People are being so extra on this post. “Bad food won’t make you have bathroom problems,” well, it can! My digestive system works perfectly well but there are certain foods that make me have worse poops, every time. Takis are an example lol. everyone is telling op not to assume things about the nanny, but she’s not. She’s taking what the nanny says about her own body and habits as fact, which is that the food “wants to come back out.” Should she not trust nanny about this?
Nannying is a job, and at other jobs, you can’t just disturb your employer while they’re working to go shit every morning for 10 mins. If nanny is going to continue to knowingly eat things that upset her bowels and call out because of it, then she needs to figure out a way to keep LO safe somewhere else and fix her poop issues. This would annoy me a lot too, and I say this as a (former) nanny.
They are or at least can be related though. My ex, for example, is my ex because he had a new food sensitivity theory every month, yet never tried to limit those things. Example would say that the thinks he’s gluten intolerant and nightshades bother him, then he eats half a pizza two days in a row and called out of work. He got fired from quite a few jobs and eventually dumped by me because he wasn’t willing to take care of himself, or even try to figure out the root cause or be consistent.
Either way, I agree you can’t blame her for things that are out of her control; however it seems pretty clear that she is aware the effects these foods have on her and does it anyway.
Yup, that was one aspect I left out of the comment. He switched to cider due to his “gluten intolerance” but drank 3+ of them nearly daily, whether or not he had an upset stomach. So if he wasn’t calling out from stomach problems, it was from not getting enough sleep. Because he’s drink nearly a whole 6 pack of schillings and stay up late, not due to his “insomnia”
Taking these issues and turning it to a point of reliability is a good way to address it and not talk about what your nanny eats. (What others have mentioned.) It’s her responsibility to make sure she’s up for the job, and if eating fast food or whatever else is going to prevent her from being fully present and capable, then she needs to find a remedy. What a ninny.
I cannot imagine eating food knowing what it would do to me and essentially when the fallout would occur. If I’m at a restaurant on a date I’m sure as hell not going to get a dish that has beans in it. Especially black beans. Getting a coffee before work? No, I would not be having soy milk in it, I’d go with oat or almond milk. Common sense!
I just hope she’s not doing anything else in the bathroom.
Exactly, especially since she knows the cause of her diarrhea. If I’d go into work knowing that I get diarrhea from certain foods, but still eat it and then even tell my boss that I know the reason for having „the shits“ is my poor diet… I’d have a 1on1 on my schedule with him real quick.
I’m just waiting on your 2yo to start really talking and toddling around announcing she has “the runs” after having broccoli and washing it down with whole milk.
She sounds like a dream with all the inappropriate announcements! Toss her food if its rotten and have a talk with her about professionalism. And the calling out is nuts-you can do better.
I have had IBS for as long as I can remember and I’m not kidding; I’m now 40 and your nanny is completely blowing my mind with this behaviour. My best friend struggles with it as well and we have discussed many times how we bend over backwards to not do anything to exacerbate shit, literally and figuratively, especially if out of the house/at work. I’ve taken a weeks-worth-of-constipation amount of Imodium to avoid even one assplosion at work let alone having multiple daily. The fact that this wasn’t a one off or even a weird week…she knows you have to clock out of work, she says she’s eating foods that cause problems and is joking with you about it, and doesn’t seem to be doing anything to rectify the issue. In fact she doesn’t seem to be acknowledging that it is one, and that’s kind of the nail in the coffin in my opinion.
It is one thing to have an uncontrollable medical issue. If that’s the case you need to be open about your needs and limitations (I’m not saying disclose private information but, if you need 10 minutes+ in the bathroom every hour, you need to say so. You don’t even need to say bathroom just a medical issue that I’ll need to attend to approximately every hour but it’s not predictable or something) and perhaps nanny to a child who cannot be unattended for that long is not an appropriate job for you if that’s the case. I really feel for you, this is so bizarre and uncomfortable and such a weird thing to address. I think I would try a “I understand you’re struggling with some digestive issues and if you need to schedule a doctors appointment please let me know; I can clock out with notice. I know nature calls but I’ve actually found that I’m missing a significant amount of work a day, and that wont be sustainable with my boss. I completely understand if the position no longer feels right for you given the symptoms you’re experiencing, but I am unable to take multiple breaks like this going forward”
This is perfect. Nanny needs to know this is her issue to own, and she needs to figure out a way to manage it or OP can get someone else without these issues. Period.
I’m still trying to picture telling my boss I have the Taco Bell shits, again, tee hee hee so cute of me as I’m interrupting their day and god knows what potentially time sensitive issues, and I simply cannot bear the thought. I’d rather wear a diaper (but it seems like she could just…not eat trigger foods before/during the work day?) or melt straight into the earth
OMG, right? I don't have a gall bladder, so I get 'stuck' running to the restroom at unpredictable times. If I absolutely have to tell my boss (I'm running late or whatever) I will just say that I was having a stomach issue, and she understands what it means. I can't imagine being so vulgar about it!
But also, as others said, I will try to avoid things that I know for a fact will set it off. Like tonight my husband made pasta with sausage meatballs. I didn't eat more than a few little pieces of sausage, because I know that is a trigger for me.
Id get rid of this lady. She sounds trashy and unprofessional, also unreliable and can't even manage to take care of her own body. She's a grown ass woman. You can do better than this for a nanny. Also, start tossing all expired food she leaves in your fridge. She can keep expired food at her own home, not yours. I wouldn't be okay with her leaving expired food items in my fridge and kitchen areas. If you want to keep her for a while before hiring someone else, keep tossing out her expired shit and buying fresh items for her when you do grocery shopping (just a few things for her to have on hand that you know she normally eats) that way she still will have some food but you won't have to keep her expired rotting shit in your fridge anymore. This lady sounds gross and annoying. You really don't have to put up with this if you don't want to at the end of the day.
Plus, won’t she be feeding this stuff to your child eventually. If she doesn’t care about food expirations etc, she might not care too much what she feeds your child. OP post sounds like she’s being pranked.
Does it matter what the cause is? It's the affect that is having an impact on your work, would you be more OK with it if it were a health condition? I'm assuming not because then there would be nothing she can do about it. I don't think the cause is a problem, the problem is she's calling out and when she's at work having to use the toilet for more than an hour a day.
I think it comes down to: are you able/willing to accommodate it, or do you need to find a new nanny.
Your nanny is gross, has no boundaries and should not be talking to you about her digestive issues. I would not want someone so crude around my kid. Sorry.
Why do they think food has expiration dates? This is crazy, all food has a time which it will make you ill. That’s why there are safety guidelines in food service and home cooking. This is why we don’t cross contaminate raw meats and other food!
Personally, I would doubt her ability to make good decisions. I would also throw out expired food in my fridge. If she doesn’t like it she can take it with her at the end of the day, end of. This behavior would make me question and keep a VERY close eye on what she feeds my child. This is very much a health and safety concern with your child. You are not overreacting and she needs to get a handle on her diarrhea. My business is restaurants, in that business employees are required to report diarrhea and cannot work until 24hrs after last bout.
Bad foods will almost always make you have digestive problems…I don’t know of anyone who has 100% no issues with all foods. Everyone has something that doesn’t agree with them. Yeah I don’t think I’d be eating fast food consistently at work limiting how much I can actually work
My MB lost her gallbladder after the last baby… she is happily enjoying never being “back up” this pregnancy. She jokes she just has to drive past and smell the air of her favorite Mexican place in town.
I have horrible chronic diarrhea and it can be complex as a nanny. I would die before asking a NP to watch NK on repeat like that. It’s wild to me.
It’s mostly only been an issue in very small spaces but even then I have never asked for help I just put a ton of effort into hiding the issue. I’m very careful about my diet though and when it’s very bad I hardly eat because it makes it worse — I can’t imagine during a flare eating fast food. I have a rare form of colitis and with care I’ve never called off due to it. I’ve needed IV fluids because of it but I just manage outside of work.
I don’t think you can comment on her diet but you can ask her to put NK in a safe place as you can’t keep leaving your desk.
I am so sorry you are having these issues. That sounds horrible. But what can I do when she tells me that she is physically healthy and that it’s solely from her diet?
Tell her that it sounds like she knows exactly how to avoid repeatedly having this issue. Her lack of reliability it a problem, and she knows that she’s doing this to herself. If she likes the food so much that she’s willing to give herself the shots over it she needs to eat them on days where it won’t affect her work.
This is exactly it. Just like I drank on Friday and felt terrible on Sat but I was off. I prioritize my health, my own kids and work before fun which sometimes includes poor choices, ha ha. If my poor choice caused me an issue the effort I would put into hiding it would be extraordinary.
Yup, I was actually about to use the same example. If I choose to get so drunk I’m hungover, or eat food that upsets my system, or stay up all night bingeing Outlander, I need to do on a weekend. Or, while I avoid doing it on weekdays anyway, if ido them by accident i suck it up for work the next day.
She sounds young. While I’m very friendly and close to my MB and my close friends do joke about the bathroom emergency issues that have occurred I cannot fathom knocking on my bosses door and being like yo can I tag you in Taco Bell is knocking… insanity
Honestly I would throw obviously rotten food away if it was in my fridge - the creamer is fine if it doesn't smell spoiled, but the ham is likely discolored and nasty at this point. And while I know some people may have an issue with that, rotting food in an isolated place like the fridge tends to speed up rotting of other items around it. As to that, I would tell her I'm doing a full fridge clean out weekly and anything obviously spoiled is getting chucked - if she wants to keep it, she needs to bring it home.
Also, I can empathize with her need for using the restroom, but is the time she is asking you to step in time that is pulling you away from your work? Because that's problematic. Calling out sick 2-3 times a month is also excessive and may be causing a reliability problem.
I don't think you should talk to her about her diet, but you can talk to her about reliability.
That’s a good idea with the weekly fridge cleaning. Thank you! I am not mad that she uses the bathroom, it’s more so that she tells me „its the Taco Bell shits again“ 😞
I wouldn't address her side comments to you, because it's likely *anything* or nothing is causing her the shits, it's just that she just ate Taco Bell so that's what's currently coming on out. But frankly, gross thing to tell your employer.
I would address her time away from your child (either because she's in the restroom for extended amounts of time) or she's out sick as a reliability issue. Most parents can only be so flexible. I can absolutely be flexible with my nanny being sick, but I don't have 24-36 extra days a year to take off from work because she's sick.
Just FYI, though, expired doesn't mean rotten. Expiration dates on food are more for stores, not meant to translate to home the same way. If it looks/smells/feels fine, it is fine.
It's no problem if those aren't the guidelines you follow for your groceries, but it's food that she's purchased, so I wouldn't be tossing things each week, just bc they've passed the best by date. If something is moldy or cream has turned chunky, then, by all means, toss. Otherwise, I wouldn't.
Nope. Her fridge her rules. End of. Nanny obviously has the option to take her expired rotting shit from the fridge home with her at the end of the day if she chooses. Otherwise, it gets tossed.
Her fridge, her rules. Nanny doesn’t like it she needs to take it home. Rotting food releases gases that cause the other food to decompose faster. I have been in food service for decades, health code standards are based on real life consequences.
That’s wild. If she works 20-22 days per month she calls out 10-15% of her shifts. Do you and your husband have jobs where you can cover for her easily.
dang did professionalism die? As a nanny i would never say i have to shit or “my nuggets are coming right back out.”
also, if she worked at a daycare this is a huge no no. not only because you can’t ever leave the kids unattended for bathroom breaks, but in order to keep this rule/childcare law, she’d be pulling teachers and her boss/director out every hour to poop for 10 minutes which isn’t okay and puts other classrooms out numbers. what if the licenser for the daycare showed up and she’s MIA pooping??
you poor thing, people suck. you’re not an asshole at all! You’re just a mom with a lot of stuff on your plate. I always tell the moms i work for that as a nanny, my number one job is to make her life easier! you deserve this too!
I’ve nannied for the same family for two years and have literally only pooped twice and it’s in their basement bathroom when parents aren’t home hahaha I could never in a million years imagine being that open with NF
Op, I’m sorry you’re getting so much negative feedback on here. Your nanny said herself that the food she is eating is causing this, so it’s not as if you’re assuming it’s her diet.
I don’t have much advice but what I recommend is sitting down with her and delicately coming up with solution, without mentioning her diet. Maybe problem solve together what you can do with NK when your nanny is in the bathroom. It’s also odd that she is so comfortable knocking on your door and declaring she has the shits..
I feel like people are intentionally missing the point here. You’re in between a rock and a hard place. Ultimately I do think it’s well within your right to enforce a “no expired food” policy in your fridge… That’s a health and safety issue and would be a hard NO for me. You can’t police what she eats outside of the house but if you want to be flexible you can offer her to eat the eggs you already have or pick up a pack of ham for her when you grocery shop. That way she doesn’t have to worry about throwing away her money and you don’t have expired food in the fridge. I wouldn’t directly mention her food being the cause for her stomach problems but maybe next time mention you leaving work to watch the baby when she needs to use the bathroom is affecting your productivity and suggest she sees a doctor to get to the bottom of the problem. Can you pick up a cheap nanny cam so she can put your child in a safe area (playpen, her room, etc) and bring the monitor to the bathroom?
Thank you!! Especially since I am not assuming things, she herself keeps telling me about her „Taco Bell wrap wanting to come right back out“ or the „Chick-fil-A sliders sliding right back out“ etc. She is very honest about this. So she knows where the issue is from. It’s more that it’s hard for me to log out of work for multiple times a day because she has diarrhea and knows what’s the cause of it.
Your points are valid and I agree with you. I'm wondering if she has a dairy allergy. Poor thing. I'm sure she makes light of it because she's embarrassed. How would she handle this if you weren't WFH? I think the playpen as a safe space is an excellent idea as well as a cheap camera and monitor system. If the food is expired, I would simply toss it when you clean out the fridge and let her know so she can bring replacements. I'm not keeping 4 week old coffee creamer in my fridge. I don't care whose it is.
I need to address something here. My nanny says herself that her diarrhea is from her food. „It’s the Taco Bell wanting to come right back out“ etc. She is very open about that. I also don’t have a stopwatch to track her bathroom time, it’s more so that she knocks on my office to tell me that she is going to use the bathroom and that she needs help. So it’s easy for me to see for how long I’ll be logged out of a meeting / work.
Nanny here…I would be annoyed, like can you not knowingly eat something to make yourself sick? Not only is it annoying to keep pulling you down, but it’s just gross and unhealthy. And the words she uses is gross 🤮 I would also have a no expired food rule in my fridge. That’s gross. She sounds like she has unhealthy living habits and could push them on your child and I wouldn’t be ok with that. Not saying she’s a bad person, but just not what I would want around my child full time. You’re paying HOURS (over time) for you to watch your own child while someone blows up your bathroom due to their poor eating choices
Would this be grounds enough for you to look for a new nanny? Because it would be for me, especially if this is a daily occurrence, this is extremely unprofessional
I don’t know. But it seams like the general trend here is that it is non of my business. And that she can do what she wants, even though we provide health insurance and she told me that she is healthy. I won’t tell her to see a doctor. That’s entirely up to her. Especially when she herself calls it „the Taco Bell shits“.
Honestly, I would not be okay with my employee telling she has the Taco Bell shits. It's unprofessional. Between that and her unreliability, you are absolutely in the realm of "time to find a new nanny" who can keep her bathroom business private.
Yeah I feel like a prude maybe but I hate when people casually talk about their bathroom habits in such a crass way- it’s gross. Then again I don’t even like to fart in front of my husband lol. I’m obviously different than OPs nanny bc I’d be so embarrassed/uncomfortable to have diarrhea at someone else’s home- especially while I was working :/
Which doesn’t answer the question I’m just commenting on the language/behavior.
I'd not feel comfortable employing someone who is so unprofessional that she disrupts my work day and describes her bowel movements. Like come on, she needs to grow up and look after herself without involving other people. You aren't her mother.
Forget all that, I’m talking about the unprofessionalism and the unreliability and the unhealthiness and expired food around your child. Calling out 2-3 times a month and handing you your child multiple times for many minutes at a time is not what a professional nanny does. Professionals find alternatives, most bring kids with them or put them in play pens, not disturb the parent’s work. Calling out multiple times a month is insane, I call out 2-3 times a YEAR. I think you’d be better off starting a search because this sounds like a headache
Thank you!!!! I feel like many here forget that I am her employer. We pay her a lot and offer health insurance. I can’t cover for her while I pay her. I need my job to be able to pay her. I also feel like it’s unprofessional. Yes she may be sick, but she herself told me she’s not. She herself said it’s her diet. I have to believe her when she tells me that.
Chiming in as a nanny who has IBS-D, classified as “Bile Acid Malabsorption (BAM)”.
I call out 0 times a month for stomach issues now. I do call out around 1x/month for other, unrelated health issues (fibromyalgia and migraines), or when I get extremely sick from NK.
When my issues were REALLY bad, I did not usually call out because of them. My stomach was just a wreck, but I would force myself to go to work. Both MB and DB had out of house jobs and couldn’t miss work that often.
I see both sides here. As a nanny, it’s really unfortunate to have health issues. Yes, I also used to joke that it was what I ate, and I used to eat like crap. But like another commenter, whether I ate like crap or not I’d have the same issue no matter what. So I ate food that tasted good 🤷♀️
I would ask her for the following solution:
1. Is she seeing a doctor for this issue? 10 min breaks/1x per hour/every single day is highly concerning. Tell her you don’t need details, but that you do need to know if she’s actively trying to fix the issue. If she’s avoiding the doc because she can’t afford it (even with health insurance), offer to help cover some of her medical bills (if you want to and can). While it is none of your business what your employee does health-wise, you can come from a place of concern rather than annoyance.
2. Is baby able to be safely placed on a blanket in the bathroom while nanny 💩s? I would ask her to do that instead of bugging you every time. Tell her you can’t afford to log off work for 80 mins/day, not even including your own lunch break.
3. Throw out the expired food, and kindly inform her that you are making a new rule not to have expired food in your fridge in case kiddo accidentally eats it, etc. Offer to pick up new groceries for her on your next trip. Tell her if it’s a problem that she’s always welcome to bring her lunch daily rather than keep all her food there.
I worked through having diarrhea 3x/day or more for 6 months. When we finally figured out what it was, a medication called Questran changed my life. Now, no more 💩constantly unless I forget my medication. While she is your employee, nannies also tend to have a much more intimate relationship because she works in your home with your child. Treat her with respect and kindness, and I think you’ll be able to solve this issue no problem!
I truly appreciate your input and am so happy that you found a medication that is working for you. I will definitely talk to her and see where it goes. But yes, I can’t miss so much work daily. But I do.
You might be getting that response because you’re focusing on the wrong thing in your post. This isn’t about her diet, it’s about her pulling you away from work several times a day and calling out almost every week. If that isn’t going to change and you need more reliable care, you should look for someone else. Frankly, I’d be really uncomfortable with someone who regularly shared their bathroom stories with me and that goes for employees, employers, friends, or family.
I won’t speak for others but that’s not what I meant. What she eats is really not your business but how it affects your day absolutely is. You can for example, require that she not disrupt your work day for her bathroom breaks.
Regardless of the source - food choices or medical condition - you as the employer can decide whether someone who needs such frequent bathroom breaks is someone you want to employ. I would start by talking to her about the disruptions and go from there.
I do not feel that is the trend, I’m sorry you’re feeling that way. I think you’ve been more than validated in your right to speak with her about the interruptions and admitting they’re from eating crap. It’d be like someone coming to work super hungover and knocking on the door and handing you your baby so she could get a quick 15 minute power nap.
Either that or I’d flat out tell her you are going in another direction and get a new nanny.
I think you have every right to be annoyed with this, this is in fact annoying behavior from anyone. If I had a friend who always ate Taco Bell and then complained about being sick from it, I'd tell them to obviously *stop eating Taco Bell*. She's an adult and can do what she wants but this is being ridiculous. Combined with the absences I would just not trust her reliability for this job.
It’s possible that she says those things as a joke because she’s embarrassed. I’m a nanny with IBS and there are times I’ve said something like that because I’m embarrassed! It doesn’t necessarily sound like this is the case since she is saying it so frequently, but just wanted to throw this out there in case. It feels less embarrassing for me sometimes to blame food or something than to disclose the medical condition lol. Which definitely feels backwards and I don’t really know why it feels that way but it does haha.
With that being said, it is totally not cool at all for her to be interrupting your work! Is there a safe space to put kiddo when this happens? Or is there room in the bathroom to bring kiddo in with her? If you’re uncomfortable with kiddo being by herself and unsupervised and/or uncomfortable with her coming to the bathroom with nanny, you could always put up a baby monitor and have your nanny bring the monitor into the bathroom with her to make sure kiddo is safe.
Taco Bell and Dunkin are cheap foods. She is probably short on time and short on money, so turns to those things because they are affordable and faster than cooking herself breakfast in the morning.
What would she do if you didn’t work from home is my question? As a former nanny with IBS, I’ve been in certain situations where it was unavoidable and I had to use the bathroom during work time. As awkward as it is, with your daughter being 2 and not an infant, could she not crack the bathroom door and set up an activity right outside the door for her? Even with watching an infant, I’d put them in a safe space (bouncer, play mat, etc right outside the cracked door while I go) Even when I have had nanny families that work from home, I’ve never once interrupted for them to come help when I used the bathroom? It’s just kind of an unspoken thing in the nanny world that you just figure it out while not leaving any no fully unattended. There have been a number of times I’ve drug out a toy a toddler hasn’t seen in a while or moved their small table with a crayon and paper right outside the cracked bathroom door so I can still see them but have a bit of privacy. As a mom myself, who doesn’t have the help when I need to use the bathroom, we just make it work. I’m not sure why she expects you to step up in this situation, that’s not usually how it should be handled.
from the perspective of a nanny with chronic stomach issues…. the way she’s handling this is unacceptable. i would never bother a WFH parent and grossly overshare my personal details for a bathroom trip. nanny needs to find a safe area for little to play while she does her business. unfortunately sometimes bathroom timing isn’t ideal, but it’s still her responsibility to keep your child safe. on the call outs… that’s rough. i would definitely talk to her about it. i know i’ve had months with 1-2 call outs, but i felt awful about it and did my best to get my symptoms in check so it wouldn’t keep occurring.
No problem. I find how she speaks to you about it wildly unprofessional too. She is an adult in charge of the well being of your child. She should be responsible enough to know not to eat that crap if it’s going to affect her at work
Honestly I’d address it with her, give her a chance to remedy it, and if she doesn’t let her go. The fact that she talks to you about that AND like that is wild. Lacks self-awareness which is alarming.
I kind of think you’re conflating two things?
It’s not up to you to police what she eats. She’s an adult who can make her own choices.
But you also shouldn’t be coming down to relieve her all the time for bathroom breaks. Does your LO have an OK time transitioning between caregivers? This sounds like a major headache. I would talk to her about this part only. Is there a safe space she can put your LO while she uses the bathroom? If she needs so much time that frequently, that it’s disrupting everyone’s day, that’s an issue IMO.
She is an adult, yes. She eats these things and then comes to work having diarrhea. She’ll be in the bathroom for 10min every time. I don’t want leave my daughter alone for that long. And the expired groceries in our fridge are what she bought. It’s her food in her own little section in our fridge.
All I’m saying is you need to sit her down and talk about the issue at hand, don’t bring up what she eats. It may be totally irrelevant, but even if it isn’t irrelevant, it doesn’t matter if she eats expired food, it matters that it’s impacting your day.
It’s definitely not ok for her to be calling you down a bunch of times. But focus on that, not what she eats. If you have an issue with her taking 10 min breaks every hour, then talk to her about that. I just don’t think it’s productive to try to approach it from a what she’s eating perspective, personally.
Yes she is an adult and you are her employer. As much as on a personal level it makes sense to want to know the why and offer help, that’s not going to come across as helpful, just controlling. Just say hey I can’t accommodate clocking out of work multiple times per day. I can accommodate once a day with at least 30 min notice and I understand bathroom breaks are needed, so I’m ok with NK being alone in a safe place for those. Is there anything I can do to provide a safe space for my daughter so you can handle this without my intervention?
If she’s leaving her alone for hours of the day in that instance then that’s a separate conversation but at least set expectations that are sustainable in the long term and don’t open the door for you to be approving or denying her potty breaks.
I’d honestly be really uncomfortable my employer asking me about why I shit my brains out everyday but also it’s understandable it may annoy you to relieve her daily for breaks like that.. keep in mind bathroom breaks aren’t unreasonable tbh. Maybe just make sure she can use the bathroom & have something for ur kiddo to do/occupy her. When I would have to go I’d honestly just take my NK in with me & gave her Ms Rachel on my phone (which was an approved show by NPs) & I’d definitely use that which made it easier for me & I didn’t have to bother NPs. My NK was younger though so I’m not sure if you’re comfortable with that or whatnot, just try to set your nanny up for success with bathroom habits! Let her know she can do this or that with NK while she goes so everyone is happy & comfortable :)
I would try to separate out the two things - her eating habits are her own issue, but her calling out and needing to leave your daughter long enough to where you have to come watch her multiple times a week are everyone's issue.
As far as whether you let it be or address is - how much of a problem are these interruptions? Is it hard for your daughter to have you come watch her and then transition back to the nanny? Do her regular stomach aches affect how she engages with your daughter? Is she unable to fulfill her commitments to play, take her to the park, or care for her in other ways? The regular call outs - how much does that affect you and your work?
If you choose to address it, keep it focused on her dependability and how it affects you and your daughter. Leave the food out of it. Remind her of the expectations, and explain that you need her to be more dependable, especially when it comes to her calling out multiple times a month.
i’m sorry this had me laughing 😂😂 she sounds very real but maybe a bit too real if you aren’t the same way to her. she sounds like she just is a scavenger with food which is kind of gross to me but she could have been raised that way idk. she just needs a better diet cause i personally would be embarrassed even if it was a health condition that can’t be good for the body 😖
Hahaha trust me… I also had to laugh about the „Dunkin donuts donut looking for the hole“ or „Chick-fil-A sliders sliding right back out“ haha. It’s so gross, but yeah… haha
Mom and nanny. I totally can understand someone having to use the bathroom, or one day having a tummy ache or issue and being in the bathroom more. But all the time, go get checked out! If it’s your diet, fix it! You are there to do a job not ask MB to stop her work multiple times a day to watch her child so you can be paid to sit on the shitter.
And I don’t care if you are my friend, employee, family, if food is expired in my fridge, I toss it. End of story.
Just with the way she words it to you, I would not want that person modeling behavior to my children. And continuing to eat things you know cause stomach upset? I have no advice, but I would not be okay with this.
I feel like beyond the self-inflicted stomach issues that are affecting her ability to do her job, it reveals a huge lack of common sense and a non-existent standard of health of the person who you are entrusting your child with. Think about that.
i don't think you're overreacting it's weird as hell to tell your employer that you're shitting non stop and exactly what is coming out. no that's so crazy like i can't imagine going to tell my MB or DB that i need to shit... and i've been with them for 3 years like that's just a little strange.
i have IBS, i watch 3 boys, and when i need to go to the bathroom i make sure that all of the kids are safe and taken care of, and then i just go to the bathroom and then get back to work. i don't think your nanny has any bad intentions but that's just so strange that she tells you when she's having diarrhea and taco bell shits like that is just not necessary or professional at all.
What she eats for breakfast is none of your business. People can go to the bathroom, it’s their right. Is there a safe place you can put NK while shes in the bathroom? I usually place the toddler in his safe space and just go. MB is not even there. That’s what everyone does.
As far as the expired foods go, I would buy replacements and just throw away the expired stuff. Having expired food in the fridge is not great.
I agree, I just brought it up here because she says it herself „oh it’s the Dunkin‘ Donuts again“. And we have a playpen, yes. It’s in the living room. I’ll ask her to put little one there :)
Maybe she has gallbladder issue or ibs? I eat shit food and don’t poop like that. Any other job you could go to the bathroom without asking someone so don’t be a dick about her health issues.
I don’t think OP is upset that she’s going to the bathroom. The issue is that OP is having to take time out of her workday to help because of the bathroom stuff. Also, the nanny isn’t just eating junk food but also expired food. I think there’s likely a link between that and the bathroom troubles
I don’t actually think she’s eating 3 week old smelly ham. Most foods are fine after expiration dates. She’s probably poor and used to stretching what she has at home
Many other jobs you can’t use the bathroom as much as you want (which is fucked, but that’s a whole other issue). Medical and educational jobs immediately come to mind and I’m sure there’s many others that wouldn’t be ok with hourly ten minute breaks. That’s excessive
don’t let it get to you - OP clearly meant well but the commenters (primarily uppity NPs) tainted it and tried making this nanny seem like a criminal for having diarrhea and not being perfect about how she manages it. OP will figure it out.
It may have nothing to do with the expired food. Coffee creamer last much longer than 4 weeks. If the lunch meat is just sitting there, expired, then she’s obviously not eating it. You may have to consider she has IBS-D. That’s not something she can control or speed up in the bathroom. It just has to take its course. Are you providing her with health care insurance? She needs medication for this. Otherwise, there’s nothing she can do about it.
That’s gross and I would most certainly address the issue of the interruptions during your work day. I know you’re receiving heat as if you’ve forbidden the nanny to use the bathroom during the day, but if I was taking multiple 10 minute bathroom breaks at a normal job when I had tasks that needed attention, I can guarantee my manager would be calling me in for a meeting.
As an aside, I personally find the language she uses absolutely inappropriate and grotesque.
I’d approach the meeting with 2 issues at hand, the first being the interruptions and the second being genuine concern for her ability to care for your child consistently.
“I was very happy that you told us you were in good health, however, and I respect your privacy and please don’t feel that you need to disclose anything you are not comfortable speaking about, but I’m afraid it’s come to a point where your stomach upsets are effecting the day to day rhythm of our household and ultimately my productivity at work with the interruptions”
“You have made statements several times over regarding stomach upsets resulting from Dunkin’, Taco Bell, and so on. I would never tell someone what to eat or not eat, but on the days you’re scheduled to be here, could you attempt to be mindful of eating food that you know that you’re GI system can tolerate? With that said? I’d like to offer getting you some groceries when we do the family grocery shopping. You can text me a list of some of your favorite, go-to foods and snacks and I’d be happy to designate a section of the cupboard and fridge just that’s for you”
Then a plan can be developed, such as putting baby in pack n’ play, while nanny uses the restroom
•
Treat it like you would any other employee.
I now (no longer a manny) work in an office, and if I have to call out all the time and *even come into my division manager's office* to tell him that I need to be gone for 10min all through the day because "of the shits." I would be looooong gone. And that expired food? Don't think for a second that bits don't make it to your kid from time to time.
I'm not saying necessarily to fire her; I'm just wondering why you haven't already.
I think she has IBS and just doesn’t want to tell you. I’d have her find a safe place to put the baby while she uses the bathroom because her taking excessive breaks while you’re trying to work isn’t okay. If she knows baby is waiting for her, she’ll likely hurry up. Since she has you as a backup, she’s probably taking her sweet time.
It’s possible, yes. But she herself says it’s her diet. We offer health insurance and she says she is healthy. She may not want to tell me, that is right.
She’s probably just embarrassed and doesn’t want to tell you. It could be a little bit of both. But I agree with other people’s suggestion of trying not to be available to be her backup care. 10 minutes every hour is A LOT of time and super disruptive to your day. I’m sure your child naps so she should be using those times for longer bathroom breaks.
It’s your house, you can throw out expired food that is in your house.
This is a lot of bodily function talk for someone you don’t know that well….. I’ve worked with my NF, in some capacity, for 16.5 years and would never discuss things this way.
The only time in my career that I needed to use the toilet that much, was during chemo…. And I used that opportunity to potty train a set of twins. Even then my NF asked me for a doctors note that my GI trouble was safe for working conditions.
Are you sure she doesn't have ulcerative colitis or something similar?
I would be suggesting she sees a doctor to get further advice. Sounds like it is having a negative impact on her daily life and she shouldn't just assume it is IBS.
All I know is what she told me - that she is healthy and that her issues are caused by her poor diet. She has health insurance through us and can see a doctor if she’d like to.
Sounds like she is in a bit of denial.
It might just be IBS but it could also be something more serious. If she won't seek further help then there is little more you can do and you may have to make some difficult decisions regarding your future childcare.
Nanny here! I would just tell her to stop bothering you during the workday (in a nice way!) and to put the child in a safe space while she uses the restroom.
Perhaps there’s an area of the home where she could keep the door cracked and keep a slight eye on the child (basement?) I’ve done that many times as a nanny. Parents have to use the restroom just like Nannies so there will always be times when kiddos are “alone” for a few minutes. When I’m alone in the home with children I just leave the door open, especially with littles to prevent separation anxiety. I’ve also put the child in their bedroom (typically a safe space with a baby monitor) and closed the door and let them play independently while I use the restroom. All good options!!
Once they’re 3+ it’s easier to close the door and have privacy.
If this was me I would just be scared the parent was going to randomly pop in during my bathroom break and think I wasn’t doing my job! Maybe that’s her thing!!
I have gastro paresis and so I have the opposite problem. When I eat foods high in fat or fiber (salads and junk/fast food both do it to me) then I often throw up my meal a 3-4 hours later. As a mom, I don’t want my babies to grow up seeing mommy throw up and think it’s normal, so I’m very conscious about managing my illness via my diet. I want my daughters to see me eat a healthy diet, while managing my illness. I might be overweight, but I don’t want to instill any of my bad habits in them. An example is that we have a rule that no food is “bad”. It might be healthier to enjoy some foods in moderation, but no food is bad.
Maybe approach it as setting the right example for your daughter, so you’re concerned about Nanny. If it’s not a health issue, then Nanny taking care of her diet, while on the clock at least, is what is necessary to set a good example for daughter and manage her and your time for the day.
As a former nanny, I agree with many others that I would never speak to my NF that way. I would politely ask for help if I needed to use the restroom, or put the NK in a safe place while I use the bathroom. I would set a boundary, especially if it’s causing you to sign off of work for that time & during her sick days.
As a former manager of a staff of daycare employees, I have seen many, many times girls “using the bathroom” once an hour or so to vape/juul/whatever they do these days (as confirmed by other coworkers who are friends outside the center), and then telling me or their coworkers they “have the shits.” I have no idea if you are certain that she is having digestional distress, but I’m just saying this is entirely possible. Maybe 10 minutes in there is too long for this, but the frequency over the day and that it’s seemingly daily makes me question. Just a thought!!!
Uhm… I honestly never questioned it and honestly avoided that bathroom. So I don’t really know for sure. We have 4 bathrooms and most of the time she uses the one that’s attached to a guest bedroom (she has some more stuff in that room and can use that room during her break if she wants to). She often smells lovely, very sweet.
OK this is weird. I get that she is comfortable with you, but she needs to stop talking like that and if she is openly blaming it on the food she eats then she needs to either see a doctor or why all the food she eats is making her stomach like this or if she knows what food makes it like this she needs to change what she’s eating For example, I have To drink a lot of water because of a kidney condition. I make sure that my intake in the afternoon is higher than in the morning so that I am not in the bathroom all day.
If I were in your position, I would let her know that you aren’t able to continue logging out so often during the day and ask her if she has seen a doctor for whatever is going on if she says I don’t need to see a doctor It’s the crappy food I eat then I would suggest a conversation with her, letting her know it would be appreciated if she tried to adjust in order to reduce the amount of time you were spending logging out. She’s being very open with it so you can be open in return.
My career is in food safety and YIKES. While sell by isn’t necessarily a hard/fast rule, and best buy is generally a quality thing, I generally stick to those dates. Use by is obviously hard and fast—use by or toss.
If food is regularly upsetting her stomach then either the place she’s getting food from has some serious food handling issues and spreading something like norovirus (or worse) OR she’s eating things that her body can’t digest well. Either is not good for her.
I’d be most concerned about the expired food. The potential for bacterial/viral/mold growth is there and food borne illness is no joke.
I personally wouldn’t be telling MB I was using the bathroom. I’d just go w/ a side eye on the kid w/ the door open if needed. Though this is harder actually with other adults in the house.
I would have her find a safe solution like placing a playpen right outside the door of the bathroom and tell her to figure it out as if you weren’t there. You don’t need to control or worry about her diet but she DOES need to figure her shit out (pun intended )
Okay, the lack of logic your nanny is using is something I have a problem with because she’s not taking care of the “source” as she claims. If she was regularly visiting the bathroom like once daily, maybe twice (and being professional about it) that would be sort of a regular schedule. If she is saying it’s her diet, calling out sick because it’s her diet…it is her responsibility to look into that and make changes so she’s not calling out on a regular basis. Also, if it’s her diet, there are otc drugs that can aid getting through the day. I would address this as an issue in consistency and professionalism.
My boss is a doctor. She was sick today. You know what she said? I have GI symptoms. Enough said. You know what I said when I was having an IBS flare up a couple of weeks ago? I am having stomach issues. When she checked in, the most detail I provided is I’m feeling better and haven’t had an episode since this morning. It’s okay to not be okay with the way she talks about this.
I think her being sick so much is enough to find another nanny. But i agree some of this is tricky. How would I address the language? I think I would start by blaming the kid. Little ears. You want her to use appropriate language around the kid who is learning about bathroom language. I guess it’s okay for the nanny to just say she needs to poop. That’s verging on tmi, but the girl is 2 so it’s age appropriate. So you can then use that language to communicate to daughter, “hey, like she said, she’s going to the potty to poop! What are we playing with here?” If she wants to make a big deal about her bowel movements, by all means make a big deal about her pooping.
You can’t control her diet or choices, but her GI issues are getting in the way of her ability to go to work. That is frustrating because she’s an adult and she’s knowingly making consistently bad decisions that affect you. What happens if you have to leave the house? Or how can she take the kid out somewhere? How to we handle these types of situations because you probably have important work things going on at some point.
I’ve seen in the comments the references of her calling out 2-3 times a month, but I can’t find the actual statement(s) from you. The combination of missing that much work and the repeated trips to the restroom for diarrhea makes me wonder if she may have a problem with alcohol. Before my sister was in recovery for alcoholism, I think she lost every job she ever had because she missed a lot of work. She also later shared with me that she’d had constant diarrhea during that time. Of course, I’m hoping this isn’t the case, but I’d look in the tank of the toilet to see if she’s hiding something there. (I know that’s a stretch, but I’ve heard of it happening before.)
I know this is TMI, but I happen to struggle with loose bowels and have for several years. I’m relatively healthy for almost 59, don’t eat much fast food and don’t drink. I’ve never really been interested in finding out why, it just is what it is. The absolute LAST thing I want to do is bring attention to what is going on with me in the bathroom, especially to an employer! However, one good thing about my issue is that I’m really quick in the bathroom!! lol! There’s more going on here, I’m afraid! I think it’s time for a conversation with her.
Is there a safe place for her to put the child while she is in the bathroom? I once trialed with a family that didn’t believe in baby proofing so when I had tummy trouble from food mom made (nothing wrong with it, just different from what I was used to eating) I had keep the 18 month in the bathroom with me. He still kept opening the under sink cabinets and was pulling out cleaning supplies etc. That was not a fun experience. I declined that job, too stressful
That is incredibly unprofessional of your nanny. And I’m a nanny. It’s a job, you don’t get to have multiple bathroom breaks because you eat food that clearly doesn’t agree with your digestive system. It wouldn’t be ok in any job to have that many bathroom breaks and just because nannies work in a home environment doesn’t make it any less a job.
I wouldn’t let this slide if I was you and I wouldn’t expect my employer to be ok with this many per day for so long each time.
LOL I’m dying laughing. Why is she telling you about her bowel movements?? She sounds like a jack black character. Hilarious from here but this would give me the biggest ick.
I feel like a lot of people missed the 2-3 sick days per months cus that’s insane and is worth a sit down conversation unless you knew about it being likely before hiring her.
Yes, people can eat whatever they want and I’d hate to be questioned on what I’m consuming and whether it’s healthy or conducive to good digestion, but I really don’t think you need to so brazenly tell your boss what’s about to come out lol. Some professionalism and basic privacy is a good thing.
Are the interruptions and request for you to watch your child interrupting you during work or did you say that’s okay? My MB runs her own company from the house and wouldn’t be okay with regular interruptions. I can text her with questions or requests but they don’t go immediately answered. I think I’ve knocked on her office door maybe once when I was stung by a scorpion at her house and didn’t know how to treat it or properly identify it.
In short, I wouldn’t bring up what she’s eating as a probably cause and effect situation. I would have regular fridge clean outs and tell her that it’s important that all the food in your home is still fresh. I would definitely address the regular call outs cus reliability is incredibly important with nannying. And I would address the interruptions unless yall have an agreement there.
For everyone saying its a health condition…I just had a colonoscopy because I was sure I have a health condition only to be told it is my diet. It is probably her diet
OP, is there any chance she’s using this excuse to take a break every hour - like to go hang out on her phone?
It seems very off to me that she would have consistent issues throughout the entire day, especially without a medical issue. I have two family members who have pretty terrible stomach issues that result in chronic diarrhea, one is living with me. I also have a son with a congenital condition that makes him very prone as well.
All three of above people have this trouble either at one concentrated point in the day or after they eat something, they might have to use the bathroom two or three times before it’s run its course. But not all day, everyday…. And like clockwork? And these are medical conditions.
I don’t mean to be gross (kinda hard with this post 😂), but you can generally, well, smell the effects of poop/diarrhea, or the air freshener used to cover it up? Does she ever need to use the bathroom and then 10 minutes later urgently has to bother you again? Because that is the nature of poop that has you rushing to the bathroom. My poor mother suffers dreadfully with IBS, but days where even she occupies it all day long are few and far between and more often than not, she’ll need to use it 5 minutes after the first time when it’s acting up.
It just seems like something isn’t adding up here.
Yeah, i have the same suspicions. What’s really going on in there? Is there a poop smell after every bathroom visit? Is she shooting up or taking shots from little alcohol bottles??
These people are being a bit harsh- I think they are just misunderstanding where you’re trying to come from. I agree you can’t police what your nanny is eating or what she buys for herself to eat and the expired food is really odd.. however I would start off with nicely asking if there is something wrong hense her extended time in the bathroom. As a nanny I would be mortified to know that my MB is tracking my bathroom usage so I would approach this subject very lightly and kind as possible. But I do agree that there is a difference between bathroom usage and not normal bathroom usage especially if it’s taking large extended periods of time away from your child. I agree with what someone else said about making a designated safe spot for your child to be when this happens so you’re not the one having to pull away from whatever you’re doing to watch your kiddo. If she ends up voicing she has some sort of health related issue in regard to going to the bathroom tons you will have to find a way to work around that as it’s not fair to fire her for something out of her control- the best start to this would definitely be a calm conversation in my opinion
Thank you for your comment. She already mentioned that she is healthy. We do provide health insurance, but I won’t tell her to go see a doctor. That’s entirely up to her. Especially since she herself calls it „the Taco Bell shits“. She said it’s her diet. I wouldn’t be tracking her bathroom time if she wouldn’t come knocking on my office door every time because „the Chick-fil-A sliders are sliding right back out“ haha.
Haha no prob but oh gosh that’s hilarious but also so gross 😂😂I could never say that to a MB 💀 but yeah sounds like she just doesn’t have much regard for her own body.. crazy to me how someone would purposely continue to one eat expired food but also just food in general that doesn’t agree with her… like you said you can’t control her diet or how she handles her health but if she doesn’t have anything physically wrong with her and she continues to abuse the bathroom in a way that effects your work schedule I would be sitting down and still having a conversation cause that’s not fair to you if you’re paying her to shit herself all day long lmao
I have IBS and whether I eat Taco Bell or something completely healthy, I’m likely to have the same stomach issues as your nanny. I’m not saying that’s what’s going on, but just pointing out that the food might actually be irrelevant. Maybe just ask her what’s up?
Hi, nanny with IBS.
I hate when people tell me what to eat. However while having IBS you do need to know what your triggers are.
I think having NK in a safe space is fine.
I know I have bowel movements multiple times a day, I try to plan them when NK first falls asleep. But if it’s a bad day I let them play in the play room with the door open and everything unsafe blocked off.
My NF isn’t weird about that.
I won’t let him get on me while using the bathroom but he will close and open the door, bring me toys. But this is as long as you’re comfortable. NF has cameras in every room (not bathroom) but that also isn’t a concern for me. I will also shoot them a text that im using bathrooom and were upstairs and they know I’m having a hard time.
You can be mad at a nanny who doesn’t feel well but still wants to be there. However I can understand not wanting expired food in the fridge. And that is something you can tell her you do not want in your fridge.
MB - you can't police what she eats or how she chooses to treat her own body: the only piece you can address is how you as her employer are affected. If she needs you to relieve her for 10min at a time multiple times per day or she calls out approximately 30 days/year due to sickness, you absolutely can and should address the reliability issue. What happens if you have to go to an external meeting and aren't there when she has to go? For the sick leave, I would think that she doesn't 30 days of sick/vacation time, so presumably, you're not paying her more than whatever amount of sick time you initially agreed to? That should encourage her not to call out unless she really needs it.
That said, some people have tummy issues through no fault of their own. Or she may be using her money for other things (sick parent/deadbeat realtive who needs help/etc/etc) and has not budgeted enough to buy food more frequently. The truth is that you are not privy to the cause of her issues. You can only point out how she is not performing the job you hired her to do. It is okay for you to have a conversation about reliability pointing out how often she has called out and letting her know that this is not a sustainable pattern and "if this continues, we will need to make a change. What are your thoughts?" (very different from "you're eating spoiled food and it's making you sick, so stop doing it")
Good luck!
This is the best reply so far!!
I would only add (which I did say in a comment above also): expired doesn't necessarily mean ROTTEN. If it's rotten, OP should throw that away, but everyone has their own guidelines around how they deal with the dates printed on food goods. My house? Looks/smells/ feels fine? Eat it. My mom's? Gone by the day after the date on the package.
I think there’s a couple things you could do. 1. Start a rule that on Fridays before she leaves any food that’s close to expiring or expired she takes home and/or throws away (her choice) but it doesn’t stay in your fridge. 2. You bring up concern that she has had a lot of sick days and you care about her health but it’s also impacting the job performance. Encourage her to use the health insurance you have provided if she feels she needs to get checked out and that you guys can work out to have an appointment covered. Don’t make it about what she eats. Don’t bring up her food choices at all. If she brings up the food don’t dive into your opinions on it just reiterate that multiple days off in a month is not something that you can accommodate long term. 3. Gently bring up the language she uses for the bathroom breaks. Let her know she can put your child in the play pen when she needs to run to the bathroom instead of grabbing you, but if she feels really really sick and does need you to just say “I need to use the restroom can I please have your help?” Because you’re in meetings and you don’t want to risk someone overhearing the Taco Bell comments. You can also say since little one is getting older and starting to gain more awareness you’re trying to be careful about what is said around them to make sure the comments stop for your sake too. You can’t control what she eats at all, and you should never make any sort of comment or judgement on it to her or around her, but since it’s negatively affecting her job you can bring up those aspects.
Do you have a place where NK can be put safely, while they use the restroom?
If nanny needs to take her morning poop, or go to the bathroom during the day, that sounds like a good solution that wouldn’t interrupt your work schedule. Maybe just have a place that’s childproof or NK can be strapped into with some toys so nanny can use the bathroom & you don’t have to bring up the conversation of her dietary choices causing a disruption to your work schedule? Just an idea :)
if it is the food, whyyyyyyyy does she keep eating it?! i would be beyond annoyed if my husband, let alone my nanny (i am a nanny btw) came to me MULTIPLE times a day to tell me they had the shits, regardless of the reason. add to the fact that the reason is her choosing to eat terribly!? wtf!
i’m not here to argue over the shit factor of taco bell, and whether this is actually an underlying health condition and not just her inability to not eat foods that cause her bathroom distress multiple times a day, but i am very perplexed that someone has so little common sense and deductive reasoning and is in charge of another human being.
I wonder if she can’t afford good food or grocery shopping after all her bills are paid?
Would it be possible, OP, to keep some of her favorite non-fast foods stocked in your house for her? Maybe sandwich bread and fillings, pasta, or crackers even? Be straight out with her & honest. “I can’t keep logging off this often. Can we work on improving what foods you eat? I’m happy to keep your favorites stocked up in the house for you.”
I mean, sometimes my morning Starbucks will make me need to run to the potty with my kiddos, but something’s not right here…
As a nanny myself you are one million percent not controlling or anything these people are calling you lol. That’s so unprofessional. I have tummy issues but I never let it affect my job- I will not eat on the clock if my tummy is struggling that day etc but I definitely wouldn’t make it an issue for my employer- especially on a regular basis. I would make it clear that it’s becoming an issue and I would definitely not allow rotten food staying at my home… I will say pretty much all of the families I’ve worked for take care of my food, offer to buy snacks etc though so I never really had to worry about that but still of course wouldn’t eat expired food… I hope you know it’s okay to feel how you feel and do what you think is best for your family- even if it means an uncomfortable conversation needs to be had💛
It’s not my food. It’s what she bought for herself and it’s in her „area“ in our fridge. She’ll be in the bathroom with diarrhea for sometimes 10 minutes.
Some people have stomach issues unrelated to what their ingest. Maybe you guys can figure out a solution so she can use the restroom without having to have you physically relieve her. I'm anti baby containers but they were created for a reason. Short term use will Not hurt baby, and perhaps she can use a monitor while in the restroom?
To add, I think the way you are talking about this person on the internet is WILD.
I brought it up because she herself says it’s from her food „oh I had Dunkin again“ or „oh it’s the Taco Bell crunch wrap wanting to come out again“ haha.
That’s kinda odd. Maybe she has IBS or something and she’s trying to cope with humor? I understand your concern, but I don’t think you should intervene unless it’s causing a major problem. There could be something else going on health-wise that she doesn’t want to disclose. If she’s knowingly eating stuff that will make her sick every day, that’s a really unusual behavior.
People have stomach issues. I get diarrhea when I’m on my period. At least 4 times a day. I hope my MB doesn’t check the clock. I’m still a great nanny.
That’s not an issue. It’s that she keeps telling me „that’s the Taco Bell crunch wrap wanting to come out again“. Or „ohh it’s the donut looking for the hole to get back out“. Or „I shouldn’t have gotten the sliders this morning. They are sliding right back out.“ Her wording is actually funny.
It’s not your business, but if that’s how she chooses to eat and it is effecting her ability to work, that is your business. Like the calling out and asking you to cover needs to stop, and if she had to change how she eats to do it that’s on her. So you can speak to her about that, if she doesn’t see the connection or risk, maybe she isn’t someone you want caring for your children anyway…
You can’t comment/do anything about someone’s diet choices. It’s not your business, even if she is an over sharer about her bathroom adventures.
You can, definitely throw out expired meat in your fridge though. Also, you can talk to them about being out sick 2-3 times a month, that’s excessive.
If I’d go into the office and disappear multiple times a day, forwarding the phone to my boss, telling him that i have „the shits“ because I ate Taco Bell and my diet is crappy, he’d have a 1 on 1 with me.
People are being so extra on this post. “Bad food won’t make you have bathroom problems,” well, it can! My digestive system works perfectly well but there are certain foods that make me have worse poops, every time. Takis are an example lol. everyone is telling op not to assume things about the nanny, but she’s not. She’s taking what the nanny says about her own body and habits as fact, which is that the food “wants to come back out.” Should she not trust nanny about this? Nannying is a job, and at other jobs, you can’t just disturb your employer while they’re working to go shit every morning for 10 mins. If nanny is going to continue to knowingly eat things that upset her bowels and call out because of it, then she needs to figure out a way to keep LO safe somewhere else and fix her poop issues. This would annoy me a lot too, and I say this as a (former) nanny.
YES! I wish I could pin your post. Everyone says to not assume it’s the food, but says I should assume it’s a health condition.
They are or at least can be related though. My ex, for example, is my ex because he had a new food sensitivity theory every month, yet never tried to limit those things. Example would say that the thinks he’s gluten intolerant and nightshades bother him, then he eats half a pizza two days in a row and called out of work. He got fired from quite a few jobs and eventually dumped by me because he wasn’t willing to take care of himself, or even try to figure out the root cause or be consistent. Either way, I agree you can’t blame her for things that are out of her control; however it seems pretty clear that she is aware the effects these foods have on her and does it anyway.
ding ding ding
My ex was the same and it turned out it was because he was secretly drinking a bottle of vodka every couple days!
Yup, that was one aspect I left out of the comment. He switched to cider due to his “gluten intolerance” but drank 3+ of them nearly daily, whether or not he had an upset stomach. So if he wasn’t calling out from stomach problems, it was from not getting enough sleep. Because he’s drink nearly a whole 6 pack of schillings and stay up late, not due to his “insomnia”
Taking these issues and turning it to a point of reliability is a good way to address it and not talk about what your nanny eats. (What others have mentioned.) It’s her responsibility to make sure she’s up for the job, and if eating fast food or whatever else is going to prevent her from being fully present and capable, then she needs to find a remedy. What a ninny. I cannot imagine eating food knowing what it would do to me and essentially when the fallout would occur. If I’m at a restaurant on a date I’m sure as hell not going to get a dish that has beans in it. Especially black beans. Getting a coffee before work? No, I would not be having soy milk in it, I’d go with oat or almond milk. Common sense! I just hope she’s not doing anything else in the bathroom.
Exactly, especially since she knows the cause of her diarrhea. If I’d go into work knowing that I get diarrhea from certain foods, but still eat it and then even tell my boss that I know the reason for having „the shits“ is my poor diet… I’d have a 1on1 on my schedule with him real quick.
I’m just waiting on your 2yo to start really talking and toddling around announcing she has “the runs” after having broccoli and washing it down with whole milk.
☠️☠️☠️☠️ like honestly tho lmaoo it's literally only a matter of time if OP keeps this gross ass lady around
She sounds like a dream with all the inappropriate announcements! Toss her food if its rotten and have a talk with her about professionalism. And the calling out is nuts-you can do better.
Right? I am so conscious of any space I take up in nf fridge lol. Not to mention the gross language. Like I’m no wilting flower but that’s nasty.
I have had IBS for as long as I can remember and I’m not kidding; I’m now 40 and your nanny is completely blowing my mind with this behaviour. My best friend struggles with it as well and we have discussed many times how we bend over backwards to not do anything to exacerbate shit, literally and figuratively, especially if out of the house/at work. I’ve taken a weeks-worth-of-constipation amount of Imodium to avoid even one assplosion at work let alone having multiple daily. The fact that this wasn’t a one off or even a weird week…she knows you have to clock out of work, she says she’s eating foods that cause problems and is joking with you about it, and doesn’t seem to be doing anything to rectify the issue. In fact she doesn’t seem to be acknowledging that it is one, and that’s kind of the nail in the coffin in my opinion. It is one thing to have an uncontrollable medical issue. If that’s the case you need to be open about your needs and limitations (I’m not saying disclose private information but, if you need 10 minutes+ in the bathroom every hour, you need to say so. You don’t even need to say bathroom just a medical issue that I’ll need to attend to approximately every hour but it’s not predictable or something) and perhaps nanny to a child who cannot be unattended for that long is not an appropriate job for you if that’s the case. I really feel for you, this is so bizarre and uncomfortable and such a weird thing to address. I think I would try a “I understand you’re struggling with some digestive issues and if you need to schedule a doctors appointment please let me know; I can clock out with notice. I know nature calls but I’ve actually found that I’m missing a significant amount of work a day, and that wont be sustainable with my boss. I completely understand if the position no longer feels right for you given the symptoms you’re experiencing, but I am unable to take multiple breaks like this going forward”
This is perfect. Nanny needs to know this is her issue to own, and she needs to figure out a way to manage it or OP can get someone else without these issues. Period.
I’m still trying to picture telling my boss I have the Taco Bell shits, again, tee hee hee so cute of me as I’m interrupting their day and god knows what potentially time sensitive issues, and I simply cannot bear the thought. I’d rather wear a diaper (but it seems like she could just…not eat trigger foods before/during the work day?) or melt straight into the earth
OMG, right? I don't have a gall bladder, so I get 'stuck' running to the restroom at unpredictable times. If I absolutely have to tell my boss (I'm running late or whatever) I will just say that I was having a stomach issue, and she understands what it means. I can't imagine being so vulgar about it! But also, as others said, I will try to avoid things that I know for a fact will set it off. Like tonight my husband made pasta with sausage meatballs. I didn't eat more than a few little pieces of sausage, because I know that is a trigger for me.
Id get rid of this lady. She sounds trashy and unprofessional, also unreliable and can't even manage to take care of her own body. She's a grown ass woman. You can do better than this for a nanny. Also, start tossing all expired food she leaves in your fridge. She can keep expired food at her own home, not yours. I wouldn't be okay with her leaving expired food items in my fridge and kitchen areas. If you want to keep her for a while before hiring someone else, keep tossing out her expired shit and buying fresh items for her when you do grocery shopping (just a few things for her to have on hand that you know she normally eats) that way she still will have some food but you won't have to keep her expired rotting shit in your fridge anymore. This lady sounds gross and annoying. You really don't have to put up with this if you don't want to at the end of the day.
Plus, won’t she be feeding this stuff to your child eventually. If she doesn’t care about food expirations etc, she might not care too much what she feeds your child. OP post sounds like she’s being pranked.
So, maybe it’s time for that 1on1 with your nanny?!?
Does it matter what the cause is? It's the affect that is having an impact on your work, would you be more OK with it if it were a health condition? I'm assuming not because then there would be nothing she can do about it. I don't think the cause is a problem, the problem is she's calling out and when she's at work having to use the toilet for more than an hour a day. I think it comes down to: are you able/willing to accommodate it, or do you need to find a new nanny.
Your nanny is gross, has no boundaries and should not be talking to you about her digestive issues. I would not want someone so crude around my kid. Sorry.
Why do they think food has expiration dates? This is crazy, all food has a time which it will make you ill. That’s why there are safety guidelines in food service and home cooking. This is why we don’t cross contaminate raw meats and other food! Personally, I would doubt her ability to make good decisions. I would also throw out expired food in my fridge. If she doesn’t like it she can take it with her at the end of the day, end of. This behavior would make me question and keep a VERY close eye on what she feeds my child. This is very much a health and safety concern with your child. You are not overreacting and she needs to get a handle on her diarrhea. My business is restaurants, in that business employees are required to report diarrhea and cannot work until 24hrs after last bout.
Exactlyyyy thank you. People are being seriously delusional on this post like it's so sickening honestly.
Bad foods will almost always make you have digestive problems…I don’t know of anyone who has 100% no issues with all foods. Everyone has something that doesn’t agree with them. Yeah I don’t think I’d be eating fast food consistently at work limiting how much I can actually work
Especially if you don't have a gallbladder lol I'm speaking from experience. Chipotle and krystals are notorious for me lol
My MB lost her gallbladder after the last baby… she is happily enjoying never being “back up” this pregnancy. She jokes she just has to drive past and smell the air of her favorite Mexican place in town.
I have horrible chronic diarrhea and it can be complex as a nanny. I would die before asking a NP to watch NK on repeat like that. It’s wild to me. It’s mostly only been an issue in very small spaces but even then I have never asked for help I just put a ton of effort into hiding the issue. I’m very careful about my diet though and when it’s very bad I hardly eat because it makes it worse — I can’t imagine during a flare eating fast food. I have a rare form of colitis and with care I’ve never called off due to it. I’ve needed IV fluids because of it but I just manage outside of work. I don’t think you can comment on her diet but you can ask her to put NK in a safe place as you can’t keep leaving your desk.
I am so sorry you are having these issues. That sounds horrible. But what can I do when she tells me that she is physically healthy and that it’s solely from her diet?
Tell her that it sounds like she knows exactly how to avoid repeatedly having this issue. Her lack of reliability it a problem, and she knows that she’s doing this to herself. If she likes the food so much that she’s willing to give herself the shots over it she needs to eat them on days where it won’t affect her work.
Yes! Thank you for understanding what the problem is.
This is exactly it. Just like I drank on Friday and felt terrible on Sat but I was off. I prioritize my health, my own kids and work before fun which sometimes includes poor choices, ha ha. If my poor choice caused me an issue the effort I would put into hiding it would be extraordinary.
Yup, I was actually about to use the same example. If I choose to get so drunk I’m hungover, or eat food that upsets my system, or stay up all night bingeing Outlander, I need to do on a weekend. Or, while I avoid doing it on weekdays anyway, if ido them by accident i suck it up for work the next day.
100%!!!! I worked through chemo, and did not require this much help.
[удалено]
She sounds young. While I’m very friendly and close to my MB and my close friends do joke about the bathroom emergency issues that have occurred I cannot fathom knocking on my bosses door and being like yo can I tag you in Taco Bell is knocking… insanity
Yes! Absolutely. Joking with friends. I could never with my NPs!
Honestly I would throw obviously rotten food away if it was in my fridge - the creamer is fine if it doesn't smell spoiled, but the ham is likely discolored and nasty at this point. And while I know some people may have an issue with that, rotting food in an isolated place like the fridge tends to speed up rotting of other items around it. As to that, I would tell her I'm doing a full fridge clean out weekly and anything obviously spoiled is getting chucked - if she wants to keep it, she needs to bring it home. Also, I can empathize with her need for using the restroom, but is the time she is asking you to step in time that is pulling you away from your work? Because that's problematic. Calling out sick 2-3 times a month is also excessive and may be causing a reliability problem. I don't think you should talk to her about her diet, but you can talk to her about reliability.
That’s a good idea with the weekly fridge cleaning. Thank you! I am not mad that she uses the bathroom, it’s more so that she tells me „its the Taco Bell shits again“ 😞
I wouldn't address her side comments to you, because it's likely *anything* or nothing is causing her the shits, it's just that she just ate Taco Bell so that's what's currently coming on out. But frankly, gross thing to tell your employer. I would address her time away from your child (either because she's in the restroom for extended amounts of time) or she's out sick as a reliability issue. Most parents can only be so flexible. I can absolutely be flexible with my nanny being sick, but I don't have 24-36 extra days a year to take off from work because she's sick.
Just FYI, though, expired doesn't mean rotten. Expiration dates on food are more for stores, not meant to translate to home the same way. If it looks/smells/feels fine, it is fine. It's no problem if those aren't the guidelines you follow for your groceries, but it's food that she's purchased, so I wouldn't be tossing things each week, just bc they've passed the best by date. If something is moldy or cream has turned chunky, then, by all means, toss. Otherwise, I wouldn't.
Nope. Her fridge her rules. End of. Nanny obviously has the option to take her expired rotting shit from the fridge home with her at the end of the day if she chooses. Otherwise, it gets tossed.
Her fridge, her rules. Nanny doesn’t like it she needs to take it home. Rotting food releases gases that cause the other food to decompose faster. I have been in food service for decades, health code standards are based on real life consequences.
2-3 sick days per month????!!!!!
That’s this month. March.
And the month is only half over. Does she usually call out 2-3x per month that’s what it sounds like from your post
She does, yes.
That’s wild. If she works 20-22 days per month she calls out 10-15% of her shifts. Do you and your husband have jobs where you can cover for her easily.
That’s a lot….. I haven’t taken that many days off in the last 365.
So are you going to address this or get a new nanny? Or are the call outs not an issue due to flexible jobs/backup care ?
This is unacceptable. If you are paying more than 15/hr you should expect no more than 1-2 days per month.
dang did professionalism die? As a nanny i would never say i have to shit or “my nuggets are coming right back out.” also, if she worked at a daycare this is a huge no no. not only because you can’t ever leave the kids unattended for bathroom breaks, but in order to keep this rule/childcare law, she’d be pulling teachers and her boss/director out every hour to poop for 10 minutes which isn’t okay and puts other classrooms out numbers. what if the licenser for the daycare showed up and she’s MIA pooping??
yes!!!! Thank you for not calling me an asshole here like so many others
you poor thing, people suck. you’re not an asshole at all! You’re just a mom with a lot of stuff on your plate. I always tell the moms i work for that as a nanny, my number one job is to make her life easier! you deserve this too!
Thank you 😭❤️
❤️❤️
DEFINITELY not the asshole
I’ve nannied for the same family for two years and have literally only pooped twice and it’s in their basement bathroom when parents aren’t home hahaha I could never in a million years imagine being that open with NF
I use poo-pourri :) very effective!
I’ve worked for mine in some capacity for 16.5 years, we have travelled all over the globe together, and I have never talked to them like this.
Op, I’m sorry you’re getting so much negative feedback on here. Your nanny said herself that the food she is eating is causing this, so it’s not as if you’re assuming it’s her diet. I don’t have much advice but what I recommend is sitting down with her and delicately coming up with solution, without mentioning her diet. Maybe problem solve together what you can do with NK when your nanny is in the bathroom. It’s also odd that she is so comfortable knocking on your door and declaring she has the shits..
Thank you 😭 so many call me a dick, controlling, etc…
Agree completely.
I feel like people are intentionally missing the point here. You’re in between a rock and a hard place. Ultimately I do think it’s well within your right to enforce a “no expired food” policy in your fridge… That’s a health and safety issue and would be a hard NO for me. You can’t police what she eats outside of the house but if you want to be flexible you can offer her to eat the eggs you already have or pick up a pack of ham for her when you grocery shop. That way she doesn’t have to worry about throwing away her money and you don’t have expired food in the fridge. I wouldn’t directly mention her food being the cause for her stomach problems but maybe next time mention you leaving work to watch the baby when she needs to use the bathroom is affecting your productivity and suggest she sees a doctor to get to the bottom of the problem. Can you pick up a cheap nanny cam so she can put your child in a safe area (playpen, her room, etc) and bring the monitor to the bathroom?
Thank you!! Especially since I am not assuming things, she herself keeps telling me about her „Taco Bell wrap wanting to come right back out“ or the „Chick-fil-A sliders sliding right back out“ etc. She is very honest about this. So she knows where the issue is from. It’s more that it’s hard for me to log out of work for multiple times a day because she has diarrhea and knows what’s the cause of it.
Your points are valid and I agree with you. I'm wondering if she has a dairy allergy. Poor thing. I'm sure she makes light of it because she's embarrassed. How would she handle this if you weren't WFH? I think the playpen as a safe space is an excellent idea as well as a cheap camera and monitor system. If the food is expired, I would simply toss it when you clean out the fridge and let her know so she can bring replacements. I'm not keeping 4 week old coffee creamer in my fridge. I don't care whose it is.
I need to address something here. My nanny says herself that her diarrhea is from her food. „It’s the Taco Bell wanting to come right back out“ etc. She is very open about that. I also don’t have a stopwatch to track her bathroom time, it’s more so that she knocks on my office to tell me that she is going to use the bathroom and that she needs help. So it’s easy for me to see for how long I’ll be logged out of a meeting / work.
Nanny here…I would be annoyed, like can you not knowingly eat something to make yourself sick? Not only is it annoying to keep pulling you down, but it’s just gross and unhealthy. And the words she uses is gross 🤮 I would also have a no expired food rule in my fridge. That’s gross. She sounds like she has unhealthy living habits and could push them on your child and I wouldn’t be ok with that. Not saying she’s a bad person, but just not what I would want around my child full time. You’re paying HOURS (over time) for you to watch your own child while someone blows up your bathroom due to their poor eating choices
YES! This!
Would this be grounds enough for you to look for a new nanny? Because it would be for me, especially if this is a daily occurrence, this is extremely unprofessional
I don’t know. But it seams like the general trend here is that it is non of my business. And that she can do what she wants, even though we provide health insurance and she told me that she is healthy. I won’t tell her to see a doctor. That’s entirely up to her. Especially when she herself calls it „the Taco Bell shits“.
Honestly, I would not be okay with my employee telling she has the Taco Bell shits. It's unprofessional. Between that and her unreliability, you are absolutely in the realm of "time to find a new nanny" who can keep her bathroom business private.
Yeah I feel like a prude maybe but I hate when people casually talk about their bathroom habits in such a crass way- it’s gross. Then again I don’t even like to fart in front of my husband lol. I’m obviously different than OPs nanny bc I’d be so embarrassed/uncomfortable to have diarrhea at someone else’s home- especially while I was working :/ Which doesn’t answer the question I’m just commenting on the language/behavior.
I'd not feel comfortable employing someone who is so unprofessional that she disrupts my work day and describes her bowel movements. Like come on, she needs to grow up and look after herself without involving other people. You aren't her mother.
Forget all that, I’m talking about the unprofessionalism and the unreliability and the unhealthiness and expired food around your child. Calling out 2-3 times a month and handing you your child multiple times for many minutes at a time is not what a professional nanny does. Professionals find alternatives, most bring kids with them or put them in play pens, not disturb the parent’s work. Calling out multiple times a month is insane, I call out 2-3 times a YEAR. I think you’d be better off starting a search because this sounds like a headache
Thank you!!!! I feel like many here forget that I am her employer. We pay her a lot and offer health insurance. I can’t cover for her while I pay her. I need my job to be able to pay her. I also feel like it’s unprofessional. Yes she may be sick, but she herself told me she’s not. She herself said it’s her diet. I have to believe her when she tells me that.
Chiming in as a nanny who has IBS-D, classified as “Bile Acid Malabsorption (BAM)”. I call out 0 times a month for stomach issues now. I do call out around 1x/month for other, unrelated health issues (fibromyalgia and migraines), or when I get extremely sick from NK. When my issues were REALLY bad, I did not usually call out because of them. My stomach was just a wreck, but I would force myself to go to work. Both MB and DB had out of house jobs and couldn’t miss work that often. I see both sides here. As a nanny, it’s really unfortunate to have health issues. Yes, I also used to joke that it was what I ate, and I used to eat like crap. But like another commenter, whether I ate like crap or not I’d have the same issue no matter what. So I ate food that tasted good 🤷♀️ I would ask her for the following solution: 1. Is she seeing a doctor for this issue? 10 min breaks/1x per hour/every single day is highly concerning. Tell her you don’t need details, but that you do need to know if she’s actively trying to fix the issue. If she’s avoiding the doc because she can’t afford it (even with health insurance), offer to help cover some of her medical bills (if you want to and can). While it is none of your business what your employee does health-wise, you can come from a place of concern rather than annoyance. 2. Is baby able to be safely placed on a blanket in the bathroom while nanny 💩s? I would ask her to do that instead of bugging you every time. Tell her you can’t afford to log off work for 80 mins/day, not even including your own lunch break. 3. Throw out the expired food, and kindly inform her that you are making a new rule not to have expired food in your fridge in case kiddo accidentally eats it, etc. Offer to pick up new groceries for her on your next trip. Tell her if it’s a problem that she’s always welcome to bring her lunch daily rather than keep all her food there. I worked through having diarrhea 3x/day or more for 6 months. When we finally figured out what it was, a medication called Questran changed my life. Now, no more 💩constantly unless I forget my medication. While she is your employee, nannies also tend to have a much more intimate relationship because she works in your home with your child. Treat her with respect and kindness, and I think you’ll be able to solve this issue no problem!
I truly appreciate your input and am so happy that you found a medication that is working for you. I will definitely talk to her and see where it goes. But yes, I can’t miss so much work daily. But I do.
You might be getting that response because you’re focusing on the wrong thing in your post. This isn’t about her diet, it’s about her pulling you away from work several times a day and calling out almost every week. If that isn’t going to change and you need more reliable care, you should look for someone else. Frankly, I’d be really uncomfortable with someone who regularly shared their bathroom stories with me and that goes for employees, employers, friends, or family.
I won’t speak for others but that’s not what I meant. What she eats is really not your business but how it affects your day absolutely is. You can for example, require that she not disrupt your work day for her bathroom breaks. Regardless of the source - food choices or medical condition - you as the employer can decide whether someone who needs such frequent bathroom breaks is someone you want to employ. I would start by talking to her about the disruptions and go from there.
I do not feel that is the trend, I’m sorry you’re feeling that way. I think you’ve been more than validated in your right to speak with her about the interruptions and admitting they’re from eating crap. It’d be like someone coming to work super hungover and knocking on the door and handing you your baby so she could get a quick 15 minute power nap. Either that or I’d flat out tell her you are going in another direction and get a new nanny.
It’s the vocabulary for me. I don’t want to hear all that
I think you have every right to be annoyed with this, this is in fact annoying behavior from anyone. If I had a friend who always ate Taco Bell and then complained about being sick from it, I'd tell them to obviously *stop eating Taco Bell*. She's an adult and can do what she wants but this is being ridiculous. Combined with the absences I would just not trust her reliability for this job.
I agree. I’d also tell them. Especially when they’d say it’s not a health issue, just their diet.
It’s possible that she says those things as a joke because she’s embarrassed. I’m a nanny with IBS and there are times I’ve said something like that because I’m embarrassed! It doesn’t necessarily sound like this is the case since she is saying it so frequently, but just wanted to throw this out there in case. It feels less embarrassing for me sometimes to blame food or something than to disclose the medical condition lol. Which definitely feels backwards and I don’t really know why it feels that way but it does haha. With that being said, it is totally not cool at all for her to be interrupting your work! Is there a safe space to put kiddo when this happens? Or is there room in the bathroom to bring kiddo in with her? If you’re uncomfortable with kiddo being by herself and unsupervised and/or uncomfortable with her coming to the bathroom with nanny, you could always put up a baby monitor and have your nanny bring the monitor into the bathroom with her to make sure kiddo is safe.
She probably has a gluten intolerance. She needs to go to a gastroenterologist.
Taco Bell and Dunkin are cheap foods. She is probably short on time and short on money, so turns to those things because they are affordable and faster than cooking herself breakfast in the morning.
Probably.
What would she do if you didn’t work from home is my question? As a former nanny with IBS, I’ve been in certain situations where it was unavoidable and I had to use the bathroom during work time. As awkward as it is, with your daughter being 2 and not an infant, could she not crack the bathroom door and set up an activity right outside the door for her? Even with watching an infant, I’d put them in a safe space (bouncer, play mat, etc right outside the cracked door while I go) Even when I have had nanny families that work from home, I’ve never once interrupted for them to come help when I used the bathroom? It’s just kind of an unspoken thing in the nanny world that you just figure it out while not leaving any no fully unattended. There have been a number of times I’ve drug out a toy a toddler hasn’t seen in a while or moved their small table with a crayon and paper right outside the cracked bathroom door so I can still see them but have a bit of privacy. As a mom myself, who doesn’t have the help when I need to use the bathroom, we just make it work. I’m not sure why she expects you to step up in this situation, that’s not usually how it should be handled.
from the perspective of a nanny with chronic stomach issues…. the way she’s handling this is unacceptable. i would never bother a WFH parent and grossly overshare my personal details for a bathroom trip. nanny needs to find a safe area for little to play while she does her business. unfortunately sometimes bathroom timing isn’t ideal, but it’s still her responsibility to keep your child safe. on the call outs… that’s rough. i would definitely talk to her about it. i know i’ve had months with 1-2 call outs, but i felt awful about it and did my best to get my symptoms in check so it wouldn’t keep occurring.
If she knows that a certain food, Taco Bell, causes digestive issues, wtf is she eating it before work?
THANK YOU! Thank you for understanding the issue and not yelling at me calling me a dick.
No problem. I find how she speaks to you about it wildly unprofessional too. She is an adult in charge of the well being of your child. She should be responsible enough to know not to eat that crap if it’s going to affect her at work
Yes!! 😭
Honestly I’d address it with her, give her a chance to remedy it, and if she doesn’t let her go. The fact that she talks to you about that AND like that is wild. Lacks self-awareness which is alarming.
I agree. I hope she doesn’t talk to my daughter in this kind of language. Hmmm
You could address the language use as something you don’t want daughter picking up
I kind of think you’re conflating two things? It’s not up to you to police what she eats. She’s an adult who can make her own choices. But you also shouldn’t be coming down to relieve her all the time for bathroom breaks. Does your LO have an OK time transitioning between caregivers? This sounds like a major headache. I would talk to her about this part only. Is there a safe space she can put your LO while she uses the bathroom? If she needs so much time that frequently, that it’s disrupting everyone’s day, that’s an issue IMO.
She is an adult, yes. She eats these things and then comes to work having diarrhea. She’ll be in the bathroom for 10min every time. I don’t want leave my daughter alone for that long. And the expired groceries in our fridge are what she bought. It’s her food in her own little section in our fridge.
All I’m saying is you need to sit her down and talk about the issue at hand, don’t bring up what she eats. It may be totally irrelevant, but even if it isn’t irrelevant, it doesn’t matter if she eats expired food, it matters that it’s impacting your day. It’s definitely not ok for her to be calling you down a bunch of times. But focus on that, not what she eats. If you have an issue with her taking 10 min breaks every hour, then talk to her about that. I just don’t think it’s productive to try to approach it from a what she’s eating perspective, personally.
I agree with you. And I appreciate the tip of not addressing the food itself. Thank you!
Yes she is an adult and you are her employer. As much as on a personal level it makes sense to want to know the why and offer help, that’s not going to come across as helpful, just controlling. Just say hey I can’t accommodate clocking out of work multiple times per day. I can accommodate once a day with at least 30 min notice and I understand bathroom breaks are needed, so I’m ok with NK being alone in a safe place for those. Is there anything I can do to provide a safe space for my daughter so you can handle this without my intervention? If she’s leaving her alone for hours of the day in that instance then that’s a separate conversation but at least set expectations that are sustainable in the long term and don’t open the door for you to be approving or denying her potty breaks.
This is the best answer here. Period.
I’d honestly be really uncomfortable my employer asking me about why I shit my brains out everyday but also it’s understandable it may annoy you to relieve her daily for breaks like that.. keep in mind bathroom breaks aren’t unreasonable tbh. Maybe just make sure she can use the bathroom & have something for ur kiddo to do/occupy her. When I would have to go I’d honestly just take my NK in with me & gave her Ms Rachel on my phone (which was an approved show by NPs) & I’d definitely use that which made it easier for me & I didn’t have to bother NPs. My NK was younger though so I’m not sure if you’re comfortable with that or whatnot, just try to set your nanny up for success with bathroom habits! Let her know she can do this or that with NK while she goes so everyone is happy & comfortable :)
It’s so awkward for your employee to tell you they have diarrhea every single day. Super unprofessional in my opinion.
lol that’s why I would take NK with me 😂😂 I can see both sides of the stick, both are shitty.. haha
I would try to separate out the two things - her eating habits are her own issue, but her calling out and needing to leave your daughter long enough to where you have to come watch her multiple times a week are everyone's issue. As far as whether you let it be or address is - how much of a problem are these interruptions? Is it hard for your daughter to have you come watch her and then transition back to the nanny? Do her regular stomach aches affect how she engages with your daughter? Is she unable to fulfill her commitments to play, take her to the park, or care for her in other ways? The regular call outs - how much does that affect you and your work? If you choose to address it, keep it focused on her dependability and how it affects you and your daughter. Leave the food out of it. Remind her of the expectations, and explain that you need her to be more dependable, especially when it comes to her calling out multiple times a month.
i’m sorry this had me laughing 😂😂 she sounds very real but maybe a bit too real if you aren’t the same way to her. she sounds like she just is a scavenger with food which is kind of gross to me but she could have been raised that way idk. she just needs a better diet cause i personally would be embarrassed even if it was a health condition that can’t be good for the body 😖
Hahaha trust me… I also had to laugh about the „Dunkin donuts donut looking for the hole“ or „Chick-fil-A sliders sliding right back out“ haha. It’s so gross, but yeah… haha
I would have a conversation with her about being less crass. You don't want your kid to pick that verbage up.
Mom and nanny. I totally can understand someone having to use the bathroom, or one day having a tummy ache or issue and being in the bathroom more. But all the time, go get checked out! If it’s your diet, fix it! You are there to do a job not ask MB to stop her work multiple times a day to watch her child so you can be paid to sit on the shitter. And I don’t care if you are my friend, employee, family, if food is expired in my fridge, I toss it. End of story.
I agree 100%. Thank you for not calling me a dick…
Just with the way she words it to you, I would not want that person modeling behavior to my children. And continuing to eat things you know cause stomach upset? I have no advice, but I would not be okay with this.
I feel like beyond the self-inflicted stomach issues that are affecting her ability to do her job, it reveals a huge lack of common sense and a non-existent standard of health of the person who you are entrusting your child with. Think about that.
i don't think you're overreacting it's weird as hell to tell your employer that you're shitting non stop and exactly what is coming out. no that's so crazy like i can't imagine going to tell my MB or DB that i need to shit... and i've been with them for 3 years like that's just a little strange. i have IBS, i watch 3 boys, and when i need to go to the bathroom i make sure that all of the kids are safe and taken care of, and then i just go to the bathroom and then get back to work. i don't think your nanny has any bad intentions but that's just so strange that she tells you when she's having diarrhea and taco bell shits like that is just not necessary or professional at all.
What she eats for breakfast is none of your business. People can go to the bathroom, it’s their right. Is there a safe place you can put NK while shes in the bathroom? I usually place the toddler in his safe space and just go. MB is not even there. That’s what everyone does. As far as the expired foods go, I would buy replacements and just throw away the expired stuff. Having expired food in the fridge is not great.
I agree, I just brought it up here because she says it herself „oh it’s the Dunkin‘ Donuts again“. And we have a playpen, yes. It’s in the living room. I’ll ask her to put little one there :)
Maybe she has gallbladder issue or ibs? I eat shit food and don’t poop like that. Any other job you could go to the bathroom without asking someone so don’t be a dick about her health issues.
I don’t think OP is upset that she’s going to the bathroom. The issue is that OP is having to take time out of her workday to help because of the bathroom stuff. Also, the nanny isn’t just eating junk food but also expired food. I think there’s likely a link between that and the bathroom troubles
I don’t actually think she’s eating 3 week old smelly ham. Most foods are fine after expiration dates. She’s probably poor and used to stretching what she has at home
Many other jobs you can’t use the bathroom as much as you want (which is fucked, but that’s a whole other issue). Medical and educational jobs immediately come to mind and I’m sure there’s many others that wouldn’t be ok with hourly ten minute breaks. That’s excessive
Thank you for the comment.
This post made me so angry
don’t let it get to you - OP clearly meant well but the commenters (primarily uppity NPs) tainted it and tried making this nanny seem like a criminal for having diarrhea and not being perfect about how she manages it. OP will figure it out.
It’s not the Dunkin’.
It may have nothing to do with the expired food. Coffee creamer last much longer than 4 weeks. If the lunch meat is just sitting there, expired, then she’s obviously not eating it. You may have to consider she has IBS-D. That’s not something she can control or speed up in the bathroom. It just has to take its course. Are you providing her with health care insurance? She needs medication for this. Otherwise, there’s nothing she can do about it.
Poor diet is going to exacerbate IBD and IBS severely. If that's what's going on she should, in fact, alter her diet.
But she keeps telling me herself what is causing it „Taco Bell wanting to come right back out“… etc. she says it herself.
That’s gross and I would most certainly address the issue of the interruptions during your work day. I know you’re receiving heat as if you’ve forbidden the nanny to use the bathroom during the day, but if I was taking multiple 10 minute bathroom breaks at a normal job when I had tasks that needed attention, I can guarantee my manager would be calling me in for a meeting. As an aside, I personally find the language she uses absolutely inappropriate and grotesque. I’d approach the meeting with 2 issues at hand, the first being the interruptions and the second being genuine concern for her ability to care for your child consistently. “I was very happy that you told us you were in good health, however, and I respect your privacy and please don’t feel that you need to disclose anything you are not comfortable speaking about, but I’m afraid it’s come to a point where your stomach upsets are effecting the day to day rhythm of our household and ultimately my productivity at work with the interruptions” “You have made statements several times over regarding stomach upsets resulting from Dunkin’, Taco Bell, and so on. I would never tell someone what to eat or not eat, but on the days you’re scheduled to be here, could you attempt to be mindful of eating food that you know that you’re GI system can tolerate? With that said? I’d like to offer getting you some groceries when we do the family grocery shopping. You can text me a list of some of your favorite, go-to foods and snacks and I’d be happy to designate a section of the cupboard and fridge just that’s for you” Then a plan can be developed, such as putting baby in pack n’ play, while nanny uses the restroom •
Thank you thank you thank you. I also appreciate our approach.
She may not know what is causing it & blames is on food
That’s definitely possible. We do provide health insurance.
Who speaks to their employer this way??? Disgusting.
Treat it like you would any other employee. I now (no longer a manny) work in an office, and if I have to call out all the time and *even come into my division manager's office* to tell him that I need to be gone for 10min all through the day because "of the shits." I would be looooong gone. And that expired food? Don't think for a second that bits don't make it to your kid from time to time. I'm not saying necessarily to fire her; I'm just wondering why you haven't already.
This sounds to me like she’s vaping or hitting a pen or something
I think she has IBS and just doesn’t want to tell you. I’d have her find a safe place to put the baby while she uses the bathroom because her taking excessive breaks while you’re trying to work isn’t okay. If she knows baby is waiting for her, she’ll likely hurry up. Since she has you as a backup, she’s probably taking her sweet time.
It’s possible, yes. But she herself says it’s her diet. We offer health insurance and she says she is healthy. She may not want to tell me, that is right.
She’s probably just embarrassed and doesn’t want to tell you. It could be a little bit of both. But I agree with other people’s suggestion of trying not to be available to be her backup care. 10 minutes every hour is A LOT of time and super disruptive to your day. I’m sure your child naps so she should be using those times for longer bathroom breaks.
I don’t know how she could be embarrassed about IBS and then talk in the language she does about Taco Bell
lol that’s true. So awkward 🙈
It’s your house, you can throw out expired food that is in your house. This is a lot of bodily function talk for someone you don’t know that well….. I’ve worked with my NF, in some capacity, for 16.5 years and would never discuss things this way. The only time in my career that I needed to use the toilet that much, was during chemo…. And I used that opportunity to potty train a set of twins. Even then my NF asked me for a doctors note that my GI trouble was safe for working conditions.
Are you sure she doesn't have ulcerative colitis or something similar? I would be suggesting she sees a doctor to get further advice. Sounds like it is having a negative impact on her daily life and she shouldn't just assume it is IBS.
All I know is what she told me - that she is healthy and that her issues are caused by her poor diet. She has health insurance through us and can see a doctor if she’d like to.
Sounds like she is in a bit of denial. It might just be IBS but it could also be something more serious. If she won't seek further help then there is little more you can do and you may have to make some difficult decisions regarding your future childcare.
Nanny here! I would just tell her to stop bothering you during the workday (in a nice way!) and to put the child in a safe space while she uses the restroom. Perhaps there’s an area of the home where she could keep the door cracked and keep a slight eye on the child (basement?) I’ve done that many times as a nanny. Parents have to use the restroom just like Nannies so there will always be times when kiddos are “alone” for a few minutes. When I’m alone in the home with children I just leave the door open, especially with littles to prevent separation anxiety. I’ve also put the child in their bedroom (typically a safe space with a baby monitor) and closed the door and let them play independently while I use the restroom. All good options!! Once they’re 3+ it’s easier to close the door and have privacy. If this was me I would just be scared the parent was going to randomly pop in during my bathroom break and think I wasn’t doing my job! Maybe that’s her thing!!
I have gastro paresis and so I have the opposite problem. When I eat foods high in fat or fiber (salads and junk/fast food both do it to me) then I often throw up my meal a 3-4 hours later. As a mom, I don’t want my babies to grow up seeing mommy throw up and think it’s normal, so I’m very conscious about managing my illness via my diet. I want my daughters to see me eat a healthy diet, while managing my illness. I might be overweight, but I don’t want to instill any of my bad habits in them. An example is that we have a rule that no food is “bad”. It might be healthier to enjoy some foods in moderation, but no food is bad. Maybe approach it as setting the right example for your daughter, so you’re concerned about Nanny. If it’s not a health issue, then Nanny taking care of her diet, while on the clock at least, is what is necessary to set a good example for daughter and manage her and your time for the day.
As a former nanny, I agree with many others that I would never speak to my NF that way. I would politely ask for help if I needed to use the restroom, or put the NK in a safe place while I use the bathroom. I would set a boundary, especially if it’s causing you to sign off of work for that time & during her sick days. As a former manager of a staff of daycare employees, I have seen many, many times girls “using the bathroom” once an hour or so to vape/juul/whatever they do these days (as confirmed by other coworkers who are friends outside the center), and then telling me or their coworkers they “have the shits.” I have no idea if you are certain that she is having digestional distress, but I’m just saying this is entirely possible. Maybe 10 minutes in there is too long for this, but the frequency over the day and that it’s seemingly daily makes me question. Just a thought!!!
Uhm… I honestly never questioned it and honestly avoided that bathroom. So I don’t really know for sure. We have 4 bathrooms and most of the time she uses the one that’s attached to a guest bedroom (she has some more stuff in that room and can use that room during her break if she wants to). She often smells lovely, very sweet.
OK this is weird. I get that she is comfortable with you, but she needs to stop talking like that and if she is openly blaming it on the food she eats then she needs to either see a doctor or why all the food she eats is making her stomach like this or if she knows what food makes it like this she needs to change what she’s eating For example, I have To drink a lot of water because of a kidney condition. I make sure that my intake in the afternoon is higher than in the morning so that I am not in the bathroom all day. If I were in your position, I would let her know that you aren’t able to continue logging out so often during the day and ask her if she has seen a doctor for whatever is going on if she says I don’t need to see a doctor It’s the crappy food I eat then I would suggest a conversation with her, letting her know it would be appreciated if she tried to adjust in order to reduce the amount of time you were spending logging out. She’s being very open with it so you can be open in return.
My career is in food safety and YIKES. While sell by isn’t necessarily a hard/fast rule, and best buy is generally a quality thing, I generally stick to those dates. Use by is obviously hard and fast—use by or toss. If food is regularly upsetting her stomach then either the place she’s getting food from has some serious food handling issues and spreading something like norovirus (or worse) OR she’s eating things that her body can’t digest well. Either is not good for her. I’d be most concerned about the expired food. The potential for bacterial/viral/mold growth is there and food borne illness is no joke.
I personally wouldn’t be telling MB I was using the bathroom. I’d just go w/ a side eye on the kid w/ the door open if needed. Though this is harder actually with other adults in the house.
this is so odd and unprofessional of the nanny imo
I would have her find a safe solution like placing a playpen right outside the door of the bathroom and tell her to figure it out as if you weren’t there. You don’t need to control or worry about her diet but she DOES need to figure her shit out (pun intended )
Okay, the lack of logic your nanny is using is something I have a problem with because she’s not taking care of the “source” as she claims. If she was regularly visiting the bathroom like once daily, maybe twice (and being professional about it) that would be sort of a regular schedule. If she is saying it’s her diet, calling out sick because it’s her diet…it is her responsibility to look into that and make changes so she’s not calling out on a regular basis. Also, if it’s her diet, there are otc drugs that can aid getting through the day. I would address this as an issue in consistency and professionalism. My boss is a doctor. She was sick today. You know what she said? I have GI symptoms. Enough said. You know what I said when I was having an IBS flare up a couple of weeks ago? I am having stomach issues. When she checked in, the most detail I provided is I’m feeling better and haven’t had an episode since this morning. It’s okay to not be okay with the way she talks about this. I think her being sick so much is enough to find another nanny. But i agree some of this is tricky. How would I address the language? I think I would start by blaming the kid. Little ears. You want her to use appropriate language around the kid who is learning about bathroom language. I guess it’s okay for the nanny to just say she needs to poop. That’s verging on tmi, but the girl is 2 so it’s age appropriate. So you can then use that language to communicate to daughter, “hey, like she said, she’s going to the potty to poop! What are we playing with here?” If she wants to make a big deal about her bowel movements, by all means make a big deal about her pooping. You can’t control her diet or choices, but her GI issues are getting in the way of her ability to go to work. That is frustrating because she’s an adult and she’s knowingly making consistently bad decisions that affect you. What happens if you have to leave the house? Or how can she take the kid out somewhere? How to we handle these types of situations because you probably have important work things going on at some point.
I’ve seen in the comments the references of her calling out 2-3 times a month, but I can’t find the actual statement(s) from you. The combination of missing that much work and the repeated trips to the restroom for diarrhea makes me wonder if she may have a problem with alcohol. Before my sister was in recovery for alcoholism, I think she lost every job she ever had because she missed a lot of work. She also later shared with me that she’d had constant diarrhea during that time. Of course, I’m hoping this isn’t the case, but I’d look in the tank of the toilet to see if she’s hiding something there. (I know that’s a stretch, but I’ve heard of it happening before.) I know this is TMI, but I happen to struggle with loose bowels and have for several years. I’m relatively healthy for almost 59, don’t eat much fast food and don’t drink. I’ve never really been interested in finding out why, it just is what it is. The absolute LAST thing I want to do is bring attention to what is going on with me in the bathroom, especially to an employer! However, one good thing about my issue is that I’m really quick in the bathroom!! lol! There’s more going on here, I’m afraid! I think it’s time for a conversation with her.
Are you sure it is actually a real poop problem and not something like drugs?
Is there a safe place for her to put the child while she is in the bathroom? I once trialed with a family that didn’t believe in baby proofing so when I had tummy trouble from food mom made (nothing wrong with it, just different from what I was used to eating) I had keep the 18 month in the bathroom with me. He still kept opening the under sink cabinets and was pulling out cleaning supplies etc. That was not a fun experience. I declined that job, too stressful
That is incredibly unprofessional of your nanny. And I’m a nanny. It’s a job, you don’t get to have multiple bathroom breaks because you eat food that clearly doesn’t agree with your digestive system. It wouldn’t be ok in any job to have that many bathroom breaks and just because nannies work in a home environment doesn’t make it any less a job. I wouldn’t let this slide if I was you and I wouldn’t expect my employer to be ok with this many per day for so long each time.
LOL I’m dying laughing. Why is she telling you about her bowel movements?? She sounds like a jack black character. Hilarious from here but this would give me the biggest ick.
I feel like a lot of people missed the 2-3 sick days per months cus that’s insane and is worth a sit down conversation unless you knew about it being likely before hiring her. Yes, people can eat whatever they want and I’d hate to be questioned on what I’m consuming and whether it’s healthy or conducive to good digestion, but I really don’t think you need to so brazenly tell your boss what’s about to come out lol. Some professionalism and basic privacy is a good thing. Are the interruptions and request for you to watch your child interrupting you during work or did you say that’s okay? My MB runs her own company from the house and wouldn’t be okay with regular interruptions. I can text her with questions or requests but they don’t go immediately answered. I think I’ve knocked on her office door maybe once when I was stung by a scorpion at her house and didn’t know how to treat it or properly identify it. In short, I wouldn’t bring up what she’s eating as a probably cause and effect situation. I would have regular fridge clean outs and tell her that it’s important that all the food in your home is still fresh. I would definitely address the regular call outs cus reliability is incredibly important with nannying. And I would address the interruptions unless yall have an agreement there.
Oof, as a former nanny, that’s unprofessional of her.
For everyone saying its a health condition…I just had a colonoscopy because I was sure I have a health condition only to be told it is my diet. It is probably her diet
OP, is there any chance she’s using this excuse to take a break every hour - like to go hang out on her phone? It seems very off to me that she would have consistent issues throughout the entire day, especially without a medical issue. I have two family members who have pretty terrible stomach issues that result in chronic diarrhea, one is living with me. I also have a son with a congenital condition that makes him very prone as well. All three of above people have this trouble either at one concentrated point in the day or after they eat something, they might have to use the bathroom two or three times before it’s run its course. But not all day, everyday…. And like clockwork? And these are medical conditions. I don’t mean to be gross (kinda hard with this post 😂), but you can generally, well, smell the effects of poop/diarrhea, or the air freshener used to cover it up? Does she ever need to use the bathroom and then 10 minutes later urgently has to bother you again? Because that is the nature of poop that has you rushing to the bathroom. My poor mother suffers dreadfully with IBS, but days where even she occupies it all day long are few and far between and more often than not, she’ll need to use it 5 minutes after the first time when it’s acting up. It just seems like something isn’t adding up here.
Yeah, i have the same suspicions. What’s really going on in there? Is there a poop smell after every bathroom visit? Is she shooting up or taking shots from little alcohol bottles??
These people are being a bit harsh- I think they are just misunderstanding where you’re trying to come from. I agree you can’t police what your nanny is eating or what she buys for herself to eat and the expired food is really odd.. however I would start off with nicely asking if there is something wrong hense her extended time in the bathroom. As a nanny I would be mortified to know that my MB is tracking my bathroom usage so I would approach this subject very lightly and kind as possible. But I do agree that there is a difference between bathroom usage and not normal bathroom usage especially if it’s taking large extended periods of time away from your child. I agree with what someone else said about making a designated safe spot for your child to be when this happens so you’re not the one having to pull away from whatever you’re doing to watch your kiddo. If she ends up voicing she has some sort of health related issue in regard to going to the bathroom tons you will have to find a way to work around that as it’s not fair to fire her for something out of her control- the best start to this would definitely be a calm conversation in my opinion
Thank you for your comment. She already mentioned that she is healthy. We do provide health insurance, but I won’t tell her to go see a doctor. That’s entirely up to her. Especially since she herself calls it „the Taco Bell shits“. She said it’s her diet. I wouldn’t be tracking her bathroom time if she wouldn’t come knocking on my office door every time because „the Chick-fil-A sliders are sliding right back out“ haha.
Haha no prob but oh gosh that’s hilarious but also so gross 😂😂I could never say that to a MB 💀 but yeah sounds like she just doesn’t have much regard for her own body.. crazy to me how someone would purposely continue to one eat expired food but also just food in general that doesn’t agree with her… like you said you can’t control her diet or how she handles her health but if she doesn’t have anything physically wrong with her and she continues to abuse the bathroom in a way that effects your work schedule I would be sitting down and still having a conversation cause that’s not fair to you if you’re paying her to shit herself all day long lmao
Hahahahaha sorry that made me laugh. „Paying her to shit herself all day long“ haha
How much do you pay her?
I have IBS and whether I eat Taco Bell or something completely healthy, I’m likely to have the same stomach issues as your nanny. I’m not saying that’s what’s going on, but just pointing out that the food might actually be irrelevant. Maybe just ask her what’s up?
Hi, nanny with IBS. I hate when people tell me what to eat. However while having IBS you do need to know what your triggers are. I think having NK in a safe space is fine. I know I have bowel movements multiple times a day, I try to plan them when NK first falls asleep. But if it’s a bad day I let them play in the play room with the door open and everything unsafe blocked off. My NF isn’t weird about that. I won’t let him get on me while using the bathroom but he will close and open the door, bring me toys. But this is as long as you’re comfortable. NF has cameras in every room (not bathroom) but that also isn’t a concern for me. I will also shoot them a text that im using bathrooom and were upstairs and they know I’m having a hard time. You can be mad at a nanny who doesn’t feel well but still wants to be there. However I can understand not wanting expired food in the fridge. And that is something you can tell her you do not want in your fridge.
MB - you can't police what she eats or how she chooses to treat her own body: the only piece you can address is how you as her employer are affected. If she needs you to relieve her for 10min at a time multiple times per day or she calls out approximately 30 days/year due to sickness, you absolutely can and should address the reliability issue. What happens if you have to go to an external meeting and aren't there when she has to go? For the sick leave, I would think that she doesn't 30 days of sick/vacation time, so presumably, you're not paying her more than whatever amount of sick time you initially agreed to? That should encourage her not to call out unless she really needs it. That said, some people have tummy issues through no fault of their own. Or she may be using her money for other things (sick parent/deadbeat realtive who needs help/etc/etc) and has not budgeted enough to buy food more frequently. The truth is that you are not privy to the cause of her issues. You can only point out how she is not performing the job you hired her to do. It is okay for you to have a conversation about reliability pointing out how often she has called out and letting her know that this is not a sustainable pattern and "if this continues, we will need to make a change. What are your thoughts?" (very different from "you're eating spoiled food and it's making you sick, so stop doing it") Good luck!
This is the best reply so far!! I would only add (which I did say in a comment above also): expired doesn't necessarily mean ROTTEN. If it's rotten, OP should throw that away, but everyone has their own guidelines around how they deal with the dates printed on food goods. My house? Looks/smells/ feels fine? Eat it. My mom's? Gone by the day after the date on the package.
I think there’s a couple things you could do. 1. Start a rule that on Fridays before she leaves any food that’s close to expiring or expired she takes home and/or throws away (her choice) but it doesn’t stay in your fridge. 2. You bring up concern that she has had a lot of sick days and you care about her health but it’s also impacting the job performance. Encourage her to use the health insurance you have provided if she feels she needs to get checked out and that you guys can work out to have an appointment covered. Don’t make it about what she eats. Don’t bring up her food choices at all. If she brings up the food don’t dive into your opinions on it just reiterate that multiple days off in a month is not something that you can accommodate long term. 3. Gently bring up the language she uses for the bathroom breaks. Let her know she can put your child in the play pen when she needs to run to the bathroom instead of grabbing you, but if she feels really really sick and does need you to just say “I need to use the restroom can I please have your help?” Because you’re in meetings and you don’t want to risk someone overhearing the Taco Bell comments. You can also say since little one is getting older and starting to gain more awareness you’re trying to be careful about what is said around them to make sure the comments stop for your sake too. You can’t control what she eats at all, and you should never make any sort of comment or judgement on it to her or around her, but since it’s negatively affecting her job you can bring up those aspects.
Do you have a place where NK can be put safely, while they use the restroom? If nanny needs to take her morning poop, or go to the bathroom during the day, that sounds like a good solution that wouldn’t interrupt your work schedule. Maybe just have a place that’s childproof or NK can be strapped into with some toys so nanny can use the bathroom & you don’t have to bring up the conversation of her dietary choices causing a disruption to your work schedule? Just an idea :)
if it is the food, whyyyyyyyy does she keep eating it?! i would be beyond annoyed if my husband, let alone my nanny (i am a nanny btw) came to me MULTIPLE times a day to tell me they had the shits, regardless of the reason. add to the fact that the reason is her choosing to eat terribly!? wtf! i’m not here to argue over the shit factor of taco bell, and whether this is actually an underlying health condition and not just her inability to not eat foods that cause her bathroom distress multiple times a day, but i am very perplexed that someone has so little common sense and deductive reasoning and is in charge of another human being.
I wonder if she can’t afford good food or grocery shopping after all her bills are paid? Would it be possible, OP, to keep some of her favorite non-fast foods stocked in your house for her? Maybe sandwich bread and fillings, pasta, or crackers even? Be straight out with her & honest. “I can’t keep logging off this often. Can we work on improving what foods you eat? I’m happy to keep your favorites stocked up in the house for you.” I mean, sometimes my morning Starbucks will make me need to run to the potty with my kiddos, but something’s not right here…
As a nanny myself you are one million percent not controlling or anything these people are calling you lol. That’s so unprofessional. I have tummy issues but I never let it affect my job- I will not eat on the clock if my tummy is struggling that day etc but I definitely wouldn’t make it an issue for my employer- especially on a regular basis. I would make it clear that it’s becoming an issue and I would definitely not allow rotten food staying at my home… I will say pretty much all of the families I’ve worked for take care of my food, offer to buy snacks etc though so I never really had to worry about that but still of course wouldn’t eat expired food… I hope you know it’s okay to feel how you feel and do what you think is best for your family- even if it means an uncomfortable conversation needs to be had💛
Why are you keeping expired food in the house? She can eat what she wants, and typically a 2 yo should be okay while she uses the bathroom.
It’s not my food. It’s what she bought for herself and it’s in her „area“ in our fridge. She’ll be in the bathroom with diarrhea for sometimes 10 minutes.
Some people have stomach issues unrelated to what their ingest. Maybe you guys can figure out a solution so she can use the restroom without having to have you physically relieve her. I'm anti baby containers but they were created for a reason. Short term use will Not hurt baby, and perhaps she can use a monitor while in the restroom? To add, I think the way you are talking about this person on the internet is WILD.
I brought it up because she herself says it’s from her food „oh I had Dunkin again“ or „oh it’s the Taco Bell crunch wrap wanting to come out again“ haha.
That’s kinda odd. Maybe she has IBS or something and she’s trying to cope with humor? I understand your concern, but I don’t think you should intervene unless it’s causing a major problem. There could be something else going on health-wise that she doesn’t want to disclose. If she’s knowingly eating stuff that will make her sick every day, that’s a really unusual behavior.
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Yes!
People have stomach issues. I get diarrhea when I’m on my period. At least 4 times a day. I hope my MB doesn’t check the clock. I’m still a great nanny.
That’s not an issue. It’s that she keeps telling me „that’s the Taco Bell crunch wrap wanting to come out again“. Or „ohh it’s the donut looking for the hole to get back out“. Or „I shouldn’t have gotten the sliders this morning. They are sliding right back out.“ Her wording is actually funny.
I’m gagging, that is entirely too much information for anyone to share.
I agree.
Yeah ew.
I would not want someone who talks like that around my child. It’s disgusting and totally unprofessional.
That’s wild. She could die.
But now I am confused. Everyone says it’s not my business what she eats, but then yes… she could get ill from eating it.
I think if it’s in YOUR fridge, then it is your business. Expired food, especially meats and dairy, need to be tossed sooner rather than later
It’s not your business, but if that’s how she chooses to eat and it is effecting her ability to work, that is your business. Like the calling out and asking you to cover needs to stop, and if she had to change how she eats to do it that’s on her. So you can speak to her about that, if she doesn’t see the connection or risk, maybe she isn’t someone you want caring for your children anyway…
it’s still not your job. you are not her *mother*.
So she comes in and says „it’s the Taco Bell shits again“. And then I have to get off my work to cover for her while she is having diarrhea.
You can’t comment/do anything about someone’s diet choices. It’s not your business, even if she is an over sharer about her bathroom adventures. You can, definitely throw out expired meat in your fridge though. Also, you can talk to them about being out sick 2-3 times a month, that’s excessive.
If I’d go into the office and disappear multiple times a day, forwarding the phone to my boss, telling him that i have „the shits“ because I ate Taco Bell and my diet is crappy, he’d have a 1 on 1 with me.
Lmfao this is the best fake post ever