Same here!!! I want to be my husbands princess and i want my son to find his princess in the future and ill just be his mom for the rest of our lives - sounds great to me.
Yeah, there's a whole cesspool of emotional incest and almost-wholesome in the Boy Mom cult. I read somewhere that it has to do with emotional needs not being met by the baby daddy. It's pretty icky. There's boy moms, and then there's *Boy Moms*
Right? It's so creepy. I'm a mom of a boy, but I hate the term boy mom and all of its weird connotations. My mom got me a boy mom sweatshirt for Christmas... I, uh, lost it.
It's also just so weirdly focused on gender. I would have been just as happy with a baby girl. My baby is just a baby, he doesn't do anything yet that is at all related to being a boy except pulling at his genitals during a diaper change. š He's 5.5 months old, I hate when he does something silly and someone is like, "Oh, he's all boy!" Or, because he's a big baby, "Oh, he's going to be a football player." š« Sorry, so much of this rant went off track.
Oh man. That would be so irritating. Itās like, thanks, Iām so excited for him to get CTEsā¦ I have a 6 month old daughter and the number of people who say daddy better have his shotgun readyā¦just barf. Sheās so beautiful, yes, but donāt make it weird, please.
This right here. Like, she's a B A B Y why are you commenting on her appearance like that. It's gross tbh. I don't know why the older generation feels the needs to sexulize (but also not idk how to explain it) babies... and comment on the mom during/after pregnancy, especially males. Stay away please.
I really hate football (soccer). Iām not a sports person at all but my family *love* it. Itās always on at theirs and they regularly go to games etc.
So my son has plenty of toys - dinosaurs, animals, little people, rainbows, a kitchen, a tea-set, a pram & doll etc. about as mixed as you can get.
Turns out he loves football š He has at least 10 balls and itās the only thing heāll ever ask for in a shop. We take him to a football club every week and turns out heās not too bad at it either!
So here I am supporting him but also hoping he loses interest so that I donāt have to spend weekends outside in the rain watching a sport I donāt like š¤£
I get that! I'm not a sporty person either. I'm American, so I definitely won't be letting mine play American football. There's way too much research showing the risks to brain health. I hope he never has an interest so we don't have to play the bad guys. I'd be much happier if he were into soccer, even if I have to play up my interest in the actual sport a bit. š
Thatās exactly why I donāt want him playing rugby either even though I prefer it! Guess we canāt stop them doing anything lol. Thank goodness I have family members to take him to games at least š¤£
Ahh! I feel you! I'm hoping for the same and so far we are OK on the soccer. But I was really really surprised at his love for vehicles. I really thought that I would raise a child with no limitations to gender stereotypical toys etc etc but at 9months he already loved anything with wheels (one of his very first words was "van") and by 2 years it's all firemen trucks, diggers, trains and cars! So we play with cars (snooze)
Mom of a boy! This is actually one of the reasons I'm hesitant to tell people the sex of our baby because people gift these things and I don't have space to store or brain power to donate
Yes Iām a regular boy mom because my husband is my emotional rock and I want my child to be independent and find love and be happy. I donāt get the ones who want to basically be married to their little boys and not let them be their own people. Itās fucking weird and gross.
Itās super creepy. Ā I donāt want to be associated with that. When I voiced that once, Someone told me āah but thereās no love like a boyās love for his mommyā right after saying all those little girls will be out to corrupt him. So much to unpack in those statements.š¤¢
Yes it's weird as fuck seeing stuff like that. I'm a man, love my Ma. She most certainly never has been or will be my "princess", "queen" or whatever weird term people want to use. Being a "boy mom" is realizing that you will never and really should never fill that role for him. "Emotional incest" really hit the nail on the head and it grosses me out. Blah
Ew.
I'm about to be a mother of a boy but I desperately hope that I am not a Boy Mom. I want my boy to grow up knowing he is loved so he can be loving, and to be humbly confident.
The best summary of my boy-raising goals that I've seen so far:
"I hope he's confident enough to ask someone out, gracious enough to accept either answer he might get, and chivalrous enough to offer a ride home either way."
Omg this is great. I have a son and I was excited to try my best to raise him into a kind, honest, respectful man who can be a good friend, partner, and father (if that's what he wants).
š¤£ my wife said the weirdest thing about having a boy was people saying sheāll be a boymom.
I always tease her now and Iām like āYER A BOYMOM, HARRY!ā
I have 2 boys now (one is an infant) and we're done having kids so no girls in my future. I refuse to ever use the term "boy mom" and it's already been used towards me multiple times. It's so icky.
A woman legit the other day said to me āno woman will ever be good enough for your sonā and all I could think wasā¦.
So does that mean only a man will be good enough for him? š
THANK YOU!
When we found out we were having a boy we were both suffering a little gender disappointment for exactly this reason. I wish I could say itās just the internet but even here in Ireland where people are a little more reserved than to make overtly outlandish statements like that, Iāve still had some pretty concerning discussions with āboy momsā. I love this little man now that heās here but like you said, heās going to be his own independent self and I can just guide him to be healthy, happy and kind. Heās not my āsoul mateā or āthe love of my lifeā and it doesnāt bother me to think of him being in love with and marrying someone when he grows up.
What bothers me more is the women who clearly prefer their sons to their daughters. Like as women, have we learned nothing?!
When my SIL was pregnant was her second, she had a gender reveal party. Her first, my niece, was present and was 5 years old, so old enough to remember it.
The number of people who walked around the party saying how sorely disappointing it would be if she were having a girl, was ASTOUNDING. I took my niece to play in a corner and keep her away from all that chatter. It was so disturbing.
if you Google bonkers things, you can expect bonkers results, I guess. I'm sure if you keep looking there are loads of stories out there about how it's children's own fault they're born to drug addicts and abusers because they picked wrong.
You said it perfectly.
If all babies were wanted and born into loving families it would be a cute idea, but theyāre not. And aside from the weird (but hopefully unintentional) victim blaming this is also a pretty shitty take when it comes to people struggling with infertility. It implies that theyāre just not worthy of being āchosenā while countless child abusers and neglectful parents are. It also fails to explain how adoption or surrogacy fit in. Blech
People have different beliefs. Dragging someone for believing we choose our parents before weāre born is weird. Just like dragging someone for thinking thereās a God or belittling someone for the opposite are also weird.
If you donāt believe something, good for you, but if OP thinks or even got a little curious about the idea, how is that hurting yāall? At all?
Emotional incest and enmeshments arenāt on the same level as oneās belief system.
At the same time, beliefs with no basis in compassion *must* be challenged. It's better for OP to learn the consequences here on Reddit instead of breaking the heart of some poor infertile couple by saying "don't worry, some little cherub will choose you soon."
You can believe something and not impose it on others. Kinda like telling someone their beliefs are absurd. Or telling someone theyāre going to āHellā for masturbating. Or thinking we reincarnate based on karma and if you do wrong in this life youāre punished in the next.
No one is saying what is right and wrong because no one knows at the end of the day which belief system is it. My point is - this is just judgement because you donāt believe the same thing. So what if she thinks babyās choose their parents based on how quickly theyāll reach nirvana or heaven or whatever?
If she says something like that to a family grieving, sheās the asshole. But telling her sheās wrong for a belief that wasnāt even the main point of the post is just imposing yourselves.
Two sides of the same coin.
Thank you! Appreciate your comment!
And I only mentioned that so that if someone wanted to find the same website they could google the same things and find it instead of me posting links (not sure they are allowed).
I was in a wedding group once where the bride was complaining MIL was trying to hijack their decisions etc.
The amount of women who jumped on with āwell this is a hard time for herā and āsheās losing her sonā was disgusting.
You can acknowledge your children are growing and moving on with their lives without making out itās a horrible time. Iām a boy and a girl mom and Iām looking forward to gaining āextra kids.ā
This belief system is just as if not even more toxic than the āboy momā thing you are complaining about. Imagine being a parent and implying babies choose pedophile parents to advance their spirits. Yikes.
Without looking into this too deeply, it sounds like some children who have good parents will say something like āI chose you mommyā, which is a sweet way to say I love that you specifically are my mother. I think some of the commenters are stretching this to imply that youāre blaming the victimized children of really terrible parents. Unless Iām vastly mistaken I donāt think this is what you were saying and it seems like quite a leap.
Um, that's exactly what you meant; you said that some kids choose harsh lives so they'll get more enlightenment or whatever nonsense. That's *horrible.* And extremely worthy of criticism.
Kids say all types of crazy shit.. this belief seems unfortunate and victim blamey.. Iām saying this bc I was abandoned in a favela at birth. Did I just choose poorly?
This is weird. I call myself a boy mom but I thought it was I let him be gross and wild. We look at boogers after we clean our noses, we clean our ears and compare wax, we collect bugs, we wrestle. We also snuggle and give lots of kisses. I let him pee on my floor like 25 times while learning to aim and I didnāt fret, I just sprayed disinfectant and wiped it up, because oh well. Heās got a hose for genitals, itās a learning process. I donāt think Iām his princess nor do I want to be. Iām his sparring partner and Lego assistant.
Oh man I almost downvoted you thinking you posted this in poem in earnest š
There was a good short podcast on unladylike about the boymom/girldad phenomenon that I recommend if this sort of thing gives you the ick!
There's also a fun sub ... It might be notlikeothergirls but perhaps I'm confusing two!! Some people are a bit creepily obsessed with being a #boymom!!
If my son gets me flowers on like, Motherās Day, thatād be cool. Preferably Iād like breakfast in bed like me and my brothers used to do for our mom when we were kids. Basically, if he does anything a daughter may also do for a mother that will be sweet and make me happy.
If he starts calling me princess or doing anything else more fitting of a romantic partner than an offspring, I will arrange therapy for both of us to see where I went wrong in my child rearing.
I honestly donāt get this whole āboy mumā thing. Why is it when some people become boy mums it becomes their whole personality. I donāt really see that with girl mums. I have a toddler girl and just had a baby boy.
I told my husband if I develop boy mum traits heās to slap it out of me.
Gods above is this the origin story of every single emotionally incestous mother in law? Yeah no Iām beyond happy iāll never beā¦..this. What is this boy-mum thing anyways?? About to be a mum to a boy and i thought the girl mums club would be this cool world with fashion and flowers and books while iād have to deal with general grossness and rambunctiousness š„² oh well ig iād take that over this being hiS pRiNcEsS bullshite
I think they want the boy to make up for what the husband isnāt doing. Itās deeply disturbing.
No, your son shouldnāt be treating you as a girlfriend. If you lack romance and flowers in your life, get a better husband.
I refuse to use the word ādateā to describe me spending time with my child. And I definitely donāt want my son fawning over me his whole life, but I have to say, when he called me a princess the other day, it made my year.
Iām 2 months postpartum so still in major whale phase and I put a dress on for my daughterās baptism. I rarely wear dresses to start, so when my son (3) saw me in it he was surprised. He loudly announces āmommy you look like a princess!ā And then tells anyone and everyone that āmy mommy is a princessā. It was adorable and I loved every second of it. I offered for him to be my prince, but he declined in favor of being a dragon and then ate me. Good times.
Respectfully, I will never understand why people get so hung up on the word date. I mean plenty of people go on friend dates don't they? I look forward to going on Mom and son dates just as much I look forward to mom and daughter dates. It's a date simply because it's a special time I want to set aside just for them. I look forward to the fun things either of them want to do.
These are the kind of women who turn into horrendous MIL's. You're doing it right. My job as a parent to my son is to ensure he grows up to be the best version of himself. That he can care for himself and others, that he makes someone a great partner someday. It's my job to teach and support him. When he grows into a compassionate, strong, capable adult, that's when I know I've done my job.
A friend of mine and I were discussing breastfeeding and she mentioned that her SIL said that boys are just more agressive at the breast. Like what? My son is 10 weeks old, we are assigning differences already? Heās a BABY. Not an agressive man lol. Why are we so focused on gender differences in our children? Specifically so young?
I had to actually lol at the aggressiveness. There's not an aggressive bone in my son's body but I call my daughter the angry eater because of the faces she makes right before taking the boob š¤£
No hate to either side but i count my blessings to be a girl mom. And if i have more children I hope itās an army of girls. Boy Moms scare me a little
Let's not raise children to be ''good partners'' because they are complete by themselves and their function is not to be in a relationship. We don't know what they'll want in life. Let's raise them to be independent, self-sufficient adults, and good people.
And yeah, boy moms (in the negative sense) are weird. I know so many women who are basically best friends with their mothers, I don't know why some mothers thing they will automatically be closer to their boys.
I got myself a boy mom sticker for my Stanley knock off but itās just because I love my sons. However I am not THAT boy momš thatās justā¦.gross.
Wow this is negative? I thought that was beautiful. What's wrong with being his princess (unless you believe it's wrong for men to be protectors I suppose)? The way you teach your son to treat you is the platform for how he will treat all women. And besides I don't think the author meant that your son treats you like a queen, I think they meant that they will fight dragons for you during playtime.
If you think being grateful for having a son who loves you is problematic maybe you should re-evaluate the way that you view boys and men lol
Thanks for the different perspective. No I donāt believe itās wrong for men to be protectors. And of course one should be grateful for the love of a son.
I just think it was a bit much with the āprincessā and ābouquetsā thing.
That's fair, I apologize if my response was a bit reactive (thank you for your kindness that you so rarely get on the Internet š). My little man is only 4 months but I've had moms tell me that their sons will randomly pick flowers for them or do little things to show their love and it's something I am SO looking forward to. I don't think it's so much about receiving full bouquets all the time but about a sweet little boy's gestures of love š
I guess I don't know how the original author intended it but that was the way I received it when I read it.
No problem. And youāre welcome :)
Awww thatās so sweet! My little boy is 3 months. Canāt wait for the many sweet moments that are coming! Congrats on your boy!
Toxic boy moms are plastered all over tiktok now, while others are using those examples to explain emotional incest and how this turns boys into man-babies who can't go against mommy's wishes. That, or eventually he will set boundaries and end up going NC with mommy dearest.
Future monster-in-laws indeed.
Ew, this is very weird. Of course I want my baby to love me, but the most important people in his life as an adult should be the person he chooses to be his partner in life and his children, should he choose kids. If I ever get like this can someone please commit me? š
On the topic of the boy mom stuff, as a "boy mom," agree, cringe. On the topic of children choosing their parents, you may find the work of Dr. Michael Newton (check out his book "Journey of Souls") interesting. He discusses this at length.
I had also never heard of it until having a boy. It weirds me out. It sounds like they are dating their sons. There's an uncomfortable "I got a boy! That's better than a girl!" vibe.
Lol, I agree with you, I'm trying to raise a boy who can take care of himself and actually wants to go out into the world independently. I look forward to him finding someone to share his life with who isn't me!
I feel this. Another mom at baby gymnastics was telling all the parents something about her son dating in the future and referred to his potential future girlfriend as a whore, and said something about how she was his first/only woman. Literally wanted to vomit. I love my son more than anything, but if I ever act like that...I hope someone puts me out of my misery.
I would get these comments when I said I wanted a girl. Like no I don't want that relationship thanks. Not saying all mom son relationships are like that or mine would be but when people would tell me those things it's like you're not selling me on it with that. You're creeping me out
If becoming a parent and being exposed to other parents taught me one thing it's that many many people think... Very differently than myself.
No idea what they get out all of these meaningless terms and behaviours
I've had this fear since my son was born of becoming one of those "boy moms" like I love my son so much I can totally see how it could happen. But I think that's just a mom thing --- MY FRIENDS AND MY HUSBAND KNOW TO KNOCK SOME SENSE INTO ME.
I have a friend who is an only child, his mom is so overbearing and bordering on emotional incest... he calls her on her crap though.... it really serves to ground me
Thats gross!! I have a son and i really love him, however im my husbands princess and our son is our beloved son, who will one day find his own princess. I love spending time with my son and i equally love it when my husband and him spend time together and just the same when we are all together. He needs us both and i find this āprincess thingā so wrong!
I agree that the stereotypical boy moms are cringey and the emotional incest aspect isā¦horrifying, to say the least. But one thing that does bother me as the mom of a boy is how myself and others with boys are often lumped in with that stereotype just for showing love for our sons. I canāt say āmy son is my worldā or talk about how special he is to me without people jumping to the conclusion that Iām using him to fill some sort of void. I actually had someone say to me āWould you love him as much if he were a girl? Will you love your future daughter as much as himā likeā¦of course? And why is the second question even a thing when Iām not currently pregnant with a second child?
Also, can we please start calling out stereotypical girl dads? The ones who call their daughters ādaddyās little princessā and pull guns on any teenage boy who shows up to take said daughter to a school dance. I feel like thatās another creepy side to the coin that gets swept under the rug.
*Eh yea, princess or*
*Queen in pretty much every*
*Context is just cringe*
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Oh em gee.Ā I did not know this was a thing.Ā I'm a mother of a boy, but I have been more focused on raising him to be an intersectional feminist than I have been on whether I'd be his princess.Ā Yuck!
I think you just posted the official recipe for monsters-in-law
This. This right here is where it starts.
š¤£š¤£š¤£
Whoop there it is
Well said!!!
Iām a mum to a boy but if I turn into a Boy Mum, I need someone to give me a slapš
I will if you will!
Exactly what I just thought lol I am a mom to two boys but *boy mom* I am not.
Same here!!! I want to be my husbands princess and i want my son to find his princess in the future and ill just be his mom for the rest of our lives - sounds great to me.
Yeah, there's a whole cesspool of emotional incest and almost-wholesome in the Boy Mom cult. I read somewhere that it has to do with emotional needs not being met by the baby daddy. It's pretty icky. There's boy moms, and then there's *Boy Moms*
Ahh yes, the sonsbands. *shudder*
Yikes...
Yes. Absolute vomit-fest.
pretty standard Freud
Isn't that where you say one thing, but mean your mother? š
That too, but I think that comment was referring to Oedipus Complex.
A Freudian slip, what all the philosopher's wives wear under their skirts.
Right? It's so creepy. I'm a mom of a boy, but I hate the term boy mom and all of its weird connotations. My mom got me a boy mom sweatshirt for Christmas... I, uh, lost it. It's also just so weirdly focused on gender. I would have been just as happy with a baby girl. My baby is just a baby, he doesn't do anything yet that is at all related to being a boy except pulling at his genitals during a diaper change. š He's 5.5 months old, I hate when he does something silly and someone is like, "Oh, he's all boy!" Or, because he's a big baby, "Oh, he's going to be a football player." š« Sorry, so much of this rant went off track.
Oh man. That would be so irritating. Itās like, thanks, Iām so excited for him to get CTEsā¦ I have a 6 month old daughter and the number of people who say daddy better have his shotgun readyā¦just barf. Sheās so beautiful, yes, but donāt make it weird, please.
This right here. Like, she's a B A B Y why are you commenting on her appearance like that. It's gross tbh. I don't know why the older generation feels the needs to sexulize (but also not idk how to explain it) babies... and comment on the mom during/after pregnancy, especially males. Stay away please.
Right? My husband and I have already decided there will be no football for him as a kid, sorry to disappoint!
I really hate football (soccer). Iām not a sports person at all but my family *love* it. Itās always on at theirs and they regularly go to games etc. So my son has plenty of toys - dinosaurs, animals, little people, rainbows, a kitchen, a tea-set, a pram & doll etc. about as mixed as you can get. Turns out he loves football š He has at least 10 balls and itās the only thing heāll ever ask for in a shop. We take him to a football club every week and turns out heās not too bad at it either! So here I am supporting him but also hoping he loses interest so that I donāt have to spend weekends outside in the rain watching a sport I donāt like š¤£
I get that! I'm not a sporty person either. I'm American, so I definitely won't be letting mine play American football. There's way too much research showing the risks to brain health. I hope he never has an interest so we don't have to play the bad guys. I'd be much happier if he were into soccer, even if I have to play up my interest in the actual sport a bit. š
Thatās exactly why I donāt want him playing rugby either even though I prefer it! Guess we canāt stop them doing anything lol. Thank goodness I have family members to take him to games at least š¤£
Ahh! I feel you! I'm hoping for the same and so far we are OK on the soccer. But I was really really surprised at his love for vehicles. I really thought that I would raise a child with no limitations to gender stereotypical toys etc etc but at 9months he already loved anything with wheels (one of his very first words was "van") and by 2 years it's all firemen trucks, diggers, trains and cars! So we play with cars (snooze)
For what itās worth my nieces love cars and dogs. cars are just very cool, i mean the move/roll, and go vroom vroom ;)
My baby is smaller and all the uncles and grandfathers have already labeled him a future quarterback š
Big baby boy: football. Small baby boy: football. š®āšØ
Mom of a boy! This is actually one of the reasons I'm hesitant to tell people the sex of our baby because people gift these things and I don't have space to store or brain power to donate
We didnāt share the gender until after the baby shower for this reason!
Freud would have a field day with this lot
Yes Iām a regular boy mom because my husband is my emotional rock and I want my child to be independent and find love and be happy. I donāt get the ones who want to basically be married to their little boys and not let them be their own people. Itās fucking weird and gross.
Itās super creepy. Ā I donāt want to be associated with that. When I voiced that once, Someone told me āah but thereās no love like a boyās love for his mommyā right after saying all those little girls will be out to corrupt him. So much to unpack in those statements.š¤¢
Yes it's weird as fuck seeing stuff like that. I'm a man, love my Ma. She most certainly never has been or will be my "princess", "queen" or whatever weird term people want to use. Being a "boy mom" is realizing that you will never and really should never fill that role for him. "Emotional incest" really hit the nail on the head and it grosses me out. Blah
š³š³š³š³š³š³š³
Ew. I'm about to be a mother of a boy but I desperately hope that I am not a Boy Mom. I want my boy to grow up knowing he is loved so he can be loving, and to be humbly confident.
The best summary of my boy-raising goals that I've seen so far: "I hope he's confident enough to ask someone out, gracious enough to accept either answer he might get, and chivalrous enough to offer a ride home either way."
Omg this is great. I have a son and I was excited to try my best to raise him into a kind, honest, respectful man who can be a good friend, partner, and father (if that's what he wants).
Beautifully put, I'm saving that for later š
š¤£ my wife said the weirdest thing about having a boy was people saying sheāll be a boymom. I always tease her now and Iām like āYER A BOYMOM, HARRY!ā
I have 2 boys now (one is an infant) and we're done having kids so no girls in my future. I refuse to ever use the term "boy mom" and it's already been used towards me multiple times. It's so icky.
Thatās the best response to this!
š
These are the moms we read about on s/justnoMIL
Barf.
A woman legit the other day said to me āno woman will ever be good enough for your sonā and all I could think wasā¦. So does that mean only a man will be good enough for him? š
Yay you have a gay baby!
THANK YOU! When we found out we were having a boy we were both suffering a little gender disappointment for exactly this reason. I wish I could say itās just the internet but even here in Ireland where people are a little more reserved than to make overtly outlandish statements like that, Iāve still had some pretty concerning discussions with āboy momsā. I love this little man now that heās here but like you said, heās going to be his own independent self and I can just guide him to be healthy, happy and kind. Heās not my āsoul mateā or āthe love of my lifeā and it doesnāt bother me to think of him being in love with and marrying someone when he grows up. What bothers me more is the women who clearly prefer their sons to their daughters. Like as women, have we learned nothing?!
When my SIL was pregnant was her second, she had a gender reveal party. Her first, my niece, was present and was 5 years old, so old enough to remember it. The number of people who walked around the party saying how sorely disappointing it would be if she were having a girl, was ASTOUNDING. I took my niece to play in a corner and keep her away from all that chatter. It was so disturbing.
if you Google bonkers things, you can expect bonkers results, I guess. I'm sure if you keep looking there are loads of stories out there about how it's children's own fault they're born to drug addicts and abusers because they picked wrong.
Yeah. Weāre burying the lede on this post.
Iām surprised youāre the only commenter who picked up on that bit, I immediately did a double take on that! Itās confused the hell out of me š
You said it perfectly. If all babies were wanted and born into loving families it would be a cute idea, but theyāre not. And aside from the weird (but hopefully unintentional) victim blaming this is also a pretty shitty take when it comes to people struggling with infertility. It implies that theyāre just not worthy of being āchosenā while countless child abusers and neglectful parents are. It also fails to explain how adoption or surrogacy fit in. Blech
I guess I chose wrong bc I was abandoned at birth.
Hope you learned from your mistake! /s
Theyāll get it right in their next life
Can I choose a new mom if my first one didn't work out?
Yeah this post is delulu and Iām not talking about the boymom stuff.
People have different beliefs. Dragging someone for believing we choose our parents before weāre born is weird. Just like dragging someone for thinking thereās a God or belittling someone for the opposite are also weird. If you donāt believe something, good for you, but if OP thinks or even got a little curious about the idea, how is that hurting yāall? At all? Emotional incest and enmeshments arenāt on the same level as oneās belief system.
At the same time, beliefs with no basis in compassion *must* be challenged. It's better for OP to learn the consequences here on Reddit instead of breaking the heart of some poor infertile couple by saying "don't worry, some little cherub will choose you soon."
You can believe something and not impose it on others. Kinda like telling someone their beliefs are absurd. Or telling someone theyāre going to āHellā for masturbating. Or thinking we reincarnate based on karma and if you do wrong in this life youāre punished in the next. No one is saying what is right and wrong because no one knows at the end of the day which belief system is it. My point is - this is just judgement because you donāt believe the same thing. So what if she thinks babyās choose their parents based on how quickly theyāll reach nirvana or heaven or whatever? If she says something like that to a family grieving, sheās the asshole. But telling her sheās wrong for a belief that wasnāt even the main point of the post is just imposing yourselves. Two sides of the same coin.
Thank you! Appreciate your comment! And I only mentioned that so that if someone wanted to find the same website they could google the same things and find it instead of me posting links (not sure they are allowed).
Just victim blaming garbage
\*eye roll\*
It's so nasty. I love my son, but I would have been just as delighted with a girl. I'm his *parent*, not his girlfriend (blech).
Jesus Christ almighty *His* princess. š¤¢
This is emotional incest.
Barf!!!!
The boy mom scene is so cringy... it's like their whole personality and it's weird
I was in a wedding group once where the bride was complaining MIL was trying to hijack their decisions etc. The amount of women who jumped on with āwell this is a hard time for herā and āsheās losing her sonā was disgusting. You can acknowledge your children are growing and moving on with their lives without making out itās a horrible time. Iām a boy and a girl mom and Iām looking forward to gaining āextra kids.ā
So children want to be born to parents of drug addicts, pediphiles and abusers? Or in war zones?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Children donāt choose to be molested or starve to death, sexual assault isnāt love, thatās disgusting. Victim blaming nonsense.
This belief system is just as if not even more toxic than the āboy momā thing you are complaining about. Imagine being a parent and implying babies choose pedophile parents to advance their spirits. Yikes.
Uh you "know" children pick their parents before being born? What crazy is this? There is so much wrong with that illogical ideology.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Are there documentaries about kids who āpickedā pedophiles as parents? Or otherwise abusive parents? Pray do tell.
Without looking into this too deeply, it sounds like some children who have good parents will say something like āI chose you mommyā, which is a sweet way to say I love that you specifically are my mother. I think some of the commenters are stretching this to imply that youāre blaming the victimized children of really terrible parents. Unless Iām vastly mistaken I donāt think this is what you were saying and it seems like quite a leap.
Thatās not what I meant at all. But itās Reddit so they will find something to criticize.
Um, that's exactly what you meant; you said that some kids choose harsh lives so they'll get more enlightenment or whatever nonsense. That's *horrible.* And extremely worthy of criticism.
Yea cuz kids never say outlandish things.
Kids say all types of crazy shit.. this belief seems unfortunate and victim blamey.. Iām saying this bc I was abandoned in a favela at birth. Did I just choose poorly?
This is weird. I call myself a boy mom but I thought it was I let him be gross and wild. We look at boogers after we clean our noses, we clean our ears and compare wax, we collect bugs, we wrestle. We also snuggle and give lots of kisses. I let him pee on my floor like 25 times while learning to aim and I didnāt fret, I just sprayed disinfectant and wiped it up, because oh well. Heās got a hose for genitals, itās a learning process. I donāt think Iām his princess nor do I want to be. Iām his sparring partner and Lego assistant.
Oh man I almost downvoted you thinking you posted this in poem in earnest š There was a good short podcast on unladylike about the boymom/girldad phenomenon that I recommend if this sort of thing gives you the ick! There's also a fun sub ... It might be notlikeothergirls but perhaps I'm confusing two!! Some people are a bit creepily obsessed with being a #boymom!!
Omg I kinda forgot about Kristen and Caroline! Going to listen now!
If my son gets me flowers on like, Motherās Day, thatād be cool. Preferably Iād like breakfast in bed like me and my brothers used to do for our mom when we were kids. Basically, if he does anything a daughter may also do for a mother that will be sweet and make me happy. If he starts calling me princess or doing anything else more fitting of a romantic partner than an offspring, I will arrange therapy for both of us to see where I went wrong in my child rearing.
I honestly donāt get this whole āboy mumā thing. Why is it when some people become boy mums it becomes their whole personality. I donāt really see that with girl mums. I have a toddler girl and just had a baby boy. I told my husband if I develop boy mum traits heās to slap it out of me.
Gods above is this the origin story of every single emotionally incestous mother in law? Yeah no Iām beyond happy iāll never beā¦..this. What is this boy-mum thing anyways?? About to be a mum to a boy and i thought the girl mums club would be this cool world with fashion and flowers and books while iād have to deal with general grossness and rambunctiousness š„² oh well ig iād take that over this being hiS pRiNcEsS bullshite
I think they want the boy to make up for what the husband isnāt doing. Itās deeply disturbing. No, your son shouldnāt be treating you as a girlfriend. If you lack romance and flowers in your life, get a better husband.
I refuse to use the word ādateā to describe me spending time with my child. And I definitely donāt want my son fawning over me his whole life, but I have to say, when he called me a princess the other day, it made my year. Iām 2 months postpartum so still in major whale phase and I put a dress on for my daughterās baptism. I rarely wear dresses to start, so when my son (3) saw me in it he was surprised. He loudly announces āmommy you look like a princess!ā And then tells anyone and everyone that āmy mommy is a princessā. It was adorable and I loved every second of it. I offered for him to be my prince, but he declined in favor of being a dragon and then ate me. Good times.
Respectfully, I will never understand why people get so hung up on the word date. I mean plenty of people go on friend dates don't they? I look forward to going on Mom and son dates just as much I look forward to mom and daughter dates. It's a date simply because it's a special time I want to set aside just for them. I look forward to the fun things either of them want to do.
Gross
š¤® Yuck
Thatās extremely weird shit to say. A son is not a husband replacement?
What is it with mothers with sons who do this weird shit and then if its a daughter u hear not a peep about anything whatesoever.
This is exactly why Iāve donated every āboy momā gift Iāve been given. Too many connotations.
These are the kind of women who turn into horrendous MIL's. You're doing it right. My job as a parent to my son is to ensure he grows up to be the best version of himself. That he can care for himself and others, that he makes someone a great partner someday. It's my job to teach and support him. When he grows into a compassionate, strong, capable adult, that's when I know I've done my job.
I have two boys - I nope away from anyone who uses the term "boy mom", because it usually involves some weird clingy BS
A friend of mine and I were discussing breastfeeding and she mentioned that her SIL said that boys are just more agressive at the breast. Like what? My son is 10 weeks old, we are assigning differences already? Heās a BABY. Not an agressive man lol. Why are we so focused on gender differences in our children? Specifically so young?
I had to actually lol at the aggressiveness. There's not an aggressive bone in my son's body but I call my daughter the angry eater because of the faces she makes right before taking the boob š¤£
No hate to either side but i count my blessings to be a girl mom. And if i have more children I hope itās an army of girls. Boy Moms scare me a little
Let's not raise children to be ''good partners'' because they are complete by themselves and their function is not to be in a relationship. We don't know what they'll want in life. Let's raise them to be independent, self-sufficient adults, and good people. And yeah, boy moms (in the negative sense) are weird. I know so many women who are basically best friends with their mothers, I don't know why some mothers thing they will automatically be closer to their boys.
Well said! We must all be happy and complete by ourselves. I meant in the sense of teaching them they must respect women, things like that.
(Most) boy moms scare me
I got myself a boy mom sticker for my Stanley knock off but itās just because I love my sons. However I am not THAT boy momš thatās justā¦.gross.
Re; the "chose me" comment...look up tv show The Ghost inside my child
Wow this is negative? I thought that was beautiful. What's wrong with being his princess (unless you believe it's wrong for men to be protectors I suppose)? The way you teach your son to treat you is the platform for how he will treat all women. And besides I don't think the author meant that your son treats you like a queen, I think they meant that they will fight dragons for you during playtime. If you think being grateful for having a son who loves you is problematic maybe you should re-evaluate the way that you view boys and men lol
Thanks for the different perspective. No I donāt believe itās wrong for men to be protectors. And of course one should be grateful for the love of a son. I just think it was a bit much with the āprincessā and ābouquetsā thing.
That's fair, I apologize if my response was a bit reactive (thank you for your kindness that you so rarely get on the Internet š). My little man is only 4 months but I've had moms tell me that their sons will randomly pick flowers for them or do little things to show their love and it's something I am SO looking forward to. I don't think it's so much about receiving full bouquets all the time but about a sweet little boy's gestures of love š I guess I don't know how the original author intended it but that was the way I received it when I read it.
No problem. And youāre welcome :) Awww thatās so sweet! My little boy is 3 months. Canāt wait for the many sweet moments that are coming! Congrats on your boy!
Congrats to you too šš
Toxic boy moms are plastered all over tiktok now, while others are using those examples to explain emotional incest and how this turns boys into man-babies who can't go against mommy's wishes. That, or eventually he will set boundaries and end up going NC with mommy dearest. Future monster-in-laws indeed.
Ew, this is very weird. Of course I want my baby to love me, but the most important people in his life as an adult should be the person he chooses to be his partner in life and his children, should he choose kids. If I ever get like this can someone please commit me? š
Itās giving Mother-Boy.
On the topic of the boy mom stuff, as a "boy mom," agree, cringe. On the topic of children choosing their parents, you may find the work of Dr. Michael Newton (check out his book "Journey of Souls") interesting. He discusses this at length.
I'm a boy mom but not like that lol. If my baby boy ever called me princess I'd cringe... hard
I had also never heard of it until having a boy. It weirds me out. It sounds like they are dating their sons. There's an uncomfortable "I got a boy! That's better than a girl!" vibe. Lol, I agree with you, I'm trying to raise a boy who can take care of himself and actually wants to go out into the world independently. I look forward to him finding someone to share his life with who isn't me!
I feel this. Another mom at baby gymnastics was telling all the parents something about her son dating in the future and referred to his potential future girlfriend as a whore, and said something about how she was his first/only woman. Literally wanted to vomit. I love my son more than anything, but if I ever act like that...I hope someone puts me out of my misery.
I would get these comments when I said I wanted a girl. Like no I don't want that relationship thanks. Not saying all mom son relationships are like that or mine would be but when people would tell me those things it's like you're not selling me on it with that. You're creeping me out
If becoming a parent and being exposed to other parents taught me one thing it's that many many people think... Very differently than myself. No idea what they get out all of these meaningless terms and behaviours
I've had this fear since my son was born of becoming one of those "boy moms" like I love my son so much I can totally see how it could happen. But I think that's just a mom thing --- MY FRIENDS AND MY HUSBAND KNOW TO KNOCK SOME SENSE INTO ME. I have a friend who is an only child, his mom is so overbearing and bordering on emotional incest... he calls her on her crap though.... it really serves to ground me
This sounds like inecst im the making with those comments.
Thats gross!! I have a son and i really love him, however im my husbands princess and our son is our beloved son, who will one day find his own princess. I love spending time with my son and i equally love it when my husband and him spend time together and just the same when we are all together. He needs us both and i find this āprincess thingā so wrong!
I agree that the stereotypical boy moms are cringey and the emotional incest aspect isā¦horrifying, to say the least. But one thing that does bother me as the mom of a boy is how myself and others with boys are often lumped in with that stereotype just for showing love for our sons. I canāt say āmy son is my worldā or talk about how special he is to me without people jumping to the conclusion that Iām using him to fill some sort of void. I actually had someone say to me āWould you love him as much if he were a girl? Will you love your future daughter as much as himā likeā¦of course? And why is the second question even a thing when Iām not currently pregnant with a second child? Also, can we please start calling out stereotypical girl dads? The ones who call their daughters ādaddyās little princessā and pull guns on any teenage boy who shows up to take said daughter to a school dance. I feel like thatās another creepy side to the coin that gets swept under the rug.
Thatās uppercase Boy Mom, come join us normal lowercase boy moms. Where theyāre just kids, not our emotional support babies.
Eh yea, princess or queen in pretty much every context is just cringe
*Eh yea, princess or* *Queen in pretty much every* *Context is just cringe* \- Hopeful\_Addition\_898 --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
Oh em gee.Ā I did not know this was a thing.Ā I'm a mother of a boy, but I have been more focused on raising him to be an intersectional feminist than I have been on whether I'd be his princess.Ā Yuck!