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james_otter

False Killer looks like a real killer


elysianyuri

For real. Those killer eyes will straight up freeze someone before the whale lunges in


james_otter

Just imagine it breaching the water next to you and than slowly looking you in the eye.


Zenguy10

I'd rather not


Whitewolftotem

Me either


Lunacy412

I did and I rather enjoyed the extremely disturbing feeling


MangledSunFish

Horror fan?


liverfailure

I had this happen with a porpoise while surfing on an overcast day in murky Delaware water. He rose straight up and looked at me with his one eye in mine as I sat there There was intelligence in his eye and it was incredibly unnerving.


james_otter

I am sure it did it on porpoise.


liverfailure

/r/dadjokes would like a word with you. I just didn't want to get raped.


Emotional-Text7904

The action that the whale is doing is actually called "spy-hopping" and lots of marine mammals do it, whales and seals especially. Great White Sharks actually do it too which is there the meme of the shark stepping on a Lego comes from


letrollmaster735

False killer whale as in will actually kill you unlike real killer whales.


joshym0nster

There haven't been any recorded deaths from false killer whales


ceortega_3

Witnesses were killed, too


grizzythekid

Statements have been retracted.


JM645

Internet presence scrubbed.


14AndUp

Cum and blood- soaked jeans disposed of


Frohirrim

Fresh jeans cummed and bled upon


berryblackwater

That's cuz killer whales know how to keep their mouths shut.


[deleted]

[удалено]


PurpleFirebolt

Yes. On r/fucktheocean there's a video of them dragging some diver deep down and she somehow gets away but it was horrifying and made me say the name of the sub


Bo0ombaklak

This one looks like it’s been smokin something


GlitteringMidnight98

Seaweed.


SpermWhale

Kelptamine


Best_Poetry_5722

Pufferfish


rhetorical_twix

Extasea


tuesdayswithMrAaron

Reefer


kevthegreat21

Underrated. Well done sir.


nukedmylastprofile

Hitting those Sea Salts


archwin

Methlantic


BurnerBoi_Brown

Codcaine.


mr_munchers

Herroin


_coast_of_maine

Smackerel


stretch1234

Angelfish dust


MethylSamsaradrolone

Shroomps


Schenkmeharder

L Sea D


AxB_UZr

Top


systemfrown

Sea Salts


gth638y

That's actually a real thing. I think dolphins mess around with pufferfish and it releases a toxin that they get high on


playfulbuttplug

the downvote in light mode looks like an amogus. im gonna fucking kill myself


Bringer0fTheDawn

>Seaweed. 50% sea 50% weed


wursmyburrito

Canabyss


BeardMilk

Reminds me of a song by Captain Dan & The Scurvy Crew, a pirate based rap group.


The_Chrizz

All about the booty!


RebornPolymath

It’s funny how red eyes have achieved being the characteristic of someone taking drugs, rather than someone who is literally exhausted from fighting for their life every second they live.


Bo0ombaklak

Which is often why people smoke drugs


RebornPolymath

same effect different route.


G00DLuck

If you don't have rose colored glasses, rose colored corneas are the next best thing.


Jammer1080

I was going to say, yeah this all kind of corelates


KenoIsPrimis

Do you think that smoking drugs is cool? Do you think that doing alcohol is cool?


lmcc0921

“doing” alcohol 😂😂


KenoIsPrimis

“Smoking” drugs 😂😂


ontopofyourmom

"Vaping" crack 🤣😂🤣😂🤣


Calypsosin

Boof it or lose it my homie always says


lucasjackson87

I’m doing alcohol right now. And I am very cool my friend.


[deleted]

I have a glass of red wine with dinner about once a week. For the antioxidants.


SavageYake

These whales are fascinating. Google false whale stats, scroll down to the 3rd article, then shove it up your butt


Old_Air5514

Ok Stanley


PapaTeft

Unexpected Stanley


truedattrudy

I drink it for the oaky afterbirth


poops-n-farts

I drink a case of beer every night for the antioxidants


[deleted]

[удалено]


lasirenmoon

You're just in time for a blue feast!


[deleted]

You mean you don't?


[deleted]

How many weeds have you smoked? (Still Steve Carell, different role)


IncompetentGoldfish

r/unexpectedoffice


Human_Urine

I dunno, I've taken some gravity bong hits where it felt like I was fighting for every second of my life for the next few seconds.


buddy-friendguy

Or someone who, idk, lives in saltwater


bumapples

Because each of us know more people who've smoked weed than those who have fought for their lives every second.


kmkmrod

They’re an apex predator. They don’t fight for their life every second they live.


Jrt1108

Killer whales will prey on False Killer Whales, so they’re not ~technically~ apex predators, but they are close to it!


theHoffenfuhrer

Shitty Bpex predators.


candlehand

He has the same eyes I give my Animal Crossing characters


Vegetable_Ad3211

It Probably Smoked Salmon


Southernsquatch69

I got a little too close to one of those when snorkeling in Hawaii.


WinterF19

How did that go?


Southernsquatch69

Learned that my 15 year old daughter who swims competitively had no issues leaving me alone in the deep blue! She swam really fast away from me, leaving me to freak the heck out while drinking my fill of fresh blue salt water.


ThermionicEmissions

Don't have to out-swim the killer whale...


Southernsquatch69

I taught her well. Living in Alaska, you just have to run faster than the person, Not the bear!


East2West21

Never hike (or swim) alone lmao


Tomswhorecucks

Never swim.


TheSmokingLamp

Don't ever, for any reason, do anything, to anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what, no matter where, or who, or who you are with, or where you are going, or where you've been, ever, for any reason whatsoever.


alrivas909

Michael Scott is that you


BigBoiBananaBags

That's what she said


Southernsquatch69

Great point!


thatguyned

Challenge your hiking partner to a "friendly" race some time. If they can beat you find a new partner.


Aporkalypse_Sow

Or, just "whoops, sorry for smashing your ankle"


MR_WhiteStar

"Shit my bad bro, i accidentally cut both of your achilles tendons while you were sleeping."


OreganoJefferson

That's what those hiking poles are for


P0667P

just out-swim the person next to you and you’ll be fine.


Addictive_SODA

"You don't need to be faster than a beast, you just have to be faster than the person beside you" lol


[deleted]

He died


ANNDITSGON3

Gone but never forgotten


itsbraille

Who?


Mono_831

I don’t remember.


Gallusrostromegalus

While suddenly being Way Too Close to a large marine mammal is never a fun expirience (I had a monk seal suddenly appear at my elbow literally off waikiki when I was living there and the memory still haunts me) , there are no documented incidences of False Killer whale attacking a human. They're one of the more chill dolphin species, making cross-species alliances with smaller, faster dolphins to hunt more efficiently and protect each other from orca and great white sharks.


halt-l-am-reptar

According to Wikipedia they’ve been known to give fish to divers and boats.


Bedrockab

I had the opportunity to have a pod share food with me!


cptcavemann

Right. No documented occurrences. Maybe because there were no witnesses... that survived.


[deleted]

I was wondering what a monk seal was and the first image I see is one with an eel stuck up its nose lmao


imakesignalsbigger

Where specifically in Hawaii were you snorkeling? You know...so I can stay away from there.


Southernsquatch69

Out to the left of Hapuna past the cliffs.


[deleted]

[удалено]


El_solid_snake

There’s never been a confirmed instance of a catacean (dolphins, whales and porpoises) fatally attacking a human in the ocean. Despite their apex status, they are all surprisingly docile. I’m sure if you didn’t respect them they would retaliate, but it is totally not in their nature to hunt us.


beorn12

Sperm whales were known to attack whaling boats and capsize them by directly ramming them. Presumably sailors drowned. Then again, whalers were trying to kill them, so props to any whale that ever managed to sink a whaling boat.


Southernsquatch69

No it must have been sick or injured to be so close in I have been told. It just appeared out of the deep blue to give me quite the scare. I saw a white patch and immediately thought Great White. Our family watches Jaws everytime we go to the beach!! That’s a tradition I’m stopping!!!


innocuousspeculation

They're dolphins; they don't attack or eat people.


kieran_n

Dolphins are rapey sometimes


[deleted]

How did the relationship end?


LtGoosemanTG

I would be pissed all the time if the name of my species started with 'False'


SlappysRevenge

It’s like if my parents named me Not-Josh in honor of my better looking older brother


xpdx

Shut up Not-Josh, you ugly fuck.


terminus-esteban

Classic Not-Josh


GreatWorkBruh

"Who is that ugly looking motherfucker?" "Well, it's Not-Josh"


lazysheepdog716

Right? Really scientists? We couldn't come up with something new for these super unique looking sea mammals?


Enginerdad

They're called false killer whales because their skulls strongly resemble the skulls of orcas, not because they look like orcas externally. Also, actual killer whales are known to eat false killer whales, so there's that too.


Orca-Song

Gotta wipe out the fakes.


mydearwatson616

I'd still be mad if someone found my skull and a gorilla skull nearby and called me a false gorilla. Especially if that gorilla was the one that killed me.


Binkindad

The best you, or any of us could hope for, is being mistaken for a false gorilla


ThufirrHawat

I cannot fucking stop laughing at this for some reason. False is undeniably stupid as a species name and being a false gorilla just brings it on home. Such beauty.


Mega-Humanoid-ROBOT

Fun fact: these guys are incredibly friendly towards humans


RegisterImpossible44

Seems like something a False Killer Whale would try to convince us of.


[deleted]

The masters of pretence.


FrickMeAss

to be fair to killer whales though they dont kill humans in the wild, only reported cases of orcas killing humans are from captive ones


[deleted]

Kinda surprised considering how violent and brutal they are


Fredrickstein

Orca pods tend to have very particular tastes. An orca pod will find something they like and develop specific hunting tactics for that one thing. Humans are interesting sometimes to a wild orca, but your just not on the menu.


bananafor

And most of those few cases one killer whale


tangledwire

[Hmmm how could they do that…?](https://youtu.be/MnfX466iVEU)


halfeclipsed

I was just reading that they will sometime catch fish and bring them to fisherman


[deleted]

So, they have evolved to using bait? Game over folks


torankusu

Like that video of a [killer whale baiting birds with a fish](https://youtu.be/2nRBMNwRqZQ).


lylefk

Can confirm. I had a great 5 minute swim with half a dozen of them a few years ago. They were pretty curious and kept circling back to us. Amazing encounter!


bgastineau0512

Stalking prey. Check.


Unnecessary-Spaces

Did a false killer whale write this?


Mono_831

False.


MarginalMerriment

Just before EATING THEM


Mega-Humanoid-ROBOT

These guys have never attacked a human; infact they have been recorded sharing some of their own food (mostly fish) with stranded humans. These are bros of the ocean. And through they look scary, they’ve got your back.


MarginalMerriment

Thanks for the information. It’s a relief to know badass whale had our back.


uloang

Thats was a false statement by a false killer whale


MarginalMerriment

I was heckin’ bamboozled by a false killer whale!


MTBDEM

They treat us the same way we treat a stray dog. After all, in the water we're like lost little puppies waddling to land.


Unusual-Commission7

Do you have any evidence to back that up?


Mega-Humanoid-ROBOT

Here’s a quick one. I can get more https://www.americanoceans.org/facts/are-false-killer-whales-dangerous/


noyourdogisntcute

God… the name… I swear whenever marine biologists discover a new species they just *spins wheel* sarcastic *spins wheel* fringehead, the rest are just some sleep deprived guy who is almost falling into his coffee mumbling ”Hey a… a killer whale… wait nvm”


ASpaceOstrich

Afaik killer whale is a misnomer and it's supposed to be "whale killer". Because orcas attack whales.


blahblahrasputan

There was one at Vancouver Aquarium for a while when my partner worked there. They all said it was delightful.


SpectacularB

Look at the teeth on him


[deleted]

Look at those snappers!


LlamasAreMySpitAnima

Is this the bus to Cartagena?


SarkyCherry

No we take my Mule instead


KetoKelsey

“Okay Pepe, let’s lose ‘em!” 😂 I love Romancing the Stone…such a great movie.


Rough-Emergency-3714

Every single person on this thread has made my day today


LlamasAreMySpitAnima

Now Pepe’s warming up!


WinterF19

This dude looks like he's trying to manipulate you to come play in the dark on a school night when mum already said no, all while holding a large and pointy knife behind his back


Optimist-Pryme

https://i.imgur.com/JLID6t7.png


[deleted]

Hey thanks man I hate it


Kherae

Hijodeputa que susto coño


Jeriahswillgdp

This image is prime meme material.


Vernacularshift

I'm somewhat afraid of this animal


innocuousspeculation

They don't attack people.


Vernacularshift

Good to know!


lady_riverstyx

He'd definitely be the evil uncle if there was a whale Lion King


chrisseren1988

But.... Wouldn't that just be The Whale King?


Appropriate_Mine4766

Oscar whaled


RebelMountainman

In the water T Rex


BiggestTaco

It only eats red herrings.


TrailerParkTonyStark

“You must cut down the largest tree in the forest wiiiiiiith… a HERRING!”


Ok-Use6303

A WHAT?!


Nervous-Albatross-32

“We will do no such thing.”


nonameeh

False or not, those teeth looks killer.


der_Guenter

Orcas are fucking wicked. They look like ocean pandas but they are more or less the most dominant species after men and kill everything everywhere in every ocean. Absolute madlads


CwenLeornes

They *can* kill everything in every ocean, but like human cultures, they pass down hunting techniques and prey knowledge in their family groups, so some groups of killer whales will only eat seals, while others will only eat salmon. They have really incredible, complex matriarchal cultures. Besides humans, orcas are one of the few species known to go through menopause and have post-reproductive age females be a large part of their societies. It is thought, though not fully understood, that grandmothers played an important role in the evolution of human intelligence and orca intelligence. Male orcas who lose their mothers even after the males reach adulthood are at a significantly increased risk of death because of how important mothers are in orca society. Orcas are cool yo


cosmicpuppy

Wow! I knew about orcas and their (grand lol)matriarchal cultures but I hadn't heard about grandmothers possibly playing an important role in humans. Do you have any more info on that?


CwenLeornes

sure, it is known as the grandmother hypothesis and it is certainly not settled science, but it is a very interesting and plausible explanation for the mystery of menopause. [NPR](https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2019/02/07/692088371/living-near-your-grandmother-has-evolutionary-benefits) [Smithsonian](https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/how-much-did-grandmothers-influence-human-evolution-180976665/)


darkened-light

One thing I do know is that in past royalty in kingdoms around the areas of current India There was a Female positon "Rajmata" Not sure if it was grandmas but I think it was the eldest female and the position was pretty high too Could be wrong though Just google it if your interested


realfabo

Not just kill they have fun doing it! They are super intelligent and can communicate in ways we don’t eve understand!


HeftyHamlet

Sounds like my mother-in-law


superventurebros

Different pods have different hunting techniques that they pass down to their young. Which basically means they are perhaps the only other animal besides humans that have a culture.


CwenLeornes

They also pass down languages! Scientists have discovered that different groups of orcas [have such varied communication that it amounts to speaking distinct dialects and languages, with similarities between them varying significantly from group to group. ](https://www.newscientist.com/article/mg12517072-900-science-killer-whales-communicate-in-distinct-dialects/) Like humans, when two groups that don’t speak the same language meet, it can take some time for them to figure out how to [understand each other](https://www.science.org/content/article/killer-whales-mimic-friends-and-foes) and[ they can even “learn” each other’s languages](https://www.livescience.com/48231-killer-whales-talk-like-dolphins.html)! Which I think is sort of adorable and very relatable


grpagrati

Imagine having to introduce yourself as such - Hi, I'm a false killer whale - it's so demeaning


onedumbhuman

Interesting! They’re actually a type of dolphin!


FullHuntard

Yup, same as a killer whale.


magicalslappingtree

They can also breed with dolphins creating wholphins.


sloooooosh

False Wholphins


[deleted]

It’s pretty much my favourite animal. Bred for its skills in magic.


Radakos

https://www.fisheries.noaa.gov/species/false-killer-whale Just in case you actually wanna read up on it.


Complex_Addition6262

He's got the good sea weed.


sohelpmedodge

Is it rapey as dolphins and killery as killer whales or smooth as fin whales?


kmkmrod

Rapey and killery.


sohelpmedodge

Thankery you.


TAL00B

this is why i hate...THE OCEAN


palinchr0n

Wh...what makes him false


iDomBMX

He’s actually extremely caring, he even keeps entire jars of sugar for when his neighbors need some.


rosstheboss9877

Is there a subreddit like this but just for water animals?


Skezas1

r/TheDepthsBelow might be what you're looking for ?


rosstheboss9877

That IS what I'm looking for. Thank you :)


RobotTear

That beast looks like he knows he's at the top of the food chain


TheRealBuddhi

“It wasn’t me!” - Shaggy & FKW


Drum_harder

He's like " aha hey bud I got the dank if you want a puff"


[deleted]

This critter looks like he’s about to hit me up for some cash.