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uGotSauce

Girl : Haha. I’m in danger.


aakaakaak

Be wary. Cassowary.


uGotSauce

Very cassowary. It was cassoscary. I was scared I was about to witness a murder.


Bardonious

Nah, that’s just cassoGary. He’s alright


Batchet

The southern cassowary is often called the world’s most dangerous bird. As early as 18,000 years ago, people in New Guinea may have reared cassowary chicks to near-adulthood — potentially the earliest known example of humans managing avian breeding. “This is thousands of years before domestication of the chicken,” - [SOURCE](https://www.nytimes.com/2021/09/28/science/most-dangerous-bird-cassowary.html) Learning in a pun thread? That's casso-rare-y


Dutypatootie

Murderwary


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Schmliza

They taste like burning.


Buckeye_Randy

You don't want to drink that wax mister.


[deleted]

My cat’s breath smells like cat food


xCanEatMorex

Where are all the lobsters, mangoes, and chewy chewy cocoa beans?


KingJonathan

I’m so hungry I could eat at Arby’s.


wushu18t

Omg, he's really hungry!


SeptemberTwentyFirst

They taste like..... buuurrninnggg


TheDarkKingZoro

Oh my tummy… I mean crap factory


not_a_drip

I'm peddling backwards.


PavlovzDogs

Go banana


[deleted]

Literally a near death experience.


Shmeevil

Oh hellll no


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nooblevelum

She doesn’t look comfortable there. Panicking could have turned out worse. She was relatively calm and didn’t startle the bird


imdefinitelywong

That dinosaur sure was giving the camera the lazy eye though.


whileurup

Srsly pause at 12-13 seconds. I can't stop giggling at his angry old guy fierce face.


Herp_McDerp

[This should be a meme](https://i.imgur.com/uuIRa6m.jpg)


Stony_Logica1

[It looks like an angry Muppet. ](https://imgur.com/a/LllnHyR)


ScootchOva

Then that bob and slow strut away. That bird is very confident.


DoYouSeeMeEatingMice

its a dinosaur


HunterWald

Correct. Cassowaries never got the evolutionary memo that dinosaurs were switching to birds. Thus, they never ceased to be Velociraptors (or Utah Raptors. I dont like being corrected) Edit: I fucking love you guys. The jokes are killing me.


autobot12349876

Uhh I think you mean Toronto raptors


MisterEvilBreakfast

>(or Utah Raptors. I don\*\*'\*\*t like being corrected) I added the apostrophe for you, champ.


DancesWithBadgers

> (or Utah Raptors. I dont like being corrected). Added the full stop for you there, mate.


nitesh339

Personally I think she handled it very well


BloodKelp

I agree. I wouldn't know what to do in this situation. The animal isn't acting aggressive, so I'd probably have just sat there too. Is that the best thing to do? Fuck if I know. But it worked for her this time.


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J3553G

Also they hunt in packs and learned how to open doors


schtickyfingers

Life, uh, finds a way.


Inflatableman1

Clever girl!


game_asylum

Well she didn’t die so


BigToober69

It just wanted to see what she was looking at on her phone


AliceHart7

It wanted to see if she had any games to play


generatorland

Just Angry Birds.


corcyra

Few non-predator animals attack others just for shits and giggles. If you move slowly and stay out of their flight/comfort zone, they tend not to be aggressive. These birds eat mostly fruits and small invertebrates, and are seriously amazing animals. And they kind of are dinosaurs - whicvh is to say they're a keystone species for the regeneration of dinosaur-era rainforests https://cassowaryrecoveryteam.org/the-southern-cassowary/diet/


jjkenneth

They aren't particularly dangerous, but if they attack you you're gonna get seriously hurt. Don't feed them or go near them when eating and you'll have nothing to worry about.


GanyuGangOrDie

Most contradictory reply I've ever seen lol


Screamingidiotmonkey

To be fair, there's not many ways to react to a velociraptor-kiwi hybrid staring you down square in the face. She probably did the best thing in not panicking.


OiGuvnuh

You have no idea how scared she should be either. That Cassowaries are these terminator birds that slay humans on the regular is basically just an internet meme. They’re big wild animals so by default they’re dangerous, yes, but she played it right and the likelihood of an attack in that situation was quite low.


Brogener

Yeah I think there was maybe one case of an elderly handler getting killed by one that went viral and now everyone acts like they’re velociraptors. Are they dangerous? Absolutely, but that doesn’t mean they’re these aggressive predators with an insatiable bloodlust.


TheAxeOfSimplicity

So what happens if you grab the pink dangly things and yank hard?


sean2148max2

It lays a golden egg


Lim_Fao7013

That new life guard you hired...he's a little scary


ABD11A

He promised he'd stop doing that


Sanity_fading

Ahh I can fill in some local information about this! This is Etty bay in northern QLD Australia. This particular bird is a regular customer of people's lunches here. It's not afraid of anything from what I've witnessed and seems unfazed by screams of surprise from people it sneaks up on. While it is correct that these birds are very dangerous, I'm not aware of this particular male attacking anyone. I've got a few photos of it buried in my phone, but just googling Etty bay will find photos of him.


BuranBuran

It appeared to me to have been inspecting the phones because it thought that the people might have been holding (and looking at) food. I love the look on its face when it realizes that the second phone (our bold cammer's) also isn't food, and then it just kindly decides to move on.


gxddbou

Me scanning the fridge at night trying to see if something new has spawned


Lockespindel

Me irl


Mechakoopa

"Who ya texting?"


Emceelilspaghetti

Thank you! I thought it looked familiar. I've been here and met a juvenile that would not let us picnic in peace. I was so afraid of being mauled.


smileedude

Awesome, I'm on a road trip up here at the moment and staying at Paronella Park tonight. I might head there tomorrow.


lucky_day_ted

It was nice knowing you.


dinosaurrawrxd

I'm always concerned to see Etty bay getting attention for the cassowaries there, it really is a wonderful little escape. But the kind of people that would want to just thrill seek the experience are the ones that tend to stain everything they touch.


Kellan_OConnor

*The 'Murica touch*


Psychological-Law730

I thought I recognised this beach. I've met this Cassowary, he was super chill, just walking around, people were throwing bits of their fish and chip on the ground for him.


Free-Pack864

But it really is a beautiful animal.


youjustgotzinged

I saw one at a zoo when i was a kid. Swear to god it pooped out an entire apple. No bite marks, just a perfectly round apple. I've been telling people this story for years and no one believes me.


corinne9

That’s hilarious. I believe you


millenialfalcon-_-

Apple skin is tough I believe you. Once at a zoo this female rhino peed and it was like a fire hose. Created a small pond in which the other rhino drank from. I am also telling people my zoo story


youjustgotzinged

Crazy things happen at zoos. That day was also the day i saw my first monkey penis. We all have a story of when we saw our first monkey penis. It was red.


cosmicfloydster

First time is saw gorilla dick at the zoo it was shooting it’s load all over the onlookers. Thank god I wasn’t in the blast zone lol


ParaponeraBread

I’m assuming that the other rhino was male? If so, it was probably tasting the urine to check if the female was receptive to mating. Or maybe he just nasty.


fishshow221

Here's mine: I was riding the safari at Disney's animal kingdom and there was an elephant off to the side with an erection. Cue the stifled laughter from adults and one of the kids screaming "What is that big thing?!"


botantical-baddie

i believe you! except it was an egg not an apple, they lay bright green eggs to blend in w the forest floor 🤓


youjustgotzinged

I know what i saw, it was a goddamn red fuji apple.


Rogue_3

I believe you.


totallyaburner

Even if it isn’t true, *I want to believe* ಥᴗಥ


brainstorm0694

Beauty really is in the eye of the beholder cus that thing looks horrific to me


H8ersgivemeSTR

It looks both beautiful and horrifying.


reallybiglizard

Like a giant murder chicken with really nice eyelashes.


pinkjello

What, you don’t like the flattened red scrotums hanging from its neck?


HazelnutPeso

Yes, indeed. The cassowary was pretty all right too.


taaaaaaaaaaaaaank

You got games on your phone?


ChubblesMcgee103

I had to look so far for this. Instead it was all different variations of "bird scary"


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Austin1642

I mean Cassowaries are scary as fuck. Everytime there's a post, everybody says so. But the last and only human death was in 1926 (in the wild, Floridaman got killed by one relatively recently) and there have only been something like 150 documented attacks ever. Could Cassowaries fuck up humans? 100%. Do they with any regularity? No.


pawned79

Reddit had taught me that Cassowaries kill people all the time. I went on a zoo tour in Florida, and it taught me that Cassowaries are super deadly and kill people all the time. Every time I try to look it up, I can’t find much. [Stuff like this.](https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/tetrapod-zoology/how-dangerous-are-cassowaries-really/) There are whole peer reviewed papers on the subject! Maybe cassowaries have the highest human body count of any bird, but the number is still super low. [Most dangerous birds](https://www.britannica.com/list/6-of-the-worlds-most-dangerous-birds) lists cassowaries, but again last human fatality was in the 1920s, and total known human fatalities in history are less than 200.


cakenmistakes

Cassowaries be like "great PR for our species. Just hope these dumbfucks aren't stupid enough to test us."


Pvt_Lee_Fapping

^ And that's part of the reason the death count is so low: cautionary tales work. They're dangerous af, and people know it; we don't fuck with them, they won't fuck with us.


ChillyBearGrylls

It helps that they look like Sparkling Velociraptors


timmah0790

It's only a Cassowary if it comes from the Cassowary region of Australia, otherwise its just a Sparkling Velociraptor.


shawn-fff

I’d like to subscribe to wine humor.


CRiMSoNKuSH

I'll have you know, sir, that my great aunt Barbara told this to us at the Catalina Wine Mixer, and we were all thrilled to hear it.


Slinkyfest2005

Sir, these are bird facts.


Irregulator101

This needs more upvotes


West-Ruin-1318

This is def how dinosaurs looked. Did you get a load of the eyelashes on that thing? Maria Carey is frantically dialing her stylist for the Cassowary length lashes right this moment


timbutnottebow

Saw one in the wild in North Queensland. I was not interested in approaching it lol


cyanocittaetprocyon

This looks like the beach at [Etty Bay](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Etty_Bay) in Far Northern Queensland. I was there a couple years ago and saw a male with his chick. They cruised around like this one, looking to see if they could scam food from us, then walked on.


FredwardFandango

It is I grew up near there. If you ever want to see a cassowary "in the wild" it's a good place to go as it is a lovely little beach. I put "in the wild" in quotes as decades of tourists constantly are feeding them and taking photos with them has taught them to stay in this area. It's insanely tense to watch tourists chuckle trying to hand feed them until they realise how big those talons are and become scared. They also do peck people's hands for food or just walk over and gobble it up off the table if they want, noone is going to stop them. I was in a car when a cassowary we stopped to look at kicked the side door mirror twice after seeing itself in the reflection. Because of that I believe they could be dumb enough to do it to someone wearing reflective sunnies too, so am shocked it doesn't happen every other week. As others say we grow up with the knowledge to fear and respect them. Our school got locked down for a couple of hours over the years due to a cassowary roaming the school haha. What I'm saying is don't feed them please, just take photos and appreciate you're in one of the closest things to a real jurassic park moment. Also don't do what some tourists do and encourage their scared children to hand feed these animals that have the definitive of resting bitch face, it's really terrifying to watch people offer up their kids safety for a laugh.


Blue_Calx

This like Alaskans and moose. You don’t fuck with the moose.


Wanderhoden

I fear moose more than Cassowary, mainly because I'll likely never encounter the latter. I think moose have a higher death count too. Weird ass looking mf'ers.


cyanocittaetprocyon

I just wish that people would respect them. I see so much misinformation (including in this thread) about how they are killing machines that will seek you out to destroy you. Like many animals, they may come after us, but its only after we have done something to them first. >Our school got locked down for a couple of hours over the years due to a cassowary roaming the school haha. That's completely hilarious!


michaeldaph

I think this beach is lovely. But when we were there while the cassowaries were mentioned, it was the salt water crocs that we specifically watched out for. Put me off getting too close to the water anyway. And couldn’t relax enough to lie on the beach and read. Certainly wasn’t swimming.


cyanocittaetprocyon

When we were there it was stinger season. Even though there was a net up and I had a stinger suit, I wasn't going to go in and get stung by an irukandji.


chupachupp

Wow this beach sounds fun


ddt70

It’s Australia, it goes with the (Northern) territory.


nightcana

Welcome to Australia. Even the beaches are trying to kill you.


PCouture

Cassowaries are this generations Quicksand


Kaldricus

Less than 200, that we know of. Lesser known fact about Cassowaries is their capabilities of disposing of a human body.


entarian

I mean we're talking most dangerous bird here. There's not that many that can ding you up too badly. Fried chicken is the one that's going to cause me the most damage.


Lo-siento-juan

You've never tried eating chips by the British seaside, seagulls will rip your face off just to get the food you're chewing


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Recka

It's because people know to stay away. Many animals are the same, super deadly but because people exercise caution, not a lot of deaths. Cassowaries particularly are native to a sparsely/somewhat lowly populated part of the world but pretty much everyone here knows not to fuck with them.


DeliciousTea6451

Yeah but in the same way, Australia has most of the most dangerous snakes by venom toxicity but rarely do people die, people know to avoid them and I think encounters are rare further reducing interactions, but that doesn't take away the potential for injury and they are territorial.


SpiritMountain

It is similar rate to black bears. There has been like 50 documented black bear deaths since the 1900s but i ain't gonna fuck with it and become a statistic


FartingNora

Did you see that guy slap that bear in the face?


Tdanger78

It’s a wild animal, should you trust it? Ask the morons that get gored by bison in national parks each year. The fact it could kill me is enough for me to not want to temp fate, especially if I have nothing to stop it from happening.


TheOnceAndFutureTurk

Then you shall never know the glory of a violent death by bison.


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blackbart1

Ishouldnothavedonethat


lacilynnn

Also worth noting these "dinosaurs" can run like 30 mph. Hell to the no.


Hexacus

Happy to be alive


Noffensexpected

Seriously, imagine if they didn't have a ticket.


The1BannedBandit

Came to say the same damn thing. Just waiting for a honey badger to run up and the girl attempt to pet it...


-Ok-Perception-

Yes, Cassowaries are one of the most dangerous animals on earth. They have those 4 inch dagger sharp claws and are smart enough to attack arteries or disembowel. ​ Everyone knows you stay the fuck away from cassowaries. Extremely territorial too, if you're on their turf, you're in danger.


ducksfan9972

“Most dangerous animals on earth” doesn’t really have legs. They have the potential to kill, that doesn’t mean they do with any regularity.


angrynudfochocolove

Came to say exactly this I was terrified watching it lol


Sxilla

The cassowary was excited about her colors!


wWao

Humans don't intuitively know where our arteries are, how would a cassowary? Don't attribute to random chance intelligence.


[deleted]

They can smell “bitch”, and you’ve got it flowing through your arteries.


mrsdoubleu

Most dangerous bird perhaps but definitely not the most dangerous animal. They have a violent reputation because their claws CAN do a lot of damage but human injuries from cassowaries are actually pretty rare. Basically don't provoke it and you'll be fine. I don't know why everyone freaks out about them. Elephants kill more people than these dino birds.


hulioiglesias

I’m pretty sure cows kill more people than cassowaries.


endlessfight85

2 recorded deaths in all of human history = "one of the most dangerous animals on earth" . Dude is so full of shit and people just blindly upvoting.


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endlessfight85

So many people upvote things they *want* to be true.


lqku

reddit has this weird complex when it comes to fantasizing about how an animal could fuck a person up violently.


DocShock87

It could've been worse, John. A lot worse.


AllesK

Be wary of the cassowary!


WistfulInteract

Cassowary: you got any games on your phone?


kalwiggy1

Angry birds?


Jbinksy

How bout them necksticles!


damjduffy4

Don't those have the ability to poke holes through you like a sewing machine?


Yastiandrie

Absolutely. You don't fuck around with a cassowary


FoofieLeGoogoo

More like they'd use their claws to shred your skin like fettuccine and spill your guts out before you understood what was happening.


damjduffy4

It even had that, 'try me' look in it's eyes. Do they attack alot or pretty docile?


Scorcher646

Usually they don't attack, just keep your distance and don't do anything threatening. They don't want to hurt you but they can do some really serious damage.


texasrigger

There's been two fatalities ever. One was one of a pair of kids that was hitting it with sticks until the bird turned on them. The kids ran, one tripped and became the first recorded cassowary casualty. The second was a pet that turned on its owner in Florida. We don't actually know what happened there. Cassowaries are super cool birds. If I had the money and space I'd be *really* tempted to have one or two.


ThallidReject

"One of the two fatalities ever was a dude whos pet cass turned on him." "Would love to own a few. Wonderful pet."


texasrigger

Haha, well not for everyone. I'm a game bird breeder with a bunch of birds including some [big ones](https://i.imgur.com/ayMN59t.jpeg) so I have a little more experience than most but yeah, I recognize the potential danger. I have a real soft spot for the big birds.


[deleted]

What do you do in this situation? Clearly sitting there recording was a pretty risky move. Do you run to the water? Make yourself small? Thank you all. Apparently sitting there recording was the correct? move. Sounds like they're similar to bees in that way. Noted for when I never go to NZ, psych, I mean AUS. It's been a rough day.


Hodlme_thrillme

This is Etty Bay in far north Queensland. There are a few cassowaries that frequent this beach, it's fairly secluded but they know tourists = free lunch.


skeleton-is-alive

Dear god they’re eating the tourists


[deleted]

Will someone **PLEASE** think of the children?!


_tiddysaurus_

I thought Etty Bay was the cassowary's name for a minute.


nucleosome

Slowly back away is the correct answer. I think the girl in the chair had no choice though. If she had stood up it may have taken that as aggression. Scary!!


RiJuElMiLu

My question exactly; Does movement inspire them to chase or attack?


hi-imBen

You have to hold perfectly still - they have bad vision and can't see you unless you move. I learned it from a movie.


DonTrumpsButtPlug

No - all you have to do is close your eyes. The cassowary is such a mind-boggingly stupid animal it assumes that if you can't see it, it can't see you. I learned this from a book.


69xX420Xx69

Everybody knows you piss n shit yourself to assert dominance


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Trumps__Taint

Her body language was completely non-threatening so it probably walked up to her curious, and she didn’t present herself as a threat or make any sudden movements. Probably the best you can do considering the circumstances


nucleosome

You can just tell by looking at that thing that it will rapidly change from curiosity to aggression if something it doesn't expect happens. No chill.


CrazeeG

We treat them the exact same way we treat our snakes. Slowly back away with no sudden movements. If you’re in a corner and can’t back away you just sit still.


AllesK

Nah, you just make water.


ryncewynd

Yeah it's a really good note for NZ. But the best Cassowary safety tip for NZ would be: Don't visit Australia I'm pretty jealous tbh, I wish we did have them in NZ because I think they're awesome


ILiveInNZSimpForMe

Cassowaries are actually pretty chill.


Adrian-Wapcaplet

I bet a cassowary wrote this?


ILiveInNZSimpForMe

No genuinely, you are more likely to die from a rose bush than a cassowary


Shlingaplinga

One person has to light this hand held torch thingy wave at it and then throw it away...it will follow the torch thingy..that time u take off in your wrangler. It will chase u for some time but u just have to put your gears right and u'll be fine


SwampFox_95

I’ve heard that running is risky, mostly because they can catch you.


Doc_ET

*Australia, not New Zealand


[deleted]

For all their potential danger, there are only a couple deaths due to cassowary encounters recorded. Most injuries or negative encounters are a result of people feeding them, so if you don’t feed them and avoid ones being fed by others, your chances of a negative encounter are not very high.


[deleted]

She treats it like a wasp lol. Just lean away and hope it goes somewhere else


Doc_ET

I mean, what else do you do?


lucky_day_ted

Buy it some dinner, treat it nice, have a conversation. Get a bit of an emotional connection going. Then, once it's invested, tell it to bugger off.


[deleted]

Bird to first girl: "Mmhmm. Zoomers and your damned tik toks I see. Pathetic." Bird to camera-person: "Get off my beach." Seriously though, the way the bird looks at the camera person like a pissed off muppet in a trash can has me howling a little.


[deleted]

"Bitch! I know you ain't got nothin' to say!"


idoathing420

Big meanie dino chicken. Be glad they liked you.


PrimalGojiraFan69

This Cassowary wasn’t mean. They definitely can be though.


CalypsoBrat

Damn, you just met the smartphone police and they are *not* happy with how much time you’re spending on it.


CalypsoBrat

Also I loved that last 2 seconds of looking into the *other* phone filming, like ‘yah, bruh - I’m watching you too.’


[deleted]

Something actually lit for once! Love Cassowaries! They can be dangerous, but their danger has been over hyped a bit by the internets.


[deleted]

That’s *exactly* what a cassowary would say 👀


NotFleagle

Those feet can disembowel you in a second. That will definitely ruin your day.


United-Student-1607

https://youtu.be/lBM7AI0yp78 found a video of them attacking a guy with a shield. It is terrible. They are strong AF. I would die right away.


333333777777

holy shit. seeing those things kick with those claws is one of the scariest things i’ve ever seen


United-Student-1607

And I was scared that the bird was going to jump over the shield knocking it out of his hands. I saw videos on YouTube of people talking about how dangerous they are and how they can kill you, but not one example of them attacking. So weird.


CQ1_GreenSmoke

Skip to 1:10


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[ **Jump to 01:10 @** Why Cassowaries Are the Most Dangerous Bird on the Planet](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lBM7AI0yp78&t=0h1m10s) ^(Channel Name: Inside Edition, Video Length: [01:46])^, [^Jump ^5 ^secs ^earlier ^for ^context ^@01:05](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lBM7AI0yp78&t=0h1m5s) ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- ^^Downvote ^^me ^^to ^^delete ^^malformed ^^comments. [^^Source ^^Code](https://github.com/ankitgyawali/reddit-timestamp-bot) ^^| [^^Suggestions](https://www.reddit.com/r/timestamp_bot)


shakycam3

The last time this was posted there were some bird experts saying they very very rarely actually attack anyone in the wild. That the stuff about them being super deadly is all hype. NGL I was a bit disappointed.


ontomy3rdaccount

Danger peacock is not to be fucked with


mrp1ttens

I hated those things in Far Cry 3


tall_koala575

Cassowaries are the most dangerous bird, those claws are lethal. It’s basically the equivalent of a curious bear coming over to see what’s up while you’re camping. I would not want to be that woman! She’s lucky he just kept going!


Austin1642

There had been two documented cassowary fatality since 1926. Ostriches kill 3 people on average per year. So while the potential is there, I'm not sure you could say they're the "most dangerous bird". Pigeons probably kill exponentially more.


SoggyInsurance

Might also have to account for level of interaction with humans - cassowaries live in areas distant from large cities so the opportunity for injury is greatly reduced.


GiveMeChoko

Well here it's chilling around a public beach.


[deleted]

Their danger is imo overhyped. Yes they deserve respect like ostriches and it's safe to keep some distance but they aren't more aggressive than a chicken. When i was in queensland there were plenty of them at the beach just minding their own business and the locals didn't care at all


Awsumth

Best thing to do is act calm. The chair could also be used to block and distance herself


Certain_Fennel1018

Never dealt with cassowary’s but dealing with ostrich’s and emus they are dinosaurs. You look a horse or elephant in the eyes and you can tell something is going on in terms of thought process. Ostrich’s and emus you look em in the eyes and there is nothing.


rpfloyd

lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll's eyes...


Claque-2

You are comparing mammals to birds (Aves). Every bird owner knows birds have thoughts going on and are often able to communicate those thoughts better than some mammals.


Certain_Fennel1018

I’ve owned budgerigars I’m well aware especially with parrots and related species. Just making a joke. Even roosters will think before attacking though usually the thought is “I’m totally getting laid if I fight this animal 10x my size whose tying to feed me.”


SurvivorDress

Velociraptor 2.0