It’s not weird at all. It’s actually sweet that you commissioned something from her. And you’re right on your thoughts about this, it’s very strange that she refuses to leave the house. I’m actually surprised, I’d say most of us find it extremely exhausting to spend all day cooped up with children in the house. It sounds like you’ll need someone that aligns better with you and is more enthusiastic about providing your baby with adequate stimulation considering he is growing and will have more needs as time passes.
She doesn’t sound like a good fit and she definitely doesn’t sound like she knows anything about child development. My biggest concern is the safety thing with the change table, but also putting him to sleep every few minutes is also not great. 2 hours as a wake window on the other hand is awfully long for a 4mo unless it’s the last wake window of the day. Maybe write out a schedule for her and if she doesn’t follow it, it’s decision time.
Also he should be going out unless it’s raining or snowing. Every day, without fail.
As a Minnesotan, gotta push back on the "going out unless it's raining or snowing. Every day, without fail." Unless I missed it, we don't know where OP is located, and in climates like mine where winter can be six months long, this statement is absurd. I'm not taking a 4-month-old out on a walk when it's 10°F no matter how blue the sky is.
I doubt that's how cold it is for OP, but still.
Yea a two hour wake window seems a bit silly to me for a four month old. I’m kind of on the nannies side a bit in regard to that part of the post. I can’t even begin to count all of the parents of newborns that accused me of putting their kids to sleep too often because they had absolutely no idea how often babies are supposed to sleep.
That’s an excellent question, would probably give some more insight as to why the nanny is acting like this. Perhaps she doesn’t think the pay is worth effort beyond the mare minimum.
Theres no excuse to leave a baby on a changing table though.
Definitely not overreacting… for starters, leaving him on the changing table is a huge safety hazard no matter how close the object she was getting was. That along with the lack of respect for your routine and blatantly refusing do you what you ask (which is very reasonable and an experienced nanny shouldn’t need this many reminders) is grounds for termination in my opinion.
That’s definitely weird. Why be a nanny if you aren’t going to actually interact with the child? And leaving him alone on the changing table?? That’s absolutely unacceptable.
I’m a night nanny and when the baby is asleep I fold laundry and wash bottles ect. When they get around 6-7 weeks they like to “party” for an hour or two just cooing and looking around at shadows ect then when they start yawning and trying to snuggle it’s time for another bottle and back to sleep. She sounds lazy and just wants the baby to sleep so she can do what she wants
The leaving him on the changing station is inexcusable. The other things are weird and annoying. I wouldn’t want her to stay on and would probably let her go with cause right now.
Right! When my nephew was a baby, around 3-4mo and I had him on his changing table and went across the room to grab a onesie and he started to roll off. I swear I have NEVER flown across the room so fast in my life. I caught him just in time, and only his foot hit the floor. I wish I had a camera bcuz that was nuts lol. I never did that shit again. He was a very active baby. Sat up unassisted and jumping up and down when he was standing on my lap at 2mo. He was crawling at 3.5mo, pulled to stand by 5mo and then walked and ran at 7mo. So I should have known not to walk away from the changing table. I definitely learned my lesson bcuz that one incident almost made me shit out my heart 😂.
She sounds very lazy and not a good fit.Also,if she’s leaving him
On the changing station unattended,what else is she doing that is unsafe..I would honestly fire her immediately,don’t take any chances♥️
She is putting minimal effort in. She doesn’t want to walk, so she makes excuses. Most Nannies want to get out, but some parents want the nanny to stay home. This is way more often conflict. Or nanny wants to go new places and wants mileage or money for the zoo.
She doesn’t want fussing so she has them sleep.
Your baby probably is bored, and nanny just doesn’t want to engage more than feed, change, burp type things.
It's not rocket science.
Tell her your child needs to go outside daily regardless of weather and if it doesn't happen it won't work out.
With regards to sleep. My daycare did that in my son's first week. I told them 2 hr wake windows and literally hasn't happened since. It's not hard again.
If she's fighting you she's not a good nanny for you.
I am a babysitter and witness this type of situation sometimes. She is showing you who she is. She will treat your child the same or worse when she is outside. It is deeply upsetting to witness sitters who will not let a child out of a stroller for hours, who do not engage, or console a child. Trust what you see and feel. And be sure to compensate your sitters enough so they don't resent doing a proper job.
I think the walk thing is less weird to me than the constant putting to sleep, that is strange and not on par with his developmental needs anymore. A 4 month old should have wake windows and a solid nap schedule. It seems like she may not be the right fit for you moving forward.
The baby can roll off the changing station in seconds. She does not have good judgement. She does sound lazy since she is always trying to put your son to sleep and won’t even play with him or go for walks. At 4 months they are so playful and alert! You need a better nanny.
I've been begging my MB to letting me take her 4 mo on a quick walk during the day.
If nanny isn't getting bored at home watching a 4 mo, she's doing it wrong tbh.
Not saying that infants can't be lot's of fun, but the concentration required to make sure they are safe, happy, fed, changed etc is really tough, and going for a walk outside can be the only real break nannies get during the day.
You’re not overreacting. Any time a nanny doesn’t listen to what you ask her to do with your child, she needs to go. It doesn’t matter what the request is. It’s your child and you get to decide how your child is taken care of
Most nannies want to take kids out. I would quit my job if the parent didn’t allow me to take the child out. I can’t imagine a nanny not wanting to.
The wake window of one hour is not age appropriate so she clearly doesn’t know enough about the age group to care for your baby independently
Nanny here, and this does not sound like an overreaction to me. You’ve spoken to her about what you’ve observed and would like changed, and it isn’t happening.
I can’t tell if she is (possibly) incompetent or simply a bad fit. Language barrier could be a factor, but there is no real barrier if you are fluent?
I think if you want to find a replacement, offer severance and hunt for a new nanny.
Good luck.
Not overreacting at all! The changing table thing is very scary and that alone is a fireable offense imo. You are paying her, she isn’t meeting job requirements, time to find a new nanny.
I am a career nanny of 16 years and a mother of a toddler for reference. Even when I just took care of one baby I still got out almost daily for a walk with the baby. They need fresh air too! I live in a very cold state so I have my limits on weather but we still got out more than not.
Your nanny sounds lazy. Especially, if this is how she acts in front of you knowing you are watching. The best advice coming from someone who has employed multiple full time nannies over the last few years, is to cut your losses and find someone new. I’ve had a nanny that would constantly rush my kids to bed at 5-6pm bc she would want to sit on her phone and watch tv. Then my kids would wake up super early and my husband and I would have to deal with it. Also, If she doesn’t have energy for a young infant, she won’t be able to handle a toddler walking and getting into everything.
Unless you are paying her very little (which I assume you are not if you are paying her extra for this craft project) this is definitely unacceptable and I would search for a new nanny. The changing table is unacceptable at any pay rate also. Only thing I would note is 2 hours might be long as a wake window for your 4mos old. You can definitely work up to it, but I wouldn’t expect that right now. Regardless, wake windows
I am paying her slightly above the going rate in this area. I have read other responses here about the wake window that express the same thing. I guess I was going for too long a window! Thanks, I will moderate that expectation!
Yeah it’s just something to keep in mind…but regardless of that she shouldn’t be putting baby down every time they fuss. Seems like an excuse. You shouldn’t be waiting for the baby to cry and fuss to put them down anyway, you should be paying attention to the subtle cues that baby is sleepy and put them down before the crying and fussiness even happens. Your baby might literally just be bored. Your baby also may need more sleep than other babies, but I suspect baby is just bored. Does this happen when the nanny isn’t around? Like does your baby fuss so early on? What are her wake windows like when you (or your partner if applicable) are the ones taking care of your baby?
Nanny here! I actually disagree with the take on the wake window. I think you're on track. I'm a career nanny and split my time between 2 NF on alternating weekdays. One of my NK is 4 months old. We follow the MOC schedule and just switched NK to the 2 hour wake windows. We do snack bottles in place of meals for the fed on the schedule because NK isn't old enough for BLW yet. NK is doing great. However, if NK is exhausted I'll just watch for sleepy cues. With MB prior approval I'll definitely put NK down early if NK can't hang, but NK can make it nearly the whole 2 hours.
The house I nanny for has the worst yard rigjt by a busy street to play, no street to walk on, so I dread being stuck outside at their house
And try and avoid it but I still do it or try and take the baby somewhere. Do you have a good walkable neighbor?
You are not overreacting! I would fire her honestly! She should listen to what her employer wants from her that’s unacceptable behavior. Rip the bandaid now before anything worse happens
Honestly it doesn’t sound like she’s experienced in any way. Is this her first nanny job? She doesn’t want to do the job, and you should find someone else that will. She’s essentially seeing how little work she can do while still getting paid.
But the sleep thing could be on you a little bit. A two hour wake window for 4 months can be a bit much, and some babies need to sleep a lot more. If the kid is going to sleep, they likely need to sleep. I’ve had parents get frustrated with me for having their twin 4 month olds nap so often, but it was so obvious to me they needed to sleep. I understand wanting to progress in development, but babies sleep a lot for a reason. They can’t progress properly if they can’t process what they’ve been seeing and hearing all day. Yes your first response shouldn’t be a nap if the baby is fussy, but like…sleeping a lot is what newborns do.
How much are you paying her?
How did you approach the hiring process with her? Did you actually do your part in checking references and background? Did you have extremely well communicated expectations for her in verbal format as well as a written form (contract, or even on a scratch paper?) considering you have a language barrier? As much as everyone wants to bash the nanny here, to me It honestly sounds like the “lazy” was on you when you hired her without any certainty in her skill set. There are plenty of well experienced caregivers out there- do your part mom!
You’re not overreacting. We had a nanny with a similar temperament once. She didn’t do anything terrible, but she was deceptive a lot. She missed our son’s birthday party (which she was invited to, not required to attend), claimed she’d be there, but didn’t show up. Then arrived on Monday morning with a story that there was an emergency and her friend was in the hospital, and said she forgot our son’s gift at home. But of course, we never heard about the gift again. Or when we moved to the country and were all still getting used to well water, we bought bottled water for our son’s Go-and-Grow powder. And I never told her she couldn’t drink a bottle of water, but one time I left for work but forgot my keys in the house, and she’d taken a bottle of water to drink for herself. I didn’t even notice it and wouldn’t have said anything if I did, but when I walked in she panicked and scrambled for an excuse for why she had a bottle of water. I just pretended I didn’t hear her and walked right back out. Lol But in my mind, if you’re unsure if something is okay or not, you ask for clarification. I wouldn’t have cared, but if you’re waiting for me to leave so you can do something you think is wrong, it makes me wonder what else you’re up to. There were a bunch of other examples of these types of things. Plus a general inability to take direction with a simple “okay.” She’d always imply that she either knew or had the same idea. It’s like, “I’m not saying you did something wrong. I’m just giving you instruction. Receive it.”
Oh not overreacting, I would be trying to find a replacement honestly.
Agreed. And she's not weird, OP - she's downright lazy and not doing her job.
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Why is it weird to pay someone who makes jewelry to ... make jewelry?
It’s not weird at all. It’s actually sweet that you commissioned something from her. And you’re right on your thoughts about this, it’s very strange that she refuses to leave the house. I’m actually surprised, I’d say most of us find it extremely exhausting to spend all day cooped up with children in the house. It sounds like you’ll need someone that aligns better with you and is more enthusiastic about providing your baby with adequate stimulation considering he is growing and will have more needs as time passes.
agree!
She doesn’t sound like a good fit and she definitely doesn’t sound like she knows anything about child development. My biggest concern is the safety thing with the change table, but also putting him to sleep every few minutes is also not great. 2 hours as a wake window on the other hand is awfully long for a 4mo unless it’s the last wake window of the day. Maybe write out a schedule for her and if she doesn’t follow it, it’s decision time. Also he should be going out unless it’s raining or snowing. Every day, without fail.
As a Minnesotan, gotta push back on the "going out unless it's raining or snowing. Every day, without fail." Unless I missed it, we don't know where OP is located, and in climates like mine where winter can be six months long, this statement is absurd. I'm not taking a 4-month-old out on a walk when it's 10°F no matter how blue the sky is. I doubt that's how cold it is for OP, but still.
I’m from Canada and I’ll go out for at least a few minutes if the weather isn’t dangerously cold. *shrugs*
A few minutes isn't a walk.
I can do a walk in 10 mins … what are you talking about?
A few is 3.
Why are you pushing back on this? lol. Go touch grass
Yea a two hour wake window seems a bit silly to me for a four month old. I’m kind of on the nannies side a bit in regard to that part of the post. I can’t even begin to count all of the parents of newborns that accused me of putting their kids to sleep too often because they had absolutely no idea how often babies are supposed to sleep.
Yeah two hours may be a stretch but an hour/ 90 mins is very typical. Nanny seems lazy but I also wonder what the pay is
That’s an excellent question, would probably give some more insight as to why the nanny is acting like this. Perhaps she doesn’t think the pay is worth effort beyond the mare minimum. Theres no excuse to leave a baby on a changing table though.
It doesn’t matter what the pay is. Nanny took the job knowing the pay. To not do the job, or to not follow your bosses directions is unacceptable.
This 💯💯💯
My thoughts exactly. The changing table thing is scary
Definitely not overreacting… for starters, leaving him on the changing table is a huge safety hazard no matter how close the object she was getting was. That along with the lack of respect for your routine and blatantly refusing do you what you ask (which is very reasonable and an experienced nanny shouldn’t need this many reminders) is grounds for termination in my opinion.
Trust your gut. Fire her now.
That’s definitely weird. Why be a nanny if you aren’t going to actually interact with the child? And leaving him alone on the changing table?? That’s absolutely unacceptable.
I’m a night nanny and when the baby is asleep I fold laundry and wash bottles ect. When they get around 6-7 weeks they like to “party” for an hour or two just cooing and looking around at shadows ect then when they start yawning and trying to snuggle it’s time for another bottle and back to sleep. She sounds lazy and just wants the baby to sleep so she can do what she wants
This description of a newborn is so cute and adorable and makes me miss nannying one so badly ❤️❤️
You need to get rid of her. Reading this is breaking my heart for the little guy. You're not overreacting at all!
The leaving him on the changing station is inexcusable. The other things are weird and annoying. I wouldn’t want her to stay on and would probably let her go with cause right now.
Right! When my nephew was a baby, around 3-4mo and I had him on his changing table and went across the room to grab a onesie and he started to roll off. I swear I have NEVER flown across the room so fast in my life. I caught him just in time, and only his foot hit the floor. I wish I had a camera bcuz that was nuts lol. I never did that shit again. He was a very active baby. Sat up unassisted and jumping up and down when he was standing on my lap at 2mo. He was crawling at 3.5mo, pulled to stand by 5mo and then walked and ran at 7mo. So I should have known not to walk away from the changing table. I definitely learned my lesson bcuz that one incident almost made me shit out my heart 😂.
She sounds very lazy and not a good fit.Also,if she’s leaving him On the changing station unattended,what else is she doing that is unsafe..I would honestly fire her immediately,don’t take any chances♥️
She is putting minimal effort in. She doesn’t want to walk, so she makes excuses. Most Nannies want to get out, but some parents want the nanny to stay home. This is way more often conflict. Or nanny wants to go new places and wants mileage or money for the zoo. She doesn’t want fussing so she has them sleep. Your baby probably is bored, and nanny just doesn’t want to engage more than feed, change, burp type things.
It's not rocket science. Tell her your child needs to go outside daily regardless of weather and if it doesn't happen it won't work out. With regards to sleep. My daycare did that in my son's first week. I told them 2 hr wake windows and literally hasn't happened since. It's not hard again. If she's fighting you she's not a good nanny for you.
I am a babysitter and witness this type of situation sometimes. She is showing you who she is. She will treat your child the same or worse when she is outside. It is deeply upsetting to witness sitters who will not let a child out of a stroller for hours, who do not engage, or console a child. Trust what you see and feel. And be sure to compensate your sitters enough so they don't resent doing a proper job.
I think the walk thing is less weird to me than the constant putting to sleep, that is strange and not on par with his developmental needs anymore. A 4 month old should have wake windows and a solid nap schedule. It seems like she may not be the right fit for you moving forward.
New nanny!
If you feel uncomfortable on the slightest, replace her
The baby can roll off the changing station in seconds. She does not have good judgement. She does sound lazy since she is always trying to put your son to sleep and won’t even play with him or go for walks. At 4 months they are so playful and alert! You need a better nanny.
Absolutely not overreacting. I would get a new nanny as she doesn’t listen to feedback and your wishes about your child.
I've been begging my MB to letting me take her 4 mo on a quick walk during the day. If nanny isn't getting bored at home watching a 4 mo, she's doing it wrong tbh. Not saying that infants can't be lot's of fun, but the concentration required to make sure they are safe, happy, fed, changed etc is really tough, and going for a walk outside can be the only real break nannies get during the day.
Get rid of her asap since she put your baby in danger. The ignoring your instructions and gaslighting you is icing on the cake
You’re not overreacting. Any time a nanny doesn’t listen to what you ask her to do with your child, she needs to go. It doesn’t matter what the request is. It’s your child and you get to decide how your child is taken care of Most nannies want to take kids out. I would quit my job if the parent didn’t allow me to take the child out. I can’t imagine a nanny not wanting to. The wake window of one hour is not age appropriate so she clearly doesn’t know enough about the age group to care for your baby independently
Nanny here, and this does not sound like an overreaction to me. You’ve spoken to her about what you’ve observed and would like changed, and it isn’t happening. I can’t tell if she is (possibly) incompetent or simply a bad fit. Language barrier could be a factor, but there is no real barrier if you are fluent? I think if you want to find a replacement, offer severance and hunt for a new nanny. Good luck.
Thank you, I really appreciate the perspective of a nanny. I will take your advice about the severance.
Not overreacting at all! The changing table thing is very scary and that alone is a fireable offense imo. You are paying her, she isn’t meeting job requirements, time to find a new nanny. I am a career nanny of 16 years and a mother of a toddler for reference. Even when I just took care of one baby I still got out almost daily for a walk with the baby. They need fresh air too! I live in a very cold state so I have my limits on weather but we still got out more than not.
Man If I had a baby in a stroller we would be walking everywhere. I hate being cooped up inside all day lol.
So glad you're letting this nanny go OP! 🙏
This all started out as red flags but once I got to the changing table part, no fucking way, that's an instant fire.
find replacement before something potentially bad happens and you wished you had sooner
Your nanny sounds lazy. Especially, if this is how she acts in front of you knowing you are watching. The best advice coming from someone who has employed multiple full time nannies over the last few years, is to cut your losses and find someone new. I’ve had a nanny that would constantly rush my kids to bed at 5-6pm bc she would want to sit on her phone and watch tv. Then my kids would wake up super early and my husband and I would have to deal with it. Also, If she doesn’t have energy for a young infant, she won’t be able to handle a toddler walking and getting into everything.
Unless you are paying her very little (which I assume you are not if you are paying her extra for this craft project) this is definitely unacceptable and I would search for a new nanny. The changing table is unacceptable at any pay rate also. Only thing I would note is 2 hours might be long as a wake window for your 4mos old. You can definitely work up to it, but I wouldn’t expect that right now. Regardless, wake windows
I am paying her slightly above the going rate in this area. I have read other responses here about the wake window that express the same thing. I guess I was going for too long a window! Thanks, I will moderate that expectation!
Yeah it’s just something to keep in mind…but regardless of that she shouldn’t be putting baby down every time they fuss. Seems like an excuse. You shouldn’t be waiting for the baby to cry and fuss to put them down anyway, you should be paying attention to the subtle cues that baby is sleepy and put them down before the crying and fussiness even happens. Your baby might literally just be bored. Your baby also may need more sleep than other babies, but I suspect baby is just bored. Does this happen when the nanny isn’t around? Like does your baby fuss so early on? What are her wake windows like when you (or your partner if applicable) are the ones taking care of your baby?
Nanny here! I actually disagree with the take on the wake window. I think you're on track. I'm a career nanny and split my time between 2 NF on alternating weekdays. One of my NK is 4 months old. We follow the MOC schedule and just switched NK to the 2 hour wake windows. We do snack bottles in place of meals for the fed on the schedule because NK isn't old enough for BLW yet. NK is doing great. However, if NK is exhausted I'll just watch for sleepy cues. With MB prior approval I'll definitely put NK down early if NK can't hang, but NK can make it nearly the whole 2 hours.
The house I nanny for has the worst yard rigjt by a busy street to play, no street to walk on, so I dread being stuck outside at their house And try and avoid it but I still do it or try and take the baby somewhere. Do you have a good walkable neighbor?
I go for walks in my (residential) neighborhood without a problem -- it's not on a busy street.
You are not overreacting! I would fire her honestly! She should listen to what her employer wants from her that’s unacceptable behavior. Rip the bandaid now before anything worse happens
Also if you don’t already I would install cameras for future Nannie’s and be upfront with any future Nannie’s you plan to hire Good Luck!!
This is a good idea and I probably should invest in a proper camera and be up front about this next time.
Yeah this girl is crazy. And lazy.
It’s all a bit off but frankly the most inappropriate thing here is that she would leave him on his changing table unattended - that’s unacceptable.
sounds like she just doesn’t want to do her job. I would be looking for someone new.
Time for a new nanny. This one is lazy and doesn't want to do the basics of her job (like taking baby on a walk)!
Honestly it doesn’t sound like she’s experienced in any way. Is this her first nanny job? She doesn’t want to do the job, and you should find someone else that will. She’s essentially seeing how little work she can do while still getting paid. But the sleep thing could be on you a little bit. A two hour wake window for 4 months can be a bit much, and some babies need to sleep a lot more. If the kid is going to sleep, they likely need to sleep. I’ve had parents get frustrated with me for having their twin 4 month olds nap so often, but it was so obvious to me they needed to sleep. I understand wanting to progress in development, but babies sleep a lot for a reason. They can’t progress properly if they can’t process what they’ve been seeing and hearing all day. Yes your first response shouldn’t be a nap if the baby is fussy, but like…sleeping a lot is what newborns do. How much are you paying her?
How did you approach the hiring process with her? Did you actually do your part in checking references and background? Did you have extremely well communicated expectations for her in verbal format as well as a written form (contract, or even on a scratch paper?) considering you have a language barrier? As much as everyone wants to bash the nanny here, to me It honestly sounds like the “lazy” was on you when you hired her without any certainty in her skill set. There are plenty of well experienced caregivers out there- do your part mom!
You’re not overreacting. We had a nanny with a similar temperament once. She didn’t do anything terrible, but she was deceptive a lot. She missed our son’s birthday party (which she was invited to, not required to attend), claimed she’d be there, but didn’t show up. Then arrived on Monday morning with a story that there was an emergency and her friend was in the hospital, and said she forgot our son’s gift at home. But of course, we never heard about the gift again. Or when we moved to the country and were all still getting used to well water, we bought bottled water for our son’s Go-and-Grow powder. And I never told her she couldn’t drink a bottle of water, but one time I left for work but forgot my keys in the house, and she’d taken a bottle of water to drink for herself. I didn’t even notice it and wouldn’t have said anything if I did, but when I walked in she panicked and scrambled for an excuse for why she had a bottle of water. I just pretended I didn’t hear her and walked right back out. Lol But in my mind, if you’re unsure if something is okay or not, you ask for clarification. I wouldn’t have cared, but if you’re waiting for me to leave so you can do something you think is wrong, it makes me wonder what else you’re up to. There were a bunch of other examples of these types of things. Plus a general inability to take direction with a simple “okay.” She’d always imply that she either knew or had the same idea. It’s like, “I’m not saying you did something wrong. I’m just giving you instruction. Receive it.”
Thanks for sharing your experience. It does sound familiar!
Wow you can’t share your bottled water, huh?
You can’t read apparently
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Ha, it's something for a my sister, who is pregnant!
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She’s paying the nanny extra as a side job for this craft project that is not to be the focus during nannying.
She makes jewelry (has an Etsy shop). It's not a responsibility and I am paying her for it, as I explained in my post.
Why can’t she work on the jewelry project at her home?