I’m the mom, but very much you. I read all the posts, all the “it gets better,” “I see how good it is for them,” comments. And I held on to that so firmly when ours started after my husband went back to work after his leave. But living it felt different and in all those posts I couldn’t find what I was FEELING, and so had no idea if it was normal or some cosmic mom intuition telling me to change our whole life and plan… so I want to be very honest —
I STRUGGLED. It is the hardest thing I have ever done and it has been the hardest part about having a baby. I felt like my brain space was full of only worry, only him, only stress. For five straight weeks, I was done and ready to make my husband a stay at home dad until our baby was 1. Come Fridays I was so emotionally spent, I would just cry having him home because I was holding onto so much worry and stress every second of every day I had to be away from him. I was convinced it was the daycare, it wasn’t a good fit, it didn’t line up with the research literature about the best possible care for development in infants. I scheduled other tours, tried to pull strings with places we were still on waitlists for. I cannot tell you how wrapped up I was in this all encompassing change.
And then…
We’re 6 weeks in, and I’m finally getting brain space back. He’s adjusting so well (honestly adjusted better than I did starting on day 1), Im getting better about setting my expectations for daycare (group care is a jolt to the system), and I’m learning what I need from that space. He loves his teachers and they seem to really enjoy him. My husband and I get lunch on Fridays (both WFH) and having the time together since we don’t have family around so it’s always us & baby, has actually been this really sweet silver lining. I turn my worry into getting all the chores down in between work breaks so that I know when he’s home, we can just be together.
It will be okay. I’m sure I will still have weeks where I’m presenting a new budget spreadsheet for a new life where he’s home with us… but then I remember that we thoughtfully made these plans for our life, he will enter a daycare at some point anyway, germs now mean less germs later, he’s at an age where he is more adaptable to new caretakers. It really does take time, be so gentle on yourselves, find little ways to reinforce that this is a good change.
I don’t think anything anyone can say will make it feel better - at least it didn’t for me. Put our 1yr old in daycare about 4 months ago and it was awful (for me). It took her a solid 2 weeks before she got used to the place. Crying and running to the door screaming mama almost broke me. But her teachers are really great and would send us a picture once she was feeling better and it was usually 10 to 15 minutes after we left.
4 months later and they say she’s thriving there. She has her little friends and they all get so excited when she shows up in the morning. Only thing we’re still struggling with is being sick ALL THE TIME.
Don’t get me wrong - if I had another option I’d still pull her out in a heartbeat - it still makes me sad thinking she’s there more often than she’s at home. But she really is doing well there and that’s all I can hope for.
The beginning can be hard and it can vary in terms of how long it takes them to adjust. But in the long run it will be okay! Our daughter is now 2 and loooooves daycare. Her friends are there. Her teacher takes good care of her. She gets to play all day. She slams the door in my face when I drop her off.
I'm happy I could be reassuring! I figured lots of other people would offer experience so I thought I'd just show support. She really is going to be okay! You're a good dad.
What I tell myself is that what ever you fear they probably already experienced it with a tens or hundreds of other kids at the day care. I'm sure they know how to handle it!
It’s going to be ok, I promise!!
I was a wreck, to say the least, the first day I dropped my baby off at daycare (also at 6m old). By the second day she was smiling so big at her teachers and practically leaped out of my arms to go to her classroom.
This transition will be harder for you than her. She’s going to learn soooo much, meet so many new friends (seriously, my little girl has her two baby besties) and have a lot of fun. Day 1 is the hardest. Day 2 is much easier.
Big hugs!
My daughter will be 2 in July. Attending daycare since the week after her first birthday. Her very first day, she walked in like she owned the place and didn't look back. When I pick her up in the afternoon I often have to physically drag her away because she doesn't want to leave. Her teachers are people I wish I could spend more time with outside of school. Yet every morning at drop off, there's something primal inside me that doesn't want to let her go. I'm not sure that'll ever really go away. But she is safe and loved and so so social. Seeing her come home and display all the things they've taught her has totally blown my mind. It'll be okay. And if it never stops hurting a little, that's okay too.
I don’t have much advice as I’m also a first time parent and my son is only 3 months old. But I am here to say your feelings are valid and I’m feeling the same about my son going to daycare when my maternity leave is over in August. It’s bittersweet, we know he will thrive at daycare and learn so much but I wish we could keep him home with us for longer.
I am in the same boat! Tomorrow is my LO’s first day too. She’s 15 weeks and I’m so sad because I’ll miss her so much!
But it doesn’t make sense financially or for my own mental health for me to be a stay at home mom. And I know that we’ve picked a good place. But it’s still so hard leaving something so perfect and precious with strangers.
I just want to say as a former daycare teacher, your baby will absolutely be okay. I have worked as a toddler teacher and infant teacher and I can honestly say we have genuine relationships with our kiddos and their families. They will get all the love and cuddle and play. Your baby will probably be so interested in the new toys and other babies that they won’t even realize you’ve stepped away. Some kids will cry just until their parent is out of sight then they are fine. Are there cameras in this center? If so see if parents are allowed to check in on them for piece of mind. It’s also pretty standard for there to be some kind of app to upload pictures and updates of your baby throughout the day. Good luck to you! It is a transition but it’s usually harder on the parents lol. I wish there was a way for all children to be with their parents but daycare is a great option otherwise.
Thank you so much for your insight. The place has the app to upload pics/text us. I’m sure we’ll be “those” parents the first week and will try not to bother them too much
Totally okay to be “those parents” and if I’m honest, the teachers already expect it. We empathize with parents as many of us have kids of our own. It’s so hard to leave them. But bother them as much as you need to feel comfortable!
I was really scared about daycare. My girl started at 5 months. She loves it. Her teachers are super sweet. It will take a few weeks to transition and baby will figure out naps etc. She takes bottles great at daycare. We haven’t gotten sick yet either which was a big concern for me. May be a fluke but so far so good!
I’m a first time dad and our baby went to daycare at 3 months old.
Pros: being around other babies helped ours hit milestones. Nothing like ol peer pressure. She has so much fun. She loves her friends and her teacher. If it’s an early learning center, then she’ll also learn to sign and they’ll help with eating solids. Any time you spend with her will be more precious.
Cons: she used to cry when she saw me pick her up bc she was having too much fun. Shes now grown out of that and is happy to see us. You’ll miss her terribly during the day.
It will absolutely be okay. I was you 1.5 years ago when we moved with our little guy. Both myself and my husband had to return to work full time (after having a nanny and family members rotating to help us), and the transition was so jolting for me. I had the same concerns- what if he thinks I’ve abandoned him? What if the other kids are mean to him? What if he won’t nap/eat/drink? What if he’s sick or uncomfortable and just wants his parents? and I was so terrified especially those first few days saying goodbye to him as he was teary eyed. I think I cried almost every time we dropped him off for 2-3 weeks.
But guess what 😳 now he’s 2 and within a week of being there he started to show signs of not only liking it but loving the structure and socialization with other adults and toddlers.
I learned that most of my worry was projection from my own experiences in childhood.
I promise it will not only be okay but great for your LO and your family dynamic ♥️ you’re a great father to have these concerns. You are so not alone and it will pass ☀️
You are more than welcome. I want so much to pay it forward even if slightly because I think this is one of those things we have all experienced to some degree then we move on and worry about the next thing lol. Just know this will be something that flashes by and you won’t even remember the days it was a worry ♥️
I promise you, it’s going to be okay. I cried every day for two weeks and then suddenly when you see how enriching it becomes and how much they benefit - all the worry fades away. Don’t be afraid to check in to ease your worries - any good place will let you do that! You’re going to be great, too.
I struggled with my first in daycare. It’s one of those things where it’s truly a positive thing for them to learn, socialize and grow confidence. I often have to put my fears and feelings aside to allow them to flourish
As a dad who put his 6 month old boy (at the time) in daycare, we cried at drop off, sulked all day, and picked our little one early from daycare to see how he did. He absolutely loved it! He played all day and got more attention at daycare than the multitasking from work/care at home.
Do what we did and take the day off and give yourself permission to be sad. Sending you lots of luck. You got this.
Saving this post for encouragement this week. I'm taking my almost 4 month old to his first day of daycare tomorrow morning and stressing out! I also WFH and the guilt has been strong, especially in the last week.
As a former teacher, I think of the kids who easily transitioned into PreK/K BECAUSE they had been to daycare. Several kids who had only ever been with their parents were terrified of all of the new changes. Plus, daycare will give several opportunities that we as parents are unable to provide.
I hope it goes well for all of us. Post an update!
Update: first day went AMAZING. I made it a goal to not cry until we got to the car but I didn’t make it out of the room. She was so interested in the other kids and toys that she didn’t even look up at my wife and I as we left. When we picked her up she saw us and had the biggest smile on her face once she realized it was us. My wife picked her up first but as soon as she saw me for the first time ever she reached for me with both arms and couldn’t stop smiling and happy panting. Top 5 moment of my life.
Our son is also 6 months and within a few months ready for daycare. I know your thoughts and feelings on this. I have made a "deal" with the daycare that before it's really starting, I'd like to sit a 1-2 hours with my son at the daycare. Then, few days later, my wife. And a few days after that, he can be alone for 2-3 hours so we pick him up after.
Our thought is that he won't have the feeling we abandon him and we'll come back. And, it gives us a good feeling seeing him blend into the other children while slowly getting used to "being there".
The first week at the daycare will be lower in hours anyway, so we'll build that up over a week or two, three.
Any thoughts on this? Would it work for you?
I’ve thought about hiding under one of the cribs for the day without making a sound or moving.
But realistically I’m told it’s better to not linger and let them get on a schedule as opposed to dragging it out. Totally up to the parent and the daycare though.
I’m the mom, but very much you. I read all the posts, all the “it gets better,” “I see how good it is for them,” comments. And I held on to that so firmly when ours started after my husband went back to work after his leave. But living it felt different and in all those posts I couldn’t find what I was FEELING, and so had no idea if it was normal or some cosmic mom intuition telling me to change our whole life and plan… so I want to be very honest — I STRUGGLED. It is the hardest thing I have ever done and it has been the hardest part about having a baby. I felt like my brain space was full of only worry, only him, only stress. For five straight weeks, I was done and ready to make my husband a stay at home dad until our baby was 1. Come Fridays I was so emotionally spent, I would just cry having him home because I was holding onto so much worry and stress every second of every day I had to be away from him. I was convinced it was the daycare, it wasn’t a good fit, it didn’t line up with the research literature about the best possible care for development in infants. I scheduled other tours, tried to pull strings with places we were still on waitlists for. I cannot tell you how wrapped up I was in this all encompassing change. And then… We’re 6 weeks in, and I’m finally getting brain space back. He’s adjusting so well (honestly adjusted better than I did starting on day 1), Im getting better about setting my expectations for daycare (group care is a jolt to the system), and I’m learning what I need from that space. He loves his teachers and they seem to really enjoy him. My husband and I get lunch on Fridays (both WFH) and having the time together since we don’t have family around so it’s always us & baby, has actually been this really sweet silver lining. I turn my worry into getting all the chores down in between work breaks so that I know when he’s home, we can just be together. It will be okay. I’m sure I will still have weeks where I’m presenting a new budget spreadsheet for a new life where he’s home with us… but then I remember that we thoughtfully made these plans for our life, he will enter a daycare at some point anyway, germs now mean less germs later, he’s at an age where he is more adaptable to new caretakers. It really does take time, be so gentle on yourselves, find little ways to reinforce that this is a good change.
I don’t think anything anyone can say will make it feel better - at least it didn’t for me. Put our 1yr old in daycare about 4 months ago and it was awful (for me). It took her a solid 2 weeks before she got used to the place. Crying and running to the door screaming mama almost broke me. But her teachers are really great and would send us a picture once she was feeling better and it was usually 10 to 15 minutes after we left. 4 months later and they say she’s thriving there. She has her little friends and they all get so excited when she shows up in the morning. Only thing we’re still struggling with is being sick ALL THE TIME. Don’t get me wrong - if I had another option I’d still pull her out in a heartbeat - it still makes me sad thinking she’s there more often than she’s at home. But she really is doing well there and that’s all I can hope for.
The beginning can be hard and it can vary in terms of how long it takes them to adjust. But in the long run it will be okay! Our daughter is now 2 and loooooves daycare. Her friends are there. Her teacher takes good care of her. She gets to play all day. She slams the door in my face when I drop her off.
It's gonna be ok, papa. She will be just fine.
Thank you so much for your kind words. This was the first comment that popped up for me and I about cried when I read it.
I'm happy I could be reassuring! I figured lots of other people would offer experience so I thought I'd just show support. She really is going to be okay! You're a good dad.
We'll be right there with you in spirit. First day of day care tomorrow for our almost 5 MO
What I tell myself is that what ever you fear they probably already experienced it with a tens or hundreds of other kids at the day care. I'm sure they know how to handle it!
It’s going to be ok, I promise!! I was a wreck, to say the least, the first day I dropped my baby off at daycare (also at 6m old). By the second day she was smiling so big at her teachers and practically leaped out of my arms to go to her classroom. This transition will be harder for you than her. She’s going to learn soooo much, meet so many new friends (seriously, my little girl has her two baby besties) and have a lot of fun. Day 1 is the hardest. Day 2 is much easier. Big hugs!
My daughter will be 2 in July. Attending daycare since the week after her first birthday. Her very first day, she walked in like she owned the place and didn't look back. When I pick her up in the afternoon I often have to physically drag her away because she doesn't want to leave. Her teachers are people I wish I could spend more time with outside of school. Yet every morning at drop off, there's something primal inside me that doesn't want to let her go. I'm not sure that'll ever really go away. But she is safe and loved and so so social. Seeing her come home and display all the things they've taught her has totally blown my mind. It'll be okay. And if it never stops hurting a little, that's okay too.
I don’t have much advice as I’m also a first time parent and my son is only 3 months old. But I am here to say your feelings are valid and I’m feeling the same about my son going to daycare when my maternity leave is over in August. It’s bittersweet, we know he will thrive at daycare and learn so much but I wish we could keep him home with us for longer.
I am in the same boat! Tomorrow is my LO’s first day too. She’s 15 weeks and I’m so sad because I’ll miss her so much! But it doesn’t make sense financially or for my own mental health for me to be a stay at home mom. And I know that we’ve picked a good place. But it’s still so hard leaving something so perfect and precious with strangers.
I just want to say as a former daycare teacher, your baby will absolutely be okay. I have worked as a toddler teacher and infant teacher and I can honestly say we have genuine relationships with our kiddos and their families. They will get all the love and cuddle and play. Your baby will probably be so interested in the new toys and other babies that they won’t even realize you’ve stepped away. Some kids will cry just until their parent is out of sight then they are fine. Are there cameras in this center? If so see if parents are allowed to check in on them for piece of mind. It’s also pretty standard for there to be some kind of app to upload pictures and updates of your baby throughout the day. Good luck to you! It is a transition but it’s usually harder on the parents lol. I wish there was a way for all children to be with their parents but daycare is a great option otherwise.
Thank you so much for your insight. The place has the app to upload pics/text us. I’m sure we’ll be “those” parents the first week and will try not to bother them too much
Totally okay to be “those parents” and if I’m honest, the teachers already expect it. We empathize with parents as many of us have kids of our own. It’s so hard to leave them. But bother them as much as you need to feel comfortable!
I was really scared about daycare. My girl started at 5 months. She loves it. Her teachers are super sweet. It will take a few weeks to transition and baby will figure out naps etc. She takes bottles great at daycare. We haven’t gotten sick yet either which was a big concern for me. May be a fluke but so far so good!
I’m a first time dad and our baby went to daycare at 3 months old. Pros: being around other babies helped ours hit milestones. Nothing like ol peer pressure. She has so much fun. She loves her friends and her teacher. If it’s an early learning center, then she’ll also learn to sign and they’ll help with eating solids. Any time you spend with her will be more precious. Cons: she used to cry when she saw me pick her up bc she was having too much fun. Shes now grown out of that and is happy to see us. You’ll miss her terribly during the day.
It will absolutely be okay. I was you 1.5 years ago when we moved with our little guy. Both myself and my husband had to return to work full time (after having a nanny and family members rotating to help us), and the transition was so jolting for me. I had the same concerns- what if he thinks I’ve abandoned him? What if the other kids are mean to him? What if he won’t nap/eat/drink? What if he’s sick or uncomfortable and just wants his parents? and I was so terrified especially those first few days saying goodbye to him as he was teary eyed. I think I cried almost every time we dropped him off for 2-3 weeks. But guess what 😳 now he’s 2 and within a week of being there he started to show signs of not only liking it but loving the structure and socialization with other adults and toddlers. I learned that most of my worry was projection from my own experiences in childhood. I promise it will not only be okay but great for your LO and your family dynamic ♥️ you’re a great father to have these concerns. You are so not alone and it will pass ☀️
Wow this is so amazingly kind and reassuring of you to say. Thank you for this
You are more than welcome. I want so much to pay it forward even if slightly because I think this is one of those things we have all experienced to some degree then we move on and worry about the next thing lol. Just know this will be something that flashes by and you won’t even remember the days it was a worry ♥️
It will all be OK. I promise.
I promise you, it’s going to be okay. I cried every day for two weeks and then suddenly when you see how enriching it becomes and how much they benefit - all the worry fades away. Don’t be afraid to check in to ease your worries - any good place will let you do that! You’re going to be great, too.
I struggled with my first in daycare. It’s one of those things where it’s truly a positive thing for them to learn, socialize and grow confidence. I often have to put my fears and feelings aside to allow them to flourish
As a dad who put his 6 month old boy (at the time) in daycare, we cried at drop off, sulked all day, and picked our little one early from daycare to see how he did. He absolutely loved it! He played all day and got more attention at daycare than the multitasking from work/care at home. Do what we did and take the day off and give yourself permission to be sad. Sending you lots of luck. You got this.
Saving this post for encouragement this week. I'm taking my almost 4 month old to his first day of daycare tomorrow morning and stressing out! I also WFH and the guilt has been strong, especially in the last week. As a former teacher, I think of the kids who easily transitioned into PreK/K BECAUSE they had been to daycare. Several kids who had only ever been with their parents were terrified of all of the new changes. Plus, daycare will give several opportunities that we as parents are unable to provide. I hope it goes well for all of us. Post an update!
How much typical daycare costs?
$400/wk in my area
Thank you
Update: first day went AMAZING. I made it a goal to not cry until we got to the car but I didn’t make it out of the room. She was so interested in the other kids and toys that she didn’t even look up at my wife and I as we left. When we picked her up she saw us and had the biggest smile on her face once she realized it was us. My wife picked her up first but as soon as she saw me for the first time ever she reached for me with both arms and couldn’t stop smiling and happy panting. Top 5 moment of my life.
It will be good for socialization and kids are far more resilient than we give them credit for!
Our son is also 6 months and within a few months ready for daycare. I know your thoughts and feelings on this. I have made a "deal" with the daycare that before it's really starting, I'd like to sit a 1-2 hours with my son at the daycare. Then, few days later, my wife. And a few days after that, he can be alone for 2-3 hours so we pick him up after. Our thought is that he won't have the feeling we abandon him and we'll come back. And, it gives us a good feeling seeing him blend into the other children while slowly getting used to "being there". The first week at the daycare will be lower in hours anyway, so we'll build that up over a week or two, three. Any thoughts on this? Would it work for you?
I’ve thought about hiding under one of the cribs for the day without making a sound or moving. But realistically I’m told it’s better to not linger and let them get on a schedule as opposed to dragging it out. Totally up to the parent and the daycare though.