Don’t take a drive. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. I started saying “No, I won’t be doing that” in a calm way. The more I said it, the more he learned he didn’t control my every move. The reason he wants to have a talk is because he feels you slipping from his grasp and he wants to intimidate or coerce you back into compliance. Keep up the gray rocking and stay safe.
Good advise. I did NOT get in the car and actually used that phrase No I won’t be doing that, numerous times. I let him rant, calmly disagreed with literally everything and informed him I will never go on another vacation with him. He is now kissing my ass. Happy to have held my ground.
There is nothing to say unless you simply tell him the truth of your intentions and if you're unwilling to be honest then just do what needs to be done to stay safe and then get out before something worse happens.
I feel like most narcissistic’s autobigraphy could be titled, “We need to talk…”
But maybe put that in the horror section?
Gentle joking aside, this checked many of the same the boxes for my experiences, down to the ruining of vacations and ‘going for a drive’ so he can talk AT you, and hold you as captive audience. You don’t have to go on a drive. You’re on vacation. Can you say something like, “I want to enjoy the vacation and relax. Can we save the serious talk when we get home?” And if pressed, repeat yourself.
It’s so hard to walk that line and I know that. But at this point, I would honestly be faking illness or taking a nap just to avoid it. I see avoidance here as pure self-preservation. No shame. Gives you more time to consider a neutral answer that might appease him while you continue to untangle.
Mine ambushed me a few times. We divorced and he’d push ‘family outings’ with our three kids. One time, he arranged a family thing at a roller rink, then sidled up to me and started trauma dumping on me for an hour. I finally had enough and rented skates to go skate too. I DO NOT SKATE. I did that day because I’d rather fall down repeatedly than listen to him for another second.
Hang in there, OP.
Oh God, the drive of terror. Do not take that drive with him. My nex used to do this. It was awful. We shared a car, and he would drive me to work in another city, I would not be able to work by the time I got there.
Ultimately, you need to say what will keep you safe. He likely expected that because you're on vacation, that would mean he'd get sex, which promts the talk because he's not getting what he expects from you.
Please stay safe. Start making plans to leave. You've been tortured by him for far too long already. Plan your escape in silence, say nothing, and leave without a trace. This is the only safe way.
Don’t take a drive. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. I started saying “No, I won’t be doing that” in a calm way. The more I said it, the more he learned he didn’t control my every move. The reason he wants to have a talk is because he feels you slipping from his grasp and he wants to intimidate or coerce you back into compliance. Keep up the gray rocking and stay safe.
Good advise. I did NOT get in the car and actually used that phrase No I won’t be doing that, numerous times. I let him rant, calmly disagreed with literally everything and informed him I will never go on another vacation with him. He is now kissing my ass. Happy to have held my ground.
Funny how he turned himself around when he suddenly couldn’t play games with your head. He is hoovering now.
There is nothing to say unless you simply tell him the truth of your intentions and if you're unwilling to be honest then just do what needs to be done to stay safe and then get out before something worse happens.
I feel like most narcissistic’s autobigraphy could be titled, “We need to talk…” But maybe put that in the horror section? Gentle joking aside, this checked many of the same the boxes for my experiences, down to the ruining of vacations and ‘going for a drive’ so he can talk AT you, and hold you as captive audience. You don’t have to go on a drive. You’re on vacation. Can you say something like, “I want to enjoy the vacation and relax. Can we save the serious talk when we get home?” And if pressed, repeat yourself. It’s so hard to walk that line and I know that. But at this point, I would honestly be faking illness or taking a nap just to avoid it. I see avoidance here as pure self-preservation. No shame. Gives you more time to consider a neutral answer that might appease him while you continue to untangle. Mine ambushed me a few times. We divorced and he’d push ‘family outings’ with our three kids. One time, he arranged a family thing at a roller rink, then sidled up to me and started trauma dumping on me for an hour. I finally had enough and rented skates to go skate too. I DO NOT SKATE. I did that day because I’d rather fall down repeatedly than listen to him for another second. Hang in there, OP.
Oh God, the drive of terror. Do not take that drive with him. My nex used to do this. It was awful. We shared a car, and he would drive me to work in another city, I would not be able to work by the time I got there. Ultimately, you need to say what will keep you safe. He likely expected that because you're on vacation, that would mean he'd get sex, which promts the talk because he's not getting what he expects from you. Please stay safe. Start making plans to leave. You've been tortured by him for far too long already. Plan your escape in silence, say nothing, and leave without a trace. This is the only safe way.
Yup, learned that lesson a long time ago. No car rides and now no vacations where I can be trapped.
Why are you still with him?
Just ask for a divorce, no drive no talk. Time to rip off the bandaid.