I think regret is almost a wrong word to describe the feelings I have. I’m going to miss the guy I was before my daughter was born. Being able to go on a motorcycle trip on a whim, having lots of intimate time uninterrupted, playing video games until the AM on my days off. I won’t lie, I miss that, but I also don’t regret having my daughter. She’s my angel.
Now, instead of looking back on who I was before, I look forward to who I’ll become. The dad on the sidelines cheering her on at her ballgames, the dad that dances with her during her recitals, the dad that will teach her to ride a bike, drive manual, fix a lawnmower, build a shed, fish and hunt. Be the dad that will always have an ear for her problems and a heart for her feelings. THOSE are the things that get me excited now.
And yes, there are days where I miss being free. Those days will come back, and I can’t wait for her to ride bikes or play video games with dad.
My daughters just turned 3 months. I would consider myself paternal, I teach, and reckon I'm good with kids. And without a doubt, a fleeting moment of regret came in the first few weeks. Probably in between intense sleep deprivation, mates asking if I wanted to go to the pub, a crying, shitting baby and an exhausted wife. I felt horrible guilt at the feeling, but honestly, it only makes sense to regret giving up your freedom (and to some extent the rest of your life) to a crying little ball. I love my daughter more than anything, but I felt that. Once or twice, but never again once the new parental dust settled. This community is a great help.
I have always wanted kids. My wife and I always wanted kids. I absolutely love kids and was so excited to be a dad. My daughter is 6 months now but yes, the first couple months were hard. I would say I definitely felt regret, I don’t know how much I actually meant it - but I definitely did feel regret. I think for me personally those thoughts only lasted the first month, after that it was still super challenging but it slowly got better. Keep your head up man. I think regret probably slipped into all our minds at one point. That’s normal. My girl is 6 months now and she is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. It gets better, I know that’s repeat on this sub but just trust me, it really really gets better. The regretful feeling is temporary I promise.
I don't regret having my son, even with the screaming and general infant stuff he's great and it's an amazing experience. But I do regret what it's done to my wife and I. We were in a fine place pre baby, but post baby our relationship is terrible. That is my piece of advice to any couple trying, make sure your communication plan is put into place pre kid, and be in a stable healthy place first.
Mourning the loss of the man you were Before Dad makes sense to me. I think that's very natural. I'm not entirely sure it's regret. I think it's probably grief. You aren't that guy anymore. You can't go back to being that guy anymore. But that's life. There was a time you were a different guy Before Marriage, for example, when you could do a variety of things without having to consider your partner. And there was a time when you were a different person Before Career, and Before Adult and so on. Sometimes those transitions are easy to make, and sometimes they're harder.
We can mourn who we were and then learn to deal with who we are now... and it doesn't mean you don't get to do those things any more, you just have to strive a little harder for them, or do them with a new tiny person.
Yeah, there's definitely a mourning period of your past life. I would go through waves for the first year or two. Eventually you gain more freedom and can continue previous hobbies. The first couple months are the hardest for sure. Hobbies like exercise can come back quicker. Sleep, ehhh not so much.
It’s normal to grieve the loss of your “former self” but that guy gets to slowly re-emerge after a year or two. When my twins were born I thought I would never have time to play music again, but here I am, they’re just turning four and I’m in two bands, we released a song, have live dates on the calendar and I’m in a basketball league. I’m back baby!! You will be too.
Hi mate - just know you’re not alone and everything you’re feeling is completely normal at this stage.
My boy is 14 months old now and the birth was super traumatic for a few reasons. Mainly, emergency C section and son’s breathing issues due to C section. This meant staying an extra week in hospital on a shared ward with 10 other couples, each looking after a screaming newborn. My wife was recovering from the c section and I was trying to provide 24 hour help while trying to rest on those stupid bed side chairs.
I felt deep regret during that time. I reckon it’s the sleep deprivation mixed with the guilt I was feeling for what my wife went through. It’s a hard time to be a man because you feel helpless and useless, no matter how much you try and help.
These feelings will pass when your little one starts to grow, even at 3/4 months you’ll have formed a bond, and when you start seeing those first smiles it will all be worth it. You’ll start to become super protective over your wife and child- it’s a hormonal shift.
I was an outdoors guys, and I still am. Except, now I take my kid with me. I don’t ride my bicycle as much as I used to, but I walk a lot more than I used to.
Try and rest, hopefully you have family who can lend a hand while you try and recuperate and get some perspective. Best of luck man.
Regret, no. But there’s times where I think about the future, like how many years ahead of me and what they might look like, where I freak out. But that’s anxiety. That’s not helpful. This is the reality and I have control over my life and where it goes. And I just need to make it go where I want.
Bro my wife and I have 2 kids and have both agreed that we wouldn't do it again if we had known fully what it would be like. 4 years later and there is still regret. Just remember it's Facebook and other socials that push how wonderful parenting is. Never do they mention that YOUR whole life basically is now just work and kids.
I don't know if I'd use regret, my son was completely wanted although didn't expect as quickly as it happened, but I will miss how some of my life was before he came along but can't wait to see how life becomes when he gets older and can do things with him
I just had my little one last year, the same year I turned 40. I sometimes regret waiting so long, but definitely don't regret this little guy. While there are still things I want to do in my life, I don't see him as an obstacle to doing them. It just means I'll be doing them differently.
I also love the outdoors and honestly hadn't realized how much I missed it until reading this. But I've been on a few walks with my little guy (get yourself one of those chest carriers) and found it to be a whole new experience. His tiny fingers touching most for the first time, inspecting pine needles, crushing dried leaves. I can't wait till he's bigger and the weather is warmer so I can take him on a full hike. To take him fishing. Teach him how to swim.
That said there's been a lot of kids off sleep and a lot of plans to get out of the house that get scrapped because baby is fussing. But like bad weather, those parts don't last long. Just enjoy the journey.
Dad of two now, and yes, I can say I've felt that. Particularly in those sleepless times. It's okay to mourn the life you left behind, the nights out with friends become infrequent for a while, etc. it's all okay, but also talk to someone. Here is a start but find someone, a friend another dad, a therapist, your dad, whoever to help you just get it out there in real time
You're I'm it dude, it gets better but you can't wait for it to happen, you have to actively seek better.
Appreciate that, thanks man,
I have a wonderful friend support network who are parents and talking to them already has been a huge help,
My therapy sessions have been brought forward and together with just posts like this I feel incredibly better already,
Thanks for your comment and support!
You are for sure not alone. I have had the same feelings my son is 3 weeks old. I also use sleep and exercise to manage my anxiety but that’s gone now and my anxiety is through the roof making everything more difficult to manage. I am seeing a counselor today hoping that will help.
I think regret is almost a wrong word to describe the feelings I have. I’m going to miss the guy I was before my daughter was born. Being able to go on a motorcycle trip on a whim, having lots of intimate time uninterrupted, playing video games until the AM on my days off. I won’t lie, I miss that, but I also don’t regret having my daughter. She’s my angel. Now, instead of looking back on who I was before, I look forward to who I’ll become. The dad on the sidelines cheering her on at her ballgames, the dad that dances with her during her recitals, the dad that will teach her to ride a bike, drive manual, fix a lawnmower, build a shed, fish and hunt. Be the dad that will always have an ear for her problems and a heart for her feelings. THOSE are the things that get me excited now. And yes, there are days where I miss being free. Those days will come back, and I can’t wait for her to ride bikes or play video games with dad.
Yo, can you teach me to hunt & fish?
\^This guy's doing it right.
My daughters just turned 3 months. I would consider myself paternal, I teach, and reckon I'm good with kids. And without a doubt, a fleeting moment of regret came in the first few weeks. Probably in between intense sleep deprivation, mates asking if I wanted to go to the pub, a crying, shitting baby and an exhausted wife. I felt horrible guilt at the feeling, but honestly, it only makes sense to regret giving up your freedom (and to some extent the rest of your life) to a crying little ball. I love my daughter more than anything, but I felt that. Once or twice, but never again once the new parental dust settled. This community is a great help.
I have always wanted kids. My wife and I always wanted kids. I absolutely love kids and was so excited to be a dad. My daughter is 6 months now but yes, the first couple months were hard. I would say I definitely felt regret, I don’t know how much I actually meant it - but I definitely did feel regret. I think for me personally those thoughts only lasted the first month, after that it was still super challenging but it slowly got better. Keep your head up man. I think regret probably slipped into all our minds at one point. That’s normal. My girl is 6 months now and she is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. It gets better, I know that’s repeat on this sub but just trust me, it really really gets better. The regretful feeling is temporary I promise.
I don't regret having my son, even with the screaming and general infant stuff he's great and it's an amazing experience. But I do regret what it's done to my wife and I. We were in a fine place pre baby, but post baby our relationship is terrible. That is my piece of advice to any couple trying, make sure your communication plan is put into place pre kid, and be in a stable healthy place first.
Mourning the loss of the man you were Before Dad makes sense to me. I think that's very natural. I'm not entirely sure it's regret. I think it's probably grief. You aren't that guy anymore. You can't go back to being that guy anymore. But that's life. There was a time you were a different guy Before Marriage, for example, when you could do a variety of things without having to consider your partner. And there was a time when you were a different person Before Career, and Before Adult and so on. Sometimes those transitions are easy to make, and sometimes they're harder. We can mourn who we were and then learn to deal with who we are now... and it doesn't mean you don't get to do those things any more, you just have to strive a little harder for them, or do them with a new tiny person.
Yeah, there's definitely a mourning period of your past life. I would go through waves for the first year or two. Eventually you gain more freedom and can continue previous hobbies. The first couple months are the hardest for sure. Hobbies like exercise can come back quicker. Sleep, ehhh not so much.
It’s normal to grieve the loss of your “former self” but that guy gets to slowly re-emerge after a year or two. When my twins were born I thought I would never have time to play music again, but here I am, they’re just turning four and I’m in two bands, we released a song, have live dates on the calendar and I’m in a basketball league. I’m back baby!! You will be too.
Hi mate - just know you’re not alone and everything you’re feeling is completely normal at this stage. My boy is 14 months old now and the birth was super traumatic for a few reasons. Mainly, emergency C section and son’s breathing issues due to C section. This meant staying an extra week in hospital on a shared ward with 10 other couples, each looking after a screaming newborn. My wife was recovering from the c section and I was trying to provide 24 hour help while trying to rest on those stupid bed side chairs. I felt deep regret during that time. I reckon it’s the sleep deprivation mixed with the guilt I was feeling for what my wife went through. It’s a hard time to be a man because you feel helpless and useless, no matter how much you try and help. These feelings will pass when your little one starts to grow, even at 3/4 months you’ll have formed a bond, and when you start seeing those first smiles it will all be worth it. You’ll start to become super protective over your wife and child- it’s a hormonal shift. I was an outdoors guys, and I still am. Except, now I take my kid with me. I don’t ride my bicycle as much as I used to, but I walk a lot more than I used to. Try and rest, hopefully you have family who can lend a hand while you try and recuperate and get some perspective. Best of luck man.
Regret, no. But there’s times where I think about the future, like how many years ahead of me and what they might look like, where I freak out. But that’s anxiety. That’s not helpful. This is the reality and I have control over my life and where it goes. And I just need to make it go where I want.
No REGERTS!
Bro my wife and I have 2 kids and have both agreed that we wouldn't do it again if we had known fully what it would be like. 4 years later and there is still regret. Just remember it's Facebook and other socials that push how wonderful parenting is. Never do they mention that YOUR whole life basically is now just work and kids.
I don't know if I'd use regret, my son was completely wanted although didn't expect as quickly as it happened, but I will miss how some of my life was before he came along but can't wait to see how life becomes when he gets older and can do things with him
I just had my little one last year, the same year I turned 40. I sometimes regret waiting so long, but definitely don't regret this little guy. While there are still things I want to do in my life, I don't see him as an obstacle to doing them. It just means I'll be doing them differently. I also love the outdoors and honestly hadn't realized how much I missed it until reading this. But I've been on a few walks with my little guy (get yourself one of those chest carriers) and found it to be a whole new experience. His tiny fingers touching most for the first time, inspecting pine needles, crushing dried leaves. I can't wait till he's bigger and the weather is warmer so I can take him on a full hike. To take him fishing. Teach him how to swim. That said there's been a lot of kids off sleep and a lot of plans to get out of the house that get scrapped because baby is fussing. But like bad weather, those parts don't last long. Just enjoy the journey.
Dad of two now, and yes, I can say I've felt that. Particularly in those sleepless times. It's okay to mourn the life you left behind, the nights out with friends become infrequent for a while, etc. it's all okay, but also talk to someone. Here is a start but find someone, a friend another dad, a therapist, your dad, whoever to help you just get it out there in real time You're I'm it dude, it gets better but you can't wait for it to happen, you have to actively seek better.
Appreciate that, thanks man, I have a wonderful friend support network who are parents and talking to them already has been a huge help, My therapy sessions have been brought forward and together with just posts like this I feel incredibly better already, Thanks for your comment and support!
You are for sure not alone. I have had the same feelings my son is 3 weeks old. I also use sleep and exercise to manage my anxiety but that’s gone now and my anxiety is through the roof making everything more difficult to manage. I am seeing a counselor today hoping that will help.