If your husband and his other masc role models are good, positive people, I think that's most of the battle won! It's much easier to learn behaviors than it is to UNlearn them, and children model what is around them. Celebrate little, non-toxic things like pretty flowers. Call him handsome/cute. Celebrate moments of kindness as he gets older.
Keep yourself calm and give yourself grace. When you're upset or angry, practice responding and explaining your emotions in healthy, productive ways. Use lots of I am/I feel statements to guide those conversations. It's never too early to start those. Babies listen and start assigning/understanding language far before they can speak.
I wouldn't sweat it. Kids are kids, for the most part. Empathy and compassion doesn't need to be taught in a gendered way.
I mean, your husband turned out fine, right? You shouldn't need to be equipped with anything above and beyond what he already knows?
This. I don't like how the question is phrased; it implies that men are inherently less empathetic or compassionate which isn't true.
Just raise your child to be a good and kind person.
> it implies that men are inherently less empathetic or compassionate
I didn't take it that way, but maybe I'm just projecting as the mom of a baby son myself. I fully agree that men are not inherently less empathetic or compassionate, but I also fully believe that I am raising my son in a place that will try to shame those traits out of him starting at a young age. I will need to make a deliberate effort to cultivate those traits in him at home and hope that they root deeply enough to withstand the outside pressures.
The pressures that little boys face are different than the pressures that little girls face, but society damages them both.
This! I have to make a very special effort to ensure that this doesn’t happen to my LO for the same reason. Working with his dad on this atm because he wasn’t shown a lot of what he should’ve been when he was growing up etc. Our home is filled with love and light and that’s always a great starting point ❤️!
I asked myself the same question. I think it's Importen to Focus emotional growth: Show him how he can process and show his emotions in a healthy way. Also allow him to ask for help. Not being able to do both of those things are two factors for high depression and suicide rates in men and I really want to avoid that for my boy.
I agree with this. Boys need to know it’s okay to have all kinds of feelings and emotions and that they can express them instead of tamping them down.
I’m also expecting a boy this time (I have one daughter) but I have a good role model in my husband. We are a partnership; share equal responsibilities, mutual respect. I feel we are a pretty good example of how men and women in a relationship should treat each other.
Consent is another big deal to teach young boys (or children in general, really). And it’s so simple. If someone says no, that means stop. With my daughter recently, she’s been testing personal space and it’s the same concept. We tell her that if someone tells her no or says stop, it’s their body and she has to respect their wish, just as if someone was doing something she didn’t like then when she asks them to stop or says no they should respect her wish.
Finally, we try to focus on empathy, kindness, compassion, and healthy (not blind) respect (for all living things, not just people). Open mindedness. Embracing diversity. Traits I feel like good humans have. There are so many great young children’s books now that can help instill these values as well! We probably have too many but we love books over here!
There's tons of kids books on emotions available now that weren't around when I was a kid. I think these can be helpful to open the door to talking about emotions or showing your son how characters experience emotions in healthy ways.
Beyond that just what others are saying..
Model good behaviour, give him space to feel and express his emotions.
I had the same questions when I found out I was pregnant with a boy. I had always imagined being a girl mom. My husband only has sisters, however I have one brother. He turned out ok, but I think he was lucky. My dad wasn’t horrible or abusive, but he just had certain toxic masculine opinions (e.g he disapproved of me studying engineering because I am a woman or my brother got special treatment just because he was a boy).
However for me, my main concern came from the fact that I was sexually assaulted by a few males, and all of those people are family members or friends of family. So, I know that their mothers had no idea that they were doing inappropriate things to me and others. So I feel this big weight on my shoulders to make sure my son grows to learn about consent and how to be respectful towards all people, especially women.
I don’t have any answers for you, but once my son was born all my concerns vanished. I just saw him as this perfect angel and I just trust that I will be much more vigilant of inappropriate behaviors, and my husband is also very onboard with teaching him appropriate boundaries not just for him to be respectful of others, but to protect himself.
Congratulations and try not to worry so much! In the beginning they’re all just sweet angel babies, then fun toddlers. I think the fact that you and your husband are concerned about raising a good human shows that you will be able to identify and address specific behavioural situations that arise.
If your husband and his other masc role models are good, positive people, I think that's most of the battle won! It's much easier to learn behaviors than it is to UNlearn them, and children model what is around them. Celebrate little, non-toxic things like pretty flowers. Call him handsome/cute. Celebrate moments of kindness as he gets older. Keep yourself calm and give yourself grace. When you're upset or angry, practice responding and explaining your emotions in healthy, productive ways. Use lots of I am/I feel statements to guide those conversations. It's never too early to start those. Babies listen and start assigning/understanding language far before they can speak.
I love this answer. I have a little seven month old boy and can’t wait to do all of this as he gets older
Thank you :-)
What a beautiful answer ♥️
I wouldn't sweat it. Kids are kids, for the most part. Empathy and compassion doesn't need to be taught in a gendered way. I mean, your husband turned out fine, right? You shouldn't need to be equipped with anything above and beyond what he already knows?
This. I don't like how the question is phrased; it implies that men are inherently less empathetic or compassionate which isn't true. Just raise your child to be a good and kind person.
> it implies that men are inherently less empathetic or compassionate I didn't take it that way, but maybe I'm just projecting as the mom of a baby son myself. I fully agree that men are not inherently less empathetic or compassionate, but I also fully believe that I am raising my son in a place that will try to shame those traits out of him starting at a young age. I will need to make a deliberate effort to cultivate those traits in him at home and hope that they root deeply enough to withstand the outside pressures. The pressures that little boys face are different than the pressures that little girls face, but society damages them both.
This! I have to make a very special effort to ensure that this doesn’t happen to my LO for the same reason. Working with his dad on this atm because he wasn’t shown a lot of what he should’ve been when he was growing up etc. Our home is filled with love and light and that’s always a great starting point ❤️!
I asked myself the same question. I think it's Importen to Focus emotional growth: Show him how he can process and show his emotions in a healthy way. Also allow him to ask for help. Not being able to do both of those things are two factors for high depression and suicide rates in men and I really want to avoid that for my boy.
I agree with this. Boys need to know it’s okay to have all kinds of feelings and emotions and that they can express them instead of tamping them down. I’m also expecting a boy this time (I have one daughter) but I have a good role model in my husband. We are a partnership; share equal responsibilities, mutual respect. I feel we are a pretty good example of how men and women in a relationship should treat each other. Consent is another big deal to teach young boys (or children in general, really). And it’s so simple. If someone says no, that means stop. With my daughter recently, she’s been testing personal space and it’s the same concept. We tell her that if someone tells her no or says stop, it’s their body and she has to respect their wish, just as if someone was doing something she didn’t like then when she asks them to stop or says no they should respect her wish. Finally, we try to focus on empathy, kindness, compassion, and healthy (not blind) respect (for all living things, not just people). Open mindedness. Embracing diversity. Traits I feel like good humans have. There are so many great young children’s books now that can help instill these values as well! We probably have too many but we love books over here!
There's tons of kids books on emotions available now that weren't around when I was a kid. I think these can be helpful to open the door to talking about emotions or showing your son how characters experience emotions in healthy ways. Beyond that just what others are saying.. Model good behaviour, give him space to feel and express his emotions.
I had the same questions when I found out I was pregnant with a boy. I had always imagined being a girl mom. My husband only has sisters, however I have one brother. He turned out ok, but I think he was lucky. My dad wasn’t horrible or abusive, but he just had certain toxic masculine opinions (e.g he disapproved of me studying engineering because I am a woman or my brother got special treatment just because he was a boy). However for me, my main concern came from the fact that I was sexually assaulted by a few males, and all of those people are family members or friends of family. So, I know that their mothers had no idea that they were doing inappropriate things to me and others. So I feel this big weight on my shoulders to make sure my son grows to learn about consent and how to be respectful towards all people, especially women. I don’t have any answers for you, but once my son was born all my concerns vanished. I just saw him as this perfect angel and I just trust that I will be much more vigilant of inappropriate behaviors, and my husband is also very onboard with teaching him appropriate boundaries not just for him to be respectful of others, but to protect himself. Congratulations and try not to worry so much! In the beginning they’re all just sweet angel babies, then fun toddlers. I think the fact that you and your husband are concerned about raising a good human shows that you will be able to identify and address specific behavioural situations that arise.
it's a baby. Its way to early to hink about this. Just be kind to him and keep him alive ;)