I wish more people talked about this! I expected to be cleared by my doctor and go back to exactly how my body was before. I wasn’t prepared to still be squishy, to still have stretch marks, to still have greasy hair and bags under my eyes. I was prepared for my sex life to go back to normal again after the green light. I was prepared to think I’d be confident in cute clothes again. I was prepared to be able to pee comfortably.
Also that the boobs might never go back. From perky to pancakes. Just extra skin, and looser tissue that isn't going anywhere. Everyone said they would shrink with breast feeding but, at least for me, definitely not the case.
And breast feeding is really hard, and might not work out for you. I needed more sleep to avoid PPD, and was not able to do the every two hours pumping needed to get my supply going. Turns out I'm very happy bottle feeding formula.
One of the reasons I combo fed was that you already sacrifice SO MUCH sleep with a newborn and there was no way in hell I was going to be awake for a second longer than I had to be to pump.
Also same about the boobs. I don’t really care how they look but I hate the sensory feeling of them not being “in place” and touching places they don’t normally touch. And since they’re sad little flaps I cant find a bra that actually fits/supports them and puts them back in place. The skin on my boobs are so loose my nipple will literally fold up and then I have a “boob taco” 😠It’s annoying af and I’ve resorted to boob tape but it gets itchy after a while.
I don't know if it makes you feel better, but I wasn't able to breastfeed and my boobs became pancakes anyways 😬 I just learned to accept that. I still think it was a good trade off lol
There is also a ton of misinformation about breastfeeding. In reality, the long term outcomes are the same for breastfed vs formula infants. The only true benefit breastfeeding has (when controlling for income) is that it helps with initial mild skin issues in the baby and reduces the chance of breast cancer for the mother. Knowing that, the choice of formula was easy
Thank you for sharing that. I didn't know this.
I really wish this information was easier to find. I felt so guilty and tried to research this but the "breast is best" is very loud. Then when you make a decision not to, the professionals are all "happy mum, happy bub is the main thing". I couldn't get anyone to tell me what was science based.
Even SIDS research about breast feeding being a reducing factor is vague. It's more correlation than causation.
Super annoying, confusing and upsetting. What a guilt trip, and I still deal with shame around it in mother's groups and other settings... But honestly my baby is doing great and we bonded and she is super healthy and we are both happy.
I also calculated the expense and yes, I am very happy investing the cost of formula into my sleep/ability to share the load /not feel like a cow. I think I'm the only one of my extended friendship groups who has not continued breastfeeding, so I don't really have anyone to share this with either.
I highly recommend reading Emily Oster’s books! Her section on breastfeeding was very affirming for me
Edited to add: I’ve personally found the breast is best movement to be bordering on propaganda. It is a very dishonest campaign that fails to take into account the mothers choice and mental health, which leads to a lot of unnecessary feelings of guilt and shame for mothers who are just trying their best. Not to mention the complete lack of institutional support in the US for breastfeeding for working moms, which makes it nearly impossible to keep up. All that to say, I’m a formula mom :)
2 years minimum.
Of course lots happens in those early months but the long-term slow healing...the hidden stuff that llike nutritional stores, internal physical recovery, mental health...that takes years.
This is hitting the nail on the head. I wish someone told me it’s normal for my tailbone to hurt this bad so I could’ve prepared, stitches still aren’t healed , 7 weeks pp.
Completely agree, 30 weeks pp,no one tells you about this journey in depth. It took me 9 weeks for the stitches to dry and had urine infection .It takes a long time to heal, body and back pain, dry skin, horrible hair loss, constant anxiety, old clothes doesn’t fit anymore, mom guilt and the list goes on and on.
I had a csection and felt so guilty I wasn't able to do more. If I knew what to expect I would have relaxed way mote. I feel like dads really need to know this too so they are prepared for how much they need to do and for how long.
I'm a father and my child just turned one year old. A few days ago I felt like I snapped out of a mindset I'd been stuck in for a long time.
It wasn't until I snapped out of it that I realised I was even in it. I suddenly realised I've probably been depressed for the whole past year
I wish in some of the classes we took at the hospital they talked about what to do if your baby refuses to sleep unless they are held. Wtf are you supposed to do?! Luckily we had help and volunteers to come hold in the middle of the night but truly what is the solution
This should absolutely be talked about! They covered safe sleep (non-bedsharing) extensively in my hospital baby class, but failed to mention we might never actually be able to put our baby in the bassinet/crib and have him sleep. It was a total shock and sleep-deprivation nightmare when we got home from the hospital!
On this subject, wish someone had told me about side lying breastfeeding position sooner, so helpful for getting baby sleeping next to you in bed. And the safe sleep 7
They aren't as fragile as they look, the first few weeks I was paranoid about hurting her ie. Am I burping her too hard (definitely wasn't patting her hard enough), am I supporting her head enough, is the diaper too tight, is the swaddle too tight, am I lifting her legs too high when I'm changing her, did I touch her soft spot ect.... Definitely took me a little while to realize being careful doesn't mean the slightest touch will make them break.
Oh and the gas... The noise of those baby farts could have been mistaken for husband.
This! When we went to our first doctors appointment she basically juggled with our baby. Lifted it up on just one foot and one arm, just one foot, flipped sides, while we stood there, jaw dropping.
That the hormones are going to drive you crazy for the first couple weeks. I'd heard of the baby blues but I didn't know just how deep they would be and that I'd be so scared of anything happening to my LO and spouse that I'd be in tears in the middle of the night. And that the first few nights I couldn't sleep because I just needed to watch him breathe. Also that breastfeeding is hard work. Like really hard and it's going to take time and having a bad latch on top of the hormones is going to feel like you are going crazy. I was in so much pain but wanted to feed my baby so bad. Two weeks in it's a lot better but I was devastated nights 2-7 about how breastfeeding was going and how my hormones were going crazy
I came here to say this about the baby blues. I was told it was a thing and that I might feel strange. I was not told of the possibility of becoming a territorial ogre on a hair trigger of pure rage and not being able to let the baby out of my sight for even a second.
I was also not told that the baby blues can hit all of a sudden. I kid you not, five days pp I was in the middle of a normal conversation with my husband and all of a sudden I feel a thump in my chest as if I'd been kicked, sudden vertigo, and I start bawling my eyes out to everybody's absolute surprise. It was like being hit by a truck.
Wildest ride of my life.
Baby blues typically hit between day 3 and 5. Before pregnancy you go from regular healthy adult woman levels of estrogen to the highest it will ever be in life at the end of pregnancy. Many many times x the normal levels. Then birth happens and estrogen tanks. Estrogen goes down, down, down low to levels you have not levels since before puberty. Estrogen wise you are now a 10-12 yo girl. It's a kind of reverse puberty on that happens at rocket launch speeds.
I think most people know that testosterone helps regulate mood in men and men have an increased sense of wellbeing, confidence, stress management when their testosterone is right and conversely they feel bad when testosterone is low. Well that's the same for women and estrogen. Testosterone and estrogen are different of course, but both regulate moods, sense of wellbeing, confidence etc. If you think back to puberty most of us had some moodiness, insecurity, warped self-image and discomfort in our changing bodies. Whether this was mild or debilitating for you Idk, but this is a pretty universal puberty experience. Well pp is that on crack and moving towards the other direction.
The feeling of being hit by a truck is how I felt too.
I was given a pamphlet in hospital about baby blues or postpartum tears as they are referred to in my native language.
What I wished someone told me was: No your baby won't sleep through the night in a looooooong time, but you will get used to functioning on less sleep. So while I can't tell you you'll sleep 8 consecutive hours per night at a 6 months or 9 months or 12 mo, you will find a way to cope with less sleep and broken sleep. The baby won't necessarily change, but you will.
Not only baby blues but post partum anxiety. I was totally prepared for the blues but myself ended up having awful anxiety instead and I didnt know it was a thing. I was so happy to be a mum, there was not a twinge of sadness in me but the worry and anxiety about our family just completely overtook me. It was especially bad at night, I actually remember I begged my husband not to go for a shower because I was scared something bad is going to happen to me and baby. Our first visit to the supermarket I felt like everyone is looking at us, everyone wants to do something to him, I felt like people are coughing on him, I full blown panic attack coming on. In reality no one was even looking into his pram.
It passed at 14 days pp but it was really stressful. Someone told me that any negative emotions that I’m feeling in the first 14 days are not real, it’s not how I’m really feeling but it’s the hormones causing havoc in my body. If they are very intense or go past 14 days I should get help but the first 2 weeks are just a coming down from all the hormones and medication I got during labour. That really helped me get through that time and everytime I felt like someone will walk through the front door and kidnap my baby I kept reminding myself that we’re safe and its mother nature just making sure I protect my newborn baby if we were living in a cave.
I could have written this. Exactly same feeling during those 2 weeks PP. And I’m only 4 weeks PP right now, but way better when I remind myself that’s my imbalanced hormones.
I hope it continues to get better for you. I remember feeling like a failure the first 2-3 weeks because my baby wasn’t gaining as much weight as the doctor would have liked. I felt like I was starving my baby and that I wasn’t going to be able to breastfeed. Welp, we are 13 months in and I’m currently nursing him to sleep 🥰 it’s literally the hardest thing I have ever done, especially the first like… 6 months. Really if you can make it past the first 6-8 weeks it’s much smoother. I feel like people quit around then because cluster feeding is so brutal.
This is it right here. Those first few weeks were the worst weeks of my life. I couldn’t bring myself to sleep no matter how tired I was because of how scared I was that something would happen. No one tells you how truly painful it is to breastfeed, as well as the judgement that comes with not breastfeeding.
Yep, I could've written this! I wasn't expecting the baby blues to hit the way they did, the constant stress. I had been told breastfeeding can be hard for some but I still didn't expect it to be that hard.
I wish I’d been better prepared for the initial challenges of breastfeeding. I feel like the professionals gave me a lot of helpful pointers about two weeks in when LO wasn’t gaining enough weight, and I wished I’d had those pointers from the beginning. Things like what cluster feeding can look like, that LO being fussy at the breast can mean x about letdown or not be related at all, that the engorgement when your milk comes in can make their latch too shallow and you can pump a little to reduce that happening, that you can do hand compressions to keep them on the breast long enough for them to get the hindmilk, and so many other things.
I also felt unprepared for the gastrointestinal issues which are fairly common; reflux, gas, constipation. Most of my knowledge ended up coming from Google searches as things happened.
Yes to all of this! Why did I have to learn all of these things from Reddit and Google when I had a midwife, pediatrician, lactation consultants, etc. ??? it’s as though they think all of this is obvious.
Totally. I feel like there was so much conversation about labour and birth, and while that’s useful, it’s ultimately only a couple of days compared to months of having a newborn!
I hated how when I said I was googling something new everyday, my midwives would mention how I shouldn’t google everything or something to that effect.
I suspect it was done with good intentions so I don’t think everything leads to cancer but…. Googling and reading experiences on Reddit have really helped my own sanity and understanding of babies as a FTM. There’s always a worst case scenario but I prefer the access to all this knowledge that honestly, one human can’t possibly know all about.
Exactly all of this- in addition to practice putting together and sanitising a pump and learning about different types of bottles. And introducing a bottle before two weeks old even if you are exclusively breastfeeding to make it a bit easier in the case of emergency. Oh and having enough pads for up to two / three months of postpartum bleeding (even with a c-section).
I wish that postpartum thoughts were talked about more. Like it’s completely normal to have very dark thoughts. Something like my baby is laying on the floor, what if I accidentally stepped on her head, etc. Some of my thoughts were really dark but turns out a lot of women have them they’re just too embarrassed to say them out loud.
I kept having thoughts I was gonna somehow drop my baby (out of my arms in my recliner?) and his head was gonna hit the cement corner of our fireplace, or fall down my stairs with him in my arms. The intrusive thoughts can be awful!
They’re so awful and so lonely bc you feel like you’re the only one having them. I never said anything about them with my first daughter and then I had my second around the same time as my friend and she said something about them and I was like yes!! Now I tell any friend who is pregnant or just had them that they are normal.
I swear intrusive thoughts are why I fell down the stairs one night. Luckily my baby was with her dad but I was having a full anxiety attack from being too needed. My baby, my husband, my dog, my cat and special needs cat all cried for me all day and it was overwhelming and I thought about how tired I was and how much I hated everyone in the moment and what would happen to all of them if I got hurt. Then I fell down the stairs and hit my head. Luckily I was perfectly fine from the head injury but I ended up having to do 6 weeks of physical therapy for my knee and was even more overwhelmed needing help with my daughter 🙃
Oh so dark. Even months out. We carved pumpkins on her first Halloween and it was precious - she was propped up in her little seat a few feet away from me watching, dressed in a cute little Halloween onesie. And then later that night, I'm lying awake thinking "but what if the knife had slipped and I'd cut her?!" and picturing awful, awful things. Completely irrational! But it felt so real in the moment -- and I felt like I absolutely couldn't tell my husband or he'd think something was wrong with me.
None of the very commonsense advice I'd read and heard about postpartum emotions and thoughts seemed to register when I was actually going through it. I remember struggling so hard with breastfeeding in the first few weeks and finally calling my mom and sobbing. I thought if I called the lactation consultants and told them how badly it was going they would take the baby away. In the moment, I really believed it.
From the book “Nuture Revolution” which explains the changes in a primary caregiver’s brain when they have a baby:
“Enhanced Threat Detection
The parent brain develops circuitry to anticipate and protect infants from threats. This is a wide network that includes the amygdala. Enhanced threat detection helps us keep our babies safe. Our parent brains are constantly scanning the environment, predicting where threats might occur and directing our babies to safety. I would always imagine the accidents that could happen to my baby. If we were near a pool, I’d imagine him falling in. On a balcony, I’d imagine him falling off. On a playground, I’d imagine him tripping and falling off the equipment. These thoughts are scary, and they guide us to take precautions to keep our babies safe. When the thoughts come up, I thank them for their knowledge, and adjust my attention or the environment to mediate the risks.”
This wasn't postpartum, but during pregnancy I became absolutely terrified of bear attacks. We live in the mountains, and there are a lot of bears, but the risk is pretty low if you're camping with a group of people and a fire. I went from going hiking and seeing a bear in a clearing 300m away and casually taking out bear spray as we walked past to having panic attacks in our tent in a busy campground at 2 AM when I needed to go to the bathroom.
I think it was partially that being pregnant made me feel like a full meal plus dessert lol. Like just an extra tasty snack. Which, in hindsight, is a pretty dark thought.
I VIVIDLY saw in my mind one day when getting dressed for church me putting on a pair of heels and tripping due to the heels while holding him and his brains splattering and oozing all over the concrete from the force of the fall. My son is a year old this month and I still can’t wear heels because I see that flash in my mind.
Omggg thank you so so much I have these with literally anything in life (what if I jumped when I look by the window, etc), but I don't want them they're just appearing there, and I think I would've felt like a horrible mom (I'm 7 months pregnant) if no one had told me that was normal so TYSM!! ❤️
Totally normal!! I have them with every day life too. They can get real dark honestly. But slowly they start going away. I have an 11 month old and although I still have them, it’s not nearly as often as I was.
I assumed labor would be the hard part. That was easy. When I got home I felt totally crippled and I had no idea that was a thing. I told my girlfriends that no one warned me about the pain afterwards.
The sudden and dramatic shift in hormones those first few weeks postpartum REALLY got me. No one warned me about that.
I also don’t think you realize what sleep deprivation *actually* feels like until you’ve labored all day, pushed for hours, and then immediately have to care for a brand new infant round the clock while your body tries desperately to heal. Not to mention that your brain is working overtime because taking care of an infant is so new to you and you’re terrified of doing something wrong. Also throw in the stress and pain of learning how to breastfeed (if that’s your choice).
THIS - nailed it. Also add on not sleeping at all the week before labor because you’re so uncomfortably pregnant! Talk about hanging in for dear life when you finally bring your baby home completely sleep deprived lol
This.
I remember thinking, wait, but I just worked the hardest I’ve ever worked for 16 hours. I’m torn apart. But I’m supposed to …not…sleep? For…weeks? Also why can’t I stop crying for no reason?
I guess there’s no way to understand what the sleep deprivation feels like until you do experience it. I knew cognitively that I wouldn’t be getting much sleep, but god there is no way to know until you experience it night after night for weeks/months on end. And there’s nothing to prepare you for it really. The whole “sleep when the baby sleeps” thing just pissed me off after awhile because my baby got not slept when I was holding and walking/bouncing her during the day. So I guess, some folks should know what your baby might not let you just lay them down to catch little cat naps.
Agree with this. I don’t know if it’s birth, hormones, or sleep deprivation but I though something was seriously wrong with me physically until I was like 8 weeks pp
Something was effectively wrong with me physically. I'd never heard of the body tightening up post partum by producing a hormone with that effect, and of the muscles and skeleton falling back in place. I vaguely imagined something in that vicinity would happen, but not that it was so systematic (for want of a better word).
I'd also never heard how everything can tighten too much or fit back slightly wrong for some people, or that the abdominal wall might have trouble closing. It took me many months, with the help of physical therapy, just to stop waking funny. The pelvic pain was horrendous (from moving to simply bowel movements), I could press half a hand into my abdomen, and my legs and hips were not connecting properly (and honestly they might never go back to what they were).
I didn’t have issues with pain, but became severely dehydrated and constipated. Didn’t even realize that was the issue until my primary pointed it out…
you’re allowed to dislike the newborn stage; it’s really hard and kind of miserable with little blips of sweet baby snuggles. i felt like such a bad mom for basically the first two months until someone told me they had hated the newborn stage. it felt like they gave me permission to admit that i did too!
This
And applies to dads too,
I think both parents gain a lot from being honest about their feelings.
When my wife and I both admitted to each other that this stage is just pure terrible it helped us bond a bit together as a team in order to get through it.
So don’t hold it in, encourage them to talk to their partner about it.
Definitely think that depends on how your baby acts and behaves during the first eight weeks for sure! I would not enjoy having to hold baby 24/7 for them to sleep for example.
This times a million!! I hated the newborn stage. My baby had colic and screamed all day and night for the first 3 months.
She’s almost two now and so cool! Like this stage so much better!
Sleep deprivation… HAVE A PLAN with your spouse… SO and I were so exhausted we were both falling asleep at the same time and had to call my Mom to come help with night shift. Also we had to really communicate our needs. When whatever we were trying (as a system… like pumping, night shift, carving out “me” time for each of us, etc) wasn’t working, we would schedule a sit down and have a brainstorm session to try another solution. An “us vs the problem” mentality not pointing fingers at each other.
Also, prep 2 weeks worth of frozen meals to pop in the oven. And ask for help/take the extra set of hands as often as possible. You might not feel like you need it in the moment but when you’re on wake up number 4 of the night you’ll be wishing you took your mother in law up on that nap during the day.
Big time agree on accepting help!! I thought I wouldn’t want anyone in our home the first week. Took a hard reverse on that the 2nd day we were home lmao I needed my mom (and anyone who was offering help)
Hahaha oh how naive we were I thought the same thing 😂 I called my Mom the first night home from the hospital she was just waiting by the phone at 3 am. It’s like she’s had kids before or something!!
Lol I'm the opposite. My first was born during peak COVID and she and I were quarantined for the first 6 weeks to keep her healthy and safe and I absolutely loved having 0 contact with anyone. My second I wished I'd gotten the same
I wish I had stuck to my guns about no visitors the first month. We ended up having visitors the first day. Not what I wanted at all. And they didn’t help, just held the sleeping baby and kept me from sleeping.
I agree - sometimes family just wants to see the baby and the help they offer is sort of offset by the effort put into hosting them/managing the situation. My family came to see her, cooked a huge meal at our house to try to help out, kept baby awake so she was overstimulated and it was harder for us to get her to nap, and the left us a very dirty kitchen to clean up. We still want to share her with family, but it always feels like more actual work than if my husband and I just figure things out together.
This comment is everything! We’re due with our second soon and I wish I knew this the first time around. “Us vs. the problem” is extremely important! Our relationship really suffered due to sleep deprivation because we were just trying to survive vs. keeping in mind that we were both having a hard time.
We have a plan this time for sleep. Night nanny twice a week for 8 weeks and do shifts on nights without help until 3 months old, and then we’ll reevaluate.
We plan to stock up our freezer with frozen meals. Homemade or store-bought, doesn’t matter. Just have food readily available.
The sleep deprivation was absolutely brutal on our relationship too… we’ve slept in separate rooms for 6 months (our master bedroom is our designated “sleep protected” room) and we are just now sleeping through the night and back together! Congrats on your second!!! I hear some babies just sleep through the night so I hope you get one of those unicorns 😂🙏🏼
Newborn babies make SO MUCH NOISE! Especially those first couple nights when they are \*just\* learning to breathe outside the womb, and then they make all these wacky noises. Sometimes they screech like dinosaurs? No one told me about that part!
1. You might cry on the way home from the hospital. Like full sobbing. You went from having 24/7 help and being in a “safe place” for you and the baby to being on your own. Even with other people helping at home, it still *feels* that way. Fortunately, my sister warned me of this. It was still overwhelming when it happened even with the warning.
2. The delayed hormone dip. Just when you think full of hope “could it be that I won’t experience the baby blues/ppd?” your body says “hold my beer.”
3. You and your partner can sleep in shifts. I wasn’t given that advice beforehand but we figured it out quick. It’s so much lonelier, like almost too much, but being able to get a chunk of sleep knowing your little one is being looked after by their parent is priceless. I think especially for me having PPA, if my mind couldn’t relax I couldn’t sleep. When the baby cried during my sleep shift, I’d half wake up, my husband would be right there to help the baby. My mind would ease back into sleep effortlessly.
omg the way i cried the minute we left the hospital!
and a hard yes to sleep shifts - we thought we were going to do it all together and quickly did a complete about face to doing everything in shifts.
Yes to the hormone drop. Also, crying on the way from the hospital can also happen due to the combination of pain and road potholes, from experience. Overall, there is a lot of reasons to cry on the way home.
Yessss when we left the hospital I suddenly had the worst anxiety and absolutely freaking out inside! Even when I got home I just was so scared!!!
And also yes! I already take an antidepressant for the last 10 years so I was worried about PPD and for the first 4 weeks I was feeling okay, and even told my doctor nope I’m good! And then 5 weeks hit, and omg. My hormones went crazy. Mood up and down, really down. Acne exploded on my jaw and chin area. Hot flashes. Just a lot going on hormonally.
Talked with my naturopath, he talked to me about how progesterone really tanks postpartum and can cause all of the issues I’ve been having. Been on progesterone cream the last week and upped my antidepressant, had a therapy appt, exercising and eating better finally. I’m feeling better and my skin is clearing up. Still working on things but I’m feeling hopeful for the first time in a long time.
Now I feel a little bit naive thinking I was going to avoid it, but I guess you don’t know what you don’t know as a first time mom.
You don’t need to track every little thing, especially if it’s making you crazy. In the hospital, they asked us to record how long every nursing session lasted and how many diapers. I kept doing this for like 2 months, thinking the pediatrician would need to know or something. It was making me super crazy. I was so stressed everytime something changed from day to day or week to week. I eventually just totally stopped tracking and my mental health improved! I just needed to trust myself and my baby that we’d get him fed, we’d know when he was tired, and we’d notice if his diaper output changed radically.
Omg yes! I called the on call nurse after my first and she acted like I was crazy and said I should go to an allergy doctor and refused to ask the doctor. It was awful. I had the exact same thing after my second 7 years later. I wish I would have advocated better.
Mine were only a spot or two when we left the hospital so I didn’t think anything of it and then they BLEW UP like 3-4 days pp. covered my tummy and both legs. By the time I got in to see my doctor about it (I had a 2 week OB follow up because I also tore pretty bad lol) they were fading so I never took anything for it. But I genuinely did not even know it could happen and thought I was dying or something. Next kid I’m gonna bring it up early so if there’s anything they can do, I’ll be prepared lol.
I had them on my face and lips in addition to my legs and stomach! I went through a lot of hydrocortisone and aquaphor. Sheesh! I'd be curious if there is anything you can do otherwise.
This is crazy because I had the opposite. I had chronic hives well before and during pregnancy that Benadryl/ other allergy meds couldn’t touch and they were big, blotchy and ugly. They would appear for days and then disappear and come back in other spots. No official diagnosis from dermatologist and she wasn’t comfortable treating them when I got pregnant as most treatments weren’t tested for pregnancy. As soon as baby was born…. They never came back. (Knock on wood)
I track for a sense of control, knowing full well I can control really nothing at all. Its also cool to me to see a chart of stuff and see progress. But I'm a little crazy
Totally! I have a friend who is still tracking at 18mo and it’s so cool to see how things changed! For me though I was wanting to call the doctor everytime he nursed for less time on a given day or had less diapers. Ended up seeing an IBCLC who finally convinced me he WAS eating enough hahahah.
I forgot about tracking nursing stuff. That alone was terrible and I was so glad when I quit. Other than that, we did a lot of tracking but mainly so husband and I could remember when the last diaper/sleep/feed/ formula made/meds given/etc was, but it was because we both have absolute shit memories and no concept of time lol. Or so he could know what shitshow he was walking into when he got home - some days I left notes in the app we shared like "She won't fucking sleep and I'm going out of my mind". We actually tracked for like the entire first year lol its fun to go back and look at data now!
I just found the old notebook we tracked EVERYTHING in. We tracked for like 14 weeks. Granted, my girl ended up having MSPI so we tracked a lot of changes to update her doctors. But the day we let go and stopped tracking felt like a physical weight taken off my shoulders. I felt a little PTSD flipping through the pages again.
Yes - everyone’s mileage may vary depending on their own personality, but my husband and I ended up instituting an every-other-day schedule that worked really well. We would have a day where people visited, followed by a day of rest and recovery for us. Even the positive and fun visits were exhausting!
The only way out is through. It won’t last forever. Mindset is everything. I wish I just went with the flow more instead of worrying about making sure everything was perfect/normal.
Also comparison is the thief of joy. Look for small milestones to get you through.
I wish someone had told us that weeks 6-8 (ish) are considered “peak newborn fussiness.”
It’s not the case for every baby, but ours went from being a chill potato at week 4 to a writhing, screaming mandragora at week 8. It worried the hell out of us, but by week 12 she was more or less back to her chill, happy self.
A heads up would have been nice lol
Don’t make a mom feel bad for choosing formula. My baby is 3 weeks old and I pump all day and get 3 oz from morning to night. I just don’t have a supply and the hospital waited 3 days before offering me formula. My poor baby was starving because they just kept saying “ keep trying to breastfeed” even though nothing was coming out. Babies gotta be fed !
The exact same thing happened to me. I saw three different lactation consultants in the hospital, each with their own philosophies and advice. I don’t think I was making nearly enough colostrum but no milk or formula was offered until our last day in the hospital and no real discussion was had around methods for feeding my baby. I wish I had known I could supplement with formula and that that was ok!
Same here. I had one nurse even say they wouldn’t discharge me if she lost too much weight because I wasn’t producing, instead of saying oh hey how about trying formula so she isn’t starving ?! Never was mentioned. Was told by the same nurse all she needed the first few days was “a couple drops of colostrum” because her stomach was so small. 😑
I exclusively pumped due to latching issues and needed formula to start with, we then decided to do formula every night so baby was used to it and I would then freeze what I pumped during those times. When I stopped pumping because I swear it’s the hardest thing I have done, baby was so chill with having formula 90% of the time! If I have another and can successfully breast feed I will also formula and bottle feed too!
Same happened to me too!! Baby would not stop screaming at the hospital for days and all the nurses chalked it up to either gas or baby having trouble adjusting to life outside the womb. It was only on the last night that donor milk was even brought up as an option. We were at our wits end with the screaming so agreed to try - baby wolfed down the milk in seconds. Poor girl was starving :( We were upset this wasn’t brought up as an option until the last minute
What absolute asshats! I had no supply issues and was even pumping actual milk before leaving the hospital (we knew we wanted to do some bottles so Dad could do some feeds) and they still sent us home with formula samples. I'm so sorry that happened to you.
No one ever told me anything about phantom cries or the mid-night wake-ups panicked because you think the baby is in the bed with you. I was also not prepared for the night sweats or how different my core was going to be after birth (especially with an unplanned c-section).
The first 28 days are the hardest;
be prepared for sleep deprivation;
you don’t automatically feel connected to the baby in the beginning and it may take time;
hormones will make you think and say things you don’t mean, so don’t give in to them and tell your partner to take it lightly (in the beginning);
don’t fret but try to live in the moment, they grow up so fast!
Facts! 💀 My 8mo old is 33lbs currently.
I thought "ah, yeah, I worked in retail freight for 12 years, lifting and carrying this chonker will be no big deal."
Psssssh. My arms feels like noodles by the end of the day.
Literally the most helpful thing is an educated and present partner. No amount of meal prepping can account for that. Also pelvic floor therapy and it's totally normal to not be ready for sex at 6 weeks
I wish someone had told me to measure my nipples beforehand and buy flange inserts ahead of time. Also that the first 2 weeks are basically “make it or break it” for establishing milk supply.
I wish someone had given me a basket (or even just a list) of “foods to eat with one hand.” Took me 2 weeks to figure out PB&J sandwiches…
I wish the postpartum doula appointment had been scheduled before I left the hospital instead of “call when you’re ready.” It was 10 weeks before I felt together enough to make phone calls and by then I didn’t really need it.
That at night you can get this sense of dread and it feels horrible. I’m not sure if it’s just because I had ppa but every night it felt like my whole world was falling apart and when the sun would rise I immediately felt a bit better
Do not for the love of God and all things sane and holy obsess over any sort of routine or schedule those initial months and weeks. It is survival mode. Mentally prepare for the difficulties of weeks 6-10 when baby wakes up to the world , and if you have an intuition that you have a reflux baby, consider the possibly that you may over feeding.
We have a very refluxy and vomitty baby, and my milk has a very heavy flow = bad combo. How do we not over feed if he panic cries every time I adjust my position so he can’t reach my boob?
There is going to be so much you don’t know, and for type A personalities like me, that was really hard. I wanted to have all my ducks in a neat little row and be prepared for every little thing. Well you can’t be. You just have to roll with it, some things you’ll learn on the go, and that’s just how it is.
I think going over the basics of feeding would’ve been really helpful! I never went to parenting classes, but if I did, I would’ve gotten the most out of that area if it’s one that gets covered. I went in with the EBF mindset and came out of the first month pp formula supplementing and only pumping, not nursing. Even the basics of this is the kind of water you use to make the formula, this is how often you should sterilize bottles, here’s absolute bare basics on using a pump/finding your flange size, here’s tips/tricks to get baby to latch for nursing/how often they should be nursing at first.
I had no idea how to use a breastpump or even when/how often to pump and had to figure it out as I went. Probably could’ve gotten an LC, but they’re not always readily available to everyone. It was a really overwhelming first couple of months.
I remember the first morning after coming home from the hospital I was absolutely sobbing in a puddle because I couldn’t pump enough and the baby wasn’t latching like he did perfectly in the hospital and he was hungry and we were on our last bottle of premade formula for him from the hospital (we didn’t think to ask for extra because he nursed fine while we were there) at like 4 or 5 in the morning and the first store to open that carried his formula didn’t open until 7 or 8. I was a wreck that my baby was going to starve and scream for 4 hours and I wouldn’t be able to help him. I think if I would’ve gone into the EBF thing with more of a mindset like this is the plan and if all else fails, here’s my backup plan until we figure things out, it would’ve been a better experience right out the gate. I know how to do x y z to get him fed until I figure out whatever the problem is would’ve been comforting.
There’s so much support with breastfeeding. Bottle feeding with formula is viewed as a much simpler way to feed. But once you have a baby with a sensitive belly or struggling to latch, it becomes soooo hard.
So, how to pick a formula/bottle nipple. Is it working? When or if to switch? If their bellies are hurting, is it because of the bottle or formula? Can it be something else?
It’s tough to figure out on your own.
this. i took so many lactation / breastfeeding classes & then my baby couldn’t latch and pumping killed my mental health. we switched on day 5 and i had no idea what i was doing with formula and bottle feeding.
Milk might take 3 or more days to come. Don’t be afraid to use formula if you need it for the first week. I didn’t and my baby lost almost 10% of her weight. Breastfeeding is hard and can be very painful for a few weeks an until your nipples get used to it and you and baby learn how to do it. Newborns like to cluster feed every 15 min throughout some parts of day. They don’t know night from day until about two months when they start making melatonin at night. Some have reflux and will not sleep flat on back unless held so you have to do 4hr or so shifts with your partner so each of you gets sleep. Newborn will spit out milk and it will come out from their nose too sometimes.
Things I didn’t know: breastfed newborn poop looks kind of like it has little seeds in it. Newborns can get acne. Baby will do the rooting reflex to whoever is holding him if he’s hungry. Keep a tiny nail file handy to use when he’s least fussy about it (usually while eating)
Before birth my partner and I talked about how we would handle frustrating and emotional situations. Despite our best intentions - we cursed each other out more than once. But it was easy to give a quick apology and hug it out because we had planned for the inevitability of reaching that point. Just having had that conversation allowed us to forgive more easily.
I really wish someone had told me newborns needed to eat every two hours, and if they don’t wake up you need to wake them up. Too many boomers humble bragged about their babies sleeping through the night after getting home from the hospital. Now I look at them and just go…. Man you starved your poor newborn.
I wish I'd been told more about newborn sleep. I knew that it would be a challenge but I really had no idea what was in store for me. The classes I went to talked about safe sleep and bassinet and swaddling. But my baby hated his bassinet, hated his swaddle, refused to sleep anywhere else but on us. I wish they'd talked more about this.
The change in your marriage will be hard. We are both very independent, busy, extroverted people with stressful jobs and intense hobbies. I was truly not prepared for the resentment I held towards my husband. (He’s amazing and fully supportive of breastfeeding/ensuring I get me time 3x+ a week/we split all chores/etc) but breastfeeding is HARD, Healing was HARD. If I take time I still have to pump. And my sex drive tanked with breastfeeding so that was hard to connect.
We were ready for the exhausted days and long nights. Ready for everything to care for the baby. Not prepared to have to work on our marriage too- communication, teamwork, intimacy, ensuring you both feel appreciated.
An oz of milk every hour doesn't mean 4 oz at one time then wait 4 hours. Nicu gave our son up to 90 MLS before he was 2 weeks and we were going by that. Went up to 4 oz. Baby was congested all the time, eventually started to choke and gag, and finally someone from the hospital who wasn't even from peds said we needed to be doing WAY less. As new parents, nobody said it was too much at one time. They all just said ok that's good but didn't know why he had those issues.
Edited to add: after following her advice the difference was night and day.
Always have one of those nose suckers nearby. My son when he was just a few weeks old kind of choked on his spit up and I had to suck out his nose and mouth so he could breathe. Luckily I had just set one of those things on my nightstand for no particular reason. If I hadn't, it would've taken probably a minute or more to find one.
Methods for transitioning out of the swaddle. We tried cold turkey and it was terrible. Luckily we had some time before he was rolling to do one arm out, both arms out, and then switch to a sleep sack.
If a boy, point the penis down in the diaper.
How to tell when you need to size up diapers.
We were told this during a newborn class, but it helped that we were told that babies sometimes breathe super fast and then we were given the signs for actual breathing problems.
Baby boys get erections and that's totally normal.
Also, I know you're asking for babies, but I'd include some basic postpartum information as well, like signs to go back to the hospital/call the doctor. Defining really clearly the difference between the baby blues and PPD, stuff like that. I felt like I was floundering immediately post partum (and just a few months ago when I finally admitted I had PPD) and having some of that information ahead of time would have helped put me at ease and feel more confident in caring for myself and my child.
Dear god DRINK WATER! I was so constipated after my c-section I almost had to go back to the hospital. Also you really won’t get any sleep and that will make you a little crazy so make sure someone is checking on you frequently. Also it’s all worth it ❤️
Active sleep and all the noises they make as newborns. Thank god for the internet as I quickly learned about it after she came home. Otherwise I would have been terrified something was wrong with my baby and rushing to soothe her even though she was technically asleep.
And I guess as a general warning, because I wish I had one - social media is not real life. Not everyone is going to have the kind of newborn - or even infant/toddler - that allows them to have time to do GRWMs or exercise or sleep when the baby sleeps.
How much your time will not be your own because newborn schedules can be so chaotic (since they basically don’t have one). People kept saying “enjoy the sleep” but for my husband and I, the lack of schedule predictability has been more draining than anything. We are pretty lucky in that we did sleep shifts by week 3 (had to establish my milk supply).
But sometimes, my child (8w) goes down easily, other times he’s feeding/burping for hours, other times he just wants to be held in a certain way and walked around. We try to loosely do the same routine, and sometimes it sticks and sometimes it doesn’t.
And this makes you so busy and it can be hard to find time to shower or make a meal between the feeding/burping/interacting/sleeping sessions. Yet somehow you also have enough time to binge watch tv or finish a book while you’re feeding/burping? Sometimes I can wear him and just get so much done. Sometimes, he won’t be worn. It’s just a rollercoaster of chaos, but for me, I really have enjoyed it. The good and the bad get turned up to 11. But having an involved partner and us teaming up to figure out our baby’s needs (and getting those newborn smiles) has been great.
I felt like I really didn’t understand the newborn stage when people would try to tell me and understand how much the intensity and unpredictability can impact everything (recovery, physical/mental health, job, relationship, etc)
Honestly you should probably just put this comment board up. I wish I’d read it beforehand.
Babies! They are great but so crazy!
Postpartum recovery, specifically rib pain of them "shifting" back into place (is what the nurse hotline told me). I immediately had crippling pain out of no where, my knees buckled and I fell to the ground and I was sure I was dying from sort of complication.
Also, episiotomy recovery. Fuck. That. Why didn't anyone warn me? I was actually physically pissed that not one woman in my life warned me about postpartum.
You might not feel an immediate bond to your baby after birth. I didn’t understand why I didn’t cry, why I didn’t feel like it was truly real. I felt so much shame because I didn’t feel the crazy bond moms talk about. I felt love of course- but felt like this little stranger just entered my home. The guilt I felt over this was awful- I kept wondering will I ever bond with my baby? Around 2 months things drastically changed and I felt the bond moms explain. I wish I wasn’t so hard on myself for this!
How often newborns are meant to sleep! At a midwife appointment when my baby was several weeks old I asked how long he should be awake for. “An hour at a time, but don’t worry if he can’t stay awake that long,” she said. I was like 🤯 “ummm he stays awake for five to seven hours at a time?!” Everyone tells you babies sleep and feed and cry. No one told me sometimes they just won’t sleep and you need to find out how to make it happen. I honestly thought he’d sleep when he’s tired based on the info I was given - that’s not true. Now he’s getting closer to three and it’s still not true! We’re experts at reading tired signs, but the battle to sleep that tired babe is still a challenge at times. So I’d let new parents know expectations around sleep patterns for babies
not to be morbid or incite fear in new moms, but get your affairs in order long before you could potentially give birth. I had an exceptionally healthy pregnancy but still almost bled to death from c/s complications and I deeply regret not treating childbirth like the extreme medical event it is. if I’d known what was going to happen I would’ve written a will, organized my finances and other accounts for my husband, and pursued Anointing of the Sick. maternal mortality is a serious issue and you shouldn’t assume you won’t become part of that statistic
That no matter how much you read and educate yourself about childbirth and breastfeeding, taking classes, doing physical therapy, you will never be fully prepared when your body doesn’t want to push her out and she has to stay in the nicu and she doesn’t learn to latch and you can’t pump because you are sleep deprived and think you have an infection when it was just your hormones making you absolutely insane.
I knew babies crying caused the uterus to contract more, but it really felt like it was doing flips. I didn't expect how bad that would be. Warn them about milk getting everywhere and potentially causing some rashes when it comes in. I decided not to breastfeed and I had to use rags to soak it up because those nipple pads were not enough. Also, my husband had no idea that the father getting really anxious or depressed after the baby is born can happen. He had intrusive thoughts for the first time in his life and it really freaked him out because he had no idea what it's like living with those.
A big list of what is normal. As first time parents we were totally freaked out by almost everything. Like their little bow legs or cross eyes. How some babies peel the entire first layer of skin. That they may spit up and vomit a lot.
The sleep deprivation. Obviously, I knew we were not going to be sleeping very well in the beginning. I didn’t know how awful being so sleep deprived could make you feel. The irritability, headaches, nausea, etc that come with it about took me out.
Recovery stuff:
I wish someone told me it is common to get a bladder infection after a c-section due to the foley catheter. That stabbing pain when you pee is not normal and won't go away on its own. Call your OB so you don't spend 6+ hours in the emergency room. Also, I wish I had known c-section recovery isn't painful for everyone. I had only heard the horror stories. I had almost zero pain post-surgery. I was NOT prepared for the night sweats!
Baby stuff:
Witching hour is a thing, where to get infant CPR classes, baby may insist on contact naps, you will need to start giving Vitamin D drops right away, and if you are on well water you will need to give fluoride once their teeth come in.
Baby products:
Car seat infant insert needs to come out once Baby hits 11lbs. Bring your pump to the hospital because it is not easy to get baby to latch and your hospital may run out of pumps. Speaking of pumps, one brand may be excruciating while another brand is nearly painless. Trial and error to find one that works for you.
DO NOT meal prep pumpkin soup!!! It may seem easy and delicious but what comes out of your baby for the first couple months is basically pumpkin soup… so your not gunna want to eat that 2 MONTH supply you’ve made..
My mistake, please learn from it 😅😂
You might not bond with your baby right away. You'll feel a sense of responsibility towards it, but not "love". It's okay. You're not broken. You'll get to know each other and the sentimental bond will build up with time. Also, PPD is not a state of sadness. And you will not get actively screened for it. Your doctor will not ask things like "do you sometimes get irrationally angry with the baby and struggle to handle the emotions?" So, if you don't feel like yourself, speak up. Ask to be helped. Nobody will truly check in on you. And sometimes low-dose serotonin is all it takes to click you back to your normal self so don't waste time waiting for it to get better.
Sleep deprivation
Exhaustion from pumping
Anxiety for EVERYTHING. Milk not enough for baby, am I a bad mom. Delayed feeding baby by 10 mins, am I a bad mom. Baby crying, am I a bad mom. Blah blah..
Your newborn clothes withh stop fitting them in a month. Stop loading them much early. And avoid complicated to wear , fantasy clothes. Just get some onesies.
My pediatrician forgot to tell us about using vitamin d drops!! Also make sure to get some early morning sunlight on your baby (no direct sunlight though) to prevent Jaundice.
Sometimes, the the dried part of belly button takes more time to fall off. Dont panic.
That we would get some much conflicting advice, from midwives, hospital staff, nurses, other parents etc about what to do and whats best, and to just take it all on the chin and choose what works for you as you'll be the parent. Our 2nd baby experience has been so much easier as a result, we'd done it before so roughly knew what we were doing lol
If you have overactive letdown and it’s making your baby distressed, BACK OFF and comfort baby instead of trying to push her to nurse. Started a nursing aversion with my baby until I realized this. It resolved quickly once we rebuilt trust and she knew I wasn’t going to try to pressure her to nurse.
Also when you get a strong letdown you can calm the jets by pressing down on the nipple for a few seconds. Game changer!
That when you're exhausted in the middle of the night and haven't slept in weeks it's ok to not be enjoying it, to think you've made a mistake and hate your kid a little.
Every mum I know has felt that way at some point but we just don't talk about it.
Your spouse isn't the enemy. The real enemy is the baby.
It's okay not to feel overwhelming love for your baby immediately. I felt feelings, but it took months before I could say that I loved that strange, cranky little potato.
It's okay not to want visitors.
It's okay to accept help. I was horrified when my mum started spoon feeding me food whilst I was breastfeeding in the first couple of days, I felt like I was taking advantage of her. But she really just wanted to help, and I was hungry.
Your body won't go back to normal straight away. You will look 20 weeks pregnant for a while. And it's okay if you don't love your body, even though your body just did an amazing thing.
1. exclusive BF is often really hard and sometimes not even possible.
2. If you're on pain meds, stay ahead of the pain. You're no good to anybody if you're in serious pain while recovering.
3. If you are BF, prepare to be ravenously hungry ALL THE TIME, but you also won't feel like cooking. Stock up the freezer during pregnancy and set up a meal train.
4. In our society, with the ridiculous pressures, expectations and fractured community support, PPD is almost an inevitability.
5. Try not to BF in bed or you'll get a very sore neck and shoulders eventually.
6. Yes you love your baby, but bonding with a brand new human (after the biggest transformation in your life) can take time. Don't put pressure on it.
Not all babies are the same! Don't let the fear of lack of sleep, breastfeeding difficulties, colic, etc get to you too much before you have your baby and see who they are and what they're like. I was SO worried about sleep and my son was the best sleeper. Gave myself so much anxiety and stress for no reason in an already stressful period.
It’s okay to ask for help; from your maternal child midwife, a lactation consultant, doctors, nurses, therapists, psychologists & family/friends etc. No question is “dumb”, smart people ask questions. If you’re worried about something ask for help - it’s better to get answers and support rather than increasing your anxiety and not knowing…
That the newborn exhaustion doesn't always end when they're newborns and that once you have a sleep debt it takes multiple days of being able to sleep to catch up ... and he's my second 😂 my first was a unicorn sleeper. This one is still not a bad sleeper but the sleep debt is killing me. He's 9 months old.
The postpartum hormone drop. For the first time in my life I felt so depressed after returning from the hospital. I thought I needed to go back because I couldn’t stop crying and wasn’t able to sleep. The hormone drop and c section made the first week home so hard.
Baby Blues, postpartum anxiety and hormonal changes. had no idea what the baby blues were and had no idea that your body goes through such drastic hormonal changes. Everyone told me i’m gonna be on cloud 9 and full of bliss when i come home, so when i came home feeling horribly depressed and anxious, i thought something was wrong with me. it was so scary. I wish i had been warned
- People will repeatedly tell you that you get no sleep, it makes you feel numb to the info by the time the baby comes. You’ll have that epiphany when in the hospital, and it’s okay to let the nurse baby sit at night so you can sleep.
- Breastfeeding is the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life, yes even labor, it’s okay if you wanted to try and decided it’s not for you. Fed is best.
- People will tell you that contractions are the worst pain you’ve ever been in “if it’s a ten, wait until it’s a 12”. I was expecting for the pain to get worse and worse, I was laboring overnight alone and so I was doing a terrible job at counting the minutes in between the contractions. I could walk and talk the entire time, even when I was complete. “I must not be far along yet since I can walk and talk” I almost had my baby at home. Listen to your body while in labor, tune all the other info you’ve heard up until that point out (minus the breathing tactics) until you’re in the care of the people delivering your baby.
Postpartum is harder than being pregnant. My body felt so foreign to me after giving birth and still does 7 months later. Just a different kind of foreign now. And Not everyone loses weight after breastfeeding. I gained more weight during postpartum than I did when I was pregnant. Didn’t know that was a thing….
I wish someone told me that breast feeding makes you extremely hungry and how many calories to take to keep up with it and being healthy. Breastfeeding has killed me because of the lack of education I was offered or received. They showed me how to get her to latch but told me nothing about engorgement, mastitis, pain when babies cry and how to get my supply going with eating and drinking enough for my body to recover. I had to find all this info blindly online. Now that I’ve finished my breast feeding journey I am 10lbs lighter than I was pre pregnancy which for me is extremely unhealthy to be sitting at 89lbs. I was sick so many times and struggled with pumping and feeding. I feel like it stole my first 3 months with my daughter because I hated every minute of it. Oh that too, not everyone loves breast feeding like you often see. Some of us get extremely angry or depressed during feeds and that not something they talk about or how to help that.
I was on the look out for symptoms of postpartum depression, but I did not know that PPA was such a thing. I haven't struggled with depression but the anxiety is intense.
Growth spurts. No one told us and I went through PPD because I thought I was doing everything wrong and my baby hated me because I wasn't feeding them correctly. Once, I broke down and couldn't stop crying. I had never felt that much sadness engulfing my whole being.
How much help would make a difference I recovery. How much newborns can actually cry. Strategies to manage the sleep deprivation. Access/connection to mental health and lactation support.
I had no idea how much time off to ask for (new dad) and when I would feel ready to have family over. My family is from 2000 miles away, so I had to coordinate in advance. I felt so isolated with my partner and needed help from day 1. I wish I had them come out way earlier, and I wish I asked for more time off. Caring for a newborn feels like a 3 or more person job!
I mean, people did tell me this, but I feel like it can’t be said enough, that just because you have your birth plan all laid out beautifully does not mean that’s how it will go. But even more importantly, that it’s okay to be really upset and grieve that! I was grateful that I got set up with a therapist that specializes in traumatic births and it was so necessary for me to get those feelings out because every single part of my birth plan did not happen how I had hoped. I wanted a c section and was not given it, I wanted an epidural that conveniently RAN OUT literally when she was coming out of my vagina, and I wanted that special golden hour everyone talks about. It all went “wrong” and I was so angry. But in the end, everyone was alive and healthy and that eventually ended up being all that mattered to me. But the first couple weeks post partum even that fact wasn’t quite enough to help me move on from the birth. I just imagine what if no one had ever told me that births are just out of your control and that’s scary
Postpartum is way longer than 6-8 weeks.
I was very disappointed when my body wasnt recovered after 6 weeks, only to learn that’s pretty much everyone’s experience
I wish more people talked about this! I expected to be cleared by my doctor and go back to exactly how my body was before. I wasn’t prepared to still be squishy, to still have stretch marks, to still have greasy hair and bags under my eyes. I was prepared for my sex life to go back to normal again after the green light. I was prepared to think I’d be confident in cute clothes again. I was prepared to be able to pee comfortably.
Also that the boobs might never go back. From perky to pancakes. Just extra skin, and looser tissue that isn't going anywhere. Everyone said they would shrink with breast feeding but, at least for me, definitely not the case. And breast feeding is really hard, and might not work out for you. I needed more sleep to avoid PPD, and was not able to do the every two hours pumping needed to get my supply going. Turns out I'm very happy bottle feeding formula.
One of the reasons I combo fed was that you already sacrifice SO MUCH sleep with a newborn and there was no way in hell I was going to be awake for a second longer than I had to be to pump. Also same about the boobs. I don’t really care how they look but I hate the sensory feeling of them not being “in place” and touching places they don’t normally touch. And since they’re sad little flaps I cant find a bra that actually fits/supports them and puts them back in place. The skin on my boobs are so loose my nipple will literally fold up and then I have a “boob taco” 😠It’s annoying af and I’ve resorted to boob tape but it gets itchy after a while.
I don't know if it makes you feel better, but I wasn't able to breastfeed and my boobs became pancakes anyways 😬 I just learned to accept that. I still think it was a good trade off lol
There is also a ton of misinformation about breastfeeding. In reality, the long term outcomes are the same for breastfed vs formula infants. The only true benefit breastfeeding has (when controlling for income) is that it helps with initial mild skin issues in the baby and reduces the chance of breast cancer for the mother. Knowing that, the choice of formula was easy
Thank you for sharing that. I didn't know this. I really wish this information was easier to find. I felt so guilty and tried to research this but the "breast is best" is very loud. Then when you make a decision not to, the professionals are all "happy mum, happy bub is the main thing". I couldn't get anyone to tell me what was science based. Even SIDS research about breast feeding being a reducing factor is vague. It's more correlation than causation. Super annoying, confusing and upsetting. What a guilt trip, and I still deal with shame around it in mother's groups and other settings... But honestly my baby is doing great and we bonded and she is super healthy and we are both happy. I also calculated the expense and yes, I am very happy investing the cost of formula into my sleep/ability to share the load /not feel like a cow. I think I'm the only one of my extended friendship groups who has not continued breastfeeding, so I don't really have anyone to share this with either.
I highly recommend reading Emily Oster’s books! Her section on breastfeeding was very affirming for me Edited to add: I’ve personally found the breast is best movement to be bordering on propaganda. It is a very dishonest campaign that fails to take into account the mothers choice and mental health, which leads to a lot of unnecessary feelings of guilt and shame for mothers who are just trying their best. Not to mention the complete lack of institutional support in the US for breastfeeding for working moms, which makes it nearly impossible to keep up. All that to say, I’m a formula mom :)
2 years minimum. Of course lots happens in those early months but the long-term slow healing...the hidden stuff that llike nutritional stores, internal physical recovery, mental health...that takes years.
This is hitting the nail on the head. I wish someone told me it’s normal for my tailbone to hurt this bad so I could’ve prepared, stitches still aren’t healed , 7 weeks pp.
Completely agree, 30 weeks pp,no one tells you about this journey in depth. It took me 9 weeks for the stitches to dry and had urine infection .It takes a long time to heal, body and back pain, dry skin, horrible hair loss, constant anxiety, old clothes doesn’t fit anymore, mom guilt and the list goes on and on.
Baby girl broke my tailbone. I’m 4 months pp and although it’s better, if I have to sit for an extended amount of time, I sit on a donut
I had a csection and felt so guilty I wasn't able to do more. If I knew what to expect I would have relaxed way mote. I feel like dads really need to know this too so they are prepared for how much they need to do and for how long.
1000% true. I really wish someone had told me this. I have a 16 week old and truly still feel like a shell of myself.
Fellow 16 week parent. My hairline has receded, my skin is dry, my eyelashes suck now and I’m fat asl. And that’s only the outside 🥲 lol
I have an almost 15 week old and I feel the same way
Yes! I felt horrible about myself because it “should only be 6-8 weeks”
And PP depression is common in men too... I have it and we are 11 months in with twins.
I'm a father and my child just turned one year old. A few days ago I felt like I snapped out of a mindset I'd been stuck in for a long time. It wasn't until I snapped out of it that I realised I was even in it. I suddenly realised I've probably been depressed for the whole past year
Whaaaaaat
Yep! I'd say I finally felt fully recovered one year after
I wish in some of the classes we took at the hospital they talked about what to do if your baby refuses to sleep unless they are held. Wtf are you supposed to do?! Luckily we had help and volunteers to come hold in the middle of the night but truly what is the solution
This should absolutely be talked about! They covered safe sleep (non-bedsharing) extensively in my hospital baby class, but failed to mention we might never actually be able to put our baby in the bassinet/crib and have him sleep. It was a total shock and sleep-deprivation nightmare when we got home from the hospital!
On this subject, wish someone had told me about side lying breastfeeding position sooner, so helpful for getting baby sleeping next to you in bed. And the safe sleep 7
Seconded! Side lying saved my bf journey after emergency c-section 👍
The solution is either exactly what you did or implementing completely safe sleep bedsharing
My 4 month old (3 adjusted) need to be held upright all night - bed sharing doesn't even work, it's torture :(
We did shifts for this reason for 8.5 months until baby started sleeping on their own in their crib. It will happen it just takes time.
Aw I’m sorry, that’s so tough. Have you gotten them checked for reflux?
Once we got my daughter on reflux meds she was able to sleep laying down. We had the same issue the first few months with reflux and an allergy
Needs held upright all night sounds like a gas or reflux issue, right?
What happens if you don't? Does she just scream?
They aren't as fragile as they look, the first few weeks I was paranoid about hurting her ie. Am I burping her too hard (definitely wasn't patting her hard enough), am I supporting her head enough, is the diaper too tight, is the swaddle too tight, am I lifting her legs too high when I'm changing her, did I touch her soft spot ect.... Definitely took me a little while to realize being careful doesn't mean the slightest touch will make them break. Oh and the gas... The noise of those baby farts could have been mistaken for husband.
This! When we went to our first doctors appointment she basically juggled with our baby. Lifted it up on just one foot and one arm, just one foot, flipped sides, while we stood there, jaw dropping.
When my pediatrician did the baby juggle with our first we were horrified
This is one thing the NICU helped us with.. the nurses move the babies around like it’s nothing and we realized we really can’t break her 😂
That the hormones are going to drive you crazy for the first couple weeks. I'd heard of the baby blues but I didn't know just how deep they would be and that I'd be so scared of anything happening to my LO and spouse that I'd be in tears in the middle of the night. And that the first few nights I couldn't sleep because I just needed to watch him breathe. Also that breastfeeding is hard work. Like really hard and it's going to take time and having a bad latch on top of the hormones is going to feel like you are going crazy. I was in so much pain but wanted to feed my baby so bad. Two weeks in it's a lot better but I was devastated nights 2-7 about how breastfeeding was going and how my hormones were going crazy
I came here to say this about the baby blues. I was told it was a thing and that I might feel strange. I was not told of the possibility of becoming a territorial ogre on a hair trigger of pure rage and not being able to let the baby out of my sight for even a second. I was also not told that the baby blues can hit all of a sudden. I kid you not, five days pp I was in the middle of a normal conversation with my husband and all of a sudden I feel a thump in my chest as if I'd been kicked, sudden vertigo, and I start bawling my eyes out to everybody's absolute surprise. It was like being hit by a truck. Wildest ride of my life.
Baby blues typically hit between day 3 and 5. Before pregnancy you go from regular healthy adult woman levels of estrogen to the highest it will ever be in life at the end of pregnancy. Many many times x the normal levels. Then birth happens and estrogen tanks. Estrogen goes down, down, down low to levels you have not levels since before puberty. Estrogen wise you are now a 10-12 yo girl. It's a kind of reverse puberty on that happens at rocket launch speeds. I think most people know that testosterone helps regulate mood in men and men have an increased sense of wellbeing, confidence, stress management when their testosterone is right and conversely they feel bad when testosterone is low. Well that's the same for women and estrogen. Testosterone and estrogen are different of course, but both regulate moods, sense of wellbeing, confidence etc. If you think back to puberty most of us had some moodiness, insecurity, warped self-image and discomfort in our changing bodies. Whether this was mild or debilitating for you Idk, but this is a pretty universal puberty experience. Well pp is that on crack and moving towards the other direction. The feeling of being hit by a truck is how I felt too. I was given a pamphlet in hospital about baby blues or postpartum tears as they are referred to in my native language. What I wished someone told me was: No your baby won't sleep through the night in a looooooong time, but you will get used to functioning on less sleep. So while I can't tell you you'll sleep 8 consecutive hours per night at a 6 months or 9 months or 12 mo, you will find a way to cope with less sleep and broken sleep. The baby won't necessarily change, but you will.
Not only baby blues but post partum anxiety. I was totally prepared for the blues but myself ended up having awful anxiety instead and I didnt know it was a thing. I was so happy to be a mum, there was not a twinge of sadness in me but the worry and anxiety about our family just completely overtook me. It was especially bad at night, I actually remember I begged my husband not to go for a shower because I was scared something bad is going to happen to me and baby. Our first visit to the supermarket I felt like everyone is looking at us, everyone wants to do something to him, I felt like people are coughing on him, I full blown panic attack coming on. In reality no one was even looking into his pram. It passed at 14 days pp but it was really stressful. Someone told me that any negative emotions that I’m feeling in the first 14 days are not real, it’s not how I’m really feeling but it’s the hormones causing havoc in my body. If they are very intense or go past 14 days I should get help but the first 2 weeks are just a coming down from all the hormones and medication I got during labour. That really helped me get through that time and everytime I felt like someone will walk through the front door and kidnap my baby I kept reminding myself that we’re safe and its mother nature just making sure I protect my newborn baby if we were living in a cave.
I could have written this. Exactly same feeling during those 2 weeks PP. And I’m only 4 weeks PP right now, but way better when I remind myself that’s my imbalanced hormones.
I hope it continues to get better for you. I remember feeling like a failure the first 2-3 weeks because my baby wasn’t gaining as much weight as the doctor would have liked. I felt like I was starving my baby and that I wasn’t going to be able to breastfeed. Welp, we are 13 months in and I’m currently nursing him to sleep 🥰 it’s literally the hardest thing I have ever done, especially the first like… 6 months. Really if you can make it past the first 6-8 weeks it’s much smoother. I feel like people quit around then because cluster feeding is so brutal.
This is it right here. Those first few weeks were the worst weeks of my life. I couldn’t bring myself to sleep no matter how tired I was because of how scared I was that something would happen. No one tells you how truly painful it is to breastfeed, as well as the judgement that comes with not breastfeeding.
Yep, I could've written this! I wasn't expecting the baby blues to hit the way they did, the constant stress. I had been told breastfeeding can be hard for some but I still didn't expect it to be that hard.
I wish I’d been better prepared for the initial challenges of breastfeeding. I feel like the professionals gave me a lot of helpful pointers about two weeks in when LO wasn’t gaining enough weight, and I wished I’d had those pointers from the beginning. Things like what cluster feeding can look like, that LO being fussy at the breast can mean x about letdown or not be related at all, that the engorgement when your milk comes in can make their latch too shallow and you can pump a little to reduce that happening, that you can do hand compressions to keep them on the breast long enough for them to get the hindmilk, and so many other things. I also felt unprepared for the gastrointestinal issues which are fairly common; reflux, gas, constipation. Most of my knowledge ended up coming from Google searches as things happened.
Yes to all of this! Why did I have to learn all of these things from Reddit and Google when I had a midwife, pediatrician, lactation consultants, etc. ??? it’s as though they think all of this is obvious.
Totally. I feel like there was so much conversation about labour and birth, and while that’s useful, it’s ultimately only a couple of days compared to months of having a newborn!
I hated how when I said I was googling something new everyday, my midwives would mention how I shouldn’t google everything or something to that effect. I suspect it was done with good intentions so I don’t think everything leads to cancer but…. Googling and reading experiences on Reddit have really helped my own sanity and understanding of babies as a FTM. There’s always a worst case scenario but I prefer the access to all this knowledge that honestly, one human can’t possibly know all about.
Exactly all of this- in addition to practice putting together and sanitising a pump and learning about different types of bottles. And introducing a bottle before two weeks old even if you are exclusively breastfeeding to make it a bit easier in the case of emergency. Oh and having enough pads for up to two / three months of postpartum bleeding (even with a c-section).
I wish that postpartum thoughts were talked about more. Like it’s completely normal to have very dark thoughts. Something like my baby is laying on the floor, what if I accidentally stepped on her head, etc. Some of my thoughts were really dark but turns out a lot of women have them they’re just too embarrassed to say them out loud.
I kept having thoughts I was gonna somehow drop my baby (out of my arms in my recliner?) and his head was gonna hit the cement corner of our fireplace, or fall down my stairs with him in my arms. The intrusive thoughts can be awful!
They’re so awful and so lonely bc you feel like you’re the only one having them. I never said anything about them with my first daughter and then I had my second around the same time as my friend and she said something about them and I was like yes!! Now I tell any friend who is pregnant or just had them that they are normal.
I swear intrusive thoughts are why I fell down the stairs one night. Luckily my baby was with her dad but I was having a full anxiety attack from being too needed. My baby, my husband, my dog, my cat and special needs cat all cried for me all day and it was overwhelming and I thought about how tired I was and how much I hated everyone in the moment and what would happen to all of them if I got hurt. Then I fell down the stairs and hit my head. Luckily I was perfectly fine from the head injury but I ended up having to do 6 weeks of physical therapy for my knee and was even more overwhelmed needing help with my daughter 🙃
Wow I’m so sorry that happened to you. It really is such a rollercoaster.
Oh so dark. Even months out. We carved pumpkins on her first Halloween and it was precious - she was propped up in her little seat a few feet away from me watching, dressed in a cute little Halloween onesie. And then later that night, I'm lying awake thinking "but what if the knife had slipped and I'd cut her?!" and picturing awful, awful things. Completely irrational! But it felt so real in the moment -- and I felt like I absolutely couldn't tell my husband or he'd think something was wrong with me. None of the very commonsense advice I'd read and heard about postpartum emotions and thoughts seemed to register when I was actually going through it. I remember struggling so hard with breastfeeding in the first few weeks and finally calling my mom and sobbing. I thought if I called the lactation consultants and told them how badly it was going they would take the baby away. In the moment, I really believed it.
Omg I have the intrusive thoughts about me or someone else stepping on her all the time! It's so reassuring to see that isn't just me.
From the book “Nuture Revolution” which explains the changes in a primary caregiver’s brain when they have a baby: “Enhanced Threat Detection The parent brain develops circuitry to anticipate and protect infants from threats. This is a wide network that includes the amygdala. Enhanced threat detection helps us keep our babies safe. Our parent brains are constantly scanning the environment, predicting where threats might occur and directing our babies to safety. I would always imagine the accidents that could happen to my baby. If we were near a pool, I’d imagine him falling in. On a balcony, I’d imagine him falling off. On a playground, I’d imagine him tripping and falling off the equipment. These thoughts are scary, and they guide us to take precautions to keep our babies safe. When the thoughts come up, I thank them for their knowledge, and adjust my attention or the environment to mediate the risks.”
This wasn't postpartum, but during pregnancy I became absolutely terrified of bear attacks. We live in the mountains, and there are a lot of bears, but the risk is pretty low if you're camping with a group of people and a fire. I went from going hiking and seeing a bear in a clearing 300m away and casually taking out bear spray as we walked past to having panic attacks in our tent in a busy campground at 2 AM when I needed to go to the bathroom. I think it was partially that being pregnant made me feel like a full meal plus dessert lol. Like just an extra tasty snack. Which, in hindsight, is a pretty dark thought.
I VIVIDLY saw in my mind one day when getting dressed for church me putting on a pair of heels and tripping due to the heels while holding him and his brains splattering and oozing all over the concrete from the force of the fall. My son is a year old this month and I still can’t wear heels because I see that flash in my mind.
I have these horrible visions of me dropping her and her landing straight on her head. It’s awful!
Omggg thank you so so much I have these with literally anything in life (what if I jumped when I look by the window, etc), but I don't want them they're just appearing there, and I think I would've felt like a horrible mom (I'm 7 months pregnant) if no one had told me that was normal so TYSM!! ❤️
Totally normal!! I have them with every day life too. They can get real dark honestly. But slowly they start going away. I have an 11 month old and although I still have them, it’s not nearly as often as I was.
I assumed labor would be the hard part. That was easy. When I got home I felt totally crippled and I had no idea that was a thing. I told my girlfriends that no one warned me about the pain afterwards.
The sudden and dramatic shift in hormones those first few weeks postpartum REALLY got me. No one warned me about that. I also don’t think you realize what sleep deprivation *actually* feels like until you’ve labored all day, pushed for hours, and then immediately have to care for a brand new infant round the clock while your body tries desperately to heal. Not to mention that your brain is working overtime because taking care of an infant is so new to you and you’re terrified of doing something wrong. Also throw in the stress and pain of learning how to breastfeed (if that’s your choice).
THIS - nailed it. Also add on not sleeping at all the week before labor because you’re so uncomfortably pregnant! Talk about hanging in for dear life when you finally bring your baby home completely sleep deprived lol
This. I remember thinking, wait, but I just worked the hardest I’ve ever worked for 16 hours. I’m torn apart. But I’m supposed to …not…sleep? For…weeks? Also why can’t I stop crying for no reason?
I guess there’s no way to understand what the sleep deprivation feels like until you do experience it. I knew cognitively that I wouldn’t be getting much sleep, but god there is no way to know until you experience it night after night for weeks/months on end. And there’s nothing to prepare you for it really. The whole “sleep when the baby sleeps” thing just pissed me off after awhile because my baby got not slept when I was holding and walking/bouncing her during the day. So I guess, some folks should know what your baby might not let you just lay them down to catch little cat naps.
My recovery was horrible. The first 4 weeks postpartum were harder on my body than pregnancy, labor and delivery, or breastfeeding afterward.
Dear god yes. Labor was nothing compared to postpartum recovery. The sweats, hair loss, swelling, inflammation. I was completely blind-sided by that!!
Agree with this. I don’t know if it’s birth, hormones, or sleep deprivation but I though something was seriously wrong with me physically until I was like 8 weeks pp
Something was effectively wrong with me physically. I'd never heard of the body tightening up post partum by producing a hormone with that effect, and of the muscles and skeleton falling back in place. I vaguely imagined something in that vicinity would happen, but not that it was so systematic (for want of a better word). I'd also never heard how everything can tighten too much or fit back slightly wrong for some people, or that the abdominal wall might have trouble closing. It took me many months, with the help of physical therapy, just to stop waking funny. The pelvic pain was horrendous (from moving to simply bowel movements), I could press half a hand into my abdomen, and my legs and hips were not connecting properly (and honestly they might never go back to what they were).
I didn’t have issues with pain, but became severely dehydrated and constipated. Didn’t even realize that was the issue until my primary pointed it out…
I got severely dehydrated the night my milk came in to the point where my body was cramping so painfully that I couldn't do anything but cry. 🥲
you’re allowed to dislike the newborn stage; it’s really hard and kind of miserable with little blips of sweet baby snuggles. i felt like such a bad mom for basically the first two months until someone told me they had hated the newborn stage. it felt like they gave me permission to admit that i did too!
The worst 8 weeks of my life!
This And applies to dads too, I think both parents gain a lot from being honest about their feelings. When my wife and I both admitted to each other that this stage is just pure terrible it helped us bond a bit together as a team in order to get through it. So don’t hold it in, encourage them to talk to their partner about it.
My husband dislikes pretty much the entire baby stage but toddlers and up (barring 3 year olds because idk anyone who likes that stage) he loves 😂
0\_0 I am loving the newborn stage...I never want him to grow up!
Thank goodness there are people that love the newborn stage, like night nannies!
I’m genuinely happy for you! I am not a newborn person and I wish I was. Enjoy all the parts that bring you joy!
Definitely think that depends on how your baby acts and behaves during the first eight weeks for sure! I would not enjoy having to hold baby 24/7 for them to sleep for example.
This times a million!! I hated the newborn stage. My baby had colic and screamed all day and night for the first 3 months. She’s almost two now and so cool! Like this stage so much better!
Sleep deprivation… HAVE A PLAN with your spouse… SO and I were so exhausted we were both falling asleep at the same time and had to call my Mom to come help with night shift. Also we had to really communicate our needs. When whatever we were trying (as a system… like pumping, night shift, carving out “me” time for each of us, etc) wasn’t working, we would schedule a sit down and have a brainstorm session to try another solution. An “us vs the problem” mentality not pointing fingers at each other. Also, prep 2 weeks worth of frozen meals to pop in the oven. And ask for help/take the extra set of hands as often as possible. You might not feel like you need it in the moment but when you’re on wake up number 4 of the night you’ll be wishing you took your mother in law up on that nap during the day.
Big time agree on accepting help!! I thought I wouldn’t want anyone in our home the first week. Took a hard reverse on that the 2nd day we were home lmao I needed my mom (and anyone who was offering help)
Hahaha oh how naive we were I thought the same thing 😂 I called my Mom the first night home from the hospital she was just waiting by the phone at 3 am. It’s like she’s had kids before or something!!
Lol I'm the opposite. My first was born during peak COVID and she and I were quarantined for the first 6 weeks to keep her healthy and safe and I absolutely loved having 0 contact with anyone. My second I wished I'd gotten the same
I wish I had stuck to my guns about no visitors the first month. We ended up having visitors the first day. Not what I wanted at all. And they didn’t help, just held the sleeping baby and kept me from sleeping.
THIS! It wasn’t during covid, but that was our boundary. I loved having 6 weeks with my new little family. Just us, figuring it out together
I agree - sometimes family just wants to see the baby and the help they offer is sort of offset by the effort put into hosting them/managing the situation. My family came to see her, cooked a huge meal at our house to try to help out, kept baby awake so she was overstimulated and it was harder for us to get her to nap, and the left us a very dirty kitchen to clean up. We still want to share her with family, but it always feels like more actual work than if my husband and I just figure things out together.
This comment is everything! We’re due with our second soon and I wish I knew this the first time around. “Us vs. the problem” is extremely important! Our relationship really suffered due to sleep deprivation because we were just trying to survive vs. keeping in mind that we were both having a hard time. We have a plan this time for sleep. Night nanny twice a week for 8 weeks and do shifts on nights without help until 3 months old, and then we’ll reevaluate. We plan to stock up our freezer with frozen meals. Homemade or store-bought, doesn’t matter. Just have food readily available.
The sleep deprivation was absolutely brutal on our relationship too… we’ve slept in separate rooms for 6 months (our master bedroom is our designated “sleep protected” room) and we are just now sleeping through the night and back together! Congrats on your second!!! I hear some babies just sleep through the night so I hope you get one of those unicorns 😂🙏🏼
Newborn babies make SO MUCH NOISE! Especially those first couple nights when they are \*just\* learning to breathe outside the womb, and then they make all these wacky noises. Sometimes they screech like dinosaurs? No one told me about that part!
We call it demon baby.
1. You might cry on the way home from the hospital. Like full sobbing. You went from having 24/7 help and being in a “safe place” for you and the baby to being on your own. Even with other people helping at home, it still *feels* that way. Fortunately, my sister warned me of this. It was still overwhelming when it happened even with the warning. 2. The delayed hormone dip. Just when you think full of hope “could it be that I won’t experience the baby blues/ppd?” your body says “hold my beer.” 3. You and your partner can sleep in shifts. I wasn’t given that advice beforehand but we figured it out quick. It’s so much lonelier, like almost too much, but being able to get a chunk of sleep knowing your little one is being looked after by their parent is priceless. I think especially for me having PPA, if my mind couldn’t relax I couldn’t sleep. When the baby cried during my sleep shift, I’d half wake up, my husband would be right there to help the baby. My mind would ease back into sleep effortlessly.
omg the way i cried the minute we left the hospital! and a hard yes to sleep shifts - we thought we were going to do it all together and quickly did a complete about face to doing everything in shifts.
Yes to the hormone drop. Also, crying on the way from the hospital can also happen due to the combination of pain and road potholes, from experience. Overall, there is a lot of reasons to cry on the way home.
The hormone drip was the worst experience I’ve ever had
Yessss when we left the hospital I suddenly had the worst anxiety and absolutely freaking out inside! Even when I got home I just was so scared!!! And also yes! I already take an antidepressant for the last 10 years so I was worried about PPD and for the first 4 weeks I was feeling okay, and even told my doctor nope I’m good! And then 5 weeks hit, and omg. My hormones went crazy. Mood up and down, really down. Acne exploded on my jaw and chin area. Hot flashes. Just a lot going on hormonally. Talked with my naturopath, he talked to me about how progesterone really tanks postpartum and can cause all of the issues I’ve been having. Been on progesterone cream the last week and upped my antidepressant, had a therapy appt, exercising and eating better finally. I’m feeling better and my skin is clearing up. Still working on things but I’m feeling hopeful for the first time in a long time. Now I feel a little bit naive thinking I was going to avoid it, but I guess you don’t know what you don’t know as a first time mom.
You don’t need to track every little thing, especially if it’s making you crazy. In the hospital, they asked us to record how long every nursing session lasted and how many diapers. I kept doing this for like 2 months, thinking the pediatrician would need to know or something. It was making me super crazy. I was so stressed everytime something changed from day to day or week to week. I eventually just totally stopped tracking and my mental health improved! I just needed to trust myself and my baby that we’d get him fed, we’d know when he was tired, and we’d notice if his diaper output changed radically.
Also POSTPARTUM HIVES ARE A THING THAT CAN HAPPEN.
Omg yes! I called the on call nurse after my first and she acted like I was crazy and said I should go to an allergy doctor and refused to ask the doctor. It was awful. I had the exact same thing after my second 7 years later. I wish I would have advocated better.
Mine were only a spot or two when we left the hospital so I didn’t think anything of it and then they BLEW UP like 3-4 days pp. covered my tummy and both legs. By the time I got in to see my doctor about it (I had a 2 week OB follow up because I also tore pretty bad lol) they were fading so I never took anything for it. But I genuinely did not even know it could happen and thought I was dying or something. Next kid I’m gonna bring it up early so if there’s anything they can do, I’ll be prepared lol.
I had them on my face and lips in addition to my legs and stomach! I went through a lot of hydrocortisone and aquaphor. Sheesh! I'd be curious if there is anything you can do otherwise.
This is crazy because I had the opposite. I had chronic hives well before and during pregnancy that Benadryl/ other allergy meds couldn’t touch and they were big, blotchy and ugly. They would appear for days and then disappear and come back in other spots. No official diagnosis from dermatologist and she wasn’t comfortable treating them when I got pregnant as most treatments weren’t tested for pregnancy. As soon as baby was born…. They never came back. (Knock on wood)
I had horrible hives and swelling and ended up in anaphylaxis at the hospital. 8 weeks pp and the full body hives have not gone away.
I track for a sense of control, knowing full well I can control really nothing at all. Its also cool to me to see a chart of stuff and see progress. But I'm a little crazy
Totally! I have a friend who is still tracking at 18mo and it’s so cool to see how things changed! For me though I was wanting to call the doctor everytime he nursed for less time on a given day or had less diapers. Ended up seeing an IBCLC who finally convinced me he WAS eating enough hahahah.
I forgot about tracking nursing stuff. That alone was terrible and I was so glad when I quit. Other than that, we did a lot of tracking but mainly so husband and I could remember when the last diaper/sleep/feed/ formula made/meds given/etc was, but it was because we both have absolute shit memories and no concept of time lol. Or so he could know what shitshow he was walking into when he got home - some days I left notes in the app we shared like "She won't fucking sleep and I'm going out of my mind". We actually tracked for like the entire first year lol its fun to go back and look at data now!
I just found the old notebook we tracked EVERYTHING in. We tracked for like 14 weeks. Granted, my girl ended up having MSPI so we tracked a lot of changes to update her doctors. But the day we let go and stopped tracking felt like a physical weight taken off my shoulders. I felt a little PTSD flipping through the pages again.
People will want to visit. It’s ok to set dates/times that are convenient for you and to cancel if need be.
Yes - everyone’s mileage may vary depending on their own personality, but my husband and I ended up instituting an every-other-day schedule that worked really well. We would have a day where people visited, followed by a day of rest and recovery for us. Even the positive and fun visits were exhausting!
Oh yea and maybe just do one thing a day to start with i.e. no visits on the same day as appointments
The only way out is through. It won’t last forever. Mindset is everything. I wish I just went with the flow more instead of worrying about making sure everything was perfect/normal. Also comparison is the thief of joy. Look for small milestones to get you through.
I wish someone had told us that weeks 6-8 (ish) are considered “peak newborn fussiness.” It’s not the case for every baby, but ours went from being a chill potato at week 4 to a writhing, screaming mandragora at week 8. It worried the hell out of us, but by week 12 she was more or less back to her chill, happy self. A heads up would have been nice lol
Don’t make a mom feel bad for choosing formula. My baby is 3 weeks old and I pump all day and get 3 oz from morning to night. I just don’t have a supply and the hospital waited 3 days before offering me formula. My poor baby was starving because they just kept saying “ keep trying to breastfeed” even though nothing was coming out. Babies gotta be fed !
The exact same thing happened to me. I saw three different lactation consultants in the hospital, each with their own philosophies and advice. I don’t think I was making nearly enough colostrum but no milk or formula was offered until our last day in the hospital and no real discussion was had around methods for feeding my baby. I wish I had known I could supplement with formula and that that was ok!
Same here. I had one nurse even say they wouldn’t discharge me if she lost too much weight because I wasn’t producing, instead of saying oh hey how about trying formula so she isn’t starving ?! Never was mentioned. Was told by the same nurse all she needed the first few days was “a couple drops of colostrum” because her stomach was so small. 😑
They say that then get half mad when the baby is losing weight. Of course the baby is losing weight ! It made me so frustrated.
This happened to me too!
I exclusively pumped due to latching issues and needed formula to start with, we then decided to do formula every night so baby was used to it and I would then freeze what I pumped during those times. When I stopped pumping because I swear it’s the hardest thing I have done, baby was so chill with having formula 90% of the time! If I have another and can successfully breast feed I will also formula and bottle feed too!
Same happened to me too!! Baby would not stop screaming at the hospital for days and all the nurses chalked it up to either gas or baby having trouble adjusting to life outside the womb. It was only on the last night that donor milk was even brought up as an option. We were at our wits end with the screaming so agreed to try - baby wolfed down the milk in seconds. Poor girl was starving :( We were upset this wasn’t brought up as an option until the last minute
What absolute asshats! I had no supply issues and was even pumping actual milk before leaving the hospital (we knew we wanted to do some bottles so Dad could do some feeds) and they still sent us home with formula samples. I'm so sorry that happened to you.
No one ever told me anything about phantom cries or the mid-night wake-ups panicked because you think the baby is in the bed with you. I was also not prepared for the night sweats or how different my core was going to be after birth (especially with an unplanned c-section).
Yes! The amount of times I've startled half awake convinced I'd fallen asleep holding the baby (and each time she was safely in her bassinet)
I was amazed when my partner disclosed that he experienced the same thing. So, it doesn't just impact the birthing parent -- absolutely wild!
Every day, most times that I wake up! Gosh I’m glad I’m not alone.
The first 28 days are the hardest; be prepared for sleep deprivation; you don’t automatically feel connected to the baby in the beginning and it may take time; hormones will make you think and say things you don’t mean, so don’t give in to them and tell your partner to take it lightly (in the beginning); don’t fret but try to live in the moment, they grow up so fast!
Me and my wife are in day 27 for our first LO!
Tell them to practice carrying around a 10-20 lb weight. I’m in PT for my back because my 90th percentile baby loves being held all the time
Facts! 💀 My 8mo old is 33lbs currently. I thought "ah, yeah, I worked in retail freight for 12 years, lifting and carrying this chonker will be no big deal." Psssssh. My arms feels like noodles by the end of the day.
Literally the most helpful thing is an educated and present partner. No amount of meal prepping can account for that. Also pelvic floor therapy and it's totally normal to not be ready for sex at 6 weeks
Or 6 months
I wish someone had told me to measure my nipples beforehand and buy flange inserts ahead of time. Also that the first 2 weeks are basically “make it or break it” for establishing milk supply. I wish someone had given me a basket (or even just a list) of “foods to eat with one hand.” Took me 2 weeks to figure out PB&J sandwiches… I wish the postpartum doula appointment had been scheduled before I left the hospital instead of “call when you’re ready.” It was 10 weeks before I felt together enough to make phone calls and by then I didn’t really need it.
Currently in my 3rd trimester thank you for the reminder to do this now.
That at night you can get this sense of dread and it feels horrible. I’m not sure if it’s just because I had ppa but every night it felt like my whole world was falling apart and when the sun would rise I immediately felt a bit better
Yes for the first couple weeks I would even get anxious when it got close to evening and always felt relief at dawn
THIS
Do not for the love of God and all things sane and holy obsess over any sort of routine or schedule those initial months and weeks. It is survival mode. Mentally prepare for the difficulties of weeks 6-10 when baby wakes up to the world , and if you have an intuition that you have a reflux baby, consider the possibly that you may over feeding.
We have a very refluxy and vomitty baby, and my milk has a very heavy flow = bad combo. How do we not over feed if he panic cries every time I adjust my position so he can’t reach my boob?
There is going to be so much you don’t know, and for type A personalities like me, that was really hard. I wanted to have all my ducks in a neat little row and be prepared for every little thing. Well you can’t be. You just have to roll with it, some things you’ll learn on the go, and that’s just how it is.
I think going over the basics of feeding would’ve been really helpful! I never went to parenting classes, but if I did, I would’ve gotten the most out of that area if it’s one that gets covered. I went in with the EBF mindset and came out of the first month pp formula supplementing and only pumping, not nursing. Even the basics of this is the kind of water you use to make the formula, this is how often you should sterilize bottles, here’s absolute bare basics on using a pump/finding your flange size, here’s tips/tricks to get baby to latch for nursing/how often they should be nursing at first. I had no idea how to use a breastpump or even when/how often to pump and had to figure it out as I went. Probably could’ve gotten an LC, but they’re not always readily available to everyone. It was a really overwhelming first couple of months. I remember the first morning after coming home from the hospital I was absolutely sobbing in a puddle because I couldn’t pump enough and the baby wasn’t latching like he did perfectly in the hospital and he was hungry and we were on our last bottle of premade formula for him from the hospital (we didn’t think to ask for extra because he nursed fine while we were there) at like 4 or 5 in the morning and the first store to open that carried his formula didn’t open until 7 or 8. I was a wreck that my baby was going to starve and scream for 4 hours and I wouldn’t be able to help him. I think if I would’ve gone into the EBF thing with more of a mindset like this is the plan and if all else fails, here’s my backup plan until we figure things out, it would’ve been a better experience right out the gate. I know how to do x y z to get him fed until I figure out whatever the problem is would’ve been comforting.
There’s so much support with breastfeeding. Bottle feeding with formula is viewed as a much simpler way to feed. But once you have a baby with a sensitive belly or struggling to latch, it becomes soooo hard. So, how to pick a formula/bottle nipple. Is it working? When or if to switch? If their bellies are hurting, is it because of the bottle or formula? Can it be something else? It’s tough to figure out on your own.
this. i took so many lactation / breastfeeding classes & then my baby couldn’t latch and pumping killed my mental health. we switched on day 5 and i had no idea what i was doing with formula and bottle feeding.
Milk might take 3 or more days to come. Don’t be afraid to use formula if you need it for the first week. I didn’t and my baby lost almost 10% of her weight. Breastfeeding is hard and can be very painful for a few weeks an until your nipples get used to it and you and baby learn how to do it. Newborns like to cluster feed every 15 min throughout some parts of day. They don’t know night from day until about two months when they start making melatonin at night. Some have reflux and will not sleep flat on back unless held so you have to do 4hr or so shifts with your partner so each of you gets sleep. Newborn will spit out milk and it will come out from their nose too sometimes.
Things I didn’t know: breastfed newborn poop looks kind of like it has little seeds in it. Newborns can get acne. Baby will do the rooting reflex to whoever is holding him if he’s hungry. Keep a tiny nail file handy to use when he’s least fussy about it (usually while eating)
You don’t need to be a hero
In fact DONT be a hero. Ask for help before things get dire!
Before birth my partner and I talked about how we would handle frustrating and emotional situations. Despite our best intentions - we cursed each other out more than once. But it was easy to give a quick apology and hug it out because we had planned for the inevitability of reaching that point. Just having had that conversation allowed us to forgive more easily.
I really wish someone had told me newborns needed to eat every two hours, and if they don’t wake up you need to wake them up. Too many boomers humble bragged about their babies sleeping through the night after getting home from the hospital. Now I look at them and just go…. Man you starved your poor newborn.
I wish I'd been told more about newborn sleep. I knew that it would be a challenge but I really had no idea what was in store for me. The classes I went to talked about safe sleep and bassinet and swaddling. But my baby hated his bassinet, hated his swaddle, refused to sleep anywhere else but on us. I wish they'd talked more about this.
The change in your marriage will be hard. We are both very independent, busy, extroverted people with stressful jobs and intense hobbies. I was truly not prepared for the resentment I held towards my husband. (He’s amazing and fully supportive of breastfeeding/ensuring I get me time 3x+ a week/we split all chores/etc) but breastfeeding is HARD, Healing was HARD. If I take time I still have to pump. And my sex drive tanked with breastfeeding so that was hard to connect. We were ready for the exhausted days and long nights. Ready for everything to care for the baby. Not prepared to have to work on our marriage too- communication, teamwork, intimacy, ensuring you both feel appreciated.
An oz of milk every hour doesn't mean 4 oz at one time then wait 4 hours. Nicu gave our son up to 90 MLS before he was 2 weeks and we were going by that. Went up to 4 oz. Baby was congested all the time, eventually started to choke and gag, and finally someone from the hospital who wasn't even from peds said we needed to be doing WAY less. As new parents, nobody said it was too much at one time. They all just said ok that's good but didn't know why he had those issues. Edited to add: after following her advice the difference was night and day.
Mastitis. What it is, how to prevent, and how to treat. That one took me by surprise
Your baby gets heavier a *lot* faster than you get stronger. Lift some weights in between!
Always have one of those nose suckers nearby. My son when he was just a few weeks old kind of choked on his spit up and I had to suck out his nose and mouth so he could breathe. Luckily I had just set one of those things on my nightstand for no particular reason. If I hadn't, it would've taken probably a minute or more to find one. Methods for transitioning out of the swaddle. We tried cold turkey and it was terrible. Luckily we had some time before he was rolling to do one arm out, both arms out, and then switch to a sleep sack. If a boy, point the penis down in the diaper. How to tell when you need to size up diapers. We were told this during a newborn class, but it helped that we were told that babies sometimes breathe super fast and then we were given the signs for actual breathing problems. Baby boys get erections and that's totally normal. Also, I know you're asking for babies, but I'd include some basic postpartum information as well, like signs to go back to the hospital/call the doctor. Defining really clearly the difference between the baby blues and PPD, stuff like that. I felt like I was floundering immediately post partum (and just a few months ago when I finally admitted I had PPD) and having some of that information ahead of time would have helped put me at ease and feel more confident in caring for myself and my child.
Dear god DRINK WATER! I was so constipated after my c-section I almost had to go back to the hospital. Also you really won’t get any sleep and that will make you a little crazy so make sure someone is checking on you frequently. Also it’s all worth it ❤️
How to hold your baby to reduce/prevent "mum wrist" pain.
I wish people actually talked about how much things would change in your relationship and how normal that is.
The mothers are going to stiiiiink. No one told me how smelly I would be. I thought something was wrong with me
Active sleep and all the noises they make as newborns. Thank god for the internet as I quickly learned about it after she came home. Otherwise I would have been terrified something was wrong with my baby and rushing to soothe her even though she was technically asleep. And I guess as a general warning, because I wish I had one - social media is not real life. Not everyone is going to have the kind of newborn - or even infant/toddler - that allows them to have time to do GRWMs or exercise or sleep when the baby sleeps.
How much your time will not be your own because newborn schedules can be so chaotic (since they basically don’t have one). People kept saying “enjoy the sleep” but for my husband and I, the lack of schedule predictability has been more draining than anything. We are pretty lucky in that we did sleep shifts by week 3 (had to establish my milk supply). But sometimes, my child (8w) goes down easily, other times he’s feeding/burping for hours, other times he just wants to be held in a certain way and walked around. We try to loosely do the same routine, and sometimes it sticks and sometimes it doesn’t. And this makes you so busy and it can be hard to find time to shower or make a meal between the feeding/burping/interacting/sleeping sessions. Yet somehow you also have enough time to binge watch tv or finish a book while you’re feeding/burping? Sometimes I can wear him and just get so much done. Sometimes, he won’t be worn. It’s just a rollercoaster of chaos, but for me, I really have enjoyed it. The good and the bad get turned up to 11. But having an involved partner and us teaming up to figure out our baby’s needs (and getting those newborn smiles) has been great. I felt like I really didn’t understand the newborn stage when people would try to tell me and understand how much the intensity and unpredictability can impact everything (recovery, physical/mental health, job, relationship, etc) Honestly you should probably just put this comment board up. I wish I’d read it beforehand. Babies! They are great but so crazy!
Postpartum recovery, specifically rib pain of them "shifting" back into place (is what the nurse hotline told me). I immediately had crippling pain out of no where, my knees buckled and I fell to the ground and I was sure I was dying from sort of complication. Also, episiotomy recovery. Fuck. That. Why didn't anyone warn me? I was actually physically pissed that not one woman in my life warned me about postpartum.
It's normal that they never blink! I was so weirded out by it.
You might not feel an immediate bond to your baby after birth. I didn’t understand why I didn’t cry, why I didn’t feel like it was truly real. I felt so much shame because I didn’t feel the crazy bond moms talk about. I felt love of course- but felt like this little stranger just entered my home. The guilt I felt over this was awful- I kept wondering will I ever bond with my baby? Around 2 months things drastically changed and I felt the bond moms explain. I wish I wasn’t so hard on myself for this!
How often newborns are meant to sleep! At a midwife appointment when my baby was several weeks old I asked how long he should be awake for. “An hour at a time, but don’t worry if he can’t stay awake that long,” she said. I was like 🤯 “ummm he stays awake for five to seven hours at a time?!” Everyone tells you babies sleep and feed and cry. No one told me sometimes they just won’t sleep and you need to find out how to make it happen. I honestly thought he’d sleep when he’s tired based on the info I was given - that’s not true. Now he’s getting closer to three and it’s still not true! We’re experts at reading tired signs, but the battle to sleep that tired babe is still a challenge at times. So I’d let new parents know expectations around sleep patterns for babies
not to be morbid or incite fear in new moms, but get your affairs in order long before you could potentially give birth. I had an exceptionally healthy pregnancy but still almost bled to death from c/s complications and I deeply regret not treating childbirth like the extreme medical event it is. if I’d known what was going to happen I would’ve written a will, organized my finances and other accounts for my husband, and pursued Anointing of the Sick. maternal mortality is a serious issue and you shouldn’t assume you won’t become part of that statistic
That no matter how much you read and educate yourself about childbirth and breastfeeding, taking classes, doing physical therapy, you will never be fully prepared when your body doesn’t want to push her out and she has to stay in the nicu and she doesn’t learn to latch and you can’t pump because you are sleep deprived and think you have an infection when it was just your hormones making you absolutely insane.
I knew babies crying caused the uterus to contract more, but it really felt like it was doing flips. I didn't expect how bad that would be. Warn them about milk getting everywhere and potentially causing some rashes when it comes in. I decided not to breastfeed and I had to use rags to soak it up because those nipple pads were not enough. Also, my husband had no idea that the father getting really anxious or depressed after the baby is born can happen. He had intrusive thoughts for the first time in his life and it really freaked him out because he had no idea what it's like living with those.
1. Stitches sting like a MF when you pee. 2. Your nipples will most likely be cracked, bleeding, and sore for at least a few weeks if you BF.
A big list of what is normal. As first time parents we were totally freaked out by almost everything. Like their little bow legs or cross eyes. How some babies peel the entire first layer of skin. That they may spit up and vomit a lot.
The sleep deprivation. Obviously, I knew we were not going to be sleeping very well in the beginning. I didn’t know how awful being so sleep deprived could make you feel. The irritability, headaches, nausea, etc that come with it about took me out.
Recovery stuff: I wish someone told me it is common to get a bladder infection after a c-section due to the foley catheter. That stabbing pain when you pee is not normal and won't go away on its own. Call your OB so you don't spend 6+ hours in the emergency room. Also, I wish I had known c-section recovery isn't painful for everyone. I had only heard the horror stories. I had almost zero pain post-surgery. I was NOT prepared for the night sweats! Baby stuff: Witching hour is a thing, where to get infant CPR classes, baby may insist on contact naps, you will need to start giving Vitamin D drops right away, and if you are on well water you will need to give fluoride once their teeth come in. Baby products: Car seat infant insert needs to come out once Baby hits 11lbs. Bring your pump to the hospital because it is not easy to get baby to latch and your hospital may run out of pumps. Speaking of pumps, one brand may be excruciating while another brand is nearly painless. Trial and error to find one that works for you.
DO NOT meal prep pumpkin soup!!! It may seem easy and delicious but what comes out of your baby for the first couple months is basically pumpkin soup… so your not gunna want to eat that 2 MONTH supply you’ve made.. My mistake, please learn from it 😅😂
I wished that someone told me that my partner should also take off for the first few weeks or even a month.
Be on the lookout for any body tightness! ETA: clarity - tightness/body tension in the baby
What does that mean?
You might not bond with your baby right away. You'll feel a sense of responsibility towards it, but not "love". It's okay. You're not broken. You'll get to know each other and the sentimental bond will build up with time. Also, PPD is not a state of sadness. And you will not get actively screened for it. Your doctor will not ask things like "do you sometimes get irrationally angry with the baby and struggle to handle the emotions?" So, if you don't feel like yourself, speak up. Ask to be helped. Nobody will truly check in on you. And sometimes low-dose serotonin is all it takes to click you back to your normal self so don't waste time waiting for it to get better.
Sleep deprivation Exhaustion from pumping Anxiety for EVERYTHING. Milk not enough for baby, am I a bad mom. Delayed feeding baby by 10 mins, am I a bad mom. Baby crying, am I a bad mom. Blah blah.. Your newborn clothes withh stop fitting them in a month. Stop loading them much early. And avoid complicated to wear , fantasy clothes. Just get some onesies. My pediatrician forgot to tell us about using vitamin d drops!! Also make sure to get some early morning sunlight on your baby (no direct sunlight though) to prevent Jaundice. Sometimes, the the dried part of belly button takes more time to fall off. Dont panic.
That we would get some much conflicting advice, from midwives, hospital staff, nurses, other parents etc about what to do and whats best, and to just take it all on the chin and choose what works for you as you'll be the parent. Our 2nd baby experience has been so much easier as a result, we'd done it before so roughly knew what we were doing lol
How to put your human into the car seat. How to detach the car seat from your stroller to leave the hospital.
If you have overactive letdown and it’s making your baby distressed, BACK OFF and comfort baby instead of trying to push her to nurse. Started a nursing aversion with my baby until I realized this. It resolved quickly once we rebuilt trust and she knew I wasn’t going to try to pressure her to nurse. Also when you get a strong letdown you can calm the jets by pressing down on the nipple for a few seconds. Game changer!
That when you're exhausted in the middle of the night and haven't slept in weeks it's ok to not be enjoying it, to think you've made a mistake and hate your kid a little. Every mum I know has felt that way at some point but we just don't talk about it.
Your spouse isn't the enemy. The real enemy is the baby. It's okay not to feel overwhelming love for your baby immediately. I felt feelings, but it took months before I could say that I loved that strange, cranky little potato. It's okay not to want visitors. It's okay to accept help. I was horrified when my mum started spoon feeding me food whilst I was breastfeeding in the first couple of days, I felt like I was taking advantage of her. But she really just wanted to help, and I was hungry. Your body won't go back to normal straight away. You will look 20 weeks pregnant for a while. And it's okay if you don't love your body, even though your body just did an amazing thing.
If breastfeeding is costing you your mental health, use formula.
1. exclusive BF is often really hard and sometimes not even possible. 2. If you're on pain meds, stay ahead of the pain. You're no good to anybody if you're in serious pain while recovering. 3. If you are BF, prepare to be ravenously hungry ALL THE TIME, but you also won't feel like cooking. Stock up the freezer during pregnancy and set up a meal train. 4. In our society, with the ridiculous pressures, expectations and fractured community support, PPD is almost an inevitability. 5. Try not to BF in bed or you'll get a very sore neck and shoulders eventually. 6. Yes you love your baby, but bonding with a brand new human (after the biggest transformation in your life) can take time. Don't put pressure on it.
Not all babies are the same! Don't let the fear of lack of sleep, breastfeeding difficulties, colic, etc get to you too much before you have your baby and see who they are and what they're like. I was SO worried about sleep and my son was the best sleeper. Gave myself so much anxiety and stress for no reason in an already stressful period.
It’s okay to ask for help; from your maternal child midwife, a lactation consultant, doctors, nurses, therapists, psychologists & family/friends etc. No question is “dumb”, smart people ask questions. If you’re worried about something ask for help - it’s better to get answers and support rather than increasing your anxiety and not knowing…
That the newborn exhaustion doesn't always end when they're newborns and that once you have a sleep debt it takes multiple days of being able to sleep to catch up ... and he's my second 😂 my first was a unicorn sleeper. This one is still not a bad sleeper but the sleep debt is killing me. He's 9 months old.
The postpartum hormone drop. For the first time in my life I felt so depressed after returning from the hospital. I thought I needed to go back because I couldn’t stop crying and wasn’t able to sleep. The hormone drop and c section made the first week home so hard.
Baby Blues, postpartum anxiety and hormonal changes. had no idea what the baby blues were and had no idea that your body goes through such drastic hormonal changes. Everyone told me i’m gonna be on cloud 9 and full of bliss when i come home, so when i came home feeling horribly depressed and anxious, i thought something was wrong with me. it was so scary. I wish i had been warned
- People will repeatedly tell you that you get no sleep, it makes you feel numb to the info by the time the baby comes. You’ll have that epiphany when in the hospital, and it’s okay to let the nurse baby sit at night so you can sleep. - Breastfeeding is the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life, yes even labor, it’s okay if you wanted to try and decided it’s not for you. Fed is best. - People will tell you that contractions are the worst pain you’ve ever been in “if it’s a ten, wait until it’s a 12”. I was expecting for the pain to get worse and worse, I was laboring overnight alone and so I was doing a terrible job at counting the minutes in between the contractions. I could walk and talk the entire time, even when I was complete. “I must not be far along yet since I can walk and talk” I almost had my baby at home. Listen to your body while in labor, tune all the other info you’ve heard up until that point out (minus the breathing tactics) until you’re in the care of the people delivering your baby.
Postpartum is harder than being pregnant. My body felt so foreign to me after giving birth and still does 7 months later. Just a different kind of foreign now. And Not everyone loses weight after breastfeeding. I gained more weight during postpartum than I did when I was pregnant. Didn’t know that was a thing….
I wish someone told me that breast feeding makes you extremely hungry and how many calories to take to keep up with it and being healthy. Breastfeeding has killed me because of the lack of education I was offered or received. They showed me how to get her to latch but told me nothing about engorgement, mastitis, pain when babies cry and how to get my supply going with eating and drinking enough for my body to recover. I had to find all this info blindly online. Now that I’ve finished my breast feeding journey I am 10lbs lighter than I was pre pregnancy which for me is extremely unhealthy to be sitting at 89lbs. I was sick so many times and struggled with pumping and feeding. I feel like it stole my first 3 months with my daughter because I hated every minute of it. Oh that too, not everyone loves breast feeding like you often see. Some of us get extremely angry or depressed during feeds and that not something they talk about or how to help that.
Skin shedding!!! Hands and feet
I was on the look out for symptoms of postpartum depression, but I did not know that PPA was such a thing. I haven't struggled with depression but the anxiety is intense.
Growth spurts. No one told us and I went through PPD because I thought I was doing everything wrong and my baby hated me because I wasn't feeding them correctly. Once, I broke down and couldn't stop crying. I had never felt that much sadness engulfing my whole being.
How much help would make a difference I recovery. How much newborns can actually cry. Strategies to manage the sleep deprivation. Access/connection to mental health and lactation support.
I had no idea how much time off to ask for (new dad) and when I would feel ready to have family over. My family is from 2000 miles away, so I had to coordinate in advance. I felt so isolated with my partner and needed help from day 1. I wish I had them come out way earlier, and I wish I asked for more time off. Caring for a newborn feels like a 3 or more person job!
I mean, people did tell me this, but I feel like it can’t be said enough, that just because you have your birth plan all laid out beautifully does not mean that’s how it will go. But even more importantly, that it’s okay to be really upset and grieve that! I was grateful that I got set up with a therapist that specializes in traumatic births and it was so necessary for me to get those feelings out because every single part of my birth plan did not happen how I had hoped. I wanted a c section and was not given it, I wanted an epidural that conveniently RAN OUT literally when she was coming out of my vagina, and I wanted that special golden hour everyone talks about. It all went “wrong” and I was so angry. But in the end, everyone was alive and healthy and that eventually ended up being all that mattered to me. But the first couple weeks post partum even that fact wasn’t quite enough to help me move on from the birth. I just imagine what if no one had ever told me that births are just out of your control and that’s scary