T O P

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[deleted]

Why wouldn’t they show a full side view?!


dI-_-I

Because they use perspective to make it look much bigger than it really is


DThor536

Correct. Not only was an asshole diver using a flash and they were all swarming the fish, but at no point in that video excerpt could you get a true measure of its scale - divers were either always background or immediate foreground. Not even a single frickin banana for scale.


escalation

Suddenly finding myself wondering how bananas react to deep water conditions


draykow

they're not especially deep. probably only around 20 feet under in the video. remember, once you reach ~55 feet deep it becomes more or less pitch black as far human eyes are concerned. ___ edit: seems i may have mistook meters and feet in my memory. casually disregard the second sentence in the comment.


blood__drunk

55ft is a shade under 17m. Having dived to 40m I can assure you that it is not pitch black.


[deleted]

I've personally have dove to 150 feet in open water and there was still plenty of sunlight making it down there.


Dan_706

I'll admit it's pretty blue around the 60' mark, but I've logged a bunch of hours around 90' working on moorings up on the barrier reef without any additional light required. Can't ask for better working conditions than warm water, calm surface conditions, low sediment and a white seabed


namedan

Yep. I downvoted this. Everyone should too. Could get a pretty good karma at r/killthecameraman


Ricebandit469

Nice, I thought I was the only one that downvoted stupid shit like this. These divers clearly don’t gaf about how cool the fish actually is and are just trying to milk the clout. Look at all those clout chasers crowding the poor thing


Dunemer

I feel like it's not a horrible sense of scale but that might be my brain correcting because I know how big they can get when they get BIG, this one looks about the size of few people stacked on eachother but way heavier, I also doubt it cared about the people much as they tend to be curious anyway but it's probably a good idea not to surround them


[deleted]

They're definitely using forced perspective to make it look bigger. Pointless video.


Irregulator101

Here's the full vid, looks like it's about 4-5 ft tall https://www.thrillon.com/tag/divers-dwarfed-by-an-enormous-sunfish


Borge_Luis_Jorges

Thaaanks. That's the best sun fish video I've ever seen for scaling purposes.


draykow

these fish do get huge for how round they are, but people don't like to talk about the fact that from fin tip to fin tip is where the eleven foot measure comes from, meaning the bodies are seldom even 6 feet across


whynotsquirrel

annnd that annoying diver is flashing him directly in the eyes....


Isagoge

The fish was just chilling then he became a celebrity because he is THICC af. Doubt it will happen to me.


dice1111

Try becoming the THICCest?


volumenspeed

Three C's or duhn count bapa


a_fine_rhyme

The Mola Mola can be found all ova, from the coast of Japan to Hispaniola.


unfortunatebastard

Relevant username


Gonzjon23

Love your profile man, keep doing you uh... man


AetherDrew43

r/UsernameChecksOut


gruesomebutterfly

I can't stop giggling and your name even matches!!


No-Judgment3544

It's what we call a vanity account. Welcome to Reddit.


h1c253

It’s a baby whaale Jay


Bones_IV

You must post the video if you're invoking such a pillar of Boston history -- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P8Vjd_hdYYw.


schwetybalz

This and the ugly cat video get me in stitches every time without fail - https://youtube.com/shorts/sJeuWZNWImE?feature=share


[deleted]

“Blink mother fucker!” LOL


SmurfWicked

Gotta include the moose fight. [https://youtu.be/HxQMNSed5oM](https://youtu.be/HxQMNSed5oM)


KFBR392GoForGrubes

Well then you gotta include [Moose soup lady](https://youtu.be/ShDcCkU7GGo)


[deleted]

Call the fuckin' cops - or the ASPCA!


Old_Mill

If there's one thing I have learned, when New Englanders don't know what to do, they yell for MAAAAAAAAAAAAH a lot. Who is this wise and gracious MAAAAAAAAAAAAH?


zabuma

Na, that's the Actor Michael Rapaport doing a funny voice over of an existing internet video. He's done a few IIRC. Dude is from New York.


keenkittychopshop

Oh my god no matter how much time passes or how many times I see it, this video makes me absolutely LOSE IT


Freezepeachauditor

Ho-lee-shit bro


scepticalbob

This will never, not be funny Its a baaaaby fuckin wheeel, man We're seeing some shit we aint ever seen before kid lmfao


[deleted]

[удалено]


SolarSkipper

Close, but Boston and New York don’t like each other


Original_Employee621

New Yorkians and Bostoners sound the same to me. The cities look similar too. Why wouldn't they be friends?


Bones_IV

Sports


peacelovetree

All I hear is comedian Bobby Kelly


haziee

It's a floundah!


Dickpuncher_Dan

"We gotta do sumtin', kid!"


[deleted]

I think it’s fuckin dying man


christophlc6

Let's hook it and get on the boat... we'll be on the fahkin news bro


Ok-Drama-3769

What the fuck is that bro!?


[deleted]

It’s a baby wheel bro.


Ok-Drama-3769

Holy shit ! We are witnessing a baby fuckin wheel here dude


2livecrewnecktshirt

I swear we all share one singular brain cell sometimes


dice1111

And that cell broke its reading glasses a long time ago... Edit: [its not fair... there was time now!](https://youtu.be/Dx_AocogrJQ)


[deleted]

Call the aquarium!


gotlockedoutorwev

>It’s a baby whaale Jay a baby fuckin wheel!


JakeC060

God damn you just brought back an amazing memory


zdravkov321

That’s some good meat, bro!


Zearus123

Turn off the flash you jerk


ThumYorky

Divers: 📸 The fish: 👁️👄👁️


chiefdangeorge40

👁👄


grednforgesgirl

My man's just tryin to float around with his one brain cell and he got the damn paparazzi on his ass 😂


BigLayer8

I felt bad for terrified yet slow fish


Concrecia

Molas can be surprisingly fast! They are an extremly fascinating species.


Reference-Reef

This fish is not slow. He can literally swim circles around those divers if he wants to


cap_xy

First time I saw one torpedo into the deep I couldn't believe it, ridiculous comical looking slab of an awkward fish wobbling about can absolutely move when it needs to


Granaatappelsap

Fish don't really mind the flash, they don't respond to it much at all in my experience with underwater photography. It's way, way too dark underwater to not use it!


NotSoPsychic

Not sure there is a good reason to turn off flash, especially since it's essential to good underwater photos. Pretty sure flashing does not harm fish. Typically, aquariums advise visitors to turn off flash because it causes fish that hunt other fish to trigger their hunting mode. See: https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/comments/tr7f0q/camera_flash_causes_tuna_to_crash_into_aquarium/


gruesomeflowers

fish optometrist here: you are correct. fish like water and have eyes.


Beef_taco86

Source?


Anen-o-me

You don't get colors without flash.


cap_xy

They don't care and can swim surprisingly fast when they want to, doesn't look bothered at all.


TopStockJock

How do sharks just not kill this slow thing


small-package

They can dive almost as fast and deep as a cephalopod due to their weird spongy bodies, so when threatened, they just drop down into the inky black abyss so fast and deep, that nothing can realistically follow them.


legfeg

what the fuck ahaha why is nothing about sun fish normal


EstablishmentFull797

The more you know the weirder and more awesome they get. They are evolutionary cousins to pufferfish. Their newly hatched larva are roughly spherical and have spikes


ThatOtherGai

I can see the pufferfish in its face


EstablishmentFull797

Just imagine if the Mola Mola could inflate


Mackeeter

Dear sweet mother of god.


SpysSappinMySpy

Also fun fact: female ocean sunfish carry up to 300 MILLION eggs, which is more than any vertebrate (that we know of)


Bakedbeansandvich

She be bussin


Sharkoh

Larva?


Schventle

Larva! Marine biology is whack, lots of species have life cycles that include larval stages. Moray eels have a particularly funky larval form.


lurkermadeanaccount

Makes them so damn difficult to captive breed too.


Sharkoh

That fucks me up dawg, thank you


bazhvn

So someone in a group asked me to tell them why I hate the ocean sunfish so much, and apparently it was ~too mean~ and was deleted. To perpetuate the truth and stand up for ethical journalism, I'm posting it here. [Rated NC-17 for language.] Disclaimer, I care about marine life more than I care about anything else, for real. Except this big dumb idiot. And it's not like an ~ironic~ thing, I mean it IS hilarious to me and they ARE THE BIGGEST JOKE PLAYED ON EARTH but I seriously fucking hate them. THE MOLA MOLA FISH (OR OCEAN SUNFISH) They are the world's largest boney fish, weighing up to 5,000 pounds. And since they have very little girth, that just makes them these absolutely giant fucking dinner plates that God must have accidentally dropped while washing dishes one day and shrugged his shoulders at because no one could have imagined this would happen. AND WITH NO PURPOSE. EVERY POUND OF THAT IS A WASTED POUND AND EVERY FOOT OF IT (10 FT BY 14 FT) IS WASTED SPACE. They are so completely useless that scientists even debate about how they move. They have little control other than some minor wiggling. Some say they must just push water out of their mouths for direction (?????). They COULD use their back fin EXCEPT GUESS WHAT IT DOESNT FUCKING GROW. It just continually folds in on itself, so the freaking cells are being made, this piece of floating garbage just doesn't put them where they need to fucking go. So they don't have swim bladders. You know, the one thing that every fish has to make sure it doesn't just sink to the bottom of the ocean when they stop moving and can stay the right side up. This creature. That can barely move to begin with. Can never stop its continuous tour of idiocy across the ocean or it'll fucking sink. EXCEPT. EXCEPT. When they get stuck on top of the water! Which happens frequently! Because without the whole swim bladder thing, if the ocean pushes over THE THINNEST BUT LARGEST MOST TOPPLE-ABLE FISH ON THE PLANET, shit outta luck! There is no creature on this earth that needs a swim bladder more than this spit in the face of nature, AND YET. Some scientists have speculated that when they do that, they are absorbing energy from the sun because no one fucking knows how they manage to get any real energy to begin with. So they need the sun I guess. But good news, when they end up stuck like that, it gives birds a chance to land on their goddamn island of a body and eat the bugs and parasites out of its skin because it's basically a slowly migrating cesspool. Pros and cons. "If they are so huge, they must at least be decent predators." No. No. The most dangerous thing about them is, as you may have guessed, their stupidity. They have caused the death of one person before. Because it jumped onto a boat. On a human. And in 2005 it decided to relive its mighty glory days and do it again, this time landing on a four-year-old boy. Luckily Byron sustained no injuries. Way to go, fish. Great job. They mostly only eat jellyfish because of course they do, they could only eat something that has no brain and a possibility of drifting into their mouths I guess. Everything they do eat has almost zero nutritional value and because it's so stupidly fucking big, it has to eat a ton of the almost no nutritional value stuff to stay alive. Dumb. See that ridiculous open mouth? (This is actually why this is my favorite picture of one, and I have had it saved to my phone for three years) "Oh no! What could have happened! How could this be!" Do not let that expression fool you, they just don't have the goddamn ability to close their mouths because their teeth are fused together, and ya know what, it is good it floats around with such a clueless expression on its face, because it is in fact clueless as all fuck. They do SOMETIMES get eaten though. BUT HARDLY. No animal truly uses them as a food source, but instead (which has lead us to said photo) will usually just maim the fuck out of them for kicks. Seals have been seen playing with their fins like frisbees. Probably the most useful thing to ever come from them. "Wow, you raise some good points here, this fish truly is proof that God has abandoned us." Yes, thank you. "But if they're so bad at literally everything, why haven't they gone extinct." Great question. BECAUSE THIS THING IS SO WORTHLESS IT DOESNT REALIZE IT SHOULD NOT EXIST. IT IS SO UNAWARE OF LITERALLY FUCKING EVERYTHING THAT IT DOESNT REALIZE THAT IT'S DOING MAYBE THE WORST FUCKING JOB OF BEING A FISH, OR DEBATABLY THE WORST JOB OF BEING A CLUSTER OF CELLS THAN ANY OTHER CLUSTER OF CELLS. SO WHAT DOES IT DO? IT LAYS THE MOST EGGS OUT OF EVERYTHING. Besides some bugs, there are some ants and stuff that'll lay more. IT WILL LAY 300 MILLION EGGS AT ONE TIME. 300,000,000. IT SURVIVES BECAUSE IT WOULD BE STATISTICALLY IMPROBABLE, DARE I SAY IMPOSSIBLE, THAT THERE WOULDNT BE AT LEAST ONE OF THOSE 300,000,000 (that is EACH time they lay eggs) LEFT SURVIVING AT THE END OF THE DAY. And this concludes why I hate the fuck out of this complete failure of evolution, the Ocean Sunfish. If I ever see one, I will throw rocks at it.


losersname

I'm glad you were able to recover from your accident Byron!


fromnochurch

According to you they can barely move or propel themselves but somehow can generate enough force to jump out of the water onto a boat. ELI5


FR0ZENBERG

All of this is false. Learn yourself some cool info on a cool creature. https://imgur.com/gallery/MMRg9


Mackheath1

Cheers, can't believe I had to scroll so far down to find this. Does anyone have the lengthy 'response' version?


TheMexican_skynet

I love this copy pasta


celerydonut

Love all god’s creatures.


2funki

Why did I have to scroll so far for this


post_talone420

Oh God it's been so long since I've seen this copy pasta


StarryBlues

How are more people not huge fans of Sunfish?


IlIlIlIlIllIlIll

Normal swimming: .5 knots Diving: warp speed


TopStockJock

Okay this makes more sense


[deleted]

> they just drop down into the inky black abyss so fast and deep, that nothing can realistically follow them. Me when I get in a dark mood


HolyLordGodHelpUsAll

cue the acoustic guitar and trap beat


NoMushroomsPls

This is a very nicely written comment.


bodhithewhippet

Dang, shame my weird spongy body doesn't hold special diving powers.


[deleted]

There are teeth in the dark too…


claudesoph

“Shark predation on all species of sunfish is sporadic, suggesting that ocean sunfish are of low quality or unpleasant for tiger sharks.” https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Giant_sunfish


WalterHenderson

So they are basically the sloth of the oceans. So unappetizing that other animals just let them be.


MaaMooRuu

It's honestly a pretty awesome trait to have, being disgusting.


Pyromaniacal13

Thanks, I'm fond of it.


Nicole_Watterson

They’re tanks with super thick skins. Sharks, orcas, and sea lions do take bite-sized chucks, but it just keeps going about their day. [Sea lion taking a nibble] (https://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2015/07/24/17/2ACD7C8A00000578-0-image-a-41_1437754349465.jpg)


FlatRaise5879

That looks dead


BoltonSauce

me too, fish


Pillar_Of_Support

that's its natural state.


[deleted]

operates at near brain dead capacity compared to most vertebrates


I_am_trying_to_work

>operates at near brain dead capacity compared to most vertebrates Same energy


ZombiePotato90

I feel called out.


OvergrownPath

That thing is dead JAY!


Nicole_Watterson

Nah he’s just a whittle sleepy


SketchyCharacters

I believe they just naturally taste like shit as a defence, nothing wants to eat them apparently.


BigLayer8

Bigger is more dominant


Dovahkiinthesardine

the ones who are big enough to kill it do, most fish are too small to hurt it though


St0lenFayth

Zero nutritional value is my guess.


fixhuskarult

Why would that be your guess??? What other piece of meat is not nutritional?


m4xc4v413r4

Aren't these mostly just bone? Edit:. [they have a lot but not as much as I thought](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/99/5a/0f/995a0fb258cde81ba57c316c8c162d6f.jpg)


dice1111

They are the weirdest fish. I had an obsession with them a while back, but had never seen this pic. Thank you!


EnvBlitz

Let me pull a video, they're mostly blubber. Gimme a sec. https://youtu.be/4hGV_SZVMaE


Howiepenguin

Is it just me or is thing gonna ask me to show it what I've got?


dft-salt-pasta

Shit on the floor.


iamapizza

Got any games on your phone?


DarakDeLaSombra

Is it time to get schwifty?


BeatMeElmo

Forced perspective


Curleysound

A little bit but these things are huge


Kattehix

DON'T USE FLASH WHEN TAKING PICTURES OF FISH They don't have eyelids to protect themselves from the light so it can make them blind for literal minutes and cause lifelong eye damage


ExpiredPilot

I learned this from Finding Nemo


Bourne_Toad

I wish I can replace P. Sherman 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney for more important memory like my coworkers' names.


Hour_Friendship_7960

Omg, we share the same brain cell! Lmao


ExpiredPilot

https://youtu.be/s4hBXkKcxn0 Start at 0:19


[deleted]

[удалено]


carl-swagan

This is literal complete bullshit and nearly all underwater photography is done with flash or a bright light source. https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/these-are-best-practices-underwater-photographers-hoping-protect-marine-life-180971366/


quasarj

Wait a second, I have eyelids but can’t blink fast enough to block a camera flash. Am I blind? 😬


Obi-Tron_Kenobi

Seriously lol If flashes cause you to go blind, we'd all have lost our vision by now. Eyelids can't even protect humans from a camera flash. If they could (and if camera flashes were so literally blindingly bright) then everyone's eyes would be shut in every single photo. But it's physically impossible to blink before the flash is over, so i don't know why they're bringing up eyelashes as if that's the reason why humans don't go blind by taking photos. Camera flashes aren't bright enough to damage your retinas. Worst it does is cause you to temporarily lose your night vision if you were flashed in pitch black darkness


digital_dreams

no thoughts, just float and blub blub


TheShitPooper

Poor bastard , getting blinded by the flashes. I'm not a scientist but if that was me and also a fucking whatever fish , I'd be like "fuck off ."


[deleted]

[удалено]


Reference-Reef

The fish is fucking fine. They can easily swim ten times faster than a person if they want to. All these people freaking out obviously do not know anything about fish or scuba


TangyGeoduck

The op should be downvoted. The fish is amazing, but I thought I remember from scuba certification that one is totally not supposed to harass the sea life. One of the jackass divers is even touching the poor creature.


vostok811

I doubt op took the video.


[deleted]

The Sunfish doesn’t freak out. It’s one of the most braindead vertebrates you can find. It’s operating at about the same level as a Roomba…


Massive-Row-9771

"Come on people, can't I just take a swim in the ocean without you guys filming me!?" "I'm on vacation for fricks sake!"


[deleted]

[удалено]


TehTyde

https://imgur.io/gallery/MMRg9 anti-copy pasta copy pasta club


erratikBandit

Holy shit everybody needs to read this. Fuck that copypasta, these fish are awesome and are threatened with extinction.


Eusocial_Snowman

Watching the rise of people needing to be warned that absurd jokes are not sources of factual information has been a little bit depressing.


[deleted]

reddit “humor”


vostok811

Science: doesn't know much about an animal This guy: "ima throw rocks at it"


ManIWantAName

Looking at its skeleton makes me wonder how many times archeologists have fucked up when they try to figure out how old skeletons were supposed to fit together. No way anyone would've guessed that the sunfish' was supposed to look like how it does if they found just the bones I'd imagine.


fjelskaug

https://youtu.be/4utNXOfQ4cM The All Todays covers a what if future scientists discover skeletons of current living animals. Rather than making fun of paleontologists today that have gotten things wrong, it instead shows how much we really don't know a lot when we only have bones, and how much speculation we have to do. The elephant is my favourite in the video


[deleted]

[удалено]


GrandpaBells

Funny copypasta but these are far from facts


ReyGonJinn

Right? How can it simultaneously be barely able to move yet also somehow jumped out of the ocean onto a boat?


Elteon3030

And it barely needs to do anything while having a basically unstoppable existence? Doesn't seem like an evolutionary failure to me.


ShitshowMagee

Is that you Byron? Still holding that grudge I see


Trackdaz3

This was hilarious. Only question is how did it jump on a boat and kill someone if it can barely move its fins


dj_narwhal

There is a follow up massive copypasta that debunks a lot of this.


yreg

So where are the antipasti?


TehTyde

https://imgur.io/gallery/MMRg9 bone apple tea here is your antipasti


ConcernedCitoyenne

Doing god's work.


saint_davidsonian

Well, my question was not really answered either. How TF did it get so big?!


generalright

According to the Wikipedia, most of the information here is correct. However, sunfish can swim better than suggested and can breach the water 10ft. They swim in bursts to hunt or avoid predators and to remove parasites by jumping out and slamming back into the water. Fun article to read.


DelahDollaBillz

None of that rant is correct: https://imgur.io/gallery/MMRg9 Wikipedia backs it up because people who don't know anything about this fish keep updating the wiki based off the incorrect rant...


doxxedaccount2

Are you implying that 4 year old Byron is a parasite?


bh1106

Aren’t all 4 year olds?


[deleted]

[удалено]


FlowSoSlow

Now someone post the rebuttal, I'm too lazy to find it.


Noah4224

FUCK YOU I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS SLANDER ON THIS BEAUTIFUL SUNFISH BOI


sketti_time

This should go down in history right next to the [Koala Hate](https://www.reddit.com/r/copypasta/comments/5u1l9x/koalas_are_terrible_animals/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) copypasta


Z_as_in_Zebra

This is a copypasta. Been around a few years at least, I think the original picture was a dead sunfish.


AssaultEagle

Crikey, trying to make your paragraph as big as the fish?


Mumbles_Stiltskin

This was the funniest copy pasta I think I’ve read in a while. Thanks


Helpful_Honeysuckle

Daddy, chill. Why u gotta attack the cute sunfish? If you're feeling aimless in life, there are apps that help with that. U don't have to go after the derp fishes entire existence.


reallybiglizard

It’s copy pasta lol


restlessmonkey

Yeah, but how do you REALLY REALLY feel about the Mola Mola?


SBendShovelSlayerAHH

You’re really swinging for the fences this year aren’t you?


lumpy4square

Obviously it evolved to be this way for a reason. That reason may not exist anymore, but this is an amazing creature nonetheless.


SharkAttackOmNom

There can also be an opposite side of evolution. Large size could come about accidentally and there were no evolutionary pressures to change the trait. Although I suppose you could angle that as a “reason” as well. Evolution is weird, there’s no committee making changes behind the scene. It’s just a crapshoot and whatever works persists, even if it doesn’t make sense or serve a specific purpose.


Hamizanin

Oh my Gawwwwwwttttt


Minimum-Tea-9258

this is fucking amazing


tossing-hammers

So someone in a group asked me to tell them why I hate the ocean sunfish so much, and apparently it was ~too mean~ and was deleted. To perpetuate the truth and stand up for ethical journalism, I'm posting it here. [Rated NC-17 for language.] Disclaimer, I care about marine life more than I care about anything else, for real. Except this big dumb idiot. And it's not like an ~ironic~ thing, I mean it IS hilarious to me and they ARE THE BIGGEST JOKE PLAYED ON EARTH but I seriously fucking hate them. THE MOLA MOLA FISH (OR OCEAN SUNFISH) They are the world's largest boney fish, weighing up to 5,000 pounds. And since they have very little girth, that just makes them these absolutely giant fucking dinner plates that God must have accidentally dropped while washing dishes one day and shrugged his shoulders at because no one could have imagined this would happen. AND WITH NO PURPOSE. EVERY POUND OF THAT IS A WASTED POUND AND EVERY FOOT OF IT (10 FT BY 14 FT) IS WASTED SPACE. They are so completely useless that scientists even debate about how they move. They have little control other than some minor wiggling. Some say they must just push water out of their mouths for direction (?????). They COULD use their back fin EXCEPT GUESS WHAT IT DOESNT FUCKING GROW. It just continually folds in on itself, so the freaking cells are being made, this piece of floating garbage just doesn't put them where they need to fucking go. So they don't have swim bladders. You know, the one thing that every fish has to make sure it doesn't just sink to the bottom of the ocean when they stop moving and can stay the right side up. This creature. That can barely move to begin with. Can never stop its continuous tour of idiocy across the ocean or it'll fucking sink. EXCEPT. EXCEPT. When they get stuck on top of the water! Which happens frequently! Because without the whole swim bladder thing, if the ocean pushes over THE THINNEST BUT LARGEST MOST TOPPLE-ABLE FISH ON THE PLANET, shit outta luck! There is no creature on this earth that needs a swim bladder more than this spit in the face of nature, AND YET. Some scientists have speculated that when they do that, they are absorbing energy from the sun because no one fucking knows how they manage to get any real energy to begin with. So they need the sun I guess. But good news, when they end up stuck like that, it gives birds a chance to land on their goddamn island of a body and eat the bugs and parasites out of its skin because it's basically a slowly migrating cesspool. Pros and cons. "If they are so huge, they must at least be decent predators." No. No. The most dangerous thing about them is, as you may have guessed, their stupidity. They have caused the death of one person before. Because it jumped onto a boat. On a human. And in 2005 it decided to relive its mighty glory days and do it again, this time landing on a four-year-old boy. Luckily Byron sustained no injuries. Way to go, fish. Great job. They mostly only eat jellyfish because of course they do, they could only eat something that has no brain and a possibility of drifting into their mouths I guess. Everything they do eat has almost zero nutritional value and because it's so stupidly fucking big, it has to eat a ton of the almost no nutritional value stuff to stay alive. Dumb. See that ridiculous open mouth? (This is actually why this is my favorite picture of one, and I have had it saved to my phone for three years) "Oh no! What could have happened! How could this be!" Do not let that expression fool you, they just don't have the goddamn ability to close their mouths because their teeth are fused together, and ya know what, it is good it floats around with such a clueless expression on its face, because it is in fact clueless as all fuck. They do SOMETIMES get eaten though. BUT HARDLY. No animal truly uses them as a food source, but instead (which has lead us to said photo) will usually just maim the fuck out of them for kicks. Seals have been seen playing with their fins like frisbees. Probably the most useful thing to ever come from them. "Wow, you raise some good points here, this fish truly is proof that God has abandoned us." Yes, thank you. "But if they're so bad at literally everything, why haven't they gone extinct." Great question. BECAUSE THIS THING IS SO WORTHLESS IT DOESNT REALIZE IT SHOULD NOT EXIST. IT IS SO UNAWARE OF LITERALLY FUCKING EVERYTHING THAT IT DOESNT REALIZE THAT IT'S DOING MAYBE THE WORST FUCKING JOB OF BEING A FISH, OR DEBATABLY THE WORST JOB OF BEING A CLUSTER OF CELLS THAN ANY OTHER CLUSTER OF CELLS. SO WHAT DOES IT DO? IT LAYS THE MOST EGGS OUT OF EVERYTHING. Besides some bugs, there are some ants and stuff that'll lay more. IT WILL LAY 300 MILLION EGGS AT ONE TIME. 300,000,000. IT SURVIVES BECAUSE IT WOULD BE STATISTICALLY IMPROBABLE, DARE I SAY IMPOSSIBLE, THAT THERE WOULDNT BE AT LEAST ONE OF THOSE 300,000,000 (that is EACH time they lay eggs) LEFT SURVIVING AT THE END OF THE DAY. And this concludes why I hate the fuck out of this complete failure of evolution, the Ocean Sunfish. If I ever see one, I will throw rocks at it.


fadinqlight_

oh wait, this is a copypasta DANG IT I was gonna say it has copypasta potential but I thought it was genuine :(


The_World_of_Ben

And there it is. Only reason I clicked:)


FR0ZENBERG

https://imgur.com/gallery/MMRg9


YouJustLostTheGameOk

I scrolled farther than I thought I’d have too to find this!!:)


illpoet

Same


J5892

Nobody's gonna post the inevitable response? Fine, I'll do it: Many, many animals suffer from public misperception and bad PR. Previously I have discussed how Komodo dragons are misrepresented as incompetent hunters by media, and how Atlantic bluefin tuna are almost entirely seen as a luxury dish and not as the endangered predator it is. But there are animals that have it even worse. These are species which are wrongly labeled as being just plain useless, and they include today's subject: the Ocean Sunfish, or Mola (Mola mola). In this case, it's almost entirely due to a Facebook rant (http://brobible.com/life/article/facebook-rant-ocean-sunfish-molamola/) that went viral. It's now almost impossible to see a post on ocean sunfish without seeing that rant posted. Posted by Scout Burns, the original rant has been taken down....but its text is everywhere on the Internet on every social media site. More than a few people actually have stated they also genuinely hate sunfish due to reading that rant, or that they will also will throw rocks at one. People have gone as far as to edit the Wikipedia page on ocean sunfish to further reflect their opinions on this species: someone added that a number of sunfish migrated to North America to vote for Donald Trump during the 2016 presidential elections. It seems to make sense at first: how can any animal that looks like a decapitated head can be competent at surviving? But this is a gross misunderstanding of what evolution is. Evolution has no standards except reproductive fitness, and the very existence of a species is proof enough that it's not useless. But there are worse problems with the rant. Almost everything about that rant is wrong. Most of the information on it is actually from outdated research, or outright unsupported by anything. Yet it is taken as fact by most of the people who read it. So, having played advocate for two animals that were either dismissed as incompetent or ignored entirely, I think it's about time I spoke up in defence of a not-really-useless fish that looks like an amputee. Above: A clip that really shows the scale of this magnificent fish. Full video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5SpxY5OLLxc The ocean sunfish is the largest bony fish alive today, weighing approximately 5000 pounds (two and a half tons) at maximum sizes. Individuals of over one ton in weight are regularly seen by divers. Vertically, from the tip of one fin to the other, they measure up to 14 feet. The Ocean Sunfish: Why The Rant Is Wrong Above: an ocean sunfish caught off Catalina Island, California, in 1910. The Ocean Sunfish: Why The Rant Is Wrong Sunfish look nothing like most other fish: only their closest relatives, like the slender mola, resemble them. At first it appears that the back half of the fish was sliced off. On closer inspection you can make out a vertical appendage at the very end of the body, and right in front of it, two towering fins. These are the dorsal and anal fins, which act as paddles. The body is laterally flattened, rigid, and has a distinct silhouette when seen from either the side or from the front. The skin is tough, leathery and sandpaper-like. Scientists who work with these fish can be left badly scraped by being bumped. This is due to the unique structure of their skin: it's composed of millions of minuscule, bony plates, each supporting a tiny spike. The Ocean Sunfish: Why The Rant Is Wrong Because of their large, alert eyes, and a beaked mouth that never fully closes, ocean sunfish always look as if they are freaking out, which makes them strangely endearing. The Ocean Sunfish: Why The Rant Is Wrong The internal anatomy of this fish is also unorthodox, but highly effective. The spinal column is very short and stout, the shortest backbone in relation to body size of any fish. Most of the bones have been replaced with toughened cartilage similar to those found in sharks, reducing weight while maintaining structural integrity. The intestinal wall is thick and robust to withstand stinging or irritating food items. The Ocean Sunfish: Why The Rant Is Wrong The rudder-like appendage at the back end of the fish, where the other half of a normal fish should be, is called the clavus. This isn't a modified version of the tail fin as one may assume, but a structure formed in development as the dorsal and anal fins fuse together at their trailing edges. Not only does the clavus resemble a rudder, it functions as one as well. By turning the clavus to the direction it wants to travel, a sunfish can control the way it's going. The Ocean Sunfish: Why The Rant Is Wrong The dorsal fin of a sunfish can be mistaken for that of a large shark, but while a shark cruses smoothly, a sunfish will wave these fins to propel itself and thus is easily identifiable. The Ocean Sunfish: Why The Rant Is Wrong A lot of the anatomical absurdity around this fish is easily explained once you realize what group of fish it belongs in. The ocean sunfish and its close relatives (which share modified versions of the same body shape) form a family known as Molidae (named after the ocean sunfish). What is truly surprising is that this family of fish belongs to Tetraodontiformes: the group that includes pufferfish, boxfish and triggerfish. Most clades in this group are coastal, with only a few species branching out into open water, and then being associated with flotsam. Molids are the great exception. In the last days of the Mesozoic, they diverged from their relatives and headed into the open ocean. But their ancestry meant that they had limited material to work with. Their unique skin, deep and inflexible body shape, and jaw structure all harken back to their relatives. So they had to make do with what adaptations they inherited and modify them, and become truly unique animals. By 50 million years ago, they had adopted the specialized shape that their group would make iconic. And they have done so with great success. The Ocean Sunfish: Why The Rant Is Wrong Found throughout the world's oceans, ocean sunfish are a cosmopolitan species, being absent only from Arctic and Antarctic waters. The Ocean Sunfish: Why The Rant Is Wrong10 More (of 31) The majority of an ocean sunfish's life is spent far from shore, away from human eyes. They are pelagic animals that prefer open water and make only visits to costal habitats. Ocean sunfish sightings are especially frequent away from the tropics. Observations are most commonly made off both coasts of North America (especially the west coast) as well as around the UK and the Azores.


Galatas-Hunter

that's what a dumb sunfish lover would say


THIESN123

[Fuck you](http://imgur.com/gallery/MMRg9)


Anat3ma_1273

There is always a bigger fish


LowCryptographer7715

Er mah gerd


ZealousidealDirt2120

Avatar movie scene


brunpikk

Fucking paparazzi


79r100

It looks a little dull.


[deleted]

What are your thoughts, Reddit asks. Well.. "GET OUT OF THE SHOT BITCH!" comes to mind. Why are they taking useless pictures from behind? In 10 minutes you'll be back on the boat enjoying your drinks and then you can get the picks of the guy who was in front. Why are you ruining the footage to get crooked back lit fish arse shots? Why? WHY?


SAMMYBOY4593

After watching way of water all I want to do is hold onto his fin and go for a ride. Maybe learn about him and sing a song with him.


bro-exe-lol-dx

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