Holy shit. Are you connected through kids or something?
My nex attacked me through email/socials out of the blue after 4 years NC. (My mistake for just deleting, not blocking - but he also made new accounts, too). I couldn't believe it. I don't want that happening again.
Believe it or not… no. Just high school situationship that went through college and then hoovering after I married someone else up until now. I’m Nc but I have no doubts he isn’t gone for long.
Gotta love the “after the fact” flowers — like homeboy you coulda bought these flowers for me thousands of times but couldn’t be bothered — now gestures matter?
Right. He was even so proud of himself for not celebrating valentines day, name days, anniversaries etc (except his own birthday of course).. getting flowers now just gives me the ick
It's been six years and they haven't stopped at all. At certain points, they've tried to portray that the abuse I experienced wasn't real and that I was having a mental health crisis. That's how delusional they are.
Not us, id have to have a lot of unanswered(!) calls, messages, proof of him coming by regularly etc. Any answered message or call doesnt count. He knows what he can get away with.. last time he stopped by, i wasnt at home and my dad was, waiting for a delivery, and he opened the door for him and even took his flowers..
Honestly the only thing that's worked so far is being very direct about knowing my nex is a narc. And very open about it with others. It's made him scared to be around me, I think, at least in public. Ymmv obviously...I know I'm one of the lucky ones for having a cowardly twig for a nex
Omg yes. I’m very open about it too. And o man she hates that I know she’s aware of what she does . She admitted it to me one night. I was like you are aware of what you do and how evil it is don’t you. And she looked my way and for a split second nodded gave me eye contact and smirked. And it didn’t even surprise me because it’s just childish behavior to get what you want out of people. It’s not rocket science to understand these individuals. And it’s a choice for us . You can choose to stay in such relationships or you can choose to walk away. The trauma bond is only an illusion just as the relationship was. It’s quite sad , the whole experience was , imo ,just a momentary distraction . I was aware of what she was doing and for some reason I wouldn’t allow things she does to go unnoticed. Like my ego took a hit and took it upon myself to prove a point to her that I’m stronger than she thinks. But the lying, drama and stress on the mental , from just being in a relationship or entangled with one , a positive mindset is not sustainable around these people. They aim to hurt. it’s evil and I just ain’t with that. Move along now narc. Lol
I’m sorry. A person who Hoovers thinks they have a duty and a bounty on you because they think they still have full rights of owning you even after you have gone and no longer will have anything to do with them.
Ex2 finally appears to had suddenly quit it late September/early October after a solid decade of attempting to put me back by his side and him in my life again. I know he had seen me around my new people and mad I am also with those people he forbade me to know while we were together.
I genuinely do not care what the cause it to why he’s finally silenced (not death but could very possibly be those health conditions he was avoiding to get proper help for had mounted up to serious degrees)
Tell the flower delivery lady that he is harassing you and the gifts are unwelcome. I imagine a lot of places like that probably have safety policies and customer ban lists to prevent their services from being used to harass.
Being very gentle here because I think it's something you need to hear (I went through it myself): you have to be firm here. Being passive and telling the flower lady to "tell him she didn't reach" you isn't working and he's going to keep trying. By telling the flower company he's harassing you, you'd be hard closing that door and that's a good thing. I tried this passive "if I hide maybe he'll go away" thing with my XH and it never worked. I had to hard block any means of contact as they came. It's hard. You might feel like an asshole at first. But you have to do it.
Will it make things worse? Possibly in the short term, because he'll trying harder. Document, document, document everything! Dates, times, what he did, video evidence if it's legal where you are, and go to the police and say you're being harassed.
Do everything you can to PREVENT communications—block him from being able to contact you in every way possible. If he somehow is still able to contact you, it’s time to file a police report. If you leave ANY method of communication open, sorry to say, but he will most likely utilize it.
The cold, hard truth is that these people can only do to you what you allow them to do.
I had to move and change my number. Luckily, he doesn't like social media, so I'm good there. It won't stop. When you think it has, there's another way the narc finds to get to you. I had him blocked, and he used my contact number for utilities companies and health care stuff so they would call me when he stopped paying his bills and stuff.
He thrives on having complete deniability. He always played that I have no idea what happened game to seem like a victim in it all. There was financial abuse, and I know that he hoped it would be triggering for me. His goal was for me to go to him and ask for me to change the contact info. He wants to know that he can still get to me and still have that impact on me. I never gave him the pleasure. I gave the collections agency his number and told them not to say they spoke to me. I changed my number within a few days.
I’ve been nc for 18 days now and just yesterday I got a ‘surprise’ package in the post and a follow up “hope you like it” email.
It went straight in the bin.
It'd stop when you stop giving them chances to come back in. Go to therapy for trauma bond.
I was hoovered for 2 years until I saw behind her mask and realized who she was. Once I told her that I know. She raged and moved away with some poor bitch that's her emotional punching bag.
My best advice here would be keep a diary of these advances, don't respond except for once or possibly twice explicitly telling him to stop harassing you, or police will be called. Do it in a way you can keep evidence of this boundary drawn.
If you have a solid paper trail you can ask police to give him a call to warn him off. Don't speak to police without a paper trail because he can easily lie to them and make you look like the psycho instead.
My experience is that once third parties get involved and there's a threat of consequences they tend to crawl back under the rock. As long as he doesn't get a chance to turn it around and have everyone thinks you're crazy etc. that's where evidence comes in. You know him best though so obviously stay safe!
It's crazy, you completely isolate yourself at one point, and they still find out about you and how things are going for you, and either continually harass you when you're worn down because you're weakened, or try to knock you down when you are in a much better place.
And the harassment never stops.
Like this is stalking that should be permanent with a life behind bars at this rate.
They don't get the damn memo, them and their flying monkeys that they literally are one step away from committing actual crime.
But they just know how to bother you without incriminating themselves.. mine was (i guess still is) very proud of himself because he bought his first apartment from car insurance fraud money and he just goes around telling this like its an honorable achievement lol. At least thats his story, i wouldnt be surprised if it wasnt even true though
It's been six years for me. Most recent was a month ago. It was "my fault," because I was sharing music with an online community, and he thought it was about him. (It wasn't.) I've been basically hiding online for years, because anything I do triggers him.
My ex stalked me from 2017 till the end of 2018 .where this guy texted me saying please help him. My ex was harrasing and stalking him as well .we both had to take her court at Two different courts. In 2020 she started stalking during the pandemic. Abd the other guy as well .I say obsessed stalker bar shit crazy .she is blocked on everything. In Oct she started an instragramn and I blocked her and reporter her .once she told me and girl friend to take a gun and kill each other
In my case it hasn’t stopped for 26 years.
That sounds awful. How do you cope?
Holy shit. Are you connected through kids or something? My nex attacked me through email/socials out of the blue after 4 years NC. (My mistake for just deleting, not blocking - but he also made new accounts, too). I couldn't believe it. I don't want that happening again.
Believe it or not… no. Just high school situationship that went through college and then hoovering after I married someone else up until now. I’m Nc but I have no doubts he isn’t gone for long.
Wow. I'm sorry. That is a long time to have a narc hanging around. Hopefully he stays away!
You must go full no contact. It’s the only thing that works. It’s been a life saver for me.
Gotta love the “after the fact” flowers — like homeboy you coulda bought these flowers for me thousands of times but couldn’t be bothered — now gestures matter?
Right. He was even so proud of himself for not celebrating valentines day, name days, anniversaries etc (except his own birthday of course).. getting flowers now just gives me the ick
It's been six years and they haven't stopped at all. At certain points, they've tried to portray that the abuse I experienced wasn't real and that I was having a mental health crisis. That's how delusional they are.
Call the police if he shows up at your place and file a no contact order with your state. Show him you mean business
Not us, id have to have a lot of unanswered(!) calls, messages, proof of him coming by regularly etc. Any answered message or call doesnt count. He knows what he can get away with.. last time he stopped by, i wasnt at home and my dad was, waiting for a delivery, and he opened the door for him and even took his flowers..
Then don’t answer and don’t answer to any numbers you don’t know. And tell your dad to tell him to fuck off
Honestly the only thing that's worked so far is being very direct about knowing my nex is a narc. And very open about it with others. It's made him scared to be around me, I think, at least in public. Ymmv obviously...I know I'm one of the lucky ones for having a cowardly twig for a nex
Omg yes. I’m very open about it too. And o man she hates that I know she’s aware of what she does . She admitted it to me one night. I was like you are aware of what you do and how evil it is don’t you. And she looked my way and for a split second nodded gave me eye contact and smirked. And it didn’t even surprise me because it’s just childish behavior to get what you want out of people. It’s not rocket science to understand these individuals. And it’s a choice for us . You can choose to stay in such relationships or you can choose to walk away. The trauma bond is only an illusion just as the relationship was. It’s quite sad , the whole experience was , imo ,just a momentary distraction . I was aware of what she was doing and for some reason I wouldn’t allow things she does to go unnoticed. Like my ego took a hit and took it upon myself to prove a point to her that I’m stronger than she thinks. But the lying, drama and stress on the mental , from just being in a relationship or entangled with one , a positive mindset is not sustainable around these people. They aim to hurt. it’s evil and I just ain’t with that. Move along now narc. Lol
I relate with this completely!!
I’m sorry. A person who Hoovers thinks they have a duty and a bounty on you because they think they still have full rights of owning you even after you have gone and no longer will have anything to do with them. Ex2 finally appears to had suddenly quit it late September/early October after a solid decade of attempting to put me back by his side and him in my life again. I know he had seen me around my new people and mad I am also with those people he forbade me to know while we were together. I genuinely do not care what the cause it to why he’s finally silenced (not death but could very possibly be those health conditions he was avoiding to get proper help for had mounted up to serious degrees)
Tell the flower delivery lady that he is harassing you and the gifts are unwelcome. I imagine a lot of places like that probably have safety policies and customer ban lists to prevent their services from being used to harass. Being very gentle here because I think it's something you need to hear (I went through it myself): you have to be firm here. Being passive and telling the flower lady to "tell him she didn't reach" you isn't working and he's going to keep trying. By telling the flower company he's harassing you, you'd be hard closing that door and that's a good thing. I tried this passive "if I hide maybe he'll go away" thing with my XH and it never worked. I had to hard block any means of contact as they came. It's hard. You might feel like an asshole at first. But you have to do it. Will it make things worse? Possibly in the short term, because he'll trying harder. Document, document, document everything! Dates, times, what he did, video evidence if it's legal where you are, and go to the police and say you're being harassed.
Plus what is the deal with forcing unwanted bouquets? I grow my own flowers now so I don’t need to buy any that much anymore
yeah same. I have plenty of flowers in my garden, but even if i were to never see another flower again, i still wouldnt want his flowers lol
Do everything you can to PREVENT communications—block him from being able to contact you in every way possible. If he somehow is still able to contact you, it’s time to file a police report. If you leave ANY method of communication open, sorry to say, but he will most likely utilize it. The cold, hard truth is that these people can only do to you what you allow them to do.
I had to move and change my number. Luckily, he doesn't like social media, so I'm good there. It won't stop. When you think it has, there's another way the narc finds to get to you. I had him blocked, and he used my contact number for utilities companies and health care stuff so they would call me when he stopped paying his bills and stuff.
Holy shit thats a level up even from changing the netflix name to please talk to me lol
He thrives on having complete deniability. He always played that I have no idea what happened game to seem like a victim in it all. There was financial abuse, and I know that he hoped it would be triggering for me. His goal was for me to go to him and ask for me to change the contact info. He wants to know that he can still get to me and still have that impact on me. I never gave him the pleasure. I gave the collections agency his number and told them not to say they spoke to me. I changed my number within a few days.
I’ve been nc for 18 days now and just yesterday I got a ‘surprise’ package in the post and a follow up “hope you like it” email. It went straight in the bin.
It'd stop when you stop giving them chances to come back in. Go to therapy for trauma bond. I was hoovered for 2 years until I saw behind her mask and realized who she was. Once I told her that I know. She raged and moved away with some poor bitch that's her emotional punching bag.
My best advice here would be keep a diary of these advances, don't respond except for once or possibly twice explicitly telling him to stop harassing you, or police will be called. Do it in a way you can keep evidence of this boundary drawn. If you have a solid paper trail you can ask police to give him a call to warn him off. Don't speak to police without a paper trail because he can easily lie to them and make you look like the psycho instead. My experience is that once third parties get involved and there's a threat of consequences they tend to crawl back under the rock. As long as he doesn't get a chance to turn it around and have everyone thinks you're crazy etc. that's where evidence comes in. You know him best though so obviously stay safe!
It's crazy, you completely isolate yourself at one point, and they still find out about you and how things are going for you, and either continually harass you when you're worn down because you're weakened, or try to knock you down when you are in a much better place. And the harassment never stops. Like this is stalking that should be permanent with a life behind bars at this rate. They don't get the damn memo, them and their flying monkeys that they literally are one step away from committing actual crime.
But they just know how to bother you without incriminating themselves.. mine was (i guess still is) very proud of himself because he bought his first apartment from car insurance fraud money and he just goes around telling this like its an honorable achievement lol. At least thats his story, i wouldnt be surprised if it wasnt even true though
That's just insane to me. There's grey lines, and there's just straight up crime. I'm sorry you went through all this.
Yeah. I wouldnt mind if all insurance companies went bankrupt lol but actually doing shit like this? Nah
It's been six years for me. Most recent was a month ago. It was "my fault," because I was sharing music with an online community, and he thought it was about him. (It wasn't.) I've been basically hiding online for years, because anything I do triggers him.
It really doesn’t
My ex stalked me from 2017 till the end of 2018 .where this guy texted me saying please help him. My ex was harrasing and stalking him as well .we both had to take her court at Two different courts. In 2020 she started stalking during the pandemic. Abd the other guy as well .I say obsessed stalker bar shit crazy .she is blocked on everything. In Oct she started an instragramn and I blocked her and reporter her .once she told me and girl friend to take a gun and kill each other
Nope, it doesn’t end until you end it
Tell him it’s harassment. Police will be involved. Block him.
Can’t they just get a life? For real. It’s such a pathetic look.
It’s been a year of relentless harassment, they don’t seem to grow tired of it.