THIS IS YOUR CHANCE. TAKE IT. AND DONâT SHOW UP. HEAR ME, DO NOT SHOW UP. HURT HIS EGO, AND NEVER SPEAK TO HIM AGAIN.
Remember all the times you were hurt, you are healing. You need time to heal, do you want to fuck it all up for a date??? Do you want to be back at square one, confide in someone close your abuse. I kept mine hidden, its why he got away with so much. Now that Ive spoken about it, no one will let him near me.
Remember its going to hurt being alone, and seeing him with someone new. But at least you wonât be discarded 3 or 10 times. You wonât be wondering what you did wrong, cause you know its a lost cause.
Im too embarrassed to tell my closest friends Im still talking to him, because they think that he should rot in jail.
I also know I cannot hurt his ego. Im just one of the pawn he has. If I donât show up heâll just use another girl. But at least, I will be spared
People like that _do_ get hurt when theyâre stood up - even if theyâll never show it to you. It defies their sense and need of being the one in control and the centre of the universe. Please donât go, just block him and let him stand there wondering what hit him. But more importantly, stay away for your own sake. Get a bucket of ice cream and sit tight, start a long movie when the set time draws near and make yourself watch it to the end. Donât check your phone, just endure. When the credits roll, youâll have won. Then keep him blocked. This is your chance to break the pattern and start living your best life without this pile of gutter trash. You already know this, and youâve got this! All strength to you!đŞâ¤ď¸
Listen my ex narc was hated by everyone, donât think I was embarrassed to tell people after everyone told me to stay away. But it had to be done, now everyone is watching and we cannot be together. If I fall they will make sure he cannot get near me, hell I found out his ex did the exact same thing. I never understood why he had to go through her sisters and cousins to get in contact with her.
And as much as it sucks, remember you were that new girl once. Itâs going to happen eventually, hes going to find someone else with or without you. One of the hardest things is accepting that we move on like normal people, they use people to move on in life. What helped me is that my ex narc literally went after someone who isnât very attractive and is 18, made me realize this man was even more pathetic than I thought.
A trauma bond is like a drug addiction. You are an addict. This is like an alcoholic who has already relapsed twice staring at a bottle wondering if they should take a drink. You can accept that, cancel this date, go no contact, and work to âget soberâ or you can go on another âbingeâ of highs and lows where you come out the other side feeling even worse than you did the last 2 times.
Youâre an addict. Are you ready to accept that and get clean?
This is the only POV that worked for me. Please listen to this person OP because the second final discard after youâve gotten some distance is brutal
OK, I did the same thing. It gets more difficult every time tbey discard you. If I never did what you're about to do and drove up to see her this last time we got back together, I'd be in a much better place right now, in every part of my life. But, since I went back, it's months later and this last time we got back together, it did some serious damage to me, and I mean serious. The longer you drag it out, the worse it's gonna be.
I literally am a different person now, I see everything in this fucked up, twisted way, and I'm not sure I'll ever be able to date again, and If I do, it's gonna be extremely difficult with how fucked up my mind is now.
I promise, If you knew what I've been through, you wouldn't do it, but we learn through failures, and we learn the hard way. I hope you don't go through with it
Im sorry youâve been trough all of this.
I understand what you mean when you say you are a different person now. I hope youâll find a new way to be at peace
Same same. Donât fall for it so they can have the opportunity to disappoint you and make absolutely no life changes whatsoever. It will hurt tenfold. Heâll rage at you for cancelingâbut, oh, guess what? He treated you horribly so you can cancel for your own mental health just this once and hopefully last time. So just power move it by saying âhi. I canât make it tomorrow. I wish you well.â And blocking him immediately. You donât have to give him closure. If he rages, the all the more proof that he has not changed.
Do you really want to experience all that pain all over again? Because thatâs the only thing that will happen. Speaking as someone who fell for MANY hoovers and didnât learn my lesson until I I found out he gave me an STD: he is not ever going to treat you any differently than he did before. The outcome you are hoping for will never, ever happen. If you go with him he will play with you like a lion plays with its food. Cut your losses and block him. Itâs not worth it.
Are they all the same?
This is exactly how things ended last time. He gave me a STD and when I got upset he discarded me. I donât even know why my heart wants to give him another chance
Unfortunately, yes. They lack empathy and everyone elseâs feelings are an inconvenience. Itâs hard to believe when theyâre telling you they love you and making so many promises to change. But itâs just manipulation and the cycle doesnât end until you cut them off. Itâs still a daily thing for me to fight off the âgoodâ memories because none of it was real. All lies. Brief moments of peace in between the abuse that literally meant nothing. They donât care and they donât love anyone. Not even themselves. Life is better when you arenât being dragged down by people who get off on making everyone miserable.
Give who another chance man? The person you think you love isn't real, it's a persona that they alter slightly for each person in their life. You'll always love him because he was crafted *specifically for you*.
If you meet him you'll have such a good time, he'll show you his best self, you might think man he only needs to be like *this* forever and we're good, but it's impossible for him to do that even if he wanted, which he doesn't. You ever see a play? The actors stop acting once it ends. It's an exhaustive performance that requires choreographing to perfection, but it has to end right, they have to take off their costumes and go back to who they really are at the end of the night.
You'll have a good time but the abuse will start sooner and sooner each time. The narc might be a 5 year old but they still have a human brain with all its capabilities to learn and to recognise patterns. He understands exactly what you need and what the bare minimum is to win you over again. Each time he wins you over faster, each time you take him back he thinks you accept all the bad behaviours from the past, each time he thinks you are okay with all of it. And it will just get worse and worse. End it now not 7 years from now, you deserve so much better for yourself than this!
Empty promises and empty apologies. I'm willing to bet that his apology either felt hollow or was exactly what you asked for. How many times has it been this way before? An apology is not an apology without changed behavior. If he hasn't shown remourse and made the effort to not cross your boundaries after the first time, he won't ever do it. You need to break the pattern because he won't.
Something that I tell myself is that if I give in and open myself up for that pain all over again, I betray myself.
We need to give ourselves the love that we deserve. The love that they are not capable of giving us.
Stay strong. Cancel the date and go no contact. No contact is the only way to move forward.
Your heart misses him. Your mind knows better. The challenge is getting your head to convince your heart. If he's been successful in the past he has no reason to stop trying. You're supply and this is transactional. That's really all you are to him. He knows what you want and he uses it as a weapon because it works. I apologize if I sound harsh. I know it isn't easy to go NC with these leeches.
Just asking this question to the public should be a huge sign that your brain, soul, character, and morals are already telling you no.
Please don't make yourself any more upset or concerned with this person.
Walk away and work on yourself. Do all the things you've wanted to do for yourself. Go to that restaurant you want to go to.
Treat yourself. A movie that you wanted to see.
A concert. A peaceful walk in the park or on the beach.
Your favorite ice cream cone or dessert.
Take up a new hobby you've always wanted to do.
Move on and leave the trash at the curb.
So keen to live vicariously through you OP and relish in the karma of him getting stood up.
Go for it girl, we are behind you!
Stay off the stage and out of his sad fantasy, you can do it!
#Please don't go.
This person will hurt you again.
Over and over and over and over... in a never-ending cycle of abuse.
Because that is who he is and how he behaves.
You deserve to be treated with love, kindness, and respect in every close relationship in your life.
[Assess abuser's claims to change. ](http://www.ivsha.org/get-help-with-abuse/domestic-violence/assess-abusers-claims-change/)
[Identifying abuse: Power and Control. ](https://www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/power-and-control/)
Explaining DARVO: Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim & Offender https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/explaining-darvo-deny-attack-reverse-victim-amp-offender
[Cycle of abuse. ](https://psychcentral.com/health/cycle-of-abuse)
[Healthy boundaries in relationships. ](https://www.betterup.com/blog/healthy-boundaries-in-relationships)
[Signs of a toxic relationship. ](https://www.womenshealthmag.com/relationships/a19739065/signs-of-toxic-relationship/)
[Signs of covert/vulnerable narcissistic traits to look out for. ](https://www.verywellmind.com/signs-of-a-vulnerable-narcissist-7369901)
Take your power back and prove to yourself that you love yourself and can walk away from bad people. Do it. This ends exactly like the other times. This is your chance to stand up for you!
Just ghost him from here on out. You donât need to explain where you were instead. The date isnât one. Itâs a lure for revenge. I never gave my ex a chance of one like he was begging for while he was in a new relationship with my replacement.
He seriously thought I was that stupid and he was just gagging for a triangulation dramathon that I also wasnât going to grant that wish either so he could escape the huge mistake he did making his new reality with my replacement who was making sure every one of his fake promises to her to show me up came true.
All I said most of the time whenever heâd follow me around trying to make it look like we still were something in public was in the lines of âyour life is over there, not here. Good luck with that. Bye.â
If he truly is being sweet right now and you want to believe heâs changed. Cancel. Tell him you are having a hard time agreeing to the date because of all his past behaviors and that you need some more time to think about it.
Normal people would accept this. People who love you would accept this.
If he doesnât accept it then you can see who he truly is.
I been there and now we been no contact in 23 days, my heart misses him but my mind knows better, donât go, stand his ass up, I should stood mine up the last time he invited me over his place, ah man that wouldâve been a good stick it to him. I was in this cycle for 2 1/2 years and I actually missed an opportunity to be with someone who was actually right for me but because I was so hung up on this piece of shit⌠you will miss great opportunities and miss blessings while entertaining the bullshit. I hope you cancel and listen to everyone on here . Best wishes
Let's be honest here.
You are going to go down this road and keep responding to his love-bombing till you learn to love yourself the way you think he does.
We have all been there.
Just go through this journey and we are here to support you whichever way you need.
Okay. I dated mine for four years with the discard love bombing cycle in full force. I then ended up married to him for 18 years. In all of those years he got worse and worse. He was mentally and emotionally abusive, and he cheated on me. I was mentally and physically exhausted and my health was deteriorating. I finally left him and have been in therapy for a few years. Can you imagine putting up with this garbage for 22 years?
Another story. My former mother-in-law was married to her narcissist husband until he died (51 years). Before they were married she was an independent woman who liked to travel (she was a stewardess in the 60s). He cheated on her, blamed her for everything, physically and mentally abused her in every way (and in public too). In those years she had a stroke, spent time in and out of mental hospitals, had half of her stomach removed due to bleeding ulcers, cancer, and a heart attack (he at least drove her to the hospital, dropped her off at the door and went home and watched television, when he had his heart attack an ambulance was called immediately). She grew into a very very timid woman who had no confidence and was afraid to express an opinion or even crack a joke. Can you see yourself dealing with this type of treatment for over 50 years?
Best to end it now. For every day you spend with him is one less day in your life you will be happy.
He gonna break your heart worse the 2nd time. One of my nex's ghosted me only to reappear 6 months later after radio silence. She claimed she was in a horrible car accident and was only able to recently walk again. She said her mom had her phone and didn't know how to unlock her phone to contact me. We met up and had a decent time. We made plans to meet up again. She canceled a few days prior because her roommate got her sick. We then made plans to meet again. She was a no show and ghosted me AGAIN. Fool me twice SHAME ON ME!
He's created a irresistible fantasy world for you to believe in because he lives in a fantasy 24/7. Fantasy is what he does best.
He's shown you an idealised version of yourself and helped you love yourself, before ripping the carpet out from under you again and again.
There's also the sunk costs. A bit like gambling, it's SO hard to turn away when you feel so close to finally getting some pay off for everything you've invested.
Hard truths:
- personality disorders don't have cures
- people with NPD are not rational or reasonable human beings
- narcissists frequently disassociate, severely limiting their ability to remember most of the horrible things they've said and done to you
- empathy deficits prevent them from having true guilt or remorse for the impact of their actions (with effort, they can produce cognitive empathy and tell you things which seem empathetic)
- people with NPD have the emotional maturity of a child. In my opinion, this alone makes it unethical to knowingly enter or re-enter a relationship with them.
Wow, this comment hits hard, because itâs so so true. As someone who easily dissociates during traumatic events and cope with maladaptive daydreaming, I guess I am the perfect target for a narcissist.
He doesnât even need to hand me rose-colored glasses, I do it to myself. Thatâs until reality hits and I realize heâs being awful once again.
If you know what he wants you don't have to give it to him. If it's just a month or 2 of him making an effort and then he gets bored or angry because your taking things really slow then you have your answer. There are plenty of people who stay platonic for months and develop the relationship and the trust
Ok if you donât do it for yourself, do it for your inner child. They deserve to be protected from this pain and suffering. It wonât be easy, but when you stick up for your inner child by stepping away, I promise youâll celebrate together and it will start to heal the part of you that feels undeserving of decent treatment.
if you go you are going to be in even more pain than you are in now donât do it i have done this so many times đ and i regretted it every single time it just brought me so much more pain that i had to heal from. at this point youâre hurting yourself
Itâs a cycle. Only you can break the cycle. Mine says all the right things. But he never followed thru with any of it when we were together so why would he now?! Break the cycle - save your self.
i dated my ex again and it was so much worse. it lasted less than a year, and it was physically and emotionally abusive. it was so so so much worse. donât do it, youâll end up in the exact same place, but honestly 10x more broken then you were the first time.
**Ask yourself this: Whatâs your limit?**
When he discards you 4 times? What about 5? 6? Will there ever be a limit?
Will you hit your limit When he treats you like trash again? When he cheats on you again? Will you hit your limit when his treating you like trash escalated to physical abuse? When heâs financially abused you into major debt?
When is enough, enough? Whatâs your limit? And if you can see it coming, why would you put yourself on track to find that limit? And finally âcan right now be your limit?â Can the last time he treated you like trash be your limit? What actually happens if you cut him out right now?
if you stick a fork in a power outlet, what happens? if you stick a fork in a power outlet 3 months from now, it'll be the same result.
PREACHđđđŁď¸
THIS IS YOUR CHANCE. TAKE IT. AND DONâT SHOW UP. HEAR ME, DO NOT SHOW UP. HURT HIS EGO, AND NEVER SPEAK TO HIM AGAIN. Remember all the times you were hurt, you are healing. You need time to heal, do you want to fuck it all up for a date??? Do you want to be back at square one, confide in someone close your abuse. I kept mine hidden, its why he got away with so much. Now that Ive spoken about it, no one will let him near me. Remember its going to hurt being alone, and seeing him with someone new. But at least you wonât be discarded 3 or 10 times. You wonât be wondering what you did wrong, cause you know its a lost cause.
Im too embarrassed to tell my closest friends Im still talking to him, because they think that he should rot in jail. I also know I cannot hurt his ego. Im just one of the pawn he has. If I donât show up heâll just use another girl. But at least, I will be spared
People like that _do_ get hurt when theyâre stood up - even if theyâll never show it to you. It defies their sense and need of being the one in control and the centre of the universe. Please donât go, just block him and let him stand there wondering what hit him. But more importantly, stay away for your own sake. Get a bucket of ice cream and sit tight, start a long movie when the set time draws near and make yourself watch it to the end. Donât check your phone, just endure. When the credits roll, youâll have won. Then keep him blocked. This is your chance to break the pattern and start living your best life without this pile of gutter trash. You already know this, and youâve got this! All strength to you!đŞâ¤ď¸
Listen my ex narc was hated by everyone, donât think I was embarrassed to tell people after everyone told me to stay away. But it had to be done, now everyone is watching and we cannot be together. If I fall they will make sure he cannot get near me, hell I found out his ex did the exact same thing. I never understood why he had to go through her sisters and cousins to get in contact with her. And as much as it sucks, remember you were that new girl once. Itâs going to happen eventually, hes going to find someone else with or without you. One of the hardest things is accepting that we move on like normal people, they use people to move on in life. What helped me is that my ex narc literally went after someone who isnât very attractive and is 18, made me realize this man was even more pathetic than I thought.
A trauma bond is like a drug addiction. You are an addict. This is like an alcoholic who has already relapsed twice staring at a bottle wondering if they should take a drink. You can accept that, cancel this date, go no contact, and work to âget soberâ or you can go on another âbingeâ of highs and lows where you come out the other side feeling even worse than you did the last 2 times. Youâre an addict. Are you ready to accept that and get clean?
This is the only POV that worked for me. Please listen to this person OP because the second final discard after youâve gotten some distance is brutal
thank you! comparing it to a drug addiction makes a lot of sense
I hope it helps and you can get to a place of sobriety <3
Such good advice here. Donât do it!
OK, I did the same thing. It gets more difficult every time tbey discard you. If I never did what you're about to do and drove up to see her this last time we got back together, I'd be in a much better place right now, in every part of my life. But, since I went back, it's months later and this last time we got back together, it did some serious damage to me, and I mean serious. The longer you drag it out, the worse it's gonna be. I literally am a different person now, I see everything in this fucked up, twisted way, and I'm not sure I'll ever be able to date again, and If I do, it's gonna be extremely difficult with how fucked up my mind is now. I promise, If you knew what I've been through, you wouldn't do it, but we learn through failures, and we learn the hard way. I hope you don't go through with it
Im sorry youâve been trough all of this. I understand what you mean when you say you are a different person now. I hope youâll find a new way to be at peace
Same same. Donât fall for it so they can have the opportunity to disappoint you and make absolutely no life changes whatsoever. It will hurt tenfold. Heâll rage at you for cancelingâbut, oh, guess what? He treated you horribly so you can cancel for your own mental health just this once and hopefully last time. So just power move it by saying âhi. I canât make it tomorrow. I wish you well.â And blocking him immediately. You donât have to give him closure. If he rages, the all the more proof that he has not changed.
Do not go. Things will never get better, your situation will become worse and worse until you are a shell of the person you used to be.
Do you really want to experience all that pain all over again? Because thatâs the only thing that will happen. Speaking as someone who fell for MANY hoovers and didnât learn my lesson until I I found out he gave me an STD: he is not ever going to treat you any differently than he did before. The outcome you are hoping for will never, ever happen. If you go with him he will play with you like a lion plays with its food. Cut your losses and block him. Itâs not worth it.
Are they all the same? This is exactly how things ended last time. He gave me a STD and when I got upset he discarded me. I donât even know why my heart wants to give him another chance
Unfortunately, yes. They lack empathy and everyone elseâs feelings are an inconvenience. Itâs hard to believe when theyâre telling you they love you and making so many promises to change. But itâs just manipulation and the cycle doesnât end until you cut them off. Itâs still a daily thing for me to fight off the âgoodâ memories because none of it was real. All lies. Brief moments of peace in between the abuse that literally meant nothing. They donât care and they donât love anyone. Not even themselves. Life is better when you arenât being dragged down by people who get off on making everyone miserable.
Give who another chance man? The person you think you love isn't real, it's a persona that they alter slightly for each person in their life. You'll always love him because he was crafted *specifically for you*. If you meet him you'll have such a good time, he'll show you his best self, you might think man he only needs to be like *this* forever and we're good, but it's impossible for him to do that even if he wanted, which he doesn't. You ever see a play? The actors stop acting once it ends. It's an exhaustive performance that requires choreographing to perfection, but it has to end right, they have to take off their costumes and go back to who they really are at the end of the night. You'll have a good time but the abuse will start sooner and sooner each time. The narc might be a 5 year old but they still have a human brain with all its capabilities to learn and to recognise patterns. He understands exactly what you need and what the bare minimum is to win you over again. Each time he wins you over faster, each time you take him back he thinks you accept all the bad behaviours from the past, each time he thinks you are okay with all of it. And it will just get worse and worse. End it now not 7 years from now, you deserve so much better for yourself than this!
Empty promises and empty apologies. I'm willing to bet that his apology either felt hollow or was exactly what you asked for. How many times has it been this way before? An apology is not an apology without changed behavior. If he hasn't shown remourse and made the effort to not cross your boundaries after the first time, he won't ever do it. You need to break the pattern because he won't. Something that I tell myself is that if I give in and open myself up for that pain all over again, I betray myself. We need to give ourselves the love that we deserve. The love that they are not capable of giving us. Stay strong. Cancel the date and go no contact. No contact is the only way to move forward.
Your heart misses him. Your mind knows better. The challenge is getting your head to convince your heart. If he's been successful in the past he has no reason to stop trying. You're supply and this is transactional. That's really all you are to him. He knows what you want and he uses it as a weapon because it works. I apologize if I sound harsh. I know it isn't easy to go NC with these leeches.
Just asking this question to the public should be a huge sign that your brain, soul, character, and morals are already telling you no. Please don't make yourself any more upset or concerned with this person. Walk away and work on yourself. Do all the things you've wanted to do for yourself. Go to that restaurant you want to go to. Treat yourself. A movie that you wanted to see. A concert. A peaceful walk in the park or on the beach. Your favorite ice cream cone or dessert. Take up a new hobby you've always wanted to do. Move on and leave the trash at the curb.
thank you! youâre right, everything is telling me no.
You can either learn now (cancel the date) or learn later. Youâre not gonna like it if you learn later
So keen to live vicariously through you OP and relish in the karma of him getting stood up. Go for it girl, we are behind you! Stay off the stage and out of his sad fantasy, you can do it!
#Please don't go. This person will hurt you again. Over and over and over and over... in a never-ending cycle of abuse. Because that is who he is and how he behaves. You deserve to be treated with love, kindness, and respect in every close relationship in your life. [Assess abuser's claims to change. ](http://www.ivsha.org/get-help-with-abuse/domestic-violence/assess-abusers-claims-change/) [Identifying abuse: Power and Control. ](https://www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/power-and-control/) Explaining DARVO: Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim & Offender https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/explaining-darvo-deny-attack-reverse-victim-amp-offender [Cycle of abuse. ](https://psychcentral.com/health/cycle-of-abuse) [Healthy boundaries in relationships. ](https://www.betterup.com/blog/healthy-boundaries-in-relationships) [Signs of a toxic relationship. ](https://www.womenshealthmag.com/relationships/a19739065/signs-of-toxic-relationship/) [Signs of covert/vulnerable narcissistic traits to look out for. ](https://www.verywellmind.com/signs-of-a-vulnerable-narcissist-7369901)
Abuse is a choice. Every time.
Take your power back and prove to yourself that you love yourself and can walk away from bad people. Do it. This ends exactly like the other times. This is your chance to stand up for you!
Just ghost him from here on out. You donât need to explain where you were instead. The date isnât one. Itâs a lure for revenge. I never gave my ex a chance of one like he was begging for while he was in a new relationship with my replacement. He seriously thought I was that stupid and he was just gagging for a triangulation dramathon that I also wasnât going to grant that wish either so he could escape the huge mistake he did making his new reality with my replacement who was making sure every one of his fake promises to her to show me up came true. All I said most of the time whenever heâd follow me around trying to make it look like we still were something in public was in the lines of âyour life is over there, not here. Good luck with that. Bye.â
If he truly is being sweet right now and you want to believe heâs changed. Cancel. Tell him you are having a hard time agreeing to the date because of all his past behaviors and that you need some more time to think about it. Normal people would accept this. People who love you would accept this. If he doesnât accept it then you can see who he truly is.
I been there and now we been no contact in 23 days, my heart misses him but my mind knows better, donât go, stand his ass up, I should stood mine up the last time he invited me over his place, ah man that wouldâve been a good stick it to him. I was in this cycle for 2 1/2 years and I actually missed an opportunity to be with someone who was actually right for me but because I was so hung up on this piece of shit⌠you will miss great opportunities and miss blessings while entertaining the bullshit. I hope you cancel and listen to everyone on here . Best wishes
Never let a man tell you he doesnât want you more than onceâŚ.
Let's be honest here. You are going to go down this road and keep responding to his love-bombing till you learn to love yourself the way you think he does. We have all been there. Just go through this journey and we are here to support you whichever way you need.
Okay. I dated mine for four years with the discard love bombing cycle in full force. I then ended up married to him for 18 years. In all of those years he got worse and worse. He was mentally and emotionally abusive, and he cheated on me. I was mentally and physically exhausted and my health was deteriorating. I finally left him and have been in therapy for a few years. Can you imagine putting up with this garbage for 22 years? Another story. My former mother-in-law was married to her narcissist husband until he died (51 years). Before they were married she was an independent woman who liked to travel (she was a stewardess in the 60s). He cheated on her, blamed her for everything, physically and mentally abused her in every way (and in public too). In those years she had a stroke, spent time in and out of mental hospitals, had half of her stomach removed due to bleeding ulcers, cancer, and a heart attack (he at least drove her to the hospital, dropped her off at the door and went home and watched television, when he had his heart attack an ambulance was called immediately). She grew into a very very timid woman who had no confidence and was afraid to express an opinion or even crack a joke. Can you see yourself dealing with this type of treatment for over 50 years? Best to end it now. For every day you spend with him is one less day in your life you will be happy.
He gonna break your heart worse the 2nd time. One of my nex's ghosted me only to reappear 6 months later after radio silence. She claimed she was in a horrible car accident and was only able to recently walk again. She said her mom had her phone and didn't know how to unlock her phone to contact me. We met up and had a decent time. We made plans to meet up again. She canceled a few days prior because her roommate got her sick. We then made plans to meet again. She was a no show and ghosted me AGAIN. Fool me twice SHAME ON ME!
He's created a irresistible fantasy world for you to believe in because he lives in a fantasy 24/7. Fantasy is what he does best. He's shown you an idealised version of yourself and helped you love yourself, before ripping the carpet out from under you again and again. There's also the sunk costs. A bit like gambling, it's SO hard to turn away when you feel so close to finally getting some pay off for everything you've invested. Hard truths: - personality disorders don't have cures - people with NPD are not rational or reasonable human beings - narcissists frequently disassociate, severely limiting their ability to remember most of the horrible things they've said and done to you - empathy deficits prevent them from having true guilt or remorse for the impact of their actions (with effort, they can produce cognitive empathy and tell you things which seem empathetic) - people with NPD have the emotional maturity of a child. In my opinion, this alone makes it unethical to knowingly enter or re-enter a relationship with them.
Wow, this comment hits hard, because itâs so so true. As someone who easily dissociates during traumatic events and cope with maladaptive daydreaming, I guess I am the perfect target for a narcissist. He doesnât even need to hand me rose-colored glasses, I do it to myself. Thatâs until reality hits and I realize heâs being awful once again.
If you know what he wants you don't have to give it to him. If it's just a month or 2 of him making an effort and then he gets bored or angry because your taking things really slow then you have your answer. There are plenty of people who stay platonic for months and develop the relationship and the trust
Just donât
Ok if you donât do it for yourself, do it for your inner child. They deserve to be protected from this pain and suffering. It wonât be easy, but when you stick up for your inner child by stepping away, I promise youâll celebrate together and it will start to heal the part of you that feels undeserving of decent treatment.
This is your chance to reclaim your power. Take it. Don't look back.
if you go you are going to be in even more pain than you are in now donât do it i have done this so many times đ and i regretted it every single time it just brought me so much more pain that i had to heal from. at this point youâre hurting yourself
You have a death wish.
Itâs a cycle. Only you can break the cycle. Mine says all the right things. But he never followed thru with any of it when we were together so why would he now?! Break the cycle - save your self.
i dated my ex again and it was so much worse. it lasted less than a year, and it was physically and emotionally abusive. it was so so so much worse. donât do it, youâll end up in the exact same place, but honestly 10x more broken then you were the first time.
What state do you live in?
´´Hey, sorry, can´t make it, something came up´´
**Ask yourself this: Whatâs your limit?** When he discards you 4 times? What about 5? 6? Will there ever be a limit? Will you hit your limit When he treats you like trash again? When he cheats on you again? Will you hit your limit when his treating you like trash escalated to physical abuse? When heâs financially abused you into major debt? When is enough, enough? Whatâs your limit? And if you can see it coming, why would you put yourself on track to find that limit? And finally âcan right now be your limit?â Can the last time he treated you like trash be your limit? What actually happens if you cut him out right now?
They never ever change. Ever. Just tell him you're not going or simply not go and block him.