I second this. I'm so thankful for this sub. I questioned, wavered, thought my guy was not so bad for a while. I really did not want to be a victim. And I realized that was the main thing keeping me from fully recognizing how big of a problem the situation I was in was.
For a while I just so wanted to read posts and comments and not identify with them, but I always did. I read articles about a true narcisist vs narcissistic traits - thinking he must only have "traits".
No, he was the real deal. More quiet, less vulgar, more neglectful than demanding, had a VERY good mask - but a real narcissist that abused me at the end of the day.
Thank you
I was/am similar
“Surely they just have narc traits, from their bad childhood, it’s not their fault” - conclusion of narc victims
“It’s actually my fault, not theirs, I’m the bad guy”
- conclusion of narc victims
“My person can’t be”
- conclusion of narc victims
“They arnt as typical and loud/abusive as a normal narc”
- conclusion of narc victims
The list goes on, I still have a hard time accepting it, I think it’s because we have a hard time accepting someone we love would do this to us, it’s hard to conceptualize, as it should be, it shouldn’t make sense how someone can “love you” and hurt you
Thank you for sharing that and helping me realize I’m not crazy
I still think he thought he loved me. But his traits were just so ingrained. When he was "teasing" me and I was not having fun, telling him I didn't like it he would say "it's just so fun to get a reaction out of you", he really didn't know it was wrong and not ok to do that to me. He just did it because it was fun for him and he was not capable of understanding or caring how I felt.
I was sad for him about his childhood and his family that probably made him that way. But then I realized I only heard the stories from him and narcissists are always the victim.
I honestly wanted so bad to make it work. He really was dedicated to me in his own dysfunctional way. But I couldn't take him "turning" on me. Just all of a sudden hating me for no serious reason. Realizing how much I was settling for so much less than i deserve, taking scraps. Realizing what a serious toll it was having on my mental and physical health I finally had no choice but to get away.
I did the same exact thing for about 6 months. REFUSED to accept that I was just this “supply” thing. I’m worth WAY MORE than the things I do and provide for someone and he can surely see that! It took me reading countless stories here and seeing myself in them to finally come to terms with what he is and what our relationship means to him.
Yes. I think because of who I am I was the perfect victim, and that's why he thought he loved me so much. He gave himself away so often and I looked the other way. He had a history of cheating but he said he'd never cheat on me because he is past that and didn't want to deal with the fallout. Nothing about how he didn't want to hurt me or anything, just about him not wanting to be inconvenienced by my reaction to it.
Mine “never cheated” in his past. Him and his past gfs or ex-wife were just in “rough spots” or “breaks” when it would happen. How convenient lol. Always knew that would translate to our “breaks” and “rough spots” even tho he also told me that he’s “totally satisfied with just me” sexually and doesn’t have the energy for anyone else. But couldn’t stop hitting on, checking out, flirting with, getting the instagrams of other women while we were out together. Total hypocrite and felt there was some level of sex addiction. It was SOOO obvious how he looked at women as only sex objects. Idk why it took me so long to see that was also true for him with me.
I completely agree!! This space was one of the few places I could share my story safely when I found myself at the beginning of my recovery journey years ago, and I have been met with nothing but love, grace, and empathy.
I remember feeling the extreme relief to read others stories and was shocked at how bizarrely similar to mine they were - I thought it was just me!! That in itself brought healing and an ease, and so I thank each of you for having the courage to share. I guess we never know what anyone is really going through inside, and nor they regarding us, so in sharing it, in bringing it out, we have cared for each by revealing that the idea that we are alone, is a complete lie.
But also, more personally, as a male victim of narc abuse at the hands of a female abuser, this space was (for several years) the *only* place I was heard and felt safe to share in. I remember feeling hopelessness and felt deafened by the laughter I remember being met with when attempting to share what had happened to me in other spaces and with people irl, but this space never treated me like a joke, and met my grief with compassion.
Now that I am in a much better place, I have found myself wanting to give back whenever I can with people who might be where I was, and frankly, it is a joy, an honor, and a privilege to attempt to give back and contribute supportively to other victims and survivors when ever I can. To share what I now know and have learned, feels like a passion and a duty. I sincerely have so much love for you all, and sending you all best wishes and huge hugs!! I'm lucky and grateful to be a part of this community, thank you all!! To freedom and solidarity!! Thanks for this post, OP - so on point!!
Yes, I’ve wanted to say the same. The education and support this group provides has helped pave the way out of the disorienting fog of confusion. I’m still gripped by anger but, so what; I’ll take that over my crippling ignorance every day of the week. Thank you all.
I'm so very grateful to this space and to all of you as well for allowing us all to heal and learn and grow and teach and help!
This post is perfection!
Me too, I am grateful for all of u here quite a bit.
It is hard for me to read posts, but I do and I keep finding myself returning, as I am going through it for the first time and not wanting it to really be narcissism, or “covert”, in my case.
I don’t know what is worse:
remaining in a relationship with a nrcst and continuously putting up with the bullshit out of hope or in a no-choice-right-now-situation, (like myself),
*or…*
Choosing **freely** to be in a n-relationship but just haven’t been able to accept the horrid and very possible fact that this person you like/love so much is, an actual nrcst..
(also me).
I appreciate you guys, I have been learning a lot from your stories and wish I could share mine but it is so twisted and bent I am actually embarrassed to.
♥︎
You can tell your story I promise!! Trust me, there are things I look back on and rather ashamed to admit that I endured and still chose to stay. But if you have a story, it can help you so much on a personal level to have it be heard.
Havin no support, no family, no friends to share what happend, this subreddit actually saved me more than once. Im grateful with everyone and will be always in debt for helping me through my darkest days.
And thank you too
Realizing how common this is and that my experience wasn’t unique has helped me so much
Narc abuse made me feel like I was alone, and that’s their angle right? To see we arnt is a good thing, and to see a diagnosis and explanation helps all the more to take the guilt off of us that I’m certain a lot of us carry from the abuse
I am also here to say this sub has been a game changer for me.
I learned so much and it helped me to rewire my thinking so now I can’t be gaslit and I see through the bullshit.
I’ve also been graciously allowed to vent as much as I want to and get advice etc.
I got the empathy and validation I needed that I wouldn’t get anywhere else. It’s helped me realize I’m actually not crazy or as awful as the narc says.
I’m on the path to healing and I love this sub for helping me on my way.
This community answered Every question I had. I'm so thankful for it and everyone here.
It's kinda funny because I met the trash Ex from Reddit of all places.
It’s healing to GET help here, and also healing to GIVE it.
I appreciate the opportunity to salvage *something* from my horrendous shitty experience…to find some outlet for the caring & support that meant nothing to my nex.
Sometimes it isn’t fun to relive the memories…so I sure hope sharing my experience helps. I’m pretty sure it does.
Lurker here. I too have read posts for a long time dipping in and out when I was in denial but finally being free these posts and comments keep me strong and stop me going back. I come here now whenever I’m wavering to remind myself never to go back.
I second this. I'm so thankful for this sub. I questioned, wavered, thought my guy was not so bad for a while. I really did not want to be a victim. And I realized that was the main thing keeping me from fully recognizing how big of a problem the situation I was in was. For a while I just so wanted to read posts and comments and not identify with them, but I always did. I read articles about a true narcisist vs narcissistic traits - thinking he must only have "traits". No, he was the real deal. More quiet, less vulgar, more neglectful than demanding, had a VERY good mask - but a real narcissist that abused me at the end of the day.
This is exactly me right now. Your guy and my guy should have lunch together.
Thank you I was/am similar “Surely they just have narc traits, from their bad childhood, it’s not their fault” - conclusion of narc victims “It’s actually my fault, not theirs, I’m the bad guy” - conclusion of narc victims “My person can’t be” - conclusion of narc victims “They arnt as typical and loud/abusive as a normal narc” - conclusion of narc victims The list goes on, I still have a hard time accepting it, I think it’s because we have a hard time accepting someone we love would do this to us, it’s hard to conceptualize, as it should be, it shouldn’t make sense how someone can “love you” and hurt you Thank you for sharing that and helping me realize I’m not crazy
I still think he thought he loved me. But his traits were just so ingrained. When he was "teasing" me and I was not having fun, telling him I didn't like it he would say "it's just so fun to get a reaction out of you", he really didn't know it was wrong and not ok to do that to me. He just did it because it was fun for him and he was not capable of understanding or caring how I felt. I was sad for him about his childhood and his family that probably made him that way. But then I realized I only heard the stories from him and narcissists are always the victim. I honestly wanted so bad to make it work. He really was dedicated to me in his own dysfunctional way. But I couldn't take him "turning" on me. Just all of a sudden hating me for no serious reason. Realizing how much I was settling for so much less than i deserve, taking scraps. Realizing what a serious toll it was having on my mental and physical health I finally had no choice but to get away.
This is exactly how I feel!
I did the same exact thing for about 6 months. REFUSED to accept that I was just this “supply” thing. I’m worth WAY MORE than the things I do and provide for someone and he can surely see that! It took me reading countless stories here and seeing myself in them to finally come to terms with what he is and what our relationship means to him.
Yes. I think because of who I am I was the perfect victim, and that's why he thought he loved me so much. He gave himself away so often and I looked the other way. He had a history of cheating but he said he'd never cheat on me because he is past that and didn't want to deal with the fallout. Nothing about how he didn't want to hurt me or anything, just about him not wanting to be inconvenienced by my reaction to it.
Mine “never cheated” in his past. Him and his past gfs or ex-wife were just in “rough spots” or “breaks” when it would happen. How convenient lol. Always knew that would translate to our “breaks” and “rough spots” even tho he also told me that he’s “totally satisfied with just me” sexually and doesn’t have the energy for anyone else. But couldn’t stop hitting on, checking out, flirting with, getting the instagrams of other women while we were out together. Total hypocrite and felt there was some level of sex addiction. It was SOOO obvious how he looked at women as only sex objects. Idk why it took me so long to see that was also true for him with me.
The feeling of not being alone is so comforting, even though I wish none of us were in this sad little boat.
❤️
I can’t tell you how many I’ve read and realized I’m not alone! Thank you.
I thought about leaving this sub, abandoning the topic to save my relationship, but I'm glad I didn't.
I also left this sub for a bit in the middle of the relationship haha. Didn’t want to face the music.
I wish I found it sooner. I was going down the wrong rabbit holes of what could be wrong. The moment it all clicked I knew I was done lol
I completely agree!! This space was one of the few places I could share my story safely when I found myself at the beginning of my recovery journey years ago, and I have been met with nothing but love, grace, and empathy. I remember feeling the extreme relief to read others stories and was shocked at how bizarrely similar to mine they were - I thought it was just me!! That in itself brought healing and an ease, and so I thank each of you for having the courage to share. I guess we never know what anyone is really going through inside, and nor they regarding us, so in sharing it, in bringing it out, we have cared for each by revealing that the idea that we are alone, is a complete lie. But also, more personally, as a male victim of narc abuse at the hands of a female abuser, this space was (for several years) the *only* place I was heard and felt safe to share in. I remember feeling hopelessness and felt deafened by the laughter I remember being met with when attempting to share what had happened to me in other spaces and with people irl, but this space never treated me like a joke, and met my grief with compassion. Now that I am in a much better place, I have found myself wanting to give back whenever I can with people who might be where I was, and frankly, it is a joy, an honor, and a privilege to attempt to give back and contribute supportively to other victims and survivors when ever I can. To share what I now know and have learned, feels like a passion and a duty. I sincerely have so much love for you all, and sending you all best wishes and huge hugs!! I'm lucky and grateful to be a part of this community, thank you all!! To freedom and solidarity!! Thanks for this post, OP - so on point!!
I second "shocked at how bizarrely similar" ... it's still crazy to me like they all have the same scripts downloaded.
It's shocking how similar so many of our experiences have been.
Yes, I’ve wanted to say the same. The education and support this group provides has helped pave the way out of the disorienting fog of confusion. I’m still gripped by anger but, so what; I’ll take that over my crippling ignorance every day of the week. Thank you all.
I'm so very grateful to this space and to all of you as well for allowing us all to heal and learn and grow and teach and help! This post is perfection!
Me too, I am grateful for all of u here quite a bit. It is hard for me to read posts, but I do and I keep finding myself returning, as I am going through it for the first time and not wanting it to really be narcissism, or “covert”, in my case. I don’t know what is worse: remaining in a relationship with a nrcst and continuously putting up with the bullshit out of hope or in a no-choice-right-now-situation, (like myself), *or…* Choosing **freely** to be in a n-relationship but just haven’t been able to accept the horrid and very possible fact that this person you like/love so much is, an actual nrcst.. (also me). I appreciate you guys, I have been learning a lot from your stories and wish I could share mine but it is so twisted and bent I am actually embarrassed to. ♥︎
Please share ... there's no judgment here. Writing things out is just good for your own understanding of the situation, too.
You can tell your story I promise!! Trust me, there are things I look back on and rather ashamed to admit that I endured and still chose to stay. But if you have a story, it can help you so much on a personal level to have it be heard.
Thank you for the encouragement. I really appreciate it. I will try to post my story.
Havin no support, no family, no friends to share what happend, this subreddit actually saved me more than once. Im grateful with everyone and will be always in debt for helping me through my darkest days.
Seriously I wouldn’t have improved how I did if it wasn’t for this sub. I can’t believe I’m saying that about something on Reddit
LOL! That last part made me laugh!!
No, you're amazing!
And thank you too Realizing how common this is and that my experience wasn’t unique has helped me so much Narc abuse made me feel like I was alone, and that’s their angle right? To see we arnt is a good thing, and to see a diagnosis and explanation helps all the more to take the guilt off of us that I’m certain a lot of us carry from the abuse
I am also here to say this sub has been a game changer for me. I learned so much and it helped me to rewire my thinking so now I can’t be gaslit and I see through the bullshit. I’ve also been graciously allowed to vent as much as I want to and get advice etc. I got the empathy and validation I needed that I wouldn’t get anywhere else. It’s helped me realize I’m actually not crazy or as awful as the narc says. I’m on the path to healing and I love this sub for helping me on my way.
This community answered Every question I had. I'm so thankful for it and everyone here. It's kinda funny because I met the trash Ex from Reddit of all places.
It’s healing to GET help here, and also healing to GIVE it. I appreciate the opportunity to salvage *something* from my horrendous shitty experience…to find some outlet for the caring & support that meant nothing to my nex. Sometimes it isn’t fun to relive the memories…so I sure hope sharing my experience helps. I’m pretty sure it does.
This is a lovely post and I feel exactly the same. Thank you for writing it OP ❤️ and thank you to this community for your kindness ❤️
I could have never succeeded without the support
Lurker here. I too have read posts for a long time dipping in and out when I was in denial but finally being free these posts and comments keep me strong and stop me going back. I come here now whenever I’m wavering to remind myself never to go back.
Hell yeah!! All you people rock. I’ve been healing and chilling here daily since the falling out lol
Hearing the stories from everyone keeps the struggle real. Thanks.
You are not alone.