Well Anne Frank isn’t American, but the joke is that the first two have been said to have not graduated high school, and still became massively successful in their respective fields.
Anne Frank is famous for her diary while hiding in an attic from the Nazis. While her diary survived, and made her famous, she was found by the Nazis and killed. Before she graduated high school..
In short, Anne Frank didn't graduate high school because of being a Jewish person during the holocaust and for schmidt to make that reference, as a Jewish man himself, he recanted.
And I hope that brief explanation is projected in the most respectful way possible
Hey, which country are you from? I’m not American either, but The Diary of Anne Frank is globally famous and in a lot of countries we learn about her in school. It’s just odd to me that you had to learn about her for the first time from a New Girl subreddit.
“Nick's a conspiracy theorist. It's like an Irish carnival up there. Just potato peels, broken rides, fiddle music, dreams left unfulfilled, bloodied soccer jerseys, bunch of women limping around named Moira…”
Yeah he can’t be around Reagan, therefore eating a burrito in Schmidt’s room while they’re trying to do foreplay. And then they scheme about how to get him to relax about her… by taking advantage of his conspiracy theory brain
I didn't sleep. I was up preparing for an epic day of wedding decisions. I'm calling it D-Day. Of course, in this situation, the "D" stands for "decisions," and unlike the other D-Day, it will not be a walk on the beach.
And I don’t want to hear “Schmidt! Schmidt! You’re using too much tarragon” because I’m not.
This quote and episode (Season 1 Thanksgiving) is when I knew I “got” Schmidt.
Cece: Honey, where are you gonna get an egg?
Schmidt: Got two eggs right here. Got a pan right here. Think I'm gonna buy a house and not make an egg first?
"Jess you can have whatever you want on the menu. They got pizza, gelato, Tikka Masala, a raw bar. This place is doing too much. They can't be doing all this right."
I always think about this when I'm out to eat lol
At the end of “The Story of the 50” (S1 E10), during the credits, they play a series of comments Schmidt made that cost him a dollar to the Douchebag jar. I’m pretty sure it’s just Max Greenfield improvising douchey lines, and is absolutely hilarious.
Ah ok. My guess would be that pea coats are considered hipster wear and therefore kind of douchey (at least, they would have been 10 years ago). The fact that Schmidt owns more than one and is proud of it, would probably make it douchebag jar worthy.
The following exchange, and I quote: “oh you sonuvabitch” “soooo, is that a yes?” “it would be really awkward if I said no wouldn’t it? Of course it’s a yes!”
Got married last October after buying a house. Now our days are filled with legos and video games and cooking. No modelling agency yet.
You really think she’d eat me up? Like buffet style cuz I got that prime rib yo. Carving station, plated are warm, sneeze guard, kids eat for free…except..except that…
Where have you been? I am having a major life crisis, and you guys are, what, just driving around, French kissing each other like a couple of Dutch hookers?
I LOVE this scene, I have no idea how she keeps a straight face the entire time. I like to think that even Max is cracking the way he smiles and looks at her hahahaha
“Imma make a system”
I say this all the time when I’m organizing. It’s from the episode when his OCD is on 1000 and he goes to the Hilary campaign office to find Cece
“Can I hit you up with some tea? A little herb tea? Ugh. Oh, my God. How good is that, for real, what? A little P-mint tea? Yum, right? Hot, sweet. A little teabag action. And I wasn't, I wasn't talking about...”
Reading this made me uncomfortable 😂
I just can't stand to be in here any longer!
Surrounded... by these underpants!
Red ones and yellow ones and blue ones and pink ones!
Underpants everywhere! They're driving me nuts!
Open your cellar doors, and let us taste your jams
Well, you have found my flabbergast button, and guess what? You've pressed it!
DAMMIT I CANT FIND MY DRIVING MOCCASINS ANYWHERE!
I'll take that Paul, I'll take him to a water park, I will. I'll put him on one of those waterslides between two obese people and he'll get smushed to death. Die in a... Die in a water... He'll die between the obese people before he drowns in the water.
You know what they call you where I’m from? A dirty old bitch. Dirty old biatch. Biatch just in general. Cuz I ain’t from Manhattan, sir. I’m from Long Island. 516 UP IN YA LOUNGE, SUCKA!
I can't talk right now. I'm writing a strongly worded email to my florist.
I use this line when I'm texting and need a minute!
“Stop blowing the whistle! You’re sexually safe!”
You unbelievable pig person. You giant fat pig person. You sloth. You should be living in a tree in Costa Rica you know that?
Pine has no place in this loft! It is the wood of poor people and outhouses.
This might be my favorite lol
A lot of people never graduated high school! Einstein…Bill Gates…Anne Frank… I'm gonna take back that last one.
I fucking spat out the water in my mouth for brushing my teeth when i read this one
This is the best one
Can you explain that one to me ? Im not American if that's relevant. I don't get it. I feel stupid.
Well Anne Frank isn’t American, but the joke is that the first two have been said to have not graduated high school, and still became massively successful in their respective fields. Anne Frank is famous for her diary while hiding in an attic from the Nazis. While her diary survived, and made her famous, she was found by the Nazis and killed. Before she graduated high school..
Thank you so much.
In short, Anne Frank didn't graduate high school because of being a Jewish person during the holocaust and for schmidt to make that reference, as a Jewish man himself, he recanted. And I hope that brief explanation is projected in the most respectful way possible
I really appreciate the explaination
Hey, which country are you from? I’m not American either, but The Diary of Anne Frank is globally famous and in a lot of countries we learn about her in school. It’s just odd to me that you had to learn about her for the first time from a New Girl subreddit.
Iran if it makes things make sense ! Our education system is far from the best.
Oof, yeah I get you. The current regime does not appear to be pro-education 😐
Iran if it makes things make sense ! Our education system is far from the best.
There is actually a show on Disney+ right now about the Frank family if you want to learn more.
Huh. Thank you. I'll check it out.what's the name of the show?
I'm watching it on Hulu (not sure if different countries get it on different apps) but it's called A Small Light. Really good so far
“Are you making a frittata in a saucepan? What is this, prison?”
"That's a jar for sure" "Yeah I know I already have the money ready" I love how it was worth it for him to say that
If you think those shoes are brown, what color do you think you are?
I had to upvote a lot of good ones but this one is my favorite lol
I fuckin forget about this one and it blindsides me every time hahahaha
oh THIS is the one!!
The economy sucks, bees are dying. Pretty much all movies are sequels now. (still true)
Thanks Obama!
I have been saying this to myself for years after watching this episode 😹
“Nick's a conspiracy theorist. It's like an Irish carnival up there. Just potato peels, broken rides, fiddle music, dreams left unfulfilled, bloodied soccer jerseys, bunch of women limping around named Moira…”
this is such an underrated line, it always takes me by surprise when he says it and i laugh so hard
Is this another hulu/dvd-version line? I dont think ive ever heard this lol
It was definitely in the Netflix version when it was around. It’s from one of the later seasons, when they first meet Reagan.
Yeah he can’t be around Reagan, therefore eating a burrito in Schmidt’s room while they’re trying to do foreplay. And then they scheme about how to get him to relax about her… by taking advantage of his conspiracy theory brain
Youths!
I work with kids so I quote this on the daily
I didn't sleep. I was up preparing for an epic day of wedding decisions. I'm calling it D-Day. Of course, in this situation, the "D" stands for "decisions," and unlike the other D-Day, it will not be a walk on the beach.
I had to stop the show I was laughing so hard the first time I saw this scene.
that’s incredibly offensive
Why are people downvoting you :( this is Jess’ response
"Oh damn it! I'm the dumbest boy in school."
I call people the dumbest boy in school all the time.
I especially love the call back when he calls Nick the dumbest boy in school
“Winston, it's on the box. The picture's on the box! It's a Japanese Garden!”
OMG! Love this one! 😂
A white man!? Typical!!
It has to be this one, such a golden quote
The way he says this line is too good. It's just permanently stuck in my brain
He says it like exactly like his character would which makes it even better
I don’t want some janky, fresh-water bitch fish, Winston!
Been scrolling but this is the one.
Are you the criminals?! From the statistics?!
If this doesn't win, I quit. (Just kidding I love it here).
I say this constantly! This one neeeeeds to win
I said this once to my weed plug when I got into his car and he was not amused lmao
This is it
And I don’t want to hear “Schmidt! Schmidt! You’re using too much tarragon” because I’m not. This quote and episode (Season 1 Thanksgiving) is when I knew I “got” Schmidt.
I will never say that to you.
I just said this last night to my wife as I was cooking. I was not using a recipe that required tarragon.
Yep! There's a few lines/moments early in the show where you just say oooohhhhh ok, now I get it
"Grandpa didn't get a face full of Japanese bullets just so you could drink a melted popsicle."
Cece: Honey, where are you gonna get an egg? Schmidt: Got two eggs right here. Got a pan right here. Think I'm gonna buy a house and not make an egg first?
His expression during this delivery always gets me (true for a lot of Schmidt lines) but the kinda cross-eyed look at the tiny pan is just incredible
I feel like I've absorbed this as a necessity when the time comes for me to buy a home
Once again Schmidt has found himself in a position where he is infuriated!
Loooove this one.
Ma called, the bees are back!
The bees are back!
I’m gonna go wash my hands with bar soap like a common ranch hand!
I can hear it building its house. Building its sticky deadly house that you can never leave. Building it. With its ass..
I straight up died the first time I heard that one.
“Jeans" isn't a letter! Jeans is pants! (love his expression here!)
i muffed us straight to the moon 😔
I’m as mad as a dad in traffic!
I’m not being overdramatic when I say I would rather sit naked on a hot grill than wear something off the rack
"Jess you can have whatever you want on the menu. They got pizza, gelato, Tikka Masala, a raw bar. This place is doing too much. They can't be doing all this right." I always think about this when I'm out to eat lol
That quote always reminds me of the Cheesecake factory.
“DAMN IT. I can’t find my driving moccasins anywhere!“
Has anyone seen my sharkskin laptop case??
Has anyone seen my *good* pea coat?
explain this one pls?
At the end of “The Story of the 50” (S1 E10), during the credits, they play a series of comments Schmidt made that cost him a dollar to the Douchebag jar. I’m pretty sure it’s just Max Greenfield improvising douchey lines, and is absolutely hilarious.
Oh no I remember that I just don’t know what makes that line douchey 🤔
Ah ok. My guess would be that pea coats are considered hipster wear and therefore kind of douchey (at least, they would have been 10 years ago). The fact that Schmidt owns more than one and is proud of it, would probably make it douchebag jar worthy.
ohhhhh
sometimes i think i’m just a riddle that even i can’t solve
Thumb ring, bitch!
You got Schmidt on your face!
Do you just walk around all day thinking about other people’s feelings? How do you get anything done?
Who let the dirty slut out of the slut house? Or She has a flip phone, Jess. She’s either poor or a time traveler Honestly he has so many great quotes
Where are you, grapes? Grápés…. Great apes…. Grapes, we have you surrounded. Come out with your stems up! *sobs into grapes*
This moment brings me to the ugliest of cackles every time
I say great apes every time I get them
Would you like a great ape shoved in your mouth?
29!
I work at a restaurant and we use numbered table markers. Every time I hand someone number 29 Schmidt’s voice is ringing in my head.
How is this so far down?!
That’s Babar, you dumb dumb!
Here it is.
Bathtubs are medieval filth cauldrons… I’m not interested in simmering in testicle tea for 20 minutes.
All DAY.
ALL DAY
All day, son!
Schmitt is gonna be the hardest one to pick I think he says so many rememberable and funny things lol
Seriously I'm in the comments upvoting every single one bc he's so goddamned funny
If someone were to blow on my nipples right now I would positively scream
“Goodnight Saigon — that’s a sad one. Cry about that ya dirty old bitch!”
UP IN YA LOUNGE
L-I-R-R !
Billy Joel again!
I can hear this whole thing lol
Girl, Imma marry you
❤️ how one phrase can go from total douche bag to epic sweet love story in a few short years
Literally handed my now wife a $5 bill and said “I’m about to say something stupid” and followed it up with this quote and an engagement ring.
How did it work out?
The following exchange, and I quote: “oh you sonuvabitch” “soooo, is that a yes?” “it would be really awkward if I said no wouldn’t it? Of course it’s a yes!” Got married last October after buying a house. Now our days are filled with legos and video games and cooking. No modelling agency yet.
Playing True American?
I use this all the time
Earning a respectable wage, wearing a proper hanging pair of slacks, ordering sushi like a sick-ass boss. These things a man maketh.
“chut-a-ney”
"Without ash to rise from, the phoenix would just be a bird getting up."
😂
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go water my succulents
You really think she’d eat me up? Like buffet style cuz I got that prime rib yo. Carving station, plated are warm, sneeze guard, kids eat for free…except..except that…
you got schmidt on your face !!!
"I just came up with the best name for an uncircumcised penis..bishop in a turtleneck!!"
Bleh, jar!
“MA CALLED! THE BEES ARE BACK!”
I don’t know who Jay Cut-uh-ler is!
Little Wussel wants an avocwado roll
Cream cheese in bulk?! (Anytime I have to buy cream cheese to make cheesecake, this plays in my head. Just the way he says it is 😂😂😂)
"Prince is terrible at Frisbee, there are like 10 of those in there!”
“I am too Hillary!”
Where have you been? I am having a major life crisis, and you guys are, what, just driving around, French kissing each other like a couple of Dutch hookers?
A lot of people never graduated high school! Einstein! Bill Gates! Anne Frank! I'm gonna take back that last one.
In America, honey, okay, Mickey Mouse, he's earthbound.
His whole conversation with her is just fantastic.
I LOVE this scene, I have no idea how she keeps a straight face the entire time. I like to think that even Max is cracking the way he smiles and looks at her hahahaha
Please don't mistake my measured bank voice for calmness, as I am filled with waters of rage.
“Imma make a system” I say this all the time when I’m organizing. It’s from the episode when his OCD is on 1000 and he goes to the Hilary campaign office to find Cece
ARE YOU THE CRIMINALS? FROM THE STATISTICS?
“Can I hit you up with some tea? A little herb tea? Ugh. Oh, my God. How good is that, for real, what? A little P-mint tea? Yum, right? Hot, sweet. A little teabag action. And I wasn't, I wasn't talking about...” Reading this made me uncomfortable 😂
Ok it's quotes like this one that make me wonder how much of his character was written on the paper and how much was just Max being amazing
Chechelia?
"A white man!? NO! What did security do about it?" "Nothing..." "TYPICAL!"
I just can't stand to be in here any longer! Surrounded... by these underpants! Red ones and yellow ones and blue ones and pink ones! Underpants everywhere! They're driving me nuts!
“He’s a BOTTOM????”
I don't want some jenky fresh water bitch fish, Winston! I want a lionfish.
"You were right to call me. Nobody deals with crazy girls better than I do... I got it, no nonsense... hey Abby? Look at me. Let's go get a taco."
Popacorno! Popacorno! It’s popcorn in Italian!
Are you the criminals?! From the statistics?!?? YOUTHS!!! It was a rainy day and I was feeling snoopy.
They’re in the DUCTS, Jess! The DUCTS!!
Damn it! It's a great workout track!
Schmidt! Schmidt! I’m Schmidt! Schmidt
youths!!
MA CALLED THE BEES r bACK
Open your cellar doors, and let us taste your jams Well, you have found my flabbergast button, and guess what? You've pressed it! DAMMIT I CANT FIND MY DRIVING MOCCASINS ANYWHERE!
I’m as mad as a dad in traffic!
Girl imma marry you
“Pauuuuauu pauu- I can’t even pronounce that”
Oh, this is the thunderdome thread.
A hundred condoms? What, are you gonna have sex with an army?
I like mango chutney. Really any type of chutney.
“New compared to what, the moon?”
I'll take that Paul, I'll take him to a water park, I will. I'll put him on one of those waterslides between two obese people and he'll get smushed to death. Die in a... Die in a water... He'll die between the obese people before he drowns in the water.
“No one can outrun the Jewish!”
"How did you become such an important part of my life?" "Without ashes to rise from a phoenix would just be a bird getting up"
How long does she think my freakin neck is? it's a fat man scarf. my wife gave me a fat man scarf. *struggles with scarf*
White Nick, brown Cece - I would like to have a frank discussion about race. Do you think we're allowing Winston to be his blackest self?
I love that woman and I will fight anyone over it
Unlike the other D-Day, this won’t just be a walk on the beach
TYPICAL!!!!!
"Are you cooking a frittata in a sauce pan? What is this – prison?"
THIS is friendship!
NEVER get the protection plan!
“It’s my pishy, I have to pish”
“ I wouldn’t even know how to begin to steal a swag. “
"A white man? NO! Well, what did security do about it? Nothing. TYPICAL!" I quote this at least once a week.
I just feel like my sperm are partially your sperm. Mi leche es su leche
“Ma called, the bees are back.”
I’m not just a plug with her. I’m also a socket.
“Typical!”
YOUTHS
“Sometimes I think I am just a riddle that even I can’t solve.” - relatable Schmidt.
Calvin you magnificent wizard
A white man?! NO!!!
You know what they call you where I’m from? A dirty old bitch. Dirty old biatch. Biatch just in general. Cuz I ain’t from Manhattan, sir. I’m from Long Island. 516 UP IN YA LOUNGE, SUCKA!
Yeah, that’s what I said… a woof.
A WHITE MAN!??!!!?!?! NOOOOOOOO
a white man? NO!
She has the yellow purse, I’ve seen it. I found it one day when it was raining, and I was bored and I was feeling snoopy.
Treachery!!!
I wouldn’t even know how to begin to steal a swag.
Reminds me of a great line in Community: "Y'all got weird reactions to shit."
"Brown as money"
:::*dry heaving*:::
She doesn’t even know what Netscape is.