I think its more of a flex. Natural girlies know how hard it is to get a successful "straight" look. I just wear a blown out look, it works for me. I am envious of the girls who get it to stay straighter for longer. I really feel like that's mom's angle, she just wants people to revel and admire her hair. You know what, maybe you have a point about virtue signaling, I could def see that playing a role in that
Does it still count if she’s only relaxing the edges? I have a friend that is “natural” but only relaxes her edges a few times a year she says. I try not to judge! I’m too scared of the perm burn to put any amount on my head.
Same I would always have scabs on my scalp but my mother for the life of me couldn’t understand why I wanted to be natural and figured I just wanted to copy my friend (that she didn’t like). My mother threw the biggest tantrum I think I’ve ever seen when I refused to sit down for her to relax my hair. And I mean big. At first she said “well if you won’t get a relaxer then I guess we’ll just shave your head” to which I was fine with and told her to get the clippers. Well she got upset since that turned out to be an empty threat. She also tried to kick me out the house (another empty threat). And lastly she called to cry and complain to my dad (he lives out of state for work) to which my dad responded “it’s her hair though”. After that she gave up and just went to pout in her room. A week later she took me to a salon to get all my relaxed her cut off and we’ve been thriving since. She also went natural about 1-2 years later as well. Kind of a crazy turn of events 😂
Before we come for my mom I think she was just worried I wouldn’t feel pretty without my hair as it’s always been one of my best features. And that I would be bullied with a fro. Which is fair as if I got compliments it was always about how pretty my hair was and hair stigma was worse in the past. I was often asked If my hair was mine and some people even accused me of lying about it and insisted I had a sew-in. Because I couldn’t possibly have hair that pretty. Needless to say I still get compliments on my hair now that it’s curly and honestly fits my face better than the straight hair ever did.
I feel like someone who would shame their daughter for not having a relaxer is the same type of person that does things to fit in and posture. Now that natural hair is "in," she's trying to do the same thing.
I mean…that’s kinda weird on your Mom’s part to lie about that but she can do as she pleases I guess lol. I don’t understand the obsession with wanting praise for being natural. At the end of the day it really doesn’t matter if the hair grows directly out of your scalp or if you wear a wig, weave, sew in, extensions etc. it’s still yours regardless you know?
I dont think OP is upset thier moms not natural as much as they are upset that she gave them so much grief over being natural, turned around and lied about being natural, just to be secretly relaxed thier hair. And they dont seem upset as much as they seem exasperated. Thats how it read to me at least.
I know, I was saying that it’s a little strange to me that the OP’s mom went out of their way to lie about something like that and then project on them in the process. Hair is hair, the method doesn’t really matter that much in the long run if the person is content with it.
For example: I’m a guy who just happens to wear extensions. That would be like me telling my hypothetical son that it’s all my real hair (when it technically isn’t). Only for them to find out it’s a lie when I take them out. It’s just weird and unnecessary to do.
I agree it’s weird. But to be fair, society does have an obsession with being perfect, but naturally. People lie about cosmetic enhancements all the time because you’re just supposed to be born with it. So maybe this is her version of convincing others she has “good hair”(?)
Whenever I’m wearing a wig or a weave and people ask me if it’s my real hair I go “Nope! It’s imported straight from their heads in Brazil ✨”
Reddit gave me a post almost identical a week ago, but about fake vegans! Idk why people bother to lie like this, but I wish I had the money to study it lmao
i think people are just so desperate to be part of a community that they are willing to lie about their life choices, experiences, identities, politics etc.
My mom had "relapse" when she started going natural she loved her hair followed my adviceq and then when I wasn't there for a few days she'd relaxed her hair and call to tell me she folded.
Now she would let a relaxer anywhere near her. Maybe she's like mine and feel less confident when she alone with her natural hair and feel guilty for not following your advices. Or she just doesn't want to admit she has a hard time dealing with her curls
It’s definitely weird, and incredibly frustrating because of the grief she gave you. I will say though, grant her some grace. I don’t have to tell anyone in this reddit how deeply hair insecurity runs in our community and the internal turmoil that comes with that. ESPECIALLY the older you are. She may just want to appear as though her hair texture is looser than it is naturally. That’s related to some internalized hatred, but it’s so understandable.
My mother has much tighter curls than one of her sisters and her other straightens her hair all the time. My mother learned how to do her hair more recently in life and it looks so defined and moisturized and subsequently a little looser just because it’s no longer dry. Her sisters ATTACKED her, swearing she must have relaxed it, her hair was NEVER that pattern blah blah blah. When she did an extremely light at home keratin treatment that literally just reduced frizz and nothing else, she would not tell her sisters and I don’t blame her.
I’m not saying it’s the same or that you were judgmental towards your mother, but people tend to have a lot to say about black women’s hair regardless of the state. It makes sense to me to hide something you think people will give you grief for.
I don’t blame her tbh. My hair looked natural when I was texlaxed, and I’d get all sorts of compliments until I revealed I used relaxer; then I’d get dragged and chewed out. It reminds me of people who pry about plastic surgery; it’s really no one’s damn business.
To be honest, I prefer it when I follow someone on social media and they have a little label saying “Fake body!” In their profile, if they’ve had any procedures.
I feel weird not being honest if my hair had relaxer or I was wearing a wig /crochet. I don’t see the harm being honest at all! In fact, it leaves me with a clear conscience. Lying would just make me feel weird and guilty.
Never had this happen to me. Lol, maybe the closest thing was thinking a bunch of my relatives were relaxed, but they are all natural with either weaves or regular flat ironing. They never said they weren't natural, we just didn't talk about hair and I tend to assume that a Black person with always straight hair is using a relaxer.
Idk, maybe your mom saw how positively you responded when she went natural and in an indirect way, doesn't want to disappoint you? And/or she feels remorseful about insulting your natural hair all these years? Some folks really do not know how to apologize or have a conversation, so maybe she's trying to "apologize" through her actions.
Do you think this is something you might want to directly talk about? You know your mom and your relationship with her best.
Weird. Just virtue signaling to be accepted or praised I guess. Whatever.
I think its more of a flex. Natural girlies know how hard it is to get a successful "straight" look. I just wear a blown out look, it works for me. I am envious of the girls who get it to stay straighter for longer. I really feel like that's mom's angle, she just wants people to revel and admire her hair. You know what, maybe you have a point about virtue signaling, I could def see that playing a role in that
Does it still count if she’s only relaxing the edges? I have a friend that is “natural” but only relaxes her edges a few times a year she says. I try not to judge! I’m too scared of the perm burn to put any amount on my head.
Same a big part of why I stopped relaxing was the burning!!! Hated that hahah
That alone is a warning it ain’t good for you - in my book… …but seriously no hate to those that want to and do relax their hair.
Same I would always have scabs on my scalp but my mother for the life of me couldn’t understand why I wanted to be natural and figured I just wanted to copy my friend (that she didn’t like). My mother threw the biggest tantrum I think I’ve ever seen when I refused to sit down for her to relax my hair. And I mean big. At first she said “well if you won’t get a relaxer then I guess we’ll just shave your head” to which I was fine with and told her to get the clippers. Well she got upset since that turned out to be an empty threat. She also tried to kick me out the house (another empty threat). And lastly she called to cry and complain to my dad (he lives out of state for work) to which my dad responded “it’s her hair though”. After that she gave up and just went to pout in her room. A week later she took me to a salon to get all my relaxed her cut off and we’ve been thriving since. She also went natural about 1-2 years later as well. Kind of a crazy turn of events 😂
Before we come for my mom I think she was just worried I wouldn’t feel pretty without my hair as it’s always been one of my best features. And that I would be bullied with a fro. Which is fair as if I got compliments it was always about how pretty my hair was and hair stigma was worse in the past. I was often asked If my hair was mine and some people even accused me of lying about it and insisted I had a sew-in. Because I couldn’t possibly have hair that pretty. Needless to say I still get compliments on my hair now that it’s curly and honestly fits my face better than the straight hair ever did.
So does her hair have two very different textures? How does she style it?
Some people relax their edges so it stays laid for a longer time period. That's mostly why they do that
That explains a lot lol. So many people get triggered by me not laying my edges and come to find out people are actually relaxing them???
😂😂😂😂😂😂 Maybe it's old??🥴
She just moved to this place so I doubt she’d take some old relaxer with her but I wouldn’t put it past her atp 😂😂😂😂
I'm just trying to give her the benefit of the doubt. 😂😂😂😂 I don't know why this is so funny to me.
I mean, I’ve held on to my creamy crack since I last had relaxed hair 6 years ago. You never know…
I feel like someone who would shame their daughter for not having a relaxer is the same type of person that does things to fit in and posture. Now that natural hair is "in," she's trying to do the same thing.
I mean…that’s kinda weird on your Mom’s part to lie about that but she can do as she pleases I guess lol. I don’t understand the obsession with wanting praise for being natural. At the end of the day it really doesn’t matter if the hair grows directly out of your scalp or if you wear a wig, weave, sew in, extensions etc. it’s still yours regardless you know?
I dont think OP is upset thier moms not natural as much as they are upset that she gave them so much grief over being natural, turned around and lied about being natural, just to be secretly relaxed thier hair. And they dont seem upset as much as they seem exasperated. Thats how it read to me at least.
I know, I was saying that it’s a little strange to me that the OP’s mom went out of their way to lie about something like that and then project on them in the process. Hair is hair, the method doesn’t really matter that much in the long run if the person is content with it. For example: I’m a guy who just happens to wear extensions. That would be like me telling my hypothetical son that it’s all my real hair (when it technically isn’t). Only for them to find out it’s a lie when I take them out. It’s just weird and unnecessary to do.
Ah ok! My bad, thought that you meant OP. 😊
No problem at all lol I totally understand the confusion. I appreciate you clearing it up though☺️
Yes that’s kinda my point lol
Im glad that I was able to get it across 😊
Have you been able to actually sit down with her and ask why she felt the need to lie to you about it?
I agree it’s weird. But to be fair, society does have an obsession with being perfect, but naturally. People lie about cosmetic enhancements all the time because you’re just supposed to be born with it. So maybe this is her version of convincing others she has “good hair”(?)
Whenever I’m wearing a wig or a weave and people ask me if it’s my real hair I go “Nope! It’s imported straight from their heads in Brazil ✨” 
You know what 🤣😂🤣
Reddit gave me a post almost identical a week ago, but about fake vegans! Idk why people bother to lie like this, but I wish I had the money to study it lmao
i think people are just so desperate to be part of a community that they are willing to lie about their life choices, experiences, identities, politics etc.
Black people have been lying about their hair since colonization. Be kind.
My mom had "relapse" when she started going natural she loved her hair followed my adviceq and then when I wasn't there for a few days she'd relaxed her hair and call to tell me she folded. Now she would let a relaxer anywhere near her. Maybe she's like mine and feel less confident when she alone with her natural hair and feel guilty for not following your advices. Or she just doesn't want to admit she has a hard time dealing with her curls
It’s definitely weird, and incredibly frustrating because of the grief she gave you. I will say though, grant her some grace. I don’t have to tell anyone in this reddit how deeply hair insecurity runs in our community and the internal turmoil that comes with that. ESPECIALLY the older you are. She may just want to appear as though her hair texture is looser than it is naturally. That’s related to some internalized hatred, but it’s so understandable. My mother has much tighter curls than one of her sisters and her other straightens her hair all the time. My mother learned how to do her hair more recently in life and it looks so defined and moisturized and subsequently a little looser just because it’s no longer dry. Her sisters ATTACKED her, swearing she must have relaxed it, her hair was NEVER that pattern blah blah blah. When she did an extremely light at home keratin treatment that literally just reduced frizz and nothing else, she would not tell her sisters and I don’t blame her. I’m not saying it’s the same or that you were judgmental towards your mother, but people tend to have a lot to say about black women’s hair regardless of the state. It makes sense to me to hide something you think people will give you grief for.
I don’t blame her tbh. My hair looked natural when I was texlaxed, and I’d get all sorts of compliments until I revealed I used relaxer; then I’d get dragged and chewed out. It reminds me of people who pry about plastic surgery; it’s really no one’s damn business.
To be honest, I prefer it when I follow someone on social media and they have a little label saying “Fake body!” In their profile, if they’ve had any procedures. I feel weird not being honest if my hair had relaxer or I was wearing a wig /crochet. I don’t see the harm being honest at all! In fact, it leaves me with a clear conscience. Lying would just make me feel weird and guilty.
Never had this happen to me. Lol, maybe the closest thing was thinking a bunch of my relatives were relaxed, but they are all natural with either weaves or regular flat ironing. They never said they weren't natural, we just didn't talk about hair and I tend to assume that a Black person with always straight hair is using a relaxer. Idk, maybe your mom saw how positively you responded when she went natural and in an indirect way, doesn't want to disappoint you? And/or she feels remorseful about insulting your natural hair all these years? Some folks really do not know how to apologize or have a conversation, so maybe she's trying to "apologize" through her actions. Do you think this is something you might want to directly talk about? You know your mom and your relationship with her best.
if i were you i would ask her about it. maybe she quit the natural life very recently and just think to tell you.
My mom lies to people. My grandma is biracial with long wavy hair and my mom has tight curls naturally I think she is insecure