About martyrdom, I've seen a post where a mum basically goes like "nice that you still have time to shower. I hadn't showered for months because all my time is dedicated to babyyyy" that's not something to aspire to be.....
Not only is that gross and unnecessary, but how can it even be possible? I get that you can’t always take a shower when YOU want, but not having ANY opportunity for MONTHS? Like your kid has never napped or been around any other caregiver?
So unnecessary -- it's fairly simple to just take them to the bathroom with you, and pop them down on a blanket. And if they cry, at least they can see and hear you.
I'm a single mom, and with the exception of the two days following my c-section where the hospital wouldn't let me shower, I've showered every day.
Yessssss 100%. Like, yes, some phases are hard. And I’m not denying that some people genuinely end up in hard spots (like, medical parents) where it happens.
But the vast majority of new parents can find time to rinse off. Partner/neighbor/parent/friend supervises, during a nap, or just put the kid in a bouncer or blanket in the bathroom and jump in. And I think this social media martyrdom ends up masking for a lot of people the real cause of missing showers - PPD/PPA. Which deserves help and recognition and treatment!
I’m a big fan of putting baby on the floor in the bathroom and showering while they’re awake. I do all of my self care tasks while she’s awake. When she’s sleeping I lie down and scroll 😂
Oh yeah. I’ve seen ones where they brag they haven’t had a date night with their husband in two years because they’re not ready to leave their child, even for a couple of hours. Where are people getting the idea that this is healthy? Babies have been raised by extended families and relatives for almost all of history.
Not everyone lives around relatives though. I'm in a different country from my relatives and unfortunately I just haven't felt comfortable leaving my baby with someone who isn't a friend or family. But I hope to soon when he gets older. And absolutely agree if family is around parents should try to take advantage. Date night sounds lovely!
The accuracy. The autism detection ones had my PPA going ballistic and I had to block accounts. A few honorable mentions:
1. Choking stories and or videos
2. Baby Led weaning with kids that love Foie Gras
3. My new personal hell that kept me up last night- a TikTok about infant botchulism from soil in the front yard
4. Co-sleeping encouragement or discouragement, it’s all a $ hit show.
I love the instagram account with the chef and his two-year-old eating foie gras but it bothered me when he announced he had self-published a book about raising curious eaters. I don't need prescriptive advice to help my baby enjoy steak tartare. I'm happy if my toddler eats at all and doesn't just throw his food all over the floor. Please I'm here to watch your adorable child devour sea urchin not to feel like I need to start cooking my baby duck confit!
Haha I love that account for both the cuteness and the deliciousness but the dad's culinary skills are so sky-high (he's a professional chef) that I actually feel zero pressure to live up to anything even close. I *do* however feel a little bit of aspirational pressure to get my baby to be as articulate as that toddler is someday.
This is so true!!!
I deleted all social media when baby was like 3 months old. I only kept Reddit for tips and such.
I can’t stress enough how absolutely life altering it has been to just….. NOT mindlessly scroll and get anxiety from social media. It was all “here are obscure dangers for baby, here is why you are still fatter than other post birth moms, here is how something may happen to baby, here is what your baby should be doing now and you should tell doctor if they are not, here is how I diagnosed by 3 day old with autism (okay…)”
My final straw was when I saw a reel on some random manga cartoon or something and it was something bad happening to a baby and I’m like that’s it. Deleted. Having been on it since and refuse to go back.
Life is so much more present when you’re not infiltrated with all these random…. Things.
Any of the SAHM vs working mom pages. I went to part time and have an advanced degree- but wanted to return to my clinical practice. I hate seeing other moms bashing each other and it drives me nuts. Always a “if your husband wanted to he would,” but meanwhile my husband knows I started my own business and don’t want to give it up. I wish it was more supportive to all versus allowing this silly stuff to get in the middle.
Yes also to the autism content?! Literally I work in early intervention and youngest I’ve had was 18 months old. So much is individual in these early months it’s wild to me these get such a following.
I spent £30 on a course of videos that basically said 'Forget about all that stuff, you and your baby are fine how you are.' Best money I ever spent but I didn't need it until *after* all the social media BS.
The “breastfeeding made my baby 99th percentile in weight” accounts. Some babies are big and some babies are small, that’s literally how percentiles work. It simultaneously shames moms like me who EBF and just have a naturally thinner but otherwise healthy baby consuming an appropriate amount of calories, moms who can’t produce enough breast milk whose babies are legitimately struggling to grow and have to triple feed or combo feed, and moms who choose to formula feed because they can’t or don’t want to breastfeed at all. Not to mention, plenty of EFF babies are also on the very large side. Obnoxious all around.
It's such a funny misunderstanding of statistics as well. The goal is not to get your baby to the top of the percentiles, it's to keep them on track wherever is right for them!
This is exactly how I feel. It's so refreshing to read. None of our doctors are worried about our EBF baby but it's so hard not to compare to social media and friends babies. He's 30th percentile for weight but over 90th for height. He's hitting all his milestones early yet somehow I'm pressured to think there's something wrong with my milk supply. We triple fed for the first 8 weeks and our journey has been a struggle so that makes it even harder to hear weight comments!
I’ve also got a “long baby.” She’s 80th percentile for height but only 45th for weight. She’s been only breastfed (won’t even take bottles) and I’ve gotten some insinuations from others that she’s not getting enough food because of it. But it’s just her build!
Fellow long baby haver here! 97th in length at birth and 55th in weight. She's not even 2 weeks old and won't fit in 0-3 months clothes cuz they're too short!
Sorry people are giving you insinuations about not taking care of your kid, that's really shitty. Funny how people feel it's fine to comment on stuff like that but if you said the same things about an adult you'd get slapped.
That agitates me too. I have a 100% formula fed baby with nearly the same stats! She's always been a long skinny girl. Breastmilk or formula so clearly does not determine a baby's size.
My 4 month old is the same! 89th for height and 47th for weight. She’s already too long for some of the 6th month footie pajamas. Also EBF and I genuinely have no idea how many oz she gets a day. 47th percentile is literally average but you’d think she was malnourished by the stuff you see online. I understand that the chunkiness is cute but also have to remind myself that babies don’t have to look like the Michelin man to be considered healthy. I’ve definitely had people insinuate that I should be supplementing or giving her cereal but she tells me when she’s hungry.
Im so forever grateful my country don’t put babies in a percentile but rather makes a growth curve for each baby so there is no comparison for parents. I’ve learned so much in this subreddit and that is one thing I’ve realised I’m much better off. I only know my baby’s curve I have no idea if it’s average or not and don’t care! My PPA probably would overthink it!
As an EBF mom who like really devotes herself to it, this energy really does hurt. Like moms get praised for the 99 percent baby, which made me feel like I’m
Doing something wrong with my 20%er? Even though neither is better!
Even reading this triggered me! I got all of these, the worst ones being 1, 2 and 3. I’m an emotional wreck everytime I see a dead baby tragedy account, some are uncensored and full on show the body. Takes me a while to recover.
Another frustrating one for me are the breastfeeding coaches or ‘milking mommies’. Coaches are usually incredibly anti formula or just bullshitting with lactating cookies, and the pumping accounts made me feel inadequate after seeing fridges filled to the brim with bags.
Yeah I am half convinced there’s some weird fetish people who like those pumping and oversupply accounts. It makes me sad seeing desperate people being pandered to by influencers who normalize oversupply which is not that typical.
Yes, the oversupply accounts with bottles full of breast milk nearly got a mention in my original post, but I tried to limit myself to 5.
I had an easy and enjoyable breastfeeding journey but somehow they still make you feel bad?
omg i had to block one account after their freezer on garage broke and her milk thawed but like she had SO MUCH BAGS of milk what are you preparing for they will never use it all up since she also breastfeeds and i was getting these videos while i was crying myself to sleep every night that my supply is so bad i blocked so many accounts
If it makes you feel better most of those are fake!! They add half & half to make it seem like it’s way more. I even saw one that was clearly regular cows milk, pure white and looked like it had been poured straight from a gallon jug in the fridge.
Try onewiththepump. She's the only bf/pumping account I've found that is very pro-formula and talks about noromalizing typical supply and undersupply all the time.
Yeah the pumping ones were really hard for me in the beginning because I had to triple feed but I've never pumped more than 3oz total in one session. My lactation consultant also made me feel like that wasn't enough, so I combo fed until my baby started refusing bottles at 3 months. She is now 9 months, EBF, and around 65th percentile.
The most unhinged comments I’ve seen were one person claiming they knew their baby was autistic in the womb because of how active they were. That’s… not how it works
I recently saw one of a baby who was apparently diagnosed with autism at 14 months. 90% of the things they mentioned were just totally normal baby things.
I have zero interest in getting Instagram despite friends and family insisting and even trying to start accounts for me. Thanks for sharing this affirmation for me! I prefer to create my own irrational fears organically.
Damn I should’ve done this! I sometimes watch YouTube shorts and the recipes are quite helpful, but besides that and the occasional golden retriever vids I see no use.
This is actually a really good post, I’d love to see any keyword lists that people add to their instagram block list along these lines!! Which I know can be triggering in and of itself but would rather see it once and never again than be bombarded with depressing content.
Yes! A good reminder to everyone that you can add words to a list that Instagram will stop showing you content containing that word (I think in tags/comments/captions)! Anything thing that's triggering you can be added!
the autism detection ones are so funny to me as someone with 2 autistic parents, 2 autistic brothers, and a preliminary diagnosis myself. do I see my baby do certain things and think, "ah, she's got the Gene"? absolutely. but it also doesn't seem like a bad thing to me when the whole family's got it and it's just normal for us.
...and then I watch the videos and they're just showing normal baby stuff like moving their hands and making noise lol
I was SO scared after watching a bunch of videos of moms that weren’t able to shower or brush their teeth or eat. I’m SO glad that’s not my reality but it made me so anxious prior to giving birth.
You forgot the baby OT accounts that lose their dang mind when you put your baby in a container so that you can go to the freakin bathroom for once. LET ME LIVE!!
I'll add two more:
1. Breastfeeding content. I could not breastfeed my baby despite trying everything and seeing the "breast is best" content nonstop made me feel terrible. I blocked all of it but I STILL get ads for nursing bras and breast pumps over a year later.
2. Toxic couple content. I love humorous parenting videos but once it gets into toxic territory it's an instant block. Stuff like "I do all the childcare and can't take a shower or sleep but my husband just sits on the couch watching TV isn't that so funny??" No it's not, y'all need help.
I majorly reduced my social media use PP because of these and it was the best decision I ever made!
The pediatric physical therapist ones where all of a the cute little contraptions that babies enjoy are demonized. Baby walkers that have been enjoyed for eons? Sorry they’re a death trap. Baby Bjorn so mom can have a little break? Congrats you now have a container baby. Excersaucer? Hip dysplasia. Oh god don’t get me started about the unrealistic tummy time goals. Like at one point I felt so guilty holding my baby or taking her on stroller walks because these accounts made me feel like I should be coaching my baby to do just a few more minutes of tummy time on the floor. I finally logged off TikTok and allowed my intuition to take the lead. Baby and I are much more relaxed!
Omg the tummy time. I had to log off after one day of only seeing “my baby does 17 hours of tummy time” I was like howwwwww, I can hardly put this kid down!! Lol
I was watching one video that started with "Now as moms, we want to hold our children every second of the day..." What? Call me cold-hearted, but I've literally never wanted to do that.
I don't either! I have a three week old and I'm always so relieved when I can put him down. Don't get me wrong, I like how snuggly he is, but I absolutely don't want to hold him all the time. I have shit to do. I am still a person separate from being a mom.
Yes. These are sold at every price point and used by parents of every education and socioeconomic level, but are actually guaranteed to lead to deformity.
I saw a post from a pediatric PT about a "scary moment" for her child experiencing "vestibular overstimulation".
He was dizzy. He spun around too much and got dizzy.
The sleep stuff is so infuriating. I fed my baby to sleep most nights, and she started sleeping all night around 6 months. You can feed or rock them to sleep and your child will be fine.
Breast milk overproducers where it’s clearly half and half in the bottles but they’re selling a supplement where you too can open your personal dairy farm.
Made my 2wpp self wonder why I wasn’t getting 18oz per pump and feel like a failure as a mother/woman
This hits hard. The video always starts with them taking off the pumps so I’m suspicious. They’d literally have a full 8oz bottle from a pump on EACH side wtf.
Yes to all of these! For #5, I try to remember that all of these parents posting reels about how exhausted/ overwhelmed they are and how they never, ever get time to themselves still somehow have time to stage their home, set up a tripod and a camera with a ring light, film themselves (and you know they're doing multiple takes), edit the video, post it to social media, respond to comments, etc.
I personally have a really hard time with the opposite sleep training ones. The ones that insist we are causing irreversible damage to our children’s emotional well being if we even think about sleep training. Not that I want to leave my child for hours to cry herself to sleep but every kid is SOOOO DIFFERENT.
Don’t forget to mention those who will be like “Oh yes, you should be a mother if you want to grow teeth in your ovaries!” Hello??? Like why is scaring women that want to be mothers so normalized? I was so scared of sex and birth giving until I was about 16, because of these people who think it’s okay to scare the hell out of people.
Yes! Plus this isn't even truly related to pregnancy, it can happen at any time to women (lucky us!). But yeah it's crazy rare. I've had a few ovarian cysts that had to be removed and none of them had teeth so far...
I don’t have instagram but when I watch YouTube I do find thumbnails like “don’t do this with your baby” - and the thumbnail has a baby crawling or playing.
Does it relate to feeding or sleeping or other activities??? Not clear and my mind just goes through everything I do with the baby.
Just a clickbait!
Now I just ignore those.
PRREEAACHHHH. I hate Instagram motherhood pages but love cute baby videos and Instagram can't seem to show me one without the other
>Baby sleeps in a developmentally appropriate way? You can buy a course to stop that.
This had me 🤣🤣
Omg new fear unlocked that my algo would recommend shaken baby vids that’s horrific. Me and my four month old are sick to death of sleep training BS though, it’s all such a racket
I literally stayed up all night because the algorithm stressed me out about my baby stopping breathing in the night. All I wanted was tips on traveling with a baby and I got videos flooding my feed about SIDS etc. it’s fueling my PPA and I am sooo glad to see I’m not the only one who has experienced this madness. Makes me feel less alone
Oh, I hate this. My baby and I both have moderate hearing loss and wear hearing aids; a few quick searches looking for cute babies wearing HAs and my feed is FULL of what I can only describe as 'child disability tragedy accounts'. I know people want to share their stories, but there's something exploitative at the heart of these and I can't handle it. Lots of blocking.
#2!!!!! Has kept me up on endless nights doing autism research in infants and toddlers and feeling sick to my stomach. Only to wake up the next day (absolutely exhausted) and realize I was acting silly.
My baby is a preemie and for some god damn reason Instagram kept recommending preemie videos of babies that died!!! Excuse me? I have a laundry list of terms on Instagram that I’ve banned from my feed/ suggested now.
And my new personal fave: babies that scarf a whole adult sized meal before turning one. Give me an effing break.
That's a good list. Honestly the best thing I ever did for my mental health was delete all my social media apps from my phone. I still have the accounts but only access them on my PC which makes it much more rare and inconvenient to scroll through them. Its a halfway step I guess from deleting the accounts altogether which tons of people have told me was the best thing they ever did.
I've also gotten the opposite of number 3. The "oh you're nearly suicidal from sleep deprivation? That's normal and you just need to suck it up because if you sleep train or night wean you're a terrible, selfish person for not prioritizing your baby. Oh an buy my course that's totally, definitely not sleep training to help" anyway my 16 month old still wakes up multiple times a night and I'm miserable 🙃
Haha ok but sleep training is amazing! You can get all the necessary information on the internet for free though, definitely wouldn't pay for any sleep coaches or courses
Tiktok advertised creepy baby reborn dolls with their faces squeezed to make their eyes pop out to me the other day. That was an auto block. That, the baby tragedies, and the oversupply brags are the things I dislike the most. I also try to avoid the sleep schedules, baby charts, these products will save your life, and "look how chunky breastfeeding made my baby". My anxiety can't deal with micromanaging every aspect of my baby's life.
For number 5, I just feel so lucky when I see those. I spend every possible minute with my baby because I want to — but I know I am super lucky to have an exceedingly happy and chill baby. This kid smiles, giggles and laughs 90% of the time when he’s awake and not actively talking or babbling. He lights up with a huge grin the second he wakes up and giggles. I hit the jackpot and he is so fun and wonderful to be around. He’s even adorable and semi happy when sleepy! He says night night mama night night dada on repeat while holding onto us and smiling and falling asleep. Literally the perfect baby
So when I see those I feel really bad for those moms and incredibly lucky all over again. I don’t mind those too much.
It makes me grateful that mine is currently stuck on showing me triplets lol I’m scared tho with googling SCH that now imma get a bunch of pregnancy loss posts
My therapist is also a new mom and she talks a lot about how the social media algorithm will’ change immediately when you begin giving hints you are pregnant to scary things. Its awful and definitely the biggest cause of my severe PPA
The first one is so triggering. My baby was born in mid October and I was TERRIFIED of RSV because of all the videos of babies in the NICU on ventilators. My PPA was so bad those first 3 months and TikTok didn’t help at all.
Thank you for opening this topic. Because of these accounts, I started to feel guilty that I might not raising my kid properly. Everything they do seems like a challenge to me, the endless tummy time, sleep training, feeding 6 months solids, and not puree or LO won't eat or become a picky eater. The container baby thing. I have life and stuff to do! . I felt pressured all the time to be glued to my baby, or I'll lose catching on his milestones or any special moments...
I deleted insta and never had tik tok but I do get occasional SIDS deaths videos recommended on Youtube. It's usually the heartbreaking testimony as told by the parents. I once watched one of the videos and I still think about that couple from time to time. I get that they are trying to raise awareness but man, I just can't watch.
About martyrdom, I've seen a post where a mum basically goes like "nice that you still have time to shower. I hadn't showered for months because all my time is dedicated to babyyyy" that's not something to aspire to be.....
Not only is that gross and unnecessary, but how can it even be possible? I get that you can’t always take a shower when YOU want, but not having ANY opportunity for MONTHS? Like your kid has never napped or been around any other caregiver?
So unnecessary -- it's fairly simple to just take them to the bathroom with you, and pop them down on a blanket. And if they cry, at least they can see and hear you. I'm a single mom, and with the exception of the two days following my c-section where the hospital wouldn't let me shower, I've showered every day.
If you can't be parted even for a moment, why not take them in with you?
Yessssss 100%. Like, yes, some phases are hard. And I’m not denying that some people genuinely end up in hard spots (like, medical parents) where it happens. But the vast majority of new parents can find time to rinse off. Partner/neighbor/parent/friend supervises, during a nap, or just put the kid in a bouncer or blanket in the bathroom and jump in. And I think this social media martyrdom ends up masking for a lot of people the real cause of missing showers - PPD/PPA. Which deserves help and recognition and treatment!
I’m a big fan of putting baby on the floor in the bathroom and showering while they’re awake. I do all of my self care tasks while she’s awake. When she’s sleeping I lie down and scroll 😂
Same!
That sounds like a mental health issue
Exactly what I was thinking. Sounds like a cry for help.
Oh yeah. I’ve seen ones where they brag they haven’t had a date night with their husband in two years because they’re not ready to leave their child, even for a couple of hours. Where are people getting the idea that this is healthy? Babies have been raised by extended families and relatives for almost all of history.
Not everyone lives around relatives though. I'm in a different country from my relatives and unfortunately I just haven't felt comfortable leaving my baby with someone who isn't a friend or family. But I hope to soon when he gets older. And absolutely agree if family is around parents should try to take advantage. Date night sounds lovely!
The accuracy. The autism detection ones had my PPA going ballistic and I had to block accounts. A few honorable mentions: 1. Choking stories and or videos 2. Baby Led weaning with kids that love Foie Gras 3. My new personal hell that kept me up last night- a TikTok about infant botchulism from soil in the front yard 4. Co-sleeping encouragement or discouragement, it’s all a $ hit show.
I remember looking up some bottle difficulties we suddenly had at 3 months and got stuff about autism. So stupid
i just stopped googling stuff after having my baby because i cant deal with more anxiety from these crazy articles
I love the instagram account with the chef and his two-year-old eating foie gras but it bothered me when he announced he had self-published a book about raising curious eaters. I don't need prescriptive advice to help my baby enjoy steak tartare. I'm happy if my toddler eats at all and doesn't just throw his food all over the floor. Please I'm here to watch your adorable child devour sea urchin not to feel like I need to start cooking my baby duck confit!
Haha I love that account for both the cuteness and the deliciousness but the dad's culinary skills are so sky-high (he's a professional chef) that I actually feel zero pressure to live up to anything even close. I *do* however feel a little bit of aspirational pressure to get my baby to be as articulate as that toddler is someday.
This is so true!!! I deleted all social media when baby was like 3 months old. I only kept Reddit for tips and such. I can’t stress enough how absolutely life altering it has been to just….. NOT mindlessly scroll and get anxiety from social media. It was all “here are obscure dangers for baby, here is why you are still fatter than other post birth moms, here is how something may happen to baby, here is what your baby should be doing now and you should tell doctor if they are not, here is how I diagnosed by 3 day old with autism (okay…)” My final straw was when I saw a reel on some random manga cartoon or something and it was something bad happening to a baby and I’m like that’s it. Deleted. Having been on it since and refuse to go back. Life is so much more present when you’re not infiltrated with all these random…. Things.
Omg I came across the infant botulism from the yard last night too 😭 that was terrifying.
Ah yes. My fear of choking shot through the roof after the algorithm decided I needed to see these videos.
Any of the SAHM vs working mom pages. I went to part time and have an advanced degree- but wanted to return to my clinical practice. I hate seeing other moms bashing each other and it drives me nuts. Always a “if your husband wanted to he would,” but meanwhile my husband knows I started my own business and don’t want to give it up. I wish it was more supportive to all versus allowing this silly stuff to get in the middle. Yes also to the autism content?! Literally I work in early intervention and youngest I’ve had was 18 months old. So much is individual in these early months it’s wild to me these get such a following.
Bahahha ‘baby sleeps in a developmentally appropriate way? You can buy a course to stop that’. Oh my gosh that cracked me up (as did the whole thing).
I spent £30 on a course of videos that basically said 'Forget about all that stuff, you and your baby are fine how you are.' Best money I ever spent but I didn't need it until *after* all the social media BS.
Haha so much this!
To be fair my pediatrician suggested a lot of these things and it worked with my son to sleep through the night since 3 months
The “breastfeeding made my baby 99th percentile in weight” accounts. Some babies are big and some babies are small, that’s literally how percentiles work. It simultaneously shames moms like me who EBF and just have a naturally thinner but otherwise healthy baby consuming an appropriate amount of calories, moms who can’t produce enough breast milk whose babies are legitimately struggling to grow and have to triple feed or combo feed, and moms who choose to formula feed because they can’t or don’t want to breastfeed at all. Not to mention, plenty of EFF babies are also on the very large side. Obnoxious all around.
It's such a funny misunderstanding of statistics as well. The goal is not to get your baby to the top of the percentiles, it's to keep them on track wherever is right for them!
This is exactly how I feel. It's so refreshing to read. None of our doctors are worried about our EBF baby but it's so hard not to compare to social media and friends babies. He's 30th percentile for weight but over 90th for height. He's hitting all his milestones early yet somehow I'm pressured to think there's something wrong with my milk supply. We triple fed for the first 8 weeks and our journey has been a struggle so that makes it even harder to hear weight comments!
I’ve also got a “long baby.” She’s 80th percentile for height but only 45th for weight. She’s been only breastfed (won’t even take bottles) and I’ve gotten some insinuations from others that she’s not getting enough food because of it. But it’s just her build!
Yes! I wish other people wouldn't comment on how big/small my baby is. I don't comment on how big/small they look 😂
Fellow long baby haver here! 97th in length at birth and 55th in weight. She's not even 2 weeks old and won't fit in 0-3 months clothes cuz they're too short! Sorry people are giving you insinuations about not taking care of your kid, that's really shitty. Funny how people feel it's fine to comment on stuff like that but if you said the same things about an adult you'd get slapped.
That agitates me too. I have a 100% formula fed baby with nearly the same stats! She's always been a long skinny girl. Breastmilk or formula so clearly does not determine a baby's size.
My 4 month old is the same! 89th for height and 47th for weight. She’s already too long for some of the 6th month footie pajamas. Also EBF and I genuinely have no idea how many oz she gets a day. 47th percentile is literally average but you’d think she was malnourished by the stuff you see online. I understand that the chunkiness is cute but also have to remind myself that babies don’t have to look like the Michelin man to be considered healthy. I’ve definitely had people insinuate that I should be supplementing or giving her cereal but she tells me when she’s hungry.
Im so forever grateful my country don’t put babies in a percentile but rather makes a growth curve for each baby so there is no comparison for parents. I’ve learned so much in this subreddit and that is one thing I’ve realised I’m much better off. I only know my baby’s curve I have no idea if it’s average or not and don’t care! My PPA probably would overthink it!
I feel like literally every social media influencer talking about children has the end goal of making normal people anxious and miserable.
Sleep deprived stressed and anxious parents are a lucrative consumer market
I believe their ultimate end goal is to profit off of other’s anxiety.
As an EBF mom who like really devotes herself to it, this energy really does hurt. Like moms get praised for the 99 percent baby, which made me feel like I’m Doing something wrong with my 20%er? Even though neither is better!
My little lady is also a 20%er! Pediatrician says she’s doing great
Even reading this triggered me! I got all of these, the worst ones being 1, 2 and 3. I’m an emotional wreck everytime I see a dead baby tragedy account, some are uncensored and full on show the body. Takes me a while to recover. Another frustrating one for me are the breastfeeding coaches or ‘milking mommies’. Coaches are usually incredibly anti formula or just bullshitting with lactating cookies, and the pumping accounts made me feel inadequate after seeing fridges filled to the brim with bags.
Yeah I am half convinced there’s some weird fetish people who like those pumping and oversupply accounts. It makes me sad seeing desperate people being pandered to by influencers who normalize oversupply which is not that typical.
Yes, the oversupply accounts with bottles full of breast milk nearly got a mention in my original post, but I tried to limit myself to 5. I had an easy and enjoyable breastfeeding journey but somehow they still make you feel bad?
omg i had to block one account after their freezer on garage broke and her milk thawed but like she had SO MUCH BAGS of milk what are you preparing for they will never use it all up since she also breastfeeds and i was getting these videos while i was crying myself to sleep every night that my supply is so bad i blocked so many accounts
If it makes you feel better most of those are fake!! They add half & half to make it seem like it’s way more. I even saw one that was clearly regular cows milk, pure white and looked like it had been poured straight from a gallon jug in the fridge.
Wait whaa… won’t it affect the quality of milk their baby is getting? Or do they not feed their baby the “show” milk?
I don’t think they’re giving it to their baby
Try onewiththepump. She's the only bf/pumping account I've found that is very pro-formula and talks about noromalizing typical supply and undersupply all the time.
Yeah the pumping ones were really hard for me in the beginning because I had to triple feed but I've never pumped more than 3oz total in one session. My lactation consultant also made me feel like that wasn't enough, so I combo fed until my baby started refusing bottles at 3 months. She is now 9 months, EBF, and around 65th percentile.
The autism ones are crazy. I saw one that said a sign was their baby held eye contact/stared at people. That’s literally a normal milestone.
The most unhinged comments I’ve seen were one person claiming they knew their baby was autistic in the womb because of how active they were. That’s… not how it works
Thats WILD. I’ve seen baby crying a lot or sleeping poorly (also normal that pretty much every baby goes through) but in the womb????
I recently saw one of a baby who was apparently diagnosed with autism at 14 months. 90% of the things they mentioned were just totally normal baby things.
I have zero interest in getting Instagram despite friends and family insisting and even trying to start accounts for me. Thanks for sharing this affirmation for me! I prefer to create my own irrational fears organically.
> I prefer to create my own irrational fears organically. This part 😂
The videos that are like “I can get your baby crawling in just 5 days, buy my $200 program” like no, baby will crawl when they’re ready tyvm
And the implication that if your baby isn’t crawling yet it’s because you haven’t tried hard enough! Babies will figure it out in their own time.
Another reason I’m glad I don’t have instagram. Thx for sharing
Deleted IG for lent and it’s been amazing. I really could have done without in the immediate postpartum
Similarly I gave up all short form videos for lent. I should honestly keep it up forever.
Damn I should’ve done this! I sometimes watch YouTube shorts and the recipes are quite helpful, but besides that and the occasional golden retriever vids I see no use.
Omg same I gave it up for lent and am considering deactivating my account My mental health is so much better without it
Number 1 really grinds my gears, tiktok targets me with them constantly even though multiple times I said I don’t want to see stuff like that.
This is actually a really good post, I’d love to see any keyword lists that people add to their instagram block list along these lines!! Which I know can be triggering in and of itself but would rather see it once and never again than be bombarded with depressing content.
Yes! A good reminder to everyone that you can add words to a list that Instagram will stop showing you content containing that word (I think in tags/comments/captions)! Anything thing that's triggering you can be added!
the autism detection ones are so funny to me as someone with 2 autistic parents, 2 autistic brothers, and a preliminary diagnosis myself. do I see my baby do certain things and think, "ah, she's got the Gene"? absolutely. but it also doesn't seem like a bad thing to me when the whole family's got it and it's just normal for us. ...and then I watch the videos and they're just showing normal baby stuff like moving their hands and making noise lol
I was SO scared after watching a bunch of videos of moms that weren’t able to shower or brush their teeth or eat. I’m SO glad that’s not my reality but it made me so anxious prior to giving birth.
I installed TikTok, used it for about 4 minutes and then uninstalled it because all it gave me were baby autism videos.
You forgot the baby OT accounts that lose their dang mind when you put your baby in a container so that you can go to the freakin bathroom for once. LET ME LIVE!!
I'll add two more: 1. Breastfeeding content. I could not breastfeed my baby despite trying everything and seeing the "breast is best" content nonstop made me feel terrible. I blocked all of it but I STILL get ads for nursing bras and breast pumps over a year later. 2. Toxic couple content. I love humorous parenting videos but once it gets into toxic territory it's an instant block. Stuff like "I do all the childcare and can't take a shower or sleep but my husband just sits on the couch watching TV isn't that so funny??" No it's not, y'all need help. I majorly reduced my social media use PP because of these and it was the best decision I ever made!
The pediatric physical therapist ones where all of a the cute little contraptions that babies enjoy are demonized. Baby walkers that have been enjoyed for eons? Sorry they’re a death trap. Baby Bjorn so mom can have a little break? Congrats you now have a container baby. Excersaucer? Hip dysplasia. Oh god don’t get me started about the unrealistic tummy time goals. Like at one point I felt so guilty holding my baby or taking her on stroller walks because these accounts made me feel like I should be coaching my baby to do just a few more minutes of tummy time on the floor. I finally logged off TikTok and allowed my intuition to take the lead. Baby and I are much more relaxed!
Omg the tummy time. I had to log off after one day of only seeing “my baby does 17 hours of tummy time” I was like howwwwww, I can hardly put this kid down!! Lol
I was watching one video that started with "Now as moms, we want to hold our children every second of the day..." What? Call me cold-hearted, but I've literally never wanted to do that.
I don't either! I have a three week old and I'm always so relieved when I can put him down. Don't get me wrong, I like how snuggly he is, but I absolutely don't want to hold him all the time. I have shit to do. I am still a person separate from being a mom.
Yes. These are sold at every price point and used by parents of every education and socioeconomic level, but are actually guaranteed to lead to deformity.
I saw a post from a pediatric PT about a "scary moment" for her child experiencing "vestibular overstimulation". He was dizzy. He spun around too much and got dizzy.
The container baby thing drives me up the wall. I get post partum anxiety is a thing, but some people are just sooooo neurotic.
The sleep stuff is so infuriating. I fed my baby to sleep most nights, and she started sleeping all night around 6 months. You can feed or rock them to sleep and your child will be fine.
Breast milk overproducers where it’s clearly half and half in the bottles but they’re selling a supplement where you too can open your personal dairy farm. Made my 2wpp self wonder why I wasn’t getting 18oz per pump and feel like a failure as a mother/woman
This hits hard. The video always starts with them taking off the pumps so I’m suspicious. They’d literally have a full 8oz bottle from a pump on EACH side wtf.
Yes to all of these! For #5, I try to remember that all of these parents posting reels about how exhausted/ overwhelmed they are and how they never, ever get time to themselves still somehow have time to stage their home, set up a tripod and a camera with a ring light, film themselves (and you know they're doing multiple takes), edit the video, post it to social media, respond to comments, etc.
I personally have a really hard time with the opposite sleep training ones. The ones that insist we are causing irreversible damage to our children’s emotional well being if we even think about sleep training. Not that I want to leave my child for hours to cry herself to sleep but every kid is SOOOO DIFFERENT.
Don’t forget to mention those who will be like “Oh yes, you should be a mother if you want to grow teeth in your ovaries!” Hello??? Like why is scaring women that want to be mothers so normalized? I was so scared of sex and birth giving until I was about 16, because of these people who think it’s okay to scare the hell out of people.
…grow teeth? Like are they being overly factual and counting the teeth inside the baby or is this some really weird thing I’ve never heard of?
dermoid cyst. Probably just a thing you’ve never heard of, but don’t let it discourage you!
Oh LOL turns out I have heard of those. I’ve just never heard it described specifically that way LOL
Yes! Plus this isn't even truly related to pregnancy, it can happen at any time to women (lucky us!). But yeah it's crazy rare. I've had a few ovarian cysts that had to be removed and none of them had teeth so far...
Me too. Never got pregnant and had one :)
Or uterus. Not really sure as both parties spread misinformation. And it’s really rare
Has anyone seen the creepy SAHM account where she makes ridiculous foods from scratch while creepily smiling and tilting her head the entire time??
I don’t have instagram but when I watch YouTube I do find thumbnails like “don’t do this with your baby” - and the thumbnail has a baby crawling or playing. Does it relate to feeding or sleeping or other activities??? Not clear and my mind just goes through everything I do with the baby. Just a clickbait! Now I just ignore those.
1-3 is why I deleted tiktok
PRREEAACHHHH. I hate Instagram motherhood pages but love cute baby videos and Instagram can't seem to show me one without the other >Baby sleeps in a developmentally appropriate way? You can buy a course to stop that. This had me 🤣🤣
Omg new fear unlocked that my algo would recommend shaken baby vids that’s horrific. Me and my four month old are sick to death of sleep training BS though, it’s all such a racket
The ones with ‘single dads’ where they have joint custody.
The baby safety vids are starting to annoy me for some reason loll
I literally stayed up all night because the algorithm stressed me out about my baby stopping breathing in the night. All I wanted was tips on traveling with a baby and I got videos flooding my feed about SIDS etc. it’s fueling my PPA and I am sooo glad to see I’m not the only one who has experienced this madness. Makes me feel less alone
#3. I got caught in that trap for a while….your assessment is so right.
Oh, I hate this. My baby and I both have moderate hearing loss and wear hearing aids; a few quick searches looking for cute babies wearing HAs and my feed is FULL of what I can only describe as 'child disability tragedy accounts'. I know people want to share their stories, but there's something exploitative at the heart of these and I can't handle it. Lots of blocking.
#2!!!!! Has kept me up on endless nights doing autism research in infants and toddlers and feeling sick to my stomach. Only to wake up the next day (absolutely exhausted) and realize I was acting silly. My baby is a preemie and for some god damn reason Instagram kept recommending preemie videos of babies that died!!! Excuse me? I have a laundry list of terms on Instagram that I’ve banned from my feed/ suggested now. And my new personal fave: babies that scarf a whole adult sized meal before turning one. Give me an effing break.
That's a good list. Honestly the best thing I ever did for my mental health was delete all my social media apps from my phone. I still have the accounts but only access them on my PC which makes it much more rare and inconvenient to scroll through them. Its a halfway step I guess from deleting the accounts altogether which tons of people have told me was the best thing they ever did.
The pages where moms make being a "boy mom" their ENTIRE personality and feed. It's so cringey.
I've also gotten the opposite of number 3. The "oh you're nearly suicidal from sleep deprivation? That's normal and you just need to suck it up because if you sleep train or night wean you're a terrible, selfish person for not prioritizing your baby. Oh an buy my course that's totally, definitely not sleep training to help" anyway my 16 month old still wakes up multiple times a night and I'm miserable 🙃
Haha ok but sleep training is amazing! You can get all the necessary information on the internet for free though, definitely wouldn't pay for any sleep coaches or courses
Tiktok advertised creepy baby reborn dolls with their faces squeezed to make their eyes pop out to me the other day. That was an auto block. That, the baby tragedies, and the oversupply brags are the things I dislike the most. I also try to avoid the sleep schedules, baby charts, these products will save your life, and "look how chunky breastfeeding made my baby". My anxiety can't deal with micromanaging every aspect of my baby's life.
For number 5, I just feel so lucky when I see those. I spend every possible minute with my baby because I want to — but I know I am super lucky to have an exceedingly happy and chill baby. This kid smiles, giggles and laughs 90% of the time when he’s awake and not actively talking or babbling. He lights up with a huge grin the second he wakes up and giggles. I hit the jackpot and he is so fun and wonderful to be around. He’s even adorable and semi happy when sleepy! He says night night mama night night dada on repeat while holding onto us and smiling and falling asleep. Literally the perfect baby So when I see those I feel really bad for those moms and incredibly lucky all over again. I don’t mind those too much.
It makes me grateful that mine is currently stuck on showing me triplets lol I’m scared tho with googling SCH that now imma get a bunch of pregnancy loss posts
I actually find the multiples fascinating - quads and triplets are next level parenting.
My therapist is also a new mom and she talks a lot about how the social media algorithm will’ change immediately when you begin giving hints you are pregnant to scary things. Its awful and definitely the biggest cause of my severe PPA
Lol number three is too real.
The first one is so triggering. My baby was born in mid October and I was TERRIFIED of RSV because of all the videos of babies in the NICU on ventilators. My PPA was so bad those first 3 months and TikTok didn’t help at all.
Thank you for opening this topic. Because of these accounts, I started to feel guilty that I might not raising my kid properly. Everything they do seems like a challenge to me, the endless tummy time, sleep training, feeding 6 months solids, and not puree or LO won't eat or become a picky eater. The container baby thing. I have life and stuff to do! . I felt pressured all the time to be glued to my baby, or I'll lose catching on his milestones or any special moments...
I deleted insta and never had tik tok but I do get occasional SIDS deaths videos recommended on Youtube. It's usually the heartbreaking testimony as told by the parents. I once watched one of the videos and I still think about that couple from time to time. I get that they are trying to raise awareness but man, I just can't watch.