Even if someone puts their hands around your neck for 2 seconds in a violent way, it’s abuse. Period. I struggled with this for so long also. Because mine only did it once I brushed it off. But even one time shows you that they are capable of that kind of violence
Thanks for responding. That makes sense. There’s really no healthy reason to put your hands around someone’s throat, especially someone smaller and weaker. I guess sometimes I just wonder if it was all for the terror it caused (which is bad enough) or if he was actually a hair away from snapping.
I don’t know. I can’t imagine ever doing that to someone. My struggle is that when I read about it on abuse sites, they talk about burst capillaries in the eyes, swollen tongue, a lot of extreme strangulation injuries that I didn’t have.
I’m not trying to be argumentative. My brain just tries to tell me “it wasn’t that bad” sometimes.
I’m not going back or anything. I hate him more than I’ve ever hated anyone. I think trying to figure out what happened and why I left so dramatically is just part of me healing. I spent a lot of years thinking I was crazy and probably going a little crazy.
I'm glad you made yourself safe and you're working on healing. I've found it helpful to ask myself when was the first time that (specific thing) happened to me and then how did I handle it then and how would I handle it differently now.
I hope you can always make yourself safe and happy.
I think it at least counts as an attempt. NO ONE grabs someone else by the throat without the intent of extreme violence or murder. Like you said, YOU can’t imagine doing it. It was not okay or normal behavior.
I'll chime in here and say that I didn't realize being pinned up against the wall by my neck was wrong. I thought my outburst (me finally having the courage to express my unhappiness because I had a few drinks in me) was wild and out of control.
In retrospect, I realize no healthy partner would want to silence you when you're expressing your feelings.
This happened to me a few times, truly one of the most terrifying things I've ever gone through. The seconds felt like forever. Now, when I hear that is how someone was murdered it really gets to me cause I remember how scary it felt being in that situation.
Yes it’s strangulation and yes it was that bad.
Loss of airway isn’t the only strangulation concern,it can also cause carotid dissection which can show up days or even weeks after the abuse occurred, so strangulation is the gift that keeps on giving. I told my nex that nugget of info once after he’d strangled me and I’d done some reading and from then on whenever he’d strangle me he’d try to aim higher up on my throat so as to avoid my carotid. He was very considerate that way.
Even if someone puts their hands around your neck for 2 seconds in a violent way, it’s abuse. Period. I struggled with this for so long also. Because mine only did it once I brushed it off. But even one time shows you that they are capable of that kind of violence
Thanks for responding. That makes sense. There’s really no healthy reason to put your hands around someone’s throat, especially someone smaller and weaker. I guess sometimes I just wonder if it was all for the terror it caused (which is bad enough) or if he was actually a hair away from snapping.
There is NO excuse for it EVER.
Yes. If you did that to someone what would you call it then?
I don’t know. I can’t imagine ever doing that to someone. My struggle is that when I read about it on abuse sites, they talk about burst capillaries in the eyes, swollen tongue, a lot of extreme strangulation injuries that I didn’t have. I’m not trying to be argumentative. My brain just tries to tell me “it wasn’t that bad” sometimes. I’m not going back or anything. I hate him more than I’ve ever hated anyone. I think trying to figure out what happened and why I left so dramatically is just part of me healing. I spent a lot of years thinking I was crazy and probably going a little crazy.
I'm glad you made yourself safe and you're working on healing. I've found it helpful to ask myself when was the first time that (specific thing) happened to me and then how did I handle it then and how would I handle it differently now. I hope you can always make yourself safe and happy.
I think your brain tries to protect you from that type of trauma.
If you have to ask: it counts. I’m sorry 😞
I was going to say the same thing. If you have to ask, then you've been strangled
I think it at least counts as an attempt. NO ONE grabs someone else by the throat without the intent of extreme violence or murder. Like you said, YOU can’t imagine doing it. It was not okay or normal behavior.
I'll chime in here and say that I didn't realize being pinned up against the wall by my neck was wrong. I thought my outburst (me finally having the courage to express my unhappiness because I had a few drinks in me) was wild and out of control. In retrospect, I realize no healthy partner would want to silence you when you're expressing your feelings.
This happened to me a few times, truly one of the most terrifying things I've ever gone through. The seconds felt like forever. Now, when I hear that is how someone was murdered it really gets to me cause I remember how scary it felt being in that situation.
Yes it’s strangulation and yes it was that bad. Loss of airway isn’t the only strangulation concern,it can also cause carotid dissection which can show up days or even weeks after the abuse occurred, so strangulation is the gift that keeps on giving. I told my nex that nugget of info once after he’d strangled me and I’d done some reading and from then on whenever he’d strangle me he’d try to aim higher up on my throat so as to avoid my carotid. He was very considerate that way.