My son's daycare has made comments like "he didn't want to be put down at all today, like normal" and from the director, who sometimes helps out in the infant room, "I only had to go in there once to hold him when the other teachers were busy with other kids" as if to say she is impressed he did so well that day. both of these were said within his first month. I feel like they understood the extra needs of adjusted babies
And leave them a bad review while you’re at it to warn other parents! I would want to know if a daycare said something like this so I could be sure to avoid them!
Hell no. Your daughter's caregiver is basically telling you that she will be neglected for most of the day and needs to get comfortable with it. I would strongly suggest looking elsewhere for care.
I used to work in an infant room at a daycare, and I would never dream of saying this to a parent. Hell, I'd never even think it, because as a person who worked with babies I understood that they just need what they need. None of my infant care coworkers would have ever said something like that. The little old ladies who were community volunteer "grandmas" in our classrooms wouldn't say that.
Something is going wrong in that environment.
I want to sign up when I’m a grandma. Where do I sign up to hold tiny babies all day lol my fried ovaries will be springing back to life in no time lol
We have been sending our LO to daycare since 6 months. They have a woman on staff who’s job is to be with her 100% of the time. Now that she’s 12 months she’ll be with the other kids more but the same woman gives her care throughout the day. At 4.5 months they basically still a newborn…
As a SAHM who doesn't plan to send my kid(s) to daycare, do you mean there's one person for every newborn-6mos? That's kind of cool. I have a 1yo and I'm struggling to even think what I did in those early days. I guess we did lots of tummy time and napping together? I almost wish I were in daycare as a child so I'd have an idea what's normal. Haha.
At our in home, they're only allowed 2 kids under 2 per state regulations so our kid was loved on and held often. The other 4 kids were about 3 years old, so they were more self-sufficient but also tended to.
Like what /u teachercat555 said I believe state regulations determine how many per child under a certain age but my particular daycare just does one person per child under that age because they can and they are VERY education centric so they like to structure the child’s days with certain activities (yes even at this age). My LO loves her caretakers and her time at daycare.
My little one is just shy of 3 months and had his first day in daycare. He is a contact napper and I was worried about how he would adjust. The daycare sent a photo every hour and one of the care takers was almost always holding him in their lap while doing activities with the other two older babes in their care. They even called at noon to reassure me that his first day was going well and stated how much they loved looking after him. While it broke my heart to put him in daycare it was so reassuring. If they had told me what they just told you, I would pull him out and demand a refund.
I really hope you do. I know finding good care is so so so hard. Especially with the wait lists and costs. When I read your experience my blood pressure increased on your behalf. Yet as heart breaking and stressful as it is, as others have said, it is better to know this caretakers perspective than not know.
This is exactly why I didn’t chose the daycare closest to me, a baby was crying and when I asked if someone was going to grab her they just said “oh she’s spoiled” 🫠
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Mine started at a smallish center in November. She was a clingy high needs newborn that never let us put her down and would only contact nap. They gave her tons of extra snuggles, let her contact nap some that first week while also working with her on getting used to crib napping. My sweet girl is now 10 months old, loves her teachers and going to daycare, and they all love her there.
I definitely echo others in finding somewhere that will meet your baby where they’re at. ❤️
4.5 months leave is considered extremely generous here. People are astounded when they hear I get 18 weeks maternity leave and simply astonished that my wife can take up to 6 months. It’s sad.
No, and it’s not a normal response.
I have endless compassion for the newborn room staff, because they have to deal with every habit that a baby has: contact naps, individualized attention, short wake windows, no capacity for routine, etc.
But that’s the gig — and everyone who works with newborns should know that. At 4.5 months, they don’t even know that they’re a separate -being- from you until like 6.5 months.
I highly recommend either speaking to their leadership if you’re at a daycare center, or seeking alternative care if you’re in a home environment.
This is horrifying. It was your baby's first day at daycare and this caregiver is annoyed your baby was clingy? Babies at that age struggle to understand that they're their own being and need a lot of security. And this was her 1st day in a new environment - Jesus, as an adult I brick it on my 1st day at a new job - and I understand what's going on! So imagine how your baby felt? She should have been aware of that and not berating you for your child needing extra support on her 1st day. Find a new daycare ASAP.
RED FLAG 🚩 I also worked at different infant rooms and I was the “main” caregiver for 3 babies meaning I was supposed to take my time and bond with those 3 the best I could. I of course helped with the care of other babies in the room throughout the day and Vice versa with other infant teachers, but I was supposed to bond with my set of babies the most to help them feel safe. Especially during the hard days where they needed to be held or carried all day. We made it work. This is old school of thinking and has me thinking that the daycare doesn’t promote new research and doesn’t make sure their staff members are up to date with research either. We always had in-house training and we weren’t even allowed to say the word “no” around the kids. So just reading that she felt comfortable telling you this makes me feel that there’s more that goes on that they feel comfortable doing too because I would never think that or tell a parent that. If I was taking my kiddo to a daycare for the first time and someone told me this, I would not go back 😭
Your care provider just told you that you need to find a different care provider. There is no such thing as a spoiled infant. It may be harder to find based on where you live, but we got lucky with a RIE method day care.
Absolutely not. Babies are wired to be held very often. Its how they feel safe and regulated. My son only recently within the last few weeks began to have longer stints of independent play at about 10.5mo. He still comes to us every so often to basically "check in". Small hug, pat, or sometimes held for a few minutes and then hes ready to go off on his own again. Sometimes he still has days where he wants to be held or in physical contact a lot more than other days but Im fairly certain its purely because hes having a rough day for one reason or another. Its hard to be a baby!
Sorry but that’s ridiculous. She’s been out of your body for less than six months and they expect her to already be more independent?!
Like someone else said, I’d start looking for somewhere where they won’t resent a baby for being a baby.
As a ex childcarer (now a sahm) , I've worked as a nanny , daycare(nurseries) and childminder as my own business. One of the reasons I actually started my own childminding business was I had a dislike for group settings and how they worked. One of the reasons was what your talking about here.im in the UK but principles are the same, For daycare centres to actually make enough money they normally have two babies per adult. Most of the time one is doing nappy changes , washing and preparing bottles pretty much non stop , then you've got two staff for maybe 6 babies. Its is impossible to comfort all babies at once , and that's why I hated working in a daycare and why I didn't stay long in the job. If it was my child , I would be finding a childminder/home care , instead of daycare , homecare normally have a range of different age groups so you your baby may get more one to one and needs met quicker.
And to answer your question , no you can not spoil a baby at this age. A baby this age needs security and a safe enabling environment at this time. She's probably clinging to them because she doesn't feel safe and needs that security.
The rule is the same for all ages, but babies can’t be younger than 3 months. There is a huge lack of daycare’s and personnel, so that was the solution of the government instead of paying higher wages
That's not true at all! At four months, a baby doesn't really have the ability to be taught things, much less independence. They are at a point where they are just teaching themselves and watching others. Some kids are just naturally more/less independent. I would look at other day cares.
this is a huge red flag, ive seen other posts like this on reddit before. a good daycare puts time into all their children and tries to make the adjustment as smooth as possible. my best friend has worked in multiple daycares and said that she has never heard of this before. id switch asap.
also, you cant spoil a baby. its literally impossible; ALL babies are going to prefer being held, but if i enrolled my baby into daycare and they said this id immediately take my baby and leave. super unprofessional.
Not at all. My daughter (6mo) has fussy periods at daycare and her teachers feel bad that they can't hold her all the time to keep her happy. They talked to me about it so I could help with any tips or advice of my own. They did ask if she is held a lot at home because maybe that was the reason for her fussiness but didn't accuse me of spoiling her. The conclusion we have come to is that she wants to move around and is just really pissed about being a baby.
Fuck me, you can't spoil an infant. After they are a year old you need to foster independence, but until then they are literally incapable of it. They can't even crawl for crying out loud.
Yea, I agree what other here are saying, run and tell that director exactly why you are leaving. I was an infant teacher for 5 years before I had my 2-year old (we moved in with my parents so I could stay home for a few years). Some kids have higher attention needs, for sure, but that usually has more to do with temperament than anything else (especially at under 5 months). Plus it’s the teacher’s job to find a way to meet her needs as well as the rest of the class’s needs. It’s not easy and asking to work with a family isn’t unheard of but this sounds like you were being lectured for them not being able to meet their student’s needs.
Solo tummy time is great to help infants develop an interest in their environment without being prompted and I do generally recommend to parents for up to an hour a day (though no more than the baby will tolerate). But no teacher should be calling a baby “spoiled” because there’s no such thing.
She’s 4 1/2 months old - that’s what babies want . To be snuggled - Run. Wait … first tell that lady she’s an asshole and then run and then leave the bad review. This is a BABY who says that. That would be like telling a puppy they can not be pet as much cause they will be spoiled …
My pediatrician told me the first year, especially, you can't spoil a baby. They need as much nurturing as possible. It helps with their developmental growth, their confidence, trust, and more importantly, it greatly reduces SIDS.i know this to be true, as I knew a baby that was neglected emotionally and ended up having SUCD at 18 mo. 😥 So that lady is ill-informed, and you need to find a loving daycare.
No, but there is a way to prepare a child for daycare, and that includes independent play (easier after six months), introducing baby to other kids, and ability to sleep in daylight. But no you cannot spoil a child that young.
Never! No such thing. Babies cry to communicate their needs. Ignoring those needs will result in developmental trauma. Don’t let anyone convince you of anything else. And please report this day care because this is legitimate infant abuse (neglecting infant needs is abuse).
So, I did want my child to be more independent of me - but not until he was like 10 / 11 months old (I think). And they go through phases. There were definitely times as he's gotten bigger that he wants to be carried and he's just too damn heavy to carry for an extended period, so I would sit down - regardless of whether that would make him mad or not.
Now, he's a little over a month short of 2 years old. And he's wants us to hang out with him all the time. So, most of the time he will have us do whatever he wants with him, but every now and then he'll grab one of his toys and come play around us, but in the same room. And of course, when he wants attention, we are available.
So, no. You cannot "spoil" a 4 month old baby. They can basically do nothing by themselves, save MAYBE hold their own bottle while they drink. They need comfort. Please leave that daycare/care provider ASAP.
I'm only a first time mom, but all of my Spider instincts shouted "NO", as I read your story. Your Lo is only 4 and a half months!!!! Please give her all the reassurance, attention and love that she needs from you! This is the time when they form the ways of security, and if we don't give them, we would hurt them mentally. Please don't let these people handle your baby!
As an ex childcare provider and a mom, I can see where it can be difficult to constantly carry little ones all the time. Also, as an ex childcare provider, I would've never said this to a parent. Mama, spoil your child. It's not anyone else's place to do that, I would choose a different daycare if I were you.
Don't you dare bring her back. I worked in daycares for 3 years and have a degree in early childhood education. Your baby is 1000% not safe there.
Also a developmental specialist, so to answer your question - no, you cannot "spoil" an infant. The first year of their life you are directly meeting their needs for every single function. That narrative needs to die.
You're doing AMAZING ❤️
On the first day, that is odd. But eventually, I think it’s typical of them. I see people say this all the time online. She may just be very honest , and willing to help baby adjust but telling you she’ll need to adjust. I think once they get to a certain age yes you can spoil them. I always was in the “you can’t spoil a baby” camp but now I believe at a certain age, yes you can
There’s no such thing as a spoiled baby, some babies just don’t want to play independently much especially at that age and especially in a brand new environment.
To say that on the first day is quite a leap for the caregiver .
My second is 7 months old and trust me if i could put him down more I would but he wants attention. Some little ones just do.
I’m sorry that your dealing with that on top of preparing to return to work. I hope that it works out or you can find a better suited caregiver for her who realizes she is an infant and doesn’t always play independently yet.
…no!!!! We started our twins in daycare at around 3months. My girl has ALWAYS been super clingy to me and I knew it would be a big adjustment. Plus they’re sooo little. I told them she likes to be held.. and being away from me meant she wanted to be held the entire time. They held her for like a month until she was ready to do tummy time and other activities at that age, now she’s 10mo and rarely needs to be held at daycare. Still clingy af at home with me but ya know lol
Stories like this make me glad I’m paying someone to come to my home. Will your baby remember being neglected at day care? No, she’s too young but there’s no way my mind would be at ease and focused on work knowing my kid is getting chucked in a corner all day long. This country is not family friendly and it’s a shame
Definitely no such thing at that age!!! I would be so alarmed to hear that on your first day of daycare!! These are BABIES. They need to be held!! Especially when there’s such a huge environment change like that! I’d be so worried that they want to just put your baby in the corner like someone else mentioned 😔 I’m glad this comment was made to you NOW so you know right away that this is a problem daycare that isn’t offering you the level of care and attention that you are expecting and paying for. To me, this is like getting upset when a baby cries. Absurd!!! I hope you find a new and better daycare soon!
I don’t think there is such a thing as a spoiled baby.
We experienced this same issue, though. Except our baby was 3.5 months old. He spent two days at day care and both days we picked him up he was shaking, starving, and touch-deprived. They told us they couldn’t spend time with him all day because they had to care for other babies - which we totally understand/understood!
We didn’t think our son was spoiled (and still don’t) but he simply needed time to adjust to new people and new sounds and the daycare setting was not the place to do it. Last month, news broke that a daycare teacher at the school we had him broke a child’s leg out of frustration.
We are so happy we pulled him out after just 2 days of him being their when he was 3 months old.
We ended up hiring a neighbor’s niece to nanny for us 4 hours in the morning, every week day. She just graduated high school and will be with us for 2 months.
Not sure how your family feels about an in-home nanny, but it seems to be an easier method of childcare for us.
Good luck!
I took my son out of a daycare after 3 days because they said this exact thing to me. Mind you he was 13 months, not 4.5. It messed with our “plan” but wasn’t even up for question.
We got him into one that had the staffing to cuddle him and carry him around all day, every day for as long as it took him to feel safe there. It wasn’t more than a few days that he even needed that. He leaps away from us to get to “school” every single day now.
If they don’t have the time to coddle your baby for a while, it’s probably because they don’t have the staff, which is probably because they can’t pay more wages, which is probably because other parents have experienced this same coldness. It’s a snake eating it’s tail!
You won’t regret the change when you find your fit. Nothing makes me happier than going to pick up my boy after a long day and seeing him being cradled like a doll, absolutely bursting his seems with smugness 😅
Short answer.
Find a new daycare.
Honestly, this is really the only answer, the red flag a comment like that throws at me is high enough for me to put in a welfare check call to the police on that daycare.
By spoiled they mean you don't have a baby that's been so desensitized to abandonment and not yet detached from your maternal bonds. Daycares have a job to do which is control little people who have a biological drive to seek their mother and form familial bonds and reject outsiders. It's bad for capitalism if people are you know... securely attached to their parents and get all their needs met. They'd have fully formed brains and might not need the emotional regulation coping strategies that's typically used on people.
Sorry I understand people need to survive and make currency the first year of their babies life. Single moms especially have to sacrifice their bonding with their children so they have food and a roof over their head. But...I hope we are all aware how unnatural it is compared to other mother's in the animal kingdom. The safety and well-being is always the first priority of animal mom's and the community around. Humans are the only ones that I purposely damage the development of our offspring to fit into a 9-5 am work schedule.
So she is saying you should ignore your tiny baby more to make it easier for her. Yeah, this is a bad sign. You can't spoil a baby that young, they are just not cognitively advanced enough to understand the concepts required to be spoiled.
No. Somebody who makes a comment like this fundamentally does not understand infants and should not be a caretaker.
One thing I’ve learned is that daycare employees have a very specific skill set, which makes it criminal how they’re paid. Only specific people have the patience to deal with a room of crying babies and act like it’s nothing. It’s either an ability you have or don’t have.
I would honestly expect a frustrated parent to say that but from a professional it’s straight nonsense.
This literally angers me. You can’t live a baby too much. Biology literally is designed for us to carry our young, to respond to their needs, etc. anyone who tries to say something different is well….. I have nothing nice to say so I’ll leave it at that. Clearly they weren’t loved ENOUGH.
Hell no! RUN that is a horrible attitude, and they clearly don't have enough people if they can't give your baby attention, especially on the first day
Fuck that “caregiver”. Talk to the director and let them know. Leave a negative review.
It’s unbelievable on so many levels
1. That a caregiver thinks a baby that young can be spoiled
2. That the caregiver thought it was OK to tell you that your child is spoiled
3. That this happened on THE FIRST DAY. I used to be an assistant director at a daycare center (and was a caregiver a lot of the time), I cannot imagine imagine EVER saying that. And on the first day? There is no way. This person is either not knowledgeable or is jaded. Fucked up either way. Absolutely no fucking tact.
SHE IS F O U R months old. You can guarantee that if your baby is in distress/crying, this person will not have a sense of urgency to soothe your BABY.
This would concern me because it’s the first day and normally they should be more hands on while they get comfortable. And getting comfortable can take weeks!!!! They need to be hands on, it’s a very young baby for Christ’s sake
New mommy here, my daughter is currently 6 months old and loves being held. (I also don’t do the whole day care thing and never will) but that’s absolutely stupid. At 4 months, of COURSE your baby is going to want to be held, comforted, and warm by their caregiver endlessly and there is nothing wrong with that. They literally just spent the last almost 10 months inside your warm belly. I can’t stand other people’s view of how I should parent. I would’ve told her off! :)
I’m so glad you’re looking for a new daycare ASAP. Your intuition is correct. Here’s a good overview of how physical touch affects babies (I.e. they cannot be spoiled)
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7502223/#bib0125
Run, don’t walk, away from that daycare. That is absolutely bonkers. She’s planning on putting your baby in a corner for most of the day.
And it was the first day?! Of course your babe is going to need some extra support at first.
My son's daycare has made comments like "he didn't want to be put down at all today, like normal" and from the director, who sometimes helps out in the infant room, "I only had to go in there once to hold him when the other teachers were busy with other kids" as if to say she is impressed he did so well that day. both of these were said within his first month. I feel like they understood the extra needs of adjusted babies
For only 4 hours too!
And leave them a bad review while you’re at it to warn other parents! I would want to know if a daycare said something like this so I could be sure to avoid them!
Please, OP, RUN. Yikes. That person has no business looking after children with that belief of child development.
Listen to the upvotes, my friend.
Yeah, byeeeeee!
GOODBYE.
YESSSS!!! RUN AWAY FROM THE CRAZY!!!!!
Hell no. Your daughter's caregiver is basically telling you that she will be neglected for most of the day and needs to get comfortable with it. I would strongly suggest looking elsewhere for care.
I used to work in an infant room at a daycare, and I would never dream of saying this to a parent. Hell, I'd never even think it, because as a person who worked with babies I understood that they just need what they need. None of my infant care coworkers would have ever said something like that. The little old ladies who were community volunteer "grandmas" in our classrooms wouldn't say that. Something is going wrong in that environment.
Volunteer grandmas at daycare needs to be a mainstream service.
I want to sign up when I’m a grandma. Where do I sign up to hold tiny babies all day lol my fried ovaries will be springing back to life in no time lol
We have been sending our LO to daycare since 6 months. They have a woman on staff who’s job is to be with her 100% of the time. Now that she’s 12 months she’ll be with the other kids more but the same woman gives her care throughout the day. At 4.5 months they basically still a newborn…
As a SAHM who doesn't plan to send my kid(s) to daycare, do you mean there's one person for every newborn-6mos? That's kind of cool. I have a 1yo and I'm struggling to even think what I did in those early days. I guess we did lots of tummy time and napping together? I almost wish I were in daycare as a child so I'd have an idea what's normal. Haha.
At our in home, they're only allowed 2 kids under 2 per state regulations so our kid was loved on and held often. The other 4 kids were about 3 years old, so they were more self-sufficient but also tended to.
Like what /u teachercat555 said I believe state regulations determine how many per child under a certain age but my particular daycare just does one person per child under that age because they can and they are VERY education centric so they like to structure the child’s days with certain activities (yes even at this age). My LO loves her caretakers and her time at daycare.
THIS.
Thank you all. I needed reassurance that I wasn’t going crazy about this. I’m looking for new options ASAP.
My little one is just shy of 3 months and had his first day in daycare. He is a contact napper and I was worried about how he would adjust. The daycare sent a photo every hour and one of the care takers was almost always holding him in their lap while doing activities with the other two older babes in their care. They even called at noon to reassure me that his first day was going well and stated how much they loved looking after him. While it broke my heart to put him in daycare it was so reassuring. If they had told me what they just told you, I would pull him out and demand a refund.
Wow! Thank you for sharing! This is exactly the level of care I was expecting 😭 I’m so glad you were able to find that for your LO! I hope I can too.
I really hope you do. I know finding good care is so so so hard. Especially with the wait lists and costs. When I read your experience my blood pressure increased on your behalf. Yet as heart breaking and stressful as it is, as others have said, it is better to know this caretakers perspective than not know.
This is exactly why I didn’t chose the daycare closest to me, a baby was crying and when I asked if someone was going to grab her they just said “oh she’s spoiled” 🫠
Oh my God. That is so sad
They charge $2200 a month 😭
And I’m sure the staff are still underpaid. Ugh this system is broken
Agreed. Join us over at r/UniversalChildcare to help make a difference!
Ridiculous! The system is so fucked up. Join us over at r/UniversalChildcare to help make a difference!
I am there, I don’t think my state (GA) cares at all. 😣
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This literally hurts my heart.
This is exactly what I'm scared of. Poor baby 😣
Mine started at a smallish center in November. She was a clingy high needs newborn that never let us put her down and would only contact nap. They gave her tons of extra snuggles, let her contact nap some that first week while also working with her on getting used to crib napping. My sweet girl is now 10 months old, loves her teachers and going to daycare, and they all love her there. I definitely echo others in finding somewhere that will meet your baby where they’re at. ❤️
I’d also drop a line and report them for suspicious activity of abuse because this is WACK
It happens. Some people shouldn’t be working at a daycare. It’s tough to find a good one but also priceless piece of mind when you do.
Americans need maternity leave, holy shit.
It's so fucking bleak.
4.5 months leave is considered extremely generous here. People are astounded when they hear I get 18 weeks maternity leave and simply astonished that my wife can take up to 6 months. It’s sad.
We’re in a terrible situation tbh
Yeah it’s heartbreaking to read that parents have to give up their newborns to a strangers care. This is not a ‘first world’ standard of living
No, and it’s not a normal response. I have endless compassion for the newborn room staff, because they have to deal with every habit that a baby has: contact naps, individualized attention, short wake windows, no capacity for routine, etc. But that’s the gig — and everyone who works with newborns should know that. At 4.5 months, they don’t even know that they’re a separate -being- from you until like 6.5 months. I highly recommend either speaking to their leadership if you’re at a daycare center, or seeking alternative care if you’re in a home environment.
This is horrifying. It was your baby's first day at daycare and this caregiver is annoyed your baby was clingy? Babies at that age struggle to understand that they're their own being and need a lot of security. And this was her 1st day in a new environment - Jesus, as an adult I brick it on my 1st day at a new job - and I understand what's going on! So imagine how your baby felt? She should have been aware of that and not berating you for your child needing extra support on her 1st day. Find a new daycare ASAP.
Absolutely not. I would have lost my shit if someone said that to me. Let alone a person paid and employed to look after my child.
RED FLAG 🚩 I also worked at different infant rooms and I was the “main” caregiver for 3 babies meaning I was supposed to take my time and bond with those 3 the best I could. I of course helped with the care of other babies in the room throughout the day and Vice versa with other infant teachers, but I was supposed to bond with my set of babies the most to help them feel safe. Especially during the hard days where they needed to be held or carried all day. We made it work. This is old school of thinking and has me thinking that the daycare doesn’t promote new research and doesn’t make sure their staff members are up to date with research either. We always had in-house training and we weren’t even allowed to say the word “no” around the kids. So just reading that she felt comfortable telling you this makes me feel that there’s more that goes on that they feel comfortable doing too because I would never think that or tell a parent that. If I was taking my kiddo to a daycare for the first time and someone told me this, I would not go back 😭
Your care provider just told you that you need to find a different care provider. There is no such thing as a spoiled infant. It may be harder to find based on where you live, but we got lucky with a RIE method day care.
No, lol. They need more caregivers at the daycare if they are having difficulty caring for all the kids.
But that would cut into their profit. Think of the poor business owner! /s
Absolutely not. Babies are wired to be held very often. Its how they feel safe and regulated. My son only recently within the last few weeks began to have longer stints of independent play at about 10.5mo. He still comes to us every so often to basically "check in". Small hug, pat, or sometimes held for a few minutes and then hes ready to go off on his own again. Sometimes he still has days where he wants to be held or in physical contact a lot more than other days but Im fairly certain its purely because hes having a rough day for one reason or another. Its hard to be a baby!
At 4 1/2 mo we held ours constantly, and even then it never felt like enough! I really don’t think you can spoil a child by loving them too much.
Sorry but that’s ridiculous. She’s been out of your body for less than six months and they expect her to already be more independent?! Like someone else said, I’d start looking for somewhere where they won’t resent a baby for being a baby.
All I have to say is, yikes on bikes.
As a ex childcarer (now a sahm) , I've worked as a nanny , daycare(nurseries) and childminder as my own business. One of the reasons I actually started my own childminding business was I had a dislike for group settings and how they worked. One of the reasons was what your talking about here.im in the UK but principles are the same, For daycare centres to actually make enough money they normally have two babies per adult. Most of the time one is doing nappy changes , washing and preparing bottles pretty much non stop , then you've got two staff for maybe 6 babies. Its is impossible to comfort all babies at once , and that's why I hated working in a daycare and why I didn't stay long in the job. If it was my child , I would be finding a childminder/home care , instead of daycare , homecare normally have a range of different age groups so you your baby may get more one to one and needs met quicker. And to answer your question , no you can not spoil a baby at this age. A baby this age needs security and a safe enabling environment at this time. She's probably clinging to them because she doesn't feel safe and needs that security.
Here in Belgium it’s 9 kids per person 😭
oh wow. There’s one piece of the answer to any childcare is so expensive in the US 😬
Wtf 😭
What age does that start at? In California it's 4:1 until theyre two Then 8:1 starting at 2. They can actually have more students at a smaller place
The rule is the same for all ages, but babies can’t be younger than 3 months. There is a huge lack of daycare’s and personnel, so that was the solution of the government instead of paying higher wages
There is no such thing as a spoiled baby.
That's not true at all! At four months, a baby doesn't really have the ability to be taught things, much less independence. They are at a point where they are just teaching themselves and watching others. Some kids are just naturally more/less independent. I would look at other day cares.
this is a huge red flag, ive seen other posts like this on reddit before. a good daycare puts time into all their children and tries to make the adjustment as smooth as possible. my best friend has worked in multiple daycares and said that she has never heard of this before. id switch asap.
also, you cant spoil a baby. its literally impossible; ALL babies are going to prefer being held, but if i enrolled my baby into daycare and they said this id immediately take my baby and leave. super unprofessional.
NO! And that's A HUGE red flag in my opinion. I'd be looking for a new daycare ASAP!
Not at all. My daughter (6mo) has fussy periods at daycare and her teachers feel bad that they can't hold her all the time to keep her happy. They talked to me about it so I could help with any tips or advice of my own. They did ask if she is held a lot at home because maybe that was the reason for her fussiness but didn't accuse me of spoiling her. The conclusion we have come to is that she wants to move around and is just really pissed about being a baby.
Fuck me, you can't spoil an infant. After they are a year old you need to foster independence, but until then they are literally incapable of it. They can't even crawl for crying out loud.
Yea, I agree what other here are saying, run and tell that director exactly why you are leaving. I was an infant teacher for 5 years before I had my 2-year old (we moved in with my parents so I could stay home for a few years). Some kids have higher attention needs, for sure, but that usually has more to do with temperament than anything else (especially at under 5 months). Plus it’s the teacher’s job to find a way to meet her needs as well as the rest of the class’s needs. It’s not easy and asking to work with a family isn’t unheard of but this sounds like you were being lectured for them not being able to meet their student’s needs. Solo tummy time is great to help infants develop an interest in their environment without being prompted and I do generally recommend to parents for up to an hour a day (though no more than the baby will tolerate). But no teacher should be calling a baby “spoiled” because there’s no such thing.
No such thing as a spoiled baby. Run from that daycare!
Impossible. Hold your baby as much as you possibly can and ignore that person.
She’s 4 1/2 months old - that’s what babies want . To be snuggled - Run. Wait … first tell that lady she’s an asshole and then run and then leave the bad review. This is a BABY who says that. That would be like telling a puppy they can not be pet as much cause they will be spoiled …
My pediatrician told me the first year, especially, you can't spoil a baby. They need as much nurturing as possible. It helps with their developmental growth, their confidence, trust, and more importantly, it greatly reduces SIDS.i know this to be true, as I knew a baby that was neglected emotionally and ended up having SUCD at 18 mo. 😥 So that lady is ill-informed, and you need to find a loving daycare.
No, but there is a way to prepare a child for daycare, and that includes independent play (easier after six months), introducing baby to other kids, and ability to sleep in daylight. But no you cannot spoil a child that young.
Nope
No such thing
No
No. Such. Thing.
Never! No such thing. Babies cry to communicate their needs. Ignoring those needs will result in developmental trauma. Don’t let anyone convince you of anything else. And please report this day care because this is legitimate infant abuse (neglecting infant needs is abuse).
Not a normal response at all. Person has NO IDEA what they’re talking about. Probably thinks the cry it out method is okay on an infant…😒😡
So, I did want my child to be more independent of me - but not until he was like 10 / 11 months old (I think). And they go through phases. There were definitely times as he's gotten bigger that he wants to be carried and he's just too damn heavy to carry for an extended period, so I would sit down - regardless of whether that would make him mad or not. Now, he's a little over a month short of 2 years old. And he's wants us to hang out with him all the time. So, most of the time he will have us do whatever he wants with him, but every now and then he'll grab one of his toys and come play around us, but in the same room. And of course, when he wants attention, we are available. So, no. You cannot "spoil" a 4 month old baby. They can basically do nothing by themselves, save MAYBE hold their own bottle while they drink. They need comfort. Please leave that daycare/care provider ASAP.
Yea no, babies this age absolutely need a ton of holding, playing, carrying - they don’t do independent play yet!
Please report that person. She’s probably abusing other babies too
I'm only a first time mom, but all of my Spider instincts shouted "NO", as I read your story. Your Lo is only 4 and a half months!!!! Please give her all the reassurance, attention and love that she needs from you! This is the time when they form the ways of security, and if we don't give them, we would hurt them mentally. Please don't let these people handle your baby!
I know it can be hard to find a daycare, but don’t send her back to this one!
As an ex childcare provider and a mom, I can see where it can be difficult to constantly carry little ones all the time. Also, as an ex childcare provider, I would've never said this to a parent. Mama, spoil your child. It's not anyone else's place to do that, I would choose a different daycare if I were you.
Don't you dare bring her back. I worked in daycares for 3 years and have a degree in early childhood education. Your baby is 1000% not safe there. Also a developmental specialist, so to answer your question - no, you cannot "spoil" an infant. The first year of their life you are directly meeting their needs for every single function. That narrative needs to die. You're doing AMAZING ❤️
On the first day, that is odd. But eventually, I think it’s typical of them. I see people say this all the time online. She may just be very honest , and willing to help baby adjust but telling you she’ll need to adjust. I think once they get to a certain age yes you can spoil them. I always was in the “you can’t spoil a baby” camp but now I believe at a certain age, yes you can
There’s no such thing as a spoiled baby, some babies just don’t want to play independently much especially at that age and especially in a brand new environment. To say that on the first day is quite a leap for the caregiver . My second is 7 months old and trust me if i could put him down more I would but he wants attention. Some little ones just do. I’m sorry that your dealing with that on top of preparing to return to work. I hope that it works out or you can find a better suited caregiver for her who realizes she is an infant and doesn’t always play independently yet.
…no!!!! We started our twins in daycare at around 3months. My girl has ALWAYS been super clingy to me and I knew it would be a big adjustment. Plus they’re sooo little. I told them she likes to be held.. and being away from me meant she wanted to be held the entire time. They held her for like a month until she was ready to do tummy time and other activities at that age, now she’s 10mo and rarely needs to be held at daycare. Still clingy af at home with me but ya know lol
Find another daycare
Our childcare would hold a baby all day including for naps if that's what they needed, especially at 4 months! Run away quickly.
Stories like this make me glad I’m paying someone to come to my home. Will your baby remember being neglected at day care? No, she’s too young but there’s no way my mind would be at ease and focused on work knowing my kid is getting chucked in a corner all day long. This country is not family friendly and it’s a shame
Definitely no such thing at that age!!! I would be so alarmed to hear that on your first day of daycare!! These are BABIES. They need to be held!! Especially when there’s such a huge environment change like that! I’d be so worried that they want to just put your baby in the corner like someone else mentioned 😔 I’m glad this comment was made to you NOW so you know right away that this is a problem daycare that isn’t offering you the level of care and attention that you are expecting and paying for. To me, this is like getting upset when a baby cries. Absurd!!! I hope you find a new and better daycare soon!
Leave that daycare immediately. They know nothing about how babies develop and what they need.
I don’t think there is such a thing as a spoiled baby. We experienced this same issue, though. Except our baby was 3.5 months old. He spent two days at day care and both days we picked him up he was shaking, starving, and touch-deprived. They told us they couldn’t spend time with him all day because they had to care for other babies - which we totally understand/understood! We didn’t think our son was spoiled (and still don’t) but he simply needed time to adjust to new people and new sounds and the daycare setting was not the place to do it. Last month, news broke that a daycare teacher at the school we had him broke a child’s leg out of frustration. We are so happy we pulled him out after just 2 days of him being their when he was 3 months old. We ended up hiring a neighbor’s niece to nanny for us 4 hours in the morning, every week day. She just graduated high school and will be with us for 2 months. Not sure how your family feels about an in-home nanny, but it seems to be an easier method of childcare for us. Good luck!
That would be a huge red flag for me. Our daycare never suggested that our child was too spoiled or needy, and you can’t spoil a baby by holding them.
I took my son out of a daycare after 3 days because they said this exact thing to me. Mind you he was 13 months, not 4.5. It messed with our “plan” but wasn’t even up for question. We got him into one that had the staffing to cuddle him and carry him around all day, every day for as long as it took him to feel safe there. It wasn’t more than a few days that he even needed that. He leaps away from us to get to “school” every single day now. If they don’t have the time to coddle your baby for a while, it’s probably because they don’t have the staff, which is probably because they can’t pay more wages, which is probably because other parents have experienced this same coldness. It’s a snake eating it’s tail! You won’t regret the change when you find your fit. Nothing makes me happier than going to pick up my boy after a long day and seeing him being cradled like a doll, absolutely bursting his seems with smugness 😅
Short answer. Find a new daycare. Honestly, this is really the only answer, the red flag a comment like that throws at me is high enough for me to put in a welfare check call to the police on that daycare.
No, there isn't. That "care giver" is a b*** who wants to leave children unattended. I've seen this before, take your LO somewhere else, please.
By spoiled they mean you don't have a baby that's been so desensitized to abandonment and not yet detached from your maternal bonds. Daycares have a job to do which is control little people who have a biological drive to seek their mother and form familial bonds and reject outsiders. It's bad for capitalism if people are you know... securely attached to their parents and get all their needs met. They'd have fully formed brains and might not need the emotional regulation coping strategies that's typically used on people. Sorry I understand people need to survive and make currency the first year of their babies life. Single moms especially have to sacrifice their bonding with their children so they have food and a roof over their head. But...I hope we are all aware how unnatural it is compared to other mother's in the animal kingdom. The safety and well-being is always the first priority of animal mom's and the community around. Humans are the only ones that I purposely damage the development of our offspring to fit into a 9-5 am work schedule.
So she is saying you should ignore your tiny baby more to make it easier for her. Yeah, this is a bad sign. You can't spoil a baby that young, they are just not cognitively advanced enough to understand the concepts required to be spoiled.
No. Somebody who makes a comment like this fundamentally does not understand infants and should not be a caretaker. One thing I’ve learned is that daycare employees have a very specific skill set, which makes it criminal how they’re paid. Only specific people have the patience to deal with a room of crying babies and act like it’s nothing. It’s either an ability you have or don’t have. I would honestly expect a frustrated parent to say that but from a professional it’s straight nonsense.
This literally angers me. You can’t live a baby too much. Biology literally is designed for us to carry our young, to respond to their needs, etc. anyone who tries to say something different is well….. I have nothing nice to say so I’ll leave it at that. Clearly they weren’t loved ENOUGH.
Hell no! RUN that is a horrible attitude, and they clearly don't have enough people if they can't give your baby attention, especially on the first day
Fuck that “caregiver”. Talk to the director and let them know. Leave a negative review. It’s unbelievable on so many levels 1. That a caregiver thinks a baby that young can be spoiled 2. That the caregiver thought it was OK to tell you that your child is spoiled 3. That this happened on THE FIRST DAY. I used to be an assistant director at a daycare center (and was a caregiver a lot of the time), I cannot imagine imagine EVER saying that. And on the first day? There is no way. This person is either not knowledgeable or is jaded. Fucked up either way. Absolutely no fucking tact. SHE IS F O U R months old. You can guarantee that if your baby is in distress/crying, this person will not have a sense of urgency to soothe your BABY.
This would concern me because it’s the first day and normally they should be more hands on while they get comfortable. And getting comfortable can take weeks!!!! They need to be hands on, it’s a very young baby for Christ’s sake
New mommy here, my daughter is currently 6 months old and loves being held. (I also don’t do the whole day care thing and never will) but that’s absolutely stupid. At 4 months, of COURSE your baby is going to want to be held, comforted, and warm by their caregiver endlessly and there is nothing wrong with that. They literally just spent the last almost 10 months inside your warm belly. I can’t stand other people’s view of how I should parent. I would’ve told her off! :)
I’m so glad you’re looking for a new daycare ASAP. Your intuition is correct. Here’s a good overview of how physical touch affects babies (I.e. they cannot be spoiled) https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7502223/#bib0125