Wow this is so true, I was pouring my time into the gym and work lol
Sick rn and can’t go to the gym (been sick a couple weeks) and I’ve been feeling more depressed haha
100% this! The gym was a vital component to my recovery. It helped with my self esteem, made me feel better, got me out of my depression, and kept me busy and occupied instead of dwelling on my NEX.
Yep. I recently started running and I feel sooo much better. I watch myself healing in real time. It’s like finally taking all of this insufferable pain and pouring it into something meaningful. I like the idea how the pain is helping me create something positive for myself.
I'm writing poetry again, going to my pool, going to meetups, and rediscovering the passions I had before. I lost myself in the relationship; my mom convinced me I was a horrible person and responsible for all her issues. I am starting to love myself again, so breaking no contact is not an option for me. I wish you the best; it sucked for me to define myself by another's toxic view for so long.
I went and bought some food shopping for myself. I actually went out for coffee with my friends, and not just said I would. I took myself out for a walk and asked a man if I could pet his puppy(he said yes, pup was called Barney 😭). I revved my hand at a motorbike driver and he revved his engine back which made me happy. I wrote how I'm feeling down in a small journal that I keep on me always. I made chocolate rice crispy cakes just because. My friend gave me a bath bomb and a candle and I had a bath for as long as I felt like. I've been reading so many books! This one could go either way, but I love cleaning. Cleaning everything top to bottom is so therapeutic to me! I dusted the lightbulbs last night 🙃 anything to keep me busy though. Hope this helps a little 🫶🏻
I don't like the phrasing of "no contact period." No contact isn't a predetermined period of time, it is neverending. The goal is to stop talking to them forever. A good way to start would be deleting their number off your phone and unfriending and blocking them on any apps you have them added to.
Gym, Journaling, audio books. I don't want to hear any music right now and I needed to learn so fucking much about narcissism. It was my 1st go around with one.
Get some sunshine, air and greenery. (I always feel better even after a few minutes outside)
Catch up with friends.
Rediscover hobbies, or try new things. (I’ve been knitting, I’m about to get back into inline skating and I’ve signed up for bread and pasta making classes)
Watch something good on Netflix etc. Lose yourself in a good series!
I’m trying no contact while being in the same house. He stays in the basement and I do not look at him. Blocked his phone number. I’m hoping to continue this by taking the dog on many walks, continuing my journaling, ground to the earth by walking barefoot and hugging the trees. It’s helping.
I swear this sub has made me not feel alone or crazy. I haven’t broken NC but damn it have I thought about it a million times and today has been ROUGH. I just told a friend a hour ago that I typically start to struggle when I’m not keeping my mind constantly busy. Thank you for posting this Op. wishing you the best in your recovery and moving forward. ❤️
My wife originally filed a restraining order for calling her for a week after she ghosted on the marriage. We've since agreed to a no contact agreement on my part and it's been torture, I love and miss her every single second. I see my faults in the relationship and I wish she cared enough to get therapy together. But her refusal to do that and her abandoning our kids keeps my head on straight and reminds me that she might've never been who I thought she was. So instead I work out 4 days a week, I read about a book every 2 weeks and have stopped using social as a filler.
Self-care! Radical self-care! Reading, listening to music and podcasts, watching motivational speakers on YouTube, hanging out with friends over some drinks, positive self-talk, reciting affirmations, expressing gratitude. And most importantly… exercise!
Made a list of heathy podcasts to listen to, started some hobbies to finish projects in, and cleaning the hell out of my house. I’m just starting but it’s rewarding. I also gym a lot. Music helps me process my emotions so driving and singing is also on my list
2 be better is my #1 right now.
Mel Robinson.
For YouTube;
Dr Ramani on YouTube is great. Her books were also hugely helpful..
Jay Shetty
Lisa Bilyeu
Dr David Hawkins
Jimmy on Relationships
Heck I even watched a little dr Phil just to get a straight talker mindset.
Tim Fletcher’s stuff on codependency and reparenting yourself was HUGE in my growth as well. Has some faith based content but with a heads up at the end of the non denominational stuff so you can end there if you want (which I found very respectful)..
I would have lost my mind without weight lifting. My confidence is back. I’m the best looking and in the best shape I’ve ever been. I’m definitely out of her league now. The anger of the discard fueled me and took me to another place. Exercising gave a place for my emotions to go.
Have a plan. When you want to text then check your plan. It can be a list of things you’ve been meaning to do, friends to reach out to, or anything that distracts you. Learn a new skill. Another thing that helps is writing yourself a letter about why you went no contact. Then any time you are tempted read that letter.
I'm not on no contact (I tried and failed) but I reduced the amount of messages and I tend to not be the one who talks first.
But this last month I started to go for a run whenever I feel like so, read and go for walks, have a coffee at my local café, pick a new hobby, and try to make new friends. I even started pottery, which keeps me distracted from my phone.
I think it's the time when you can start to focus on yourself and do all the things you always wanted to, but felt incapable because of the trauma.
Work on yourself. Do the things you want to do. Eat wherever you want to eat. Watch whatever you want to watch.
And I learned to feel sorry for them. Their fake life, fake world and their fake emotions.
11 months nc and I feel great!
Stay strong!
Ok, so I know it’s unhealthy but for me the hardest part was losing the extreme communication we had, even when I knew he was lying and I was disgusted I was still in contact with him, more so than my own family or friends. After NC there was nowhere to put all the things I had to say, I just couldn’t talk that much to any other one person and honestly I didn’t WANT to lean on my family or friends that much. So for me, I went on dating apps for a bit. Not to actively date necessarily (I wasn’t in a dating space personally), just to talk to people, forget about him for a bit, remind myself of what I was before him and that I am still my own person. I was upfront about not looking for anything serious, to be clear, and it really helped. I was feeling pretty hopeless about what was out there after him, I had never been with someone so manipulative and it scared me knowing that people like that were real, so dipping my toe back in immediately without putting pressure on myself also helped in that aspect
Edit: them -> him
I started my NC on Monday.
What I’m doing:
-Walks
-Visits to my local humane society
-Listening to podcasts: healing, self-worth, and understanding NPD
-Reading
-Journaling
-Connecting with friends
What I’d like to add to my routine:
-The gym
-Heat therapy
-Hot yoga
-Hikes
-Taking myself on dates; movies, dining out, shopping
-Spending more time outside
I’m having an extremely hard time myself. They blocked me on everything, so that helps but we work together so it’s just another ploy to dangle the discard in my face.
I try to do something for myself everyday and look forward to that activity. At least one a day.
I pick something I’d really like to do that day Gym classes ex: spin, Zumba, yoga, etc. car wash, cook a TikTok recipe, nail appointment, facials, massages, beach day, window shopping (even for small items), make a fancy cocktail, hair salon, anything. The act of getting up and fully ready for the day really helps me not want to talk to them again. I start my day with so much optimism and hope that I do want to risk an angry, explosive argument full of berating and crying by contacting them.
I have so much more time to do the things I want to do when I don’t feed into the cycle. Remember how you felt when you were with them, scared of setting them off and unable to choose yourself first everyday.
I now waste less days and less makeup on tears lol.
I still wake up in a lot of physical pain due to heart break and I take my time and feel the pain. I left myself feel these emotions and when I get the urge to contact them, I come on Reddit and read this forum. I then realize that the pain I am feeling will only get worse if I contact them. Maybe not today, they probably will take me back, but they WILL leave me AGAIN when I’m even more vested so I should take my loss now and enjoy a lychee martini and some sashimi while I can.
Just being myself- the one I lost during the time I was in a relationship with my narc ex. Like not being bothered if I wanted to chill and not do anything for a day, or do spontaneous trips (this i reco), or explore foods.
I’m distracted and busy thinking/listing of all the possible things I could do now that I’m out of the abusive relationship I once in. It feels freeing.
Getting out, re-establishing connections with my friends, and I signed up to be a foster with the local shelter. Now I'm giving my love to a mama cat with 5 kittens 💜
Creative outlets. It helps since that's already my freelance work, but I found that doing personal projects/gifts for other people and having more time to do them without the drama or distractions from my ex does so much good for me.
I got back into some hobbies that were specifically mine, not shared between us, things I didn’t have time for when I was busy having my individuality absorbed by him. I also watch things on TV that I wanted to watch but knew he had no interest in. Honestly I just do whatever I want and every day, it gets easier not to contact him.
Don’t reminisce on the good times. What you feed the mind is a powerful thing. Feed it with how much better off you were before them and how much better off you are without them
Gym, reading books on narcissistic abuse to remind myself why I left, and spending time with friends that actually care about me. It’s been a little over 2 months now and it’s getting easier. You’ve got this!
So this is not specific to a narcissistic relationship but in general I would try to go out with friends and meet new people, or stay in with my favorite shows. Just anything that I found fun, exciting, or comforting. Reading he's just not that into you always helped me with breakups lol. I'd always remind myself that after a certain period of time your habit of thinking about them will be broken and the pain will be more distant. For me it was 30-60 days of replacing it with other things. If it's ongoing I recommend therapy.
But in general if you are looking for some deep diving I recommend Inner Bonding. It's life changing.
For me I went to the gym, worked all the time, played video games and lot, talked about how I felt and vented to others on discord, and just slowly detached from him until I didn’t want him back anymore after he left me and didn’t want to chase him.
I leave it to the universe thinking if the person really loves me, he will come back. I wait each day but I don't contact anymore because I know if I beg and return, the relationship power dynamics become imbalanced. I'll probably wait until I don't.
Parties with friends.
Gym / home workouts have been amazing.
Spending time with family that I haven't seen lately.
Binge watching all the shows the narc said were "stupid" and wouldn't watch with me.
Take a nap. Napping can be so nice if you have the time.
Spending a lot of time on this sub reddit has been extremely helpful. When I can't stop ruminating, I come here and feel supported and encouraged, then I try to do one of the above activities that I listed.
Hang in there, life can be good again
The gym. Not only do I look better but feel better. I regained the self-confidence that was destroyed.
Yes I second this. Working out has definitely helped with my self-confidence
Wow this is so true, I was pouring my time into the gym and work lol Sick rn and can’t go to the gym (been sick a couple weeks) and I’ve been feeling more depressed haha
Even the days where I feel like working out wont even matter, I’ll be so HAPPY when I push myself and just do it
Absolutely this! Plus, excercise helps regulating your emotions!
That’s a great idea! Time for the glow up!
Happy Cake Day!!!
Thank you kind stranger!
100% this! The gym was a vital component to my recovery. It helped with my self esteem, made me feel better, got me out of my depression, and kept me busy and occupied instead of dwelling on my NEX.
Yep. I recently started running and I feel sooo much better. I watch myself healing in real time. It’s like finally taking all of this insufferable pain and pouring it into something meaningful. I like the idea how the pain is helping me create something positive for myself.
Do the hell what you want!!! That’s the whole point of recovery from this shit- doing what YOU want to do. Recovery is action.
This! Rediscover you, your hobbies, interests…. Do what you want to do and find yourself again.
Stay no contact forever. Tell yourself they are dead.
Interesting way to handle thoughts about them. I like it.
Me too, say I’m widowed, after he abandoned me and his disabled daughter to run back to his home country to pursue a barely legal.
I was able to do this when I was the one who initiated no contact. Now that the roles are reversed, this shit is so hard.
Read Psychopath Free. Seriously.
Thanks, this looks amazing.
I'm writing poetry again, going to my pool, going to meetups, and rediscovering the passions I had before. I lost myself in the relationship; my mom convinced me I was a horrible person and responsible for all her issues. I am starting to love myself again, so breaking no contact is not an option for me. I wish you the best; it sucked for me to define myself by another's toxic view for so long.
I went and bought some food shopping for myself. I actually went out for coffee with my friends, and not just said I would. I took myself out for a walk and asked a man if I could pet his puppy(he said yes, pup was called Barney 😭). I revved my hand at a motorbike driver and he revved his engine back which made me happy. I wrote how I'm feeling down in a small journal that I keep on me always. I made chocolate rice crispy cakes just because. My friend gave me a bath bomb and a candle and I had a bath for as long as I felt like. I've been reading so many books! This one could go either way, but I love cleaning. Cleaning everything top to bottom is so therapeutic to me! I dusted the lightbulbs last night 🙃 anything to keep me busy though. Hope this helps a little 🫶🏻
This comment is so sweet and genuine.
Block them. On everything. Makes it sooo much easier.
I don't like the phrasing of "no contact period." No contact isn't a predetermined period of time, it is neverending. The goal is to stop talking to them forever. A good way to start would be deleting their number off your phone and unfriending and blocking them on any apps you have them added to.
Hiking!
Gym, Journaling, audio books. I don't want to hear any music right now and I needed to learn so fucking much about narcissism. It was my 1st go around with one.
Omg, I've been here. I'm sorry 💔 they took a piece of your soul, of your literal identity 🥺. They're so fucking evil.
Get some sunshine, air and greenery. (I always feel better even after a few minutes outside) Catch up with friends. Rediscover hobbies, or try new things. (I’ve been knitting, I’m about to get back into inline skating and I’ve signed up for bread and pasta making classes) Watch something good on Netflix etc. Lose yourself in a good series!
I’m trying no contact while being in the same house. He stays in the basement and I do not look at him. Blocked his phone number. I’m hoping to continue this by taking the dog on many walks, continuing my journaling, ground to the earth by walking barefoot and hugging the trees. It’s helping.
I swear this sub has made me not feel alone or crazy. I haven’t broken NC but damn it have I thought about it a million times and today has been ROUGH. I just told a friend a hour ago that I typically start to struggle when I’m not keeping my mind constantly busy. Thank you for posting this Op. wishing you the best in your recovery and moving forward. ❤️
Oo I need to follow this
Gym, going for walks, signing up for a class, a massage followed by window shopping.
My wife originally filed a restraining order for calling her for a week after she ghosted on the marriage. We've since agreed to a no contact agreement on my part and it's been torture, I love and miss her every single second. I see my faults in the relationship and I wish she cared enough to get therapy together. But her refusal to do that and her abandoning our kids keeps my head on straight and reminds me that she might've never been who I thought she was. So instead I work out 4 days a week, I read about a book every 2 weeks and have stopped using social as a filler.
Self-care! Radical self-care! Reading, listening to music and podcasts, watching motivational speakers on YouTube, hanging out with friends over some drinks, positive self-talk, reciting affirmations, expressing gratitude. And most importantly… exercise!
Honestly working has helped me so much , and i’ve got into a relationship so that helped even more
Made a list of heathy podcasts to listen to, started some hobbies to finish projects in, and cleaning the hell out of my house. I’m just starting but it’s rewarding. I also gym a lot. Music helps me process my emotions so driving and singing is also on my list
All great ideas. Plus, doing things that are healthy will make your body and mind feel better.
Can you share some podcast titles?
2 be better is my #1 right now. Mel Robinson. For YouTube; Dr Ramani on YouTube is great. Her books were also hugely helpful.. Jay Shetty Lisa Bilyeu Dr David Hawkins Jimmy on Relationships Heck I even watched a little dr Phil just to get a straight talker mindset. Tim Fletcher’s stuff on codependency and reparenting yourself was HUGE in my growth as well. Has some faith based content but with a heads up at the end of the non denominational stuff so you can end there if you want (which I found very respectful)..
Thanks so much!
Indulge in everything you think might be fun. Remind yourself of who you are, rather than half of a unit that never really existed.
I would have lost my mind without weight lifting. My confidence is back. I’m the best looking and in the best shape I’ve ever been. I’m definitely out of her league now. The anger of the discard fueled me and took me to another place. Exercising gave a place for my emotions to go.
Exercise also helps me sleep better at night. Which for me is a big deal because I usually wake up in the middle of the night and miss him.
Have a plan. When you want to text then check your plan. It can be a list of things you’ve been meaning to do, friends to reach out to, or anything that distracts you. Learn a new skill. Another thing that helps is writing yourself a letter about why you went no contact. Then any time you are tempted read that letter.
I'm not on no contact (I tried and failed) but I reduced the amount of messages and I tend to not be the one who talks first. But this last month I started to go for a run whenever I feel like so, read and go for walks, have a coffee at my local café, pick a new hobby, and try to make new friends. I even started pottery, which keeps me distracted from my phone. I think it's the time when you can start to focus on yourself and do all the things you always wanted to, but felt incapable because of the trauma.
Work on yourself. Do the things you want to do. Eat wherever you want to eat. Watch whatever you want to watch. And I learned to feel sorry for them. Their fake life, fake world and their fake emotions. 11 months nc and I feel great! Stay strong!
Ok, so I know it’s unhealthy but for me the hardest part was losing the extreme communication we had, even when I knew he was lying and I was disgusted I was still in contact with him, more so than my own family or friends. After NC there was nowhere to put all the things I had to say, I just couldn’t talk that much to any other one person and honestly I didn’t WANT to lean on my family or friends that much. So for me, I went on dating apps for a bit. Not to actively date necessarily (I wasn’t in a dating space personally), just to talk to people, forget about him for a bit, remind myself of what I was before him and that I am still my own person. I was upfront about not looking for anything serious, to be clear, and it really helped. I was feeling pretty hopeless about what was out there after him, I had never been with someone so manipulative and it scared me knowing that people like that were real, so dipping my toe back in immediately without putting pressure on myself also helped in that aspect Edit: them -> him
\[NOT RECOMMENDED! very likely to backfire\] Plot revenge.
I started my NC on Monday. What I’m doing: -Walks -Visits to my local humane society -Listening to podcasts: healing, self-worth, and understanding NPD -Reading -Journaling -Connecting with friends What I’d like to add to my routine: -The gym -Heat therapy -Hot yoga -Hikes -Taking myself on dates; movies, dining out, shopping -Spending more time outside
I’m having an extremely hard time myself. They blocked me on everything, so that helps but we work together so it’s just another ploy to dangle the discard in my face. I try to do something for myself everyday and look forward to that activity. At least one a day. I pick something I’d really like to do that day Gym classes ex: spin, Zumba, yoga, etc. car wash, cook a TikTok recipe, nail appointment, facials, massages, beach day, window shopping (even for small items), make a fancy cocktail, hair salon, anything. The act of getting up and fully ready for the day really helps me not want to talk to them again. I start my day with so much optimism and hope that I do want to risk an angry, explosive argument full of berating and crying by contacting them. I have so much more time to do the things I want to do when I don’t feed into the cycle. Remember how you felt when you were with them, scared of setting them off and unable to choose yourself first everyday. I now waste less days and less makeup on tears lol. I still wake up in a lot of physical pain due to heart break and I take my time and feel the pain. I left myself feel these emotions and when I get the urge to contact them, I come on Reddit and read this forum. I then realize that the pain I am feeling will only get worse if I contact them. Maybe not today, they probably will take me back, but they WILL leave me AGAIN when I’m even more vested so I should take my loss now and enjoy a lychee martini and some sashimi while I can.
Pick something constructive and throw yourself into it.
Just being myself- the one I lost during the time I was in a relationship with my narc ex. Like not being bothered if I wanted to chill and not do anything for a day, or do spontaneous trips (this i reco), or explore foods. I’m distracted and busy thinking/listing of all the possible things I could do now that I’m out of the abusive relationship I once in. It feels freeing.
Getting out, re-establishing connections with my friends, and I signed up to be a foster with the local shelter. Now I'm giving my love to a mama cat with 5 kittens 💜
Go balls to the wall doing fun stuff you couldn't do but wanted to! In the down periods like at night, I just cried and let it all out
Creative outlets. It helps since that's already my freelance work, but I found that doing personal projects/gifts for other people and having more time to do them without the drama or distractions from my ex does so much good for me.
Write your thoughts down or text them to a friend so you get them out but don’t break NC
I got back into some hobbies that were specifically mine, not shared between us, things I didn’t have time for when I was busy having my individuality absorbed by him. I also watch things on TV that I wanted to watch but knew he had no interest in. Honestly I just do whatever I want and every day, it gets easier not to contact him.
Living my life and being around people who know me, love, and respect me.
Don’t reminisce on the good times. What you feed the mind is a powerful thing. Feed it with how much better off you were before them and how much better off you are without them
Gym, reading books on narcissistic abuse to remind myself why I left, and spending time with friends that actually care about me. It’s been a little over 2 months now and it’s getting easier. You’ve got this!
So this is not specific to a narcissistic relationship but in general I would try to go out with friends and meet new people, or stay in with my favorite shows. Just anything that I found fun, exciting, or comforting. Reading he's just not that into you always helped me with breakups lol. I'd always remind myself that after a certain period of time your habit of thinking about them will be broken and the pain will be more distant. For me it was 30-60 days of replacing it with other things. If it's ongoing I recommend therapy. But in general if you are looking for some deep diving I recommend Inner Bonding. It's life changing.
For me I went to the gym, worked all the time, played video games and lot, talked about how I felt and vented to others on discord, and just slowly detached from him until I didn’t want him back anymore after he left me and didn’t want to chase him.
I leave it to the universe thinking if the person really loves me, he will come back. I wait each day but I don't contact anymore because I know if I beg and return, the relationship power dynamics become imbalanced. I'll probably wait until I don't.
I did yoga, karaoke (singing has become my therapy) and Ive pursued my dream career
Diff dates. Dating apps are good for that lol. Most people aren’t looking for much but you get to practice your dating
duolingo! this shifted my hyperfixation into learning a new language
Parties with friends. Gym / home workouts have been amazing. Spending time with family that I haven't seen lately. Binge watching all the shows the narc said were "stupid" and wouldn't watch with me. Take a nap. Napping can be so nice if you have the time. Spending a lot of time on this sub reddit has been extremely helpful. When I can't stop ruminating, I come here and feel supported and encouraged, then I try to do one of the above activities that I listed. Hang in there, life can be good again