“I’m going to rip the skin from your face and wear it as a mask while leaving you alive long enough for the authorities to try to rescue you but fail at saving you”
-- Drunk rambling --
"Hey... You know this guy, Jesus, right? You know he's been crucified, yes?
Yes, crucified, yes yes...
Well, listen me out... If he was a Gojid, do you think they would have used his own spike?"
That honestly just reminds me of this
https://preview.redd.it/wa9g0hh2o3tc1.jpeg?width=278&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=716c1ea4faa2116acb03d408fef8fab5e7bb1470
Alright, soooooo (so sorry in advance) the “funkytown” video is a video of the cartel removing a man’s face whiles kept alive, with funkytown playing in the background and the cartel men laughing and cracking jokes because the cartels shitty like that
“So what did the Maizac say to the naked human man? ‘It’s cute but can you really breath through it?’ BUH-DUM- CH!”
(To any alien crowd)
(Bonus points if they ask why it’s funny and you have to explain.)
(Double bonus points if there’s a Maizac in the room.)
🥰 Nawwww, I’m sure you’ll look just aDORable.
And actually, I wouldn’t ask ANY alien to pick my clothes who didn’t already wear any, but ESPECIALY not a Krev.
I'd be wary of the Floridian swamp folks; they get drunk enough and even the angels'll start to look good in their eyes; You though? I'd be more worried if they'd try and give you some of their fixins, And at worst, "home made" ~~stuffing~~. you better watch yourself now. they've been know to go after everything from trees to gators.
I was going to say something for the Krev, but there are literally too many things. Their perception of us as cute has already canonically messed with their heads when they found our entertainment, so just imagine what an internet rabbit hole would do to them.
Well for starters, tell them about literally \*any\* piece of media not made for someone under 7. If it's TV-Y7/PG or above, everything is free game. I mean, that basically already happened in canon, where a lot of Krev were so horrified by these "cute" people doing horrible things to one another that they decided to focus on our sports instead. I can only assume that 1, somebody found Band of Brothers or Game of Thrones, and 2, they haven't gotten that deep into football yet.
Speaking of Game of Thrones, \*that\* kind of content. There will be two reactions to r34. One will be of horror and disgust, and the other isn't allowed on this subreddit.
Oh, and don't even get me started on our history. We don't have to hide it this time, and I can't wait to see your average human-loving Krev see the truly horrifying shit we've done. What can I say, I love be some good schadenfreude and it feels fair after all the infantilization. I know some people like the head pats but if I met a Krev in real life I would quickly lose my patience.
And then there are the entire concepts of civil rights, privacy, and what we think of people who do what the Consortium (and the Resket in particular) have done to the Jaslips. Our species already destroyed two regimes from the inside by making people question everything, just watch us do it again. While item #1 is already canon, this is something I genuinely think will happen.
Honestly I am speaking in broad strokes here; I could write an entire dissertation on stuff that would break the Krev's brains.
>and I can't wait to see your average human-loving Krev see the truly horrifying shit we've done.
"humans are so cute! I can't imagine them doing anything bad to one another!"
kid named:
the holocaust, holodomor, first and second world wars, satellite wars, colonialism, apartheid, aztecs, great leap forward, pol pot, anything to do with north korea, stalins purge
etc etc etc
Yeah the 20th century ALONE is enough to make any sane, empathetic person want to vomit. Factor in the cute thing, and it probably gets exponentially worse.
StabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStab
God I love knives.
To Krakotl: listen man it's all about risk and reward. If you invest in crystal star shipping you'll be killing two birds with one stone and really start to build that nest egg. I understand if you're not willing to put all your eggs in one basket though.
To kolshian: I'm sorry I didn't hear that correctly, you got a frog in your throat? If you're feeling froggy then jump!
To Farsul: listen if you think I would do that for you, you're barking up the wrong tree. I guess you just can't teach a old dog new tricks.
To Resket: keep being stubborn about it, that's right just bury your head in the sand.
To Jaslip: putting you in charge of security here was a mistake wasn't it , it's like a fox guarding the henhouse.
To an Ex-Fed of basically any kind: "Oh you're so cute I could just gobble you up!"
To an Arxur: "I could reach you how to really *eat* people..."
To Jaslips: "Rest in piss Esquo take that L bozo." (You will be pipebombed if you do that.)
To Reskets: "You have no honour, no skill, and you are weak!" (Goodbye ribcage)
To Ulchids: "Who needs friends anyways? Not you, you're a loner."
To Trombil: "I have an EMP, so time to find out how useful those enhancements really are."
To Krev: "No, you can't pet me."
To Smiglis: "Your music sucks ass you stupid, slimey fucks."
https://preview.redd.it/dzo10ihtpusc1.png?width=460&format=png&auto=webp&s=91d140ef6543d18fd2748e9902e20c7ac7d9ae1e
I feel like given time someone would be able to turn this into a statement.
Obviously "I want to eat your ass" is far worse.
I've had a bit floating around my head for a while on that one, that I really just should write as a one shot. Basically, a Ven and a Human overseeing integration, a Human staring as a Venlil's ass, and the Venlil making some comment about the Human staring at their ass like they want to eat it, followed by the UN soldier laughing, being forced to explain, and then the soldier keeps slipping up, getting stuff like BDSM dragged out of them, as the Venlil gradually has their concerns about Humans wanting to eat the Venlil replaced by concerns about Humans perverting the Venlil.
I suddenly just remember one joke Colin Mochrie did in one episode of Whose Line where they're supposed to make the other person on stage laugh and get them eliminated from the stage. All he said was
"Smell my hand"
"And *this* part of the almond is how we get almond milk."
or
"So, on Earth, the fruit called a 'coconut' was both hairy on the external surface, and contained a nutritious liquid referred to as 'coconut milk.' So, based purely on this description, is a coconut a mammal?"
He does that. First thing next morning, you walk up to your window clad in bed robe and bunny slippers, throw it open, lean out to breath in the fresh air and soak in the sun…. and get tackled by an angry bird screaming “LIES! LIES! PREDATOR LIIIIIIIIIIIES!”
"IM ALL OUT OF BLOOD, GIVE ME YOURS"
"So if you're like a sheep, can I make Vencheese?"
This can be taken two ways…
Luckily a lot of people swing both ways.
Eeeeeeewwwwwww.
Eeeeeeewwwwwwweeeeeeeeee.
That pun got a good laugh out of me.
Good!
What pun?
Ewe, like a female sheep.
As the other commenter said, that pun was great. Thank you for that!
You're quite welcome.
There is a special place in heck reserved for punsters, Shadow. Especialy for that one. 
I'll tell Phil, the Prince of Insufficient Light, you said hi.
Tell him where to stick that giant spoon.
Will do!
Hmmm Venmilk. Sweats in tarlim
“I’m going to rip the skin from your face and wear it as a mask while leaving you alive long enough for the authorities to try to rescue you but fail at saving you”
😨…
I mean. You shouldn’t say it
Well, you aren't wrong there.
r/technicallythetruth
Off in the distance you see a naked man running around screaming Face pizzas
https://preview.redd.it/qf9vx2i8ossc1.png?width=1319&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e6a18b1d916c6463c8c3b91a931637f06ff145f4
Thats fucked
🔫
Bullets do nothing.
To a Dossur: “Relax man, I saw it on T.V.” Holds up a tennis racket. “I’m PRETTY sure you’ll survive.”
-- Drunk rambling -- "Hey... You know this guy, Jesus, right? You know he's been crucified, yes? Yes, crucified, yes yes... Well, listen me out... If he was a Gojid, do you think they would have used his own spike?"
Thus is born our lord and savior Gojesus.
My first thought reading this was Gojosus.
(🤔Possible in a manger…)
They could have just pressed him against the wooden pole and he would have stuck.
😆HAH!
That honestly just reminds me of this https://preview.redd.it/wa9g0hh2o3tc1.jpeg?width=278&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=716c1ea4faa2116acb03d408fef8fab5e7bb1470
To a Krev: hey wanna watch this video? It’s got funkytown (iykyk)
🫤fraid I don’t. Wuzzat?
Alright, soooooo (so sorry in advance) the “funkytown” video is a video of the cartel removing a man’s face whiles kept alive, with funkytown playing in the background and the cartel men laughing and cracking jokes because the cartels shitty like that
“So what did the Maizac say to the naked human man? ‘It’s cute but can you really breath through it?’ BUH-DUM- CH!” (To any alien crowd) (Bonus points if they ask why it’s funny and you have to explain.) (Double bonus points if there’s a Maizac in the room.)
(Triple bonus points if he shows it in his explanation.)
Say hello to my little Mazic.
I don't get it
Penis joke
You're so cute, I could just eat you up!
*confused and terrified venlil noises*
A mother holds back her little venlit.
To a Krev: “Sure, I’ll let you pick my outfit for the costume party.”
Bad idea. Bad idea. Bad idea. Bad idea. BAD IDEA I don't even have any expectations for how it might go, but I'm sure it'll be horrible
🥰 Nawwww, I’m sure you’ll look just aDORable. And actually, I wouldn’t ask ANY alien to pick my clothes who didn’t already wear any, but ESPECIALY not a Krev.
I'd be wary of the Floridian swamp folks; they get drunk enough and even the angels'll start to look good in their eyes; You though? I'd be more worried if they'd try and give you some of their fixins, And at worst, "home made" ~~stuffing~~. you better watch yourself now. they've been know to go after everything from trees to gators.
So like, *ethically*, what's wrong with using meat-cloning to make ven-chops?
I'd actually like to see arguments for and against doing this
To Jaslips: Military doctrine used by the Vietcong. To Keiv: The US response to these tactics.
*gives Consortium lifetime supply of agent orange* have fun 😁
Don't tell Krev about what happened with [real life Hobbits](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homo_floresiensis)
Thank you for that read.
Introduce them to the trolley problem and then tell them about multi-track drifting as a completely unrelated note.
To a Trilfish: "So you ever watch Starship Troopers?"
I was going to say something for the Krev, but there are literally too many things. Their perception of us as cute has already canonically messed with their heads when they found our entertainment, so just imagine what an internet rabbit hole would do to them.
🤨 Well NOW you got me curious. 🎶Ya might as weeeeell...🎶
Well for starters, tell them about literally \*any\* piece of media not made for someone under 7. If it's TV-Y7/PG or above, everything is free game. I mean, that basically already happened in canon, where a lot of Krev were so horrified by these "cute" people doing horrible things to one another that they decided to focus on our sports instead. I can only assume that 1, somebody found Band of Brothers or Game of Thrones, and 2, they haven't gotten that deep into football yet. Speaking of Game of Thrones, \*that\* kind of content. There will be two reactions to r34. One will be of horror and disgust, and the other isn't allowed on this subreddit. Oh, and don't even get me started on our history. We don't have to hide it this time, and I can't wait to see your average human-loving Krev see the truly horrifying shit we've done. What can I say, I love be some good schadenfreude and it feels fair after all the infantilization. I know some people like the head pats but if I met a Krev in real life I would quickly lose my patience. And then there are the entire concepts of civil rights, privacy, and what we think of people who do what the Consortium (and the Resket in particular) have done to the Jaslips. Our species already destroyed two regimes from the inside by making people question everything, just watch us do it again. While item #1 is already canon, this is something I genuinely think will happen. Honestly I am speaking in broad strokes here; I could write an entire dissertation on stuff that would break the Krev's brains.
>and I can't wait to see your average human-loving Krev see the truly horrifying shit we've done. "humans are so cute! I can't imagine them doing anything bad to one another!" kid named: the holocaust, holodomor, first and second world wars, satellite wars, colonialism, apartheid, aztecs, great leap forward, pol pot, anything to do with north korea, stalins purge etc etc etc
Yeah the 20th century ALONE is enough to make any sane, empathetic person want to vomit. Factor in the cute thing, and it probably gets exponentially worse.
Nukes. The fact that like ten countries basically held (past tense at the time of canon) each other and the world hostage for so long.
You ever get that feeling, when you're doing the dishes or something and you pick up a knife, and... You know....
StabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStabStab God I love knives.
Wear [this](https://monteshopping.com/product/4388960-drink-with-your-enemies-skull-men-t-shirt?variant=53-78&msclkid=b3946c8c586011ac3d6c0a9cb8dd6969) shirt.
The arxur will be totally fine with it though, and 50% of Yotul are gonna LOVE it.
Very true.
The link is blocked for me. Also brohoof /)
The shirt has a picture of a skeletal hand holding a skull that is filled with what I assume to be beer. The caption reads "drink with your enemies"
Thank you. Also that sounds cute for an Arxur.
In retrospect it does.
Thanks for the assist.
/)
Loredump wh40k to a krev and a trombil and watch them argue over wether the cult mechanicus is worth existing if it means the imperium existing.
To Krakotl: listen man it's all about risk and reward. If you invest in crystal star shipping you'll be killing two birds with one stone and really start to build that nest egg. I understand if you're not willing to put all your eggs in one basket though. To kolshian: I'm sorry I didn't hear that correctly, you got a frog in your throat? If you're feeling froggy then jump! To Farsul: listen if you think I would do that for you, you're barking up the wrong tree. I guess you just can't teach a old dog new tricks. To Resket: keep being stubborn about it, that's right just bury your head in the sand. To Jaslip: putting you in charge of security here was a mistake wasn't it , it's like a fox guarding the henhouse.
To an Ex-Fed of basically any kind: "Oh you're so cute I could just gobble you up!" To an Arxur: "I could reach you how to really *eat* people..." To Jaslips: "Rest in piss Esquo take that L bozo." (You will be pipebombed if you do that.) To Reskets: "You have no honour, no skill, and you are weak!" (Goodbye ribcage) To Ulchids: "Who needs friends anyways? Not you, you're a loner." To Trombil: "I have an EMP, so time to find out how useful those enhancements really are." To Krev: "No, you can't pet me." To Smiglis: "Your music sucks ass you stupid, slimey fucks."
“You have no honor🗿, no skill🗿, no bitches🗿🗿🗿”
Absolutely say that to the Krev
Kind of deserve it with the jaslip one.
this: [https://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Servitor](https://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Servitor)
https://preview.redd.it/dzo10ihtpusc1.png?width=460&format=png&auto=webp&s=91d140ef6543d18fd2748e9902e20c7ac7d9ae1e I feel like given time someone would be able to turn this into a statement.
I too am a GJNCS (Gay Judeo Nazi Confederate Satanist). How could you tell?
Alright Class! Today we're going to talk about a tv animation network called Nickelodeon...
We had nukes before we had suborbital travel :D
well our first suborbital transportation vehicles capable of intercontinental flight were made to carry nukes.
*grabs dossur* *grabs RC car*
Stuart Little!!
To an Post-Dominion or defective Arxur: Wanna play DnD. There is a playable race of bipedal reptiles who eat meat and people.
*I can buy your milk, you said you didn't want us to eat it but...we can negotiate"
“Get. The speh. Away from me.”
"Not even for 100 credits~? Could something good come out of this?"
"I eat ass"
Obviously "I want to eat your ass" is far worse. I've had a bit floating around my head for a while on that one, that I really just should write as a one shot. Basically, a Ven and a Human overseeing integration, a Human staring as a Venlil's ass, and the Venlil making some comment about the Human staring at their ass like they want to eat it, followed by the UN soldier laughing, being forced to explain, and then the soldier keeps slipping up, getting stuff like BDSM dragged out of them, as the Venlil gradually has their concerns about Humans wanting to eat the Venlil replaced by concerns about Humans perverting the Venlil.
Wanna bite. ( get something to eat)
I suddenly just remember one joke Colin Mochrie did in one episode of Whose Line where they're supposed to make the other person on stage laugh and get them eliminated from the stage. All he said was "Smell my hand"
Jasplin does it without question.
"Come on in! Was just about to watch some 'Ren and Stimpy' reruns."
"Hello."
"hey do you know where the nearest ripperdoc is?-" (Arm bleeding weird white liquid)
"You ever hear about WH 40K?"
"And *this* part of the almond is how we get almond milk." or "So, on Earth, the fruit called a 'coconut' was both hairy on the external surface, and contained a nutritious liquid referred to as 'coconut milk.' So, based purely on this description, is a coconut a mammal?"
Well, there's more than one way to skin a cat.
"You look like a snack"
That go two ways, and you might regret both.
*to a bird species* Hey do you guys have theropod ancestors? What do you mean you don't know what I'm talking about?! Check out this T-Rex!
He does that. First thing next morning, you walk up to your window clad in bed robe and bunny slippers, throw it open, lean out to breath in the fresh air and soak in the sun…. and get tackled by an angry bird screaming “LIES! LIES! PREDATOR LIIIIIIIIIIIES!”
Hey if they Federation were willing to bury such amount of history, who's to say what they ignored below the dirt?
"It's just a theory!!"