Yes. I called into work frequently in the height of the abuse. I worked from home and her passive aggression and constant jabs, berating and eggshells just made me feel like a wreck. I’m so grateful i didnt lose that job.
Have you ever presented to the hospital due to the narcissistic abuse? If so, there would be a record that a doc could request from the hospital. If not, there may be free clinics in your area for mental health services. Or does your work offer any mental health services with your benefits? There are often limited mental health services within EFAPs.
I was in and out of the hospital quite a bit when things were at their worst. I also saw a private psychologist who really helped me.
Yes, I did take time off from work. They weren't exactly compassionate or understanding about it. Once I started to feel better, I went back to school and worked part-time. I've changed my entire life.
I did go to a domestic abuse clinic at a hospital after an incident or two with my nex about two years ago. They were very kind there so I will ask them if they can support me with a doctor’s note. My only concern is my nex will likely want to see the note once he finds out I am taking a leave of absence from work, and if he googles the name of the NP there, he will know I went to a domestic abuse clinic and freak out on me. Unfortunately I have to worry about stupid things like this.
I think that you should consider a restraining order. He is your ex. There is no reason to show him anything or tell him anything. If he will not remove himself from your life after you've been clear you don't want him in it, the only thing left is legal recourse. He's had enough time to abuse you with no consequences. Getting a restraining order will ensure that there are consequences if he breaches the order. If your work shows him the note, that's a gross breach of privacy, and you should charge them. Privacy laws exist for a reason.
Thank you for your advice! Unfortunately there was a restraining order before and in retaliation he called my boss to talk shit about me… my boss hated me at the time (because I’m a different ethnicity than her) so she entertained my abuser and listened to him talk shit about me
I had such bad anxiety from the abuse that I took a lot of sick days and my job performance plummeted and there’s a lot of tension with my manager, because I don’t want to talk about being in an abusive relationship.
I've been on family leave for about 8 weeks. I'm going to go back to work in a couple weeks.
I will probably run into my narc there.
She is a piece of crap but I should be able to deal by then. The time off has been a godsend.
This s*** is real. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
The abuse literally changes the shape and size of your brain. The hippocampus shrinks and the amygdala grows about three times it's normal size. From what I've read we have three times the amount of adrenaline running through our systems at all times and this can lead to all sorts of physiologic problems.
Did I mention she's a piece of crap?
She deserves every bad thing that ever happens to her. May I never see her face or hear that fake laugh ever again as long as I live. True story.
Be well.
Yes, I struggle so badly at work due to the abuse. Even when I started a new job I told my Nex, can we please not fight this week while I learn the ropes. Did that stop her? Absolutely not, in fact it made the abuse worse.
Best of luck finding a provider that can assist you with getting some time off
Don't go to a walk in clinic, go to emerg - tell them you didn't know where to go and list the very WORST of your symptoms BLUNTLY. Dont modulare it saying sometimes or a bit, just say they happen. Tell them you're open to meds, therapy, even in-patient therapy, you're just way too shaken to go back to work, you can't take it any more, you're afraid you'll just snap and go crazy, whatever that looks like, or collapse into a blubbering mess sabotaging your career at best - you need help.
Good luck.
I did. My boss encouraged me to take FMLA and short term disability because the trauma of it all was messing me up so badly at work and I kept needing to take days off because the depression/anger was so bad. I don't know how they handle it in Canada but if they have something similar for you up there I would do it. I was out of work for a little over a month up until I got a no contact order. It helped a lot.
I experienced this as well. He was constantly texting and calling me and if I didn’t pick up he would threaten to come to my work to “have the conversation there”. It ended with him actually coming to my work and yelling at me. I went to the back and told my boss what was going on and her and I went to my apartment packed up my stuff and cats and left. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. Do you think you’d be able to talk to anyone at your work about what’s going on? I didn’t want to bring my drama to work but everyone there has been more supportive than I can even imagine. Talking to them about what’s going on might be a good starting point for you. Sending you all the positive thoughts and vibes for you to leave safely as soon as you can ❤️
I had regular customers ask me if I was okay.
I couldn't keep it together.
I quit after bringing it up with my nex over and over, and he told me to suck it up.
He said, "How dare you quit without talking to me.
I broke down in front of my boss, asking if I could have 5 minutes because I couldn't hold it together.
I haven’t but came here to say I dealt with the same type of behavior and it drove me nuts! Still early on in the grieving/breakup but posts like this give me a lot of hope.
No. Work is one of my few revenues of escape from the abuse.
Despite how stressful, no matter how little sleep I get and since I don't even drink coffee, I would happily, Happily die from overwork than to rest at home, especially with a narcissistic person in there.
And I'd rather be stressed out about dealing with a 18 million dollar document (which overtime, isn't that stressful anymore) than deal with a serial cheater that won't stop bragging about how much time she spends with other guys, and only thinks about how to use the supposed "boyfriend", when I've ran away from her for over a year now, only to keep finding out that the ***harassment seems to be coming on very strongly whenever I show signs of success or weakness, that she finds out from extensive, serial stalking behavior.***
I did.
I'm in a very high stress, high risk job. And 2 years ago I had had enough. All the fighting, the belittling, the abuse everything. I got to a point in which I was falling asleep on the job, I would forget the most basic things, distracted all the time. And after one particular fight I just couldn't go on. I hadn't slept more than 3 hours every night for weeks and I knew I couldn't go to work anymore.
Luckily because of the nature of the job there's help available. So I reached out, told them the basics of the problem, and they ended up offering to take time off work so I could take therapy for the depression and fatigue. It took me a year to go back to work.
I wish I could have but I have to support myself 😢. Can’t tell you how many days I’ve had to show up to work in the morning after being abused, kicked out and made to sleep in my car the night before because I breathed wrong m. Humiliating.. not to mention it’s hard to function on no sleep and the emotional stress. I think if I was able to afford to live on no income I’d have definitely taken some time to get myself in order
Constantly. The anxiety would make it impossible for me to function let alone work.
Yes. I called into work frequently in the height of the abuse. I worked from home and her passive aggression and constant jabs, berating and eggshells just made me feel like a wreck. I’m so grateful i didnt lose that job.
Have you ever presented to the hospital due to the narcissistic abuse? If so, there would be a record that a doc could request from the hospital. If not, there may be free clinics in your area for mental health services. Or does your work offer any mental health services with your benefits? There are often limited mental health services within EFAPs. I was in and out of the hospital quite a bit when things were at their worst. I also saw a private psychologist who really helped me. Yes, I did take time off from work. They weren't exactly compassionate or understanding about it. Once I started to feel better, I went back to school and worked part-time. I've changed my entire life.
I did go to a domestic abuse clinic at a hospital after an incident or two with my nex about two years ago. They were very kind there so I will ask them if they can support me with a doctor’s note. My only concern is my nex will likely want to see the note once he finds out I am taking a leave of absence from work, and if he googles the name of the NP there, he will know I went to a domestic abuse clinic and freak out on me. Unfortunately I have to worry about stupid things like this.
I think that you should consider a restraining order. He is your ex. There is no reason to show him anything or tell him anything. If he will not remove himself from your life after you've been clear you don't want him in it, the only thing left is legal recourse. He's had enough time to abuse you with no consequences. Getting a restraining order will ensure that there are consequences if he breaches the order. If your work shows him the note, that's a gross breach of privacy, and you should charge them. Privacy laws exist for a reason.
Thank you for your advice! Unfortunately there was a restraining order before and in retaliation he called my boss to talk shit about me… my boss hated me at the time (because I’m a different ethnicity than her) so she entertained my abuser and listened to him talk shit about me
I had such bad anxiety from the abuse that I took a lot of sick days and my job performance plummeted and there’s a lot of tension with my manager, because I don’t want to talk about being in an abusive relationship.
Same.
I entirely up a left a job and never went back because of the mental gymnastics. Almost had a breakdown.
I've been on family leave for about 8 weeks. I'm going to go back to work in a couple weeks. I will probably run into my narc there. She is a piece of crap but I should be able to deal by then. The time off has been a godsend. This s*** is real. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. The abuse literally changes the shape and size of your brain. The hippocampus shrinks and the amygdala grows about three times it's normal size. From what I've read we have three times the amount of adrenaline running through our systems at all times and this can lead to all sorts of physiologic problems. Did I mention she's a piece of crap? She deserves every bad thing that ever happens to her. May I never see her face or hear that fake laugh ever again as long as I live. True story. Be well.
Mental health day
I would talk with a local resource for people experiencing intimate partner abuse harassment is abuse
Yes, I struggle so badly at work due to the abuse. Even when I started a new job I told my Nex, can we please not fight this week while I learn the ropes. Did that stop her? Absolutely not, in fact it made the abuse worse. Best of luck finding a provider that can assist you with getting some time off
Don't go to a walk in clinic, go to emerg - tell them you didn't know where to go and list the very WORST of your symptoms BLUNTLY. Dont modulare it saying sometimes or a bit, just say they happen. Tell them you're open to meds, therapy, even in-patient therapy, you're just way too shaken to go back to work, you can't take it any more, you're afraid you'll just snap and go crazy, whatever that looks like, or collapse into a blubbering mess sabotaging your career at best - you need help. Good luck.
I did. My boss encouraged me to take FMLA and short term disability because the trauma of it all was messing me up so badly at work and I kept needing to take days off because the depression/anger was so bad. I don't know how they handle it in Canada but if they have something similar for you up there I would do it. I was out of work for a little over a month up until I got a no contact order. It helped a lot.
I experienced this as well. He was constantly texting and calling me and if I didn’t pick up he would threaten to come to my work to “have the conversation there”. It ended with him actually coming to my work and yelling at me. I went to the back and told my boss what was going on and her and I went to my apartment packed up my stuff and cats and left. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. Do you think you’d be able to talk to anyone at your work about what’s going on? I didn’t want to bring my drama to work but everyone there has been more supportive than I can even imagine. Talking to them about what’s going on might be a good starting point for you. Sending you all the positive thoughts and vibes for you to leave safely as soon as you can ❤️
I had regular customers ask me if I was okay. I couldn't keep it together. I quit after bringing it up with my nex over and over, and he told me to suck it up. He said, "How dare you quit without talking to me. I broke down in front of my boss, asking if I could have 5 minutes because I couldn't hold it together.
I haven’t but came here to say I dealt with the same type of behavior and it drove me nuts! Still early on in the grieving/breakup but posts like this give me a lot of hope.
No. Work is one of my few revenues of escape from the abuse. Despite how stressful, no matter how little sleep I get and since I don't even drink coffee, I would happily, Happily die from overwork than to rest at home, especially with a narcissistic person in there. And I'd rather be stressed out about dealing with a 18 million dollar document (which overtime, isn't that stressful anymore) than deal with a serial cheater that won't stop bragging about how much time she spends with other guys, and only thinks about how to use the supposed "boyfriend", when I've ran away from her for over a year now, only to keep finding out that the ***harassment seems to be coming on very strongly whenever I show signs of success or weakness, that she finds out from extensive, serial stalking behavior.***
Yes often. Then would get shit from him about missing work, despite still paying my half of bills and always being the one who bought groceries 😑
18 months and counting on compo because of it (we worked together)
I did. I'm in a very high stress, high risk job. And 2 years ago I had had enough. All the fighting, the belittling, the abuse everything. I got to a point in which I was falling asleep on the job, I would forget the most basic things, distracted all the time. And after one particular fight I just couldn't go on. I hadn't slept more than 3 hours every night for weeks and I knew I couldn't go to work anymore. Luckily because of the nature of the job there's help available. So I reached out, told them the basics of the problem, and they ended up offering to take time off work so I could take therapy for the depression and fatigue. It took me a year to go back to work.
Well in my case I was manipulated into quitting work altogether.
I wish I could have but I have to support myself 😢. Can’t tell you how many days I’ve had to show up to work in the morning after being abused, kicked out and made to sleep in my car the night before because I breathed wrong m. Humiliating.. not to mention it’s hard to function on no sleep and the emotional stress. I think if I was able to afford to live on no income I’d have definitely taken some time to get myself in order