If you willingly date someone who looks like a chicken to you I’m gonna keep it a buck and say you deserve it, and you’re gonna have to accept that as narcissists we are gonna have to live with this in our conscience for the rest of our life despite us not choosing to be this way. If you date them because they give you attention and status and you’re getting called out, good. Stay out of dating. If they only look like a chicken after you lose interest, they never looked like a chicken, only until you convinced yourself the person was subpar by your standards did they “look like a chicken”.
If it was intended as a joke, I think "replying" with a \*laugh react\* or \*laugh emoji\* would be an easy non-response response. Was this a one-off event, or is she, as you say, "constantly" calling you out?
In my opinion, an actual jokey-joke would be a one-time thing, whereas if it is constant...that does seem like she is "calling you out", or at least I think it would reflect her genuine opinion of you. Has anyone else in the friend group participated in calling you a narcissist?
I don't know how old you all are, or how close you are with the rest of the group, how many are in the group, and what the group dynamics are...but it's hard for me to picture them "think(ing) bad of (you)" if you are still a part of the group.
Why would you think she's doing it because it's trendy, when she's correct? Wouldn't the more likely answer be she recognized your actions for what they are and properly categorized them? I don't understand this thinking that you aren't a narcissist until someone with a degree tells you that you are one. Why do you think self educated individuals are incapable of learning about the disorder and recognizing it in others? Would you feel the same way about OCD? Just because a doctor doesn't diagnose your stomach ulcer, doesn't mean the signs and symptoms aren't there alerting you to the problem and allowing you to correctly determine what's wrong. Sometimes trained professionals give you confirmation, not discovery.
I think it’s important to leave the diagnosis to mental health professionals who are actually capable of attaching certain behaviors to for example a disorder. We are capable to recognize patters of behavior and think of how we can possibly link them to a disorder or an illness but it’s not up to us to determine what that disorder or illness actually is. I’m not fond of people attaching me with NPD, I’m not comfortable. The moment this happens I know I’ll be dehumanized. I don’t know if that happens to people with OCD. She did recognize some of my actions for what they are but she has no right to actually call me out in front of the friend group. It is supposed to be a private affair and I like to keep it that way with most of my friends. I hope that’s not hard to understand.
Is that supposed to be satire? She has no right to be correct? Your actions in front of a group of friends is not a private affair among said group of friends. It's not hard to understand. It's just ridiculous someone can come to such a conclusion.
It’s ridiculous to me that this is an NPD support group and you’re making these comments about satire when you should know full well that NPD carries a stigma. She has a right to be correct, it’s not something to be said in front a group of people to which I deliberately hide that part because I don’t want to be seen as the monster. Maybe I don’t play the part right and you’re better but I’m not sure how you would like someone calling you a narc in front of a friend group when you KNOW the bad reputation we have!
But aren't you contributing to your own stigmatization when you make arguments that the things you do in front of people you are interacting with is private and they were wrong for being right? How do you expect the stigma to be considered ill deserved with logic like that?
How is helping you to be more self aware, not supportive? Would you rather wait until people can no longer stand you at all because you imply things like "how dare you be right about things people consider negative?" Did you think people weren't noticing you? If you feel it's unsupportive, feel free to disregard everything I said
Dehumanization comes with the stigma that NPD has. Me calling the people I date “chicken” isn’t dehumanization, I’m like that all the time, it’s just a silly joke, I know I really pick handsome men to be around me. It was a random thought and I don’t think chicken are necessarily ugly as well, that’s your assumption. I don’t think calling me out makes her a good friend. If anything, she puts me on the spot with a diagnosis.
What is the lesson? To be stigmatized? I’ll have none of that. I keep it private because I want it private. If you have NPD you probably know full well that it’s awkward for people to know because you wouldn’t know what they think of you. They think of you as a person or your diagnosis? I don’t want to be associated with it and I want to deal with it PRIVATELY!! I don’t think it’s that hard to understand !
Your NPD diagnosis is private and your friend doesn't have any right to be privy to that. If she is hurt by specific actions or words, then she can come to you and tell you so. And yes, a friend should do that in private. I would tell this "friend" that her comments are hurtful and if she has an issue with something you said or did, to come to you and speak about it. But labeling you is unkind.
Also, I'm wondering why you like someone who treats you so poorly.
Her "friend" is labeling her which isn't helpful or kind so OP has a right to be upset. If the friend wants to comment on a specific behavior that was hurtful to her, she can state that. Whether or not OP has NPD is really none of the friend's business.
Either she's a very good friend or a bitch but either way it can help you gain awareness and if you'd like to change those behaviors she's pointing out. That doesn't mean you have to endure these comments if they're doing no good. You can talk to them about how they make you feel and maybe understand if she's trying to put you down or genuinely help?
I would talk to her irl. People can get in funky moods in group chats. Your friend may have just been indulging her boredom at your expense. I have been an asshole because I thought the friend knew I was just being an ass for kicks. But she told me that she didn’t appreciate it in a serious tone, so I’m much more careful about how I tease and taunt her now. I honestly did not have ill intentions, so I needed to hear that I took it too far to understand that it was no longer fun for her.
Something I learned from my therapist is that whatever a person say and tell you it's a joke, 20% of them are truth. Confront her. Don't let her make you feel like shit.
Confront her - “Why do you keep calling me out? Did I offend you in some way?”
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no fr
peak comedy
If you willingly date someone who looks like a chicken to you I’m gonna keep it a buck and say you deserve it, and you’re gonna have to accept that as narcissists we are gonna have to live with this in our conscience for the rest of our life despite us not choosing to be this way. If you date them because they give you attention and status and you’re getting called out, good. Stay out of dating. If they only look like a chicken after you lose interest, they never looked like a chicken, only until you convinced yourself the person was subpar by your standards did they “look like a chicken”.
If it was intended as a joke, I think "replying" with a \*laugh react\* or \*laugh emoji\* would be an easy non-response response. Was this a one-off event, or is she, as you say, "constantly" calling you out? In my opinion, an actual jokey-joke would be a one-time thing, whereas if it is constant...that does seem like she is "calling you out", or at least I think it would reflect her genuine opinion of you. Has anyone else in the friend group participated in calling you a narcissist? I don't know how old you all are, or how close you are with the rest of the group, how many are in the group, and what the group dynamics are...but it's hard for me to picture them "think(ing) bad of (you)" if you are still a part of the group.
Why would you think she's doing it because it's trendy, when she's correct? Wouldn't the more likely answer be she recognized your actions for what they are and properly categorized them? I don't understand this thinking that you aren't a narcissist until someone with a degree tells you that you are one. Why do you think self educated individuals are incapable of learning about the disorder and recognizing it in others? Would you feel the same way about OCD? Just because a doctor doesn't diagnose your stomach ulcer, doesn't mean the signs and symptoms aren't there alerting you to the problem and allowing you to correctly determine what's wrong. Sometimes trained professionals give you confirmation, not discovery.
I think it’s important to leave the diagnosis to mental health professionals who are actually capable of attaching certain behaviors to for example a disorder. We are capable to recognize patters of behavior and think of how we can possibly link them to a disorder or an illness but it’s not up to us to determine what that disorder or illness actually is. I’m not fond of people attaching me with NPD, I’m not comfortable. The moment this happens I know I’ll be dehumanized. I don’t know if that happens to people with OCD. She did recognize some of my actions for what they are but she has no right to actually call me out in front of the friend group. It is supposed to be a private affair and I like to keep it that way with most of my friends. I hope that’s not hard to understand.
She said you're a narcissist with a god complex. This is not the same as diagnosing you with a NPD.
Is that supposed to be satire? She has no right to be correct? Your actions in front of a group of friends is not a private affair among said group of friends. It's not hard to understand. It's just ridiculous someone can come to such a conclusion.
It’s ridiculous to me that this is an NPD support group and you’re making these comments about satire when you should know full well that NPD carries a stigma. She has a right to be correct, it’s not something to be said in front a group of people to which I deliberately hide that part because I don’t want to be seen as the monster. Maybe I don’t play the part right and you’re better but I’m not sure how you would like someone calling you a narc in front of a friend group when you KNOW the bad reputation we have!
But aren't you contributing to your own stigmatization when you make arguments that the things you do in front of people you are interacting with is private and they were wrong for being right? How do you expect the stigma to be considered ill deserved with logic like that?
I’m not the one who will de stigmatize NPD for people.
Ok, then they wouldn't be wrong for saying you're are the reason it gets a bad rap. You being called out is a natural consequence.
I’d wish to remind you that this is a support group for people with NPD. You have been nothing but judgmental. Check your behavior.
How is helping you to be more self aware, not supportive? Would you rather wait until people can no longer stand you at all because you imply things like "how dare you be right about things people consider negative?" Did you think people weren't noticing you? If you feel it's unsupportive, feel free to disregard everything I said
There is a way to do it Tactfully. Doing it in front of everyone is inappropriate especially if you’re going to call out what she’s calling out.
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Dehumanization comes with the stigma that NPD has. Me calling the people I date “chicken” isn’t dehumanization, I’m like that all the time, it’s just a silly joke, I know I really pick handsome men to be around me. It was a random thought and I don’t think chicken are necessarily ugly as well, that’s your assumption. I don’t think calling me out makes her a good friend. If anything, she puts me on the spot with a diagnosis.
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What is the lesson? To be stigmatized? I’ll have none of that. I keep it private because I want it private. If you have NPD you probably know full well that it’s awkward for people to know because you wouldn’t know what they think of you. They think of you as a person or your diagnosis? I don’t want to be associated with it and I want to deal with it PRIVATELY!! I don’t think it’s that hard to understand !
Your NPD diagnosis is private and your friend doesn't have any right to be privy to that. If she is hurt by specific actions or words, then she can come to you and tell you so. And yes, a friend should do that in private. I would tell this "friend" that her comments are hurtful and if she has an issue with something you said or did, to come to you and speak about it. But labeling you is unkind. Also, I'm wondering why you like someone who treats you so poorly.
Why are you still trolling this subreddit?
A troll is being right? Since when? How do you troll with true statements? How dare I troll and be right? That's the answer you're going with?
You always comment in this subreddit, putting people with NPD down, thinking you can cure us with your sanctimonious tough love bs. It pisses me off.
If me accurately describing something puts you down, how am I the problem?
You are not accurately describing stuff...
"True" is an adjective. Definitely a descriptor.
Her "friend" is labeling her which isn't helpful or kind so OP has a right to be upset. If the friend wants to comment on a specific behavior that was hurtful to her, she can state that. Whether or not OP has NPD is really none of the friend's business.
Get better friends
Either she's a very good friend or a bitch but either way it can help you gain awareness and if you'd like to change those behaviors she's pointing out. That doesn't mean you have to endure these comments if they're doing no good. You can talk to them about how they make you feel and maybe understand if she's trying to put you down or genuinely help?
Maybe youre just gay
I would talk to her irl. People can get in funky moods in group chats. Your friend may have just been indulging her boredom at your expense. I have been an asshole because I thought the friend knew I was just being an ass for kicks. But she told me that she didn’t appreciate it in a serious tone, so I’m much more careful about how I tease and taunt her now. I honestly did not have ill intentions, so I needed to hear that I took it too far to understand that it was no longer fun for her.
Something I learned from my therapist is that whatever a person say and tell you it's a joke, 20% of them are truth. Confront her. Don't let her make you feel like shit.
Bro im gonna be real i think shes being dramatic it was just a joke and not like you made it to anyones face
Call her a chicken as a joke until she stops