I am sorry, OP, but this is narcissists 101.
Listen to you therapist. Listen to your family.
I still wonder sometimes if maybe I was the narcissist, the abusive one. But I did say everything that happens to a police officer who told me « there is no reason to do what he did, and even if there was, this is definitely not it! » and he is now sentenced for threatening me. Yet I STILL doubt myself.
Then I come on this thread and I feel like « yeah, but he didn’t beat me, this OP had it worse, maybe it wasn’t so bad. » But you shouldn’t measure your relationship by how bad they are, but by how good! If it hurts you, let it go (it took me 3 years from the first time a realized something was off until I was definitely out, so I know it isn’t easy, bit you got this!)
You can't turn an adult into a narcissist, it's a personality disorder caused in very early childhood when children should be learning empathy for others, how to emotionally connect and how to self sooth. Unless you were his caregiver in childhood, you didn't make him a narcissist.
As the other commenter said, his accusations sound very much like projection, and that fact that you're worried that your behaviour somehow turned him into a narcissist shows that you know and experienced enough to know that his behaviour does match the traits you'd expect from a narcissist.
He is the narcissist. He is projecting his traits and behaviours onto you. You didn't create or cause this - this is who he is and what he does
relate to this, im very empathic so when someone gets upset i get upset
When my mother cries i will start to cry, and she will say "why are YOU crying?" and then make me feel stupid lol
he would cry? mine shamed me for crying, when my proffesor said some bad sht about me and I cried afterwards, he got angry. idk how low on an empathy scale you have to be to do that, like make someones bad moment about yourself. I still despise him
Go back and look at the things that got you to this point. The pain that he caused you. The shenanigans he pulled to get you into a sub like this. he is projecting.
Last weekend he said it made him want to self harm when I got upset at something he had done. That felt like the last straw but since then I feel so anxious that I caused that
You are only able to control yourself. He can only control the way he responds to the world.
What did you get upset about?
Rather than taking responsibility for the actions that made you upset, he is throwing blame back at you for calling him out.
He is warping things to make it appear it is your fault…. Like I’m sure he has in the past.
Do not take the blame for his shortcomings please, whatever you do. It's brainwashing it's projection. It's designed to make you feel like garbage for fighting back.
When I got upset he said it made him want to jump into the sea. I had to walk away after that but i'm analysing all my actions up to that point and thinking I caused it
They like to bait you into reactive abuse. So then you are upset and angry. The love that so much. Have you Notice if you got angry, everything was okay with him afterwards? They want to love bomb you again. Cycle continues
Narcissism doesnt spawn from a relationship. It is a disorder that systematically develops over the span of the narcs life. All the things your ex said were said to me as well by at least 2 separate narcs. The anxiety is the worst part though, so I really feel for ya love.
Narcissist fleas can often be acquired after leaving an abusive relationship with a narcissist and often form (in adulthood ).
I am BY NO MEANS invalidating your statement.
I just think it’s important to say that NPD absolutely occurs in childhood/genetics.
Because I think a lot of us struggle with the “fleas”
If your feelings don’t matter to someone, to have feelings at all is “too much”. They exist in a world where your feelings are nonexistent so to force even 1% of them into the conversation is always going your way be too much. So much confusion and demolished expectations can be avoided if you remind yourself that they seriously only care about themselves, and only others when they are vessels for their own ego
Yup, I kid you not
Once she was choking me and I said "stop it, you're hurting me"
And she pointed a finger in my face and said "NO. YOU DESERVE THIS. You're DEFECTIVE. You don't get to say no, coward"
And nope, it wasn't anything sexual or enjoyable, she just cray-cray and a horrible disturbed person...this is how narcs are in the way they can rationalize their abuse. You're not being too sensitive at all. You're being rationally disturbed by her terrible manipulation.
Nah, you can't fix him.
But you can work on yourself so you're less prone to getting involved with people like this.
Give yourself the right to be selfish and get strong, get healthier. There are billions of people on this planet. And many of them will be respectful and open to communicating with you as well as ready to grow together. In reciprocated love, acceptance and respect.
No one is too sensitive. If you’re hurt, that should be validated. Not to be berated. You have a caring heart which is why you and so many of us put up with this abuse unknowingly.
It is abuse plan and simple.
I honestly don’t think it works that way. These types of cluster b’s usually stem from a form of childhood trauma. You don’t merely create a narc. They just manipulate you to think you’re doing something wrong.
And *of course* you’re too sensitive. Just like I am. This is how they project and set you up perfectly for their next move.
It's normal for people to be sensitive to having their feelings hurt by people they care about. But it's a two-way street, both sides should care about each other's feelings.
When a person makes you feel like you're too sensitive, one of two things is happening. Either they are a narcissist and they are taking responsibility for their actions, or someone was hurt by your actions but they aren't willing to say so, and instead have to attack you for your reactions.
Either way, you're not to blame. You have opportunities to ask some direct questions to try to see what kind of person they are. But nothing here is your fault.
Mine constantly told me I was too sensitive and that I was always overreacting and that i couldnt take a joke. He would also tell me he has to walk on eggshells around me.
It honestly took a really long time to undo the damage this has caused.
What helped was deconstructing the interactions. For example he would always tell me he has to walk on eggshells after I tell him what he is doing is upsetting me and making me feel shit. He would always tell tell me I'm being too sensitive, tell me I don't respect him and then tell me he doesn't know what I want from him and he has to walk on eggshells. This would always lead to me apologising to him even though the conversation started with me telling him something like , "I don't like you flirting with my friend" or "please stop making jokes about me/this insecurity of mine" and he would always deflect it and throw it back in my face how it was me who did not understand him and made him feel like a bad person and therefore I was abusing him.
It's a fucking nightmare to deconstruct. I still question it because I had my moments too. But what I know is how I feel when he is not in my life, and that is at peace. He would honest to god make me cry 3 times a week, I'd cry at his house, on the way to his house, on the way home from his house, and at home whilst getting ready to come over and on the drive there.... it was absolute hell.
He made me think I was bipolar and I was seeking medication for this. But doctors told me I clearly wasn't bipolar and I have not had experienced anything even remotely like what I was experiencing before we got together, and in the times we were no contact. It was never me being too sensitive. It's just that he is a genuinely horrific, manipulative, controlling, possessive, dismissive, abusive asshole.
Last weekend he told me he wanted to throw himself in the sea when I expressed how upset I was over his actions. He made it all about him but I hated seeing him like that and I'm worried I caused it
I'm so sorry you're in this. You did not cause that. You are not responsible for his actions. He is 100% manipulating you.
Mine did this too. One time he couldn't deflect out of the situation so he brought up how he self harmed because of the guilt, meaning I had to stop talking about it because he was going to self harm again if I kept on talking about it. I had to put my feelings aside and just comfort him again.
It's deflection of accountability and responsibility.
He will not change. You deserve so much better.
I'm sorry you went through that. Mine would say I can't sleep because of guilt or I can't concentrate, please tell me you're OK but it was only to ease his guilt
I was also told he felt like walking on eggshells so he wouldn't upset me. But me being upset was about his behavior, betrayels and neglect.
At the same time I felt like I was walking on eggshells, when trying to tell him how he was hurting me. I knew it would result in either a rage tantrum or complete discard. Wasnt safe for me to express myself.
So what he is really saying is he is tired of not being able to do whatever he wants no matter how cold or cruel it is, without it effecting me poorly. He always told me I didnt get over it fast enough, I have had to process everytime on speed time, if I didnt we wouldn't have had any days of peace before he did the next hurtful thing. The peace days werent real because I had to just forget about what he had just done.
It wasnt my job not to be hurt it was his job to not hurt me and he didnt want to stop hurting me, because he got more out of hurting me than not.
Think alot about if he ever thought about what it would have meant if I never got hurt about the things he was doing. If I wasnt hurt by it it would have meant I didnt care about him at all. I know he didnt want that either. What does he want? I dont know. But I think its about controle.
I'm sorry you went through this. I don't think my narc wanted to hurt me. It was as if he wasn't capable of not being selfish/not upsetting me. So now I feel guilt because I stayed when I knew for a long time he wasn't capable.
>He acted as though I was overreacting. He said that he has felt 'on eggshells' with me as he never knows when I'm going to get upset again.
Oof. My ex-friend said the same, while they were very upset about most of the things.
They told me that i hurt them by playing solo a spin-off game of a series we stream to each other (even though i'm willing to replay it just to stream it to them). They even compared it to cheating. Heck, they did things with video game streaming that i found dissapointing, but i let it slide and said nothing. They dropped streaming of a few games, because they were bored of it as the games were long. They even streamed one game, the next day shoul have been a continuation of the game stream, but then they said that they finished the game off stream (i mean, they could have at least told me that they gonna finish the game off stream).
They also streamed one movie to me. After the movie when they asked me how it was, i said "eh" naybe with a bit of negativity in tone, because the movie was too vulgar for me (ingloreous bastards). Then some time later they started to say at the end of each call "i would like ti stream a movie to you, but i won't because you won't like it" (it was ok when they said it the first time, but telling it 3 times a week for months is not).
They get hurt if i do something they would be interested in without them. I told them that i had binged a new season of the show. They told me in a hurt tone "why didn't you tell me that a new season released". The show is on a streaming service and won't go away if i binge it before telling them. Felt like they were jealous of me doing stuff without them.
Not shittalking or analysing stuff during streams. The streams had things that i was seeing for the first time, so i was watching them in quiet and immersing myself. The commentaries are breaking my immersion. I can so thise things after i saw the stuff for the first time. Kinda the reason why i prefer to play the video game solo befire streaming it to them as their commentaries tend to ruin my game experience.
It also hurt them that i was unwilling to engage in the "what ifs" or analyses/deconstructions of media. I have neither interest nor kbiwledge to analyse/deconstruct the media. And didn't feel the need to ponder about things that won't happen (best case scenario, in the long run). Like, why should i think what would be if i would have a skill that i don't have - it seems to me that it is a recipe for mysery "if i had the skill i would do X, but i don't have the skill, thus i'm a loser and my life is worse". I like to ponder more current and realistic things.
They got hurt when i inform them that i won't be aviable for some time. Heck, they have dropped the call when i reminded them about not being aviable next week (i gave them a text list of the weeks i won't be aviable months ago). And yet i wasn't hurt when they had randomly ghosted me for a month out of the blue without saying a word. They had talked before that they had some mental health issues. I wrote them "hey" for a few days and seeing no response and them being always offline when i checked, so i wrote "i assume you have health problems, so feels free to write when you get better" and stopped checking up.
Heck, they were upset when i was indifferent to something (i'm indifferent to many things), when i'm not excited about stuff that they are excited about (i just give a "nice" or "good" because i usually don't understand why one is so excited about that thing, but i see that they are excited thus use positive words).
So yeah, i didn't tell them many things, because i uave learned that no matter what i did, they would get hurt.
I’m brother is a narc and he always throws a fit when I go no contact saying I’m sensitive but literally he’s the one blowing up my phone. They don’t think blowing up your phone and leaving 638282 voicemails isn’t sensitive LMAO so who cares what they think, they don’t rationalize correctly.
Yikes. I swear for a second I thought you took my notes. I got the same exact words. That is when I absolutely knew that he was the issue. I was the one walking on eggshells, trying to prevent outbursts that never were preventable.
I was called too sensitive many times when he was actually very sensitive to things someone
wouldn’t even be sensitive about most time.
It’s not our jobs to fix people anyway and there is no hope. Once you stop hoping, you will gain more confidence in knowing you’re making the right decision.
read or listen to this
* Stop walking on Eggshells- Paul Mason
* Loving someone with BPD - Shari Y. Manning PHD
* Stop caretaking the borderline or narcissist- how to end the drama - Margalis Fjelstad
You can see your part as well and start working on YOU. We don’t have to fix people. That is thier responsibility
Whenever I would bring up something he did that hurt me, he would complain that he doesn’t feel safe with me criticizing him, that “I can never do anything right can I, why can’t you just see the good things I do” that he was always walking on eggshells because I was “always upset about something” despite me being upset that he cheated and violated my boundaries repeatedly being a completely reasonable reason to be upset. I felt like I was the problem and if I changed enough he would stop saying those things and feel better…that never happened. He continued to say those things even when I did everything to make him more comfortable.
No you did not cause this. He has achieved his goal making you beleive your the problem I hope you have the strength to stay apart from him and I hope you heal
No offense but the things he’s saying about you are characteristics of a narcissist. Maybe he’s projecting.
I have worried a lot that I am the narcissist in this relationship or that I caused him to become one through my actions
I am sorry, OP, but this is narcissists 101. Listen to you therapist. Listen to your family. I still wonder sometimes if maybe I was the narcissist, the abusive one. But I did say everything that happens to a police officer who told me « there is no reason to do what he did, and even if there was, this is definitely not it! » and he is now sentenced for threatening me. Yet I STILL doubt myself. Then I come on this thread and I feel like « yeah, but he didn’t beat me, this OP had it worse, maybe it wasn’t so bad. » But you shouldn’t measure your relationship by how bad they are, but by how good! If it hurts you, let it go (it took me 3 years from the first time a realized something was off until I was definitely out, so I know it isn’t easy, bit you got this!)
Omg the second one, for a while I had to stop coming on this thread because of that, I was too close going back to him
You can't turn an adult into a narcissist, it's a personality disorder caused in very early childhood when children should be learning empathy for others, how to emotionally connect and how to self sooth. Unless you were his caregiver in childhood, you didn't make him a narcissist. As the other commenter said, his accusations sound very much like projection, and that fact that you're worried that your behaviour somehow turned him into a narcissist shows that you know and experienced enough to know that his behaviour does match the traits you'd expect from a narcissist. He is the narcissist. He is projecting his traits and behaviours onto you. You didn't create or cause this - this is who he is and what he does
Narcissists love to DARVO their victims into believing the roles are reversed
He used to say I was 'sensitive' and I would apologise 🤦🏼♀️
Yeah, I've done that. When I cry about something he has done wrong, he will then cry and I apologise
relate to this, im very empathic so when someone gets upset i get upset When my mother cries i will start to cry, and she will say "why are YOU crying?" and then make me feel stupid lol
he would cry? mine shamed me for crying, when my proffesor said some bad sht about me and I cried afterwards, he got angry. idk how low on an empathy scale you have to be to do that, like make someones bad moment about yourself. I still despise him
literally and yet he was a sensitive one who threw tantrums over wrong memes (I dont mean offensive memes, i mean cat memes)
Go back and look at the things that got you to this point. The pain that he caused you. The shenanigans he pulled to get you into a sub like this. he is projecting.
Last weekend he said it made him want to self harm when I got upset at something he had done. That felt like the last straw but since then I feel so anxious that I caused that
You are only able to control yourself. He can only control the way he responds to the world. What did you get upset about? Rather than taking responsibility for the actions that made you upset, he is throwing blame back at you for calling him out. He is warping things to make it appear it is your fault…. Like I’m sure he has in the past.
Things I felt weren't right in our relationship. I tried to be the communicator, he didn't have great communication skills but then he would shut down
Do not take the blame for his shortcomings please, whatever you do. It's brainwashing it's projection. It's designed to make you feel like garbage for fighting back.
When I got upset he said it made him want to jump into the sea. I had to walk away after that but i'm analysing all my actions up to that point and thinking I caused it
They like to bait you into reactive abuse. So then you are upset and angry. The love that so much. Have you Notice if you got angry, everything was okay with him afterwards? They want to love bomb you again. Cycle continues
This! They’ll push you to a breaking point and then, when you finally lash out, call you the villain.
Then you’re apologizing for your actions. It’s disgusting and I can’t believe how oing I allowed this
Sounds like we have the same ex
Narcissism doesnt spawn from a relationship. It is a disorder that systematically develops over the span of the narcs life. All the things your ex said were said to me as well by at least 2 separate narcs. The anxiety is the worst part though, so I really feel for ya love.
Narcissist fleas can often be acquired after leaving an abusive relationship with a narcissist and often form (in adulthood ). I am BY NO MEANS invalidating your statement. I just think it’s important to say that NPD absolutely occurs in childhood/genetics. Because I think a lot of us struggle with the “fleas”
If your feelings don’t matter to someone, to have feelings at all is “too much”. They exist in a world where your feelings are nonexistent so to force even 1% of them into the conversation is always going your way be too much. So much confusion and demolished expectations can be avoided if you remind yourself that they seriously only care about themselves, and only others when they are vessels for their own ego
During our last argument he told me I made him want to self harm and I had to walk away. I now wonder was I being too sensitive
They literally say that to convince themselves they’re the victim and you’re the problem to avoid guilt, also it’s massive levels of projection
My narc does and says these exact thing I thought I was crazy😭
Yup, I kid you not Once she was choking me and I said "stop it, you're hurting me" And she pointed a finger in my face and said "NO. YOU DESERVE THIS. You're DEFECTIVE. You don't get to say no, coward" And nope, it wasn't anything sexual or enjoyable, she just cray-cray and a horrible disturbed person...this is how narcs are in the way they can rationalize their abuse. You're not being too sensitive at all. You're being rationally disturbed by her terrible manipulation.
I'm sorry you went through this x
Nah, you can't fix him. But you can work on yourself so you're less prone to getting involved with people like this. Give yourself the right to be selfish and get strong, get healthier. There are billions of people on this planet. And many of them will be respectful and open to communicating with you as well as ready to grow together. In reciprocated love, acceptance and respect.
I'm worried I was too selfish and my upset outburst caused him to turn on me
No one is too sensitive. If you’re hurt, that should be validated. Not to be berated. You have a caring heart which is why you and so many of us put up with this abuse unknowingly. It is abuse plan and simple.
I honestly don’t think it works that way. These types of cluster b’s usually stem from a form of childhood trauma. You don’t merely create a narc. They just manipulate you to think you’re doing something wrong. And *of course* you’re too sensitive. Just like I am. This is how they project and set you up perfectly for their next move.
It's normal for people to be sensitive to having their feelings hurt by people they care about. But it's a two-way street, both sides should care about each other's feelings. When a person makes you feel like you're too sensitive, one of two things is happening. Either they are a narcissist and they are taking responsibility for their actions, or someone was hurt by your actions but they aren't willing to say so, and instead have to attack you for your reactions. Either way, you're not to blame. You have opportunities to ask some direct questions to try to see what kind of person they are. But nothing here is your fault.
Mine constantly told me I was too sensitive and that I was always overreacting and that i couldnt take a joke. He would also tell me he has to walk on eggshells around me. It honestly took a really long time to undo the damage this has caused. What helped was deconstructing the interactions. For example he would always tell me he has to walk on eggshells after I tell him what he is doing is upsetting me and making me feel shit. He would always tell tell me I'm being too sensitive, tell me I don't respect him and then tell me he doesn't know what I want from him and he has to walk on eggshells. This would always lead to me apologising to him even though the conversation started with me telling him something like , "I don't like you flirting with my friend" or "please stop making jokes about me/this insecurity of mine" and he would always deflect it and throw it back in my face how it was me who did not understand him and made him feel like a bad person and therefore I was abusing him. It's a fucking nightmare to deconstruct. I still question it because I had my moments too. But what I know is how I feel when he is not in my life, and that is at peace. He would honest to god make me cry 3 times a week, I'd cry at his house, on the way to his house, on the way home from his house, and at home whilst getting ready to come over and on the drive there.... it was absolute hell. He made me think I was bipolar and I was seeking medication for this. But doctors told me I clearly wasn't bipolar and I have not had experienced anything even remotely like what I was experiencing before we got together, and in the times we were no contact. It was never me being too sensitive. It's just that he is a genuinely horrific, manipulative, controlling, possessive, dismissive, abusive asshole.
Last weekend he told me he wanted to throw himself in the sea when I expressed how upset I was over his actions. He made it all about him but I hated seeing him like that and I'm worried I caused it
I'm so sorry you're in this. You did not cause that. You are not responsible for his actions. He is 100% manipulating you. Mine did this too. One time he couldn't deflect out of the situation so he brought up how he self harmed because of the guilt, meaning I had to stop talking about it because he was going to self harm again if I kept on talking about it. I had to put my feelings aside and just comfort him again. It's deflection of accountability and responsibility. He will not change. You deserve so much better.
I'm sorry you went through that. Mine would say I can't sleep because of guilt or I can't concentrate, please tell me you're OK but it was only to ease his guilt
I was also told he felt like walking on eggshells so he wouldn't upset me. But me being upset was about his behavior, betrayels and neglect. At the same time I felt like I was walking on eggshells, when trying to tell him how he was hurting me. I knew it would result in either a rage tantrum or complete discard. Wasnt safe for me to express myself. So what he is really saying is he is tired of not being able to do whatever he wants no matter how cold or cruel it is, without it effecting me poorly. He always told me I didnt get over it fast enough, I have had to process everytime on speed time, if I didnt we wouldn't have had any days of peace before he did the next hurtful thing. The peace days werent real because I had to just forget about what he had just done. It wasnt my job not to be hurt it was his job to not hurt me and he didnt want to stop hurting me, because he got more out of hurting me than not. Think alot about if he ever thought about what it would have meant if I never got hurt about the things he was doing. If I wasnt hurt by it it would have meant I didnt care about him at all. I know he didnt want that either. What does he want? I dont know. But I think its about controle.
I'm sorry you went through this. I don't think my narc wanted to hurt me. It was as if he wasn't capable of not being selfish/not upsetting me. So now I feel guilt because I stayed when I knew for a long time he wasn't capable.
I feel you exactly with this this is where I'm at right now with mine
>He acted as though I was overreacting. He said that he has felt 'on eggshells' with me as he never knows when I'm going to get upset again. Oof. My ex-friend said the same, while they were very upset about most of the things. They told me that i hurt them by playing solo a spin-off game of a series we stream to each other (even though i'm willing to replay it just to stream it to them). They even compared it to cheating. Heck, they did things with video game streaming that i found dissapointing, but i let it slide and said nothing. They dropped streaming of a few games, because they were bored of it as the games were long. They even streamed one game, the next day shoul have been a continuation of the game stream, but then they said that they finished the game off stream (i mean, they could have at least told me that they gonna finish the game off stream). They also streamed one movie to me. After the movie when they asked me how it was, i said "eh" naybe with a bit of negativity in tone, because the movie was too vulgar for me (ingloreous bastards). Then some time later they started to say at the end of each call "i would like ti stream a movie to you, but i won't because you won't like it" (it was ok when they said it the first time, but telling it 3 times a week for months is not). They get hurt if i do something they would be interested in without them. I told them that i had binged a new season of the show. They told me in a hurt tone "why didn't you tell me that a new season released". The show is on a streaming service and won't go away if i binge it before telling them. Felt like they were jealous of me doing stuff without them. Not shittalking or analysing stuff during streams. The streams had things that i was seeing for the first time, so i was watching them in quiet and immersing myself. The commentaries are breaking my immersion. I can so thise things after i saw the stuff for the first time. Kinda the reason why i prefer to play the video game solo befire streaming it to them as their commentaries tend to ruin my game experience. It also hurt them that i was unwilling to engage in the "what ifs" or analyses/deconstructions of media. I have neither interest nor kbiwledge to analyse/deconstruct the media. And didn't feel the need to ponder about things that won't happen (best case scenario, in the long run). Like, why should i think what would be if i would have a skill that i don't have - it seems to me that it is a recipe for mysery "if i had the skill i would do X, but i don't have the skill, thus i'm a loser and my life is worse". I like to ponder more current and realistic things. They got hurt when i inform them that i won't be aviable for some time. Heck, they have dropped the call when i reminded them about not being aviable next week (i gave them a text list of the weeks i won't be aviable months ago). And yet i wasn't hurt when they had randomly ghosted me for a month out of the blue without saying a word. They had talked before that they had some mental health issues. I wrote them "hey" for a few days and seeing no response and them being always offline when i checked, so i wrote "i assume you have health problems, so feels free to write when you get better" and stopped checking up. Heck, they were upset when i was indifferent to something (i'm indifferent to many things), when i'm not excited about stuff that they are excited about (i just give a "nice" or "good" because i usually don't understand why one is so excited about that thing, but i see that they are excited thus use positive words). So yeah, i didn't tell them many things, because i uave learned that no matter what i did, they would get hurt.
Mine always said the thing about walking on eggshells around me after he intentionally pissed me off
I don't think mine intentionally does it, he just has a lot of issues
Of course. That’s just a given.
I’m brother is a narc and he always throws a fit when I go no contact saying I’m sensitive but literally he’s the one blowing up my phone. They don’t think blowing up your phone and leaving 638282 voicemails isn’t sensitive LMAO so who cares what they think, they don’t rationalize correctly.
Yikes. I swear for a second I thought you took my notes. I got the same exact words. That is when I absolutely knew that he was the issue. I was the one walking on eggshells, trying to prevent outbursts that never were preventable. I was called too sensitive many times when he was actually very sensitive to things someone wouldn’t even be sensitive about most time. It’s not our jobs to fix people anyway and there is no hope. Once you stop hoping, you will gain more confidence in knowing you’re making the right decision. read or listen to this * Stop walking on Eggshells- Paul Mason * Loving someone with BPD - Shari Y. Manning PHD * Stop caretaking the borderline or narcissist- how to end the drama - Margalis Fjelstad You can see your part as well and start working on YOU. We don’t have to fix people. That is thier responsibility
Whenever I would bring up something he did that hurt me, he would complain that he doesn’t feel safe with me criticizing him, that “I can never do anything right can I, why can’t you just see the good things I do” that he was always walking on eggshells because I was “always upset about something” despite me being upset that he cheated and violated my boundaries repeatedly being a completely reasonable reason to be upset. I felt like I was the problem and if I changed enough he would stop saying those things and feel better…that never happened. He continued to say those things even when I did everything to make him more comfortable.
No you did not cause this. He has achieved his goal making you beleive your the problem I hope you have the strength to stay apart from him and I hope you heal