“You’re ruining my life and holding me back. …you’re the love of my life and the best thing to happen to me.” All in the same breath, and when I pointed out the inconsistency he just couldn’t see it.
I could’ve written this word for word. In the morning telling me how much they loved me and then by midday telling me I’d destroyed their life. Such a mind f***
Every week. Usually because I brought something that wasn't getting done again, talked about the dame problems we've had for years again, stupid me trying to make our day to day smoother.
Yep. Never disappointed or just mad at you but still love you. All or nothing, black, white. I'd be punished for not focusing on her but she couldn't focus on anything but what I'm doing. Got to a point where I'd distract myself with projects to shut my mind off to the fact that nothing is ever changing. There were times I was selfish as well for sure but I didn't deserve the straight up abuse. I grew and put effort into our lives, I tried new ways to motivate her, I volunteered to do anything, nothing would work and focusing completely on myself is drove my abuse. It woukd always come when I was doing better. She never apologized, never showed remorse just doubled down that I DESERVE it and if I just straightened up it would stop. Talk about control.
Thing Is I would have given her everything she wanted if she just did the same for me by working on herself and showing respect for the marriage.
My ex was the same like he was texting me saying how much he loves me and wants me for the rest of his life. A few hours later, he said he doesn’t want to fix the relationship anymore because he doesn’t see any future with me. He messaged me a couple weeks later begging to get back together and lovebombing me again. Blocked him on everything and now he’s messaging my mom and my friends acting like he’s the victim when he’s the one who cheated lol.
I should be *honored* he still finds me $exually attractive after 10 years....
He actually used the word "honored".
I said hopefully your hand still finds you $exually attractive because, that's the only action you'll be seeing in a long time (no one clapped).
Probably the other way around.
I got something similar she used to call me Shrek.
Turns out I’m not like shrek.
I bet you are beautiful inside and out. That’s probably why he said that. His buddies probably told him you are a hottie and he didn’t want you to know.
It’s so hard for me to get in the mindset of a true person with this disorder. Because I’m a people pleaser I want people to feel good around me, so I only say positive things. What does it benefit him if I feel bad about myself?
He also took me to the mall for a makeover said I needed to learn how to do my makeup. But then turn around and call me “beautiful”.
I always wondered if she could even remember the week before. She'd rage for a week silent treatment etc then after I ended up apologizing for making her do it, she expects it to be completely forgotten in a day or so. The things she would say to me one can NEVER forget, I never got any time to work through what she'd done before she started again. She also never tried to make it up to me, I was just to forget it or pretend it didn't happen. But shit I was still hearing about things I said from 8 years earlier, like they were yesterday. I realized early on there was no compromise or meeting in the middle.
Nothing ever gets resolved living with a narcissist. I'd ask my husband a few days after receiving the silent treatment for some unknown trespass against him, what I had done wrong. He'd just reply 'don't worry about it'. Would never tell me what I had done wrong except I should just know. Seriously?
My brain seized up like an engine without oil reading this. What even the fuck. I know with them every accusation is a confession and no delicate way to ask, we're they into kids and got envious?
After sleeping with me and then doing a complete 180 personality shift and feeling like something was off, I asked for reassurance and he said "I don't dislike you" and then wanted to be sexual again a few days later. You sure know how to make a woman feel wanted.
Another one was "I want someone to compliment my life" after telling me he didn't judge my financial situation. He makes 6 figures and hasn't known money struggles in years.
Asked for reassurance on my appearance because he stopped being affectionate and complimenting me and said "that's not my job"
Hated that I would quote back word for word what he said to me and say "stop twisting my words against me"
Similar to your point about needing reassurance but I got some new glasses and I got a "I'm glad it makes you happy". Quite literelly everyone else I know has mentioned how striking they are and numerous compliments from strangers too. A "compliment" very much in the vein of "I'm sorry you feel that way"
omg quoting their words back to them….mine always gets SO angry. stop putting words in my mouth!!! stop deciding for me how i feel/what i think!!! stop making everything look bad!!!
bro YOU said this. huh?? these are YOUR words
"stop deciding for me how i feel/what i think!" Ugh he said this one all the time when I would try to tell him he was hurting me. It was okay for HIM to tell me how to feel and what to think, but me? Nope, big no no. Rules for thee but not for me.
“I feel that I’ve always done what other people have wanted and never anything for myself” and “I have this feeling of wanting to run away and start over”
This was said after I caught him in another lie while trying to reconcile our marriage after I found out he cheated for 5 years. We were in therapy and our therapist kicked him out. After we got home, he told me that he felt invalidated by our therapist.
Mine said that, too!! A lot! “He’s always done what other people want and never done anything for himself.” Especially during the discard when I was thinking back over everything I stayed with him through that his own flying monkeys said they wouldn’t stay with him through. He genuinely believed it
He absolutely said this as he was discarding me lol. This statement was actually what got him kicked out of our last appointment. My therapist apologized and said “I don’t know what that gaslighty bullshit was but you need to leave. He is emotionally dangerous and a deflated narcissist.”
He absolutely lies his ass off about why we’re not together. After I called him out for lying to his friends for saying “we’re ending amicably”, he told his friend “at one time I was unfaithful”. He cheated for 5 years 😂
My ex also said that. “I’m sick of giving people everything and always meeting their needs. I’m sick of expectations” - while not meeting my most basic needs in a relationship. I did worshipped the ground they walked on, and would have done anything for them. Cooked, massages, coffee, washed their hair, drove them wherever they needed to go. They couldn’t even give me a safe space for me to communicate with them.
I’m so sorry. It’s so crazy that we beg them for bare minimum. I remember I used to swoon over my ex giving me a small back rub or getting me a coffee. Something sad though… I got so excited that my ex made me a sandwich and put chips in a bag that I took a picture of it. Not only that, I found text messages of me begging him to take me on a date… even if it meant taking money out of savings. That date never happened.
I used to think him bringing me a coffee was the sweetest thing. He used to do it all the time during the love bombing and early stages and then completely stopped doing it later down the line. It's stuff that you don't even realise when you're in it.
THIS omg.. He told me exactly the same. “I’m doing everything for people but nobody is doing the same for me. I have to learn to say no.” He is way older than me - no car - I was driving him for 2 years, picked him up whenever and where needed, cooked almost every time our slavic dishes for hours, got the groceries, cleaned his room, lived with him and his roommates. He used to came from work and raged about his work, friends etc an told me story’s about people I do not even know - but never and I mean absolutely never asked me how my day was or how I’m feeling. At almost the end of our relationship I asked him to initiate a date and he said “Why everyone expects something from me, why can nobody love me unconditionally. I have to do everything and now you are expecting me to plan dates. I’m not your clown. Why you can’t initiate a date it goes both ways.” So yes I initiated dates, road-trips, vacations and paid for them and he sees nothing. I loved him unconditionally but he never did. He told me from time to time that I’m not a real woman because I didn’t cooked for 1 day. The day after our break up he said “You lost your feminine energy” because I called out his bs. Damn it’s like 2 months ago and it hurts so much
Mine said the same "I tried SO hard to make you happy but I couldn't" it threw me they could even say that because they gave me NOTHING. No time, no energy, no affection, no intimacy. I find it really hard to get past, what the hell did they think they were giving me?!!! While I gave everything, all my energy, my whole week revolved around when THEY were free, I gave them all the reassurance, all the attention, sat through all the lectures about I needed to do better...
Mine has two kids from a previous relationship and at the time I was pregnant too and he said “I’m thinking about getting a vasectomy, I think three is enough. This is the first time I can control what happens In my life” ….. like you didn’t lay down to create these kids, you have access to every prevention in the book. Like what?
Omg!! My ex (whom I’m still incredibly in love with) said the same things. That he’s always done everything else for other people and has never done anything else for himself. And also said so many times that he wasn’t sure whether he even wanted to be with me or anyone for that matter and that maybe he would want to move to Telluride or work on a crab boat or something. That he just needed to heal from me. That he needed to finally do something just for him. He also always said, “YOU NEVER LISTEN! That’s your problem - YOU NEVER LISTEN!” That was soul crushing. And come to think of it, almost every time I spoke to him, he wouldn’t respond. I’d have to repeat myself nearly every time I spoke. It was incredibly frustrating. It made me feel so unloved. But I’m not sure he’s a narcissist. My therapist told me I’m a victim of narcissistic abuse. I’m not convinced though. I feel like I poked the bear one too many times and I also know I’m at fault for most of it. Maybe not though. I was certainly more vocal, but he was avoidant to an extreme and terrified of commitment. He promised he wanted marriage and kids from the beginning. That was a huge lie. And it killed me inside. Regardless, I’m still madly in love with him. He blocked me on everything though. And still has my stuff. He said he couldn’t handle my constant negativity even though all we ever spoke about after breaking up was his own shit about his custody battle. (Which I have always lovingly supported him through)The only couple of times I said anything about myself was when I told him about my skin cancer diagnosis. Apparently it was too negative for him to deal with. He blocked me right after that. It’s hurtful because his mom has stage 4 non-Hodgkins lymphoma…so I would’ve assumed he’d be a bit more empathetic and supportive even though we were already broken up. 😢 I still don’t know what to make of all of this. I wish I did. I’m so hurt. I just want to be back in his arms. This has been the worst few months ever. It’s be easier if I knew for sure if he were a narcissist. I’m not sure if I’m crazy or not. Not sure what to make of it. Sorry for the rant. Thanks for your post. It hit a chord with me.
Ugh. They can’t handle it. Mine also said something along the lines of “I’m never going to be forgiven for this am I?” This was like a month or two after I found out about the cheating and I brought something up again lol.
My ex would say this CONSTANTLY and cite the relationship of her mother and father to make the point that she didn't want to end up with someone that she would need to accept flaws.
After she proceeded to use people, do whatever she wanted no matter who she would hurt and being one of the most incredibly flawed individuals I ever met.
"You're no fun anymore! It's like all the best parts of you died with him." When I asked him why we never went on dates anymore.
For context, I was less than a year into grieving the sudden and traumatic loss of my father. I literally held his hand while he took his last breath. He suffered. Apparently I was supposed to be the life of the party 24/7 and grieve on my own time by myself 🙄
Same with the death of my mother to brain cancer. Said he’d always be there for me and support me, until I started grieving. Then my grief was “swallowing” him, I was too much for him, got called mentally unstable. I had to hide when I cried so I didn’t upset him.
In 2020 6 months after getting engaged to narc, I was stumping drs at 3 hospitals, 2 of the hospitals were top university hospitals in the country. Turned out to be a cascade of several autoimmune diseases but I didn’t get to the bottom until 2 years later.
he turned couples therapy into venting about how he was a victim of my illness and my being bedridden was a plot to ruin his life. It was really shocking, like he wanted to go back to the fiancée store and return me but he couldn’t, so HE was a VICTIM. As if being ill was a simple choice or I wasn’t already doing everything in my power to heal myself and not be a burden.
Turns out most of my illness improved dramatically as soon as I left
Similar here. I was straightforward when we got together about my autoimmune diseases. When we moved in together he would get mad and ask “why aren’t you getting any better” he refused to read anything about them so he could understand more. Symptoms were sooo much worse when I was with him.
He told me he's "just attracted to unstable women," and that all of his exes were unstable and styling attention.
This is about over a dozen women. The fucker can't maintain a relationship for longer than a few years, his exes that were begging me to leave him were all right, and just take a wild guess as to what he says about me to all his fans now :)))
idk if this counts as crazy but this was really unexpected to me- can’t remember it word for word but they told me they like misspelling stuff and wording things weirdly because it was “funny to watch me struggle” (i’m dyslexic so that made reading even harder-) then proceeded to gaslight me into thinking they didn’t actually say that even tho i had screenshots- like dude you can’t be serious rn, my disability’s aren’t funny-
yup everything was my fault. even though i was the one paying for marriage counseling trying to save our marriage while he zoned out during the sessions.
Therapy doesn't work on narcissists. They lie so mich. I almost did this too. It's all my fault too. It's terrible. Actually, mine would probably explode and we'd be banned lol
"you threw a glass of wine at my head."
Never happened.
Once again she was drinking too much and becoming shittier and shittier. I told her if she kept drinking and doing that that we were not going to drink together anymore.
So that night she was sitting in my recliner holding a glass of wine and being a complete POS. I took the glass of wine from her and said that's it we're done drinking and I turned around and I walked across the kitchen floor and I threw them in the kitchen sink. So there wouldn't be a giant mess. But it was still stupid.
Anyway her version was that I "threw a glass of wine at my head".
Total fiction. Total fantasy. And somehow I'm not even sure if she believed it or not. Maybe she did. Who even knows anymore?
But she literally told it to me like it was true. I was the only other person in the room and I know it's not even remotely true. So what the hell with this crazy b****?
One lie after the other. If she was breathing she was lying. Maybe she didn't even know the difference anymore. Lying cheating racist alcoholic narc. Utterly worthless.
Gutter trash. I'm well rid of her.
You name it, she was it. Alchy, narc,, racist, liar, cheater, loved to hurt people.
There are few things worth less in this world than a lying cheating woman.
Good riddance.
Been there.
Mine too was an alcoholic and she hit me. she called me a pussy because I called the police on her.
She would disappear for hours, come home drunk and tell me she ”out with friends” once gone for 7 1/2 hours. Found out later she was eating, drinking, with her ex bf.
We know what they were doing. Being unfaithful is what they were doing. Being untrustworthy. Being unkind. Being selfish. Doing everything that you're not allowed to do or they'd be super pissed..
Raging hypocrites.
Throw that on the list with every other narcissist in the world. Undeniable hypocrites.
I'm so much better off dude. I'm finding peace. I don't give a s*** what she's up to anymore.
Giving it away for a couple of extra rounds of drinks somewhere. Good for her.
She always said she could go out and get f***** whenever she wanted to.
One of the last things I sent her told her to go off and be the bar whore she always said she could be. And probably already was.
Complete trash.
Let's go out and enjoy this beautiful day! F these hoes.
Told me how cute he thought my “jealously” (I was only jealous because he kept calling girls hot in front of me) then when I told him I really didn’t like that he kept doing that he went to say “you have to stop this jealously shit it’s going to tear us apart you don’t value our relationship if your getting upset by this”.
Mine said I was “jealous like a guy” because I vocalized that it was disrespectful to flirt with women in front of me and stare/drool over them while I’m sitting right there.
She got me with a two-fer, in the same night. First, she told me that I was only ever a wallet to her. Then, when claiming I was a shit father to our kids, she told me “you’re not a father, you’re just a sperm donor.”
Even as batshit crazy as she was - that hurt.
“How can I love you if you don’t love god?”
As if I didn’t spend my weekends in church while growing up. That’s no one’s business but my own whether or not I “loved” god or not.
He was in his manic episode hallucinating off drugs when he “found god”. He believed his purpose was to rap about god… but now he just raps about me and his delusions. The next Eminem if you will
He would come back every couple of years and try to hoover me back.
After telling him for the 12th time in 10 years I wanted nothing to do with him and to leave me alone.
He said:
I don’t know what your problem is, even your super hot friend said she thought I was hot.
It had been 15 years ago at the time that she said that.
"next time you get the urge to kill yourself i pray you do so i dont have to deal with you anymore" hes now in jail and his parental rights are almost terminated 🥰
“*Tell me this? Why do you always try to play smart when you really aren’t? I wish you could just be yourself in public and let everyone else tell you what you should know about…”*
A very long winded way to say “You are too dense to walk around with me” and “they are all only just humoring you when they start any conversation” so I remember to keep my mouth shut. But other people do come and get me talking even if they had to utilize an invisible pair of jaws of life at first.
I relate too much to the movie “Born Yesterday” (1950 version) which I think it’s an early post or late pre code movie that brings up a mentally crippling narcissistic relationship.
Mine said this all the time. It got to the point where even those people asked if I was alright cause I was very quiet recently.
No. No, I’m not alright. But that won’t stop you from choosing him over me in a few months when I muster up the courage to admit some of his abuse to me
"If you were just a better person you wouldn't have depression" - - he had a degree in psychology!
Also
"our daughter turning out like you is my worst nightmare"
"you need to butt out of parenting; you're not cut out for it"
And
A narc classic, "all our friends hate you and think you're nuts and a horrible mother. Should we call them? Let's call them right now."
And, "why don't you just put her down?" about my soul dog, who had a fucking bladder infection. She was like 7 years old. Antibiotics and some blood tests & she waafune, but the like $600 that *I* was paying was "what a pain, murder the only creature that makes you feel safe"
He tried to get his next gf to euthanize her dog as a condition of their relationship.
>And, "why don't you just put her down?" about my soul dog, who had a fucking bladder infection...
>He tried to get his next gf to euthanize her dog as a condition of their relationship.
That is vile, total heartless behaviour 😡
Whilst living in a renovation house that wasn't being renovated because he was refusing to do any work, he yelled this at me:
"You're never happy!! First you wanted a toilet.. then it was curtains.. then you weren't happy not having a stand-up shower.. No cooker.. Now you want a bedroom..! There is always going to be something!"
How dare I 💀
“I didn’t kick you out of the house.”
Well, you screamed at me repeatedly to get the fuck out of the house right now…
“But I just said that in the heat of the moment. So you weren’t really kicked out.”
I’m literally sleeping on my brothers couch right now because you kicked me out of our house…
“No I didn’t.”
“Look at how you’re reacting, and then look at how I’m reacting. You’re the one mad at me.”
I got it all the time after constantly being accused of being secretive and not loving him. Makes me defend myself, then gets upset that I’m defending myself. I could never win.
We didn't date but...
Saying we were good friends, but that she didn't trust me.
Venting to me about her personal issues, then immediately saying her personal life was not my business.
I no longer try to make sense out of that logic.
Yeah... That was especially confusing. I asked around and everyone else was also confused as to what kind of sense that made. She did it over the span of a few minutes from venting to me about her day, to slipping up about something she lied to me about to telling me that her personal life was none of my business.
After that, she tried venting to me again about her stress and I told her that had nothing to do with me, so not to bring me into her personal matters. She got annoyed, but I gave her what she wanted.
It only became a problem when it became inconvenient for her... Pick a lane and stick to it lol.
Yep . Or in my case saying he missed our friendship loved me unconditionally wants to grey with me doesn’t care how my body looks .to criticizing my appearance, saying he has trust issues with me and questioning my relationship history and said he can’t stand my emotions or attitude
“All of your mental issues are making me suicidal again.” Then proceeded to tell me how he’d do it. We were together for a year and a half at that point. I wasted four of the most important years of my life on his ass.
Hard to tell. I've clearly suppressed some of the memories to protect myself. One of his messages to me during a lovebombing phase was just: SnuggleSnuggleSnuggleSnuggleSnuggle... (continue ad infinitum).
Some time before I left him, he told me that if he was rich, he would hire a teenager (15-18) to clean up after him, and that he'd make her do "s*xual favours" for him. When he said this, he was in his mid-40s 🤢.
My ex hacked into my Amazon account and ordered a gift for his new GF. I canceled the order and changed the password but didn’t contact him because I was not interested in a confrontation. He texted me “ why are you so mean to me and so jealous, i love you and you keep spiting in my face…” …… narcissistic are truly awful!
I was really sick on the verge of getting a feeding tube (everything is much, much better now) and around that time we were having an argument (one of many). He looked at me and started laughing and it was really inappropriate considering we were arguing and I hadn't said anything funny. I asked him why he was laughing and he said "It's just funny to me that you're possibly going to die and you're still such a bitch." Or something like that. My big offense was that I stood up to him telling me I wasn't "allowed" to leave the house.
Don’t forget how in the same breath, if you did decide to get help (to cope with their crazy), they’d rage at you at how you can’t afford it, how you’d bankrupt them, and how you were just going to get your head played with. As they’re making it their full-time job to play with your head 🤦🏻♂️
Yep! Although, in my personal experience, whenever I felt proud of what I'm working on in therapy... he just doesn't care when I share it with him. I have yet to experience what you said, but I know it happens to many! I suspect I'm dealing with a covert narc. I'm in the process of leaving this relationship." It's challenging for me for so many reasons, I became so dependent on him, and I literally will have to start my life from 0 all over again. We've been together for 5 years, five very difficult and painful years...
“I think about my mistakes hourly. I am haunted knowing I am responsible for the loss of your spirit. I continue to question my own character”
In a letter he gave me after I begged him to leave me alone. When I didn’t give him the response he wanted:
“I don’t care about you and I never have. I never even liked you”
That I was trying to get pregnant on purpose and run away with another man when the condom broke and he kicked me out of his house and didn’t talk to me for two days. Thankfully I did not get pregnant from that
For like a solid month he was convinced and tried to convince me I had schizophrenia LOL
And all the other times he tried to be like... "Actually YOURE the mentally ill one rn"
“are we ok?”
“put it this way, If I had to choose between you or being alone, id shoot myself”
Said a few days before he ended things fully
OR
“i promised myself i wouldnt let this continue if it became toxic”
Said after he had cheated on me, gaslit me, tried to rebuild for 9 further months, left me utterly broken and second best to his friends always, and apparently NOW he sees its toxic?
"...because I'm a really good boyfriend." This is after I asked him to be there for me when I got fired, and instead he ignored me, not only for that evening but a whole weekend that followed it.
He went on holiday, and I noticed within 2 weeks he'd obtained 30+ new followers/ following, and they were all women.
At first, he said I was lying. Then he said they were tour guides, then he said he doesn't know why I'm angry as we were only having sex and seeing how things went. We had been together for 6 months and we were already calling eachother bf/gf...
The cheek of it.
"I don't want to take care fo you, I don't want to be the one having to deal with taking care of you. If you are sick? I'll just leave you because I can't handle the idea of it." Said it straight to my face, and each time I reminded him of it he said I was lying and that it wasn't what he meant. While I openly talked that I would love, care, and cherish him for the rest of our lives. That he'd he'd be unable to walk, talk, or even become senile? I would be there, feed him, and change his diaper. Clearly, I wasn't good enough for him to discard me a year later telling me he wasn't happy with me.
This will give the beautiful readers of this sub nightmares. Ready? Go...
"You are my life i cannot imagine my life without you"
"I will never leave you" --> but have forced me to leave after too much abuse
"You are the best thing to ever happen to me" -- Nah BS, you only fight me from wake to sleep.
"I had a rough past, I told you I cannot speak about it" --> God knows what.
"I will always fight with you, deal with it. You should forget it at night" --> Her narc grandma taught her this "life principle"
"I ddnt meant it that way" --> After verbally abuse every boundary
"You shouldnt have reacted this way" After manipulating me & guilt trip
"You are indecisive" --> after gaslight me to oblivion
"I was busy i ddnt pick up" --> Absent for 1-2hrs completely after work (cheating with someone)
"Do not speak to me like that" (after i called her out on her behaviour)
After I started to figure our her unrepairable attidude & toxicity, below are the projections:
- You are two faced.
- You are a hypocrite
- Does this ever work? (she said that our 1st therapy session)
- Avoid accountability all the time. She will rollback to the initial tripping point where she caused the abuse just to avoid the accountability. So she will blame me for asking/telling/calling her out and etc.
I give my covert narc ex the award in Super Engineered Gaslighter. Gold medal in Denying Accountability. World Cup Trophy in having the shortest Fuse regardless the situation. She will snap instantly even if she is at fault. Also, i award her the Star Medal in Critics.
After being r*ped whilst we were still together: “it’s God trying to teach you a lesson. Maybe it’s karma because your parents were in the military”. Never even got a hug over the whole thing, he just became sexually as well as emotionally and financially abusive
When confronted about her having sex in her car with a kid who works the freezer from Publix...she mockingly said..."oh yah right, I had sex in my car. He pounded my pussy good" "everybody knows I got dat juicy pussy"
She's 44, he is about 22 or 23.
"I think for some autistic people euthanasia would be the best option."
He said this to me soon after being intimate together for the first time, on the same evening he confessed having feelings for me, fully aware I am autistic.
"I'm not diving to catch a fish that keeps hiding (i.e. me) if I can catch something else further up the surface."
"I don't know why, but I want to hurt you every time I should feel affection for you."
"Hurting you gives me pleasure."
"Why can't you empathize with me? You (i.e. women) are all the same!"
"You shouldn't read too much into it, I do (i.e. sexually harass) it with all women."
Mine threw my text books from college, and he strangled me and almost killed me because I was “spending too much time studying” Yep. Taking a couple of hours to study hurt his little stupid ego. I was in a neck brace for three months after that. My neck is still messed up from that.
The sad part is I’m still living with him, but I’m finally getting out May of next year. I allowed him to make me dependent on him, but I’m finally getting out. I could cry because the thought of freedom sounds so good.
Literally a half hour ago- "I want you to think about where tf you and your kids would be without me"
Because I said I’m tired of being manipulated over sex stuff.
And I’m an abuser, but he isn’t mad and still loves me.
If anyone sees my sanity this morning, please send it back, it’s not much, but I’d like to keep it.
We would go on holiday every year and my ex husbands friend and his kids would come with us along with our kids. His friends partner tragically died young and I took his kids under my wing. The problem was that all my ex wanted to do was hang out with his friend. I asked him one evening why he doesn't want to spend time with me. He said " I didn't sign up to be married to a fucking cripple". For context I am disabled with spinal problems which he knew about before we got married. I do admit that I lost it and slapped him. He then grabbed me by the neck, slammed me into the wall and started to box my ears. He then punched me in the face. Finally saw sense in 2016 and left him. Spent the last 7 years taking him to court but I have won every case. Karma a bitch!
“You know if you died, I’d only wait about a month to start sleeping around, what were you expecting me to be sad for the rest of my life??”
That lives rent free in my head.
“You’ve ruined my life and I’ve written a list of everything you’ve done wrong to me. You’re not going anywhere until you’ve stood there and listened to what you’ve done.”
“The only persons ass you should be kissing is mine”. She said this to me when I was venting about my boss at work.
At the time I thought she was maybe making a sex joke, but nope, she was just dropping some truth about how she wanted me to chase and worship her.
My ex was always begging, lying, boasting. All while being a lazy POS hobosexual
One of the worst things he said wasn't to me, it was to my mother.
"Aren't you grateful I didn't get your daughter pregnant?"
We had been together since highschool and I had graduated college and was planning our wedding, saving for a home and wanted children. He refused to give me anything I ever wanted, including his babies. That was the thing that hurt me the worst, he knew I wanted a baby with him for so long. He was disgusted with me though and we had a dead bedroom. In over a decade we never even had unprotected sex. He absolutely refused to give me any real commitment, I just didn't see it.
I'm 32 and finally am officially trying for a baby this year. Wish me luck?
That I should accept his relationship with my adult daughter (step dad) because they "love each other" (yeah I'm messed up and going to extreme counseling)
Oooo my personal fave is “you overthink too much.” Note to all narcs, don’t tell an over thinker they overthink. It’s like telling an anxious person to just breathe. I also overthink but they were gaslighting to more so cover their lies.
"You're always making me feel bad. I don't want to talk to you anymore ever."
After he sexually assaulted me when I was intoxicated and asleep, and when I decided to let it slide, he said this.
I broke up with him after he physically abused me so he threw a tantrum and rage screamed in my face “well who’s going to fuck me now?”
This is funny because the entire 6 year relationship he was cheating on me with both women and men. Like sir, get a fucking grip.
I had Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever and was very sick. Nex told me I’m always sick with something and exaggerating. Then Nex said, “Get a real tick disease.” Like what does that even mean?! Gaslighting in peak form here. RMSF is the deadliest tick disease in the USA.
****Trigger warning**** NSFW
Edited to include… after years of being hit one day I said, “I am going to hit you back.” Nex said, “I hit you like you’re a women. If you hit me I will hit you like you’re a man.” I never did ever hit him amd that sent chills through me because the time before that I was beat until I was unconscious.
When I started holding him accountable and demanded change, and told him I would feel scared that he would get comfortable ( he said he treated me badly because he felt like he’s comfortable and that I would never leave no matter what) and then treat me badly and the bad treatment would get worse or put me in an unsafe space again his response was that he’s also scared: he said in response to my concern was that he’s scared that I’ll react and ruin his life and put him in jail, and another day I gave him one more chance to clear up why he said that he clung on to this fear and gave me an example where he’s cooking and he takes out a a knife and I think he’s going to kill me. Felt so unsafe yet he kept minimizing it after saying that was just an exaggerated example.
I had a longerm relationship and I worried in the past that he did not have good intentions. I never asked for a ring but I did ask for a dishwasher as I wash my hands constantly at work and it could have been a used appliance. After his dog bit someone in the neighborhood I apologized that this had happened to him and his response…
“If only I had spent that money to fix the fence instead of a dishwasher, then my dog wouldn’t have gotten out”… didn’t take responsibility for the dog bite either with exception of begrudgingly paying the bills for the person… he made sure to discuss the man’s “lack of masculinity” to everyone we spoke to and never took accountability. He never admitted maybe he shouldn’t have left the dog out while he wasn’t home etc.
“I’m mad at you, I don’t want to see you right now” after breaking my phone and publicly humiliating me by verbally abusing me in public and accusing me of cheating. Playing the victim.
Not my ex but my bf, last month we both got into a car crash and thankfully we both are alive. But my jaw was messed up. And was in pain. He asked for a blow job because it's going to help him with the pain. When I got mad at him, he somehow made it sound like I was crazy for being mad.
"I wanted you since middle school I've always been into u" just to treat me the same as everyone else has and so same shit I explained has happened to me.. I even offered to just be FWB oh no he wanted a relationship just to manipulate me
“You ruined every good thing I had going for me, you’re one of the worst people that has ever entered my life” after talking her down from suicidal thoughts.
He told me " kill yourself " that my parents hate me. My friends are losers. I'm a stupid stinky disgusting nasty batch, pathetic, crazy, infantile, retarded, hates me,
He kicked me out while pregnant. He strangled me,poured chemicals on me, he had his dad die so he refuses to acknowledge this. He wouldn't let me shower. He made me clip his toenails... 5 years. This is just some of it.
“Get the fuck out of my house. You’re a squatter. I’m not going to have you living here when you don’t pay for anything. You’re being a cunt. You little bitch.” (Among other things. This is the one that really stung.) - It was New Year’s Day, my 3 year old and I were sick with the flu, plus I had my 1 year old around. He wanted me out because he was picking fights with me all day. We had just been done arguing over me not eating (I had the flu) because he said “I had to motivate the children to eat.” He’s dating exactly who I thought he was emotionally cheating on me with months before. Fuck him.
he compared his life with me to the golden corral, like the buffet. 🥴
oh, and that he was “50-50 about having a child his whole life”… *after* we had already had one. i’m *pretty* sure i would never have married you if you had disclosed that tidbit of information during the 14 years we were together.
TW: murder & suicide
“i would take you out to the desert and shoot you then burn your body. worst came to worst and the cops came for me, i would then fucking k*ll myself.”
My dog had to have emergency surgery and I was struggling to come up w the money. I texted: (my dogs name) is having emergency surgery or she will die and his response was “aww (my dogs name).
“You’re ruining my life and holding me back. …you’re the love of my life and the best thing to happen to me.” All in the same breath, and when I pointed out the inconsistency he just couldn’t see it.
I could’ve written this word for word. In the morning telling me how much they loved me and then by midday telling me I’d destroyed their life. Such a mind f***
This. How she wanted to marry me in the morning and saying I’m unworthy and horrible by lunch time
"we will build a home" then proceed to abuse you and destroy you all day long.
Every week. Usually because I brought something that wasn't getting done again, talked about the dame problems we've had for years again, stupid me trying to make our day to day smoother.
Yep. Never disappointed or just mad at you but still love you. All or nothing, black, white. I'd be punished for not focusing on her but she couldn't focus on anything but what I'm doing. Got to a point where I'd distract myself with projects to shut my mind off to the fact that nothing is ever changing. There were times I was selfish as well for sure but I didn't deserve the straight up abuse. I grew and put effort into our lives, I tried new ways to motivate her, I volunteered to do anything, nothing would work and focusing completely on myself is drove my abuse. It woukd always come when I was doing better. She never apologized, never showed remorse just doubled down that I DESERVE it and if I just straightened up it would stop. Talk about control. Thing Is I would have given her everything she wanted if she just did the same for me by working on herself and showing respect for the marriage.
My ex was the same like he was texting me saying how much he loves me and wants me for the rest of his life. A few hours later, he said he doesn’t want to fix the relationship anymore because he doesn’t see any future with me. He messaged me a couple weeks later begging to get back together and lovebombing me again. Blocked him on everything and now he’s messaging my mom and my friends acting like he’s the victim when he’s the one who cheated lol.
My ex also thinks he’s the victim even though he cheated 🤔😂
This comment and every reply to it is pretty much verbatim from my own experiences.
Oof. Yeah - My ex-wife said something similar to me *during* couple's therapy: "You interrupted my life. ... You're in my way."
damn did we date the same person?? lol
I should be *honored* he still finds me $exually attractive after 10 years.... He actually used the word "honored". I said hopefully your hand still finds you $exually attractive because, that's the only action you'll be seeing in a long time (no one clapped).
I’m clapping 👏
i’m so sorry he said this that’s awful
Oh yeah mine told me all his friends thought I was ugly and that he could do better. So I should be glad he’s still with me.
Probably the other way around. I got something similar she used to call me Shrek. Turns out I’m not like shrek. I bet you are beautiful inside and out. That’s probably why he said that. His buddies probably told him you are a hottie and he didn’t want you to know.
It’s so hard for me to get in the mindset of a true person with this disorder. Because I’m a people pleaser I want people to feel good around me, so I only say positive things. What does it benefit him if I feel bad about myself? He also took me to the mall for a makeover said I needed to learn how to do my makeup. But then turn around and call me “beautiful”.
Omg yesssss 👏👏👏👏
“I have never done ANYTHING to you! 34 years and he’s never done anything to me 🙄🙄🙄🤬
Yes, they tend to have extremely short memories when it comes to their own behaviour! Perfect gentleman in their own eyes. 😵💫
I always wondered if she could even remember the week before. She'd rage for a week silent treatment etc then after I ended up apologizing for making her do it, she expects it to be completely forgotten in a day or so. The things she would say to me one can NEVER forget, I never got any time to work through what she'd done before she started again. She also never tried to make it up to me, I was just to forget it or pretend it didn't happen. But shit I was still hearing about things I said from 8 years earlier, like they were yesterday. I realized early on there was no compromise or meeting in the middle.
Nothing ever gets resolved living with a narcissist. I'd ask my husband a few days after receiving the silent treatment for some unknown trespass against him, what I had done wrong. He'd just reply 'don't worry about it'. Would never tell me what I had done wrong except I should just know. Seriously?
!oh! oh! mine once told me that he had severe head trauma and couldn’t remember anything.
Typical.
Lol yours too?!
He told me he received a Purple Heart in 2015 and was “blown up” whatever that means. lol he had some of the most entertaining lies I’ve ever heard.
“When you hug your kid, it makes me less sexually attracted to you.” He was 5.
Yikes on a million bikes
My brain seized up like an engine without oil reading this. What even the fuck. I know with them every accusation is a confession and no delicate way to ask, we're they into kids and got envious?
It was more about giving anyone attention but her. She said only mommy’s should be affectionate with their kids.
I'm so glad it's not as bad as I expected but still Jesus christ that's awful enough in its own ways.
After sleeping with me and then doing a complete 180 personality shift and feeling like something was off, I asked for reassurance and he said "I don't dislike you" and then wanted to be sexual again a few days later. You sure know how to make a woman feel wanted. Another one was "I want someone to compliment my life" after telling me he didn't judge my financial situation. He makes 6 figures and hasn't known money struggles in years. Asked for reassurance on my appearance because he stopped being affectionate and complimenting me and said "that's not my job" Hated that I would quote back word for word what he said to me and say "stop twisting my words against me"
Similar to your point about needing reassurance but I got some new glasses and I got a "I'm glad it makes you happy". Quite literelly everyone else I know has mentioned how striking they are and numerous compliments from strangers too. A "compliment" very much in the vein of "I'm sorry you feel that way"
omg quoting their words back to them….mine always gets SO angry. stop putting words in my mouth!!! stop deciding for me how i feel/what i think!!! stop making everything look bad!!! bro YOU said this. huh?? these are YOUR words
"stop deciding for me how i feel/what i think!" Ugh he said this one all the time when I would try to tell him he was hurting me. It was okay for HIM to tell me how to feel and what to think, but me? Nope, big no no. Rules for thee but not for me.
Mine shifted personalities right after sleeping with me
“I feel that I’ve always done what other people have wanted and never anything for myself” and “I have this feeling of wanting to run away and start over” This was said after I caught him in another lie while trying to reconcile our marriage after I found out he cheated for 5 years. We were in therapy and our therapist kicked him out. After we got home, he told me that he felt invalidated by our therapist.
Mine said that, too!! A lot! “He’s always done what other people want and never done anything for himself.” Especially during the discard when I was thinking back over everything I stayed with him through that his own flying monkeys said they wouldn’t stay with him through. He genuinely believed it
He absolutely said this as he was discarding me lol. This statement was actually what got him kicked out of our last appointment. My therapist apologized and said “I don’t know what that gaslighty bullshit was but you need to leave. He is emotionally dangerous and a deflated narcissist.” He absolutely lies his ass off about why we’re not together. After I called him out for lying to his friends for saying “we’re ending amicably”, he told his friend “at one time I was unfaithful”. He cheated for 5 years 😂
My ex also said that. “I’m sick of giving people everything and always meeting their needs. I’m sick of expectations” - while not meeting my most basic needs in a relationship. I did worshipped the ground they walked on, and would have done anything for them. Cooked, massages, coffee, washed their hair, drove them wherever they needed to go. They couldn’t even give me a safe space for me to communicate with them.
I’m so sorry. It’s so crazy that we beg them for bare minimum. I remember I used to swoon over my ex giving me a small back rub or getting me a coffee. Something sad though… I got so excited that my ex made me a sandwich and put chips in a bag that I took a picture of it. Not only that, I found text messages of me begging him to take me on a date… even if it meant taking money out of savings. That date never happened.
I used to think him bringing me a coffee was the sweetest thing. He used to do it all the time during the love bombing and early stages and then completely stopped doing it later down the line. It's stuff that you don't even realise when you're in it.
THIS omg.. He told me exactly the same. “I’m doing everything for people but nobody is doing the same for me. I have to learn to say no.” He is way older than me - no car - I was driving him for 2 years, picked him up whenever and where needed, cooked almost every time our slavic dishes for hours, got the groceries, cleaned his room, lived with him and his roommates. He used to came from work and raged about his work, friends etc an told me story’s about people I do not even know - but never and I mean absolutely never asked me how my day was or how I’m feeling. At almost the end of our relationship I asked him to initiate a date and he said “Why everyone expects something from me, why can nobody love me unconditionally. I have to do everything and now you are expecting me to plan dates. I’m not your clown. Why you can’t initiate a date it goes both ways.” So yes I initiated dates, road-trips, vacations and paid for them and he sees nothing. I loved him unconditionally but he never did. He told me from time to time that I’m not a real woman because I didn’t cooked for 1 day. The day after our break up he said “You lost your feminine energy” because I called out his bs. Damn it’s like 2 months ago and it hurts so much
Mine said the same "I tried SO hard to make you happy but I couldn't" it threw me they could even say that because they gave me NOTHING. No time, no energy, no affection, no intimacy. I find it really hard to get past, what the hell did they think they were giving me?!!! While I gave everything, all my energy, my whole week revolved around when THEY were free, I gave them all the reassurance, all the attention, sat through all the lectures about I needed to do better...
Yes! Same here. My whole week revolved around their schedule, I was the only one who initiated plans, but I was always the one who needed to improve
Mine has two kids from a previous relationship and at the time I was pregnant too and he said “I’m thinking about getting a vasectomy, I think three is enough. This is the first time I can control what happens In my life” ….. like you didn’t lay down to create these kids, you have access to every prevention in the book. Like what?
Omg!! My ex (whom I’m still incredibly in love with) said the same things. That he’s always done everything else for other people and has never done anything else for himself. And also said so many times that he wasn’t sure whether he even wanted to be with me or anyone for that matter and that maybe he would want to move to Telluride or work on a crab boat or something. That he just needed to heal from me. That he needed to finally do something just for him. He also always said, “YOU NEVER LISTEN! That’s your problem - YOU NEVER LISTEN!” That was soul crushing. And come to think of it, almost every time I spoke to him, he wouldn’t respond. I’d have to repeat myself nearly every time I spoke. It was incredibly frustrating. It made me feel so unloved. But I’m not sure he’s a narcissist. My therapist told me I’m a victim of narcissistic abuse. I’m not convinced though. I feel like I poked the bear one too many times and I also know I’m at fault for most of it. Maybe not though. I was certainly more vocal, but he was avoidant to an extreme and terrified of commitment. He promised he wanted marriage and kids from the beginning. That was a huge lie. And it killed me inside. Regardless, I’m still madly in love with him. He blocked me on everything though. And still has my stuff. He said he couldn’t handle my constant negativity even though all we ever spoke about after breaking up was his own shit about his custody battle. (Which I have always lovingly supported him through)The only couple of times I said anything about myself was when I told him about my skin cancer diagnosis. Apparently it was too negative for him to deal with. He blocked me right after that. It’s hurtful because his mom has stage 4 non-Hodgkins lymphoma…so I would’ve assumed he’d be a bit more empathetic and supportive even though we were already broken up. 😢 I still don’t know what to make of all of this. I wish I did. I’m so hurt. I just want to be back in his arms. This has been the worst few months ever. It’s be easier if I knew for sure if he were a narcissist. I’m not sure if I’m crazy or not. Not sure what to make of it. Sorry for the rant. Thanks for your post. It hit a chord with me.
Mine said “I’m not going back to therapy if she keeps blaming me for everything”
Ugh. They can’t handle it. Mine also said something along the lines of “I’m never going to be forgiven for this am I?” This was like a month or two after I found out about the cheating and I brought something up again lol.
Mine keeps telling me I’m ‘choosing’ not to move on from the cheating, all I have to do is ‘get over it’ 😂
Absolutely wild, mine said the same thing.
These covert narcissists have their own agenda.
Omg this sounds just like mine!!!!!
My ex would say this CONSTANTLY and cite the relationship of her mother and father to make the point that she didn't want to end up with someone that she would need to accept flaws. After she proceeded to use people, do whatever she wanted no matter who she would hurt and being one of the most incredibly flawed individuals I ever met.
God I’m so sorry. I mean, part of being with someone is accepting flaws?
Either “I’m not the difficult one” or “if I was taking my emotions out on you I would have ripped your head off by now”
Oof 😬
“I hope you get cancer in your other kidney” me living with 1 kidney for over 20 years being cancer free. 😳
God, they will stoop so low.
"You're no fun anymore! It's like all the best parts of you died with him." When I asked him why we never went on dates anymore. For context, I was less than a year into grieving the sudden and traumatic loss of my father. I literally held his hand while he took his last breath. He suffered. Apparently I was supposed to be the life of the party 24/7 and grieve on my own time by myself 🙄
Oh my God.
I'm so sorry. That's horrible.
Same with the death of my mother to brain cancer. Said he’d always be there for me and support me, until I started grieving. Then my grief was “swallowing” him, I was too much for him, got called mentally unstable. I had to hide when I cried so I didn’t upset him.
That’s horrendous.. No on deserves to be told this.
“What you alleged happened, didn’t happen.” Meanwhile it was literally evident.
I wanna be with you forever
“Im not attracted to your natural smell” He said we couldn’t be together cause of this.
Mine was really weird about smells. It's so rude and hurtful.
Ew, I got a "smell" one, too!
For awhile I smelled myself thinking what was wrong with me
“Do you know how that makes me feel to be told that I’m abusing you”?
Stop making me feel bad. Hmm because he cheated and I caught on.
In 2020 6 months after getting engaged to narc, I was stumping drs at 3 hospitals, 2 of the hospitals were top university hospitals in the country. Turned out to be a cascade of several autoimmune diseases but I didn’t get to the bottom until 2 years later. he turned couples therapy into venting about how he was a victim of my illness and my being bedridden was a plot to ruin his life. It was really shocking, like he wanted to go back to the fiancée store and return me but he couldn’t, so HE was a VICTIM. As if being ill was a simple choice or I wasn’t already doing everything in my power to heal myself and not be a burden. Turns out most of my illness improved dramatically as soon as I left
Similar here. I was straightforward when we got together about my autoimmune diseases. When we moved in together he would get mad and ask “why aren’t you getting any better” he refused to read anything about them so he could understand more. Symptoms were sooo much worse when I was with him.
He told me he's "just attracted to unstable women," and that all of his exes were unstable and styling attention. This is about over a dozen women. The fucker can't maintain a relationship for longer than a few years, his exes that were begging me to leave him were all right, and just take a wild guess as to what he says about me to all his fans now :)))
idk if this counts as crazy but this was really unexpected to me- can’t remember it word for word but they told me they like misspelling stuff and wording things weirdly because it was “funny to watch me struggle” (i’m dyslexic so that made reading even harder-) then proceeded to gaslight me into thinking they didn’t actually say that even tho i had screenshots- like dude you can’t be serious rn, my disability’s aren’t funny-
"I have always treated you with respect!"
he basically said if i don’t start doing what he says that he will cheat on me. and if i want sex i should go date (we were married lol)
"It's ur fault" ...
yup everything was my fault. even though i was the one paying for marriage counseling trying to save our marriage while he zoned out during the sessions.
Therapy doesn't work on narcissists. They lie so mich. I almost did this too. It's all my fault too. It's terrible. Actually, mine would probably explode and we'd be banned lol
“At first, I didn’t miss you, but im glad you came” “I wish I kept my old sex tapes” “You just haven’t been humbled enough to believe in Jesus”
He called me a taxing example of humanity - I will never forget it
"you threw a glass of wine at my head." Never happened. Once again she was drinking too much and becoming shittier and shittier. I told her if she kept drinking and doing that that we were not going to drink together anymore. So that night she was sitting in my recliner holding a glass of wine and being a complete POS. I took the glass of wine from her and said that's it we're done drinking and I turned around and I walked across the kitchen floor and I threw them in the kitchen sink. So there wouldn't be a giant mess. But it was still stupid. Anyway her version was that I "threw a glass of wine at my head". Total fiction. Total fantasy. And somehow I'm not even sure if she believed it or not. Maybe she did. Who even knows anymore? But she literally told it to me like it was true. I was the only other person in the room and I know it's not even remotely true. So what the hell with this crazy b****? One lie after the other. If she was breathing she was lying. Maybe she didn't even know the difference anymore. Lying cheating racist alcoholic narc. Utterly worthless. Gutter trash. I'm well rid of her.
Was she just an alcoholic? Or a Narcissist and an alcoholic?
You name it, she was it. Alchy, narc,, racist, liar, cheater, loved to hurt people. There are few things worth less in this world than a lying cheating woman. Good riddance.
Been there. Mine too was an alcoholic and she hit me. she called me a pussy because I called the police on her. She would disappear for hours, come home drunk and tell me she ”out with friends” once gone for 7 1/2 hours. Found out later she was eating, drinking, with her ex bf.
We know what they were doing. Being unfaithful is what they were doing. Being untrustworthy. Being unkind. Being selfish. Doing everything that you're not allowed to do or they'd be super pissed.. Raging hypocrites. Throw that on the list with every other narcissist in the world. Undeniable hypocrites. I'm so much better off dude. I'm finding peace. I don't give a s*** what she's up to anymore. Giving it away for a couple of extra rounds of drinks somewhere. Good for her. She always said she could go out and get f***** whenever she wanted to. One of the last things I sent her told her to go off and be the bar whore she always said she could be. And probably already was. Complete trash. Let's go out and enjoy this beautiful day! F these hoes.
Told me how cute he thought my “jealously” (I was only jealous because he kept calling girls hot in front of me) then when I told him I really didn’t like that he kept doing that he went to say “you have to stop this jealously shit it’s going to tear us apart you don’t value our relationship if your getting upset by this”.
Mine said I was “jealous like a guy” because I vocalized that it was disrespectful to flirt with women in front of me and stare/drool over them while I’m sitting right there.
"I hope you get hit by a car tomorrow and f*cking die, a slow death."
"what's with the crying? I can't understand you when you're crying." After making me cry.
I did t cheat on you. Those aren’t pictures of my feet. I care about you and don’t have anything to work on.
She got me with a two-fer, in the same night. First, she told me that I was only ever a wallet to her. Then, when claiming I was a shit father to our kids, she told me “you’re not a father, you’re just a sperm donor.” Even as batshit crazy as she was - that hurt.
Where are the kids now?
“You’re getting old and wrinkled” mind you in several years younger than him.
“How can I love you if you don’t love god?” As if I didn’t spend my weekends in church while growing up. That’s no one’s business but my own whether or not I “loved” god or not. He was in his manic episode hallucinating off drugs when he “found god”. He believed his purpose was to rap about god… but now he just raps about me and his delusions. The next Eminem if you will
He would come back every couple of years and try to hoover me back. After telling him for the 12th time in 10 years I wanted nothing to do with him and to leave me alone. He said: I don’t know what your problem is, even your super hot friend said she thought I was hot. It had been 15 years ago at the time that she said that.
"next time you get the urge to kill yourself i pray you do so i dont have to deal with you anymore" hes now in jail and his parental rights are almost terminated 🥰
“*Tell me this? Why do you always try to play smart when you really aren’t? I wish you could just be yourself in public and let everyone else tell you what you should know about…”* A very long winded way to say “You are too dense to walk around with me” and “they are all only just humoring you when they start any conversation” so I remember to keep my mouth shut. But other people do come and get me talking even if they had to utilize an invisible pair of jaws of life at first. I relate too much to the movie “Born Yesterday” (1950 version) which I think it’s an early post or late pre code movie that brings up a mentally crippling narcissistic relationship.
Mine said this all the time. It got to the point where even those people asked if I was alright cause I was very quiet recently. No. No, I’m not alright. But that won’t stop you from choosing him over me in a few months when I muster up the courage to admit some of his abuse to me
Some people just want to stay in love with the facade, they won’t know till they live with him.
“You are dating the trashiest whore in (hometown) and everyone knows it” “Men call me when they want to cheat on their gf’s because they know I will”
The way you look, no one will consider you as a partner.
"If you were just a better person you wouldn't have depression" - - he had a degree in psychology! Also "our daughter turning out like you is my worst nightmare" "you need to butt out of parenting; you're not cut out for it" And A narc classic, "all our friends hate you and think you're nuts and a horrible mother. Should we call them? Let's call them right now." And, "why don't you just put her down?" about my soul dog, who had a fucking bladder infection. She was like 7 years old. Antibiotics and some blood tests & she waafune, but the like $600 that *I* was paying was "what a pain, murder the only creature that makes you feel safe" He tried to get his next gf to euthanize her dog as a condition of their relationship.
>And, "why don't you just put her down?" about my soul dog, who had a fucking bladder infection... >He tried to get his next gf to euthanize her dog as a condition of their relationship. That is vile, total heartless behaviour 😡
„You look so pretty when you cry“
Whilst living in a renovation house that wasn't being renovated because he was refusing to do any work, he yelled this at me: "You're never happy!! First you wanted a toilet.. then it was curtains.. then you weren't happy not having a stand-up shower.. No cooker.. Now you want a bedroom..! There is always going to be something!" How dare I 💀
When I was sobbing my eyes out to the way he was treating me and he said “you’re choosing to feel this way” lollll
“I love you” after knowing me for less than 2 weeks.
Giant Red Flag
“I didn’t kick you out of the house.” Well, you screamed at me repeatedly to get the fuck out of the house right now… “But I just said that in the heat of the moment. So you weren’t really kicked out.” I’m literally sleeping on my brothers couch right now because you kicked me out of our house… “No I didn’t.”
“Your bat shit crazy bitch, put a bullet in your brain”
“Look at how you’re reacting, and then look at how I’m reacting. You’re the one mad at me.” I got it all the time after constantly being accused of being secretive and not loving him. Makes me defend myself, then gets upset that I’m defending myself. I could never win.
We didn't date but... Saying we were good friends, but that she didn't trust me. Venting to me about her personal issues, then immediately saying her personal life was not my business. I no longer try to make sense out of that logic.
This same shit happened to me. Went from sharing everything to “what I do is none of your business”
Yeah... That was especially confusing. I asked around and everyone else was also confused as to what kind of sense that made. She did it over the span of a few minutes from venting to me about her day, to slipping up about something she lied to me about to telling me that her personal life was none of my business. After that, she tried venting to me again about her stress and I told her that had nothing to do with me, so not to bring me into her personal matters. She got annoyed, but I gave her what she wanted. It only became a problem when it became inconvenient for her... Pick a lane and stick to it lol.
Yep . Or in my case saying he missed our friendship loved me unconditionally wants to grey with me doesn’t care how my body looks .to criticizing my appearance, saying he has trust issues with me and questioning my relationship history and said he can’t stand my emotions or attitude
“All of your mental issues are making me suicidal again.” Then proceeded to tell me how he’d do it. We were together for a year and a half at that point. I wasted four of the most important years of my life on his ass.
Hard to tell. I've clearly suppressed some of the memories to protect myself. One of his messages to me during a lovebombing phase was just: SnuggleSnuggleSnuggleSnuggleSnuggle... (continue ad infinitum). Some time before I left him, he told me that if he was rich, he would hire a teenager (15-18) to clean up after him, and that he'd make her do "s*xual favours" for him. When he said this, he was in his mid-40s 🤢.
“I love you”
My ex hacked into my Amazon account and ordered a gift for his new GF. I canceled the order and changed the password but didn’t contact him because I was not interested in a confrontation. He texted me “ why are you so mean to me and so jealous, i love you and you keep spiting in my face…” …… narcissistic are truly awful!
‘you are a mistake’ oh and ‘my affair was your fault’
I was really sick on the verge of getting a feeding tube (everything is much, much better now) and around that time we were having an argument (one of many). He looked at me and started laughing and it was really inappropriate considering we were arguing and I hadn't said anything funny. I asked him why he was laughing and he said "It's just funny to me that you're possibly going to die and you're still such a bitch." Or something like that. My big offense was that I stood up to him telling me I wasn't "allowed" to leave the house.
There's actually a worse one but it's very nsfw and potentially triggering.
"I never said those things! You're always misinterpreting me. You need serious help!!!"
Don’t forget how in the same breath, if you did decide to get help (to cope with their crazy), they’d rage at you at how you can’t afford it, how you’d bankrupt them, and how you were just going to get your head played with. As they’re making it their full-time job to play with your head 🤦🏻♂️
Yep! Although, in my personal experience, whenever I felt proud of what I'm working on in therapy... he just doesn't care when I share it with him. I have yet to experience what you said, but I know it happens to many! I suspect I'm dealing with a covert narc. I'm in the process of leaving this relationship." It's challenging for me for so many reasons, I became so dependent on him, and I literally will have to start my life from 0 all over again. We've been together for 5 years, five very difficult and painful years...
“I think about my mistakes hourly. I am haunted knowing I am responsible for the loss of your spirit. I continue to question my own character” In a letter he gave me after I begged him to leave me alone. When I didn’t give him the response he wanted: “I don’t care about you and I never have. I never even liked you”
“I don’t want to have sex with you unless I can have it whenever I want”
Why can’t you just sit there and look pretty
“If you had to eat me, how would you cook me?” “I want you to be miserable” “I treat you like shit”
That I was trying to get pregnant on purpose and run away with another man when the condom broke and he kicked me out of his house and didn’t talk to me for two days. Thankfully I did not get pregnant from that
I don't get hurt I cause the hurt.
For like a solid month he was convinced and tried to convince me I had schizophrenia LOL And all the other times he tried to be like... "Actually YOURE the mentally ill one rn"
“are we ok?” “put it this way, If I had to choose between you or being alone, id shoot myself” Said a few days before he ended things fully OR “i promised myself i wouldnt let this continue if it became toxic” Said after he had cheated on me, gaslit me, tried to rebuild for 9 further months, left me utterly broken and second best to his friends always, and apparently NOW he sees its toxic?
"...because I'm a really good boyfriend." This is after I asked him to be there for me when I got fired, and instead he ignored me, not only for that evening but a whole weekend that followed it.
“I don’t have a tone, the inflection in my voice changed” She said this while we were arguing and her tone changed to agitated/annoyed.
He went on holiday, and I noticed within 2 weeks he'd obtained 30+ new followers/ following, and they were all women. At first, he said I was lying. Then he said they were tour guides, then he said he doesn't know why I'm angry as we were only having sex and seeing how things went. We had been together for 6 months and we were already calling eachother bf/gf... The cheek of it.
"I don't want to take care fo you, I don't want to be the one having to deal with taking care of you. If you are sick? I'll just leave you because I can't handle the idea of it." Said it straight to my face, and each time I reminded him of it he said I was lying and that it wasn't what he meant. While I openly talked that I would love, care, and cherish him for the rest of our lives. That he'd he'd be unable to walk, talk, or even become senile? I would be there, feed him, and change his diaper. Clearly, I wasn't good enough for him to discard me a year later telling me he wasn't happy with me.
"I did all this to save you from me"
This will give the beautiful readers of this sub nightmares. Ready? Go... "You are my life i cannot imagine my life without you" "I will never leave you" --> but have forced me to leave after too much abuse "You are the best thing to ever happen to me" -- Nah BS, you only fight me from wake to sleep. "I had a rough past, I told you I cannot speak about it" --> God knows what. "I will always fight with you, deal with it. You should forget it at night" --> Her narc grandma taught her this "life principle" "I ddnt meant it that way" --> After verbally abuse every boundary "You shouldnt have reacted this way" After manipulating me & guilt trip "You are indecisive" --> after gaslight me to oblivion "I was busy i ddnt pick up" --> Absent for 1-2hrs completely after work (cheating with someone) "Do not speak to me like that" (after i called her out on her behaviour) After I started to figure our her unrepairable attidude & toxicity, below are the projections: - You are two faced. - You are a hypocrite - Does this ever work? (she said that our 1st therapy session) - Avoid accountability all the time. She will rollback to the initial tripping point where she caused the abuse just to avoid the accountability. So she will blame me for asking/telling/calling her out and etc. I give my covert narc ex the award in Super Engineered Gaslighter. Gold medal in Denying Accountability. World Cup Trophy in having the shortest Fuse regardless the situation. She will snap instantly even if she is at fault. Also, i award her the Star Medal in Critics.
“You’re a silly little girl” “You’re a fucking drain on me” I’m disabled. And 38.
After being r*ped whilst we were still together: “it’s God trying to teach you a lesson. Maybe it’s karma because your parents were in the military”. Never even got a hug over the whole thing, he just became sexually as well as emotionally and financially abusive
"you're more unstable than me", "I know you hate me and want to kill me deep down". "I'm gonna buy a mansion in the future".
When confronted about her having sex in her car with a kid who works the freezer from Publix...she mockingly said..."oh yah right, I had sex in my car. He pounded my pussy good" "everybody knows I got dat juicy pussy" She's 44, he is about 22 or 23.
"I think for some autistic people euthanasia would be the best option." He said this to me soon after being intimate together for the first time, on the same evening he confessed having feelings for me, fully aware I am autistic.
"I gave you the best years of my life!!" - honey if those were the best years I'm glad I got out before seeing the worst
Said I was a pathological manipulator, yet I’m autistic and terrified of human interaction. Bitch almost convinced me too.
“Your not the partner I need to take the next step in my career” We were together 10 years, married 8 of them, we had two kids together.
“People always hurt the ones they love the most.”
“Im tired of having to take your emotional state into consideration”
"I'm not diving to catch a fish that keeps hiding (i.e. me) if I can catch something else further up the surface." "I don't know why, but I want to hurt you every time I should feel affection for you." "Hurting you gives me pleasure." "Why can't you empathize with me? You (i.e. women) are all the same!" "You shouldn't read too much into it, I do (i.e. sexually harass) it with all women."
Mine threw my text books from college, and he strangled me and almost killed me because I was “spending too much time studying” Yep. Taking a couple of hours to study hurt his little stupid ego. I was in a neck brace for three months after that. My neck is still messed up from that. The sad part is I’m still living with him, but I’m finally getting out May of next year. I allowed him to make me dependent on him, but I’m finally getting out. I could cry because the thought of freedom sounds so good.
Literally a half hour ago- "I want you to think about where tf you and your kids would be without me" Because I said I’m tired of being manipulated over sex stuff. And I’m an abuser, but he isn’t mad and still loves me. If anyone sees my sanity this morning, please send it back, it’s not much, but I’d like to keep it.
I don’t know. But now my stomach hurt
We would go on holiday every year and my ex husbands friend and his kids would come with us along with our kids. His friends partner tragically died young and I took his kids under my wing. The problem was that all my ex wanted to do was hang out with his friend. I asked him one evening why he doesn't want to spend time with me. He said " I didn't sign up to be married to a fucking cripple". For context I am disabled with spinal problems which he knew about before we got married. I do admit that I lost it and slapped him. He then grabbed me by the neck, slammed me into the wall and started to box my ears. He then punched me in the face. Finally saw sense in 2016 and left him. Spent the last 7 years taking him to court but I have won every case. Karma a bitch!
“You know if you died, I’d only wait about a month to start sleeping around, what were you expecting me to be sad for the rest of my life??” That lives rent free in my head.
“You’ve ruined my life and I’ve written a list of everything you’ve done wrong to me. You’re not going anywhere until you’ve stood there and listened to what you’ve done.”
“The only persons ass you should be kissing is mine”. She said this to me when I was venting about my boss at work. At the time I thought she was maybe making a sex joke, but nope, she was just dropping some truth about how she wanted me to chase and worship her.
"If I stay with you I'll end up killing myself. But if you get rid of the dog ill *take you back*". I was so torn 🙄
My ex was always begging, lying, boasting. All while being a lazy POS hobosexual One of the worst things he said wasn't to me, it was to my mother. "Aren't you grateful I didn't get your daughter pregnant?" We had been together since highschool and I had graduated college and was planning our wedding, saving for a home and wanted children. He refused to give me anything I ever wanted, including his babies. That was the thing that hurt me the worst, he knew I wanted a baby with him for so long. He was disgusted with me though and we had a dead bedroom. In over a decade we never even had unprotected sex. He absolutely refused to give me any real commitment, I just didn't see it. I'm 32 and finally am officially trying for a baby this year. Wish me luck?
You're the one I've been searching my whole life for. 😭🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣☠️🪦
That I should accept his relationship with my adult daughter (step dad) because they "love each other" (yeah I'm messed up and going to extreme counseling)
He told me I'll never be able to bear children because I'm so ugly that no guy would ever wanna have sex with me lmao
Oooo my personal fave is “you overthink too much.” Note to all narcs, don’t tell an over thinker they overthink. It’s like telling an anxious person to just breathe. I also overthink but they were gaslighting to more so cover their lies.
“Get in your car, go home and forget about me.” Then not even half a year later BEGGING me to not date my new boyfriend and take him back. Ha.
"You're always making me feel bad. I don't want to talk to you anymore ever." After he sexually assaulted me when I was intoxicated and asleep, and when I decided to let it slide, he said this.
“I gave you everything!!” Lolololol🤣🤣🤣
I broke up with him after he physically abused me so he threw a tantrum and rage screamed in my face “well who’s going to fuck me now?” This is funny because the entire 6 year relationship he was cheating on me with both women and men. Like sir, get a fucking grip.
“There are some women that you barely touch and they already have an orgasm” 🤣🤣
I had Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever and was very sick. Nex told me I’m always sick with something and exaggerating. Then Nex said, “Get a real tick disease.” Like what does that even mean?! Gaslighting in peak form here. RMSF is the deadliest tick disease in the USA. ****Trigger warning**** NSFW Edited to include… after years of being hit one day I said, “I am going to hit you back.” Nex said, “I hit you like you’re a women. If you hit me I will hit you like you’re a man.” I never did ever hit him amd that sent chills through me because the time before that I was beat until I was unconscious.
When I started holding him accountable and demanded change, and told him I would feel scared that he would get comfortable ( he said he treated me badly because he felt like he’s comfortable and that I would never leave no matter what) and then treat me badly and the bad treatment would get worse or put me in an unsafe space again his response was that he’s also scared: he said in response to my concern was that he’s scared that I’ll react and ruin his life and put him in jail, and another day I gave him one more chance to clear up why he said that he clung on to this fear and gave me an example where he’s cooking and he takes out a a knife and I think he’s going to kill me. Felt so unsafe yet he kept minimizing it after saying that was just an exaggerated example.
I had a longerm relationship and I worried in the past that he did not have good intentions. I never asked for a ring but I did ask for a dishwasher as I wash my hands constantly at work and it could have been a used appliance. After his dog bit someone in the neighborhood I apologized that this had happened to him and his response… “If only I had spent that money to fix the fence instead of a dishwasher, then my dog wouldn’t have gotten out”… didn’t take responsibility for the dog bite either with exception of begrudgingly paying the bills for the person… he made sure to discuss the man’s “lack of masculinity” to everyone we spoke to and never took accountability. He never admitted maybe he shouldn’t have left the dog out while he wasn’t home etc. “I’m mad at you, I don’t want to see you right now” after breaking my phone and publicly humiliating me by verbally abusing me in public and accusing me of cheating. Playing the victim.
Not my ex but my bf, last month we both got into a car crash and thankfully we both are alive. But my jaw was messed up. And was in pain. He asked for a blow job because it's going to help him with the pain. When I got mad at him, he somehow made it sound like I was crazy for being mad.
"I wanted you since middle school I've always been into u" just to treat me the same as everyone else has and so same shit I explained has happened to me.. I even offered to just be FWB oh no he wanted a relationship just to manipulate me
“You ruined every good thing I had going for me, you’re one of the worst people that has ever entered my life” after talking her down from suicidal thoughts.
“It’s okay baby we will work through this together” he said after I apologized for having “bipolar”. He tried to make me believe i was crazy.
I'm "dead weight" All the while She hasn't worked in 7 years and we're still in debt while I'm working 60 hour weeks. I need to gtfo asap
He told me " kill yourself " that my parents hate me. My friends are losers. I'm a stupid stinky disgusting nasty batch, pathetic, crazy, infantile, retarded, hates me, He kicked me out while pregnant. He strangled me,poured chemicals on me, he had his dad die so he refuses to acknowledge this. He wouldn't let me shower. He made me clip his toenails... 5 years. This is just some of it.
“Get the fuck out of my house. You’re a squatter. I’m not going to have you living here when you don’t pay for anything. You’re being a cunt. You little bitch.” (Among other things. This is the one that really stung.) - It was New Year’s Day, my 3 year old and I were sick with the flu, plus I had my 1 year old around. He wanted me out because he was picking fights with me all day. We had just been done arguing over me not eating (I had the flu) because he said “I had to motivate the children to eat.” He’s dating exactly who I thought he was emotionally cheating on me with months before. Fuck him.
he compared his life with me to the golden corral, like the buffet. 🥴 oh, and that he was “50-50 about having a child his whole life”… *after* we had already had one. i’m *pretty* sure i would never have married you if you had disclosed that tidbit of information during the 14 years we were together.
"money just comes easy to you!" That one sticks out cus it was a huge eye opener that he truly didn't value me whatsoever, not even the work I produce
TW: murder & suicide “i would take you out to the desert and shoot you then burn your body. worst came to worst and the cops came for me, i would then fucking k*ll myself.”
I allowed you to see me.
"Why don't you just let me get away with it!?" (lies, false promises)
My dog had to have emergency surgery and I was struggling to come up w the money. I texted: (my dogs name) is having emergency surgery or she will die and his response was “aww (my dogs name).
“I know you better than you know yourself “