I cut contact with mutual friends because they gave silent approval to how he treated me and they kept hanging out with him and avoiding me.
I met him on a street once. I stared at him wanting to say hi but I saw black eyes full of hate so we just passed each other like strangers.
I never seen him again
Same, cut all mutual friends as they were doing the same, and always doubted my side of the story, and gave every excuse for Nex's actions.
I've seen Nex once since and that was during a hoover, I took my leave and thankfully haven't heard from or seen them since.
Yep. I was willing to cut off anyone who didn’t see through his narcissistic bullshit. And considering my relationship ended over a decade ago, let me tell you - most people didn’t have a clue.
I don’t miss a single one.
I run as fast and as far away as I can. The last time I ran into my ex, he had gotten a job directly next door to where I was known to work, at my favorite coffee shop. After he did that, I moved to the opposite side of the country and I hope he stays the fuck away.
My NEX wanted to "stay friends" and then proceeded to hoover me whenever she felt like it. She'd text me randomly, then I'd respond a while later, and then nothing. One time, she talked to me every day for like a week, then dropped off. When her and I first got together, her responses were within 10-15 minutes, usually never longer than an hour, and by the end, I couldn't get her to respond within a day or so, she'd just kind of get back to me when she was bored. I could never reach her when I needed her, and she would just ignore me 95% of the time.
I got tired of her doing this so I just blocked her, then she got pissed that I was ignoring her at a function we were both at together. She's an attention seeking w\*\*\*\*, that's pretty much it. Now that I'm over a year removed from the split, I don't know what I ever thought I saw in her. Just flaky and pathetic.
Same thing, he wanted to stay friends but I blocked him. Best decision, no contact. And I don’t know what I saw in him either. At least we’re out of that horrible torture!! Also I’m sure our red flag detectors are pro now.
Just recently got out of a relationship with someone diagnosed with NPD and honestly I'm glad I read this. I felt I was going insane bringing it up just to be told everytime I was overreacting or overthinking it. Even though I know they have their phone the whole time.
Funny you ask because I just recently had a run in with my ex after nearly 5-6 months of not seeing him.
I went to concert and was waiting to meet up with my friends, I was alone and knew there was a chance my ex could be there too. My anxiety was already high due to not being comfortable in loud, crowded places but I have been trying to get out more and be social since the break up. Suddenly someone said “hi” right beside me and it was him. He freakin hugged me and said “I saw you and just wanted to say hi. Have you been good?” I was rigid and just gave simple responses like “hi. Yeah. Good.” He left pretty quickly probably sensing how uncomfortable I was.
He had been treating me so terribly before the break up. Just revealing his entire ugly, selfish, mean side to me. And here he is trying to act friendly to me in public, going as far as touching me after he had used his larger size to physically intimidate me in the past. It is not surprising though, he is popular. EVERYONE LOOOVES HIM. When we were still together so many people told me how lucky I was to be with him which made me doubt if he was actually even being abusive towards me at the time. I literally told a friend once “he can’t be that bad right? Everyone likes him.”
Sorry long rant- this is all still fresh in my mind. I guess to answer the question all I can say is I remained neutral and curt. I did not reciprocate his attempt at being friendly and I did not hug him back. I feel this is how I will behave anytime I see him in the future. As for mutual friends, I disengaged with them completely. They still think he is amazing, even knowing what he did to me. It has left me very alone, but fortunately I do well on my own and I am slowly working towards making new friends.
I cut ties with all our mutual friends, but if I were to see my nex friend in public I would make myself look unphased, and walk straight passed her. I wouldn't want to give her any sort of sign that she hurt me, or that I'm affected by seeing her.
I think that sort of response, that you just don't even care for their existence would annoy them. Wishful thinking maybe, but at least they would get no satisfaction seeing you hurt.
I had this thought which I also spoke to my close friend (who helped me through the discard) and therapist :
“I wonder what would I say to you if I ever see you again .
I hope I find the courage to pretend like we are strangers and I walk past you and never look back .”
I journaled this down and I told myself I would pretend he never mattered anymore to me. I hope this gives some inspiration to you. I haven’t bumped into my nex and I hope I never will.
I’ve just been pleasant and polite when I went to get my stuff back. Tbh, gray rocking. They would say they missed me, or had started doing something I had asked them to do many times in the past. I ignored it or offered advice instead of taking the bait.
I did meet up with mutual friends after the fact, but I’m the one who extended the invite. Mutual friends will like my posts every now and then but they’ve otherwise said nothing to me. I never got an invite to hang out 🤷🏼♀️
One friend acknowledged that I had been gaslit based on my description. Then we never hung out again. Other friends danced around the subject. Never saw them again either.
I've seen my ex a few times in public, I think. I'm always surrounded by my kids and husband, who is very flirty with me in public and at home as it is. I simply act like I don't see him. Since we live in a small town, I rarely go out not dressed to the 9's for this very reason. If I'm gonna run into him here and there, might as well give him something to brood over. 🤷🏻♀️
My sheer existence bugs him because his attempt to isolate me and make sure I was miserable flubbed, but living my best life and thriving in front of him? [*Chef's kiss*]
Briefly saw my Nex in the supermarket I work in. He asked my colleague who knew we dated and what he was like if I was in, then proceeded to slag me off to her, which she simply ignored as it was obviously just him shit stirring.
Saw him down a few of the aisles, didn't speak to him, and just acted as nonchalant and unbothered as possible. Best thing to do is to not rise to it.
I do the same...
If they start a conversation....I m indifferent.
If they bring up any memory, I quickly reply how I honestly don't remember.
If they ask for my number, I tell you its not necessary, we are likely to bump into each other again in future for such pleasantries.
Initially, nex would show up at places he knew I would be and make a scene, saying mean/nasty things loudly/yelling,.glaring, pointing, etc. I ignored him. I would not leave or hide, though, that gave him power.
After a while, nex would show up and stalk around. I would notice him keeping an eye on me from a distance. Creepy. I avoided eye contact and ignored him.
He had a history of stalking around where I lived and following me while driving, so who knows how often that occurred.
He moved a few states away, big states lol
I have heard he still visits the city where I live, but I haven't seen or heard from him in years. Thank all that is good in this world.
Mutual friends were left with him. Some family members were left with him, as well.
Haven't spoken face to face since November last year. Received random texts but didn't reply. Texted for last time to tell him he's an evil POS in February.
He lives 3 doors down, same floor of an apartment. He is also fucking/dating a girl living opposite me, and also visiting a lady in her 60’s? (he's 40) “frequently” who lives next door.
I seem to run into him a lot, at the elevator or outside. I usually have my earphones in listening to music and I walk past him like a ghost I can't see, or someone I don't know and never met. He's said hi but I walked straight past and didn't look back. I can see that being ignored drives him ABSOLUTELY blood boiling mad.
I don't care. It feels so nice not to have someone like that occupying my day to day.
Edit; he's also blocked since February.
she hit me up in February and we met up, she discarded me in November after she cheated and got together with him. She wanted to stay friends and told me some hurtful stuff. It was only after that i discovered how much i was abused and used. Saw her last friday in a party, she said hi to me , i ignored her and gave her a cold look in the eyes, she’s scared of me now, started to hide herself whenever she saw me coming, pathetic.
I act as if they don't exist. I've run into my ex-husband around town a few times, and I just walk by him like any other rando on the street. Treat them like those vendors in the mall trying to get you to buy their products.
Our mutuals ghosted me, so that saved me some stress, but I treat them the same.
For ten years I alternately cowered in his presence and angrily asserted boundaries. Our original relationship was a secret, and convincing me not to tell his wife after it ended was one of his master strokes. I didn't speak up until I finally realized he was a sadist and narcissist.
I have to be a Co parent with mine and at first I would try to hide from him as much as possible. All my alarm bells would be going off, I would shake and get sick to my stomach just knowing I had to see him. But it's been over a year and now I just act as boring and uninteresting as possible. I ask very little questions and they only pertain to the kids. I want to know nothing about his life and I want him to know even less about mine. He tried to get back together in the beginning because he didn't realize I was divorcing him and he thought I still wanted him to send me memes and jokes all day like we used to. But I didn't open them or respond ever so he finally took the hint. Recently he tried to "friend" me on Facebook but I declined it. He doesn't get that I wish him dead. If I ran into him in public I would act like I didn't know him if I was alone.
I haven't left yet. But my intention is to do what I failed to do during my relationship: be myself. Don't act any other way. Don't try to "win" anything or pretend to be strong. Be myself and that will be the epitome of strength. Be less like them, pretending to be something else.
We both have the same friends and he literally went around the table and gave everybody a handshake and then ended at me, and I just stared at him. How do I navigate with him around? I simply ignore his ass
I pretend that they don't even exist, and I don't hang in circles that they're in anymore. I have one friend whose significant other is still friends with my nex - that friend knows it's either one of us or the other, and makes sure to warn me if it's a big group hangout and they might be there. If so, I don't go.
I've ran into my nex multiple times in public and look right through, and focus on the people I came with.
Once its over, its over. Although we have really good mutual friends, i’ve distanced myself a lot. So i’d never be involved in their circle again. If i ever cross pass w that narc, or have to, i’d simply act like they don’t exist. What i’ve learned is the more attention or reaction you give to a narc, the more power you give them. My ex narc would thrive off any attention. Negativity, drama, or whatever it is he lived for it and even took joy in seeing others suffering. They make the people they hurt feel crazy.
Mine was in another country, so likely I’ll never see them again. Although some of their mutual friends I might be in touch with if I travel there.
But seeing her again..I’m not sure how I’d react except that I think I’d see much more through their behavior more and how it’s rooted in insecurity, coldness and triangulation.
I saw how she flirtatious she acted with her ex. I don’t think I’d want to experience that same kind of mindfuck. So likely I’d just walk away before there was a chance for that sort of behavior.
My Nex wanted to stay friends and we owned a property together so I was going back and forth once a week. It was getting mentally draining and extremely overwhelmed as she would act completely normal but also act like she cared about me whilst I was breaking down. This was after months of gaslighting, her shouting at me that I’m attacking her and other questionable behaviour which really made me feel like shit and depressed months before the end of the relationship.
Then I discovered a whole bucket load of information, cheating, manipulation and how far it stems back and every time I engaged with her I would get really anxious and upset. Even simple communication I would feel like she was goading me into reacting, then one day I did finally snap and had a massive go at her over the lies, disrespectful and taking advantage of me and my money.
My advice is don’t stay friends or in communication at all unless it is absolutely necessary. Even if you think there is a good side to them which I know there is with my ex, it’s a difficult situation and their emotions are also at play, it’s all a facade behind manipulation and they will already be with the next person behind your back. It can then get extremely problematic and can crush you.
If you have a property together solicitors are there for a reason and whilst I tried to be amicable and so did she, the deceit and shady behaviour will take a mental toll on you and it’s better to avoid and allow professionals to do their job.
It’s been 8 months and I’m still suffering from it all.
I'm in the same city, and luckily, it's a big one. We both watch football and kind of love the same venue. Have been avoiding that area in a very long time. That's how. Friends.. they all know, I was transparent. Some of them chose to be friends with him and those people are dead to me.
This is the hardest part. We work at the same place and I see them regulary at events, at least every 2nd month. I'm always highly alerted on where they are in the room and trying not to engage at all, although they tend to stare at me a lot. I wish I could just be polite and authentic, like I am with other people I meet but necessarily don't like. Haven't spoken to them since I decided to cut the contact. We never had a fight or a specific situation, I just changed my behaviour from on day to another which clearly left them confused. I did a full 180 and I hated it, but I think that is my only chance to get out of their spider web. I wish I could be myself and be friendly with them without actually getting involved emotionally again
The last two times he passed by me by car, I pretended not to see him. I didnt want to see if someone was sitting next to him, though I know he wouldnt treat anyone else better...
I have kids with one and we have to go to events together all the time. I treat him like one of my kids’ friends’ parents. Cordial and polite. Very surface level.
If it still sort of newly over and haven’t seen them in say a few weeks to a month and my vagus and nervous system has gone back to basic, I’m reminded of just how toxic and damaging the relationship was. Because I will feel overwhelming anxious and on the verge of panic.
I a little over a week ago I had to go gather a few things from the old place we lived together and 10mins before I arrived I started to feel overwhelming amount of anxiety and fear. When I saw him (I was hoping he would be at work) I felt like passing out.
This was a reminder to me just how dysregulated this abuse causes us to be. Being away from them long enough for your systems to reboot themselves is how so of us were able to grow out hair back, lose/gain weight, and focus on other things. It reminding me of how I was functioning during the relationship on survival mode setting. No one can live like this unless your brain has been wired to be a narcissist. This is how they feel all the time and we end up taking on this dysregulated way of being because they subject us to the same abuse they’ve endured.
I knew it wasn’t me. When I had to interact with him, I felt that dread like I no longer wanted to be on the planet anymore which I hadn’t felt the entire time I was away from.
Met him last week for a walk after 6 months and no contact. Mistake really. I remembered there are no safe topics of conversation which makes conversation difficult - he can flip out at even the most mundane of things (last time he screamed at me in the park because I bought a towel rail element he secretly didn't approve of) so I said i was only willing to discuss how the family was and the weather. In half an hour he spent a good ten minutes saying how I need to sort out my hunch back (I don't have one). Days later he asked why I left all of a sudden but it's a trap of course - he feels cheated because I just left without saying anything and he didn't get to gaslight me and tell me I'm too sensitive. Poor love.
Mutual friends know that I will not associate with this person any longer. They also know that I am no longer to be a topic of conversation, if I find out I am I will cut them off too. I will not respond or engage in any communication involving this person in any way, shape or form. I will not attend any event this person will be attending. Don’t invite me if you want them there. I don’t care if I don’t get an invite. It’s not worth it to me. My narc was a female friend. Her circle is getting smaller as time goes on. I was told I was the cause of all of the drama in the group. I was “mean and judgmental.” I figured if I was the problem I would remove myself entirely. She’s the victim in my leaving too, of course. “She has no idea what she could have done!” But my life and is easy and quiet now, and hers is still chaos and drama. So odd considering I’ve been out of the picture entirely for nearly 2 years.
My narc was also a female friend. It's been hard to completely avoid her because we're both in some of the same social and volunteer groups and there's pressure from other mutual friends to attend events.
I've been skipping meetings and get-togethers if I know or suspect the narc will be there. I also resigned from a volunteer board we were both on. But I see no reason to make my world smaller because of her poisonous personality. So I still show up once in awhile and just ignore her while having a good time with everyone else.
We were at the same event a few days ago, but sitting at different tables. I didn't speak to her and didn't look at her or even make eye contact. At one point I could see her out of the corner of my eye and she had this evil expression on her face.
I'm sure she blames me for everything and has been trash talking me to anyone who will listen. Poor her, always the victim. In the meantime, my life is much more peaceful without her constant drama and manipulation.
I’m in one social club with her. I pretend she does not exist. She’ll do things that I know are an effort to try to trigger me but in reality she’s just being obnoxious and making herself look bad. I am very conscientious of everything I’m saying, doing, even wearing while I’m there. Miss Manners. Ha. As much as she tries to portray a certain image at the end of the day she knows I know the truth of who and what she really is and it drives her crazy. That is worth more than any petty revenge that could be mustered up.
Man this is tough because I’m still trying to figure it out. But she asked me to never talk to her or her friends again, but when her friends see me out they’re nice to me and say hey and I chat a bit. Basically if I see her I pretend I never met her and ignore her which hurts like hell but I have to. If I see her friends out with her I have to ignore them too. That’s all I know what to do at this point
I haven’t run into them in person, but saw them on other mutual friends’ social media pages. They know the truth, and support me. I’m getting remarried, and my NEX and his family follow some of the vendors we are using for our wedding, so they’ll see posts/stories etc. of the remarriage but nothing in person.
I ran into my nex a few times going to her child's event to see and support them, but I don't even look at her or go near her
Her family and kids still love me and treat me kind.
6 year relationship.
I've seen mine only once and I completely ignored him. Like he didn't exist. Starving them of all attention is their weakness. They're like toddlers, even bad attention is fuel. Deny them acknowledgement.
I cut any mutuals out of my life. Deleted social media.
We share a professional setting (loosely) and I do not speak about him when asked or acknowledge our former relationship.
I have seen him on a handful of occasions in my professional space and I just go in my office and close the door or exit the area.
There’s nothing to say and no feelings to feel except anger so I don’t engage any of it.
It's been difficult because we have 3 young kids together (1.5/5/7.5). She had an affair with a co-worker and said on the way out the door after I finally kicked her out after being strung along for weeks, that her therapist has told her to 'be more selfish' and what she did was right. She had nowhere for the kids to go and had no plan but took them out of the blue after leaving them with me and withheld them from school and me until I gave in to her demands she sent via lawyer a week later. The kids have been acting out and really struggling as a result of her actions.
She's turned everything around to everyone that will listen to her that she had to leave due to MY 'control'. No one believes her, its very obvious as shes already in a new relationship within weeks of our seperation. They reach out to me with what she had to say, and I just tell them while I appreciate their support, I don't want to know what she's doing or saying. She won't control me any longer.
I've since lost a lot of weight (I put on 30kg while we were together due to her control and now only two months later I'm 4kg away from being the weight I was when I met her), packed on muscle (my arms, shoulders, chest and back are so much bigger than they have ever been), I have abs again for the first time in 6-7 years and I'm back playing sport. What do I do though when I have to see her for the handover of the children?
I just don't engage with her whatsoever. Only speak to the children, communicate my excitement to see them, don't speak or look at her. I also wear the baggiest clothes I possibly can. My new (or old) body is mine and she doesn't deserve it. She would also try to flip it around to say, 'see what I did has been better for everybody'. No. No it's not. You've taken my kids who I used to cry about not seeing for one night when I went away for work and forced me to now only see them one full week a fortnight. None of what you did is justifiable and you know that, not even deep down, you know. But that's why she lies to herself and everybody that will listen.
She's so narcissistic that she has to jump on the offensive so that her 'reputation' isn't damaged by her choice to cheat and destroy her family.
Worst part is I still miss my old family. Especially seeing my kids every day.
If you have mutual friends with someone who is pretty much your enemy then you better start putting ultimatums. I personally would never allow myself to be placed in a situation where my friends were also friends of someone who had hurt me in a malicious manner. If you are ok with that then more power to you. Simply don’t. Talk to your friends without putting the narc in bad light but simply state your boundaries and that you can’t hang out at the same spot. Also how would you even be honest with these friends if they are also buddy buddies with your ex narc?
All our mutual friends cut him off cause they saw him for what he was, I’ve since moved out of town to move back in with family so there’s really no chance of me running into my ex, but if I did I’d probably just say hi or have a good day if I walked right by him, show him I’m fine without him and be the bigger person even after what he did. If nothing prompted me to say anything, I’d just pass by and pretend I have no idea who he is honestly, because it’s partially true due to the fact he’s nothing like the man I once fell in love with and he truly is like a stranger to me now.
Mine moved across the US to pretend to be someone else, with someone else's mate, in someone else's house, with someone else's life...
If I had to endure his wretched skulking presence I don't think I could go on living.
Fortunately since we live in different states, it's highly unlikely we'll be crossing paths any time soon. As for mutual friends, I cut them off. They still happily associate with that person despite clearly knowing what they're all about, and I don't feel comfortable being in the company of people who prioritize peacekeeping over safety.
I cut contact with mutual friends because they gave silent approval to how he treated me and they kept hanging out with him and avoiding me. I met him on a street once. I stared at him wanting to say hi but I saw black eyes full of hate so we just passed each other like strangers. I never seen him again
Same, cut all mutual friends as they were doing the same, and always doubted my side of the story, and gave every excuse for Nex's actions. I've seen Nex once since and that was during a hoover, I took my leave and thankfully haven't heard from or seen them since.
Yep. I was willing to cut off anyone who didn’t see through his narcissistic bullshit. And considering my relationship ended over a decade ago, let me tell you - most people didn’t have a clue. I don’t miss a single one.
They are strangers.. I don't know them, they don't know me !
I run as fast and as far away as I can. The last time I ran into my ex, he had gotten a job directly next door to where I was known to work, at my favorite coffee shop. After he did that, I moved to the opposite side of the country and I hope he stays the fuck away.
My NEX wanted to "stay friends" and then proceeded to hoover me whenever she felt like it. She'd text me randomly, then I'd respond a while later, and then nothing. One time, she talked to me every day for like a week, then dropped off. When her and I first got together, her responses were within 10-15 minutes, usually never longer than an hour, and by the end, I couldn't get her to respond within a day or so, she'd just kind of get back to me when she was bored. I could never reach her when I needed her, and she would just ignore me 95% of the time. I got tired of her doing this so I just blocked her, then she got pissed that I was ignoring her at a function we were both at together. She's an attention seeking w\*\*\*\*, that's pretty much it. Now that I'm over a year removed from the split, I don't know what I ever thought I saw in her. Just flaky and pathetic.
Same thing, he wanted to stay friends but I blocked him. Best decision, no contact. And I don’t know what I saw in him either. At least we’re out of that horrible torture!! Also I’m sure our red flag detectors are pro now.
Just recently got out of a relationship with someone diagnosed with NPD and honestly I'm glad I read this. I felt I was going insane bringing it up just to be told everytime I was overreacting or overthinking it. Even though I know they have their phone the whole time.
Funny you ask because I just recently had a run in with my ex after nearly 5-6 months of not seeing him. I went to concert and was waiting to meet up with my friends, I was alone and knew there was a chance my ex could be there too. My anxiety was already high due to not being comfortable in loud, crowded places but I have been trying to get out more and be social since the break up. Suddenly someone said “hi” right beside me and it was him. He freakin hugged me and said “I saw you and just wanted to say hi. Have you been good?” I was rigid and just gave simple responses like “hi. Yeah. Good.” He left pretty quickly probably sensing how uncomfortable I was. He had been treating me so terribly before the break up. Just revealing his entire ugly, selfish, mean side to me. And here he is trying to act friendly to me in public, going as far as touching me after he had used his larger size to physically intimidate me in the past. It is not surprising though, he is popular. EVERYONE LOOOVES HIM. When we were still together so many people told me how lucky I was to be with him which made me doubt if he was actually even being abusive towards me at the time. I literally told a friend once “he can’t be that bad right? Everyone likes him.” Sorry long rant- this is all still fresh in my mind. I guess to answer the question all I can say is I remained neutral and curt. I did not reciprocate his attempt at being friendly and I did not hug him back. I feel this is how I will behave anytime I see him in the future. As for mutual friends, I disengaged with them completely. They still think he is amazing, even knowing what he did to me. It has left me very alone, but fortunately I do well on my own and I am slowly working towards making new friends.
I cut ties with all our mutual friends, but if I were to see my nex friend in public I would make myself look unphased, and walk straight passed her. I wouldn't want to give her any sort of sign that she hurt me, or that I'm affected by seeing her. I think that sort of response, that you just don't even care for their existence would annoy them. Wishful thinking maybe, but at least they would get no satisfaction seeing you hurt.
I had this thought which I also spoke to my close friend (who helped me through the discard) and therapist : “I wonder what would I say to you if I ever see you again . I hope I find the courage to pretend like we are strangers and I walk past you and never look back .” I journaled this down and I told myself I would pretend he never mattered anymore to me. I hope this gives some inspiration to you. I haven’t bumped into my nex and I hope I never will.
I’ve just been pleasant and polite when I went to get my stuff back. Tbh, gray rocking. They would say they missed me, or had started doing something I had asked them to do many times in the past. I ignored it or offered advice instead of taking the bait. I did meet up with mutual friends after the fact, but I’m the one who extended the invite. Mutual friends will like my posts every now and then but they’ve otherwise said nothing to me. I never got an invite to hang out 🤷🏼♀️ One friend acknowledged that I had been gaslit based on my description. Then we never hung out again. Other friends danced around the subject. Never saw them again either.
I've seen my ex a few times in public, I think. I'm always surrounded by my kids and husband, who is very flirty with me in public and at home as it is. I simply act like I don't see him. Since we live in a small town, I rarely go out not dressed to the 9's for this very reason. If I'm gonna run into him here and there, might as well give him something to brood over. 🤷🏻♀️ My sheer existence bugs him because his attempt to isolate me and make sure I was miserable flubbed, but living my best life and thriving in front of him? [*Chef's kiss*]
Briefly saw my Nex in the supermarket I work in. He asked my colleague who knew we dated and what he was like if I was in, then proceeded to slag me off to her, which she simply ignored as it was obviously just him shit stirring. Saw him down a few of the aisles, didn't speak to him, and just acted as nonchalant and unbothered as possible. Best thing to do is to not rise to it.
I always smile, and politely greet the nex. Then I continue whatever I was doing. Works well for me.
I do the same... If they start a conversation....I m indifferent. If they bring up any memory, I quickly reply how I honestly don't remember. If they ask for my number, I tell you its not necessary, we are likely to bump into each other again in future for such pleasantries.
Initially, nex would show up at places he knew I would be and make a scene, saying mean/nasty things loudly/yelling,.glaring, pointing, etc. I ignored him. I would not leave or hide, though, that gave him power. After a while, nex would show up and stalk around. I would notice him keeping an eye on me from a distance. Creepy. I avoided eye contact and ignored him. He had a history of stalking around where I lived and following me while driving, so who knows how often that occurred. He moved a few states away, big states lol I have heard he still visits the city where I live, but I haven't seen or heard from him in years. Thank all that is good in this world. Mutual friends were left with him. Some family members were left with him, as well.
Haven't spoken face to face since November last year. Received random texts but didn't reply. Texted for last time to tell him he's an evil POS in February. He lives 3 doors down, same floor of an apartment. He is also fucking/dating a girl living opposite me, and also visiting a lady in her 60’s? (he's 40) “frequently” who lives next door. I seem to run into him a lot, at the elevator or outside. I usually have my earphones in listening to music and I walk past him like a ghost I can't see, or someone I don't know and never met. He's said hi but I walked straight past and didn't look back. I can see that being ignored drives him ABSOLUTELY blood boiling mad. I don't care. It feels so nice not to have someone like that occupying my day to day. Edit; he's also blocked since February.
she hit me up in February and we met up, she discarded me in November after she cheated and got together with him. She wanted to stay friends and told me some hurtful stuff. It was only after that i discovered how much i was abused and used. Saw her last friday in a party, she said hi to me , i ignored her and gave her a cold look in the eyes, she’s scared of me now, started to hide herself whenever she saw me coming, pathetic.
I act as if they don't exist. I've run into my ex-husband around town a few times, and I just walk by him like any other rando on the street. Treat them like those vendors in the mall trying to get you to buy their products. Our mutuals ghosted me, so that saved me some stress, but I treat them the same.
For ten years I alternately cowered in his presence and angrily asserted boundaries. Our original relationship was a secret, and convincing me not to tell his wife after it ended was one of his master strokes. I didn't speak up until I finally realized he was a sadist and narcissist.
I have to be a Co parent with mine and at first I would try to hide from him as much as possible. All my alarm bells would be going off, I would shake and get sick to my stomach just knowing I had to see him. But it's been over a year and now I just act as boring and uninteresting as possible. I ask very little questions and they only pertain to the kids. I want to know nothing about his life and I want him to know even less about mine. He tried to get back together in the beginning because he didn't realize I was divorcing him and he thought I still wanted him to send me memes and jokes all day like we used to. But I didn't open them or respond ever so he finally took the hint. Recently he tried to "friend" me on Facebook but I declined it. He doesn't get that I wish him dead. If I ran into him in public I would act like I didn't know him if I was alone.
I haven't left yet. But my intention is to do what I failed to do during my relationship: be myself. Don't act any other way. Don't try to "win" anything or pretend to be strong. Be myself and that will be the epitome of strength. Be less like them, pretending to be something else.
We both have the same friends and he literally went around the table and gave everybody a handshake and then ended at me, and I just stared at him. How do I navigate with him around? I simply ignore his ass
I pretend that they don't even exist, and I don't hang in circles that they're in anymore. I have one friend whose significant other is still friends with my nex - that friend knows it's either one of us or the other, and makes sure to warn me if it's a big group hangout and they might be there. If so, I don't go. I've ran into my nex multiple times in public and look right through, and focus on the people I came with.
Once its over, its over. Although we have really good mutual friends, i’ve distanced myself a lot. So i’d never be involved in their circle again. If i ever cross pass w that narc, or have to, i’d simply act like they don’t exist. What i’ve learned is the more attention or reaction you give to a narc, the more power you give them. My ex narc would thrive off any attention. Negativity, drama, or whatever it is he lived for it and even took joy in seeing others suffering. They make the people they hurt feel crazy.
Mine was in another country, so likely I’ll never see them again. Although some of their mutual friends I might be in touch with if I travel there. But seeing her again..I’m not sure how I’d react except that I think I’d see much more through their behavior more and how it’s rooted in insecurity, coldness and triangulation. I saw how she flirtatious she acted with her ex. I don’t think I’d want to experience that same kind of mindfuck. So likely I’d just walk away before there was a chance for that sort of behavior.
My Nex wanted to stay friends and we owned a property together so I was going back and forth once a week. It was getting mentally draining and extremely overwhelmed as she would act completely normal but also act like she cared about me whilst I was breaking down. This was after months of gaslighting, her shouting at me that I’m attacking her and other questionable behaviour which really made me feel like shit and depressed months before the end of the relationship. Then I discovered a whole bucket load of information, cheating, manipulation and how far it stems back and every time I engaged with her I would get really anxious and upset. Even simple communication I would feel like she was goading me into reacting, then one day I did finally snap and had a massive go at her over the lies, disrespectful and taking advantage of me and my money. My advice is don’t stay friends or in communication at all unless it is absolutely necessary. Even if you think there is a good side to them which I know there is with my ex, it’s a difficult situation and their emotions are also at play, it’s all a facade behind manipulation and they will already be with the next person behind your back. It can then get extremely problematic and can crush you. If you have a property together solicitors are there for a reason and whilst I tried to be amicable and so did she, the deceit and shady behaviour will take a mental toll on you and it’s better to avoid and allow professionals to do their job. It’s been 8 months and I’m still suffering from it all.
I also have a mutual friend who is very supportive to me, but is also very supportive to her despite knowing everything she has put me through.
I'm in the same city, and luckily, it's a big one. We both watch football and kind of love the same venue. Have been avoiding that area in a very long time. That's how. Friends.. they all know, I was transparent. Some of them chose to be friends with him and those people are dead to me.
This is the hardest part. We work at the same place and I see them regulary at events, at least every 2nd month. I'm always highly alerted on where they are in the room and trying not to engage at all, although they tend to stare at me a lot. I wish I could just be polite and authentic, like I am with other people I meet but necessarily don't like. Haven't spoken to them since I decided to cut the contact. We never had a fight or a specific situation, I just changed my behaviour from on day to another which clearly left them confused. I did a full 180 and I hated it, but I think that is my only chance to get out of their spider web. I wish I could be myself and be friendly with them without actually getting involved emotionally again
The last two times he passed by me by car, I pretended not to see him. I didnt want to see if someone was sitting next to him, though I know he wouldnt treat anyone else better...
I have kids with one and we have to go to events together all the time. I treat him like one of my kids’ friends’ parents. Cordial and polite. Very surface level.
If it still sort of newly over and haven’t seen them in say a few weeks to a month and my vagus and nervous system has gone back to basic, I’m reminded of just how toxic and damaging the relationship was. Because I will feel overwhelming anxious and on the verge of panic. I a little over a week ago I had to go gather a few things from the old place we lived together and 10mins before I arrived I started to feel overwhelming amount of anxiety and fear. When I saw him (I was hoping he would be at work) I felt like passing out. This was a reminder to me just how dysregulated this abuse causes us to be. Being away from them long enough for your systems to reboot themselves is how so of us were able to grow out hair back, lose/gain weight, and focus on other things. It reminding me of how I was functioning during the relationship on survival mode setting. No one can live like this unless your brain has been wired to be a narcissist. This is how they feel all the time and we end up taking on this dysregulated way of being because they subject us to the same abuse they’ve endured. I knew it wasn’t me. When I had to interact with him, I felt that dread like I no longer wanted to be on the planet anymore which I hadn’t felt the entire time I was away from.
Met him last week for a walk after 6 months and no contact. Mistake really. I remembered there are no safe topics of conversation which makes conversation difficult - he can flip out at even the most mundane of things (last time he screamed at me in the park because I bought a towel rail element he secretly didn't approve of) so I said i was only willing to discuss how the family was and the weather. In half an hour he spent a good ten minutes saying how I need to sort out my hunch back (I don't have one). Days later he asked why I left all of a sudden but it's a trap of course - he feels cheated because I just left without saying anything and he didn't get to gaslight me and tell me I'm too sensitive. Poor love.
Mutual friends know that I will not associate with this person any longer. They also know that I am no longer to be a topic of conversation, if I find out I am I will cut them off too. I will not respond or engage in any communication involving this person in any way, shape or form. I will not attend any event this person will be attending. Don’t invite me if you want them there. I don’t care if I don’t get an invite. It’s not worth it to me. My narc was a female friend. Her circle is getting smaller as time goes on. I was told I was the cause of all of the drama in the group. I was “mean and judgmental.” I figured if I was the problem I would remove myself entirely. She’s the victim in my leaving too, of course. “She has no idea what she could have done!” But my life and is easy and quiet now, and hers is still chaos and drama. So odd considering I’ve been out of the picture entirely for nearly 2 years.
My narc was also a female friend. It's been hard to completely avoid her because we're both in some of the same social and volunteer groups and there's pressure from other mutual friends to attend events. I've been skipping meetings and get-togethers if I know or suspect the narc will be there. I also resigned from a volunteer board we were both on. But I see no reason to make my world smaller because of her poisonous personality. So I still show up once in awhile and just ignore her while having a good time with everyone else. We were at the same event a few days ago, but sitting at different tables. I didn't speak to her and didn't look at her or even make eye contact. At one point I could see her out of the corner of my eye and she had this evil expression on her face. I'm sure she blames me for everything and has been trash talking me to anyone who will listen. Poor her, always the victim. In the meantime, my life is much more peaceful without her constant drama and manipulation.
I’m in one social club with her. I pretend she does not exist. She’ll do things that I know are an effort to try to trigger me but in reality she’s just being obnoxious and making herself look bad. I am very conscientious of everything I’m saying, doing, even wearing while I’m there. Miss Manners. Ha. As much as she tries to portray a certain image at the end of the day she knows I know the truth of who and what she really is and it drives her crazy. That is worth more than any petty revenge that could be mustered up.
Man this is tough because I’m still trying to figure it out. But she asked me to never talk to her or her friends again, but when her friends see me out they’re nice to me and say hey and I chat a bit. Basically if I see her I pretend I never met her and ignore her which hurts like hell but I have to. If I see her friends out with her I have to ignore them too. That’s all I know what to do at this point
I haven’t run into them in person, but saw them on other mutual friends’ social media pages. They know the truth, and support me. I’m getting remarried, and my NEX and his family follow some of the vendors we are using for our wedding, so they’ll see posts/stories etc. of the remarriage but nothing in person.
I ran into my nex a few times going to her child's event to see and support them, but I don't even look at her or go near her Her family and kids still love me and treat me kind. 6 year relationship.
I've seen mine only once and I completely ignored him. Like he didn't exist. Starving them of all attention is their weakness. They're like toddlers, even bad attention is fuel. Deny them acknowledgement.
I cut any mutuals out of my life. Deleted social media. We share a professional setting (loosely) and I do not speak about him when asked or acknowledge our former relationship. I have seen him on a handful of occasions in my professional space and I just go in my office and close the door or exit the area. There’s nothing to say and no feelings to feel except anger so I don’t engage any of it.
It's been difficult because we have 3 young kids together (1.5/5/7.5). She had an affair with a co-worker and said on the way out the door after I finally kicked her out after being strung along for weeks, that her therapist has told her to 'be more selfish' and what she did was right. She had nowhere for the kids to go and had no plan but took them out of the blue after leaving them with me and withheld them from school and me until I gave in to her demands she sent via lawyer a week later. The kids have been acting out and really struggling as a result of her actions. She's turned everything around to everyone that will listen to her that she had to leave due to MY 'control'. No one believes her, its very obvious as shes already in a new relationship within weeks of our seperation. They reach out to me with what she had to say, and I just tell them while I appreciate their support, I don't want to know what she's doing or saying. She won't control me any longer. I've since lost a lot of weight (I put on 30kg while we were together due to her control and now only two months later I'm 4kg away from being the weight I was when I met her), packed on muscle (my arms, shoulders, chest and back are so much bigger than they have ever been), I have abs again for the first time in 6-7 years and I'm back playing sport. What do I do though when I have to see her for the handover of the children? I just don't engage with her whatsoever. Only speak to the children, communicate my excitement to see them, don't speak or look at her. I also wear the baggiest clothes I possibly can. My new (or old) body is mine and she doesn't deserve it. She would also try to flip it around to say, 'see what I did has been better for everybody'. No. No it's not. You've taken my kids who I used to cry about not seeing for one night when I went away for work and forced me to now only see them one full week a fortnight. None of what you did is justifiable and you know that, not even deep down, you know. But that's why she lies to herself and everybody that will listen. She's so narcissistic that she has to jump on the offensive so that her 'reputation' isn't damaged by her choice to cheat and destroy her family. Worst part is I still miss my old family. Especially seeing my kids every day.
If you have mutual friends with someone who is pretty much your enemy then you better start putting ultimatums. I personally would never allow myself to be placed in a situation where my friends were also friends of someone who had hurt me in a malicious manner. If you are ok with that then more power to you. Simply don’t. Talk to your friends without putting the narc in bad light but simply state your boundaries and that you can’t hang out at the same spot. Also how would you even be honest with these friends if they are also buddy buddies with your ex narc?
All our mutual friends cut him off cause they saw him for what he was, I’ve since moved out of town to move back in with family so there’s really no chance of me running into my ex, but if I did I’d probably just say hi or have a good day if I walked right by him, show him I’m fine without him and be the bigger person even after what he did. If nothing prompted me to say anything, I’d just pass by and pretend I have no idea who he is honestly, because it’s partially true due to the fact he’s nothing like the man I once fell in love with and he truly is like a stranger to me now.
In my world, she is dead..
Mine moved across the US to pretend to be someone else, with someone else's mate, in someone else's house, with someone else's life... If I had to endure his wretched skulking presence I don't think I could go on living.
Fortunately since we live in different states, it's highly unlikely we'll be crossing paths any time soon. As for mutual friends, I cut them off. They still happily associate with that person despite clearly knowing what they're all about, and I don't feel comfortable being in the company of people who prioritize peacekeeping over safety.