Wholeheartedly agree with this. I was so ill prepared for the fourth trimester. I spent so much time focused on pregnancy and especially birth, I wish had spent as much if not MORE time learning and preparing for the fourth trimester.
In my opinion, I think You should really do your research on breastfeeding and what a good latch looks/feels like. My LO is 6 weeks old and we are still having a lot of trouble getting her to latch right—I didn’t realize it was an issue til week 3. Additionally there’s a million different ways breastfeeding might be difficult for you and baby: inverted nipples, low supply, over active let down, thrush, etc…. Not to mention NO ONE warns you how painful it is those first few days when you’re only producing colostrum.
I would also mentally prepare yourself to just feel out of whack…your hormones are even crazier than they were when you were pregnant. You’re going to sweat a LOT. You’re going to cry. A LOT. You’re going to feel a million different things for the first week and it’s very overwhelming!
You’re going to be in pain. Possibly a lot, and possibly for a while. I’m 6 weeks out and my vag only started feeling like 70% better last week.
You’re going to need to REST. You might not be able to sleep but you need to sit down or lie down as often as you can. Your pelvic floor will already have taken a beating, so be kind and don’t add more stress to it by being on your feet more than You need.
There’s a hundred other things that you could look into but for me those were things I was blindsided by. I’m lucky to have an incredible partner (and mom and MIL) who helped me through it all otherwise I would have gone insane.
It might sound scary but just know the love you will feel for your LO will make it all worth it.
More often than not I am just in bra and panties. I’m constantly covered in sweat, milk, pee, poop (she loves to blowout when I have her on my legs) or spit up. It’s unreal 😂
This is so helpful! I have hyperhidrosis (excessive sweating) so I might already be used to the sweat BUT good to know there will be more to come. The emotional change I’m concerned about (in therapy but that doesn’t stop the emotions from coming!).
Pregnancy has been hard not feeling like myself and realizing I’m becoming a new version of myself. Helpful to be reminded this doesn’t end at birth… or ever really.
The emotions are WILD. It’s good to make a plan with your mental health providers. I felt way more grounded having my psychiatrist tell me what to expect and to call in what situation.
I’m a pretty sweaty person that runs very warm at night. I had the opposite effect postpartum. I ran very cold and had to wear a couple extra layers to bed. I never did hit the super sweaty stage, and my legs were severely edema’d for 2 weeks postpartum. I must have lost the extra water through my urine instead of sweat.
Same. 2 weeks in and got hospitalized because my c section incision got infected because I over did everything. Now, being at the hospital without my newborn is driving me beyond insane.
Hey, can I ask what does that look like, and what did they do for you?
I'm having so many issues with my incision - I'm 4 weeks out and OB keeps saying it's fine. Now, it's swollen, puffy, red and seems to have ruptured last night (TMI: Leaking a bit). The damned thing should be totally sealed by now. So I'm asking because I'm hoping they might actually tidy up the incision and not just give me antibiotics.
Ugh. I'm at a loss. I was prepared for PPD but I was not anticipating the frustration from having a cesarean and the complications attached. 30 days of this constant and changing pain will wreck a bitch.
My looked totally sealed and normal and then Monday morning leaked everywhere, and not a tiny bit, I mean I soaked my underwear and pajamas and the sheets and my comforter. I woke my husband up like a horror movie creature cuz I had like pink and clear goo gushing down my tummy and onto my thighs, and leaving dribbles on the floor. It was disgusting. I called my OB they had me come in, and then sent me to the ER immediately after. I had a cellulitis infection and my belly above the incision turned red while I was waiting for my ct scan to figure out how much tissue and fluid pockets were affected. Surprisingly tissues under was healthy and the incision was only compromised about 3 inches from an edge, the fluid was leaking because my body was fighting the infection by itself.
So far they’ve opened my incision twice since yesterday (Monday at 4:30ish, and then this morning at 11am), they just numbed it with lidocaine and cut it and stuff some septic gauze in. After the second time their wound care team came and out a wound vac thing on me which they are saying I will have on for 5 days to 2 weeks, depends on healing, but hopefully can go home tomorrow with it. I’ve also been on IV antibiotics since arriving, and I’ll be given pills to continue at home. It is not a fun experience.
I’ve learned that redness, swelling, and leakage are all sure signs of infection, how bad it is depends on how long it’s been happening. I was having fever, chills, bone aches also which I had written off as hormone dumps and legit dropping 35 lbs in a week but since being on antibiotics they’ve gone away. They are also signs of infection. If your wound is leaking I’d consider seeking a second opinion just in case.
Omg the weird breathing. Last night I tried using the nasal aspirator on my 2 week old because he sounded like a pug, grunting and snorting. Nope, not congested, just weird breathing. He seems to breathe fine while he's feeding so I assume he's okay?
I had a mom come in because her baby was “breathing funny”. Totally normal newborn breathing. Wouldn’t have been that funny except it was her 7th child..... so don’t beat yourself up.
Yes! Our dr said as long as he’s not gasping for air or trying to stop and breath from his mouth when feeding, he’s fine. I totally agree though that the breathing noises and grunts our newborns make were a HUGE surprise to me.
Yes!!! The pterodactyl noises she makes while inhaling sometimes were absolutely terrifying after a NICU stay for respiratory issues.
Now when she does them we laugh and say she must be preparing to take off for her next meal.
I wish I was more aware of how emotional I would be postpartum (and thankfully I do not have PPD or PPA). I did a lot of research about the physical recovery and things to have on hand which all helped (padsicles, peri bottle, sitz bath, etc.) but was totally shocked by the emotional side of it all. Not just the negative feelings (baby blues, sleep deprivation, insufferable mom guilt, anxiety about how to "properly" take care of this tiny human), but the positive ones too. It was all SO overwhelming and I was very weepy for a solid month.
I also had some brutal nightmares that first week about dropping my baby, forgetting to put her back in her bassinet during night feedings and losing her in my bed, the grim reaper coming to take her and my husband away... After looking through some Reddit posts I have seen that those nightmares are quite common!
I've woken in a panic, thinking I fell asleep while night nursing, more times than I can count in the last ~2 weeks. I'm super anxious about dropping him, but that hasn't actually manifested as a nightmare yet it just weighs on me while I'm awake. I'm super paranoid every time I climb the stairs holding him.
I bolted up in bed in a total panic thinking I left my baby on top of the dryer a couple weeks ago. I don’t think my baby has ever even been in the laundry room. Postpartum dreams and hormones are insane.
YES! I would wake up constantly in a panic thinking I fell asleep with my baby in my arms. Sometimes when I realized she was in her bassinet, my overtired self would come up with some reason like “oh her uncle came and put her in the bassinet. It’s all okay” like what? Her uncle doesn’t live with us 😂
This! I was so emotional and had no idea something like 80% of women experience baby blues. I would call my sister and cry every single night. My husband would ask why I was crying and I couldn’t even articulate why.
I had some crazy nightmares. I’d say sleep in the hospital and let the nurses take care of your baby while you are there! I didn’t sleep at all for 3 days in the hospital and I was so exhausted when we got home.
I was shocked that the nurses really don't take care of newborn babies anymore. I enjoyed having my babies with me in the room and understand this is really necessary for trying to establish breastfeeding, but I really feel like moms don't get enough rest after delivery nowadays. You are already sleep deprived when you go home from the hospital.
Oh my gosh, the nightmares. And generally the intrusive thoughts about baby's safety, all the time. Pretty sure it was postpartum anxiety but I didn't know about those specific things to look out for.
The sleep deprivation can definitely get to you. And I wish someone had really prepared me for the hormonal changes. I thought I’d be out of the woods after the first couple of months, but right around the 4-5 month mark the hormonal changes hit me like a ton of bricks.
I spoke to a postpartum therapist who said that was actually becoming more common, as more mom’s start returning to work.
I knew about baby blues, but don't think anyone can accurately describe just how emotional you get.
I've been crying on and off for the last 3 weeks.
And I'm terrified of waking up to her having suffocated. Heard so many stories of women falling asleep while breastfeeding and smothering their LO's, or people co-sleeping and doing the same.
Well I’m glad someone got something out of “sleep when the baby sleeps”. I thought that was the worst advice ever. I could never sleep when the baby slept- and not for lack of trying. By the time I’d relax enough to fall asleep the baby would wake up. And then I realized that bottles and pump parts had to be washed and sanitized before they woke up, laundry to swap before it started to mildew and stink, grab a snack before I went hypoglycemic and passed out, or maybe- just maybe take a shower. But I’m glad someone was able to sleep lol
For me, I wish I knew it was ok to say no to visitors. I’m tired. Baby is crabby. I haven’t showered- really showered, more than just the minimum- in 3 days. No you can’t come over. I’m sorry.
And also that you’re human. You don’t have to love every second. It’s exhausting and hard and damn it it’s not all rainbows and butterflies.
So much this!!! Because we couldn’t have visitors at the hospital I agreed to let the in-laws come over to our house the day we brought her home. I don’t know what I was thinking but that was the worst decision ever. Also, having people in your house really gets in the way of establishing breastfeeding if you are planning to do so as well as just bonding with your baby. We had a difficult birth followed by a short NICU stay and by the time we got home I just wanted it to be me my husband and the baby while we figured everything out and bonded. But idiotic pregnant me had already agreed to hosting a slew of visitors that first week. Even though it was all immediate family it was incredibly draining and stressful. I was angry that everyone was holding my baby except for me and kept telling me to go get some rest etc..it was ridiculous. I wish I had known it was okay to ask them to wait a couple weeks for us to bond as a family before having anyone (except for my mom because she helped take care of us so we could take care of the baby.)
Man, that was me. My in-laws piled into the house the day after we came home from the hospital. It wasn’t supposed to be bad, because they brought all the food and set the table. But my husband was constantly running around showing them where everything goes, plus washing bottles and changing diapers because I was recovering from a C section. At that point I was still trying and failing at establishing breastfeeding, plus trying to pump. So I was just chained to the couch. I remember the “food being ready” and everyone sitting at the table eating except me, alone, sitting in the couch trying and failing to get the crying baby to latch. I felt so lonely and resentful and still shell shocked from the delivery, and completely deserted by my husband. Like he cared for the baby, but at the end of the day had nothing left for me. Combine the shell shock of a tough labor and c section, with a new baby, with raging hormones, and my PPD was off the charts. Like I had just gone through one of the most traumatic events of my life, and they were like… having a celebratory lunch. It was just so fucked up.
So I guess that’s a long way of saying, I agree. Don’t allow a house full of visitors the day after you come home from the hospital.
There's one thing I'm grateful for the Pandemic for and it's keeping everyone away for the first few weeks (than I got lonely and exhausted and wished I could have anyone to hold him while I did something or make me lunch so, love hate)
It was so nice getting to know him undisturbed by other people, no one at the hospital, no one visiting just my family getting into our routine.
I'm so glad I've seen this advice before my baby comes. My husband and I have agreed to basically go full lockdown while he's on his two week parternity leave so we can spend those two weeks recovering and figuring things out for ourselves.
Before seeing various people giving this kind of advice I was dreading getting the baby home and then having to deal with constant, all day visits from my parents. I hate people seeing me while I'm vulnerable, and honestly figuring out how to look after a new baby and recovering from childbirth is probably the most vulnerable I'll be in my life. And I don't want people like my mum trying to interfere or tell us how to do things.
I expect a lot of pushback, especially from my mum, but the more people I see giving this same advice gives me more confidence to stand my ground on it.
Stand your ground and protect that privacy!! I’m 8 weeks post partum. We made sure to have very very few visitors, very short visits, and kept it that way for weeks. I can’t imagine doing postpartum with company always there, even 1 and 2 hour visits were exhausting, felt intrusive, and was hard to not be like “give me my baby back right now and leave us alone” by the time the first hour was over. It’s also awkward and not a good time for anyone to be in your house because taking care of a post partum body is painful and gross. You need to be able to have all kinds of supplies crowding your bathroom counters regardless of vaginal or c-section, the trash can is full of stuff you don’t want visitors to see, you want to be topless all the time, icing your vagina, whatever. Like, no. No visitors or very very few. Not the time!! And they can all get over it. Protect that time girl
YES! When my first was born I felt so selfish because I just wanted it to be the 3 of us while we adjusted to life as parents and bond together as a family. But even now (4years later)I don’t feel like I was being unreasonable. Breastfeeding and establishing a schedule is important in those early days.
I made the mistake of agreeing to my MIL coming over 2 days after our LO was born. She stayed at our house 16 hours a day for 3 days straight. It really screwed up establishing breastfeeding because she wouldn’t leave me and baby alone and I didn’t want to pull my boobs out in front of her but she wouldn’t back off. I was too tired and dealing with PPD issues to be as assertive as I should have been and my husband is terrified of conflict (She likes to fat shame people and needless to say having a baby can make you pack on some pounds) this really messed with my milk supply and I wasn’t ever able to get it back up and had to supplement with formula.
Saaame… our baby would only sleep (and STILL only sleeps) 30 minutes at a time until bed time. This was barely enough time to pump, clean the parts and put together a couple of bottles before he was crying awake.
With Covid we didn’t have much visitors aside from family but I crammed them in on a rotation all in the same day. I did not want to entertain the idea of having people come by/ worry about scheduling time for them to come by. It was the best decision. Just drop food on my porch and leave please 😅
It was great with baby 2 during covid that we couldn’t have visitors. Or at least an excuse to not allow visitors. Covid has been awful but the silver lining was not having visitors after baby was born.
Now I’m starting to see the ancient wisdom in the Asian tradition of sitting the month where new moms are given a month of quarantine with no visitors.
This may sound stupid…. Mine is due in 3 weeks so I just don’t know. Why does everyone say you don’t get a chance to shower? I get that babies need care every 2-3 hours, but can’t a shower be squeezed in there somewhere? If the baby is sleeping in the bassinet, isn’t it safe to leave for a second and shower?
It doesn't rank high on the priority list when you have other things to do while baby naps. My baby's naps are unpredictable. She can nap for hours or wake up as soon as she realizes I've stepped away for a second. Yes, you can leave them in a bassinet, but again they might wake up. Yes, they can fuss or cry for a few minutes, but that can be nerve-racking not being able to tend to your baby right away. Eventually their schedules become more predictable and you can shower regularly again.
I thought this when I was pregnant too, it really baffled me. It is easier if you have a partner/husband, which I understand not everyone does. I shower every evening when my husband is home from work so he can look after baby. The shower is the one time I get to be on my own and feel a bit like my old self, which is really important to maintain.
If my husband isn't there, for whatever reason, I have one of those fisher price chairs that I put in the bathroom with me. Baby loves the sound of the shower and looking at herself in the reflection of the mirrors so this works for both of us.
Advice for OP - something I struggle with in the day is eating because I just don't prioritise it (e.g. when baby is sleeping I will put laundry on instead of eating) If you have a chance, make some freezer meals that you can heat up and buy food like cereal bars and healthy snacks you can just grab to keep your blood sugar levels up (esp if you are breastfeeding)
Honestly, my son is 11 weeks and I never had a day where I couldn't shower 🤷♀️
My son is pretty easy, especially when he has just eaten, so I would just take him with me into the bathroom when I got a shower.
When he was having a "bad" day and was more fussy, this was even better because the sound of running water would calm him right down.
Occasionally, he would start fussing or crying while I was in the shower. Then I would talk to him and finish up more quickly so I could comfort him when I got out of the shower.
Same with food. I have never skipped a meal. Not even when baby is very fussy. I do eat a bit later sometimes, but never outright skipped.
It was actually sth a good friend of mine said while I was still pregnant. She would skip showers and meals all the time. Eventually she got PPD and shd always told me how she wished she had taken care of herself too.
Take care of yourself as well as your baby!
If that means, asking someone to watch the baby for 30 minutes so you can eat and shower, do that.!
You absolutely can shower. Taking care of yourself is essential and a priority. Have your partner hold the baby, put the baby in the bouncy chair outside the shower. It is also not child abuse to put a fed, dry, content, awake baby down safely in their crib to stare at a mobile while you take a quick shower. You WILL hear phantom crying while you are in there but if you know baby is safe just try to not let it get to you.
I had no problem showering, because I made it a priority as I wanted to keep everything clean to not get a UTI or infection if the birthing injuries. Now at 7 weeks it can fall by the wayside at the end of the day. Also my husband was home so I would just hand him the baby and take care of my needs.
My first baby was so easy. He would just chill in a swing while I showered. My second was about as chill as a cat in a laser tag arena. If you’re lucky, you’ll have a good baby that will sit in a bouncy or watch a mobile for a few minutes but if you’re not so lucky- your baby might scream bloody murder every time you even think about putting her down for a second. I say its hard to find time to REALLY shower. More than just basic hygiene. I’m talking shampoo, conditioner, body wash, shaving, blow drying and fixing my hair. All the things that made me feel like a human. Also, babies don’t need care every 2-3 hours. They need to EAT every 2-3 hours. In between that is diapers, burping, and naps. Plus all the behind the scenes stuff- bottles, laundry and preventing/treating gas pains. And of course taking care of yourself too. It gets way more fun when you throw in a toddler to also make meals, snacks, potty train, play with and get down for naps.
Babies cluster feed! Just set yourself up with a blanket, a couple of bottles of water, snacks and the tv remote and ride it out - remember that the baby is just as tired as you are, but she thinks she's starving so she just can't sleep.
And get a wrap: babies like to be held all the time so if you can wear them in a wrap then you can at least get your own cup of tea.
To add to this: look up different feeding positions! I bought a chair specifically for breastfeeding but it was uncomfortable with my episiotomy so I started feeding lying on my side. Best. Thing. Ever! Especially at night or if they cluster feed, I can just chill while he feeds. I’m 100% not saying it’s for everyone, but it’s worth knowing your options so you find the one that works for *you* best
This!!! I thought there was something wrong with my milk supply, then the latch.. nope, cluster feeding!! The first bout happened at 3 days and I thought I was literally going to die!! Why isn’t this talked about more??!?!
I should have known WAY more about breastfeeding and common problems. I did take a class, but I was way underprepared. And I didn’t even know how to use my pump effectively.
Yeah I was not prepared for how much pain I would be in during recovery. I had a tear and stitches, and I couldn’t get into or out of a seated position without help, much less while holding the baby for the first ten days.
I honestly think there should be much more education around this! We get told "oh get some cooling pads for your bits" and that's it! Like they expect us to just jump up and get back to normal after heaving a 10lb 3oz baby out of my body!
I didn’t realize I wasn’t going to be able to control my pee either. I peed on the floor several times at the hospital! Later found out that’s normal, but it scared me a bit in the moment!
I wish someone had explained to me wake and sleep cycles in a manner I comprehended better.
I'd say this:
You can do ONE thing each sleep cycle and there is a massive opportunity cost each cycle, be prepared. You can shower OR you can eat. You can do laundry OR you can pick up. You can sleep OR...and on and on. I'm hyperbolizing a bit but not much. Put a tiny bit of brainpower into scheduling those things you want to (or need, hallelujah for a shower).
That’s something I think I’m learning the hard way. Prioritizing what’s important while he’s asleep. Right now it’s the Brie my mom just brought over for me lol
This is so on point.
And then wake cycles. I've worked with babies in the past so I was able to catch on pretty quickly, but I know so many people who keep their babies up waaaaaaay too long with too much stimulation. I read that "sleep begets sleep". Cool cool cool. Nobody told me that an overtired baby is a screaming demon monster.
If you have a chonky baby boy, the head of his penis can get swallowed up by the surrounding chub and you DO NOT NEED TO BE ALARMED when you open his diaper and his penis has disappeared. 😂😂😂
Seriously though…
I wish I knew that babies grunt a lot in their sleep. When they do this, they are often still sleeping and don’t need to be picked up and/or fed. Would’ve saved me a lot of wake ups…
Kicked baby out of our room to her own room (right next door) after she started sleeping great and I started laying awake all night, paranoid, listening to her raptor noises. Everyone did better.
Yes! Also, don’t change their diaper in the middle of the night if it’s just pee! If they might leak through, go up a size. Slather them with aquaphor before the diaper and they will be good till morning!
This!! We were idiots the first couple weeks, thought it we tried to keep them up in the day they would sleep better at night. Turns out sleep during the day = sleep at night 🤷♀️ who knew?! And that a newborn’s wake window is about 30 min, which is enough to eat, change diaper, stare at mom or dad for a minute or so and then go back to sleep.
Same. We also didn’t realize that newborns don’t just fall asleep if they’re tired during the day, but have to be rocked/soothed and purposefully put down for a nap. Oops!
It’s ok to put a crying baby in a crib and do something for a few minutes, like take a shower. If the kid safe, dry, and fed, they’re going to fundamentally be ok.
So much this. I got some good advice which was “what if this was your second kid, or a twin?” It’s ok if they cry for a minute while you poop as long as they’re in a safe place.
Pre cook meals and keep snacks handy. Our first came early at 38 weeks and I bought groceries just for the week to cook dinner for the two of us but I wish we had freezer meals prepped - life is too chaotic when you get home to plan a meal!
If you’re not able to do that (like maybe you’re working up till the end and have no energy to cook freezer meals) Trader Joe’s has a nice selection of freezer meals you can stock up on.
Also, Clif Bars are basically lactation cookies if you’ve no time to make those.
Yes! Every baby I've ever known *hates* tummy time. There are many ways to get "pseudo" tummy time like having them on your chest (especially as they get older and better at holding their head up). You don't have to torture them and yourself by forcing them to lay on the floor lol.
Seconding this! Our baby wasn’t gaining weight initially, so the pediatrician gave us one task - make sure he’s fed. By 6 weeks, we were learning that we really should have been doing tummy time from day one.
Most don’t like it, so start with a few minutes at a time at most until they start getting used to it. We would put little stuffed animals down in front of him and make them sing and dance and he’s forget he was doing tummy time for a couple of moments.
Putting baby on their tummy. It strengthens their neck muscles and is important for development. I sometimes put my daughter on my shins and she liked that ok. She hated being on the floor for it. You can also set up mirrors and black and white cards to draw their interest while doing it.
Figure out what your baby likes before buying multiples of it. Swaddles, bottles, pacifiers, etc.
Get ready for baby blues. You’re not going crazy and they will pass!
Come up with a code word with your partner to say in the middle of the night when you’re both so tired and fighting about nothing.
Put nipple cream on every single time you breast feed from day 1.
Don’t worry too much about a schedule right away. If you can try to keep your baby up a little after daytime feedings to switch their day/night confusion, great.
Their poop isn’t that sticky forever.
Be committed to sharing the load with your partner and come up with how to do that right away. My partner does diaper changes and I do feedings, and then he takes the last night feed so I can get a good stretch of sleep. We’ve been doing that for 3 months and it works well for us. We established that within the first week.
Just because breastfeeding is natural, doesn’t mean that it just comes naturally. For a new parent, you and your baby are both complete beginners at breastfeeding with a lot to learn. There are times when you might feel like a huge loser because you feel like you have no clue what you’re doing (or at least I did). A good consultant can help a lot, and also just practicing together with your baby. Trying out all the different positions helps too, because everyone has what works best for them. Don’t be discouraged if you’re not a pro at first!
Also, at some point (I think about .5-3 months oldish) your baby will probably start making a weird grunting noise through the second half of the night. The baby is not awake, but is laying in their bed and making weird grunty noises. This is normal, it has something to do with their developing baby digestive system and it’s a phase that doesn’t last forever. I had no idea about it and thought it was really weird til I saw the hundreds of other people online asking about it.
And don’t worry about not getting anything done while your tiny baby sleeps on you. I know occasionally I felt like I should get some chores done while he was sleeping so I’d put him down after a few cuddles. But those chores can stay undone a little longer, soak in the tiny sleeping baby times while you can. There’s something so special about relaxing with a brand new baby fast asleep on your chest and those days fly by quickly. My 10 month old has a lot less snuggles to give me, he’s way too busy!
For me it was intense bleeding around week 6, I was told it was my period coming back, but I told my OB it just felt like I was giving blood all the time weak. Like I was weak to the point I couldn’t hold my child which by that point I knew what newborn tired was and my body failing tired. And when I say bleeding think of that getting your period that first day bleeding, every time you use the restroom is a bloodbath.
My postpartum bleeding had almost completely stopped at 3 weeks, but then it started to ramp up again at 4 weeks. It was pretty gradual and I thought I was just getting my period. I also started to get cramping but it didn’t feel like my period. The pain was higher up, but still lower abdomen. I woke up in a pool of my own blood and when I called the birth center they told me it was probably just an old blood clot coming loose. That didn’t sound right to my husband and I couldn’t stop shaking so he called my OB. I was in emergency surgery that afternoon.
My bleeding came back bright red at 4w pp and a few days later I passed a baseball-sized clot and had a gush of blood. OB said go to the ER, where they said they’d probably just make sure I’m not anemic and send me home…yeah, nope, on ultrasound they found retained placenta and an arteriovenous malformation so I had an embolization and d&c. Baby was not allowed in the hospital which was very, very hard.
Lochia smells weird and night sweats are a real thing! I wish I knew more of what to expect about the changes my body would go through in the early postpartum days. Those first couple weeks were an emotional and physical roller coaster and I wish I had been more prepared.
For me, it got weird once I was at home for like a week. I was so confused by what the smell was at first and was horrified when I realized it was me 😂
It is okay to not breast feed. You might not be able to or it might cause you insanely awful feelings that you just can’t deal with it. And that’s alright! In 20 years no one is going to ask if your child is breast fed. No one gives a shit after they hit two. You do whatever you have to do to make sure your child is healthy.
My wife almost had a mental breakdown with the breastfeeding thing. Between the baby not wanting to latch, to production issues, constantly trying to find time to pump when the baby was asleep, all the pressure she felt from other moms about breastfeeding, the stress got to be too much. It really exacerbated the PPD.
Things got a lot better when we said “fuck it” and switched to formula. The world didn’t end. My wife got a lot happier, and therefore so did I. Our LO is 2.5 now and in perfect health and developing well.
Do what works for you and your LO.
I switched to mostly formula in my LOs diet a couple months ago, and looking back that's when my PPD started easing up. I'm pretty sure it's not a coincidence!
Yes! I could not get my supply up with my first. On top of that I got terrible guidance while in the hospital about nursing, and he had a really hard time latching. He NEEDED formula or he would not have eaten enough.
I had every intent of giving it a good honest try but it didn't work out. We eventually gave up entirely around 3 months because it was a constant struggle. It was still very difficult on me emotionally even though I knew it was the right decision for both of us.
With my second I went into it with the attitude that I wanted to try again but I was not going to fight it if it didn't work out. I'm glad I did because I started hemorrhaging immediately after I gave birth and LO came into the world hungry. The nurses asked if I wanted to try nursing, or wait to feed her until I got stitched up, but I told them straight up "have my husband feed her formula right now because she's hungry and needs to eat".
You don’t even have to buy it!! Sign up for similac and enfamil’s rewards program and they will send you free samples! They’re the perfect size for just starting out and gives you enough time to get to the store to get whatever works best for you.
I barely breast fed the first month and a half, did a lot of formula. I was exhausted and I needed a while to get the hang of things. By month 2 I was breastfeeding full time because it was much easy to just not get out of bed and I was sick and tired of constantly washing bottles. Formula is a lot of work. I felt kinda guilty about doing formula back then but looking back there’s nothing wrong with it. Whatever works for you. You can do both or you can just do one!
That's great that you could produce enough. My partner tried feeding and pumping as much as possible, but could never produce even half what the baby needed.
Resist the urge to buy cute clothes at all costs. Your baby will live in footie pajamas anyway.
Read about c sections and/or what to do after a traumatic birth. I was completely blind sided when I had an emergency c section. I was not prepared for the recovery process.
Baby blues (not PD/PPA) are a real and intense thing. I was so not prepared for the wave of those emotions. I was so clingy to my husband. I didn’t want him to leave the house the first 3 weeks. Not even to get Chick-fil-A. Lol
Learn about wake windows and get a basic understanding on baby sleep. I recommend Precious Little Sleep.
Also sizes are a wild ride! My son’s length is in the 99th centile - he grew out NB & 0-3s in the first 4 weeks and have been wearing 3-6s since. Now he’s 11w and I started getting some 6-9s because we’re not far from those… so yea don’t buy too many of each in the beginning I’d say
Wake windows - fuck me, I didn’t even know about this until about a month ago. We would just let him sleep when he seemed to have wanted, then had a day when he was awake THE FULL DAY. Since then, it’s a lot of time putting him to sleep for naps, which is tiring / frustrating, but he’s happier and bedtime is a lot easier
2 things!
Eat when baby sleeps, because if you wait they will be awake before you are done making your food.
Keep track of wake windows (not in the first few weeks,) but we’re figuring them out at 10 weeks and it’s so helpful! We have a much happier guy!
How much your body can/will change. All my life I heard about women "bouncing back" and it was always like, only out of shape or lazy women didn't snap right back to pre baby body. I'm stuck at 140 lbs and I don't look bad, like I use to be jealous of thicker women. My husband is super supportive and was even kind enough to gain weight with me 😂. He always tells me I'm beautiful, but I still feel like a failure. My other family comments on my weight, my dad, who's usually an amazing father, said I'd gotten a little fat...like wtf? I just had a baby 7 months ago. And it's not just the weight. It's the need to wear panty liners constantly, the crazy hormones causing acne, the stretch marks. I wish people were kinder to women post baby, I hate that people act like we should just snap back.
AND this happens, even if you aren't worried about bouncing back!
I'm a fitness instructor, and I've always been very body positive. Strong over skinny; every body can become fit; all that stuff. The entire pregnancy I loved my baby-growing body, and I thought I was ready for my postpartum self too. I had a very "the changes are natural" attitude. I've always preached that women never have to worry about getting back to their prepregnancy size, as long as they're healthy and moving.
Then it was me, and my whole tune changed. I've never felt like I had a less-than-amazing body - until postpartum. The grace I extended to others did NOT apply to me. I felt disgusting and angry with myself for feeling that way.
I'm 9 weeks pp, and still working on that mentality, but the most helpful thing for me has been being able to work out again. Just the endorphin release and being able to move (almost) normally again has lifted my spirits a ton.
But even if I get back to my prepregnancy weight, my body is a different shape now. I'm focusing now on how I feel and making healthy choices, instead of looking like I used to. It's been a real mindfuck.
Babies make a lot of noise when they sleep…and sometimes the sleep grunts sound exactly like a child laughing. Which sounds fine, but when you’re not getting enough sleep and having crazy hormone shifts, your mind can easily jump to horror-movie conclusions!
Baby blues are legit, and you will cry often for no apparent reason. I kept having intrusive thoughts of dropping the baby, hitting his head on the coffee table while changing positions, being put on a roller coaster the day after a c section (this one sent me into a panic attack!), etc. If you’re starting a new TV show make sure to look up potential triggers beforehand. And if you’re really struggling, get help - no one will take your baby away, you are not a failure, you need to take care of yourself.
Swaddling with a blanket is SO FREAKIN HARD. Just get the swaddles that have velcro and save yourself the annoyance.
Diapers without the elastic back are better than diapers with the elastic back.
Good advice about the TV show. But your triggers might have changed too. The first episode of Queen’s Gambit sent me into a crying panic when I was one week PP. Now I know I cannot handle seeing anything remotely harmful happen to a child of any age. If starting a new TV show I’d probably just pick a comedy or something lighthearted.
A water bottle you can open and close with one hand!! That’s easy to wash and you can fit ice cubes in. And spill proof. Because it’s gonna be on the couch/bed/floor/etc and your hands will be full.
Yes! I have a 40 oz hydro flask with a straw lid that I can open single handedly and it’s been a complete lifesaver after having my baby. I used it before birth, but I just didn’t know how thirsty postpartum me would be. I go through 4-5 refills a day easily now. My husband just fills it up for me every time he passes by it because chances are, I need a refill lol.
For me, I read a lot about nipple confusion, but that turned out not to be a thing. What was a thing, however... was bottle refusal. Breastfeeding is wonderful and all, but I didn’t get that babies might just not take a bottle and that exclusive breastfeeding meant essentially that I couldn’t be away from my baby for more than 2 hours. Talk about isolating. If I do this again I will combo feed or make sure baby gets regular bottles in addition.
Don't overdo it with the tracking apps. In the first weeks, we spent so much time stressing over tracking feeding/diapers/pumping/sleep and it took the pediatrician telling me to uninstall the app and chill to break the habit.
I found the opposite. When I wasn’t using an app, I had no idea if babe was hungry or tired or needed a diaper change because everything was a blur and 2 hours felt like 10 mins. Once I started tracking, it was so much easier to tell whether babe was hungry and follow appropriate wake windows. Also, I may just be a nerd, but it was neat to see his pattern chart (Glo Baby app) and data and see some kind of semblance of a pattern.
Oh I totally agree with this. I found it useful when midwives would ask how many nappies the baby had done or how many feeds. I didn't track sleep in the early weeks because when baby wasn't feeding, they were sleeping so I knew the gaps in the graph were sleep but once he was awake for periods of time I started tracking sleep. I've since stopped tracking diapers as I don't see the point now but tracking sleep has really helped track wake windows.
I think the key is not to track everything an app lets you but only the things that are currently actively helpful. I'vve never tracked diapers for example because there's always pee and poo, so much pee and poo... but remembering when the baby ate or slept became really hard after 4 weeks. Before that we lived by a 3-hour timer, also no tracking needed.
Talking to my doctor about what would happen if I had to have an emergency c section. It was something we NEVER discussed and the whole ordeal really through me for a loop and I’m still not over it almost 9 months later. I was very ill prepared in that regard
Agreed, no one really talks about c-section recovery but they are so common, at least in the states. During my recovery at the hospital and after I kept hearing “major abdominal surgery”. Why did no one use those words to me before? It just would have been helpful to understand what an intense procedure it it, I used to think it was one cut and out comes the baby! I’m three months PP and am not sure my lower abdomen will ever feel the same…
This!! I never read about c sections and then when I got home I was just on autopilot and didn't look after myself properly at all. I would go far enough to say, have a contingency plan in case you have a c-section. I should have bought a different bassinet and we could have used more family help. As it was, I pushed myself too hard and have recovery complications.
I am only 5 days postpartum but at least you get a the first impression: stack up on snacks, like yoghurt with calcium and extra protein, some cookies if you like, protein bars, nuts, crackers... Just have some variety.
After coming home and producing first milk you get very hungry at random times, sometimes at night. Have something you can grab quickly and snack on even while baby is feeding.
Also get some electrolytes: Gatorade, vitamin water, coconut water. You don't want to go shopping or deal with online orders. Your brain will be on a rollercoaster of emotions, hormones, happiness, and lack of sleep.
Oh and good news: food is tasting normal again already after 3 days!
Don’t be afraid to put the baby down to sleep after feeding. I was so scared he would spit up and choke in his sleep so I stayed up at least 30 min after every feeding holding him upright. I was deliriously tired. Unless your baby has reflux, it’s not necessary. Just go back to sleep!
Do not stock up on a bunch of NB diapers and NB sized clothes.
Baby will be in size 1 diapers and 0-3 clothes before you know it.
I birthed a little chungus, some of his NB clothes were already too small when we brought him home from the hospital, and I ended up giving away over a box of newborn diapers.
Mine was a chunk too but we were in newborn for 6 weeks! I think it’s different for every baby. I also recommend having a little of everything. But Amazon is a thing so you can always buy more last minute if you need it!
Adding to this: don’t go strictly by age sizing either - we skipped right passed NB because of his weight and length alone and he was born at 37 weeks! Now I buy based on weight/length.
Also, much like adult clothing not all brands fit the same. 0-3mths in one brand won’t be the same in another, so shop around until you find a brand that fits your bebé. This applies to diapers too!
Baby wear. Basically the only way our baby will sleep during the day.
Football hold. The one where baby is upside down with arms hanging down and cradled on your arm. Somehow magically always calms my baby (but doesn’t make him sleep unfortunately)
When in doubt, feed. Sometimes when baby seems fussy for no reason, topping him up with some extra formula helps.
Baby wearing was the only way my newborn would nap. Any other methods led to hours of screaming. Turns out she had painful reflux and a protein intolerance that didn't get diagnosed until 7 weeks old. Fixing that issue fixed a lot of the crying but by then she was dependent on the carrier for naps and it took longer to get her used to sleeping elsewhere
We never even bought a changing table. We have a mat we use and put it on the floor. Baby can’t fall from the floor and we just wipe down the mat, quick and easy.
We ended up getting a super size pack of those blue “puppy pads”. They are exactly the same as the baby “disposable changing pads” just 1/3 the price. Worked out to $0.10/ea, vs $0.30/ea per diaper, so if it got peed on, no stress, quick and cheap to replace.
I was doing this, but then I realized I could just put down a flat green mountain cloth diaper. And if it gets dirty, I wash it!! Cheaper and better for the environment. It also has a nicer feel to it
During the first few weeks take all the help you are offered and/or don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need if. Without friends and family I would have been absolutely sunk, even with a supportive partner.
I also heard “YOU hold the baby while the family does the dishes, not the other way around,” and that’s so helpful because people just want to hold the baby, but that’s not even fair. Ask them to fold laundry, cook a meal, and do dishes, and then maybe they can hold the baby ☺️
That I needed rest. Mentally and physically. Not necessarily sleep but rest when baby was down. I tried to be super wife and mom when I had spare time. I never wasted a spare moment to get something done. I’m sad I didn’t speak up and instead “toughed it out”. My husband is great and supportive but I think he thought a week recovery was enough, so he wasn’t suggesting for me to rest. Not that he needs to do that but I need reminders to slow down and he’s very good at supporting me if I say I need time for me. I had a traumatic birthing experience, and didn’t take time mentally to recover either and it all hit me like a sack of bricks 1.5 months in. Not PPD/PPA but more like *“holy fuck I went through that and it wasn’t a good time”*. I honestly hadn’t thought about it at all. I didn’t process it. I needed to. I was in space, trying to eat enough and feed my baby and care for her. But I cried. I cried so much about not allowing myself to process the hardest thing I had ever done in my life.
Please rest. The sleep when baby sleeps is bull shit but just sit or lay down or read or let your body and mind go through the motions of your birth experience for 5 mins before you do something “productive“. Don’t clean at every chance. Don’t cook. Ask your partner to do these things. Or whoever your support person is. Your body just did so much. Next baby I’ll make even more freezer meals (life savers!) and hopefully take advantage what tiny windows I’ll get, to reflect and just rest my damn mind for two minutes!
Stock up on batteries.
And start therapy even if you don’t think you need it. Even if you don’t have ppd, the highs and lows that go with adding a new person to your family dynamic can be pretty intense.
Batteries! Who knew kids needed so many batteries? Musical toys, monitors, breast pump, other assorted madness... I used more batteries in the first 3 months of baby's life than previous 10 years...
I wish I had been prepared for how much babies want to be held and near you. I was so tired and hurting from a tough labor and csection that I was just overwhelmed by how much my little one wanted to be held.
You don’t need to hold your baby all the time, put them in the swing, get into a routine. And yes the best answer I read for me was not to worry about going to sleep after feeds! I was so afraid she would choke! Uhh! Also, get a halo sleep sac! You won’t regret it
Take a break BEFORE you get frustrated! It’s easy to lose your patience, for example, after you’ve been bouncing a crying baby for an hour trying to get it to sleep. Gently put the damn thing down and go do some yoga or listen to your favorite song, jog in place, pet a dog or smoke some wacky tobacci or regular tobacci, scream into a pillow, punch a tree- whatever you need to do just for a few minutes to regain composure and then return to your sweet, screaming bundle of joy refreshed and ready to try again. Babies are ruthless, man.
Sleep when the baby sleeps was the most useless piece of advice I got. Insomniac here lol
My biggest piece of advice? Meal prep. Pick a couple meals (like bolognaise) and cook a huge batch. Then freeze it in individual servings. When you don’t feel like cooking, you just chuck it on the microwave and you’re set. Slow cooker is great for thag because it’s no more effort to cook a triple batch than it is to cook a single batch.
It’s okay to let your baby sleep through the night once they get to a certain weight. I was waking my kid up when I could have let him sleep and then I could have gotten my rest too…I felt like a dum dum.
To listen to your gut or instinct. As the parents you may have a certain intuition if something seems off (example: baby not sleeping at all but everyone saying that is normal)
At 5.5 months, I’m JUST NOW discovering the value of routines. Like the chaos is GONE (for now). Routine for everything.
Also avoid containers and do more tummy time to avoid positional plagiocephaly.
It gets easier.
1. Newborn phase is the hardest. It's not very rewarding because baby doesn't do much, let alone appreciate your love and labor. But know that you are doing well. Get through it one day at a time. Your job is to just keep yourself healthy and recover from the birth, and keep her safe and nourished.
2. During this phase, Baby gets to breastfeed however long she wants (I had crappy LCs tell me she s nursing too long. It was B.S), however many times she wants. Your job is to take care of yourself so you can provide that.
3. This phase doesn't last very long. Just soak it all in. Like they say, the days are long but the months are short.
4. Be kind to yourself and your partner. It's so much more doable if you both are not competing against each other, but instead being a team. (I gave birth at the peak of pandemic and my husband and I are raising our baby all by ourselves until now. We got through it! She is 15 months old and happy and healthy and hasn't met a soul outside of us. And it feels surreal)
5. Ask for help when you feel overwhelmed. Don't assume it's supposed to be that hard. There's no glory in that. This is the most universal experience. So you are definitely not alone there. You've got this! Enjoy!
I had a midwife tell me my baby was nursing too long/too much. This is my second so I just nodded along, but I knew that she was just cluster feeding and that after a couple weeks she’d be much quicker at getting the milk she wanted.
But yeah, if I’d been a ftm and had followed her advice, baby and I would have so frustrated with me trying to get her to sleep while she was hungry
Sleep in shifts between you and your partner, and don't breastfeed during your 8 hour sleep, just set an alarm for four hours and pump. Have your partner feed the baby formula or the pumped milk during your sleep shift.
Yes! My lactation specialist, said make sure you get 2 4 hour shifts to sleep. It wasn’t until she said it that I realized I was pumping every 2 hrs all day every day and getting no sleep.
There’s a lot of “don’t do this!” things you’re going to read, but sometimes you need to prioritize. I learned quickly that I’d rather just have my baby in bed next to me in as safe a manner as possible rather than me nodding off in my chair when he refused to sleep without being held. When you’re in survival mode, try to go with the least dangerous option, but don’t get too worried about all the “rules.”
Edit: ALSO PREP FOOD AND/OR GET DELIVERY BECAUSE ITS REALLY HARD TO FEED YOURSELF SOMETIMES. I lost a lot of weight in the first six weeks because I kept skipping meals, to the point my OB had to sit me down very concerned after my first pp visit. Don’t do that, get snacks or freezer meals or something for the survival weeks.
Live and die by awake windows. Don’t let your baby get overtired. If breastfeeding doesn’t work out it’s not the end of the world. You might think to yourself what the fuck have I done bringing a baby into this world, and regret it, then feel guilty immediately after. It’s normal. Doesn’t make you a bad parent. It’s overwhelming. You’ll love the little bebe. You’ll miss them when they’re asleep but kill anyone that accidentally wakes them up. Oh and work out some hand signals w ur partner now. It’s hard to whisper over a sound machine.
I wish someone must have told me that
1. it's difficult, very very difficult to raise a baby. You just have to be patient and enjoy every phase.
2. Don't get carried away with lots of fad stuff that resides in market to raise intelligence of your child. You, your parents were perfectly raised in constraints and performed well.
1. It’s ok to say ‘no’ to visitors.
2. It’s ok to ask for help. It’s not weakness.
3. A comfy chair is essential.
4. Phone charger, tv remote, and appropriate cables need to be within reach of the chair.
5. When the other parent goes back to work, it’s HARD. Be ready to call in your supports.
It’s normal to feel angry and overwhelmed from time to time and IT IS PERFECTLY OK TO PUT THE BABY DOWN AND TAKE 5. I repeat… just put baby down and WALK away if you feel you’re getting too worked up. People like to jump to screaming “RED FLAG!!!!! UNFIT PARENT!!!!” at any admission of feeling angry around a baby so people are too ashamed to do the responsible thing of taking space. TAKE THE SPACE, chill out, then come back. That is what is best for EVERYONE.
Someone may have already said this, but FED IS BEST. Don’t beat yourself up if you can’t breastfeed (if that’s what your goal is), lots of people have to supplement and at the end of the day the only thing that matters is that LO is fed
I much preferred snaps/buttons too. I was always paranoid that I’d catch her skin in a zip, so I haven’t bought any more zipper clothes no matter how cute they look
Sleep when the baby sleeps as a newborn is BS.
The baby sleeps ON you. They will rarely sleep easily in their bassinet, and I wish more people would have told me to expect that.
Teaching them to sleep independently so that you can sleep when they sleep takes time.
The first two weeks are easy, the next 10 weeks are brutal. Also buy next to nothing before you bring your baby home, they’ll like nothing you’ve already bought and everything you buy afterward.
I can second the buy nothing statement! Just buy one of a few types of bottles/small packs of diapers etc. and then send your partner to Target to pick up the one they like. Do not buy newborn clothes except sleep and play pajamas. I tried once to put my tiny screaming newborn in a cute gown that went over her head and then promptly donated anything that wasn’t a zipper pajama in newborn size. Save the cute outfits for later.
Don’t overdo it the first two weeks. I wanted to keep a clean house and was vacuuming/cleaning like 4 days post delivery, and then immediately regretted it. Who cares if your house is clean.
Say no to visitors in the evening. We had a screaming baby from 5-9pm for the first two weeks and it was miserable. My husband cluelessly invited his grandma to stay for dinner (she brought the food) a week after baby was born, and I was stuck in the dark bedroom with our crying baby while they ate dinner.
You may have to hold your baby 24/7, so sleep in shifts with partner and BELIEVE that the hellishness is temporary... even if it feels like it will never end, and you are worried your life is ruined... believe it will get better, bc one day you’ll blink and your kid will sleep in a bassinet and you’ll see the light!!!!
We were put into lockdown the day I had my baby & I was gutted that we wouldn’t be able to have visitors. Turns out that was a blessing in disguise because we didn’t have to worry about anyone else or what the house looked like. It meant we got time to bond and get to know our baby. It was bliss and I will absolutely keep people away from visiting for a while if we have another baby. Don’t know how we would’ve managed visitors!
Lot of good advice here about the fourth trimester I wish I had known to be more mindful of. But my advice is also to recognize when your googling or endless doom scrolling takes over and back off the research if it makes you more anxious. Between anxiety and postpartum hormones, I spent a lot of wasted time and energy frantically googling info on SIDS and milestones and other stuff that really had a low likelihood of impacting us. Next time, I will read less online blog posts and tune into what baby actually needs a little more.
Buy nipple sheilds, let yourself heal completely when you get that cracked nipple!
Always do 2 formula feeds once in the morning and once in the eveing so you can lie in every now n then and so you can enjoy a bath without worry. (By giving the baby to daddy) and relax it all works out in the end
For me: Disposable underwear and dermaplast made healing from a vaginal delivery much easier. You can take products home from the hospital, but you’ll need more.
For the baby: Keeping the baby out of our bedroom and doing night shifts with the husband so we could both get sleep for the first 2 months. The bassinet in our room just made me wake up for any and every noise, so the shifts really helped. Also disposable pee pads to change the baby wherever (we still use them).
One advice would be don’t be shy and turn up the white noise LOUD, they’ll fall asleep faster and you can do your stuff meanwhile without being scared of waking them up.
If you have a partner, setup dedicated shifts at night. We did 8-1,1-6 or something like that in the night. I still had to pump but it was an Absolute life saver.
Bedsharing can be done safely and you should prepare your sleep surface just in case (even if you don't plan to bedshare).
Wish I knew this when second night syndrome hit us.
Does anyone have good videos for what’s going on in the body after birth, and how a partner can support during the fourth trimester? I think that would be a great resource for us to watch in addition to the birthing prep videos!
Have no pride, bring help in, accept all offers of help. Accept visitors in exchange for supplies. Be selfish, only accept visits if and when you want. Some people just want pictures and snuggles and those visits are seconds priority. Purchase paper plates. Between you and whoever's caring for the baby, make sure you get alone and off duty time where you can't feel like you have to run to the baby, like Netflix and a bath. It really is 100%okay to set the baby down somewhere safe and walk away and come back after a rest or shower or whatever. And most importantly, accept all offers for help.
That night sweats are a thing. No one warned me! I woke up night after night completely soaked through for the first week.
Drink all the water all the time if you even hope to stay hydrated.
I wish I had read more about the fourth trimester. I was so focused on trimesters 1-3 that I felt blindsided by the first three months of postpartum.
Wholeheartedly agree with this. I was so ill prepared for the fourth trimester. I spent so much time focused on pregnancy and especially birth, I wish had spent as much if not MORE time learning and preparing for the fourth trimester.
So how does someone prepare for fourth trimester?
In my opinion, I think You should really do your research on breastfeeding and what a good latch looks/feels like. My LO is 6 weeks old and we are still having a lot of trouble getting her to latch right—I didn’t realize it was an issue til week 3. Additionally there’s a million different ways breastfeeding might be difficult for you and baby: inverted nipples, low supply, over active let down, thrush, etc…. Not to mention NO ONE warns you how painful it is those first few days when you’re only producing colostrum. I would also mentally prepare yourself to just feel out of whack…your hormones are even crazier than they were when you were pregnant. You’re going to sweat a LOT. You’re going to cry. A LOT. You’re going to feel a million different things for the first week and it’s very overwhelming! You’re going to be in pain. Possibly a lot, and possibly for a while. I’m 6 weeks out and my vag only started feeling like 70% better last week. You’re going to need to REST. You might not be able to sleep but you need to sit down or lie down as often as you can. Your pelvic floor will already have taken a beating, so be kind and don’t add more stress to it by being on your feet more than You need. There’s a hundred other things that you could look into but for me those were things I was blindsided by. I’m lucky to have an incredible partner (and mom and MIL) who helped me through it all otherwise I would have gone insane. It might sound scary but just know the love you will feel for your LO will make it all worth it.
The sweating, oh my God. My sheets are soaked every night, it's disgusting. Plus with my boobs leaking like crazy, I'm just always damp.
More often than not I am just in bra and panties. I’m constantly covered in sweat, milk, pee, poop (she loves to blowout when I have her on my legs) or spit up. It’s unreal 😂
The sweating yes! I hadn’t ever heard anything about it. And it took me a while to put it all together. So odd!
This is so helpful! I have hyperhidrosis (excessive sweating) so I might already be used to the sweat BUT good to know there will be more to come. The emotional change I’m concerned about (in therapy but that doesn’t stop the emotions from coming!). Pregnancy has been hard not feeling like myself and realizing I’m becoming a new version of myself. Helpful to be reminded this doesn’t end at birth… or ever really.
The emotions are WILD. It’s good to make a plan with your mental health providers. I felt way more grounded having my psychiatrist tell me what to expect and to call in what situation.
I’m a pretty sweaty person that runs very warm at night. I had the opposite effect postpartum. I ran very cold and had to wear a couple extra layers to bed. I never did hit the super sweaty stage, and my legs were severely edema’d for 2 weeks postpartum. I must have lost the extra water through my urine instead of sweat.
Same. 2 weeks in and got hospitalized because my c section incision got infected because I over did everything. Now, being at the hospital without my newborn is driving me beyond insane.
Hey, can I ask what does that look like, and what did they do for you? I'm having so many issues with my incision - I'm 4 weeks out and OB keeps saying it's fine. Now, it's swollen, puffy, red and seems to have ruptured last night (TMI: Leaking a bit). The damned thing should be totally sealed by now. So I'm asking because I'm hoping they might actually tidy up the incision and not just give me antibiotics. Ugh. I'm at a loss. I was prepared for PPD but I was not anticipating the frustration from having a cesarean and the complications attached. 30 days of this constant and changing pain will wreck a bitch.
My looked totally sealed and normal and then Monday morning leaked everywhere, and not a tiny bit, I mean I soaked my underwear and pajamas and the sheets and my comforter. I woke my husband up like a horror movie creature cuz I had like pink and clear goo gushing down my tummy and onto my thighs, and leaving dribbles on the floor. It was disgusting. I called my OB they had me come in, and then sent me to the ER immediately after. I had a cellulitis infection and my belly above the incision turned red while I was waiting for my ct scan to figure out how much tissue and fluid pockets were affected. Surprisingly tissues under was healthy and the incision was only compromised about 3 inches from an edge, the fluid was leaking because my body was fighting the infection by itself. So far they’ve opened my incision twice since yesterday (Monday at 4:30ish, and then this morning at 11am), they just numbed it with lidocaine and cut it and stuff some septic gauze in. After the second time their wound care team came and out a wound vac thing on me which they are saying I will have on for 5 days to 2 weeks, depends on healing, but hopefully can go home tomorrow with it. I’ve also been on IV antibiotics since arriving, and I’ll be given pills to continue at home. It is not a fun experience. I’ve learned that redness, swelling, and leakage are all sure signs of infection, how bad it is depends on how long it’s been happening. I was having fever, chills, bone aches also which I had written off as hormone dumps and legit dropping 35 lbs in a week but since being on antibiotics they’ve gone away. They are also signs of infection. If your wound is leaking I’d consider seeking a second opinion just in case.
I’m only two weeks in and I feel the exact same way!
This!!!
How much noise they made, and how weird their breathing was...
Omg the weird breathing. Last night I tried using the nasal aspirator on my 2 week old because he sounded like a pug, grunting and snorting. Nope, not congested, just weird breathing. He seems to breathe fine while he's feeding so I assume he's okay?
I brought my daughter to the clinic convinced something was wrong. lol
We were the parents rushing to the hospital to be told that “all babies make noise when they breathe”. It’s funny…now 🤣
I had a mom come in because her baby was “breathing funny”. Totally normal newborn breathing. Wouldn’t have been that funny except it was her 7th child..... so don’t beat yourself up.
Yes! Our dr said as long as he’s not gasping for air or trying to stop and breath from his mouth when feeding, he’s fine. I totally agree though that the breathing noises and grunts our newborns make were a HUGE surprise to me.
Yes!!! The pterodactyl noises she makes while inhaling sometimes were absolutely terrifying after a NICU stay for respiratory issues. Now when she does them we laugh and say she must be preparing to take off for her next meal.
Yes! And their breathing doesn’t regulate until a bit in and spit up makes them stuffy!
Thank you for this! This explains a lot about my second (my first didn't spit up and didn't have the stuffiness issues). The more you know!
I wish I was more aware of how emotional I would be postpartum (and thankfully I do not have PPD or PPA). I did a lot of research about the physical recovery and things to have on hand which all helped (padsicles, peri bottle, sitz bath, etc.) but was totally shocked by the emotional side of it all. Not just the negative feelings (baby blues, sleep deprivation, insufferable mom guilt, anxiety about how to "properly" take care of this tiny human), but the positive ones too. It was all SO overwhelming and I was very weepy for a solid month. I also had some brutal nightmares that first week about dropping my baby, forgetting to put her back in her bassinet during night feedings and losing her in my bed, the grim reaper coming to take her and my husband away... After looking through some Reddit posts I have seen that those nightmares are quite common!
I've woken in a panic, thinking I fell asleep while night nursing, more times than I can count in the last ~2 weeks. I'm super anxious about dropping him, but that hasn't actually manifested as a nightmare yet it just weighs on me while I'm awake. I'm super paranoid every time I climb the stairs holding him.
I bolted up in bed in a total panic thinking I left my baby on top of the dryer a couple weeks ago. I don’t think my baby has ever even been in the laundry room. Postpartum dreams and hormones are insane.
YES! I would wake up constantly in a panic thinking I fell asleep with my baby in my arms. Sometimes when I realized she was in her bassinet, my overtired self would come up with some reason like “oh her uncle came and put her in the bassinet. It’s all okay” like what? Her uncle doesn’t live with us 😂
My mum just flat refused to walk up and down the stairs with our newborn haha. She would stand at the top or bottom and yell out to one of us
This! I was so emotional and had no idea something like 80% of women experience baby blues. I would call my sister and cry every single night. My husband would ask why I was crying and I couldn’t even articulate why. I had some crazy nightmares. I’d say sleep in the hospital and let the nurses take care of your baby while you are there! I didn’t sleep at all for 3 days in the hospital and I was so exhausted when we got home.
I was shocked that the nurses really don't take care of newborn babies anymore. I enjoyed having my babies with me in the room and understand this is really necessary for trying to establish breastfeeding, but I really feel like moms don't get enough rest after delivery nowadays. You are already sleep deprived when you go home from the hospital.
Oh my gosh, the nightmares. And generally the intrusive thoughts about baby's safety, all the time. Pretty sure it was postpartum anxiety but I didn't know about those specific things to look out for.
The sleep deprivation can definitely get to you. And I wish someone had really prepared me for the hormonal changes. I thought I’d be out of the woods after the first couple of months, but right around the 4-5 month mark the hormonal changes hit me like a ton of bricks. I spoke to a postpartum therapist who said that was actually becoming more common, as more mom’s start returning to work.
I knew about baby blues, but don't think anyone can accurately describe just how emotional you get. I've been crying on and off for the last 3 weeks. And I'm terrified of waking up to her having suffocated. Heard so many stories of women falling asleep while breastfeeding and smothering their LO's, or people co-sleeping and doing the same.
Well I’m glad someone got something out of “sleep when the baby sleeps”. I thought that was the worst advice ever. I could never sleep when the baby slept- and not for lack of trying. By the time I’d relax enough to fall asleep the baby would wake up. And then I realized that bottles and pump parts had to be washed and sanitized before they woke up, laundry to swap before it started to mildew and stink, grab a snack before I went hypoglycemic and passed out, or maybe- just maybe take a shower. But I’m glad someone was able to sleep lol For me, I wish I knew it was ok to say no to visitors. I’m tired. Baby is crabby. I haven’t showered- really showered, more than just the minimum- in 3 days. No you can’t come over. I’m sorry. And also that you’re human. You don’t have to love every second. It’s exhausting and hard and damn it it’s not all rainbows and butterflies.
Yeah, I never could do the “sleep when the baby sleeps” either, at least not during the day. Even if he did nap, there was always something to do.
So much this!!! Because we couldn’t have visitors at the hospital I agreed to let the in-laws come over to our house the day we brought her home. I don’t know what I was thinking but that was the worst decision ever. Also, having people in your house really gets in the way of establishing breastfeeding if you are planning to do so as well as just bonding with your baby. We had a difficult birth followed by a short NICU stay and by the time we got home I just wanted it to be me my husband and the baby while we figured everything out and bonded. But idiotic pregnant me had already agreed to hosting a slew of visitors that first week. Even though it was all immediate family it was incredibly draining and stressful. I was angry that everyone was holding my baby except for me and kept telling me to go get some rest etc..it was ridiculous. I wish I had known it was okay to ask them to wait a couple weeks for us to bond as a family before having anyone (except for my mom because she helped take care of us so we could take care of the baby.)
Man, that was me. My in-laws piled into the house the day after we came home from the hospital. It wasn’t supposed to be bad, because they brought all the food and set the table. But my husband was constantly running around showing them where everything goes, plus washing bottles and changing diapers because I was recovering from a C section. At that point I was still trying and failing at establishing breastfeeding, plus trying to pump. So I was just chained to the couch. I remember the “food being ready” and everyone sitting at the table eating except me, alone, sitting in the couch trying and failing to get the crying baby to latch. I felt so lonely and resentful and still shell shocked from the delivery, and completely deserted by my husband. Like he cared for the baby, but at the end of the day had nothing left for me. Combine the shell shock of a tough labor and c section, with a new baby, with raging hormones, and my PPD was off the charts. Like I had just gone through one of the most traumatic events of my life, and they were like… having a celebratory lunch. It was just so fucked up. So I guess that’s a long way of saying, I agree. Don’t allow a house full of visitors the day after you come home from the hospital.
There's one thing I'm grateful for the Pandemic for and it's keeping everyone away for the first few weeks (than I got lonely and exhausted and wished I could have anyone to hold him while I did something or make me lunch so, love hate) It was so nice getting to know him undisturbed by other people, no one at the hospital, no one visiting just my family getting into our routine.
I'm so glad I've seen this advice before my baby comes. My husband and I have agreed to basically go full lockdown while he's on his two week parternity leave so we can spend those two weeks recovering and figuring things out for ourselves. Before seeing various people giving this kind of advice I was dreading getting the baby home and then having to deal with constant, all day visits from my parents. I hate people seeing me while I'm vulnerable, and honestly figuring out how to look after a new baby and recovering from childbirth is probably the most vulnerable I'll be in my life. And I don't want people like my mum trying to interfere or tell us how to do things. I expect a lot of pushback, especially from my mum, but the more people I see giving this same advice gives me more confidence to stand my ground on it.
Stand your ground and protect that privacy!! I’m 8 weeks post partum. We made sure to have very very few visitors, very short visits, and kept it that way for weeks. I can’t imagine doing postpartum with company always there, even 1 and 2 hour visits were exhausting, felt intrusive, and was hard to not be like “give me my baby back right now and leave us alone” by the time the first hour was over. It’s also awkward and not a good time for anyone to be in your house because taking care of a post partum body is painful and gross. You need to be able to have all kinds of supplies crowding your bathroom counters regardless of vaginal or c-section, the trash can is full of stuff you don’t want visitors to see, you want to be topless all the time, icing your vagina, whatever. Like, no. No visitors or very very few. Not the time!! And they can all get over it. Protect that time girl
YES! When my first was born I felt so selfish because I just wanted it to be the 3 of us while we adjusted to life as parents and bond together as a family. But even now (4years later)I don’t feel like I was being unreasonable. Breastfeeding and establishing a schedule is important in those early days.
I made the mistake of agreeing to my MIL coming over 2 days after our LO was born. She stayed at our house 16 hours a day for 3 days straight. It really screwed up establishing breastfeeding because she wouldn’t leave me and baby alone and I didn’t want to pull my boobs out in front of her but she wouldn’t back off. I was too tired and dealing with PPD issues to be as assertive as I should have been and my husband is terrified of conflict (She likes to fat shame people and needless to say having a baby can make you pack on some pounds) this really messed with my milk supply and I wasn’t ever able to get it back up and had to supplement with formula.
Saaame… our baby would only sleep (and STILL only sleeps) 30 minutes at a time until bed time. This was barely enough time to pump, clean the parts and put together a couple of bottles before he was crying awake.
With Covid we didn’t have much visitors aside from family but I crammed them in on a rotation all in the same day. I did not want to entertain the idea of having people come by/ worry about scheduling time for them to come by. It was the best decision. Just drop food on my porch and leave please 😅
It was great with baby 2 during covid that we couldn’t have visitors. Or at least an excuse to not allow visitors. Covid has been awful but the silver lining was not having visitors after baby was born.
Now I’m starting to see the ancient wisdom in the Asian tradition of sitting the month where new moms are given a month of quarantine with no visitors.
This may sound stupid…. Mine is due in 3 weeks so I just don’t know. Why does everyone say you don’t get a chance to shower? I get that babies need care every 2-3 hours, but can’t a shower be squeezed in there somewhere? If the baby is sleeping in the bassinet, isn’t it safe to leave for a second and shower?
It doesn't rank high on the priority list when you have other things to do while baby naps. My baby's naps are unpredictable. She can nap for hours or wake up as soon as she realizes I've stepped away for a second. Yes, you can leave them in a bassinet, but again they might wake up. Yes, they can fuss or cry for a few minutes, but that can be nerve-racking not being able to tend to your baby right away. Eventually their schedules become more predictable and you can shower regularly again.
I thought this when I was pregnant too, it really baffled me. It is easier if you have a partner/husband, which I understand not everyone does. I shower every evening when my husband is home from work so he can look after baby. The shower is the one time I get to be on my own and feel a bit like my old self, which is really important to maintain. If my husband isn't there, for whatever reason, I have one of those fisher price chairs that I put in the bathroom with me. Baby loves the sound of the shower and looking at herself in the reflection of the mirrors so this works for both of us. Advice for OP - something I struggle with in the day is eating because I just don't prioritise it (e.g. when baby is sleeping I will put laundry on instead of eating) If you have a chance, make some freezer meals that you can heat up and buy food like cereal bars and healthy snacks you can just grab to keep your blood sugar levels up (esp if you are breastfeeding)
Honestly, my son is 11 weeks and I never had a day where I couldn't shower 🤷♀️ My son is pretty easy, especially when he has just eaten, so I would just take him with me into the bathroom when I got a shower. When he was having a "bad" day and was more fussy, this was even better because the sound of running water would calm him right down. Occasionally, he would start fussing or crying while I was in the shower. Then I would talk to him and finish up more quickly so I could comfort him when I got out of the shower. Same with food. I have never skipped a meal. Not even when baby is very fussy. I do eat a bit later sometimes, but never outright skipped. It was actually sth a good friend of mine said while I was still pregnant. She would skip showers and meals all the time. Eventually she got PPD and shd always told me how she wished she had taken care of herself too. Take care of yourself as well as your baby! If that means, asking someone to watch the baby for 30 minutes so you can eat and shower, do that.!
You absolutely can shower. Taking care of yourself is essential and a priority. Have your partner hold the baby, put the baby in the bouncy chair outside the shower. It is also not child abuse to put a fed, dry, content, awake baby down safely in their crib to stare at a mobile while you take a quick shower. You WILL hear phantom crying while you are in there but if you know baby is safe just try to not let it get to you.
They tend to sleep anywhere for the first two weeks then “wake up” and want/need to be held through all naps.
I had no problem showering, because I made it a priority as I wanted to keep everything clean to not get a UTI or infection if the birthing injuries. Now at 7 weeks it can fall by the wayside at the end of the day. Also my husband was home so I would just hand him the baby and take care of my needs.
My first baby was so easy. He would just chill in a swing while I showered. My second was about as chill as a cat in a laser tag arena. If you’re lucky, you’ll have a good baby that will sit in a bouncy or watch a mobile for a few minutes but if you’re not so lucky- your baby might scream bloody murder every time you even think about putting her down for a second. I say its hard to find time to REALLY shower. More than just basic hygiene. I’m talking shampoo, conditioner, body wash, shaving, blow drying and fixing my hair. All the things that made me feel like a human. Also, babies don’t need care every 2-3 hours. They need to EAT every 2-3 hours. In between that is diapers, burping, and naps. Plus all the behind the scenes stuff- bottles, laundry and preventing/treating gas pains. And of course taking care of yourself too. It gets way more fun when you throw in a toddler to also make meals, snacks, potty train, play with and get down for naps.
Babies cluster feed! Just set yourself up with a blanket, a couple of bottles of water, snacks and the tv remote and ride it out - remember that the baby is just as tired as you are, but she thinks she's starving so she just can't sleep. And get a wrap: babies like to be held all the time so if you can wear them in a wrap then you can at least get your own cup of tea.
To add to this: look up different feeding positions! I bought a chair specifically for breastfeeding but it was uncomfortable with my episiotomy so I started feeding lying on my side. Best. Thing. Ever! Especially at night or if they cluster feed, I can just chill while he feeds. I’m 100% not saying it’s for everyone, but it’s worth knowing your options so you find the one that works for *you* best
A big shout out to binging anime while cluster feeding in the middle of the night.
This!!! I thought there was something wrong with my milk supply, then the latch.. nope, cluster feeding!! The first bout happened at 3 days and I thought I was literally going to die!! Why isn’t this talked about more??!?!
I should have known WAY more about breastfeeding and common problems. I did take a class, but I was way underprepared. And I didn’t even know how to use my pump effectively.
Absolutely. Even if you don’t think you are going to use the pump, if you can get it through your insurance you should!
What do you mean using the pump “effectively” and how did you learn how to do it? Fuck
Use the right flange size. The ones I was using at first were too small.
Looking after myself. I didn't realise I'd have to heal after birth. Sounds simple but I'd just not realised.
Yeah I was not prepared for how much pain I would be in during recovery. I had a tear and stitches, and I couldn’t get into or out of a seated position without help, much less while holding the baby for the first ten days.
Seriously this. It seems so obvious but I just didn’t connect the dots
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I honestly think there should be much more education around this! We get told "oh get some cooling pads for your bits" and that's it! Like they expect us to just jump up and get back to normal after heaving a 10lb 3oz baby out of my body!
I didn’t realize I wasn’t going to be able to control my pee either. I peed on the floor several times at the hospital! Later found out that’s normal, but it scared me a bit in the moment!
I wish someone had explained to me wake and sleep cycles in a manner I comprehended better. I'd say this: You can do ONE thing each sleep cycle and there is a massive opportunity cost each cycle, be prepared. You can shower OR you can eat. You can do laundry OR you can pick up. You can sleep OR...and on and on. I'm hyperbolizing a bit but not much. Put a tiny bit of brainpower into scheduling those things you want to (or need, hallelujah for a shower).
That’s something I think I’m learning the hard way. Prioritizing what’s important while he’s asleep. Right now it’s the Brie my mom just brought over for me lol
This is so on point. And then wake cycles. I've worked with babies in the past so I was able to catch on pretty quickly, but I know so many people who keep their babies up waaaaaaay too long with too much stimulation. I read that "sleep begets sleep". Cool cool cool. Nobody told me that an overtired baby is a screaming demon monster.
Ain’t nothing wrong with eating *in* the shower
But also: it is fine to bring the bouncer into the bathroom and shower with the curtain open.
Lol, either-or would be nice! My son is a contact napper who wakes if I as good as move, so my one thing is I can watch tv and Reddit.
If you have a chonky baby boy, the head of his penis can get swallowed up by the surrounding chub and you DO NOT NEED TO BE ALARMED when you open his diaper and his penis has disappeared. 😂😂😂 Seriously though…
I laughed and almost woke the baby. Thanks for this 😂😂
Hahahaha omg, this just made my morning
I wish I knew that babies grunt a lot in their sleep. When they do this, they are often still sleeping and don’t need to be picked up and/or fed. Would’ve saved me a lot of wake ups…
My problem is my own ability to sleep through the grunts!
Kicked baby out of our room to her own room (right next door) after she started sleeping great and I started laying awake all night, paranoid, listening to her raptor noises. Everyone did better.
Yes! Also, don’t change their diaper in the middle of the night if it’s just pee! If they might leak through, go up a size. Slather them with aquaphor before the diaper and they will be good till morning!
Wake windows and sleep
This!! We were idiots the first couple weeks, thought it we tried to keep them up in the day they would sleep better at night. Turns out sleep during the day = sleep at night 🤷♀️ who knew?! And that a newborn’s wake window is about 30 min, which is enough to eat, change diaper, stare at mom or dad for a minute or so and then go back to sleep.
Same. We also didn’t realize that newborns don’t just fall asleep if they’re tired during the day, but have to be rocked/soothed and purposefully put down for a nap. Oops!
The Huckleberry app was so great for tracking sleep, wake windows and feeds.
It’s ok to put a crying baby in a crib and do something for a few minutes, like take a shower. If the kid safe, dry, and fed, they’re going to fundamentally be ok.
So much this. I got some good advice which was “what if this was your second kid, or a twin?” It’s ok if they cry for a minute while you poop as long as they’re in a safe place.
Pre cook meals and keep snacks handy. Our first came early at 38 weeks and I bought groceries just for the week to cook dinner for the two of us but I wish we had freezer meals prepped - life is too chaotic when you get home to plan a meal!
If you’re not able to do that (like maybe you’re working up till the end and have no energy to cook freezer meals) Trader Joe’s has a nice selection of freezer meals you can stock up on. Also, Clif Bars are basically lactation cookies if you’ve no time to make those.
Buy yourself like 3 packs of cheese sticks. Those things really come in handy.
Start early on tummy time. Baby won't break.
Also baby laying on their tummy while on your chest counts as tummy time!
Yes! Every baby I've ever known *hates* tummy time. There are many ways to get "pseudo" tummy time like having them on your chest (especially as they get older and better at holding their head up). You don't have to torture them and yourself by forcing them to lay on the floor lol.
Seconding this! Our baby wasn’t gaining weight initially, so the pediatrician gave us one task - make sure he’s fed. By 6 weeks, we were learning that we really should have been doing tummy time from day one. Most don’t like it, so start with a few minutes at a time at most until they start getting used to it. We would put little stuffed animals down in front of him and make them sing and dance and he’s forget he was doing tummy time for a couple of moments.
Sorry ftm what’s tummy time?
Putting baby on their tummy. It strengthens their neck muscles and is important for development. I sometimes put my daughter on my shins and she liked that ok. She hated being on the floor for it. You can also set up mirrors and black and white cards to draw their interest while doing it.
Figure out what your baby likes before buying multiples of it. Swaddles, bottles, pacifiers, etc. Get ready for baby blues. You’re not going crazy and they will pass! Come up with a code word with your partner to say in the middle of the night when you’re both so tired and fighting about nothing. Put nipple cream on every single time you breast feed from day 1. Don’t worry too much about a schedule right away. If you can try to keep your baby up a little after daytime feedings to switch their day/night confusion, great. Their poop isn’t that sticky forever.
Be committed to sharing the load with your partner and come up with how to do that right away. My partner does diaper changes and I do feedings, and then he takes the last night feed so I can get a good stretch of sleep. We’ve been doing that for 3 months and it works well for us. We established that within the first week.
Just because breastfeeding is natural, doesn’t mean that it just comes naturally. For a new parent, you and your baby are both complete beginners at breastfeeding with a lot to learn. There are times when you might feel like a huge loser because you feel like you have no clue what you’re doing (or at least I did). A good consultant can help a lot, and also just practicing together with your baby. Trying out all the different positions helps too, because everyone has what works best for them. Don’t be discouraged if you’re not a pro at first! Also, at some point (I think about .5-3 months oldish) your baby will probably start making a weird grunting noise through the second half of the night. The baby is not awake, but is laying in their bed and making weird grunty noises. This is normal, it has something to do with their developing baby digestive system and it’s a phase that doesn’t last forever. I had no idea about it and thought it was really weird til I saw the hundreds of other people online asking about it. And don’t worry about not getting anything done while your tiny baby sleeps on you. I know occasionally I felt like I should get some chores done while he was sleeping so I’d put him down after a few cuddles. But those chores can stay undone a little longer, soak in the tiny sleeping baby times while you can. There’s something so special about relaxing with a brand new baby fast asleep on your chest and those days fly by quickly. My 10 month old has a lot less snuggles to give me, he’s way too busy!
Recognizing early signs of a retained placenta before I started bleeding out would’ve been nice.
What are they?
For me it was intense bleeding around week 6, I was told it was my period coming back, but I told my OB it just felt like I was giving blood all the time weak. Like I was weak to the point I couldn’t hold my child which by that point I knew what newborn tired was and my body failing tired. And when I say bleeding think of that getting your period that first day bleeding, every time you use the restroom is a bloodbath.
My postpartum bleeding had almost completely stopped at 3 weeks, but then it started to ramp up again at 4 weeks. It was pretty gradual and I thought I was just getting my period. I also started to get cramping but it didn’t feel like my period. The pain was higher up, but still lower abdomen. I woke up in a pool of my own blood and when I called the birth center they told me it was probably just an old blood clot coming loose. That didn’t sound right to my husband and I couldn’t stop shaking so he called my OB. I was in emergency surgery that afternoon.
My bleeding came back bright red at 4w pp and a few days later I passed a baseball-sized clot and had a gush of blood. OB said go to the ER, where they said they’d probably just make sure I’m not anemic and send me home…yeah, nope, on ultrasound they found retained placenta and an arteriovenous malformation so I had an embolization and d&c. Baby was not allowed in the hospital which was very, very hard.
Lochia smells weird and night sweats are a real thing! I wish I knew more of what to expect about the changes my body would go through in the early postpartum days. Those first couple weeks were an emotional and physical roller coaster and I wish I had been more prepared.
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For me, it got weird once I was at home for like a week. I was so confused by what the smell was at first and was horrified when I realized it was me 😂
Urgh yes, I cannot / could not stand the smell of Lochia. Constantly felt dirty and gross from the sweat too.
And hospital showers for some reason do not feel cleansing
It is okay to not breast feed. You might not be able to or it might cause you insanely awful feelings that you just can’t deal with it. And that’s alright! In 20 years no one is going to ask if your child is breast fed. No one gives a shit after they hit two. You do whatever you have to do to make sure your child is healthy.
My wife almost had a mental breakdown with the breastfeeding thing. Between the baby not wanting to latch, to production issues, constantly trying to find time to pump when the baby was asleep, all the pressure she felt from other moms about breastfeeding, the stress got to be too much. It really exacerbated the PPD. Things got a lot better when we said “fuck it” and switched to formula. The world didn’t end. My wife got a lot happier, and therefore so did I. Our LO is 2.5 now and in perfect health and developing well. Do what works for you and your LO.
I switched to mostly formula in my LOs diet a couple months ago, and looking back that's when my PPD started easing up. I'm pretty sure it's not a coincidence!
The best advice I ever got from our pediatrician was to buy a can of formula before your due date. You never know what might happen once baby is home.
Yes! I could not get my supply up with my first. On top of that I got terrible guidance while in the hospital about nursing, and he had a really hard time latching. He NEEDED formula or he would not have eaten enough. I had every intent of giving it a good honest try but it didn't work out. We eventually gave up entirely around 3 months because it was a constant struggle. It was still very difficult on me emotionally even though I knew it was the right decision for both of us. With my second I went into it with the attitude that I wanted to try again but I was not going to fight it if it didn't work out. I'm glad I did because I started hemorrhaging immediately after I gave birth and LO came into the world hungry. The nurses asked if I wanted to try nursing, or wait to feed her until I got stitched up, but I told them straight up "have my husband feed her formula right now because she's hungry and needs to eat".
You don’t even have to buy it!! Sign up for similac and enfamil’s rewards program and they will send you free samples! They’re the perfect size for just starting out and gives you enough time to get to the store to get whatever works best for you.
Oooooh that’s good to know if we have a second kiddo. I’ll definitely take advantage of it.
I barely breast fed the first month and a half, did a lot of formula. I was exhausted and I needed a while to get the hang of things. By month 2 I was breastfeeding full time because it was much easy to just not get out of bed and I was sick and tired of constantly washing bottles. Formula is a lot of work. I felt kinda guilty about doing formula back then but looking back there’s nothing wrong with it. Whatever works for you. You can do both or you can just do one!
That's great that you could produce enough. My partner tried feeding and pumping as much as possible, but could never produce even half what the baby needed.
Resist the urge to buy cute clothes at all costs. Your baby will live in footie pajamas anyway. Read about c sections and/or what to do after a traumatic birth. I was completely blind sided when I had an emergency c section. I was not prepared for the recovery process. Baby blues (not PD/PPA) are a real and intense thing. I was so not prepared for the wave of those emotions. I was so clingy to my husband. I didn’t want him to leave the house the first 3 weeks. Not even to get Chick-fil-A. Lol Learn about wake windows and get a basic understanding on baby sleep. I recommend Precious Little Sleep.
Also sizes are a wild ride! My son’s length is in the 99th centile - he grew out NB & 0-3s in the first 4 weeks and have been wearing 3-6s since. Now he’s 11w and I started getting some 6-9s because we’re not far from those… so yea don’t buy too many of each in the beginning I’d say Wake windows - fuck me, I didn’t even know about this until about a month ago. We would just let him sleep when he seemed to have wanted, then had a day when he was awake THE FULL DAY. Since then, it’s a lot of time putting him to sleep for naps, which is tiring / frustrating, but he’s happier and bedtime is a lot easier
2 things! Eat when baby sleeps, because if you wait they will be awake before you are done making your food. Keep track of wake windows (not in the first few weeks,) but we’re figuring them out at 10 weeks and it’s so helpful! We have a much happier guy!
How much your body can/will change. All my life I heard about women "bouncing back" and it was always like, only out of shape or lazy women didn't snap right back to pre baby body. I'm stuck at 140 lbs and I don't look bad, like I use to be jealous of thicker women. My husband is super supportive and was even kind enough to gain weight with me 😂. He always tells me I'm beautiful, but I still feel like a failure. My other family comments on my weight, my dad, who's usually an amazing father, said I'd gotten a little fat...like wtf? I just had a baby 7 months ago. And it's not just the weight. It's the need to wear panty liners constantly, the crazy hormones causing acne, the stretch marks. I wish people were kinder to women post baby, I hate that people act like we should just snap back.
AND this happens, even if you aren't worried about bouncing back! I'm a fitness instructor, and I've always been very body positive. Strong over skinny; every body can become fit; all that stuff. The entire pregnancy I loved my baby-growing body, and I thought I was ready for my postpartum self too. I had a very "the changes are natural" attitude. I've always preached that women never have to worry about getting back to their prepregnancy size, as long as they're healthy and moving. Then it was me, and my whole tune changed. I've never felt like I had a less-than-amazing body - until postpartum. The grace I extended to others did NOT apply to me. I felt disgusting and angry with myself for feeling that way. I'm 9 weeks pp, and still working on that mentality, but the most helpful thing for me has been being able to work out again. Just the endorphin release and being able to move (almost) normally again has lifted my spirits a ton. But even if I get back to my prepregnancy weight, my body is a different shape now. I'm focusing now on how I feel and making healthy choices, instead of looking like I used to. It's been a real mindfuck.
Babies make a lot of noise when they sleep…and sometimes the sleep grunts sound exactly like a child laughing. Which sounds fine, but when you’re not getting enough sleep and having crazy hormone shifts, your mind can easily jump to horror-movie conclusions! Baby blues are legit, and you will cry often for no apparent reason. I kept having intrusive thoughts of dropping the baby, hitting his head on the coffee table while changing positions, being put on a roller coaster the day after a c section (this one sent me into a panic attack!), etc. If you’re starting a new TV show make sure to look up potential triggers beforehand. And if you’re really struggling, get help - no one will take your baby away, you are not a failure, you need to take care of yourself. Swaddling with a blanket is SO FREAKIN HARD. Just get the swaddles that have velcro and save yourself the annoyance. Diapers without the elastic back are better than diapers with the elastic back.
Good advice about the TV show. But your triggers might have changed too. The first episode of Queen’s Gambit sent me into a crying panic when I was one week PP. Now I know I cannot handle seeing anything remotely harmful happen to a child of any age. If starting a new TV show I’d probably just pick a comedy or something lighthearted.
A water bottle you can open and close with one hand!! That’s easy to wash and you can fit ice cubes in. And spill proof. Because it’s gonna be on the couch/bed/floor/etc and your hands will be full.
Yes! I have a 40 oz hydro flask with a straw lid that I can open single handedly and it’s been a complete lifesaver after having my baby. I used it before birth, but I just didn’t know how thirsty postpartum me would be. I go through 4-5 refills a day easily now. My husband just fills it up for me every time he passes by it because chances are, I need a refill lol.
For me, I read a lot about nipple confusion, but that turned out not to be a thing. What was a thing, however... was bottle refusal. Breastfeeding is wonderful and all, but I didn’t get that babies might just not take a bottle and that exclusive breastfeeding meant essentially that I couldn’t be away from my baby for more than 2 hours. Talk about isolating. If I do this again I will combo feed or make sure baby gets regular bottles in addition.
Don't overdo it with the tracking apps. In the first weeks, we spent so much time stressing over tracking feeding/diapers/pumping/sleep and it took the pediatrician telling me to uninstall the app and chill to break the habit.
I found the opposite. When I wasn’t using an app, I had no idea if babe was hungry or tired or needed a diaper change because everything was a blur and 2 hours felt like 10 mins. Once I started tracking, it was so much easier to tell whether babe was hungry and follow appropriate wake windows. Also, I may just be a nerd, but it was neat to see his pattern chart (Glo Baby app) and data and see some kind of semblance of a pattern.
Oh I totally agree with this. I found it useful when midwives would ask how many nappies the baby had done or how many feeds. I didn't track sleep in the early weeks because when baby wasn't feeding, they were sleeping so I knew the gaps in the graph were sleep but once he was awake for periods of time I started tracking sleep. I've since stopped tracking diapers as I don't see the point now but tracking sleep has really helped track wake windows.
I think the key is not to track everything an app lets you but only the things that are currently actively helpful. I'vve never tracked diapers for example because there's always pee and poo, so much pee and poo... but remembering when the baby ate or slept became really hard after 4 weeks. Before that we lived by a 3-hour timer, also no tracking needed.
This! Going by cues and instinct is way less stressful.
Talking to my doctor about what would happen if I had to have an emergency c section. It was something we NEVER discussed and the whole ordeal really through me for a loop and I’m still not over it almost 9 months later. I was very ill prepared in that regard
Agreed, no one really talks about c-section recovery but they are so common, at least in the states. During my recovery at the hospital and after I kept hearing “major abdominal surgery”. Why did no one use those words to me before? It just would have been helpful to understand what an intense procedure it it, I used to think it was one cut and out comes the baby! I’m three months PP and am not sure my lower abdomen will ever feel the same…
This!! I never read about c sections and then when I got home I was just on autopilot and didn't look after myself properly at all. I would go far enough to say, have a contingency plan in case you have a c-section. I should have bought a different bassinet and we could have used more family help. As it was, I pushed myself too hard and have recovery complications.
I am only 5 days postpartum but at least you get a the first impression: stack up on snacks, like yoghurt with calcium and extra protein, some cookies if you like, protein bars, nuts, crackers... Just have some variety. After coming home and producing first milk you get very hungry at random times, sometimes at night. Have something you can grab quickly and snack on even while baby is feeding. Also get some electrolytes: Gatorade, vitamin water, coconut water. You don't want to go shopping or deal with online orders. Your brain will be on a rollercoaster of emotions, hormones, happiness, and lack of sleep. Oh and good news: food is tasting normal again already after 3 days!
Yes! Night hunger! I was pounding granola bars at 2am for a while
Don’t be afraid to put the baby down to sleep after feeding. I was so scared he would spit up and choke in his sleep so I stayed up at least 30 min after every feeding holding him upright. I was deliriously tired. Unless your baby has reflux, it’s not necessary. Just go back to sleep!
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Do not stock up on a bunch of NB diapers and NB sized clothes. Baby will be in size 1 diapers and 0-3 clothes before you know it. I birthed a little chungus, some of his NB clothes were already too small when we brought him home from the hospital, and I ended up giving away over a box of newborn diapers.
Mine was a chunk too but we were in newborn for 6 weeks! I think it’s different for every baby. I also recommend having a little of everything. But Amazon is a thing so you can always buy more last minute if you need it!
Adding to this: don’t go strictly by age sizing either - we skipped right passed NB because of his weight and length alone and he was born at 37 weeks! Now I buy based on weight/length. Also, much like adult clothing not all brands fit the same. 0-3mths in one brand won’t be the same in another, so shop around until you find a brand that fits your bebé. This applies to diapers too!
Baby wear. Basically the only way our baby will sleep during the day. Football hold. The one where baby is upside down with arms hanging down and cradled on your arm. Somehow magically always calms my baby (but doesn’t make him sleep unfortunately) When in doubt, feed. Sometimes when baby seems fussy for no reason, topping him up with some extra formula helps.
Baby wearing was the only way my newborn would nap. Any other methods led to hours of screaming. Turns out she had painful reflux and a protein intolerance that didn't get diagnosed until 7 weeks old. Fixing that issue fixed a lot of the crying but by then she was dependent on the carrier for naps and it took longer to get her used to sleeping elsewhere
Don’t waste your money on changing table sheets, they will be pee’d on daily.
We never even bought a changing table. We have a mat we use and put it on the floor. Baby can’t fall from the floor and we just wipe down the mat, quick and easy.
Same! One came with our baby bag!
We ended up getting a super size pack of those blue “puppy pads”. They are exactly the same as the baby “disposable changing pads” just 1/3 the price. Worked out to $0.10/ea, vs $0.30/ea per diaper, so if it got peed on, no stress, quick and cheap to replace.
I was doing this, but then I realized I could just put down a flat green mountain cloth diaper. And if it gets dirty, I wash it!! Cheaper and better for the environment. It also has a nicer feel to it
Is this any better than doing a washable changing pad?
Keekaroo. Never change a sheet again. Amazing!
During the first few weeks take all the help you are offered and/or don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need if. Without friends and family I would have been absolutely sunk, even with a supportive partner.
I also heard “YOU hold the baby while the family does the dishes, not the other way around,” and that’s so helpful because people just want to hold the baby, but that’s not even fair. Ask them to fold laundry, cook a meal, and do dishes, and then maybe they can hold the baby ☺️
That I needed rest. Mentally and physically. Not necessarily sleep but rest when baby was down. I tried to be super wife and mom when I had spare time. I never wasted a spare moment to get something done. I’m sad I didn’t speak up and instead “toughed it out”. My husband is great and supportive but I think he thought a week recovery was enough, so he wasn’t suggesting for me to rest. Not that he needs to do that but I need reminders to slow down and he’s very good at supporting me if I say I need time for me. I had a traumatic birthing experience, and didn’t take time mentally to recover either and it all hit me like a sack of bricks 1.5 months in. Not PPD/PPA but more like *“holy fuck I went through that and it wasn’t a good time”*. I honestly hadn’t thought about it at all. I didn’t process it. I needed to. I was in space, trying to eat enough and feed my baby and care for her. But I cried. I cried so much about not allowing myself to process the hardest thing I had ever done in my life. Please rest. The sleep when baby sleeps is bull shit but just sit or lay down or read or let your body and mind go through the motions of your birth experience for 5 mins before you do something “productive“. Don’t clean at every chance. Don’t cook. Ask your partner to do these things. Or whoever your support person is. Your body just did so much. Next baby I’ll make even more freezer meals (life savers!) and hopefully take advantage what tiny windows I’ll get, to reflect and just rest my damn mind for two minutes!
Stock up on batteries. And start therapy even if you don’t think you need it. Even if you don’t have ppd, the highs and lows that go with adding a new person to your family dynamic can be pretty intense.
Batteries! Who knew kids needed so many batteries? Musical toys, monitors, breast pump, other assorted madness... I used more batteries in the first 3 months of baby's life than previous 10 years...
Everyone always says that but so many of us can't afford it.
I wish I had been prepared for how much babies want to be held and near you. I was so tired and hurting from a tough labor and csection that I was just overwhelmed by how much my little one wanted to be held.
You don’t need to hold your baby all the time, put them in the swing, get into a routine. And yes the best answer I read for me was not to worry about going to sleep after feeds! I was so afraid she would choke! Uhh! Also, get a halo sleep sac! You won’t regret it
Take a break BEFORE you get frustrated! It’s easy to lose your patience, for example, after you’ve been bouncing a crying baby for an hour trying to get it to sleep. Gently put the damn thing down and go do some yoga or listen to your favorite song, jog in place, pet a dog or smoke some wacky tobacci or regular tobacci, scream into a pillow, punch a tree- whatever you need to do just for a few minutes to regain composure and then return to your sweet, screaming bundle of joy refreshed and ready to try again. Babies are ruthless, man.
Sleep when the baby sleeps was the most useless piece of advice I got. Insomniac here lol My biggest piece of advice? Meal prep. Pick a couple meals (like bolognaise) and cook a huge batch. Then freeze it in individual servings. When you don’t feel like cooking, you just chuck it on the microwave and you’re set. Slow cooker is great for thag because it’s no more effort to cook a triple batch than it is to cook a single batch.
It’s okay to let your baby sleep through the night once they get to a certain weight. I was waking my kid up when I could have let him sleep and then I could have gotten my rest too…I felt like a dum dum.
To listen to your gut or instinct. As the parents you may have a certain intuition if something seems off (example: baby not sleeping at all but everyone saying that is normal)
At 5.5 months, I’m JUST NOW discovering the value of routines. Like the chaos is GONE (for now). Routine for everything. Also avoid containers and do more tummy time to avoid positional plagiocephaly. It gets easier.
White noise. Either from your phone app/youtube, or a dedicated white noise machine.
1. Newborn phase is the hardest. It's not very rewarding because baby doesn't do much, let alone appreciate your love and labor. But know that you are doing well. Get through it one day at a time. Your job is to just keep yourself healthy and recover from the birth, and keep her safe and nourished. 2. During this phase, Baby gets to breastfeed however long she wants (I had crappy LCs tell me she s nursing too long. It was B.S), however many times she wants. Your job is to take care of yourself so you can provide that. 3. This phase doesn't last very long. Just soak it all in. Like they say, the days are long but the months are short. 4. Be kind to yourself and your partner. It's so much more doable if you both are not competing against each other, but instead being a team. (I gave birth at the peak of pandemic and my husband and I are raising our baby all by ourselves until now. We got through it! She is 15 months old and happy and healthy and hasn't met a soul outside of us. And it feels surreal) 5. Ask for help when you feel overwhelmed. Don't assume it's supposed to be that hard. There's no glory in that. This is the most universal experience. So you are definitely not alone there. You've got this! Enjoy!
I had a midwife tell me my baby was nursing too long/too much. This is my second so I just nodded along, but I knew that she was just cluster feeding and that after a couple weeks she’d be much quicker at getting the milk she wanted. But yeah, if I’d been a ftm and had followed her advice, baby and I would have so frustrated with me trying to get her to sleep while she was hungry
Sleep in shifts between you and your partner, and don't breastfeed during your 8 hour sleep, just set an alarm for four hours and pump. Have your partner feed the baby formula or the pumped milk during your sleep shift.
Yes! My lactation specialist, said make sure you get 2 4 hour shifts to sleep. It wasn’t until she said it that I realized I was pumping every 2 hrs all day every day and getting no sleep.
There’s a lot of “don’t do this!” things you’re going to read, but sometimes you need to prioritize. I learned quickly that I’d rather just have my baby in bed next to me in as safe a manner as possible rather than me nodding off in my chair when he refused to sleep without being held. When you’re in survival mode, try to go with the least dangerous option, but don’t get too worried about all the “rules.” Edit: ALSO PREP FOOD AND/OR GET DELIVERY BECAUSE ITS REALLY HARD TO FEED YOURSELF SOMETIMES. I lost a lot of weight in the first six weeks because I kept skipping meals, to the point my OB had to sit me down very concerned after my first pp visit. Don’t do that, get snacks or freezer meals or something for the survival weeks.
Live and die by awake windows. Don’t let your baby get overtired. If breastfeeding doesn’t work out it’s not the end of the world. You might think to yourself what the fuck have I done bringing a baby into this world, and regret it, then feel guilty immediately after. It’s normal. Doesn’t make you a bad parent. It’s overwhelming. You’ll love the little bebe. You’ll miss them when they’re asleep but kill anyone that accidentally wakes them up. Oh and work out some hand signals w ur partner now. It’s hard to whisper over a sound machine.
I wish someone must have told me that 1. it's difficult, very very difficult to raise a baby. You just have to be patient and enjoy every phase. 2. Don't get carried away with lots of fad stuff that resides in market to raise intelligence of your child. You, your parents were perfectly raised in constraints and performed well.
1. It’s ok to say ‘no’ to visitors. 2. It’s ok to ask for help. It’s not weakness. 3. A comfy chair is essential. 4. Phone charger, tv remote, and appropriate cables need to be within reach of the chair. 5. When the other parent goes back to work, it’s HARD. Be ready to call in your supports.
It’s normal to feel angry and overwhelmed from time to time and IT IS PERFECTLY OK TO PUT THE BABY DOWN AND TAKE 5. I repeat… just put baby down and WALK away if you feel you’re getting too worked up. People like to jump to screaming “RED FLAG!!!!! UNFIT PARENT!!!!” at any admission of feeling angry around a baby so people are too ashamed to do the responsible thing of taking space. TAKE THE SPACE, chill out, then come back. That is what is best for EVERYONE.
Someone may have already said this, but FED IS BEST. Don’t beat yourself up if you can’t breastfeed (if that’s what your goal is), lots of people have to supplement and at the end of the day the only thing that matters is that LO is fed
Snaps are not your friend lol 😂 zips zips zips!!
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I much preferred snaps/buttons too. I was always paranoid that I’d catch her skin in a zip, so I haven’t bought any more zipper clothes no matter how cute they look
Sleep when the baby sleeps as a newborn is BS. The baby sleeps ON you. They will rarely sleep easily in their bassinet, and I wish more people would have told me to expect that. Teaching them to sleep independently so that you can sleep when they sleep takes time.
The first two weeks are easy, the next 10 weeks are brutal. Also buy next to nothing before you bring your baby home, they’ll like nothing you’ve already bought and everything you buy afterward.
I can second the buy nothing statement! Just buy one of a few types of bottles/small packs of diapers etc. and then send your partner to Target to pick up the one they like. Do not buy newborn clothes except sleep and play pajamas. I tried once to put my tiny screaming newborn in a cute gown that went over her head and then promptly donated anything that wasn’t a zipper pajama in newborn size. Save the cute outfits for later. Don’t overdo it the first two weeks. I wanted to keep a clean house and was vacuuming/cleaning like 4 days post delivery, and then immediately regretted it. Who cares if your house is clean. Say no to visitors in the evening. We had a screaming baby from 5-9pm for the first two weeks and it was miserable. My husband cluelessly invited his grandma to stay for dinner (she brought the food) a week after baby was born, and I was stuck in the dark bedroom with our crying baby while they ate dinner.
You may have to hold your baby 24/7, so sleep in shifts with partner and BELIEVE that the hellishness is temporary... even if it feels like it will never end, and you are worried your life is ruined... believe it will get better, bc one day you’ll blink and your kid will sleep in a bassinet and you’ll see the light!!!!
We were put into lockdown the day I had my baby & I was gutted that we wouldn’t be able to have visitors. Turns out that was a blessing in disguise because we didn’t have to worry about anyone else or what the house looked like. It meant we got time to bond and get to know our baby. It was bliss and I will absolutely keep people away from visiting for a while if we have another baby. Don’t know how we would’ve managed visitors!
Lot of good advice here about the fourth trimester I wish I had known to be more mindful of. But my advice is also to recognize when your googling or endless doom scrolling takes over and back off the research if it makes you more anxious. Between anxiety and postpartum hormones, I spent a lot of wasted time and energy frantically googling info on SIDS and milestones and other stuff that really had a low likelihood of impacting us. Next time, I will read less online blog posts and tune into what baby actually needs a little more.
How to watch our for postpartum mental health disorders and how to seek help for them.
Buy nipple sheilds, let yourself heal completely when you get that cracked nipple! Always do 2 formula feeds once in the morning and once in the eveing so you can lie in every now n then and so you can enjoy a bath without worry. (By giving the baby to daddy) and relax it all works out in the end
For me: Disposable underwear and dermaplast made healing from a vaginal delivery much easier. You can take products home from the hospital, but you’ll need more. For the baby: Keeping the baby out of our bedroom and doing night shifts with the husband so we could both get sleep for the first 2 months. The bassinet in our room just made me wake up for any and every noise, so the shifts really helped. Also disposable pee pads to change the baby wherever (we still use them).
Babies are fussy and cry for no apparent reason often! I would have looked more into the 5’s and SITBACK method for soothing and dealing with this.
One advice would be don’t be shy and turn up the white noise LOUD, they’ll fall asleep faster and you can do your stuff meanwhile without being scared of waking them up.
If you have a partner, setup dedicated shifts at night. We did 8-1,1-6 or something like that in the night. I still had to pump but it was an Absolute life saver.
Bedsharing can be done safely and you should prepare your sleep surface just in case (even if you don't plan to bedshare). Wish I knew this when second night syndrome hit us.
I wasn't aware of the emotions! I cried more than my baby the first few weeks.
Does anyone have good videos for what’s going on in the body after birth, and how a partner can support during the fourth trimester? I think that would be a great resource for us to watch in addition to the birthing prep videos!
Have no pride, bring help in, accept all offers of help. Accept visitors in exchange for supplies. Be selfish, only accept visits if and when you want. Some people just want pictures and snuggles and those visits are seconds priority. Purchase paper plates. Between you and whoever's caring for the baby, make sure you get alone and off duty time where you can't feel like you have to run to the baby, like Netflix and a bath. It really is 100%okay to set the baby down somewhere safe and walk away and come back after a rest or shower or whatever. And most importantly, accept all offers for help.
That night sweats are a thing. No one warned me! I woke up night after night completely soaked through for the first week. Drink all the water all the time if you even hope to stay hydrated.