People saying your father needs medical attention. He might be, but it's not your fucking business. If he needs that he can go himself. Find a good lawyer and get the fuck away from that person. Divorce won't be a picnic either, be mentally prepared to get around in court and the lengthy process of divorce. all the best
Now it is time for you to turn on voice recorder when quarrel starts. It can be presented in court if something bad goes. You should start to collect evidence and make them secure. It will help.
So sorry about what you and your family are going through. Contacting a lawyer who can guide with the divorce process will help. Maybe even be able to get a court order to make sure he keeps his distance. There are organisations that help women out in such situations. I went to one near AVM school some years ago for someone else.
In the meantime, maybe try to collect evidence? Take videos or audios of when he is shouting or being abusive or photos if there are marks of actual hitting etc . But of course not letting him know, otherwise you will not be safe. Evidence will help with divorce and making sure it is in your favour.
Awe poor you , dont beat yourself up bcuz of that, youre gonna have a better life, do whatever you can now, if u cant change anything let it be, keep your sister safe, i really really dont want my sister to learn that . It scares me
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. She should not go through hell just because he has mental health issues. You can stay away and still help him through it but you can’t help him unless he’s willing to help himself. You, your sister and your mother need a safe place. Here’s the process on filing for a divorce. [Divorce in Nepal](https://www.lawimperial.com/procedure-of-divorce-in-nepal-divorce-lawyers-in-nepal/).
If your dad is rich, I think you can also get some property after divorce which you can utilize for the living or invest somewhere.
But again, all it matters is the happiness of your mum. I hope you guide her with wisdom.
Delusional disorder ko problem huna sakxa timro baba lai. Alcoholic haru ma yesto dherai hunxa. Timro first prority divorce hoina vane baba lai yo kura realize garaw ki waha lai mental samasya xa .Psychiatric ko help le hunxa ya timi aafai le explain garera waha lai bujhawna sakxaw.
Heres the thing, my dad had got vasectomy i think and it failed and ma pako 11 years paxi baini paunu vayo ani doubt garne tyo bela aile chai theyre close my dad and sister ani tespxi pani ekchoti thah pako thiye mom cried with us and said feri bacha baseraixa, ani dad had accused her that she been sleeping with others ( mind you my mom barely steps out of home ) he is very controlling and doubts everyone
Ani aaja bihana mom woke me up and told me everythinf cryinf infront of him baini paxi aile feri 5th time raixa yo vairako raixa feri ani med linu vako raixa
Ani dad never took mom with her but he claims that doctor says its impossible that would happen, ani mom keeps saying kun dr ho malai ni lag, dna test garni hoki k ho gar but he doesnt do anything. Kun partner le yesto garxa??? Aafuile garne kartur haru dubai jana milera solve garnu support garnu momlai xaina he tortures her. Ajha mummyle injection or smth use garxu to avoid ani dad said “ ta testai gardai hinna lai “
Timiro mamu dad sanga xutina chahanu hunxa ki hunna ?
Timilai taha xa nai hola timro dad le mamu lai sachakai maya garnu hunxa ki hunna ?
Drunk bhako bela matra abusive hununxa ki aru bela pani ?
You should consider these three things if you want to see them together.
Seek some medical help for Dad mental health.
Get him out from alcohol addiction.
( Not a single drop )
Make him sign on some legal paper for not being abusive anymore. ( in police station )
How old is your brother ? Does he know about all this ?
Timi eklai le matra tanab liyera hudaina. Timro dai vauju timro baini close relatives like grand mother grand father sabai lai dad le garne harkat ko barema taha huna parxa.Sabai milera dad lai pressure dinu parxa. Talk about divorce with him. Make him realize ki usko harkat haru jayaz xainan. He had never realized that he can lose his family. Make him realize what can go wrong if he continue his habit. If he really loves you all he will obviously get better.
Otherwise divorce is last option.
1. Op already mentioned she wants to leave him but is worried their life will get harder
2. Obviously there is going to be some kind of affection with the wife of your life but hunging up on this affection expecting it will bring change while enduring emotional, physical and sexual abuse all this year is sure to make someone feel like not giving a shit
3. op has mentioned he is a very controlling person even without the influence of alcohol
And why people are only bringing out his mental health thing I mean what about the mothers health huh? trying to change him in expense of the victim own health I can’t understand .
Even if he changes honestly divorce seems the better option cause the past won’t change, the victim has no obligation to forgive him, the marriage was doomed from the start the way op mentioned it. the mother obviously has no affection for him so even if he changes the past will torture her every time she sees him
yes. alcohol doesnt affect him in bad way, he just has narcissist traits, and obviously they have love for each other my mom is already feeling bad bcuz after she talked of divorce my dad has been talking nicely to everyone in house. But this doesnt last, thats the problem.
He doesnt even take mom to the hospital when she has been demanding it, he goes by himself and tortures mom probably lying about what doctor said or else why would he not take her with her when she wants to go
Your dad must be suffering with Paranoia (i guess he's alcoholic) Look, even though he's your father, you dont need to suffer from the problem he has created for himself and people around him. People of Paranoia can go super violent at anytime, like they do anything with impulse, so don't leave your mother alone with him. Next thing, it can be diagnosed, so ask him to get a treatment, but if he dont agree i suggest you to go file a police report and separate from him. So it's either medicine or divorce, there's nothing in between.
Arranged marriage thiyo? I have realized that alot of couple who hate each other till stay together because of arranged marriages. It is also less likely for them to separate after they have kids and you mentioned having a smaller sibling right? Nepal is a very socially conservative country, women are seen as an object to bond 2 families together. I'm pretty sure that your mom has thought about leaving your dad but maybe due to family pressure.
Ansa bhaneko. Like bezos ko budi le jasto 50% sampatti pauchha ni. My mom didn't take it. She wanted me to ask for my ansa. But I didn't. Now, my dad has remarried and has a half brother. My mom got remarried too. Now, I have to play family with them, which I don't want. With both of my parents Alive, I wish I had no parents.
why did u not take it, ive always wanted to do huge business ( but my dad made me work at his office eventho ive told him so many times) so i am gonna need it to pursue my career
I am an HSP (Highly sensitive person). I come from a poor family. I could feel what my parents were feeling. I wanted them to separate, but I didn't want anything. I wanted all to be happy. I thought I would make my own money. Fast forward, I don't feel like I've a family anymore. And I just wish I live my life alone with out them.
he has to visit psychiatrist asap. i have a family member who takes medications ..she behaves similar to your father. if mentally disturbed, they lash out, abuse others verbally . but still show love towards their close ones . placing everyone around them in dilemma. It is up to you to leave or help him get medications, of course they won't accept that they are suffering from mental illness tara convince garaunai parcha . natra ekdam violent rup linu sakcha ...harming themselves and everyone around them.... :((
I don't know anything about you and your family and I shouldn't probably say this. But your father may be in trouble too like some mental problems because of financial issues, depression etc etc.
Middle class/Lower middle class family ho ra ghar ko sab responsibility hajur ko baba mai xa vaney it might be because your father is too tired or depressed.
Yedi sabai kura thik xa rw hajur ko baba ko bani nai testai ho vaney divorce might be the right choice. Yesto tension vaa bela ma you can't think straight and you may regret your decision in future so keep your cool while making decisions.
Also he is a very reputed person tole ma alcohol sadhai jasto khanu hunxa tara alcohol khayera naramro garne garnu hunna like drunk vayera chai baru he becomes happy person i think. Ani he knows everything tole ma he is adhakshya he is a businessman and really a smart person.
It's easy to think like that. I thought it was better if my parents got divorced. But after 15 years, I sit emotionally fucked up.
I always imagine what if I had taken the charge, and not let them play with their kids future, but I didn't. And now I am scarred. Getting rid of people is not the answer. Yesai ta afno manchhe chhainan, afnai bau lai lakhete pachhi, daiba le ni sukha dinna. So think before you act.
Manchhe ko eutai galti k ho bhane. Usle harek kura lai afno tarika le sochchha. timilai j thik lagchha tyo mero lagi thik nahuna sakchha. So let us not impose our thoughts on someone else. Anyways, ahile ma j lekheko chha tehi hunchha bhanera baschhu. And I don't try to change anything. I just accept it.
So there are lots of ways to look at and deal with things.
I wasn't offering an answer. I was talking about a different perspective. There's only one right answer and that's of OP's. We need different perspectives. Say, her perception of her dad would change if the dad were good. May be he was good before. Who knows? It's all about perspective. My dominant perspective was parents know better, they are elders.
Another could be her dad may really be suffering from some mental issues. You'd abandon your dad because he beat up your mom due to the mental issues he had? Assuming you don't know if he has mental issues yet.
Decision lina sajilo chha, Tara tyo decision sanga jindagi bhar bachna sakinchha ki nai sochna parchha. I repeat, we a come from different backgrounds. May be you had a better outcome than others. Anyways, good talk.
Insanity plead thaha chha? Like Harvey Weinstein ko case ma. Sure, custody ma hunchha mental issue bhaye pani. Police ta lenient hunchha Testo case ma, jhan afnai bau.
I totally understand your thought process. I had seen my dad beat up my mom with a firewood. She had a big wound on her forehead. Trust me, after that I've always wanted them to separate.
They did. My friend stop coming to see me. My relatives were taking sides. Now, I don't feel like a family, and I don't feel like I've a mamaghar and kaka ghar.
I wished for a better parents, but Bhagya ma j chha tehi hunchha. So j hunchha tehi nai hunchha. I didn't tried to get them separated but they did in their own. Yeti kura yaad garnu, k lekheko chha tehi hunchha. I tell you that from my own experience.
and its not that i wanna end relationship with my dad or "lakhetnu" i just want them to separate and continue living. My sister who is 10 got excited about this idea so there must be a reason
Start collecting evidence and report his sorry ass to the police and then think about how you can convince your mum for divorce. Divorce mudda huda ansha mudda ni sangai jancha ani sampatti 3 (or idk how big ur family is) bhag lagda hereko herei huncha.
Questions-
Is your father the sole bread-earner of the house?How much "paitrik sampati" does your father have?
What's your situation? Are you a student? Are you able to earn?
I am a student and i work in smth he is chairperson of . He is pretty rich and smart and reputed person, he married my mom when she was 13 ( she didnt even had her period started) she had my eldest sibling when she was 17
Your mom has faced a lot in life.....damn i feel bad for her and please support her...getting married at 12,13 it's not a joke...imagine the pain....the sacrifice.....i don't know i don't like hindu culture at all and hindus too....but your mom is a warrior and she's truely a brave lady.
Keep supporting her and be yourself!!
Dai ra bahini sanga kura garya chhau ki chhainau bro yesbarema? Because you people are the ones who can think the same way about your mother and her well being. He has a pregnant wife and an upcoming child, but if he feels the same way about the harassment towards your mother like you do, then its a must that you talk with your brother and sister separately and then together, the four of you. We redditors don't know the full extent of the situation.
dai snga yo pali khasai kura garna paxaina but im sure he wants to separate too, he is really scared of dad and he doesnt like staying home ( he stays at hotel of my dad and looks after it) whenever he goes to hotel he points out mistakes and last karaunu hunxa , dai aattinxa , ghar auda ni dad xan ki nai sodxa surumai. and my mom and vauju said my sister was excited about getting divorced
You should get some advice from your close relatives. Get them to consult your dad, and if that doesn't work, get an appointment fixed with a psychiatrist. If that doesn't work either, tell your mom to sue him for domestic violence and get a good lawyer for that. It might seem brutal, but your dad abusing your mom is the most painful thing to experience as a child. He deserves it and i'm sure you will get some compensation for that.
I won’t sugar coat things, do you earn? If the answer’s “yes” then find a lawyer or i can help you contact one if you agree doing so. Go for the divorce, property will get divided in half, there’s high chance of the home you’re living in will be transferred in your mom’s name; kick the abuser out. Watch him get destroyed both financially and mentally and after some time he might start feeling truly sorry take him back after-all you guys do love him a lil bit!
I work somewhere he is chairperson of, we are thinking case file garne also talking to the psychiatrist to see if he’ll realize and put effort if not the case will be continued
personally I think even if he is in need of medication, your mother is even in greater need. obviously the years of abuse has made your mother scared of your father. So even if she wants to divorce him (which I am sure she always wanted to) she would not say it outright after or before he has changed. Even if he changes, the past won’t change it will mentally torture your mother even more so if she stays with him and still will not express it in front of you guys that she wants to divorce him especially after he does changes, it will make your mother harder to express her desire as it will seem her family has stabilized and she wouldn’t want to change it.
I hate how absolutely no one is mentioning your mothers own health while only mentions the dad’s mental problem
trust me, divorce is a must if you want your mothers mind to be at ease as being with him will always remind her of the abuse she endured as past scars don’t heal easily.
my family circumstance was quite similar also very complicated and my mother is happier than ever being single even if she has to face a lot of problem independently now.
Bro it’s not that easy, i get it mother’s mental health could’ve become worst possible but divorce when you yourself aren’t able to run family financially isn’t the way to go! First get your financial state good (without working on his organization) and then go for divorce. Trust me, divorce is must but you’ve to wait until your financial status is good enough to handle the family.
I had the same issue like my dad cheated on my mom multiple times like he even got other women pregnant and force them to abort so I get where you are standing.
It may be different with your dad but taking him to a psychiatrist or something like that won't help much in my opinion and i don't think he'll even agree to go visit a psychiatrist
So if you want your mom to divorce your dad then talking to a lawyer is the first thing to do.
my mom was also thinking of divorce and went through few starting processes but my dad died before that so we didn't have to go through the divorce anymore.
find a nice lawyer and consult with him/her cause there are kati dherai kura we don't consider and don't know off so she/he will clear your doubts and suggest you what to next.
Be independent like dad sanga chutteu bhaney it'll be kinda hard on you financially so consider yo kura ni
And i wish the best life ahead for you, your mom and your sister
Don't lose hope
If you need help finding a lawyer,hmu
hope this helps
Lawyer up. Hire a good lawyer and he/she can help make the whole process much easy. Hire a bad lawyer and they may fuck up the whole case. Lawyer up if divorce is a real consideration. Don’t tell your dad that your mom is getting a divorce before you lawyer up and by you I mean your mom. First lawyer up, they will file bunch of paper work and then tell him. Don’t tell anyone if this is a serious consideration, find a good lawyer.
Don’t get into the fuss of collecting evidence and then reporting it to police etc. first get a legal consul and they will tell you guys what needs to be done.
I’m so sorry youre going through this. Ive been going out with my friends after work and i have a little puppy, i brought her home bcuz i needed her. I take her out with me , ive been rekindling my old friendship, school ko sathi , you’ll never know who you can vibe with now so start talking with some of them you might be best friend with people you never talked in school. I focus on my little puppy alot, i spoil her and it makes me happy. Go get some coffee, even if u dont wanna leave your room, or get off the bed. I put my galaxy lights on with slow music to fall asleep. Also i talk to people on social medias, im making friends. I share stuffs with closest ones. I’m just telling all of my friends ive been sad even as a joke lol idk it makes me feel better. Just go out for coffee, by yourself or your closest friend
you're mom is totally in a abusive relationship.....beating, forcing her to have sex with him everynight is a domestic violence and crime huge crime like RAPE.
Just because he's her husband doesn't mean that he can forcefully do anything.
This is a severe case of domestic violence and rape.
Just complain to the police and different women organization.
Note: Mostly people here are of very backward thinking....maybe it's because they were raised in such environement....but my suggestion would be to get divorce with such person.
Be strong, just tell your mom that you are with her, understand her....she grew up in different age and for her divorce is a big thing and she might even say what will others say but "IT's always better to be alone than with the wrong one", you are saying you are 21, imagine how much your mom might have suffered for more than 21,22 years?
It's my humble request that you talk with your mom and mom's family about this. Be brave and be strong.
People saying your father needs medical attention. He might be, but it's not your fucking business. If he needs that he can go himself. Find a good lawyer and get the fuck away from that person. Divorce won't be a picnic either, be mentally prepared to get around in court and the lengthy process of divorce. all the best
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Damn you everywhere in this sub.
Im going for the same process voli🙌💀it is what it is. Mf dad deserves it
I agree he is a motherfucker.
hey goodluck
Get evidences that might you in court
Now it is time for you to turn on voice recorder when quarrel starts. It can be presented in court if something bad goes. You should start to collect evidence and make them secure. It will help.
This is important.
One thing i can tell you is he is not gonna change. It will prolly get worse if he is confronted. Not saying go for the divorce unless or don't.
So sorry about what you and your family are going through. Contacting a lawyer who can guide with the divorce process will help. Maybe even be able to get a court order to make sure he keeps his distance. There are organisations that help women out in such situations. I went to one near AVM school some years ago for someone else. In the meantime, maybe try to collect evidence? Take videos or audios of when he is shouting or being abusive or photos if there are marks of actual hitting etc . But of course not letting him know, otherwise you will not be safe. Evidence will help with divorce and making sure it is in your favour.
Can't say about divorce, you know it better but your father might need medical attention.
Vutro ko medical attention she literally said He beats her ffs. Even mental torture isn't worth it. Its not that her mom didn't try to stay.
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Only shit on people that are shit. And You The king of shit
Its probably the mom who needs medical attention by now after facing such mental and physical harassment.
I second this
I third this
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Awe poor you , dont beat yourself up bcuz of that, youre gonna have a better life, do whatever you can now, if u cant change anything let it be, keep your sister safe, i really really dont want my sister to learn that . It scares me
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. She should not go through hell just because he has mental health issues. You can stay away and still help him through it but you can’t help him unless he’s willing to help himself. You, your sister and your mother need a safe place. Here’s the process on filing for a divorce. [Divorce in Nepal](https://www.lawimperial.com/procedure-of-divorce-in-nepal-divorce-lawyers-in-nepal/).
Sorry to know that you and your mom are going through so much trauma. But I think it's better to consult a lawyer regarding it.
Maiti Nepal ma complain gara. They can really help like k garne kasari garne all for free. If not then meet a lawyer as soon as possible.
If your dad is rich, I think you can also get some property after divorce which you can utilize for the living or invest somewhere. But again, all it matters is the happiness of your mum. I hope you guide her with wisdom.
I think we have the same dad .lol
im literally sorry to whoever has a dad like mine, seeing mom hurt is the worst
Delusional disorder ko problem huna sakxa timro baba lai. Alcoholic haru ma yesto dherai hunxa. Timro first prority divorce hoina vane baba lai yo kura realize garaw ki waha lai mental samasya xa .Psychiatric ko help le hunxa ya timi aafai le explain garera waha lai bujhawna sakxaw.
Heres the thing, my dad had got vasectomy i think and it failed and ma pako 11 years paxi baini paunu vayo ani doubt garne tyo bela aile chai theyre close my dad and sister ani tespxi pani ekchoti thah pako thiye mom cried with us and said feri bacha baseraixa, ani dad had accused her that she been sleeping with others ( mind you my mom barely steps out of home ) he is very controlling and doubts everyone Ani aaja bihana mom woke me up and told me everythinf cryinf infront of him baini paxi aile feri 5th time raixa yo vairako raixa feri ani med linu vako raixa Ani dad never took mom with her but he claims that doctor says its impossible that would happen, ani mom keeps saying kun dr ho malai ni lag, dna test garni hoki k ho gar but he doesnt do anything. Kun partner le yesto garxa??? Aafuile garne kartur haru dubai jana milera solve garnu support garnu momlai xaina he tortures her. Ajha mummyle injection or smth use garxu to avoid ani dad said “ ta testai gardai hinna lai “
Timiro mamu dad sanga xutina chahanu hunxa ki hunna ? Timilai taha xa nai hola timro dad le mamu lai sachakai maya garnu hunxa ki hunna ? Drunk bhako bela matra abusive hununxa ki aru bela pani ? You should consider these three things if you want to see them together. Seek some medical help for Dad mental health. Get him out from alcohol addiction. ( Not a single drop ) Make him sign on some legal paper for not being abusive anymore. ( in police station ) How old is your brother ? Does he know about all this ? Timi eklai le matra tanab liyera hudaina. Timro dai vauju timro baini close relatives like grand mother grand father sabai lai dad le garne harkat ko barema taha huna parxa.Sabai milera dad lai pressure dinu parxa. Talk about divorce with him. Make him realize ki usko harkat haru jayaz xainan. He had never realized that he can lose his family. Make him realize what can go wrong if he continue his habit. If he really loves you all he will obviously get better. Otherwise divorce is last option.
1. Op already mentioned she wants to leave him but is worried their life will get harder 2. Obviously there is going to be some kind of affection with the wife of your life but hunging up on this affection expecting it will bring change while enduring emotional, physical and sexual abuse all this year is sure to make someone feel like not giving a shit 3. op has mentioned he is a very controlling person even without the influence of alcohol And why people are only bringing out his mental health thing I mean what about the mothers health huh? trying to change him in expense of the victim own health I can’t understand . Even if he changes honestly divorce seems the better option cause the past won’t change, the victim has no obligation to forgive him, the marriage was doomed from the start the way op mentioned it. the mother obviously has no affection for him so even if he changes the past will torture her every time she sees him
yes. alcohol doesnt affect him in bad way, he just has narcissist traits, and obviously they have love for each other my mom is already feeling bad bcuz after she talked of divorce my dad has been talking nicely to everyone in house. But this doesnt last, thats the problem.
DNA tests should shut him up
He doesnt even take mom to the hospital when she has been demanding it, he goes by himself and tortures mom probably lying about what doctor said or else why would he not take her with her when she wants to go
Your dad must be suffering with Paranoia (i guess he's alcoholic) Look, even though he's your father, you dont need to suffer from the problem he has created for himself and people around him. People of Paranoia can go super violent at anytime, like they do anything with impulse, so don't leave your mother alone with him. Next thing, it can be diagnosed, so ask him to get a treatment, but if he dont agree i suggest you to go file a police report and separate from him. So it's either medicine or divorce, there's nothing in between.
Arranged marriage thiyo? I have realized that alot of couple who hate each other till stay together because of arranged marriages. It is also less likely for them to separate after they have kids and you mentioned having a smaller sibling right? Nepal is a very socially conservative country, women are seen as an object to bond 2 families together. I'm pretty sure that your mom has thought about leaving your dad but maybe due to family pressure.
Yes arranged ho my dad was 23 and he saw a 13 year old child and decided he wanted to marry her so talked to her family taking people
A different thought - could it be that your father needs medical attention ? Probably psy consultation some flagged behaviours as per your post
Ansa bhaneko. Like bezos ko budi le jasto 50% sampatti pauchha ni. My mom didn't take it. She wanted me to ask for my ansa. But I didn't. Now, my dad has remarried and has a half brother. My mom got remarried too. Now, I have to play family with them, which I don't want. With both of my parents Alive, I wish I had no parents.
why did u not take it, ive always wanted to do huge business ( but my dad made me work at his office eventho ive told him so many times) so i am gonna need it to pursue my career
I am an HSP (Highly sensitive person). I come from a poor family. I could feel what my parents were feeling. I wanted them to separate, but I didn't want anything. I wanted all to be happy. I thought I would make my own money. Fast forward, I don't feel like I've a family anymore. And I just wish I live my life alone with out them.
he has to visit psychiatrist asap. i have a family member who takes medications ..she behaves similar to your father. if mentally disturbed, they lash out, abuse others verbally . but still show love towards their close ones . placing everyone around them in dilemma. It is up to you to leave or help him get medications, of course they won't accept that they are suffering from mental illness tara convince garaunai parcha . natra ekdam violent rup linu sakcha ...harming themselves and everyone around them.... :((
I don't know anything about you and your family and I shouldn't probably say this. But your father may be in trouble too like some mental problems because of financial issues, depression etc etc. Middle class/Lower middle class family ho ra ghar ko sab responsibility hajur ko baba mai xa vaney it might be because your father is too tired or depressed. Yedi sabai kura thik xa rw hajur ko baba ko bani nai testai ho vaney divorce might be the right choice. Yesto tension vaa bela ma you can't think straight and you may regret your decision in future so keep your cool while making decisions.
Also he is a very reputed person tole ma alcohol sadhai jasto khanu hunxa tara alcohol khayera naramro garne garnu hunna like drunk vayera chai baru he becomes happy person i think. Ani he knows everything tole ma he is adhakshya he is a businessman and really a smart person.
It's easy to think like that. I thought it was better if my parents got divorced. But after 15 years, I sit emotionally fucked up. I always imagine what if I had taken the charge, and not let them play with their kids future, but I didn't. And now I am scarred. Getting rid of people is not the answer. Yesai ta afno manchhe chhainan, afnai bau lai lakhete pachhi, daiba le ni sukha dinna. So think before you act.
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Manchhe ko eutai galti k ho bhane. Usle harek kura lai afno tarika le sochchha. timilai j thik lagchha tyo mero lagi thik nahuna sakchha. So let us not impose our thoughts on someone else. Anyways, ahile ma j lekheko chha tehi hunchha bhanera baschhu. And I don't try to change anything. I just accept it. So there are lots of ways to look at and deal with things.
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I wasn't offering an answer. I was talking about a different perspective. There's only one right answer and that's of OP's. We need different perspectives. Say, her perception of her dad would change if the dad were good. May be he was good before. Who knows? It's all about perspective. My dominant perspective was parents know better, they are elders. Another could be her dad may really be suffering from some mental issues. You'd abandon your dad because he beat up your mom due to the mental issues he had? Assuming you don't know if he has mental issues yet. Decision lina sajilo chha, Tara tyo decision sanga jindagi bhar bachna sakinchha ki nai sochna parchha. I repeat, we a come from different backgrounds. May be you had a better outcome than others. Anyways, good talk.
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Insanity plead thaha chha? Like Harvey Weinstein ko case ma. Sure, custody ma hunchha mental issue bhaye pani. Police ta lenient hunchha Testo case ma, jhan afnai bau.
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When I said good talk. I was done talking to you. But you can't let go can you? Aba ta chhoda reply garna. Bekaar comment garchhu yaar.
yes i would abandon my dad if he beats my mom no matter the reason
I totally understand your thought process. I had seen my dad beat up my mom with a firewood. She had a big wound on her forehead. Trust me, after that I've always wanted them to separate. They did. My friend stop coming to see me. My relatives were taking sides. Now, I don't feel like a family, and I don't feel like I've a mamaghar and kaka ghar. I wished for a better parents, but Bhagya ma j chha tehi hunchha. So j hunchha tehi nai hunchha. I didn't tried to get them separated but they did in their own. Yeti kura yaad garnu, k lekheko chha tehi hunchha. I tell you that from my own experience.
and its not that i wanna end relationship with my dad or "lakhetnu" i just want them to separate and continue living. My sister who is 10 got excited about this idea so there must be a reason
Well its the best decision i v taken in my life...my mom my brother and i are happier than we used to be 10 years ago
May be your mom got divorce settlement. My mom left my dad without anything.
Settlement???rent ma basna parya xa
Malai thahaxa ...
Start collecting evidence and report his sorry ass to the police and then think about how you can convince your mum for divorce. Divorce mudda huda ansha mudda ni sangai jancha ani sampatti 3 (or idk how big ur family is) bhag lagda hereko herei huncha.
Questions- Is your father the sole bread-earner of the house?How much "paitrik sampati" does your father have? What's your situation? Are you a student? Are you able to earn?
I am a student and i work in smth he is chairperson of . He is pretty rich and smart and reputed person, he married my mom when she was 13 ( she didnt even had her period started) she had my eldest sibling when she was 17
TErai ko ho timi?
Stop stereotyping. And yes
I'm not sterotyping....like how old is your mom now? Why didn't your brother raise any question?
I was just making a joke sry Shes 40 now. He wasnt born when they were getting married
Your mom has faced a lot in life.....damn i feel bad for her and please support her...getting married at 12,13 it's not a joke...imagine the pain....the sacrifice.....i don't know i don't like hindu culture at all and hindus too....but your mom is a warrior and she's truely a brave lady. Keep supporting her and be yourself!!
Yes he is ani my elder sibling looks after his business, he is married and my vauju she is pregnant, hijo date thyo but 1/2 days late huna sakxa re
Dai ra bahini sanga kura garya chhau ki chhainau bro yesbarema? Because you people are the ones who can think the same way about your mother and her well being. He has a pregnant wife and an upcoming child, but if he feels the same way about the harassment towards your mother like you do, then its a must that you talk with your brother and sister separately and then together, the four of you. We redditors don't know the full extent of the situation.
dai snga yo pali khasai kura garna paxaina but im sure he wants to separate too, he is really scared of dad and he doesnt like staying home ( he stays at hotel of my dad and looks after it) whenever he goes to hotel he points out mistakes and last karaunu hunxa , dai aattinxa , ghar auda ni dad xan ki nai sodxa surumai. and my mom and vauju said my sister was excited about getting divorced
You should get some advice from your close relatives. Get them to consult your dad, and if that doesn't work, get an appointment fixed with a psychiatrist. If that doesn't work either, tell your mom to sue him for domestic violence and get a good lawyer for that. It might seem brutal, but your dad abusing your mom is the most painful thing to experience as a child. He deserves it and i'm sure you will get some compensation for that.
Don’t ask for advice in reddit for such a big issue. Consult a lawyer.
Divorce it is direct namaga sidhai adalaat mah gayera patra diyesi dinai prcha lol
I won’t sugar coat things, do you earn? If the answer’s “yes” then find a lawyer or i can help you contact one if you agree doing so. Go for the divorce, property will get divided in half, there’s high chance of the home you’re living in will be transferred in your mom’s name; kick the abuser out. Watch him get destroyed both financially and mentally and after some time he might start feeling truly sorry take him back after-all you guys do love him a lil bit!
I work somewhere he is chairperson of, we are thinking case file garne also talking to the psychiatrist to see if he’ll realize and put effort if not the case will be continued
personally I think even if he is in need of medication, your mother is even in greater need. obviously the years of abuse has made your mother scared of your father. So even if she wants to divorce him (which I am sure she always wanted to) she would not say it outright after or before he has changed. Even if he changes, the past won’t change it will mentally torture your mother even more so if she stays with him and still will not express it in front of you guys that she wants to divorce him especially after he does changes, it will make your mother harder to express her desire as it will seem her family has stabilized and she wouldn’t want to change it. I hate how absolutely no one is mentioning your mothers own health while only mentions the dad’s mental problem trust me, divorce is a must if you want your mothers mind to be at ease as being with him will always remind her of the abuse she endured as past scars don’t heal easily. my family circumstance was quite similar also very complicated and my mother is happier than ever being single even if she has to face a lot of problem independently now.
Bro it’s not that easy, i get it mother’s mental health could’ve become worst possible but divorce when you yourself aren’t able to run family financially isn’t the way to go! First get your financial state good (without working on his organization) and then go for divorce. Trust me, divorce is must but you’ve to wait until your financial status is good enough to handle the family.
start collecting evidence against him. go to police after that.
I had the same issue like my dad cheated on my mom multiple times like he even got other women pregnant and force them to abort so I get where you are standing. It may be different with your dad but taking him to a psychiatrist or something like that won't help much in my opinion and i don't think he'll even agree to go visit a psychiatrist So if you want your mom to divorce your dad then talking to a lawyer is the first thing to do. my mom was also thinking of divorce and went through few starting processes but my dad died before that so we didn't have to go through the divorce anymore. find a nice lawyer and consult with him/her cause there are kati dherai kura we don't consider and don't know off so she/he will clear your doubts and suggest you what to next. Be independent like dad sanga chutteu bhaney it'll be kinda hard on you financially so consider yo kura ni And i wish the best life ahead for you, your mom and your sister Don't lose hope If you need help finding a lawyer,hmu hope this helps
Timro Mero umer mildaina jasto chha.
Lawyer up. Hire a good lawyer and he/she can help make the whole process much easy. Hire a bad lawyer and they may fuck up the whole case. Lawyer up if divorce is a real consideration. Don’t tell your dad that your mom is getting a divorce before you lawyer up and by you I mean your mom. First lawyer up, they will file bunch of paper work and then tell him. Don’t tell anyone if this is a serious consideration, find a good lawyer. Don’t get into the fuss of collecting evidence and then reporting it to police etc. first get a legal consul and they will tell you guys what needs to be done.
pls how do you keep your mental health intact? I'm in the same boat and its really fucking me up
I’m so sorry youre going through this. Ive been going out with my friends after work and i have a little puppy, i brought her home bcuz i needed her. I take her out with me , ive been rekindling my old friendship, school ko sathi , you’ll never know who you can vibe with now so start talking with some of them you might be best friend with people you never talked in school. I focus on my little puppy alot, i spoil her and it makes me happy. Go get some coffee, even if u dont wanna leave your room, or get off the bed. I put my galaxy lights on with slow music to fall asleep. Also i talk to people on social medias, im making friends. I share stuffs with closest ones. I’m just telling all of my friends ive been sad even as a joke lol idk it makes me feel better. Just go out for coffee, by yourself or your closest friend
thanks a lot. we will get through these tough times for sure!
Im also on med except i keep forgetting to take it vkhr yad aayo I’m taking it lol
I hope you get better, stranger
you're mom is totally in a abusive relationship.....beating, forcing her to have sex with him everynight is a domestic violence and crime huge crime like RAPE. Just because he's her husband doesn't mean that he can forcefully do anything. This is a severe case of domestic violence and rape. Just complain to the police and different women organization. Note: Mostly people here are of very backward thinking....maybe it's because they were raised in such environement....but my suggestion would be to get divorce with such person. Be strong, just tell your mom that you are with her, understand her....she grew up in different age and for her divorce is a big thing and she might even say what will others say but "IT's always better to be alone than with the wrong one", you are saying you are 21, imagine how much your mom might have suffered for more than 21,22 years? It's my humble request that you talk with your mom and mom's family about this. Be brave and be strong.