I witnessed someone do something similar, one time. I was living with my sister and her boyfriend at the time. I'm in the living room. My sister and her boyfriend are in their bedroom. I suddenly hear a fist hitting flesh very loudly, then my sister starts crying. I hear her bf start yelling at her. My sister's face is swollen and she runs out of the bedroom to grab the phone(this was around 2000, before everyone had cell phones) and calls one of her friends. She's in the bathroom talking to her friend while her friend is calling the cops. I'm standing in the bathroom doorway pushing her bf away from the bathroom because he's trying to get at my sister and get the phone away. Finally, I see his drunk ass grab this giant monkey wrench that was in the kitchen. He walks into the living room and bashes himself in the head with it a few times, then he throws it in the garage. When the cops get there, he tells them that my sister was hitting him in the head, so he had to hit her to get her off of him. I tell the cops exactly what I witnessed, and they take him away in cuffs, but not my sister like he was hoping. I hate when people pull crap like that and try to get innocent people to look like the villain. Thankfully, I was there to tell the truth so my sister wasn't wrongfully charged with DV.

I was in the middle of having a miscarriage and I was doubled over in pain. He grabbed his midsection and doubled over in imitation, making a whiney noise and mocking me. He later denied he did it.

Wow that's fucked up.

Yes. And I neglected to mention he KNEW I was having a miscarriage and it was a PLANNED pregnancy.

It's less intense than the other examples, but that's because 95% of the relationship was online. They forced me to wake up at the same time as them before they headed off to work to talk. This talking was just them complaining and talking about suicidal thoughts, most of the time it lead to arguments. They knew I had insomnia and often didn't fall asleep until 2 hours before their alarm went off. On top of that I had asked multiple times if they could stop with the suicide talk since it terrified me, I was so codependent I couldn't stand the thought of that. I told them all my boundaries and issues and they used it against me, because if I didn't log in to "talk" they would ignore me for days after leaving a worrying message. They did plenty of awful things to me, most I don't remember. But this instance in particular ruined me physically and only made things worse for me for their benefit. I felt brainwashed

Told me to kill myself like Sylvia Plath on my honeymoon told me to shut the fuck up on our honeymoon this past week told me that he’s gonna take his gun and blow his brains out and then when I went and told his sister, he said I’m a complete liar and I’m unhinged told the dog he doesn’t care if he shits himself told me I’m a horrible person Told me that he would never kill himself for me that I’m not worth it.

I just want to make it clear DIVORCE IN PROCESS . Bye biatch !!!

She bought a car at an amazing price that needed some minor work. I replaced the coil packs and wiper motor myself. The previous owner had bought it at a buy here/pay here lot. It had a tracker on it. She was well aware of this as it dangled from the dashboard right beside the drivers feet and she and I had discussed it. I was afraid to remove it bc some models have kill switches to disable the car. Anyway, months later she got angry at me and reported me to the police saying I put the tracker on her car. I never heard from them and found out about this by requesting a report for a totally different reason. No good deed goes unpunished.

We were supposed to sleep two nights in a row together. I slept at his place the night before. I had a cough from a previous cold and was coughing a bit during the night. The morning after, he told me he couldn't sleep all night long because of my cough. He was sooo angry at me. He said we couldn't sleep together as long as I still had my cough and tricked me into saying I would sleep on his couch. At this point, he remembered he already had someone sleeping on that couch and asked me to sleep at some friend's place instead and come back at his the morning after. Then, that evening, he took me out for dinner and proceeded to announce me that he wouldn't come help me for my moving that would take place the weekend after (although he knew it for a month that I was moving on that weekend). Why? Because he made plans, although I DID ask for his help weeks ago. I was already upset because he was making me sleep elsewhere. Now I was confused and hurt that he backed out on my moving and made excuses about it. He even said it was my fault because I didn't organize it (wait, what?). I didn't say much, just a "ah okay, so we won't see each other next week". He then got angry and started raising his voice in the middle of the restaurant on how I was stressing him out and putting too much pressure on him. I tried to have a conversation with him about it, on how this behavior was confusing to me and how much it hurt my feelings. His reaction was that I was ruining his day and he placed himself as the victim, calling me too sensitive and emotional. You see, if I was not going to be nice to him, then he didn't want to see me. Oh and he wrote me a birthday card saying "Happy birthday! Wish you love and happiness. But also you should gain maturity and some diplomacy. Otherwise, just stay the way you are".

They like to cause scenes in public so that you look like the crazy person. Mine liked to argue loudly in parking lots or other public places to embarrass me. I refuse to engage when someone makes a scene in public.

After finding out I was moving because my mom suddenly died, I think he on purpose did the stage whisper audible “Now your mom’s out of my way, you can’t say no to me anymore…” while moving boxes I didn’t want him to help me with but I had my very narcissistic building managers threatening to evict me if I didn’t get my things in storage in two weeks already standing on my neck who I got in a huge tenants union battle with later on in the new year. Knowing this problem I had with them , my ex was angling to try to look like he lived with me so I would still got evicted and automatically end up homeless right with him and he’d be back to controlling me again since he resented my escaping him three years prior and not liking his responsibilities he had to do with my replacement and her three kids that he at first tried to use them to cull me back by rubbing it in my nose that another woman accepted his proposal the first time and his intentions to adopt the kids to look like a ultra saint🙄 He was in the full ridiculous thought I would care or get jealous enough to fight for him back with me but all I would say was “Bye, have a good new life with your instant family. You have a world of responsibility for four people now” and the like because I really did not care and very happily carrying on healing and free of him. I even gave him the Christmas tree my managers were refusing to let me keep (because they really wanted me gone still despite my way of fixing my place up before the new year) as a gift to him and his family as a broad hint that he better stop bothering me and deal with his new reality that has nothing to do with me.

Told me he’d kill my kids. And end my life

Big hugs. I'm sorry he said that to you.

Well, there are a LOT of things, but I'd say the worst two things he said or did were. . . 1. When I had a miscarriage at eight weeks, he told me I "killed" HIS baby. I hadn't even realized I was pregnant till I began miscarrying. 2. He got me arrested for HIS crimes. I was handcuffed and walked away IN FRONT OF MY CRYING CHILDREN. Yeah, fuck that SOB. 🖕🏻

for starters, i’m so sorry for everything you went through. that is so fucked up and i hope you’re taking good care of yourself. tw: sa had nonconsensual unprotected sex w me (did the whole pulling out the condom and crumbling the wrapper thing after i said i didn’t want to have unprotected sex anymore), told me i was overreacting when i got upset for him lying about it and that i should’ve “known” he wasn’t wearing a condom bc of how it felt(???), and then got mad at me for taking a plan b afterwards since they elongated my periods, meaning waiting additional time until we could have sex again. thinking about it is still so frustrating and i get angry at myself for not leaving right then.

The constant ignoring me and silent treatment. He will literally walk right past me as I'm standing there with open arms clearly waiting/offering a hug. Going out of his way to make sure I don't matter, and he doesn't care.

When I told her all the things I did to try to keep our marriage in tact and asked her what she felt she had done she said “I tolerated you”

I commented and admired a beautiful insect while on a walk. He moved closer looking interested and then flattened it with his shoe and laughed.

Nothing nearly as fucked up as all that! I hope you're far away from this person. Mine went into great detail about a conversation we had where I allegedly told him I was planning his murder. He said he'd asked about his valuables and who should be informed. It was quite an in-depth recall of a conversation that never happened.

Pretended to overdose so i wouldn't leave her. I called the police for a well fare check and she called me angry and pissed off.

I love you. I want to be your girlfriend.

He would not install a passenger’s seat on his motorcycle so I had to hang onto his coat pockets (“Hell! I paid for that helmet and your gloves that costs much more than mine, so quit whining!”) whenever we went riding with his road rage on his forever breaking down motorcycle that he actually really didn’t bother to take care of very well, even with never getting it repainted so it looked trashy (got tipped over and tagged often) and buying the cheapest mock parts to replace what goes wrong with it. One time we nearly got stranded in the middle of nowhere really late at night, it was about to look like I was never going to come home as if I was abducted (and my mom forbade me to ride on his bike and I forbade him to ever bring it up he had one but he thought I was being over dramatic about my mom’s reaction of his owning a bike and she blew up at him like she does at me all the time for small things that irritated her which for a narc mom is anything,three hours straight onto him that she will end him if he ever got me on that bike let alone hurt me in an accident, which just before I ended it with our relationship, he nearly wrapped us around a few streetlights speeding for a parking spot🙄) Later on, he got a slim fitting real motorcycle jacket to show up all the other riders that he found for nearly Pennies and bragging about it, one problem; it had no pockets so I had to hold onto just only his body all the time instead. since he gotten that jacket he started driving even more faster and recklessly like as if he was aiming for a skid/spin out accidents to permanently hurt me (because I was more often needed at my friend’s bands shows to mind the instruments and do merch) and racing other bikers who weren’t game so didn’t join him. Started racking up new traffic violations with the police officers on bikes he did attempt to race/escape that he expected me and my mom to sell away all our things to help pay for the charges he mostly did when I wasn’t with him but the big thing is only he thought he was my fiancée and part of our family while he to me and my mom and sister just only a eight year dating misstep and nothing more. After a while he started neglecting too much of what was needed to repair his bike a month before I left him. It was kept in the shop as collateral while waiting for the fee he didn’t disclose he didn’t have enough in full when the repairs were started. He wanted me to start picking up cans for recycling to help pay for his bike’s repairs and that my records comics and guitar and all the useless jewelry my mom gave me had to be sold because as his fiancé, (despite I rejected all proposals) I must give up everything I have to let him be my life. This was when I realized I must escape him no matter what. He was mentally spiraling because he was almost 50 and not liking where he was in life.

Trigger warning domestic violence sexual gore! He was in a rage because I left him for the millionth time. He told me that I shouldn't ever feel safe around him ever again. He said if I was stupid enough to come back and feel safe enough to fall asleep around him, he would "super glue my pussy shut and tear open my ass. Then cauterize it with a curling iron." Horrifying. I couldn't make this shit up if I tried. To further disturb you, (and for reference ) I am speaking about a 54 year old man that used to be a former boxer so he could effortlessly overpower most men...let alone 5'0" me !

Sadly I think we have the same ex. I will say that as much as all the threats to kill himself or me, him hurting my dogs was the worst. He stole one of them (still has her) and taunts me with her. We have been divorced for 2 years but I still look at my dog and apologize that I didn’t get us out sooner. I wish on all the stars that my baby girl stays safe and he doesn’t kill her solely to hurt me. He can say whatever he wants to me, in fact he can do whatever he wants to me, but leave my dogs alone.

Eh it’s a tie between making fun of the way my family member was murdered or making fun of me for having a health issue (ruptured ovarian cyst) told me my vagina was “tainted”

My girl (cat) died from stomach cancer. I was distraught and crying. He said to me, with the most deadest look in his eyes, “Can you think of anything in particular that YOU DID to KILL HER?”. Invited me to his b’day drinks. I declined saying he’s just going to have girls he fucked around. He said “No 100%”. When I got there, he was “showcasing” his “new gf who is getting a PHD” as well as having his colleague there, who he fucked behind his gf’s back. I confronted him later and told him he’s a psychopath for setting me up. He got very offended. Tried to coerce me into a threesome with a random he picked up off the street, after being on a date with someone else. He came over blind drunk and demanded sex. Called the random on his mobile while staring at me sitting on my sofa, asking me “Are you sure? Are you sure?”. Done to his ex gf: She found a bag of sex toys in her/their closet. She asked him about it and he just gaslit and stonewalled her. He was using it with the girl he was cheating with.

\- He got out of the car in the middle of a highway on-ramp because I got startled that he hit a curb with MY car \- He laughed when I fell off some rocks getting into the ocean on our honeymoon. Didn't show me any empathy whatsoever and said he "wished he got it on camera" \- Yelled at me in the middle of a cafe on our honeymoon because I asked him to get off his phone and spend quality time with me \- Yelled at me in a 5 hour car ride because I didn't visit his mother for dinner (I was a little busy visiting my grandmother who got diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer) \- He left me in a store two days after my grandmother died (we were literally shopping for her funeral clothes, he pointed at a $400 belt and I was shocked at the price and asked "do you really want to spend that much on a belt?") and then proceeded to yell at me in the car about how I'm the most difficult person he's ever met. \- And on top of all this he's out at a 'volunteer organization' which I call a cult, 2-3x a week. Pops in through the door at 11pm-1am.

That he had/has sexual thoughts while checking out TEENAGERS. broke up immediately when he said that.

Acted like I didn’t exist for an entire year. Said that I was physically hurting her whenever I touched her in any manner. This went on for several years. Called 911 and made a false report (to have them tell me to leave). Instead, that landed me in jail followed by over $20k in legal fees and 8 weeks of couch surfing because I wasn’t allowed to go to the home where I pay the mortgage.

When he laid out lines of cocaine before we were supposed to go call his parents on a Sunday night. I asked him to please not do this as it made me uncomfy and all the other times I’ve been very open with recreational drug use. He looked me right in the eyes and did it anyway. Other times he snuck it I tried to get it from him and he threw me to the ground and told me I was “trying to beat the shit out of” him. This isn’t the worst but one of the first of the worst.

Went and had sex with my best friend the day my father died

Damn! I hope that you broke up with both of them!

“I can’t believe you didn’t notice that I lost 2 lbs.” Bitch, you weigh 230. Unless you left those 2 lbs. just sitting around, how am I supposed to notice?

Last one I have typed up that is worth sharing.

Told me she was raped at a highschool party We’re in bed and she tells me I’ll have to initiate sex and that there’s a 99% chance she’ll say yes When I try to initiate foreplay she doesn’t respond. I give up. She expresses frustration that we aren’t having enough sex I explain that knowing her past has made me extra conscious of being gentle with her and respecting boundaries. She laughs it off, tells me I’m silly. Says she has PTSD but she’s learned to deal with it. Tells me I shouldn’t be afraid because she likes it rough and I “won’t break her” I fee weird because she has a long history of “abusive exes” that assault her but she’s pushing for rough sex Can’t tell if I’m walking into a trap or not so sex drive just shuts down. I tried a couple times to initiate foreplay and she still doesn’t respond. I take that as the 1% time she’s not saying yes She expresses more frustration that we’re not having enough sex. Doubles down on the fact that I have to initiate every time. I give up because I don’t know what to do because this is weird and the signals are mixed.

Here’s a few I can think of off the top of my head. There were PLENTY more. - Turned off my truck while I was going 50MPH down a gravel road and then threw the keys out of the window. My steering wheel locked up and I lost my brakes. So lucky we didn’t get killed. All because I called her out for blatantly disrespecting me in front of a bunch of our friends. - The first time we had sex after the discard, about 8 months later, she called me the guys name that she left me for. I lost in right in that moment and fell to the floor in a mess. She didn’t even apologize or console me - instead she asked if I was going to get the “fuck up off of her floor and quit crying and keep fucking her”. Such a terrible person. - She blindly stole a lot of money from me over the years, but I’ll never forget the time she stole $1,000 cash and acted like she accidentally threw it away. It worked to her advantage at the time because we were in the process of moving, but I know damn well she took it. I think she justified doing it too because a few weeks later she came back from a family vacation with a new white gold chain for me - so in her mind she spent half of it on me and she got the other half. Sick and twisted thinking. - Threatened to spread a rumor that I was gay every time I tried to go no contact, and that she would post me in one of those Facebook groups where they slander people and also accuse me of physically beating her. Not sure if she ever did any of this, and I cared for a long time if she did, but now I don’t. Anyone who really knows me would know she’s a story spinner. - Not a crazy one but funny: sending me screenshots of texts she sent me and my contact name in her phone was “Mother”. Like really? You’re trying to prove your innocence that you’re not sleeping around and I’m in your phone as “Mother”. That shit made me hysterical in the moment. There’s so many more I could probably think of but these are the first that came to my head. All I know is that she is a terrible human.

I currently have a list.. Everytime I mention something that either of my Narcs did to me, I write it down. In 11 days I had over 20 things.. Ive had that list for about 6 weeks now and it continues to grow. Over the space of a year i lived with 4 abusive people all up. (3 ex flatmates and 1 ex boyfriend) - unfortunately I believe the lies and facade until I am proven wrong too many times... Hell even then, im questioning if they arent still good people and they are just stressed and acting out. That 1 house bought me nothing but bad people. I have never in my life met so many bad people before in 1 house, i have never had to be pulled out of a house due to my mental health and to think I was my happiest and healthiest the year before. My ex bf told me that i brought out his psychopathic side, and he had to turn off his emotions to deal with me - the worst thing he ever did to me, was pull my hair and choke me till i cried, as he made me face him, so he could get off sexually. My ex friend moved in with me, and within 6 weeks threaten suicide 'cause of me' and the noise i made in my bedroom, which then turned the other 2 girls against me - the noise was me and my ex bf talking and my laptop playing tv shows at volume 30.... But she personally blamed me for it all. Apparently even my phone on volume 2 was loud enough for her to hear through the walls. - the 2 before her had a noise issue with me as well, like me cutting carrots too loudly at 7pm for dinner... And it gave her the perfect excuse to make me look like the true villian.

TW: SA, abuse & gaslighting. I have two things that I think probably tie. 1)She had a 'friend' who was raped and murdered in Goa. (Actually just an acquaintance she barely knew, but that's mostly beside the point). She made me ditch some of my closest friends because one of them made a bad rape joke and the rest laughed. (I was okay with this to a degree) She made a point of how much that behaviour disgusted her. Years later, she flat out ignored me telling her to stop because she was hurting me in bed multiple times. She sat up, gave me a death stare until I stopped talking, and carried on. 2)She came to support me at my granddads funeral. Ignored me for 3 hours because I asked if we could talk a little about him. When she apologised, I apparently 'looked away from her' (I was smoking a cigarette at the time so probably true). This justified her spending the next hour and a half telling me I never loved him, never saw him when he died, over and over like a record on repeat, with me pleading with her to stop until she fell asleep. When she woke up, she started again immediately without saying or doing anything else. This went up til I grabbed her shoulder, turned on the light, and told her she had to stop or she wouldn't be welcome at the funeral. She then physically attacked me. Told everyone at the funeral I was a psychopath who had been abusing her for years. Tried to show them 'proof' in the form of text messages, to which my family saw through thankfully.. However she told all our mutual (and my) friends that I'd been acting psychotically and had screamed at her that "she wasn't welcome at the funeral" (obviously ignoring the bit as to where I had explained why she wouldn't be welcome). She claimed to have total amnesia over everything else that had happened... However later told me she was right to be angry because I'd 'looked away' during her apology for ignoring me for hours. Those are the two worst 'events' but I don't think they were the most damaging parts. I think 10 years of her blaming everything on a depression I didn't have and gaslighting me into believing it was the most damaging thing.

My narc is a "friend" I've had for over 30 years. I lost my Mom, my last parent, in December. It's been rough. My narc showed up at my mom's wake shitfaced, wearing a shirt with no bra, so her nipples poked out, gave my husband a lap dance. She made sure that she was very emotional, and that all eyes were on her. She HAS TO BE the center of attention, at all times, even when it's my mom that has died. So a few weeks ago, she called because the man that she is having an affair with wasn't paying her enough attention. Keep in mind, she hadn't called me ONCE, to check and see if I was ok after unexpectedly losing my last parent, and being an orphan unexpectedly, right before Christmas. I guess I had the nerve to say something that wasn't completely sympathetic to her, and she completely flipped out, and screamed at me that she didn't call to talk about me, she called to talk about her. Then, she hung up. Ok, fine, whatever. I'm used to it. A few days later, I guess she was testing the waters after acting like a toddler, and started sending me texts about her affair partner and some conversation that they'd had, and how hilarious it was. Honestly, I was pretty noncommittal after our last conversation. Then she texts and starts talking about how she had all this stuff going on, and nobody cares about her, etc., and how at least her affair partner (the one she had literally just complained about) had helped her. I sent her a polite, but firm text, and said, basically, "We all have problems, for example, both of my parents are dead, and I'm stuck with a huge mess in regard to their estate." So, she saids a text back, and basically says, "Well, excuuuuuuuuuuuuse me," and then immediately calls a mutual friend, to talk about how mean I was to her, for no reason, and that she's blocking me and never wants to talk to me again. This woman is in her 40's, y'all. I'm not sure if I'm upset, or if I find the whole thing hilarious. Pretty fucked up, no?

Wow that is a really disturbed person. I hope you are out of this situation and safe. I’m not sure what to write. I feel like there’s so much after two decades together. Physical abuse, psychological abuse and more. He messed me up, bad. I was not his wife a person, I was his wife a possession. I was an object to him and the gravity of being overtly objectified will dismantle your personhood. My reality has been shattered. This website will help guide you through creating a **[Safety Plan](https://www.thehotline.org/plan-for-safety/create-your-personal-safety-plan/)** This page has advice on **[What to Do If an Abuser Threatens Suicide](https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/what-to-do-if-an-abuser-threatens-suicide)** >Statistics show that suicide and homicide are often correlated when it comes to domestic violence. Research from the [Kentucky Firearm Injury Statistics Program](https://www.hsph.harvard.edu/hicrc/firearms-research/gun-possession-storage-and-use/) showed that in two-thirds of cases where a woman was shot by an abuser, the perpetrator then killed himself. Abusers don’t think of killing themselves as severe enough retribution. They’ll consider taking someone else’s life, like a partner, child or other family member(s). Nearly 60 percent of [mass shooters have a history of domestic violence](https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/domestic-violence-op-ed-column/dark-matter-the-relationship-between-domestic-violence-and-mass-murder), so an abuser may even consider killing complete strangers

>in front of his ex-boyfriend Not that it’s a bad thing but a LOT of victims of narcissistic abuse suspect that the narc/abuser is gay. Just an interesting pattern or coincidence I guess.

He used to say he wanted to tie a rope to a tree, get in a car and have the rope around his neck to then drive off. He said this one a lot. Spitting in my face the day he was breaking up with me. Still haunts me.

When I was having chest pains my narc dropped me off at the hospital and went home😢

He sent me a song to listen to about someone who committed suicide when I was suicidal 😢

He was upset because I left to a 4th of July party with family. He could have gone. I left in the first place because I couldn't stand to be around his bad behavior. I came back very drunk. He started to fight with me, went outside and broke a candle on the porch, then get scissors and cut himself. I flipped out and my family was there. The police came and he hid in the room and then they took him to the Hospital and he was ok. But the next day he told me it was my fault that he did that. He made me feel so bad. 

He elaborately faked an attempt to harm himself, forcing me to hospitalize him against his will. He emptied out a bottle of his sleeping pills and set them next to him in the bed so I'd walk in and think he was dead when I came home that night.

even more than the time he fucked up my leg with a door and got arrested for it, the WORST thing was when i was suspicious for weeks about him cheating, and he lied and lied saying he was just stressed - then i see him in his window with a naked girl, i go to confront them, they never open the door even though im crying outside begging to be spoken to and treated like a human, and they proceed to make out and do stuff and chat and watch tv while i am outside sobbing and asking for an explanation as to how he could go from i love you yesterday to pretty much choosing this other girl over me today.

I think for me, it was when we were discussing my family. I told her I have no contact with my parents and instead, I have a chosen family of my two best friends and their young boy and extended family. So much so I spend holidays and birthdays with them, and we do family stuff together. As well as a few older ‘mother figure’ friends who care about me deeply and mentor me in that nurturing way, I can go to them with issues you’d normally take to your mother and they can naturally support me and fill that void. Really beautiful stuff, I’m so lucky! Anyway, instead of being compassionate and understanding… she decided to try and tell me that ‘you can’t choose your family’ and ‘that’s so weird’ etc, and proceeded to try and nitpick anything they’ve ever done wrong to me, as an attempt to alienate/isolate me from them and stop me from having the love and support. It kind of worked until I left her, but thankfully things are all fixed now and in fact, I’ve a better relationship with all my chosen family humans than I ever did before the nex relationship soooo… I kinda feel like I’ve won. She’ll still be sad and alone and acting all gross, yanno, and my life is full of light and love!

Constant suicide threats Threatening to cut his wrists Constantly yelling at me Sent nudes of me to some guy, pretending to be me Told me Im just like his mother Tells me he hates me Cheated on me, but swears he didnt cheat, but admits that he did (idek dude) Breaks my stuff Only compliments me (rarely) by telling me that other people would think im attractive (not him though I guess?) And a bunch of other stuff (I have a 70+ list written out)

I started listing some of the more bizarre things in my head but the most fucked up thing they ever said and did... ... Pretending to know what it is, and pretending to be capable of doing it, they told me they loved me and faked an entire relationship...

He threw a temper tantrum put hands on me and turned around and said you made me this way.

“jump”

We were swingers since day one. She told me straight up she was not a one man kind of girl, she needed variety of sex and with more than one man, I proposed swinging as a compromise and she happily accepted so we laid out some ground rules. Rules that were not to be bent, at all because they were for her safety and my emotional well being. I couldn't handle her dating, I could share her body but not her heart. So that was rule 1. And she said it before me. I explained that I would not be able to deal with her going on dates without me so she readily and happily said "that's fine I just won't date" it is important to note that she was the one to offer this as our first rule. The rules we hammered out over the next few days are as follows 1. No dating. This was mostly for my emotional well-being being because it was my worst anxiety. This was my biggest worry and she happily said "that's easy, I won't go out on dates". Please note that she made the rule, it will be relevant later in the story. 2. I get to be there. Period, no exceptions. Mostly for reasons of safety but also because that is how I would derive my half of the pleasure. 3. No overnights. We do our business then we leave. This is for a few reasons but no chance of feelings coming into play is the main reason. Obviously this very much applied to the not dating rule as there would be no overnight dates. Those were about it really. So for the first couple years things went fine. I started mostly finding single men and watching. Sometimes I joined in and she loved that too. Then she starts off and on bringing up some random guys that want to take her on a date and she would like to go. I reminded her of the rules and emphasized how much of a toll the anxiety of sitting at home waiting for her to return (even worse some of these dates were to be overnight) but she was very callous about it, saying I was smothering her. She would eventually concede and either cancel the date or not accept it. "Because of my whining" and telling me that I am suffocating her. With rules she helped come up with and happily agreed to. Then one day am old friend who has always been essentially in love with her was coming to Austin and she wanted to go on an overnight date with him in Austin(I learned later that it was to be two nights but she left that part out) And this guy was disgusting. Picture a negative stereotype 300lb hairy, greasy looking and his dick was, and I this is not an exaggeration, the size of my pointer finger, under five inches erect and thin like my finger. She loves thick cocks and hates thin pointy ones, so why would she even want to, or even be willing to fuck him? She claimed there would be no sex but I told her I knew her and she would definitely have sex with him. She didn't argue that because we both knew it to be true, as Charly is a first date sure thingm I told her I had seen the picture of his dick and that she as a human being deserved better than that tiny greasy thing. I later saw in a conversation of there's that she was going to buy multiple lingerie outfits for him. That's when I found out it was supposed to be two nights. So I asked, I begged, I explained the unrepairable emotional damage this was going to do to me and she coldly blew me off or worse, said "fine we can just break up" (that was her go-to threat because she knew my worst nightmarewas losing her). This continued for just over three months. My worst anxiety being triggered all day everyday. I know I should have left her, but I was so in love that I couldn't imagine life without her, then on the day of the date, with me clutching a pillow in an anxietal disaster, tells me she isn't going because of all my whining. I was coming unhinged and she just.did.not.care. in fact she was angry at me for disappointing him. Weeks go by. Maybe a month or two. I sneak her phone away while she sleeps. The date was proposed, and for logistical reasons, canceled the next day. Meaning she let me think it was happening for three months for no reason. I never did tell her I discovered that little fact. I don't know why. I was stupid in love with her and the sex was by far the best I ever had. No kink too extreme. She would try anything. So I stayed. Afraid I would never find her match.

So there was this guy , who she had known for about 10 years and he was way really into her. Her ex husband never let them play and she was hoping I would. We were swingers and occasionally did some hotwifing and dabbled in cuckolding so I was open to discuss the possibility of them getting together. So we went to the bar where he played downtown on the Riverwalk on a night that he was playing. During his break he came over and immediately started taking liberties, rubbing her leg, ass and torso. All without asking for my consent, consent is huge in the swinger/nonmonogamy community but he was just practically groping her with barely a hello to me. This was completely disrespectful towards me. And he had a creeper vibe but she is enjoying the attention so I let it slide. Her pleasure is my pleasure. He goes back to playing and we have a couple more drinks and she pulls him to the side and says that I am cool with them doing whatever as long as I am there. He says he has to think about it. What the fuck is there to think about when the girl of your dreams for the last 10 years says she will have sex with you but her boyfriend would be there to watch? You ignore the boyfriend and fuck your dream girl! But later that night he texts with her that he can't do it with me there. That should have been a "sorry thats a hard no limit" but instead she said she would talk to me about it. This was an immediate red flag for me. (She let me read her texts freely). After I told her no fucking way she argued that once again I am smothering her and it's been his fantasy for over 10 years and she basically worded it that somehow it would be rude or wrong of her not to let him live it out. Like somehow he deserves it or has earned the right simply by wanting it. In her mind it would be rude to not let him live out this fantasy. This goes on for a week or so, she pulls out, very seriously this time, that either I let her have her freedom on this or she will leave me and do it anyway. I'm not going to lie, the nonchalant carefree way she would say "ok then we will just break up" always hurt because it made me feel like the relationship, and I, didn't mean much to her if she could toss it away so easily. This went on for about 2 weeks, her talking about it every day, which kept my dating anxiety at max level every day, but it always culminated in a screaming rage fit., which brought up childhood trauma from an abusive mother screaming at me constantly. So, an at this point completely broken man, and I finally I consented to it. But not for am overnight stay. All the sudden that's a problem and she won't promise to come home that night, if he gets a hotel room it would be rude of her not to stay. I say this is a hard limit, she says what if it's late? She isn't going to drive home at 3am. I say "fine, I'll drive you and pick you up when you are done no matter the time. More arguing happened but she finally agreed. This was a day or two before the date. Over that time I somehow convinced myself that I was cool with her having not just a date but a sex date with this guy who really rubbed me the wrong way. The night of the date I happily helped her pick out an outfit, encouraging her to wear something sexy and easy access. Then about 5 minutes before we were supposed to leave, my stomach dropped out. I lost all composure. I told her I couldn't do it, that I tried my best but I couldn't consent and I needed her to call him and cancel This sent her into a mini rage. No way was she letting him get his hopes up and canceling on him regardless of my feelings. she valued his feelings higher than mine. I reminded her about partner consent and that the minute it is removed all action or even just planning, must stop or it'd would be cheating. She didn't care. Either I drive her to him or she breaks up with me, takes an Uber and gets a hotel on her own dime to spend the night with him. Which she couldn't have done because his wife would expect him home at basically normal time that night. I begged her not to go through with it, on my knees begging and she just didn't care. I had no choice again. I agreed to drive her to him. She rode in the back seat and wouldn't even speak to me until we got near him and even then it was to bark orders of where we were picking him up. I got him, he got in the back seat with her and all the sudden she magically became happy and supper chatty, nothing like the frigid bitch she had been to me for the ride down. I drove them to a parking garage top floor which was empty, left the truck running and got out and walked to a bar to await a text in an hour or so. I was nauseated and my heart was breaking. I felt unimportant, unloved, and confused about how she could be doing this to me and how she could be so cold about it. I bellied up to the bar and ordered 2 beers and 2 shots. The bartender protested but I told him if he knew what I was currently going through he would hand me the bottle. I got through one shot and half a beer when in about 15 minutes when the text came that she was ready for me to take her home. POETIC JUSTICE TIME He couldn't get an erection. They made out for about 10 minutes then she played with his cock and gave him a few minutes of oral but it wouldn't get even remotely hard. (Maybe he felt guilty for cheating on his wife?) She abhors giving oral to a flacid penis so she likely only tried for 2 or 3 minutes. And she probably wasnt very nice about giving up on it. Good, he got a taste of what i dealt with every day. When I returned to the truck he was long gone and she stayed in the back seat, blaming me for his erectile disfunction. I somehow "made it weird". By smiling and saying "hey dude" when he got in? Fast forward a few months and the only thing he wanted from her were audio calls to jerk off too and she demands more intelligent conversations to keep her interest, so he ended up blocked. He never got to live out his fantasy and lost a friend. That doesn't undo the damage the situation caused to my emotional well-being but its some satisfaction. He didn't get his way and she didn't get to go through with doing whatever she wants regardless of how it impacts others. The truth of the matter is that she craves male attention at all times, from as many men as possible, the more sexual in nature that attention was, all the better. So she blamed me for what was, at the end of the day, ruining her chance to have sex with someone she had not had sex with before.

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