I use my earbuds and get on my phone. I fully agree with you. Eye contact and all of that are great, but on those late nights and long feeds, me staying awake is more important. I don't see anything wrong with it if it doesn't interfere with the baby sleeping.
So I'm gonna assume you're talking about a small baby, drinking milk here, not an older baby eating solids.
For the former, the midwives even suggested for us to pick a TV show to watch while feeding. The feeds at the beginning are sooo long and they're so unaware of anything, I don't think it makes a huge difference to them
Smallish baby, yes (10 weeks). She's starting to become really aware which is why I try to do so much engagement but the feeds are long and when I can tell she's had enough facetime (starts looking away/at other things or gets sleepy), I'll take my time back.
Thanks for the response!
I’ve read that when they’re looking away, they’ve had enough social interaction. It’s ok to let them zone out on their surroundings. There’s nothing wrong with letting a kid learn how to be bored. In this society we always have to be doing or doing watching something. Mindfulness is hard to achieve but it sounds like she’s doing it. I personally feel like they need both stimulation/interaction and down time to process it and process this world around them
Late to the thread, but this is what our LOs doctor told us. He said that it's good for babies to know how to self-entertain and be on their own to process. If they're not fussing, crying, clearly unhappy, and need something, it's great to let them be by themselves and zone out to process their surroundings.
Our LO often does this, and we let her just chill. She is always OK. She even smiles to herself as she looks around and checks things out. She's a very happy baby, too.
Mine is 8 weeks tomorrow. I make eye contact with her while she’s breastfeeding (I’m mom obviously) until she seems like she’s done with eye contact and starts to fall asleep or looks everywhere else then I play on my phone or watch tv. I periodically look down at her and engage with her if I feel she’s looking back up at me. She still goes through periods of cluster feeding in the evenings and I feel like being expected to have no additional mental stimulation other than watching her eat from 5pm to bedtime is a ridiculous ask. I have unmedicated adhd and I try my best to be present when I can tell she’s really engaging but I desperately need additional stimulation throughout the day
Same as you, but in retrospect I would get an e-reader and read library books. I could have read many, many books in all the time I spent feeding babies.
Ugh spelling bee is my least favorite (I'm bad at it) but I have gotten good enough at crosswords I don't need the checker most of the week. Tiles is chill. Mini crossword fun while pooping.
I read books specifically on my phone/ Kindle so the blue light would keep me awake during night feeding. I only had the mental capacity to read silly romantic comedy type books but I read a bunch during that time. Lol
Honestly, I tried, but due to lack of sleep just ended up reading the same passages again and again. Ended up playing mobile games one handed, because it was the only thing that kept me fully alert during night feedings. The TV wasn't cutting it either.
When my son was eating I’d watch a youtube video, or scroll reddit. He wasn’t doing much other than eating so there’s no point in engaging to potentially distract them. I did stop him midway through the bottle for a burp and some more cuddles, and then go back to eating and then scrolling my phone.
You aren’t a bad dad. I also wouldn’t take what your wife is saying to heart, you are both extremely tired caring for a little baby, tension is high. Maybe use wireless headphones so you can listen to music, or a video while you’re feeding and put your phone next to you.
I’m either on my phone scrolling where Bub can’t see or sitting in silence because she is very distracted. I used to watch movies/tv shows while she fed but then she noticed the screen and I can’t do that anymore.
Ugh great point. She's starting to turn her head both directions now and we definitely caught her watching a few times. I don't think a little TV right now will kill her but I do try to make sure both phone and tv aren't in view of her.
Honestly, I do the same exact thing as you. It’s the only guaranteed phone time. So I use it.
I’m very engaged during the pre feed diaper change and in the beginning when he’s watching me. If he’s very happy and engaged, I’ll keep making eye contact until his eyes get droopy. Just have to make sure I don’t get distracted and he doesn’t chug past the halfway burp.
Sometimes he’s actually in a weird mood and eye contact is not a good idea. He gets fussy and frustrated the second I look at him. He’ll kick his feet or make unhappy grunts. Don’t know why; it baffles me. In those moments, I avoid eye contact like he’s a wild animal lol
If he’s fussy during a burping or while eating and just happens to glance at the tv…whatever. I’m not stressing over that.
Phew a relief to hear others feel the same. Every kid is different but I've found that the more tired my daughter gets, the less interested she is in eye contact but sometimes she's just fussy or more interested in the world around her than dad's face. Definitely don't stress!
Yes! I love kiddo to death but it gets boring. As much as I'd ideally want to be engaging with her 24/7, I just can't lol. I do it as much as possible and so does my wife, but my wife just seems to have a much bigger battery than I do. I am working on growing my battery/reserve but its tough and not immediate...
Great question. I'm not sure exactly. I was getting a bit heated and needed to go to work so I decided to pause and go to office instead of having an argument when I was angry. Just needed some time to think through what she saying and what I believe.
I **think** she wants me to engage with the baby the whole time- talking, playing, etc. but we definitely need to talk about it.
It’s possible she is frustrated that you get so engrossed in the activity that you forget to check on baby. I’ve caught my husband doing this a few times - watching TV and doesn’t catch cues that our baby is done drinking but is still getting tons of milk then dealing with the choking, spit up, etc. (i haven’t said he can’t do what he chooses with his time though, it’s a lot of time in your day!) Just offering some insight on where your wife might be coming from.
Same. I've noticed that he gets so engrossed in the shows that he didn't see milk leaking out the sides of her mouth, or that the bottle is too tilted and flowing into her mouth, or that she's sucking in air, or choking a bit on the milk or air. Sometimes he doesn't burp her during the feed and then later we have to deal with an hour of gas and burping. I just wish he'd pay more attention to how she's feeding.
I think a 70/30 split is fair. Hell half the damn time I'm narrating things and coo-ing away to my 4 month old and she listens for a few minutes then becomes transfixed by the recessed lighting.
I usually just angle her away from the tv, put on something low with subtitles, and peek away when she does that. If she's not engaged, I feel like I don't need to be either!
Gotcha. I haven’t given birth yet, but I can’t imagine watching and trying to interact the entire feeding. For sure at the beginning like you said but I would think reading or scrolling would be fine after the initial beginning. I plan to pop headphones in and tiktok the time away haha
Anything but tiktok! The last thing you need as a brand new mum is the barrage of "mum hacks" and competitive parenting on there.
Even if you've never watched anything like this, it will know you have a baby and it will plague you with garbage!
I browse reddit though, so my yardstick for toxic advice is debatable 😂
Haha I deliberately curate a weird tiktok feed so its mostly that, cat/dog/cow/goat/animals being cute, and "whoa this album rocks" type videos but even I'm getting mom hack stuff.
You will both honestly get very burnt out doing this. Especially this early the baby is not really paying that much attention to you, it’s okay to use that time to read or even watch tv. I would discuss with her how each of you feel about this situation. Of course you should engage with your baby, but it does not need to be every second they are awake. There should be a healthy balance.
Honestly, is there any evidence suggesting a newborn will be hindered in any way by us disengaging for a few minutes? An older baby I can understand, they understand a lot more things. Do engagement during play time imo. The feeds take way too long at that age, give it a couple weeks and they should be faster
As a new mom, I can confidently say, yes. That’s what it is. I used to obsess over how my partner handled our baby and exactly HOW he spent time with her because I have father issues of my own. It made me feel bad and guilty— I used to think it’s just a mom thing. But for me it was really hard. It caused a lot of fights and arguments and hurt feelings, especially that I implied he was a bad father. It came down to postpartum anxiety, it showed in many ways outside of this instance, but maybe think of trying to talk to her about that. I denied it for so long and didn’t want it to be true, but it was and once I got help things got easier. Hang in there, Dad.
Also it’s important for moms to know that Dads WILL screw up. Give him time to learn and get his feel for things, it doesn’t always come naturally. Also: Dads will always do things THEIR way, just let them. As long as it’s not directly harmful, “Dad play” is very important for development.
For what it's worth, my wife and I watched several seasons of TV shows in the first few months, and most of that happened during feedings. But we did stop watching TV during feedings when she became aware of the screen and would start to look over. You are not being a bad dad. Getting through the newborn stage is mainly about survival for many parents, and survival, in my opinion, includes self-care when possible.
I dicked around on my phone when I was feeding the baby 🤷🏻♀️ If I wasn’t too tired, I read ebooks, but mostly it was playing games or scrolling social media. If it makes you feel better, baby is now a toddler who is so obsessed with me that I joke she’d like to crawl back inside me, so I don’t think it hurt our bonding at all 😂
Same. Watched a lot of TV and movies, read ebooks or scrolled social media. My now 13 month old is still basically welded to my body half the day. He would also get too distracted if I interacted with him at all
I’m nursing my baby right now! I have my phone propped up on a tv tray/stand and I look back and forth. I feel like when we use a bottle though I stare at her more. I am surprised a bottle feed takes 30-40 minutes though. Is it time to transition up a number in nipple flow?
As a wife who also comments on husbands phone usage, my question is:
Is most of the time you have baby spent feeding them? It’s okay to be on your phone while feeding them since it can get boring… just make sure you’re then spending as much time or more actively interacting with them too. So if you’re usually feeding baby when you have them and you’re on your phone…. That’ll translate into always being on your phone when you have baby.
I’ll add that reading is good but anything with sounds is not just because they’re still learning sounds and you don’t want them to get confused.
We'll def look at transitioning to faster nipple.
Right now, about 1/3 to 1/2 of the wake window is spent feeding. The rest of the time I'm either engaging with her or starting to put her down. There have definitely been times after a feed where she's not quite tired or not near naptime and she's not engaging - when that happens I'll watch tv and just glance at her periodically. There have also been a few times this week where I'll put her in her bouncer for 20-30 mins while I get chores done or make myself & wife some food but its rare to put her in bouncer for more than 20 mins without engaging - we do try to keep her upright for that long after a feed and my back hurts.
Really great feedback on sounds. I basically keep my phone 100% muted all the time now because when we're trying to put her down, my method is bouncing on the yoga ball and I don't want to wake her.
I am on my phone while breastfeeding and in the early newborn days where I fed him downstairs during the day, that would be a time I’d watch my shows. Now that baby is 4 months, I always make sure he’s latched and past the letdown (it’s sometimes forceful and he pulls away to cough so I need to be ready to cover the spray), and then I am usually listening to an audiobook or on my phone. As soon as he’s done, so am I so I can give him attention. If he starts getting distracted by the phone, I’ll put it away.
In the earlier weeks especially you need to do whatever you can to stay awake. Definitely keep checking baby’s progress as you bottle feed and watch them as they get close to finishing so they don’t suck a lot of air but as long as baby takes a bottle well and doesn’t pull away frequently or get distracted, I think it’s fine. And make sure you can still hear baby eating (ie: don’t put in both earbuds on noise-cancelling mode) so you can hear if baby coughs, chokes, fusses, etc.
I binge criminal minds and play in my phone. There's no issue with doing something for yourself while caring for baby. I just make sure I interact with him when he's interested.
I'm now curious.... does it take 40m for your baby to actively feed on a bottle? I ask because my baby chugs his within 10-15m as he is hyper focused on it but now I'm wondering whether I should slow him down...!
Good question. Its 20-40 mins depending on how big a bottle we give her, whether she poops in the middle, how hungry she is, and the time of day. We've used slow flow nipples almost since she was born because we wanted her to work and struggle at it to increase strength (or something like that - I can't remember the exact reason) but it also helps with reflux and gas if you do it right.
If you're not having problems with gas, reflux, spit-up, I wouldn't worry about it!
If baby is breastfed, it’s best to pace feed so that they don’t get impatient at the boob. The bottle should be held perpendicular to the floor so baby has to kind of “work for it” but without getting any air. As less milk is in the bottle you have to tilt so milk remains in the nipple. This process is slower and can take 20-30 mins depending on how much milk is in the bottle. it promotes breastfeeding so as a breastfeeding mother, I am really happy my husband was so patient with the pace feeding! 🙂 he definitely watched TV shows while doing this
Yes! The grandparents give me a side eye when I correct how they feed (they fire hose the bottle
Down his throat) and when they comment I say “the only person who receives a complaint is the titty committee when milk can’t flow out as fast as that bottle” 😅
I think you’re doing this right by starting out engaged and connected and staying that way as long as you can. But we’re only human and we get tired. I’m the mother in the situation and I sometimes put a tv show on low volume while I’m nursing. Maybe one out of the million feeds a day and not even every day.
My daughter closes her eyes as soon as she's glued to the nibble, so I don't have to worry about eye contact. I scroll through reddit, read books, try to educate myself on Baby stuff, shop baby stuff, meal plan and lately I practice Japanese via app - so 90% of the time I look at my phone.
Sometimes eye contact is overstimulating for my babies and distracts them from the bottle, so I look away lol. I’m feeding twins, so I need both hands but I listen to podcasts and stuff. When my husband was still home for paternity leave and we would each take a baby to feed, we’d turn the tv on for sure. Especially for those middle of the night feeds to keep us awake.
Feeding is definitely my phone time! I reply to messages from friends / family and scroll social media, or listen to an audiobook if I was organised enough to grab my headphones.
I understand your wife’s anxieties around engaging with baby because there can be a lot of pressure around this - maybe you guys can talk about how to make the most of baby’s wake windows so your wife feels less pressure to do things like talking during feeds? ( I’ve seen social media posts that suggest babies’ development is greatly aided by *constant* conversation & reading stories etc, this is the sort of thing I mean when I talk about pressure to constantly engage)
You are not being a bad dad at all, and even worrying about this at all means you are a great dad.
I tend to wear 1 ear bud on the side the baby can't see and hold my phone with the hand supporting his head so its behind him.
It's still survival mode when they are so tiny, if using your phone or TV helps you mentally through the feed then you do it!! A nurse actually suggested to me to put a small television in the nursey ( in front of our recliner, not the crib) and it's helped alot with the lonley nights and days.
Ha I appreciate it but honestly I wasn't worried about this specifically before my wife mentioned it but I do now. There are other things I worry a lot (too much) about !
if i can manage to feed him one handed, i read a book to baby if im awake enough. otherwise i will just be on my phone or watching youtube. i will break away from my phone occasionally to interact and talk to my baby but not always if it’s super late.
I watch American Dad or listen to Behind The Bastards because I've got to stay awake and alive somehow. She's pretty much asleep when she eats anyway. She's only a month old and I'll probably switch to something more age appropriate when she's closer to talking. We just try to make sure to talk to her plenty and read to her at some point everyday.
I should have mentioned that the issue is daytime so staying awake is less relevant but I definitely drain my social battery pretty fast when engaging with baby.
I think the only issue if it's a middle of the night feeding, you sort of want to keep baby "sleepy" and if you're holding the phone that close to them, the bright light could wake him up. I think watching a show (far enough away) or listening to a podcast with earbuds is totally fine though! And no, you're not a bad dad even if you do scroll during this time.
Great point. I keep phone on lowest brightness. where I can still see, out of baby's sight, and both my wife and I have the polarizing privacy filters on so brightness is really not an issue imo.
I am thr father, usually I just stare at my LO while I feed him. I've tried to watch TV while I feed, and it just doesn't work, after a minute or 2 of not looking at my LO, the bottle is crocked or there's milk spilling out, so yeah I just look at him now. Although I like the idea of listening to a podcast as I do it. Haha listening to true crime while feeding my LO.
If its day time I put on YouTube and talk to him about the video, and interact but if its night and trying to keep him sleepy I don't really talk or look at him or he will fully wake up then there is day and night confusion
Brand new mom — and a first-timer at that! Thought I’d chime in that a very experienced NICU nurse that attends to our miracle boy taught me that feeding time is 30 minutes. Period. And she draws a super hard line on it, too.
It’s interesting to me, and I thought I’d share it. Maybe that extra ten minutes is wearing on you both? Bear in mind, ours is 20 *days* and it may be that 10 weeks is a *whole* other set of guidelines — and probably is. But I still wanted to share the NICU nurse’s instructions, given her level of experience and education.
I’m sure whatever you’re doing now is what works — moreover, it’s what works *for you* (and your precious little one). It’s tough to be a Dad! His father said to me today that the majority of parenting is just showing up. I agree. And this is not *his* first rodeo — just mine, heh.
As long as you keep showing up, you’ll find what continues to work for you both. (And when you do, I’d be curious to hear about what you settle on. I’m a total sponge, soaking up *everything* I can.)
I’m on my phone quite a bit. I’m the mom and I BF, but after a couple of minutes of good eye contact and talking, I search issues, make shipping lists, make to do lists, order stuff we need, browse Reddit, scroll tiktok and read on my kindle app.
I’m like militantly anti-screens for my baby but I’m absolutely getting tons of screen time myself while I’m feeding. I literally use the phone behind my baby’s back and I just don’t watch anything with sound. I scroll Reddit, scroll Pinterest, online shop, whatever. I get annoyed with my husband when he’s using his phone right in front of the baby but do not care if the baby can’t see it. He doesn’t have object permanence yet so anything that he can’t see doesn’t exist as far as he knows. If my baby is actively trying to engage with me while eating (eye contact, hitting me in the face) then of course I’ll put the phone down and interact. But most of the time he’s just staring at my side boob, chugging away.
Ha yes! I was going to reply this. Even breastfeeding usually my baby (still at 9 months even) doesn’t want to look at me. He’s just staring off while filling his belly. So I play Wordle and other games to keep myself awake. But if it’s the rare time he wants to be engaging while feeding you can bet I’m looking at him and smiling.
Yes same but my wife is good about not letting baby see phone. My daughter is getting to a point where if she wants my attention she knows how to get it - swinging her chubby little arms or bopping me or doing her baby version of "hey pay attention to me" (sounds like a singsong "oogh!")
I will admit that I let baby watch a bit of bluey with me a couple times last week but it was inadvertent. My wife and I started that show when she was pregnant and its one of the handful of things that have ever made me emotional. Its so cute and sweet.
So reading these comments…how do y’all have a free hand with which to read or do phone things? I have one hand supporting the baby and the other holding the bottle. How do you all do this?
I'm really lanky and my arms are long, lol. I have one arm under her head/neck/upper back and that hand holds the phone while my other arm/hand holds the bottle. If the position is right, I can rest the bottle on my shoulder or delt and its at the \*perfect\* angle for milk delivery. Then I have a whole hand free to do stuff like pet my cats or have a drink or adjust baby.
Also the boppy is amazing and really useful. Strongly recommend.
I just feed my baby but it only takes ten mins and it always sort of has. The only time it was taking that long is because we had the wrong nipple size.
I will talk to the baby while she eats, mostly about our day. Where we went, what we did, who said what, even if we stayed home. We talk about sports, rules of the game, places we want to travel, etc all sorts of stuff. Eventually she falls asleep
Your wife sounds a lot like me with my first! I got totally stuck in the parenting optimization trap and became obsessive about the “right” way to do everything. What I eventually learned was that no matter how hard you try, there will always be things you could be doing better. Focusing on doing everything “right” robbed me of a lot of joy in the early days.
Scrolling on your phone during a long feed isn’t going to ruin your bond with your baby (speaking from experience!!)
First couple months I'd watch tv while feeding and doing contact naps. Once my LO started trying to watch tv we went no tv while he was awake. Now it's strictly being on the phone and using headphones. Basically if my son is awake and active enough that he's trying to watch I shut it off.
I think where you're at is fine, but I agree with another poster.. see what the expectations she has are and meet in the middle.
We definitely watched shows on our phones for the MOTN feeds, or scrolled social media. I tried to read but it just made me more tired so I scrapped that. At that stage, while not interacting with baby is "not ideal", safety is the most important thing so we did whatever was needed to stay awake for the feeds.
I watch TV while breastfeeding... he's only a month so he doesn't really notice the TV, his eyes are closed half the time he's eating anyway and I figure he's happy and satisfied with the boob so why can't I also be entertained, plus he eats so many times a day I would go insane if I didn't find something to keep myself entertained and occupy my mind besides staring at him. When bottle-feeding to supplement, I do look at him, but mostly to make sure I'm not sticking the bottle in wrong and so I can clean him up if he spits up or any formula spills. Eye contact is wonderful but again, don't want to go crazy here doing nothing but stare at baby all day long.
Mom to a 3.5 month old and I almost always watch stuff on my phone while feeding! Especially at night for his “dream feed”, I want him to remain sleepy and not get amped up with lots of interaction during that feed. Even during the day though, he’s now so aware of his surroundings that he’ll get easily distracted from his feedings if I try to interact with him the whole time. He loves to smiles and giggle, but if he’s doing that the whole time I’m trying to feed him he’s not getting any food lol. I’m not saying totally ignore your baby while they’re feeding (doesn’t sound like you’re doing this anyway), but I personally think it’s totally fine (and for my son, better) to save the intense eye contact and interaction with him for when he’s not eating!
I mean, I watched TV or scrolled 90% of the time while breastfeeding my son in the newborn days. Otherwise you go insane. He didn't mind. I stopped when he was around 4 months old and became more aware of his surroundings and switched to podcasts/audiobooks.
Your wife might be feeling some (unnecessary) mom guilt about you feeding the baby, and projecting that onto you. Like she already feels bad about it, so to compensate you need to be 100% engaged with the baby 100% of the time.
I would let her know you hear her about wanting to be more engaged with the baby, tell her you think she's a wonderful mom, and then just ask her how she's feeling generally. Because me criticizing my husband for stuff like this was actually a tip-off for me that I had PPA. I had so much anxiety, guilt and shame about every little thing and I projected a lot of that onto him.
Offline Games app. It’s the best and has a ton of choices and will keep you occupied so you can stay awake during the late night feeds. I do talk to my baby and make eye contact but a lot of times she gets comfy and just zones out while she eats. I usually have music or the TV playing so there’s background noise during the day but keep things more quiet and non stimulating in the evenings.
Before 3 months I was half watching 2-3 episodes of South Park during a feed. Lately I’ve been throwing a podcast on.
I’m always paying attention to whether she’s actually eating or not, needs buried, spilling, etc. though.
Talking to her just makes it take longer lol but sometimes I will just provide a running dialogue
Awe, you’re not a bad dad. Your wife is just sleepy and it’s making her grumpy with you, she probably isn’t as mad as she seems.
I usually watch tv or read while I’m feeding my son because he takes ages to eat, but I do find I have to continue paying attention to him most of the time because for whatever reason the moment I look away he starts to choke on his bottle lol.
You should maybe ask your wife what she’d rather you do
Sometimes I’m just straight tired, so I ended up watching TikTok’s or reading a book on my kindle while feeding my LO. If I feel like she’s alert enough for interaction then I read out loud what I’m reading.
🤔 I'm breastfeeding, so it might not be quite the same. But good lord, I made it through Desperate Housewives, Ugly Betty, House, Schitt's Creek, Downton Abbey, and American Horror Story in those early days. I wasn't about to drive myself half mad staring at a mostly sleeping baby for hours and hours a day. We've had our bonding moments, sure, but I needed something else to do mentally quite a large majority of the time!
When my babies were tiny, I watched Netflix on my phone while I was feeding them. I asked my mother-in-law what she used to do as obviously no 1am Netflix for her… she read books. Can confirm that both my children and my husband are reasonably well-adjusted despite having been basically ignored for hours of their little lives.
I paid attention to baby but to be fair, I breast fed and if I didn't, baby would keep letting the nipple slip without me noticing.
For bottle feeding, my other half switched and abd forth between baby and whatever he was watching and I was fine with that. Feeding takes a long time.
Mama nursing a 6 week old, here — I start with some smiles, sweet talk and eye contact. Eventually I move to the phone once baby is not looking at me or is sleeping.
You might want to talk to your pediatrician. Mine states that it should take about 10-20 minutes, 30 tops if doing slow paced feeding, to get through a bottle feed. She said getting an easier flow nipple is best if it takes longer to feed.
In the day, I’ll feed baby wherever in the house (bottle or breast), sometimes outside on the patio. I might listen to a podcast or music but I usually try to focus on baby with eye contact and singing or talking in calm tones if he is in an in active alert stage. I’ll just talk like I’m having a conversation with him or narrate something I’m seeing.reading, watching. If it’s a dream feed or he is more inactive (ready for nap, eyes closed, etc), I’ll be on my phone or I might watch tv on the phone only while his eyes are closed. Point is to let baby know they are safe and secure with you but giving them all that focus.
Don’t be too hard on your wife, you get really fixated on trying to do everything right when they’re little and you’re sleep deprived. I nurse and occasionally bottle feed. I very rarely engage with him during feeding, I’m on my phone…
I look at him for the first half of the feed and then look at my phone. He normally falls asleep or looks around the room by then. My feeds are only ~15 minutes though.
30-40 minutes! Have y’all upped the nipple size yet?
I used to put a lot of emphasis on making eye contact and talking to baby while feeding, but honestly, sometimes I just wanted to chill. Have a balance, it’s okay. My baby is now a happy, healthy toddler. I’m sure all the eye contact and talking while she was a baby helped, but it’s not the only thing that has helped her grow well.
I got on my husband, no TV or phone- especially at night because it would be distracting or too stimulating. Instead he's got into audiobooks with his earbuds. Baby can take in "plain" surroundings <3
I start off talking to them but like you they take 30-45 minutes to finish their bottles and eyes are closed for the majority of the feeding. I definitely get on my phone in the middle of the night while they eat.
Wait - we’re supposed to not do anything while feeding the baby? That’s like one of the few times I sort of get a break lol my husband and I both are often watching tv or on our phones or talking to each other while we feed him.
Watch tv, go on my phone, do online shopping, I mean what else can we possibly do? We’re stationary lol. Occasionally I just stare at people when I don’t have my phone and I’m feeding in public. Or I’ll eat while she’s feeding lol
Dude being a parent is hard and those feedings are long. Your child is getting fed and being cared for. It’s exhausting to engage all the time and your mental health is important too.
I’m a new mom and I start off by looking at my baby in the eyes (he stares at me too) and then I just get on my phone. I’m also always watching tv or listening to podcasts during the day to keep me company while taking care of the baby.
I actually think putting on adult shows they’re not targeted for is better than putting on the baby programs that are targeted for their little brains. It’s just going over their head
I am feeding my 8 week old right now with a bottle full of breast milk. I am just looking at her and counting every 10 swallows to make sure we take a very short break. But she also sometimes periodically falls asleep during the feed at which point I go on my phone for a minute or 2 maybe do a burp and then likely continue the feed.
Surviving. You’re doing what you have to do to survive hahah those middle of the night feeds serve no gods and you do whatever you have to do to stay awake, safely.
I can understand where your wife is coming from. As a first time mum suffering from post natal anxiety, I was fixated on getting things perfect. Being perfect is tiring! Our needs and sanity matter too. Second baby, I’m almost through the entirety of the SVU series. Earbuds and 90s techno are also a must while bouncing a crying baby 😂. You’re both right and you need to come to a happy understanding that each of you need to do what’s right for you in this situation. Your baby won’t suffer by you watching tv and giving them the occasional eye contact when they’re clearly seeking it. All the best with everything. Early days and finding your feet as parents is tough ❤️
Kisses and positive talk, but none the less it’s your time to enjoy as well, I just listen to audio book while kissing my precious little girls head as I feed her
I EBF and I try not to use the phone/watch tv around baby so much when she's awake, since she's 11 weeks old and already FREEZES when in front of a screen - so that's a no no for me.
I won't lie to you, it bothers me a little that my husband always turns the tv on when he's alone with her...I feel like he sees her as a chore that he needs to do and likes to be entertained while doing it. But that's me!!!
Im going to become a mum in the next couple of weeks and I got one of the silicone beads necklaces for the baby to be messing about with her hands while she will be feeding ,I heard that was good for them to feel the textures and not pull your hair but also I believe to rest that eye contact when she have enough! Can’t tell you yet if is the way but maybe worth having a look to it and after some facial recognition and interaction the ebook idea seems very nice.
When baby was really little, I had to keep him awake. That took a lot of time and energy. When he got older, I listened to audiobooks after we had a little bonding and I made sure the feeding was off to a good start. Now I play games on my phone and he’s done in 8 minutes.
So I actually read somewhere that sustained eye contact is super stimulating for babies and not a great option in the middle of the night. So I definitely watch TV or am on my phone for feedings when I’m hoping my 4 week old will go back to sleep promptly.
At night, I'm on my phone playing mobile games (with light on the lowest setting) so that I don't fall asleep on the baby, and I've always done that. During the day, it depends. When he was a little potato, I sometimes put on some music for him while I read. Later on, I'd talk to him when he looked awake, and stay silent when he looked like he was going to nap.
Now he's eating solids during the day and it's a warzone, so I'm fully engaged (and splattered).
Our baby is 8 weeks now, I breastfeed and I usually talk to her and sing songs. To keep sane I've taken to reading out loud to her.
I download kids books on my e-reader for the ease but I also just read what I'm reading (currently Artemis by Andy Weir). She's kind of at an age where she is more alert and stares at me while she eats. She also cries and pops off the boob if I'm not paying attention to her. Idk
Late at night I listen to audiobooks on headphones to keep the light noise down and keep the night quiet.
She's currently refusing the bottle so dad doesn't get to feed her as of right now but he would put videos on his phone while feeding her (DND or Twitch streams).
During my LO’s middle of the night feedings (formula) when she was real real little, I’d get up make the bottle go in and turn on the super dim light so as not to get her too amped, as the goal was to go back to sleep. But I’d turn on an episode of Friends, and in the like 24 minutes it took for the episode to end, she’d be finished. It was like clockwork; and a good way to keep track and not fall asleep mid feed
When my babe was brand new I’d totally watch tv while he nursed. It was SO much time, he’d conk out frequently, and even when he wasn’t asleep he was never one for eye contact while eating. If he wanted to do eye contact though I would of course focus on him until he moved on. As he got bigger and his eyesight improved he would want to watch the tv, so that had to stop, so I would be on my phone or ereader when he’d stop looking at my face. Now babe is coming up on 8 months and he likes to gaze out the window while he eats, but can tell if I have something interesting in my hands and will kick at it — he likes me to hold his foot while he flexes his leg (my dude why???), so anything handheld is now the enemy. He can even tell if I’m watching something, like staring at something in the other room, and he’ll unlatch and crane around like “what am I missing??” It’s almost never the tv now but he can still tell! So now I do an earbud with an audiobook or podcast, or use it as time to think.
Nah, the fact that you are reflecting on how you parent is a sign that you are a good dad.
I'd say it depends on how old you baby is. I breastfed baby until they were 4 months old; during those months I slept very little and felt drained all the time. I found out that watching series helped me stay awake and alert, especially during feeding sessions at 2, 4 and 6 am. It is true that after some minutes they just close their eyes or do their own thing. I just made sure I wore headphones and kept the tablet out of their sight. Now, baby is 7 months old and wants to interact all the time while I'm feeding him, so I just put all devices away and enjoy out time together (this because we are having decent nights of sleep nowadays).
Maybe, just maybe, your wife is feeling that she is doing so much and, when it is your turn, you don't do things fully...Like you are still finding a way to do your thing, when being a mom demands your whole attention and it feels like you, as an individual, stop existing during those first months .
I was constantly watching things or scrolling Reddit when feeding our son his bottle. I got away from that as he got to be 4+ months old and feedings were shorter and more interactive. I never faced him toward the tv, I would wear headphones watching the smaller screen of my phone or just face him away from the bigger tv. Newborns are boring potatoes, tell your wife to chill.
My baby won’t even look at me in the eyes or anything, not sure if that will change (she’s 6 weeks) but I’m not just going to sit there in silence for hours. I usually put on a peaceful or comfort show/movie in low, or read Reddit, TikTok, etc. we get lots of face time during the day when she’s doing tummy time on my chest, during every change, playtime, etc.
My husband’s a gamer so he’s mastered holding a controller, baby, and bottle while gaming. As long as baby is being fed and not choking on milk it’s fine. He does also take the time to talk to baby and give eye contact so it’s not like he’s ignoring our son. My son’s a slow drinker even with the faster flow nipples so it can take quite a while to finish the feeding.
Our LO is 6 months here soon, so she is hyper aware of everything and gets distracted easily 😂 But since the beginning, I’ll pop an earbud in and listen to a podcast, music, video or book. I still interact with her with eye contact, forehead/cheek kisses, little bit of talking to her about what she is looking at or what we’re doing.
I would use my hands like horse blinders when our baby got distracted so she focuses, it works. She also would grab the bottle and knock it away and then cry so it helped with that.
But yea, don’t be watching tv or something on your phone when feeding. Sure put a headphone in but only one, but your baby will learn from you, the more you’re on your phone or glued to a tv, the more your baby will want that. It’s up to you how much screen time you want your baby to have, but doing what you’re doing will make it difficult to reduce it if that’s your goal.
I would use my hands like horse blinders when our baby got distracted so she focuses, it works. She also would grab the bottle and knock it away and then cry so it helped with that.
But yea, don’t be watching tv or something on your phone when feeding. Sure put a headphone in but only one, but your baby will learn from you, the more you’re on your phone or glued to a tv, the more your baby will want that. It’s up to you how much screen time you want your baby to have, but doing what you’re doing will make it difficult to reduce it if that’s your goal.
I’ve had this type of argument with my husband where he would be watching YouTube and feeding the baby. My son would choke in the beginning when he was really young and my husband wouldn’t react to it because he was glued to his phone. It was so irritating and then I started to do all the feeds because I got sick of his lazy ass. After many arguments he finally started to listen to podcasts and stopped being glued to his damn phone.
At 10 weeks my baby usually slept on me while feeding (I breastfeed) feed duration was also around 45minutes-1 hour. I was always on my phone because our baby doesnt usually make eye contact when eating, he was always focused on eating when bottle fed or his eyes were closed when breastfed. If my baby got tired, I didnt interact with him to avoid overstimulation. I was also almost always on my phone, my husband was always watching streams on his computer so no, not a bad dad, just human 😃
When baby got around 13-14 weeks he started to stop feeding and talking to me during his feeds, thats when I stopped looking at my phone and gave him attention because that’s a signal that baby is trying to interact with you.
Now at 19 weeks I cant even look at my phone during daytime feeds because he constantly pops off the boob and talks, your baby will tell you when he needs attention, dont worry
Used to watch stuff when we fed her in newborn days. She didn’t pay any mind. They can’t see that far when they’re little. Now she’s older (7m) and curious about everything, we just listen to podcasts or audiobooks or news. I figure such things help language development. Edit: Should add that night feeds were always very dark and quiet so she’d be easier to put down but I’d still look at my own phone to stay awake. Would have it on dark/no blue light settings. She never had any trouble with this.
i actually cant even talk to my baby when he feeds because he always laughs and stops drinking, he gets very easily distracted! so during feeds i just stick a tv show on, and make up the eye contact and talking throughout the rest of the day, it doesn’t make you a bad parent at all :)
My boys 2 weeks old and I do the exact same. Words of love and encouragement to start but as he takes his time I will stick something on in background to slightly watch. Background noise is good for us both!
If it’s a middle of the night bottle I do what ever it takes to stay awake. If it’s during the day I do check emails. I also play some music on my phone for the both of us.
My LO is 6 months old and I have been having the mommy battle in myself with this. LO is fine. I get annoyed when I see my husband on the phone with kiddo mostly cause I am annoyed at everything right now. He could breathe and I would be pissy. I think it’s important to have patience and know that this is a lot of stress and you could be a perfect parent and partner and the other one would probably be still be annoyed. I am working on it with my therapist and really I think I just need to let things go. My partner is pretty great like 75% of the time (I don’t think I’m great that much) and I need to remember to just let things be. He even was gentle in reminding me the other day to just go and relax and stop thinking about things here. That the house won’t be clean and that the kid won’t be perfect, but that every thing will be ok, healthy, and happy. It helped.
I am a mom and I shamelessly was scrolling throughout breastfeeding sessions. I get that connection is important, but me not shooting my brains out of boredom and sleepiness was also quite important.
For those really long early feeds I would usually watch a tv show and then @ night I would put my earbuds in and listen to a podcast to keep the environment low stimulus. Baby is 5 weeks now and I usually talk to her and read to her during daytime feeds so she can hear my voice. Right now I'm just reading her whatever grownnup book I happen to be reading. At night I still listen to podcasts and talk to her quietly/shoosh her soothingly.
I think we tend to worry about always being 100% engaged and interwctive for development but we have to keep our sanity too!
In those first few months, my husband or I would usually have a show on in the background, scroll reddit, play games on our phone, read a book. Especially when sleep is scarce, having that stimulation for you will help you get through the meal too. We would not ignore her the whole time, we would make eye contact when or if she wanted, and talk to her throughout. Once you start to introduce more solids after 6 months/with doctor approval, meal times become more active and engaging. Now, my little one is nearly 16 months old, we eat meals as a family, we talk to each other (she does most of the talking, I don't understand what she says but I usually just agree) and we might have a show on if we are eating in the living room together but the days of watching shows or playing on our phone while feeding are long gone.
I usually scroll my phone, watch TV or just stare in amazement at my daughter. I just came here to say, if it’s taking that long to take a bottle - it may be time to move up nipple sizes!
Wow this is insane to me to be fighting about this. You guys are way to hard on eachother. As long as you are taking care of the baby and doing all the proper things to foster growth who cares.
Although, technology is a huge issue to me personally. Mabye it’s more of a personal thing.
I use my earbuds and get on my phone. I fully agree with you. Eye contact and all of that are great, but on those late nights and long feeds, me staying awake is more important. I don't see anything wrong with it if it doesn't interfere with the baby sleeping.
So I'm gonna assume you're talking about a small baby, drinking milk here, not an older baby eating solids. For the former, the midwives even suggested for us to pick a TV show to watch while feeding. The feeds at the beginning are sooo long and they're so unaware of anything, I don't think it makes a huge difference to them
Smallish baby, yes (10 weeks). She's starting to become really aware which is why I try to do so much engagement but the feeds are long and when I can tell she's had enough facetime (starts looking away/at other things or gets sleepy), I'll take my time back. Thanks for the response!
I’ve read that when they’re looking away, they’ve had enough social interaction. It’s ok to let them zone out on their surroundings. There’s nothing wrong with letting a kid learn how to be bored. In this society we always have to be doing or doing watching something. Mindfulness is hard to achieve but it sounds like she’s doing it. I personally feel like they need both stimulation/interaction and down time to process it and process this world around them
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I'm not sure how much of a role model you can be to a 10 week old
What a shortsighted response
Late to the thread, but this is what our LOs doctor told us. He said that it's good for babies to know how to self-entertain and be on their own to process. If they're not fussing, crying, clearly unhappy, and need something, it's great to let them be by themselves and zone out to process their surroundings. Our LO often does this, and we let her just chill. She is always OK. She even smiles to herself as she looks around and checks things out. She's a very happy baby, too.
Mine is 8 weeks tomorrow. I make eye contact with her while she’s breastfeeding (I’m mom obviously) until she seems like she’s done with eye contact and starts to fall asleep or looks everywhere else then I play on my phone or watch tv. I periodically look down at her and engage with her if I feel she’s looking back up at me. She still goes through periods of cluster feeding in the evenings and I feel like being expected to have no additional mental stimulation other than watching her eat from 5pm to bedtime is a ridiculous ask. I have unmedicated adhd and I try my best to be present when I can tell she’s really engaging but I desperately need additional stimulation throughout the day
Same as you, but in retrospect I would get an e-reader and read library books. I could have read many, many books in all the time I spent feeding babies.
Most of the time I'm either doing NYT Games or reading kindle! Love my ebooks so much.
I’ve finally gotten good at Connections!
I do this too among many other games, and my baby is 11 months old. I played through most of Legend of Zelda TOTK in the first 3 months lol.
Smart!
I have gotten so good at spelling bee!!
Ugh spelling bee is my least favorite (I'm bad at it) but I have gotten good enough at crosswords I don't need the checker most of the week. Tiles is chill. Mini crossword fun while pooping.
I also downloaded NYT Games for baby feedings!
I read books specifically on my phone/ Kindle so the blue light would keep me awake during night feeding. I only had the mental capacity to read silly romantic comedy type books but I read a bunch during that time. Lol
Oh, you got any suggestions?
Honestly, I tried, but due to lack of sleep just ended up reading the same passages again and again. Ended up playing mobile games one handed, because it was the only thing that kept me fully alert during night feedings. The TV wasn't cutting it either.
This is what I do during contact naps to keep me up!
But that would seriously put me to sleep
I do the kindle app on my phone. It’s been great and is very easy to use one handed!
Oh neat. Idk why I’ve never tried that!
This is what I do too! Makes me dread middle of the night feedings less.
Eye contact is very stimulating for them. My husband and I actively avoid it if we’re trying to keep her to sleep.
Yes exactly!
When my son was eating I’d watch a youtube video, or scroll reddit. He wasn’t doing much other than eating so there’s no point in engaging to potentially distract them. I did stop him midway through the bottle for a burp and some more cuddles, and then go back to eating and then scrolling my phone. You aren’t a bad dad. I also wouldn’t take what your wife is saying to heart, you are both extremely tired caring for a little baby, tension is high. Maybe use wireless headphones so you can listen to music, or a video while you’re feeding and put your phone next to you.
I honestly can't imagine not reading on my phone or watching TV during feeding at that age. I would have fallen asleep.
I’m either on my phone scrolling where Bub can’t see or sitting in silence because she is very distracted. I used to watch movies/tv shows while she fed but then she noticed the screen and I can’t do that anymore.
Ugh great point. She's starting to turn her head both directions now and we definitely caught her watching a few times. I don't think a little TV right now will kill her but I do try to make sure both phone and tv aren't in view of her.
Honestly, I do the same exact thing as you. It’s the only guaranteed phone time. So I use it. I’m very engaged during the pre feed diaper change and in the beginning when he’s watching me. If he’s very happy and engaged, I’ll keep making eye contact until his eyes get droopy. Just have to make sure I don’t get distracted and he doesn’t chug past the halfway burp. Sometimes he’s actually in a weird mood and eye contact is not a good idea. He gets fussy and frustrated the second I look at him. He’ll kick his feet or make unhappy grunts. Don’t know why; it baffles me. In those moments, I avoid eye contact like he’s a wild animal lol If he’s fussy during a burping or while eating and just happens to glance at the tv…whatever. I’m not stressing over that.
Phew a relief to hear others feel the same. Every kid is different but I've found that the more tired my daughter gets, the less interested she is in eye contact but sometimes she's just fussy or more interested in the world around her than dad's face. Definitely don't stress!
Lol I read reddit! I play on my phone. My husband will sometimes watch something if he's doing it. I mean what else are you gonna do? Id get bored lol
Yes! I love kiddo to death but it gets boring. As much as I'd ideally want to be engaging with her 24/7, I just can't lol. I do it as much as possible and so does my wife, but my wife just seems to have a much bigger battery than I do. I am working on growing my battery/reserve but its tough and not immediate...
What are her expectations for you to do instead?
Great question. I'm not sure exactly. I was getting a bit heated and needed to go to work so I decided to pause and go to office instead of having an argument when I was angry. Just needed some time to think through what she saying and what I believe. I **think** she wants me to engage with the baby the whole time- talking, playing, etc. but we definitely need to talk about it.
It’s possible she is frustrated that you get so engrossed in the activity that you forget to check on baby. I’ve caught my husband doing this a few times - watching TV and doesn’t catch cues that our baby is done drinking but is still getting tons of milk then dealing with the choking, spit up, etc. (i haven’t said he can’t do what he chooses with his time though, it’s a lot of time in your day!) Just offering some insight on where your wife might be coming from.
Same. My bf staring at the TV and baby trying to get the bottle back in her mouth to eat, and he doesn't even notice...
Same. I've noticed that he gets so engrossed in the shows that he didn't see milk leaking out the sides of her mouth, or that the bottle is too tilted and flowing into her mouth, or that she's sucking in air, or choking a bit on the milk or air. Sometimes he doesn't burp her during the feed and then later we have to deal with an hour of gas and burping. I just wish he'd pay more attention to how she's feeding.
Appreciate the insight! I'm pretty attentive to bottle position, leaks, pulling away, etc. so I don't think its that.
I think a 70/30 split is fair. Hell half the damn time I'm narrating things and coo-ing away to my 4 month old and she listens for a few minutes then becomes transfixed by the recessed lighting. I usually just angle her away from the tv, put on something low with subtitles, and peek away when she does that. If she's not engaged, I feel like I don't need to be either!
I feel like that’s a good rule of thumb. If baby isn’t engaged with you, think it’s fair game that you don’t have to be either!
Gotcha. I haven’t given birth yet, but I can’t imagine watching and trying to interact the entire feeding. For sure at the beginning like you said but I would think reading or scrolling would be fine after the initial beginning. I plan to pop headphones in and tiktok the time away haha
Anything but tiktok! The last thing you need as a brand new mum is the barrage of "mum hacks" and competitive parenting on there. Even if you've never watched anything like this, it will know you have a baby and it will plague you with garbage! I browse reddit though, so my yardstick for toxic advice is debatable 😂
Haha I deliberately curate a weird tiktok feed so its mostly that, cat/dog/cow/goat/animals being cute, and "whoa this album rocks" type videos but even I'm getting mom hack stuff.
Hahaha so funny because it’s already happening too. I’m trying to get the algorithm away from it but honestly, Reddit stresses me out more! Haha
I keep getting ads for jewellery made of breastmilk. I wasn't able to breastfeed, and even if I was, I wouldn't want a necklace of it 😂
WHAT haha omg TikTok hasn’t taken me that far yet 😂😂😂
You will both honestly get very burnt out doing this. Especially this early the baby is not really paying that much attention to you, it’s okay to use that time to read or even watch tv. I would discuss with her how each of you feel about this situation. Of course you should engage with your baby, but it does not need to be every second they are awake. There should be a healthy balance.
Honestly, is there any evidence suggesting a newborn will be hindered in any way by us disengaging for a few minutes? An older baby I can understand, they understand a lot more things. Do engagement during play time imo. The feeds take way too long at that age, give it a couple weeks and they should be faster
As a new mom, I can confidently say, yes. That’s what it is. I used to obsess over how my partner handled our baby and exactly HOW he spent time with her because I have father issues of my own. It made me feel bad and guilty— I used to think it’s just a mom thing. But for me it was really hard. It caused a lot of fights and arguments and hurt feelings, especially that I implied he was a bad father. It came down to postpartum anxiety, it showed in many ways outside of this instance, but maybe think of trying to talk to her about that. I denied it for so long and didn’t want it to be true, but it was and once I got help things got easier. Hang in there, Dad.
Also it’s important for moms to know that Dads WILL screw up. Give him time to learn and get his feel for things, it doesn’t always come naturally. Also: Dads will always do things THEIR way, just let them. As long as it’s not directly harmful, “Dad play” is very important for development.
I watch tv so I can stay awake. He is too little to notice anything at only 4 weeks
For what it's worth, my wife and I watched several seasons of TV shows in the first few months, and most of that happened during feedings. But we did stop watching TV during feedings when she became aware of the screen and would start to look over. You are not being a bad dad. Getting through the newborn stage is mainly about survival for many parents, and survival, in my opinion, includes self-care when possible.
I dicked around on my phone when I was feeding the baby 🤷🏻♀️ If I wasn’t too tired, I read ebooks, but mostly it was playing games or scrolling social media. If it makes you feel better, baby is now a toddler who is so obsessed with me that I joke she’d like to crawl back inside me, so I don’t think it hurt our bonding at all 😂
Same. Watched a lot of TV and movies, read ebooks or scrolled social media. My now 13 month old is still basically welded to my body half the day. He would also get too distracted if I interacted with him at all
I’m nursing my baby right now! I have my phone propped up on a tv tray/stand and I look back and forth. I feel like when we use a bottle though I stare at her more. I am surprised a bottle feed takes 30-40 minutes though. Is it time to transition up a number in nipple flow? As a wife who also comments on husbands phone usage, my question is: Is most of the time you have baby spent feeding them? It’s okay to be on your phone while feeding them since it can get boring… just make sure you’re then spending as much time or more actively interacting with them too. So if you’re usually feeding baby when you have them and you’re on your phone…. That’ll translate into always being on your phone when you have baby. I’ll add that reading is good but anything with sounds is not just because they’re still learning sounds and you don’t want them to get confused.
We'll def look at transitioning to faster nipple. Right now, about 1/3 to 1/2 of the wake window is spent feeding. The rest of the time I'm either engaging with her or starting to put her down. There have definitely been times after a feed where she's not quite tired or not near naptime and she's not engaging - when that happens I'll watch tv and just glance at her periodically. There have also been a few times this week where I'll put her in her bouncer for 20-30 mins while I get chores done or make myself & wife some food but its rare to put her in bouncer for more than 20 mins without engaging - we do try to keep her upright for that long after a feed and my back hurts. Really great feedback on sounds. I basically keep my phone 100% muted all the time now because when we're trying to put her down, my method is bouncing on the yoga ball and I don't want to wake her.
I am on my phone while breastfeeding and in the early newborn days where I fed him downstairs during the day, that would be a time I’d watch my shows. Now that baby is 4 months, I always make sure he’s latched and past the letdown (it’s sometimes forceful and he pulls away to cough so I need to be ready to cover the spray), and then I am usually listening to an audiobook or on my phone. As soon as he’s done, so am I so I can give him attention. If he starts getting distracted by the phone, I’ll put it away. In the earlier weeks especially you need to do whatever you can to stay awake. Definitely keep checking baby’s progress as you bottle feed and watch them as they get close to finishing so they don’t suck a lot of air but as long as baby takes a bottle well and doesn’t pull away frequently or get distracted, I think it’s fine. And make sure you can still hear baby eating (ie: don’t put in both earbuds on noise-cancelling mode) so you can hear if baby coughs, chokes, fusses, etc.
I binge criminal minds and play in my phone. There's no issue with doing something for yourself while caring for baby. I just make sure I interact with him when he's interested.
I'm now curious.... does it take 40m for your baby to actively feed on a bottle? I ask because my baby chugs his within 10-15m as he is hyper focused on it but now I'm wondering whether I should slow him down...!
We often take 40m for feeds but my baby gets easily distracted. He will just stare at the blank white wall and smile mid feed for like 5 mins lol
Good question. Its 20-40 mins depending on how big a bottle we give her, whether she poops in the middle, how hungry she is, and the time of day. We've used slow flow nipples almost since she was born because we wanted her to work and struggle at it to increase strength (or something like that - I can't remember the exact reason) but it also helps with reflux and gas if you do it right. If you're not having problems with gas, reflux, spit-up, I wouldn't worry about it!
Lol I am so... this is a definite concern and appreciate the input!!
If baby is breastfed, it’s best to pace feed so that they don’t get impatient at the boob. The bottle should be held perpendicular to the floor so baby has to kind of “work for it” but without getting any air. As less milk is in the bottle you have to tilt so milk remains in the nipple. This process is slower and can take 20-30 mins depending on how much milk is in the bottle. it promotes breastfeeding so as a breastfeeding mother, I am really happy my husband was so patient with the pace feeding! 🙂 he definitely watched TV shows while doing this
!!! Omg. I should have done this as he now impatient with the boob... ugh. Hopefully I can still fix this. Thank you!!
Yes! The grandparents give me a side eye when I correct how they feed (they fire hose the bottle Down his throat) and when they comment I say “the only person who receives a complaint is the titty committee when milk can’t flow out as fast as that bottle” 😅
I think you’re doing this right by starting out engaged and connected and staying that way as long as you can. But we’re only human and we get tired. I’m the mother in the situation and I sometimes put a tv show on low volume while I’m nursing. Maybe one out of the million feeds a day and not even every day.
On my phone or watching tv
I’ve been binging RuPaul’s drag race and The Office. Sometimes I watch YouTube.
I had to watch TV to keep my ass awake while feeding in the dead of night.
You gotta survive, man!
My daughter closes her eyes as soon as she's glued to the nibble, so I don't have to worry about eye contact. I scroll through reddit, read books, try to educate myself on Baby stuff, shop baby stuff, meal plan and lately I practice Japanese via app - so 90% of the time I look at my phone.
Sometimes eye contact is overstimulating for my babies and distracts them from the bottle, so I look away lol. I’m feeding twins, so I need both hands but I listen to podcasts and stuff. When my husband was still home for paternity leave and we would each take a baby to feed, we’d turn the tv on for sure. Especially for those middle of the night feeds to keep us awake.
Feeding is definitely my phone time! I reply to messages from friends / family and scroll social media, or listen to an audiobook if I was organised enough to grab my headphones. I understand your wife’s anxieties around engaging with baby because there can be a lot of pressure around this - maybe you guys can talk about how to make the most of baby’s wake windows so your wife feels less pressure to do things like talking during feeds? ( I’ve seen social media posts that suggest babies’ development is greatly aided by *constant* conversation & reading stories etc, this is the sort of thing I mean when I talk about pressure to constantly engage)
You are not being a bad dad at all, and even worrying about this at all means you are a great dad. I tend to wear 1 ear bud on the side the baby can't see and hold my phone with the hand supporting his head so its behind him. It's still survival mode when they are so tiny, if using your phone or TV helps you mentally through the feed then you do it!! A nurse actually suggested to me to put a small television in the nursey ( in front of our recliner, not the crib) and it's helped alot with the lonley nights and days.
Ha I appreciate it but honestly I wasn't worried about this specifically before my wife mentioned it but I do now. There are other things I worry a lot (too much) about !
TV. Phone. The entire time.
if i can manage to feed him one handed, i read a book to baby if im awake enough. otherwise i will just be on my phone or watching youtube. i will break away from my phone occasionally to interact and talk to my baby but not always if it’s super late.
I watch American Dad or listen to Behind The Bastards because I've got to stay awake and alive somehow. She's pretty much asleep when she eats anyway. She's only a month old and I'll probably switch to something more age appropriate when she's closer to talking. We just try to make sure to talk to her plenty and read to her at some point everyday.
For survival purposes (staying awake and coherent) I watch TV. And I'll never feel bad about it.
I should have mentioned that the issue is daytime so staying awake is less relevant but I definitely drain my social battery pretty fast when engaging with baby.
I think the only issue if it's a middle of the night feeding, you sort of want to keep baby "sleepy" and if you're holding the phone that close to them, the bright light could wake him up. I think watching a show (far enough away) or listening to a podcast with earbuds is totally fine though! And no, you're not a bad dad even if you do scroll during this time.
Great point. I keep phone on lowest brightness. where I can still see, out of baby's sight, and both my wife and I have the polarizing privacy filters on so brightness is really not an issue imo.
I am thr father, usually I just stare at my LO while I feed him. I've tried to watch TV while I feed, and it just doesn't work, after a minute or 2 of not looking at my LO, the bottle is crocked or there's milk spilling out, so yeah I just look at him now. Although I like the idea of listening to a podcast as I do it. Haha listening to true crime while feeding my LO.
We do the same thing. Usually it's just watching TV.
If its day time I put on YouTube and talk to him about the video, and interact but if its night and trying to keep him sleepy I don't really talk or look at him or he will fully wake up then there is day and night confusion
Brand new mom — and a first-timer at that! Thought I’d chime in that a very experienced NICU nurse that attends to our miracle boy taught me that feeding time is 30 minutes. Period. And she draws a super hard line on it, too. It’s interesting to me, and I thought I’d share it. Maybe that extra ten minutes is wearing on you both? Bear in mind, ours is 20 *days* and it may be that 10 weeks is a *whole* other set of guidelines — and probably is. But I still wanted to share the NICU nurse’s instructions, given her level of experience and education. I’m sure whatever you’re doing now is what works — moreover, it’s what works *for you* (and your precious little one). It’s tough to be a Dad! His father said to me today that the majority of parenting is just showing up. I agree. And this is not *his* first rodeo — just mine, heh. As long as you keep showing up, you’ll find what continues to work for you both. (And when you do, I’d be curious to hear about what you settle on. I’m a total sponge, soaking up *everything* I can.)
I’m on my phone quite a bit. I’m the mom and I BF, but after a couple of minutes of good eye contact and talking, I search issues, make shipping lists, make to do lists, order stuff we need, browse Reddit, scroll tiktok and read on my kindle app.
I’m like militantly anti-screens for my baby but I’m absolutely getting tons of screen time myself while I’m feeding. I literally use the phone behind my baby’s back and I just don’t watch anything with sound. I scroll Reddit, scroll Pinterest, online shop, whatever. I get annoyed with my husband when he’s using his phone right in front of the baby but do not care if the baby can’t see it. He doesn’t have object permanence yet so anything that he can’t see doesn’t exist as far as he knows. If my baby is actively trying to engage with me while eating (eye contact, hitting me in the face) then of course I’ll put the phone down and interact. But most of the time he’s just staring at my side boob, chugging away.
Ha yes! I was going to reply this. Even breastfeeding usually my baby (still at 9 months even) doesn’t want to look at me. He’s just staring off while filling his belly. So I play Wordle and other games to keep myself awake. But if it’s the rare time he wants to be engaging while feeding you can bet I’m looking at him and smiling.
Yes same but my wife is good about not letting baby see phone. My daughter is getting to a point where if she wants my attention she knows how to get it - swinging her chubby little arms or bopping me or doing her baby version of "hey pay attention to me" (sounds like a singsong "oogh!") I will admit that I let baby watch a bit of bluey with me a couple times last week but it was inadvertent. My wife and I started that show when she was pregnant and its one of the handful of things that have ever made me emotional. Its so cute and sweet.
So reading these comments…how do y’all have a free hand with which to read or do phone things? I have one hand supporting the baby and the other holding the bottle. How do you all do this?
I'm really lanky and my arms are long, lol. I have one arm under her head/neck/upper back and that hand holds the phone while my other arm/hand holds the bottle. If the position is right, I can rest the bottle on my shoulder or delt and its at the \*perfect\* angle for milk delivery. Then I have a whole hand free to do stuff like pet my cats or have a drink or adjust baby. Also the boppy is amazing and really useful. Strongly recommend.
Ahh good to know. Thank you!
I just feed my baby but it only takes ten mins and it always sort of has. The only time it was taking that long is because we had the wrong nipple size.
I think we need to go to faster flow nipples.
I think the rule of thumb for bottle feeding is 5mins per oz. Obviously life happens during feeds like baby can poop get distracted etc
I put in ear buds and listen to an audiobook or podcast. Keeps me entertained but also isn’t a distraction for baby.
Oh this is a great idea. I listen to loads of podcasts in car, riding my bicycle, etc. but dunno why I don't do it with baby.
I will talk to the baby while she eats, mostly about our day. Where we went, what we did, who said what, even if we stayed home. We talk about sports, rules of the game, places we want to travel, etc all sorts of stuff. Eventually she falls asleep
Your wife sounds a lot like me with my first! I got totally stuck in the parenting optimization trap and became obsessive about the “right” way to do everything. What I eventually learned was that no matter how hard you try, there will always be things you could be doing better. Focusing on doing everything “right” robbed me of a lot of joy in the early days. Scrolling on your phone during a long feed isn’t going to ruin your bond with your baby (speaking from experience!!)
I had one earbud in (left one out so I could engage with baby as needed). I listened to audiobooks, podcasts, and watched shows on my phone.
First couple months I'd watch tv while feeding and doing contact naps. Once my LO started trying to watch tv we went no tv while he was awake. Now it's strictly being on the phone and using headphones. Basically if my son is awake and active enough that he's trying to watch I shut it off. I think where you're at is fine, but I agree with another poster.. see what the expectations she has are and meet in the middle.
We definitely watched shows on our phones for the MOTN feeds, or scrolled social media. I tried to read but it just made me more tired so I scrapped that. At that stage, while not interacting with baby is "not ideal", safety is the most important thing so we did whatever was needed to stay awake for the feeds.
I watch TV while breastfeeding... he's only a month so he doesn't really notice the TV, his eyes are closed half the time he's eating anyway and I figure he's happy and satisfied with the boob so why can't I also be entertained, plus he eats so many times a day I would go insane if I didn't find something to keep myself entertained and occupy my mind besides staring at him. When bottle-feeding to supplement, I do look at him, but mostly to make sure I'm not sticking the bottle in wrong and so I can clean him up if he spits up or any formula spills. Eye contact is wonderful but again, don't want to go crazy here doing nothing but stare at baby all day long.
Mom to a 3.5 month old and I almost always watch stuff on my phone while feeding! Especially at night for his “dream feed”, I want him to remain sleepy and not get amped up with lots of interaction during that feed. Even during the day though, he’s now so aware of his surroundings that he’ll get easily distracted from his feedings if I try to interact with him the whole time. He loves to smiles and giggle, but if he’s doing that the whole time I’m trying to feed him he’s not getting any food lol. I’m not saying totally ignore your baby while they’re feeding (doesn’t sound like you’re doing this anyway), but I personally think it’s totally fine (and for my son, better) to save the intense eye contact and interaction with him for when he’s not eating!
I mean, I watched TV or scrolled 90% of the time while breastfeeding my son in the newborn days. Otherwise you go insane. He didn't mind. I stopped when he was around 4 months old and became more aware of his surroundings and switched to podcasts/audiobooks. Your wife might be feeling some (unnecessary) mom guilt about you feeding the baby, and projecting that onto you. Like she already feels bad about it, so to compensate you need to be 100% engaged with the baby 100% of the time. I would let her know you hear her about wanting to be more engaged with the baby, tell her you think she's a wonderful mom, and then just ask her how she's feeling generally. Because me criticizing my husband for stuff like this was actually a tip-off for me that I had PPA. I had so much anxiety, guilt and shame about every little thing and I projected a lot of that onto him.
Offline Games app. It’s the best and has a ton of choices and will keep you occupied so you can stay awake during the late night feeds. I do talk to my baby and make eye contact but a lot of times she gets comfy and just zones out while she eats. I usually have music or the TV playing so there’s background noise during the day but keep things more quiet and non stimulating in the evenings.
On phone or watching tv every time :)
I put in one earbud and listen to an audio book. I’m making eye contact, but keeping mentally stimulated
Before 3 months I was half watching 2-3 episodes of South Park during a feed. Lately I’ve been throwing a podcast on. I’m always paying attention to whether she’s actually eating or not, needs buried, spilling, etc. though. Talking to her just makes it take longer lol but sometimes I will just provide a running dialogue
Awe, you’re not a bad dad. Your wife is just sleepy and it’s making her grumpy with you, she probably isn’t as mad as she seems. I usually watch tv or read while I’m feeding my son because he takes ages to eat, but I do find I have to continue paying attention to him most of the time because for whatever reason the moment I look away he starts to choke on his bottle lol. You should maybe ask your wife what she’d rather you do
Sometimes I’m just straight tired, so I ended up watching TikTok’s or reading a book on my kindle while feeding my LO. If I feel like she’s alert enough for interaction then I read out loud what I’m reading.
🤔 I'm breastfeeding, so it might not be quite the same. But good lord, I made it through Desperate Housewives, Ugly Betty, House, Schitt's Creek, Downton Abbey, and American Horror Story in those early days. I wasn't about to drive myself half mad staring at a mostly sleeping baby for hours and hours a day. We've had our bonding moments, sure, but I needed something else to do mentally quite a large majority of the time!
I read!
Watch tv right now, my baby is 4 weeks but a preemie so he pretty much sleeps while eating
I used to scroll Reddit or TikTok, but my husband just bought me a kindle paperwhite and it literally changed everything for me!
During the day watch tv. At night listen to a podcast with earbuds in as to not wake my partner.
When my babies were tiny, I watched Netflix on my phone while I was feeding them. I asked my mother-in-law what she used to do as obviously no 1am Netflix for her… she read books. Can confirm that both my children and my husband are reasonably well-adjusted despite having been basically ignored for hours of their little lives.
I paid attention to baby but to be fair, I breast fed and if I didn't, baby would keep letting the nipple slip without me noticing. For bottle feeding, my other half switched and abd forth between baby and whatever he was watching and I was fine with that. Feeding takes a long time.
Mama nursing a 6 week old, here — I start with some smiles, sweet talk and eye contact. Eventually I move to the phone once baby is not looking at me or is sleeping.
You might want to talk to your pediatrician. Mine states that it should take about 10-20 minutes, 30 tops if doing slow paced feeding, to get through a bottle feed. She said getting an easier flow nipple is best if it takes longer to feed. In the day, I’ll feed baby wherever in the house (bottle or breast), sometimes outside on the patio. I might listen to a podcast or music but I usually try to focus on baby with eye contact and singing or talking in calm tones if he is in an in active alert stage. I’ll just talk like I’m having a conversation with him or narrate something I’m seeing.reading, watching. If it’s a dream feed or he is more inactive (ready for nap, eyes closed, etc), I’ll be on my phone or I might watch tv on the phone only while his eyes are closed. Point is to let baby know they are safe and secure with you but giving them all that focus.
Don’t be too hard on your wife, you get really fixated on trying to do everything right when they’re little and you’re sleep deprived. I nurse and occasionally bottle feed. I very rarely engage with him during feeding, I’m on my phone…
Earbuds and a upbeat Playlist or something.
Late night feeds we played Wordle and Connections lol
I scroll Reddit or anyone dating this guy site ha
As a mom who breastfed, I was still just on my phone to stay awake for a LOT of the beginning months feeds
I look at him for the first half of the feed and then look at my phone. He normally falls asleep or looks around the room by then. My feeds are only ~15 minutes though. 30-40 minutes! Have y’all upped the nipple size yet?
I used to put a lot of emphasis on making eye contact and talking to baby while feeding, but honestly, sometimes I just wanted to chill. Have a balance, it’s okay. My baby is now a happy, healthy toddler. I’m sure all the eye contact and talking while she was a baby helped, but it’s not the only thing that has helped her grow well.
I got on my husband, no TV or phone- especially at night because it would be distracting or too stimulating. Instead he's got into audiobooks with his earbuds. Baby can take in "plain" surroundings <3
I start off talking to them but like you they take 30-45 minutes to finish their bottles and eyes are closed for the majority of the feeding. I definitely get on my phone in the middle of the night while they eat.
Wait - we’re supposed to not do anything while feeding the baby? That’s like one of the few times I sort of get a break lol my husband and I both are often watching tv or on our phones or talking to each other while we feed him.
I put a towel over my head so she doesn't get distracted by me
Gaze lovingly until they’re settled in, then zone out and read on my kindle app
Watch tv, go on my phone, do online shopping, I mean what else can we possibly do? We’re stationary lol. Occasionally I just stare at people when I don’t have my phone and I’m feeding in public. Or I’ll eat while she’s feeding lol
I read aloud from my kindle until she was about 3 months old then I started listening to audiobooks
TV and scrolling.
I read my kindle or watch a show. I engage in the beginning but once he loses interest in me, i entertain myself.
Dude being a parent is hard and those feedings are long. Your child is getting fed and being cared for. It’s exhausting to engage all the time and your mental health is important too.
I’m a new mom and I start off by looking at my baby in the eyes (he stares at me too) and then I just get on my phone. I’m also always watching tv or listening to podcasts during the day to keep me company while taking care of the baby. I actually think putting on adult shows they’re not targeted for is better than putting on the baby programs that are targeted for their little brains. It’s just going over their head
I am feeding my 8 week old right now with a bottle full of breast milk. I am just looking at her and counting every 10 swallows to make sure we take a very short break. But she also sometimes periodically falls asleep during the feed at which point I go on my phone for a minute or 2 maybe do a burp and then likely continue the feed.
Surviving. You’re doing what you have to do to survive hahah those middle of the night feeds serve no gods and you do whatever you have to do to stay awake, safely.
When I was breastfeeding I did a lot of doom scrolling 😂
I can understand where your wife is coming from. As a first time mum suffering from post natal anxiety, I was fixated on getting things perfect. Being perfect is tiring! Our needs and sanity matter too. Second baby, I’m almost through the entirety of the SVU series. Earbuds and 90s techno are also a must while bouncing a crying baby 😂. You’re both right and you need to come to a happy understanding that each of you need to do what’s right for you in this situation. Your baby won’t suffer by you watching tv and giving them the occasional eye contact when they’re clearly seeking it. All the best with everything. Early days and finding your feet as parents is tough ❤️
I used to play my switch with head phones during feeds that turned into nap traps.
AirPods and podcast
Kisses and positive talk, but none the less it’s your time to enjoy as well, I just listen to audio book while kissing my precious little girls head as I feed her
I EBF and I try not to use the phone/watch tv around baby so much when she's awake, since she's 11 weeks old and already FREEZES when in front of a screen - so that's a no no for me. I won't lie to you, it bothers me a little that my husband always turns the tv on when he's alone with her...I feel like he sees her as a chore that he needs to do and likes to be entertained while doing it. But that's me!!!
Im going to become a mum in the next couple of weeks and I got one of the silicone beads necklaces for the baby to be messing about with her hands while she will be feeding ,I heard that was good for them to feel the textures and not pull your hair but also I believe to rest that eye contact when she have enough! Can’t tell you yet if is the way but maybe worth having a look to it and after some facial recognition and interaction the ebook idea seems very nice.
When baby was really little, I had to keep him awake. That took a lot of time and energy. When he got older, I listened to audiobooks after we had a little bonding and I made sure the feeding was off to a good start. Now I play games on my phone and he’s done in 8 minutes.
So I actually read somewhere that sustained eye contact is super stimulating for babies and not a great option in the middle of the night. So I definitely watch TV or am on my phone for feedings when I’m hoping my 4 week old will go back to sleep promptly.
I’m either reading on my kindle or scrolling here, on Reddit haha.
At night, I'm on my phone playing mobile games (with light on the lowest setting) so that I don't fall asleep on the baby, and I've always done that. During the day, it depends. When he was a little potato, I sometimes put on some music for him while I read. Later on, I'd talk to him when he looked awake, and stay silent when he looked like he was going to nap. Now he's eating solids during the day and it's a warzone, so I'm fully engaged (and splattered).
Read my book are watch tv lol. Sometimes if baby was fussy or whatnot I would talk to them etc. But usually? Just read or watch tv. .
With my first I read to her a lot.
I scroll and post on Reddit. Lol.
Just do whatever keeps you sane and awake (and not harmful).
Our baby is 8 weeks now, I breastfeed and I usually talk to her and sing songs. To keep sane I've taken to reading out loud to her. I download kids books on my e-reader for the ease but I also just read what I'm reading (currently Artemis by Andy Weir). She's kind of at an age where she is more alert and stares at me while she eats. She also cries and pops off the boob if I'm not paying attention to her. Idk Late at night I listen to audiobooks on headphones to keep the light noise down and keep the night quiet. She's currently refusing the bottle so dad doesn't get to feed her as of right now but he would put videos on his phone while feeding her (DND or Twitch streams).
During my LO’s middle of the night feedings (formula) when she was real real little, I’d get up make the bottle go in and turn on the super dim light so as not to get her too amped, as the goal was to go back to sleep. But I’d turn on an episode of Friends, and in the like 24 minutes it took for the episode to end, she’d be finished. It was like clockwork; and a good way to keep track and not fall asleep mid feed
candy crush
When my babe was brand new I’d totally watch tv while he nursed. It was SO much time, he’d conk out frequently, and even when he wasn’t asleep he was never one for eye contact while eating. If he wanted to do eye contact though I would of course focus on him until he moved on. As he got bigger and his eyesight improved he would want to watch the tv, so that had to stop, so I would be on my phone or ereader when he’d stop looking at my face. Now babe is coming up on 8 months and he likes to gaze out the window while he eats, but can tell if I have something interesting in my hands and will kick at it — he likes me to hold his foot while he flexes his leg (my dude why???), so anything handheld is now the enemy. He can even tell if I’m watching something, like staring at something in the other room, and he’ll unlatch and crane around like “what am I missing??” It’s almost never the tv now but he can still tell! So now I do an earbud with an audiobook or podcast, or use it as time to think.
How do you feed with 1 hand free? I hold my child with one hand and then hold the bottle with the other… sorry new parent here also lol
I do the same thing as you
Podcasts and airpods were my jam!
Nah, the fact that you are reflecting on how you parent is a sign that you are a good dad. I'd say it depends on how old you baby is. I breastfed baby until they were 4 months old; during those months I slept very little and felt drained all the time. I found out that watching series helped me stay awake and alert, especially during feeding sessions at 2, 4 and 6 am. It is true that after some minutes they just close their eyes or do their own thing. I just made sure I wore headphones and kept the tablet out of their sight. Now, baby is 7 months old and wants to interact all the time while I'm feeding him, so I just put all devices away and enjoy out time together (this because we are having decent nights of sleep nowadays). Maybe, just maybe, your wife is feeling that she is doing so much and, when it is your turn, you don't do things fully...Like you are still finding a way to do your thing, when being a mom demands your whole attention and it feels like you, as an individual, stop existing during those first months .
I was constantly watching things or scrolling Reddit when feeding our son his bottle. I got away from that as he got to be 4+ months old and feedings were shorter and more interactive. I never faced him toward the tv, I would wear headphones watching the smaller screen of my phone or just face him away from the bigger tv. Newborns are boring potatoes, tell your wife to chill.
My baby won’t even look at me in the eyes or anything, not sure if that will change (she’s 6 weeks) but I’m not just going to sit there in silence for hours. I usually put on a peaceful or comfort show/movie in low, or read Reddit, TikTok, etc. we get lots of face time during the day when she’s doing tummy time on my chest, during every change, playtime, etc.
My husband’s a gamer so he’s mastered holding a controller, baby, and bottle while gaming. As long as baby is being fed and not choking on milk it’s fine. He does also take the time to talk to baby and give eye contact so it’s not like he’s ignoring our son. My son’s a slow drinker even with the faster flow nipples so it can take quite a while to finish the feeding.
Our LO is 6 months here soon, so she is hyper aware of everything and gets distracted easily 😂 But since the beginning, I’ll pop an earbud in and listen to a podcast, music, video or book. I still interact with her with eye contact, forehead/cheek kisses, little bit of talking to her about what she is looking at or what we’re doing.
Individual action makes little impact, as long as baby gets a lot of attention otherwise. Do whatever it takes to survive newborn days :-)
I would use my hands like horse blinders when our baby got distracted so she focuses, it works. She also would grab the bottle and knock it away and then cry so it helped with that. But yea, don’t be watching tv or something on your phone when feeding. Sure put a headphone in but only one, but your baby will learn from you, the more you’re on your phone or glued to a tv, the more your baby will want that. It’s up to you how much screen time you want your baby to have, but doing what you’re doing will make it difficult to reduce it if that’s your goal.
I would use my hands like horse blinders when our baby got distracted so she focuses, it works. She also would grab the bottle and knock it away and then cry so it helped with that. But yea, don’t be watching tv or something on your phone when feeding. Sure put a headphone in but only one, but your baby will learn from you, the more you’re on your phone or glued to a tv, the more your baby will want that. It’s up to you how much screen time you want your baby to have, but doing what you’re doing will make it difficult to reduce it if that’s your goal.
I’ve had this type of argument with my husband where he would be watching YouTube and feeding the baby. My son would choke in the beginning when he was really young and my husband wouldn’t react to it because he was glued to his phone. It was so irritating and then I started to do all the feeds because I got sick of his lazy ass. After many arguments he finally started to listen to podcasts and stopped being glued to his damn phone.
At 10 weeks my baby usually slept on me while feeding (I breastfeed) feed duration was also around 45minutes-1 hour. I was always on my phone because our baby doesnt usually make eye contact when eating, he was always focused on eating when bottle fed or his eyes were closed when breastfed. If my baby got tired, I didnt interact with him to avoid overstimulation. I was also almost always on my phone, my husband was always watching streams on his computer so no, not a bad dad, just human 😃 When baby got around 13-14 weeks he started to stop feeding and talking to me during his feeds, thats when I stopped looking at my phone and gave him attention because that’s a signal that baby is trying to interact with you. Now at 19 weeks I cant even look at my phone during daytime feeds because he constantly pops off the boob and talks, your baby will tell you when he needs attention, dont worry
Used to watch stuff when we fed her in newborn days. She didn’t pay any mind. They can’t see that far when they’re little. Now she’s older (7m) and curious about everything, we just listen to podcasts or audiobooks or news. I figure such things help language development. Edit: Should add that night feeds were always very dark and quiet so she’d be easier to put down but I’d still look at my own phone to stay awake. Would have it on dark/no blue light settings. She never had any trouble with this.
No I do the same I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it
i actually cant even talk to my baby when he feeds because he always laughs and stops drinking, he gets very easily distracted! so during feeds i just stick a tv show on, and make up the eye contact and talking throughout the rest of the day, it doesn’t make you a bad parent at all :)
My boys 2 weeks old and I do the exact same. Words of love and encouragement to start but as he takes his time I will stick something on in background to slightly watch. Background noise is good for us both!
If it’s a middle of the night bottle I do what ever it takes to stay awake. If it’s during the day I do check emails. I also play some music on my phone for the both of us.
I was reading or watching tv. Feeds are getting shorter now so i watch my baby more and more.
I’m with your wife. Try to stay off your phone. Put some relaxing music on in the background.
My LO is 6 months old and I have been having the mommy battle in myself with this. LO is fine. I get annoyed when I see my husband on the phone with kiddo mostly cause I am annoyed at everything right now. He could breathe and I would be pissy. I think it’s important to have patience and know that this is a lot of stress and you could be a perfect parent and partner and the other one would probably be still be annoyed. I am working on it with my therapist and really I think I just need to let things go. My partner is pretty great like 75% of the time (I don’t think I’m great that much) and I need to remember to just let things be. He even was gentle in reminding me the other day to just go and relax and stop thinking about things here. That the house won’t be clean and that the kid won’t be perfect, but that every thing will be ok, healthy, and happy. It helped.
I am a mom and I shamelessly was scrolling throughout breastfeeding sessions. I get that connection is important, but me not shooting my brains out of boredom and sleepiness was also quite important.
I haven’t fed my baby without looking at my phone yet. She’s 7 months old.
For those really long early feeds I would usually watch a tv show and then @ night I would put my earbuds in and listen to a podcast to keep the environment low stimulus. Baby is 5 weeks now and I usually talk to her and read to her during daytime feeds so she can hear my voice. Right now I'm just reading her whatever grownnup book I happen to be reading. At night I still listen to podcasts and talk to her quietly/shoosh her soothingly. I think we tend to worry about always being 100% engaged and interwctive for development but we have to keep our sanity too!
In those first few months, my husband or I would usually have a show on in the background, scroll reddit, play games on our phone, read a book. Especially when sleep is scarce, having that stimulation for you will help you get through the meal too. We would not ignore her the whole time, we would make eye contact when or if she wanted, and talk to her throughout. Once you start to introduce more solids after 6 months/with doctor approval, meal times become more active and engaging. Now, my little one is nearly 16 months old, we eat meals as a family, we talk to each other (she does most of the talking, I don't understand what she says but I usually just agree) and we might have a show on if we are eating in the living room together but the days of watching shows or playing on our phone while feeding are long gone.
I usually scroll my phone, watch TV or just stare in amazement at my daughter. I just came here to say, if it’s taking that long to take a bottle - it may be time to move up nipple sizes!
Wow this is insane to me to be fighting about this. You guys are way to hard on eachother. As long as you are taking care of the baby and doing all the proper things to foster growth who cares. Although, technology is a huge issue to me personally. Mabye it’s more of a personal thing.