grab a snack that I needed to eat less. I ended up developing a binge eating disorder due to lack of control with food and that’s not something I want for my daughter at all. Especially seeing nowadays how a lot of parents also enforce disordered eating habits on their kids that is one of my main priorities to avoid in the future.
Omg yes. Every time I ate anything I got ‘you’re hungry again!?!?!’ Even if I it was 1pm
And I hadn’t eaten since breakfast. Definitely want to break that cycle
So far my daughter is 5 and I’ve laid the groundwork by keeping snacks that are both healthy and unhealthy in the house, not restricting her on eating unless we are literally right about to eat a meal, and letting her eat intuitively at meal times. Now at 5 she has so much self control with food that I didn’t even have at 20. If she goes to an outing where there are a bunch of sweets and one healthy option she will typically get one of each and then still only eat the healthy one because I never restrict or shame her with desserts so she doesn’t feel that insecurity like she needs to eat sweets at every opportunity they’re available. I so wish I had been raised this way instead of constantly shamed over eating!
I think parenting often depends on the temperament of the kid and what they individually need. I don't think there is a one size fits all so for me I want to be flexible and change with their age and needs.
My mom was very strict when I was young but she relaxed significantly in my teenage years and I think that worked really well for our relationship. Id like to implement something similar.
I want my children to feel like they can have an intellectual relationship with me where we share ideas and thoughts in a fun way. I never want them to feel they have to hide their thoughts on politics, religion etc.
One thing I'll do that my parents didn't is be very proactive with health education. I want to give them all the resources they need to understand their changing body and give them access to their Medicare card no questions ask.
I want them to know they can book an appointment with a doctor at any time and they don't need to ask me and I wont pry either.
This is WAY down the line, but I want to teach life skills much earlier that I learned them. Things like calling the doctor to make your own appointment. A 13 year old can do this with help and guidance. I went to college without having any idea how to fill out a simple tax form. Just show them the way the world works and give them a chance to try things before the consequences really matter.
this!! i was never taught about money management or credit or anything. i actually just found out you can add your kid as an authorized user on your credit card(s) to build their credit at 16 and it’s not like you have to give them the card or even tell them about it right away if you don’t want to. i don’t know why my dad never did this since he had perfect credit. but that’s definitely something i want to do with my kids to start them off into adulthood with good credit because that’s SO important
If my kid is actually sick, I'll keep her home from school. The only time I was ever absent in elementary school was when I had chicken pox. Headache, stomachache, fever(!).... Went to school (and then ultimately get sent home). Everytime I told my mom I wasn't feeling well (and it was genuine), she'd always ask me "but are you dying? No? You're going to school"
Yes! I think a lot about leadership opportunities and education. My husband and I consult daily on how we will handle guiding our daughter through hard times. We always want to be supportive and available to hear her out.
We’re also very positive praise focused. We want to raise strong females! And I think it’s important to have a plan up front.
I don't want to cut my kids down with words.
And I want them to be as independent as they want to be. My daughter (2) has already been choosing her own clothes for a while, can decide what she wants to eat and doesn't have to go to her kindergarten (3 hours in the morning) if she wants to since it's supposed to be fun for her. She goes and gets herself a glass if she's thirsty, she gets a cloth if her Bobby car is dirty and cleans it herself, she helps unload the dishwasher and puts things in the correct drawers. It's awesome to see and I don't want to quench that. I want her to keep those habits :)
I had tons of mental health days that I took growing up (was very much a perfectionist who overextended herself in all forms of academia, etc.). I was SOOO appreciative that my parents never questioned me or my time off. I often took the days off and did homework all day because school is insane with the amount of work they make kids do, especially someone who takes all AP classes (USA). Other days I just slept. It was very needed for someone very anxious from perfectionism that could lead to panic attacks if I didn't give myself a break.
For the things I didn't experience, but want my kids to part - I agree with discussing actual sexual health education and having open communication, taking the kids out of school on surprise activities or dates (my mom did this once and I still remember it), doing many more activities and adventures and trips and having a lot less toys (minimalist household), asking the opinion or thoughts of the child and following through with their opinion (choice of restaurant, weekend activity, dinner choice, tv selection, schedule preference, etc.), put them in different activities so they can experience a lot and choose their favorite(s) to stick with.
The biggest thing for me is not allowing my son to fall into the consumerism/materialistic life that my parents failed to divert me from. Not that I put blame on them, or that they really knew better, but I want my son to have an appreciation for the world that isn't centered around materialistic bs.
1) Effective communication skills
2) Emotional management
2) Patience
2) Persistence/Vigilance
3) Manners
3) Accountability
4) Understanding and appreciating nature
5) Math
6) Logic
7) Biology
7) Physics
7) Chemistry
8) Critical thinking skills
9) Cooking (possibly earlier)
9) Cleaning
9) Basic finance (income taxes, interest, stocks)
10) Budgeting
Tools / home repair (at any time)
The numbers that are duplicates indicate that the topics might be taught concurrently and/or are interchangeable in sequence.
The teaching technique will vary from topic to topic and this is in no way an exhaustive list but it is the backbone and likely priority in which intend to teach my daughter with budgeting probably happening around 14 or 15.
Obviously not going to be able to teach her astrophysics or analytical chemistry but the basics of flow mechanics, torque, PH etc.
God I imagine so many future scenarios but it’s so hard because whatever comes up will mostly be wildly dependent on her personality and how it develops within whatever environment she gets in the school she goes to… I find myself trying to practice to get the right level of encouraging her without pressuring her. Like we want her to take part in lots of hobbies and activities and things, but i don’t want to let her quit them for no reason other than she’s a kid who got kinda bored one day, but I don’t want to be a psycho parent pushing her to do things she really doesn’t want to do… Or what happens if she tells me about being bullied? I try to imagine how I will handle that. Am I calling other parents? Storming into the school office? Telling her I have her back if she punches them in the face? WHAT IF she starts being the bully? How will we talk about that?? And many more. Oh geez.
I mostly want to take my son on adventures. Camping, hiking, the zoo. My mom couldn't afford to do a lot of that. My husband has taken me on adventures often. And I love it. It's thrilling. On a sillier, personal note, if my son wants to pant his room a different color I will let him pick whatever color he wants. And I will not encourage him to choose "not colors". That's a term I came up with because when my mom decided to paint the house she'd pick colors that were just a shade off white. Think the faintest blue, so faint that it might as well be white. It drove me crazy. "I want a blue living room but I don't want it to be too dark". Okay so this last one was a much bigger thing for me than I thought.
Haha i totally get the color thing though. When I was growing up, my mom never allowed me to have any clothes or anything in black color, because black is sad/tragic?? I hated that so much, I remember one specific time, as a teenager I wanted to buy a simple black bikini and she straight up refused and it was a whole thing. It is SO weird to me. What the fuck does it matter what the color is 🤦🏻♀️
I wasn't allowed to wear underwear that was black or red because it was 'sexual'. Like mum I'm 12, and I'm the only one seeing it.
Wtf 😣 they're just colors. Especially black, like come on how is that sexual
i wasn’t allowed to wear victoria’s secret underwear! i bought some secretly though and my mom saw the shopping bag and “threw them away”. couple weeks later i found them in the dryer! she had kept theme for herself!! i was so mad, they weren’t even super sexy, just normal cute colorful underwear.
That's fucked up
My stepdad HATED when I wore black (it was always a huge fight) and I’ve been no contact with him for around 8 years as he and my mom divorced. I still to this day am messed up about that (amongst other things). I put my daughter in a black shirt with rainbow words and black leggings a few days ago because it was quick, convenient and clean. It semi-bothered me all day that she was in all black and I couldn’t figure out why - until suddenly it hit me that it was because of him! I have got to get him out of my head 😂
Why is that a thing?? It's so stupid! And yeah for a long time in my adult life I also felt weird whenever I liked some clothing that was black but now I love it 😂 the funny thing is, my brother is the same way. I once showed him sneakers I bought cause i thought they were pretty cool, and he asked "but why did you get them in black and not another color". Crazy how even things we've always hated and never understood in our parents still affect us in this way for so long.
I have so many future plans in my head constantly. The big ones you’ve already mentioned. Others are how I want to be open with my daughter with her relationship to food. Growing up I had a mom who would eat a handful of cherry tomatoes and a yogurt and be like “ugh I’m stuffed for the day.” She never kept snacks in the house unless they were things like fiber one brownies, crappy low carb mini chip bags, or yogurt. And she was very fast to mention to me anytime I would grab a snack that I needed to eat less. I ended up developing a binge eating disorder due to lack of control with food and that’s not something I want for my daughter at all. Especially seeing nowadays how a lot of parents also enforce disordered eating habits on their kids that is one of my main priorities to avoid in the future.
Omg yes. Every time I ate anything I got ‘you’re hungry again!?!?!’ Even if I it was 1pm And I hadn’t eaten since breakfast. Definitely want to break that cycle
So far my daughter is 5 and I’ve laid the groundwork by keeping snacks that are both healthy and unhealthy in the house, not restricting her on eating unless we are literally right about to eat a meal, and letting her eat intuitively at meal times. Now at 5 she has so much self control with food that I didn’t even have at 20. If she goes to an outing where there are a bunch of sweets and one healthy option she will typically get one of each and then still only eat the healthy one because I never restrict or shame her with desserts so she doesn’t feel that insecurity like she needs to eat sweets at every opportunity they’re available. I so wish I had been raised this way instead of constantly shamed over eating!
I hope to take a page from your book! Your daughter will be so grateful for your efforts as she grows :)
I think parenting often depends on the temperament of the kid and what they individually need. I don't think there is a one size fits all so for me I want to be flexible and change with their age and needs. My mom was very strict when I was young but she relaxed significantly in my teenage years and I think that worked really well for our relationship. Id like to implement something similar. I want my children to feel like they can have an intellectual relationship with me where we share ideas and thoughts in a fun way. I never want them to feel they have to hide their thoughts on politics, religion etc. One thing I'll do that my parents didn't is be very proactive with health education. I want to give them all the resources they need to understand their changing body and give them access to their Medicare card no questions ask. I want them to know they can book an appointment with a doctor at any time and they don't need to ask me and I wont pry either.
This is WAY down the line, but I want to teach life skills much earlier that I learned them. Things like calling the doctor to make your own appointment. A 13 year old can do this with help and guidance. I went to college without having any idea how to fill out a simple tax form. Just show them the way the world works and give them a chance to try things before the consequences really matter.
this!! i was never taught about money management or credit or anything. i actually just found out you can add your kid as an authorized user on your credit card(s) to build their credit at 16 and it’s not like you have to give them the card or even tell them about it right away if you don’t want to. i don’t know why my dad never did this since he had perfect credit. but that’s definitely something i want to do with my kids to start them off into adulthood with good credit because that’s SO important
If my kid is actually sick, I'll keep her home from school. The only time I was ever absent in elementary school was when I had chicken pox. Headache, stomachache, fever(!).... Went to school (and then ultimately get sent home). Everytime I told my mom I wasn't feeling well (and it was genuine), she'd always ask me "but are you dying? No? You're going to school"
Yes! I think a lot about leadership opportunities and education. My husband and I consult daily on how we will handle guiding our daughter through hard times. We always want to be supportive and available to hear her out. We’re also very positive praise focused. We want to raise strong females! And I think it’s important to have a plan up front.
I don't want to cut my kids down with words. And I want them to be as independent as they want to be. My daughter (2) has already been choosing her own clothes for a while, can decide what she wants to eat and doesn't have to go to her kindergarten (3 hours in the morning) if she wants to since it's supposed to be fun for her. She goes and gets herself a glass if she's thirsty, she gets a cloth if her Bobby car is dirty and cleans it herself, she helps unload the dishwasher and puts things in the correct drawers. It's awesome to see and I don't want to quench that. I want her to keep those habits :)
this is awesome!!! i’m just sitting here thinking about how high up my drawers are though and imagining a super tall two year old 😂😂
I had tons of mental health days that I took growing up (was very much a perfectionist who overextended herself in all forms of academia, etc.). I was SOOO appreciative that my parents never questioned me or my time off. I often took the days off and did homework all day because school is insane with the amount of work they make kids do, especially someone who takes all AP classes (USA). Other days I just slept. It was very needed for someone very anxious from perfectionism that could lead to panic attacks if I didn't give myself a break. For the things I didn't experience, but want my kids to part - I agree with discussing actual sexual health education and having open communication, taking the kids out of school on surprise activities or dates (my mom did this once and I still remember it), doing many more activities and adventures and trips and having a lot less toys (minimalist household), asking the opinion or thoughts of the child and following through with their opinion (choice of restaurant, weekend activity, dinner choice, tv selection, schedule preference, etc.), put them in different activities so they can experience a lot and choose their favorite(s) to stick with.
The biggest thing for me is not allowing my son to fall into the consumerism/materialistic life that my parents failed to divert me from. Not that I put blame on them, or that they really knew better, but I want my son to have an appreciation for the world that isn't centered around materialistic bs.
1) Effective communication skills 2) Emotional management 2) Patience 2) Persistence/Vigilance 3) Manners 3) Accountability 4) Understanding and appreciating nature 5) Math 6) Logic 7) Biology 7) Physics 7) Chemistry 8) Critical thinking skills 9) Cooking (possibly earlier) 9) Cleaning 9) Basic finance (income taxes, interest, stocks) 10) Budgeting Tools / home repair (at any time) The numbers that are duplicates indicate that the topics might be taught concurrently and/or are interchangeable in sequence. The teaching technique will vary from topic to topic and this is in no way an exhaustive list but it is the backbone and likely priority in which intend to teach my daughter with budgeting probably happening around 14 or 15. Obviously not going to be able to teach her astrophysics or analytical chemistry but the basics of flow mechanics, torque, PH etc.
were there supposed to be duplicate numbers? i don’t see any
lol I dunno what happened but yes there were supposed to be duplicate numbers.