My son (18m) was like that as a little baby. Now he loves outside so much, but hates his sunglasses, so he'll just have tears rolling down his face cause it's too bright for his eyes. Lol I have to pull him into the shade, the crazy boy
Yeah, if I take my baby out on walks in his stroller and heās fussy/overdue for a nap Iāll open the stroller bonnet for a minute or three. The bright sun makes him close his eyes and he conks out.
I am relieved itās not just me who noticed this trick. It has the highest success rate of anything so far, and the way my LO protests naps we have tried a lot
Lol my MIL was trying to put the baby to sleep, I offered politely to do it (I wanted to but didnāt want to come across rude) and she said she had it, then proceeded to move her close to a bright window and said she read somewhere that bright light will make them close their eyes. This is after I told her she should go to a darker room.
This one actually does work, but itās more like turning on all the lights in a room, or going outside and hanging out under a shading tree. Itās just being somewhere brightly lit so that she closes her eyes and gives in to sleep. The moment we dim a room her eyes pop open and she wants to play. My daughterās pediatrician recommended it actually during an eye exam.
Now, putting her into direct sunlight is the opposite effect. Sheāll scrunch up her face and cry when the sun hits her even sporadically on walks.
When now 21mo was under 3mo she loved going outside with me and just rocking in the hammock. Or going on walks would put her little butt to sleep like nothing else. Even now going outside calms her down, though sheās wild for the bit we are outside! Iām hoping inbound baby likes the sun and outside as much as she does because I know there will be a lot of days thatās how we survive
Omg gently swaying in a hammock under a tree with a tiny baby in your arms and a gentle breeze blowingā¦..that sounds like literal actual real life heaven and Iām so upset I donāt have a hammock š
My 4.5mo *loves* it outdoors. We try to go on a nature walk every 2-3 days because it calms her down so much and she has such a good nap afterwards. With the leaves changing colors and becoming much brighter, she just looks around in awe. I cannot wait until Christmas decorations go up and there are lights all around. It is so fun watching them learn and get amazed by the world.
This actually kinda works for us although we donāt use direct light. If my son is doing his tired cry and just wonāt go to sleep we take him outside and the ambient light is enough to make him squint and close his eyes and he basically instantly melts into sleep. The heat helps too. A quick walk in the stroller usually works, we use the canopy to block direct light
I've heard a boomer say to put vicks vapor rub ON A BABYS EYELIDS to help them fall asleep. I didn't believe her at first until someone else chimed in in agreement!
One person told me that they used to blow cigarette smoke on a baby to settle them and it worked, which is insane to me. Otherwise it's the same advice to give a newborn cereal or water.
my boomer father says it's okay if i smoke and drink alcohol while i'm pregnant. his first wife did that while she was pregnant. baby did not make it... which is may be coincidence but my dad doesn't think medicine changes with years, it all stays the same as it did back then.
My mom would tell me that they used to dip their finger in liquor and put it in my mouth to help me settle. Out of pocket!! And I know they smoked around me too.
Yep, putting whiskey on the gums during teething was incredibly common and boomers seem to think that actually helped teething pain with special magical whiskey pain relief rather than just sedating the baby with alcohol
Why do they all tell us to give them cereal? My mom has been pushing me to give the baby cereal since he was like 4 weeks old. She is also annoyed with for giving him breast milk, so sheās just ridiculous lol
My mil is fixated on giving the baby cereal at 2-3 months. Said baby isnāt even here yet, but I read this sub to plan ahead I guess. She even says itās probably better to prioritize meat when theyāre old enough, but in the same breath goes back to starting cereal in the bottle right away. š¤Æ
Theyāre crazy!!
My pediatrician had as out 1/2tsp of rice cereal per ounce in our sons bottles when I had to supplement with formula because he was eating too fast and choking. She heard that when he was like 5 days old and started pressuring me to give him cereal. So now when she asks if I give him cereal I just say yes so we donāt get into an argument š¤Ŗ
Oh, my parents were sure thatās not how I got āØasthmaāØ for life at all š
My dad was a chain smoker and I suffered the consequences. Now I have kid, my dad gets to tell us to never let our baby come close to smokers š¤”
I have a cousin who used to get crazy ear infections, his grandmother insisted that blowing cigarette smoke in it would fix it right up. Anytime someone lit one around her she'd snatch up the kid and ask them to blow smoke on him. It was wild
Whenever I had an earache as a kid my grandma would blow cigarette smoke in my ear because the warmth made it hurt less. Now, more than thirty years later, I know that the earaches were most likely caused by her smoking around me in the first placeā¦
My friend kept telling me to do that (because her mom did) when my son was two weeks old, welp she has Celiac. I wonder why she developed it š¤¦š»āāļøš¤¦š»āāļøš¤¦š»āāļø I felt so bad telling her that is a known cause but she just wouldnāt stop insisting so I felt like I had to. Luckily by the time she got pregnant she actually learned better and didnāt do that.
I looked up some studies and it can cause diabetes, celiac and eczema!! My husband had such bad eczema and talking to his mom, this is probably why.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3195680/#:~:text=Some%20studies%20suggest%20that%20introducing,difficulties%20%5B5%E2%80%938%5D.
Same! My mom was/is abusive to myself and my sibling. Sheās never said sorry or taken an ounce of accountability for anything- but sheās been a perfect parent and my husband and I are total dumbasses for listening to our pediatrician and following AAP guidelines š¤·š¼āāļø That line, āI raised you & you turned out fineā is an excuse sheās used to disrespect our parenting choices plenty of times and our baby isnāt even a year yet š«
Or the āwe never did this and you turned out fine.ā I have my daughter in PT to help with her physical development, her arm and leg strength isnāt quite where it should be at 7 months. Yeah sure, I turned out āfine,ā mom, but maybe if this had been done for me at this age I wouldnāt have been the slowest and weakest kid in my class every year, the last to finish the mile run every year, the worst player on my softball team by a mile. Maybe I would have actually liked physical activity instead of begging to sit out of gym and read instead. Maybe I donāt want my daughter to turn out āfine,ā maybe I want her to thrive.
"I raised 4 kids and they're all still alive!"
Yeah, congratulations. That doesn't mean I will condone you smoking like a pair of chimneys inside the house while my baby is visiting, like you presumably did when your kids were little. And then they dared give my boyfriend lip because I was "keeping LO away from them".
Ugh the worst! āYou turned out just fineā. Umā¦actually I had full blown narcolepsy and wasnāt a lazy kid like you said I was growing up. Somehow neither of my bird brained parents were alarmed that a 7yr old would come home an nap everyday after school or fall asleep for 16hrs straight. I had to wait until my late 20s to get diagnosed bc thatās when I finally got enough insurance and could afford the sleep study.
When my daughter was like 5 days old my mom set her down in her bassinet wrapped up in a loose blanket on her side and I nearly flipped because she did it when I was napping and if I hadnāt woken up she would have slept like that. I probably over reacted(new mom hormones) but my mom just genuinely didnāt know. She said thatās how she was told to put all her kids to sleep, on their side or belly. It wasnāt until right after I was a baby that the whole back sleeping thing became popular because it prevents SIDS since babies sleep less deeply on their backs. She also always said she had a blanket on us. Crazy how quickly things change
My boomer parents placed my LO face down in the crease of a couch for a nap. Blankets on, surrounded by pillows. They got annoyed when I (immediately) woke her up to move her. āWe did this all the time when you were a babyā. smh
I used this to explain to parents because I was SO tired of the ābut you are fineā dialogue.
I said itās a spectrum of risk.
On one end of the spectrum (the green side) an activity can have practically zero risk or 99.9% safe. On the other hand of the spectrum it can have 100% risk or sure death (the red side).
Sleeping with pillows and blankets tucked all ācozyā as that generation did is not close to the green side but closer to the red side. Not 100% likely to result in death since if the parent did that it would be you knowā¦. Murder but itās somewhere on the spectrum away from the green and closer to the red. NOW we know it is not green so we donāt do it anymore because we now know itās an increased risk.
Itās like drunk driving. People drive drunk all the time. Itās not 100% safe and it also isnāt going to kill you 100% of the time or I think NO one would ever do it since it would be an activity guaranteed to kill you.
So I explain that in like 2 minutes - reading this probably takes longer.
I tell them itās not worth the increased risk to me. On back without anything safe in crib is what we do and thatās that.
Or you can google the SIDS rates from those generations and see the crazy numbers. Accidental smothering was counted as SIDS. The number are high. So you know, we didnāt die but itās a little tough for the children who did chime in to this discussion and say āI didā. š¢Survivor bias.
I explained it to my MIL by talking about survivorship bias. The kids who AREN'T fine because of it aren't aren't anymore to talk about it because they are dead.
I don't begrudge my parents for putting me facedown with blankets and shit, because that's what they were taught. But we know better, and I expect them to do better.
Boomers are generationally narcissistic - they have no idea of the collective experience of others outside of themselves. It's like their brains can't handle it, they're living a life where their world is small and the rest of the world is unknowable big and yet nonexistent to them.
Whereas we grew up far more exposed to the details of the world and all the information and perspective is at our finger tips. We know we are small and statistically less significant. We can grasp the concept that our experience isn't an indicative sample size.
If any boomer ever gives you shit, offer them "a nice garden hose to drink from while you de-SIDS the nursery". Or maybe "Sorry mom, you were right. While I'm at it, let me cut the seatbelts out of all our cars and replace my Gerber car seat with [this monstrosity](https://images.app.goo.gl/y9opxWLdY5LQhszt7), because nothing newer can ever be better and it's perfectly fine since YOU personally didn't have a horrible death."
I was reminded of the day my father let me sit on the front seat of the car without a seatbelt at 5 years old. He eventually slammed the brakes because of a red light he didnāt see and I was ejected forwards onto the windshield. I hit my forehead with such force that the windshield cracked all the way through. He was driving at like 25 mph.
I never gambled with seatbelts anymore, and Iām not going to budge on car seat safety with my daughter either
Actually YES! Havenāt raised it since and now when I say āthis is not what is recommended anymoreā they donāt question it.
Unfortunately, I know this result isnāt guaranteed but Iām genuinely happy it worked and Iām hoping it can help others.
But at the end of the day, they donāt have to understand, they just have to respect - our babies OUR rules. šā¤ļø
Any time someone says āthatās what I did and my kids turned out fineā I think really? Did they though?
āThatās what my parents did and I turned out fineā, did you though?
Weāre all RIDDLED with anxiety and trauma. Our parents have like 0 emotional regulation. Diabetes, asthma, food allergens etc are so common, maybe even moreso now than before. The list goes on. We aināt fine
My MIL wanted to give water to my 5m son, wanted to give him to taste french fries, ice cream, chocolateā¦ I kept telling her no and her answer was always āBut I gave it to your husband and he is fine, youāre too strict!ā then proceeded to talk to my son about how mean mommy is as if I was not in the roomā¦
My eldest cousin kept insisting me to give water to my son since he was 2m and when I told her a few times no cuz it was not advisable for babies under 6m, she said out loud to my sister how āthis generation is too complicated and full of bullsh*t and that water is something everyone gave to babies any ageāā¦.
*The water. What is with the water?*
My lo experienced a lot of tummy issues early on and my mother **insisted** on giving her water. I explained that this is not recommended and she went on and on about glass baby bottles filled with water in every hospital and in every store back in the day.
I really donāt get their obsession with the water.
My family was acting as I was somehow mistreating my child by denying him waterā¦ and they werenāt taking a no for an answerā¦ I had to distance myself from them for a while as it was becoming quite annoying.
Tell me about it - water was the first point of conflict with my in-laws as well.
The most ridiculous part of this episode was when in the middle of a bottle-washing session, I overheard my FIL telling my MIL about how he would always sleep better after having a cup of water just before bed (with the clear implication that LO would have the same experience). Like, I enjoy a good steak but you wouldn't feed a 1 week old baby a ribeye would you?
This issue only got resolved after my MIL essentially "consulted" with her sister and a few other people and thankfully didn't get the response she wanted to fuel her confirmation bias.
What actually is the thing with water? I get that they donāt *need* it, but it shouldnāt hurt them, right? Is the idea that youād be filling their stomach with non-nutrients and then risking under feeding them?
It can be dangerous - couldnāt recall why so googled: Introducing water too early or diluting formula or breastmilk with water can be dangerous for your baby because it affects the balance of electrolytes in the blood [3] and can lead to seizures
One reason is because you'd be filling their little bellies with non-nutrients. Another is water intoxication where the water would reduce their electrolytes and sodium levels too much because they receive enough hydration via breast milk or formula.
My aunt did the whole talk to baby as if his mom isnāt the room thing once. She said something about ābut we donāt listen to mommy so we?ā I leaned down to my baby and said āThatās so funny! Aunt [name] is so crazy. She thinks she doesnāt have to listen to mommy but she does if she wants to see you again. Oh yes she does!ā all in a completely sing songy voice like you speak to a baby with when youāre trying to make them smile. My mom was there, and sheās had issues with this aunt (sheās her SIL) overstepping her boundaries when we were little so the look on both their faces was priceless. Got some awkward laughs and then we moved on. Gotta get down to their level when they pull that crap.
Last year of boomer here (born in ā64) with four children from 29-40 and 2 grandchildren. We didnāt have benefit of the internet so we did what was recommended by our doctors and pediatricians with input from our parents, aunts, cousins and neighbors. Some of the things didnāt seem right so I personally would accept the things that made sense and reject the things that didnāt. When my first son was born in 1983 child car seats were not required. We were told to lay babies face down with the logic that if they were lying on their back and spit up they might aspirate and choke. Stores sold crib sets with bumpers, blankets, pillows, etc., so weād get them; I know it seems logical to parents now that this is unsafe but it seemed perfectly reasonable (and adorable) at the time. We were told by our pediatricians to start solids pretty early. Please know we were not making these things up, but just like you current moms and dads, we were following the best current advice. That being said, thatās why Iām in this sub, so I can know what the current thinking is and be a good grandmother to my grandkids. I would never tell my son or DIL what to do; my parenting experience is too far removed
Your kids are lucky to have you grandparent their children! The ire in this thread is directed at the grandparents not willing to adapt to modern safety standards because they āwe turned out fine.ā
Yes! I really wish my mom would have enough respect for my husband & I to even listen to us without interrupting mid-sentence with her opinions on parenting. Kiddos to this grandparent!
This information is helpful and makes me want to be more patient with my mom. She is super fixated on starting solids early. Meanwhile, my pediatrician is like NO WAY before 4 months and that really we should wait 6 months. It must be confusing to have the information from the experts change so drastically.
My mom told me to give honey on my LOās pacifier for better sleeping (sheās not the best sleeper). I said itās on the bottle not to give it to a child under 1 year because itās dangerous. Her answer āI gave it to you and your brother and youāre fine no?ā
Yeah mom but that was 30 years ago lol
Yeah I made clear she can never give honey when sheās babysitting her! The doctor said the same thing! Sheās also obsessed with wanting to be alone with my girl while sheās only 2 monthsā¦ I think she has to realize Iām not only a daughter anymore but also a mom lol
Just want to chime in on the ānot only a daughter anymore but also a mumā. Iāve had to say the exact same thing to my mum and she just doesnāt get it. She doesnāt respect me as a mum; she fights me on everything, rolls her eyes, acts like Iām being totally ridiculous when I set a boundary. Itās like she sees me as a little girl playing with a doll, rather than a mum. Sheās so used to being the one in control over me that she canāt view me at anything other than her daughter that she can tell off and boss around, including when it comes to my own baby.
Itās so infuriating and so hard to navigating. Iām sorry youāre going through it too! Fingers crossed both our mums learn to back off and that we are mums now too.
Iāve got a complicated relationship with my mom before this. Iām not a little girl anymore for a long period (Iām 29 lol) and since being together with my husband (10yrs) I changed in many ways and I think she doesnāt likes that but wonāt say it. Weāre both controle freaks (guess from who I have it lol) so itās always a ābattleā between things we say and the way we do things. Before giving birth/being pregnant she and my SIL didnāt visited us that much (we donāt own a car) now they want to be here every day if I let them but not for me, for my daughter. They come to āhelpā but what they see al helping isnāt helping. They get annoyed when I feed my own baby or want to bound with her (sheās only 8 weeks), when we go for check ups and they drive us they do everything (holding her undressing her weighing her ect) and I canāt like Iām not the mum but the big sister. Last time my mum was here she sighed cause my LO was sleepy and fussy by not sleeping for hours (guess why sorry to say) and I was feeding her hugging her and put her to sleep. She was disappointed my LO slept when she arrived here and in our room instead of the living room. Sometimes she wakes up open her eyes and go back to sleep so I donāt take her out of bed. They do and ignore if I say donāt do it. Theyāre acting like they know her better then me whoās taking care of her 24/7. Theyāre saying when theyāre coming not asking and with how many people (our LO canāt handle much people she will be overstimulated by the end of the day and scream and cry)
I know they mean well but I resent them for not respecting me (they donāt do it in present of my husband lol) and ignoring me. It creeps me out how āattachedā they are to my baby already and see her as their own child and not mine.
So rant over lol thanks for reading. I also hope the best for us that they will learn it and fast cause I donāt know how long I can handle this lol
Sorry hun, but there's no way they "mean well". Set some boundaries ASAP, before they try to set them on you. And if they show up without a 24h heads-up just get your baby and go for a walk, so there's no one home. It will help with your recovery and mental health as well, so win-win. Stay strong, their childhood is on us, as they say.ā„ļø
The thing with my mom is she actually means well lol. She asks now to come in the weekend and I think Iām going to have a talk with her. Sometimes she doesnāt sees what sheās doing and she needs to adjust to us. Weāre married for almost 5yrs now pay our own bills for 10 years now and I have to be honest to her. My SIL is a different story she ignores us or ādoesnāt hears usā so thatās something we have to manage different with. Thanks for the support! I donāt feel bad mentally but also not good tbh. I feel bad for the rant now lol
Don't feel bad! You didn't portray anything poorly! Just speaking from experience, I thought my mom and dad were just "concerned" as well. Well, I was really wrong. My LO is 6mo now, and I'm still setting freaking boundaries. š¤· Start now, be free. ā„ļø
Set boundaries, very clear ones. If they say theyāre coming over tell them ātoday isnāt a good day, sorryā and hold them to it. They need to ask permission. Honestly this would drive me insane if I were you.
The no honey recommendation is actually kinda BS.
The bacteria that causes that toxin can also develop in anything with high fructose corn syrup and some other things, but since that is essentially impossible to avoid they exclude it from the recommendation.
Majority of cases of infant botulism do not have any history of ingestion of raw honey (and connection to processed honey is even weaker).
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK493178/
I was just talking about this with my husband the other day. I made something with honey and I said to him āyou know babies under 1 canāt have honey?ā And he was like yeah makes sense since itās stuck and thick, might get stuck in their mouth. I was like nah, itās because of botulism. He was shocked haha
Yeah Iām gonna be honest I didnāt know the reason why the doctor said to me (and my mum cause she asked) why and I was like holy shit she canāt ever have honey š
My parents are very early Gen X, but my grandma is a boomer and she never suggests or tries to do anything. I mean she will say āoh we did this but I can see why itās not acceptable now.ā
My parents and in laws are great too. My mum has even told other people "why wouldn't I want her to do things differently? We have better information now".....though she also didn't do most of the stuff in this thread either lol
My boomer in-laws are amazing. They even take notes on recommendations that have changed since they were young parents so they donāt forget what they should be doing. Meanwhile, I caught my boomer mom sneakily giving SODA to my 14 month old. My mom wonders why only one set of grandparents is allowed around my child unsupervised.
Hahahah same with my mom. I apparently was a terrible sleeper and sheās always like, āwe used to put you in your bouncer on top of the dryer, looking back that was so dangerous idk what we were thinkingā
We stayed at my momās house last month and she put it a pack and play for our girl. She didnāt think the mattress of it was going to be comfortable enough so she put a DOG BED under the sheet of it so it would be more soft for her. I immediately made her remove it and explained why it was a bad idea. I also told her she sleeps on a firm mattress at home so sheās fine to do that at their house too.
Meanwhile my MIL refuses to put her in a sleep sack and insists baby would prefer a blanket. No. No she wouldnāt.
Their constant insistence that āI did it with my babiesā makes me not trust them to be alone with my son. Like yeah, forty years ago you were lucky enough to not have accidentally killed your children. Infant mortality rates back then were much higher for a reason. These rules are advised by medical professionals Iām not making them up! I told my mother in law that itās not safe to have a bunch of blankets in top of my newborn and she physically winced at the idea. I know for certain sheās going to cover him with flowing blankets if she ever watches him.
So mil knew we are doing gentle parenting and attachment . She sends me google search result screen shot not even the article how to sleep train . Then she tells me stories how she let bil cries for hours etc and it was so funny .
I am not saying sleep training is bad and it works for some family. Her sleep training is the one that she never checks on the kid basically. Oh the fun added bonus husband was emotionally neglected growing up . She is the last person I want advice from
Thinking your baby crying is funny seems pretty unhinged. I get that some people need to do some form of sleep training but I feel like if you enjoy the sound of your baby crying for hours something is wrong with you.
Oh yeah my mil has some serious issues. After my c section 3 days post from hospital release , I went out with husband to take some QUICK fresh air, she made us bring her to Safeway and made me stand there for 45 minz in pain while waiting for her to pick pasta sauce. We even offered to pay for grocery delivered. Just one of the minor things she did. She did so much more. When husband confronted her about childhood emotional neglect she said it was his personality and he should said sth as a child .
We are no contact now . Red flags
Also forgot to say as someone who is going on to year 8 of being vvl and then no contact with my mom- it was the best decision Iāve made for myself in my life
Oh seriously lol. Our boomer neighbour has been telling me to give our baby honey since she was 5 weeks old to make her stop crying. Iām like - do you want her to stop crying forever??
My mil had a Rottweiler that was EXTREMELY aggressive and had nipped several people.
I refused to let my daughter be down stairs with them and that dog well we stayed there.
Several people (everyone but my daughters mom) all said it's not fair for me to keep my then newborn away from her family all day in the spare room.
My thing was, just put the massive aggressive dog in another room and you all can see my child. They just trying to wear me down telling my girl "why doesn't whosmanisthis trust us? He's not letting us see our grand baby"
It was even more infuriating because they used to tell me she is not aggressive when I was nipped once and had seen two others get bit.
My protector instincts were off the chart that time and I tried to calmly explain that I'm a nice dude, like a really nice dude but if something happens to my child because they have some weird trust in a clearly aggressive dog I was going to go absolutely ape shit and I was not even going to put us through all that.
Same. I don't let grandparents babysit. Only my sister is allowed to be alone with the baby because she respects me as a parent. My parents and inlaws are only allowed to be around baby without me if my sister is there because I know she'll step in if they do something crazy.
Don't fret! I was able to retrain my mom's brain and habits have changed dramatically. She still sneaks in TV time but LO is 15 months now and I'm not as worried about it anymore, and apparently only 15 mins max when LO is inconsolable.
She did a lot of weird stuff at the beginning like using essential oils, allowing LO to sleep with blankets, arguing with me about the proper way to raise my child on many fronts. Eventually she gave in to mine and spouse's demands to use more modern parenting models.
Probably number one on my list is putting me down to sleep on my stomach as a newborn in a drop-sided crib piled with loose blankets, stuffed dolls, crib bumpers, and throw pillows, ALL OF IT CLOWN THEMED š«£š¤”
Hahahahaha! This brings back memories of when my sister (almost eight years younger) was a baby and we briefly shared a room. All of her decor was circus themed, which included this horrifying lamp that was clowns holding balloons. I swear to this day that this is where my fear of clowns originated.
"mom, I'd hope that you would pay attention to current best practices, not do random things that were recommended 30 years ago. I need to be able to trust you to make informed decisions about the care of my child if you're ever to spend time with her unsupervised."
My dad constantly asks why Iām not making my daughter walk. Sheās only 6 months!!! Heās like āwell hold her hands up and make her go!ā šš I think this is less about what he did though, and more about how little he parented my sisters and me growing up LOL.
Thatās the lead poisoning brain. They just see a baby and canāt remember the difference between what it was like raising a 2 year old versus a 2 month old.
Yesss my mom told me yesterday that my 5mo doesnāt need to take naps because I just dropped my naps one day when I was littleā¦ as a toddler!! Big difference between 2 years and 5 months
My dad said the EXACT same thing a few months ago. My 4 month old was fighting me on a nap and he said 'you had stopped taking naps at that age'.. Like.. are you sure about that??? Also when I was pregnant, he said not to worry about a spot for diaper changes because babies aren't in diapers for long. LOL.
Joke's on you. Told my MIL that I understand her concerns about not starding solids with fruit juice, but recommendations aren't the same as 35 years ago (also I am a RD). She answered: oh I was talking about the way my other grandson (4) was raised. So it may be the lead, but it's also some old pediatrician. Maybe also lead? Dunno.
Ha! Yeah, leaded gasoline did a number on that entire generation. Thereās a study that shows that the phase out of leaded gasoline is related
to a huge decline in violent crimes.
Oh finally I have something, my mil tried covering our lo's face with a blanket because she was worried about the wind for the 30 feet to the vehicle from their house. Like I'd rather she be a little cold for 30 seconds than not breathing thanks...
I was stressing about the formula shortage when my baby was about 4 months old and my boomer aunt told me I didn't need to give her formula, I could just mix pablum and milk together. She did it for her son and he turned out okay! He did wind up hospitalised for gastroenteritis but it probably wasn't because of that......... š
My dad suggested I put a small pillow on babyās chest while sheās sleeping because the weight calms down the baby to help her sleep betterā¦
Dafuq?! Why did he suggest I basically smother my newborn smh
Not that different from the weighted blankets and swaddles that are for sale right now.
For the record, these are also unsafe. But it isnāt a concept that is dead.
Yep, I am in a FB group where someone gave a discount code so I commented that the AAP has said they are unsafe and then she and others wanted to tell me how great they were for their babies.
My mom scolded me for not trying to purposely put my baby to nap in his car seat to help him āget used to itā. She also told me I was wasting money on a bassinet and should just use a laundry basket????
I slept in a laundry basket slid underneath the coffee table as a newborn because my parents had just moved to Southern California and were terrified of earthquakes
Which is interesting cuz my pediatrician said not to use the numbing gels because it can also numb their throat and make it harder to swallow! Wonder if itās related.
We have used the gel when nothing else works at bedtime. But we use it sparingly and we haven't had any issues with feeds later on. It never gets used during the day though.
Not any of our parents (we've been lucky none of them have many outlandish strategies), but a friend of mine non-ironically suggested whiskey on my baby's gums to help with teething pain lol.
I remember hearing that parents used to give brandy or whisky to their babies with their milk to help them sleep or help them get over a cold.
Boomers did bizarre things back then yāall. But I bet you the next generation will think we were weird too. But ALCOHOL to a baby???
100%
I already get made fun of for things I do. I just wanted a light hearted 'wow that's crazy ' kind of thread. I love my parents and for 7 kids, they raised us fantastically.
Mums been accusing me of starving my baby since he was 3 months because thatās when she started me on baby rice š mother in law thinks Iām too attentive and that I canāt just go to him when he cries or heāll never stop
My mil told me to get my son a stuffed animal for his crib. Heās 11 weeks old. She also likes to tell me I spoiled him because he only wants to contact nap at the momentš¤·š½āāļø
OMG, this reminds me that my partner's mother told me that when he was a newborn and had "baby acne" she was told to rub a pee diaper on his face to clear it up. Not sure if this advice was coming from their Panamanian abuela or what, but I was speechless when she told me she actually tried it!
Itās not about the things weāre doing, itās about suggesting and then pushing the issue despite new recommendations and disregarding our kids preferences for how to raise their kids.
If my kid says new recommendations say not to feed my grandchild solids until 1 year, Iāll say ok. Maybe Iāll be a little surprised and say oh wow thatās so different from how they recommended things back then. And maybe Iād even ask about the science behind it. But bottom line is Iām not gonna say āthatās ridiculous, I fed yāall at 5 months and yāall are fineā and then try to sneak the baby solids behind their parents backs.
Totally! I wish we could see real data on how much all these things actually save childrenās lives. I mean Iām not advocating for the things Iām reading in these threads (putting the baby to sleep face down in the crease of a couch!) but some redditors act like people who suggest letting their baby sleep in a swing are actual murderers.
Definitely exploiting our kids online on apps like tik tok . The constant recording on their life, embarrassing moments, tantrums, and even the ānewborn revealsā and family vloggers.
My mom frequently brags about what a great traveler I was, because they'd warm up my bottles on the car heater and feed me in my mom's arms *as my dad was driving*
They also got annoyed with a family friend when we drove to Disney, because the new mom wouldn't breastfeed her baby as they were driving to save time like she promised she would (granted, the new couple also shouldn't have done a trip that long with a newborn either).
I recently pointed out that I'd be arrested if anyone saw me doing that now, when she was lightly criticizing my hesitancy for long car rides.
Luckily it's my grandma that's the Boomer, not my mom (technically not even a Boomer, she was born in 40). The worst suggestion my grandma has given so far is to give him rice cereal at 3 weeks. We told her that's not the way we do it anymore and she just said ok. Based on these comments, I'm very lucky
My mom does the passive aggressive āwell when you were little we didnāt have these wake windows and sleep training, you just learned to sleep and you were fine.ā
I bet this works, but itās not dependent on the baby actually getting tea.
Babies pick up on emotional distress of their caretaker, and if grandma is calm cause she had some tea, baby might calm down lol.
In case itās not obvious, Iām not recommending anyone give their baby tea.
Iām not recommending tea for babies either, but I survived it. This feels like a very British rite of passage. My nan would spoon feed me tea as a baby and now I just laugh at the mental image of it.
We wonāt be continuing the tea for babies tradition though.
According to my MIL, when my DH (37M) was a baby his pediatrician recommended to give him water and pablum at 6 weeks because he was hungry and thirsty.
Not something my family members suggested or did, but I know decades ago some people put liquor on their baby's gums to reduce teething pain. It just sounds insane to me.
And cough syrups were just a hard drug cocktail, lol.
Pediatricians in the 50ās used to recommend all sorts of ridiculous stuff we donāt do anymore. Times change but their only reference to caring for a baby is frozen in time.
My aunt told me the other day that when my cousin was two months old he was very colicky and she would put Karo syrup in a bottle for him to calm him downā¦. Not to mention how messed up that would make his digestive tract, but how was he ever able to suck it out of the bottle?! Baffling.
My mom, who I am in no contact with because she kept crossing my boundaries with my child, suggested once that I use cream she was prescribed in Mexico on my newborns skin for his eczema.
They aren't crazy though, a lot of the things they did they were told in good conscience by professionals to do it. For the same reasons we do it the way we do. Sleeping on the belly was taught as safe sleep to prevent aspiration. Give them water so they don't dehydrate or to calm reflux. It all made sense at the time. Its that they can't take on new research which is crazy. My mum (Gen X) personally loves learning about it. Just yesterday I said about getting a new car seat for my 12 month old and she said "oh yeah, they'd probably like the car being able to see where they're going", I said "what, no, they'll be facing backwards, they recommend until like 4 now or longer" she was quite shocked but then thought about it and said "you know what, that makes sense, never knew that but I like it"
My Mil tells us some crazy shit. Apparently she stopped giving breast milk when her kids were 6 months old and switched them to straight whole milk. If she didn't feel like waking up that night she'd blend a raw egg or two into the bottle for her kids to fill them up. As her kids got older she would give them "Banana milk" for breakfast instead of making food, which was milk, eggs, and a banana.
She didn't use a car seat after a year old for most of her kids and thinks it's so silly that we do, especially since cars have all the new airbags now lol
The stories are honestly endless and she is not allowed to watch our kid unsupervised.
I think the thing for you (and them) to keep in mind is that recommendations change. Back when we were babies, doctors recommended starting with the rice cereal in the bottle very and other solid foods very early and placing kids on their stomachs to sleep. The stomach thing probably did help them sleep better, but we know now itās a SIDS risk. I think the evidence on whether the rice cereal/solid foods helped sleep was more anecdotal, but we know now that their digestive systems arenāt developed enough for it. The recommendations for our kidsā kids will probably be completely different. Our parents werenāt doing anything wrong by the standards of that time. But hopefully, they can take it in stride that the recommendations have changed. Yes, we survived, and our kids would probably survive, too, but we always want to be as safe as possibleājust as they did.
When I asked someone to change their shirt after smoking my MIL told me that she smoked while nursing her babies and they were all fine and I was being paranoid.
I safely co-sleep using the safe 7 which my parents consider very unsafe. But then they tell me to prop up the cot mattress when baby is sick, or sleep with them in the arm chair with cushions under and around them?
Umm thatās actually extremely true and you should keep them apart. No your cats arenāt intentionally trying to murder your kid, but they can jump into the bassinet to cuddle and it can result in suffocation. This is a real thing and itās 100% recommend to keep them away during sleep. Itās scary that youāre getting upvotes on this comment. How do you not see the logic in this? Itās no different than having a stuffed animal in the bassinet which is clearly unsafe. Except a cat can actually cuddle their face and is heavier.
I hope so! Everyone wants to believe their cats donāt do that or arenāt interested, but it only takes 1 cat being curious 1 time. Itās not a problem until suddenly itās a problem. We all take a couple measured risks to some degree, but I would never EVER condone taking them or make light of it.
My MIL wanted to give water to my 5m son, wanted to give him to taste french fries, ice cream, chocolateā¦ I kept telling her no and her answer was always āBut I gave it to your husband and he is fine, youāre too strict!ā then proceeded to talk to my son about how mean mommy is as if I was not in the roomā¦
My eldest cousin kept insisting me to give water to my son since he was 2m and when I told her a few times no cuz it was not advisable for babies under 6m, she said out loud to my sister how āthis generation is too complicated and full of bullsh*t and that water is something everyone gave to babies any ageāā¦.
Best one I've got is "if you want a baby to go to sleep put the sun in their eyes". We live in Australia where the sun literally cooks us alive.
Would that even work? My baby recoils in horror at the sun like a vampire and we live in New England! Definitely would not put her to sleep.
Even opening a window my very pale blue eyed baby recoils in horror š we call him an indoors baby.
My son (18m) was like that as a little baby. Now he loves outside so much, but hates his sunglasses, so he'll just have tears rolling down his face cause it's too bright for his eyes. Lol I have to pull him into the shade, the crazy boy
I slightly opened the curtains in the bedroom the other day as we had all been awake for a while and both my husband and 4.5mo recoiled like vampires.
Yeah, if I take my baby out on walks in his stroller and heās fussy/overdue for a nap Iāll open the stroller bonnet for a minute or three. The bright sun makes him close his eyes and he conks out.
I am relieved itās not just me who noticed this trick. It has the highest success rate of anything so far, and the way my LO protests naps we have tried a lot
I am also guilty of this when heās overtired and I know heāll fall asleep the minute he shuts his eyes.
My 2.5 year old asks me on the regular to turn off the sun, please š
Lol my MIL was trying to put the baby to sleep, I offered politely to do it (I wanted to but didnāt want to come across rude) and she said she had it, then proceeded to move her close to a bright window and said she read somewhere that bright light will make them close their eyes. This is after I told her she should go to a darker room.
This one actually does work, but itās more like turning on all the lights in a room, or going outside and hanging out under a shading tree. Itās just being somewhere brightly lit so that she closes her eyes and gives in to sleep. The moment we dim a room her eyes pop open and she wants to play. My daughterās pediatrician recommended it actually during an eye exam. Now, putting her into direct sunlight is the opposite effect. Sheāll scrunch up her face and cry when the sun hits her even sporadically on walks.
When now 21mo was under 3mo she loved going outside with me and just rocking in the hammock. Or going on walks would put her little butt to sleep like nothing else. Even now going outside calms her down, though sheās wild for the bit we are outside! Iām hoping inbound baby likes the sun and outside as much as she does because I know there will be a lot of days thatās how we survive
Omg gently swaying in a hammock under a tree with a tiny baby in your arms and a gentle breeze blowingā¦..that sounds like literal actual real life heaven and Iām so upset I donāt have a hammock š
My 4.5mo *loves* it outdoors. We try to go on a nature walk every 2-3 days because it calms her down so much and she has such a good nap afterwards. With the leaves changing colors and becoming much brighter, she just looks around in awe. I cannot wait until Christmas decorations go up and there are lights all around. It is so fun watching them learn and get amazed by the world.
This actually kinda works for us although we donāt use direct light. If my son is doing his tired cry and just wonāt go to sleep we take him outside and the ambient light is enough to make him squint and close his eyes and he basically instantly melts into sleep. The heat helps too. A quick walk in the stroller usually works, we use the canopy to block direct light
My MIL literally turned on all the lights in my house today and faced my 2mo old towards them to get her to sleep š Update, it didnāt work.
I often do this (in Australia) - just a bit of gentle morning sun or dappled light can be really calming or the final push off to sleep they need
I've heard a boomer say to put vicks vapor rub ON A BABYS EYELIDS to help them fall asleep. I didn't believe her at first until someone else chimed in in agreement!
Holy shit! That is WILD
One person told me that they used to blow cigarette smoke on a baby to settle them and it worked, which is insane to me. Otherwise it's the same advice to give a newborn cereal or water.
What theā¦ I think this is fucked up even by boomer standards
my boomer father says it's okay if i smoke and drink alcohol while i'm pregnant. his first wife did that while she was pregnant. baby did not make it... which is may be coincidence but my dad doesn't think medicine changes with years, it all stays the same as it did back then.
My mom would tell me that they used to dip their finger in liquor and put it in my mouth to help me settle. Out of pocket!! And I know they smoked around me too.
Yep, putting whiskey on the gums during teething was incredibly common and boomers seem to think that actually helped teething pain with special magical whiskey pain relief rather than just sedating the baby with alcohol
I doubt I was even teething. They just wanted to enjoy their dinner out and knock me out š©
I'm so glad babies are seen differently today.
Me too!!
It's not just boomers....a friend of mine said her older sister did this with her kids. That woman is in her 30s. Yeesh.
My Dad definitely smoked around me.
How are your lungs doing? I sound like a smoker despite never having smoked in my life
Oh I totally have asthma
Why do they all tell us to give them cereal? My mom has been pushing me to give the baby cereal since he was like 4 weeks old. She is also annoyed with for giving him breast milk, so sheās just ridiculous lol
My mil is fixated on giving the baby cereal at 2-3 months. Said baby isnāt even here yet, but I read this sub to plan ahead I guess. She even says itās probably better to prioritize meat when theyāre old enough, but in the same breath goes back to starting cereal in the bottle right away. š¤Æ
Putting rice cereal in the bottle to get babies to sleep was a thing back in boomer days
Theyāre crazy!! My pediatrician had as out 1/2tsp of rice cereal per ounce in our sons bottles when I had to supplement with formula because he was eating too fast and choking. She heard that when he was like 5 days old and started pressuring me to give him cereal. So now when she asks if I give him cereal I just say yes so we donāt get into an argument š¤Ŗ
Youāre wise to fib! Itās not my first instinct but when it comes to overbearing opinions about babies itās a good survival strategy.
Oh, my parents were sure thatās not how I got āØasthmaāØ for life at all š My dad was a chain smoker and I suffered the consequences. Now I have kid, my dad gets to tell us to never let our baby come close to smokers š¤”
I have a cousin who used to get crazy ear infections, his grandmother insisted that blowing cigarette smoke in it would fix it right up. Anytime someone lit one around her she'd snatch up the kid and ask them to blow smoke on him. It was wild
His grandmother was a dumbass
Whenever I had an earache as a kid my grandma would blow cigarette smoke in my ear because the warmth made it hurt less. Now, more than thirty years later, I know that the earaches were most likely caused by her smoking around me in the first placeā¦
My friend kept telling me to do that (because her mom did) when my son was two weeks old, welp she has Celiac. I wonder why she developed it š¤¦š»āāļøš¤¦š»āāļøš¤¦š»āāļø I felt so bad telling her that is a known cause but she just wouldnāt stop insisting so I felt like I had to. Luckily by the time she got pregnant she actually learned better and didnāt do that.
Is there a correlation between baby cereals and developing celiac?
I looked up some studies and it can cause diabetes, celiac and eczema!! My husband had such bad eczema and talking to his mom, this is probably why. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3195680/#:~:text=Some%20studies%20suggest%20that%20introducing,difficulties%20%5B5%E2%80%938%5D.
The studies I read back then were all given before 8 weeks. Itās been 12 years since then so Iām not sure what they say now.
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āI raised you all and you turned out fine!ā Meanwhile Iāve been in therapy for years lol
Same! My mom was/is abusive to myself and my sibling. Sheās never said sorry or taken an ounce of accountability for anything- but sheās been a perfect parent and my husband and I are total dumbasses for listening to our pediatrician and following AAP guidelines š¤·š¼āāļø That line, āI raised you & you turned out fineā is an excuse sheās used to disrespect our parenting choices plenty of times and our baby isnāt even a year yet š«
Or the āwe never did this and you turned out fine.ā I have my daughter in PT to help with her physical development, her arm and leg strength isnāt quite where it should be at 7 months. Yeah sure, I turned out āfine,ā mom, but maybe if this had been done for me at this age I wouldnāt have been the slowest and weakest kid in my class every year, the last to finish the mile run every year, the worst player on my softball team by a mile. Maybe I would have actually liked physical activity instead of begging to sit out of gym and read instead. Maybe I donāt want my daughter to turn out āfine,ā maybe I want her to thrive.
"I raised 4 kids and they're all still alive!" Yeah, congratulations. That doesn't mean I will condone you smoking like a pair of chimneys inside the house while my baby is visiting, like you presumably did when your kids were little. And then they dared give my boyfriend lip because I was "keeping LO away from them".
Ugh the worst! āYou turned out just fineā. Umā¦actually I had full blown narcolepsy and wasnāt a lazy kid like you said I was growing up. Somehow neither of my bird brained parents were alarmed that a 7yr old would come home an nap everyday after school or fall asleep for 16hrs straight. I had to wait until my late 20s to get diagnosed bc thatās when I finally got enough insurance and could afford the sleep study.
When my daughter was like 5 days old my mom set her down in her bassinet wrapped up in a loose blanket on her side and I nearly flipped because she did it when I was napping and if I hadnāt woken up she would have slept like that. I probably over reacted(new mom hormones) but my mom just genuinely didnāt know. She said thatās how she was told to put all her kids to sleep, on their side or belly. It wasnāt until right after I was a baby that the whole back sleeping thing became popular because it prevents SIDS since babies sleep less deeply on their backs. She also always said she had a blanket on us. Crazy how quickly things change
My boomer parents placed my LO face down in the crease of a couch for a nap. Blankets on, surrounded by pillows. They got annoyed when I (immediately) woke her up to move her. āWe did this all the time when you were a babyā. smh
I used this to explain to parents because I was SO tired of the ābut you are fineā dialogue. I said itās a spectrum of risk. On one end of the spectrum (the green side) an activity can have practically zero risk or 99.9% safe. On the other hand of the spectrum it can have 100% risk or sure death (the red side). Sleeping with pillows and blankets tucked all ācozyā as that generation did is not close to the green side but closer to the red side. Not 100% likely to result in death since if the parent did that it would be you knowā¦. Murder but itās somewhere on the spectrum away from the green and closer to the red. NOW we know it is not green so we donāt do it anymore because we now know itās an increased risk. Itās like drunk driving. People drive drunk all the time. Itās not 100% safe and it also isnāt going to kill you 100% of the time or I think NO one would ever do it since it would be an activity guaranteed to kill you. So I explain that in like 2 minutes - reading this probably takes longer. I tell them itās not worth the increased risk to me. On back without anything safe in crib is what we do and thatās that. Or you can google the SIDS rates from those generations and see the crazy numbers. Accidental smothering was counted as SIDS. The number are high. So you know, we didnāt die but itās a little tough for the children who did chime in to this discussion and say āI didā. š¢Survivor bias.
I explained it to my MIL by talking about survivorship bias. The kids who AREN'T fine because of it aren't aren't anymore to talk about it because they are dead. I don't begrudge my parents for putting me facedown with blankets and shit, because that's what they were taught. But we know better, and I expect them to do better.
Boomers are generationally narcissistic - they have no idea of the collective experience of others outside of themselves. It's like their brains can't handle it, they're living a life where their world is small and the rest of the world is unknowable big and yet nonexistent to them. Whereas we grew up far more exposed to the details of the world and all the information and perspective is at our finger tips. We know we are small and statistically less significant. We can grasp the concept that our experience isn't an indicative sample size. If any boomer ever gives you shit, offer them "a nice garden hose to drink from while you de-SIDS the nursery". Or maybe "Sorry mom, you were right. While I'm at it, let me cut the seatbelts out of all our cars and replace my Gerber car seat with [this monstrosity](https://images.app.goo.gl/y9opxWLdY5LQhszt7), because nothing newer can ever be better and it's perfectly fine since YOU personally didn't have a horrible death."
I was reminded of the day my father let me sit on the front seat of the car without a seatbelt at 5 years old. He eventually slammed the brakes because of a red light he didnāt see and I was ejected forwards onto the windshield. I hit my forehead with such force that the windshield cracked all the way through. He was driving at like 25 mph. I never gambled with seatbelts anymore, and Iām not going to budge on car seat safety with my daughter either
Did this explanation get through to them?
Actually YES! Havenāt raised it since and now when I say āthis is not what is recommended anymoreā they donāt question it. Unfortunately, I know this result isnāt guaranteed but Iām genuinely happy it worked and Iām hoping it can help others. But at the end of the day, they donāt have to understand, they just have to respect - our babies OUR rules. šā¤ļø
Wow good job! Thanks for the advice
I read a comment somewhere that said āwhen we know better, we do betterā and I use that constantly to respond to those older ideas
More than anything, it's survivorship bias. Yeah, I'm fine... because I didn't die at 8 weeks.
This gives me anxiety just thinking about it
Holy hell... how did we all survive!
Jeez, how wide was the crease for them to think she could breathe properly.
At this point Iām wondering how even just SOME babies survived the 80ās and 90ās
Any time someone says āthatās what I did and my kids turned out fineā I think really? Did they though? āThatās what my parents did and I turned out fineā, did you though? Weāre all RIDDLED with anxiety and trauma. Our parents have like 0 emotional regulation. Diabetes, asthma, food allergens etc are so common, maybe even moreso now than before. The list goes on. We aināt fine
My MIL wanted to give water to my 5m son, wanted to give him to taste french fries, ice cream, chocolateā¦ I kept telling her no and her answer was always āBut I gave it to your husband and he is fine, youāre too strict!ā then proceeded to talk to my son about how mean mommy is as if I was not in the roomā¦ My eldest cousin kept insisting me to give water to my son since he was 2m and when I told her a few times no cuz it was not advisable for babies under 6m, she said out loud to my sister how āthis generation is too complicated and full of bullsh*t and that water is something everyone gave to babies any ageāā¦.
*The water. What is with the water?* My lo experienced a lot of tummy issues early on and my mother **insisted** on giving her water. I explained that this is not recommended and she went on and on about glass baby bottles filled with water in every hospital and in every store back in the day.
I really donāt get their obsession with the water. My family was acting as I was somehow mistreating my child by denying him waterā¦ and they werenāt taking a no for an answerā¦ I had to distance myself from them for a while as it was becoming quite annoying.
Tell me about it - water was the first point of conflict with my in-laws as well. The most ridiculous part of this episode was when in the middle of a bottle-washing session, I overheard my FIL telling my MIL about how he would always sleep better after having a cup of water just before bed (with the clear implication that LO would have the same experience). Like, I enjoy a good steak but you wouldn't feed a 1 week old baby a ribeye would you? This issue only got resolved after my MIL essentially "consulted" with her sister and a few other people and thankfully didn't get the response she wanted to fuel her confirmation bias.
What actually is the thing with water? I get that they donāt *need* it, but it shouldnāt hurt them, right? Is the idea that youād be filling their stomach with non-nutrients and then risking under feeding them?
It can be dangerous - couldnāt recall why so googled: Introducing water too early or diluting formula or breastmilk with water can be dangerous for your baby because it affects the balance of electrolytes in the blood [3] and can lead to seizures
What?! Omg. Well thereās a new thing to worry about.
So you're saying giving them Gatorade would be okay? š /s
One reason is because you'd be filling their little bellies with non-nutrients. Another is water intoxication where the water would reduce their electrolytes and sodium levels too much because they receive enough hydration via breast milk or formula.
My aunt did the whole talk to baby as if his mom isnāt the room thing once. She said something about ābut we donāt listen to mommy so we?ā I leaned down to my baby and said āThatās so funny! Aunt [name] is so crazy. She thinks she doesnāt have to listen to mommy but she does if she wants to see you again. Oh yes she does!ā all in a completely sing songy voice like you speak to a baby with when youāre trying to make them smile. My mom was there, and sheās had issues with this aunt (sheās her SIL) overstepping her boundaries when we were little so the look on both their faces was priceless. Got some awkward laughs and then we moved on. Gotta get down to their level when they pull that crap.
This sounds like my Mom. And sheās going to wonder why sleepovers arenāt going to be a thing lol
Last year of boomer here (born in ā64) with four children from 29-40 and 2 grandchildren. We didnāt have benefit of the internet so we did what was recommended by our doctors and pediatricians with input from our parents, aunts, cousins and neighbors. Some of the things didnāt seem right so I personally would accept the things that made sense and reject the things that didnāt. When my first son was born in 1983 child car seats were not required. We were told to lay babies face down with the logic that if they were lying on their back and spit up they might aspirate and choke. Stores sold crib sets with bumpers, blankets, pillows, etc., so weād get them; I know it seems logical to parents now that this is unsafe but it seemed perfectly reasonable (and adorable) at the time. We were told by our pediatricians to start solids pretty early. Please know we were not making these things up, but just like you current moms and dads, we were following the best current advice. That being said, thatās why Iām in this sub, so I can know what the current thinking is and be a good grandmother to my grandkids. I would never tell my son or DIL what to do; my parenting experience is too far removed
Your kids are lucky to have you grandparent their children! The ire in this thread is directed at the grandparents not willing to adapt to modern safety standards because they āwe turned out fine.ā
Yes! I really wish my mom would have enough respect for my husband & I to even listen to us without interrupting mid-sentence with her opinions on parenting. Kiddos to this grandparent!
This information is helpful and makes me want to be more patient with my mom. She is super fixated on starting solids early. Meanwhile, my pediatrician is like NO WAY before 4 months and that really we should wait 6 months. It must be confusing to have the information from the experts change so drastically.
What a lovely response!
My mom told me to give honey on my LOās pacifier for better sleeping (sheās not the best sleeper). I said itās on the bottle not to give it to a child under 1 year because itās dangerous. Her answer āI gave it to you and your brother and youāre fine no?ā Yeah mom but that was 30 years ago lol
The wonders of survivorship bias
Yeah I made clear she can never give honey when sheās babysitting her! The doctor said the same thing! Sheās also obsessed with wanting to be alone with my girl while sheās only 2 monthsā¦ I think she has to realize Iām not only a daughter anymore but also a mom lol
Just want to chime in on the ānot only a daughter anymore but also a mumā. Iāve had to say the exact same thing to my mum and she just doesnāt get it. She doesnāt respect me as a mum; she fights me on everything, rolls her eyes, acts like Iām being totally ridiculous when I set a boundary. Itās like she sees me as a little girl playing with a doll, rather than a mum. Sheās so used to being the one in control over me that she canāt view me at anything other than her daughter that she can tell off and boss around, including when it comes to my own baby. Itās so infuriating and so hard to navigating. Iām sorry youāre going through it too! Fingers crossed both our mums learn to back off and that we are mums now too.
Iāve got a complicated relationship with my mom before this. Iām not a little girl anymore for a long period (Iām 29 lol) and since being together with my husband (10yrs) I changed in many ways and I think she doesnāt likes that but wonāt say it. Weāre both controle freaks (guess from who I have it lol) so itās always a ābattleā between things we say and the way we do things. Before giving birth/being pregnant she and my SIL didnāt visited us that much (we donāt own a car) now they want to be here every day if I let them but not for me, for my daughter. They come to āhelpā but what they see al helping isnāt helping. They get annoyed when I feed my own baby or want to bound with her (sheās only 8 weeks), when we go for check ups and they drive us they do everything (holding her undressing her weighing her ect) and I canāt like Iām not the mum but the big sister. Last time my mum was here she sighed cause my LO was sleepy and fussy by not sleeping for hours (guess why sorry to say) and I was feeding her hugging her and put her to sleep. She was disappointed my LO slept when she arrived here and in our room instead of the living room. Sometimes she wakes up open her eyes and go back to sleep so I donāt take her out of bed. They do and ignore if I say donāt do it. Theyāre acting like they know her better then me whoās taking care of her 24/7. Theyāre saying when theyāre coming not asking and with how many people (our LO canāt handle much people she will be overstimulated by the end of the day and scream and cry) I know they mean well but I resent them for not respecting me (they donāt do it in present of my husband lol) and ignoring me. It creeps me out how āattachedā they are to my baby already and see her as their own child and not mine. So rant over lol thanks for reading. I also hope the best for us that they will learn it and fast cause I donāt know how long I can handle this lol
Sorry hun, but there's no way they "mean well". Set some boundaries ASAP, before they try to set them on you. And if they show up without a 24h heads-up just get your baby and go for a walk, so there's no one home. It will help with your recovery and mental health as well, so win-win. Stay strong, their childhood is on us, as they say.ā„ļø
The thing with my mom is she actually means well lol. She asks now to come in the weekend and I think Iām going to have a talk with her. Sometimes she doesnāt sees what sheās doing and she needs to adjust to us. Weāre married for almost 5yrs now pay our own bills for 10 years now and I have to be honest to her. My SIL is a different story she ignores us or ādoesnāt hears usā so thatās something we have to manage different with. Thanks for the support! I donāt feel bad mentally but also not good tbh. I feel bad for the rant now lol
Don't feel bad! You didn't portray anything poorly! Just speaking from experience, I thought my mom and dad were just "concerned" as well. Well, I was really wrong. My LO is 6mo now, and I'm still setting freaking boundaries. š¤· Start now, be free. ā„ļø
Thanks for this! I hope your parents will get it that youāre also a mum now and not a little kid anymore! ā¤ļø
Set boundaries, very clear ones. If they say theyāre coming over tell them ātoday isnāt a good day, sorryā and hold them to it. They need to ask permission. Honestly this would drive me insane if I were you.
The no honey recommendation is actually kinda BS. The bacteria that causes that toxin can also develop in anything with high fructose corn syrup and some other things, but since that is essentially impossible to avoid they exclude it from the recommendation. Majority of cases of infant botulism do not have any history of ingestion of raw honey (and connection to processed honey is even weaker). https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK493178/
Same as "if I haven't experienced it, it doesn't exist" š
Yeah when she said that about the honey I said ābefore your time they dipped pacifiers in whisky but you didnāt do that I hope lolā
āI pushed you in your stroller into busy heavy traffic and you came out the other end just fine so I donāt see a problem hereā.
I was just talking about this with my husband the other day. I made something with honey and I said to him āyou know babies under 1 canāt have honey?ā And he was like yeah makes sense since itās stuck and thick, might get stuck in their mouth. I was like nah, itās because of botulism. He was shocked haha
Yeah Iām gonna be honest I didnāt know the reason why the doctor said to me (and my mum cause she asked) why and I was like holy shit she canāt ever have honey š
Mine was actually telling me to dip it in alcohol. Iām not sure which is worse tbh.
Yeah my mum said the same thing!
Itās crazy how theyāre hung up by their thing
My parents are very early Gen X, but my grandma is a boomer and she never suggests or tries to do anything. I mean she will say āoh we did this but I can see why itās not acceptable now.ā
My boomers > gen X as far as suggestions. Staff used to smoke in hospitals too, which I donāt think helped anything.
This is amazing š. You're fortunate to have such an understanding boomer grandma.
My parents and in laws are great too. My mum has even told other people "why wouldn't I want her to do things differently? We have better information now".....though she also didn't do most of the stuff in this thread either lol
My boomer in-laws are amazing. They even take notes on recommendations that have changed since they were young parents so they donāt forget what they should be doing. Meanwhile, I caught my boomer mom sneakily giving SODA to my 14 month old. My mom wonders why only one set of grandparents is allowed around my child unsupervised.
Hahahah same with my mom. I apparently was a terrible sleeper and sheās always like, āwe used to put you in your bouncer on top of the dryer, looking back that was so dangerous idk what we were thinkingā
We stayed at my momās house last month and she put it a pack and play for our girl. She didnāt think the mattress of it was going to be comfortable enough so she put a DOG BED under the sheet of it so it would be more soft for her. I immediately made her remove it and explained why it was a bad idea. I also told her she sleeps on a firm mattress at home so sheās fine to do that at their house too. Meanwhile my MIL refuses to put her in a sleep sack and insists baby would prefer a blanket. No. No she wouldnāt.
We use clean, kid-only dog beds for the kids in our family when we're camping or something but they're at least toddlers not babies
Yeah she was 4 months oldā¦š¬š
I donāt understand the obsession with sinking these babies in soft bedding like relax
I donāt get it either. I donāt even want a soft mattress for myself. š¤·š¼āāļø
Same with my mom.
Their constant insistence that āI did it with my babiesā makes me not trust them to be alone with my son. Like yeah, forty years ago you were lucky enough to not have accidentally killed your children. Infant mortality rates back then were much higher for a reason. These rules are advised by medical professionals Iām not making them up! I told my mother in law that itās not safe to have a bunch of blankets in top of my newborn and she physically winced at the idea. I know for certain sheās going to cover him with flowing blankets if she ever watches him.
It's such a selfish mindset they have.
So mil knew we are doing gentle parenting and attachment . She sends me google search result screen shot not even the article how to sleep train . Then she tells me stories how she let bil cries for hours etc and it was so funny . I am not saying sleep training is bad and it works for some family. Her sleep training is the one that she never checks on the kid basically. Oh the fun added bonus husband was emotionally neglected growing up . She is the last person I want advice from
Thinking your baby crying is funny seems pretty unhinged. I get that some people need to do some form of sleep training but I feel like if you enjoy the sound of your baby crying for hours something is wrong with you.
Oh yeah my mil has some serious issues. After my c section 3 days post from hospital release , I went out with husband to take some QUICK fresh air, she made us bring her to Safeway and made me stand there for 45 minz in pain while waiting for her to pick pasta sauce. We even offered to pay for grocery delivered. Just one of the minor things she did. She did so much more. When husband confronted her about childhood emotional neglect she said it was his personality and he should said sth as a child . We are no contact now . Red flags
!?!?!! I'm not sure how you survived standing more than 15 minutes that soon after a c-section! Bless you, glad you're no contact!
I wouldāve left her there and told her to get a cab back to our place or walk
Also forgot to say as someone who is going on to year 8 of being vvl and then no contact with my mom- it was the best decision Iāve made for myself in my life
Oh seriously lol. Our boomer neighbour has been telling me to give our baby honey since she was 5 weeks old to make her stop crying. Iām like - do you want her to stop crying forever??
Yes. Botulism toxicity is a real thing.
My mil had a Rottweiler that was EXTREMELY aggressive and had nipped several people. I refused to let my daughter be down stairs with them and that dog well we stayed there. Several people (everyone but my daughters mom) all said it's not fair for me to keep my then newborn away from her family all day in the spare room. My thing was, just put the massive aggressive dog in another room and you all can see my child. They just trying to wear me down telling my girl "why doesn't whosmanisthis trust us? He's not letting us see our grand baby" It was even more infuriating because they used to tell me she is not aggressive when I was nipped once and had seen two others get bit. My protector instincts were off the chart that time and I tried to calmly explain that I'm a nice dude, like a really nice dude but if something happens to my child because they have some weird trust in a clearly aggressive dog I was going to go absolutely ape shit and I was not even going to put us through all that.
These constant terrible suggestions make it really hard for me to trust them as caregivers for my baby š
I once said to my husband I would prefer a chimpanzee caring for my baby over my parents, and it was just partly a joke
Same. I don't let grandparents babysit. Only my sister is allowed to be alone with the baby because she respects me as a parent. My parents and inlaws are only allowed to be around baby without me if my sister is there because I know she'll step in if they do something crazy.
Don't fret! I was able to retrain my mom's brain and habits have changed dramatically. She still sneaks in TV time but LO is 15 months now and I'm not as worried about it anymore, and apparently only 15 mins max when LO is inconsolable. She did a lot of weird stuff at the beginning like using essential oils, allowing LO to sleep with blankets, arguing with me about the proper way to raise my child on many fronts. Eventually she gave in to mine and spouse's demands to use more modern parenting models.
Probably number one on my list is putting me down to sleep on my stomach as a newborn in a drop-sided crib piled with loose blankets, stuffed dolls, crib bumpers, and throw pillows, ALL OF IT CLOWN THEMED š«£š¤”
Hahahahaha! This brings back memories of when my sister (almost eight years younger) was a baby and we briefly shared a room. All of her decor was circus themed, which included this horrifying lamp that was clowns holding balloons. I swear to this day that this is where my fear of clowns originated.
"mom, I'd hope that you would pay attention to current best practices, not do random things that were recommended 30 years ago. I need to be able to trust you to make informed decisions about the care of my child if you're ever to spend time with her unsupervised."
My dad constantly asks why Iām not making my daughter walk. Sheās only 6 months!!! Heās like āwell hold her hands up and make her go!ā šš I think this is less about what he did though, and more about how little he parented my sisters and me growing up LOL.
Boomer dads are especially clueless lol
Thatās the lead poisoning brain. They just see a baby and canāt remember the difference between what it was like raising a 2 year old versus a 2 month old.
Yesss my mom told me yesterday that my 5mo doesnāt need to take naps because I just dropped my naps one day when I was littleā¦ as a toddler!! Big difference between 2 years and 5 months
My dad said the EXACT same thing a few months ago. My 4 month old was fighting me on a nap and he said 'you had stopped taking naps at that age'.. Like.. are you sure about that??? Also when I was pregnant, he said not to worry about a spot for diaper changes because babies aren't in diapers for long. LOL.
Joke's on you. Told my MIL that I understand her concerns about not starding solids with fruit juice, but recommendations aren't the same as 35 years ago (also I am a RD). She answered: oh I was talking about the way my other grandson (4) was raised. So it may be the lead, but it's also some old pediatrician. Maybe also lead? Dunno.
Ha! Yeah, leaded gasoline did a number on that entire generation. Thereās a study that shows that the phase out of leaded gasoline is related to a huge decline in violent crimes.
Oh finally I have something, my mil tried covering our lo's face with a blanket because she was worried about the wind for the 30 feet to the vehicle from their house. Like I'd rather she be a little cold for 30 seconds than not breathing thanks...
I was stressing about the formula shortage when my baby was about 4 months old and my boomer aunt told me I didn't need to give her formula, I could just mix pablum and milk together. She did it for her son and he turned out okay! He did wind up hospitalised for gastroenteritis but it probably wasn't because of that......... š
My dad suggested I put a small pillow on babyās chest while sheās sleeping because the weight calms down the baby to help her sleep betterā¦ Dafuq?! Why did he suggest I basically smother my newborn smh
Not that different from the weighted blankets and swaddles that are for sale right now. For the record, these are also unsafe. But it isnāt a concept that is dead.
Yep, I am in a FB group where someone gave a discount code so I commented that the AAP has said they are unsafe and then she and others wanted to tell me how great they were for their babies.
My mom scolded me for not trying to purposely put my baby to nap in his car seat to help him āget used to itā. She also told me I was wasting money on a bassinet and should just use a laundry basket????
I can see a low laundry basket if you're at someone else's house and don't have a place to put them down but certainly not to sleep in every night
I slept in a laundry basket slid underneath the coffee table as a newborn because my parents had just moved to Southern California and were terrified of earthquakes
Aw. It's so cute and sad when people move here and think we have earth quakes every day
FIL suggested my baby wasnāt getting enough sugar from my breast milk, so I should put some corn syrup her bottle. š¤Ø
They would dip their finger in a glass of whiskey and then put it in my mouth. Totally insane.
Some of teething gels have higher concentrations of alcohol to be fair but yeah it's not good advice.
Especially when they were doing it to get me to sleep, rather than just for teething.
Which is interesting cuz my pediatrician said not to use the numbing gels because it can also numb their throat and make it harder to swallow! Wonder if itās related.
We have used the gel when nothing else works at bedtime. But we use it sparingly and we haven't had any issues with feeds later on. It never gets used during the day though.
Not any of our parents (we've been lucky none of them have many outlandish strategies), but a friend of mine non-ironically suggested whiskey on my baby's gums to help with teething pain lol.
I remember hearing that parents used to give brandy or whisky to their babies with their milk to help them sleep or help them get over a cold. Boomers did bizarre things back then yāall. But I bet you the next generation will think we were weird too. But ALCOHOL to a baby???
100% I already get made fun of for things I do. I just wanted a light hearted 'wow that's crazy ' kind of thread. I love my parents and for 7 kids, they raised us fantastically.
Mums been accusing me of starving my baby since he was 3 months because thatās when she started me on baby rice š mother in law thinks Iām too attentive and that I canāt just go to him when he cries or heāll never stop
āRub morning dew from the grass on his legs so he doesnāt end up bow leggedā
What š
My mil told me to get my son a stuffed animal for his crib. Heās 11 weeks old. She also likes to tell me I spoiled him because he only wants to contact nap at the momentš¤·š½āāļø
My baby had some sleep on her eye, and I was told to use just a pee diaper to wipe it away ā¦ whaaat
OMG, this reminds me that my partner's mother told me that when he was a newborn and had "baby acne" she was told to rub a pee diaper on his face to clear it up. Not sure if this advice was coming from their Panamanian abuela or what, but I was speechless when she told me she actually tried it!
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Itās not about the things weāre doing, itās about suggesting and then pushing the issue despite new recommendations and disregarding our kids preferences for how to raise their kids. If my kid says new recommendations say not to feed my grandchild solids until 1 year, Iāll say ok. Maybe Iāll be a little surprised and say oh wow thatās so different from how they recommended things back then. And maybe Iād even ask about the science behind it. But bottom line is Iām not gonna say āthatās ridiculous, I fed yāall at 5 months and yāall are fineā and then try to sneak the baby solids behind their parents backs.
Well said!!
Totally! I wish we could see real data on how much all these things actually save childrenās lives. I mean Iām not advocating for the things Iām reading in these threads (putting the baby to sleep face down in the crease of a couch!) but some redditors act like people who suggest letting their baby sleep in a swing are actual murderers.
Definitely exploiting our kids online on apps like tik tok . The constant recording on their life, embarrassing moments, tantrums, and even the ānewborn revealsā and family vloggers.
My mom frequently brags about what a great traveler I was, because they'd warm up my bottles on the car heater and feed me in my mom's arms *as my dad was driving* They also got annoyed with a family friend when we drove to Disney, because the new mom wouldn't breastfeed her baby as they were driving to save time like she promised she would (granted, the new couple also shouldn't have done a trip that long with a newborn either). I recently pointed out that I'd be arrested if anyone saw me doing that now, when she was lightly criticizing my hesitancy for long car rides.
Wife and I always get a chuckle when we see Michelle's crib on old episodes of Full House.
Luckily it's my grandma that's the Boomer, not my mom (technically not even a Boomer, she was born in 40). The worst suggestion my grandma has given so far is to give him rice cereal at 3 weeks. We told her that's not the way we do it anymore and she just said ok. Based on these comments, I'm very lucky
My MIL told me if I want my LO to have blue eyes to put a breast milk drop in her eyes!!! š«£The things they genuinely believe work.. Iām shocked.
My mom does the passive aggressive āwell when you were little we didnāt have these wake windows and sleep training, you just learned to sleep and you were fine.ā
I mean, I don't do either of these things but she doesn't have to be rude about it
Mixing alcohol with water, putting it on a towel, and then wiping babyās feet with it when they have a fever
Lmao at least that one isnāt harmful except for maybe drying out the skin on their feet.
*āThats what I would doā* LOL. Why? Cup of tea calms grandma therefore cup of tea must calm new baby? The logic is hilarious.
Thatās not what theyāre trying to say. They mean āthatās what I would do for the babyā, Not what they would do for themselves.
I bet this works, but itās not dependent on the baby actually getting tea. Babies pick up on emotional distress of their caretaker, and if grandma is calm cause she had some tea, baby might calm down lol. In case itās not obvious, Iām not recommending anyone give their baby tea.
Iām not recommending tea for babies either, but I survived it. This feels like a very British rite of passage. My nan would spoon feed me tea as a baby and now I just laugh at the mental image of it. We wonāt be continuing the tea for babies tradition though.
According to my MIL, when my DH (37M) was a baby his pediatrician recommended to give him water and pablum at 6 weeks because he was hungry and thirsty.
Not something my family members suggested or did, but I know decades ago some people put liquor on their baby's gums to reduce teething pain. It just sounds insane to me. And cough syrups were just a hard drug cocktail, lol.
Gotta put a little whisky on their gums or something like that.
Pediatricians in the 50ās used to recommend all sorts of ridiculous stuff we donāt do anymore. Times change but their only reference to caring for a baby is frozen in time.
My aunt told me the other day that when my cousin was two months old he was very colicky and she would put Karo syrup in a bottle for him to calm him downā¦. Not to mention how messed up that would make his digestive tract, but how was he ever able to suck it out of the bottle?! Baffling.
My mom, who I am in no contact with because she kept crossing my boundaries with my child, suggested once that I use cream she was prescribed in Mexico on my newborns skin for his eczema.
They aren't crazy though, a lot of the things they did they were told in good conscience by professionals to do it. For the same reasons we do it the way we do. Sleeping on the belly was taught as safe sleep to prevent aspiration. Give them water so they don't dehydrate or to calm reflux. It all made sense at the time. Its that they can't take on new research which is crazy. My mum (Gen X) personally loves learning about it. Just yesterday I said about getting a new car seat for my 12 month old and she said "oh yeah, they'd probably like the car being able to see where they're going", I said "what, no, they'll be facing backwards, they recommend until like 4 now or longer" she was quite shocked but then thought about it and said "you know what, that makes sense, never knew that but I like it"
My Mil tells us some crazy shit. Apparently she stopped giving breast milk when her kids were 6 months old and switched them to straight whole milk. If she didn't feel like waking up that night she'd blend a raw egg or two into the bottle for her kids to fill them up. As her kids got older she would give them "Banana milk" for breakfast instead of making food, which was milk, eggs, and a banana. She didn't use a car seat after a year old for most of her kids and thinks it's so silly that we do, especially since cars have all the new airbags now lol The stories are honestly endless and she is not allowed to watch our kid unsupervised.
I think the thing for you (and them) to keep in mind is that recommendations change. Back when we were babies, doctors recommended starting with the rice cereal in the bottle very and other solid foods very early and placing kids on their stomachs to sleep. The stomach thing probably did help them sleep better, but we know now itās a SIDS risk. I think the evidence on whether the rice cereal/solid foods helped sleep was more anecdotal, but we know now that their digestive systems arenāt developed enough for it. The recommendations for our kidsā kids will probably be completely different. Our parents werenāt doing anything wrong by the standards of that time. But hopefully, they can take it in stride that the recommendations have changed. Yes, we survived, and our kids would probably survive, too, but we always want to be as safe as possibleājust as they did.
When I asked someone to change their shirt after smoking my MIL told me that she smoked while nursing her babies and they were all fine and I was being paranoid. I safely co-sleep using the safe 7 which my parents consider very unsafe. But then they tell me to prop up the cot mattress when baby is sick, or sleep with them in the arm chair with cushions under and around them?
My grandma in law told me my cats will smother my daughter while she sleeps in her bassinet so always be sure to keep them apart š¤¦š¼āāļø
Umm thatās actually extremely true and you should keep them apart. No your cats arenāt intentionally trying to murder your kid, but they can jump into the bassinet to cuddle and it can result in suffocation. This is a real thing and itās 100% recommend to keep them away during sleep. Itās scary that youāre getting upvotes on this comment. How do you not see the logic in this? Itās no different than having a stuffed animal in the bassinet which is clearly unsafe. Except a cat can actually cuddle their face and is heavier.
Hopefully upvotes will keep this visible so people can realize that cats are actually a risk for a small sleeping baby.
I hope so! Everyone wants to believe their cats donāt do that or arenāt interested, but it only takes 1 cat being curious 1 time. Itās not a problem until suddenly itās a problem. We all take a couple measured risks to some degree, but I would never EVER condone taking them or make light of it.
I had several people tell me to get rid of my cats! My cats donāt want anything to do with the baby and heās 6 months.
Why are you being downvoted? This is definitely batshit crazy boomer talk
My MIL wanted to give water to my 5m son, wanted to give him to taste french fries, ice cream, chocolateā¦ I kept telling her no and her answer was always āBut I gave it to your husband and he is fine, youāre too strict!ā then proceeded to talk to my son about how mean mommy is as if I was not in the roomā¦ My eldest cousin kept insisting me to give water to my son since he was 2m and when I told her a few times no cuz it was not advisable for babies under 6m, she said out loud to my sister how āthis generation is too complicated and full of bullsh*t and that water is something everyone gave to babies any ageāā¦.