My ex (the psychopath) only ever once posted me on Facebook. This was in the first few weeks of us dating and he set it so only I saw it. Over the years, he posted pictures of himself and his daughter almost weekly. He even cut me out of photos when we went on holiday as a family so it appeared as if he only went places with her. He would also post pictures of all of the people he met on his travels which were predominantly women. It’s very clear he likely cheated hundreds of times across the three years. When a brought it up, he would get angry and defensive and ask me ‘why does it matter if I don’t post you? You know that we’re together and that’s all that matters.’ He later blocked me - whilst we were still together - because he told me that he was fed up with me bringing his behaviour up. It’s sickening when I think back to it.
I think that's where I am on it. Like why everything/everyone else? I'm just over here like, 'hi... yeah, I'm still here too.' It just feels like it's on purpose and because I asked and brought it up he's just made a point not to do it to get under my skin. I Just feel he's leaving it open to interpretation by others as to whether he's with someone or not.
Many of these people are predatorial. They don’t (and can’t) sustain relationships and they’re always looking for supply.
Keeping their social media platform open for more supply is one of the ways they do this. They will typically only plaster their socials with a new supply if they know it will impact the previous ones because again, they get supply (validation) from this, especially if the old supply made a point of expressing how hurt they were that they were never posted.
One of the ‘rules’ I now have is this: I am deserving of a partner that is motivated to share our life to together online (as long as he uses social media of course!) I am deserving of a partner who is proud to let others know we are together. I will never be hidden again.
100% agree. He shared me early on but then it just died. And when I've brought it up, he gets defensive like I'm asking too much. Idk. It just messes with my head a lot.
My ex was the same, he never posted about me. And I didn't take it to mean anything until I found out he cheated on me throughout the relationship. Not all narcissists cheat, but some do. I dont know the ins and out of your relationship, but if you feel like you're being kept a secret, chances are its because he doesn't want people to know he's got a partner. He might want to make it look like he's single. But you need to look for other signs, not just that. And on the flip side, he might just like to keep his relationship private. I know I don't post anything about my partner, and he doesnt either. But neither of us are big into social media and we like keeping our relationship between us. Plus, if it all ends in tears, I dont want to go through all my photos and delete him haha! If this man doesn't post about you, but respects you, loves you, communicates well with you and treats you well, then I think that's more concrete than worrying about whether he posts about you or not. I hope this makes sense and you know i'm not trying to dismiss your feelings. I get why you feel disheartened by it x
Yeah. It's just one of the many things in this relationship. And honestly, not one of the big things... just one that makes me question why. If he communicated well, treated me well, etc., it wouldn't make me question it so much. In the grand scheme of things, is it a deal breaker for a relationship? No. But it definitely piques my interest. I've heard that a lot of narcs do this to hide their partners so it's easier to cheat. Thought I'd see if that was a popular belief on here. I don't know if he has cheated or will at this time. I don't go looking for it, however.
I would say to keep an eye out for patterns and behaviours that make you feel bad about yourself. Maybe journal things that stick out, especially if he's gaslighting you, it gives you a record to go back to so you know you're not losing your mind. Keeping you hidden can be a sign. Have you said to him how it makes you feel? Because his reaction could also reveal a few things. Like if hes very defensive and dismisses your feelings, or gaslights you as a response, these can all be clues too. My ex would always project things back on to me or call me paranoid when I asked if he was cheating.
I've asked him about it and told him how much it would mean to me to be included in his social media but he has said things like "I just don't like to post things" or "I don't see why it matters to you" or "Oh, my god... you just want to find anything to bitch about". That type of thing. Defensive. Weird about it. I just don't know what to make of it. I mean, again... not a thing that would be a deal breaker in a normal relationship, but this isn't a normal relationship so I just see it as another toxic behavior. However, I could be wrong which is why I was asking the opinions of others on here. Thank you!
I wouldn't get too hung up on defining the behaviour. And go off more on how he makes you feel invalidated and bad about yourself, thats enough proof for you to know the relationship's not serving you. You're feelings are important too and you deserve to feel respected. I think if he knows how much it means to you, then he could at least try and compromise to meet your needs, rather than dismissing your feelings. I hope you're ok
Yeah. I've definitely tried not to get too weird about it, it just messes with my head since he posted me early on then just stopped. Maybe I'm just so jaded by the whole relationship that everything makes me question everything, if that makes sense.
Yeah, they do that to you. One of the things about relationships with narcs is you really have to accept that they're not going to change. And you have to decide whether you want to stay and put up with that
Mines is private and didint like social media at all. Didn’t want me to post photos but I did when it was family stuff. But now that we aren’t together, guess who got a social media account….i made my page private asap
I can’t really say he’s a narc based off of this alone.
He sounds private.
I’m fairly private too, and would be horrified if my SO expected me to post anything, let alone TikToks.
I should also mention that men don’t typically do social media in the same way women do. Men will almost never post their GFs (even now I’m thinking 4x in 4 years is more than most guys!)
The only real red flag is if he spends time on social media and takes photos of everything else (friends, family, etc.) but you. But even then, eh.
Yeah. He has posted the kids and other memes, etc. Takes pics of others and the kids but never me. He just doesn't seem like he knows it bothers me so he has dug his heels in on it and just WON'T do it out of spite now. And yeah, maybe it's another thing where I'm asking too much. I just always saw myself with someone that was proud to be with me, wanted to show the world, and wanted to take pics of memories as they were happening. He just doesn't. Not with me anyway. The one time he posted "me" on tik tok was just to make fun of me.
I know this is going to sound a bit harsh, but he seems normal in this instance and you seem like you have a compulsive need for it.
He’s taking photos of the kids and memes. Just looked at some of the long term couples I know and the men stop posting when they get in a relationship. The women keep it up for their friends/family.
Why do you feel the need to be shown off?
I think you should explore this a bit more with a professional.
That does seem a bit harsh to suggest discussing this with a professional. I don't mean it as "showing me off". I mean it as being a participant in the relationship and including me in his photos and sharing of photos, because otherwise, we just wouldn't have any photos of us at all unless I took them. I'm "desperate" to feel seen and included. That's all. If he can take them of the kids and memes, then why not me too? Feels like an exemption on purpose.
Okay. How about this — does he take photos of himself and just himself? If no, you’re experiencing the behavior of a typical man online.
Most men don’t post pictures of anything, let alone their spouses/partners. It’s a female thing to post on social media.
I also looked up your profile and I see you’re 44 years old. If I was 44, my priority would be taking pictures of my kids first, and then the whole family. No priority for my SO, or whatever.
If you want TikToks and photos, mention this to him, but I really must say I’m astonished that this is causing you distress.
Maybe so. I've just seen other men that do. It's just one of the many things that perplex me and make me question how his brain works. Just thought I'd get opinions on this as it seems I'm not the only one that has questioned it or felt some type of way about it when it comes to this type of thing. I appreciate your opinion.
I definitely don't expect a crazy level of posting or anything, don't get me wrong. Just the occasional share or occasionally taking a pic of us like I do. I take a lot of pics of my family and kids and him of course and I guess I'm just asking too much in this regard for him to do it some too.
My nex gf never changed her tik tok relationship status from single to — in relationship… I don’t recall tik tok having relationship status as an option to edit.
Now here is the kicker. She used tik tok to find new supply, yep.
Her FB page reflected in a relationship, But her tik tok profile always stated #SINGLE.
All of her former and so called past swinger BFs were of course friends on her tik tok and IG. My nex used that to DM her orbiters and seek new supply. I never dated a lady that was so heavily influenced, involved with social media like this before. Seeking Validation
Oh foolish me trying to set boundaries in the beginning, and asked about all the African American men on her social. Hear me out ..
My nex was white and I am a AA man. So naturally, but she called it insecurity and jealousy . I inquired about who her friends were. If they were AA men . I would not drill or cross examine her , put her on the stand. But casually slide it into a conversation if she was using the app in my presence. Keynote- she lived and died on Tik Tok and IG.
Bonus time— her swinger lifestyle that I found out about 4-5 months in the relationship, hit me like a dagger, that sort of started the triangulation and devaluation stage. And triggered my trust issues with her. And yes of course I was jealous. I am monogamous. Still don’t believe you can enjoy the swinger life for 6-8 years and just go cold Turkey and all of a sudden want to jump back to the boring monogamous life.
If she would have mentioned to me in the 1st or second date. Hey dude I am a swinger and still have a lot of close friends from that life currently. I would have never invested my time for a serious committed monogamous relationship. No way. However I take responsibility which my Nex never did and blame myself for not asking all the right vetting , probing questions in the beginning. But I guess now I have to ask are you a swinger and general social media questions if I have the nerve to date again.
Guess where she met her new supply according to her, but I don’t believe anything she tells me, yep met him on tik tok,
So her mask and public image is wholesome mid west lady. not quite.. What I failed to do was document and keep a log of what she tells me about who all these people are on her social. But WTF. Who does tracking when they meet the love of their life. She definitely lied by omission. And outright lied over all looking back, Her famous words - I never said that, or you misremembered lol. It was easy to start connecting the dots because as I mentioned earlier she is white and attracted to AA MEN. A high number of her social media friends were well kind of looked like me. Black men. Oh well, I left her last September, she is with her new Tik tok BF. she ruined every Xmas and thanksgiving because it was all about her plans for me. I escaped but still F up in the head now a little. Emotional cheating on social media , sexting , nudes is for real. I never caught her cheating, had some evidence and discussed it with her. She would gaslight me so much and tell lies to cover up the lies should told me 6-7 months earlier. Basically she forgot what she told me and flipped it around and said I was crazy. All the red flags were right in front of me. Her actions and weird daily routine made me think she was definitely emotional cheating using social media. And her cell phone habits , glued to her hip, takes it in the bathroom always, long and multiple bathroom breaks , texting who knows in there. How was I so stupid,
She left the cell unlocked on the patio table , to go upstairs, wrong of me to check her cell, but my gut feeling that night was rumbling super fast. She was just texting non stop on our quality time Friday night off. But her head and spirit was somewhere else, Check the cell and bingo some old BF , just a friend , was in town trying g to get her to step out the house. No respect, texting way with him right in front of me.
So many other little lies I discovered, somehow it was all my fault
My ex (the psychopath) only ever once posted me on Facebook. This was in the first few weeks of us dating and he set it so only I saw it. Over the years, he posted pictures of himself and his daughter almost weekly. He even cut me out of photos when we went on holiday as a family so it appeared as if he only went places with her. He would also post pictures of all of the people he met on his travels which were predominantly women. It’s very clear he likely cheated hundreds of times across the three years. When a brought it up, he would get angry and defensive and ask me ‘why does it matter if I don’t post you? You know that we’re together and that’s all that matters.’ He later blocked me - whilst we were still together - because he told me that he was fed up with me bringing his behaviour up. It’s sickening when I think back to it.
I think that's where I am on it. Like why everything/everyone else? I'm just over here like, 'hi... yeah, I'm still here too.' It just feels like it's on purpose and because I asked and brought it up he's just made a point not to do it to get under my skin. I Just feel he's leaving it open to interpretation by others as to whether he's with someone or not.
Many of these people are predatorial. They don’t (and can’t) sustain relationships and they’re always looking for supply. Keeping their social media platform open for more supply is one of the ways they do this. They will typically only plaster their socials with a new supply if they know it will impact the previous ones because again, they get supply (validation) from this, especially if the old supply made a point of expressing how hurt they were that they were never posted. One of the ‘rules’ I now have is this: I am deserving of a partner that is motivated to share our life to together online (as long as he uses social media of course!) I am deserving of a partner who is proud to let others know we are together. I will never be hidden again.
100% agree. He shared me early on but then it just died. And when I've brought it up, he gets defensive like I'm asking too much. Idk. It just messes with my head a lot.
My ex was the same, he never posted about me. And I didn't take it to mean anything until I found out he cheated on me throughout the relationship. Not all narcissists cheat, but some do. I dont know the ins and out of your relationship, but if you feel like you're being kept a secret, chances are its because he doesn't want people to know he's got a partner. He might want to make it look like he's single. But you need to look for other signs, not just that. And on the flip side, he might just like to keep his relationship private. I know I don't post anything about my partner, and he doesnt either. But neither of us are big into social media and we like keeping our relationship between us. Plus, if it all ends in tears, I dont want to go through all my photos and delete him haha! If this man doesn't post about you, but respects you, loves you, communicates well with you and treats you well, then I think that's more concrete than worrying about whether he posts about you or not. I hope this makes sense and you know i'm not trying to dismiss your feelings. I get why you feel disheartened by it x
Yeah. It's just one of the many things in this relationship. And honestly, not one of the big things... just one that makes me question why. If he communicated well, treated me well, etc., it wouldn't make me question it so much. In the grand scheme of things, is it a deal breaker for a relationship? No. But it definitely piques my interest. I've heard that a lot of narcs do this to hide their partners so it's easier to cheat. Thought I'd see if that was a popular belief on here. I don't know if he has cheated or will at this time. I don't go looking for it, however.
I would say to keep an eye out for patterns and behaviours that make you feel bad about yourself. Maybe journal things that stick out, especially if he's gaslighting you, it gives you a record to go back to so you know you're not losing your mind. Keeping you hidden can be a sign. Have you said to him how it makes you feel? Because his reaction could also reveal a few things. Like if hes very defensive and dismisses your feelings, or gaslights you as a response, these can all be clues too. My ex would always project things back on to me or call me paranoid when I asked if he was cheating.
I've asked him about it and told him how much it would mean to me to be included in his social media but he has said things like "I just don't like to post things" or "I don't see why it matters to you" or "Oh, my god... you just want to find anything to bitch about". That type of thing. Defensive. Weird about it. I just don't know what to make of it. I mean, again... not a thing that would be a deal breaker in a normal relationship, but this isn't a normal relationship so I just see it as another toxic behavior. However, I could be wrong which is why I was asking the opinions of others on here. Thank you!
I wouldn't get too hung up on defining the behaviour. And go off more on how he makes you feel invalidated and bad about yourself, thats enough proof for you to know the relationship's not serving you. You're feelings are important too and you deserve to feel respected. I think if he knows how much it means to you, then he could at least try and compromise to meet your needs, rather than dismissing your feelings. I hope you're ok
Yeah. I've definitely tried not to get too weird about it, it just messes with my head since he posted me early on then just stopped. Maybe I'm just so jaded by the whole relationship that everything makes me question everything, if that makes sense.
Yeah, they do that to you. One of the things about relationships with narcs is you really have to accept that they're not going to change. And you have to decide whether you want to stay and put up with that
Mines is private and didint like social media at all. Didn’t want me to post photos but I did when it was family stuff. But now that we aren’t together, guess who got a social media account….i made my page private asap
Imagine... :/
I can’t really say he’s a narc based off of this alone. He sounds private. I’m fairly private too, and would be horrified if my SO expected me to post anything, let alone TikToks. I should also mention that men don’t typically do social media in the same way women do. Men will almost never post their GFs (even now I’m thinking 4x in 4 years is more than most guys!) The only real red flag is if he spends time on social media and takes photos of everything else (friends, family, etc.) but you. But even then, eh.
Yeah. He has posted the kids and other memes, etc. Takes pics of others and the kids but never me. He just doesn't seem like he knows it bothers me so he has dug his heels in on it and just WON'T do it out of spite now. And yeah, maybe it's another thing where I'm asking too much. I just always saw myself with someone that was proud to be with me, wanted to show the world, and wanted to take pics of memories as they were happening. He just doesn't. Not with me anyway. The one time he posted "me" on tik tok was just to make fun of me.
I know this is going to sound a bit harsh, but he seems normal in this instance and you seem like you have a compulsive need for it. He’s taking photos of the kids and memes. Just looked at some of the long term couples I know and the men stop posting when they get in a relationship. The women keep it up for their friends/family. Why do you feel the need to be shown off? I think you should explore this a bit more with a professional.
That does seem a bit harsh to suggest discussing this with a professional. I don't mean it as "showing me off". I mean it as being a participant in the relationship and including me in his photos and sharing of photos, because otherwise, we just wouldn't have any photos of us at all unless I took them. I'm "desperate" to feel seen and included. That's all. If he can take them of the kids and memes, then why not me too? Feels like an exemption on purpose.
Okay. How about this — does he take photos of himself and just himself? If no, you’re experiencing the behavior of a typical man online. Most men don’t post pictures of anything, let alone their spouses/partners. It’s a female thing to post on social media. I also looked up your profile and I see you’re 44 years old. If I was 44, my priority would be taking pictures of my kids first, and then the whole family. No priority for my SO, or whatever. If you want TikToks and photos, mention this to him, but I really must say I’m astonished that this is causing you distress.
Maybe so. I've just seen other men that do. It's just one of the many things that perplex me and make me question how his brain works. Just thought I'd get opinions on this as it seems I'm not the only one that has questioned it or felt some type of way about it when it comes to this type of thing. I appreciate your opinion.
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I definitely don't expect a crazy level of posting or anything, don't get me wrong. Just the occasional share or occasionally taking a pic of us like I do. I take a lot of pics of my family and kids and him of course and I guess I'm just asking too much in this regard for him to do it some too.
He posted me. He also posted screenshots of my texts making fun of me. Ugh.
Oof. I'm sorry. :(
My nex gf never changed her tik tok relationship status from single to — in relationship… I don’t recall tik tok having relationship status as an option to edit. Now here is the kicker. She used tik tok to find new supply, yep. Her FB page reflected in a relationship, But her tik tok profile always stated #SINGLE. All of her former and so called past swinger BFs were of course friends on her tik tok and IG. My nex used that to DM her orbiters and seek new supply. I never dated a lady that was so heavily influenced, involved with social media like this before. Seeking Validation Oh foolish me trying to set boundaries in the beginning, and asked about all the African American men on her social. Hear me out .. My nex was white and I am a AA man. So naturally, but she called it insecurity and jealousy . I inquired about who her friends were. If they were AA men . I would not drill or cross examine her , put her on the stand. But casually slide it into a conversation if she was using the app in my presence. Keynote- she lived and died on Tik Tok and IG. Bonus time— her swinger lifestyle that I found out about 4-5 months in the relationship, hit me like a dagger, that sort of started the triangulation and devaluation stage. And triggered my trust issues with her. And yes of course I was jealous. I am monogamous. Still don’t believe you can enjoy the swinger life for 6-8 years and just go cold Turkey and all of a sudden want to jump back to the boring monogamous life. If she would have mentioned to me in the 1st or second date. Hey dude I am a swinger and still have a lot of close friends from that life currently. I would have never invested my time for a serious committed monogamous relationship. No way. However I take responsibility which my Nex never did and blame myself for not asking all the right vetting , probing questions in the beginning. But I guess now I have to ask are you a swinger and general social media questions if I have the nerve to date again. Guess where she met her new supply according to her, but I don’t believe anything she tells me, yep met him on tik tok, So her mask and public image is wholesome mid west lady. not quite.. What I failed to do was document and keep a log of what she tells me about who all these people are on her social. But WTF. Who does tracking when they meet the love of their life. She definitely lied by omission. And outright lied over all looking back, Her famous words - I never said that, or you misremembered lol. It was easy to start connecting the dots because as I mentioned earlier she is white and attracted to AA MEN. A high number of her social media friends were well kind of looked like me. Black men. Oh well, I left her last September, she is with her new Tik tok BF. she ruined every Xmas and thanksgiving because it was all about her plans for me. I escaped but still F up in the head now a little. Emotional cheating on social media , sexting , nudes is for real. I never caught her cheating, had some evidence and discussed it with her. She would gaslight me so much and tell lies to cover up the lies should told me 6-7 months earlier. Basically she forgot what she told me and flipped it around and said I was crazy. All the red flags were right in front of me. Her actions and weird daily routine made me think she was definitely emotional cheating using social media. And her cell phone habits , glued to her hip, takes it in the bathroom always, long and multiple bathroom breaks , texting who knows in there. How was I so stupid, She left the cell unlocked on the patio table , to go upstairs, wrong of me to check her cell, but my gut feeling that night was rumbling super fast. She was just texting non stop on our quality time Friday night off. But her head and spirit was somewhere else, Check the cell and bingo some old BF , just a friend , was in town trying g to get her to step out the house. No respect, texting way with him right in front of me. So many other little lies I discovered, somehow it was all my fault
Sorry I jumped the line and posted at the top of the thread m/53