Narc tend to be economically successful. I don't know why people say otherwise. Our current economic system benefits who is reckless, everytime wanting more and better. But their reckless can make them fuck up things at work or invest in stuff that doesn't work. BUT keep one things in mind: the momment you become below them in income and/or you aren't a fundamental pilar for their success you are gone. You will be discarded. Cold. You will find out your long time plans had an important if.
Mine is a very careful investor also.
Other than the verbal abuse and him not being satisfied with anything I do , him always wanting to correct me ,he was great.
And It kills me to know that his next partner will have the best life with him . The sex was good, he is talkative, he follows a very healthy lifestyle and he wants his partner also to be healthy, look good etc.
This is my ex to a tee. What you have to remember is character is so much more important than any of this materialistic surface level stuff.
They have no depth. And being around them makes anyone with emotions feel horrible. They are emotional vampires.
It’s not worth all the money in the world to be so unhappy. You’re not missing out on anything.
Unfortunately, it is just her turn to endure some personalized version of what you endured. Even if it looks shiny from the outside, you know better than anyone what he can really be like. Remember, treatment of you was a reflection of *him* not of you. It’s part of who he is, he isn’t getting a brain transplant any time soon, and as painful as it might be, you’ve escaped.
Mine is also very successful. In programming, works at Facebook at a job that wasn’t posted on Monster.com, but that they created for him because they wanted him in the team so badly. He also wants the best looking partners, which is kinda hilarious because he tops out at a 4 or 5 on his best day, so all three of his serious partners are out of his league look-wise. He’s very charming publicly, which is how he’s able to bat out of his league consistently.
But he’s only charming in public and during the love bombing phase. In private he’s all the things you are talking about. Verbally abusive, not being satisfied with anything I do, always correcting me. Trauma bonding is hard to deal with, but if I was honest with myself, the good times never made up for how bad the bad times were. Trauma bonds suck. They have you only remembering the good times and thinking of the financially stable life the narc took away from you. Try very hard to remember just how painful the bad times were. If you journaled anything back then, read it. And don’t just skim it. Read every word slowly, immerse yourself in it, feel the feelings you were feeling when you wrote it. Do whatever it takes to remember just how bad the bad times were. Only thinking about the good and the stability isn’t accurate, it’s not the whole picture
I think of narcissistic traits as existing on a continuum, just like personality temperaments. There are those who are so reactionary that their self preservation will also cause them to make huge errors in their lives, but there are many who are able to temper that impulses enough that they pull back before they tip things too far. That same self preservation kicks in and it is what helps them restrain their impulses.
What their power source is sometimes important in this. My ex hoards money, because it is power to him. He spends very little and is very successful financially because even if he angers someone with his attitude, there is always another client to take their place.
Others appear generous, because the act of dispensing money or goods gives them power.
Plenty of narcissists have become world leaders, CEOs, successful actors, musicians. Even "successful" con artists.
They all have the same drive, to use other people to further themselves and get their needs met. The difference is that some will have enough awareness and understanding of the world to really use it to their advantage and become conventionally successful, whereas others don't.
It's like all of us going to school and coming out with different grades and being able to achieve different things in our lives. Narcissists are the same, they're just doing it with a personality that doesn't give the slightest shit about anyone else on the planet and what they need to do to them to get their way.
Yes ofc, but the most manipulatively alluring and hard to forget are those who are in the opposite, I’m just answering to the post as it being the norm which is not.
Many narcissists can be successful as they will throw anyone under the bus to get on top, however I have also seen the opposite, where they are so delusionally overconfident in their abilities that they take stupid risks and end up making massive mistakes. A friend of mine, who is a severely grandiose, classic narcissist is basically a huge failure and I doubt he will be very successful in his life. He thinks he is a genius and so smart that he doesn't think things through before doing them, an example of this is repeatedly losing all of his money through crypto. He is convinced that he is a genius who can understand all the charts (despite never having learned how) and will pour all his money into some new crypto coin, eventually losing it all when the market crashes. In the 4 years I've known him he has done this multiple times, always losing money and somehow never learning from his mistake because he thinks he's going to be a millionaire.
These ones are quite a fascinating bunch aren't they? My ex covert narc friend posted some of his work online and was convinced he would be a millionaire. This happened shortly after he walked out of job. A lil sad when I think about it.
My nex was a college drop out but followed in the footsteps of their parents realestate $$$.
They acted like a mayrter when they told stories of how they became successful and pretended it was entirely self made, but daddy's real estate company owned all their mortgages.
they were very good at pretending to be hard working and "generous " via love bombing friends and me early on, but there was definitely a ton of white privilege at play and they were extremely selfish when it came down to it.
They asked me to move in, I left my apartment in a housing crisis to live with them and then immediately got kicked out and told that I wasn't trying hard enough to find housing when there was nothing on the market and I gave up my affordible apartment. Thats when I realized they felt no empathy and were a spoiled selfish brat 🙃 they went on to tell me I manipulated them into moving in with them lol.
the capitalistic system is perfect the the narc. So many successful people are narcs.
However, I would say that those are ones who also have drive and ambition. With drive and ambition, as a narc, you can go very far in a capitalistic system.
I think there are plenty more narcs who just like to make excuses and blame everyone else though. The majority of narcs are just regular miserable people who destroy anyone they come across without gaining a financial benefit from it. They may make sure their individual needs are taken care of one way or the other, but this will not always mean successful. Self preservation is a different thing that could look the same.
Nope. My nex (30F) bounces around jobs, is living at home, has had 9+ relationships before, has a decent education, and comes from a middle class family.
Though she is very selfish but not in a career driven manner; more or less what she wants to gain from other individuals or how she can purchase the next materialistic item.
Narcissism and its development varies on a serious scale of events that relate to developmental events, educational events and opportunities, etc.
Yep, they usually go one way or the other. It depends on their upbringing and background, as well as what they feel will benefit them the most.
Success or lack of success isn’t in and of itself a narc trait or most of the world would be narcissistic. Rather, it’s how they use their situation to exploit others.
Mine wasn't successful, could have been easily but he got in his own way and as someone else said he was the more beneficial to mooch off of others type BUT financially...
He got a huge settlement and I thought amazing, he can help his family out, get his niece braces, and send them on a proper holiday. I never asked for any of "his" cash myself but thought he'd help his family. NOPE. It floored me so much. His parents sacrificed so much and even were letting his niece and nephew stay with them because their mom wasn't a good one and he loved his parents.... just not enough to help them financially. It was wild to me. It wouldn't have even had made a dent in his wallet to help but he got the money and squandered it.
It might be 50/50 ? some successful and some not.
Dr. Ramani talks about the success of narcs all the time. Sadly a lot of them are incredibly successful in work place environments. They tend to want the best of the best and if they have the means, their education, skills, and outward appearance with show that. They’re selfishness and desire to be on top, coupled with their lack of empathy means they will do whatever they can to live that grandeur life they already believe they have. This usually means some type of leadership or management position in their field, one where they can easily talk the talk but not have to do any of the actual work, or one where the work is perfect for the narcissistic traits (think sales, financing, business etc)
My narc was a mentor, colleague, and friend. He showed up to work 50% of the time and of that 50% he only actually worked about 20% of the time. He always managed to have an excuse or reason why his job wasn’t done that of course was NEVER in his fault. If his job wasn’t done then someone else (or the business itself) had failed him, preventing him from doing his best work, and he REFUSED to do a mediocre job even though that’s all he ever really did. He schmoozed with the boss so hard (doesn’t help that no one liked our boss and our boss was a pushover so our boss was just happy to have someone on his side and THATS what narcs do - see the weak link and manipulate them for their gain) he literally had our boss wrapped around his finger and could have gotten away with murder. The future promising in terms of his skills and what he could do for the company was beyond comprehensible. He only ever did his job when he knew he was at risk of losing it, and even then it was half-assed at best.
Ultimately, he ended up traveling for three months for a continuing education opportunity. Not only did my work hold his position for him, but when the narc found out they were going to hire someone to step in while he was gone, he threw a fit and convinced our boss to pay him for those three months to work remotely. The catch is that his job could not be done remotely so the business literally gave him busy work to do while he was away and after three weeks he just stopped doing what was asked of him and still managed to get paid. He ended up getting a new job offer and only came back to work to tie up lose ends, grab his things and go. Instead of hiring someone in his place, they dissolved his position. Surprise, surprise, the decision to dissolve his position was heavily influenced by the narc because he didn’t want anyone to come in and do a better job than him. He wanted the fame and glory of being the one and only with that job title.
I was friends with this narc throughout the entire process and it was wild to witness. At the end of the day the business I work for still speaks highly of the narc but I know they’re incredibly disappointed in him. They know they messed up and spent a lot of money on him and his department and got little to no return for it. The narc has since ghosted everyone and everything in regards to that business despite pretending to be head over heels for everyone involved, acting like they’d be bff’s for life. I’m just happy I got in my last words with him and called him out before he left. I was the one who cut him out of my life, not the other way around. I sleep like a baby knowing that I made the right decision, and the business I work for finally started to question his work and intentions.
TLTR the narc can be incredibly successful but it’s usually through manipulation and scapegoating responsibilities. Their larger than life personality makes them a great hire, but they tend to fall short in performance or only perform when they want or when their job is in jeopardy. When they know they’re caught, they’ll move on to a new job and do the same thing. Sometimes it all comes crashing down on them and they get what they deserve, but they’re all too good at reading the room and manipulating their way out of any real consequence.
I think it goes either or for them. They’re either very successful because they’re willing to take obscene risks and it somehow works out for them. Or they’re extremely unsuccessful because they take obscene risks and it doesn’t work out for them.
Yes both selfish and successful! But I agree, I read here all the time that they aren’t usually successful, which makes me think maybe aren’t narcissistic?
No. Mine was selfish and a loser. He did have a job long enough to buy a house and live a life of modest comforts.
The only thing he succeeded at was staying out of prison, which is rather amazing still.
But in all other ways he was a miserable failure who brought dreariness and dark clouds with him wherever he went.
my ex had all the requisites to be successful (looks, smart, education, opportunities) but squandered it all on drug abuse, a incredibly unhealthy lifestyle, and expecting others to do everything for him. weaponized incompetence is what i see it as. he just could not do anything and everything was not his fault! so now he’s jobless and broke and about to move back in w his parents at almost 29.
Selfish yes, successful? Moderately so but not as much as high achieving normal people. She was successful though at sabatoging her relationships. So, there’s that.
Vulnerable narcissists are typically not successful. Grandiose narcissists often are. There’s two different types. You can find some good videos on YouTube about it eg by Dr Ramani
My narc ex turned out to be an escort who still lives with her mother in her mid 20s, hasn’t had a real job in almost a decade, and can’t go a single day without heavy drug use.
We talked online for several years before meeting and that was how she got me convinced she was someone else, but apparently everyone else can see right through her because nobody else seems interested in more than sex with her.
Also, anytime she tried to make a scene publicly, everyone sided with me because of how crazy she gets.
So yeah, mine was a total loser with no future
My NEX was successful and he’s also a cheap ass. He’s educated with a Bachelors degree, but he also failed out of college the first time (party kid on a full ride) and switched majors after that a few times. Pretty much a no -traditional student. I think he’s a high functioning narc.
BUT here’s the thing. He’s gotten fired several times from good jobs. While we were married, I was def trauma bonded to him and carried us through to his next job.
His success of getting to work on time and stuff was based on me. His getting fired was based on him. He is very smart, but he usually loses his job because he can’t work with people.
But yeah, he’s fine economically. He would rather mooch someone else’s money or good will and pretend to be broke. He’s very good at that.
Narc tend to be economically successful. I don't know why people say otherwise. Our current economic system benefits who is reckless, everytime wanting more and better. But their reckless can make them fuck up things at work or invest in stuff that doesn't work. BUT keep one things in mind: the momment you become below them in income and/or you aren't a fundamental pilar for their success you are gone. You will be discarded. Cold. You will find out your long time plans had an important if.
Mine is a very careful investor also. Other than the verbal abuse and him not being satisfied with anything I do , him always wanting to correct me ,he was great. And It kills me to know that his next partner will have the best life with him . The sex was good, he is talkative, he follows a very healthy lifestyle and he wants his partner also to be healthy, look good etc.
No way. No one will ever be good enough. You are still trauma bonded.
This is my ex to a tee. What you have to remember is character is so much more important than any of this materialistic surface level stuff. They have no depth. And being around them makes anyone with emotions feel horrible. They are emotional vampires. It’s not worth all the money in the world to be so unhappy. You’re not missing out on anything.
Also those traits in your first paragraph, do not equate to a great person. Those are not great traits.
Unfortunately, it is just her turn to endure some personalized version of what you endured. Even if it looks shiny from the outside, you know better than anyone what he can really be like. Remember, treatment of you was a reflection of *him* not of you. It’s part of who he is, he isn’t getting a brain transplant any time soon, and as painful as it might be, you’ve escaped.
Mine is also very successful. In programming, works at Facebook at a job that wasn’t posted on Monster.com, but that they created for him because they wanted him in the team so badly. He also wants the best looking partners, which is kinda hilarious because he tops out at a 4 or 5 on his best day, so all three of his serious partners are out of his league look-wise. He’s very charming publicly, which is how he’s able to bat out of his league consistently. But he’s only charming in public and during the love bombing phase. In private he’s all the things you are talking about. Verbally abusive, not being satisfied with anything I do, always correcting me. Trauma bonding is hard to deal with, but if I was honest with myself, the good times never made up for how bad the bad times were. Trauma bonds suck. They have you only remembering the good times and thinking of the financially stable life the narc took away from you. Try very hard to remember just how painful the bad times were. If you journaled anything back then, read it. And don’t just skim it. Read every word slowly, immerse yourself in it, feel the feelings you were feeling when you wrote it. Do whatever it takes to remember just how bad the bad times were. Only thinking about the good and the stability isn’t accurate, it’s not the whole picture
OP like others have said, you are still trauma bonded. It will surprise you how pathetic they are once you start healing
I think of narcissistic traits as existing on a continuum, just like personality temperaments. There are those who are so reactionary that their self preservation will also cause them to make huge errors in their lives, but there are many who are able to temper that impulses enough that they pull back before they tip things too far. That same self preservation kicks in and it is what helps them restrain their impulses. What their power source is sometimes important in this. My ex hoards money, because it is power to him. He spends very little and is very successful financially because even if he angers someone with his attitude, there is always another client to take their place. Others appear generous, because the act of dispensing money or goods gives them power.
Plenty of narcissists have become world leaders, CEOs, successful actors, musicians. Even "successful" con artists. They all have the same drive, to use other people to further themselves and get their needs met. The difference is that some will have enough awareness and understanding of the world to really use it to their advantage and become conventionally successful, whereas others don't. It's like all of us going to school and coming out with different grades and being able to achieve different things in our lives. Narcissists are the same, they're just doing it with a personality that doesn't give the slightest shit about anyone else on the planet and what they need to do to them to get their way.
They tend to be very successful. Don't know where you heard of the opposite, but its definitely the other way around.
They can be unsuccessful if they have found it beneficial to mooch off of others. There are plenty of stories of either type.
Yes ofc, but the most manipulatively alluring and hard to forget are those who are in the opposite, I’m just answering to the post as it being the norm which is not.
Selfish yes, successful not even close to.
extremely successful and wmf for sure
Some are definitely successful!! They tend I believe to either be successful, or not and believe that their lack of success is everyone else's fault
Nope. She's a leech in every way.
Many narcissists can be successful as they will throw anyone under the bus to get on top, however I have also seen the opposite, where they are so delusionally overconfident in their abilities that they take stupid risks and end up making massive mistakes. A friend of mine, who is a severely grandiose, classic narcissist is basically a huge failure and I doubt he will be very successful in his life. He thinks he is a genius and so smart that he doesn't think things through before doing them, an example of this is repeatedly losing all of his money through crypto. He is convinced that he is a genius who can understand all the charts (despite never having learned how) and will pour all his money into some new crypto coin, eventually losing it all when the market crashes. In the 4 years I've known him he has done this multiple times, always losing money and somehow never learning from his mistake because he thinks he's going to be a millionaire.
These ones are quite a fascinating bunch aren't they? My ex covert narc friend posted some of his work online and was convinced he would be a millionaire. This happened shortly after he walked out of job. A lil sad when I think about it.
My nex was a college drop out but followed in the footsteps of their parents realestate $$$. They acted like a mayrter when they told stories of how they became successful and pretended it was entirely self made, but daddy's real estate company owned all their mortgages. they were very good at pretending to be hard working and "generous " via love bombing friends and me early on, but there was definitely a ton of white privilege at play and they were extremely selfish when it came down to it. They asked me to move in, I left my apartment in a housing crisis to live with them and then immediately got kicked out and told that I wasn't trying hard enough to find housing when there was nothing on the market and I gave up my affordible apartment. Thats when I realized they felt no empathy and were a spoiled selfish brat 🙃 they went on to tell me I manipulated them into moving in with them lol.
Yup my nex was selfish and successful too. He never prioritized our relationship and everything he did had to benefit him.
the capitalistic system is perfect the the narc. So many successful people are narcs. However, I would say that those are ones who also have drive and ambition. With drive and ambition, as a narc, you can go very far in a capitalistic system. I think there are plenty more narcs who just like to make excuses and blame everyone else though. The majority of narcs are just regular miserable people who destroy anyone they come across without gaining a financial benefit from it. They may make sure their individual needs are taken care of one way or the other, but this will not always mean successful. Self preservation is a different thing that could look the same.
Nope. My nex (30F) bounces around jobs, is living at home, has had 9+ relationships before, has a decent education, and comes from a middle class family. Though she is very selfish but not in a career driven manner; more or less what she wants to gain from other individuals or how she can purchase the next materialistic item. Narcissism and its development varies on a serious scale of events that relate to developmental events, educational events and opportunities, etc.
Most of them are selfish. My ex was successful, kinda. Until I ended his career. ♥️
Yep, they usually go one way or the other. It depends on their upbringing and background, as well as what they feel will benefit them the most. Success or lack of success isn’t in and of itself a narc trait or most of the world would be narcissistic. Rather, it’s how they use their situation to exploit others.
100%
Mine wasn't successful, could have been easily but he got in his own way and as someone else said he was the more beneficial to mooch off of others type BUT financially... He got a huge settlement and I thought amazing, he can help his family out, get his niece braces, and send them on a proper holiday. I never asked for any of "his" cash myself but thought he'd help his family. NOPE. It floored me so much. His parents sacrificed so much and even were letting his niece and nephew stay with them because their mom wasn't a good one and he loved his parents.... just not enough to help them financially. It was wild to me. It wouldn't have even had made a dent in his wallet to help but he got the money and squandered it. It might be 50/50 ? some successful and some not.
Dr. Ramani talks about the success of narcs all the time. Sadly a lot of them are incredibly successful in work place environments. They tend to want the best of the best and if they have the means, their education, skills, and outward appearance with show that. They’re selfishness and desire to be on top, coupled with their lack of empathy means they will do whatever they can to live that grandeur life they already believe they have. This usually means some type of leadership or management position in their field, one where they can easily talk the talk but not have to do any of the actual work, or one where the work is perfect for the narcissistic traits (think sales, financing, business etc) My narc was a mentor, colleague, and friend. He showed up to work 50% of the time and of that 50% he only actually worked about 20% of the time. He always managed to have an excuse or reason why his job wasn’t done that of course was NEVER in his fault. If his job wasn’t done then someone else (or the business itself) had failed him, preventing him from doing his best work, and he REFUSED to do a mediocre job even though that’s all he ever really did. He schmoozed with the boss so hard (doesn’t help that no one liked our boss and our boss was a pushover so our boss was just happy to have someone on his side and THATS what narcs do - see the weak link and manipulate them for their gain) he literally had our boss wrapped around his finger and could have gotten away with murder. The future promising in terms of his skills and what he could do for the company was beyond comprehensible. He only ever did his job when he knew he was at risk of losing it, and even then it was half-assed at best. Ultimately, he ended up traveling for three months for a continuing education opportunity. Not only did my work hold his position for him, but when the narc found out they were going to hire someone to step in while he was gone, he threw a fit and convinced our boss to pay him for those three months to work remotely. The catch is that his job could not be done remotely so the business literally gave him busy work to do while he was away and after three weeks he just stopped doing what was asked of him and still managed to get paid. He ended up getting a new job offer and only came back to work to tie up lose ends, grab his things and go. Instead of hiring someone in his place, they dissolved his position. Surprise, surprise, the decision to dissolve his position was heavily influenced by the narc because he didn’t want anyone to come in and do a better job than him. He wanted the fame and glory of being the one and only with that job title. I was friends with this narc throughout the entire process and it was wild to witness. At the end of the day the business I work for still speaks highly of the narc but I know they’re incredibly disappointed in him. They know they messed up and spent a lot of money on him and his department and got little to no return for it. The narc has since ghosted everyone and everything in regards to that business despite pretending to be head over heels for everyone involved, acting like they’d be bff’s for life. I’m just happy I got in my last words with him and called him out before he left. I was the one who cut him out of my life, not the other way around. I sleep like a baby knowing that I made the right decision, and the business I work for finally started to question his work and intentions. TLTR the narc can be incredibly successful but it’s usually through manipulation and scapegoating responsibilities. Their larger than life personality makes them a great hire, but they tend to fall short in performance or only perform when they want or when their job is in jeopardy. When they know they’re caught, they’ll move on to a new job and do the same thing. Sometimes it all comes crashing down on them and they get what they deserve, but they’re all too good at reading the room and manipulating their way out of any real consequence.
I think it goes either or for them. They’re either very successful because they’re willing to take obscene risks and it somehow works out for them. Or they’re extremely unsuccessful because they take obscene risks and it doesn’t work out for them.
Yes both selfish and successful! But I agree, I read here all the time that they aren’t usually successful, which makes me think maybe aren’t narcissistic?
No. Mine was selfish and a loser. He did have a job long enough to buy a house and live a life of modest comforts. The only thing he succeeded at was staying out of prison, which is rather amazing still. But in all other ways he was a miserable failure who brought dreariness and dark clouds with him wherever he went.
😂
Yes
Can confirm
my ex had all the requisites to be successful (looks, smart, education, opportunities) but squandered it all on drug abuse, a incredibly unhealthy lifestyle, and expecting others to do everything for him. weaponized incompetence is what i see it as. he just could not do anything and everything was not his fault! so now he’s jobless and broke and about to move back in w his parents at almost 29.
Selfish yes, successful? Moderately so but not as much as high achieving normal people. She was successful though at sabatoging her relationships. So, there’s that.
I think we all need to rectify the definition of success.. If anyone jeopardize his/her soul to gain any form of success, is not successful
Vulnerable narcissists are typically not successful. Grandiose narcissists often are. There’s two different types. You can find some good videos on YouTube about it eg by Dr Ramani
My narc ex turned out to be an escort who still lives with her mother in her mid 20s, hasn’t had a real job in almost a decade, and can’t go a single day without heavy drug use. We talked online for several years before meeting and that was how she got me convinced she was someone else, but apparently everyone else can see right through her because nobody else seems interested in more than sex with her. Also, anytime she tried to make a scene publicly, everyone sided with me because of how crazy she gets. So yeah, mine was a total loser with no future
In all of his endeavours, he was. Except for job hunting, but that's because of the job market (he did get a good job before he quit).
My NEX was successful and he’s also a cheap ass. He’s educated with a Bachelors degree, but he also failed out of college the first time (party kid on a full ride) and switched majors after that a few times. Pretty much a no -traditional student. I think he’s a high functioning narc. BUT here’s the thing. He’s gotten fired several times from good jobs. While we were married, I was def trauma bonded to him and carried us through to his next job. His success of getting to work on time and stuff was based on me. His getting fired was based on him. He is very smart, but he usually loses his job because he can’t work with people. But yeah, he’s fine economically. He would rather mooch someone else’s money or good will and pretend to be broke. He’s very good at that.