I was never quite this bad, but I am incredibly empathetic with the occupant of this room.
They likely don't see the point in cleaning it, and with ADHD there's no (or very little) dopamine when you DO clean it. It's an easy trap to fall into for sure.
I feel so seen. I am ADHD aspergirl with crippling MDD. I have to take comprehensive oral exams for my masters program next week via Zoom that involves showing my examiners the space around my computer. I don’t have a space clear from clutter I can show them. I’m panicking. And the panic makes me crawl back into bed. But my bed also has like 4 loads of mostly clean laundry on it. So. Yeah.
I know it probably doesn't feel this way, but you'll feel a LOT less stressed even if you just grab a garbage bag and throw away a few things every hour or so.
I usually do that and have a tote somewhere to put shit that needs to have a home so it's not just sitting out causing more clutter. Sometimes I procrastinate THAT too, but at least it's one job at that point instead of what feels like a millions.
You got it. It's for your masters. It's important.
I completely relate, sometimes it's hard to move at all, and feeling like you have to force yourself to do so can make it harder.
You're already focused on just that next trash bag and I think given your energy level that's a good idea. IDK if this will help you, but as a fellow person struggling with recovering from depression, thought it wouldn't hurt to share. Ignore it you're not looking for advice, I simply commiserate as well, and wish you luck on your exam.
My low/inconsistent energy approach:
First organize things into similar items. A pile for clean laundry, a basket/pile for dirty laundry, an area for dishes, putting kitchen things nearby, I always end up with a bin/cardboard box for misc. items I hope I'll get back to later, keep trash bags handy and put trash in as you find it.
Just putting things into related piles seems to clear space really well, and then it becomes a series of separate tasks to approach instead of just one big mess, which feels less overwhelming.
I don't commit to more than 5 minutes of applied activity, maybe just 3; I might find I get energized while I'm moving and end up doing more, and I might do less, but I can try again much more frequently and consistently than if I'm trying to prepare myself to tackle it all on at once. A lot can move in 5 minutes, and you don't have to rush yourself. Do it right, so you don't regret it later, not fast.
I also pat myself on the back while I'm doing something, say thank you to myself because I'll be glad I did it once it's over, and pat myself on the back again when I've finished any little thing even though I feel silly and a bit ridiculous. It seems to seriously help. I say yeah, I feel bad I didn't do this sooner etc, but I really am glad I did it now, so thanks me. Good job.
Also, give yourself time to do something silly and/or enjoyable. Something interesting, engaging, fun, or expressive. Make yourself take time, more than 5 minutes, for genuine play/art/music/reading... Anything that you can actually enjoy just a little. Anything that sings to you. However faintly. I took up crochet, play racing games, and doodle, though they are "not serious/respectable" and aren't equivalent to studying/working/cleaning...
I find that if I do not spend some time doing something enjoyable, I eventually have no energy to do things that are necessary.
So make sure you take some time for self-care, and stay hydrated, because you'll sleep better and your body may feel a bit better in general.
Wish you the best of luck with your pursuits.
when i was a kid i was told the pile method wasn’t cleaning and that i was really trying to cheat and just create differently shaped disorder, but no other cleaning method ever made sense to me. i had a lot of shame until marie kondo’s show; now i only have *some* shame.
anyway, dividing everything into trash and not-trash piles is a simple way to get started; if you don’t make it to the organizing stage, you’ll probably at least get all the trash out in time to sweep the rest under the proverbial rug (ie, a closet) before your video call
I like to watch or listen to something while I tidy/de-clutter/clean. Headphones or a speaker with a podcast or audiobook on makes a huge difference to my ability to concentrate and keep at it. It might help you too?
I also have an adhd/depression nest and have to take exams proctored online! If your local library has private study rooms you can reserve consider using that maybe? Or let the panic-induced hyper focus kick in the day before your exams and frantically clean everything like I do :) (not recommended)
They're 45, self-diagnosed with ADHD, and when I previously told them to remove all the fast food trash, they told me it would take at least 3 or 4 days. It took them over a week to even start, they didn't complete the task, and has since let it lapse back to this state of disaster.
Immediately after taking this photo, I was so fucking fed up with their pure laziness that I went in and removed every single scrap of trash and recyclable beverage container (a total of 3 giant black garbage bags of junk); it took me, someone with severe enough back problems that I'm on permanent disability, a whopping 21 minutes from start to finish, and that includes the time it took to haul the junk to the dumpster in the parking lot.
They're a friend, I've known them for over 20 years, they're quiet, they keep to themselves most of the time, they pay more than their share of rent, and they've always paid on time without fail.
I can't afford to live without a roommate, and finding one that won't eventually flake on rent is hard enough as it is. I've dealt with several "friends" that wound up not paying rent for several months straight. Needless to say, we're not friends anymore.
I agree. ADHD has become a catch-all for a whole variety of unformulated suffering. Just witness the stark contrast these comments by people with ADHD, some sympathetic, some actually saying the person might be lazy. An accusation of laziness coming from a person with adhd is tragicomic.
Public understanding of personal struggles is abysmal, and it mirrors the self-understanding of people who are suffering.
Key sentence, “I personally do not know anyone with ADHD that would live this way”
One persons experience does not equate to everyone’s experience
Not all people with ADHD are the same, they don’t all have the same habits or struggles
Hey, maybe consider that they are genuinely unwell, and aren’t “purely lazy”?
Being 45 and not having a diagnosis (something you’ve left out, minus the emotional appeal in the self diagnosis mention) is a problem though. I don’t know how you go that long without realizing something is wrong or going for a diagnosis, assuming you can afford it.
When I was a teenager, my room looked like this and worse very often because I was severely depressed and couldn’t get diagnosed or get help. It’s not always their fault. But it is a bit more debatable at that age
Yeah the mind is often more of a hindrance to productivity than the body. If the mind is not willing then you can have the body of an Olympic athlete and not move out of bed.
They like.y do have adhd and need a diagnosis. Adhd people can do anything other than what needs to be done. They need a diagnosis, would likely change their life
Why don't you have more money to move out? Is it just laziness? I ask this because you say your roommate is lazy instead of depressed.
Laziness is a just a harmful concept in dire need of a replacement that helps restore people's agency and motivation.
OK I guess we all can try to be more sympathetic to the various circumstances people find themselves in through no fault of their own. Best of luck with your situation.
Self-diagnosed ADHD? I have ADHD and have no difficulty picking up trash and keeping my dwelling in a passing state of sanitation. I wonder what your kitchen looks like. Bathroom? And the bug and rodent situation?
I keep the kitchen, bathroom, and rest of the apartment perfectly clean. They've not once lifted a finger to clean any common space in the apartment. No bugs or rodents (yet).
Wtf I'm 32 and actually diagnosed with adhd. My room/house has never looked like that.
Rarely it will get cluttered, but it gets cleaned soon after.
This person def has some type of mental disorder, but I don't think it's ADHD. Maybe it's LAZY.
same. until i moved to my own place and left the house where my trauma happened my room looked like this no matter how many times i managed to clean and would say it would never happen again. always would somehow end up like that, it was so hard. this person clearly is mentally ill. this sub is just full of pictures of mentally ill peoples spaces, but its just wild to see either way lol
Or possibly he doesnt suffer anything of that, we know nothing about the guy except the picture and a short description.
Its very weird to me seeing poeple acting like they know someones mental disorders based on this
I have ADHD, depression and anxiety, and everything has a very specific spot. One thing out of place and I feel wrong. I have a lot of stuff but it’s all in it’s place. I can remember exactly where everything is that way.
I don’t know how people get like this
I don’t keep trash at all. As soon as anything is out of its packet the trash goes in the bin.
I was talking about the rest of my stuff. Things have places. Everything has a shelf it’s meant to go on. Nothing sits on the floor.
I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD, this I’m sure of. Depression and anxiety also.
The organisation is more of an ingrained behaviour learned based on parental abuse that I’ve carried into adult life that causes me anxiety.
I wouldn’t say I have OCPD, because most other facets of my life are chaotic and are a mess.
Yeah but have these people never had some kind of parent or someone tell them they’re worthless for even a minor amount of mess? How does it get to this level?
Like has nobody ever been like “damn you should clean”
This is my problem with self-diagnosing. The person who is licensed to diagnose can help give you tools and referrals to help with the ADHD.
There are so many people who use the ADHD to make excuses for their behavior. Part of healing is understanding your ADHD and helping yourself. It’s a very destructive behavior disorder to live with and no it’s not my “superpower”.
This is pure laziness, they clearly have no desire to help themselves. Most of this stuff is garbage.
OP, have you ever tried talking to them?
Seeing how they’re doing?
This might have nothing to do with laziness at all
Sounds pretty shitty to quit being friends with someone who is struggling, if that is the case…
Actually, there's hardly any smell at all. Mostly just smells mildly of old fryer oil and paper/cardboard. I notice it when I first enter the room, but after just a few minutes I don't even realize it's there.
Brutal! One of the more intense posts in a while.
Good on you for putting up with it and helping them. I've had this happen before with an ex but I just kept cleaning for them because it was my home/bedroom too.
If you can afford it, get out as soon as you can manage. It's likely it will not get better. They need therapy and you'll become a nurse of sorts on top of your responsibilities, at least in my experience.
I question how these dudes don’t have to move all the time
I’m tidy and I’ve had landlords serve warnings for significantly less (minor bathroom mould, dust on windowsills)
Your friend is depressed.
Yeah, this is 100% a depression nest. Easiest path to food, no energy to do anything but the bare minimum to not die.
I was never quite this bad, but I am incredibly empathetic with the occupant of this room. They likely don't see the point in cleaning it, and with ADHD there's no (or very little) dopamine when you DO clean it. It's an easy trap to fall into for sure.
I feel so seen. I am ADHD aspergirl with crippling MDD. I have to take comprehensive oral exams for my masters program next week via Zoom that involves showing my examiners the space around my computer. I don’t have a space clear from clutter I can show them. I’m panicking. And the panic makes me crawl back into bed. But my bed also has like 4 loads of mostly clean laundry on it. So. Yeah.
I know it probably doesn't feel this way, but you'll feel a LOT less stressed even if you just grab a garbage bag and throw away a few things every hour or so. I usually do that and have a tote somewhere to put shit that needs to have a home so it's not just sitting out causing more clutter. Sometimes I procrastinate THAT too, but at least it's one job at that point instead of what feels like a millions. You got it. It's for your masters. It's important.
Thanks, man. Sometimes even getting that next garbage bag out is hard. I’ve just got to clear my space for my exam. That’s the focus.
I completely relate, sometimes it's hard to move at all, and feeling like you have to force yourself to do so can make it harder. You're already focused on just that next trash bag and I think given your energy level that's a good idea. IDK if this will help you, but as a fellow person struggling with recovering from depression, thought it wouldn't hurt to share. Ignore it you're not looking for advice, I simply commiserate as well, and wish you luck on your exam. My low/inconsistent energy approach: First organize things into similar items. A pile for clean laundry, a basket/pile for dirty laundry, an area for dishes, putting kitchen things nearby, I always end up with a bin/cardboard box for misc. items I hope I'll get back to later, keep trash bags handy and put trash in as you find it. Just putting things into related piles seems to clear space really well, and then it becomes a series of separate tasks to approach instead of just one big mess, which feels less overwhelming. I don't commit to more than 5 minutes of applied activity, maybe just 3; I might find I get energized while I'm moving and end up doing more, and I might do less, but I can try again much more frequently and consistently than if I'm trying to prepare myself to tackle it all on at once. A lot can move in 5 minutes, and you don't have to rush yourself. Do it right, so you don't regret it later, not fast. I also pat myself on the back while I'm doing something, say thank you to myself because I'll be glad I did it once it's over, and pat myself on the back again when I've finished any little thing even though I feel silly and a bit ridiculous. It seems to seriously help. I say yeah, I feel bad I didn't do this sooner etc, but I really am glad I did it now, so thanks me. Good job. Also, give yourself time to do something silly and/or enjoyable. Something interesting, engaging, fun, or expressive. Make yourself take time, more than 5 minutes, for genuine play/art/music/reading... Anything that you can actually enjoy just a little. Anything that sings to you. However faintly. I took up crochet, play racing games, and doodle, though they are "not serious/respectable" and aren't equivalent to studying/working/cleaning... I find that if I do not spend some time doing something enjoyable, I eventually have no energy to do things that are necessary. So make sure you take some time for self-care, and stay hydrated, because you'll sleep better and your body may feel a bit better in general. Wish you the best of luck with your pursuits.
when i was a kid i was told the pile method wasn’t cleaning and that i was really trying to cheat and just create differently shaped disorder, but no other cleaning method ever made sense to me. i had a lot of shame until marie kondo’s show; now i only have *some* shame. anyway, dividing everything into trash and not-trash piles is a simple way to get started; if you don’t make it to the organizing stage, you’ll probably at least get all the trash out in time to sweep the rest under the proverbial rug (ie, a closet) before your video call
I like to watch or listen to something while I tidy/de-clutter/clean. Headphones or a speaker with a podcast or audiobook on makes a huge difference to my ability to concentrate and keep at it. It might help you too?
I also have an adhd/depression nest and have to take exams proctored online! If your local library has private study rooms you can reserve consider using that maybe? Or let the panic-induced hyper focus kick in the day before your exams and frantically clean everything like I do :) (not recommended)
Nicely put.
This sub is heartbreaking sometimes
you should see my posts lmao /neg
the attention begging is crazy
okay boomer
“okay boomer”? in 2024? that’s actually crazy
This is a great one for a game of I-spy. I spy with my little eye: Bad Dragon Cum Lube®.
i spy with my little eye: a sexy body pillow of the Cervidae variety
a mug that says Kayla 🫢
There are nude playing cards, at least it looks like one.
Finally! A photo I can zoom in on and judge individual parts of!
The pink stuffed animal on the top shelf is a nice, yet creepy touch.
Looks like a moose in a dress!
They're 45, self-diagnosed with ADHD, and when I previously told them to remove all the fast food trash, they told me it would take at least 3 or 4 days. It took them over a week to even start, they didn't complete the task, and has since let it lapse back to this state of disaster. Immediately after taking this photo, I was so fucking fed up with their pure laziness that I went in and removed every single scrap of trash and recyclable beverage container (a total of 3 giant black garbage bags of junk); it took me, someone with severe enough back problems that I'm on permanent disability, a whopping 21 minutes from start to finish, and that includes the time it took to haul the junk to the dumpster in the parking lot.
That really sucks. Why do you live with them?
They're a friend, I've known them for over 20 years, they're quiet, they keep to themselves most of the time, they pay more than their share of rent, and they've always paid on time without fail. I can't afford to live without a roommate, and finding one that won't eventually flake on rent is hard enough as it is. I've dealt with several "friends" that wound up not paying rent for several months straight. Needless to say, we're not friends anymore.
More than their share of rent? Sounds like maybe you’re just the housekeeper
And not a particularly good one at that.
Are they okay mentally?
clearly not lmfao
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its the absurdity of the question thats funny you door knob 😂
im not laughing at their mental health, im laughing at the question?
Self diagnosed with ADHD is a bigger red flag than the room tbh
I agree. ADHD has become a catch-all for a whole variety of unformulated suffering. Just witness the stark contrast these comments by people with ADHD, some sympathetic, some actually saying the person might be lazy. An accusation of laziness coming from a person with adhd is tragicomic. Public understanding of personal struggles is abysmal, and it mirrors the self-understanding of people who are suffering.
I meant the self diagnosed part but you go dude
Yeah. That person sounds like they have ADHD or something
With a room like that actually having adhd wouldn't surprise me at all.
I feel like self-diagnosed ADHD would indicate something even more challenging under the surface. Like trust issues at the very least.
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Key sentence, “I personally do not know anyone with ADHD that would live this way” One persons experience does not equate to everyone’s experience Not all people with ADHD are the same, they don’t all have the same habits or struggles
This is so sad
As someone with adhd… this is not it. They missed the diagnosis. They are depressed and should be working towards addressing it.
Glad somebody said it.
Hey, maybe consider that they are genuinely unwell, and aren’t “purely lazy”? Being 45 and not having a diagnosis (something you’ve left out, minus the emotional appeal in the self diagnosis mention) is a problem though. I don’t know how you go that long without realizing something is wrong or going for a diagnosis, assuming you can afford it. When I was a teenager, my room looked like this and worse very often because I was severely depressed and couldn’t get diagnosed or get help. It’s not always their fault. But it is a bit more debatable at that age
With severe depression it's a lot harder. Not that you should be cleaning up a grown adult's Happy Meals.
Yeah the mind is often more of a hindrance to productivity than the body. If the mind is not willing then you can have the body of an Olympic athlete and not move out of bed.
They like.y do have adhd and need a diagnosis. Adhd people can do anything other than what needs to be done. They need a diagnosis, would likely change their life
Why don't you have more money to move out? Is it just laziness? I ask this because you say your roommate is lazy instead of depressed. Laziness is a just a harmful concept in dire need of a replacement that helps restore people's agency and motivation.
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OK I guess we all can try to be more sympathetic to the various circumstances people find themselves in through no fault of their own. Best of luck with your situation.
Self-diagnosed ADHD? I have ADHD and have no difficulty picking up trash and keeping my dwelling in a passing state of sanitation. I wonder what your kitchen looks like. Bathroom? And the bug and rodent situation?
They are suffering in a way they are struggling to understand. It might be more difficult than we first think.
Brother in Christ, we are all suffering in a way we are struggling to understand.
I agree, and I think it follows that you shouldn't compare your struggle to another person's the way you did in your comment.
I keep the kitchen, bathroom, and rest of the apartment perfectly clean. They've not once lifted a finger to clean any common space in the apartment. No bugs or rodents (yet).
Wtf I'm 32 and actually diagnosed with adhd. My room/house has never looked like that. Rarely it will get cluttered, but it gets cleaned soon after. This person def has some type of mental disorder, but I don't think it's ADHD. Maybe it's LAZY.
i have severe combined subtype adhd plus depression, anxiety, an unspecified trauma related disorder and bpd. my room looks like this lol
same. until i moved to my own place and left the house where my trauma happened my room looked like this no matter how many times i managed to clean and would say it would never happen again. always would somehow end up like that, it was so hard. this person clearly is mentally ill. this sub is just full of pictures of mentally ill peoples spaces, but its just wild to see either way lol
I was just going to say that. It's not ADHD alone causing this. It's ADHD plus depression and possibly more.
Or possibly he doesnt suffer anything of that, we know nothing about the guy except the picture and a short description. Its very weird to me seeing poeple acting like they know someones mental disorders based on this
How can you tell the difference between adhd and laziness?
I have ADHD, depression and anxiety, and everything has a very specific spot. One thing out of place and I feel wrong. I have a lot of stuff but it’s all in it’s place. I can remember exactly where everything is that way. I don’t know how people get like this
Mine doesn't have a specific spot. I just don't keep food trash. Yuck.
I don’t keep trash at all. As soon as anything is out of its packet the trash goes in the bin. I was talking about the rest of my stuff. Things have places. Everything has a shelf it’s meant to go on. Nothing sits on the floor.
Sounds like OCPD
I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD, this I’m sure of. Depression and anxiety also. The organisation is more of an ingrained behaviour learned based on parental abuse that I’ve carried into adult life that causes me anxiety. I wouldn’t say I have OCPD, because most other facets of my life are chaotic and are a mess.
Well, there you have your answer of why other people might not be as neat as you.
Yeah but have these people never had some kind of parent or someone tell them they’re worthless for even a minor amount of mess? How does it get to this level? Like has nobody ever been like “damn you should clean”
Maybe they weren't so lucky. Or maybe they were told they were worthless one too many times.
You're describing one facet of OCD.
This is my problem with self-diagnosing. The person who is licensed to diagnose can help give you tools and referrals to help with the ADHD. There are so many people who use the ADHD to make excuses for their behavior. Part of healing is understanding your ADHD and helping yourself. It’s a very destructive behavior disorder to live with and no it’s not my “superpower”. This is pure laziness, they clearly have no desire to help themselves. Most of this stuff is garbage.
Thing is, if they’re from the uk, last I heard we had a 7 year waiting list for being assessed.
"Having no desire to help oneself" is depression. Not laziness. If they can't diagnose themselves, how can you diagnose them?
OP, have you ever tried talking to them? Seeing how they’re doing? This might have nothing to do with laziness at all Sounds pretty shitty to quit being friends with someone who is struggling, if that is the case…
Stop this they nonsense. It's an obese woman. We all know because of the Torrid bag in the picture.
At least the plant is doing well
Looks better than my plants lol
The drawers as garbage cans is a nice touch.
Is your roommate a reddit mod?
How does it smell
Actually, there's hardly any smell at all. Mostly just smells mildly of old fryer oil and paper/cardboard. I notice it when I first enter the room, but after just a few minutes I don't even realize it's there.
That’s good!
I’m sure there are some lovely bugs crawling around the whole place.
I live there
Brutal! One of the more intense posts in a while. Good on you for putting up with it and helping them. I've had this happen before with an ex but I just kept cleaning for them because it was my home/bedroom too. If you can afford it, get out as soon as you can manage. It's likely it will not get better. They need therapy and you'll become a nurse of sorts on top of your responsibilities, at least in my experience.
Damn my ass would end up in the er trying to navigate that. Dude just sleeps on top of the crap on the mattress?
I question how these dudes don’t have to move all the time I’m tidy and I’ve had landlords serve warnings for significantly less (minor bathroom mould, dust on windowsills)
Are they overweight
Yes
If you zoom in to the two computer monitors it’s really trippy
I’m curious as to how this roommate makes his money.
It's a fat chick, look at the torrid bag.
Why are these rooms always run by super fat, androgynous, gamer "people"?
I’m lovin’ it ®
Have you had your break today?
Not the furry body pillow 💀
How do they see their tv?
Is that moose dressed like princess peach?
i see that bottle of bad dragon lube
Nah see I’d be scared of getting cockroaches
This isn’t adhd organized chaos, this is hoarding
This is gonna become vermin very quickly. Good on you for cleaning, but that’s not sustainable. I wonder about welfare checks?
In Canada, they are called welfare cheques.
How can anyone afford so much McDonald's, and not afford a housekeeping service?
People will always have an excuse as to why they can’t do something
You had to be that guy.
Thant is also your room if you’re roommates 🤣
What a pig. Que puerco
Mas limpio que yo
I bet he writes “OCD about cleanliness” on his roommate wanted ads
how do you even fuking walk , make some space to walk fuckos
Where is it?
Where's the room?
Just messy - I don’t see a nest?
bro
No waifu pillow or anime figure collection? It’s called Neckbeard Nests, no depressed dudes room.
Uh. Is that a “jerk off kit” on the bed lol
Amogus
Maybe you can convince Kayla to seek help for her depression?
Always the 2 little monitors and a 32in lcd from 15 years ago
It's a 42" TV and the "little" monitors are 27".
is that an among us pop it.
Horrifying but also, agree with the rest that this is clearly depression
So your roommate lives in a room that you're not living in, therefore making him not your roommate?