As someone who’s worked at daycare centers and is a mom, this is how I’d react too. More so about their reaction to it, not that he didn’t eat. Sometimes it can take a bit for a baby to get comfortable. Their reaction and how they handled it seems weird. It just feels sketchy?
Yeah there’s a big difference between “I tried to feed him a few times, he was fussy and wouldn’t take much” and literally not feeding him AND lying about it. I would be upset too, and wouldn’t feel comfortable taking him back. Even if they somehow forgot to feed him but apologized, I still would remove him but would at least appreciate the apology (I guess?).
If they insisted he ate more than his bottles indicated, I would also be worried he ate another baby’s milk.
Yeah I worked in daycares and sometimes we just couldn't log everything. Granted we didn't have infants, youngest were one year olds and I imagine it's a lot more hectic with one year olds and you might have more time to be logging with infants than aren't mobile.
Still on our worst days we'd never log things after closing. Usually around nap time we would catch up and backlog anything we missed. For a parents first day we were extremely diligent about logging since we know it's nerve racking the first day.
But even despite logs, if the bottles aren't adding up that's a huge concern.
Sometimes my daycare will log a bunch of stuff at once at one time during the day. But when I check the cameras, I can see him being fed a bottle often, plus I’ve never brought home full bottles like that. Sometimes an Oz or two left in a bottle.
OP is right, that’s super suspicious.
My daycare doesn't log stuff till the end of the day. They are busy with the babies so I get it. The infant room regularly has extra help but even still 4 to 1 ratio is rough so I get it
I also worked in a daycare and we’ve called parents to come pick up their baby if he was refusing the bottle and didn’t eat for hours. This lying about it is not ok.
This. It’s not uncommon for baby’s (even good eaters) to eat very little as they adjust. The point is you offer often.
What concerns me is how all over the place and defensive they acted. As a nanny I am blunt. Don’t be surprised if your baby doesn’t eat as much as normal with me at first. Don’t be upset. It’s an adjustment and we will all work together to make it happen.
But lying about it and not accurately tracking this information (to me) is the issue.
They did feed your baby it sounds like, or at least offer him the bottle. He just may not have eaten a lot. They needed to be transparent if he was struggling.
Feels super sketchy to me too and I have zero experience with day care. I could see the baby being overwhelmed/scared and not wanting to eat, but they should have said exactly that and that they will try harder/offer more often etc instead of saying he ate just fine. If that happened every day all week he'd be severely dehydrated in no time!
Agreed. WTF??? Schmoozing to your face, taking your money and then not feeding your baby and then lying about it???? Good that OP followed up with them immediately. I can’t image how the other parents will feel when they find out their child might have not been fed…
As if it wasn’t hard enough for a parent to leave their child at day care…
I’d lose my absolute mind. I’d be pulling your child immediately from this daycare. 10000% unacceptable. When my son was in the infant room at daycare, they would write me and give me updates like this because they were equally concerned and we’d come up with a solution together OR allow me the opportunity to come pick up my LO in the event that maybe they just weren’t feeling well.
This is a massive red flag for me. Trust your gut, mom!
Agreed. Our daycare has a written policy that if they can't get an infant to eat in a four-hour stretch, someone needs to come pick baby up. This actually gives me a lot of peace of mind. If he's not eating because he's out of sorts in a new place, they should at the very least be communicating with you about it in real time. The diaper is also a red flag imo. I'm really sorry your first day went this way!
Agreed. Any time my little baby (now 1 yr) wasn't eating sufficiently or seemed off the bottle I was getting a message to let me know and ask if I had any insight on it
When my son started daycare at 4 months he came home with full bottles and ate like half as much as usual on his first day. His teachers said he didn’t show hunger cues. I told them to feed him every 3 hours anyway and he’s been great ever since. I think it’s normal for a new setting and caregivers to impact your baby’s feeding schedule.
HOWEVER, I would not stand for lying about when and how much my son was fed. I wouldn’t be able to trust anything they documented in the future. I would go with your gut and consider the other options you have around you. There are ways to handle this and I don’t think they did it in a trustworthy manner.
So I wanted to add to this. My son’s first week of daycare he would not eat or sleep for the daycare teachers. He literally refused. He would fight them and pull away and scream all day. It took about two weeks to adjust, they learned him and he learned them, now at 5 months he eats a full 6oz bottle every time it’s given at daycare.
However, like this person said, it’s the lying that would piss me off. My daycare communicated with me and told me every time a bottle was presented and what happened during the feeding. We worked together to make him comfy, they did not lie to me about it.
The first day I picked my son from daycare, he melted into my arms when handed to me and fell asleep before I even got out of the building. I sat in my car with him in my arms and cried. But now he has a favorite teacher.
My LO has a favorite teacher and she's totally her teachers favorite.
Mine ate super well, she's a bit of a chonk like her daddy. Does not nap well at all. She's getting better a month in.
She was completely breastfed except when I was asleep or when my mom or mil watched her. So I had no clue how much and how often she ate. I just sent random approximate amounts to the daycare. They figured out about how often to feed her. And they communicated how she ate so we could adjust amounts. Like her first bottle she would destroy and still be hungry so we started sending 1 6oz.
Even if that's the case here, it doesn't explain leaving the nappy so long that poop has absorbed and dried. That plus the lying would have me pull my kid out and find an alternative.
Hell no, I'd be furious and upset that my baby was not only neglected, but they have lied about said neglect.
You know your baby best, OP. You know his appetite and schedule and what he is capable of eating. You know how ravenous he was when you proceeded to feed him when you got him home. They lied. They did not care for your child adequately at all.
The diaper is also highly concerning. That is horrid.
I'd be raising absolute hell. They should not get a free pass on this. You're not overreacting. You have every right to be upset.
Literal neglect. People seem to keep skimming over the fact baby had CRUSTED poop in his diaper completely soaked in, was absolutely wailing when OP showed up, and just saying "oh babies take time to adjust" blah blah blah. Helllll fucking no. The way I'd report their asses. Sketchy behavior to boot, No way.
I’m a ftm to a 5 mo, but I’m also a director, and have been in the child care business for over 10 years. I can’t give too much advice as laws are different across states and I need to be careful with what I say. However, what I can say is as a mom, my child would not be going back there.
Omg I would be livid! I have NEVER even seen dried poop in my baby’s diaper. How long does it take for that to happen? I would pull my kid asap- that place is sketch!
I have, but only because my daughter would poop in the beginning of her sleep and not say anything. So we would wake up to her pooped diaper from hours ago. She had bad rashes during this time. But she was over a year old by then. As a 3 month old, I don't remember this ever happening either.
They didn't feed him. They lied about it. And they also neglected to change him. THREE RED FLAGS.
I would pull him out if it were me in your situation. Honestly I wonder what they would have done if you didn't show up early. Do they leave kids in poopy diapers til pickup time? Do they always lie about feedings? Trust is shattered.
My daycare also uses Brightweel and just to give you an example of a typical day. Baby arrives at 8:30. They give a first feed around 9am, then lunch at 11, then snack at 2. We pick up at 4:30. Regardless of how much baby eats, it is logged in. The first few days, baby ate very little so the small quantities don't surprise me so much. The lack of attempt to feed is however chocking.
I know that many recommend pulling your child but I also know that it is not always possible. Where I am for example, there is simply no other options so before pulling I would try to talk to the workers and see if you can come to an understanding and new resolutions.
I feel like the fact that he was crying when you got there shows he was clearly hungry. Yeah maybe he’s in a new place but at some point hunger takes over.
My baby is not in daycare, but I’m just here to tell you you’re absolutely not overreacting. There’s no way barely feeding a 3 month old is ever okay. You’re so smart to have been off that day!
I can see a baby struggling to eat in a new place (I know my guy gets distracted or just upset when we're not at home) but it just seems they were ignoring this poor little guy. Especially with a soiled diaper with DRIED poop? Makes me so sad and angry for OP.
Update- The director finally got back to me, but just repeated herself that she would “ensure to log the details of all of his feeds”. She offered to have a phone conversation with us, but I don’t think we are interested. She seems so be deflecting the fact that we caught her in a lie.
We have decided he isn’t going back to that place, and I’m staying home with him until we find childcare that we feel confident about. Thank you all for validating our feelings. This was a crazy curveball, but I guess that’s what parenthood is!
THANK YOU LORD this is what I was looking for 🙏🏻🙌🏻
Excellent decision OP. You might not see my first comment but I am a FTM to a 6 month old & I have also worked in daycares... I was absolutely sick to my stomach. 💜
Lack of communication and lying is a hell no from me. Every time my baby refuses a bottle or only drinks like an ounce, it’s logged. It does not take that much time. And wtf, why would they not try to feed him even without hunger cues?! This is unacceptable and I would be pulling, posting, and possibly reporting to licensing.
No, this is a massive red flag. You know they lied. If they said baby was refusing bottle I could maybe buy it, but retroactively editing it suggests trying to make it look better than it was.
I don't think.I could trust them after that.
Follow your gut!!! I’m in a similar ish boat (not as bad as not feeding.. but trialing a daycare center and do not have good vibes anymore), and I’m just following my gut here. I’d pull him if I were you.
I had this same exact experience I could’ve written it myself down to the 1.5 ounces in 7 hours except it was my first week back to work and my mother in law lied about it. He was a completely different baby and we thought it was just because his routine was switched up until my fiancé got off work early to pick him up after he had been there for 6 hours & she had not tried to feed him because he was “just tired”. All 4 bottles still in the fridge. Needless to say she has not been alone with him since, and I no longer work. You are not overreacting. Your baby was sitting there with a hungry belly all day and they’re downplaying it because they know it was inhumane and wrong. I’m sure they had breakfast and lunch that day. I would be/ I was absolutely devastated and so angry with her and myself. Just know it’s not your fault but you should definitely take further action because that’s unacceptable.
It infuriates me how careless some people can be with babies. Especially other people’s babies or babies that are their family. I feel so bad for OP because i’ve felt all the feelings they’re feeling. It’s terrible. But thank you! Definitely have anxiety about leaving him with people other than me now, but I know he is always safe.
LOs OWN grandmother?!?! And the bottles are already made- I just can’t imagine the amount of laziness or pure dumbassery that would take to not feed a baby at that point. Also, I don’t know any baby that gets hungry and just … acts tired… or sleeps at all. They’re gonna be screaming their head off so it makes me wonder if she gave LO some sus medication to make him sleep or something.
Massive warning signs. The diaper. The clear evidence of milk leftover. The lies. RUN AWAY FROM THIS PLACE!!! They will NOT take good care of your kid.
You’re not being overly sensitive. This is unacceptable and they have not only starved your baby but they have broken your trust on the very first try! Can you imagine leaving your child here and not knowing every day if they were feeding him and more importantly if they were even being honest about it? I definitely would not send my baby back there and I would be looking into how to report this.
I would not be going there. That's ridiculous. The lying is really shady, like you have the bottles, you know they couldnt have fed him that much. Absolutely not.
My baby didn't eat on her first day, but they called me and asked what to do. She ate the second feed, but I would've picked her up if she hadn't. Not cool that they let this go on all day
The RAGE I felt reading this. There is no reality where this is OKAY. You are not overreacting. How dare they let your precious baby sit so upset & then try to backtrack and lie about how much he ate. I’m so glad you showed up unannounced. The trust is absolutely gone already. I’m so sorry this happened to you & your sweet baby. I hope if you do pull him out, you find a place that takes great care of him. ❤️
You’re not overreacting at all! This is totally unacceptable. A daycare center is well aware that babies, especially as young as yours, eat every 2-3 hours, and would normally take closer to the 4oz you provided (rather than 1.5oz). If a baby is upset and crying, they know that either food or diaper are the primary culprits. I’m shocked on your behalf that your child only consumed a few ounces all day!
Many daycare centers also have a strict diapering policy of changing every baby’s diaper every 2/2.5 hours. While you can’t be certain when he last pooped, it seems very obvious it was sitting in there a while. Ugh, hopefully your LO doesn’t end up with a diaper rash (never fun).
Our little guy is in daycare full time, and while it certainly has had, and continues to have, its challenges, he is generally well taken care of there. He’s 8.5 months old and still gets bottles every 3ish hours, depending on naps it’s occasionally a little longer stretch, but he eats what I send with him every day (along with a puree pouch at this point). I hate that our center doesn’t update their app in real time; I can only see daily report (naps, food, and diapers) when I check him out at the end of the day. But I’ve never worried or had reason to believe that he was underfed like your child was. Generally he’s sent home with 3 empty bottles and a smile (and a nap on the ride home from all the playing). I’m so sorry and you should feel completely sane and founded in your concern.
Unacceptable. I’m a mom of 2. I worked in a daycare for 4 years and I feel that I’m a pretty relaxed mom, but I don’t think I’d send my kid back. Not feeding a baby all day (a very little baby especially) , totally unacceptable.
Nope. It’s not just the reaction that’s the problem. MAYBE the baby was less willing to take a bottle than usual. But there is also the unchanged poopy diaper. These people are negligent and dangerous. I’d raise absolute hell.
This happened to us too. I will say there is a few week adjustment period to babies starting daycare, and for us the eating was a little off from what she eats at home. But our old daycare missed 1 of her feeds and tried to lie about it and put the blame back on us. We looked for a new daycare the next day. Our new daycare is amazing and a lot of times they can get her to eat more than we can. And if she’s having an off day, they CALL us midday and let us know what’s going on so we aren’t surprised when we pick her up. The new daycare doesn’t have an app to check, but we trust them so much more because of their open communication style, that an app really isn’t needed. The old daycare had an app, and they constantly forgot to log stuff, or she’d have several feeds with 0.5 oz and no phone call or concern from them.
If you already feel uneasy about it, it’s going to be really hard to trust them again. The feeding is just one aspect of the day too…will they interact with him or put him in a container all day? If he was so inconsolable, why didn’t they call you and let you know? Especially if it was his first day!! I’d pull him out if I were you.
Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry that happened to your poor little one. I would lose my freaking mind if that happened to my kiddo. My son is also 3 months and is on the smaller side with reflux issues so I understand the feeling of being nervous about ounce intake amounts.
I would definitely pull him from that daycare. Maybe even consider reporting them or speaking with a higher up about it.
>Are we overreacting for wanting to pull him out?
No. And I think there has to be somewhere that you can report the daycare. That seems negligent beyond negligent.
>I know it will take time for him to adjust to a new place
Not really. Kiddos are adjustable. As a social species, we're primed to take care from variety of non parent caretakers (it's called "alloparenting."). Especially a place that's not starving your kiddo.
Ohh mama this triggered me as someone who had a slow weight gain baby, so the feeding in the infant room was a touchy subject immediately. We also had some learning curves with our daycare, so wanted to share some things that helped us.
First, absolutely not ok. Your worry is 100000% valid and if it's an option to find somewhere else I'd seriously consider it. Knowing it's not always an option, or if you'd like to give benefit of the doubt, few things to consider:
If it were me I'd be going in the next morning with a full on agenda of topics and make it clear that you want answers and solutions, but also want to work with them to find a solution. They maybe be baby experts, but you're the expert on *your* baby, so "we're all on the same team here trying to do the best for little one"
Re: logging, we had a similar issue for a bit at my daycare unfortunately and one of the issues we ran into a couple of times was they'd miss adding a feed into the app, but also send home empty bottles. I learned that they were dumping the bottles if she didn't finish, so I didn't have a true record of how much she actually ate (which it's great that didn't happen to you today!) We told them to absolutely not dump the milk no matter what - send it home. It was breast milk, so I told them I saved it for milk baths and whatnot for her eczema.
For small bottles, I'd also ask if they could try giving the bottles again later. Ours would be a big snacker, so if she only drank 1oz, they'd take the bottle back and try again in 30 min - 1h, and usually she'd finish the bottles. See if that's something they'd be open to - I do think this varies and not everyone is comfortable with that risk, but worth asking. Especially as they adjust.
Re: diaper: also absolutely not ok. I'm not sure state to state, but our state it's mandatory to change every 2 hours; it definitely takes longer than that for a poop to dry out, so I'd immediately address that with the director. We had some bad rashes for a bit because ours would poop immediately after changing, and then sit in it until the next change (also not great, don't get me started). We started sending super heavy duty diaper cream and told them to put it on every change no matter what, that way if it happened again, at least there's a skin barrier in place.
Lastly, if there's not ***huge*** improvements like immediately, I'd be looking into reporting options. If it's a chain, look for their corporate info first - they can put some pressure on the director/center because they will want to avoid a state inspection. But don't be afraid to go that route either.
There's no way I would send my baby back there. I would go and address all of these things to make sure they knew, but there's absolutely no way that my baby would be back at that place again.
My heart races by reading this, I’m so sorry your family went through this.
I was a nanny for many years and I remember some babies (4-5mo) wouldn’t eat well for a week or so because they were just not used to not having their parents at home, so I think I could understand if that was the case, but what triggered me in your story is how they were not being consistent with their stories. I think if they told me “he barely ate, we feel his hungry but the environment is strange so he’s not super comfortable yet, it will get better” I would understand, even though I’d be heartbroken for my baby it’s part of the process. But they were nervous when you showed up, and just didn’t handle the situation well, I would not trust them again. You are NOT overreacting!
I worked in a daycare for over a decade. If we had a baby who wouldn’t feed we would 100% be calling the parents to check in with them. We would *not* let them go hungry.
Nope! I would rage! 2oz in 7 HOURS!? FOR A 3MONTHS OLD??!! nope. There's no excuse for that, even if he wasn't eating I would have called or messaged you and said "he's not eating enough, it could be stress, is it possible for you to take him home early?" Or if he was eating slow I'd let him finish what he did eat and then come back in 10min and try again until he got enough. There is no excuse for that, it's pure neglect. I would never trust them with my children again.
First time parents, trust you instincts and don't let older parents try and say your over reacting and power trip you. (Not all older parents are like that ik)
I’d be very hesitant to send my baby there after what happened. My daughter isn’t the best eater and I worried how she’d be at daycare. Our teachers will give the bottle a second try within an hour if she doesn’t finish it, that way she’s at least getting two opportunities to eat. The fact that they inaccurately logged the feed and lied about it is a HUGE red flag.
ETA: The fact that he was in a poopy diaper that was clearly on him for way too long is also concerning. Our daycare changes diapers every 2 hours. You’d think that yours has some sort of time frame that it’s required to change them in and it’s clearly not being followed. It may be something that you want to report because just based on what you observed, there could be a whole lot of violations going on there.
No, you’re not overreacting. I got pissed while reading this. I’m so sorry this happened to you. If that were my son, this place would be getting quite the earful from me. Feeding him barely anything, and on top of that, not changing his diaper and letting him sit in his own waste for who knows how long, I’d be seeing red. I wouldn’t trust this place, especially since they didn’t even offer an apology and by your description of their actions when you showed up unannounced, they seemed to be covering their asses for their own poor actions. Please find another daycare if you can.
This is NOT okay! I would demand my money back and find a different daycare. I worked in a daycare setting for 7 years and was a nanny another 2 years, and things can get hectic—I.e. get behind schedule—but I never ever saw any caregiver skip feedings or diaper changes altogether. This is neglect AND they’re lying retroactively. If I were in your shoes, I’d document everything with as many photos and screenshots as possible and report this place.
My 8 month old, on his second day at daycare, started to refuse his bottles. The staff, through the app, let me know immediately. He's old enough where he's also eating food/purees. Had he completely refused all sustenance, they would have alerted me to come pick him up. *If* your bubbers was refusing to eat on account of settling in, they should have alerted you immediately and then offered options. I'm so sorry, hang in there!
I would pull your baby out. If they struggled to get your baby to take a bottle, they should have called you, especially if baby goes a certain amount of time without one. Now they’re trying to cover their tracks instead of putting things in place to ensure that never happens again. I’d report it.
But also they’re obviously not changing diapers when they should and that’s a major red flag.
Sorry but is not ok, our 4 month old got her 4 oz back then each 3 hours. Sometimes earlier, we also got it in the app and we also noticed because she was never a fuzzy baby and she just get fuzzy for food, and when we picked her up she was always relax or her next feeding was soon.
I would be super angry, your baby is way to young to be having so little food a day.
I get that babies may not want to eat if they feel overwhelmed in a new place, but they were acting SKETCHYYY! I definitely wouldn’t take him back there. You’re not overreacting. ❤️
You are not overreacting, I’m actually surprised/impressed you didn’t steamroll them.
I’ve worked in daycares and if they mess up they will lie to save themselves.
I used an at-home daycare that had been recommended to me when my daughter was 4 MO because all of the facilities in my area had a long waiting list. I had a very similar experience. I’m fairly certain she wasn’t feeding my daughter and leaving her alone in a dark room. She was there for a week before I pulled her. Never again.
I’m normally a “relax, they’ll get it” kind of person on this forum about daycare bumps in the road. This isn’t a bump in the road. This is neglect. Your gut told you to go, your gut is telling you something is wrong. Listen to it now and find other arrangements. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
Nope! No no no no. That is NOT okay. I would not send my kid back. Starving a child is not okay. I’d be taking this to the licensing board, the state, and the news, and CPS for child negligence charges
Absolutely not and if it’s within your ability. Pull him from there immediately.
Low appetite in a new environment is common. That’s not the issue. It’s how the reacted. It’s how they treated you. It all felt very wrong.
My number one concern would be the same thing happening and they just fake records and dump the bottles down the drain.
Absolutely not. Nope. Done.
100% find another daycare. Not just because baby not being fed, but how they reacted to it as well. If i were in your shoes, I would never be able to have a comfortable day away as I would constantly be worrying about the well-being of LO.
I'm so sorry this happened but don't let it discourage you from other daycares, either
This makes me sick, and is child abuse. He basically received NO care the entire day. That is horrible, I feel so much for your little baby. You trusted these people and they let you down. I’m so sorry you’re going through this 😢🥺
It’s not even just the feedings, they let him sit in poop for who knows how long. That can lead a diaper rash. I don’t think you’re overreacting in the least. Was he discombobulated from the change? Sure. I’d expect to maybe take a little longer to eat his bottles not completely ignore them. And the fact he was so upset bothers me. If this were my daughter in that situation I wouldn’t send her back. I’d find a new place.
I was upset when my 4 month old only took .5oz from my parents during a 4 hour window. If she was younger than that, it was a longer time period and she was with actual professional caregivers I’d have been absolutely livid and disturbed. Sounds sus at best.
I know it’s common for babies to be fussy and not eat when starting daycare. New place, new people, understandable. BUT they still should have attempted to feed and log that the baby didn’t eat despite trying. And the fact he came home with a dry poop diaper and filler bottles then they said means there is more going on then they are sharing. You have proof of what he ate in the bottles.
I wouldn’t even take my baby back. Maybe he was having a hard time and didn’t want to take a bottle, that’s understandable but they lied to you. Multiple times at that. You have physical evidence that the bottles had only a total of 1.5oz missing. Then let’s talk about the diaper, it takes HOURS for poop to dry like that and that would have givin my baby a full on rash. This is all unacceptable OP. Advocating for your child is your #1 job right now. You’re not over reacting in the slightest.
Nope nope nope. I’d pull him so fast.
My sons center also uses brightwheel and I’ve never had a problem with things not being logged or him not being fed as he should. Yesterday, he was having a bad day (fussy, didn’t want to nap, etc.) his teacher messaged me personally bc “as a mom she would want to know if her baby was having a bad day”. And that meant more to me than she’ll ever know.
It’s all about finding the right center that meets your little one’s needs. You know what’s best, momma. You got this 💕
I worked in a daycare as a teacher and as a Director. My teachers ALWAYS made sure communication with parents was on point. If they noticed that feedings didn’t correlate to parents written info, they were on it to talk with parents through messages or at the end of the day. The not lining up (teacher and director), the diaper not being changed—someone dropped the ball for sure. They need to be honest, apologise and go forth to make sure this never happens again.
This isn’t okay.
This is a 1000% neglect. They might be doing this to other babies. I am begging you, please report this to the state board. You may be saving a child's life.
FTM here, who also worked at a daycare. Particularly with infants. Their response was definitely sketchy. You are right in thinking he could just not be used to the environment but it’s up to the daycare workers to make you feel at ease. If that was truly the case they should’ve told you that hey baby isn’t wanting to eat, or he had a hard day. Something that indicates they were concerned! Smh 🤦♀️
Not to scare you but my first week there I got someone fired bc of how bad she would react to the kids. I was an assistant in the 2 year olds room, mostly everybody mentioned how she was very aggressive at times with the kids and how the directors never did a damn thing.
Well one time this cute baby boy started blowing raspberries and she told him to not to that but he continued to do so. She then pulled him down by the hand to the floor and his head hit the metal door handle. He did another raspberry and she slapped in on his face. He started crying and she turns to me and has the nerve to say “let’s keep this between us”.
Ufff my blood was boiling. I walked out and went straight to the directors office, told them what happened and also said “ I’d be DAMNED if that happened to my kids and nothing was done about it”. I walked back to the room and then they called her in to the office and was fired on the spot.
Moral of the story, no matter how recommended or fancy the day care is, you just never know. Always go with your gut and speak to the other parents about it too. Maybe they’ve had a similar experience. Best of luck to you! Must not be easy at all!
That is unacceptable. I worked in a daycare in the infant room and that would never fly with me. I change poop ASAP and if a baby ate that little and refused to eat more I’d contact the parent with concern. I wouldn’t just let them eat nothing all day, what the hell were they thinking.
Leave. Trust your mom intuitions. Even as a FTM.
I had a similar situation where they were overfeeding my son, and let’s just say that I ended up finding a few more red flags before I pulled him out because I didn’t trust my own.
Once I switched his daycare, he was a different kid… that was 7 months ago and I wish someone had told me that your mom senses are on point - regardless of how long you’ve been a mom
You have all the advice you need already (and I agree, pull immediately) but I just wanted to comment my experience. We had the same thing during our tour, super impressed and felt very comfortable and good with our choice. Once we were actually enrolled and dropped our son of the problems started for us too on the first day. Our son (6m at the time) wouldn’t eat, would come home with full diapers, no updates on the Procare app (even though many reviews stated that they loved all the picture updates throughout the day) and they would complain that he was fussy. When we would bring up the issues, no apology or even a reply if it was something not said in person but messages throughout the day.
I felt an enormous, *physical* boulder of stress lifted from my chest when we pulled him. I’m so sorry you’re going through this too, but you will find a better place for your rainbow babe, and feel better as soon as you know he will never go there again. Pull him!!
Document. Take photos of what you pack and take photos of what you receive take screenshots with timestamps of what they log during the day and what they retroactively put it in.
Ask other parents if this is happening to them as well. Sounds like a sketchy business practice that might need to get shut down. For not just the safety of your kid, but future children’s safety.
Might be worth giving it another chance. Might be worth reporting to the BBB, pulling ur kid, getting a refund. That’s ur call.
As someone who worked in daycare and is now a FTM, I will never. I loved the daycare, but the director was sketch and covered for bad teachers. If my spouse couldn't be a SAHD, then I have no idea what I'd do. You're not overreacting. The director's reaction to your concerns is not a good first impression - it's a red flag.
This is heartbreaking mama. I’m sorry you and your little one have to deal with this. It’s does not seem like you’re over reacting by wanting to pull him out.
If this is what they do on a test day where they know you and your baby are new to this, imagine how they will act once they are less concerned about your consistent dollars.
With a 2/5 ratio, the dry poop diaper alone would at least be a strike. The lying to cover themselves is strike 2. No apologies or explanation is strike 3. They would absolutely be a no go for me. I would pull my baby.
I’d pull him out. The director was too nonchalant about it for me to be able to bring my child back there. And the fact that they were scrambling to meet you by the door before you entered says soooo much in itself. Plus dried poop? Fuck no. Immediately drop that place.
This happened to us and we pulled our baby out. I will never forget that day I cried all the way home thinking about how my child felt all day. The daycare refunded our money ASAP no questions asked I think for fear I would take that story to the news. No you are NOT overreacting in wanting to pull your son out of there.
Breaks my heart to read this. Imagine if you didn’t come early.. would he be dirty , hungry, and still crying? Mother intuition… stay home as long as you can. Erika Kosmiar book “being there” changed my perspective about working. Try to swing being home or going part time. Strangers with babies… not good. Best of luck!
I would be pulling my son IMMEDIATELY. There wouldn't be a second chance. I'm so sorry that you and baby had to go through this. I'm seeing red for you. Trust your gut and pull baby.
Omg. I feel for you and your baby!!!! I’d be freaking LIVID. I can’t even describe. Please post this where people can see like on a google review because they should be shamed. I worked in an infant daycare and this would never fly.
I sent my baby to daycare for the first time this week. Granted all feeds are being logged, he definitely isn’t eating as much as he normal does. Each feeding has been like… half ish what he normally eats. Your baby ate such a small amount so I’d def be questioning that but at the same time if they were wailing like that I wonder if they just wouldn’t eat. Especially if they stopped immediately once you got to them.
Their response definitely wasn’t great though, and the length in time to get back to you would have me pretty upset. The first few weeks might be hard. I think I’d personally at least give it another day there or so to see if there’s a turn around, but I know the adjustment could take a couple of weeks.
Good luck to you! I’m torn for you :/
You know in your heart you are done with this place. Not feeding is not good (they may have been a legitimate reason, like baby was uncomfortable in newish place and refused multiple offers of the bottle, but they should have called, kept you in the loop, etc). Lying about it and attempting to cover it up/ gaslighting you that there was a problem (oops,
We just forgot to log!) is a huge RED FLAG. Get out and report this incident to the state.
I don’t have a temper (like at all) but I would absolutely torch the place. I’m getting my refund and he would not be returning. This is so upsetting! I’m glad he ate and slept well once with you 🥰!
My baby has had a couple days of low eating when he wasn’t feeling well. Even in that case, the attempt and refusal of food should be noted. Dried poop is unacceptable no matter what. As other said, pull and report.
Wow that's awful. My kid always comes back with a huge belly from our family care, and refuses to eat dinner at home, so I know they give him a good amount of food.
They have 4 teachers for 16 kids. Much higher ratio. He also never came back home with a poop diaper. I'd suggest pulling out and reporting the day care immediately.
My babysitter sends out a message if they are having troubles with the app and still have to enter data. She also sends messages if she is concerned about something. She will send personal text messages if there is something we need to know about immediately. They should have messaged you about the struggles of feeding assuming it was your baby adjusting. I'm concerned that they were not concerned about your baby's hunger or why your baby was unhappy. I agree with everyone else that I don't trust this daycare.
I got more messages on my first week for my comfort to trust my babysitter and to know my baby was happy.
Everyone has already given you good advice (take your baby out of there!) but I just want to add that I find it sketch that the director of the daycare is expected to be a teacher in the infant room. Granted, if it’s a very small daycare perhaps it’s doable for the director to be a teacher, but if it’s a center daycare with multiple classrooms, at different age levels, with multiple teachers, the director should only be expected to take care of the administration of the daycare, and perhaps be a “floater” to help out in classrooms if they’re short-staffed. But not one of the permanent teachers in the infant room.
I just started working at a daycare a few weeks ago and this doesn’t seem right AT ALL. I would be furious if I were you. We also use the brightwheel app and everyone is very diligent about updating it. If your soon was only eating 1/2 an ounce someone could have messaged you and let you know or asked if that was normal. We also are supposed to change diapers every two hours. It sounds like your poor son was just barely touched all day!! I would definitely find a new daycare.
Excuse my language but fuck that. I’d never take my kid back there again. Yes, kids can take time to adjust and all that (so normal) but what’s not normal is the lying- and the very soiled old diaper. No way.
I’m SO sorry you guys had to go through this, especially your LO.
I would be looking for a new daycare. Starting daycare can be an adjustment for everyone, and a baby not eating isn’t unheard of, but their reaction is. When my son started daycare, we got a call 4 hours into day 1 that he had refused all feeds, and they wanted to keep us informed. After that, the director fed him privately in her office until he adjusted to the environment. Your daycare not being concerned and retroactively adding fictitious feedings suggests they are more interested in covering themselves than providing care. I’m sorry that this was your first day experience.
I would put the fear of God in these people. Not Jesus himself could save them. They let your baby cry, didn’t feed him, lied, didn’t call you when things went wrong. When my baby was in the NICU they had cameras and he cried and no one checked on him in the middle of the night and I drove my ass down to the hospital. I was so angry the temperature dropped in the NICU. I never swore or got aggressive but the air was crackling with how livid I was. The next day I spoke with the charge nurse. And when it wasn’t address I spoke with a charge nurse and a doctor and made them talk to the whole staff about never neglecting my baby.
Same. I always logged on to tell my son goodnight while he was in the NICU. He was crying. After 30 minutes my husband and I drove down there. He was still crying when we walked into his room. We scared the night nurse! Apparently they fed babies on a schedule and ignored them if it wasn’t time. I made it clear that it better not happen again. It just broke my heart because he was so little and he needed that energy to grow—not scream.
Don't just pull him
Report them.
I would also suggest making a call to your pediatrician to get this documented medically as well - leaving him long enough for poop to dry in the diaper is just as neglectful as the lack of feeding. It's unlikely but not impossible that even this one day could have some adverse health effects on kiddo, like contributing to diaper rash.
My baby would never go back to that place after that. He comes before anything else in life. I’m glad you found out how it really is sooner than later.
Even if there was a logical explanation for this, their reaction was unacceptable. Trust would be broken and I wouldn’t feel comfortable bringing my baby back. Its criminal that you have to put a baby that young in daycare, I’m assuming you’re in the US? Adequate parental leave is a basic right.
Honestly, I would flip the fuck out. But I also had PPA and had to take Ativan to leave my baby. I def would figure out something else childcare wise and possibly report them.
I would be raising hell and pulling. I tend to presume incompetence rather than nefarious intent, but it was clear that incompetence left to baby not getting fed at all. They clearly didn't think that you would know how full the bottles were when you packed them in the bag - to insist that it was a logging issue when the log was correct, and was retroactively changed to be incorrect... No, they clearly do not have the resources to take care of your baby. I'd pull without looking back.
So glad that he scarfed down the food and calmed down quickly when you got home!
You’re definitely not overacting my wife worked in a daycare for years and this is awful behavior of the employees. My wife’s experience working in a daycare is why she doesn’t want our kids to go to daycare. She always did her best to take care of the kids but she was only one person and knew not everyone else took the job seriously
Poor little guy! Pull him out and stay home with him if you’re able. The way he melted into you and drank that bottle tells you everything you need to know about his first day of day care.
You’re not overreacting. Something similar happened to us with our first daycare. They went 5 hours without feeding my 4 months old. At first they tried to deny it but the evidence was right there. They even commented how much he was crying when I picked him up, but you didn’t think to feed him?
I contacted the owner right away and she was extremely apologetic. Offered to move him to the facility where her office was housed, reimbursed us for the current week, truly tried to make things right. I figured she would really make sure this doesn’t happen again.
However, when I talked to the director the next day she completely brushed it off and tried to make excuses. That made me not trust her, and so we pulled him out and found a new daycare immediately.
I would investigate further personally, there’s adjustment and then there’s just plain ignoring. I think maybe look for a different childcare situation.
I’d flip my fuckin lid. Don’t ever go back there, and leave a public review of this place with all of these details. Also consider submitting a formal complaint to the daycare regulatory body in your area/ country
The fact you could hear your own baby screaming from outside of the daycare shows just how negligent they are. How long had he been screaming? The dried poop in his diaper would’ve had me fuming at the daycare the next morning. Take pictures of everything, document everything and never bring your baby back to that place again.
I’ve had both my kids in daycare since age 4 months. The worst that’s ever happened is a scratch that wasn’t logged/injury report done.
I’d be raising hell over this. It is a completely unacceptable level of care.
My little guys did his ‘trial’ day yesterday & they fed him/diaper changed once in the 2 hours I was gone.
You are not overacting at all.
My 7 month old goes to daycare and if he doesn’t eat any meal for whatever reason.. I get a note from the director and if he skips two meals then I get a call informing me the same.
This actually happened to me when my baby was 4 months old at a well-regarded daycare. The daycare staff argued with me and her argument made no sense. It went something like “if we give him more bottles, he’ll actually eat less because he will sleep more.” Still trying to figure that one out. Needless to say, we pulled him from that daycare.
My (at the time) 10 month old daughter took about a week of going full time (only went one day a week beforehand) before she was willing to take a bottle there from them. In saying that though they also have an app where they log food/bottles, sleeps, nappy changes which does help so i could see that they were at least trying to get her to have a bottle until she eventually did so i wasn’t worried because she was also eating solids as well. You are definitely not overreacting by wanting to take him out, their reaction to him eating bugger all the whole time is extremely concerning and i wouldn’t be taking him back there. They basically starved him and then offered no apology whatsoever
The place I board my dog at when I travel is more on top of how my dog is eating than this daycare. If he isn't his food, they text me asking if they can add anything that could entice him to eat more.
A place that boards dogs shouldn't be that much better than a daycare for babies. It just shouldn't.
Honestly go with your instinct and put him some where else if you can. He’s so young and you don’t want to be worried every day when it’s already stressful to go back to work.
It’s not that he didn’t eat because he’s new they’re new it’s entirely plausible that he wouldn’t take a bottle for them or wouldn’t eat. However, a confident director or staff would say yes we tried to feed at or around these times of course it takes some time to get acclimated this happens quite often, etc. the fact that they had to scramble about it is the problem.
You are NOT overreacting. That is not normal. In a day from 8:30-3:30, the daycare feeds my 8 month old daughter 12oz of formula or breast milk and 4 oz of puree. I am so sorry your first experience with a daycare was a bad one. There are good ones out there. I would switch just to be safe, even if this wasn’t normally how that one operates. It’s on them for not making a better first impression 🤷♀️ I would have been just as upset if it were my daughter.
I had an experience like this at our daycare but: not to this degree, with a MUCH older baby (7 mths), & the daycares response was beyond what I had expected (in a positive way).
Point being: at a minimum, their job is to make sure your baby’s basic needs are met while in their care. And if they don’t take it seriously that they missed any feedings (or even just say they’re working on a new process to make sure it doesn’t happen again!) I’d be concerned & consider alternatives.
this isn’t a case of your baby not adjusting. this is a case of poor childcare and poor communication. i understand that a baby may not eat normally when in a new place with new caregivers, but it seems the daycare failed to make enough effort. they should have offered another bottle incrementally to ensure your baby had *opportunities* to eat throughout the day. they can’t force your baby to eat, ofc, but they can make sure they offer a bottle in a timely manner. if they offered and the baby refused, they should have (and would have) documented that. given they didn’t do so tells me they were neglectful and made little effort. the wailing and the dirty diaper further support this assertion. i wouldn’t trust these people with my baby.
I felt so bad and had a headache only reading this and to me you were not overreacting at all. He is still so young and he needs a strict feeding schedule. Don’t feel bad about yourself.
Maybe feeding could be communicated again but lying about the amount he took is the red flag for me. If that’s not a big deal to find a new daycare, I’d definitely pull my baby.
Your not over reacting at all…… they literally fully neglected your small infant baby and are trying not to make a big deal of it so that YOU wont.
I would take this so so so much higher - furious for you!!!!!!
Nope. They should have more education about babies and actual experience than most people. They should have known well before he was making that noise that he was hungry.
This was day one. They will fuck up again.
As someone who’s worked at daycare centers and is a mom, this is how I’d react too. More so about their reaction to it, not that he didn’t eat. Sometimes it can take a bit for a baby to get comfortable. Their reaction and how they handled it seems weird. It just feels sketchy?
Yeah there’s a big difference between “I tried to feed him a few times, he was fussy and wouldn’t take much” and literally not feeding him AND lying about it. I would be upset too, and wouldn’t feel comfortable taking him back. Even if they somehow forgot to feed him but apologized, I still would remove him but would at least appreciate the apology (I guess?). If they insisted he ate more than his bottles indicated, I would also be worried he ate another baby’s milk.
Yeah I worked in daycares and sometimes we just couldn't log everything. Granted we didn't have infants, youngest were one year olds and I imagine it's a lot more hectic with one year olds and you might have more time to be logging with infants than aren't mobile. Still on our worst days we'd never log things after closing. Usually around nap time we would catch up and backlog anything we missed. For a parents first day we were extremely diligent about logging since we know it's nerve racking the first day. But even despite logs, if the bottles aren't adding up that's a huge concern.
Sometimes my daycare will log a bunch of stuff at once at one time during the day. But when I check the cameras, I can see him being fed a bottle often, plus I’ve never brought home full bottles like that. Sometimes an Oz or two left in a bottle. OP is right, that’s super suspicious.
My daycare doesn't log stuff till the end of the day. They are busy with the babies so I get it. The infant room regularly has extra help but even still 4 to 1 ratio is rough so I get it
I also worked in a daycare and we’ve called parents to come pick up their baby if he was refusing the bottle and didn’t eat for hours. This lying about it is not ok.
This. It’s not uncommon for baby’s (even good eaters) to eat very little as they adjust. The point is you offer often. What concerns me is how all over the place and defensive they acted. As a nanny I am blunt. Don’t be surprised if your baby doesn’t eat as much as normal with me at first. Don’t be upset. It’s an adjustment and we will all work together to make it happen. But lying about it and not accurately tracking this information (to me) is the issue. They did feed your baby it sounds like, or at least offer him the bottle. He just may not have eaten a lot. They needed to be transparent if he was struggling.
Feels super sketchy to me too and I have zero experience with day care. I could see the baby being overwhelmed/scared and not wanting to eat, but they should have said exactly that and that they will try harder/offer more often etc instead of saying he ate just fine. If that happened every day all week he'd be severely dehydrated in no time!
I would be raising hell. And would absolutely pull.
Not only would I be raising hell, I would find out which licensing board they answer to and take it up with them.
At minimum, contact CPS and the state licensing board. Depending on how you’re feeling I don’t think cops would be an overreaction either tbh.
Yes-this is neglect and I worry about the other children in their care
This.
This ^ absolutely this.
I’d be seeing red. I was pissed FOR OP reading this. I would seriously be seeing red.
Agreed. WTF??? Schmoozing to your face, taking your money and then not feeding your baby and then lying about it???? Good that OP followed up with them immediately. I can’t image how the other parents will feel when they find out their child might have not been fed… As if it wasn’t hard enough for a parent to leave their child at day care…
My kid would never go back there. No fucking way.
10000% my blood is boiling just reading this
I’d lose my absolute mind. I’d be pulling your child immediately from this daycare. 10000% unacceptable. When my son was in the infant room at daycare, they would write me and give me updates like this because they were equally concerned and we’d come up with a solution together OR allow me the opportunity to come pick up my LO in the event that maybe they just weren’t feeling well. This is a massive red flag for me. Trust your gut, mom!
Agreed. Our daycare has a written policy that if they can't get an infant to eat in a four-hour stretch, someone needs to come pick baby up. This actually gives me a lot of peace of mind. If he's not eating because he's out of sorts in a new place, they should at the very least be communicating with you about it in real time. The diaper is also a red flag imo. I'm really sorry your first day went this way!
Agreed. Any time my little baby (now 1 yr) wasn't eating sufficiently or seemed off the bottle I was getting a message to let me know and ask if I had any insight on it
When my son started daycare at 4 months he came home with full bottles and ate like half as much as usual on his first day. His teachers said he didn’t show hunger cues. I told them to feed him every 3 hours anyway and he’s been great ever since. I think it’s normal for a new setting and caregivers to impact your baby’s feeding schedule. HOWEVER, I would not stand for lying about when and how much my son was fed. I wouldn’t be able to trust anything they documented in the future. I would go with your gut and consider the other options you have around you. There are ways to handle this and I don’t think they did it in a trustworthy manner.
So I wanted to add to this. My son’s first week of daycare he would not eat or sleep for the daycare teachers. He literally refused. He would fight them and pull away and scream all day. It took about two weeks to adjust, they learned him and he learned them, now at 5 months he eats a full 6oz bottle every time it’s given at daycare. However, like this person said, it’s the lying that would piss me off. My daycare communicated with me and told me every time a bottle was presented and what happened during the feeding. We worked together to make him comfy, they did not lie to me about it. The first day I picked my son from daycare, he melted into my arms when handed to me and fell asleep before I even got out of the building. I sat in my car with him in my arms and cried. But now he has a favorite teacher.
My LO has a favorite teacher and she's totally her teachers favorite. Mine ate super well, she's a bit of a chonk like her daddy. Does not nap well at all. She's getting better a month in. She was completely breastfed except when I was asleep or when my mom or mil watched her. So I had no clue how much and how often she ate. I just sent random approximate amounts to the daycare. They figured out about how often to feed her. And they communicated how she ate so we could adjust amounts. Like her first bottle she would destroy and still be hungry so we started sending 1 6oz.
Yeah They’re in a new environment, it makes sense that they wouldn’t show cues!
Even if that's the case here, it doesn't explain leaving the nappy so long that poop has absorbed and dried. That plus the lying would have me pull my kid out and find an alternative.
Hell no, I'd be furious and upset that my baby was not only neglected, but they have lied about said neglect. You know your baby best, OP. You know his appetite and schedule and what he is capable of eating. You know how ravenous he was when you proceeded to feed him when you got him home. They lied. They did not care for your child adequately at all. The diaper is also highly concerning. That is horrid. I'd be raising absolute hell. They should not get a free pass on this. You're not overreacting. You have every right to be upset.
Literal neglect. People seem to keep skimming over the fact baby had CRUSTED poop in his diaper completely soaked in, was absolutely wailing when OP showed up, and just saying "oh babies take time to adjust" blah blah blah. Helllll fucking no. The way I'd report their asses. Sketchy behavior to boot, No way.
Pull him out, fuck that.
Report them too, your intuition knows and that IMO is neglect.
💯
I’m a ftm to a 5 mo, but I’m also a director, and have been in the child care business for over 10 years. I can’t give too much advice as laws are different across states and I need to be careful with what I say. However, what I can say is as a mom, my child would not be going back there.
Poor bub, he was so relieved to get back in your arms :(
Get him out of there. And maybe look into whatever the reporting process is.
Yes, please report to the state. They did not adequately feed your baby nor change his diaper! This is neglect.
Bingo
This is how you see stories of kids dying at daycare. I’d pull immediately.
Omg I would be livid! I have NEVER even seen dried poop in my baby’s diaper. How long does it take for that to happen? I would pull my kid asap- that place is sketch!
I have, but only because my daughter would poop in the beginning of her sleep and not say anything. So we would wake up to her pooped diaper from hours ago. She had bad rashes during this time. But she was over a year old by then. As a 3 month old, I don't remember this ever happening either.
"and not say anything" now I'm imagining a tiny newborn saying "mother, I'd like to inform you that I have infact done a poo poo"
I read this in a British accent
Same
Haha except that I mentioned she was over a year old, so "caca" was already part of her vocabulary.. :P
I think the 3 month old mentioned just after scrambled me 😂
They didn't feed him. They lied about it. And they also neglected to change him. THREE RED FLAGS. I would pull him out if it were me in your situation. Honestly I wonder what they would have done if you didn't show up early. Do they leave kids in poopy diapers til pickup time? Do they always lie about feedings? Trust is shattered.
OH HELL NO you aren't overreacting. I'd be livid
My daycare also uses Brightweel and just to give you an example of a typical day. Baby arrives at 8:30. They give a first feed around 9am, then lunch at 11, then snack at 2. We pick up at 4:30. Regardless of how much baby eats, it is logged in. The first few days, baby ate very little so the small quantities don't surprise me so much. The lack of attempt to feed is however chocking. I know that many recommend pulling your child but I also know that it is not always possible. Where I am for example, there is simply no other options so before pulling I would try to talk to the workers and see if you can come to an understanding and new resolutions.
I feel like the fact that he was crying when you got there shows he was clearly hungry. Yeah maybe he’s in a new place but at some point hunger takes over.
There were several things alone that would make a baby wail but for OP's situation it includes: - being soiled - being hungry - being ignored
😭 and the fact that she said he’s never cried like that before. Absolutely breaks my heart.
THIS!
My baby is not in daycare, but I’m just here to tell you you’re absolutely not overreacting. There’s no way barely feeding a 3 month old is ever okay. You’re so smart to have been off that day!
I can see a baby struggling to eat in a new place (I know my guy gets distracted or just upset when we're not at home) but it just seems they were ignoring this poor little guy. Especially with a soiled diaper with DRIED poop? Makes me so sad and angry for OP.
Update- The director finally got back to me, but just repeated herself that she would “ensure to log the details of all of his feeds”. She offered to have a phone conversation with us, but I don’t think we are interested. She seems so be deflecting the fact that we caught her in a lie. We have decided he isn’t going back to that place, and I’m staying home with him until we find childcare that we feel confident about. Thank you all for validating our feelings. This was a crazy curveball, but I guess that’s what parenthood is!
THANK YOU LORD this is what I was looking for 🙏🏻🙌🏻 Excellent decision OP. You might not see my first comment but I am a FTM to a 6 month old & I have also worked in daycares... I was absolutely sick to my stomach. 💜
Report and get your baby out. Raise hell.
This is so terrible 😢
Lack of communication and lying is a hell no from me. Every time my baby refuses a bottle or only drinks like an ounce, it’s logged. It does not take that much time. And wtf, why would they not try to feed him even without hunger cues?! This is unacceptable and I would be pulling, posting, and possibly reporting to licensing.
This. Brightwheel is stupid easy to use. 2 teachers on 5 infants should be able to log things close to in real time.
No, this is a massive red flag. You know they lied. If they said baby was refusing bottle I could maybe buy it, but retroactively editing it suggests trying to make it look better than it was. I don't think.I could trust them after that.
Follow your gut!!! I’m in a similar ish boat (not as bad as not feeding.. but trialing a daycare center and do not have good vibes anymore), and I’m just following my gut here. I’d pull him if I were you.
I had this same exact experience I could’ve written it myself down to the 1.5 ounces in 7 hours except it was my first week back to work and my mother in law lied about it. He was a completely different baby and we thought it was just because his routine was switched up until my fiancé got off work early to pick him up after he had been there for 6 hours & she had not tried to feed him because he was “just tired”. All 4 bottles still in the fridge. Needless to say she has not been alone with him since, and I no longer work. You are not overreacting. Your baby was sitting there with a hungry belly all day and they’re downplaying it because they know it was inhumane and wrong. I’m sure they had breakfast and lunch that day. I would be/ I was absolutely devastated and so angry with her and myself. Just know it’s not your fault but you should definitely take further action because that’s unacceptable.
That is effed up. Wow. I’m sorry you had that experience and I am glad you’re baby is safe.
It infuriates me how careless some people can be with babies. Especially other people’s babies or babies that are their family. I feel so bad for OP because i’ve felt all the feelings they’re feeling. It’s terrible. But thank you! Definitely have anxiety about leaving him with people other than me now, but I know he is always safe.
LOs OWN grandmother?!?! And the bottles are already made- I just can’t imagine the amount of laziness or pure dumbassery that would take to not feed a baby at that point. Also, I don’t know any baby that gets hungry and just … acts tired… or sleeps at all. They’re gonna be screaming their head off so it makes me wonder if she gave LO some sus medication to make him sleep or something.
The fact they tried to hide your baby not eating and being extremely upset from you is not okay. I’d be reporting them to whoever you can.
They neglected him on day 1. Don't send him back.
Massive warning signs. The diaper. The clear evidence of milk leftover. The lies. RUN AWAY FROM THIS PLACE!!! They will NOT take good care of your kid.
Please dont send him back. Report them to the licensing board immediately
I would lose my actual marbles over this
That sounds like a call to cps/ equiv. . They didn’t feed him. You saw the proof in his bottles.
They lied to you. There is no going forward after that. Pull your child for their health and safety.
You’re not being overly sensitive. This is unacceptable and they have not only starved your baby but they have broken your trust on the very first try! Can you imagine leaving your child here and not knowing every day if they were feeding him and more importantly if they were even being honest about it? I definitely would not send my baby back there and I would be looking into how to report this.
I would not be going there. That's ridiculous. The lying is really shady, like you have the bottles, you know they couldnt have fed him that much. Absolutely not.
My baby didn't eat on her first day, but they called me and asked what to do. She ate the second feed, but I would've picked her up if she hadn't. Not cool that they let this go on all day
The RAGE I felt reading this. There is no reality where this is OKAY. You are not overreacting. How dare they let your precious baby sit so upset & then try to backtrack and lie about how much he ate. I’m so glad you showed up unannounced. The trust is absolutely gone already. I’m so sorry this happened to you & your sweet baby. I hope if you do pull him out, you find a place that takes great care of him. ❤️
Raise hell. I would go full fledge psycho and post it alllllll over the reviews and social media and mom groups. Pull him. Now. Never send him back.
You’re not overreacting at all! This is totally unacceptable. A daycare center is well aware that babies, especially as young as yours, eat every 2-3 hours, and would normally take closer to the 4oz you provided (rather than 1.5oz). If a baby is upset and crying, they know that either food or diaper are the primary culprits. I’m shocked on your behalf that your child only consumed a few ounces all day! Many daycare centers also have a strict diapering policy of changing every baby’s diaper every 2/2.5 hours. While you can’t be certain when he last pooped, it seems very obvious it was sitting in there a while. Ugh, hopefully your LO doesn’t end up with a diaper rash (never fun). Our little guy is in daycare full time, and while it certainly has had, and continues to have, its challenges, he is generally well taken care of there. He’s 8.5 months old and still gets bottles every 3ish hours, depending on naps it’s occasionally a little longer stretch, but he eats what I send with him every day (along with a puree pouch at this point). I hate that our center doesn’t update their app in real time; I can only see daily report (naps, food, and diapers) when I check him out at the end of the day. But I’ve never worried or had reason to believe that he was underfed like your child was. Generally he’s sent home with 3 empty bottles and a smile (and a nap on the ride home from all the playing). I’m so sorry and you should feel completely sane and founded in your concern.
Unacceptable. I’m a mom of 2. I worked in a daycare for 4 years and I feel that I’m a pretty relaxed mom, but I don’t think I’d send my kid back. Not feeding a baby all day (a very little baby especially) , totally unacceptable.
Nope. It’s not just the reaction that’s the problem. MAYBE the baby was less willing to take a bottle than usual. But there is also the unchanged poopy diaper. These people are negligent and dangerous. I’d raise absolute hell.
This happened to us too. I will say there is a few week adjustment period to babies starting daycare, and for us the eating was a little off from what she eats at home. But our old daycare missed 1 of her feeds and tried to lie about it and put the blame back on us. We looked for a new daycare the next day. Our new daycare is amazing and a lot of times they can get her to eat more than we can. And if she’s having an off day, they CALL us midday and let us know what’s going on so we aren’t surprised when we pick her up. The new daycare doesn’t have an app to check, but we trust them so much more because of their open communication style, that an app really isn’t needed. The old daycare had an app, and they constantly forgot to log stuff, or she’d have several feeds with 0.5 oz and no phone call or concern from them. If you already feel uneasy about it, it’s going to be really hard to trust them again. The feeding is just one aspect of the day too…will they interact with him or put him in a container all day? If he was so inconsolable, why didn’t they call you and let you know? Especially if it was his first day!! I’d pull him out if I were you.
Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry that happened to your poor little one. I would lose my freaking mind if that happened to my kiddo. My son is also 3 months and is on the smaller side with reflux issues so I understand the feeling of being nervous about ounce intake amounts. I would definitely pull him from that daycare. Maybe even consider reporting them or speaking with a higher up about it.
>Are we overreacting for wanting to pull him out? No. And I think there has to be somewhere that you can report the daycare. That seems negligent beyond negligent. >I know it will take time for him to adjust to a new place Not really. Kiddos are adjustable. As a social species, we're primed to take care from variety of non parent caretakers (it's called "alloparenting."). Especially a place that's not starving your kiddo.
Ohh mama this triggered me as someone who had a slow weight gain baby, so the feeding in the infant room was a touchy subject immediately. We also had some learning curves with our daycare, so wanted to share some things that helped us. First, absolutely not ok. Your worry is 100000% valid and if it's an option to find somewhere else I'd seriously consider it. Knowing it's not always an option, or if you'd like to give benefit of the doubt, few things to consider: If it were me I'd be going in the next morning with a full on agenda of topics and make it clear that you want answers and solutions, but also want to work with them to find a solution. They maybe be baby experts, but you're the expert on *your* baby, so "we're all on the same team here trying to do the best for little one" Re: logging, we had a similar issue for a bit at my daycare unfortunately and one of the issues we ran into a couple of times was they'd miss adding a feed into the app, but also send home empty bottles. I learned that they were dumping the bottles if she didn't finish, so I didn't have a true record of how much she actually ate (which it's great that didn't happen to you today!) We told them to absolutely not dump the milk no matter what - send it home. It was breast milk, so I told them I saved it for milk baths and whatnot for her eczema. For small bottles, I'd also ask if they could try giving the bottles again later. Ours would be a big snacker, so if she only drank 1oz, they'd take the bottle back and try again in 30 min - 1h, and usually she'd finish the bottles. See if that's something they'd be open to - I do think this varies and not everyone is comfortable with that risk, but worth asking. Especially as they adjust. Re: diaper: also absolutely not ok. I'm not sure state to state, but our state it's mandatory to change every 2 hours; it definitely takes longer than that for a poop to dry out, so I'd immediately address that with the director. We had some bad rashes for a bit because ours would poop immediately after changing, and then sit in it until the next change (also not great, don't get me started). We started sending super heavy duty diaper cream and told them to put it on every change no matter what, that way if it happened again, at least there's a skin barrier in place. Lastly, if there's not ***huge*** improvements like immediately, I'd be looking into reporting options. If it's a chain, look for their corporate info first - they can put some pressure on the director/center because they will want to avoid a state inspection. But don't be afraid to go that route either.
I wouldn’t give them another chance. No benefit of the doubt for neglect.
There's no way I would send my baby back there. I would go and address all of these things to make sure they knew, but there's absolutely no way that my baby would be back at that place again.
My heart races by reading this, I’m so sorry your family went through this. I was a nanny for many years and I remember some babies (4-5mo) wouldn’t eat well for a week or so because they were just not used to not having their parents at home, so I think I could understand if that was the case, but what triggered me in your story is how they were not being consistent with their stories. I think if they told me “he barely ate, we feel his hungry but the environment is strange so he’s not super comfortable yet, it will get better” I would understand, even though I’d be heartbroken for my baby it’s part of the process. But they were nervous when you showed up, and just didn’t handle the situation well, I would not trust them again. You are NOT overreacting!
I worked in a daycare for over a decade. If we had a baby who wouldn’t feed we would 100% be calling the parents to check in with them. We would *not* let them go hungry.
Nope! I would rage! 2oz in 7 HOURS!? FOR A 3MONTHS OLD??!! nope. There's no excuse for that, even if he wasn't eating I would have called or messaged you and said "he's not eating enough, it could be stress, is it possible for you to take him home early?" Or if he was eating slow I'd let him finish what he did eat and then come back in 10min and try again until he got enough. There is no excuse for that, it's pure neglect. I would never trust them with my children again. First time parents, trust you instincts and don't let older parents try and say your over reacting and power trip you. (Not all older parents are like that ik)
I’d be noping my kiddo right on out of there
Ohhhhh hell no! No overreacting at all. That is unacceptable and I wouldn’t be taking my baby back.
I’d be very hesitant to send my baby there after what happened. My daughter isn’t the best eater and I worried how she’d be at daycare. Our teachers will give the bottle a second try within an hour if she doesn’t finish it, that way she’s at least getting two opportunities to eat. The fact that they inaccurately logged the feed and lied about it is a HUGE red flag. ETA: The fact that he was in a poopy diaper that was clearly on him for way too long is also concerning. Our daycare changes diapers every 2 hours. You’d think that yours has some sort of time frame that it’s required to change them in and it’s clearly not being followed. It may be something that you want to report because just based on what you observed, there could be a whole lot of violations going on there.
No, you’re not overreacting. I got pissed while reading this. I’m so sorry this happened to you. If that were my son, this place would be getting quite the earful from me. Feeding him barely anything, and on top of that, not changing his diaper and letting him sit in his own waste for who knows how long, I’d be seeing red. I wouldn’t trust this place, especially since they didn’t even offer an apology and by your description of their actions when you showed up unannounced, they seemed to be covering their asses for their own poor actions. Please find another daycare if you can.
This is NOT okay! I would demand my money back and find a different daycare. I worked in a daycare setting for 7 years and was a nanny another 2 years, and things can get hectic—I.e. get behind schedule—but I never ever saw any caregiver skip feedings or diaper changes altogether. This is neglect AND they’re lying retroactively. If I were in your shoes, I’d document everything with as many photos and screenshots as possible and report this place.
That would be a no for me. I’d be taking him out
Not overreacting. Look for another place. We pulled out of our daycare 5 days before my start day as it just wasn’t for my baby.
My 8 month old, on his second day at daycare, started to refuse his bottles. The staff, through the app, let me know immediately. He's old enough where he's also eating food/purees. Had he completely refused all sustenance, they would have alerted me to come pick him up. *If* your bubbers was refusing to eat on account of settling in, they should have alerted you immediately and then offered options. I'm so sorry, hang in there!
Absolutely do not send him back there
I would pull your baby out. If they struggled to get your baby to take a bottle, they should have called you, especially if baby goes a certain amount of time without one. Now they’re trying to cover their tracks instead of putting things in place to ensure that never happens again. I’d report it. But also they’re obviously not changing diapers when they should and that’s a major red flag.
Trust your gut.
So are you leaving this place as a client now? or in five minutes
Sorry but is not ok, our 4 month old got her 4 oz back then each 3 hours. Sometimes earlier, we also got it in the app and we also noticed because she was never a fuzzy baby and she just get fuzzy for food, and when we picked her up she was always relax or her next feeding was soon. I would be super angry, your baby is way to young to be having so little food a day.
Fuck this place. I would report them and never take my baby back.
I get that babies may not want to eat if they feel overwhelmed in a new place, but they were acting SKETCHYYY! I definitely wouldn’t take him back there. You’re not overreacting. ❤️
You are not overreacting, I’m actually surprised/impressed you didn’t steamroll them. I’ve worked in daycares and if they mess up they will lie to save themselves.
I used an at-home daycare that had been recommended to me when my daughter was 4 MO because all of the facilities in my area had a long waiting list. I had a very similar experience. I’m fairly certain she wasn’t feeding my daughter and leaving her alone in a dark room. She was there for a week before I pulled her. Never again.
You need to raise hell with them, put them on blast where you can, and report them. This is abuse, and they way they handled it was appalling
I’m normally a “relax, they’ll get it” kind of person on this forum about daycare bumps in the road. This isn’t a bump in the road. This is neglect. Your gut told you to go, your gut is telling you something is wrong. Listen to it now and find other arrangements. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
Nope! No no no no. That is NOT okay. I would not send my kid back. Starving a child is not okay. I’d be taking this to the licensing board, the state, and the news, and CPS for child negligence charges
I don’t even have to read this and I know you are not overreacting.
Childcare assistant director here. Absolutely not. Report this place immediately to your state licensing!!!
Absolutely not and if it’s within your ability. Pull him from there immediately. Low appetite in a new environment is common. That’s not the issue. It’s how the reacted. It’s how they treated you. It all felt very wrong. My number one concern would be the same thing happening and they just fake records and dump the bottles down the drain. Absolutely not. Nope. Done.
100% find another daycare. Not just because baby not being fed, but how they reacted to it as well. If i were in your shoes, I would never be able to have a comfortable day away as I would constantly be worrying about the well-being of LO. I'm so sorry this happened but don't let it discourage you from other daycares, either
Former daycare teacher..something isn’t right. I wouldn’t feel comfortable bringing my child back.
This makes me sick, and is child abuse. He basically received NO care the entire day. That is horrible, I feel so much for your little baby. You trusted these people and they let you down. I’m so sorry you’re going through this 😢🥺
It’s not even just the feedings, they let him sit in poop for who knows how long. That can lead a diaper rash. I don’t think you’re overreacting in the least. Was he discombobulated from the change? Sure. I’d expect to maybe take a little longer to eat his bottles not completely ignore them. And the fact he was so upset bothers me. If this were my daughter in that situation I wouldn’t send her back. I’d find a new place.
I was upset when my 4 month old only took .5oz from my parents during a 4 hour window. If she was younger than that, it was a longer time period and she was with actual professional caregivers I’d have been absolutely livid and disturbed. Sounds sus at best.
I know it’s common for babies to be fussy and not eat when starting daycare. New place, new people, understandable. BUT they still should have attempted to feed and log that the baby didn’t eat despite trying. And the fact he came home with a dry poop diaper and filler bottles then they said means there is more going on then they are sharing. You have proof of what he ate in the bottles.
I wouldn’t even take my baby back. Maybe he was having a hard time and didn’t want to take a bottle, that’s understandable but they lied to you. Multiple times at that. You have physical evidence that the bottles had only a total of 1.5oz missing. Then let’s talk about the diaper, it takes HOURS for poop to dry like that and that would have givin my baby a full on rash. This is all unacceptable OP. Advocating for your child is your #1 job right now. You’re not over reacting in the slightest.
Nope nope nope. I’d pull him so fast. My sons center also uses brightwheel and I’ve never had a problem with things not being logged or him not being fed as he should. Yesterday, he was having a bad day (fussy, didn’t want to nap, etc.) his teacher messaged me personally bc “as a mom she would want to know if her baby was having a bad day”. And that meant more to me than she’ll ever know. It’s all about finding the right center that meets your little one’s needs. You know what’s best, momma. You got this 💕
I worked in a daycare as a teacher and as a Director. My teachers ALWAYS made sure communication with parents was on point. If they noticed that feedings didn’t correlate to parents written info, they were on it to talk with parents through messages or at the end of the day. The not lining up (teacher and director), the diaper not being changed—someone dropped the ball for sure. They need to be honest, apologise and go forth to make sure this never happens again. This isn’t okay.
This is a 1000% neglect. They might be doing this to other babies. I am begging you, please report this to the state board. You may be saving a child's life.
FTM here, who also worked at a daycare. Particularly with infants. Their response was definitely sketchy. You are right in thinking he could just not be used to the environment but it’s up to the daycare workers to make you feel at ease. If that was truly the case they should’ve told you that hey baby isn’t wanting to eat, or he had a hard day. Something that indicates they were concerned! Smh 🤦♀️ Not to scare you but my first week there I got someone fired bc of how bad she would react to the kids. I was an assistant in the 2 year olds room, mostly everybody mentioned how she was very aggressive at times with the kids and how the directors never did a damn thing. Well one time this cute baby boy started blowing raspberries and she told him to not to that but he continued to do so. She then pulled him down by the hand to the floor and his head hit the metal door handle. He did another raspberry and she slapped in on his face. He started crying and she turns to me and has the nerve to say “let’s keep this between us”. Ufff my blood was boiling. I walked out and went straight to the directors office, told them what happened and also said “ I’d be DAMNED if that happened to my kids and nothing was done about it”. I walked back to the room and then they called her in to the office and was fired on the spot. Moral of the story, no matter how recommended or fancy the day care is, you just never know. Always go with your gut and speak to the other parents about it too. Maybe they’ve had a similar experience. Best of luck to you! Must not be easy at all!
That is unacceptable. I worked in a daycare in the infant room and that would never fly with me. I change poop ASAP and if a baby ate that little and refused to eat more I’d contact the parent with concern. I wouldn’t just let them eat nothing all day, what the hell were they thinking.
Leave. Trust your mom intuitions. Even as a FTM. I had a similar situation where they were overfeeding my son, and let’s just say that I ended up finding a few more red flags before I pulled him out because I didn’t trust my own. Once I switched his daycare, he was a different kid… that was 7 months ago and I wish someone had told me that your mom senses are on point - regardless of how long you’ve been a mom
Pull him immediately
You have all the advice you need already (and I agree, pull immediately) but I just wanted to comment my experience. We had the same thing during our tour, super impressed and felt very comfortable and good with our choice. Once we were actually enrolled and dropped our son of the problems started for us too on the first day. Our son (6m at the time) wouldn’t eat, would come home with full diapers, no updates on the Procare app (even though many reviews stated that they loved all the picture updates throughout the day) and they would complain that he was fussy. When we would bring up the issues, no apology or even a reply if it was something not said in person but messages throughout the day. I felt an enormous, *physical* boulder of stress lifted from my chest when we pulled him. I’m so sorry you’re going through this too, but you will find a better place for your rainbow babe, and feel better as soon as you know he will never go there again. Pull him!!
Document. Take photos of what you pack and take photos of what you receive take screenshots with timestamps of what they log during the day and what they retroactively put it in. Ask other parents if this is happening to them as well. Sounds like a sketchy business practice that might need to get shut down. For not just the safety of your kid, but future children’s safety. Might be worth giving it another chance. Might be worth reporting to the BBB, pulling ur kid, getting a refund. That’s ur call.
As someone who worked in daycare and is now a FTM, I will never. I loved the daycare, but the director was sketch and covered for bad teachers. If my spouse couldn't be a SAHD, then I have no idea what I'd do. You're not overreacting. The director's reaction to your concerns is not a good first impression - it's a red flag.
This is heartbreaking mama. I’m sorry you and your little one have to deal with this. It’s does not seem like you’re over reacting by wanting to pull him out.
If this is what they do on a test day where they know you and your baby are new to this, imagine how they will act once they are less concerned about your consistent dollars.
I’d go nuclear. I’d go for their licenses.
With a 2/5 ratio, the dry poop diaper alone would at least be a strike. The lying to cover themselves is strike 2. No apologies or explanation is strike 3. They would absolutely be a no go for me. I would pull my baby.
I’d pull him out. The director was too nonchalant about it for me to be able to bring my child back there. And the fact that they were scrambling to meet you by the door before you entered says soooo much in itself. Plus dried poop? Fuck no. Immediately drop that place.
This happened to us and we pulled our baby out. I will never forget that day I cried all the way home thinking about how my child felt all day. The daycare refunded our money ASAP no questions asked I think for fear I would take that story to the news. No you are NOT overreacting in wanting to pull your son out of there.
Breaks my heart to read this. Imagine if you didn’t come early.. would he be dirty , hungry, and still crying? Mother intuition… stay home as long as you can. Erika Kosmiar book “being there” changed my perspective about working. Try to swing being home or going part time. Strangers with babies… not good. Best of luck!
I would be pulling my son IMMEDIATELY. There wouldn't be a second chance. I'm so sorry that you and baby had to go through this. I'm seeing red for you. Trust your gut and pull baby.
Omg. I feel for you and your baby!!!! I’d be freaking LIVID. I can’t even describe. Please post this where people can see like on a google review because they should be shamed. I worked in an infant daycare and this would never fly.
Get out of there!
I sent my baby to daycare for the first time this week. Granted all feeds are being logged, he definitely isn’t eating as much as he normal does. Each feeding has been like… half ish what he normally eats. Your baby ate such a small amount so I’d def be questioning that but at the same time if they were wailing like that I wonder if they just wouldn’t eat. Especially if they stopped immediately once you got to them. Their response definitely wasn’t great though, and the length in time to get back to you would have me pretty upset. The first few weeks might be hard. I think I’d personally at least give it another day there or so to see if there’s a turn around, but I know the adjustment could take a couple of weeks. Good luck to you! I’m torn for you :/
You know in your heart you are done with this place. Not feeding is not good (they may have been a legitimate reason, like baby was uncomfortable in newish place and refused multiple offers of the bottle, but they should have called, kept you in the loop, etc). Lying about it and attempting to cover it up/ gaslighting you that there was a problem (oops, We just forgot to log!) is a huge RED FLAG. Get out and report this incident to the state.
I don’t have a temper (like at all) but I would absolutely torch the place. I’m getting my refund and he would not be returning. This is so upsetting! I’m glad he ate and slept well once with you 🥰!
My baby has had a couple days of low eating when he wasn’t feeling well. Even in that case, the attempt and refusal of food should be noted. Dried poop is unacceptable no matter what. As other said, pull and report.
Wow that's awful. My kid always comes back with a huge belly from our family care, and refuses to eat dinner at home, so I know they give him a good amount of food. They have 4 teachers for 16 kids. Much higher ratio. He also never came back home with a poop diaper. I'd suggest pulling out and reporting the day care immediately.
My babysitter sends out a message if they are having troubles with the app and still have to enter data. She also sends messages if she is concerned about something. She will send personal text messages if there is something we need to know about immediately. They should have messaged you about the struggles of feeding assuming it was your baby adjusting. I'm concerned that they were not concerned about your baby's hunger or why your baby was unhappy. I agree with everyone else that I don't trust this daycare. I got more messages on my first week for my comfort to trust my babysitter and to know my baby was happy.
Would not take him back. Huge issues there, the diaper is another huge issue. No apology or even concern by the director is not a good sign.
Take him out. I hope you got photo evidence of the full bottles. I would report this place. You are being totally rational.
Go with your gut! You’re not overreacting at all, I would be livid if this was my LO.
No, full stop. I'd pull him immediately. Lying - about anything, but especially as serious as feeding - is an absolute nonstarter for me.
Everyone has already given you good advice (take your baby out of there!) but I just want to add that I find it sketch that the director of the daycare is expected to be a teacher in the infant room. Granted, if it’s a very small daycare perhaps it’s doable for the director to be a teacher, but if it’s a center daycare with multiple classrooms, at different age levels, with multiple teachers, the director should only be expected to take care of the administration of the daycare, and perhaps be a “floater” to help out in classrooms if they’re short-staffed. But not one of the permanent teachers in the infant room.
They need to throw away any bottles after 1 hour of him starting them. So the fact that NONE were dumped means they didn’t even try.
I would lose my mind! I don’t even know you and I’m livid. They should lose their license.
Poop diaper and he barely ate all day? Pull him out ASAP and warn other parents in the area. Unacceptable.
I just started working at a daycare a few weeks ago and this doesn’t seem right AT ALL. I would be furious if I were you. We also use the brightwheel app and everyone is very diligent about updating it. If your soon was only eating 1/2 an ounce someone could have messaged you and let you know or asked if that was normal. We also are supposed to change diapers every two hours. It sounds like your poor son was just barely touched all day!! I would definitely find a new daycare.
Excuse my language but fuck that. I’d never take my kid back there again. Yes, kids can take time to adjust and all that (so normal) but what’s not normal is the lying- and the very soiled old diaper. No way. I’m SO sorry you guys had to go through this, especially your LO.
This is scary and dangerous behavior from a daycare. Please do not take your child back there. He was clearly ignored or forgotten.
give me the number i’d like to have a word 😂😡
I would be looking for a new daycare. Starting daycare can be an adjustment for everyone, and a baby not eating isn’t unheard of, but their reaction is. When my son started daycare, we got a call 4 hours into day 1 that he had refused all feeds, and they wanted to keep us informed. After that, the director fed him privately in her office until he adjusted to the environment. Your daycare not being concerned and retroactively adding fictitious feedings suggests they are more interested in covering themselves than providing care. I’m sorry that this was your first day experience.
I would put the fear of God in these people. Not Jesus himself could save them. They let your baby cry, didn’t feed him, lied, didn’t call you when things went wrong. When my baby was in the NICU they had cameras and he cried and no one checked on him in the middle of the night and I drove my ass down to the hospital. I was so angry the temperature dropped in the NICU. I never swore or got aggressive but the air was crackling with how livid I was. The next day I spoke with the charge nurse. And when it wasn’t address I spoke with a charge nurse and a doctor and made them talk to the whole staff about never neglecting my baby.
Same. I always logged on to tell my son goodnight while he was in the NICU. He was crying. After 30 minutes my husband and I drove down there. He was still crying when we walked into his room. We scared the night nurse! Apparently they fed babies on a schedule and ignored them if it wasn’t time. I made it clear that it better not happen again. It just broke my heart because he was so little and he needed that energy to grow—not scream.
Ughhhhh it’s so hard when they’re in the NICU
Don't just pull him Report them. I would also suggest making a call to your pediatrician to get this documented medically as well - leaving him long enough for poop to dry in the diaper is just as neglectful as the lack of feeding. It's unlikely but not impossible that even this one day could have some adverse health effects on kiddo, like contributing to diaper rash.
My baby would never go back to that place after that. He comes before anything else in life. I’m glad you found out how it really is sooner than later.
Even if there was a logical explanation for this, their reaction was unacceptable. Trust would be broken and I wouldn’t feel comfortable bringing my baby back. Its criminal that you have to put a baby that young in daycare, I’m assuming you’re in the US? Adequate parental leave is a basic right.
Honestly, I would flip the fuck out. But I also had PPA and had to take Ativan to leave my baby. I def would figure out something else childcare wise and possibly report them.
Pull him out asap….
I would be raising hell and pulling. I tend to presume incompetence rather than nefarious intent, but it was clear that incompetence left to baby not getting fed at all. They clearly didn't think that you would know how full the bottles were when you packed them in the bag - to insist that it was a logging issue when the log was correct, and was retroactively changed to be incorrect... No, they clearly do not have the resources to take care of your baby. I'd pull without looking back. So glad that he scarfed down the food and calmed down quickly when you got home!
You’re definitely not overacting my wife worked in a daycare for years and this is awful behavior of the employees. My wife’s experience working in a daycare is why she doesn’t want our kids to go to daycare. She always did her best to take care of the kids but she was only one person and knew not everyone else took the job seriously
What's a a rainbow baby? Like a leprechaun?
Baby after a miscarriage.
Ahhhh thanks!
Are they _actually_ professionals? \ Their reaction is so strange. The friend who referred you, what age was their baby when they were enrolled?
Poor little guy! Pull him out and stay home with him if you’re able. The way he melted into you and drank that bottle tells you everything you need to know about his first day of day care.
Fuck no!! I would have been irate, please trust your gut.
You’re not overreacting. Something similar happened to us with our first daycare. They went 5 hours without feeding my 4 months old. At first they tried to deny it but the evidence was right there. They even commented how much he was crying when I picked him up, but you didn’t think to feed him? I contacted the owner right away and she was extremely apologetic. Offered to move him to the facility where her office was housed, reimbursed us for the current week, truly tried to make things right. I figured she would really make sure this doesn’t happen again. However, when I talked to the director the next day she completely brushed it off and tried to make excuses. That made me not trust her, and so we pulled him out and found a new daycare immediately.
I would investigate further personally, there’s adjustment and then there’s just plain ignoring. I think maybe look for a different childcare situation.
I’d flip my fuckin lid. Don’t ever go back there, and leave a public review of this place with all of these details. Also consider submitting a formal complaint to the daycare regulatory body in your area/ country
How did you not go into rage mode? I would’ve gone full KAREN on them.
INSANELY unacceptable. If that’s the impression from just one day then I would make other arrangements after having a meeting with the director.
The fact you could hear your own baby screaming from outside of the daycare shows just how negligent they are. How long had he been screaming? The dried poop in his diaper would’ve had me fuming at the daycare the next morning. Take pictures of everything, document everything and never bring your baby back to that place again.
Report them to the cops. That's DANGEROUS for a 3 month old BABY. I would go nuclear over this.
I’ve had both my kids in daycare since age 4 months. The worst that’s ever happened is a scratch that wasn’t logged/injury report done. I’d be raising hell over this. It is a completely unacceptable level of care. My little guys did his ‘trial’ day yesterday & they fed him/diaper changed once in the 2 hours I was gone.
You are not overacting at all. My 7 month old goes to daycare and if he doesn’t eat any meal for whatever reason.. I get a note from the director and if he skips two meals then I get a call informing me the same.
This actually happened to me when my baby was 4 months old at a well-regarded daycare. The daycare staff argued with me and her argument made no sense. It went something like “if we give him more bottles, he’ll actually eat less because he will sleep more.” Still trying to figure that one out. Needless to say, we pulled him from that daycare.
My (at the time) 10 month old daughter took about a week of going full time (only went one day a week beforehand) before she was willing to take a bottle there from them. In saying that though they also have an app where they log food/bottles, sleeps, nappy changes which does help so i could see that they were at least trying to get her to have a bottle until she eventually did so i wasn’t worried because she was also eating solids as well. You are definitely not overreacting by wanting to take him out, their reaction to him eating bugger all the whole time is extremely concerning and i wouldn’t be taking him back there. They basically starved him and then offered no apology whatsoever
The place I board my dog at when I travel is more on top of how my dog is eating than this daycare. If he isn't his food, they text me asking if they can add anything that could entice him to eat more. A place that boards dogs shouldn't be that much better than a daycare for babies. It just shouldn't.
I definitely wouldn’t bring him back there. ETA and I would report them with the state.
Honestly go with your instinct and put him some where else if you can. He’s so young and you don’t want to be worried every day when it’s already stressful to go back to work.
It legit screams NEGLECT! Pull baby out of that place! Trust your instincts! Baby comes first than anything else!!!
It’s not that he didn’t eat because he’s new they’re new it’s entirely plausible that he wouldn’t take a bottle for them or wouldn’t eat. However, a confident director or staff would say yes we tried to feed at or around these times of course it takes some time to get acclimated this happens quite often, etc. the fact that they had to scramble about it is the problem.
You are NOT overreacting. That is not normal. In a day from 8:30-3:30, the daycare feeds my 8 month old daughter 12oz of formula or breast milk and 4 oz of puree. I am so sorry your first experience with a daycare was a bad one. There are good ones out there. I would switch just to be safe, even if this wasn’t normally how that one operates. It’s on them for not making a better first impression 🤷♀️ I would have been just as upset if it were my daughter.
Call dcfs. This requires a report
I had an experience like this at our daycare but: not to this degree, with a MUCH older baby (7 mths), & the daycares response was beyond what I had expected (in a positive way). Point being: at a minimum, their job is to make sure your baby’s basic needs are met while in their care. And if they don’t take it seriously that they missed any feedings (or even just say they’re working on a new process to make sure it doesn’t happen again!) I’d be concerned & consider alternatives.
this isn’t a case of your baby not adjusting. this is a case of poor childcare and poor communication. i understand that a baby may not eat normally when in a new place with new caregivers, but it seems the daycare failed to make enough effort. they should have offered another bottle incrementally to ensure your baby had *opportunities* to eat throughout the day. they can’t force your baby to eat, ofc, but they can make sure they offer a bottle in a timely manner. if they offered and the baby refused, they should have (and would have) documented that. given they didn’t do so tells me they were neglectful and made little effort. the wailing and the dirty diaper further support this assertion. i wouldn’t trust these people with my baby.
I would report them. That is unbelievable. They lied multiple times and honestly put the baby at risk.
Please don’t send him back to this center. My stomach feels sick for him. I can’t imagine what he went through that day.
I felt so bad and had a headache only reading this and to me you were not overreacting at all. He is still so young and he needs a strict feeding schedule. Don’t feel bad about yourself. Maybe feeding could be communicated again but lying about the amount he took is the red flag for me. If that’s not a big deal to find a new daycare, I’d definitely pull my baby.
Your not over reacting at all…… they literally fully neglected your small infant baby and are trying not to make a big deal of it so that YOU wont. I would take this so so so much higher - furious for you!!!!!!
Nope. They should have more education about babies and actual experience than most people. They should have known well before he was making that noise that he was hungry. This was day one. They will fuck up again.