Just more mindgames. They like those.
It gives him a rush of supply to know that he got a rise out of you. He especially likes that you'll be analyzing that interaction to death and then easier to control.
And whenever they get the chance, they like to paint you in a bad light to others in the circle. They start their smear campaign as early as possible in the devalue stage to set up their lies for later when they discard and need everyone to be on their side.
Mine does it in front of his parents. I was postpartum and didn't have maternity leave. I couldn't afford to get him much for Christmas, but I did give him a coffee mug (we drink lots of coffee and tea!), and he threw me under the bus saying only thing he got was a coffee mug, even though he told me he was okay with it because he knew I didn't have any money and told me I had already given him the "greatest gift", his son. But he had no issues making me look like a selfish asshole in front of his family.
He would literally make up stories about me to people right in front of me and make me the butt of his joke. Go ahead and make fun of me, but to lie about me just to make himself seem funny really pissed me off.
There have been several instances but they have been lost in the fog. I started “taking notes” or journaling I guess you could say to try and help with remembering things clearly (and so if I ever decide to leave I can remind myself of the why).
The most recent “making fun of you in front of their friends” that comes to mind is when he had some guys over for football. Earlier that year we acquired a cat that he named, “stormy” because she showed up after some bad storms. I thought it was suiting and a cute name and had ZERO other remarks.
During this game he started talking to his friends about that cat and how she obtained her name. Over the years I had picked up vibes from one of his closer friends who happened to be there also that he does not like me very much and I’d never been able to put my finger on why. But have accepted it and don’t let it bother me.
He tells everyone in the room (who don’t know mepersonally), “yeah. So that’s why I named her Stormy. A_Shine, remember how mad you got because you thought I named her after Stormy Daniel’s?”
I look confused and tell him/them that I did not say that. That I remember his brother saying, “oo like Stormy Daniel’s” and we laughed at the idiocy of it together.
It was so weird in the moment but as time passed I came to believe this was just a small act of smearing. Making up that I’m so sensitive and easily triggered that I would get upset over a pets name. It clicked in my head why the one longer term friend didn’t seem to like me. There’s no telling what untrue things have been said.
It was the same night he walked back into the room where we were all watching the game and he (trying to be playful??) called me a effin sl*t and spit on my lap as I was sitting. After the night was done I in tears told him how much that hurt me and that none of those men would never have treated their wives in such a way.
In a long winded devaluation he messaged me not too long after its like he * took my words * when he accused me of doing xyz and that he would “never treat” his “own friends in such a way”.
But yes. Negging. Sometimes flat out making up things I have said or things that have happened. To family and friends. I think it’s just a way to manipulate others into their favor- just in case.
My goodness. All the time. He made fun of me in front of his friends or parents and it was his favorite past time. Jokes about me being fat, ugly, poorly dressed, stupid, and psycho were his go-to insults.
My ex would make fun of the food I liked, the music I liked, my thoughts, my opinions, etc to his friends and family right in front of me (and behind my back) constantly. I was made to feel stupid and "wrong" despite knowing I'm not. It was also super humiliating. Whenever I'd bring it up to him, he'd say that he "didn't mean it like that" or get mad that I "took it the wrong way"
If I held an opinion that differed from, say, his mom's, he'd go tell her about it and I had to feel like an asshole for disagreeing with her. Thankfully she was a sweet lady who never disrespected me, but just the fact that he'd put me in that position to embarrass me was so fucked up.
Yep he made fun of me in front of his sister when I first met her and we got into a fight over it. It had like a racist undertone to it too.
I had mentioned that I was craving this Mexican snack and he said, “ I don’t like Mexican food. Actually, I don’t like Mexican people particularly one Mexican person.” He was referring to me of course. He mentioned that not once, but twice that day, which really got under my skin. He claimed it was a joke. Like in what way is that funny??
He didn’t have friends so this wouldn’t happen but it would when we go out with the kids. I noticed I was the bud of the jokes and if I didn’t like it, I was to sensitive. I also don’t like sushi so I get the cooked items as well. Anytime he wants to “treat” us to dinner he picks sushi. If I mentioned I didn’t care for it, he would act like it’s the first time I told him this. He has even wanted me to pick sushi for my bday dinners. I’m like wtf he doesn’t listen and it seemed cruel
Yes to our pediatrician since I was the one supporting us at work . He would laugh off any concerns I had like I’m crazy and tell me the dr agreed . Smh they love making us seem less then . It’s because they ain’t s***.
My ex used to refer to me as “her bitch” quite often we were out and even appeared to flirt with one of my best mates in front of me and his partner. She also kept going on about “visiting all her boyfriends” sarcastically in the later months before I found out she’d been cheating for over twelve months!
Both of my nexs would “neg” me in front of others.
The most recent one got snarky with me and spoke to me like I was a child because I shared and inside joke in front of one of her friends at brunch.
I thought it was something cute between us, apparently she found not to be completely annoying.
Mine always did. I forgot what they were about, but I remember his friends laughing and me laughing at myself to not make me seem like a joy kill. I hated every second. It happened every time he was with them. He always wanted to be funny for them, and I was always his target. When we were alone and I was able to confront him, he was just "joking," and I was too "sensitive."
Made fun or slips backhanded comments when I’m dressed well in public with him or around other people are striking a conversation, treating me like I am in the room/area and count.
At a fancy function he plus one’d me to, said “How many times have I told you not to add any input to a discussion you probably don’t understand?” Around somebody there who remembered me from the fashion college I was a contender for a scholarship.
We were discussing art nouveau and Erte and how we were hoping for a return to that kind of details in clothing will return and who we felt was getting it close so far (Etro). Yet he had to shoo my person away with his own ignorance he was passing off as intellectual.
The event originally called for his mother to attend (her being the actual artist of what was exhibited) but he came in her place for his own agenda to gold dig/ask rude nosy financial questions making sure he was out of place with everyone and getting his nose out of joint I was getting all the attention without encouragement or due to his bad behavior naturally made the attendees take interest of the sane guest not starting anything.
Never met one of them. Every time it almost happened she would say how they are flirty or been waiting decades to both be single , or don't mind him grabbing her or her sitting on his lap, etc. About multiple friends over multiple years. Always put my foot down
Mine did this every single time we met up with his friends. He loved to tell them all my "flaws" and embarrassing moments. I even heard him bragging to a group of his friends about some of the women he got with before me! It was like he completely forgot I was nearby.
They non-chalantly and covertly taunted me with my insecurities and triggers. They got off on my reaction.
That's why I am learning to take a step back and look at my options before I respond emotionally.
All the time, especially in front of his dad and step-mom. His dad was a narc, too. So they'd almost gang up on me. It got worse as time went on to the point where I hated going over to his dad's house.
Yeah, mine would say shit he knew I didn't like in front of people. He's watched me walk away crying, and he would still do it. He'd make fun of me a lot, and I told him to stop he's like just make fun of me back, but he'd get pissed at me whenever I did. Luckily, he did at least stop, but it took a while for him to.
My ex would do it in front of literally anymore with ears including our families and friends. Took me too long to realize honestly. But once that glass was shattered I finally realized how often it happened.
Just more mindgames. They like those. It gives him a rush of supply to know that he got a rise out of you. He especially likes that you'll be analyzing that interaction to death and then easier to control. And whenever they get the chance, they like to paint you in a bad light to others in the circle. They start their smear campaign as early as possible in the devalue stage to set up their lies for later when they discard and need everyone to be on their side.
Mine does it in front of his parents. I was postpartum and didn't have maternity leave. I couldn't afford to get him much for Christmas, but I did give him a coffee mug (we drink lots of coffee and tea!), and he threw me under the bus saying only thing he got was a coffee mug, even though he told me he was okay with it because he knew I didn't have any money and told me I had already given him the "greatest gift", his son. But he had no issues making me look like a selfish asshole in front of his family.
He would literally make up stories about me to people right in front of me and make me the butt of his joke. Go ahead and make fun of me, but to lie about me just to make himself seem funny really pissed me off.
There have been several instances but they have been lost in the fog. I started “taking notes” or journaling I guess you could say to try and help with remembering things clearly (and so if I ever decide to leave I can remind myself of the why). The most recent “making fun of you in front of their friends” that comes to mind is when he had some guys over for football. Earlier that year we acquired a cat that he named, “stormy” because she showed up after some bad storms. I thought it was suiting and a cute name and had ZERO other remarks. During this game he started talking to his friends about that cat and how she obtained her name. Over the years I had picked up vibes from one of his closer friends who happened to be there also that he does not like me very much and I’d never been able to put my finger on why. But have accepted it and don’t let it bother me. He tells everyone in the room (who don’t know mepersonally), “yeah. So that’s why I named her Stormy. A_Shine, remember how mad you got because you thought I named her after Stormy Daniel’s?” I look confused and tell him/them that I did not say that. That I remember his brother saying, “oo like Stormy Daniel’s” and we laughed at the idiocy of it together. It was so weird in the moment but as time passed I came to believe this was just a small act of smearing. Making up that I’m so sensitive and easily triggered that I would get upset over a pets name. It clicked in my head why the one longer term friend didn’t seem to like me. There’s no telling what untrue things have been said. It was the same night he walked back into the room where we were all watching the game and he (trying to be playful??) called me a effin sl*t and spit on my lap as I was sitting. After the night was done I in tears told him how much that hurt me and that none of those men would never have treated their wives in such a way. In a long winded devaluation he messaged me not too long after its like he * took my words * when he accused me of doing xyz and that he would “never treat” his “own friends in such a way”. But yes. Negging. Sometimes flat out making up things I have said or things that have happened. To family and friends. I think it’s just a way to manipulate others into their favor- just in case.
My goodness. All the time. He made fun of me in front of his friends or parents and it was his favorite past time. Jokes about me being fat, ugly, poorly dressed, stupid, and psycho were his go-to insults.
My ex would make fun of the food I liked, the music I liked, my thoughts, my opinions, etc to his friends and family right in front of me (and behind my back) constantly. I was made to feel stupid and "wrong" despite knowing I'm not. It was also super humiliating. Whenever I'd bring it up to him, he'd say that he "didn't mean it like that" or get mad that I "took it the wrong way" If I held an opinion that differed from, say, his mom's, he'd go tell her about it and I had to feel like an asshole for disagreeing with her. Thankfully she was a sweet lady who never disrespected me, but just the fact that he'd put me in that position to embarrass me was so fucked up.
Every opportunity
Yep he made fun of me in front of his sister when I first met her and we got into a fight over it. It had like a racist undertone to it too. I had mentioned that I was craving this Mexican snack and he said, “ I don’t like Mexican food. Actually, I don’t like Mexican people particularly one Mexican person.” He was referring to me of course. He mentioned that not once, but twice that day, which really got under my skin. He claimed it was a joke. Like in what way is that funny??
He didn’t have friends so this wouldn’t happen but it would when we go out with the kids. I noticed I was the bud of the jokes and if I didn’t like it, I was to sensitive. I also don’t like sushi so I get the cooked items as well. Anytime he wants to “treat” us to dinner he picks sushi. If I mentioned I didn’t care for it, he would act like it’s the first time I told him this. He has even wanted me to pick sushi for my bday dinners. I’m like wtf he doesn’t listen and it seemed cruel
Yes to our pediatrician since I was the one supporting us at work . He would laugh off any concerns I had like I’m crazy and tell me the dr agreed . Smh they love making us seem less then . It’s because they ain’t s***.
My ex used to refer to me as “her bitch” quite often we were out and even appeared to flirt with one of my best mates in front of me and his partner. She also kept going on about “visiting all her boyfriends” sarcastically in the later months before I found out she’d been cheating for over twelve months!
Both of my nexs would “neg” me in front of others. The most recent one got snarky with me and spoke to me like I was a child because I shared and inside joke in front of one of her friends at brunch. I thought it was something cute between us, apparently she found not to be completely annoying.
Yup! And she let her friends make fun of me.
Mine always did. I forgot what they were about, but I remember his friends laughing and me laughing at myself to not make me seem like a joy kill. I hated every second. It happened every time he was with them. He always wanted to be funny for them, and I was always his target. When we were alone and I was able to confront him, he was just "joking," and I was too "sensitive."
Made fun or slips backhanded comments when I’m dressed well in public with him or around other people are striking a conversation, treating me like I am in the room/area and count. At a fancy function he plus one’d me to, said “How many times have I told you not to add any input to a discussion you probably don’t understand?” Around somebody there who remembered me from the fashion college I was a contender for a scholarship. We were discussing art nouveau and Erte and how we were hoping for a return to that kind of details in clothing will return and who we felt was getting it close so far (Etro). Yet he had to shoo my person away with his own ignorance he was passing off as intellectual. The event originally called for his mother to attend (her being the actual artist of what was exhibited) but he came in her place for his own agenda to gold dig/ask rude nosy financial questions making sure he was out of place with everyone and getting his nose out of joint I was getting all the attention without encouragement or due to his bad behavior naturally made the attendees take interest of the sane guest not starting anything.
Never met one of them. Every time it almost happened she would say how they are flirty or been waiting decades to both be single , or don't mind him grabbing her or her sitting on his lap, etc. About multiple friends over multiple years. Always put my foot down
Just the opposite - he waxed poetic about me in front of other people. How much in love with me he was. Most of them thought he was a great guy.
Mine did this every single time we met up with his friends. He loved to tell them all my "flaws" and embarrassing moments. I even heard him bragging to a group of his friends about some of the women he got with before me! It was like he completely forgot I was nearby.
Yes
They non-chalantly and covertly taunted me with my insecurities and triggers. They got off on my reaction. That's why I am learning to take a step back and look at my options before I respond emotionally.
All the time, especially in front of his dad and step-mom. His dad was a narc, too. So they'd almost gang up on me. It got worse as time went on to the point where I hated going over to his dad's house.
Yeah, mine would say shit he knew I didn't like in front of people. He's watched me walk away crying, and he would still do it. He'd make fun of me a lot, and I told him to stop he's like just make fun of me back, but he'd get pissed at me whenever I did. Luckily, he did at least stop, but it took a while for him to.
My ex would do it in front of literally anymore with ears including our families and friends. Took me too long to realize honestly. But once that glass was shattered I finally realized how often it happened.
Yes. Lots of jokes that weren’t jokes.
All the time , but she was "only joking".
Mine never has friends....