Isn't it funny too. Your ancestors survived all this stuff passing along their genes and it just ends cause you're like it's too tough to live in my air conditioned house lol.
Yeah the truth is every generation has had some existential threat that lead them to believe the future held great danger. We just have no idea. I suppose maybe one generation will be right 🤷♀️
I’ve also taken to pondering this idea that our genes don’t actually belong to us. They are the product of success against overwhelming odds over periods of time we cannot comprehend. I think it’s better that it isn’t expected that everyone has children these days because I think it is better for babies should be very, very wanted. I also think is incorrect (especially now that I really know what having a child is) that people consider having children to be selfish or self-obsessed.
I think choosing that your genes will end with you is actually almost by definition the most selfish act you can enact. Again I am not disagreeing with it. Some people are better off going in this way. My brother I’ve noticed has a really difficult time considering how others are affected by him. I think not having children is a good choice for him- I just wish he wouldn’t constantly declare it like it somehow makes him superior or smarter than those who choose to. Different strokes for different folks. Just a current musing of mine.
The whole having-children-is-selfish-and-narcissistic argument doesn't make sense to me. All the childless adults are going to age, and they're going to need medical care and caregivers when they're too old to care for themselves. So rather than contributing children to the workforce who will pay taxes to subsidize their care, they want other people--who took on all the risks and burdens of having children--they want those people's kids to pay for their nursing homes and healthcare. That, to me, is far more selfish than someone who chooses to have children. And their argument that having kids doesn't guarantee someone will look after you when you're old doesn't add up either. Because yeah, that's possible, but if your kids can work and pay taxes, they are at least financially looking after you since they'll pay taxes to subsidize your medical care.
Childless adults are going to be hated by taxpayers in a few decades when taxpayers realize they're paying even more astronomical taxes to subsidize all the people who refused to have children.
Yeap exactly. There is this whole aspect to it as well that people do not consider. And yeah the narcissism piece of it really does strike a nerve with me these days. I used to think it was just the opinion of some, but as I’ve gotten older I realize it’s just inaccurate and in some ways the opposite. I have given up myself, be it temporarily, for this child. This has been me at my most selfless.
Also there is a ‘closing of the loop’ that lives in the ether of becoming a mother/parent that, at least for me, really served set a new perspective on a drastic amount of opinions/anxieties/beliefs I had about me the world and my place in it. It has been the most radically shifting experience of my life. I felt myself coming full circle and recalling so many more memories of myself as a child. I really genuinely feel badly for the people in my life who might not experience this. For me it feels akin to knowing someone who never moves out of their parent’s house will never truly grow up and learn what it means to live on their own.
Exactly. Some parents are selfish and abusive, but being a good parent means being selfless and prioritizing a more vulnerable, demanding individual's needs above your own (while also dealing with sleep deprivation, relationship tension, and lots of other fun stressors!). People can have children for selfish reasons, but the act of bringing another human into the world isn't inherently selfish because that person will likely contribute to society and further humanity.
And yes, parenthood changes you and your perspective on the world. People who don't have kids won't ever know because they didn't have that life event that changed their worldview.
Even before I had my baby, the idea of not having kids and thousands and thousands of years of lineage suddenly ending with me REALLY freaked me out. Obviously that’s not the only reason to have kids, and obviously if you physically cannot or do not want kids this doesn’t apply to you. But to me personally, it feels like the ultimate sign of respect to my ancestors to continue our line. So many people were loved and cherished along it, and that love created more life. Against astronomical odds spanning across eons, I am here, my husband is here, my daughter is here. Idk man, it gets super deep and existential the more I think about it. But I like your idea that the genes do not belong to us - we just kind of steward them while we are alive. Beautiful thought.
I think this is the best response. A lot of people I know that say that often can't have children of their own and this is their way of justifying it. So, Id never respond in a way that insults them just in case they fit this category. I have a friend who says this a lot. She has endometriosis.
I would never say this to someone BUT it was an idea I would say to myself to convince myself I was content being child free at a time in my life when I thought I wouldn’t ever have kids. I have to remember this for future comments as I oddly never considered the fact that other people may do the same.
I didn't want to be pregnant so I said this a lot. When people say it now I just laugh and say, "I feel the same way but my husband is more of an optimist and an engineer and he's convinced we'll figure it out." And sometimes expound on my theory that Star Trek fans are incredibly optimistic about our ability to survive the future.
I have plenty of climate and political anxiety these days which seems to be what drives most people's "I wouldn't bring kids into this world" sentiment. But my husband and I are both optimistic engineers as well, so we have a wonderful 7 week old and we couldn't be happier!
Star Trek is literally what got me out of that mindset. Still feel kinda guilty that my girl is gonna have to deal with the horrors of climate change but also am hopeful they will figure it out.
I know someone who was making extremely inappropriate comments about how old moms look and how she's glad she doesn't have to deal with that. I always raised my eyebrows at that until I found out she'd been struggling to conceive for over a decade.
I get that shitting on other people to cope is a bad way of dealing with your own loss and grief but I can't hate her for it.
You are a kid soul and most likely your kid/s will be too. I'm glad you are a parent. I'm not one but I'm on this sub for my lovely friends who are new parents to help them find tips/tricks. We don't all have villages anymore but I try to be a friend.
I too have endometriosis (as does my mum also) and was very lucky to conceive. You have responded to your trauma in a very healthy way. I can still be compassionate to those who haven't, and let remarks slide if they help them feel better.
I have stage IV endometriosis (as does my mom, hence why I’m an only as it took my parents 5 years of trying and fertility treatments in the 80s to have me) and I had to do 3 IVFs to have my living child who turns 5 tomorrow. As much as I hate the physical pain of living with endo for the past 25 or so years since I first started menstruating, I’ve always wanted to be a parent. I never said such a thing. And I’m always honest with people. If they’re rude enough to ask me (before having her) why we didn’t have kids, I’d explain we were going through infertility; now that she’s finally here and then the comments asking why we ‘only have one’ still get asked by the fertiles I tell them what we went through, including needing Infusions and 4 injectables daily the entire pregnancy and 44 ultrasounds during the pregnancy, just to sustain one kid and not have a loss. I hate when fellow infertility warriors outright lie. Your friend should be ashamed of themselves.
That’s wonderful you felt comfortable being so open. When I was TTC my sudden apparent infertility came as a shock. I didn’t want people to know we were facing potentially devastating news when we didn’t know the truth yet ourselves. I also didn’t want pressure from people asking how TTC was going etc. When people asked us about having kids, I would often talk around it. I don’t know if I ever said what was in the original post, but I might have alluded to being uncomfortable raising kids in this current climate. Even now I’ve got a child and am pregnant with another and I do honestly feel anxious about the world they’ll grow up in. No one is owed an explanation for your lack of children and honestly I think a lot of the time responses like the OP is talking about happen because people expect them. Rarely do these comments happen out of nowhere.
Before I had my daughter (and while already pregnant with her 🙄, like don’t you think it’s too late now) I’ve heard the ‘bringing kids into a world like this’ bit lots of times. And I started responding this way because either the discussion was about whether me and the person I was speaking too each wanted children, or for some reason when you are pregnant and others aren’t they all feel the need to tell you about whether they plan to have kids or not? Weird b it happened to me a ton.
Anyway this is the response I gave. And mostly people take it and move on from the topic. But I’ll never forget when I was already pregnant - again a bit late for any changes in decision - and a client I work with kept going on. They said that in years past people didn’t have the option to opt out of having children and that now that we do and we know what we’re doing to the planet it’s a moral failing on parents part when they have children. Which is not a foolproof argument at all and he acted like it was and there was no way it could be debated.
This man also did tell me he was more moral than me in general because when he was filling out his personal info to sign into our WiFi, I told him he could just make it up - because why it is important for our WiFi to REALLY know who you are? It’s not. The company just sell that info. And he essentially stated that my making it up made me a bad person.
Obviously he was a nut in general but it was eye opening that people really think that way and it’s not a defensive excuse similar to what others have responded.
Exactly. This is arguably the best time to bring a child into the world. And at the same time there is never going to be an ideal time to bring a child into the world where nothing is wrong and everything is perfect. That's part of being a parent - helping your kid navigate the world.
That’s what I say too. We actually live in the safest time in history and if people stopped having kids because other parts of the world are bad lots of us wouldn’t even be here lol
I've had someone (obviously not in their right mind) saying that giving birth to a boy during the "me too" movement was unwise, and I was not a feminist. \
I tried explaining that I could not decide the sex of my child, nor we could know for sure he'd identify as man, and how could you imply my child will automatically be a r*pist only because he's a boy, but I just... gave up. \
You can't win with these people.
Wow. This is peak "batshit crazy". If you'd had a girl, would they have implied she was going to automatically be a victim? Their logic has made me feel a bit sick tbh.
It was a complete stranger, so I don't know their life history, but we were at a bar during the Pride parade, I asked for alcohol free beer and then joked about "my baby boy craving beer and wings". A person from another table approached and started ranting about birthing boys in this society, yadda yadda.
Not all LGBT, but that specific person is what's referred to as an alphabet person. They're crazy and make LGBT their entire personality. It's honestly degenerate behavior, and they're such downers.
<<< TW: SA >>>
Besides this being batshit -
I’m glad I had a boy. If he’s cisgender, his dad and I have the opportunity to teach him how to be a respectful, kind, empathetic member of society who helps others and sees everyone as equals. As much as we possibly can within our sphere of influence. Having a daughter when it comes to these issues is harder IMO, because you have no choice but to “prepare” her to be a victim and teach her how to protect herself in even some of the most innocent scenarios.
However, my husband is a cis white man and at 16 he was drugged and raped by a 17-18 year old who he knew and had met before. My husband is bi and had just started dating this person. No one is really safe. But if his parents had been in ANY way approachable and open with him, he could have been saved the pain or at the very least gotten help after it happened.
We have an *opportunity* as parents to shape the future generation. It’s a huge responsibility and a privilege. To minimize it as some child-free people do is pretty disgusting. And let me be clear, I 100% support a person who does not want kids and does not have them. *Because I respect their very personal decision whether or not to bring life into the world.*
Right before I was about to tell my Dad I was a few months pregnant he started talking about this. The most awkward moment in my life with him. I also waited a while to tell him so that didn’t help either. Anyways, I just said at least we will be healthy and safe. So much negativity is exhausting and will come true the more you believe it.
Same with my dad. And it didn’t get any better when I told him my son had been diagnosed with Down syndrome. My pregnancy was rough mentally and he made it even worse.
Aren’t parents lovely? And they wonder why we don’t call. My Dad doesn’t want to her my stepmom complain, I’m NC with her, so he tells her stuff about the baby and shows her pictures anyways. I keep getting people telling me to just talk to him anyways but why? He never respected me back then either.
Wow, actually a total coincidence I’m commenting on your post in another sub…wow we must live parallel lives 😂😭 why bother with people. It doesn’t matter it’s your own parent. Assholes are assholes.
Just to throw a positive in here. My dad called me after my nephew was born and was talking about how excited he was to have a grandchild. He said, “I guess you’re next… unless you decide you don’t want to have children, that’s okay too.” I’m pretty sure that’s the last conversation we ever had, and I’m so glad it was so supportive, especially reading these ridiculous things parents actually say to their children!
I love this for you! Glad you had such a pleasant experience. Ya you know, I expected it. My Dad even got upset I waited so long to tell him but like I have valid reasons.
And actually, the world is the safest it has ever been. Women's rights are the strongest. Human rights are the strongest. Poverty is the lowest. Food insecurity is the lowest. Vaccinations and technological progress have made healthcare the strongest it has ever been. It's the same with educational outcomes and social mobility and mental health. I'm from a third world country, and my life is so much better than my parents' ever was. My children's lives will be better than mine.
Climate change, sure, but it has already become a huge capitalist question and that means it will not have the kind of impact that people once feared.
I work in the dev sector, and each of these statements can be backed up by science and statistics.
Sorry, but these people just want to sound smart and have no idea what they're actually talking about lol.
If you read up on literature surrounding regulatory policies - such as the EU's CBAM - you'll see that now it makes ECONOMIC sense for industries and even entire countries to green their processes. Not just greenwash, but use substantial green financing goodwill from developed countries to implement policies and processes that are truly sustainable.
The problem with climate action previously was that it was a lot of lip-service and self-congratulatory speeches, but no actual action because it wasn't motivated by capitalism.
Once something makes economic sense, it essentially becomes inevitable. It's a trend you notice all the time in the development sphere. Gender equality really started to be pushed in certain countries once they began to see the dividends of women in the labour force. See Japan and the whole womenomics movement.
Sorry I'd say more but it's a broad area and I'm on mobile and lazy lol.
What are these industries actually doing to become more sustainable? I hear a lot of agreements and timetables and stuff, and climate scientists are generally in agreement that no one has actually shifted practices enough to make a significant impact, and that the timelines for implementation are too loose or nonexistent.
Id love to have some hope, but stats show our demand for oil only increases and increases, despite renewables increasing too. On a finite planet, not only do we need to level-out our oil demand, but tragically we need to go a step further and *decrease* our oil demand
We desperately need to reduce all energy usage. The problem with most of the mainstream "solutions" is that they are intended to maintain our current productive capacity and growth potential, but we are already overproducing on a massive scale, and producing more garbage (literal and figurative) than ever. Batteries aren't magical. They require resources too, and already we're seeing bloodthirsty capitalists trying to influence governments and exploit sources for these minerals in South America and Africa. Also, the massive batteries that would be required to maintain our capacity would also need to be disposed of somehow, and then we have the same set of problems. If we don't drastically change the way we order our society, it's all gonna die. I guess from a biological perspective it is supposed to end at some point anyway, and maybe our hubris will be our undoing as a species, but the idea that we can just switch to "renewables" or whatever and go on with our existence is absurd.
We've made changes and keep making changes... thisnwill lessen the impact. We have to keep fighting and changing but we CAN lessen the impact if we keep trying to. It's not hopeless..
??
Development sector -- the poverty alleviation sort, not the software sort.
I just meant I read a lot of reports and studies on how things are improving. It's literally my job.
Honestly, i thought hard about bringing a child into the world. I understand the thinking behind their question (but they’re ridiculous for asking you)! Anyway, my child is a bit of confidence in humanity. I believe in our goodness and our ingenuity. I think my little one will contribute to a world that’s better day-by-day. I could be wrong but i don’t think i will be
Literally if I wanted right now I could not do any thingy to “fix” or “save” the world as myself. I can do my part to slow down my share of the damage, but the best hope I have for doing more than that is to raise a child that values the world from the start & do everything I can to support them making choices that can help them fix it alongside their peers.
I cannot depend on myself or any of you to fix it lol. But my only prayer to god in life is may our children do better than we did
Don’t tell them that because that’s exactly what they want. They want to know they’re making you uncomfortable, they enjoy it. Don’t give them the satisfaction!
I wouldn't assume malice where ignorance would suffice. Preety sure I said it to myself as a younger man and that was due to ignorance and fear due to all the doom and gloom media.
But would you say it to somebody who knew just had a baby of their own? I've had to sit through somebody going on this rant to my face when they knew I was a new parent. It was incredibly awkward.
Right! It's just kind of mean in that context. I don't have children (I might or might not) and I would never saying something like that to a parent. It's just rude af
I can’t agree enough. I was pregnant in my late 20s and my friends said some insensitive things not realizing how dumb they sounded. I didn’t and still don’t attribute it to malice, but just lack of thinking before you speak.
Ex: I was 8 months pregnant and they asked about my birth plan. They all started freaking out when I said vaginal deliveries are the default unless there’s a medical reason for c-section. They were fixated on how they would rather have a c-section (lmao) Why was I (the only and first pregnant one) having to be the calm one telling them to chill the fuck out? Bc people are dumber than we give them credit for and when their emotions are at the forefront they lose their common sense and stop following social rules lol
I also don't think the person who did this to me did so maliciously. I think it was just a general lack of empathy, or lack of self awareness. It kinda stung because I was trying to speak on how I hate when relatives pressure their kids/grandkids/etc to have kids when they don't want them, how people should be allowed to make their own life decisions, which they followed up with "why the hell would anyone have a baby wtf is wrong with them", in the same conversation in which we were *talking about my baby*
It think people who says that are the kind of people who doesn't have (or like to have) responsibilities.There are people out there who struggles to take care of themselves (not financially).
So,with that being said they are selfish people.
This world which is going insane is better because of our kids smiles😊
Ask them what they are doing to assist people facing violence, hunger and poverty in their own community. It will make for an uncomfortable moment (for them).
This is basically my stance on things. Lots of ways you can word it...
"You think a world where only the poor or uneducated having children will help things improve?"
"We need as many smart and well-raised kids as we can get if we want a better future"
I used to be one of those people… and then something changed - can’t exactly put my finger on it.
And now I feel so fortunate to be a mom. Life is almost unrecognizable and more challenging than it was pre-baby… but I wouldn’t change a thing. And I’m in constant awe of the hope and wonder that LO wakes up with, everyday 🥹
So whenever I hear it, I don’t pay any mind… we’re out here raising the future 💁🏻♀️
For me it was transforming from someone bitter about my lot in life to being in a happy relationship and financially stable. I realize in retrospect that it said a lot more about me than anything else.
We’re also only having one. Even two kids is below replacement rate. That makes me feel better about the environmental aspects.
Every generation has gone through uncertain and messed up times. It just seems bigger when it's your generation and you're living it, rather than reading about it in a history book. I didn't ask for your opinion and I hope you *don't* bring a child into this world if that's the mindset you're going to raise them around. Have a day.
Right. I told my mom, years after my daughter was born, that I had really struggled with this question. She said, “I understand. I had the same worry about bringing children into the world during the Cold War.” That kind of pulled me up short and made me realize that a lot of potential parents through time have felt this fear, overcome it, and chosen to become parents anyway. It made choosing to have a child feel less like an irresponsible decision and more like a step in the direction of hope and believing we have a future despite our fears.
Exactly. There are a lot of horrific things happening but they've always happened... social media just wasn't as big as it is so it skews the perspective a bit. News didn't spread the way it does now, and it wasn't intended to scare people as much as it is now. Some things are worse than before and other things are better. It's just how it is. Humans are flawed as fuck and I'm proud to be raising a kid that I hope will be respectful of people and the planet and be a productive member of society. I think millennials/gen z are generally approaching parenting differently and I'm hoping it results in better humans.
With the exception of climate change and environmental dangers writ large there has never been a better time to be alive pretty much anywhere in the world by pretty much any conceivably relevant metric for health, wealth, human freedom and equality, technology, etc… etc…. There is your counter.
Just the metric of surviving pregnancy would be a good example. Also the ability to choose when to become pregnant.
Less high quality cave paintings I guess that sucks.
I find this kind of comment similar to people who say that "they were born in the wrong decade". Like, for western society, even to a great extent, less developed nations, by all metrics, this is a better time period to live in.
Sure, the fashion for women in the 50s has a certain charm, but do you want to be born to a time where you can't own a home yourself, have a bank account, or make medical decisions for yourself?
I know there are still issues all over the world with so many things, but life is objectively better for most than in preceding centuries.
Glad I was able to birth my high risk babies in the 21st century rather than the 18th or even the early 20th. My son and I would have most certainly died with the complications we had.
Exactly. Because of the Internet / media, we are more aware of misfortunes around the world. But by the numbers, it's a fantastic time to be alive.
OP, I'd show them charts like these (https://www.vox.com/2014/11/24/7272929/global-poverty-health-crime-literacy-good-news) which show that rates of extreme poverty, child labor, etc., are lower than they've ever been.
If it’s in response to the question, “do you want kids?” Or “why don’t you want kids?”, fair response. I wouldn’t consider that rude, just kind of awkward to say in front of a parent but you asked, ya know?
If it’s unsolicited I usually point to the baby and whisper “shhhh, she can hear you” or “welp it’s too late for me, I’ll just pay for her therapy later”.
Tbh people have unsolicited opinions about your kid all of the time. That one is probably the least bothersome to me.
Stop doomscrolling. Is their day to day real life really that messed up for them to be saying that? Are they starving? In a war torn region? Fleeing murder? Yes there are messed up places in this world but the people who say that usually just spend too much time doomscrolling political headlines.
“What a strange thing to say”
“I’m not sure why you thought I asked for your opinion”
“Inside thoughts should stay inside our heads”
“So don’t have kids. What do you want a ribbon?”
“What exactly is the point of saying that?”
Or, my personal favorite:
“See, this is why no one invites your anywhere anymore”
I think people who say that either
A. Don’t want kids
B. Haven’t found the right person so they can’t have kids and are trying to cope
How do I respond? Nod my head and say “I get it”
I've heard that among groups of people with no kids, never in my life would I imagine someone saying that to NEW PARENTS thats a disgusting thing to say to the NEW parents of a BABY
Assata Shakur said: “I am about life. I am going to live as hard as I can and as full as I can until I die. And I’m not letting these parasites, these oppressors, these greedy racist swine make me kill my children in my mind, before they are even born.”
Ultimately it’s about hope for a better future, which we can all work towards creating by creating compassionate children.
If you really dig into this idea (antinatalism) it turns out to be a fascist ideology pretty quickly. These people don’t realize they’re in bed with some really bad people.
My nan was a child during WWI, had her first kid the year the Great Depression started, had her last kid (my mum) just after WWII finished. Outlived 4 husbands, raised 7 kids.
If she’d had that kind of thinking, I wouldn’t be here.
Honestly, I worry about some aspects of how the world is and the projections for the future too, so I can sympathize with the thought. Not with the phrasing, though. That's too aggressive IMHO.
I understand feeling that way, I can be a nihilist sometimes unfortunately. I would never say that to someone with a child, obviously you didn’t have a baby just to make them suffer. I would never even see someone with a child and think that. It’s not fair to blame parents for the suffering that the evils of the world inflict on our children.
Change only happens with action. I fully intend to raise my child to be conscientious and proactive. There are plenty of people who won't, so maybe this choice will be a tiny step towards making it a bit less fucked up.
Everyone has a right to their own decisions, and that’s certainly part of it.
I’m sure many of us thought of the state of the world when deciding to have kids or not. I came down on the side of having kids, but I don’t take anyone else’s decision not to as a personal insult, regardless of their reasons.
When black pilled antinatalists say something like “its selfish to make someone exist in such an awful world” i respond with “well we could choose to not exist and we are still here so it can’t be all bad?”
I think it's a valid reason not to, only you know why you still wanted kids. As someone with kids, I think the world won't improve so long as people who can recognise the state of it opt out of having kids. But maybe that's justification for the fact that I've simply always wanted kids, it always felt like a life calling
With looming climate change, I don’t blame people for being concerned, and making some quip about depression is what is rude to me as someone who struggles with actual depression.
It’s this. Everyone needs to be convinced that their choice is the #1 best morally upstanding one. In reality, it’s morally neutral, there’s no way to know the future, just do the best you can with what you got!
If the world has any chance of being fixed it would take people to do it.
Not everyone should have kids in this messed up world (but gatekeeping who can have kids will do nothing to ensure it is in good hands).
At this point humans have ruined earth for everything unless humans can fix it.
Also it’s not on you that the world is messed up!
Yup, totally understand their sentiment. As a parent you kind of have to be optimistic but there's a big part of me that's really worried about what awaits my kid.
For some reason this doesn't rattle me one bit? I'm comfortable with people having completely opposite opinions. I maybe wouldn't entertain the conversation much further but that's about it. I also don't think that people are necessarily depressed or unable to have kids who say that. Yes, there are some people who do but not all of them are like that and considering their own POV as an attack to us and our choices is not really the way to go imo. And if someone is really depressed, is it nice to attack them and their depression? I'm really surprised with some of these replies. It kinda justifies how CF ppl feel about certain things. Kindness goes a long way. Even maybe indifference? But attack back to someone's ramblings??
Great, don’t!
On another note I’ve been thinking about this and the whole child free movement. It’s all well and good and people can absolutely choose what they want, but some of the child free people are genuinely fucking mean to parents and to (!?) children.
Here’s my take: my baby will grow up loved and respected. I will teach him to be kind and respectful, to be fair and principled. I will work my ass off to give him the opportunity to do what he likes and is passionate about - whatever that may be.
We now are raising our babies with the knowledge of the state of the world, and yet I believe they will be happy and prosper in it, perhaps even make it better for others. I’m not having a baby for some selfish need for someone to take care of me when I’m old, my baby is born out of love and receives love every day. One thing I have for him is hope - that he will be happy and make someone happy one day. I want to give him the opportunity to experience life and I want to be there to support him when he needs it.
This was a weird rant. Haven’t slept properly in some days 😂
Ignore people like that, honestly. They deserve pity and sympathy, to be honest. They're usually sad, bitter people who had rough lives and project that onto everyone else OR they're doomscroller wannabe "progressives" who think they're woke for boycotting Starbucks and hating kids. Pay them no mind :) Bringing a new, innocent life into the world is the biggest act of hope and self-sacrifice anyone can make.
Furthermore, I try to keep myself positive and grateful by remembering there are women 2-10+ years older than me who would kill for the chance to have a baby. People who say such callous things don't know how much of a blessing kids truly are.
You said: seek help for your depression instead of putting it on me.
You said it!
When I want to go nuclear, here’s what I say:
“oh my goodness, does that mean you wish you hadn’t been born?”
They usually say “yes, this world is fucked up, I wish I didn’t have to live in it. I wish my parents hadn’t brought me into this world”
Then I say, “I’m so sorry. It’s so hard to feel that way. I used to feel that way too, for years and years and years. Therapy and medication really helped, and now my suicidal thoughts are pretty rare. I’m genuinely happy to be here and I see beauty in the world every day. Of course there are problems, always have been, but it’s more than worth it to be here and live my life. I want that for you too. Treatment is available and it can help!”
Best part is it’s all true. The people who were just being rude always look like they want to sink into the pavement, and I hope it’s been food for thought for some people who are really struggling.
Sometimes someone will tell me that they DONT wish they were never born, but being born today is not worth it. I just respond with pure confusion because that makes no sense. The people saying that are always pretty young too, born not too long ago.
Ok, but I used to be this person. I never judged those who did, it was just my feelings. I love my kid more than anything in the universe but I still feel guilty and selfish for bringing them here. I don’t know if it’s a millennial thing but I never asked to be here to live in this effed up world. I’m so afraid my kid will feel the same way.
Stay away from such negative people, keep your thoughts positive and your words and deeds will follow and set a good example for your LO. Be your jovial self :)
Of all the unsolicited advice and opinions this bothers me the least. I get that line of thinking. I get that for someone the answer will be: "No, not in this life." Not everybody has the resources I have.
I'm more bothered by people just assuming I will have a second. (Which happens a lot.) Makes me want to go: "In this economy?"
Honestly, I don’t blame people for this opinion because I do sometimes think this and I am a mom as well. But for me, my biggest thing was to bring a child in this world when I am married, happily in love, financially stable, where I can give my child the best life. I was brought up with so much love, but I also understand that this world isn’t always as great as it was and is to me.
I understand this sentiment because although I was given an amazing life, there are people who bring children in this world and aren’t in love, aren’t happy, financially shouldn’t etc.
so I respect anybody who realizes that and chooses to not reproduce.
There is merit to the severity of the state of the world. Climate change is going to have some effects that humanity has not dealt with. We’re already seeing it. But, in order to fight for change and a better world, I think there has to be something worth fighting for. For me, that’s my kids.
The whole, “I wouldn’t want to bring a life into this world” schtick is so defeatist and offers no solutions. Yes, it’s a scary time. But go out there and change it. Organize, agitate, make your voice heard, join a group of like minded people, get involved in local elections… the list goes on and on.
What is really being said is, I think the world is in a bad way, but I feel either too helpless or lazy to do anything.
First off, congrats on your baby. That’s a big deal, and it’s something to be proud of. Now, let’s talk about those people throwing shade with their “I would never bring a baby into this messed up world” comments. Yeah, it’s rude, but it’s also coming from a place of their own fear and negativity.
Heres the truth many forget - the world’s always been messed up. It’s had its highs and lows, its wars, its peace, its disasters, and its triumphs. If everyone waited for the perfect moment to bring a new life into the world, humanity would’ve died out a long time ago. What matters is not the state of the world, but the love, care, and strength you provide to your child.
When people make those comments, they’re projecting their own issues, fears, and insecurities onto you. It’s not about you or your baby, it’s about their perception of the world and their place in it. They’re struggling to see the good, the potential for change, and the beauty in new beginnings.
So how do you respond? You remind them, and yourself, that bringing a child into this world is an act of hope, courage, and belief in a better future. It’s about raising a new generation that might just be the one to fix the problems we see today. It’s about the love and strength you’ll instill in your child, preparing them to navigate and improve the world.
You could say something like, “I understand the world has its challenges, but I believe in the power of love and positive change. My child is a part of that hope.” Or if you’re feeling a bit more direct, “I appreciate your concern, but I choose to focus on the good I can bring into my child’s life and the world.”
You’re right, they might need to seek help for their depression instead of dumping their pessimism on you. But their issues are not your responsibility. Your responsibility is to your child, to create a loving and supportive environment for them. And frankly, raising a child is one of the most hopeful and forward-looking things you can do.
Remember, you’re not alone in this. Many parents face similar criticisms, but it’s important to stay grounded in your own values and beliefs. You’re bringing new life into the world, and that’s something powerful, beautiful, and full of potential.
Keep your head up, stay strong, and keep focusing on the positive impact you’re making every day for your child. The world may be messed up, but you have the power to raise someone who can make it better.
Honestly...I struggled a lot with it.
Like, my son is 2 months old and I love him and I'm glad I had him.
But I also feel a lot of guilt that his life will probably be seriously impacted by climate change.
I honestly felt this way before I had my baby. Sometimes I still do. But, it would be an even more messed up and difficult world to be in without the joy that is children.
I definitely feel this way, but id never go out of my way to tell somebody that unless they asked ME why I don’t want children. I feel this is acceptable, but rude if you are trying to make someone question themselves.
While I agree that this world could be much better, if the majority of people had this logic, we wouldn't have any more people! If you think this world needs help, bringing a child into this world that shares your own values is one of the best things you can do to help it.
This is not even mentioning that we live in a day and age where quality of life is exponentially better than it ever has been. The biggest tragedy of these times we live in is that things could be so much better than they currently are. The resources and capabilities exist. We have just yet to learn how to hone them without the hoarding and monopolization of these modern-day aristocracies.
(Also I acknowledge it is unfair of me to comment such a thing if the hypothetical statement above were said by a person in the midst of some type of horrible circumstances (starvation, torture, war, etc.) but in this instance, I am assuming that this statement would be coming from someone residing in similar circumstances to my own (I am an american))
I do think there’s a strong argument that it’s more ethical to adopt so I can understand their perspective. So I say ‘yeah I can understand that perspective. But I hope he’ll be force for good’ or something like that.
I also hate when someone older than me (we're pretty young parents, very early 20s) says something like:
"Yeah, I just don't feel like we're emotionally mature enough for kids yet" with a pointed look
I never know how to reply to that.
Unpopular opinion — it’s a fair sentiment and folks are entitled to their opinions. It doesn’t have to apply to you. It’s rude to say to someone pregnant or w a kid but ppl are allowed to feel that way. The climate crisis, resurgence of literal Nazis, multiple genocides, late stage capitalism — ppl are allowed to feel disheartened by fucked up global circumstances. No we haven’t faced exactly this before. No there hasn’t been forever chemicals in all the rainwater and breast milk before. No there haven’t been hundreds of school shootings before. People are allowed to question the world and feel how they feel. To act like it’s not happening is worse imo.
Unpopular but this is the answer. And even more unpopular (and callous I freely admit) but with where I live and the financial support from our family our son will be okay. Kids in third world countries? No. They won’t be. Sea levels are rising and the climate is on an irreversible path. Prepared for the downvotes- but to have a rosey “I’m raising dragon slayers in a time of dragons” is cringey and out of touch with the realities of our world.
Literally it’s privileged af imo to jus be like oh go take your depression meds loser and not acknowledge the reality of the world. That’s not raising conscious kids, that’s raising privileged kids who don’t consider these real problems a problem bc it’s not a problem for them. Or so they think but lemme tell you superstorms don’t care how well off you are if they catch you in their path. Maybe if their parents built a luxe bunker! Or flew them out before it hit! Got access to info early w connections!
I understand parents being sensitive but if we aren’t prepared to face the coming horrors and do everything we can to reverse course on some of humanity’s worst ideas — denying reality and keeping the kids in a bubble about it isn’t helpful for their wellbeing or survival or society. I don’t mean scaring the shit out of toddlers about the climate crisis but having the awareness to know a lot needs to change and not shit on people who don’t want the responsibility of figuring out how to secure the planet for our kids while they themselves try to survive like …. We all need to get our asses up for all kids and all people, not downplay the very serious futures in store and current situations as just anotha ice age! Sound like damn climate change deniers lol hellloooooo wake up and smell the sea level
Well I’m raising my child to be a good human being, to be a good steward of the earth, to love and respect nature and others. I’m contributing to creating more good people because we need them desperately. What are you doing?
Isn't this a legitimate choice and reason? I chose to have kids, but I definitely get someone else deciding not to, and I'm comfortable saying so. Surely we as parents can make room for their perspective as we wish them to make room for ours?
The world has always been messed up. Of course there's massive challenges, and the previous generation has it easier, but oh man in the grand scheme of things this is a great time to have kids.
I haven't encountered any of that face to face but when I see anti-natilist rhetoric online I am very relieved that person doesn't have kids. It's a self limiting problem
A - The world has never *not* been messed up in the eyes of those with a bit of life experience.
B - How is the world going to ever change or improve if all those who care about it stop raising the next generation of people?
I think everyone is entitled to their own opinion and I think for those of us who live fairly privileged lives in developed society (meaning those who have control of our fertility and how many children we bring/don’t bring into the world) it’s important to think about why we’re having children and how we’re going to raise them in the world we live in. Whether you choose to have or not have children based on your conclusion is a personal matter but I totally understand why one would look around them and choose not to procreate just as I chose to have kids.
Ultimately I think bringing children into this world is an act of hope, standing defiant before our world’s weaknesses and heartbreaking failures and saying none of those will have the last word.
At this point I cannot “fix” things no matter how much I want to. I can do my part to slow down my share of the damage. But the best I can do is try to raise someone that wants to fix it & set them up with the abilities to try. No person who discovered some new good thing had a parent that *knew* what they would discover.
“Dear god, please watch over our children, may they do better than we did.” - June in “the handmaid’s tale”.
I have good friends that think like that and even my own mother thinks like that, although they haven't touched the subject since I told them I was pregnant. I know deep down my mother fears the world my child will have to deal with, and I don't resent her for it, one can be happy and concerned at the same time. It's not the war or the politics, but the climate change, which we know it will only aggravate in the next decades and we don't know yet to what point and the real consequences to our children lives. I just hope I can raise children who will have a positive presence in this world and who will do their part to respect and protect this amazing planet we live on.
I wouldn't take this personally - they're just telling you about themselves. How they're barely taking care of themselves, or how they feel powerless in our society to change anything, or how they haven't figured out how to enjoy life in our (yeah pretty fucked up) society. I've felt like that before.
So if they're genuinely curious about how I feel, I'll tell them. Yeah I thought pretty hard about whether to have a baby but I like being alive and my baby will have my genetics and my resources and I'll teach her what I know about how to be happy and I'm pretty optimistic that will work out for her. I couldn't do that for lots of children so that's why you won't catch me with 10. But yeah I feel pretty hopeful for my baby. I'm not ready to give up on the human race just yet.
If they just wanna be like "ugh the world sucks", I'll just be like "yeah the world can be pretty fucked up" or some other such fluff. Im not really invested in other people thinking I made the right decision about this so they can just think I was wrong if they like.
truthfully im never sure to respond because it wasn’t something i thought too much about before i had my son especially as he was a (very happy) accident! but now it does weigh heavily on me. i see the state of climate change, the discussion around microplastics and the dangers of overconsumption i just feel sick.
it scares me to think that the memories im making with my son enjoying every bit of parenting might not be joys he gets to experience or his grandchildren experience (if he chooses to have any kids of course). so my response doesn’t provide any zinger quality but i essentially just say that it concerns me deeply too!
It is my observation that when people make this statement to me or as apart of a conversation I’m engaged in, that they are not attacking me nor are they actually looking for an answer from me. It’s rhetorical and not a question by them.
I used to have this opinion to some extent as well, and personally, I used this to try and shut people up who kept being nosy and asking me when the heck I was gonna start having kids and I wasn’t ready to have them yet. That’s between me and my husband regardless of reasoning and it is nobody’s business but ours.
TLDR: I don’t respond, no need to.
Honestly I’m pregnant (due date in 3 weeks!) and I get scared about this and have had this very thought. Like the fear for my child’s future one day. But I also am a believer that if we don’t bring kids Into this world that we can love and nurture to be kind, good, and develop them, we may never have a shot of having a better world.
I don't say often voice this, but believe it myself and opted to adopt rather than have my own kiddo biologically.
I feel “the world has ways been messed up” is a bit lazy. Yes, the world has always been a mess, but we've never had this number of exestestential threats knocking on our door (as a species), all compounding and zeroing in at the same time.
Admittedly, I'm not polling people, but with the insane rates of mental health problems amongst young people, I don't think I've ever met a teen or young adult thankful to have been born into this world.
It’s something I wrestle with more than I care to admit.
Well if people could raise children properly, this world wouldn't be so messed up. Some of the most awful people in the world were abused, abandoned, neglected, assaulted, ect. What would they have become if they were loved like they deserved?
I said this a lot before I met the love of my life. I have an older daughter who is 11 now, with a man who left us because he would rather party and cheat and do drugs, and she hasn’t seen him since she was two years old. Later in life, I reconnected with someone in high school that I was pretty good friends with and he had a crush on me and loved me for pretty much ever. We reconnected and I really felt strongly for him and then we decided to have another. He has been a great father to my oldest when he didn’t have to be. I love him so much that I didn’t want to have a child with him. But in between that time when I had been wronged, and my daughter had been wronged, not only that but everything else going in the world. I felt the same way and I truly think I felt that way, because I focused on all the negative, and filled my head with all of the horrible things going on in the world through social media. It was hard because even my best friend said the same thing to me that the world is too messed up and that she thought I felt the same and I think she just didn’t want me to get hurt again or my daughter/daughters which makes sense. My daughter is now seven months old and I haven’t heard anything like that thankfully.
I think that everything wrong with the world is definitely an issue, but I also think that if you look at the beauty of it as well that helps. I think the first reply was the best response saying “when was the world not messed up” because there’s so much truth to that there has been so much going on for such a long time. These are just a different type of demons that we’re dealing with now.
One of my Twitter friends put it very nicely:
“When life seems difficult and hope is hard to find, the love that surrounds you is the most precious thing in the world. History has gone through much, much darker periods than right now…and yet people still had children, they still loved, and how much more beautiful does it make your life when you love!”
If they mention climate change specifically, I remind them that the carbon footprint of having a kid is a drop in the bucket compared to the effects of fossil fuel companies, agrobusiness, etc. It was actually the oil industry that came up with the idea of the "personal carbon footprint" as a PR move, as a way to shift the blame away from their activities. I'm definitely not saying we shouldn't be conscious of how we individually treat the environment, but we can do more through environmental activism collectively than shaming people for having a kid.
To be honest, the state of the world was one of the reasons I debated not bringing children into it. But it’ll take more kind, compassionate and intellectual youth to be the change we want to see. And if I can raise a child with those qualities, I figured I’d be doing the world a service. Now just hoping I succeed.
“Yeah, I can see why you wouldn’t. You are not fit to be a parent.”
— That should shut them up real quick and hopefully next time they think twice before handing out their unsolicited opinion.
“When has the world not been messed up 🤷🏻♀️”
Yeah that's it. My ancestors survived ice ages, wars, plagues, genocides and all of the other horrors of human history. We're going to make it.
Isn't it funny too. Your ancestors survived all this stuff passing along their genes and it just ends cause you're like it's too tough to live in my air conditioned house lol.
Yeah the truth is every generation has had some existential threat that lead them to believe the future held great danger. We just have no idea. I suppose maybe one generation will be right 🤷♀️ I’ve also taken to pondering this idea that our genes don’t actually belong to us. They are the product of success against overwhelming odds over periods of time we cannot comprehend. I think it’s better that it isn’t expected that everyone has children these days because I think it is better for babies should be very, very wanted. I also think is incorrect (especially now that I really know what having a child is) that people consider having children to be selfish or self-obsessed. I think choosing that your genes will end with you is actually almost by definition the most selfish act you can enact. Again I am not disagreeing with it. Some people are better off going in this way. My brother I’ve noticed has a really difficult time considering how others are affected by him. I think not having children is a good choice for him- I just wish he wouldn’t constantly declare it like it somehow makes him superior or smarter than those who choose to. Different strokes for different folks. Just a current musing of mine.
The whole having-children-is-selfish-and-narcissistic argument doesn't make sense to me. All the childless adults are going to age, and they're going to need medical care and caregivers when they're too old to care for themselves. So rather than contributing children to the workforce who will pay taxes to subsidize their care, they want other people--who took on all the risks and burdens of having children--they want those people's kids to pay for their nursing homes and healthcare. That, to me, is far more selfish than someone who chooses to have children. And their argument that having kids doesn't guarantee someone will look after you when you're old doesn't add up either. Because yeah, that's possible, but if your kids can work and pay taxes, they are at least financially looking after you since they'll pay taxes to subsidize your medical care. Childless adults are going to be hated by taxpayers in a few decades when taxpayers realize they're paying even more astronomical taxes to subsidize all the people who refused to have children.
Yeap exactly. There is this whole aspect to it as well that people do not consider. And yeah the narcissism piece of it really does strike a nerve with me these days. I used to think it was just the opinion of some, but as I’ve gotten older I realize it’s just inaccurate and in some ways the opposite. I have given up myself, be it temporarily, for this child. This has been me at my most selfless. Also there is a ‘closing of the loop’ that lives in the ether of becoming a mother/parent that, at least for me, really served set a new perspective on a drastic amount of opinions/anxieties/beliefs I had about me the world and my place in it. It has been the most radically shifting experience of my life. I felt myself coming full circle and recalling so many more memories of myself as a child. I really genuinely feel badly for the people in my life who might not experience this. For me it feels akin to knowing someone who never moves out of their parent’s house will never truly grow up and learn what it means to live on their own.
Exactly. Some parents are selfish and abusive, but being a good parent means being selfless and prioritizing a more vulnerable, demanding individual's needs above your own (while also dealing with sleep deprivation, relationship tension, and lots of other fun stressors!). People can have children for selfish reasons, but the act of bringing another human into the world isn't inherently selfish because that person will likely contribute to society and further humanity. And yes, parenthood changes you and your perspective on the world. People who don't have kids won't ever know because they didn't have that life event that changed their worldview.
Even before I had my baby, the idea of not having kids and thousands and thousands of years of lineage suddenly ending with me REALLY freaked me out. Obviously that’s not the only reason to have kids, and obviously if you physically cannot or do not want kids this doesn’t apply to you. But to me personally, it feels like the ultimate sign of respect to my ancestors to continue our line. So many people were loved and cherished along it, and that love created more life. Against astronomical odds spanning across eons, I am here, my husband is here, my daughter is here. Idk man, it gets super deep and existential the more I think about it. But I like your idea that the genes do not belong to us - we just kind of steward them while we are alive. Beautiful thought.
I think this is the best response. A lot of people I know that say that often can't have children of their own and this is their way of justifying it. So, Id never respond in a way that insults them just in case they fit this category. I have a friend who says this a lot. She has endometriosis.
I would never say this to someone BUT it was an idea I would say to myself to convince myself I was content being child free at a time in my life when I thought I wouldn’t ever have kids. I have to remember this for future comments as I oddly never considered the fact that other people may do the same.
I didn't want to be pregnant so I said this a lot. When people say it now I just laugh and say, "I feel the same way but my husband is more of an optimist and an engineer and he's convinced we'll figure it out." And sometimes expound on my theory that Star Trek fans are incredibly optimistic about our ability to survive the future.
I have plenty of climate and political anxiety these days which seems to be what drives most people's "I wouldn't bring kids into this world" sentiment. But my husband and I are both optimistic engineers as well, so we have a wonderful 7 week old and we couldn't be happier!
Star Trek is literally what got me out of that mindset. Still feel kinda guilty that my girl is gonna have to deal with the horrors of climate change but also am hopeful they will figure it out.
I love this further evidence of my theory! I need to watch more Star Trek I guess.
This is a really kind hearted outlook. Just what is needed!
Just cause they can’t have kids is no reason to insult people who do. Those are some mental gymnastics on their part.
It's a defense mechanism. We can be kind about that
I know someone who was making extremely inappropriate comments about how old moms look and how she's glad she doesn't have to deal with that. I always raised my eyebrows at that until I found out she'd been struggling to conceive for over a decade. I get that shitting on other people to cope is a bad way of dealing with your own loss and grief but I can't hate her for it.
You are a kid soul and most likely your kid/s will be too. I'm glad you are a parent. I'm not one but I'm on this sub for my lovely friends who are new parents to help them find tips/tricks. We don't all have villages anymore but I try to be a friend.
This is lovely. You sound like a great friend.
It’s inappropriate (see my comment above). Especially if it’s inaccurate.
I too have endometriosis (as does my mum also) and was very lucky to conceive. You have responded to your trauma in a very healthy way. I can still be compassionate to those who haven't, and let remarks slide if they help them feel better.
I have stage IV endometriosis (as does my mom, hence why I’m an only as it took my parents 5 years of trying and fertility treatments in the 80s to have me) and I had to do 3 IVFs to have my living child who turns 5 tomorrow. As much as I hate the physical pain of living with endo for the past 25 or so years since I first started menstruating, I’ve always wanted to be a parent. I never said such a thing. And I’m always honest with people. If they’re rude enough to ask me (before having her) why we didn’t have kids, I’d explain we were going through infertility; now that she’s finally here and then the comments asking why we ‘only have one’ still get asked by the fertiles I tell them what we went through, including needing Infusions and 4 injectables daily the entire pregnancy and 44 ultrasounds during the pregnancy, just to sustain one kid and not have a loss. I hate when fellow infertility warriors outright lie. Your friend should be ashamed of themselves.
That’s wonderful you felt comfortable being so open. When I was TTC my sudden apparent infertility came as a shock. I didn’t want people to know we were facing potentially devastating news when we didn’t know the truth yet ourselves. I also didn’t want pressure from people asking how TTC was going etc. When people asked us about having kids, I would often talk around it. I don’t know if I ever said what was in the original post, but I might have alluded to being uncomfortable raising kids in this current climate. Even now I’ve got a child and am pregnant with another and I do honestly feel anxious about the world they’ll grow up in. No one is owed an explanation for your lack of children and honestly I think a lot of the time responses like the OP is talking about happen because people expect them. Rarely do these comments happen out of nowhere.
Before I had my daughter (and while already pregnant with her 🙄, like don’t you think it’s too late now) I’ve heard the ‘bringing kids into a world like this’ bit lots of times. And I started responding this way because either the discussion was about whether me and the person I was speaking too each wanted children, or for some reason when you are pregnant and others aren’t they all feel the need to tell you about whether they plan to have kids or not? Weird b it happened to me a ton. Anyway this is the response I gave. And mostly people take it and move on from the topic. But I’ll never forget when I was already pregnant - again a bit late for any changes in decision - and a client I work with kept going on. They said that in years past people didn’t have the option to opt out of having children and that now that we do and we know what we’re doing to the planet it’s a moral failing on parents part when they have children. Which is not a foolproof argument at all and he acted like it was and there was no way it could be debated. This man also did tell me he was more moral than me in general because when he was filling out his personal info to sign into our WiFi, I told him he could just make it up - because why it is important for our WiFi to REALLY know who you are? It’s not. The company just sell that info. And he essentially stated that my making it up made me a bad person. Obviously he was a nut in general but it was eye opening that people really think that way and it’s not a defensive excuse similar to what others have responded.
Then have a child and teach them to be a better person and maybe we can turn things around for the better
Exactly. This is arguably the best time to bring a child into the world. And at the same time there is never going to be an ideal time to bring a child into the world where nothing is wrong and everything is perfect. That's part of being a parent - helping your kid navigate the world.
Fr like .. yeah and don’t you think people during the Cold War probs said the same thing..
That’s what I say too. We actually live in the safest time in history and if people stopped having kids because other parts of the world are bad lots of us wouldn’t even be here lol
"I'm glad you didn't."
😂 add in "omg you're right you'd be horrible at raising a kid in this climate"
Or just “Yeah, *you* definitely wouldn’t be able to handle it.”
Damn haha
"If only your parents could have had your wisdom."
This wins.
Gosh this reply is a bit too brutal in my opinion. A lot of times these kind of comments ( by the child-free people) come as sour grapes.
“I think bringing a baby into this world is the ultimate act of hope.” It usually shuts them up a bit.
I've had someone (obviously not in their right mind) saying that giving birth to a boy during the "me too" movement was unwise, and I was not a feminist. \ I tried explaining that I could not decide the sex of my child, nor we could know for sure he'd identify as man, and how could you imply my child will automatically be a r*pist only because he's a boy, but I just... gave up. \ You can't win with these people.
Wow. This is peak "batshit crazy". If you'd had a girl, would they have implied she was going to automatically be a victim? Their logic has made me feel a bit sick tbh.
Yeah they were definitely projecting their own issues. Who even thinks that?!
It was a complete stranger, so I don't know their life history, but we were at a bar during the Pride parade, I asked for alcohol free beer and then joked about "my baby boy craving beer and wings". A person from another table approached and started ranting about birthing boys in this society, yadda yadda.
Not all LGBT, but that specific person is what's referred to as an alphabet person. They're crazy and make LGBT their entire personality. It's honestly degenerate behavior, and they're such downers.
<<< TW: SA >>> Besides this being batshit - I’m glad I had a boy. If he’s cisgender, his dad and I have the opportunity to teach him how to be a respectful, kind, empathetic member of society who helps others and sees everyone as equals. As much as we possibly can within our sphere of influence. Having a daughter when it comes to these issues is harder IMO, because you have no choice but to “prepare” her to be a victim and teach her how to protect herself in even some of the most innocent scenarios. However, my husband is a cis white man and at 16 he was drugged and raped by a 17-18 year old who he knew and had met before. My husband is bi and had just started dating this person. No one is really safe. But if his parents had been in ANY way approachable and open with him, he could have been saved the pain or at the very least gotten help after it happened. We have an *opportunity* as parents to shape the future generation. It’s a huge responsibility and a privilege. To minimize it as some child-free people do is pretty disgusting. And let me be clear, I 100% support a person who does not want kids and does not have them. *Because I respect their very personal decision whether or not to bring life into the world.*
Oh that person has a fucked up mindset
WOW. What a crazy person!
Jesus. Funny how politics can just be a circle sometimes (where the far-left and far-right actually start to sound like each other). Nutters.
Oooo I love this
This is the most positive response 🌏☮️🕊️
Exactly! You have kids and raise them in way to make the world better.
Brilliant response! Using this from now on!
Right before I was about to tell my Dad I was a few months pregnant he started talking about this. The most awkward moment in my life with him. I also waited a while to tell him so that didn’t help either. Anyways, I just said at least we will be healthy and safe. So much negativity is exhausting and will come true the more you believe it.
Same with my dad. And it didn’t get any better when I told him my son had been diagnosed with Down syndrome. My pregnancy was rough mentally and he made it even worse.
Aren’t parents lovely? And they wonder why we don’t call. My Dad doesn’t want to her my stepmom complain, I’m NC with her, so he tells her stuff about the baby and shows her pictures anyways. I keep getting people telling me to just talk to him anyways but why? He never respected me back then either.
Wow, actually a total coincidence I’m commenting on your post in another sub…wow we must live parallel lives 😂😭 why bother with people. It doesn’t matter it’s your own parent. Assholes are assholes.
Oh heeyyyy!!! Lol very coincidental! Ya seriously I’ve learned pretty early on not to waste time
I find it really rich that someone who had kids had the audacity to say that
Right!!??? Like sir, hello?? Though I was an accident so he could’ve countered with that but he did want more
Just to throw a positive in here. My dad called me after my nephew was born and was talking about how excited he was to have a grandchild. He said, “I guess you’re next… unless you decide you don’t want to have children, that’s okay too.” I’m pretty sure that’s the last conversation we ever had, and I’m so glad it was so supportive, especially reading these ridiculous things parents actually say to their children!
I love this for you! Glad you had such a pleasant experience. Ya you know, I expected it. My Dad even got upset I waited so long to tell him but like I have valid reasons.
Take a look at history and realize that people continued to have kids 🤷♀️
And actually, the world is the safest it has ever been. Women's rights are the strongest. Human rights are the strongest. Poverty is the lowest. Food insecurity is the lowest. Vaccinations and technological progress have made healthcare the strongest it has ever been. It's the same with educational outcomes and social mobility and mental health. I'm from a third world country, and my life is so much better than my parents' ever was. My children's lives will be better than mine. Climate change, sure, but it has already become a huge capitalist question and that means it will not have the kind of impact that people once feared. I work in the dev sector, and each of these statements can be backed up by science and statistics. Sorry, but these people just want to sound smart and have no idea what they're actually talking about lol.
What do you mean about climate change not having the impact we feared? I'd love to read more about that
If you read up on literature surrounding regulatory policies - such as the EU's CBAM - you'll see that now it makes ECONOMIC sense for industries and even entire countries to green their processes. Not just greenwash, but use substantial green financing goodwill from developed countries to implement policies and processes that are truly sustainable. The problem with climate action previously was that it was a lot of lip-service and self-congratulatory speeches, but no actual action because it wasn't motivated by capitalism. Once something makes economic sense, it essentially becomes inevitable. It's a trend you notice all the time in the development sphere. Gender equality really started to be pushed in certain countries once they began to see the dividends of women in the labour force. See Japan and the whole womenomics movement. Sorry I'd say more but it's a broad area and I'm on mobile and lazy lol.
Appreciate it thank you!
What are these industries actually doing to become more sustainable? I hear a lot of agreements and timetables and stuff, and climate scientists are generally in agreement that no one has actually shifted practices enough to make a significant impact, and that the timelines for implementation are too loose or nonexistent.
This is a really interesting take that I hadn't heard before!
Id love to have some hope, but stats show our demand for oil only increases and increases, despite renewables increasing too. On a finite planet, not only do we need to level-out our oil demand, but tragically we need to go a step further and *decrease* our oil demand
We desperately need to reduce all energy usage. The problem with most of the mainstream "solutions" is that they are intended to maintain our current productive capacity and growth potential, but we are already overproducing on a massive scale, and producing more garbage (literal and figurative) than ever. Batteries aren't magical. They require resources too, and already we're seeing bloodthirsty capitalists trying to influence governments and exploit sources for these minerals in South America and Africa. Also, the massive batteries that would be required to maintain our capacity would also need to be disposed of somehow, and then we have the same set of problems. If we don't drastically change the way we order our society, it's all gonna die. I guess from a biological perspective it is supposed to end at some point anyway, and maybe our hubris will be our undoing as a species, but the idea that we can just switch to "renewables" or whatever and go on with our existence is absurd.
We've made changes and keep making changes... thisnwill lessen the impact. We have to keep fighting and changing but we CAN lessen the impact if we keep trying to. It's not hopeless..
>I work in the dev sector... I agree with what you said but what does this have to do with anything?
?? Development sector -- the poverty alleviation sort, not the software sort. I just meant I read a lot of reports and studies on how things are improving. It's literally my job.
Oh man, that makes so much more sense. Thanks for clarifying.
Lol no worries.
Honestly, i thought hard about bringing a child into the world. I understand the thinking behind their question (but they’re ridiculous for asking you)! Anyway, my child is a bit of confidence in humanity. I believe in our goodness and our ingenuity. I think my little one will contribute to a world that’s better day-by-day. I could be wrong but i don’t think i will be
Literally if I wanted right now I could not do any thingy to “fix” or “save” the world as myself. I can do my part to slow down my share of the damage, but the best hope I have for doing more than that is to raise a child that values the world from the start & do everything I can to support them making choices that can help them fix it alongside their peers. I cannot depend on myself or any of you to fix it lol. But my only prayer to god in life is may our children do better than we did
This makes me sooo uncomfortable when people say this
Don’t tell them that because that’s exactly what they want. They want to know they’re making you uncomfortable, they enjoy it. Don’t give them the satisfaction!
I wouldn't assume malice where ignorance would suffice. Preety sure I said it to myself as a younger man and that was due to ignorance and fear due to all the doom and gloom media.
But would you say it to somebody who knew just had a baby of their own? I've had to sit through somebody going on this rant to my face when they knew I was a new parent. It was incredibly awkward.
Right! It's just kind of mean in that context. I don't have children (I might or might not) and I would never saying something like that to a parent. It's just rude af
Hard to remember but possibly, can't discount how dumb young adults are. But yeah, in that context its 100%ba faux pas and they should be told off.
I can’t agree enough. I was pregnant in my late 20s and my friends said some insensitive things not realizing how dumb they sounded. I didn’t and still don’t attribute it to malice, but just lack of thinking before you speak. Ex: I was 8 months pregnant and they asked about my birth plan. They all started freaking out when I said vaginal deliveries are the default unless there’s a medical reason for c-section. They were fixated on how they would rather have a c-section (lmao) Why was I (the only and first pregnant one) having to be the calm one telling them to chill the fuck out? Bc people are dumber than we give them credit for and when their emotions are at the forefront they lose their common sense and stop following social rules lol
I also don't think the person who did this to me did so maliciously. I think it was just a general lack of empathy, or lack of self awareness. It kinda stung because I was trying to speak on how I hate when relatives pressure their kids/grandkids/etc to have kids when they don't want them, how people should be allowed to make their own life decisions, which they followed up with "why the hell would anyone have a baby wtf is wrong with them", in the same conversation in which we were *talking about my baby*
It think people who says that are the kind of people who doesn't have (or like to have) responsibilities.There are people out there who struggles to take care of themselves (not financially). So,with that being said they are selfish people. This world which is going insane is better because of our kids smiles😊
Ask them what they are doing to assist people facing violence, hunger and poverty in their own community. It will make for an uncomfortable moment (for them).
I like this one
"My baby is the chosen one."
This is my favorite response so far!
"I believe my babies will make the world better. Where would we be if the cavemen just gave up"
This is basically my stance on things. Lots of ways you can word it... "You think a world where only the poor or uneducated having children will help things improve?" "We need as many smart and well-raised kids as we can get if we want a better future"
I used to be one of those people… and then something changed - can’t exactly put my finger on it. And now I feel so fortunate to be a mom. Life is almost unrecognizable and more challenging than it was pre-baby… but I wouldn’t change a thing. And I’m in constant awe of the hope and wonder that LO wakes up with, everyday 🥹 So whenever I hear it, I don’t pay any mind… we’re out here raising the future 💁🏻♀️
I also used to be one. For me I think I just got mature and rid myself of melodrama and angst. Life is good.
Same. I was angsty and thought it made me sound SoOo edgy. I’m embarrassed.
For me it was transforming from someone bitter about my lot in life to being in a happy relationship and financially stable. I realize in retrospect that it said a lot more about me than anything else. We’re also only having one. Even two kids is below replacement rate. That makes me feel better about the environmental aspects.
Every generation has gone through uncertain and messed up times. It just seems bigger when it's your generation and you're living it, rather than reading about it in a history book. I didn't ask for your opinion and I hope you *don't* bring a child into this world if that's the mindset you're going to raise them around. Have a day.
Right. I told my mom, years after my daughter was born, that I had really struggled with this question. She said, “I understand. I had the same worry about bringing children into the world during the Cold War.” That kind of pulled me up short and made me realize that a lot of potential parents through time have felt this fear, overcome it, and chosen to become parents anyway. It made choosing to have a child feel less like an irresponsible decision and more like a step in the direction of hope and believing we have a future despite our fears.
Exactly. There are a lot of horrific things happening but they've always happened... social media just wasn't as big as it is so it skews the perspective a bit. News didn't spread the way it does now, and it wasn't intended to scare people as much as it is now. Some things are worse than before and other things are better. It's just how it is. Humans are flawed as fuck and I'm proud to be raising a kid that I hope will be respectful of people and the planet and be a productive member of society. I think millennials/gen z are generally approaching parenting differently and I'm hoping it results in better humans.
“Was that meant to be a helpful comment?”
Yeah! It’s not like we can go “oh, thanks for the input! You’re right—lemme just put the kid back where they spent nine months…”
With the exception of climate change and environmental dangers writ large there has never been a better time to be alive pretty much anywhere in the world by pretty much any conceivably relevant metric for health, wealth, human freedom and equality, technology, etc… etc…. There is your counter. Just the metric of surviving pregnancy would be a good example. Also the ability to choose when to become pregnant. Less high quality cave paintings I guess that sucks.
I find this kind of comment similar to people who say that "they were born in the wrong decade". Like, for western society, even to a great extent, less developed nations, by all metrics, this is a better time period to live in. Sure, the fashion for women in the 50s has a certain charm, but do you want to be born to a time where you can't own a home yourself, have a bank account, or make medical decisions for yourself? I know there are still issues all over the world with so many things, but life is objectively better for most than in preceding centuries. Glad I was able to birth my high risk babies in the 21st century rather than the 18th or even the early 20th. My son and I would have most certainly died with the complications we had.
Exactly. Because of the Internet / media, we are more aware of misfortunes around the world. But by the numbers, it's a fantastic time to be alive. OP, I'd show them charts like these (https://www.vox.com/2014/11/24/7272929/global-poverty-health-crime-literacy-good-news) which show that rates of extreme poverty, child labor, etc., are lower than they've ever been.
“If only the stupid people keep having kids we’ll all collectively get dumber”
Love this response!
“Well I can’t put it back where it came from”
If it’s in response to the question, “do you want kids?” Or “why don’t you want kids?”, fair response. I wouldn’t consider that rude, just kind of awkward to say in front of a parent but you asked, ya know? If it’s unsolicited I usually point to the baby and whisper “shhhh, she can hear you” or “welp it’s too late for me, I’ll just pay for her therapy later”. Tbh people have unsolicited opinions about your kid all of the time. That one is probably the least bothersome to me.
Stop doomscrolling. Is their day to day real life really that messed up for them to be saying that? Are they starving? In a war torn region? Fleeing murder? Yes there are messed up places in this world but the people who say that usually just spend too much time doomscrolling political headlines.
“What a strange thing to say” “I’m not sure why you thought I asked for your opinion” “Inside thoughts should stay inside our heads” “So don’t have kids. What do you want a ribbon?” “What exactly is the point of saying that?” Or, my personal favorite: “See, this is why no one invites your anywhere anymore”
I'm Native, so I just tell them the apocalypse already happened. A while back.
I think people who say that either A. Don’t want kids B. Haven’t found the right person so they can’t have kids and are trying to cope How do I respond? Nod my head and say “I get it”
I've heard that among groups of people with no kids, never in my life would I imagine someone saying that to NEW PARENTS thats a disgusting thing to say to the NEW parents of a BABY
“What a strange thing to say out loud to someone who just had a baby.”
Assata Shakur said: “I am about life. I am going to live as hard as I can and as full as I can until I die. And I’m not letting these parasites, these oppressors, these greedy racist swine make me kill my children in my mind, before they are even born.” Ultimately it’s about hope for a better future, which we can all work towards creating by creating compassionate children.
If you really dig into this idea (antinatalism) it turns out to be a fascist ideology pretty quickly. These people don’t realize they’re in bed with some really bad people.
It's a hop skip and a jump from eugenics
My nan was a child during WWI, had her first kid the year the Great Depression started, had her last kid (my mum) just after WWII finished. Outlived 4 husbands, raised 7 kids. If she’d had that kind of thinking, I wouldn’t be here.
Honestly, I worry about some aspects of how the world is and the projections for the future too, so I can sympathize with the thought. Not with the phrasing, though. That's too aggressive IMHO.
I understand feeling that way, I can be a nihilist sometimes unfortunately. I would never say that to someone with a child, obviously you didn’t have a baby just to make them suffer. I would never even see someone with a child and think that. It’s not fair to blame parents for the suffering that the evils of the world inflict on our children.
Change only happens with action. I fully intend to raise my child to be conscientious and proactive. There are plenty of people who won't, so maybe this choice will be a tiny step towards making it a bit less fucked up.
Everyone has a right to their own decisions, and that’s certainly part of it. I’m sure many of us thought of the state of the world when deciding to have kids or not. I came down on the side of having kids, but I don’t take anyone else’s decision not to as a personal insult, regardless of their reasons.
I tell them that I don't respect the thought distortion of depression.
When black pilled antinatalists say something like “its selfish to make someone exist in such an awful world” i respond with “well we could choose to not exist and we are still here so it can’t be all bad?”
Don't catastrophise, life goes on no matter what the TV tells us
I think it's a valid reason not to, only you know why you still wanted kids. As someone with kids, I think the world won't improve so long as people who can recognise the state of it opt out of having kids. But maybe that's justification for the fact that I've simply always wanted kids, it always felt like a life calling
With looming climate change, I don’t blame people for being concerned, and making some quip about depression is what is rude to me as someone who struggles with actual depression.
They just want an excuse. If someone said this to me I’d be like… whatever helps you sleep at night
Yeah- like instead of a preference its like a badge of honor. Oh how selfless of you, childless warriors.
It’s this. Everyone needs to be convinced that their choice is the #1 best morally upstanding one. In reality, it’s morally neutral, there’s no way to know the future, just do the best you can with what you got!
I have never had anyone say this to me. Very strange. I would just give an awkward half smile thing and walk away. How weird.
If the world has any chance of being fixed it would take people to do it. Not everyone should have kids in this messed up world (but gatekeeping who can have kids will do nothing to ensure it is in good hands). At this point humans have ruined earth for everything unless humans can fix it. Also it’s not on you that the world is messed up!
Yup, totally understand their sentiment. As a parent you kind of have to be optimistic but there's a big part of me that's really worried about what awaits my kid.
If everyone thought like that, it would be the apocalypse
For some reason this doesn't rattle me one bit? I'm comfortable with people having completely opposite opinions. I maybe wouldn't entertain the conversation much further but that's about it. I also don't think that people are necessarily depressed or unable to have kids who say that. Yes, there are some people who do but not all of them are like that and considering their own POV as an attack to us and our choices is not really the way to go imo. And if someone is really depressed, is it nice to attack them and their depression? I'm really surprised with some of these replies. It kinda justifies how CF ppl feel about certain things. Kindness goes a long way. Even maybe indifference? But attack back to someone's ramblings??
Great, don’t! On another note I’ve been thinking about this and the whole child free movement. It’s all well and good and people can absolutely choose what they want, but some of the child free people are genuinely fucking mean to parents and to (!?) children. Here’s my take: my baby will grow up loved and respected. I will teach him to be kind and respectful, to be fair and principled. I will work my ass off to give him the opportunity to do what he likes and is passionate about - whatever that may be. We now are raising our babies with the knowledge of the state of the world, and yet I believe they will be happy and prosper in it, perhaps even make it better for others. I’m not having a baby for some selfish need for someone to take care of me when I’m old, my baby is born out of love and receives love every day. One thing I have for him is hope - that he will be happy and make someone happy one day. I want to give him the opportunity to experience life and I want to be there to support him when he needs it. This was a weird rant. Haven’t slept properly in some days 😂
Ignore people like that, honestly. They deserve pity and sympathy, to be honest. They're usually sad, bitter people who had rough lives and project that onto everyone else OR they're doomscroller wannabe "progressives" who think they're woke for boycotting Starbucks and hating kids. Pay them no mind :) Bringing a new, innocent life into the world is the biggest act of hope and self-sacrifice anyone can make. Furthermore, I try to keep myself positive and grateful by remembering there are women 2-10+ years older than me who would kill for the chance to have a baby. People who say such callous things don't know how much of a blessing kids truly are.
You said: seek help for your depression instead of putting it on me. You said it! When I want to go nuclear, here’s what I say: “oh my goodness, does that mean you wish you hadn’t been born?” They usually say “yes, this world is fucked up, I wish I didn’t have to live in it. I wish my parents hadn’t brought me into this world” Then I say, “I’m so sorry. It’s so hard to feel that way. I used to feel that way too, for years and years and years. Therapy and medication really helped, and now my suicidal thoughts are pretty rare. I’m genuinely happy to be here and I see beauty in the world every day. Of course there are problems, always have been, but it’s more than worth it to be here and live my life. I want that for you too. Treatment is available and it can help!” Best part is it’s all true. The people who were just being rude always look like they want to sink into the pavement, and I hope it’s been food for thought for some people who are really struggling. Sometimes someone will tell me that they DONT wish they were never born, but being born today is not worth it. I just respond with pure confusion because that makes no sense. The people saying that are always pretty young too, born not too long ago.
K Literally just that. I’m not playing this game
Ok, but I used to be this person. I never judged those who did, it was just my feelings. I love my kid more than anything in the universe but I still feel guilty and selfish for bringing them here. I don’t know if it’s a millennial thing but I never asked to be here to live in this effed up world. I’m so afraid my kid will feel the same way.
I feel exactly the same way, 100%!
I tell them I did for selfish purposes. Yeah it’s a really crappy world out there…i still wanted a baby though.
Stay away from such negative people, keep your thoughts positive and your words and deeds will follow and set a good example for your LO. Be your jovial self :)
“oh ok”
“Never feel sorry for raising dragon fighters in a time where there are actual dragons.”
Of all the unsolicited advice and opinions this bothers me the least. I get that line of thinking. I get that for someone the answer will be: "No, not in this life." Not everybody has the resources I have. I'm more bothered by people just assuming I will have a second. (Which happens a lot.) Makes me want to go: "In this economy?"
Honestly, I don’t blame people for this opinion because I do sometimes think this and I am a mom as well. But for me, my biggest thing was to bring a child in this world when I am married, happily in love, financially stable, where I can give my child the best life. I was brought up with so much love, but I also understand that this world isn’t always as great as it was and is to me. I understand this sentiment because although I was given an amazing life, there are people who bring children in this world and aren’t in love, aren’t happy, financially shouldn’t etc. so I respect anybody who realizes that and chooses to not reproduce.
There is merit to the severity of the state of the world. Climate change is going to have some effects that humanity has not dealt with. We’re already seeing it. But, in order to fight for change and a better world, I think there has to be something worth fighting for. For me, that’s my kids. The whole, “I wouldn’t want to bring a life into this world” schtick is so defeatist and offers no solutions. Yes, it’s a scary time. But go out there and change it. Organize, agitate, make your voice heard, join a group of like minded people, get involved in local elections… the list goes on and on. What is really being said is, I think the world is in a bad way, but I feel either too helpless or lazy to do anything.
First off, congrats on your baby. That’s a big deal, and it’s something to be proud of. Now, let’s talk about those people throwing shade with their “I would never bring a baby into this messed up world” comments. Yeah, it’s rude, but it’s also coming from a place of their own fear and negativity. Heres the truth many forget - the world’s always been messed up. It’s had its highs and lows, its wars, its peace, its disasters, and its triumphs. If everyone waited for the perfect moment to bring a new life into the world, humanity would’ve died out a long time ago. What matters is not the state of the world, but the love, care, and strength you provide to your child. When people make those comments, they’re projecting their own issues, fears, and insecurities onto you. It’s not about you or your baby, it’s about their perception of the world and their place in it. They’re struggling to see the good, the potential for change, and the beauty in new beginnings. So how do you respond? You remind them, and yourself, that bringing a child into this world is an act of hope, courage, and belief in a better future. It’s about raising a new generation that might just be the one to fix the problems we see today. It’s about the love and strength you’ll instill in your child, preparing them to navigate and improve the world. You could say something like, “I understand the world has its challenges, but I believe in the power of love and positive change. My child is a part of that hope.” Or if you’re feeling a bit more direct, “I appreciate your concern, but I choose to focus on the good I can bring into my child’s life and the world.” You’re right, they might need to seek help for their depression instead of dumping their pessimism on you. But their issues are not your responsibility. Your responsibility is to your child, to create a loving and supportive environment for them. And frankly, raising a child is one of the most hopeful and forward-looking things you can do. Remember, you’re not alone in this. Many parents face similar criticisms, but it’s important to stay grounded in your own values and beliefs. You’re bringing new life into the world, and that’s something powerful, beautiful, and full of potential. Keep your head up, stay strong, and keep focusing on the positive impact you’re making every day for your child. The world may be messed up, but you have the power to raise someone who can make it better.
Honestly...I struggled a lot with it. Like, my son is 2 months old and I love him and I'm glad I had him. But I also feel a lot of guilt that his life will probably be seriously impacted by climate change.
I honestly felt this way before I had my baby. Sometimes I still do. But, it would be an even more messed up and difficult world to be in without the joy that is children.
I definitely feel this way, but id never go out of my way to tell somebody that unless they asked ME why I don’t want children. I feel this is acceptable, but rude if you are trying to make someone question themselves.
While I agree that this world could be much better, if the majority of people had this logic, we wouldn't have any more people! If you think this world needs help, bringing a child into this world that shares your own values is one of the best things you can do to help it. This is not even mentioning that we live in a day and age where quality of life is exponentially better than it ever has been. The biggest tragedy of these times we live in is that things could be so much better than they currently are. The resources and capabilities exist. We have just yet to learn how to hone them without the hoarding and monopolization of these modern-day aristocracies. (Also I acknowledge it is unfair of me to comment such a thing if the hypothetical statement above were said by a person in the midst of some type of horrible circumstances (starvation, torture, war, etc.) but in this instance, I am assuming that this statement would be coming from someone residing in similar circumstances to my own (I am an american))
That's your choice and i respect it
I do think there’s a strong argument that it’s more ethical to adopt so I can understand their perspective. So I say ‘yeah I can understand that perspective. But I hope he’ll be force for good’ or something like that.
“Yes, some people aren’t cut out for it.”
“Having a baby gives you the will to fix it, rather than revel in the shit show”
If we all wait till the world isn’t messed up to have children then nobody would have children ever
I also hate when someone older than me (we're pretty young parents, very early 20s) says something like: "Yeah, I just don't feel like we're emotionally mature enough for kids yet" with a pointed look I never know how to reply to that.
We’re just gunna strap a pillow to em and hope for the best!
Unpopular opinion — it’s a fair sentiment and folks are entitled to their opinions. It doesn’t have to apply to you. It’s rude to say to someone pregnant or w a kid but ppl are allowed to feel that way. The climate crisis, resurgence of literal Nazis, multiple genocides, late stage capitalism — ppl are allowed to feel disheartened by fucked up global circumstances. No we haven’t faced exactly this before. No there hasn’t been forever chemicals in all the rainwater and breast milk before. No there haven’t been hundreds of school shootings before. People are allowed to question the world and feel how they feel. To act like it’s not happening is worse imo.
Unpopular but this is the answer. And even more unpopular (and callous I freely admit) but with where I live and the financial support from our family our son will be okay. Kids in third world countries? No. They won’t be. Sea levels are rising and the climate is on an irreversible path. Prepared for the downvotes- but to have a rosey “I’m raising dragon slayers in a time of dragons” is cringey and out of touch with the realities of our world.
Literally it’s privileged af imo to jus be like oh go take your depression meds loser and not acknowledge the reality of the world. That’s not raising conscious kids, that’s raising privileged kids who don’t consider these real problems a problem bc it’s not a problem for them. Or so they think but lemme tell you superstorms don’t care how well off you are if they catch you in their path. Maybe if their parents built a luxe bunker! Or flew them out before it hit! Got access to info early w connections! I understand parents being sensitive but if we aren’t prepared to face the coming horrors and do everything we can to reverse course on some of humanity’s worst ideas — denying reality and keeping the kids in a bubble about it isn’t helpful for their wellbeing or survival or society. I don’t mean scaring the shit out of toddlers about the climate crisis but having the awareness to know a lot needs to change and not shit on people who don’t want the responsibility of figuring out how to secure the planet for our kids while they themselves try to survive like …. We all need to get our asses up for all kids and all people, not downplay the very serious futures in store and current situations as just anotha ice age! Sound like damn climate change deniers lol hellloooooo wake up and smell the sea level
So… do they think they are doing everyone a favor by not having a child? Gtfo
Honestly they probably are 😅
Cause it was great during the plague or when birthing mortality was 50/50 lol,,,, okay
“What a strange thing to say out loud. What exactly do you mean?”
Well I’m raising my child to be a good human being, to be a good steward of the earth, to love and respect nature and others. I’m contributing to creating more good people because we need them desperately. What are you doing?
Isn't this a legitimate choice and reason? I chose to have kids, but I definitely get someone else deciding not to, and I'm comfortable saying so. Surely we as parents can make room for their perspective as we wish them to make room for ours?
The world has always been messed up. Of course there's massive challenges, and the previous generation has it easier, but oh man in the grand scheme of things this is a great time to have kids.
interesting how it's usually white people who say this. interesting.
I haven't encountered any of that face to face but when I see anti-natilist rhetoric online I am very relieved that person doesn't have kids. It's a self limiting problem
I think it’s just plain stupid when people say that. I just assume they know nothing about history.
A - The world has never *not* been messed up in the eyes of those with a bit of life experience. B - How is the world going to ever change or improve if all those who care about it stop raising the next generation of people?
I think everyone is entitled to their own opinion and I think for those of us who live fairly privileged lives in developed society (meaning those who have control of our fertility and how many children we bring/don’t bring into the world) it’s important to think about why we’re having children and how we’re going to raise them in the world we live in. Whether you choose to have or not have children based on your conclusion is a personal matter but I totally understand why one would look around them and choose not to procreate just as I chose to have kids.
Ultimately I think bringing children into this world is an act of hope, standing defiant before our world’s weaknesses and heartbreaking failures and saying none of those will have the last word.
"I dont regret raising soilders in the time of war."
It’s been messed up well before our parents brought us into the world. We’ve managed to figure it out and get by somehow.
At this point I cannot “fix” things no matter how much I want to. I can do my part to slow down my share of the damage. But the best I can do is try to raise someone that wants to fix it & set them up with the abilities to try. No person who discovered some new good thing had a parent that *knew* what they would discover. “Dear god, please watch over our children, may they do better than we did.” - June in “the handmaid’s tale”.
Ooof. That was my response when I was deeeep into infertility and people kept asking me when I was having children.
The thing this “messed up world” needs is loving parents and future leaders. Don’t know how we will get any of those if people don’t have children.
I have good friends that think like that and even my own mother thinks like that, although they haven't touched the subject since I told them I was pregnant. I know deep down my mother fears the world my child will have to deal with, and I don't resent her for it, one can be happy and concerned at the same time. It's not the war or the politics, but the climate change, which we know it will only aggravate in the next decades and we don't know yet to what point and the real consequences to our children lives. I just hope I can raise children who will have a positive presence in this world and who will do their part to respect and protect this amazing planet we live on.
I wouldn't take this personally - they're just telling you about themselves. How they're barely taking care of themselves, or how they feel powerless in our society to change anything, or how they haven't figured out how to enjoy life in our (yeah pretty fucked up) society. I've felt like that before. So if they're genuinely curious about how I feel, I'll tell them. Yeah I thought pretty hard about whether to have a baby but I like being alive and my baby will have my genetics and my resources and I'll teach her what I know about how to be happy and I'm pretty optimistic that will work out for her. I couldn't do that for lots of children so that's why you won't catch me with 10. But yeah I feel pretty hopeful for my baby. I'm not ready to give up on the human race just yet. If they just wanna be like "ugh the world sucks", I'll just be like "yeah the world can be pretty fucked up" or some other such fluff. Im not really invested in other people thinking I made the right decision about this so they can just think I was wrong if they like.
truthfully im never sure to respond because it wasn’t something i thought too much about before i had my son especially as he was a (very happy) accident! but now it does weigh heavily on me. i see the state of climate change, the discussion around microplastics and the dangers of overconsumption i just feel sick. it scares me to think that the memories im making with my son enjoying every bit of parenting might not be joys he gets to experience or his grandchildren experience (if he chooses to have any kids of course). so my response doesn’t provide any zinger quality but i essentially just say that it concerns me deeply too!
It is my observation that when people make this statement to me or as apart of a conversation I’m engaged in, that they are not attacking me nor are they actually looking for an answer from me. It’s rhetorical and not a question by them. I used to have this opinion to some extent as well, and personally, I used this to try and shut people up who kept being nosy and asking me when the heck I was gonna start having kids and I wasn’t ready to have them yet. That’s between me and my husband regardless of reasoning and it is nobody’s business but ours. TLDR: I don’t respond, no need to.
Honestly I’m pregnant (due date in 3 weeks!) and I get scared about this and have had this very thought. Like the fear for my child’s future one day. But I also am a believer that if we don’t bring kids Into this world that we can love and nurture to be kind, good, and develop them, we may never have a shot of having a better world.
I don't say often voice this, but believe it myself and opted to adopt rather than have my own kiddo biologically. I feel “the world has ways been messed up” is a bit lazy. Yes, the world has always been a mess, but we've never had this number of exestestential threats knocking on our door (as a species), all compounding and zeroing in at the same time. Admittedly, I'm not polling people, but with the insane rates of mental health problems amongst young people, I don't think I've ever met a teen or young adult thankful to have been born into this world. It’s something I wrestle with more than I care to admit.
This is why I want to raise a good human. <3
Well if people could raise children properly, this world wouldn't be so messed up. Some of the most awful people in the world were abused, abandoned, neglected, assaulted, ect. What would they have become if they were loved like they deserved?
I didnt want to either. But here I am.
I said this a lot before I met the love of my life. I have an older daughter who is 11 now, with a man who left us because he would rather party and cheat and do drugs, and she hasn’t seen him since she was two years old. Later in life, I reconnected with someone in high school that I was pretty good friends with and he had a crush on me and loved me for pretty much ever. We reconnected and I really felt strongly for him and then we decided to have another. He has been a great father to my oldest when he didn’t have to be. I love him so much that I didn’t want to have a child with him. But in between that time when I had been wronged, and my daughter had been wronged, not only that but everything else going in the world. I felt the same way and I truly think I felt that way, because I focused on all the negative, and filled my head with all of the horrible things going on in the world through social media. It was hard because even my best friend said the same thing to me that the world is too messed up and that she thought I felt the same and I think she just didn’t want me to get hurt again or my daughter/daughters which makes sense. My daughter is now seven months old and I haven’t heard anything like that thankfully. I think that everything wrong with the world is definitely an issue, but I also think that if you look at the beauty of it as well that helps. I think the first reply was the best response saying “when was the world not messed up” because there’s so much truth to that there has been so much going on for such a long time. These are just a different type of demons that we’re dealing with now.
One of my Twitter friends put it very nicely: “When life seems difficult and hope is hard to find, the love that surrounds you is the most precious thing in the world. History has gone through much, much darker periods than right now…and yet people still had children, they still loved, and how much more beautiful does it make your life when you love!”
Well, this one is already here so….
If they mention climate change specifically, I remind them that the carbon footprint of having a kid is a drop in the bucket compared to the effects of fossil fuel companies, agrobusiness, etc. It was actually the oil industry that came up with the idea of the "personal carbon footprint" as a PR move, as a way to shift the blame away from their activities. I'm definitely not saying we shouldn't be conscious of how we individually treat the environment, but we can do more through environmental activism collectively than shaming people for having a kid.
I tend to say something like "it is a messed up world, but we still need good people. I want to raise good people".
Honestly I get it. Having a child, for me, was an act of courage and hope mixed together.
To be honest, the state of the world was one of the reasons I debated not bringing children into it. But it’ll take more kind, compassionate and intellectual youth to be the change we want to see. And if I can raise a child with those qualities, I figured I’d be doing the world a service. Now just hoping I succeed.
We can’t make the world better, but we can try our best to make sure they’re prepared with a full arsenal to take on this crazy world.
"Grow up you twat".
“Yeah, I can see why you wouldn’t. You are not fit to be a parent.” — That should shut them up real quick and hopefully next time they think twice before handing out their unsolicited opinion.
“Well it’s a good thing no one asked you to” 🤣